WEBVTT - “I WENT TO PRISON AT 19” 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:05.000 Hello, Hey, what's up man? 0:00:05.280 --> 0:00:06.560 What's up? While? 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:10.480 Yeah, it says here that your name is dubious. Yeah, 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:11.559 what's up, Dubious? 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:16.120 Oh? Not much, just hanging out after a long day 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:16.520 of work. 0:00:17.960 --> 0:00:18.759 What's happening with you? 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:28.680 I'm thirty years old, and like I started being a 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.240 jugular when I was sixteen, I'm not anymore. I have 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:34.040 a family and stuff now, and it was just sometimes 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:36.959 it's hard for me to accept the transition that has 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:40.040 been made in my life, like the calmness of it, 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:45.680 the I don't have to feel like somebody's gonna come 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:48.239 around the corner and mess me up or something like that. 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.080 I don't have to feel like I'm gonna be pulled 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:54.120 over and get some to prison immediately. Ten years ago, 0:00:54.200 --> 0:00:56.840 I was still in prison. And then now I'm a 0:00:56.880 --> 0:01:02.080 father of three and I don't do much anymore, just 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:03.319 working home and that's it. 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:08.320 How long were you in the game. 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:16.520 For Let's see. I I used to sell drugs for 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.120 my dad when I was a kid, but whenever I 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:23.120 started doing it myself, I was sixteen years old, and 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.200 I did it steadily until I was nineteen, until I 0:01:26.240 --> 0:01:26.840 went to prison. 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:32.000 You sold them for your dad, yes, my. 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:37.720 Dad used to tell booker sugar and he thought that 0:01:37.880 --> 0:01:41.520 it was easier for people to get a bag from 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.200 a kid then it would be from an adult. That 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:47.480 was it was less conspicuous, I guess for him. So 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:51.640 he would send me in the room and lay money 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.560 out and go, this is what the money that you'll 0:01:54.600 --> 0:01:57.320 get will look like. If it doesn't look like any 0:01:57.360 --> 0:02:00.480 of these, don't give them back and come back inside. 0:02:01.680 --> 0:02:04.360 But were were you ever in any danger doing that? 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:05.840 Yes? 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:06.320 Uh? 0:02:06.880 --> 0:02:11.320 One time I was almost kidnapped by somebody. CPS was 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.480 called a bunch of times, so I was. There's a 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.639 bunch of times where I sat in a in the 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:19.079 backseat of a car while my dad's house was being 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:20.000 raided and stuff. 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.280 Mm hmm. Do you still what's your relationship like with 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:27.120 your dad these days? 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.760 He died last year, but I mean previously that it 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:35.120 wasn't It wasn't very good. It was never really a 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:39.160 good relationship. It was he was I mean other than 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:41.760 the drugs, than selling, than having your kids sell drugs 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:42.919 or you was. 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:43.399 It wasn't the best. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:43.720 Dad. 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:49.200 What's going on with your mom? Uh? 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:53.760 She passed away when I was fourteen. M She did 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:57.640 not like it, but I guess she felt like she 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.480 was stuck with him. She died too young for me. 0:03:00.520 --> 0:03:03.920 I was too young for me to like ask her 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.160 what was going on, what she thought and things like that. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:14.760 Hmm hm. And uh, did you ever get into any 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.240 like legal trouble? Did you ever have to go to 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:17.760 prison or jail or anything? 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:22.400 Yes, I spent two years in state jail for I 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.240 got caught with two pounds a week on the interstate 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:30.440 going from Colorado to Texas. And uh, yeah, I gave 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.720 them a fake name. I was on the run already 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:35.040 for two years for some other things that I had 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:38.680 done previous to that. And uh that just that was 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:40.720 the last domino, I guess, or this all that broke 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:43.760 the camel's back and everything's just pretty much collapsed underneath 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:44.440 me at that point. 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:52.720 Now, is there? Have you like served your time already 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:53.560 for for everything? 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:53.800 Are you? 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:56.320 Are you worried at all about any parts of your 0:03:56.320 --> 0:04:00.000 past life kind of coming back to you? 0:04:01.200 --> 0:04:03.600 Maybe the only part that I'd be a little worried 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.040 about would be the thing that I told you in 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:07.560 the text message. But other than that, I served my 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:11.360 time for what I went to jail for. And as 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:15.960 far as the legalities the other things go. I think 0:04:16.040 --> 0:04:19.640 that there's been enough time that I'm okay to speak 0:04:19.680 --> 0:04:20.960 about some of these things. 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:23.720 Okay, mm hm. 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:26.360 Hmmm. 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:28.080 What was I gonna say? I don't know why I 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:30.599 keep this is stupid, but I'm thinking I've just played 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:33.240 Red Dead Redemption, which is about a guy who used 0:04:33.240 --> 0:04:36.040 to like be in a gang, but he's like turning 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:36.640 his life around. 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:38.680 I just finished that game myself too. It's a good game. 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:41.919 So I'm like, you kind of remind me of John Marston. 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:44.239 Nice. 0:04:46.880 --> 0:04:52.719 Well, anyway, what uh what was it like in prison? Man? 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:57.760 Did it was? I mean, like you hear stories and shit, 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.800 and then m I first went in and then I 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.400 talked to people. The first week was okay, and then 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:09.400 after the first month I saw my first stabbing, and 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:15.720 then my first month and a half, I saw a 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:19.560 grown man's bahole they'd taken away from him unwillingly, pretty 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:22.800 in pretty close vicinity. So that was that was one 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:26.480 of those moments where I was like, you you ever 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:28.320 see those movies where people go to prison and there's 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:30.039 always that one guy that's crying and he's. 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:31.080 Like, I don't belong here. 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.799 M hm. Totally felt like that after I saw that happen. 0:05:33.960 --> 0:05:35.880 I was like, bro, just selling drugs, Dude, I was 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:38.360 just selling weed. I don't belong here. I don't feel 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:39.680 like I should be in here with you people. 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:43.160 But yeah, do you. 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.720 Ever find it crazy when you go into like a 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:51.320 weed shop in Denver or California and it's like a 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.279 fucking apple store and you can pay for it with 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.280 a credit card, and you're like, fuck, man, I went 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:00.919 to prison for something that's like you combie with a 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:03.120 fucking credit card a store at this place. 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:06.960 Yeah, it's still wild. I live in a legal state now, 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:11.280 so it's it's definitely crazy, and it's a wild thought 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.039 to think that I went to prison for two years 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:16.640 for that and now I can just go literally buy 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:19.480 what I went to prison for and bring it home 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:20.680 and just be totally fine. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:27.279 Yeah, it's fucking crazy. I feel like I interrupted you. 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:29.119 There was something else you were going to say about prison. 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.360 Let's see, Other than that, it was just, uh, you 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:39.360 go about your business and stuff. It was racially divided. 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:43.800 So not only was it racially divided, it was your race. 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:45.719 Would walk up to you and they'd ask you what 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.120 part of the state you're from, and then they would 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:51.280 point you to the direction of people that are from 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.880 that area, and then you go hang out with those people, 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:56.200 and those are the people that you stick with until 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:59.599 you leave or until or unless you decide to do 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.240 like your thing, like it's not always so much of 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:06.080 a protection thing, but just like you're not they they 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.760 don't really want you to associate with other races. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:14.760 Did you was was there pressure ever to like fight 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:18.160 with with the other races or else have your gang 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:20.080 like beat you up. 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:25.080 Yes, there was one instance where I was at lunch 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:31.680 and somebody took my fruit off my train and the guys, 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:35.000 the guy that ticket was like, uh, this is mine 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:38.520 and that's it right, and I was like, no, man, 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:42.040 I'm gonna need you to put that back. Then three 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:44.920 other gentlemen walked up behind him and he's like, yeah, 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:48.400 I don't think that's gonna happen, and I I just 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.280 shut up and I let them walk away. And then 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.480 after that, another gentleman walked up and sat next to me. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.240 He's like, hey, brouh, actually just happened in front of everybody. 0:07:57.440 --> 0:08:00.160 You can't let that slide. You're gonna have to You're 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:03.200 gonna have to handle that. And I didn't know what 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.160 to do. I was like, I don't know what to do, bro, 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.120 Like do I beat him up? Or was like, yeah, 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:10.040 I'm just I'm new here. And he scoffed at me 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:12.360 and went fucking you guys and just got up and 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:15.200 walked away. And I was like, I don't I don't 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.400 really know what that means, man, like I'm fucking you here. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:19.960 Like I took that as like you're supposed to know 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:21.800 what's going on here already and shit like that, and 0:08:21.840 --> 0:08:25.880 I was I'm like still a new guy and shit. 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:32.480 And someone sold me a knife for protection and then 0:08:32.480 --> 0:08:34.680 he told me to go he use that on him 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.640 and things would be okay for me. I didn't use 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:40.280 it on him, but I did end up fighting him. 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:42.800 I got beat up severely and I went to the 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.839 hospital in prison for that like maybe like a month 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:47.880 and a half because I got jumped by him and 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:50.600 his buddies. But I was okay with my people, and 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.760 I was okay with his people because I guess I 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:55.880 had stepped up to him and it was it was 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:57.880 what they call a heart check. They just needed to 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:00.199 see where I was and if I was going to 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:01.800 be a welcome mat to everybody in the prison, or 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:04.200 if I was going to be a person that was like, 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:05.680 not so much that you had to watch out for, 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:07.960 but someone that you're just like, yeah, yeah, I don't 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:10.080 mess with him. He's all right, he minds his own. 0:09:10.120 --> 0:09:16.040 You know, somebody gave you a knife to use on him. 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:19.559 Oh, I had to buy that knife. I bought that knife, 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:21.800 and after the guy scoffed at me and called me 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.160 a new guy, someone else walked up and they're like, hey, man, 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.560 I got what you need. Follow me. Followed him up 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.360 to his cell and he was like, here's this knife. 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:30.599 You owe me this much for it. I think it 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:35.520 goes like thirty forty bucks. And yeah, he's like, I 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:37.760 use this and go fuck him up. But make sure 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:40.200 that it's in front of everybody, so everybody knows that 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:41.640 you're handling what happened today. 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:45.960 And now that how does that conflict with like, I 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:49.600 assume that if you're beating people up in prisoner stabbing people, 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:52.760 do they add that on to your sentence? Does that? 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:53.840 It depends. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:57.200 It depends on the severity of it. If it was 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.480 just a fight, you get tossed in the hole and 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.040 you get maybe another two weeks or a month added 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.960 to your time, but it was two for one for me, 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:11.720 So like every two days it is worth or was it? Yeah, 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:16.800 every two days would be one day, or everyone every 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:20.120 one day is worth two days, is what they were 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:20.560 told me. 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.720 Every one day is worth two days. 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:26.920 Yes, But I either way, I still did two years 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:29.720 time because that's that's what I was said into, sentenced 0:10:29.720 --> 0:10:32.880 to and sentenced to in court. So that's that's what 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:33.640 I ended up doing. 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.080 And did anyone else ever try to fuck with you 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:40.480 after that? Or did you eventually kind of get into 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:41.160 your own. 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.840 You know, everything Just it's moved out after that, and 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:47.120 I spent the rest of my time there hanging out 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:49.920 with people, learning how to draw. I did a couple 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:51.640 of drugs in there, but then once you find out 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.080 how those drugs come in there, you're like, I don't 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:55.280 really want to do that stuff no more. 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.600 Yeah, in in people's ass holes. 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:05.520 Yeah, for the most part, Yeah, what kind of drugs? 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:08.760 I smoked weed, but there's there was a lot of 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.680 drugs in there. There's a lot of drugs, but it's 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:13.520 just like being in the streets, but just in a 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:14.480 confined space. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:17.480 How old were you when you got out? 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:19.199 I was twenty one. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:23.080 Wow, So you got in when you were nineteen. Yes, 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:25.280 that's fucking tough, man. 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.199 Hm, it was. It was wild. 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:35.040 And did the did did the dealing cease when you 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.200 got out or did you go back for more? 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:42.040 I didn't deal as hard as I used to, but 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:45.560 I still deal because it was something that I was 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:49.000 used to doing. It was a like a quick buck, 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:52.000 I guess for me, it was just an easy way 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:53.560 to get money, so I didn't really have to worry 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.559 about a job until I started having kids, and then 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:01.520 that started to change. Even though it was just sweed, 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.240 I still didn't want to I didn't want to sell anymore. 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:08.520 Like there was times where I would get home from 0:12:08.520 --> 0:12:10.360 work and then have to back up stuff and go sell, 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.360 and my son would be like, let's hang out, let's 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:15.080 play or something, and I'd be like, oh buddy, I'll 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:16.680 be right back. I got to do something real quick, 0:12:17.440 --> 0:12:19.880 and I just it butt me out to hear that 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:21.680 from him, and I felt like I was being my father. 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:23.240 So I just I felt like it was better for 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:23.840 me to stop. 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:28.680 How long ago did you stop? 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:34.800 Let's see, it's been six years now, so I stop 0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:35.640 when I was twenty four. 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:38.000 When did you give your kid. 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:43.320 Shoot, my first kid I had when I was sixteen, 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:48.400 my second kid I had when I was twenty three, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.920 and then I'm on my third kid now that we'll 0:12:51.960 --> 0:12:53.400 be doing November. 0:12:54.120 --> 0:12:57.200 Wow, what was up with your kid while you were 0:12:57.200 --> 0:12:57.720 in jail? 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.440 My youngest one I do not have the best relationship with. 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:08.040 He thinks that I left because I didn't love him, 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:10.760 so like, I'm trying my best to fix that as 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:14.719 much as I can, but it was it's the way 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:16.880 he felt growing up with me not being there or 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:20.640 me being in and out of his life. And his 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:22.640 mom's not a huge fan of me. So there's always 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.480 that too. Yeah. 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:26.560 I was gonna ask that too. 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:27.960 Not the best question ever. 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.280 I was gonna ask that too. What do you still 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.240 have a relationship at all with the woman that you 0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:35.960 had the kid with at sixteen? 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:41.360 No, I have more relationship with my son now than 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:43.080 I do with her. Every time we and her talk, 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:47.280 it's always a fight. No matter how much I feel 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:49.920 like I have grown as an adult. I try to 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.760 look at the conversation in so many different ways and 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.040 try to see how I could say things differently. That 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.920 she's not offender or anything like that. But there's still 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:01.000 some feelings there, and I feel like she still sees 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:02.679 me as a fifteen year old kid that got her 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:04.720 pregnant all those years ago. 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.800 Now, what about the two other kids? 0:14:15.200 --> 0:14:19.760 My youngest son's mom, we're okay, We're okay. It took 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:23.240 some time, but we're okay. We co apparent. He comes 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.320 out and hings out every weekend, and he stays longer 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.360 on breaks and stuff like that on school. We live 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.160 five minutes away from each other, so it's not that bad. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.960 I go see him sometimes during the week. My oldest 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.840 kid lives in Texas and I currently stay in Missouri. 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.480 That's that's a bit more of a travel I try 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.560 to use my vacation in the summertime they go see him. 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:51.080 And as for my third kid, I'm with her. We're 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:54.520 together and we plan on keeping it that way. 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.560 Is it the same woman the second and the third kid? 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:01.600 Are they with the same woman? 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.560 Nope? Uh? Three women all together? 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:09.400 Mm hmm. Okay the second kid, Uh, how's how's your 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:10.400 relationship with that woman? 0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:14.680 It's all right, it's all right. It took some time, 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:15.280 but we're okay. 0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:19.680 Okay. And are you married down or have a girlfriend. 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:30.040 We're engaged fantastic. Congratulations man, thank you. Are you happy 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.640 or you excited about life? 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:34.680 I am. 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:38.040 It's very different when I when I think back on 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:41.160 how much things have changed from being a teenager now 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.200 now calm things are, it's very nice. 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:46.680 Mm hmmm. What do you do for work now? 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.200 I'll work at a dog I work at a factory 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:53.160 that makes flavering for dogging cats. Who I'm our house 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:53.640 guy there? 0:15:55.200 --> 0:16:00.680 M hmm. Do you ever like I? No, no, I 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:02.440 don't know if this is a thing. But do you 0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:06.400 do you? I assume that some of the drug dealing 0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:11.280 there was like a sense of I don't know, adrenaline there. 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.640 Do you do you miss that or have anything in 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:16.440 your life that kind of fulfills that? 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:20.600 Yeah? I know there's there's definitely some times where I 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:25.880 miss the fun. Sometimes I tell my fiance that it 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:28.720 sucks being a healthy adult. Sometimes I just want to 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.880 I want us to have a fight and just like 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:35.240 say horrible mean things to each other and ship for 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.800 once instead of just being like, hey, I understand that 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.400 you don't feel very well right now. Whenever you have 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:44.120 a moment, let's talk about this. I mean, I don't 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.160 miss it as much, but there are sometimes that I 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.360 do miss it. As for finding something that takes up 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:54.240 that void or that feeling, it's probably just video games 0:16:54.280 --> 0:17:01.240 and hiking and trying to do like regular people. I guess. 0:17:02.960 --> 0:17:08.439 Do you have a different perspective or or have you 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:12.400 developed any kind of thoughts about your relationship with your 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:18.119 dad since having kids? And you know, I think so 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:22.639 if you're thirty, your kid is like, you know, fifteen, 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:26.000 and you know about the age that you were when 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:29.560 your dad was asking you to deal drugs and stuff like, Yeah, 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:30.960 tell me those thoughts that you have. 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:34.679 I would never do that. I would never ask my 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:36.760 son to do that. I would never put any of 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.640 my kids in any of the situation my dad ever 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:42.960 put me through. It's as wild as fuck to think 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.040 what was going on through my dad's mind during that. 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.760 I've always thought that maybe maybe he was too traumatized 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.720 by whatever happened in his childhood that he could cope 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.560 or just like stopped carrying at some point, because I mean, 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:00.400 he had seventeen kids. I was the last kid. Wow, 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:02.840 Like another part of me, like another part of me 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:04.600 is like he's probably just like done with it and 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.240 just like did a very bare minimum them was like ah, 0:18:07.320 --> 0:18:09.800 you know what, here's an extra thing for you to 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:10.440 do in your life. 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.600 Mm hm m hmm. Do you talk to any do 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:15.960 you have any Do you talk to any of your 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:16.840 brothers and sisters? 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:22.080 Yeah, yeah, they're all they're all older than me. They're 0:18:22.080 --> 0:18:26.440 all like in their fifties, late fifties. Yeah, it's a 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:29.160 it's weird having conversations with him. I get along more 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:30.480 with my nieces and nephews than I. 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:32.200 Do with them. 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:33.480 Do you get to see them very often? 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:35.639 Not as much as I'd like to? 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:44.320 Hm hm hmm. Do you do you have any friends? 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:46.959 Yeah? 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:49.080 Yeah, Where are those friends from? 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:53.000 They're from I've lived here in Missouri now, so they're 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:58.359 from Missouri. I still have some friends in Texas. I 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:00.879 have friends that I've made and I guess in the 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:02.680 games that are kind of spread out through the states 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:07.320 and stuff, and a couple of Mexico m hmm. 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:12.480 What's your like? I was gonna say dream in life, 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:15.040 but I guess, you know, how are you thinking about 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:16.160 life moving forward? 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:16.320 Like? 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:18.719 What are your goals? What do you wanna? What are 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:21.800 you thinking about all day when you're thinking about the future. 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:25.280 Before, I guess, before I had kids, I used to 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:27.760 think that I picked early because of all the vast 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:30.200 amounts of money that I used to make. I mean, 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:32.240 I guess, like to me, it was a lot of money, 0:19:32.280 --> 0:19:34.400 but others it's probably like, yeah, that's not that bad. 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:36.480 But to me, I was making a lot of money 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:38.439 at that point, and I used to think that I 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:42.679 peaked at that time. And now that I have kids, Uh, 0:19:42.880 --> 0:19:44.439 my dream now is to just be a good a 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.439 good father. I just I want to be involved in 0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:47.920 my kid's life and I just want to be there 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:50.199 as much as I can and to show them that 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:50.800 I love them. 0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:52.240 Uh. 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:54.879 That's it. That's it really. I mean, I feel like 0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:56.960 my dreams are over. I mean, not that they're necessarily 0:19:57.040 --> 0:20:00.199 over because I have kids, but like I've done a 0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:02.000 lot of fun things in my life that I don't 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:03.480 feel like there's a lot more for me to do, 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:06.679 and it's I feel like I'd rather put that energy 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:11.800 into my kids and my family and my regular life. Now. 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:15.600 I guess that's great. Man. How'd you meet your wife. 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:19.520 On a dating app? Actually? 0:20:21.320 --> 0:20:21.840 Which one? 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.439 It was called? Okay? Okay Cupid? 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:30.800 Okay Cupid? Yeah, yeah, I was on Cupid back in college. 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:35.080 Yeah, it was. It was supposed to be a one 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:37.480 night stand that ended up being something really great. 0:20:38.480 --> 0:20:39.200 That's wonderful. 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:39.400 Man. 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.280 What's uh, what's her deal? What's her life like? 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:48.960 She grew up very differently than I did. She's five 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:55.639