Speaker 1: How I Suck at Dating and I Heart radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to our whole new episode of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck at Dating. I am Jared, I'm Vanessa.
Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us on this week's episode. Thank
Speaker 1: you for having us. Dean unfortunately is a way. I
Speaker 1: think he's rock climbing, which is pretty awesome. I've always
Speaker 1: wanted to rock climb ever since I saw Mission Impossible
Speaker 1: to remember the opening scene, Tom Cruiz, It's amazing. So
Speaker 1: I'm pretty references. I'm like culture reference. Well, we are
Speaker 1: in studio and we enjoined today by the wonderful Jess Draper.
Speaker 1: Hello Jess, where you're getting set up right now? So
Speaker 1: we'll just right you jes excuse me, Jesse Draper sitting
Speaker 1: on my chair. It's really high and I have well,
Speaker 1: I know, how tall are you? I am ten. Okay,
Speaker 1: you're my sister's height, which is so weird. So my
Speaker 1: sister is the oldest in my family, she's five ten.
Speaker 1: I'm the middle child. I'm five three, and then my
Speaker 1: brother is the youngest and he's the smallest out of everyone.
Speaker 1: So my goals like in decreasing order. Um, but I
Speaker 1: was reading your bio first of all, I was founder
Speaker 1: laying over your bio. Thank you So. Jesse Draper is
Speaker 1: an American talk show host, investor, and former actress Nickelodeon
Speaker 1: star which is I'm so jealous of? Which show are
Speaker 1: we talking about? It was called The Naked Brothers Band,
Speaker 1: and I played the nanny. I was like, it was
Speaker 1: like when I was like nineteen twenty three or something
Speaker 1: like that, and it was early days. It was like
Speaker 1: Miley cyrus days. And it was a life that I
Speaker 1: can't believe, you know, It's like I lived such a
Speaker 1: different life now, But it was it was so fun.
Speaker 1: I mean, I had a blast kid. I was surrounded
Speaker 1: by kids all the time. I played the nanny, and
Speaker 1: I actually was the nanny as well, because you're surrounded
Speaker 1: by kids, like So, tell us a little about what
Speaker 1: you're doing right now, Jesse. So, I run a venture
Speaker 1: capital fund called haw Jin Ventures, and we invested in
Speaker 1: female founded consumer technology companies. So some of those companies
Speaker 1: include a company called sugar Fina. It's a great candy cup.
Speaker 1: I love sugar me too. Means that means you like
Speaker 1: sugar girl in the tally. I love anything? But is
Speaker 1: that only an l a base come No, it's actually
Speaker 1: an international candy company there in hotels. Nordstroom's involved, and
Speaker 1: so they're all over the place, and uh, we invest
Speaker 1: in everything from clothing all the way to healthcare. So
Speaker 1: I have like a breast pump company. Really exciting. Umm.
Speaker 1: I am a mom. I just had a baby three
Speaker 1: months ago and it was my second thank you, thank
Speaker 1: you well, happy belated Mother's Day. It's just mother day.
Speaker 1: What do you guys do? I got my mom flowers.
Speaker 1: Good job, it works. What it's the thought that counts.
Speaker 1: I actually had an entire family photo shoot before I
Speaker 1: came out to l A. So we had my grandparents,
Speaker 1: my aunt's, uncle's cousins. So we did an entire family photoshoot,
Speaker 1: and that was my gift to did you match? We did?
Speaker 1: So we we wore jeans and a white top, which
Speaker 1: is like basic but whatever, but at least everyone has
Speaker 1: this classic Yeah, exactly. So I'm super excited that you're
Speaker 1: here because I'm excited you guys. Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: By the way, wonderful media. Thank you for coming in studio.
Speaker 1: So we were I don't know if it was last
Speaker 1: week of the week. It was last week. I missed
Speaker 1: last week we talk about finances. You were talking about
Speaker 1: finances and being in a relationship and when's the right
Speaker 1: time to bring up money talk, which is my favorite
Speaker 1: not my favorite subject, but just because I'm so like
Speaker 1: frugal and I want to make sure the partner that
Speaker 1: I'm with understands and appreciates how frugal I am and
Speaker 1: that they would adopt that mentality if they don't have
Speaker 1: that mentality. Has that ever called issues in your relationship
Speaker 1: before being so frugal? Uh? No, I've been made fun of,
Speaker 1: but it's never like cause tension is really coming out today,
Speaker 1: is it really? I wasn't Ryland last week, so maybe
Speaker 1: just the accent is rubbing off more so. So I
Speaker 1: got to get back in l A and really start
Speaker 1: pronouncing my rsum. But you know, I mean, the thing
Speaker 1: is like it's it's sad to say, but it's true.
Speaker 1: Finances does cause a lot of tension within couples. Um.
Speaker 1: When one person makes more money than the other, one
Speaker 1: person's frugal, the other one spends so much money. Um. So,
Speaker 1: how like early on, Jesse, you know you're a pretty professional,
Speaker 1: uh person to ask about this, How early on do
Speaker 1: you think that a couple should start really talking about
Speaker 1: their finances and how they spend money. I think, you know,
Speaker 1: it depends how deep you are into your relationship, but um,
Speaker 1: I go deep way at the beginning. Good. Good, That's
Speaker 1: the first thing Vanessa says. My name is Vanessa. I'm frugal.
Speaker 1: How are you? First? What I would say is it's
Speaker 1: something that people shouldn't be afraid to talk about. I
Speaker 1: think we're all so terrified to talk about money, and
Speaker 1: it is a really, really huge part of our relationship.
Speaker 1: So I would say, you know, start discussing it when
Speaker 1: you are well. First of all, let me just one
Speaker 1: piece of advice. Do not merge finances until you're married
Speaker 1: unless there is a reason too. So you might create
Speaker 1: like a joint account if you're paying rent and sharing, um,
Speaker 1: you know, something like that where you each pay an
Speaker 1: equal amount. And so that's why you would, you know,
Speaker 1: start a joint account. But that doesn't mean you can't
Speaker 1: start talking about it. Um. You know Ali Wong, the
Speaker 1: comedian do you guys so funny? She is so funny,
Speaker 1: but she does this whole um sort of piece about
Speaker 1: how she thought she had made her family so proud
Speaker 1: and found this guy he graduated from Harvard, and then
Speaker 1: they got married and he was in so much debt,
Speaker 1: and she was like, wait, I thought I thought all
Speaker 1: you had to do was like marry someone from Harvard
Speaker 1: and you were set for life. And then uh, he
Speaker 1: was in so much debt that they're still clawing their
Speaker 1: way out of or whatever. And that's sort of the piece. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I highly recommendary show. It's very funny, but I think
Speaker 1: that you should always be talking about those things. And
Speaker 1: you know, um, I think a good way to start
Speaker 1: that conversation would maybe be, you know, say you're saving
Speaker 1: for something. Um, you it's hard to save money when
Speaker 1: you're a significant other is spending quite a bit. So
Speaker 1: maybe you say, hey, I want to save for a
Speaker 1: new couch for our apartment. What do you want to
Speaker 1: save for? Or let's save towards a vacation together, and
Speaker 1: then that's a way where you can start sort of
Speaker 1: talking about money habits. But also I think definitely before
Speaker 1: you take the plunge, you should know what type of
Speaker 1: debt you guys are both in and what you know
Speaker 1: you're talking about and come up with a plan. There's
Speaker 1: also a lot of services that can help with that.
Speaker 1: There's a company. My friend runs this company called learn
Speaker 1: Vest and it um learned Vest. Yeah, and she wrote
Speaker 1: a book called Financially Fearless and it kind of teaches
Speaker 1: you a very quick light overview of everything you need
Speaker 1: to know about finance. But what I love about it
Speaker 1: is financial advisors are so expensive. And um, this is
Speaker 1: like you pay my husband and I did it in
Speaker 1: the beginning when we first got married. You pay like
Speaker 1: twelve dollars a month. And basically they come up they
Speaker 1: do this magic math problem and they come up with
Speaker 1: a formula where it's like, based on both your incomes,
Speaker 1: here's how much you should save every month, here's how
Speaker 1: much you can blow and uh, you know. Then you
Speaker 1: you also discuss kind of like what you're saving four
Speaker 1: and they do things like this may or may not
Speaker 1: have come up in our particular conversation, that like, wow,
Speaker 1: you spend a lot on coffee in your given area
Speaker 1: of the country, because there are you know, um, every
Speaker 1: area of the country is different. So they actually take
Speaker 1: that up into account, and so I had to cut
Speaker 1: back a little bit on coffee. Um, so I just
Speaker 1: made more home. You just called yourself out. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: did just call myself out. Um, But I think they
Speaker 1: take things like that into account and I thought it
Speaker 1: was an amazing kind of program to go through in
Speaker 1: the beginning when you start your marriage. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: it was interesting when you were talking about how you
Speaker 1: approach the conversation because there's a lot of people are
Speaker 1: afraid to ask their partner about like how much money
Speaker 1: they have. But I think it's interesting if you just
Speaker 1: go up to them and say, well, instead of asking
Speaker 1: how much they spend, ask about like, hey, let's start
Speaker 1: saving for something and see how they spend. Or even
Speaker 1: like there's ways to tell how a person is with
Speaker 1: their money, like whether it's like, hey, where do you
Speaker 1: want to go to dinner? The places that they pick,
Speaker 1: or like, um, how much they saved towards like a
Speaker 1: vacation where they want to go for a vacation. So
Speaker 1: there's different ways to approach the conversation. So definitely, and
Speaker 1: I'm I'm competitive, I don't know about you guys, but
Speaker 1: super competitive. And so my husband and I were actually
Speaker 1: giving each other, uh, you know, flak about what stocks
Speaker 1: we were buying that ton nerdy, I am um, and
Speaker 1: we were each you know, he was saying, I want
Speaker 1: to invest in this, and I was saying, I want
Speaker 1: to invest in this, and um, so we decided to
Speaker 1: make it a competition. So what I would say is like,
Speaker 1: you know, say you each take a hundred dollars and
Speaker 1: then you can invest in the stock market, which sounds
Speaker 1: very crazy, but there are apps that make it super easy.
Speaker 1: You go on like robin Hood. There's one called Acorns
Speaker 1: and it literally plugs your bank account in And if
Speaker 1: you don't know what types of stocks to invest in,
Speaker 1: I say, if you're kind of a more conservative investor
Speaker 1: and don't want to take a ton of risk, follow
Speaker 1: the Fortune five hundred. Those are typically the companies that
Speaker 1: you've heard of. And uh, for example, if you love Starbucks,
Speaker 1: I'm seeing a Starbucks cup and I love Starbucks. That's
Speaker 1: where I was apparently spending too much money. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: then you can buy some Starbucks stock and so um,
Speaker 1: you could choose a couple of stocks. They can choose
Speaker 1: a couple stocks, and you can make it a little
Speaker 1: competition and it gets the conversation rolling. I was gonna
Speaker 1: ask you something is actually having kind of experience of
Speaker 1: being engaged and then moving in with somebody. Did you
Speaker 1: ever feel like did you guys talk about your finances
Speaker 1: early on. Ah yeah, I mean luckily we were both
Speaker 1: very frugal, so that made it easy when we were
Speaker 1: looking for an apartment and how much you want to
Speaker 1: spend per month and and all of that. Um, So
Speaker 1: when you're talking about joint bank accounts prior to getting married,
Speaker 1: you don't suggest it, do you suggest? I don't know
Speaker 1: if this has any form of relation with that. But
Speaker 1: pre nups, what's dread? I mean, that's a big question.
Speaker 1: I think everyone feels very you know, different about those,
Speaker 1: and it probably depends a lot upon where you come
Speaker 1: from and uh, what is important to you. And also
Speaker 1: I think your family has I know, I had a
Speaker 1: really good friend who was going through this whole prenup
Speaker 1: situation and her family was really pushing her to do
Speaker 1: a prenup with her husband. So I think that is
Speaker 1: a conversation to protect her assets. But it's kind of
Speaker 1: like there it sounded like it was their assets. Um,
Speaker 1: So I think I believe. I mean, I think if
Speaker 1: you are about to marry this person, I hope you
Speaker 1: trust them, but you know, I mean, they are about
Speaker 1: to take the dive into your finances as well. Why
Speaker 1: do you think financial Um, you know, finances within a
Speaker 1: relationship causes so much tension because it is it's it
Speaker 1: does create personal information that you don't want to send out.
Speaker 1: You talk about so many personal things on such an
Speaker 1: emotional level with your counterpart, like why can't you talk
Speaker 1: about finances or why is it more difficult? Do you think?
Speaker 1: I think because you know someone is probably making more
Speaker 1: money than the other person and being competitive, true ego driven. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and especially as a guy, I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of guys that want to be providers. So if they're
Speaker 1: with a woman that makes more money than them, I
Speaker 1: think that is a little kill to the ego and
Speaker 1: create some insecurities, especially in because in traditional families, you know,
Speaker 1: typically all of the checkbooking happens in the man's hands,
Speaker 1: and so they write the checks and the women take
Speaker 1: care of the family. That's a traditional family. I personally
Speaker 1: am really trying to change that. I don't believe that.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm an empowered woman. Yeah, they're changing,
Speaker 1: and so what I would say to any women in
Speaker 1: that situation or who want to be caretakers of the family,
Speaker 1: you get fifty of that money. And if you're terrified
Speaker 1: of the word finance and the word money and anything
Speaker 1: financial and any type of numbers don't be because you
Speaker 1: will learn. What I would say is make sure you're
Speaker 1: in on any financial decision that your significant other is
Speaker 1: making or husband is making, because you will learn that way,
Speaker 1: and before you know, you'll realize, oh, it's it's just numbers.
Speaker 1: It's just like addition and subtraction. And like you may
Speaker 1: have opinions that they don't have that they weren't taking
Speaker 1: into account, and so don't let them make any decisions.
Speaker 1: That's what my husband and I do. I'm always like,
Speaker 1: did you just buy Netflix stock without talking to me?
Speaker 1: Like we didn't even discuss this. Well, Jared, I have
Speaker 1: a question for you. So let's say you have a
Speaker 1: great relationship with someone that you're dating, and it's a
Speaker 1: perfect relationship, it's going well, you guys are just so compatible,
Speaker 1: and then you end up having the money talk later
Speaker 1: on in your relationship, maybe to a point where you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: is it too late to turn back? And and you know,
Speaker 1: like start new with someone else, but because you realize
Speaker 1: there they're um spending habits is something that you're just
Speaker 1: not comfortable with, and you realize that maybe something that
Speaker 1: you cannot change within them, do you what do you
Speaker 1: do at that point? Do you stick it out and
Speaker 1: like hope that you can work work it through because
Speaker 1: I feel like money is one big issue in relationships
Speaker 1: and in marriages. Um that causes people to to argue
Speaker 1: and and um, well, I think you have to have
Speaker 1: boundaries within your you know whatever, how much money you're making,
Speaker 1: how much money you can spend. And I would hope
Speaker 1: that the other person can also respect that as well,
Speaker 1: because if one person is buying thousands of dollars worth
Speaker 1: of you know, material objects that you guys can't afford,
Speaker 1: then that's obviously an issue that but would you break up,
Speaker 1: Like would it be enough for you to say to
Speaker 1: end that? Really? I mean if she drove me poor
Speaker 1: and I had to live on the side of the street,
Speaker 1: yeah I'd break up with her. But no course, And
Speaker 1: I think, like, especially within financial decisions, it is such
Speaker 1: a sensitive subject that like, there are probably a lot
Speaker 1: of times where you have to actively sit down with
Speaker 1: your your significant other and really kind of have this
Speaker 1: very difficult conversation and be willing to sit at the
Speaker 1: table and not move until you guys actually make progress.
Speaker 1: Because I think a lot of times, you know, whether
Speaker 1: it be by finances or about anything really and within
Speaker 1: your relationship, you'll sit down with that person and you'll
Speaker 1: talk through things, but you won't like really get anywhere,
Speaker 1: and then you're like, well, we we talked about it,
Speaker 1: but you know, nothing's really changing. And so I think
Speaker 1: specifically finances, if there is an issue or like you know,
Speaker 1: if one person is spending more than the other, or
Speaker 1: if like in that case, if I was dating somebody
Speaker 1: who is spending so much money and it was really
Speaker 1: bothering me, I would really need to sit them down
Speaker 1: and talk through them. And if like they were so stubborn,
Speaker 1: whether they're like I need to just buy things every
Speaker 1: week that I just can't afford, then that would obviously
Speaker 1: have to make me really rethink the relationship for the
Speaker 1: simple fact of like, well, I need to you know,
Speaker 1: support myself, save money for hopefully my future children and
Speaker 1: things that I want to do. How many kids do
Speaker 1: you want? Jar I've I know, I've I've always gone
Speaker 1: back and forth about this whether I want kids or not,
Speaker 1: what I know, but now I want kids, want kids.
Speaker 1: I want kids, and so you know, I I I
Speaker 1: at least two, at least two kids, you know, I know,
Speaker 1: if I'm lucky to have one, I'll be very happy.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. Like, you know, obviously having a kids
Speaker 1: as a privilege on the right, so hopefully I just
Speaker 1: have very you know, at least one kid that's very healthy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think these conversations are not conversations that I was
Speaker 1: thinking when I was in my younger twenties. You know,
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I like this guy. He's good looking,
Speaker 1: or he's this, he's that, and it's like, oh, we
Speaker 1: like we work out together, so it makes sense. And
Speaker 1: now as I'm getting together, so it's obviously love. Listen,
Speaker 1: I speak three languages, so sometimes I'm thinking in French
Speaker 1: and it doesn't translate properly when it comes out of
Speaker 1: my mouth. Isn't it so funny when you're thinking so
Speaker 1: quick but your mouth can't keep so it just comes
Speaker 1: out as very like, well, I sound like that's by
Speaker 1: texting sometimes it's great. But um so now I'm starting
Speaker 1: to think of all these important topics to have with
Speaker 1: a significant other. And another one that I was thinking
Speaker 1: of is domestic partnership. So let's say, because I'm very
Speaker 1: not that I'm very technical, but when you're when you're
Speaker 1: dating someone. I don't know what the laws are out here,
Speaker 1: but the laws in Quebec are like I think, after
Speaker 1: I don't know how many years, think it's five years. Okay.
Speaker 1: Here in Californias, like a married couple you have, it
Speaker 1: falls under the same laws as a married couple, right,
Speaker 1: Because I remember my college roommate and I used to
Speaker 1: joke about that because we live together. That's where I
Speaker 1: brought it up. My roommate and I were like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, we have a domestic partnership going on. But
Speaker 1: so what would you do? So let's say you have
Speaker 1: a domestic partnership or whatever it is, you're dating someone,
Speaker 1: you're living together, and you buy furniture for the house,
Speaker 1: and then you break up. Who takes what? So what
Speaker 1: I thought was a great idea is if I'm purchasing
Speaker 1: the couch, keep the receipt for the couch to prove
Speaker 1: that the couch is mine. And then if if the
Speaker 1: relationship doesn't, I mean I didn't buy the couch. I
Speaker 1: kind of killing you. I feel like you're setting yourself
Speaker 1: up for failure if you're already thinking about how you
Speaker 1: would defend this. I'm this receipt, the microwave, the fridge.
Speaker 1: We're breaking topic as a prenup, right, people, I always
Speaker 1: thought like, oh my god, I would never marry a
Speaker 1: guy if you would get down one knee and says, well,
Speaker 1: we need to get a prenup. The younger me would
Speaker 1: have been like, oh my god, that's such an insult.
Speaker 1: But the older me now realizes, Okay, I understand why.
Speaker 1: It's also protecting myself in the end, in case totally,
Speaker 1: you know, something happens with his assets or if he
Speaker 1: is in debt and you know I don't, and you've
Speaker 1: worked hard to get where you are, and so you
Speaker 1: can protect that. I don't think there's any problem protecting
Speaker 1: yourself that way. You just have to have a partner
Speaker 1: who's understanding of that and who loves you for that totally.
Speaker 1: And we put such like a a premium on finances
Speaker 1: within this country, and you know capitalism, So it's just
Speaker 1: it's such a statement on like power and your social
Speaker 1: status in terms of like how much income it is.
Speaker 1: And so I can totally understand what people want to
Speaker 1: bring because it's it's your money, You've earned it, and
Speaker 1: so it's it's it's such like a great area. Though
Speaker 1: it's such a sensitive subject because then once you get married,
Speaker 1: what's yours mind? Baby? So it's it's such like an
Speaker 1: interesting dynamic to have, and but I truly believe it's
Speaker 1: also on an individual level, and it like each couple
Speaker 1: needs to have their own conversation about their finances and
Speaker 1: what's best for them individually and both as a couple.
Speaker 1: And I would definitely, you know, if you do find
Speaker 1: out your significant other is in significant debt, that might
Speaker 1: be something you should really come up with a plan
Speaker 1: for before you tie them on. Be like, yeah, we
Speaker 1: can be engaged for a little while, let's figure out
Speaker 1: how we're getting out of debt. Since this would affect
Speaker 1: me significantly totally, I think that it's better to have
Speaker 1: the finance conversation earlier rather than later, just because, like
Speaker 1: you said, if you are, you know, so many people
Speaker 1: are in debt today, specifically just from college. Um, it's
Speaker 1: you know, it does create kind of like a hold
Speaker 1: on your life for a little while in terms of
Speaker 1: like buying a house, getting married, so on and so forth.
Speaker 1: And if you don't believe in marriage, you know, I
Speaker 1: mean it's it's hip these days, like have a kid
Speaker 1: and like, you don't have to be married, but if
Speaker 1: you've decided this is your long term uh, this is
Speaker 1: your long term partner, I think. Yeah, definitely, all these
Speaker 1: conversations applied to that too. I'm gonna sound crazy, but
Speaker 1: I'm sure a lot of people, all right, I'm sure
Speaker 1: a lot. I'm sure a lot of people are probably
Speaker 1: thinking this background checks? Yeah great, because so I, um,
Speaker 1: have you done a background check on somebody? I don't
Speaker 1: even know where to go have a background check. That's
Speaker 1: why now there's one called instant checkmate dot com. Well listen,
Speaker 1: I know I only bring this up because I background
Speaker 1: to do it on us. Yeah, before I came here,
Speaker 1: I was like, I can't enter the room with these
Speaker 1: guys until I know exactly what's going on. Well now,
Speaker 1: because I know someone who um was divorced and was
Speaker 1: dating someone, but she had a kid and she didn't
Speaker 1: want to bring in someone into her personal life and
Speaker 1: introduced her kids to a well stranger if she did
Speaker 1: and have a background check done, and I thought that
Speaker 1: was genius. I get that Darren is just staring and
Speaker 1: a background check before she went on a first date
Speaker 1: with him, no back, no, I think background check once
Speaker 1: she like she went on a couple of days with
Speaker 1: him and was like, Okay, I actually like this guy.
Speaker 1: Let me take it to the next level. Why are
Speaker 1: you looking at me like that? Is that it's just intense.
Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's pretty heavy. I mean I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do think, especially after the prenup conversation, like me
Speaker 1: would just give some breath before. No, I'm not, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying in that order. Yeah, it's interesting, Like
Speaker 1: I don't mind. Yeah, I guess you could see background check.
Speaker 1: I mean, so many people google the person that they're
Speaker 1: about to go on a date with that I might
Speaker 1: have looked up, you know, a couple of instagrams in
Speaker 1: my day before I went on the date with him,
Speaker 1: and background check into he's ruling out serial killer. I
Speaker 1: think that's probably okay, and you get really deeper into
Speaker 1: the I'm kind of crazy guys. I was asking for listeners. Yeah,
Speaker 1: for a friend. So for a friend. Yeah, so my
Speaker 1: friend really wanted to go on this date. Check and
Speaker 1: now she's hosting a podcast. But actually you brought up
Speaker 1: you brought up something and trusting though, which is kids,
Speaker 1: and that makes things a lot more complicated, especially if
Speaker 1: your kids previously, et cetera. There's this great app called
Speaker 1: support pay. It's actually a website, but it's like mobile
Speaker 1: friendly or whatever, but it's support pay And it's kind
Speaker 1: of similar to learn invest in that you enter all
Speaker 1: of the information, like if you broke up with your
Speaker 1: significant other. It's like a little calculator for what you each.
Speaker 1: Oh and you don't even have to converse. There you go,
Speaker 1: that's what That's what I was saying. Keeping the receipts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: keeping the receipts. But I feel like I think I think,
Speaker 1: thank you, high five, carry on something all right, that's
Speaker 1: going great. Um, so, Jessie, Yeah, thank you for coming in.
Speaker 1: You also have a podcast of yourself. Can you tell
Speaker 1: us a little bit about it? Yeah, yes, I um, yes,
Speaker 1: I am co hosting a podcast with Ben Higgins from
Speaker 1: The Bachelor, who you guys know, I'm sure. And it's
Speaker 1: called Saying Okay. It's called Lady Bosses and Ben and
Speaker 1: so um. We're talking all about entrepreneurship and we're interviewing
Speaker 1: some great entrepreneurs and business leaders and it's a lot
Speaker 1: of fun and a lot of ladies. It's on iHeart
Speaker 1: on heart rate here Ben Higgins also, you know from
Speaker 1: the almost famous podcast and now has a brand new
Speaker 1: podcast with you. I'm very much looking forward to hearing that. Um.
Speaker 1: And so where can people find you? Um? I think
Speaker 1: the easiest way is if you just follow me on
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Speaker 1: what all our companies are up to and what companies
Speaker 1: we support at alligen alright, perfect well, Jesse, thank you
Speaker 1: for joining. Thank you very informative. A couple of other
Speaker 1: questions that I have, UM, so I don't get judged.
Speaker 1: It's just the three of us, that's all. Nobody else's listen. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm happy to answer those. Awesome, Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. Thank you, Jesse. Thanks guys. So do
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Speaker 1: uh what Actually, you guys might need that your camp too, exactly,
Speaker 1: So we're moving on to Adam. Excuse me, So we
Speaker 1: have Adam and studio. Adam, how do you say your
Speaker 1: last name? Adam Shower, who is the founder and CEO
Speaker 1: of Camp No Counselors. It's the world's largest and fastest
Speaker 1: growing sleepaway camp. Not for kids, Nope, but for growing up.
Speaker 1: He tell us a little bit about this camp. Please sure.
Speaker 1: It's all of those great summer camp memories that you
Speaker 1: had when you were a kid, except with booze saw.
Speaker 1: The video sounds like people tworking and stuff. I'm like
Speaker 1: around loving that. So sleepaway camp with alcohol it sounds
Speaker 1: you know. So we rent out really high end, beautiful
Speaker 1: kids summer camps in their off season and bring out
Speaker 1: about two hundred and fifty adults each camp weekend, so
Speaker 1: it's three nights, three and a half days. We have
Speaker 1: camps all across the U. S and Canada, and you
Speaker 1: get to play like a kid during the day wakeboarding,
Speaker 1: water skiing, dodgeball, arts and crafts, zip lining, and then
Speaker 1: in the evenings we bring in bands and DJs and
Speaker 1: we throw huge theme parties and everyone gets dressed up,
Speaker 1: so you get to play like a kid and party
Speaker 1: like a grown up. How did you come up with
Speaker 1: this idea? I was working a ton in New York
Speaker 1: City and just needed a break from it all and
Speaker 1: needed to get away from my phone, forget about work
Speaker 1: for a weekend, and reconnect with my friends. And I
Speaker 1: went to camp growing up and always had the most
Speaker 1: fun ever at summer camp. Look forward to it all
Speaker 1: year long, and uh, I love to throw parties. And
Speaker 1: they decided to rent out a summer camp and invite
Speaker 1: my closest friends and twenty people said yes, this is
Speaker 1: a great idea and they were on board. Um, and
Speaker 1: the camp told me a few weeks before we went
Speaker 1: out to camp that we needed a minimum of thirty
Speaker 1: five people in order to have exclusive use of the property.
Speaker 1: So I asked my twenty friends the entire property. The
Speaker 1: entire property, so there wouldn't be any school groups or
Speaker 1: church groups coming to the weekend at my party weekends,
Speaker 1: your six deep walking past like a class of third graders.
Speaker 1: So I has had my twenty friends invite their friends,
Speaker 1: and ninety people signed up Holy people in the first
Speaker 1: camp yep. So kind of a light bulb went off.
Speaker 1: I was like, maybe this is more than just a party.
Speaker 1: Maybe people really need to disconnect from technology, to forget
Speaker 1: about work and to just be silly and have fun um,
Speaker 1: and so I decided to to go full four, full
Speaker 1: force board and do another camp and another camp, and
Speaker 1: sure enough we've done seventy camps now and ud campers
Speaker 1: we've had. Yes, it's been a crazy roller. Seventy camps,
Speaker 1: thirteen thousand camps. That's insane. I know, that's how long?
Speaker 1: How long has this been going on for four years now?
Speaker 1: So four years we've done seventy camps over four years.
Speaker 1: And we were on Shark Tank, which was a crazy
Speaker 1: experience that was a nutty experience that was amazing, got
Speaker 1: the word out there. They end up investing in it.
Speaker 1: Mark Cuban made an offer which I ended up turning down.
Speaker 1: Turned down, Mark Cuban. I'm sitting next to a guy
Speaker 1: who turned He his offer was something like three thousand
Speaker 1: dollars for five percent of the business, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to give up. Yeah that's your baby or no
Speaker 1: shared custody. Um. So, in the last four years, can
Speaker 1: you say people have met and gotten engaged and I'm
Speaker 1: always thinking about the love story? Definitely? Definitely. So at
Speaker 1: camp itself, it is you kind of regrets to being
Speaker 1: kids again. So like hooking up a camp is like
Speaker 1: sneaking behind the bunk and you know, making out or
Speaker 1: like holding hands down your way to the campfire. So
Speaker 1: it's really cute and simple. And because you are sleeping
Speaker 1: in cabins and shared grouping coed Sara had an important
Speaker 1: question to ask. I got a quick question as well
Speaker 1: before that, is that are you going to these camps?
Speaker 1: So like, obviously the point of these camps is to
Speaker 1: go have fun as an adult, but is it also
Speaker 1: a way to like people, do you go as a
Speaker 1: single person? And would you like bring your significant other
Speaker 1: to this camp so you can do both? Right, you
Speaker 1: can do both. So right now, it's about fifty so
Speaker 1: it's about fifty percent of the people are singles come
Speaker 1: with a significant significant other. Our average is just thirty. So, um,
Speaker 1: so that's kind of where kind of things net out.
Speaker 1: But we have this year alone, we've had four weddings
Speaker 1: actually come out of the camp people have already there's
Speaker 1: been four married couples. They already married, correct, they got married,
Speaker 1: but they met at camp in the past three or
Speaker 1: four at camp. Yeah, that's just people who have reached
Speaker 1: out to me directly, so I'm sure they're maybe there's
Speaker 1: lots of relationships come from the weekends. Um, and it's
Speaker 1: just you know, again, everyone's online dating now or meeting
Speaker 1: people at bars, and it's just another unique way to
Speaker 1: meet people through shared interests, um, where you're not kind
Speaker 1: of putting people in boxes like oh you work in TV,
Speaker 1: or oh you're an investment banker. It's we don't talk
Speaker 1: about work at camp. You don't have your phones out.
Speaker 1: It's just shared interests. Oh we both like dodgeball or
Speaker 1: arts and crafts, or you're really sweet and nice. You know,
Speaker 1: we have the same kind of shared interest in calm.
Speaker 1: So can you walk me through what a day would
Speaker 1: be like? What is there like a set schedule? Do
Speaker 1: you wake up at a specific hour? You do like
Speaker 1: group events together? Are you part of a I'm guessing
Speaker 1: you're party. I saw you're part of a color Color
Speaker 1: War team exactly, So you compete in different activities. But um,
Speaker 1: he's so exciting. I love that you had so much
Speaker 1: enthusiasm about this. It's a ton of fun. So it
Speaker 1: is it is, um. So in general, we have a
Speaker 1: set schedule with tons of different things to choose from,
Speaker 1: but it's to choose your own adventure, like you can
Speaker 1: literally just light by the light over. You could wake
Speaker 1: up at whatever time, laid by the lake and drink
Speaker 1: rose all day. Or you can do dodgeball followed by
Speaker 1: a hike followed by arts and crafts, then go head
Speaker 1: first down the slip and slide into a game of
Speaker 1: flip cup and party all night along on the dance floor.
Speaker 1: So it's really you can pick and choose with no no, no,
Speaker 1: there's no rules, there's no it's it's called camp. No
Speaker 1: counselors for a reason. You can do whatever you want. Um.
Speaker 1: We have two encouragements though too hard asks. And the
Speaker 1: first one is we encourage you to put away your phone.
Speaker 1: That's the first one, so technically it's like you're back
Speaker 1: on the Bachelor. This honestly sound sound Bachelor, kind of
Speaker 1: like a camp version of Paradise. Yeah, really does um,
Speaker 1: And there's no WiFi yourself service anyways. But and then
Speaker 1: we have professional photographers, so they're going to take your
Speaker 1: new profile picture more so than you capturing it on
Speaker 1: your phone. And the second hard ask is to not
Speaker 1: start conversations with with what do you do for a living? Oh?
Speaker 1: I like that, you can get there if you want,
Speaker 1: but we don't start with what do you who are you,
Speaker 1: what do you do and why? Why? Why is that
Speaker 1: people again have preconceived notions about what an investment baker
Speaker 1: is or what someone who is a TV personality is um,
Speaker 1: rather than you know, finding out where do you most
Speaker 1: recently travel? Do you like to cook? So you get
Speaker 1: to connect on a deeper level level before you get
Speaker 1: to the superficial talk exactly. And typically when you start
Speaker 1: different place, you don't even come back. You're talking about
Speaker 1: your passions and you know, and if your work as
Speaker 1: your passion, then great, you will come back to that.
Speaker 1: But typically it's you know, hey, well we're going over
Speaker 1: to dodgeball, you want to come with us? And um,
Speaker 1: and then kind of friendships romances. I'm talking about a
Speaker 1: walking pop culture reference. Have you ever seen, um, the
Speaker 1: Vince Bond movie Couples Retreat? Oh yeah, this kind of
Speaker 1: reminds me of that where there's like two islands and
Speaker 1: have you ever thought about I don't know if this
Speaker 1: is something that you guys even think about, but like
Speaker 1: there's one island some couples retreat. There's like a retreat island.
Speaker 1: There's one island for single people and there's one island
Speaker 1: for couples is there anything like that within the camp
Speaker 1: where it's like there are a couple of things to
Speaker 1: do and then there's also single things to do. Or
Speaker 1: is it just kind of like all blended together and
Speaker 1: everybody's you know, at the same club, all hanging out.
Speaker 1: It's it's all blended together. But we do find that
Speaker 1: couples choose certain things more so than single people, and
Speaker 1: single people choose certain things. The couples just like hanging
Speaker 1: out by the light all day. No, I've actually find
Speaker 1: that most couples have separate interests as far as sports
Speaker 1: versus arts, and you know, water sports versus land sports,
Speaker 1: and so it's really cool to see them comedy, they
Speaker 1: eat their meals together. But then besides that, they just
Speaker 1: go out and have fun and make new friends. And
Speaker 1: that's that's what it's really all about, buns or like
Speaker 1: with the couples. So with people are really coming to
Speaker 1: camp to have fun, disconnect from all but really make
Speaker 1: new genuine friendships. Um, And so I think that that's
Speaker 1: kind of cool to see couples. You know, Yes, we
Speaker 1: start off the day with mimosas and Bloody Mary's and
Speaker 1: they'll do that together and then the activity periods will
Speaker 1: kind of spread out, do their own thing and then
Speaker 1: come back for our lunch barbecues with you know, beer
Speaker 1: and wine available, and then kind of in the afternoon
Speaker 1: and evening they'll party together. So I see a wedding
Speaker 1: ring on your finger. Did you meet your lovely lady
Speaker 1: at camp? No counseling? I did not. I met her
Speaker 1: before before camp, but we were just boyfriend camp. That's amazing,
Speaker 1: we were. We were boyfriend and girlfriend before and then
Speaker 1: we got engaged during camp. And actually at our wedding
Speaker 1: we had thirty nine people who we met at camp. Counselors, friends, um,
Speaker 1: friends now. But yeah, she she never got to go
Speaker 1: to camp as a kid, and I went to campus
Speaker 1: because it was never big on camp there as I went. Well,
Speaker 1: I went once, so I'm like a huge like little
Speaker 1: Mommy's girl. I went when I was nine, and I
Speaker 1: went to a sleep away gymnastics camp really unrelated to
Speaker 1: like the story, and it was I just cried for
Speaker 1: the entire like four nights that I stayed there because
Speaker 1: I was like, my mom made my bed and I
Speaker 1: smelled perfume on my on my pillow, and I just
Speaker 1: remember I cried the first day of kindergarten, let alone
Speaker 1: going away from camp overnight. Um, now, like, what is
Speaker 1: so obviously like One of the things that comes to
Speaker 1: mind is like, is this just like hooking It sounds
Speaker 1: like and that doesn't sounds it sounds like an awesome idea,
Speaker 1: But I think there are people out there to be like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is just a camp for hooking up. And what
Speaker 1: do you say to people that would references camp like
Speaker 1: that that hook ups do happen, a kid's camp hook
Speaker 1: ups happen, and an adult camp hook up up and
Speaker 1: as well. Um, but that's not kind of the intention
Speaker 1: behind it. We actually have an application process for people
Speaker 1: who want to come, and you have to plot and
Speaker 1: we we we do social media checks. We don't necessarily
Speaker 1: do background checks, but we do social media checks and
Speaker 1: to see if people are coming for the right intentions
Speaker 1: to meet friends, to have a camp reunion with their
Speaker 1: own old pals, for a bachelor party, um, to play
Speaker 1: and disconnect. Those are the right reasons why we would
Speaker 1: accept people to come to the camp. And people who
Speaker 1: just want to on their application right oh to hook
Speaker 1: up with checks, those people don't get admitted to our camp.
Speaker 1: And so when you have a lot of people coming
Speaker 1: to the same place with shared interests as well as
Speaker 1: similar intentions, you usually find that they really connect on
Speaker 1: a deeper level than just let's hook up. So I
Speaker 1: was curious to see if there's any type of vetting process,
Speaker 1: because that's the first thing I thought of. Two if
Speaker 1: like a single dude was like, I'm just gonna go
Speaker 1: and try to hook up with every girl like a
Speaker 1: possibly can at camp because we're secluded and that's a
Speaker 1: perfect area just to like, you know, do that. Um,
Speaker 1: it's good that you guys do have any process to
Speaker 1: kind of like how to weed out anybody that's just
Speaker 1: doing it to to hook on. We do. And the other
Speaker 1: interesting thing is you sleep in bunks with like ten
Speaker 1: to twenty people, and so people all the bunks are
Speaker 1: in one room, so we have you have cabins and
Speaker 1: then there's bunk beds like kids camp in in one room.
Speaker 1: It's exactly exactly. And so people you know are respectful
Speaker 1: of each other and don't hook up in the cabins
Speaker 1: or whatnot. And people you know have to be creative
Speaker 1: and if you're gonna, you know, make out with someone,
Speaker 1: you go behind the to the behind the bunk or
Speaker 1: to the basketball court or what so again, it's very like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's very um, it's very cute. See, I
Speaker 1: would say, do you find that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: hook ups? There are? There are? Um, hey, we gotta
Speaker 1: talk about it. Yeah, we gotta talk. It's great, it's
Speaker 1: a great. Well, it's just so you want to ask him,
Speaker 1: all right, go for it. There's no counselors, right, cancelers.
Speaker 1: Do you guys like have a way to supply to
Speaker 1: a a product supplied at camp to ensure that people
Speaker 1: are being sick? You can, you can say it you
Speaker 1: guys supply condoms. We actually don't. We don't, we don't,
Speaker 1: but that's amazing. Again, we find that, you know, people's
Speaker 1: hookups are much simpler. It's a it's a make out.
Speaker 1: It's a handhold initially at the camp weekend and probably
Speaker 1: something greater thereafter. Um. So that's why we feel like
Speaker 1: kind of, you know, it's on people if they want
Speaker 1: to do that, but usually it doesn't go that far
Speaker 1: at the camp weekend. It's usually these these kind of
Speaker 1: genuine connections that are happening at the early stages here. No,
Speaker 1: I agree, and I that's why I was asking, because
Speaker 1: I would imagine this camp probably doesn't have as many
Speaker 1: hookups as people would immediately, just like because I kind
Speaker 1: of go back to The Bachelor, like we were talking about,
Speaker 1: I think everybody looks at The Bachelor and says, when
Speaker 1: you mix alcohol and looking people, everybody's just sleeping with
Speaker 1: each other. And it's like, no, there's actually not a
Speaker 1: lot of hookups within the Bachelor franchise, whether it be Bachelor,
Speaker 1: Bachelor or parrot Us, And I would assume it's the
Speaker 1: same thing with this camp. People are like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: an adult sleepaway camp, like everybody's just hooking up with
Speaker 1: each other. Like I'm they're probably not. Yeah, No, it's
Speaker 1: It's totally true. I mean people come to get away, disconnect,
Speaker 1: and have a ton of fun, and you find that
Speaker 1: groups of people really connect, so like you and your
Speaker 1: cabin mates will become best friends, and that's like the
Speaker 1: bond that leaves the weekend. And then we find people
Speaker 1: like go to the l A camp for instance, and
Speaker 1: meet their cabin mates and have tons of fun, and
Speaker 1: then after you know, that weekend, they all live in
Speaker 1: different cities usually because people travel into our camps, so
Speaker 1: next year they'll make a reunion going to the national
Speaker 1: camp or to the New York camp, and it's these
Speaker 1: like larger groups of people that kind of are the
Speaker 1: main takeaway. And sure enough, you know, certain times we
Speaker 1: will have relationships spread from the weekend which are absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: So how much what a weekend like does typically costs?
Speaker 1: On average there six fifty dollars and that includes everything.
Speaker 1: So when you arrive to the weekend, open bar, all weekend,
Speaker 1: all the meals, all the activities we're talking, yeah, all
Speaker 1: everything you can think of. So when you arrive, you
Speaker 1: literally put your cell phone and your wallet in the car,
Speaker 1: lock it up, you do. So is that like a
Speaker 1: rule or you guys just really pushed out to be like,
Speaker 1: please put your cell phones away? Is it like if
Speaker 1: you're camp phone, it's a we in our initial like
Speaker 1: welcome speech, and then went to put your phone away
Speaker 1: more than you typically would like. We don't want to
Speaker 1: those people who like love to take pictures of everything,
Speaker 1: We don't want them to feel anxiety or anything. So
Speaker 1: it's it's an you want to exchange numbers and and
Speaker 1: we do that. You know, after the weekend. We help
Speaker 1: facilitate as well with you know, Facebook groups and things
Speaker 1: like that, so you guys help like generate actually making
Speaker 1: they can't. Oh totally, totally. I mean again thirty nine
Speaker 1: people at my wedding, where people are that I met
Speaker 1: at campde Counselors. It's it's a really unique way where
Speaker 1: again you're not just superficially judging people. Who are you?
Speaker 1: What do you do? Um? It's a really know throughout
Speaker 1: the course of the weekend, you party together, you wake
Speaker 1: up over together, you play sports together, you do arts
Speaker 1: if that's your thing together, and you really see people's
Speaker 1: true colors over a seventy two our immersive experience. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think we keep because we keep talking about like, oh,
Speaker 1: should you know if someone is not as interesting on
Speaker 1: the first date or second day, And I keep coming
Speaker 1: back to this, they're not the person that they want
Speaker 1: to be on that date because they feel like they
Speaker 1: need to be a certain way to get your attention
Speaker 1: or whatever. But when you I feel like, when you're
Speaker 1: going away on a camp like this, you're doing the
Speaker 1: things that you love doing, so your personality naturally comes
Speaker 1: out without having like to filter it, and your true
Speaker 1: colors really shine over that seventy two our experience. You're
Speaker 1: exhausted late in the evenings you you partied together, how
Speaker 1: do you how do you deal with someone who's you know,
Speaker 1: drunk or or just you know, super exhausted. Then the
Speaker 1: morning you're hungover together, you see someone without makeup on
Speaker 1: um and you can't hand me in my worst you
Speaker 1: don't deserve me. And then again, you know, are they
Speaker 1: cool around meal time or like there's a lot of
Speaker 1: unique things that happened, and it's it's a microcosm of
Speaker 1: like a longer term relationship in this very quick, intense
Speaker 1: weekend and you get to see that person interacting with
Speaker 1: other people's first I think is a pretty good making
Speaker 1: friends absolute instead of like just a one on one day. Um,
Speaker 1: your average ages thirty. What's your average like percentage of
Speaker 1: UM male to female ratio? Yeah, fifty six percent female.
Speaker 1: Oh so it's pretty much. Yeah. We actually used to
Speaker 1: uh just have general registration and anyone could buy tickets,
Speaker 1: and we were finding that it skewed wealth female like
Speaker 1: female UM, and so I think that girls buying groups,
Speaker 1: they want to go with their group of girlfriends and
Speaker 1: they might be one or two dudes in a smaller group.
Speaker 1: Girls planned. Yeah, um, we we sell out a lot
Speaker 1: of our camp weekends and girls plan so they get
Speaker 1: to get in early and guys are like, well it's
Speaker 1: already sold out, um, but now so we now sell
Speaker 1: female tickets and mail tickets um. And so that's kind
Speaker 1: of we try and judge as best we can with
Speaker 1: their but it's usually exkews a little heavy female, but
Speaker 1: pretty even. So is this a three night or four
Speaker 1: nights day? Three night, three and a half day? So
Speaker 1: you usually leave work at six pm on Thursday and
Speaker 1: arrive at you know, ten pm on Thursday night. We
Speaker 1: do a kind of a kickoff night with s'mores and
Speaker 1: roasting marshmallows in a whiskey tasting around the campfire, and
Speaker 1: then the activities begin on Friday morning, go all Friday,
Speaker 1: all Saturday, and then we have a final brunch on
Speaker 1: Sunday and you're out by one or so on Sunday.
Speaker 1: So it's it's that three night, three and a half
Speaker 1: day experience. And how many people per camp usual about
Speaker 1: two d so numbers wise, if that's fifty fifty singles
Speaker 1: and couples, it's about a hundred and twenty five or
Speaker 1: so singles each weekend in the cities that as we've
Speaker 1: seen the cities here often Boston, Chicago, Denver, Florida, I
Speaker 1: don't know, more specific than Florida, Central Florida, of Florida
Speaker 1: naming all cities, and then Florida, Los Angeles, Nashville, New York, Seattle, Calgary, Toronto.
Speaker 1: And then I also noticed on your website you have
Speaker 1: an lgbt Q in l A one or nine and
Speaker 1: one for exactly. Yeah, so I'm originally from Toronto. Actually,
Speaker 1: so you're your Canadian about I'm sorry I was so
Speaker 1: concentrated on Jare's like water and in his accent um,
Speaker 1: you should have started with your Canadian Canadian originally from Toronto,
Speaker 1: and then right in the city written um. And then
Speaker 1: I went to college in the States. I'm kind of
Speaker 1: had been here ever since. And so when I started
Speaker 1: doing Cando councilors at the first time I could get
Speaker 1: it back to Canada, I wanted to. So we done.
Speaker 1: Which location in Toronto. It's near mus Coca, just north
Speaker 1: the city. So it's beautiful lakeside camp. It's amazing. Did
Speaker 1: I hear that you used to be a professional hockey player?
Speaker 1: I did? Did I played in the minor leagues for
Speaker 1: the Maple Leaves in the Islanders. I'm a big Bruins
Speaker 1: fan while from Rhode Island, so I went to Brown
Speaker 1: Providence High from here. Yeah. Yeah, you got connections to
Speaker 1: both of us. Pretty cool, Pretty cool, and I watched
Speaker 1: the show so even better. Sorry guys, guys, So how
Speaker 1: do people sign up? How where do they go? Camp?
Speaker 1: No counselors dot com? Simple enough? And when's your next
Speaker 1: where's it? Where's the next location? And when is it?
Speaker 1: So we've got one coming up May seventeenth, this weekend,
Speaker 1: two days from now, New York. Um, and then we
Speaker 1: have one in New York and l A on the
Speaker 1: May thirty one weekend. Amazing. Well that sounds really interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this. I'm totally gonna go to
Speaker 1: your more than welcome to come, guys. It's a it's a.
Speaker 1: I saw that there was like a first look about it,
Speaker 1: and I saw that chat from the show. Yes he did.
Speaker 1: He did, Dad from from Bathlor. He came for like
Speaker 1: an afternoon to shoot a first look piece on it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm thinking that we should just bring like a
Speaker 1: bunch of bachelor people do this camp like we haven't
Speaker 1: done Paradise. So this will be my version of paradise.
Speaker 1: That's it, and trust me, you'll enjoy it a lot. Okay,
Speaker 1: I got excited. Well, Adam, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming in. This is great. And how can everybody find
Speaker 1: you as well? Uh yeah, I'm Adam tish Ouer, so
Speaker 1: you can google me. And obviously camp counselors can check
Speaker 1: out hashtag camp no Counselors, so you can so you
Speaker 1: can really see what the campers are seeing rather than
Speaker 1: like our beautiful pictures on our webs go right to
Speaker 1: the source Instagram handle at camp No Counselors, so everything
Speaker 1: the Instagram handle and the hashtag. And then I also
Speaker 1: saw on YouTube there was a couple of like promotional video.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we've got some great videos that really showcase.
Speaker 1: That's when I saw and I was like, I need
Speaker 1: to find out more about this. Once I saw that
Speaker 1: promo video, I was like, this is gonna be very interesting. Well, Adam,
Speaker 1: thank you for so much. My pleasure. Guys, hopefully we'll
Speaker 1: see a camp Yeah. Thanks man. Alright, so on the
Speaker 1: line with us, we have Allison Kaz who is casting
Speaker 1: a new TV show. I have so many questions about
Speaker 1: this show. Alison. How are you hi? Guys? How are you. Um,
Speaker 1: we're doing great, How are you? I'm wonderful. So Alison,
Speaker 1: tell us a little bit about this new show you're
Speaker 1: casting for. So it's it's actually an incredible show and
Speaker 1: it's for Fox. And we are looking for women and
Speaker 1: men who are in their like mid thirties, early forties,
Speaker 1: out of place in life, where they are really ready
Speaker 1: to start a family. Like they've checked off all their
Speaker 1: other boxes. You know, they've got the career, they've got
Speaker 1: the friends, they've got the family, they've got the success,
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm when I say family, I mean
Speaker 1: like they have family support, you know, they kind of
Speaker 1: they have the whole package and now they're like they're
Speaker 1: looking to complete it. So wait, are you looking for
Speaker 1: one specific person? Are you looking for a number of
Speaker 1: single women and single men. We're ultimately looking for one
Speaker 1: single woman to lead the series who, like I said that,
Speaker 1: like he has done things maybe what society considers or
Speaker 1: used to consider backward or unconventional. You know, it's like
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily like have a kid when you're twenty,
Speaker 1: and you figure out who you are and you get
Speaker 1: all your ducks in a row and you work on
Speaker 1: your career and you work on yourself and you're this
Speaker 1: entire package now and you're looking around and you're like,
Speaker 1: where is he? So I'm assuming this is an unscripted show.
Speaker 1: This is an unscripted dating series. And then how long
Speaker 1: if if I can ask, how long is filming? Like
Speaker 1: how long does this woman get to know get to
Speaker 1: know some of these men? We are going to be
Speaker 1: filming for up to two months? Okay, So it's like
Speaker 1: very similar to the Bachelor. In the Bachelor, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, there's it's really a unique format because I think,
Speaker 1: you know, so many times people you know, it's like
Speaker 1: the script on dating has changed a little bit, you
Speaker 1: know where it's like there's so many choices, as you
Speaker 1: guys know, and the whole like dating swiping thing for
Speaker 1: you know, once you're in your thirties and even early forties,
Speaker 1: you're so done with it, you know, and then they
Speaker 1: tell me about it. But Vanessa and I are both
Speaker 1: done with it, Yeah, right, like there and you're what's
Speaker 1: your alternative? You know? So it's like where where do
Speaker 1: you meet all these great people who are in the
Speaker 1: same place in life that you are, that are really
Speaker 1: ready to start a family, and you know, time is
Speaker 1: of the essence because the reality is is when you're
Speaker 1: a woman, the older you get, you know, you have
Speaker 1: this biological clock. And you know, people hate the term,
Speaker 1: but it's like the facts are are the facts. And
Speaker 1: you know, as women if they're empowered more and making
Speaker 1: a choice, and a lot of women are having a
Speaker 1: child on their own, you know, and more power to
Speaker 1: you if you decide to go down that route. You know,
Speaker 1: we are we are really looking for those people that
Speaker 1: are at that place in their life where they're like,
Speaker 1: you know what I this is what I want. I
Speaker 1: know who I am and uh and I'm looking for
Speaker 1: a quality person that I'm not only attracted to and
Speaker 1: inspired by, but you know, wants the family and the
Speaker 1: whole thing. So what's the premise of the show? So, Bachelor,
Speaker 1: you get engaged at the end of it this show?
Speaker 1: Do you get married? And how does? I don't understand
Speaker 1: what the end results of the show is. I think
Speaker 1: the end result for everyone is that there's an actual
Speaker 1: love connect then you know, and that you complete your
Speaker 1: loft story one way or the other, you know, and
Speaker 1: then in your perfect world, you know, you get your
Speaker 1: your you get pregnant by the time, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: the show airs are with you in your own limeline. No,
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's not so much that I
Speaker 1: think it's it's just that you know, this is something
Speaker 1: that's really important to you, and you really want to
Speaker 1: kind of go down that lane. So, you know, having
Speaker 1: a child at some point in the foreseeable future is
Speaker 1: something that a lot of women want, you know, but
Speaker 1: they're not gonna They're not gonna do it with the
Speaker 1: wrong guy. So it's not a show where you're coming
Speaker 1: on necessarily to get pregnant. That's not the show's you're
Speaker 1: looking for somebody who wants the same things in life
Speaker 1: that you do. Well, I think that's what the interesting
Speaker 1: concept is because especially a lot of women who are
Speaker 1: in their you know, mid to late thirties or early forties,
Speaker 1: obviously the biological clock is sticking, as my cousin Vinnie
Speaker 1: would say, and so that is a valid question to say,
Speaker 1: it's almost now or never. Where guys, it's far different.
Speaker 1: We can kind of have kids at almost any age
Speaker 1: each and so I do think that's an interesting concept
Speaker 1: for the show of being Like listen, if you are
Speaker 1: tired of going on these online dating apps, if you've
Speaker 1: been doing it for years and you are at that
Speaker 1: age where it's almost now never for having kids, Like
Speaker 1: you should nominate yourself or have somebody not meet you
Speaker 1: for this show to see if that you can find
Speaker 1: a guy who's al ready for the same thing. Well,
Speaker 1: I have a question, Alison, in terms of casting if
Speaker 1: someone like if I were to have I know a
Speaker 1: perfect person in mind right now, I'm like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: he fits the the you know everything, she's smarts, is attractive,
Speaker 1: she's successful, she's single. But I wouldn't want to put
Speaker 1: my front on the show if there is in a
Speaker 1: form of matchmaker involved that could find the ultimate her,
Speaker 1: her perfect match. Yes, so do you have that? Yes,
Speaker 1: a good question, and there's a lot of the creative
Speaker 1: part that I can't talk about p obvious reasons, right,
Speaker 1: But what I will say is that the sort of
Speaker 1: men are cater to the women in a in a
Speaker 1: big way. So the story answer to your question is, yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: you're getting out. So I mean we are. We are
Speaker 1: really looking for for the diamond and the rest and
Speaker 1: the gem for men and women both. So I'm saying
Speaker 1: that you want to find the woman first and then
Speaker 1: you're going to cast the men according to her wants
Speaker 1: and needs. Yes, we are. We are finding the woman
Speaker 1: and then we are casting to them. Okay, So and
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's interesting. You guys got like
Speaker 1: brought up a good point too. You know. I think
Speaker 1: it's like once you hit like mid thirties, you know,
Speaker 1: men are labeled as commitment bothes if they haven't been
Speaker 1: married or engaged in that point, you know, and women
Speaker 1: are labeled as like workaholics up to that point. And
Speaker 1: the reality is just like there's this huge gray area
Speaker 1: of um, you're neither of those. You just haven't met
Speaker 1: him or her, Like you're the whole package. You know,
Speaker 1: You've figured out who you are, and for one reason
Speaker 1: or another, it hasn't happened. Yeah, I believe that. I
Speaker 1: mean I also think, um, you know, for the women who,
Speaker 1: like you said, didn't go the traditional way and didn't
Speaker 1: get married in their early twenty and wanted to figure
Speaker 1: out their career path and you know, have stable income
Speaker 1: and not have to rely on their significant other financially
Speaker 1: or or anything. I think that's I admire those qualities
Speaker 1: in a woman. Um. So, yeah, it is unfortunate that
Speaker 1: there there's a stigma that there's um some sort of
Speaker 1: stereotype that's attached to UM. You know, women or men
Speaker 1: who are in their mid or late thirties. And I
Speaker 1: think for me, like, I mean, yeah, okay, I'm dating someone,
Speaker 1: but I think for me as I'm I'm getting older.
Speaker 1: I I just turned thirty and a couple of months,
Speaker 1: i'll be thirty one, and I'm like, God, dared tell
Speaker 1: me that again, you know, but I do get weirried.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, well, what if like this doesn't work out?
Speaker 1: And then I'll be thirty two. And by the time
Speaker 1: I actually find someone and figure out if we are
Speaker 1: a good match, I'll be thirty three. And then you
Speaker 1: start doing the timeline, and as a woman, it gets
Speaker 1: scary because they're like, Okay, should I start freezing my eggs? Now?
Speaker 1: Should I start considering that process? Is? Um? Are you
Speaker 1: looking for someone as the lead for the female lead
Speaker 1: to be open to those sorts of topics? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think so. You know, it's interesting. It's it's a conversation
Speaker 1: that hasn't uh, that hasn't fully happened in in the public,
Speaker 1: Like you said, like the whole freezing your eggs and
Speaker 1: and when do you do it and is it appropriate?
Speaker 1: And does that scare men if they know you've done that?
Speaker 1: You know, there's all of these things that like are
Speaker 1: culturally taboo, and you start talking to women, and the
Speaker 1: more that you talk to them, so many have or
Speaker 1: they've considered it, or they started going down their journey
Speaker 1: or they know somebody who has, and uh, it's all
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's all really interesting. And I also
Speaker 1: think it's all, you know, food for thought and something
Speaker 1: that people should be talking about because it's like you've
Speaker 1: you've done all these other things, you know, and you
Speaker 1: know who you are as as a person, so it's
Speaker 1: it's you're so much more well rounded. Now, why do
Speaker 1: you think the topic of freezing eggs would cause a
Speaker 1: mail to be a little nervous? Would you be scared? Jared? No,
Speaker 1: That's why I was asking, because I wouldn't be nervous
Speaker 1: if I want to date with somebody who's thirty three
Speaker 1: four and they were like, well, I just froze my
Speaker 1: eggs and be like, no, that makes sense if you
Speaker 1: want kids, you know, I understand why if you haven't
Speaker 1: met that right person. But I I feel like if
Speaker 1: I'm saying that, it's because I'm saying like, hey, dude,
Speaker 1: I'm freezing my eggs or I'm in the process of
Speaker 1: freezing my eggs. What you know, like do you want
Speaker 1: to have kids? I'm not saying do you want to
Speaker 1: have kids with me? But do you want to have kids? Period?
Speaker 1: That would be And because I I dated someone who
Speaker 1: didn't want to have kids, I only found that found
Speaker 1: out two years down the line. So now it's like, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: it's I've become so scared of it. So maybe that's
Speaker 1: why I scared people away. But I want to know
Speaker 1: at the beginning, do you want to have a family,
Speaker 1: because that's like, that's something that I'm not going to
Speaker 1: negotiate on. I'm not going to rob myself of motherhood
Speaker 1: to be with someone that I love. Unfortunately, you know,
Speaker 1: I think I could find that love and I could
Speaker 1: um find that love that's gonna want to have babies with. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: I mean it might scare men away a little bit
Speaker 1: just for the fact if they are afraid of commitment.
Speaker 1: And then obviously if you bring kids early on, it's
Speaker 1: a very big commitment. So that could cause some fear
Speaker 1: within a guy. But I don't think it makes me
Speaker 1: and I also think, you know, men may think you're
Speaker 1: not necessarily dating them for the right reasons, or that
Speaker 1: you're right, you know, only into them because you want
Speaker 1: to have kids. And the reality is just like you know,
Speaker 1: most great women are not They're not settling just to
Speaker 1: have a child with with some guy. You know, they
Speaker 1: want the right one. But yeah, it is. It is
Speaker 1: a conversation that hasn't really become mainstream yet. Yeah, even
Speaker 1: I said as a as a as a guy, I
Speaker 1: want I want kids, but more importantly I want kids
Speaker 1: with the first person. Yeah, because obviously that you know,
Speaker 1: makes him breaks everything. Um So, Allison, if people want
Speaker 1: to be on this show, male or female, where should
Speaker 1: they go and what should they do? Our website is
Speaker 1: love Story Casting dot com spelled out l V story
Speaker 1: testing dot com and still out an application And uh
Speaker 1: and that's that. It's that simple. You know, we are
Speaker 1: scouring the country looking for like the best men and
Speaker 1: women who are at that place in their life. You know,
Speaker 1: they're in their mid thirties or earleast forties and smart, successful,
Speaker 1: attractive and at the core really wanting to have a
Speaker 1: family that I could submiss someone right now you should
Speaker 1: When does that how long you cast. The thing is
Speaker 1: everyone knows someone. I was like, I got the perfect girl,
Speaker 1: or I've got the perfect guy, or you not. You
Speaker 1: have to talk to this person and and uh, you
Speaker 1: know they just broke up with their girlfriend, or they're
Speaker 1: tired of dating, you know, or they've worked on their career.
Speaker 1: Everybody kind of has that that someone that they're thinking about,
Speaker 1: which is largely why the show was created. We are
Speaker 1: casting for the next month perfect um. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: think anybody who's listening who either has somebody in mind
Speaker 1: or wants to apply for themselves, you should do it
Speaker 1: because one, what's the worst that can happen into Because
Speaker 1: I feel like people always bring that up, Like people
Speaker 1: are like, oh, I've always thought about, you know, nominating
Speaker 1: myself for the BATCHMO, but I never have. And it's like, why,
Speaker 1: just what's the worst thing that happen to take the
Speaker 1: chance you always you always miss of the shots you
Speaker 1: never take. So well, Alison, I'm super excited to watch
Speaker 1: this new show. I'm very excited about hopefully then us
Speaker 1: to nominate someone and hopefully they get Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that would be great. It would be great for any
Speaker 1: of any of your guys. Listeners that are out there
Speaker 1: that really are at this place of life and you know,
Speaker 1: why why not? That's my theory of if you're a
Speaker 1: great person and you want these things at the core,
Speaker 1: then then why not you love has been found on
Speaker 1: TV many many times. Or you know, and you've got
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are looking out for you
Speaker 1: totally well, male or female, any of our listeners. If
Speaker 1: you're out there and you know somebody, please nominate them.
Speaker 1: Um Alison, thank you so much for coming on. I
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. This is great. Thanks Alison, thanks for
Speaker 1: having me. Thank that. Bye bye. You said you would
Speaker 1: choose you don't want to be Okay, Well, that's the
Speaker 1: question what rowand I said? I was actually that was
Speaker 1: that was pretty good? That what? Um no? I said?
Speaker 1: Wait what did I say? Now I'm talking with my
Speaker 1: You don't want to be the guy that doesn't want kids?
Speaker 1: I definitely not. Would you choose the kid over the guy?
Speaker 1: Would you have a child? I would have a child
Speaker 1: on my own if I could, absolutely. I mean, but
Speaker 1: I'm also I'm not at that point in my life
Speaker 1: right now where I'm like, oh I'm gonna have a
Speaker 1: kid on my own. I'll give myself like a couple
Speaker 1: of years and you know, until I'm I don't know
Speaker 1: what age, but um, yeah, obviously that's you know, a
Speaker 1: conversation that I have had with my friends who are
Speaker 1: in their forties and are in the process right now
Speaker 1: of having a kid on their own. And I have
Speaker 1: actually a friend of mine who did have a kid
Speaker 1: on her own, and remember her telling me like, oh, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: you don't need anyone to have a baby with. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 1: to have that mentality where it's like, oh, like f men,
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm like, no, I think there are
Speaker 1: great guys out there, you know. I think in every
Speaker 1: I'm in l a right now, but I feel like
Speaker 1: in every path that you're that you take in life,
Speaker 1: there's someone out there for you. I don't believe that
Speaker 1: there's I don't know what your take is on this,
Speaker 1: because you've been with your wife for twenty one years,
Speaker 1: but I feel like, are I know, I know every time,
Speaker 1: let's just kind of I just feel like there's more
Speaker 1: than one soul mate out there for you. And I
Speaker 1: don't like to believe that there's one specific because that
Speaker 1: means the first love of my life was my soul mate,
Speaker 1: and then I'm never going to find my soulmate again.
Speaker 1: I go back and forth on this because logically, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm one of those guys who thinks that there's aliens
Speaker 1: out there somewhere, because there's an infinite number of planets
Speaker 1: out there, so you think, with six billion people on
Speaker 1: the planet, it's stilly to think that you could only
Speaker 1: make it work with one person. On the other hand,
Speaker 1: my wife and I have these stories where we kept
Speaker 1: crossing paths before we actually met, so it seemed like
Speaker 1: we were being pushed together by the universe, you know.
Speaker 1: So that kind of makes me wonder So how about
Speaker 1: we phrase it the way I would say it is
Speaker 1: that you can find love with multiple people, but maybe
Speaker 1: there is only one person that you can have a
Speaker 1: soul mate. Like, so, maybe you can find love with
Speaker 1: multiple people and it's good and it's great, but maybe
Speaker 1: there's only that one soul made out there. I don't know,
Speaker 1: because it is interesting because I think about the same
Speaker 1: thing because it almost um dilutes the idea of finding
Speaker 1: that one person by saying, well, I think I have
Speaker 1: more than one soul mate, so then it's Also it
Speaker 1: comes it comes down to like, oh, well, I think
Speaker 1: this is it, so I have to marry. It comes
Speaker 1: down to I don't want anyone or myself to feel
Speaker 1: like I'm settling because it's like, oh, well, now I'm
Speaker 1: thirty two and I found someone and he has to
Speaker 1: be my soul mate because I'm thirty two, and you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, no, I I want to I want to
Speaker 1: make sure that he is the right person. I come
Speaker 1: from a family and my parents are divorced, and I'm
Speaker 1: probably gonna get emotional right now because I'm I'm like
Speaker 1: having insomnia. They've been divorced for eleven years. But to me,
Speaker 1: you know, I come from such a traditional family, was
Speaker 1: a pretty big deal for me. Now they're both in
Speaker 1: great relationships and you know, I still there. They have
Speaker 1: a good relationship with each other. I have a great
Speaker 1: relationship with my parents. But in my head, once you're married,
Speaker 1: you're married. You know, that was my mentality when I
Speaker 1: was younger. I don't know where I'm going with this,
Speaker 1: but anyway, oh yeah, back to settling again. I just
Speaker 1: don't want to ever feel like I'm I. I I don't
Speaker 1: ever want to feel like I'm settling. You were, if
Speaker 1: I'm doing the math correctly, maybe in college when parents
Speaker 1: and that was a hard thing, I imagine. I feel like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I I don't want to say the
Speaker 1: wrong things, but I just feel like as you're when
Speaker 1: you get older, you're more implicated in the process. So
Speaker 1: it's a lot harder because you can't shy away from
Speaker 1: the procedure of the divorce, you know, a lot harder
Speaker 1: to it's a lot harder. I feel like it's it
Speaker 1: was harder for me to deal with as opposed to
Speaker 1: my brother, who was eight years younger at that age.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying it wasn't hard on my brother, I was,
Speaker 1: but I think it was it was harder on my
Speaker 1: sister and I, uh, you know, just because like we
Speaker 1: were very traditional Italian family and it was kind of
Speaker 1: unheard of and uh yeah. And and the thing is,
Speaker 1: it's like, I'm not a opposed to divorce at all.
Speaker 1: My parents are so much happier now, and I you know,
Speaker 1: they're they're in a happier place. I'm in a happier place,
Speaker 1: and everyone is and everyone is in a much healthier relationship. Um.
Speaker 1: But all this to say, I think when I when
Speaker 1: I was eighteen. I was I felt like I was
Speaker 1: a very like a lottie daddy dad, rainbows and butterflies,
Speaker 1: nothing can hurt me. And then boom, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what the And then reality hit and I'm like, okay, UM,
Speaker 1: now I know. I I became very independent. I was
Speaker 1: always very independent, but I became even more so independent.
Speaker 1: And I always knew I didn't want to financially, emotionally, mentally,
Speaker 1: ever depend on anyone. Um. But that's not to say
Speaker 1: that I'm a robot. I just you know, I'm I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm very lovable. I think it's about balance.
Speaker 1: I think you're very I'm like looking at Jarred for
Speaker 1: some real of course you're lovable, you should never doubt that.
Speaker 1: But I think also in your case, it's just about balance,
Speaker 1: Like you want that, you want that level of independency,
Speaker 1: but you also want that level of being able to
Speaker 1: surrender yourself to another human being. And that's a very
Speaker 1: fine line that I like that, but it's a very
Speaker 1: fine line to navigate, and it's it's difficult. It's really hard,
Speaker 1: which is why dating is difficult and relationships are hard,
Speaker 1: and you have to work at it. And so I
Speaker 1: think it's a balance because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: times I think also we're the first generation or at
Speaker 1: least like in the past thirty to forty years maybe
Speaker 1: where we're marrying because we're finding our soulmates. You know,
Speaker 1: it used to be it used to be just formulaic.
Speaker 1: You know, a woman would marry a man because he's
Speaker 1: got a good job, he's a good man, and this
Speaker 1: is the way it happens. And I start having kids
Speaker 1: in a family because this is what my mom did
Speaker 1: and her mom before her, and you know, so on
Speaker 1: and so forth, and you just end up staying together
Speaker 1: because nobody gets divorced, you know exactly. And so I
Speaker 1: think we're like kind of the first generation where it's like, no,
Speaker 1: that's not how life works. That's not how relationships work,
Speaker 1: and that's really not how marriage works. And so I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people are obviously the divorce rates
Speaker 1: going up because people are like, no, this is I'm
Speaker 1: not happy, this is not what I'm looking for. People
Speaker 1: are getting married later in life because they're not looking
Speaker 1: for just marriage anymore. They're looking for their soul mate.
Speaker 1: And we're really the first generation to ever start doing that.
Speaker 1: So I think we're also kind of trading warder here
Speaker 1: ourselves and really kind of figuring out how this all works.
Speaker 1: And uh, you know, it's it's it's not easy and help.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. But are your parents together? My
Speaker 1: parents are still together, but they certainly had some difficult times.
Speaker 1: They've been married for over thirty years, thirty three, I believe. Now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's incredible, but it's very interesting because I've always been
Speaker 1: an advocate that love changes. You know, you have this
Speaker 1: love infatuation early on, and then some things will happen
Speaker 1: that you, you know, try to overcome together as a couple,
Speaker 1: and sometimes you can and sometimes you can't. But I think,
Speaker 1: especially on the relationship, like people just if one thing
Speaker 1: goes wrong, they immediately go to this person is not
Speaker 1: my soul mate because if this was wrong, then it's
Speaker 1: not meant to be. And I really don't like that
Speaker 1: way of thinking for the simple fact that there's always
Speaker 1: going to be things that go wrong in the relationship,
Speaker 1: and there are going to be bad times. There are
Speaker 1: going to be times where you question your relationship. That
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you don't love them, doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: can't work through it, but it's just going to happen,
Speaker 1: and so, um, I always firmly believe that, like, once
Speaker 1: those obstacles start hitting you as a couple and there's
Speaker 1: you know, times of turmoil, if you're able to overcome
Speaker 1: that and move past that, then that's when like the
Speaker 1: real relationship starts. And that's when like, yes, you might
Speaker 1: have loved each other before, but like there is a
Speaker 1: different type of love. And I look at my parents
Speaker 1: for that, Like my parents had they were madly in
Speaker 1: love with your kids, and I had the best home
Speaker 1: and the best parents. They're just incredible, incredible people. And
Speaker 1: I want to add that my I had the best
Speaker 1: childhood too, oh yeah, because I don't want people to
Speaker 1: think that you know, it wasn't it sounds like it
Speaker 1: came out of the loo and you yeah, yeah. Well
Speaker 1: also because I was you know a little bit like yeah,
Speaker 1: nothing could ever go wrong. And yeah, but just because
Speaker 1: people get divorces of me that there's it's a bad
Speaker 1: home or bad parents. You're obviously very loved. They brought
Speaker 1: you up very well. Um, they brought up a wonderful
Speaker 1: human being that I'm grateful sitting next to at this podcast,
Speaker 1: and so so many compliments that he dared, I missed
Speaker 1: you last week. And so, you know, with my parents,
Speaker 1: I saw, of course would be fights and there'd be
Speaker 1: bad times and like disagreements. And and then I think now,
Speaker 1: especially as I've gotten older and we've moved out, and
Speaker 1: it's been years since I've lived at home, my sich
Speaker 1: has lived at home, that like, I have seen a
Speaker 1: certain type of love that my parents displayed towards each
Speaker 1: other that I never saw as a kid, for the
Speaker 1: simple fact that, like, they had those hard times and
Speaker 1: there was a lot of obstacles and they overcame them together,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't easy, and there were times where you know,
Speaker 1: I even as a kid, I questioned, like what was
Speaker 1: going to happen? Um? But now they have just this
Speaker 1: certain type of love and dependency on each other that
Speaker 1: is something that most people will never get to experience.
Speaker 1: I think there's so much beauty and rediscovering your relationship.
Speaker 1: Oh it's so beautiful to even watch. I've been, you
Speaker 1: know there in my entire life, and I've seen them
Speaker 1: rediscovered not to rediscover love, because I don't want to
Speaker 1: say they ever not loved each other, but like a
Speaker 1: different type of love exactly a different type of love,
Speaker 1: where now it's just they. I like, my parents could
Speaker 1: never imagine a life without each other. I love hearing
Speaker 1: that it's true though you feel that way. That's why
Speaker 1: I proposed because it was laughable to think of a
Speaker 1: life without her, and that was a long time ago.
Speaker 1: And I also feel like we rediscover each other because
Speaker 1: we have two kids, and so you get caught up
Speaker 1: in the world, you know, at Lee's sick. Brooklyn broke
Speaker 1: her ankle last week, which was yeah, it's yeah, that's true. Um,
Speaker 1: so much going on there, school stuff, and tonight there's
Speaker 1: an award ceremony we gotta go to. And Thursday night
Speaker 1: there's a track dinner, and there's always stuff going on.
Speaker 1: And he's moving, moving, moving, moving. But if we ever
Speaker 1: get away by ourselves. Went to Toronto last summer and
Speaker 1: it's immediate, We're immediately that's beautiful again and three kids again,
Speaker 1: and it's like, this is what it was always like,
Speaker 1: and it's so wonderful to get back to that. So
Speaker 1: I have a question. Um Valentine's Day, Will Smith put
Speaker 1: out this video talking about love and how to make
Speaker 1: a relationship, marriage work, and a relationship work, and and
Speaker 1: I thought his his um. His thought was, his thought
Speaker 1: process on marriage and relationships was so interesting and so true.
Speaker 1: Do you feel this way? So he was sing how
Speaker 1: two people when they are together, they're on two individual
Speaker 1: paths that every now and then they come together and
Speaker 1: meet up, but they don't like their paths will cross,
Speaker 1: but they're parallel to each other. It's not like one
Speaker 1: overlaps another path. Because I feel like sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: when I was younger and I was in relationships, I
Speaker 1: would I would kind of let go of that my
Speaker 1: the things that I was really passionate about to kind
Speaker 1: of like help and focus on the things that my
Speaker 1: boyfriend at the time was doing. And I kind of
Speaker 1: lost a piece of my identity because of the relationship
Speaker 1: that I was in. And now as I'm getting older,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I love who I am, I love
Speaker 1: what I do. I I you know, I love to work,
Speaker 1: I love being creative, and I want to have someone
Speaker 1: who is buy me doing their own thing and at
Speaker 1: the same time, we're encouraging each other to succeed and
Speaker 1: you know, to be each other's cheerleaders. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's true. I think a lot of moms have a
Speaker 1: hard time with that because especially if they stay at home,
Speaker 1: like Amy stayed at home for until from the time
Speaker 1: my first thought was born at the time my second
Speaker 1: daughter started elementary school, she stayed home with them. And
Speaker 1: that's when you and that is even harder than a
Speaker 1: full time job. My mom was. My mom stayed home
Speaker 1: for six years. And that's and that's when you think.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of moms, not I mean to
Speaker 1: speak for moms, but I feel like they start to
Speaker 1: feel like they're losing that identity because who am I?
Speaker 1: And then and then it's been great. Ever since the
Speaker 1: kids are back in school. Amy is now she's teaching
Speaker 1: group exercise and she's teaching pe at the kids school,
Speaker 1: and so she's got her own thing going on. And
Speaker 1: I think that's healthier for everybody if they have your
Speaker 1: own thing and be so encouraging let each other's paths
Speaker 1: and dreams and hopes. And it's a long road, that's
Speaker 1: the thing. It's a very long road. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: look forward to it. Yeah, that's the best to such
Speaker 1: a hopeless romantic. No, it's not an easy road, but
Speaker 1: it's also a wonderful road. Well, some of our listeners
Speaker 1: need some help. Well we're help. We're here to help,
Speaker 1: Kelsey is She says, my ex girlfriend and I broke
Speaker 1: up about two weeks ago, but we have a trip
Speaker 1: plan for New Orleans at the end of the month.
Speaker 1: I wanted to cancel the trip, but she says, no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: we can still go as friends for reference. The breakup
Speaker 1: was my doing. We've been off and on for a
Speaker 1: long time, on most five years, both of us dating
Speaker 1: other people here and there, and I just wasn't feeling
Speaker 1: the connection anymore, especially because we lived three hours away
Speaker 1: and are both pretty settled. I'm still considering canceling the
Speaker 1: trip because I think it would complicate things, but the
Speaker 1: fact that she really seems to want to make this
Speaker 1: work as friends makes my decision hard. We've been in
Speaker 1: each other's lives for so long. Maybe she does just
Speaker 1: want to be friends. Should I go on the trip? Help?
Speaker 1: I suck at dating and apparently not dating. I love
Speaker 1: that last night. Okay, Well, I want to say this, Kelsey.
Speaker 1: I'm a huge advocate of when I and or when
Speaker 1: a relationships a relationship ends for me, I like to
Speaker 1: give myself space and time to heal and process and
Speaker 1: forgive myself and forgive the other person and not hold
Speaker 1: any resentment and then with whatever time I feel like
Speaker 1: I need. I'm okay with remaining friends with that person.
Speaker 1: I'm for the most part, on really good terms with
Speaker 1: a lot of my exes and speaking terms, and like,
Speaker 1: if they ever need me for anything, I will be
Speaker 1: there for them. This to me sounds a i'll I
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like it's a little too soon
Speaker 1: to break up still fresh, it's two weeks. It's hard
Speaker 1: to really go on vacation, especially if you're going on
Speaker 1: vacation with just the two of you. It's only been
Speaker 1: two weeks and you're the one who broke up with her.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think she. I think your ex
Speaker 1: girlfriend might be kind of clinging on a little bit.
Speaker 1: If she really wants to go on this vacation, Mary
Speaker 1: to come. I can fix this. I can make this
Speaker 1: work totally. She'll do it as friends, but then she's
Speaker 1: going to make a move at some point. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I feel like, if you know that this is the
Speaker 1: end of your relationship, then do yourself and her the
Speaker 1: favor of not going and giving her false hope. Because
Speaker 1: if I were that girl, I'd be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna get her back, like you know
Speaker 1: I'll be able to do this. I just I would
Speaker 1: be like, no, if I know this is this is
Speaker 1: the end of our road, then I would not go. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I agree with Vanessa said, like, I'm a
Speaker 1: big advocate with being friends with your ex is having
Speaker 1: said that there has to be some sort of line
Speaker 1: and border between that, you know, because it's only fair
Speaker 1: to you know yourself and hopefully your future partner. Uh.
Speaker 1: And also like within this vacation, if you go on
Speaker 1: vacation with her, there could be like a really uncomfortable
Speaker 1: moment where if you know your ex girlfriend does like
Speaker 1: really throw up a hail Mary, so to speak, and
Speaker 1: then you're in New Orleans together and you have to
Speaker 1: spend the entire weekend there or however longer going. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just if you know that it's done
Speaker 1: and you only want to be friends and you only
Speaker 1: broke up with her two weeks ago, it does feel
Speaker 1: that she might be clinging onto something. UM, so I
Speaker 1: would I would probably cancel. It be hard. It's not
Speaker 1: going to be easy, especially if she's just saying I
Speaker 1: only want to be friends with you, but don't go
Speaker 1: unless there's a part of you that kind of wants
Speaker 1: this to get back together. Rachel says, I love your
Speaker 1: podcast because I saw dating Rachel. I'm nineteen years old
Speaker 1: and if not dated anyone or ever had my first kiss. Girl,
Speaker 1: I was eighteen when I had my first kiss, which
Speaker 1: has recently had a major effect on my self confidence.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I can't find anyone's to date
Speaker 1: like all my friends can, and I'm tired of living
Speaker 1: the lonely life. Should I start looking at dating apps?
Speaker 1: Should I keep the hope that I will meet someone
Speaker 1: the old fashioned way? I recently thought a talking to
Speaker 1: someone I went to high school with, but I doubt
Speaker 1: anything will come of it. Again, I love the podcast
Speaker 1: emailing us listen. I was laid bloomer in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways. But yeah, so I, um, do you want
Speaker 1: to expand on that? I don't know what that means.
Speaker 1: So I'm not even going to die down now what
Speaker 1: I mean? I was? I was. I was a virgin
Speaker 1: for a very long time. You don't want to see
Speaker 1: the age until like my early twenties, okay, okay, And
Speaker 1: I didn't have a first kiss until We'll hold on.
Speaker 1: It wasn't eighteen. I was in secondary five after the math,
Speaker 1: like the last year of high school is your home? Okay,
Speaker 1: So that was my first kiss. That was my first kiss,
Speaker 1: my first like big love at the time where I
Speaker 1: thought I knew what love was. But you know, a
Speaker 1: great relationship didn't end up working out. But we're still friends.
Speaker 1: So I say, like, you're nineteen, I'm thirty. I'm turning
Speaker 1: thirty one, and I still have been figured it out. Girl.
Speaker 1: I got engaged, we got un engaged. You have so
Speaker 1: much time ahead. If I can go back and tell
Speaker 1: nineteen year old Vanessa not to worry, I would tell her, girl,
Speaker 1: go out, have fun, figure out what you want to
Speaker 1: do with your life. Go make mistakes. You know you're
Speaker 1: gonna get your heartbroken. I keep getting my heart broken,
Speaker 1: and I'm you know it's I feel like there is
Speaker 1: hope for you. If you wanted with someone the old
Speaker 1: fashioned way, go for it. I mean, yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm all for meeting people through friends and family. Obviously,
Speaker 1: if you want to do some dating apps, who am
Speaker 1: I to say went on the Bachelor to find love?
Speaker 1: Of course? So richellly, yeah, I also think, like I
Speaker 1: think you should absolutely go on dating apps because you're
Speaker 1: so young. You're only nineteen. I lost my virgin in
Speaker 1: nineteen as well. I was a late bloomer. I did
Speaker 1: my first kiss, I am my first kiss sophomore year
Speaker 1: of high school. What's that? I don't know sophomores. So
Speaker 1: I'm getting you were young? Um, and so actually she
Speaker 1: kissed me. I even like I didn't even kiss her.
Speaker 1: It was I'm such a pathetical lozerd um. But Rachel,
Speaker 1: you you're so young, so much time. And I also think, like, one,
Speaker 1: you should totally go on dating apps, because why the
Speaker 1: hell not everybody wants to meet the old fashioned Instagram
Speaker 1: is a dating app. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: also just going on a dating app and just kind
Speaker 1: of like, you know, going out putting yourself out there.
Speaker 1: You never know what's gonna happen. You could still meet
Speaker 1: somebody in the old fashioned way even if you're on
Speaker 1: a dating app. And then furthermore, I also think, like
Speaker 1: when you say I recently started talking to someone I
Speaker 1: went to high school, but I doubt anything will come
Speaker 1: with it. Don't think of it that way. You don't
Speaker 1: know what's going to come from it. You know, could
Speaker 1: be good, could be bad. At least keep the option open.
Speaker 1: Don't like already pooh pooh it before you even think
Speaker 1: poop poo. I love that phrase. I'm gonna bring it back. Um,
Speaker 1: just you know, before anything even comes from it. If
Speaker 1: anything comes from it, you know, just keep an open mind. Well,
Speaker 1: I want to say, whatever you want in life, throw
Speaker 1: it out there to to the universe. If you're giving yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're giving negative energy the university universe, or respond
Speaker 1: back to that. So keep an open heart. Um. I
Speaker 1: want to say something else, but I forgot. You're going
Speaker 1: to find a girl. Oh yes, I want to say, um,
Speaker 1: don't if you look at your friends who are in
Speaker 1: relationships and I you know, at one point too, I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, a lot of my friends
Speaker 1: are married and have babies and they have that. But
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that someone Whatever someone has that you don't have,
Speaker 1: does not mean that they're any happier exactly. Well, that's
Speaker 1: that's today's society. That's the social media. You know, everybody
Speaker 1: on Instagram looks like they're so happy and and love
Speaker 1: and everything is great in their life, and then behind
Speaker 1: the screen they're actually just as insecure. And not that
Speaker 1: you're sad, but you know what I mean, Like it
Speaker 1: does seem a little sad in this email, Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: And there's nothing wrong with that. And there's like we're
Speaker 1: all we all have our own things. And so Rachel
Speaker 1: keep going, You're gonna be fine. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening to the podcast. Don't let don't let that
Speaker 1: get you down some other friends with dating people. Doesn't
Speaker 1: mean they're happy, doesn't mean anything. And I always say this, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: and if you're feeling a certain way, there's probably like
Speaker 1: millions of others. I always tell myself, you know, like,
Speaker 1: oh why me? Like no, you know why me? Plus
Speaker 1: millions of other people are going through the same thing.
Speaker 1: So and to bounce off your point about like asking
Speaker 1: the universe totally, like put what you want out there,
Speaker 1: asking the universe and let go of how it comes
Speaker 1: to be. Like a lot of people you say, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I want to meet someone the old fashioned way. What
Speaker 1: happens if you do meet the love of your life
Speaker 1: on online dating app? Is that bad? Because I don't
Speaker 1: think so, Like you could potentially meet somebody that you
Speaker 1: are so in love with online and like, so just
Speaker 1: put yourself out there and let go of how that
Speaker 1: comes to be, because if you get it, who cares.
Speaker 1: We're talking about how the universe was kind of pushing
Speaker 1: my wife and out together. Give the universe as many
Speaker 1: opportunities as possible to push you towards that person. There's
Speaker 1: always doors opening. Absolutely, yeah. I I think that's great.
Speaker 1: And I think the best advice that you guys said
Speaker 1: was thirty year old Rachel, forty year old Rachel, fifty
Speaker 1: old Rachel, you can look back and I would love
Speaker 1: to stay the nineteen year old Rachel. It all worked
Speaker 1: out yet perfectly exactly how it was supposed to. Oh so, Darren,
Speaker 1: you know like every once in a while, Well, I've
Speaker 1: been starting to do this. I go live on Instagram
Speaker 1: before doing a podcast, either like a day or two before,
Speaker 1: just to get like to see what people have in
Speaker 1: terms of questions, And I wrote, wait, I had to well,
Speaker 1: I wrote one down as I was cooking. I'm nervous.
Speaker 1: Um where did I put it? Oh? You lost it?
Speaker 1: Too bad? Well done? No? Wait? Oh yeah? What do
Speaker 1: you think of open relationships? What's your take on open relationships?
Speaker 1: Open relationships? What arem my taking open relationships? I mean
Speaker 1: one and open relationship has to be open on both
Speaker 1: parties absolutely. Um, But I also don't think that if
Speaker 1: you believe in uh you know, if you don't believe
Speaker 1: in monogamy, then um, then go for it. Like I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't really pass judgment on anybody who like if
Speaker 1: they are swingers or no, an mean like that, would
Speaker 1: you would you be open to you? I am on
Speaker 1: the podcast talking about swingers. Well, I was asking camp
Speaker 1: no counselor as I swingers on his Um, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean we're good now I'm giving you high fiveing Um no,
Speaker 1: are you would you be open to an open open
Speaker 1: in terms? Uh? Well, I think there's a couple of
Speaker 1: different things there. One. I think an open relationship people
Speaker 1: could interpret as early on in the relationship, like we've
Speaker 1: talked about like do you still go on dates with
Speaker 1: other people? I will say I've never been in an
Speaker 1: open relationship. Yeah, like I remember saying one date in
Speaker 1: yeah you're zero hundred. Which is good though, because you
Speaker 1: really I think it's a very good mindset to have
Speaker 1: to have focused like focus on one relationship and then
Speaker 1: put my effort into that and if it doesn't work out,
Speaker 1: then I move on. Because I do think that a
Speaker 1: lot of people just kind of like they have like
Speaker 1: you know, their eyes going all over the place, being like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm kind of going on a date with this person.
Speaker 1: But the next Friday, meeting up with this person and
Speaker 1: said at a medium, this person, It's like, well, how
Speaker 1: can you really give any of them a chance if
Speaker 1: you're like going on three dates and four nights, um
Speaker 1: and so. In terms of like after commitment, and you
Speaker 1: guys talk about having an open relationship, I don't think
Speaker 1: there's anything wrong with that as long as you're both
Speaker 1: open and communication is there, and you guys talk about hey,
Speaker 1: like we're kind of you know, open to the idea
Speaker 1: of being with other people. I guess, you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like there's someone for I would keep saying this,
Speaker 1: there's someone for everyone. I remember people saying like, oh
Speaker 1: that say you're too like you know, you're too stubborn
Speaker 1: with what you want. I'm like, no, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I'm stubborn with what I want. I feel like
Speaker 1: what I want is out there and when I find
Speaker 1: that person, it'll just makes sense. Yeah, no, I agree.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Oh and then I have another what do
Speaker 1: you think of poop talk? Poop talk? Yeah, I'm all
Speaker 1: are you open to. So I gotta be honest. So
Speaker 1: when I was, I dated this girl a while ago
Speaker 1: for like four years, and I had a really difficult
Speaker 1: time farting in front of her. Honestly, I almost I
Speaker 1: and and so even to this day, I have a
Speaker 1: difficult time because I want the girl i'm with to
Speaker 1: always find me sexy. I know, I don't don't listen
Speaker 1: to this next time because I am a psycho when
Speaker 1: it comes to this. But like I just smell is
Speaker 1: very is a care let me. I don't care if
Speaker 1: she farts in front of me. She used to farm
Speaker 1: from me. I don't really care. It's you know, it's
Speaker 1: whatever you're in a relationship. It happens. It's just the
Speaker 1: way your body works. But for some reason, I have
Speaker 1: a hard time. I'm a very ghasty person, So I
Speaker 1: cannot date someone if I cannot talk about poop or
Speaker 1: fart or to me, that's the sex thing just being
Speaker 1: like just being yourself. Okay, fine, it's not sexy, but
Speaker 1: I find it so funny. I'm like a kid. I'm
Speaker 1: like if someone is burping or farting, I'll be like
Speaker 1: like clapping and like raiding their farts and raiding their burbs.
Speaker 1: I could care less. If a girl talks about it,
Speaker 1: I love it. I'll talk about it too, I'll talk
Speaker 1: about pooping whatever. But like for some reason, like the
Speaker 1: actual act of it, I'm like, I need I need
Speaker 1: some space. I need like my time alone to do this.
Speaker 1: This is like me just smelling up the joint. So like,
Speaker 1: let me be for a little while and then I'll
Speaker 1: put some cologne on and I'll come back to you. See,
Speaker 1: that's when I know the person is not for me.
Speaker 1: If I'm too shy to poop. Are you a door
Speaker 1: open person, I'm a I will face time you while
Speaker 1: I'm on the bowl interesting wondering why all the way
Speaker 1: an hour? I mean that's great, honestly like that. That's
Speaker 1: like that's like a couple of goals right there, Like
Speaker 1: that's what you want. I just those are my best relationships,
Speaker 1: by the way, the ones where I'm just like we
Speaker 1: can just I don't know. And everyone, my family and
Speaker 1: friends who know me, they're like, have you guys like
Speaker 1: talked about poop yet? I'm like yeah, They're like, all right,
Speaker 1: he's he's he's staying for long. I'm like, yeah, I know,
Speaker 1: So they need to have they want to have kids.
Speaker 1: They have to have You know, your guys need to
Speaker 1: want to have kids. They need to be able to
Speaker 1: talk about poop. I think that's it, right, Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: well perfect, Well, thank you guys for coming in. First
Speaker 1: of all, thank you for the venture capitalist Jesse Draper
Speaker 1: for coming in. You can find her on Instagram at
Speaker 1: Jesse C Draper. She also hosts a podcast right here
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio with our own Ben Higgins. It's
Speaker 1: called The Lady Bosses and Ben. It's coming soon to
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio, so definitely tune into that. I also
Speaker 1: want to thank Adam Tissier too shower excuse me from
Speaker 1: Camp No Counselors. If you do, I'm telling you, you
Speaker 1: should really check out this camp. It sounds incredible. I'm
Speaker 1: super excited to go check it out this summer. You
Speaker 1: can go check it out Camp No Counselors dot com
Speaker 1: to find all the dates the cities that they're hosting
Speaker 1: it in, or you can go on Instagram at Camp
Speaker 1: No Counselors. That's their Instagram handle. Thank you again for
Speaker 1: the casting director Alison Kazuh. If you know anybody that
Speaker 1: is Uh in their early mid to late thirties early
Speaker 1: forties woman seeking family wants kids. You can go to
Speaker 1: love Story Casting dot com uh and it would be
Speaker 1: perfect for this new dating show they're putting on Fox,
Speaker 1: so definitely check that out. Thank you again for Alison
Speaker 1: Caz coming on. Thank you Brooklyn Lennon. You get twenty
Speaker 1: dollars off and free shipping. You go to brooklyn and
Speaker 1: dot com. You use promo code help that's h E.
Speaker 1: L P. Brooklyn and the best sheets you'll ever have. Vanessa,
Speaker 1: you really need to invest in that because you need
Speaker 1: a good night's sleep. So thank you guys for listening
Speaker 1: so much. Keep the emails coming. You can email us
Speaker 1: at I suck a Dating at I heart media dot com. Please,
Speaker 1: we love the emails. The best part of my the show.
Speaker 1: I love hearing from you guys. Thank you guys for listening.
Speaker 1: You guys are the best fans in the world. We'll
Speaker 1: be back next week and hopefully we'll suck a little less.
Speaker 1: Thank you Vanessa, Thank you Jared, Thank you Dean for
Speaker 1: not being here. By follow help by Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.