Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'mheart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Oh ladies, you guys took Jolie's queue today because it's
Speaker 2: stripees day today. Oh what makes it? Stripes? Stay not
Speaker 2: wearing stripes. But so they're doing teacap testing and so
Speaker 2: each day they they're dressing to get them prepared for
Speaker 2: and I don't know what a stripe is for the
Speaker 2: tea cap, but it's something. Yeah, it's like yesterday was
Speaker 2: black because they have to fill in the whole thing black.
Speaker 2: So it's just like a fun way to get them
Speaker 2: excited about testing.
Speaker 1: That's cute. We don't do that.
Speaker 2: Let me know if that works. There's not much you
Speaker 2: could do to get me excited about testing ever my teacaps. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know it started to do you guys remember the meap.
Speaker 1: We we didn't have meap.
Speaker 2: I just I just had a response in my body.
Speaker 2: I didn't even know existed. Wow, So we just had Wow.
Speaker 2: We just had the final meeting at school for Jolie
Speaker 2: for her dyslexia and her IEP and you know, she'll
Speaker 2: have the read aloud for the tea cap and the
Speaker 2: testing and she's going to be able to pass because
Speaker 2: of the third grade log exemption for her dyslexia. So
Speaker 2: this is great because this is the grade that she
Speaker 2: would have been held back, and she would have if
Speaker 2: she didn't have the dyslexia. So she's getting the log assumption.
Speaker 2: It's great. We've we've got a whole plan for her
Speaker 2: in place. But when they're bringing up the testing, I
Speaker 2: thought of meep and I had this like.
Speaker 3: I had it.
Speaker 2: That's wild. I forgot. I don't know that I've heard
Speaker 2: that word since we took it. I'm sorry, there's.
Speaker 1: What hours was. I mean, we've always had teacap here.
Speaker 2: I just every time we're saying this, I feel like
Speaker 2: it's a teacup and it's just going a different direction
Speaker 2: from me.
Speaker 1: That's terrible.
Speaker 2: I think it's cute though. What they do. We wrote letters,
Speaker 2: So there's six letters that they could you guys do
Speaker 2: the letters to it? Yeah, so Jace wrote a sweet
Speaker 2: one in class that I put an envelope for him,
Speaker 2: and you know I got everyone. But I digress. Anyways,
Speaker 2: you guys are in stripes. Go teacap week, Go teacap.
Speaker 2: We're not even what a big week though, because we've
Speaker 2: got a number one here. Low Cash has gone number one,
Speaker 2: my hometown home better? Are you say better than me? Better?
Speaker 2: Everyone goes stream it so exciting the fact that they
Speaker 2: are on their own label and they have a number
Speaker 2: one at radio. It means you, guys, I mean the
Speaker 2: work that was put into that. Congratulations to the Breast family.
Speaker 2: So emotional. That's amazing, It's incredible. It is a way
Speaker 2: different feeling. Where we did Billboard number one last week,
Speaker 2: we're media Base this week. We're going for a two
Speaker 2: week number one on media Base. I mean, we are
Speaker 2: just doing it.
Speaker 1: It just so I feel like we were just talking
Speaker 1: about when was that. It was like two months ago
Speaker 1: maybe when we all got together and we were at
Speaker 1: dinner and we were talking about going for that number one,
Speaker 1: And it's wild.
Speaker 2: It's just crazy exciting, it's exciting. It's so great, exciting,
Speaker 2: so much into this one. It just feels different, feels different.
Speaker 2: So there's a lot to catch up on. I love
Speaker 2: these days. Did you guys happen to see my Instagram
Speaker 2: a couple of days ago?
Speaker 1: Which one?
Speaker 2: Well, it was a coffee star? Oh no, And I said, well,
Speaker 2: I'll probably be talking about it on next week's podcast.
Speaker 1: I forgot what I was doing because I remember being
Speaker 1: very distracted. I was talking to someone, probably trying to
Speaker 1: talk to my child or something, and I saw that.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, wait, wait what and then I
Speaker 1: forgot about it. Meant to message you, but do tell.
Speaker 3: Were you like, wait, Mike? I thought we didn't.
Speaker 1: Honestly, sometimes things just don't surprise me, kind of just like, okay, wait,
Speaker 1: fill me in because I didn't see this.
Speaker 2: Okay, so let me just back up another beat. Right, So,
Speaker 2: there is this thing called Derby Day at school. Do
Speaker 2: you guys have Dirby? We do not, Okay, there are
Speaker 2: so many days you'll do a.
Speaker 1: Lot on your calendar. I'm like, you'll do a lot
Speaker 1: more than we do.
Speaker 2: Derby Day, field days, I guess you guys. Field day, Yeah,
Speaker 2: pajama days. It is. It is quite a lot.
Speaker 3: Yeah okay, but we were heavy day, okay.
Speaker 2: And it is where the kids run around in the
Speaker 2: car line loop for thirty minutes. Is to raise money
Speaker 2: for the school, and I believe other things.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean we do something similar.
Speaker 2: It's just called okay, Okay, that's something different. They make them,
Speaker 2: the kids, the horses, what they have to run, So
Speaker 2: it's how many laps you run okay, yeah, okay, I
Speaker 2: say the thirty minutes it was is quite a long
Speaker 2: time because they know they want the kids to run
Speaker 2: around run a lot, So of course I helped run
Speaker 2: you know both. I asked the kids, you know, do
Speaker 2: you want to run? Because their kids, the friends all
Speaker 2: go off like they kind of start together, and then
Speaker 2: then I see them running on their own. I'm like,
Speaker 2: do you want me to run with you? And they're
Speaker 2: like yes. So I did a lot of the running
Speaker 2: with them. Alan did some running. My cat's running so
Speaker 2: like he wasn't going to run regardless. My husband's definitely
Speaker 2: I go. Dad has a cough. She can't make it.
Speaker 3: There's on the roads. It's actually really study.
Speaker 2: I'll get you for straight day maybe. But no, we're
Speaker 2: not making fun of you.
Speaker 3: That's fine if you don't like to I do not
Speaker 3: like to run.
Speaker 2: That we know. Great. Even when we were about to
Speaker 2: miss a flight to one tree hill, we're not running.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, not even job.
Speaker 1: The one I was not running.
Speaker 2: It was like, I will run home if I'm missing
Speaker 2: a flight to see my kids. I love my tree hillers,
Speaker 2: but I'm not like it already says it's in the
Speaker 2: air I'm not running to the gate.
Speaker 1: There was no need to run. Just so we're very clear.
Speaker 2: I have PTSD from one of our trips. Continue Okay,
Speaker 2: I was running.
Speaker 1: We really digress.
Speaker 3: Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2: So we're at Derby Day and it has been volatile
Speaker 2: between us, not how the cozy used to be, saying
Speaker 2: hellos and goodbyes, and you know, after coming on here
Speaker 2: and talking on the podcast. So but Derby Day was
Speaker 2: especially a moment where I was like, I don't actually
Speaker 2: like the way this feels because it was one of
Speaker 2: those where there was no we were It's not that
Speaker 2: I was like trying to not, but it was there
Speaker 2: was no hello, there was no goodbye, there was no
Speaker 2: like even between Alan and Like. It was. He was
Speaker 2: on the one side. I was on the one side.
Speaker 2: And I remember and Alan made a comment, He's like, oh,
Speaker 2: you can cut the tension with you know, a knife,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm gonna attention.
Speaker 3: Nothing.
Speaker 2: I don't care let them let them. Oh, I have
Speaker 2: a whole other topic about that. That's my wine about it.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned, Okay, we are today. I'm sorry, stay tuned.
Speaker 2: I didn't know. Okay, I'm gonna get Okay, I'm going
Speaker 2: to get in to let them Jesus get us back
Speaker 2: to Derby Day. So I'm you know, I'm feeling this
Speaker 2: tension and he leaves and this is and we've had
Speaker 2: a couple of games where it was, you know, fine,
Speaker 2: but we normally we will stand next to each other,
Speaker 2: do that whole stuff. But no, there was there was,
Speaker 2: you know, none of that. So he leaves and that
Speaker 2: is when I thought to myself, Okay, I can be
Speaker 2: upset and I can have frustrations, and I can also
Speaker 2: not like this tension, and I don't want and again,
Speaker 2: we don't need to be best friends, but there doesn't
Speaker 2: need to be. Now this has kind of gotten out
Speaker 2: of hand where it's this is, this is like too much,
Speaker 2: you know. So I text him not that day, it
Speaker 2: was probably a couple days later. I just said, hey,
Speaker 2: can we discuss the summer schedule? And also I think
Speaker 2: we should talk about a few things and he said,
Speaker 2: sounds good. How is this day? Okay? Great? So the
Speaker 2: plan was he was going to drop the kids off
Speaker 2: on Sunday because I get them again on Sundays on
Speaker 2: his weekends, and we would discuss the summer schedule and
Speaker 2: then we would have a chat. So the kids are
Speaker 2: playing and we're like, hey, mommy and Daddy needs to
Speaker 2: go have conversations. We go into Alan's office and we
Speaker 2: start talking about the schedule in the summer. So, for
Speaker 2: the schedule in the summer, it's supposed to be week on,
Speaker 2: week off. I don't like that. I don't like not
Speaker 2: seeing the I don't ever have a week without them
Speaker 2: unless I'm filming something. So I drafted up more of
Speaker 2: like a three four kind of plan. I think it's
Speaker 2: better for the kids, the whole situation. I like it.
Speaker 2: It's good for him too, because it's not just you know,
Speaker 2: because he works during the week. We've got certain things,
Speaker 2: so now if we book a movie, it all kind
Speaker 2: of changes. But whatever, Like at least we've agreed to
Speaker 2: a schedule. So he's like, I think this sounds great
Speaker 2: and this is probably best for the kids one hundred
Speaker 2: percent great. And then it was like that awkward, all right,
Speaker 2: so what do we want to talk? And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: go for it. Do you want to say something?
Speaker 3: And we do.
Speaker 2: I feel it.
Speaker 1: Because I'm like I want to eventually in the office, I.
Speaker 2: Know, and I like sitting in all and see you know,
Speaker 2: but I didn't know where to go, and I don't
Speaker 2: want to come into office. I'm not having this stund
Speaker 2: with them like oh it's perfect, like so yeah, and
Speaker 2: so also like trying to respect him, like I don't
Speaker 2: want to bring him up. So I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: let's just and I don't want the kids to be
Speaker 2: hearing any of this conversation, you know. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: let's just go to his office and it's business. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I like the office, but I'm not going.
Speaker 3: To start, even though it's my idea to talk but whatever.
Speaker 2: So I you know, he's like, well, I just don't understand,
Speaker 2: you know, why we're here again. I've gotten some things
Speaker 2: sent to me from your podcast and I'm like, what
Speaker 2: people are sending you? He's like, you know, those Reddit
Speaker 2: trolls or whatever whoever, are sending me clips of the
Speaker 2: things you're saying on the podcast. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: you know, and I mean you say it here, it's
Speaker 2: not like trying to like you know, he goes, well,
Speaker 2: I just don't understand, you know why we're here again.
Speaker 2: He's like what did I do to be in this
Speaker 2: situation right now? And so, you know, and then he's
Speaker 2: like you know, I apologize that we're in this situation,
Speaker 2: you know, and he's like, I just don't understand what
Speaker 2: I've done thus far, and I said, this is you know.
Speaker 2: So I appreciated him sharing, I said, but for me
Speaker 2: it's hard because I for as long as I'm paying
Speaker 2: child support and these certain things, there's always going to
Speaker 2: be that resentment or I'm going to feel tied, or
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel that cage of the resentment from
Speaker 2: our marriage and the things that happened. And so it
Speaker 2: is hard for me when certain things are said and
Speaker 2: then I see this and he's he's explaining his so
Speaker 2: he's like, well, I thought I heard this, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: well that's not what I said, but okay, I can
Speaker 2: understand that's what you might have heard. And now you
Speaker 2: can see how and then I took it, and so
Speaker 2: we're having those good conversations. I was like, but for me,
Speaker 2: I just feel like, you're trying to have this great relationship,
Speaker 2: but in just to make sure that I'm paying you
Speaker 2: your support check every month on time, and is this
Speaker 2: even a real French And why would you like You're
Speaker 2: never not going to take the money, you know, And
Speaker 2: I just don't believe it. When you come on this
Speaker 2: podcast and say that you hate it and that you're
Speaker 2: going to stop one day, I just don't believe you, you know.
Speaker 2: And he's like, well, you know, I'll probably regret not
Speaker 2: taking it one day, but you know, I don't want
Speaker 2: you for our relationship. And I was like, well, why
Speaker 2: do you care about our relationship? Like it's free money,
Speaker 2: why would you care, you know? And so we just
Speaker 2: kind of like talk through that, and he said that
Speaker 2: he has a plan that by a certain point he
Speaker 2: would like to be at a good place to not
Speaker 2: because he knows what it does to me and to
Speaker 2: our relationship. So do I believe it? I don't know,
Speaker 2: But I said I will let it rest for this
Speaker 2: period to see and then we can revisit, because obviously
Speaker 2: this is what you're saying you would like to not
Speaker 2: do anymore past this point, So okay, I will back
Speaker 2: off that I will try to just swallow some resentment
Speaker 2: stuff and see. So we talked about that, okay, And
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I'm like, I
Speaker 2: don't want I don't you guys know me. I don't
Speaker 2: like having bad energy. I don't want to I don't
Speaker 2: want to again, We're not going to be like besties,
Speaker 2: right obviously, but there does there's we were at such
Speaker 2: a we were at such a great co parenting place
Speaker 2: that and we were able to crack jokes and be
Speaker 2: friendly at games, and I want that for the kids,
Speaker 2: and I want to be able to have him around
Speaker 2: certain things for family stuff like so I and I
Speaker 2: just don't like having that tension. So I'm going to
Speaker 2: do my best to let that resentment hold for a
Speaker 2: beat and then I hope that he follows up on
Speaker 2: what he says and if not, we'll talk about it
Speaker 2: in two years. Yeah, it feels a little ground cadgs day.
Speaker 2: So that's probably also frustrating. Yeah, well we've heard it
Speaker 2: all before. Yeah, And I don't disagree with you. I
Speaker 2: would want the tension to be gone. I don't want
Speaker 2: I don't like it.
Speaker 1: It's not good for anyone. So i'd agree with you
Speaker 1: on that and the kids too, exactly. And my only
Speaker 1: fear and hearing what you're saying is that you're holding
Speaker 1: on to this hope. I know of something I know
Speaker 1: that is probably not going to come to fruition. I know,
Speaker 1: And my prayer for you is that you at some
Speaker 1: point can let go of that, knowing that you may
Speaker 1: be paying him until they're eighteen. I know, And I
Speaker 1: think I'm hoping you can get to that at some
Speaker 1: point instead of holding on to some kind.
Speaker 2: Of and I know, but I almost need to have
Speaker 2: that for sure. And I know in two years I'm
Speaker 2: probably going to get and they'll be a big blow
Speaker 2: up again. But I at least my therapist said four, now,
Speaker 2: let's believe this for now, you know, and so and
Speaker 2: then but yes, I agree, I'm already like and that's
Speaker 2: where I said, I'm like, that's where the tension, the
Speaker 2: resentment will always be there. I'm always going to have
Speaker 2: an issue while because I've felt all this resentment in
Speaker 2: our relationship. So of course I'm going to feel this.
Speaker 2: And then when I see you say this and do
Speaker 2: this and it's still the same person, of course I'm
Speaker 2: going to be upset. How can you not think i'd
Speaker 2: be upset? You know? So, and she said, till eighteen
Speaker 2: I had the face. I couldn't even hide it. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's a.
Speaker 1: Long it's a long time, and I totally understand that.
Speaker 2: I don't think in my brain it was till eighteen
Speaker 2: and I don't know why it wouldn't be it makes sense.
Speaker 1: It doesn't make sense, but it makes sense. I just
Speaker 1: hate it all to let down again. That's what worries me,
Speaker 1: you know, hearing that, because I hate you. Just I
Speaker 1: hate it you're constantly feeling let down by him. I
Speaker 1: feel like, you know, and but I'm so thankful, and
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful that y'all are able to get to
Speaker 1: this place that hopefully will help everybody for the next
Speaker 1: couple of years. And maybe he can do it. Maybe
Speaker 1: he really truly can get to a point where he
Speaker 1: doesn't have to take the money. I mean, I I
Speaker 1: think that if you really tried, he could. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know I do.
Speaker 2: Do I have faith in it? No, But it's because
Speaker 2: I've always seen the version of sure what I've been shown.
Speaker 2: I would love this to not be the thing that
Speaker 2: holds our relationship captive. I would I was like, Mike,
Speaker 2: I was like, I want an even playing ground with you.
Speaker 2: I've never had that ever with you ever. And I
Speaker 2: was like, and that is why it's so frustrated. I
Speaker 2: have such resentment. I was like, I'm like, that's the
Speaker 2: piece that's hard for me is because it's always been,
Speaker 2: Mike hurt me, Mike cheated, Mike's took this, and it's
Speaker 2: like we've never just been equals ever adults. Yeah really yeah,
Speaker 2: and you've never not just taken or hurt. I was like,
Speaker 2: I would just love us to just be like you
Speaker 2: support the kids. I support the kids on the bairground.
Speaker 2: Yeahah well well you know yeah, yeah that's really fair.
Speaker 2: But so what I'll say is how that video came about.
Speaker 2: So when we were in there for about an hour
Speaker 2: and a half, I forgot we started the video. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so we were in there for quite a bit, I mean,
Speaker 2: and the kids were kept kind of being like y'all,
Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, there were some tearful moments. I'm like,
Speaker 2: this is you know, he got upset, I got upset.
Speaker 2: So there was where we were hashing out stuff that
Speaker 2: was good to hash out, or our relationship today, you know,
Speaker 2: not like Pat, but like where we're at today. And
Speaker 2: so you know, the kids are probably wondering why we're
Speaker 2: in there, And so Jolie had taken and I hadn't
Speaker 2: deleted Carver Star off the phone yet, and so Jolie
Speaker 2: had taken the phone. And when I came out there,
Speaker 2: because you know, Alan's putting the baby to bed, and
Speaker 2: so I'm sure he was like, yeah, I go. You know,
Speaker 2: she went on there and when we got out of
Speaker 2: the room, she's like, mommy, daddy, will you guys do
Speaker 2: this video with us? And so I'm like, of course,
Speaker 2: you know, I want them to see that we can
Speaker 2: that were good and we weren't fight, you know, everything
Speaker 2: was fine. So that's how that video came about. So,
Speaker 2: but Mike was a star in the cover star, just
Speaker 2: like them doing a cover star. It was funny, but
Speaker 2: it was like it was really funny, like it was.
Speaker 2: It was a quite see topic. A few things in
Speaker 2: there were good. But I think since then it's been great.
Speaker 2: Like we've been at games and it's been you know,
Speaker 2: there's that lightness again. And that's what I'm like, I
Speaker 2: I don't want that. I don't I don't. I don't
Speaker 2: do well with that tension. I like to just be
Speaker 2: good with everybody and just be like, all right, for sure,
Speaker 2: we're good and I'm going to do my best to
Speaker 2: not bring it up. I got I got two years,
Speaker 2: he said, when he's forty, so tbd. I was like,
Speaker 2: let's they're a good old fortieth birthday party on Wine
Speaker 2: Down and see where we're at another murder mystery TBD
Speaker 2: and we will see.
Speaker 1: I am proud of y'all though, I think that that
Speaker 1: was very adult of both of you to sit down
Speaker 1: and do that, And a lot can happen in two years.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I continue to be pretty proud of both
Speaker 2: of you in a lot of ways, like the way
Speaker 2: you do all of it, and Alan for that matter, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: for sure. Well and he kind of just like follows
Speaker 2: my lead and it's like I just don't want to
Speaker 2: be comfortable for any uncomfortable for anyone, you know, and
Speaker 2: so but it does take a certain level of understanding
Speaker 2: from Alan to to be able to even participate in
Speaker 2: the system. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure, because he's so
Speaker 2: protective of you. But I gotta I mean, I know
Speaker 2: we have other things, but I just I feel like
Speaker 2: we got to. I have to go to the wine
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: I want to know, Yeah, what marked because Bark earlier.
Speaker 2: I guess I got to read the book because I've
Speaker 2: been kind of deep diving a bit about let them.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm gonna let them know something.
Speaker 1: So it's the whole hold on because I haven't, and
Speaker 1: I don't really know. The whole premise is right, let
Speaker 1: them do their thing, let them be them, let them, let.
Speaker 2: Them, But it's in two parts. Apparently it should be.
Speaker 2: But nobody, this is my problem. Nobody is talking about
Speaker 2: the let me me that is, and I struggle exactly.
Speaker 2: I haven't either until I until I until I kind
Speaker 2: of deep took a deep dive into it because I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: don't let them, Like to a point, yes, let them,
Speaker 2: but don't don't let them walk all over you. Don't
Speaker 2: let them talk to you like that, don't let them
Speaker 2: do this to you, don't let them make you feel
Speaker 2: this way, don't don't let them absolutely not stand up
Speaker 2: for yourself. Yeah. So again, I haven't read the book.
Speaker 2: Read what I'm seeing. It gets a little the stuff
Speaker 2: is like, oh, just you know, that's their thing. Let
Speaker 2: them No, no, no, no no. She does a better
Speaker 2: job explaining in the book, I'm gonna let them know what.
Speaker 2: I'm only seventy pages in, so I'm not. I will
Speaker 2: just say though, that's all I'm seeing, and I just
Speaker 2: don't think that's the right thing. Yes, No, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: like with with my situation with Max, yeah, let them. Okay, fine,
Speaker 2: there's a piece of that I understand. That's that's who
Speaker 2: he is. Let them. I can't control that. Let them right,
Speaker 2: those are things we can't control, certain things that our
Speaker 2: parents let them that is, those those things. But when
Speaker 2: there's certain asterisks to all of that, like no, I
Speaker 2: think you should stand, you should do the X, Y
Speaker 2: and Z. Maybe she talks about in her books, maybe
Speaker 2: I will. But why is nobody talking about the let
Speaker 2: me part? Because that's the part that is still let
Speaker 2: me part. Well, so it's let them do what they'll do,
Speaker 2: or but it's not till like these crazy so far
Speaker 2: from me again only seventy pages in, because I can't
Speaker 2: really get anything done right now. But it's like the
Speaker 2: idea of not getting your feelings hurt, right, So, like
Speaker 2: they take a vacation. One of the examples she uses
Speaker 2: pretty straight away is like how there's fantas friends of
Speaker 2: hers that are friend group, and I think we've all
Speaker 2: experienced this too, where it was like they all take
Speaker 2: this vacation. She has this feeling of seeing it and
Speaker 2: they were all her friends, and then she has this
Speaker 2: moment where she was like very sad, you know, spir
Speaker 2: really sure, yeah, But then she has a moment of
Speaker 2: like responsibility, like, but did I keep up with them?
Speaker 2: Have I checked in with them? Would they know I
Speaker 2: want to go on this vacation. I've been unavailable here
Speaker 2: and unavailable there, like at a certain point, you know.
Speaker 2: And then the let me part is so far essentially
Speaker 2: like what can you do? What can you adopt in yourself?
Speaker 2: What can you do to help like change it or
Speaker 2: can get adjust or get control of it? So it's
Speaker 2: not your So you're not just yeah, so you're not
Speaker 2: just going let them? And then because that's not an
Speaker 2: easy thing to do, there's a resentment comes with let them, yeah,
Speaker 2: and there's sadness that comes with let them, So it
Speaker 2: doesn't The let me part is the part I'm kind
Speaker 2: of in on the book right now, so I'm not
Speaker 2: even probably explaining it well, but essentially like, then what
Speaker 2: can you do as a you?
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm living this with my thirteen year
Speaker 1: old right now with all of her middle school friends,
Speaker 1: and I'm the opposite with which I am not letting them,
Speaker 1: like let them know, yeah, let them know this is hurtful,
Speaker 1: let them know you expect more well out of a friendship.
Speaker 1: Let them know that this is the kind of friend
Speaker 1: I'm going to be, and I'm sorry, that's what I
Speaker 1: expect in return for you. I need you to be
Speaker 1: here for me.
Speaker 2: I think that this I think, like anything, everything is
Speaker 2: kind of getting a little like out of context. But
Speaker 2: essentially it's like you can do that so many times
Speaker 2: and if you see this, no, so that's changed than
Speaker 2: just and that's where we're at.
Speaker 1: That's where we're at with it, Like, sure, you can
Speaker 1: only do so much, you can only stand up for
Speaker 1: your so much that if things don't change now it
Speaker 1: is on you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And that's been our conversation of the last couple of days,
Speaker 1: Like there's only so much we can do. We cannot
Speaker 1: control their actions, and now it's on you to walk away, yeah,
Speaker 1: or continue to get hurt.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: That's so I see both sides of that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they let me is the part that focuses unreclaiming
Speaker 2: your power by focusing on what you can control, your thoughts,
Speaker 2: actions and reactions to situations. But I just feel like
Speaker 2: that should be the bigger that should be. It's like
Speaker 2: let them know, you know, and and then let me
Speaker 2: do this. It's like I just think they'll let me
Speaker 2: should be more of the talking point instead of just
Speaker 2: being like, oh, let them do it. Yeah, it feels well,
Speaker 2: and there's a way to do that and be kind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean like there's a way to say I mean,
Speaker 1: we just did it on the podcast not long ago,
Speaker 1: like hey guys, this was hurtful, instead of just letting
Speaker 1: it fester and letting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let them make jokes or yeah what I mean
Speaker 2: you know, I mean that's billy example.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but it's like it makes things stronger in
Speaker 1: my opinion.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, the whole this isn't I really encouraged to
Speaker 2: read the book.
Speaker 3: It does get a little repetitive.
Speaker 1: I've seen the clips too, and I have felt the
Speaker 1: same way we've actually talked about this. I have not read.
Speaker 2: I'm a fan of mel and she's been on the podcast.
Speaker 2: I just from what I've been seeing, I just wish
Speaker 2: the focus was well, it's also just about like let
Speaker 2: me let them neither neither did I till I started
Speaker 2: to more deep dive into it, I'm like, well, why
Speaker 2: aren't we talking about this piece that is a good
Speaker 2: points piece that I want to talk about, not just
Speaker 2: like oh, let them do that. Well, also like the
Speaker 2: way that presents itself is just like just be passive
Speaker 2: and let narcisst be narcissist and let you know, abusive
Speaker 2: people be abusive people, not any level, you know. And
Speaker 2: that's not what she's saying. She's going like it's in
Speaker 2: the more. I don't even know that this is not
Speaker 2: a melan door statement, But to me, it feels more
Speaker 2: like middle of the road kind of conflicts, not so extreme,
Speaker 2: like you're just living like kind of normal day to day,
Speaker 2: middle of the road life, like it left out of
Speaker 2: the trip or the group chat or the you know
Speaker 2: or whatever, just don't just take a minute to In
Speaker 2: my brain, it competes to ownership and honesty and then
Speaker 2: what can I do to make it feel better for myself.
Speaker 2: That's how I've interpreted it so far. I still I
Speaker 2: just I still just kind of go I don't know,
Speaker 2: I still will would like the other piece, Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: a let them and for me, yeah, I just wonder
Speaker 2: how marketable that is. Maybe they'll let them. Is the
Speaker 2: part that they're just you know, like the titles picking
Speaker 2: up on ye for sure. Yeah, I mean, because I'm
Speaker 2: kind of in that situation right now where I'm I'm
Speaker 2: dealing with trying to text someone at the moment, but
Speaker 2: I don't. It's like, all right, let them, let them
Speaker 2: do that. But I'm like, but I want to voice
Speaker 2: this piece of it because it's bothering me. And that's
Speaker 2: I guess that's to let me part of you know,
Speaker 2: boundaries and whatever. But I don't know, girls, I just
Speaker 2: bothers me to people a disservice. I would want to know.
Speaker 1: It might be painful in the moment to hear it,
Speaker 1: but I would always want to know if it's my child,
Speaker 1: if it's me, I would much rather be aware than
Speaker 1: let someone fester over something and me have no idea. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, hands down all the time. I'd rather that.
Speaker 1: It may be hard to hear, I may not want
Speaker 1: to hear it, but if my child is doing something,
Speaker 1: if I am doing something, please tell me. Because I
Speaker 1: want to be better. I don't want to hurt people's feelings.
Speaker 1: I don't want my children to do things I don't.
Speaker 1: So the let them, I think is for me is
Speaker 1: if we get to a point if I have voiced
Speaker 1: my opinion yes, and I have said something, and we're
Speaker 1: not moving forward and nothing is changing, then it's up
Speaker 1: to me to let them.
Speaker 2: And really the starting story that she begins with is
Speaker 2: essentially she is a lot of us. So she's in
Speaker 2: the nicest way, but a type controlling got a little
Speaker 2: agenda in her brain would like it to go a
Speaker 2: certain way. And so this let them idea comes from
Speaker 2: her relinquishing control on a rainy prom day and just
Speaker 2: allowing something to not be perfect or to not be pristine,
Speaker 2: and like letting this moment happen where the magic happens. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's not as like, you know, polarizing as it
Speaker 2: appears to be, and I do.
Speaker 1: See where it can be helpful. I think it can
Speaker 1: be helpful, especially for young girls, like stop trying to
Speaker 1: like the whole like the whole TikTok thing. That's like
Speaker 1: stop trying to sit at other people's tables, you know
Speaker 1: that where you're not Like, I understand that there is
Speaker 1: a thing where that is helpful for young girls because
Speaker 1: I've always struggled with that and my feelings still get
Speaker 1: hurt so easily, And I do think that that can
Speaker 1: be helpful. Yeah, in a way, I.
Speaker 2: Think it's more of a tool unless it is like
Speaker 2: a law to me, I'm like this is wonderful when
Speaker 2: it fits, but there's times that's not going to fit.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: And yeah, like I've actually it was part of my
Speaker 2: wine about it was the lack of gracious assumption that
Speaker 2: people have. And I'm on the receiving end of that
Speaker 2: right now because I'm in charge of a Daddy Daughter
Speaker 2: dance that has grown three times its original amount, and
Speaker 2: I'm hearing the rumor mill, even at a Sweet Little
Speaker 2: Jesus School of like all these opinions that are just
Speaker 2: flying about why is it on this night and why
Speaker 2: is it that? And why is it this? And it's
Speaker 2: like about thank you for organizing.
Speaker 1: It and would you like to help? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that's like, so the whine about
Speaker 2: it is me about people whining about it, But really,
Speaker 2: I just had this moment this week where I'm like,
Speaker 2: where is the and this is not me, Like, this
Speaker 2: is not a heroic moment, but this is just case
Speaker 2: and point. Like in corporate America, I went through trainings
Speaker 2: where you if you're going to present a problem, you
Speaker 2: have to present five solutions. Don't come to us without solutions.
Speaker 2: So when the Daddy Daughter Dance originated for the Sweet School,
Speaker 2: it was on a weekend. I had a broken hearted daughter.
Speaker 2: She could not go because her dad has always gone
Speaker 2: on the weekends. So I said to the school, if
Speaker 2: there is an opportunity for me to step in and
Speaker 2: the person wants to step down or anything anyway I
Speaker 2: can help, I would gladly take on full responsibility if
Speaker 2: I could shift it to a weekday. Daddy daughter dances
Speaker 2: in school are on a weekday for ours at least
Speaker 2: ours a Thursday or Friday. I don't even know that's
Speaker 2: still that's yeah, there'sday. Friday was ours well. Also from
Speaker 2: the former events part of me that it's a discounted rate,
Speaker 2: so it's a smarter way for all of us. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So I do it. The woman says, please take this great.
Speaker 2: So I did it last year or whatever, but like
Speaker 2: just no one else is like so like I did
Speaker 2: that in order to create a solution. But there's just
Speaker 2: a lot. I just I feel like we are living
Speaker 2: in a culture and and part of me I went
Speaker 2: all the way back in time, actually into the depths
Speaker 2: of my upbringing, because I grew up with parents that
Speaker 2: had opinions about everything everything. I remember leaving Thanksgiving and
Speaker 2: hearing like the bashing of like every single family member
Speaker 2: and just how like picking people apart. And so that's
Speaker 2: ingrained in me a little too, and I'm doing my
Speaker 2: very best too. I almost do it in ways to
Speaker 2: protect myself. Like Kramer and I talk a lot about
Speaker 2: like the bottom falling out, preparing yourself, whatever, But like
Speaker 2: the over analyzing of everyone is like so toxic at
Speaker 2: this point that I'm just going But we also just
Speaker 2: have the society that's kind of like perpetuating it, and
Speaker 2: that is driving me crazy. Yeah with that, And also
Speaker 2: what's wild is if you actually try to have those
Speaker 2: conversations face to face, the opinions changed pretty quickly, and
Speaker 2: so does the tone. No, for sure, you know, like
Speaker 2: if that like this, I actually got wind of the person,
Speaker 2: so I just said, hey, I was like heard you
Speaker 2: had an issue that it's on the Thursday night. I
Speaker 2: just wanted to let you know, Like I don't feel
Speaker 2: the need to explain myself, but I will let you
Speaker 2: know just so that you can kind of maybe fill
Speaker 2: in everybody else like this is these are the reasons.
Speaker 2: And I said, and also selfishly, it's on the Thursday,
Speaker 2: this Thursday, specifically because my husband's home and I want
Speaker 2: him to be able to take her, and I'm happy
Speaker 2: to hand it over if you want to do it
Speaker 2: next year, because it's three hundred and fifty people now,
Speaker 2: So knock yourself out, you know, like sweetly. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: she goes, oh no, no, no, no, that wasn't it,
Speaker 2: And I'm like, maybe that wasn't it. Maybe it was
Speaker 2: the rumor mo. But also like just a little blanket
Speaker 2: of kindness for the love of Pete. Yeah, it's some
Speaker 2: gracious assumption for people.
Speaker 1: We're missing a lot of kindness in this world right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It's like really making me sad. I assume the
Speaker 2: best to detriment and then you've got people are just
Speaker 2: assuming the worst automatically. It's like, okay, chick, I was
Speaker 2: talking to a girlfriend earlier today on my run and
Speaker 2: we were saying, how wait, you're talking while you're running?
Speaker 2: Stop are you guys? I like to chat. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm doing that because it keeps it going. But opposite,
Speaker 2: by the way, for me, I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of people will start the conversations going into it heated
Speaker 2: and angry, but really, you know that might be the
Speaker 2: person might like you just said, oh no, it wasn't
Speaker 2: like that. Now, whether it was or it wasn't, maybe
Speaker 2: you should change your tune in the in the middle of it.
Speaker 2: But at least if you started heated, there's it isn't.
Speaker 2: We don't need to start heated. That's something that I've
Speaker 2: learned too, where it's people to not go straight aggressive
Speaker 2: with the with the first conversation. Yeah, that's something I've learned.
Speaker 2: Just like old and I even started to day, I
Speaker 2: would go, I would have sent that text message that
Speaker 2: I've been drafting last night right off the get. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I'm still waiting. Are we talking about that? Not yet? Okay,
Speaker 2: we're going to post that one. Yeah, that's a good
Speaker 2: one though, to pin I think smart.
Speaker 1: To Yeah, that's hard for me. I struggle with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I need to hold back sometimes and wait, Well.
Speaker 2: I will also. And I'm not blaming let me part,
Speaker 2: not let that the hormones part. And I'm not blaming this,
Speaker 2: but this perimid apousal period is harder to bite my
Speaker 2: tongue or to be slow to speak, or to wait
Speaker 2: twenty four hours, and it's a very hijacking kind of feeling.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I'm getting older and I'm like
Speaker 1: over all the bullshit.
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: So if that is I'm old chicken or egg, let's
Speaker 1: just let's have here now and decide what we want
Speaker 1: to do and move on. Like I just don't know.
Speaker 2: That's where I'm atah, which is what it's like. I
Speaker 2: don't I don't want any Yeah, I did it yesterday, Jean,
Speaker 2: it's just too old for this. I did it yesterday,
Speaker 2: and I woke up this morning and I was like, girl,
Speaker 2: should you have saidled that?
Speaker 1: Dang it.
Speaker 2: Caitlin Bristow Slam's ex Jason Kardik for using her dream
Speaker 2: baby name for his dog name. I'm making this clear,
Speaker 2: she says. It's not that I'm not over him, she said,
Speaker 2: but to get a dog and name that dog my
Speaker 2: dream baby name that I've had in my baby names
Speaker 2: for ten years. I even had a text saying to him,
Speaker 2: I said, you know, I want to name my baby Teddy.
Speaker 2: And you know, She's like, I know, I seem very angry,
Speaker 2: but it's more like I don't feel I don't like
Speaker 2: feeling disrespected, she added, and I feel like a lot
Speaker 2: of people are going after her right now, you know,
Speaker 2: making her feel bad about saying that, and everyone's like.
Speaker 2: What I don't like reading, first of all, is how
Speaker 2: many women go and attack women in the comment section.
Speaker 2: That's one thing I just I you know, I'll look
Speaker 2: at the US weeklies, But the comments is what makes
Speaker 2: me the saddest thing of all seeing how many women
Speaker 2: talk crap on the women in those comments, being like
Speaker 2: Teddy is a common dog name, and this, that and
Speaker 2: the other and get over it, and you know why
Speaker 2: are you still talking about it? Well, because it's hurtful. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And like a woman I have had. I had Jolie
Speaker 2: as my baby girl name since I was in my
Speaker 2: early twenties. Jolie was so if if Mike and I
Speaker 2: ended up, you know, staying broken up when you know
Speaker 2: she did the first time or whatever, and then he
Speaker 2: named his daughter Jolie, I would be pissed, furious. That
Speaker 2: is my name that I have had for years. Almost
Speaker 2: worse that it's a dog. Well, that's where I feel
Speaker 2: like it might be a little dig to her. And
Speaker 2: that's IBOs a dig. Yeah, I mean I don't think.
Speaker 3: I don't want to believe that.
Speaker 2: But like that, there's a gazillion other names, and I personally.
Speaker 1: Claim it dog name. There's a lot of common dog names.
Speaker 1: I don't know another petty that was not petty and
Speaker 1: a dig at her. I'm sorry, I don't I would
Speaker 1: not believe that in the least. You're not in a
Speaker 1: relationship not know a baby name and name.
Speaker 2: Your dog that, and that's a vulnerable space when a
Speaker 2: woman is talking baby names said, that's vulnerable and that's
Speaker 2: like dear diary kind of stuff that on purpose. I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I don't know. So I so don't want to belie
Speaker 2: leave that that that's you know, I want to believe
Speaker 2: that he forgot because men are like, you know, they
Speaker 2: forget things, and like maybe he didn't.
Speaker 1: A crazy coincidence.
Speaker 2: Well but I know, but that's the piece. But again,
Speaker 2: I'm I'm good on coming to her. I just was
Speaker 2: like devils. I'm like, maybe, but I'm coming to her
Speaker 2: depends on one thousand percent no matter what, Like that's
Speaker 2: messed up.
Speaker 1: It just hurts.
Speaker 2: Has he commented it all? I don't know. So I
Speaker 2: will say this one thing that I do think, because
Speaker 2: life is noisy in socials and we're just inundated from
Speaker 2: like every angle a thousand times, is like sometimes I
Speaker 2: think we hear things and then don't even realize maybe
Speaker 2: we heard it, so that would be my gracious assumption.
Speaker 2: That is Teddy just pinned back in his brain somewhere
Speaker 2: and then was like, Oh, that's a cute name. I
Speaker 2: just don't think you forget talking about baby, do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, for example, you know, if
Speaker 2: Alan and I were to have a girl, one of
Speaker 2: the girl names that Mike and I had was Charlie.
Speaker 2: If we had a girl, I I would have never
Speaker 2: named the girl Charlie because that was mine and Mike's
Speaker 2: yeah baby's name, you know what I mean. But even so,
Speaker 2: you know, Jolie, Like I just I think it's I mean,
Speaker 2: this is gonna sound hypocritical now that I say this,
Speaker 2: but like I feel like she should still be able
Speaker 2: to use that because it's the woman in the name
Speaker 2: of the baby that she's always wanted to use. Like,
Speaker 2: no matter who I end up with, even if I
Speaker 2: told one dude that I was dating, I want a
Speaker 2: name her baby. Jolie. I'm naming probably someone's baby or
Speaker 2: the baby Joy cause that's my name I've always had.
Speaker 2: Yeah it was your name, now guy had.
Speaker 1: But yeah, she looks ridiculous because she's naming her child
Speaker 1: the same thing as her ex'es dog.
Speaker 2: Well, which is so messed up because that's not fair,
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, we had they not talked about this, think
Speaker 1: about that, had they not talked about this? She let
Speaker 1: it go, but like that's her name. Now she can't
Speaker 1: name her if she either she can't do it or
Speaker 1: she names her child that and everyone's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she named her child the same thing as her ex'es dog.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, now she's like, now she can't do it.
Speaker 2: But I just hate thinking up about it and I
Speaker 2: hate them going after you know, yeah, okay, ladies. The
Speaker 2: White Lotus storyline sparks debate. I'm the fate of three
Speaker 2: person friend groups. The question is what do you think
Speaker 2: of this? And do you think do you think a
Speaker 2: three person friend group can survive? And I hate to
Speaker 2: say the answer no, because I think we work great,
Speaker 2: but I don't think it's a good thing. I outside
Speaker 2: of us, was really trying to wrack my brain for
Speaker 2: a three person friend group I have that works like this.
Speaker 1: My young trauma says absolutely.
Speaker 3: Not absolutely marry and then.
Speaker 1: Me Kristin and Ashley and me not this Kristin, Nope,
Speaker 1: it was terrible and it's not working for my middle
Speaker 1: school or either.
Speaker 2: So no, which doesn't work for my daughter either because
Speaker 2: it's you know, it's her the two friends and then
Speaker 2: Jolie in the neighborhood. So I'm like, honey, never it's
Speaker 2: like gott to go in twos or fours urias, you
Speaker 2: will always get left out. Yeah, we actually love this.
Speaker 1: I do think as adults that are new friends. As adults,
Speaker 1: I do think it can work. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, we're not all like y'all are
Speaker 1: closer than like me and you are no cat, That's okay,
Speaker 1: that's not a bad thing.
Speaker 2: I really like our relationship, with our relationship, Kristen.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: So I thought I would be this close to you, Kat.
Speaker 2: But what I'm saying, I will agree, but you guys
Speaker 2: are closer.
Speaker 1: This isn't bad. I'm saying that you guys.
Speaker 2: You're closer than we are.
Speaker 1: Exactly, Yes, exactly, I think.
Speaker 2: You guys are closer than Kramer and dynamics like that.
Speaker 2: What are we proving.
Speaker 1: This theory right now?
Speaker 3: She goes, we're closer than we are.
Speaker 1: And you got offended.
Speaker 2: No, I don't know. This is why we are, but
Speaker 2: I guess we're proving no, no, hey, we totally work.
Speaker 2: She was, hey, hey, hey, hey, here's the deal because
Speaker 2: when I say some of the best, we all define we.
Speaker 1: Are good or we are.
Speaker 2: I think we are close on different reasons, like we
Speaker 2: have a longer friendship obviously, you know. Yeah, we are
Speaker 2: close on different things. We are close on different things,
Speaker 2: and I don't think there is a true you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like and we're both there for each other, yep,
Speaker 2: no matter what. But there are different places where we're
Speaker 2: closer than each other one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And I think that that's understood very well by all
Speaker 1: of us. Like I expect y'all to have certain conversations
Speaker 1: that y'all aren't going to come to me on one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. I expect us to have different conversations that
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go to you on.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's just so I think it can work, and I
Speaker 1: think that that's a good example. But in theory, it's
Speaker 1: usually not a great thing.
Speaker 2: It doesn't think a level of I think, yeah, because
Speaker 2: look at White Lotus for example. I remember, did you
Speaker 2: watch this season?
Speaker 1: Is this the new season?
Speaker 2: Season three? Yeah? With Michelle on hand Unleslie. It's so good,
Speaker 2: but it's you know, the three girls go on vacation
Speaker 2: and I said, oh, this is going to end them
Speaker 2: all fighting. You could just tell like they were like,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, we haven't been done this in so long.
Speaker 2: It's been forever. And then it's you know, oh, did
Speaker 2: you hear that she voted for Trump? Oh did you hear?
Speaker 2: Did you hear that? Like? How is she cheating on
Speaker 2: this person? It's so they started to kind of like
Speaker 2: when they were one on one, they started to then
Speaker 2: talk about the other person, you know, and then it's
Speaker 2: like that that dynamic of all and then it's like
Speaker 2: who's closer to the one person, who's closer to Michelle,
Speaker 2: who's closer you know? And then it's yeah, it's all
Speaker 2: that that's funny.
Speaker 1: I'll have to watch that.
Speaker 2: I think the difference for us, at least I know
Speaker 2: from my seat Dangerous Territory we're getting as close as well.
Speaker 2: I just know because you guys have known each other longer.
Speaker 2: But like I mean, Janna and I holy Matt curled it.
Speaker 2: I mean that just for my relationship with Cramer, the
Speaker 2: things that she has been in on with me. Okay,
Speaker 2: but I was going to say, like I think that
Speaker 2: if it's ever if one of us has ever talked
Speaker 2: about when we're not in the room, it's always in again,
Speaker 2: that kind of like umbrella of like loving and caring
Speaker 2: about someone like I have never experienced from either of you.
Speaker 2: You talking talking about either of you without like the
Speaker 2: highest regard or like you know, like or like a concern. Now, yeah,
Speaker 2: like Pat and I talked when the divorce was happening, Yeah, sure,
Speaker 2: outside of you like what are we going to do?
Speaker 2: How are we going to do this? We do like
Speaker 2: not all the time, but like but in a way
Speaker 2: that if you read that, you'd be like these girls
Speaker 2: had my back, yeah, you know, but also going like okay,
Speaker 2: we need a minute to like sidebar and just out
Speaker 2: of protection or like what's the plan or like you know,
Speaker 2: what's really going on? Like your boots on the ground
Speaker 2: and I well.
Speaker 1: And she was you're our glue. I mean like we're why,
Speaker 1: You're why we came together. So I feel like that's
Speaker 1: when me and you kind of got closer. It was
Speaker 1: like what are we going to do for her?
Speaker 2: I think they actually by definition is called trauma bonding.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, it's crazy, So you trauma bonded us.
Speaker 2: But like even when we travel, you like to go
Speaker 2: do the gym in the morning.
Speaker 1: I stay into emails. Oh wait, we do breakfast.
Speaker 2: Cut.
Speaker 1: I almost stipp to prevent it. I know it's coming.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry we do breakfast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, I just I think it's about maturity in
Speaker 2: the way that we all know what we need and
Speaker 2: we all love each other so fully that like that's
Speaker 2: why it can work that way, and we know when
Speaker 2: to protect each other even when we've been out on
Speaker 2: the road and we've breached topics on stage and we
Speaker 2: have seen the look, we're like and that's good and
Speaker 2: we protect each other. Yeah. Yeah, Has there ever been
Speaker 2: a point though in this trio that someone's felt left out?
Speaker 2: Now we know the joking of that one piece, but
Speaker 2: has it left out though? Right? But has there has
Speaker 2: there ever been a point where you have felt left
Speaker 2: out or you felt left out or I could feel
Speaker 2: left out, but I don't. Okay, tell fair, are we
Speaker 2: further proving than it's doomed?
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna need to know no, just because.
Speaker 2: Of like managerial wise, like you guys have friends long,
Speaker 2: we have a whole friend group that I only know
Speaker 2: of through you. But so yeah, like I'm not tied
Speaker 2: to glue, you know from that. Yeah, well you're my
Speaker 2: Sarah Brice Glue. Like they're like, it's all yeah, but
Speaker 2: I don't. But again, I also just know y'all love
Speaker 2: me like I wouldn't and if it really ever hurt
Speaker 2: my feelings, I would say it and I know that
Speaker 2: you would feel sad and so yeah, but I don't.
Speaker 2: I've never heard whatever I ever have talked about each
Speaker 2: other because we have, right, it's all based out of love,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like when you could really
Speaker 2: like I just wish she would get the help that
Speaker 2: she deserves and needs, you know what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so it's like when we do talk, Yeah, it is
Speaker 2: based out of love. Like there's never any time where
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want you to, Like you could scroll through
Speaker 2: my phone and I can be like, well I said
Speaker 2: that because this, you know, trust and.
Speaker 1: Maturity cannot think of And I am probably the most
Speaker 1: sensitive on this in this room. I think you think
Speaker 1: Sondred percent ask her, really, this might be.
Speaker 2: The first time I've never been the motive that you're
Speaker 2: the most emotional, But she's the most sensitive. That's very different.
Speaker 3: Yeah, now that now that's the most up and down
Speaker 3: of them all.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I can truly not think of
Speaker 1: a time with us three that I've felt left out.
Speaker 1: I have felt left out of group things before, but
Speaker 1: it has as a whole several times. But that has
Speaker 1: never been something out of this group. It's never been
Speaker 1: something that you've been doing or something that you've been doing.
Speaker 1: It's been again unintentional.
Speaker 2: Probably there's a maturity you have because I remember even
Speaker 2: I feeling is get hurt. No no, no, oh oh okay,
Speaker 2: oh no, my feelings got hurt.
Speaker 1: I tryed to her every time.
Speaker 2: But like I remember even the first time, this is
Speaker 2: actually like pretty like this is in my brain, stuck
Speaker 2: in my brain. That's how I know. Like it was
Speaker 2: a moment where I just like saw you differently and
Speaker 2: like mature where I was. We were talking about Love's
Speaker 2: birthday party years ago. Oh yeah, and you're like, i'll
Speaker 2: see you later at Love's birthday parties.
Speaker 1: One did yeah that was hard.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, well you didn't act like it so hard
Speaker 2: for me. So then I was like, oh, I was
Speaker 2: like yeah, and then you go, well I see you
Speaker 2: there and you were like, no, no, no, no, we don't
Speaker 2: invite each other to our kids' birthday parties. That's really
Speaker 2: that's that's me. And I was like defense mechanism, Well
Speaker 2: that was one of the moments.
Speaker 1: So glad that you thought I was mature. I am
Speaker 1: actually the least mature in those situations, if I'm being
Speaker 1: completely honest.
Speaker 2: Right now, we've also we're coming into that age where
Speaker 2: like the kids are picking there and it's less about
Speaker 2: who we want.
Speaker 1: There a hundred like I know that my.
Speaker 2: Cat, you you really presented well, I have to tell
Speaker 2: you to the.
Speaker 1: Probably knows.
Speaker 2: This is one of those times. Well this is why
Speaker 2: so the other so last week when we got done podcasting,
Speaker 2: I know I've mentioned the sauna.
Speaker 3: Thing to you, but I was like, it's because I
Speaker 3: was like.
Speaker 2: We were going in the sauna, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I didn't actually say hey because we were on the
Speaker 2: phone talking about I was like, oh after because I
Speaker 2: was on the treadmill and running or whatever, and I
Speaker 2: was like, hey, after this, I'm gonna you know, sauna.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, shoot, I'd love to, and so we'll
Speaker 2: just do after the podcast. But then I didn't even
Speaker 2: though I've mentioned it to Kat, but I didn't mention
Speaker 2: that we were like we were sonning. So when we
Speaker 2: were going downstairs, I was like, because I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't want her not to feel left out, right,
Speaker 2: you want sauna?
Speaker 1: Yeah you know? I was like, I know that, Like I.
Speaker 2: The threes, the three that's right there, the threes. So
Speaker 2: I'm emotional and oblivious. Okay voted most likely I.
Speaker 1: Thought you were oblivious. I try to act like it
Speaker 1: doesn't bother me, but I know her well enough to know,
Speaker 1: and she just knows. You guys are closing. And then
Speaker 1: I'll cry, it's fine.
Speaker 2: Because we're closer. There you go, Okay, Okay.
Speaker 1: So we just really proved that theory.
Speaker 2: Moving on to my three wind down ladies, you've helped
Speaker 2: me through so many tough moments in my life and
Speaker 2: continue to do just that. I'm currently trying to navigate
Speaker 2: through a tough relationship with my partner while also being postpartum,
Speaker 2: and boy, it's a rollercoaster. There has been some broken
Speaker 2: trust in our relationship on his part, and it started
Speaker 2: with him just making inappropriate comments about other women in
Speaker 2: front of me, which made something in my gut tell
Speaker 2: me to look through his phone. Oh MAKEE sick. Long
Speaker 2: story short, there was something there every time I looked,
Speaker 2: from videos and pictures of onlyfan girls to actual messages
Speaker 2: to some women and even meeting inappropriate women, went out
Speaker 2: with his friends and adding them on social media. I
Speaker 2: heard him out and tried to move past it because
Speaker 2: there was no because there were no messages about him
Speaker 2: actually meeting up with any of these women that I saw.
Speaker 2: And at the time, I was also pregnant and didn't
Speaker 2: want to make and didn't make that much money, so
Speaker 2: that comes with its own set of fears. Fast forward today,
Speaker 2: my son is ten months old. There's a lack of
Speaker 2: intimacy and respect, including verbal disrespect at times. He's changed
Speaker 2: the password to his phone, which only makes me think
Speaker 2: the worst is happening. I've got in a couple's counseling,
Speaker 2: but he doesn't seem to want to try and change
Speaker 2: his behavior. I would love any advice on how to navigate.
Speaker 2: Listening to girls helps me so much. Exo, Damn, I
Speaker 2: resonate with so many points of this, and I'm being
Speaker 2: protective of a lot of I'm trying to be protective
Speaker 2: of my own marriage because it has not been perfect.
Speaker 2: But I resonate so much with so many pieces of this.
Speaker 2: There's one key piece that, if my hindsight can lend
Speaker 2: it is that men stay and boys leave, and there
Speaker 2: has to be a responsibility and a maturity of someone
Speaker 2: actively wanting something the same way you want it. Anything
Speaker 2: to change if you're taking the steps and you're going
Speaker 2: to counseling and you're telling him so it's not out
Speaker 2: of lack of communication or vulnerability, and there's still no change,
Speaker 2: in fact, negative change to the way we're like changing passwords.
Speaker 2: That feels to me. I also don't want I hate
Speaker 2: saying something that somebody might not want to hear. But
Speaker 2: if I had to be thirty thousand feet just based
Speaker 2: on my own experiences and then how I know it
Speaker 2: can change if the other person wants to change, or
Speaker 2: wants to own up, or wants to be honest. I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't love how that feels for her, and I
Speaker 2: don't love the trajectory that it feels like for me
Speaker 2: for her.
Speaker 1: Did he own up to it? Did she say I.
Speaker 2: Don't think you had a choice because she looked hard
Speaker 2: at ith.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but they still, you know, make excuse to make
Speaker 1: excuse me the moment you go through their stuff, I feel.
Speaker 2: Like, I mean, y'all know where I stand on this,
Speaker 2: and I hate this for her. I mean, it's awful
Speaker 2: and I'm so sorry. I just think that first and
Speaker 2: foremost changing the password the fact there should be open communication.
Speaker 2: There should be open trust and transparency with passwords. If
Speaker 2: he has a problem giving you the password, that's a
Speaker 2: big problem in my eyes, that's not okay. That to
Speaker 2: me lends that he's got some bad behavior going on
Speaker 2: that he doesn't want you to see. I also think
Speaker 2: to listen to your gut, because your intuition is always
Speaker 2: going to lead you there. You know, if you think
Speaker 2: something's going on, most likely there is. And if he's
Speaker 2: doing something and respecting you like that right now and
Speaker 2: continues to then this is a pattern and not just
Speaker 2: a one time thing. So and I don't like the
Speaker 2: fact that he's not really open to really changing his behavior.
Speaker 2: So I think if he doesn't share his password with you,
Speaker 2: if he's not trying to make steps to prove his
Speaker 2: change behavior and showing you those steps, then I mean
Speaker 2: I would I wouldn't be too hopeful for unfortunately, like
Speaker 2: I hate that, And also I always tell people that
Speaker 2: that reach out and that I have conversations with on
Speaker 2: on Instagram. It's you know, I hate hearing the stories
Speaker 2: and I'm so sad for them, and I'm also so
Speaker 2: excited for their new future and when they get to
Speaker 2: experience the kind of love that I've now experienced, or
Speaker 2: that you know, the or just like you're own, even
Speaker 2: like just not being in something that is like that.
Speaker 2: I mean, to have not only respect for yourself and
Speaker 2: the love for yourself and your kids, but to not
Speaker 2: to not be questioning what your man is doing is
Speaker 2: a very freeing thing and something that we all we
Speaker 2: should we that's something we should think twice about, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think mourning the loss of someone, the
Speaker 2: idea of someone, or mourning the loss of someone that's
Speaker 2: still alive is probably the hardest human thing to do.
Speaker 2: So probably the perception or the idea she had of
Speaker 2: him what is hardest to break up with, Like I
Speaker 2: think is I'm wondering even how she felt as she
Speaker 2: typed that, like, because it starts to get real when
Speaker 2: you put it into words. Yeah, and also add the
Speaker 2: postpartum layer. Oh, that's it's awful. That's not fair. Also,
Speaker 2: and that's another piece that he should just still be
Speaker 2: more protective and loving on her. And the verbal disrespect
Speaker 2: not okay, none of none of any of that is okay,
Speaker 2: it's not you know, it's not your fault. He shouldn't
Speaker 2: be acting that way. And also I've thought about this
Speaker 2: a lot too. There are certain people that I know
Speaker 2: that have girlfriends and sometimes that I'll look at their followers,
Speaker 2: the type of women that they're following. I'm like, how
Speaker 2: mm hmm, that's not I don't think that's respectful to
Speaker 2: any relationship to have these men, husbands, boyfriends following these
Speaker 2: really inappropriate pages like that. So there's that piece of it. Also,
Speaker 2: my therapist sent me something arth sorry, our therapist sent
Speaker 2: me something the other day as a thought. She said,
Speaker 2: for now, She's like two simple words. She's like, if
Speaker 2: you're having anxiety, it's four now. It's not forever, it's
Speaker 2: just four now. And so while you're going through this
Speaker 2: for now, like you can also like, it won't be
Speaker 2: like this in a year if you make changes, and
Speaker 2: you know, he can stay like that forever, but you
Speaker 2: don't have to. You don't have to be held captive
Speaker 2: to that. So for now, it's gonna be really hard,
Speaker 2: but it won't be like that forever. Yeah, whatever you
Speaker 2: need is me is just his unwillingness to change. It
Speaker 2: sounds like that's the part, because it takes a lot
Speaker 2: for a postpartum, especially like we're just flooded, you know,
Speaker 2: and to say what you need and to try to
Speaker 2: get help and to take someone a couple's counseling and
Speaker 2: to still feel like that just makes me feel sad.
Speaker 2: That's not fair. Yeah, no, I agree with you so
Speaker 2: and that sucks, and please reach out on DMS. I
Speaker 2: got your girl, all right, ladies, I think I will
Speaker 2: be ready to unpin two really big things next week. Okay,
Speaker 2: they're big, so stay tuned. I mean it's I'm gonna
Speaker 2: probably get emotional, but they're very big. Oh okay, do
Speaker 2: I know of them? Neither one of you know both
Speaker 2: of them? Of I'm sorry one you know one, but
Speaker 2: the big one you don't know about.
Speaker 1: Man, I can't wait a week.
Speaker 2: You gonna have to me. Are we good?
Speaker 1: Are we good?
Speaker 2: For you?
Speaker 1: We all?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I feel really I feel really sad
Speaker 2: about the birthday party. We'll talk about it offline. I
Speaker 2: don't even remember so well you were invited so you
Speaker 2: wouldn't remember, all right, on that note, see you later,
Speaker 2: by bye.