Speaker 1: Hello, Hey, what's up man?
Speaker 2: What's up? While?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it says here that your name is dubious. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's up, Dubious?
Speaker 3: Oh? Not much, just hanging out after a long day
Speaker 3: of work.
Speaker 1: What's happening with you?
Speaker 3: I'm thirty years old, and like I started being a
Speaker 3: jugular when I was sixteen, I'm not anymore. I have
Speaker 3: a family and stuff now, and it was just sometimes
Speaker 3: it's hard for me to accept the transition that has
Speaker 3: been made in my life, like the calmness of it,
Speaker 3: the I don't have to feel like somebody's gonna come
Speaker 3: around the corner and mess me up or something like that.
Speaker 3: I don't have to feel like I'm gonna be pulled
Speaker 3: over and get some to prison immediately. Ten years ago,
Speaker 3: I was still in prison. And then now I'm a
Speaker 3: father of three and I don't do much anymore, just
Speaker 3: working home and that's it.
Speaker 1: How long were you in the game.
Speaker 3: For Let's see. I I used to sell drugs for
Speaker 3: my dad when I was a kid, but whenever I
Speaker 3: started doing it myself, I was sixteen years old, and
Speaker 3: I did it steadily until I was nineteen, until I
Speaker 3: went to prison.
Speaker 1: You sold them for your dad, yes, my.
Speaker 3: Dad used to tell booker sugar and he thought that
Speaker 3: it was easier for people to get a bag from
Speaker 3: a kid then it would be from an adult. That
Speaker 3: was it was less conspicuous, I guess for him. So
Speaker 3: he would send me in the room and lay money
Speaker 3: out and go, this is what the money that you'll
Speaker 3: get will look like. If it doesn't look like any
Speaker 3: of these, don't give them back and come back inside.
Speaker 1: But were were you ever in any danger doing that?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: One time I was almost kidnapped by somebody. CPS was
Speaker 3: called a bunch of times, so I was. There's a
Speaker 3: bunch of times where I sat in a in the
Speaker 3: backseat of a car while my dad's house was being
Speaker 3: raided and stuff.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Do you still what's your relationship like with
Speaker 1: your dad these days?
Speaker 3: He died last year, but I mean previously that it
Speaker 3: wasn't It wasn't very good. It was never really a
Speaker 3: good relationship. It was he was I mean other than
Speaker 3: the drugs, than selling, than having your kids sell drugs
Speaker 3: or you was.
Speaker 2: It wasn't the best.
Speaker 3: Dad.
Speaker 1: What's going on with your mom? Uh?
Speaker 3: She passed away when I was fourteen. M She did
Speaker 3: not like it, but I guess she felt like she
Speaker 3: was stuck with him. She died too young for me.
Speaker 3: I was too young for me to like ask her
Speaker 3: what was going on, what she thought and things like that.
Speaker 1: Hmm hm. And uh, did you ever get into any
Speaker 1: like legal trouble? Did you ever have to go to
Speaker 1: prison or jail or anything?
Speaker 3: Yes, I spent two years in state jail for I
Speaker 3: got caught with two pounds a week on the interstate
Speaker 3: going from Colorado to Texas. And uh, yeah, I gave
Speaker 3: them a fake name. I was on the run already
Speaker 3: for two years for some other things that I had
Speaker 3: done previous to that. And uh that just that was
Speaker 3: the last domino, I guess, or this all that broke
Speaker 3: the camel's back and everything's just pretty much collapsed underneath
Speaker 3: me at that point.
Speaker 1: Now, is there? Have you like served your time already
Speaker 1: for for everything?
Speaker 2: Are you?
Speaker 1: Are you worried at all about any parts of your
Speaker 1: past life kind of coming back to you?
Speaker 3: Maybe the only part that I'd be a little worried
Speaker 3: about would be the thing that I told you in
Speaker 3: the text message. But other than that, I served my
Speaker 3: time for what I went to jail for. And as
Speaker 3: far as the legalities the other things go. I think
Speaker 3: that there's been enough time that I'm okay to speak
Speaker 3: about some of these things.
Speaker 1: Okay, mm hm.
Speaker 3: Hmmm.
Speaker 1: What was I gonna say? I don't know why I
Speaker 1: keep this is stupid, but I'm thinking I've just played
Speaker 1: Red Dead Redemption, which is about a guy who used
Speaker 1: to like be in a gang, but he's like turning
Speaker 1: his life around.
Speaker 3: I just finished that game myself too. It's a good game.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, you kind of remind me of John Marston.
Speaker 2: Nice.
Speaker 1: Well, anyway, what uh what was it like in prison? Man?
Speaker 3: Did it was? I mean, like you hear stories and shit,
Speaker 3: and then m I first went in and then I
Speaker 3: talked to people. The first week was okay, and then
Speaker 3: after the first month I saw my first stabbing, and
Speaker 3: then my first month and a half, I saw a
Speaker 3: grown man's bahole they'd taken away from him unwillingly, pretty
Speaker 3: in pretty close vicinity. So that was that was one
Speaker 3: of those moments where I was like, you you ever
Speaker 3: see those movies where people go to prison and there's
Speaker 3: always that one guy that's crying and he's.
Speaker 4: Like, I don't belong here.
Speaker 3: M hm. Totally felt like that after I saw that happen.
Speaker 3: I was like, bro, just selling drugs, Dude, I was
Speaker 3: just selling weed. I don't belong here. I don't feel
Speaker 3: like I should be in here with you people.
Speaker 2: But yeah, do you.
Speaker 1: Ever find it crazy when you go into like a
Speaker 1: weed shop in Denver or California and it's like a
Speaker 1: fucking apple store and you can pay for it with
Speaker 1: a credit card, and you're like, fuck, man, I went
Speaker 1: to prison for something that's like you combie with a
Speaker 1: fucking credit card a store at this place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's still wild. I live in a legal state now,
Speaker 3: so it's it's definitely crazy, and it's a wild thought
Speaker 3: to think that I went to prison for two years
Speaker 3: for that and now I can just go literally buy
Speaker 3: what I went to prison for and bring it home
Speaker 3: and just be totally fine.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fucking crazy. I feel like I interrupted you.
Speaker 1: There was something else you were going to say about prison.
Speaker 3: Let's see, Other than that, it was just, uh, you
Speaker 3: go about your business and stuff. It was racially divided.
Speaker 3: So not only was it racially divided, it was your race.
Speaker 3: Would walk up to you and they'd ask you what
Speaker 3: part of the state you're from, and then they would
Speaker 3: point you to the direction of people that are from
Speaker 3: that area, and then you go hang out with those people,
Speaker 3: and those are the people that you stick with until
Speaker 3: you leave or until or unless you decide to do
Speaker 3: like your thing, like it's not always so much of
Speaker 3: a protection thing, but just like you're not they they
Speaker 3: don't really want you to associate with other races.
Speaker 1: Did you was was there pressure ever to like fight
Speaker 1: with with the other races or else have your gang
Speaker 1: like beat you up.
Speaker 3: Yes, there was one instance where I was at lunch
Speaker 3: and somebody took my fruit off my train and the guys,
Speaker 3: the guy that ticket was like, uh, this is mine
Speaker 3: and that's it right, and I was like, no, man,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna need you to put that back. Then three
Speaker 3: other gentlemen walked up behind him and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I don't think that's gonna happen, and I I just
Speaker 3: shut up and I let them walk away. And then
Speaker 3: after that, another gentleman walked up and sat next to me.
Speaker 3: He's like, hey, brouh, actually just happened in front of everybody.
Speaker 3: You can't let that slide. You're gonna have to You're
Speaker 3: gonna have to handle that. And I didn't know what
Speaker 3: to do. I was like, I don't know what to do, bro,
Speaker 3: Like do I beat him up? Or was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm new here. And he scoffed at me
Speaker 3: and went fucking you guys and just got up and
Speaker 3: walked away. And I was like, I don't I don't
Speaker 3: really know what that means, man, like I'm fucking you here.
Speaker 3: Like I took that as like you're supposed to know
Speaker 3: what's going on here already and shit like that, and
Speaker 3: I was I'm like still a new guy and shit.
Speaker 3: And someone sold me a knife for protection and then
Speaker 3: he told me to go he use that on him
Speaker 3: and things would be okay for me. I didn't use
Speaker 3: it on him, but I did end up fighting him.
Speaker 3: I got beat up severely and I went to the
Speaker 3: hospital in prison for that like maybe like a month
Speaker 3: and a half because I got jumped by him and
Speaker 3: his buddies. But I was okay with my people, and
Speaker 3: I was okay with his people because I guess I
Speaker 3: had stepped up to him and it was it was
Speaker 3: what they call a heart check. They just needed to
Speaker 3: see where I was and if I was going to
Speaker 3: be a welcome mat to everybody in the prison, or
Speaker 3: if I was going to be a person that was like,
Speaker 3: not so much that you had to watch out for,
Speaker 3: but someone that you're just like, yeah, yeah, I don't
Speaker 3: mess with him. He's all right, he minds his own.
Speaker 1: You know, somebody gave you a knife to use on him.
Speaker 3: Oh, I had to buy that knife. I bought that knife,
Speaker 3: and after the guy scoffed at me and called me
Speaker 3: a new guy, someone else walked up and they're like, hey, man,
Speaker 3: I got what you need. Follow me. Followed him up
Speaker 3: to his cell and he was like, here's this knife.
Speaker 3: You owe me this much for it. I think it
Speaker 3: goes like thirty forty bucks. And yeah, he's like, I
Speaker 3: use this and go fuck him up. But make sure
Speaker 3: that it's in front of everybody, so everybody knows that
Speaker 3: you're handling what happened today.
Speaker 1: And now that how does that conflict with like, I
Speaker 1: assume that if you're beating people up in prisoner stabbing people,
Speaker 1: do they add that on to your sentence? Does that?
Speaker 2: It depends.
Speaker 3: It depends on the severity of it. If it was
Speaker 3: just a fight, you get tossed in the hole and
Speaker 3: you get maybe another two weeks or a month added
Speaker 3: to your time, but it was two for one for me,
Speaker 3: So like every two days it is worth or was it? Yeah,
Speaker 3: every two days would be one day, or everyone every
Speaker 3: one day is worth two days, is what they were
Speaker 3: told me.
Speaker 1: Every one day is worth two days.
Speaker 3: Yes, But I either way, I still did two years
Speaker 3: time because that's that's what I was said into, sentenced
Speaker 3: to and sentenced to in court. So that's that's what
Speaker 3: I ended up doing.
Speaker 1: And did anyone else ever try to fuck with you
Speaker 1: after that? Or did you eventually kind of get into
Speaker 1: your own.
Speaker 3: You know, everything Just it's moved out after that, and
Speaker 3: I spent the rest of my time there hanging out
Speaker 3: with people, learning how to draw. I did a couple
Speaker 3: of drugs in there, but then once you find out
Speaker 3: how those drugs come in there, you're like, I don't
Speaker 3: really want to do that stuff no more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in in people's ass holes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the most part, Yeah, what kind of drugs?
Speaker 3: I smoked weed, but there's there was a lot of
Speaker 3: drugs in there. There's a lot of drugs, but it's
Speaker 3: just like being in the streets, but just in a
Speaker 3: confined space.
Speaker 1: How old were you when you got out?
Speaker 3: I was twenty one.
Speaker 1: Wow, So you got in when you were nineteen. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's fucking tough, man.
Speaker 3: Hm, it was. It was wild.
Speaker 1: And did the did did the dealing cease when you
Speaker 1: got out or did you go back for more?
Speaker 3: I didn't deal as hard as I used to, but
Speaker 3: I still deal because it was something that I was
Speaker 3: used to doing. It was a like a quick buck,
Speaker 3: I guess for me, it was just an easy way
Speaker 3: to get money, so I didn't really have to worry
Speaker 3: about a job until I started having kids, and then
Speaker 3: that started to change. Even though it was just sweed,
Speaker 3: I still didn't want to I didn't want to sell anymore.
Speaker 3: Like there was times where I would get home from
Speaker 3: work and then have to back up stuff and go sell,
Speaker 3: and my son would be like, let's hang out, let's
Speaker 3: play or something, and I'd be like, oh buddy, I'll
Speaker 3: be right back. I got to do something real quick,
Speaker 3: and I just it butt me out to hear that
Speaker 3: from him, and I felt like I was being my father.
Speaker 3: So I just I felt like it was better for
Speaker 3: me to stop.
Speaker 1: How long ago did you stop?
Speaker 3: Let's see, it's been six years now, so I stop
Speaker 3: when I was twenty four.
Speaker 1: When did you give your kid.
Speaker 3: Shoot, my first kid I had when I was sixteen,
Speaker 3: my second kid I had when I was twenty three,
Speaker 3: and then I'm on my third kid now that we'll
Speaker 3: be doing November.
Speaker 1: Wow, what was up with your kid while you were
Speaker 1: in jail?
Speaker 3: My youngest one I do not have the best relationship with.
Speaker 3: He thinks that I left because I didn't love him,
Speaker 3: so like, I'm trying my best to fix that as
Speaker 3: much as I can, but it was it's the way
Speaker 3: he felt growing up with me not being there or
Speaker 3: me being in and out of his life. And his
Speaker 3: mom's not a huge fan of me. So there's always
Speaker 3: that too. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask that too.
Speaker 3: Not the best question ever.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask that too. What do you still
Speaker 1: have a relationship at all with the woman that you
Speaker 1: had the kid with at sixteen?
Speaker 3: No, I have more relationship with my son now than
Speaker 3: I do with her. Every time we and her talk,
Speaker 3: it's always a fight. No matter how much I feel
Speaker 3: like I have grown as an adult. I try to
Speaker 3: look at the conversation in so many different ways and
Speaker 3: try to see how I could say things differently. That
Speaker 3: she's not offender or anything like that. But there's still
Speaker 3: some feelings there, and I feel like she still sees
Speaker 3: me as a fifteen year old kid that got her
Speaker 3: pregnant all those years ago.
Speaker 1: Now, what about the two other kids?
Speaker 3: My youngest son's mom, we're okay, We're okay. It took
Speaker 3: some time, but we're okay. We co apparent. He comes
Speaker 3: out and hings out every weekend, and he stays longer
Speaker 3: on breaks and stuff like that on school. We live
Speaker 3: five minutes away from each other, so it's not that bad.
Speaker 3: I go see him sometimes during the week. My oldest
Speaker 3: kid lives in Texas and I currently stay in Missouri.
Speaker 3: That's that's a bit more of a travel I try
Speaker 3: to use my vacation in the summertime they go see him.
Speaker 3: And as for my third kid, I'm with her. We're
Speaker 3: together and we plan on keeping it that way.
Speaker 1: Is it the same woman the second and the third kid?
Speaker 1: Are they with the same woman?
Speaker 3: Nope? Uh? Three women all together?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Okay the second kid, Uh, how's how's your
Speaker 1: relationship with that woman?
Speaker 3: It's all right, it's all right. It took some time,
Speaker 3: but we're okay.
Speaker 1: Okay. And are you married down or have a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: We're engaged fantastic. Congratulations man, thank you. Are you happy
Speaker 1: or you excited about life?
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 3: It's very different when I when I think back on
Speaker 3: how much things have changed from being a teenager now
Speaker 3: now calm things are, it's very nice.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. What do you do for work now?
Speaker 3: I'll work at a dog I work at a factory
Speaker 3: that makes flavering for dogging cats. Who I'm our house
Speaker 3: guy there?
Speaker 1: M hmm. Do you ever like I? No, no, I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is a thing. But do you
Speaker 1: do you? I assume that some of the drug dealing
Speaker 1: there was like a sense of I don't know, adrenaline there.
Speaker 1: Do you do you miss that or have anything in
Speaker 1: your life that kind of fulfills that?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I know there's there's definitely some times where I
Speaker 3: miss the fun. Sometimes I tell my fiance that it
Speaker 3: sucks being a healthy adult. Sometimes I just want to
Speaker 3: I want us to have a fight and just like
Speaker 3: say horrible mean things to each other and ship for
Speaker 3: once instead of just being like, hey, I understand that
Speaker 3: you don't feel very well right now. Whenever you have
Speaker 3: a moment, let's talk about this. I mean, I don't
Speaker 3: miss it as much, but there are sometimes that I
Speaker 3: do miss it. As for finding something that takes up
Speaker 3: that void or that feeling, it's probably just video games
Speaker 3: and hiking and trying to do like regular people. I guess.
Speaker 1: Do you have a different perspective or or have you
Speaker 1: developed any kind of thoughts about your relationship with your
Speaker 1: dad since having kids? And you know, I think so
Speaker 1: if you're thirty, your kid is like, you know, fifteen,
Speaker 1: and you know about the age that you were when
Speaker 1: your dad was asking you to deal drugs and stuff like, Yeah,
Speaker 1: tell me those thoughts that you have.
Speaker 3: I would never do that. I would never ask my
Speaker 3: son to do that. I would never put any of
Speaker 3: my kids in any of the situation my dad ever
Speaker 3: put me through. It's as wild as fuck to think
Speaker 3: what was going on through my dad's mind during that.
Speaker 3: I've always thought that maybe maybe he was too traumatized
Speaker 3: by whatever happened in his childhood that he could cope
Speaker 3: or just like stopped carrying at some point, because I mean,
Speaker 3: he had seventeen kids. I was the last kid. Wow,
Speaker 3: Like another part of me, like another part of me
Speaker 3: is like he's probably just like done with it and
Speaker 3: just like did a very bare minimum them was like ah,
Speaker 3: you know what, here's an extra thing for you to
Speaker 3: do in your life.
Speaker 1: Mm hm m hmm. Do you talk to any do
Speaker 1: you have any Do you talk to any of your
Speaker 1: brothers and sisters?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they're all they're all older than me. They're
Speaker 3: all like in their fifties, late fifties. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 3: it's weird having conversations with him. I get along more
Speaker 3: with my nieces and nephews than I.
Speaker 4: Do with them.
Speaker 1: Do you get to see them very often?
Speaker 3: Not as much as I'd like to?
Speaker 1: Hm hm hmm. Do you do you have any friends?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Where are those friends from?
Speaker 3: They're from I've lived here in Missouri now, so they're
Speaker 3: from Missouri. I still have some friends in Texas. I
Speaker 3: have friends that I've made and I guess in the
Speaker 3: games that are kind of spread out through the states
Speaker 3: and stuff, and a couple of Mexico m hmm.
Speaker 1: What's your like? I was gonna say dream in life,
Speaker 1: but I guess, you know, how are you thinking about
Speaker 1: life moving forward?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What are your goals? What do you wanna? What are
Speaker 1: you thinking about all day when you're thinking about the future.
Speaker 3: Before, I guess, before I had kids, I used to
Speaker 3: think that I picked early because of all the vast
Speaker 3: amounts of money that I used to make. I mean,
Speaker 3: I guess, like to me, it was a lot of money,
Speaker 3: but others it's probably like, yeah, that's not that bad.
Speaker 3: But to me, I was making a lot of money
Speaker 3: at that point, and I used to think that I
Speaker 3: peaked at that time. And now that I have kids, Uh,
Speaker 3: my dream now is to just be a good a
Speaker 3: good father. I just I want to be involved in
Speaker 3: my kid's life and I just want to be there
Speaker 3: as much as I can and to show them that
Speaker 3: I love them.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 3: That's it. That's it really. I mean, I feel like
Speaker 3: my dreams are over. I mean, not that they're necessarily
Speaker 3: over because I have kids, but like I've done a
Speaker 3: lot of fun things in my life that I don't
Speaker 3: feel like there's a lot more for me to do,
Speaker 3: and it's I feel like I'd rather put that energy
Speaker 3: into my kids and my family and my regular life. Now.
Speaker 1: I guess that's great. Man. How'd you meet your wife.
Speaker 3: On a dating app? Actually?
Speaker 1: Which one?
Speaker 3: It was called? Okay? Okay Cupid?
Speaker 1: Okay Cupid? Yeah, yeah, I was on Cupid back in college.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. It was supposed to be a one
Speaker 3: night stand that ended up being something really great.
Speaker 1: That's wonderful.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: What's uh, what's her deal? What's her life like?
Speaker 3: She grew up very differently than I did. She's five
Speaker 3: years younger than I am. We kind of didn't have
Speaker 3: the best of the childhoods. So I guess we we
Speaker 3: bond in that. But I mean, we're very We're totally opposite,
Speaker 3: and it's it's weird that we even have been together
Speaker 3: this long, but we we fit perfectly mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Opposite And what what kind of way.
Speaker 3: Opposite? And the way in the way that we think
Speaker 3: opposite and the way that we grew up and things
Speaker 3: like that. Like my thought, boss is different to hers.
Speaker 3: Her childhood, even though we're even though it was both
Speaker 3: dramatica is very different than mine. I I at one
Speaker 3: point wasn't a gang and she was never in a gang.
Speaker 3: I sometimes joked that I'm the ghettoest thing that's ever
Speaker 3: happened to her.
Speaker 1: Bro You're literally John Marston.
Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty much. Hmmm.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm I'm very happy for you, man. I'm very
Speaker 1: happy that it sounds like you've been through a fucking
Speaker 1: hell of a lot and it sounds like you sound
Speaker 1: very just not even just your life circumstances, but just
Speaker 1: as I'm talking to you in this conversation, you sound
Speaker 1: like you have a very mature outlook on life and
Speaker 1: on relationships, and things sound very steady and stable for you.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: All of course, Man, you ever have the chance to
Speaker 1: talk about any of this stuff in real therapy?
Speaker 3: Uh No, it's always been too expensive. I've always used
Speaker 3: mushrooms is a good way for me to work on
Speaker 3: my inner self. I usually just take a really big dose,
Speaker 3: and then I understand that the first few hours of
Speaker 3: the fun stuff or just strictly for fun, but then
Speaker 3: after that it's it's some time for dubious to find
Speaker 3: out how dubious works and why he works the way
Speaker 3: he works.
Speaker 1: How about how what's a big dose for you.
Speaker 3: Today? The biggest does I've taken is fifteen grams.
Speaker 1: Fifteen grams Jesus Christ, Yes, sir, that's I don't think
Speaker 1: I've done any more than like three.
Speaker 3: I'd like to venture out there.
Speaker 1: Huh. Are you still a pot guy?
Speaker 2: Were you?
Speaker 1: Were you ever like a big pot smoker?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Always, always, always so am I'm very high right now
Speaker 3: while I'm talking to you.
Speaker 1: It is it is really. I know we said all right,
Speaker 1: but it is so crazy that people were locked up,
Speaker 1: and I think, are I don't know anything about this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, but are people still locked up for weed?
Speaker 3: Uh? And in the states that have legalized it. I
Speaker 3: don't think so anymore. I think they're getting out, and
Speaker 3: I think they're working on getting those things expunged up
Speaker 3: the record.
Speaker 1: Let's say you could go back right now and talk
Speaker 1: to your sixteen year old old self, or if there's
Speaker 1: anybody listening to this that maybe was in a similar
Speaker 1: is in a similar situation or anything, what would you
Speaker 1: say to them.
Speaker 3: I would say to maybe change up what you're doing
Speaker 3: because it's not going to be nice and long run.
Speaker 3: Or I would just go, you're gonna end up being
Speaker 3: a great person, bro, keep keep it up. You're doing great.
Speaker 3: M At some sometimes I think about that, and sometimes
Speaker 3: I feel like sixture year old me would want to
Speaker 3: beat up thirt year old me and think, why are
Speaker 3: we such a bitch? What happened along the way? Why
Speaker 3: are we like this? Another part of me would just
Speaker 3: think that it would work out and here to go,
Speaker 3: Holy shit, you're a lot different I like this.
Speaker 1: You what do you think has been the most difficult
Speaker 1: thing in this process of maturation that you've gone through?
Speaker 3: The hardest thing was letting go of bad things that
Speaker 3: happened to me. I used to always blame the world
Speaker 3: for everything else going on, and I realized now that
Speaker 3: it was a lot of it was my fault. I
Speaker 3: put myself in a lot of bad situations, and I
Speaker 3: wouldn't feel the way or be the way that I
Speaker 3: am now if I just not put myself in those situations.
Speaker 1: This might be a tough one. And and I hope
Speaker 1: it's not out of place to ask or anything like that,
Speaker 1: But do you have you ever or do you think
Speaker 1: you would ever get to a place where you would
Speaker 1: forgive your father for any of the stuff he's put
Speaker 1: you through.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to That's what I'm looking on right now.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to work on letting go of that. That
Speaker 3: one down is by far the biggest one I have.
Speaker 1: Do you talk to your siblings about him at all
Speaker 1: and get their perspective on it? And if you do,
Speaker 1: is that helpful?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I do get the perspective. As far as it
Speaker 3: being helpful, No, Because my dad was an asshole to
Speaker 3: all of us. So we're all in our feelings about
Speaker 3: it up to a certain extent, and all of us
Speaker 3: only see it a certain way. And even though they're
Speaker 3: older than me, I still see that they're very bothered
Speaker 3: by the pain that he calls to them. So even
Speaker 3: though I feel like I'm working through mind, I can't
Speaker 3: really expect him to work through theirs. They see how
Speaker 3: they see it. My dad sold one of my brothers,
Speaker 3: and he thinks that he would have had a better
Speaker 3: life with my dad instead of being sold and having
Speaker 3: a good life with the parents that he grew up with.
Speaker 1: W I'm so sorry you said your brother thinks he
Speaker 1: would have had a better life. Your brother would have
Speaker 1: had a better life staying with your dad instead of
Speaker 1: being sold.
Speaker 3: Yes, And the rest of us are like, no, no,
Speaker 3: we all would have wanted to get sold rather than
Speaker 3: stay home with him.
Speaker 1: M Well, man, it's such a it's such a cool
Speaker 1: thing that you're you're at a place right now where
Speaker 1: you have healthy relationships with people and you have the
Speaker 1: opportunity as a father to be a good dad, you know,
Speaker 1: to like be the kind of dad that your dad wasn't.
Speaker 1: And it sounds like you're really there to make the
Speaker 1: most out of that opportunity. And I find that very
Speaker 1: admirable because there's a lot of people who unfortunately get
Speaker 1: trapped in like that cycle, right of, like, you know,
Speaker 1: my life was shitty and so I'm gonna make my
Speaker 1: kids life shitty and so on and so forth, And
Speaker 1: I know it must take a lot of time and
Speaker 1: energy and thoughtfulness to break that and to become the
Speaker 1: kind of person that you are today. So fucking good
Speaker 1: on you, sir.
Speaker 3: Thanks man. It's really hard. It's really hard. It's hard
Speaker 3: to be a good yet or whenever you didn't have one.
Speaker 3: Sometimes my son will ask me why I'm such a
Speaker 3: good dad, and it's weird because I'll be like, I
Speaker 3: don't know, man, I've never had a good one. The
Speaker 3: only reason I know how to be a good one
Speaker 3: is because I talk a bunch of TV dads and ship.
Speaker 3: I feel like you.
Speaker 1: Learned how to read dad at who's your favorite TV.
Speaker 2: Dad by far?
Speaker 3: Probably Uncle Phil?
Speaker 1: Mm. Yeah, and he's not even a dad, he's an uncle.
Speaker 3: Well I mean, yeah, yeah, but what he did for
Speaker 3: was really awesome. He was there him a lot more
Speaker 3: than his actual dad was.
Speaker 1: And yeah, mhm, what's your name again, Dubious?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Have you always gone by Dubious?
Speaker 3: Uh no, No, it's just a game with my Xbox name,
Speaker 3: So I just it's a nice name. I just I
Speaker 3: go by that whenever I can.
Speaker 1: What do you play on Xbox?
Speaker 3: Mainly Call of Duty? I play Wars on the lot.
Speaker 1: Do you ever play Grand Theft Auto?
Speaker 3: I do ye?
Speaker 1: Do the do the Do the drug dealers in Grand
Speaker 1: Theft Auto talk anything like real drug dealers?
Speaker 3: No? Uh? Sometimes like online Gerald, that guy he kind
Speaker 3: of talks like a real dealer, but the other one's
Speaker 3: kind of a little different. I guess maybe because Jerald
Speaker 3: the way the only kind of dealer that I kind
Speaker 3: of dealt with, like even whenever I would go into
Speaker 3: Mexico and stuff to go get things. Uh, there was
Speaker 3: one guy that I always spoke very well English there
Speaker 3: while the other ones did the one mm.
Speaker 1: Hmmm, Dubious, Man, is there any other Like? First of all,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for coming on here and talking to
Speaker 1: me about all this stuff. I hope it was like
Speaker 1: a good experience for you. I don't know how much
Speaker 1: you like.
Speaker 3: Okay, it was. Man, I'm a huge fan. I'm a
Speaker 3: huge fan Oh yeah. OK.
Speaker 1: Is there any other aspect of any of this that
Speaker 1: you would want to talk about or anything else you
Speaker 1: want to say?
Speaker 3: Hmmm? Probably that drug dealing isn't all that it's looking
Speaker 3: up to be. All that I'm left now is I
Speaker 3: don't have anything to show for it besides a bunch
Speaker 3: of half ass stories that people probably don't even believe.
Speaker 1: What's your favorite half assed story that people don't believe.
Speaker 3: Let's see, one time I went to go pick up
Speaker 3: and I believe there was like one hundred pounds of
Speaker 3: Mexican brickweed, and to me at that time was I
Speaker 3: was like, this is really fucking cool. This is dope
Speaker 3: for me. And the guy that I picked it up
Speaker 3: from was like, Hey, I'm just gonna put these in
Speaker 3: your trunk and I was like, whoa, bro, I got
Speaker 3: to go back to the border with this. He was like,
Speaker 3: it's totally fine. Before you called me to the call
Speaker 3: before you get to the border, call me and I'll
Speaker 3: let you know what lane to get into. And he
Speaker 3: I called him. He told me the lane to go
Speaker 3: to and the guy just passing by, he walked up
Speaker 3: to my window and he said, are you so and so?
Speaker 3: And I was like, yes, I am. He's like, are
Speaker 3: you so and so his friend? I was like, I
Speaker 3: am so and so it's friend and he's like all right,
Speaker 3: go ahead. And then I passed with one hundred pounds
Speaker 3: of Mexican brickweed in my trunk and I felt like
Speaker 3: the biggest thing ever with that. I was like, this
Speaker 3: is so cool.
Speaker 1: Holy shit. Wait this was to a border agent guy.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was probably be paid off or threatened to
Speaker 1: buy cartels or some shit.
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, I don't I don't know. I don't know
Speaker 3: if any of the people that I got from work cartoons.
Speaker 3: But I knew that it was a good discount. I
Speaker 3: was paying ten dollars for one pound of weed.
Speaker 1: Is that that sounds like a that sounds like a
Speaker 1: pretty good discount.
Speaker 3: Indeed it is. I guess back then one pound was
Speaker 3: going for five hundred dollars in my area, so for
Speaker 3: me to drive out there and get it for ten
Speaker 3: dollars was a steal.
Speaker 1: Do you ever talk about any of this stuff? Would
Speaker 1: you ever do? Like, uh, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How often do you get to like talk about this
Speaker 1: stuff or or or shot stories?
Speaker 3: Not that much? Not that much. I talk about it
Speaker 3: with my friends every time that they ask and stuff.
Speaker 3: But no, not really.
Speaker 1: For uh oh go ahead, no, you go ahead. I
Speaker 1: was just gonna say thanks again for for coming on
Speaker 1: and talking and you know, when when you you you you,
Speaker 1: I want you to enjoy getting high, being a father,
Speaker 1: and playing video games and exactly that art. Take care
Speaker 1: of dubius. Thanks for calling.
Speaker 3: Them YouTube man, stick you out?
Speaker 1: Hello, Hey, what's up? Man?
Speaker 4: My god?
Speaker 2: Is this lyld?
Speaker 4: That's crazy?
Speaker 1: Yeah? What's up?
Speaker 2: Is this? Nick?
Speaker 4: This is Yeah? This is Nick here.
Speaker 1: Nick. You texted me and you said my name is Nick.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five. I want to talk about sacrificing my
Speaker 1: childhood for rock and roll. What does that mean? Right?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 4: Well, I grew up starting like pretty young, playing music
Speaker 4: and kind of did that my whole childhood instead of
Speaker 4: doing like the normal thing, having friends and doing that
Speaker 4: kind of shit.
Speaker 1: So I guess you were playing Betterham Rock while everyone
Speaker 1: else was playing Call of Duty Zombies.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Speaker 4: I mean we played a little zombies in there too
Speaker 4: before practice. But yeah, our practice schedule was pretty rigorous.
Speaker 4: We would do about like five days a week, and
Speaker 4: with our first guitarist that actually got to the point
Speaker 4: where he left the band because he felt I think
Speaker 4: he felt maybe he was losing a bit. Is that
Speaker 4: that feeling from childhood, like actually getting to hang out
Speaker 4: with people and do stuff after school with your friends
Speaker 4: instead of just get done to school, go practice for
Speaker 4: three or four hours, and then go home, do your homework,
Speaker 4: and then do it all again the next day.
Speaker 1: And this is throughout middle school and high school.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we started this band, and I'll just keep the
Speaker 4: name under wraps and whatnot, but we started this band
Speaker 4: in like elementary it was probably fifth or sixth grade,
Speaker 4: and we kept that band going all the way through
Speaker 4: high school. But it was a couple of different guitarists
Speaker 4: throughout that time. But we had a couple really amazing
Speaker 4: experiences that we got to do. We got to open
Speaker 4: up for some some big name groups and you know,
Speaker 4: play all over a couple of summers. We were just
Speaker 4: lined up every weekend with gigs and that was just
Speaker 4: a cool feeling. Instead of going to I don't know,
Speaker 4: parties and shit, we just we played at the parties.
Speaker 4: I guess.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's fun though, man, that really is, because I think
Speaker 1: there's something at least in my personal life. I always
Speaker 1: felt like there's something about combining your work or no
Speaker 1: I'm not not even like work, but like any kind
Speaker 1: of like active creation or pursuit with your social life.
Speaker 1: So like I assume after you played at these parties,
Speaker 1: you then went and enjoyed the party, and the party
Speaker 1: was now was now better for you because you were
Speaker 1: the cool guitar guy up front.
Speaker 4: You know, that was that was always the thing you
Speaker 4: kind of hoped for.
Speaker 3: But I feel like.
Speaker 4: Because I never really hung out with a lot of people,
Speaker 4: my social like my feeling of wanting to be social
Speaker 4: with people wasn't as as out there. So when the
Speaker 4: gig was done, I just kind of enjoyed packing up,
Speaker 4: you know, getting paid, and then heading home because we
Speaker 4: had to probably wake up early for school the next
Speaker 4: day or get ready for practice or another gig. And
Speaker 4: so it wasn't really the whole the nine yards of
Speaker 4: like the sex, drugs and rock and roll, because we're
Speaker 4: just kids at that time, and I mean we're pretty
Speaker 4: I don't want to say like goodie two shoes or anything,
Speaker 4: but we just didn't get too crazy in the drugs
Speaker 4: or anything like that, which I'm grateful for.
Speaker 1: Do you really feel like you missed out on your childhood?
Speaker 1: What specifically do you feel like you missed out on.
Speaker 5: I feel like I really missed out on just making
Speaker 5: connections with people. Say when you go and see a band,
Speaker 5: or you're at a party and you're hanging out with
Speaker 5: people listening to the music. I was instead the person
Speaker 5: on stage, and so I didn't really make those connections
Speaker 5: where I thought I could have. And then as well
Speaker 5: as just how often we practice, you know, I had.
Speaker 4: The close friend as our guitarist and then the bassist,
Speaker 4: but beyond that, it was just kind of I didn't
Speaker 4: really hang out with anybody. And I don't necessarily blame
Speaker 4: rock and roll, but I feel like I did sacrifice
Speaker 4: it for the rock and roll in a sense. It
Speaker 4: was just a path that I chose to take.
Speaker 1: Were you close friends with the other people in the band?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, Oh yeah, we were very tight. I mean
Speaker 4: we still are to this day too.
Speaker 1: So look, man, I don't know, I mean it's very
Speaker 1: there's a funny thing where there's a tradition. There's this
Speaker 1: idea of what a traditional college or high school experience
Speaker 1: looks like, right, Like it's some kind of John Hughes
Speaker 1: movie where everyone's getting laid all the time and getting
Speaker 1: high and has this big group of friends and whatnot.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if that exists. I think everyone well,
Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't exist by nature, because there's no
Speaker 1: true collective experience. You just have what you Everyone just
Speaker 1: has individually whatever happened to them and for you. At
Speaker 1: least from my perspective, it sounds like it sounds to
Speaker 1: me like you did what, in my opinion, is the
Speaker 1: best coolest thing to do, which is to go fuck
Speaker 1: all of that, Fuck the theater club, fuck the football games.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna carve out my own personal lane and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do my thing and better. Yet, you know, it's
Speaker 1: not like you're, I mean, dude, you know, doing this
Speaker 1: with your best friends. It's like, I'm gonna do my
Speaker 1: thing with my friends, and that's the best thing you
Speaker 1: could do. That that's a little bit like I feel
Speaker 1: like what I did. You know, I was doing stand
Speaker 1: up as a kid when I was like sixteen, and
Speaker 1: my friends and I were making movies and I didn't
Speaker 1: go to clubs or like big crazy parties or whatever.
Speaker 1: I had my friends and I had my own world,
Speaker 1: my own lane. Yeah, and it sounds like, you know,
Speaker 1: it's like that's what you had.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And like, now that I'm really thinking about it,
Speaker 4: I think there may have been some sort of as
Speaker 4: a child, at least, some sort of expectations that I
Speaker 4: felt like I needed to have for a childhood. You know,
Speaker 4: there's an expectation that I was hoping to meet, maybe
Speaker 4: in terms of some social goals, you know, having a
Speaker 4: circle of friends or whatnot. But then when I really
Speaker 4: look at it, I had my circle. It was just
Speaker 4: a lot smaller than maybe I intended it to be
Speaker 4: as a kid. And so it's a really solid point
Speaker 4: to where, oh man, very few like I was. I
Speaker 4: kind of knew everybody, of course because I was in
Speaker 4: the band. Everybody knew me as a guy that was
Speaker 4: in the band, But I didn't really fuck with anybody
Speaker 4: because I just didn't fit in where I grew up necessarily.
Speaker 4: And so I had probably the two guys in the
Speaker 4: band with me, and then outside that maybe two three
Speaker 4: people that I could consider friends.
Speaker 1: It's a blessing. I mean, friendship is not about quantity.
Speaker 1: Have you ever thought about it? You ever go to
Speaker 1: I do this all the time. I'll go to if
Speaker 1: you want to feel better about your life, go on
Speaker 1: and reddit and go to r slash forever alone. You
Speaker 1: ever do that?
Speaker 2: I don't know if I've been on that one.
Speaker 1: No, it's I mean, it's it's macabre. But you go
Speaker 1: on there and you're like, oh shit, it's sick having
Speaker 1: three friends. Some people have no some people have no
Speaker 1: for like literally, eazy.
Speaker 4: That's a great point. You need to be grateful for
Speaker 4: what you have, no matter what it is.
Speaker 1: M M, what do you do now?
Speaker 2: Right now?
Speaker 4: I'm like a server, bartender, cook kind.
Speaker 2: Of the works.
Speaker 1: Are you still playing music?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I do a lot of.
Speaker 4: My own, like like on the side kind of music
Speaker 4: production where I make my own songs and put them
Speaker 4: out under a certain name.
Speaker 1: I have to ask our are you withholding them? And
Speaker 1: you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,
Speaker 1: but are you withholding the name of the band? Because
Speaker 1: it's a prominent band, like when people know what the
Speaker 1: band is.
Speaker 4: At least in the area.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were. We played around quite a bit, like I.
Speaker 4: Don't know just all in the area that we did play.
Speaker 4: We played a lot, and so people kind of knew
Speaker 4: us as that band and I'm not trying to dock
Speaker 4: myself as well. I just especially with like when it
Speaker 4: comes to my own music I put out today, it's
Speaker 4: not really about trying to get big or trying to
Speaker 4: really make money off of it or get people to
Speaker 4: know my name. It's more so I just really enjoy
Speaker 4: the creative aspect of it, the emotional release aspect of it,
Speaker 4: just kind of getting those feelings out through a different
Speaker 4: medium of art. And it's something that's just like really
Speaker 4: personal to me, but not in a way that I
Speaker 4: don't want people to hear it. But you know, there's
Speaker 4: a time and a place, and I just don't think
Speaker 4: I'm ready for like a large following. I feel like
Speaker 4: I need to get some more emotional and mental shit
Speaker 4: unlock before I start to get a following on anything.
Speaker 1: That's a very emotionally intelligent move, because you could just
Speaker 1: be completely hungry for money and fame and have it
Speaker 1: destroy your general life sense of well being. You could
Speaker 1: how's your general life sense of well being?
Speaker 4: I think it's pretty good. I mean, like define that question.
Speaker 4: I get maybe I'm not understanding though.
Speaker 1: How you doing?
Speaker 2: Oh I'm doing good, man.
Speaker 4: I got out of a relationship pretty recently, and that
Speaker 4: was a weight off the chest, to say the least.
Speaker 4: You know, and two people just armade for each other
Speaker 4: and you choose to stay together, it goes downhill. And
Speaker 4: so I got myself out of that situation and moved
Speaker 4: moved away from that area because I did move away
Speaker 4: from my home for a little bit.
Speaker 2: But now I'm.
Speaker 4: Back in that area somewhat and I'm living life having
Speaker 4: a good time doing it.
Speaker 1: Do you still play with your friends that you played
Speaker 1: within in elementary school?
Speaker 4: No, I really wish we did, but we've just kind
Speaker 4: of gone our separate ways since then, I think about
Speaker 4: I don't want to say, probably like three years ago
Speaker 4: we stopped playing just because distance issues and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Are they still playing music?
Speaker 4: As far as I know one of them is. He
Speaker 4: also puts out music kind of on his own, just
Speaker 4: as for the same reason that I do. And then
Speaker 4: the other one, I don't think he plays music as
Speaker 4: much anymore. Job is pretty demanding for what he does,
Speaker 4: so he just doesn't have the time.
Speaker 1: Do you have well, Okay, so in high school and
Speaker 1: college you said you didn't have that many friends aside
Speaker 1: from your bandmates, But do you feel like you have
Speaker 1: friends now.
Speaker 4: Sort of. Yeah, there's a it's funny this, you know,
Speaker 4: A couple of those people from back then. It's those
Speaker 4: are the same people that I still consider friends, and
Speaker 4: I think to this day, I still have a little
Speaker 4: bit of a hard time just getting out there and
Speaker 4: making friends, meeting new people or just I don't know,
Speaker 4: I do find comfort in being by myself at this
Speaker 4: point in life. And I mean I'm not even that old,
Speaker 4: of course, but I don't know, I definitely just store
Speaker 4: that that social battery when I'm I'm by myself. You know,
Speaker 4: I'm around too many people for too long, I just
Speaker 4: get really worn out. I guess I don't really try
Speaker 4: to meet new people anymore.
Speaker 1: Hmm. Yeah, it's difficult. It's difficult. That's one of the
Speaker 1: cool things. I mean, that's one of the cool things
Speaker 1: I feel like about having a hobby like music, where
Speaker 1: you know, like we were talking about, your work can
Speaker 1: also be a social thing. I don't know if you.
Speaker 2: Gig anymore, but oh I wish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you ever thought about doing that.
Speaker 2: I have.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I've considered it, thinking like I just need to
Speaker 4: get a certain amount of songs and I could just
Speaker 4: go do some opening shows for some people or something
Speaker 4: like that, and that would be really fun, or even
Speaker 4: just an open mic or something. Shit, I don't even
Speaker 4: need a full set.
Speaker 1: What do you make music about? These days?
Speaker 4: I try to write music about whatever I'm kind of
Speaker 4: feeling in the moment.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I've got some music that is, you know, really happy
Speaker 4: summer vibes, kind of like put you in the mood
Speaker 4: to have a good time, be on the beach and shit.
Speaker 4: And then I got some stuff that just gives you
Speaker 4: the stank face, like some underground wrap and just kind
Speaker 4: of like some bars, you know. So it's really big
Speaker 4: variety of types of music that I write about.
Speaker 1: What do you rap about?
Speaker 2: Oh man?
Speaker 4: My first song that I ever put out was a
Speaker 4: rap song, and I refused to put it out on
Speaker 4: like real platforms anymore, but just because it was a
Speaker 4: it was a mean song. It was a rap Like
Speaker 4: I I got in a in a relationship at a
Speaker 4: young age and thought that this would be a good
Speaker 4: expression of that. And like Taylor Swiss Vibes, No No Hate.
Speaker 1: Oh you did you did a disrap against the.
Speaker 3: X I did?
Speaker 2: It was?
Speaker 4: It was really mean and immature of me, and so
Speaker 4: at that point I was writing about like it was
Speaker 4: like a journal that I was putting out into the
Speaker 4: world with a beat. But then after that I just
Speaker 4: started writing about like this, I don't know, just happy ship,
Speaker 4: seeing this looking at the sun.
Speaker 1: That's that's nice if you it's fine, it's nice of
Speaker 1: you to look back on it and go like you know,
Speaker 1: it's as if you'll look back on it and go like, ah,
Speaker 1: that was kind of you know, maybe I shouldn't have
Speaker 1: written such a yeah, because when you think about Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift and Olivia Rodrigo, they don't do that at all.
Speaker 1: They're like, fuck this guy, and I want literally one
Speaker 1: billion people to know it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just can't feel that.
Speaker 4: I don't I don't like putting people in the spotlight
Speaker 4: because I know I don't.
Speaker 2: Like being in the spotlight as much.
Speaker 4: Sure, as weird as that is coming from from being
Speaker 4: in this on the stage and whatnot.
Speaker 1: Hmm, what's next for you? What's your name again? Nick?
Speaker 3: My name is Nick.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what's next, man.
Speaker 4: I've just been enjoying life, being being independent, trying to
Speaker 4: gain that independence back and find myself again, you know,
Speaker 4: just trying to only be better than the person that
Speaker 4: I was yesterday. If I can do that, I'm having
Speaker 4: a pretty good day.
Speaker 1: I like that, can I Before we go? Do you
Speaker 1: have any bars that you could spit for us?
Speaker 4: No, it's one of those. I'm very shitty at freestyle too,
Speaker 4: and that's one of those one of those things I
Speaker 4: really want to get better at, because in a time
Speaker 4: like this, how cool would that be if I dismissed
Speaker 4: some ship and you're like, okay.
Speaker 1: I you know I kind of I kind of knew
Speaker 1: before I asked you that it would it would be
Speaker 1: a no from you. But I did have to drunk.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you kind of you got that feeling. But yeah,
Speaker 4: one of these days, you're gonna You're gonna know the
Speaker 4: name someday and then I'll hit you up and say, hey,
Speaker 4: you remember that time that you had the call with
Speaker 4: the dude named Nick? And then you're gonna say, yeah,
Speaker 4: of course I remember that exact Nick.
Speaker 1: I would love to get a voice message from I
Speaker 1: would love to get a voice memo from you in
Speaker 1: the DMS being like, hey man, I've come to redeem
Speaker 1: myself and then you just send me like a minute
Speaker 1: of fantastic freestyle rap.
Speaker 2: Do that get to that point, send it to you. You
Speaker 2: can put it on whatever the heck you want, or
Speaker 2: just be for you and me. Either way that'd make
Speaker 2: me happy.
Speaker 1: Nick, Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: Oh? Man, fuck the computer. But I love the people. Man,
Speaker 2: take care, dude, take care. I love you.
Speaker 1: Get nick Nick? Nick? I liked what he ended with,
Speaker 1: fuck the computer. I don't like the computer. I don't
Speaker 1: like being on the computer. I know I'm on the
Speaker 1: computer right now, but I was thinking about that, Like,
Speaker 1: you know, it must have been so fun being like
Speaker 1: like a music rock and roll touring person back in
Speaker 1: the eighties or something like that, where you didn't there
Speaker 1: was no Instagram posting whatever the fuck thing. I mean,
Speaker 1: these tools they are double edged swords because on one hand,
Speaker 1: the computer has enabled lots of people to pursue things
Speaker 1: they wouldn't be able to pursue otherwise, such as being
Speaker 1: a therapy gecko. But the other hand, oh my god,
Speaker 1: why am I scrolling through Facebook at three pm? I
Speaker 1: need to go look at some trees. Hey guys, it's
Speaker 1: Lyle here. I'm about to do some ad reads. But
Speaker 1: if you're a premium member of the podcast, you will
Speaker 1: not hear them. Premium members, or gek Legends, as I
Speaker 1: like to call them, get access to every episode of
Speaker 1: this podcast ad free. They also get bonus episodes, recordings
Speaker 1: for my live shows, members only streams, and they support
Speaker 1: my ability to keep doing this show for a long time,
Speaker 1: do it in cooler, more interesting places, and also eat food,
Speaker 1: which is important. If any of that sounds cool to you,
Speaker 1: you can go to Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com
Speaker 1: to become a gek Legend, or find the link in
Speaker 1: the episode description. All right, let's do some ads. Call
Speaker 1: from Big Dog Concrete and Landscaping. Hello, Hey, Hey, how's
Speaker 1: it going.
Speaker 6: It's going pretty okay. How's you're doing?
Speaker 1: I'm hanging in there. What's your name?
Speaker 4: My name's Nick.
Speaker 1: Nick. What's happening? Nick?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: Let's see your caller ID. I don't usually read caller ID,
Speaker 1: but I mean it says. It says that you're a
Speaker 1: landscaping company. You called me from the Big Dog Concrete
Speaker 1: and Landscaping Company phone line.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's I got a new number recently and the
Speaker 6: call ID hasn't changed, so everyone sees I'm actually a
Speaker 6: Big Dog Nick.
Speaker 1: Now, wait, so you are not. You don't own a
Speaker 1: landscaping company.
Speaker 6: No, No, I don't. That's just the name that came
Speaker 6: with my caller ID. I don't know why it hasn't
Speaker 6: changed over. I got the number through MIT Mobile like
Speaker 6: months ago. It just still shows it for some reason.
Speaker 1: Well, that's cool. You got a new phone number and
Speaker 1: a landscaping company. That's a good Well what's up? Nick?
Speaker 1: Is there anything in particular you wanted to talk about today?
Speaker 6: Not too much. I'm taking a new medicine today, so
Speaker 6: I'm like, I feel I'm strange, Shay, getting new perspective,
Speaker 6: starting school back again.
Speaker 1: What are you doing in school?
Speaker 6: I did never finish high school. I ended up dropping
Speaker 6: out when I was seventeen. I think because I grew
Speaker 6: up in a bad household. And it's been years and
Speaker 6: I'm finally getting back to it.
Speaker 1: You doing like a ged.
Speaker 6: No, I'm doing a high school credit recovery because I
Speaker 6: learned only had three credits left when I left. It
Speaker 6: was during COVID, so I didn't know if they pushed
Speaker 6: me through the classes, which turned out they did, or
Speaker 6: I was going to graduate early. But I know any
Speaker 6: of that. All I did we were online. So you're
Speaker 6: doing it through the computer, and I just stopped showing
Speaker 6: up during them when I moved and then uh, one
Speaker 6: of my family members went and dropped off the computer.
Speaker 1: So you're kind of pulling a Billy Madison.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1: Are you are you? Do you go to a high
Speaker 1: school and you're like with a bunch of high school
Speaker 1: kids or is it like you're with a bunch of
Speaker 1: other adults who are doing the same program.
Speaker 6: No, it's adult ed and it's online, So I'm at
Speaker 6: home with a computer that they issue out.
Speaker 1: Basically, do you get to play games on the computer
Speaker 1: or is it just school?
Speaker 3: Just school?
Speaker 6: But I have a computer for that anyway.
Speaker 1: How old are you now?
Speaker 6: I'm twenty one?
Speaker 1: Okay? Nice? What do you do sort of around that?
Speaker 1: Do you have any anything else going on?
Speaker 6: I make art and stuff, but like I said, take
Speaker 6: a new medicine. Say so, I haven't been motivated to
Speaker 6: do anything, so I've been trying to get back into
Speaker 6: that because I do digital art. I do a little
Speaker 6: bit of mixed media, and I have a violin. I've
Speaker 6: played it for years, but I just haven't felt like
Speaker 6: picking it up and actually playing music again.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm. Have you made any friends in these high
Speaker 1: school classes?
Speaker 6: Not yet?
Speaker 2: Not yet.
Speaker 1: What do you hope to do after you're done with
Speaker 1: these classes?
Speaker 6: Well, I'm hoping to go to art school or go
Speaker 6: to school for something that can be useful. I haven't
Speaker 6: thought about college too much. I know I have a
Speaker 6: couple of friends that went to art school, and a
Speaker 6: lot of people have mixed views on it if it's
Speaker 6: something that you can use afterwards, but it's just something
Speaker 6: I enjoy doing.
Speaker 1: Well. I don't know how much you've listened to me
Speaker 1: talk gone here, but I I are you. Would you
Speaker 1: take out debt to go there?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 6: With the student aid we have, I only grew up
Speaker 6: with one parent, and uh, they'd cover a lot of it,
Speaker 6: but I'd feel bad. I'd say if I use my
Speaker 6: one chance to go with relatively less debt on something
Speaker 6: like art college. So it's been way a little bit.
Speaker 1: How much debt is relatively less debt? This is not
Speaker 1: a financial podcast, but I do enjoy having these conversations.
Speaker 1: How much debt is not a lot of debt?
Speaker 6: I'd say five thousand under I know I could get
Speaker 6: that and about like a small short of short range.
Speaker 6: But if it's way way up there then it'd be
Speaker 6: too much. I know, like probably less than ten thousand.
Speaker 6: Actually it doesn't.
Speaker 1: Right, it would car maybe all right, so it would
Speaker 1: be about ten thousand dollars, like for all four years
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars, yeah, or for.
Speaker 6: Like two years bachelors or associates, whichever I.
Speaker 4: End up doing.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean that's not terrible. What's your ultimate goal
Speaker 1: with with art?
Speaker 6: Well, I thought about doing graphic design some and then
Speaker 6: I've thought about doing animation, and I've also thought about
Speaker 6: doing like character design.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean, I'm I'm severe. I'm very anti college
Speaker 1: when it comes to things where you don't need to
Speaker 1: go to school for them. If you if they're paying
Speaker 1: off like one hundred percent of your college and you
Speaker 1: could get a scholarship, then I think that would be sick.
Speaker 1: But with ten thousand dollars, I mean, you can get
Speaker 1: and you can get the full Adobe suites, you can
Speaker 1: go to I think it's I want to say it's
Speaker 1: Lydia dot com or something like that where you can
Speaker 1: go get all these very comprehensive Adobe tutorials. You don't
Speaker 1: even you don't even need to you don't even need
Speaker 1: to like buy a class or anything. Is everything you
Speaker 1: would ever need to know about how to use those
Speaker 1: programs is on YouTube. And then on the way to that,
Speaker 1: you can create a digital portfolio on the internet and
Speaker 1: then through that start getting you know, commissions for work
Speaker 1: and whatnot. So I just when it comes to these things,
Speaker 1: I'm a big proponent of trying to do it on
Speaker 1: your own as opposed to institutionally. Everyone is different, and
Speaker 1: you know, look, I didn't go to art school. I
Speaker 1: didn't you know, do any of these things. I've only done,
Speaker 1: you know what I do, So I don't have the
Speaker 1: full scope of it. But just when when I think
Speaker 1: about taking out like ten thousand dollars in debt, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, there's so many things that you can
Speaker 1: do with that money. And the thing about college is
Speaker 1: that it's just it's appealing because it's like what everyone does. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's a very very like classic next step. But
Speaker 1: the universe has changed so much drastically. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's that's what stopt me from getting back to
Speaker 6: school and stuff. So I'm like, I feel the same
Speaker 6: way kind of. I'm like, I it's something I'd like
Speaker 6: to do, but at the same time, I'm like, I
Speaker 6: could probably get a degree where like something, I see
Speaker 6: what it's called. It's it was sometimes technician I was
Speaker 6: thinking about in like medical. I'm like, I can try that.
Speaker 6: But that's what I've been doing lately with I'm mostly
Speaker 6: self taught. I've learned most of what I've known through
Speaker 6: other animators on YouTube and stuff, or other people on
Speaker 6: Twitch who do art and stuff.
Speaker 1: Right, so, I don't know, it's your life. I don't
Speaker 1: want to tell you what to do, but I think
Speaker 1: I think today it's probably the best idea to learn
Speaker 1: that stuff on the internet. And then I mean, well
Speaker 1: a medical technician. That's different because if you want to
Speaker 1: ever do that, you have to go to school, which
Speaker 1: is good.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I'm a big I've always said this. I think you
Speaker 1: can learn anything on YouTube. I would definitely hire an
Speaker 1: artist who learned how to make really good art on YouTube.
Speaker 1: I don't know yet if I would hire the YouTube doctor.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you could.
Speaker 3: You could.
Speaker 1: Probably you probably could learn how to do heart surgery
Speaker 1: on YouTube. I don't know right now. One day information
Speaker 1: will be so free and accessible that you will be
Speaker 1: able to learn how to do heart surgery on YouTube.
Speaker 1: But for now, I prefer if I were doing, if
Speaker 1: I were going under for heart surgery, that my heart
Speaker 1: surgeon have gone to an accredited university. So, you know,
Speaker 1: but good, good, good for you. I'm glad to hear
Speaker 1: that you got out of whatever shitty thing was going
Speaker 1: on in your childhood and you're trying to you know,
Speaker 1: improve your life. That's a that's a wonderful thing.
Speaker 6: Yeah, thank you. It's taken a lot to get to
Speaker 6: the point where I am thankful for the opportunities I'm
Speaker 6: coming across.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you wanted to say or talk
Speaker 1: about before we go?
Speaker 6: H I appreciate you missing your podcast. I've watched it
Speaker 6: for like a couple like two years now, I think,
Speaker 6: and it's got me through some tough times last year.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, thank you, Nick. I'm glad. I'm always wondering
Speaker 1: if anyone's listening to this fucking thing. So I appreciate it,
Speaker 1: and I'll talk to you again, maybe never, but it
Speaker 1: was good talking to you in this one particular moment.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's good talking to you too. Have a great
Speaker 6: gust to your day.
Speaker 1: Gek YouTube, Nick, Thank you, all right, goodbye, Hello folks,
Speaker 1: it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But
Speaker 1: get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right,
Speaker 1: a bonus episode, an entire extra hour of the podcast
Speaker 1: that you can listen to. By becoming a premium member
Speaker 1: of Therapy Gecko over at Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com.
Speaker 1: Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes, They get a
Speaker 1: completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show, they
Speaker 1: get recordings from my live shows, members only streams, access
Speaker 1: to the exclusive Gek Legends discord, and they help support
Speaker 1: my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a
Speaker 1: clip from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 7: I've been having an issue lately. I started a new
Speaker 7: job this year, and the problem I'm having is I'm
Speaker 7: meeting a lot of new people and I kind of
Speaker 7: know that I'm not going to like really hang out
Speaker 7: with these people beyond the work life, and so I
Speaker 7: don't really know how to talk to them. I'm having
Speaker 7: a hard time like socializing properly. I think I think
Speaker 7: people think maybe I'm like weird or too focused on
Speaker 7: work because I don't really know what else to start
Speaker 7: up conversations about do.
Speaker 1: You feel like your curiosity and other people has like
Speaker 1: uh waned as you've gotten older.
Speaker 7: It has waned pretty far.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: If you want to hear this full conversation, you can
Speaker 1: sign up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko
Speaker 1: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the
Speaker 1: episode description. That's Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
Speaker 1: I have nothing else to say. There goes on the line,
Speaker 1: taking your phone calls every night, therapy can goes to
Speaker 1: a ride. He's teaching you aloud every life, but he's
Speaker 1: not really an expert.