Speaker 1: I'm gonna call your Minica and hunger okay or okay
Speaker 1: Minica Minica any Minika Niga like, but you're not. You're
Speaker 1: a biggie. I am a biggie. That is so exactly right.
Speaker 1: I'm not many at all. I'm a giant tea. Hello,
Speaker 1: I'm Mini driver. Welcome to Many Questions, Season two. I've
Speaker 1: always loved Pruce's question. It was originally a nineteenth century
Speaker 1: parlor game where players would ask each other thirty five
Speaker 1: questions aimed at revealing the other player's true nature. It's
Speaker 1: just the scientific method, really. In asking different people the
Speaker 1: same set of questions, you can make observations about which
Speaker 1: truths appeared to be universal. I love this discipline, and
Speaker 1: it made me wonder, what if these quests were just
Speaker 1: the jumping off point, what greater depths would be revealed
Speaker 1: if I ask these questions as conversation starters with thought
Speaker 1: leaders and trailblazers across all these different disciplines. So I
Speaker 1: adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions
Speaker 1: that I personally think a pertinent to a person's story.
Speaker 1: They are when and where were you happiest? What is
Speaker 1: the quality you like least about yourself. What relationship, real
Speaker 1: or fictionalized, defines love for you? What question would you
Speaker 1: most like answered, What person, place, or experience has shaped
Speaker 1: you the most? What would be your last meal? And
Speaker 1: can you tell me something in your life that's grown
Speaker 1: out of a personal disaster? And I've gathered a group
Speaker 1: of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
Speaker 1: humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You
Speaker 1: may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
Speaker 1: We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
Speaker 1: their experience, or the most surprising, or created the most
Speaker 1: fertile ground to connect. My guest today on many questions
Speaker 1: is best selling author, psychologist, and extraordinary teacher Dr Edith Eager. Dr.
Speaker 1: Eagle was born into a Jewish family in Hungary, and
Speaker 1: she and her family were sent to Auschwitz during the
Speaker 1: Nazi occupation, where her parents were killed and she and
Speaker 1: her sister survived. She said that she had been found
Speaker 1: by an American soldier on May four when he had
Speaker 1: seen her hand moving slightly where she lay among a
Speaker 1: number of dead bodies. Dr. Eager eventually moved to America
Speaker 1: and received her PhD in clinical psychology from the University
Speaker 1: of Texas at El Paso. She spent her entire life
Speaker 1: helping patients with post traumatic stress disorder recover and teaching
Speaker 1: all of us through her books how to free our
Speaker 1: minds from the prison of destructive thoughts and behaviors. She
Speaker 1: is genuinely one of the sweetest, most positive and powerful
Speaker 1: people I've ever spoken to in my life, and she
Speaker 1: left me with the lasting idea that what happens to
Speaker 1: us in life is not the most important thing in
Speaker 1: the end. Rather, the most important thing is what we
Speaker 1: do with our lives. Where and when were you happiest
Speaker 1: When my daughter was born September nine, four seven, because
Speaker 1: my doctor didn't want me to have a child and
Speaker 1: his scheduled an abortion, and I told him I want
Speaker 1: to give life. And so I'm glad I didn't listen
Speaker 1: to the doctor. Wow, And that's my daughter, Mary Anne,
Speaker 1: doctor Mary and Anger married to Robert ang gerl Ian
Speaker 1: jay Lee who got the Nobel Plaze and Economics and
Speaker 1: two thousand three. So I think it's probably the most
Speaker 1: beautiful time when I was able to not only survive
Speaker 1: but also give birth to a child. Eat itth the
Speaker 1: war ended in nineteen and you gave birth to ninety seven.
Speaker 1: People usually asked me did you love your husband? And
Speaker 1: my entries. I was seventeen, I was very skinny. I
Speaker 1: was very lonely, and most of all, I was very hungry.
Speaker 1: So he bought me hungary and salami, and so I
Speaker 1: met it him. That's exactly Edith, that is exactly it.
Speaker 1: You were hungry, and he put your salami. I was
Speaker 1: hungry for attention, for a fraction, for approval. And that's
Speaker 1: how I called my patients today. Hungry. They come to
Speaker 1: me hungry, hungry because they expected one thing and they
Speaker 1: got another. They were told one thing and then they
Speaker 1: were presented something. And now, Schwitz, I asked myself many times,
Speaker 1: does anyone know that I'm here? It was so important
Speaker 1: for me some how to know whether anybody ever heard
Speaker 1: of we want to forget and use all kinds of
Speaker 1: defense mechanism. We deny it. If we forget it, we
Speaker 1: run away from it. And thank God, I'm here with
Speaker 1: you at ninety four, a mother of three, a grandmother
Speaker 1: of five, and a great grandma of seven. My goodness,
Speaker 1: seven little boys, My goodness, that's my revenge to Hitler.
Speaker 1: That's the best revenge to Hitler. Your beautiful children and
Speaker 1: their children and their children. Yeah, do you remember the
Speaker 1: liberation really, really clearly? Do you remember when you really
Speaker 1: knew that it was over? That's a beautiful question, and doubt,
Speaker 1: doubt such thing. I can remember. Doubt it's just really happening.
Speaker 1: Is it really true? Yeah? I remember I've out someone
Speaker 1: holding my hand, and then I looked up. I saw
Speaker 1: beautiful eyes filled with tears. I was liberated. I wish
Speaker 1: I could meet that man now. Who gave me Eminem's.
Speaker 1: He gives you Eminem's. He gave me M and M's.
Speaker 1: If you come to my house. Someone sent me M
Speaker 1: and M's with my picture on it. I don't know
Speaker 1: how they got to do that, but I can give
Speaker 1: you Eminem's with picture. I would like that. I would
Speaker 1: very much like to have some Eminem's with your face
Speaker 1: on them, but I'm almost positive I would not be
Speaker 1: able to eat them. I would just look at them. Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't think I could eat something with your face
Speaker 1: on it, Edith. But why don't I shave you some
Speaker 1: and you come here to my house? Yes, okay, you
Speaker 1: did that. I'm gonna come I'll come over and we'll
Speaker 1: look at them together. Make I'm hungarian compapria yum. I
Speaker 1: would like that very much. I've never had that. You're liking,
Speaker 1: you like round chicken paprica. I guaranty you. I actually
Speaker 1: don't doubt it at all. Howard is your son. He's thirteen.
Speaker 1: He's thirteen and he loves to cook. Oh you know,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you a story about him, Edith, When he
Speaker 1: was five years old, he came running in the room
Speaker 1: and he grabbed my shoulders and he was crying, and
Speaker 1: he was like mommy, and I was like, darling, what's happening,
Speaker 1: What is happening? And he said, I can't believe it
Speaker 1: is chicken a chicken And I said, well, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: chicken is a chicken, and he went, I can't believe it.
Speaker 1: I thought it was a coincidence. And he was devastated
Speaker 1: that he had been eating an animal and he didn't
Speaker 1: know it was an animal. So he wrote a song
Speaker 1: about how sad he was. And then he was a
Speaker 1: vegetarian up until only about a year ago. And he's
Speaker 1: always made a lot of his own food and always
Speaker 1: been very interested in cooking. And now he's starting to
Speaker 1: eat a lot of different food now, and it's amazing
Speaker 1: to watch this child who's really he closed his world
Speaker 1: down and now he's really opening it up. But he's
Speaker 1: doing it really consciously with a lot of awareness, and
Speaker 1: it's really amazing to watch. I think it would be
Speaker 1: good for him to talk to Mary Anne because she
Speaker 1: is an expert. Is she You go to her house
Speaker 1: and you don't know what you're gonna get on your play.
Speaker 1: You never know what she's going to serve you. And
Speaker 1: so she would be the person because he could be
Speaker 1: really a chef. Yes, men should stay in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: What question would she most like answered? I have been
Speaker 1: asked many times the question how would you like to
Speaker 1: be remembered? I think that's very fitting for me right now.
Speaker 1: How would you like to be remembered someone who did
Speaker 1: everything in her power that your children, grandchildren and great
Speaker 1: grandchildren were never experienced what I did. I work preventively
Speaker 1: and I'm going to work as long as I live.
Speaker 1: I do not believe in retirement. Yeah, my mom was
Speaker 1: the same, because it's not really work, it's living. Then
Speaker 1: we like what we do. We like because it's genuine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I think if you're putting something into the world.
Speaker 1: Like he said, you have a far greater experience than
Speaker 1: most people in the world currently of what it really
Speaker 1: means to sacrifice and what it really means to put
Speaker 1: light back into the world. I think we celebrate many
Speaker 1: times what we lost rather than celebrate what we still
Speaker 1: have left. And I think it's important for us to
Speaker 1: be very picky what we concentrate on. I know because
Speaker 1: when my sister asked me, and now shows, how do
Speaker 1: I look? And we were completely naked, and uh, I
Speaker 1: knew that I became her mirror. And instead of telling
Speaker 1: her that we should look I told her, Magda, you
Speaker 1: have beautiful eyes. And I didn't see it when you
Speaker 1: had hair all over the place. Oh, so you say
Speaker 1: you find something good in everything? Why do you think
Speaker 1: as people, as humans? Why do you think we jumped
Speaker 1: to the negative so quickly? Why do you think we
Speaker 1: don't naturally fit ourselves to the positive? You know? I
Speaker 1: was in there in Milwaukee, invited to a dinner for
Speaker 1: a family, and we said down and the children, you know,
Speaker 1: sit down. This is my shy one, this is my
Speaker 1: funny one. So on. So I sit down next to
Speaker 1: the girl and I look at her and I said,
Speaker 1: you have such beautiful pro fire, and the mother kicked
Speaker 1: me under the table and said, don't tell her that
Speaker 1: she will be conceded. I think it's very important, very
Speaker 1: important to pay attention what you're paying attention to, because
Speaker 1: we remember the messages our parents give us. We really do. See.
Speaker 1: My mother told me, I'm glad you have brains because
Speaker 1: you have no looks because my sister was the pretty one. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you're beautiful. I think you're beautiful. I am
Speaker 1: very important, and really to tell you that you can
Speaker 1: rewrite your script. Oh, yes, that is true, always right,
Speaker 1: every day. That's real. Right, I am beautiful. I'm one
Speaker 1: of her kind. There'll never be another me, and that's true.
Speaker 1: Never ever will be another Mini Mini Mini, never ever
Speaker 1: ever be another Edith. Yes, you know. I think people
Speaker 1: can take a journey to discover their true self that
Speaker 1: we give up to fit the dynamics. Why do you
Speaker 1: think people give up? It's kind of like Shakespeare put
Speaker 1: people on that stage and you will be the firstborn child,
Speaker 1: so you are the responsible one. The middle child is
Speaker 1: usually pacemaker. They want everybody to get along with everybody else,
Speaker 1: like Kissinger and the babies. We call charming manipulator. I
Speaker 1: was the charming manipulator. Oh. I would go to my
Speaker 1: father and ask for money when he was playing with
Speaker 1: his croonies billiards, because I knew he was going to
Speaker 1: be very generous. I couldn't gotta be with my mother
Speaker 1: with anything like that, but you could with your dad.
Speaker 1: With my dad, I could do that. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: the same. You got to know the customers. You gotta
Speaker 1: know that editory. That is exactly correct. Now, what quality
Speaker 1: do you like least about yourself? If you had to
Speaker 1: pick something, I could be less perfectionistic and just to
Speaker 1: be average. I think it takes courage just to be average.
Speaker 1: It's okay not to make a plushes all the time.
Speaker 1: It's okay to make beds or even flunk. I always
Speaker 1: had to be the number one and graduating with owners
Speaker 1: and and I think it takes courage just to be
Speaker 1: You don't have to be anything just me. Do you
Speaker 1: think that you needed to strive for perfection and to
Speaker 1: be the best because you've had such a lot of
Speaker 1: time and life and people you love taken away from you.
Speaker 1: I think it had agree I do to do with earning,
Speaker 1: deserving and the survivor's geared has really taken over big
Speaker 1: time because when I was graduating with honors, I did
Speaker 1: not show up for my graduation because they died and
Speaker 1: I did not even allow myself. That is a good word, permission.
Speaker 1: I didn't give myself permission to show up for my graduation,
Speaker 1: and that is really something I would not do today.
Speaker 1: So I think it's important to live in a present
Speaker 1: and celebrate every moment because life is just one day.
Speaker 1: The morning sunshine doesn't come back. And that's why I
Speaker 1: love to live in a present and think young, but
Speaker 1: not young and foolish. I like to be liked, not chardish.
Speaker 1: So then you know, I still like the big band
Speaker 1: and my children call it supermarket music. They do. I
Speaker 1: love big band music. You do too, Oh, I love that,
Speaker 1: Glenn Miller, I love. I love big band music. My
Speaker 1: mom used to love that. To come with them together.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna come to your house. We're gonna look
Speaker 1: at the Eminem's with your face on it. You're gonna
Speaker 1: make some chicken Papa cash, and then we're going to
Speaker 1: go out dancing. This is like the best date ever.
Speaker 1: It's a date, so eat it. What person place or
Speaker 1: experience most altered your life. When I was accepted at
Speaker 1: the university, I never told them that I never finished
Speaker 1: high school and I was accepted on probation, and they
Speaker 1: put me in a class called English as a second language.
Speaker 1: So you see, I'm manipulated the environment for me to
Speaker 1: be able to be a college student and ended up
Speaker 1: being a college professor. I was able to somehow get
Speaker 1: the education to be able to be part of a
Speaker 1: life where I could not only teach others, but teach
Speaker 1: them what I lived. And anything I tell you, I
Speaker 1: tell you what I lived and made it happen. That
Speaker 1: they don't give in to nahility. You don't give in
Speaker 1: to nothing. What hope and find hope in hopelessness every time.
Speaker 1: Never give up no exactly. And I love that you
Speaker 1: say that you teach preventively. To teach love is how
Speaker 1: to prevent creating people who would take part in atrocities,
Speaker 1: but who would love themselves so they would never even
Speaker 1: it would never even cross their mind to do that.
Speaker 1: You know. I have it in my book that I
Speaker 1: took care of a young man who was part of
Speaker 1: the David Korage movement in Texas, and the first thing
Speaker 1: he told me that he's going to kill or the Jews.
Speaker 1: Now I had a choice, the difference between reacting or responding.
Speaker 1: If I would have reacted, I would have dragged him
Speaker 1: into the corner. I would have looked at him and say,
Speaker 1: how dare you talk to me like this? I saw
Speaker 1: my mother going to a gas chamber. But I remember
Speaker 1: I was having a relationship with God, my God. I
Speaker 1: call it tinker Bell, the free Spirit. And I was
Speaker 1: told to find the biggot in me, and I said, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's impossible. I came to America, Penneler, I didn't speak
Speaker 1: about the English. I went to the bathroom and one
Speaker 1: of them sad colored yes. Prejudice means to pre judge.
Speaker 1: And I joined the n c P. And I marched
Speaker 1: with Martin Luther King in nineteen sixteen three, I believe
Speaker 1: two or me and I was singing, we shall overcome
Speaker 1: with the mamas and the papas way before your time.
Speaker 1: You remember those days. I don't remember those days. I
Speaker 1: remember the music, and I remember the mamas and the paper.
Speaker 1: How do you feel You've lived through so many generations?
Speaker 1: Do you ever feel angry that we don't seem to
Speaker 1: learn that even today Vladimir Putin is invading Ukraine and
Speaker 1: causing misery and heartache, Like, do you ever lose hope
Speaker 1: for humanity? You know, a woman just told me that
Speaker 1: the boyfriend left, and I told her I'm gonna give
Speaker 1: you one word, and the one word is next. So
Speaker 1: the question is my daughter calls it dysm. Are you
Speaker 1: ewarving or are you rewarring? Oh my god, I stough
Speaker 1: that I want that on a T shirt. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: make that T shirt fear. Are you evolving or are
Speaker 1: you revolving? Thank you, because that way you don't just
Speaker 1: do the same thing. Oh well, I know where I
Speaker 1: get expecting different results. Yes, that really is the definition
Speaker 1: of insanity. Huh, insanity, that's what Albert. Yeah. Albert Dunstein,
Speaker 1: I understand, was teaching at Princeton and he came out
Speaker 1: and one of the students looked at him and said,
Speaker 1: you're not wearing socks, And he said, I'm not in
Speaker 1: two socks. And I'm thinking, sure, if you're aber, you
Speaker 1: don't have to bet sock. You can't do anything you
Speaker 1: want to because you're aber. I think you cannot wear
Speaker 1: socks even if you're not. Albert Einstein. Yeah, because you
Speaker 1: have to risk, You have to risk cold feet, chances
Speaker 1: that that no one notices it as much as you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I remember I moved to Sandy Ago from Texas and
Speaker 1: I went to the symphony one night and I forgot
Speaker 1: to take off my slippers. Nobody noticed that I was
Speaker 1: the only one. I think people have fall less interested
Speaker 1: in our story than than we are. Of course, of course,
Speaker 1: can you tell me about something that has grown out
Speaker 1: of a personal disaster. I appreciate every moment because I
Speaker 1: remember when I saw my mother going to the gas chamber,
Speaker 1: and when that picture comes up for me, it really
Speaker 1: gives me right on time how to experience the present
Speaker 1: that I can only touch you now. So I do
Speaker 1: live in a present. I never forget the past. I
Speaker 1: don't even know what the world overcome means, but I
Speaker 1: came to terms that I call it my cherished wound.
Speaker 1: I think in a way, in a big way, we're
Speaker 1: all wounded, and that woundedness gives us birth to the me,
Speaker 1: my genuine self that I give up many times to
Speaker 1: please the family dynamics. Take a journey and see what
Speaker 1: you discover on the way. Where you are now A
Speaker 1: many girls and how much do you have left? Because
Speaker 1: chances are you may have fifty more years and that's
Speaker 1: quite a bit of time for you to maybe go
Speaker 1: back to school, maybe learn how to do belly dancing.
Speaker 1: You're something red. Maybe I've got a belly dancing school,
Speaker 1: or go to Hungarian jars. You know it is that
Speaker 1: a plastical dancing? Is that first dancing? Yes? Yes, I
Speaker 1: was dancing with car Lodgers in Hungary in nine Yes. Yes,
Speaker 1: eating the Hungary eating goulash is very good, very good.
Speaker 1: If your sound likes cooking, I'm happy that you are supporting.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be his future. It can be
Speaker 1: one of his goals to be a good chef. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: I think food is love. I mean it really making
Speaker 1: food is that there's a lot of love in it.
Speaker 1: When he makes food for me, I know that he
Speaker 1: has put all his love into it. Maybe you can
Speaker 1: buy it, Asta. I love that you're reworking my whole life.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go back to school, I'm gonna learn
Speaker 1: to be a belly dancer, and I'm going to open
Speaker 1: a restaurant. There you girl, I'm loving my alternative life.
Speaker 1: I love the idea of expanding and doing lots of
Speaker 1: other things. You're a magical person. You really are. Like
Speaker 1: it feels like everything has grown out of something which
Speaker 1: one would imagine might end a person's life, even if
Speaker 1: they carried on living, that their spirit would be so
Speaker 1: traumatized and damaged. But to talk to you and to
Speaker 1: see you, and to hear the way that you feel
Speaker 1: about the world, it's such a beautiful reminder that we
Speaker 1: can always choose to grow, we can always rewrite the script.
Speaker 1: Like you said, life is beautiful. It's not what there is.
Speaker 1: That's what we do with it every moment. We don't
Speaker 1: seem to appreciate it what we have many times until
Speaker 1: we lose it. And that's why I eat up every
Speaker 1: marshal of food on my plateate on your play. If
Speaker 1: you don't need, they'll take it home. I never reached
Speaker 1: fiece of bread ever. Well, it has been the most wonderful,
Speaker 1: wonderful time talking to you. Thank you so much, really,
Speaker 1: with all my heart, thank you. It's so beautiful to
Speaker 1: share what you have to say with everybody, everybody is
Speaker 1: an absolute blessing. Thank you. Memories, yes, yes, Edith, we're
Speaker 1: making beautiful memories. I'm very grateful for sharing memories with you.
Speaker 1: Edith has put out a new edition of her acclaimed book,
Speaker 1: The Gift. The Gift covers Edith's insight into dealing with
Speaker 1: life's most complex challenges, and the new edition includes two
Speaker 1: additional chapters that examine Edith's introspections during COVID. She really
Speaker 1: is always growing, always evolving, and always teaching. You can
Speaker 1: find her book and more about Edith on her website,
Speaker 1: Dr Edith Eager dot com. That's d r Edith Eager
Speaker 1: dot com. Many Questions will be taking a short mid
Speaker 1: season break while I'm on set for a new movie,
Speaker 1: but we will be back next month with more guests.
Speaker 1: While we're away. If you're looking for more stories, please
Speaker 1: do check out my newly published memoir, Well Memoirish Managing Expectations.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, and please rate and subscribe to
Speaker 1: the Share and as far as my belly dancing career goes,
Speaker 1: I'll keep you posted. Mini Questions is hosted and written
Speaker 1: by me Mini Driver, supervising producer, Aaron Kaufman, Producer Morgan Lavoy,
Speaker 1: Research assistant Marissa Brown. Original music Sorry Baby by Minni Driver.
Speaker 1: Additional music by Aaron Kaufman, Executive produced by ME Mini
Speaker 1: Driver Special thanks to Jim Nikolay, Will Pearson, Addison No Day,
Speaker 1: Lisa Castella and a Nick Oppenheim at w kPr de
Speaker 1: La Pescador, Kate Driver and Jason Weinberg, and for constantly
Speaker 1: solicited tech support Henry Driver