1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,800 Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. One of our listeners, Brian, he wrote 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: in Josh with a dating dilemma. See, even though he 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: seems to have all his issue together, he keeps getting 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:18,400 Speaker 1: friend zoned time and time again by women he's interested in. 5 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 1: So what should he do? My first thought was, hey man, 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:26,400 Speaker 1: hang in there, robox. First thought, confidence is sexy. You 7 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,480 Speaker 1: should get some And welcome to this Ask Amy and 8 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 1: DJ edition of Amy and TJ. 9 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 2: Rose. 10 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: This was a I don't know. This was one that 11 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 1: my my heart sank a little bit just in hearing 12 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:40,200 Speaker 1: what he was describing. 13 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 2: That has to suck, that's right. He sounded like he's 14 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 2: a nice guy who has a good job and is 15 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,320 Speaker 2: ready for a partner and he just can't find the 16 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,800 Speaker 2: right woman who is attracted to him. He said, they 17 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,959 Speaker 2: all want to be his friend, they just don't want 18 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 2: to date him, and it's been devastating to him. 19 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,520 Speaker 1: All right, And this was the question the came into 20 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: us and we answered on our weekly Yahoo dot com 21 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: column that you can find in the life section get 22 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: the Ask Amy and TJ column where we give all 23 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: kinds of folks just relationship advice. It doesn't have to 24 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: be romantic relationship, but a friendship, for a relationship with 25 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: a family member, whatever. Maybe, but this was a new 26 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:19,040 Speaker 1: one that came in this week. Do you think can 27 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 1: I ask this before we get into his full question? 28 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: Does it sound familiar? 29 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 2: I guess? 30 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 1: Would this be the same for a man and a woman? 31 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,560 Speaker 1: Do women? Women say it differently? Or they say I 32 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: don't get friend zoned, I can't find a man, I 33 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: can't find a good man. It sounds different with women. 34 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:37,720 Speaker 2: I think when the way, Yeah, I don't hear women 35 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 2: saying they get friendzoned. I hear women saying that they 36 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 2: can't attract the right guy. They say they can't attract 37 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 2: a loyal man. They say they keep getting cheated on 38 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 2: or broken up with. So it's more like that where 39 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 2: they're being duped. They believe the relationship is one thing 40 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 2: and it actually wasn't as important to their partners they 41 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:05,200 Speaker 2: as it was to them. So it's similar but characterized 42 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,239 Speaker 2: slightly differently. They're the victims, and I think a lot 43 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 2: of it that's true, and the men just feel like 44 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 2: they never get to the level they want to get 45 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 2: to with the woman. 46 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: So I think I heard you right. Women have options, 47 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 1: they don't like what they have and men can't get 48 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: what they want. 49 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, that might be a good way to put it, 50 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 2: because I'm thinking about. 51 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: The way you put it in thinking about Brian here, 52 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 1: but we should give the full context in his full 53 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: question to us. 54 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 2: All Right, here was Brian's question to us Amy and TJ. 55 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 2: I try to attract a partner, but I'm always told 56 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 2: you're so nice. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Oof. 57 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 2: I own a few cars, I run a music store, 58 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 2: and I play live music frequently. I'd like to think 59 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 2: I have it together and that would be attractive, but 60 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 2: there's been no prospect for romance since college. Until recently. 61 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 2: I met a woman who seemed amazing. She was in 62 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 2: my city to get her PhD. And we played music together. 63 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 2: But she'd look for greener pastures, and she did off 64 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 2: she went after graduating. Despite my accomplishments, my love life 65 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 2: is always lacking. I'm trying, but it's hard when every 66 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 2: time I seek out love, the world just strikes back. 67 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 2: How do I keep putting myself out there? Brian? 68 00:03:20,360 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: Okay, you went through comments that so far we're getting 69 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: from readers. Do you have before we get into what 70 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,880 Speaker 1: we think and before we actually need to break this 71 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 1: down and his question almost line by line. What's the 72 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: general sense of the responses in the reaction people were 73 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: having to his question. 74 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 2: Well, a lot of some people, a lot of guys 75 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 2: were writing and saying, hey, hang in there, and all 76 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 2: these women who are rejecting you will be divorced in 77 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 2: their forties and you'll be able to reject them back. 78 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 2: So that I saw a lot of that. I saw 79 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,880 Speaker 2: some people questioning whether or not he had good hygiene, 80 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 2: or whether or not he took care of himself physically enough. 81 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 2: Maybe he needs to lose weight, Maybe he needs to 82 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 2: see dentist. I mean, people were trying to say that 83 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 2: maybe physically he's lacking. So I saw a lot of that, 84 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 2: and then I just probably some of the best advice 85 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 2: I thought was to change his attitude. And it's kind 86 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 2: of like what you have said before. Don't chase attract basically, 87 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 2: don't be so nice. Don't maybe don't return a text 88 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 2: the second you get one. Maybe string them along a 89 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 2: little play a little bit of a game, be a 90 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 2: little bit of a bad boy. 91 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: Some of that was recommended. 92 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 2: Yes advice, Okay, yes, okay, I. 93 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: Will admit that now I am seeing this differently because 94 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,839 Speaker 1: when we usually give our answers, we're sitting with someone 95 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: and producer. We don't get a chance to necessarily just 96 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: look and study the question and read the lines over 97 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: and over. Okay, I'm looking at this differently now. The 98 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 1: way he starts out, I'm trying to attract a part 99 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: in a front. Fie, fie, don't want to ruin our friendship, 100 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:54,160 Speaker 1: is what the usually say. The first thing he lists 101 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:58,479 Speaker 1: as an attribute, a good characteristic, something positive. I want 102 00:04:58,480 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: you to know about. 103 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 2: Myself is I own a few cars. 104 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: That's not a good sign, baby, for what reason? What 105 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: anybody who is pitching themselves to someone to be a 106 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,360 Speaker 1: good mate with starts with I own a few cars. 107 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 2: I guess he's trying to say he has decent money. 108 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: Okay, who starts with I own a few cars. 109 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,679 Speaker 2: That's a good point, sweetheart. 110 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 1: There's no one you would ever meet to say, hey, 111 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 1: I'm I'm TJ. Hey that's going on. I'm doing well? 112 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: You know, I own a few cars. This is how 113 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: he's introducing himself to us. 114 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 2: At least, he's trying to pitch himself that to us 115 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,280 Speaker 2: and to the readers that he's got his life together. 116 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 2: Enough where he owns more than one car. I think 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 2: he's trying to say that's part of his value or 118 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 2: what he could offer some. 119 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 1: Okay, you just said something important part of his value. 120 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: I think this guy might not be valuing. 121 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 2: Himself the right way exactly. 122 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 1: It's and that leads to a lot of the problem. 123 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,040 Speaker 1: I am stuck right now, sweetheart, nothing more than I 124 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: own a few cars. 125 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,799 Speaker 2: He might be thinking of this now at this point 126 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 2: because he's frustrated as transactional, give you that, and so 127 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 2: he's putting out what he can offer someone based on 128 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 2: something that the world or society values, which is money, 129 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 2: wealth status. He has a good job, he doesn't just 130 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 2: own it. He runs a music store, he says, and 131 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,720 Speaker 2: he plays music, so he's got talent. He has money, 132 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 2: but something's missing and he doesn't know what. 133 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:32,160 Speaker 1: Okay, so now let's go to the next thing. To 134 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 1: your point, it seemed more natural to say I play 135 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 1: live music frequently. That sounds like a cooler part of 136 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,279 Speaker 1: his personality in the fact he owns a few cars. 137 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: He moves on to say I'd like to think I 138 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: have it together and that that would be attractive. 139 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 2: Meaning he doesn't think he's attractive. 140 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: Okay, we are breaking this down in his words, we 141 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,160 Speaker 1: don't know this guy. This is all we're working with. 142 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: But to those two things sting and actually break your 143 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,479 Speaker 1: heart a little more than some of what he's explaining. 144 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,839 Speaker 1: I am pitching myself. Guys, there's nothing wrong with me. 145 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 1: I own cars, I have it together, and wouldn't that 146 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: be attractive? Yes, yes, yes, yes is the answer. Absolutely. 147 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: But you make a point robes throughout the article and 148 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: saying man confidence is a big deal. 149 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 2: It really is. And I think, look, I also don't 150 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,680 Speaker 2: know what kind of women he is going after or 151 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 2: who he is attracted to. I think sometimes maybe we 152 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 2: don't know, but maybe he's being unrealistic about who he 153 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 2: is attracted to versus who he might actually be be attracting. 154 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 2: So there might be a disparity between the two. I 155 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 2: hate to even make it sound like that, but oftentimes 156 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 2: he might want something he might be not playing in 157 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:55,560 Speaker 2: the field he should be playing. And if that makes 158 00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 2: any sense to you, like he might want someone who 159 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 2: is unattainable, like his friends might go you don't have 160 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 2: a shot with her or whatever. I don't know where 161 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 2: he's putting him. 162 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: Sound like he's sound like you're trying to be nice 163 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:09,680 Speaker 1: about something that people talk about openly in private but 164 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: never openly in public. 165 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 2: Right? 166 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: Right? Was the thing you see a really hot girl 167 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: with an okay guy where they say he outkicked his coverage. 168 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 2: Oh, I would say most people would say he must 169 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: be wealthy. 170 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: Okay, But I'm saying if you're looking at a guy 171 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: and you're saying take the wealth out of it. If 172 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 1: you're looking at someone you don't think they are physically 173 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: matched because one is more attractive generally speaking than the other, 174 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: you do you then question, well, what is his value? 175 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,760 Speaker 1: Or he must be rich, is what you're saying. I 176 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,559 Speaker 1: don't know what this guy. Of course, we don't know 177 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,360 Speaker 1: what this guy looks like, but he is talking to 178 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 1: us in a way that makes it seem like he's 179 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 1: not confident in what he looks like, which makes him 180 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: then not confident in who he actually is, which makes 181 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,520 Speaker 1: him then what put more value in the wrong damn thing? Yeah, 182 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: you ain't attracting nothing. You pull up in the dopest 183 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: car ever with no confidence in thinking that she likes 184 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: you because of that car. Even I've seen the rom 185 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: com where that doesn't. 186 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 2: Work exactly exactly. And my advice to him was to 187 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 2: work on himself, to stop trying to find a woman 188 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 2: or attract a person, or get someone to like him, 189 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 2: but instead this sounds really cheesy, but to like himself, 190 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 2: to lean into what he likes about himself, he loves 191 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 2: to perform. Really, just get into that and find your 192 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 2: strength and your value in that and how you treat 193 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,200 Speaker 2: other people and who you are as a human. And 194 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 2: when you start actually investing in those beautiful things about yourself, 195 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 2: you are a more beautiful human and that is attractive. Period. 196 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 2: And so instead of thinking about what he has, or 197 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: maybe even what he doesn't have, if he invests in 198 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 2: who he is, how he treats people, what his talents are, 199 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 2: what he does offer the world, not just someone in 200 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 2: a transactional way in a relationship, but actually just as 201 00:09:56,280 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: a valuable human being, the right woman will actually acknowledge 202 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 2: that and not just accept it, but appreciate it and 203 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 2: love him for it. And that is I know it sounds, 204 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: perhaps you know, aspirational, but I think that's actually true. 205 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 2: I think that's actually a truth. Confidence is sexy. Confidence 206 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,080 Speaker 2: for the right reasons, not confidence because of what you drive, 207 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 2: or confidence because how much money you have, but confidence 208 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 2: in who you are as a person and how you 209 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: treat yourself and other people. 210 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 1: The world strikes back. That's a tough line in there 211 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: as well. And again, I'm looking at this so differently, and 212 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,839 Speaker 1: now that we're able to see it in front of 213 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: him and read it over and over and over, the 214 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,360 Speaker 1: world strikes back when he tries to seek out love. 215 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: This sounds like a guy who's had real disappointment Like 216 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: this sounds like a genuine dude who's gone through it. 217 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,439 Speaker 1: I just hate not say it to you all the 218 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: time that people don't realize how close they are to 219 00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,959 Speaker 1: success when they decided to quit, and that's why you're 220 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: a failure. I just don't want this guy to just 221 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 1: say the hell with it, or maybe let himself go, 222 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: or maybe who knows what kind of destructive spiral he 223 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: could get into if he thinks he's being reach constantly. 224 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 2: The hope would be that he could do the opposite, 225 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:05,680 Speaker 2: that he could start taking this time instead of searching 226 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 2: and seeking and chasing and frustrat like and wondering, just 227 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 2: to stop all of it, to stop looking and to 228 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,079 Speaker 2: start investing in yourself. And when you do that, that's 229 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 2: when good things happen. That's when beautiful things happen, when 230 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 2: things come to you. 231 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: How do you ever have the difficult conversation about I mean, 232 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: I know some people joked here. We can into some 233 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: of their comments joking, but only half jokingly. Is he 234 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,559 Speaker 1: putting his best foot forward? Is he taking care of 235 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 1: himself and presenting himself publicly in a way that would 236 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 1: cause people to notice for the right reasons. Again, I 237 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: know people always want to say, be who I am. 238 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 1: You're not gonna acceect me. Okay, that's fine, but you're 239 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,160 Speaker 1: also going to attract what you're putting out. And if 240 00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: you're putting out a slovenly person who doesn't care about 241 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 1: taking care of themselves or hygiene your problem, you might 242 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 1: attract that same person back. 243 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think instead of you know, an obvious and 244 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 2: easy thing to do is to blame everyone else. Oh, 245 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 2: everyone's friend zoning me, every no one likes me, everyone's mean, 246 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:03,679 Speaker 2: everyone's judge. Just that will get you nowhere. It all 247 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 2: could be true, But the only power you have is 248 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 2: building yourself up and putting out your best version of yourself, 249 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 2: and that requires work, physical work, sometimes mental work, spiritual work. 250 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 2: All of that is and this is an opportunity. I 251 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,760 Speaker 2: know it feels frustrating. He might feel like he's kind 252 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:23,000 Speaker 2: of reached rock bottom, but that's the moment in which 253 00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: you say, what can I do? What's in my power? 254 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 2: And those are the things that are in your power. 255 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 1: Well, some of that is our advice, that's our counsel 256 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: to Brian, but there are a bunch of folks out 257 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: there that had their own words of advice. Some of 258 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: it's harsh, some of it's heartwarming, some of it's hilarious. 259 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 2: Welcome back everyone to this edition of Amy and TJ 260 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 2: where we are talking about Brian. Brian wrote into us 261 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 2: on our Yahoo to us in our Yahoo Relationship Advice Colum. 262 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,719 Speaker 2: It comes out every Monday. By the way, if you 263 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 2: want to check it out in the Yahoo Life section, 264 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 2: click on ask Amy and TJ. You will find a 265 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 2: weekly question from our readers. And Brian has asked why 266 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 2: he can't attract the right person, why he's always friend zoned. 267 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 2: He says, the world just strikes back every time he 268 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,920 Speaker 2: thinks he might be getting into a relationship. The woman says, 269 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 2: you're so nice. I just don't want to ruin our friendship, 270 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 2: and so we gave our advice to Brian, but we 271 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 2: wanted to share with our listeners some of what you 272 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 2: had to say to Brian. So Jay wrote in I 273 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 2: always as more men than women. Oh yeah, definitely more 274 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 2: than women. Again always it's so interesting. Although Jay, I 275 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,840 Speaker 2: don't know who Jay is, but no, no, it is 276 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 2: a man because of his comment. Yes, Jay, Jay wrote 277 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 2: in the comment sections, sometimes being placed in the friend 278 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,679 Speaker 2: zone is a real blessing in disguise. I really dodged 279 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 2: the bullet with a few girls, although I didn't realize 280 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,240 Speaker 2: it at the time. Anyway, it's sort of fun. Need 281 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 2: to see what a mess they turned in two years later. 282 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 1: If nothing else, Brian, that should comfort you. Yes, my 283 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: man's rejection is God's protection sometimes. And maybe whoever that 284 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: was who played instruments with you and left town, who knows? 285 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,360 Speaker 2: That was the kinder version Jay right there, because like 286 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: I said, other people were saying things like, oh, just 287 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,760 Speaker 2: wait until they're divorced and forty and you know, need 288 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 2: something man, and you're gonna be like too bad, so sad. 289 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 2: So yes, they were all kind of talking about all 290 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 2: these women who were passing him up or passing him 291 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 2: over will be running back, flocking back when their relationships 292 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 2: fail and they realize they actually do need a nice guy. 293 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 1: Hopefully that doesn't cross his mind. Hopefully, because that's just me. 294 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: You should be Oh, we were just talking about this 295 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 1: the other day with Halle Berry and her ex David. 296 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: Thirty years later, he is still getting stuff all his 297 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: chest about the divorce. You shouldn't hold it. 298 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 2: She's the one who wanted me. I wasn't sure about her. 299 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: Yes, gotta let that go in years. So what if 300 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 1: she's divorced and not doing well. You shouldn't look at 301 00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 1: that and take. 302 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 2: Joy, right. Yeah, that's not winning. No, that's not winning. 303 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 2: So I liked the way Jay put it. He just said, 304 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 2: consider the folks or the women who have passed you 305 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,560 Speaker 2: up as you dodging a bullet. They weren't meant for 306 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 2: you anyway. So I do appreciate that, all right, Barry? 307 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: This one is so interesting because I actually felt like 308 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 2: I wanted to address this. Barry wrote this in the 309 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:23,960 Speaker 2: comment section. Wait, so women like confidence and not being needy, 310 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 2: but they want us to be needy and chase them down, 311 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: begging not to leave. I'm confused. So he was obviously 312 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 2: basing that off of my advice, which was to be confident, 313 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 2: to build yourself up, and then that will be attractive 314 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 2: to women. All right, these are two different things. Barry, 315 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 2: just want to point this out from my female perspective. Yes, 316 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 2: women do like confidence. They do want a man who 317 00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 2: knows what he wants and knows how to get it 318 00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 2: and believes in himself and all of that. But that 319 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: same confidence is knowing that if a woman's upset or 320 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 2: maybe is acting emotional, has the common con is to 321 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 2: recognize that and comfort So it's not about a man 322 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: being needy and chasing after a woman. It's actually, I 323 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 2: think about a man, it's extra attractive for him to say, 324 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,760 Speaker 2: you know what, even though she might be rejecting me 325 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 2: right now, or is pretending to reject me or pretend 326 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 2: or actually is really upset, I am going to have 327 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 2: enough confidence to know that I can comfort her or 328 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,640 Speaker 2: that I can be there for her even when she's 329 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 2: making it hard. That's what that is. 330 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you and Bary have it. But anytime 331 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 1: we talk in relationship and the word needy obviously trying, 332 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: but it's not needy. Nobody's being needy in this situation necessarily, 333 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: he went off one. 334 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,760 Speaker 2: Well, he was going off on that confidence is sexy, 335 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 2: that we want men to be confident and needy at 336 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 2: the same time. 337 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: But you can be confident and not arrogant. But you 338 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 1: can be confident you can see somebody. That's why can't 339 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: you be both things? Why can't I be a confident 340 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 1: guy and still chasing my woman dead exactly begging her 341 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:54,080 Speaker 1: to stay. 342 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 2: That's what I think. That's confident and sexiest. Please because 343 00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:59,800 Speaker 2: you are facing rejection. You know that that woman could 344 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 2: be like like hell no, and you still say I 345 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 2: want you. That is so confident because you know that 346 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 2: you could be rejected and you're still putting your heart 347 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 2: out there anyway. It's all confident, confused, courage and confidence. 348 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,480 Speaker 1: It's not a lack of fear. It's facing the fear 349 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 1: and doing it anyway, and scared to death that she 350 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 1: might reject me publicly at this airport as I'm chasing her, 351 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 1: still do it anyway. 352 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 2: If that was before, that's when we could get to 353 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 2: the gates. Those were even better. You could run through security. 354 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 2: There was no security. You could just go to the gate, yes, 355 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,960 Speaker 2: but anyway, And the truth is nobody likes. Nobody is 356 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 2: attracted to I should say, a needy person, men and 357 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 2: women alike. You are not attracted to a needy person. 358 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 2: And we all have needy moments and they're not attractive moments. 359 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 2: They just aren't, but there are. They are a part 360 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,760 Speaker 2: of life. Ashley, we got a woman. Yeah, you want 361 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 2: to read Ashley's con. 362 00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:59,440 Speaker 1: I'm enjoying listening to you for the first time, hearing 363 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: for the first time. 364 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 2: Okay, all right, so I'll let you listen to what 365 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: Ashley wrote in For similar guys, just tell women that 366 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 2: you're working on yourself and you want to be friends 367 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,119 Speaker 2: for a while. We should all be whole people seeking 368 00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:17,879 Speaker 2: a partner, not two halves. Self improvement is super attractive. Yay, Ashley. 369 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 2: I agree. Make up fun and interesting things to invite 370 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 2: them to embrace your natural beauty and style. Just my opinion. 371 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 2: Make a move like handholding or a simple kiss, but 372 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,439 Speaker 2: ask first. That's a green light for sure. I love that. 373 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 2: I like that he could go into a relationship telling 374 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,480 Speaker 2: the woman first, Hey, just want to be friends. I'm 375 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 2: working on myself right now. That'll make you attractive right 376 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,040 Speaker 2: then and there, because you're not asking something of her 377 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 2: You're not requiring her to be attracted to you. You're 378 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 2: just saying, hey, I'm all on a journey. I'm working 379 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,399 Speaker 2: on myself, not looking for anything serious right now. That 380 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,919 Speaker 2: makes somebody want you right then, that's actually almost really intelligent, 381 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 2: not that you're trying to be manipulative, but that is 382 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 2: actually really intelligent psychology. 383 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: I don't have to take your word on that one. 384 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,040 Speaker 2: What do you think about advice? 385 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 1: How do you get to the I guess who do 386 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,680 Speaker 1: you need to declare that to other than someone who 387 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 1: already has an understanding or possibility that you all are dating. 388 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 2: Maybe you just declare it to yourself, even maybe if 389 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 2: you tell maybe if Brian tells himself, I'm not going 390 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,080 Speaker 2: to be seeking out Well, that's helpful solely to have 391 00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 2: a romantic or sexual relationship with them, but I am 392 00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,160 Speaker 2: actually just going to look at this as a friendship 393 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 2: and I'm not going to put any pressure on the woman. 394 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 2: I think that also can lead a woman to say, oh, 395 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 2: I just want to be friends if she feels and 396 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 2: believe me, we can sense it immediately that there's some 397 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 2: pressure for more. If he can actually even tell himself 398 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,680 Speaker 2: that I'm working on myself, if I meet somebody, I'm 399 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 2: not going to necessarily assume that this is going anywhere. 400 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 2: I'm just going to keep working on myself, and self 401 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 2: improvement is absolutely sexy. 402 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: How many more do you got? 403 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 2: All right, I've got two more. I'll get through these 404 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 2: because a couple of these. This one's funny, John m. 405 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:02,320 Speaker 2: Men can't figure out women, period. Stop trying. Always be 406 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,600 Speaker 2: dating at least two women. Three is better, four is 407 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 2: too much. Always have a backup plan, so when one 408 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 2: of the women starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever, 409 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,680 Speaker 2: you don't have to fret. You have a backup plan. 410 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 2: When you show zero concern about a woman who is 411 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:20,680 Speaker 2: trying some crazy manipulation, etc. This will bring her back quickly. 412 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,880 Speaker 2: Always have a backup plan. Society doesn't support this concept, 413 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,919 Speaker 2: but it works women's sense. When a man has a 414 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 2: side gig, you become much more attractive to them and 415 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 2: they will throw you a lot less grief and crazy behavior. 416 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,880 Speaker 2: You listen to a song that also suggests this, Uh, 417 00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 2: that is. 418 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 1: Because the song is fun. It's just a joke. 419 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:42,920 Speaker 2: Okay, it's a joke. 420 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 1: You're not supposed to take. 421 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 2: This no seriously, but I just wanted to actually have 422 00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 2: that in the comment section, because this is a bit 423 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:54,360 Speaker 2: of advice that a reader is giving. Brien, I think 424 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 2: he is. The way he wrote this, he put things 425 00:20:56,560 --> 00:21:01,360 Speaker 2: in all caps. He really this must be working for him, 426 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,399 Speaker 2: by the way. Just want to put in like you 427 00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 2: can put introduce sense. But as a woman, John M. Yeah, 428 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 2: that is not attractive at all. 429 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: Okay, Well that gave you with all the men can't 430 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,679 Speaker 1: figure out women periods. Stop trying. We haven't attempted to. 431 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: We haven't. We've given up. And I think that's the fraud. 432 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: Frustration between men and women oftentimes is that you all 433 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: are trying to get us to understand something. We quit. 434 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: We gave up long time ago trying. All of our 435 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: dads told us us very early on, you're never going 436 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:36,159 Speaker 1: to figure out a woman. Don't waste time on doing so. 437 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,359 Speaker 2: Every time I say you understand what I'm saying, what 438 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 2: do you say in response? 439 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: Hardly ever? 440 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,800 Speaker 2: Every time, hardly ever. And that's okay. 441 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,439 Speaker 1: We see the world, we see things, we see relationships, 442 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,880 Speaker 1: we see dilemmas, we see fights, we see it all differently. 443 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,760 Speaker 1: That's okay, But we haven't. It's not trying to figure 444 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,960 Speaker 1: out women women. That's a fool's errand always be dating 445 00:21:56,000 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 1: at least two women. No, don't, don't. Don't reckon at all. 446 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 2: It's expensive, it's exhausting. 447 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:05,199 Speaker 1: It's exhausting, it is very stressful. Now, if you are 448 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,960 Speaker 1: not looking for a relationship, knock yourself out. Go ahead, dude, 449 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 1: they do whatever you want to do. Three is better, 450 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 1: calm down. Four too much, pump the breakshit time. Always 451 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: have a backup plan. So when one of the women 452 00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: starts acting strange, ghosting you, or whatever, you don't have 453 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,680 Speaker 1: to fret. You have a backup plan. You can view 454 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 1: women and relationships that way. It might be where you are. 455 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,679 Speaker 1: But that sounds to me like someone who is not 456 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 1: very comfortable with themselves because they're so afraid of rejection 457 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: that I actually need to make sure I give myself 458 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:39,840 Speaker 1: an ego in a confidence boost to No, I got 459 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,400 Speaker 1: a backup plan. So if that person hurts me, acting strange, 460 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:47,320 Speaker 1: ghosting you, or whatever, you're protecting yourself from being hurt. 461 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 1: I've been through all these things. You could see. I'm 462 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 1: actually annoyed by this just a little bit. 463 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,960 Speaker 2: I like hearing this, but yes, because it's a fool's 464 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 2: errand to try that this somehow is going to give 465 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 2: you comfort. This somehow is going to protect you from 466 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 2: hurt feelings. This somehow is going to protect you from 467 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 2: being alone or lonely. 468 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: Show zero concern about a woman who's trying some crazy manipulation. 469 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,959 Speaker 1: This will bring her back quickly through my manipulation. Correct, 470 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: this is just not fun, it's not healthy, it's not mature. 471 00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: That's fine. This is where some people are. But don't 472 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 1: We can't do. 473 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,080 Speaker 2: This exactly, all right, So I wanted to end on 474 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 2: a high note, and I liked what Mark had to 475 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 2: say to Brian. Brian, I have felt your pain in 476 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 2: the past. Then I learned that people want what they 477 00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,760 Speaker 2: don't have. Make her have to work a bit for you, 478 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 2: then she'll be much more likely to want you. Simple 479 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 2: but true. I actually think I know this is still 480 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 2: a form of manipulation. But I think his point is. 481 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 2: Mark's point is that if you give too much, too early, 482 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 2: too soon, you're putting it all out there. That's that's 483 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,080 Speaker 2: not attractive to a lot of women. They get scared, 484 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,920 Speaker 2: they back away. It's too much. So he's saying, hey, 485 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,680 Speaker 2: make her work a little bit for you, like pull 486 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 2: back a little. You don't always have to text right back. 487 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 2: You don't always have to say yes, go ahead and 488 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 2: have a little mystery. Have it be a little bit 489 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 2: like have a little game. Have a little game, I think, 490 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 2: is what Mark is saying. 491 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: And you know, I hate that. 492 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 2: I know you do. 493 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,760 Speaker 1: I hate it. I hate it. I would never recommend it. 494 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: I get what people are saying. I think this is 495 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 1: saying Brian, calm down a little bit, which is fine, 496 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: and that's good advice. But anytime you try to think 497 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: or overthink or manipulate, or how soon before I text back, 498 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: or how soon before I all these things where you're 499 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 1: playing games, we're I don't know how old Brian is. 500 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 1: Well what I always say, I'm a grown ass man. 501 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 1: If I like you, you like me. We're adults. We 502 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: should be able to sit and have that conversation. When 503 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,440 Speaker 1: I leave our lunch and I get on the train. 504 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,159 Speaker 1: If I feel the urge to say something to that woman, 505 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 1: I'm gonna text her right now instead of going, you 506 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:52,719 Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna give it two days and make 507 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: her sweat it out. 508 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 2: I just would not hear it. I hear you, I 509 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 2: hear you. That's stuff I have told myself multiple times 510 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:01,919 Speaker 2: because there is is a tendency to want to do that. 511 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,959 Speaker 2: It's a power grab. It's trying to make yourself feel 512 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,320 Speaker 2: like you've got the reins basically in the relationship, and 513 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:11,320 Speaker 2: that's not a healthy relationship period. But I have actually 514 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 2: told myself if I think something loving or kind or 515 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,920 Speaker 2: I feeling, I should express it or I should let 516 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,159 Speaker 2: him know without being like obviously, there is such a 517 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 2: thing as too much. But I do think that it's 518 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:28,000 Speaker 2: beautiful when it's authentic, it's real, and it's whenever that 519 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 2: feeling comes, you should If you have something nice to say, 520 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,400 Speaker 2: you should say it. I do think that I do think, 521 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:32,800 Speaker 2: and we. 522 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,480 Speaker 1: End okay, we got to stop because I could go on, 523 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,000 Speaker 1: because did we end up in the other It works 524 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,800 Speaker 1: negative in the other way if you have to think 525 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,119 Speaker 1: a lot about okay, what should I say? 526 00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 2: And everyone does that, babe, especially early on when you're younger, 527 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,440 Speaker 2: in early relationships, everyone does that. 528 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 1: So if you're sitting there wondering what to say and 529 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 1: then wondering when you should say it and how long 530 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: you should delay before you say the next thing, that's 531 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,520 Speaker 1: too much. How do you have time for butterflies and 532 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 1: love and authentic If you're doing. 533 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,080 Speaker 2: All that, So guys don't do that, because girls do that. 534 00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,240 Speaker 2: I have helped. I have helped many you guys. I 535 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 2: have helped many a girlfriend craft attacks and then helped 536 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 2: her decide when she should send it. Oh, I have 537 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,720 Speaker 2: to okay, just being fully honest. 538 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,880 Speaker 1: I was the only one sitting around the table screaming, 539 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: uh yeah, write them now, and all the girls. 540 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,280 Speaker 2: That they no, you can't you getta wait? 541 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,159 Speaker 1: Oh my god stop. Look folks, Brian especially brother, love you, 542 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: good luck. Please follow up with us. We would love 543 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,440 Speaker 1: to hear how things go. But look, the heart goes 544 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,679 Speaker 1: out to you, and I think you were being sincere. Yeah, 545 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,160 Speaker 1: and if you are trying, and by writing into us, 546 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 1: you are trying something. So I would just say stick at. 547 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 2: It, Yeah, stick at it, and and work on yourself. 548 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,439 Speaker 2: That's the best thing you can do for a future 549 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,800 Speaker 2: relationship is to be the best version of yourself when 550 00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,679 Speaker 2: not when the right girl finally does show up. So 551 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,160 Speaker 2: we wish you well and we thank you for writing in. 552 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,720 Speaker 2: Thank you for all the comments. We find them to 553 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 2: be very thought provoking and colorful, and we appreciate them, 554 00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 2: and yeah, keep them coming. We appreciate, Thank you. For 555 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,679 Speaker 2: listening to us today, and please again check out our 556 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 2: column each and every Monday on the Yahoo page at 557 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 2: the life section. But in the meantime, we hope you 558 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,960 Speaker 2: guys have a wonderful day today. I'm Amy Roebach alongside 559 00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,960 Speaker 2: my partner T. J. Holmes. Thank you, as always for 560 00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:14,439 Speaker 2: listening