WEBVTT - #194 It's Time To Get Out... 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:05.120 It's time to get out, because I'm not saying you're 0:00:05.120 --> 0:00:08.560 gonna mess up. I'm saying this relationship is not working 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:13.119 until things get fixed, and they're not gonna be fixed together. 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:27.560 What's up, everybody? Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:30.080 and ninety four, and thank you for being here. What 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:32.440 I do here is I answer your questions, and I 0:00:32.479 --> 0:00:35.320 don't really like to waste any time doing anything else 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:38.400 but that, because I hope that's what you came here for. 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:40.640 You could find me on every other kind of platform 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:43.560 talking about other things, but here we just talk about 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.640 you and what you got going on in long form, 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.239 you know, like we're having a conversation. We're having a 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:52.720 little stroll down a country road. Me and you were 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.080 walking to town right and you say, hey, man, got 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:58.040 to run something by you. I got something going on. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:01.240 I'm like, yeah, what is it? Yeah, this issue going on, 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.240 We talk about it. I'm not always right, but I'm 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:06.520 just gonna walk through it like me and you are friends. 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:08.679 And the advice that I would hope you would give 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.120 me back. What I want to do with this podcast 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:15.160 really ultimately is I want you to know that I'm 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:18.360 not the end stop for the answer to your questions. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:22.760 In fact, you could also be someone that answers these 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:25.200 kind of questions too. I just maybe I want to 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:32.240 model thinking through and starting with certain presuppositions like love 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:37.000 and creation. I want to start with things like that 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:40.360 and go, let's think through this. Maybe I could bring 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.760 up something you haven't thought of before, and then you 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:46.399 could be this for someone else down the road. I'm 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:48.280 not gonna this podcast isn't gonna last for the next 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:52.160 hundred years, so maybe someone else, by me modeling it 0:01:52.200 --> 0:01:54.960 this way, someone else could do something like this. Maybe 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.320 you start your own podcast. Maybe you do the same 0:01:57.360 --> 0:02:00.480 thing starting your own podcast. I would love to see that. 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:01.880 That's what I'm here for. If you have a question 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:06.680 for me, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:08.399 get right to it. I don't have notes, I don't 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:10.680 prepare for these. I don't even read ahead. I'm just 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.920 gonna go off the cusp here and you're gonna hear 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:18.480 it at the same time. I do. Okay, first question, 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:25.120 subdecline says moving out, Hey Granger, and hello earl. My 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:27.600 name is Joshua. I'm twenty one from North Carolina. I 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.840 just wanted to say I appreciate listening to your every 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:33.680 podcast since I started working at my current job. I 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:35.560 just want to say thank you for the life lessons 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:39.000 and bringing glory to God. I want to ask you 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:42.440 should I move out from my mom. I lost my 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:44.960 father when I was fifteen, so I had to become 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:47.600 the man of the house really fast. So I've just 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:50.240 always been helping my mom out financially as much as 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:52.480 I can, and I think it's harder to do that 0:02:52.800 --> 0:02:56.320 from a different household. I'm not bumming it living here, 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.160 but at the same time, I feel guilty for thinking 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:02.000 of moving because of how much we help each other 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.400 right now. Sorry for the email if it was a 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:09.280 little lengthy. Much love and God bless Okay, Joshua twenty one, 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.320 North Carolina. Great, great, great question, man, and I'm glad 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:17.280 you ask it because this is a great thing to 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.720 be thinking about for other people as well, because you're 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:25.800 in a unique situation, lost your dad young and you 0:03:25.840 --> 0:03:30.640 feel an obligation to provide for your mother, and I 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:33.480 think that's a good that's really good, man. I think 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:36.520 that's a good heart position to have. You want to 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:38.880 take care of mom. She took care of you for 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:40.960 all these years. The least you could do is take 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:43.560 care of her. I think it's awesome, But what I 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:47.200 want you to know is this, This is what I 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:49.760 would tell you if we're buddies walking down this county road. 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:58.160 The fact that you do that is wonderful, but it 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:06.480 is not your obligation to replace your dad. And there's 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:09.960 a fine line there between take care of mom and 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:16.240 you are her provider like Dad was. You're not that. 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.840 And this is where it gets complicated because in a way, 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:26.039 you don't want her to be stuck in life and 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.720 not be able to move forward after Dad, which is 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:34.240 it's been six years according to your email. You don't 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:37.960 want her to be stuck and thinking that, well, Josh 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.719 is gonna be here. I don't need anything in my 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:43.839 life because I got Josh, and thank God for Josh. 0:04:43.920 --> 0:04:46.800 Josh is here. Josh is gonna provide for my baby. 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:51.040 Boy will provide for me. I'm a little bit hinting 0:04:51.080 --> 0:04:53.520 at the movie water Boy. You guys remember the movie 0:04:53.520 --> 0:04:59.120 water Boy. It can become that a little bit, right 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:05.200 that foods ball is the devil Bobby, you know. Okay, 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:08.080 I'm exaggerating, and I don't want to be disrespectful to mama. 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.839 But you can become that for her if you continue 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.400 to be her sole provider. So what you want to do. 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:19.520 The way to love your mom is to help her along, right, 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:23.760 and not say, hey mom, stay here and you don't 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:25.840 do anything. I'll take care of financially. I'll take care 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:28.120 of us. Don't you worry. Like I said at the beginning, 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.080 I think your heart position is right, and it's great 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.960 that you think that way. But to really love her 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:37.000 would also be helping her along, like, hey, Mom, I'm 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:39.120 gonna I'm gonna move down the road a little bit. 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:43.920 Then I'm gonna help you to grow into yourself as 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:48.320 the independent woman that you are. Maybe sometimes you see 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:51.800 the scenarios where the mom got married early. Maybe she 0:05:51.880 --> 0:05:54.839 was a teenager or in the young twenties, and she 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.080 never really knew what it was like to live alone. 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.599 So this is the first time. It's very scary. And 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.120 so the sun could say, Mom, look I'm not leaving town. 0:06:03.400 --> 0:06:05.600 I'm just gonna go down the road and I'm gonna 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:08.000 continue working. And Josh, you need to be thinking of 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:11.480 your future and your future wife and your future family 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.919 that Lord will and you'll have. And in order to 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.360 do this, you got to start experimenting with your independence 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.239 and then let mom have her independence. And you say, Mom, 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:25.400 I'm a phone call away. I'm a four minute drive 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:29.480 in my truck to your driveway. You need anything, I'm there. 0:06:30.080 --> 0:06:32.400 You need a dollar, I'm there. You need a meal, 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:34.599 I'm there. You need to talk, you need to cry, 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:38.880 you have a nightmare, you're afraid that someone knocked over 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:41.160 your garbage cans. I will be there in four minutes. 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:45.040 But as I love you, mam, I want to help 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:50.080 you become independent. And if I'm here kind of sheltering 0:06:50.120 --> 0:06:54.279 you and providing for you, then I'm afraid I might 0:06:54.320 --> 0:06:58.480 be inhibiting that from happening. So you got that aspect 0:06:58.520 --> 0:06:59.919 going on. And then Josh, and then you got your 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:03.680 your own life, and you're you're too humble to admit this, 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:05.880 and so I'll say it for you. But buddy, you 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:09.000 got to be thinking about yourself as well, because what 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:11.040 a death in the family like this does. It could 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:14.080 it could bring us all together, or it can divide us. 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.600 And right now it's dividing in a way that it's 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:20.160 separating you from a life that you could be having 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:24.320 right now with a wife and possibly children and even 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:26.480 a career, like what happens if you get a job 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:29.120 and they want to they want to promote you to 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.080 a job with longer hours, and you think that starts 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:34.760 conflicting with taking care of mama. Then we got the 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:38.600 water boy scenario. I just want I'm not telling you 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:40.520 what to do. I'm not telling you have to do 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:44.400 anything I'm saying, But I am just wanting. I'm wanting 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:48.040 you to think critically about all odds. And if you're 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:50.840 saying the goal is to love mama, if that's the goal, 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.200 which I think it should be a great goal, one 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:56.000 of many goals. But if that's the goal, then I 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:59.560 want you to consider that leaving the house might be 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:03.600 part of it. Meeting that goal, leaving mama might help 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:09.080 her to spread her wings. Right. Thank you for the email, brother, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:15.360 Let's go to another one here. Sub decline says made 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:21.120 a mistake in the relationship and wanted to do things right. Hey, Granger, 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:25.760 I want to remain anonymous. And then it says I 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.120 met Chase when I was nineteen, and we connected instantly. 0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:32.440 At that time, we were nothing more than friends. He 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.640 joined the military and married quickly after that. Twelve years 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:38.840 later we reconnected after he was going through a divorce. 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.920 At the time, I was completely quote in love and 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:46.160 we made choices. Looking back now, I see how damaging 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:49.679 they were. We spent two years together where I moved 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:53.559 in and became stepmom to his kids. He was my 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:55.480 best friend and exactly the type of man I was 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:58.720 looking for in my future husband. However, I felt that 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:02.320 our relationship wasn't honor God, seeing as it was still 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:05.360 he was still not yet divorced and I was living 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.920 with him before marriage. I wanted to go on a 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.120 break so that he could take care of his divorce, 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:13.040 and I figured we'd come back to each other healthier. 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:18.400 He jumped into relationships. I grieved. It's been two years. 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:21.720 I haven't been on a single date since. Do you 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:25.600 have any advice? PS. Listening to your podcast has helped 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:28.400 me because it encourages me that I made the right decision. 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:32.520 I want a marriage that is honoring to God. Okay, Anonymous, 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.840 I'm going to do a quicker recap just for my 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:36.800 own brain because I'm hearing this for the first time. 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:43.520 You met this guy when you were nineteen, and you'll connected. 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:48.440 He joined the military and he married. Fast forward twelve 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:51.720 years you guys reconnected it as he was going through 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:55.640 a divorce at the time. You were completely in love, 0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:59.120 and you guys made choices back then that you see, 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:03.280 we're damaging now, Okay, I understand, I'm tracking. You spent 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.480 two years together, you moved in and became stepmom to 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:12.480 the kids. But I'm paraphrasing. He wasn't completely divorced yet, 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:18.080 it wasn't finalized, and you guys were living together, So 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.280 then you want you You realize this might be bad, 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:23.679 so you kind of pull back, and then he surprises 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.720 you and just jumps into other relationships. Okay, kind of 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:31.320 revealing his true colors. Got it? Anonymous, thank you for 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:36.640 the email and being vulnerable. And I think the purpose 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:40.680 of me here in this question is just simply to 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.160 encourage you. I think that's what I'm here to do. 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:47.719 I'm not here to answer a specific question because you 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:52.200 didn't ask a specific question. But besides, do I have 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:59.320 any advice? And my advice is you've done well. Yeah, 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:05.800 you've made mistakes in this relationship, haven't we all, haven't 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.319 we all? But the difference between making a mistake and 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:15.120 relationship and sitting in it and living with it and 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:19.240 not fixing it. There's a big difference between that and 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:23.080 making a mistake in a relationship and realizing, oh, I've 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:26.079 done wrong. I need to cut this off. I need 0:11:26.120 --> 0:11:29.080 to separate myself from this, I need to turn from it. 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:32.640 That's where that word repentance comes from. I need to 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:38.360 turn away from my mistake and turn towards Christians would 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:45.200 say towards God. Repent and turn back to God. And 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:51.520 so that's what you've done exactly. You made a mistake. 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.400 Once again, this is not a judgment call, because who 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.520 raise your hand if you haven't made a relationship mistake. Ever, 0:11:57.960 --> 0:12:00.359 no one's raising their hand. Okay, you made a mistake. 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:04.360 You moved in, you did this thing. But guess what, 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:09.600 it's okay because you recognize your conscious was eating you up, 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:13.600 and you turned away and you changed course. You're you're 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:16.000 sailing down this path and you're like, this is going 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:19.880 this is headed in a bad direction. I better, I 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.959 better pull down the sails and change the boat to 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:25.880 a different course. And so that's what you did. And 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:28.360 guess what happened. You changed the boat. You started heading 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:30.679 down a new path, a new course, and you look 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.319 back at the old path and you saw oh man, 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:37.800 there's a waterfall. I was headed straight down. The boat 0:12:37.920 --> 0:12:41.800 was about to crash. But I felt I felt the 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.760 need to change course. I felt like this wasn't honoring God. 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:49.000 I felt convicted. I changed course. Now. Now look at you. 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:54.679 You're sailing on open waters, and you know now that 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:58.760 you're better for that because you got your eye open. 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:02.960 Now you're looking out ahead. You're looking for waterfalls. Right. 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:06.120 Every once in a while, you climb up on your mast. 0:13:06.240 --> 0:13:07.800 Is that the right word. You climb up on the 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:10.280 mast of your sailboat and you get up on that 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:13.360 little lookout and you got your eyes open, and someone says, 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.120 what are you doing up there? And you go, I 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:20.959 have seen open waters lead to waterfalls, So I always 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.520 want to make sure my course is on the right track. 0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:29.240 That's good, that's good stuff. And you don't know that 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.959 as much if you've never made a mistake. So these 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.360 mistakes are put in our life like this, these obstacles, 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.360 so that we learn from them. And that's our choice. 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.600 We learn from them or we go off the edge 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:44.319 of the waterfall. So my answer to you on advice 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.560 is I just want to encourage you to keep your 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.120 eyes open, stand the lookout, You've got a clear slate. 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.760 You're on open waters. You made a great decision. Look 0:13:51.800 --> 0:14:01.160 what happened to this guy? Now you know? Next question? 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:04.880 Going blind on these The subjectline says not sure what 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:08.360 to do? Hey, Granger, could really use some advice. A 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.800 few months ago, my ex broke up with me. We 0:14:10.920 --> 0:14:13.840 were together almost for a year because of my mental health. 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.360 It got the best of me and I said some 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.880 things I still regret to this day. We broke it 0:14:18.920 --> 0:14:20.800 off because my ex wanted me to focus on myself 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:25.040 to get better, and I went through no contact with 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.840 them for about two weeks. My ex messaged me one 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:30.480 night while I was doing homework and I got really 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.960 excited at the same time sad because it could have 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:40.520 been the last time we spoke. Ever. Since then, we 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:45.440 have been talking NonStop and we are right back where 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.560 we were in a few months, I've been I'll be 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:53.040 traveling to go see them for their birthday and spend 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:54.920 about a week with them. As time gets closer, I 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.080 feel really excited and sad because it will not be 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.280 the same. What do I do to make these negative 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.000 thoughts go away? Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you. 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:09.160 Jess Okay, Jess, I'm gonna track with you here real quick, 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:13.640 making sure I understand your email. You were together, you 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:16.760 broke up because mental health got the best of you, 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.440 you said some things that you regret. You guys, broke 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.400 it off, your ex sit focus on yourself to get better. 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:27.520 Then he messaged you one night. That always happens, you know, 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.960 these kind of messages always come at night, right, They 0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:33.960 never come in the morning. They come at night. That's 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:38.480 when loneliness strikes. And then you got you got kind 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:40.440 of excited and kind of sad at the same time. 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:45.640 And then you started talking NonStop and it was like 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:48.320 you were right back at the beginning. And then you 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:50.280 went to travel to see them. I don't know why 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:52.240 you said them, Like, why are we talking about them 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.760 all of a sudden. Maybe maybe the family, maybe he 0:15:55.880 --> 0:15:58.920 has kids, I don't know. Let me just make I'll 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:04.960 make this quick. You want to know how to make 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:09.240 these negative thoughts go away. I think you're relying too 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:11.680 much on these relationships. When he broke up with you, 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.320 saying your mental health got the best of you and 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:16.680 you said something that you regret. So you guys broke 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.000 it off so you could focus on yourself to get better. 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:24.680 I don't think that happened. I don't think you're well. 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.720 I don't think anything got better. I think he just 0:16:27.800 --> 0:16:31.640 got lonely and messaged you. He got lonely. He messaged you. 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:34.480 You're an ex. You were the next one on his 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.520 phone list. I promise you, I don't mean that to 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.040 be offensive to you. But he pulled out his phone. 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:43.280 He was like, I'm lonely. Who could I call? Oh? Yeah, 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:47.760 I'm gonna call Jess because she's probably lonely too. And 0:16:47.880 --> 0:16:50.200 so he messaged you and he said, are you lonely? 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:52.640 I'm lonely and you said, yes, I'm lonely. Are you lonely? 0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.520 And he said yes, let's get together. That's the summary 0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:59.040 of what happened. And then of course things got right 0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:00.600 back to where they were. You start chit chat and 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:02.600 you figured out all that. Yeah, I remember, I remember. 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:05.240 Things were so good. We're so quick to forget about 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:08.639 the bad and the negative things and so quick to 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:13.000 just jump into the good stuff. So now you're worried again. 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.840 You're worried about those negative thoughts coming back. Maybe maybe 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:18.200 you're gonna say something you regret again. And I'm gonna 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:23.920 tell you this, Jess, you will nothing changed except loneliness 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:26.920 got in the way a little bit, so you're gonna 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:28.480 have to. Like I said, I want to make this 0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:34.000 question quick, but it's time to get out because I'm 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.840 not saying you're gonna mess up. I'm saying this relationship 0:17:37.240 --> 0:17:41.280 is not working until things get fixed, and they're not 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:46.200 gonna be fixed together. Okay, this is just lust. This 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.200 is just loneliness kicking in. That's all this is. I 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:51.840 promise you you're not gonna find anything at the end 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.679 of this path except for like the last question, a waterfall. 0:17:56.760 --> 0:18:00.280 Take your sale down, set a new course, get onto 0:18:00.440 --> 0:18:04.080 some open waters, get your head up, be looking out 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:08.280 the waterfalls, and do some healing here. There's gonna be 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:10.040 some healing. It needs to happen. We'll take a break 0:18:10.040 --> 0:18:16.440 to your back. This podcast is brought to you all 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:19.760 by Better Help. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.520 dot com, slash Granger, and get on your way to 0:18:22.680 --> 0:18:25.359 being your best self. Now. I've said so many times 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:28.040 on this podcast that I'm not a therapist. I'm not 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.160 a psychiatrist. I just tried to speak you the truth 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.480 that I know. But if you need further help than that, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.439 Please go get some professional help. And if you are 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.879 someone that's never done therapy before, and maybe you're just 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:43.639 you're not the kind of person who wants to go 0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:45.760 lay down on a green couch, well I'll tell you 0:18:45.880 --> 0:18:48.920 there's other alternatives out there. It's so easy to get 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.040 caught up in what everyone else needs from you and 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.399 not take a moment just to think about what you 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.560 need for yourself. I think that's been pretty evident just 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:01.320 in the questions we've gotten today already. People tend to 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:04.800 feel stretched and thin and burned out, and therapy can 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.080 give you the tools to find more balance in your 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:10.639 life so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.280 So this is where better Help comes in. If you're 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:17.200 thinking of trying therapy or starting therapy, hey give better 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:19.600 Help a try. It's entirely online, you don't have to 0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:23.560 go anywhere. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.800 to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.520 get matched with the licensed therapist, and then you could 0:19:29.560 --> 0:19:33.280 switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Find 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:37.440 more balance with better Help visit betterhelp dot com. Slash 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.920 granger today and get ten percent off your first month. 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:44.360 That's better help. H e lp dot com slash Granger 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:47.200 And just a reminder that on August first, Like a River, 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.600 my book comes out. I'm so excited to get this 0:19:49.720 --> 0:19:52.600 book into your hands. I think this will be such 0:19:52.720 --> 0:19:55.760 an important thing for so many questions that come in. 0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:58.520 I could say, have you read the book? Check out 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:01.239 the book, and then we could discuss further. But if 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:04.000 you're going through things similar to what I did, and 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:06.800 that's anything to do with loss, whether that's a job 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:11.520 or a dream, or a car or a pet, or 0:20:12.000 --> 0:20:15.080 like me, someone you loved, well, then you could read 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:17.120 this book Like a River and we could discuss further. 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:20.639 I think it's very important that you hear exactly what 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:24.240 happened and hear how I was healed. The book is 0:20:24.280 --> 0:20:26.720 called Like a River. You could actually pre order the 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:31.200 book right now at grangersmith dot com. Back to the podcast. 0:20:36.000 --> 0:20:39.240 All right, Back to the podcast and starting off with 0:20:39.280 --> 0:20:41.240 an interesting question. It just kind of scanned it before 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:45.440 I hit record here. Subjicline says our God, and the 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:50.160 email itself says, Hey Granger, I have a question about God. 0:20:51.200 --> 0:20:54.159 I'm sure. I'm not sure I've ever heard you explain 0:20:54.280 --> 0:20:56.680 this in a podcast? How do we know our God 0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:59.320 is the real thing? I grew up in a Southern 0:20:59.359 --> 0:21:02.440 Baptist and nation. I have accepted Jesus, but as I 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:05.440 get older, I always ask myself, how do we know 0:21:05.640 --> 0:21:08.880 our God is the real deal. I don't know for sure, 0:21:09.119 --> 0:21:13.080 but I'm sure every religion will tell you their god parentheses. 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:18.359 Gods are the only right real thing. Only one group 0:21:18.600 --> 0:21:21.840 is correct. But how do we know it's ours? I've 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.960 always heard to walk by faith and not by sight, 0:21:25.480 --> 0:21:28.520 and I have my whole life, but sometimes I just 0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:31.240 question this subject, and nobody's ever been able to explain. 0:21:31.560 --> 0:21:35.200 Thank you for your music and your podcast. Yigi question 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:38.399 comes from Brayden and it's a good question, and Braidan, 0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:42.160 I want to first of all, I want to validate 0:21:43.400 --> 0:21:46.760 the search because I think the search is biblical, and 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:54.320 I think I think it's very important for all religions, 0:21:55.680 --> 0:22:02.920 all spiritual people to cultivate a desire for the search 0:22:03.760 --> 0:22:10.639 for truth. I think it's important definitely for me, definitely 0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:15.680 from my personality. I think it's important to not fall 0:22:15.840 --> 0:22:19.879 under the facade of does God walk by faith? Just 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:22.399 gotta believe? Hey, what do you think about God, I 0:22:22.440 --> 0:22:25.240 don't know. Just gotta believe, just gotta have faith, just 0:22:25.320 --> 0:22:31.840 gotta have faith. That's dangerous to do that because if 0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:35.040 you're not testing your faith, right like Paul says, we 0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:37.879 need to test our faith, If you're not testing it 0:22:38.920 --> 0:22:43.480 up against truth, then how do you know it's real? 0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:46.720 And so you could tell people all day long, I 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:48.840 just believe. Just got to have faith, just got to believe. 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:54.000 Well that's interesting, Okay. Now there's many ways that faith 0:22:54.080 --> 0:22:59.920 is tested, and one way is by persecution or trial, 0:23:00.480 --> 0:23:04.119 are suffering. You're gonna know quickly through suffering or trials 0:23:04.200 --> 0:23:08.719 or persecretion, persecution, you're gonna know, oh man, I am 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:11.360 mad at God, or I don't believe in God anymore 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:14.520 because God would never allow this bad thing to happen. 0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:18.199 Or you're gonna run and you're gonna get closer. It's 0:23:18.280 --> 0:23:21.600 gonna the suffering, the trials are gonna draw you closer, 0:23:21.880 --> 0:23:24.639 and you're gonna God, I trust you, I run to you, 0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:28.239 I need you even more now than ever. So then 0:23:28.280 --> 0:23:31.359 you go, Okay, my faith is passed the test, or 0:23:31.800 --> 0:23:35.760 my faith is so flimsy it just completely shattered. So 0:23:36.280 --> 0:23:40.760 I first I want to acknowledge the the wrestling. I 0:23:40.880 --> 0:23:45.080 think we should wrestle. I don't think we should. I 0:23:45.160 --> 0:23:47.720 don't think we should play around with doubt. But I 0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:53.199 think there's a difference between like doubting and testing our 0:23:53.280 --> 0:23:59.520