WEBVTT - #31 Camp Crushes 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.600 How I Suck at Dating and I Heart radio podcast. 0:00:05.800 --> 0:00:08.000 Hello everybody, and welcome to our whole new episode of 0:00:08.000 --> 0:00:11.160 Help I Suck at Dating. I am Jared, I'm Vanessa. 0:00:11.200 --> 0:00:13.520 Thank you for joining us on this week's episode. Thank 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:15.440 you for having us. Dean unfortunately is a way. I 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:17.479 think he's rock climbing, which is pretty awesome. I've always 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:19.480 wanted to rock climb ever since I saw Mission Impossible 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:22.119 to remember the opening scene, Tom Cruiz, It's amazing. So 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:28.480 I'm pretty references. I'm like culture reference. Well, we are 0:00:28.520 --> 0:00:31.920 in studio and we enjoined today by the wonderful Jess Draper. 0:00:32.000 --> 0:00:34.120 Hello Jess, where you're getting set up right now? So 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:38.200 we'll just right you jes excuse me, Jesse Draper sitting 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:40.960 on my chair. It's really high and I have well, 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:44.240 I know, how tall are you? I am ten. Okay, 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:46.040 you're my sister's height, which is so weird. So my 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.479 sister is the oldest in my family, she's five ten. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.080 I'm the middle child. I'm five three, and then my 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:54.360 brother is the youngest and he's the smallest out of everyone. 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.400 So my goals like in decreasing order. Um, but I 0:00:57.440 --> 0:00:59.920 was reading your bio first of all, I was founder 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:04.200 laying over your bio. Thank you So. Jesse Draper is 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:07.760 an American talk show host, investor, and former actress Nickelodeon 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:11.240 star which is I'm so jealous of? Which show are 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.479 we talking about? It was called The Naked Brothers Band, 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:15.200 and I played the nanny. I was like, it was 0:01:15.240 --> 0:01:18.520 like when I was like nineteen twenty three or something 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:20.039 like that, and it was early days. It was like 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:23.520 Miley cyrus days. And it was a life that I 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:25.840 can't believe, you know, It's like I lived such a 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:28.360 different life now, But it was it was so fun. 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:30.960 I mean, I had a blast kid. I was surrounded 0:01:31.000 --> 0:01:33.520 by kids all the time. I played the nanny, and 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.320 I actually was the nanny as well, because you're surrounded 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:39.880 by kids, like So, tell us a little about what 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:42.240 you're doing right now, Jesse. So, I run a venture 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:44.760 capital fund called haw Jin Ventures, and we invested in 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:48.960 female founded consumer technology companies. So some of those companies 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.600 include a company called sugar Fina. It's a great candy cup. 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.720 I love sugar me too. Means that means you like 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:58.880 sugar girl in the tally. I love anything? But is 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.040 that only an l a base come No, it's actually 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:05.640 an international candy company there in hotels. Nordstroom's involved, and 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.799 so they're all over the place, and uh, we invest 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.760 in everything from clothing all the way to healthcare. So 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:16.040 I have like a breast pump company. Really exciting. Umm. 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.160 I am a mom. I just had a baby three 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:22.400 months ago and it was my second thank you, thank 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:26.800 you well, happy belated Mother's Day. It's just mother day. 0:02:26.919 --> 0:02:29.400 What do you guys do? I got my mom flowers. 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:36.919 Good job, it works. What it's the thought that counts. 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.240 I actually had an entire family photo shoot before I 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.519 came out to l A. So we had my grandparents, 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.239 my aunt's, uncle's cousins. So we did an entire family photoshoot, 0:02:48.240 --> 0:02:50.600 and that was my gift to did you match? We did? 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.240 So we we wore jeans and a white top, which 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.560 is like basic but whatever, but at least everyone has 0:02:55.600 --> 0:03:00.400 this classic Yeah, exactly. So I'm super excited that you're 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:03.560 here because I'm excited you guys. Nice to meet you. 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.520 By the way, wonderful media. Thank you for coming in studio. 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:08.079 So we were I don't know if it was last 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:09.640 week of the week. It was last week. I missed 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:11.680 last week we talk about finances. You were talking about 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:14.359 finances and being in a relationship and when's the right 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:18.240 time to bring up money talk, which is my favorite 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.560 not my favorite subject, but just because I'm so like 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:22.800 frugal and I want to make sure the partner that 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:26.720 I'm with understands and appreciates how frugal I am and 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:29.480 that they would adopt that mentality if they don't have 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:32.000 that mentality. Has that ever called issues in your relationship 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:35.480 before being so frugal? Uh? No, I've been made fun of, 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:40.120 but it's never like cause tension is really coming out today, 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:43.840 is it really? I wasn't Ryland last week, so maybe 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:45.640 just the accent is rubbing off more so. So I 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:47.120 got to get back in l A and really start 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:50.360 pronouncing my rsum. But you know, I mean, the thing 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:52.880 is like it's it's sad to say, but it's true. 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.360 Finances does cause a lot of tension within couples. Um. 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:57.240 When one person makes more money than the other, one 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:00.080 person's frugal, the other one spends so much money. Um. So, 0:04:00.160 --> 0:04:02.920 how like early on, Jesse, you know you're a pretty professional, 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:06.280 uh person to ask about this, How early on do 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:08.200 you think that a couple should start really talking about 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.960 their finances and how they spend money. I think, you know, 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:13.920 it depends how deep you are into your relationship, but um, 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.880 I go deep way at the beginning. Good. Good, That's 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:19.520 the first thing Vanessa says. My name is Vanessa. I'm frugal. 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:21.960 How are you? First? What I would say is it's 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:24.279 something that people shouldn't be afraid to talk about. I 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:26.640 think we're all so terrified to talk about money, and 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:29.080 it is a really, really huge part of our relationship. 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:32.159 So I would say, you know, start discussing it when 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.280 you are well. First of all, let me just one 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:38.440 piece of advice. Do not merge finances until you're married 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:41.640 unless there is a reason too. So you might create 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:45.040 like a joint account if you're paying rent and sharing, um, 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:46.840 you know, something like that where you each pay an 0:04:46.839 --> 0:04:49.440 equal amount. And so that's why you would, you know, 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.599 start a joint account. But that doesn't mean you can't 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:54.359 start talking about it. Um. You know Ali Wong, the 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:58.160 comedian do you guys so funny? She is so funny, 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.680 but she does this whole um sort of piece about 0:05:01.800 --> 0:05:04.800 how she thought she had made her family so proud 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.840 and found this guy he graduated from Harvard, and then 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:11.320 they got married and he was in so much debt, 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.120 and she was like, wait, I thought I thought all 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.320 you had to do was like marry someone from Harvard 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:18.920 and you were set for life. And then uh, he 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.000 was in so much debt that they're still clawing their 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:23.280 way out of or whatever. And that's sort of the piece. Anyway, 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:26.400 I highly recommendary show. It's very funny, but I think 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.360 that you should always be talking about those things. And 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.840 you know, um, I think a good way to start 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.040 that conversation would maybe be, you know, say you're saving 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:38.720 for something. Um, you it's hard to save money when 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:40.760 you're a significant other is spending quite a bit. So 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:42.200 maybe you say, hey, I want to save for a 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:44.680 new couch for our apartment. What do you want to 0:05:44.680 --> 0:05:47.880 save for? Or let's save towards a vacation together, and 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:49.640 then that's a way where you can start sort of 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.679 talking about money habits. But also I think definitely before 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:56.960 you take the plunge, you should know what type of 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:00.080 debt you guys are both in and what you know 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:03.160 you're talking about and come up with a plan. There's 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.200 also a lot of services that can help with that. 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.320 There's a company. My friend runs this company called learn 0:06:07.440 --> 0:06:10.720 Vest and it um learned Vest. Yeah, and she wrote 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.160 a book called Financially Fearless and it kind of teaches 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:17.600 you a very quick light overview of everything you need 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:20.599 to know about finance. But what I love about it 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:25.120 is financial advisors are so expensive. And um, this is 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.039 like you pay my husband and I did it in 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.400 the beginning when we first got married. You pay like 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.400 twelve dollars a month. And basically they come up they 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:35.839 do this magic math problem and they come up with 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:39.640 a formula where it's like, based on both your incomes, 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:41.960 here's how much you should save every month, here's how 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:45.960 much you can blow and uh, you know. Then you 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.240 you also discuss kind of like what you're saving four 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:50.400 and they do things like this may or may not 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.200 have come up in our particular conversation, that like, wow, 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:56.520 you spend a lot on coffee in your given area 0:06:56.720 --> 0:07:00.360 of the country, because there are you know, um, every 0:07:00.400 --> 0:07:02.240 area of the country is different. So they actually take 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:06.039 that up into account, and so I had to cut 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.680 back a little bit on coffee. Um, so I just 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:11.760 made more home. You just called yourself out. Yeah, I 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.360 did just call myself out. Um, But I think they 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.280 take things like that into account and I thought it 0:07:17.320 --> 0:07:19.680 was an amazing kind of program to go through in 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:22.000 the beginning when you start your marriage. Yeah, I think 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:23.400 it was interesting when you were talking about how you 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.560 approach the conversation because there's a lot of people are 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:28.000 afraid to ask their partner about like how much money 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:29.440 they have. But I think it's interesting if you just 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:31.400 go up to them and say, well, instead of asking 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:33.920 how much they spend, ask about like, hey, let's start 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:36.080 saving for something and see how they spend. Or even 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.080 like there's ways to tell how a person is with 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:39.720 their money, like whether it's like, hey, where do you 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:41.520 want to go to dinner? The places that they pick, 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.040 or like, um, how much they saved towards like a 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:46.280 vacation where they want to go for a vacation. So 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:48.560 there's different ways to approach the conversation. So definitely, and 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:51.320 I'm I'm competitive, I don't know about you guys, but 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:55.120 super competitive. And so my husband and I were actually 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:59.200 giving each other, uh, you know, flak about what stocks 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.520 we were buying that ton nerdy, I am um, and 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.720 we were each you know, he was saying, I want 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:06.040 to invest in this, and I was saying, I want 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:08.240 to invest in this, and um, so we decided to 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.320 make it a competition. So what I would say is like, 0:08:10.720 --> 0:08:13.400 you know, say you each take a hundred dollars and 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.760 then you can invest in the stock market, which sounds 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:19.280 very crazy, but there are apps that make it super easy. 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:22.000 You go on like robin Hood. There's one called Acorns 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:24.600 and it literally plugs your bank account in And if 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:27.000 you don't know what types of stocks to invest in, 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.960 I say, if you're kind of a more conservative investor 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.160 and don't want to take a ton of risk, follow 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:35.640 the Fortune five hundred. Those are typically the companies that 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:40.040 you've heard of. And uh, for example, if you love Starbucks, 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.240 I'm seeing a Starbucks cup and I love Starbucks. That's 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:45.200 where I was apparently spending too much money. Um, you know, 0:08:45.280 --> 0:08:48.480 then you can buy some Starbucks stock and so um, 0:08:48.600 --> 0:08:50.640 you could choose a couple of stocks. They can choose 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:51.960 a couple stocks, and you can make it a little 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:55.920 competition and it gets the conversation rolling. I was gonna 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:58.240 ask you something is actually having kind of experience of 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.199 being engaged and then moving in with somebody. Did you 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.160 ever feel like did you guys talk about your finances 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.440 early on. Ah yeah, I mean luckily we were both 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:07.880 very frugal, so that made it easy when we were 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:09.560 looking for an apartment and how much you want to 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:12.560 spend per month and and all of that. Um, So 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:17.040 when you're talking about joint bank accounts prior to getting married, 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.640 you don't suggest it, do you suggest? I don't know 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:21.480 if this has any form of relation with that. But 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:27.440 pre nups, what's dread? I mean, that's a big question. 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:31.240 I think everyone feels very you know, different about those, 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:34.200 and it probably depends a lot upon where you come 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:37.400 from and uh, what is important to you. And also 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:39.120 I think your family has I know, I had a 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:41.640 really good friend who was going through this whole prenup 0:09:42.080 --> 0:09:45.400 situation and her family was really pushing her to do 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:48.559 a prenup with her husband. So I think that is 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:52.280 a conversation to protect her assets. But it's kind of 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.520 like there it sounded like it was their assets. Um, 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:58.440 So I think I believe. I mean, I think if 0:09:58.480 --> 0:10:00.680 you are about to marry this person, I hope you 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.959 trust them, but you know, I mean, they are about 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:06.920 to take the dive into your finances as well. Why 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.880 do you think financial Um, you know, finances within a 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:13.679 relationship causes so much tension because it is it's it 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:17.760 does create personal information that you don't want to send out. 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:20.679 You talk about so many personal things on such an 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:22.959 emotional level with your counterpart, like why can't you talk 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:25.160 about finances or why is it more difficult? Do you think? 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.240 I think because you know someone is probably making more 0:10:28.280 --> 0:10:35.320 money than the other person and being competitive, true ego driven. Absolutely, 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:37.040 and especially as a guy, I think there's a lot 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:38.760 of guys that want to be providers. So if they're 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:40.560 with a woman that makes more money than them, I 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:42.920 think that is a little kill to the ego and 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:47.240 create some insecurities, especially in because in traditional families, you know, 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:52.199 typically all of the checkbooking happens in the man's hands, 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:54.640 and so they write the checks and the women take 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:57.400 care of the family. That's a traditional family. I personally 0:10:57.440 --> 0:10:59.800 am really trying to change that. I don't believe that. 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.840 I feel like I'm an empowered woman. Yeah, they're changing, 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:05.080 and so what I would say to any women in 0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.240 that situation or who want to be caretakers of the family, 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:12.480 you get fifty of that money. And if you're terrified 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.000 of the word finance and the word money and anything 0:11:15.040 --> 0:11:18.600 financial and any type of numbers don't be because you 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.920 will learn. What I would say is make sure you're 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:25.000 in on any financial decision that your significant other is 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.959 making or husband is making, because you will learn that way, 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.000 and before you know, you'll realize, oh, it's it's just numbers. 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:35.439 It's just like addition and subtraction. And like you may 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:38.560 have opinions that they don't have that they weren't taking 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.480 into account, and so don't let them make any decisions. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.080 That's what my husband and I do. I'm always like, 0:11:43.160 --> 0:11:45.960 did you just buy Netflix stock without talking to me? 0:11:46.679 --> 0:11:49.160 Like we didn't even discuss this. Well, Jared, I have 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:51.320 a question for you. So let's say you have a 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:54.200 great relationship with someone that you're dating, and it's a 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:58.080 perfect relationship, it's going well, you guys are just so compatible, 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:02.439 and then you end up having the money talk later 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:04.959 on in your relationship, maybe to a point where you're like, oh, 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.400 is it too late to turn back? And and you know, 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:09.720 like start new with someone else, but because you realize 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:14.679 there they're um spending habits is something that you're just 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:18.400 not comfortable with, and you realize that maybe something that 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:21.480 you cannot change within them, do you what do you 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:23.200 do at that point? Do you stick it out and 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.320 like hope that you can work work it through because 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:29.720 I feel like money is one big issue in relationships 0:12:29.720 --> 0:12:33.280 and in marriages. Um that causes people to to argue 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:35.000 and and um, well, I think you have to have 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:37.880 boundaries within your you know whatever, how much money you're making, 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:39.440 how much money you can spend. And I would hope 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.480 that the other person can also respect that as well, 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.839 because if one person is buying thousands of dollars worth 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:49.319 of you know, material objects that you guys can't afford, 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.560 then that's obviously an issue that but would you break up, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.240 Like would it be enough for you to say to 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.520 end that? Really? I mean if she drove me poor 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:58.360 and I had to live on the side of the street, 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:00.319 yeah I'd break up with her. But no course, And 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.000 I think, like, especially within financial decisions, it is such 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:05.560 a sensitive subject that like, there are probably a lot 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:07.680 of times where you have to actively sit down with 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:10.560 your your significant other and really kind of have this 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:13.920 very difficult conversation and be willing to sit at the 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:17.120 table and not move until you guys actually make progress. 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:19.880 Because I think a lot of times, you know, whether 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.160 it be by finances or about anything really and within 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.200 your relationship, you'll sit down with that person and you'll 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.600 talk through things, but you won't like really get anywhere, 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:28.880 and then you're like, well, we we talked about it, 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.520 but you know, nothing's really changing. And so I think 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:34.640 specifically finances, if there is an issue or like you know, 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.560 if one person is spending more than the other, or 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:38.200 if like in that case, if I was dating somebody 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:39.600 who is spending so much money and it was really 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.280 bothering me, I would really need to sit them down 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:43.360 and talk through them. And if like they were so stubborn, 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.280 whether they're like I need to just buy things every 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.520 week that I just can't afford, then that would obviously 0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:51.160 have to make me really rethink the relationship for the 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.040 simple fact of like, well, I need to you know, 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:55.760 support myself, save money for hopefully my future children and 0:13:55.880 --> 0:13:57.439 things that I want to do. How many kids do 0:13:57.440 --> 0:13:59.800 you want? Jar I've I know, I've I've always gone 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:01.600 back and forth about this whether I want kids or not, 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:03.720 what I know, but now I want kids, want kids. 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:08.040 I want kids, and so you know, I I I 0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.680 at least two, at least two kids, you know, I know, 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:12.840 if I'm lucky to have one, I'll be very happy. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:14.839 That's the thing. Like, you know, obviously having a kids 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:16.840 as a privilege on the right, so hopefully I just 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:20.600 have very you know, at least one kid that's very healthy. Yeah. 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.680 I think these conversations are not conversations that I was 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:25.520 thinking when I was in my younger twenties. You know, 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.440 you're like, oh, I like this guy. He's good looking, 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:28.960 or he's this, he's that, and it's like, oh, we 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:32.160 like we work out together, so it makes sense. And 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:36.400 now as I'm getting together, so it's obviously love. Listen, 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:38.880 I speak three languages, so sometimes I'm thinking in French 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:41.080 and it doesn't translate properly when it comes out of 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:42.960 my mouth. Isn't it so funny when you're thinking so 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.640 quick but your mouth can't keep so it just comes 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:47.520 out as very like, well, I sound like that's by 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:51.040 texting sometimes it's great. But um so now I'm starting 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.640 to think of all these important topics to have with 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:56.800 a significant other. And another one that I was thinking 0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:02.240 of is domestic partnership. So let's say, because I'm very 0:15:02.280 --> 0:15:05.640 not that I'm very technical, but when you're when you're 0:15:05.800 --> 0:15:08.720 dating someone. I don't know what the laws are out here, 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:10.760 but the laws in Quebec are like I think, after 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.000 I don't know how many years, think it's five years. Okay. 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:17.120 Here in Californias, like a married couple you have, it 0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:19.480 falls under the same laws as a married couple, right, 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:21.520 Because I remember my college roommate and I used to 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.000 joke about that because we live together. That's where I 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:25.640 brought it up. My roommate and I were like, oh 0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:28.000 my god, we have a domestic partnership going on. But 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.400 so what would you do? So let's say you have 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:35.080 a domestic partnership or whatever it is, you're dating someone, 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:38.200 you're living together, and you buy furniture for the house, 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:42.920 and then you break up. Who takes what? So what 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:46.000 I thought was a great idea is if I'm purchasing 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:49.200 the couch, keep the receipt for the couch to prove 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.960 that the couch is mine. And then if if the 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:54.400 relationship doesn't, I mean I didn't buy the couch. I 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.960 kind of killing you. I feel like you're setting yourself 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.160 up for failure if you're already thinking about how you 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:06.400 would defend this. I'm this receipt, the microwave, the fridge. 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:13.160 We're breaking topic as a prenup, right, people, I always 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.280 thought like, oh my god, I would never marry a 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.520 guy if you would get down one knee and says, well, 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.360 we need to get a prenup. The younger me would 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:22.240 have been like, oh my god, that's such an insult. 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:26.520 But the older me now realizes, Okay, I understand why. 0:16:26.840 --> 0:16:30.000 It's also protecting myself in the end, in case totally, 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.160 you know, something happens with his assets or if he 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:34.280 is in debt and you know I don't, and you've 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:36.680 worked hard to get where you are, and so you 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:39.480 can protect that. I don't think there's any problem protecting 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:42.080 yourself that way. You just have to have a partner 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:45.520 who's understanding of that and who loves you for that totally. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:49.360 And we put such like a a premium on finances 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:51.760 within this country, and you know capitalism, So it's just 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.800 it's such a statement on like power and your social 0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.960 status in terms of like how much income it is. 0:16:58.200 --> 0:16:59.760 And so I can totally understand what people want to 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:02.000 bring because it's it's your money, You've earned it, and 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.080 so it's it's it's such like a great area. Though 0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:06.440 it's such a sensitive subject because then once you get married, 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.800 what's yours mind? Baby? So it's it's such like an 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.840 interesting dynamic to have, and but I truly believe it's 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:14.920 also on an individual level, and it like each couple 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.000 needs to have their own conversation about their finances and 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:19.639 what's best for them individually and both as a couple. 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:22.040 And I would definitely, you know, if you do find 0:17:22.040 --> 0:17:25.880 out your significant other is in significant debt, that might 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:28.160 be something you should really come up with a plan 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:31.320 for before you tie them on. Be like, yeah, we 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:33.560 can be engaged for a little while, let's figure out 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:35.840 how we're getting out of debt. Since this would affect 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:38.159 me significantly totally, I think that it's better to have 0:17:38.160 --> 0:17:42.040 the finance conversation earlier rather than later, just because, like 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:43.760 you said, if you are, you know, so many people 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.960 are in debt today, specifically just from college. Um, it's 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.440 you know, it does create kind of like a hold 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:50.919 on your life for a little while in terms of 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:53.200 like buying a house, getting married, so on and so forth. 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.080 And if you don't believe in marriage, you know, I 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.800 mean it's it's hip these days, like have a kid 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:59.719 and like, you don't have to be married, but if 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.520 you've decided this is your long term uh, this is 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:06.800 your long term partner, I think. Yeah, definitely, all these 0:18:07.080 --> 0:18:10.399 conversations applied to that too. I'm gonna sound crazy, but 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:16.600 I'm sure a lot of people, all right, I'm sure 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.399 a lot. I'm sure a lot of people are probably 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:25.560 thinking this background checks? Yeah great, because so I, um, 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:28.160 have you done a background check on somebody? I don't 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:30.200 even know where to go have a background check. That's 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:34.639 why now there's one called instant checkmate dot com. Well listen, 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:38.600 I know I only bring this up because I background 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:41.280 to do it on us. Yeah, before I came here, 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:42.880 I was like, I can't enter the room with these 0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:46.840 guys until I know exactly what's going on. Well now, 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:50.520 because I know someone who um was divorced and was 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:53.639 dating someone, but she had a kid and she didn't 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:56.679 want to bring in someone into her personal life and 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.919 introduced her kids to a well stranger if she did 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:01.800 and have a background check done, and I thought that 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:06.119 was genius. I get that Darren is just staring and 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:09.160 a background check before she went on a first date 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:11.680