1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: Part four thereon to us. Those four words ambiguous and 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:08,800 Speaker 1: meaning was what greeted me as I opened up my 3 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:13,840 Speaker 1: Microsoft Outlook one fateful Friday morning. My heart began racing 4 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,919 Speaker 1: as I realized the message had come from none other 5 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:22,439 Speaker 1: than James Alexander, my counterpart in Texas. Anybody being on 6 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,759 Speaker 1: to our scheme of hiding under the radar scopes was 7 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: undoubtedly trouble. Trouble that would manifest itself and the very 8 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,800 Speaker 1: next email that I opened. It's never a good sign 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: when the name in the from field is followed by 10 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:39,879 Speaker 1: an identifier in brackets, and as I would learn, it 11 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:44,240 Speaker 1: was even worse when that identifier was recruiter. I double 12 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: clicked on the message, plainly entitled question from Nosy Mick 13 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:56,000 Speaker 1: in my business recruiter to Moonshine. Subject question, Hi, Moonshine. 14 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 1: My name is Nosy and I'm currently doing a budgetary 15 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: survey of the Detroit of the Detroit Operation. Unfortunately, some 16 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: of the paperwork for you seems to be misplaced. I 17 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 1: can't seem to place you anywhere on the company organizational chart. 18 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: May you stop by when you have a minute so 19 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,040 Speaker 1: that we can sort everything out? Oh? Oh dude, Ope, 20 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: he's about to be found out. I don't know how. 21 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,279 Speaker 1: Hope he's gonna get out of this foe. This is 22 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 1: this is too much. A flush of heat swept over me, 23 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: as well as a slight nervous jitter that would only 24 00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: be calmed by the massive ingestion of nicotine into my 25 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: nervous body. Ope, you gotta quit. With trembling hands, I 26 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: lit up a cigarette right under my desk and sat 27 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: back to ponder what my move was. A multitude of 28 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: discovery scenarios had played out in my head in the 29 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,160 Speaker 1: months leading to this unexpected twist, but they all involved 30 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: the temporary stream of bullshit that would spray from my 31 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: mouth should somebody ever, in passing ask what it was 32 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: exactly that I did. Nothing had prepared me for a meeting. Therefore, 33 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 1: I decide on the smartest possible thing to do. Ignore it, 34 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: like that lump on my balls. Yikes. I quickly deleted 35 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 1: the email, logged onto the essay forums, and tried to 36 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: clear my mind. It seemed to work for a few hours, 37 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 1: as I was lost in complete bliss. Then that goddamn 38 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 1: box popped open. The temptation to click no, I do 39 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,760 Speaker 1: not want to read this new email that has been 40 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,560 Speaker 1: sent to me by somebody that is most likely hell 41 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: bent on my demise. Was overcome by curiosity, and my 42 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: thumb subconsciously flecked the enter button to display what was 43 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: surely another email from Miss Nosey. My worst nightmares were 44 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:48,119 Speaker 1: confirmed by the subject line re not read question that 45 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:53,120 Speaker 1: bitch had read receipts enabled. Those also sneaky check marks 46 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: that for years have exposed management to the sheer number 47 00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:01,280 Speaker 1: of must read notices that go promptly into employees deleted 48 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 1: items folder had once again surfaced to bite me in 49 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: the pale white ass. The body of the message was 50 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: even more ominous. I see that you are in I 51 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: will come down to your office to discuss west side 52 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: first floor correct. The irrational side of my brain begged 53 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: me to supply her with fake directions. I rationalized the thought, 54 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: believing that it would indeed buy me time by realizing 55 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 1: that I would only dig the hole deeper, I assessed 56 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: my options for escape, and yes, tactically, my mind works 57 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: as a cross between a BF nineteen forty two and 58 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: MS paint. I was without sufficient weaponry to met her 59 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: head on, and she was coming towards me from one 60 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: of my only two possible exit roots. The only other 61 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: escape route was down the hallway and out to the car. Unfortunately, 62 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:51,560 Speaker 1: I was unaware of how much time I had left 63 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: or if she was hanging outside my closed door right now. 64 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: It seemed an awfully big risk to high tail it 65 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,560 Speaker 1: down that dark corridor, past the rows of unoccupied I 66 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: locked offices, and off to freedom. It was going to 67 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 1: be close. I needed to get to my door, down 68 00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: sixty feet from the hallway and out the side entrance 69 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: before she round at the corner. I knew that as 70 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: a man, I needed to face adversity in my life. 71 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,280 Speaker 1: It was either do or die. This was a test 72 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:22,040 Speaker 1: of courage and manhood, and there was no backing out. 73 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 1: I just had to shuffle quietly thirty feet down the 74 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: hallway and off to freedom, with a strong possibility of 75 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,960 Speaker 1: being caught in the act. It was truly a character 76 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 1: defining moment as I stood with my hand trembling on 77 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: the doorknob, not sure if the recruiter was standing on 78 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:42,160 Speaker 1: the other side. This was a defining moment. If this 79 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: is a defining moment, Opie, you gotta do more with 80 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: your time than just play snake. So like a jittery, 81 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: little adolescent squirrel, I scrambled to the other side of 82 00:04:51,839 --> 00:04:54,839 Speaker 1: my office and went right out the fucking window, no 83 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: qualms about it. Without even thinking twice, I slid the 84 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: frosted pain up and climb. I'm gone through. Unfortunately, I 85 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 1: neglected my considerable body mass and fell directly on my 86 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 1: ass as I slithered through the cold metal frame. Shaken 87 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,920 Speaker 1: but safe, I crowd low to move away from my window, 88 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: then glance around to make sure I hadn't been seen. 89 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: Safe in my secrecy, I walked around to the other 90 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: end of the building and got in my truck, tearing 91 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 1: out of that parking lot at the speed of light. 92 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: My only thought was to get as far away from 93 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 1: that place as possible and deal with what may come 94 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: on Monday morning, So six hours later, I'm at the bar, 95 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:38,719 Speaker 1: stirring over a rapidly warming beer. I didn't have much 96 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: taste for alcohol. That afternoon afternoon, and pondering my problems, 97 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 1: I had used the payphone to call my wife to 98 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: let her know I would be home late, as I 99 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: had forgotten my cell phone back in the office and 100 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 1: needed to return for it. I had absolutely nothing in 101 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:56,799 Speaker 1: mind of how to counteract this situation, I had figured 102 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: that perhaps I needed to start making phone calls to 103 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,960 Speaker 1: vice president down at the corporate offices, doing damage control 104 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: and trying to rebuild what was left of my sidetrack career. 105 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: I had resolved to do that on Saturday, but first 106 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: I needed to get back to the office and get 107 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: my cell phone. The parking lot was lit dimly by 108 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 1: the oh shit, yeah, so Opus, OPI has forgotten evidence, 109 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: OPI has forgotten his cell phone in the office. The 110 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 1: parking lot was lit dimly by the orange glow of 111 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,560 Speaker 1: the low powered street lights. As I pulled back into 112 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 1: the office building, I casually walked up to the front door, 113 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 1: sliding my key card through, and strolled into the office. 114 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: I expected that nobody was there, and walked with the 115 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 1: calm determination that expectation brought. Oh shit, um, came a 116 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 1: voice from my left. My heart leapt into my throat 117 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: as I turned to look. Sitting there in the corner 118 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,719 Speaker 1: office was Paul, our vice president of marketing Strategy, burning 119 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:57,880 Speaker 1: the midnight oil, it seemed, with a bottle of Boone's 120 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 1: Farm wine and an open jar of vacaline and a 121 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 1: box of tissues sitting in plain view on his desk. 122 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: His left hand worked fervently at the mouse button in 123 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 1: a desperate attempt to close down whatever had previously grazed 124 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: his screen. His bald head grew red as he struggled 125 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: to keep up with the pop ups, a cascade of 126 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: hot pink letters proclaiming hot teen by sluts and anal 127 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: oriental cumbitches, leaving a virtual blood trail that betrayed his 128 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: rapid attempts to conceal what he had been looking at. Bro, 129 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: Maybe it's bad that my mind first went here but 130 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 1: blackmail to get a raise? Ope, do you have the 131 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: secret sauce, the secret vaciline covered sticky sauce to get 132 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: what you need to get this raise? Mister moonshine, He 133 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: started his voice cracking. I didn't think that anybody was 134 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: still here, No problem, sir, I was just coming back 135 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: into No. I really didn't know, honest, I am, I 136 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: don't get AOL at home. This is really a long 137 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: time ago. I was getting set to walk away, but 138 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:19,480 Speaker 1: I stopped looking over at a slightly overweight man, beads 139 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,160 Speaker 1: of sweat forming on his head. I'm sorry, I ask, 140 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: I don't get that web thing at my house. I 141 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: was just looking at pictures, you know, adult pictures. Bro, 142 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: Why bald man, Why why are you exposing yourself? I 143 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: nodded and averted my eyes, but he continued, it just 144 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,079 Speaker 1: sucks since my wife left me. I looked back up, 145 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 1: incredulous that this man, who up until today I only 146 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,319 Speaker 1: met in passing, was doing anything but closing his door 147 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: and trying to forget the incident. I'm sorry, I repeated again, 148 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 1: and that's when the blubbering began. I don't know what 149 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: to do. There's been six months. I've never even dated before. 150 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: For God's sake, look at me, see you can tail. 151 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: I was married for eighteen years. I have no idea 152 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,560 Speaker 1: what to do. I can't even cook noodles. Hell, I 153 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: have no idea what to do. I tried to do 154 00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 1: the whole single scene thing, but I'm a fish out 155 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: of water if there ever was one. It takes some time. 156 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 1: I tried to console him cautiously. He motioned me into 157 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: his office, trying to force a smile against my better judgment. 158 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:31,560 Speaker 1: I walked in and sat down. You're a popular guy 159 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:35,160 Speaker 1: with the ladies, he asks. I raised my left hand 160 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: and response, showing him the wedding ring. He nodded, then 161 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: looked up to the ceiling, as if searching for what 162 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: to say. But you're used to the parting scene. You 163 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: can do the whole hippie hop music stuff, right, I 164 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: nodded slowly, unsure of where this was going. Hip hop, 165 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: I corrected. He smiled, as if I had just unlocked 166 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,319 Speaker 1: a great secret for him. I tried all that stuff, 167 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: I had been to nightclubs. I'm just doing something wrong, 168 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: said the overweight, balding vice president, who I had caught 169 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: masturbating and drinking what most fourteen year olds would have 170 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,640 Speaker 1: grown out of right in his office. I want to 171 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: be able to talk to I want to be able 172 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: to go out and talk to women. I want to 173 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: go out and drink beers and dance and have casual relationships. 174 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: Is that an unreasonable request? I guess not. I squirmed. 175 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: Can you help me? My mind raced. I had no 176 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: idea what he was asking me to do, but then 177 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: suddenly something clicked in my head. I could turn this 178 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: thing to my advantage the stuff tonight, I started pointing 179 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: at the computer. This is all our secret, right, He 180 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: looks shocked. Of course, why, I'll help you out, but 181 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: you have to help me out. Have you ever heard 182 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: of nosy mick in my business? Well, she's all over me. 183 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: You know, I've been here for a while. You know 184 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,319 Speaker 1: I'm a good employe. How about you just tell her 185 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 1: that I'm on your budget in your department. That way 186 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,479 Speaker 1: she'll just get off my case. He raised an eyebrowt 187 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: smiling with the corner of his mouth. That may be possible. 188 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,719 Speaker 1: And if I do, If you do, I'll you get 189 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 1: back on your feet. As far as the social life, 190 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: he reached his hand across the table and said, dale. 191 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: He reached across the table. Back on your feet. As 192 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 1: far as the social life, he reached his hand across 193 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: the table and said dale. I looked down at his hand, 194 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: then back up at him, grimacing mildly. He quickly withdrew it, replying, 195 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,559 Speaker 1: oh yeah, right, because he had just been freaking masturbating 196 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: with that hand. Also, I was like, where is Op 197 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 1: finding the time to write all this? But then I 198 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: realized Op does nothing the whole day and probably has 199 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,320 Speaker 1: nothing but time to write this. Okay, So I got 200 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,559 Speaker 1: up and walk out of the room, then looked back 201 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 1: at him, and I smiled for a second. Milthhunter dot 202 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: Com sir, use her name as XXX. Password is XXX. 203 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,360 Speaker 1: No yourself out with that. I walked out his office 204 00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:06,679 Speaker 1: and back into the world of feeling secure with my job. 205 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: Come Monday morning, and on all the glorious mornings after, 206 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 1: I never again heard another word from the recruiter. There's 207 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:18,760 Speaker 1: a little bit, but there's more. There's an epilogue. But wow, 208 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,120 Speaker 1: oh he knows how to play the game. But let's 209 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: get into this epilogue. So it was inevitable I had 210 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,120 Speaker 1: been saved by a vice president who played with himself 211 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:32,120 Speaker 1: in his rich Corinthian leather chair at work. I had 212 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: to hold up my end of the bargain, and I did. 213 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,319 Speaker 1: About two weeks after the episode that still haunts my dreams, 214 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 1: I convinced the wife and a few of her work 215 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: friends to join me and Vice President midlife crisis at 216 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,840 Speaker 1: the bar. The night began poorly and went downhill from there. 217 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 1: When we first walked in, I spotted him sitting at 218 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: a corner booth tearing the label off a bottle of beer. 219 00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: We went over and sat down, and he perked right up. 220 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: A talkative little bastard. I ended up learning his entire 221 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 1: life story, except when a female walked by, at which 222 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: point he would clam up like a four year old boy. 223 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 1: I knew that it would be a difficult situation, especially 224 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 1: after two hours and about five more beers. When he 225 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: handed me a napkin and asked me to give it 226 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,600 Speaker 1: to the sugar bunny of a waitress, I nodded and 227 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: stood up, looking down at the wadded up paper. You 228 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 1: are a very beautiful woman. What time do you get 229 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: off work? Wave at me if interested. I don't know 230 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: if that's cute, man. I resolved about two words into 231 00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: that note that I couldn't give it to anybody. So 232 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,599 Speaker 1: I walked to the waitress and pretended like I was 233 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 1: talking to her at the crowded bar, which seemed to 234 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: satisfy Paul. As I was doing this, my wife came 235 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 1: up to me and gave me the equivalent of we've 236 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: got to go. So I had to think quickly, Hey, 237 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 1: how does Sandy like Paul? I asked her. Sandy was 238 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,079 Speaker 1: a coworker of my wife, moderately attractive if you liked 239 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: the beach blonde eighties pop star who got run over 240 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: by look. She eyed me curiously. Why, however, come over here, 241 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,199 Speaker 1: I said. My wife waved her over to the bar, 242 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,439 Speaker 1: and she stumbled half drunkly towards us. I explained to 243 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 1: her that Paul was really lonely and was looking for 244 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: a friend to pay some attention to him for the night. 245 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,280 Speaker 1: This sounds like Opie's setting up the boss with the hooker. 246 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,560 Speaker 1: I also mentioned that he was horribly rich in assumption, 247 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: and that he was a really fun guy to beat 248 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,280 Speaker 1: around a lie. She seemed disinterested at the beginning, but 249 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,440 Speaker 1: then she took a different approach. What's in it for me? 250 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: She asked, What like money? I replied, nothing in my 251 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: life had ever prepared me for pimping, so I was 252 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,560 Speaker 1: kind of rusty when thrown directly into the situation. I 253 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: want one of your puppies, she stated, matter of factively. 254 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 1: I glanced at my wife, who shrugged. A week prior. 255 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,560 Speaker 1: Our hound dog had a massive litter of pupps and 256 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: we were having some trouble finding buyers for all of them. Now, 257 00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,560 Speaker 1: Sandy was a nice woman with kids, but very poor, 258 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: and I didn't see the harm pimping out your coworkers 259 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 1: and paying them in puppies. That's a first, okay, She 260 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: smiled and pointed at me, her finger waving drunkenly in 261 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: my face, nuts sex, she stated, then proceeded to turn 262 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 1: around and walk towards our booth, sliding into the seat 263 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 1: next to Paul. My wife and I ended up paying 264 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 1: our tab, then sliding out of there for the evening, 265 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: all the while wondering what the heck was going to happen. 266 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: The suspense was with us all weekend until I returned 267 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: to work the following Monday morning. The first message on 268 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: my index was from Paul. It stated, simply, your wife's 269 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: friends has great hands. I sat back, smiling, a puppy 270 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 1: for a hand job and the preservation of the American dream. 271 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: All in all a wonderful trade, and there's a part 272 00:15:55,280 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 1: five that keeps going. Part five. Part five? Hey do 273 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: you work here? What a loaded question, I thought, with 274 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,920 Speaker 1: a pause. Now, technically I work here, as in, I 275 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: get paid by this company in exchange for reading the 276 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 1: forums and drinking mountain dew all day. At least that's 277 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 1: what my brain has rationalized. I understand that it is 278 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: really a buyer's market on people with my specific talents, 279 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: i e. Laziness and or caffeine addiction. So I better 280 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,520 Speaker 1: play a cool when questioned. I nodded guests to the 281 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,840 Speaker 1: man who had asked the question. Cool dog, he replied, 282 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: whipping out a clipboard. I glanced around the dark parking lot, 283 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: wondering why the fuck I had chosen this time in 284 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: particular to come out for a quick cigarette. It was 285 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 1: about seven thirty at night. I was the last person 286 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: in the office, and I had thought it might be 287 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: a good idea to sneak out for the last smoke 288 00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,960 Speaker 1: in the cool night air before heading out. I normally 289 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 1: don't stay past four or five, but today I was 290 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: supposed to meet my wife for dinner at a restaurant 291 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 1: near my office, so I figured might as well stay 292 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: at work and fuck around on the forums until the 293 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: time came. What do you need, I asked the man, 294 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: attending to be in a hurry. I'm not horribly happy 295 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: dealing with, you know, random people in general, especially when 296 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:08,080 Speaker 1: they want something. I got this delivery here for you, guys, 297 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: he replied, thrusting the clipboard in my face. He gestured 298 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 1: back towards his very old panel truck idling next to 299 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 1: the loading dock. Shipping and receiving is open until like five. Man, 300 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:22,399 Speaker 1: I think you should come back tomorrow morning. Oh come on, man, 301 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: I'm already running late, he whined, pushing the clipboard further 302 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: into my face. I scanned his clothing in the truck, 303 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: yet was unable to figure out what company he may 304 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 1: work for. There was, of course, the chance that he 305 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 1: was a spy. I took one last rag of my 306 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 1: cigarette and was about to reply when he cut me off. 307 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:44,480 Speaker 1: But it's Christmas, man, it's December third. My kids don't 308 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: know the difference. The man almost pleaded. At this point 309 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: I started to get a little uneasy about the situation. 310 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: I just nodded slowly and took the clipboard. The man 311 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 1: smiled and pointed to the line where I had to sign, 312 00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: and I accepted the delivery as Alexander G. Bell, because 313 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: I'm not dumb enough to put my name on anything 314 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: when it comes to this company. In short order, I 315 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 1: was presented with three boxes, ranging from very large to 316 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,959 Speaker 1: very small. As the man pulled away, I looked at 317 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: the address labels, which were hastily attached post it notes 318 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: with masking tape. They were intended for a coworker who 319 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 1: had been released back in October over a theft scandal. 320 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,560 Speaker 1: I opened the door and started to kick the boxes inside, 321 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:28,440 Speaker 1: weighing my options. There was no return address, no shipping label, 322 00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: and no indication of whom the boxes were delivered by 323 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 1: crazy jittery guide driving a shitty truck Anthrax or diamonds. 324 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 1: I was clueless as to the contents, but curiosity ended 325 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 1: up getting me in the end, and I maneuvered all 326 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: the boxes into my empty office. The thought of leaving 327 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,879 Speaker 1: these boxes outside the door of receiving crossed my mind, 328 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: but they hardly seemed important and were intended for somebody 329 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 1: who nobody had seen in months. I proceeded to tear 330 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,800 Speaker 1: into the largest of the three boxes, and nothing could 331 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 1: prepare me for it. Lay within globes, not just one globe, 332 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: but four globes, and a note, A cryptic note, hope 333 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:16,440 Speaker 1: you have a globrious haliday. Yes, whiskey tango foxtrot over 334 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,919 Speaker 1: four spherical representations of the planet Earth, all sitting on 335 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 1: my office floor, accompanied by a note of questionable origin. 336 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 1: I slowly moved over to the middle sized box, wondering 337 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: what the hell could possibly be inside more globes, two 338 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 1: to be exact, yet this time without a note. Now 339 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: I don't work in any industry that involves high school history. Teachers, photographers, 340 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: or a maniacal dictators. The purpose of a gigantic plastic 341 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,040 Speaker 1: planet was lost on me, but I continued in my 342 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: opening process. As I tore into the smallest box, I 343 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,480 Speaker 1: was greeted with yet another note, this one a bit 344 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 1: more lengthy. Figured you could use this stuff for a party. 345 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: We haven't talked in a while. Make sure to message 346 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 1: me Candice. Inside the box were dozens of packets of seeds, 347 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: wildflower seeds, and of course combs, fourteen ace combs. I 348 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: stood up, backed slowly away from the loots, plopping down 349 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: in my chair. A cold winter wind shook the plane 350 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: of glass behind me as I stared blankly down at 351 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:27,440 Speaker 1: the assortment of party items on the floor. Globes, seeds, combs. Party. 352 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 1: I needed a drink, but first I needed some kind 353 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: of reassurance that I was still saying, just the slightest 354 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:36,880 Speaker 1: comforting voice that said to me, Hey, you're okay, man. 355 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: It's the world that's fucked up. I tried my wife 356 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,119 Speaker 1: on her cell phone, no luck. Without thinking, I dialed 357 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: the number to my old office down South. Now I 358 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,760 Speaker 1: don't really work anymore, but there was a time that 359 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 1: I was a manager of a very large department at 360 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 1: this company. For years, I hired, trained, molded, and sometimes 361 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 1: fired dozens and dozens of people. Relationships were formed, relationships 362 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: that carried on to this day. I still get emails 363 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,720 Speaker 1: and phone calls from some of my old employees asking 364 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,400 Speaker 1: for my advice on certain things. I knew that one 365 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,399 Speaker 1: of my dearest work friends was on the night shift 366 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: that evening in my corporate office, so I dialed his 367 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,600 Speaker 1: direct line. Hey, I've got a bit of a problem, 368 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 1: I started, I've come into possession of a godly number 369 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: of random items black what black? What like what? My 370 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 1: friend asked, Oh, like globes. There was a bit of 371 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: laughter on the other end of the phone, then a 372 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:39,120 Speaker 1: quick reply, probably from one of those management types. Everybody 373 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: as a globe. This made me think. I closed my 374 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: eyes and thought back to as many offices that I 375 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:48,720 Speaker 1: could remember in this company, and a startling revelation was had. 376 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,800 Speaker 1: Everybody had a globe, but I never realized it until 377 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,240 Speaker 1: the mother load of earthly scale modeling was dumped into 378 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 1: my lap. I mean, really, how often you notice a globe? 379 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: When you see one? You ever stop and wonder why 380 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: it's there? A decoration of sorts or something more sinister. Hey, 381 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 1: I've got a question for you. I was snapped back 382 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 1: to reality by the change of subject. My friend went 383 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,760 Speaker 1: to a long situation about a problem that he was 384 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: having with a certain aspect of his job, the job 385 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: that is done by a department that I used to run. 386 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,439 Speaker 1: I listened intently, then suggested a course of action that, 387 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: although someone against the norm, would alleviate the problem in 388 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,800 Speaker 1: a timely and orderly fashion. My friend thanked me and 389 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 1: hung up, and I walked out the door, leaving the 390 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 1: random items sitting on my floor of my office of 391 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: vowing to deal with it at a later date. Five 392 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,760 Speaker 1: days later, there's only so much that you can do 393 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,159 Speaker 1: with a globe, I had come to find out. I 394 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: had taken one of them out and placed it upon 395 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: my desk, and I had been staring at it on 396 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,200 Speaker 1: and off for a day and a half. So far. 397 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 1: The uses for the globe, as discovered by me through 398 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 1: intense testing were spin really fast, use your index finger 399 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 1: to run across the equator, try to step only on 400 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: land for added difficulty, points play President of the United States. 401 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: Spin the globe a real fast close your eyes, point 402 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,640 Speaker 1: to a place on the globe, repeat three times, declare 403 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: the three indicated locations as your own personal access of 404 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 1: evil mind Spain, Arizona, and the Indian Ocean. As I 405 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: sat slack jawn staring at the globe, something truly horrible happened. 406 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,959 Speaker 1: Something truly horrible. My door swung open, and standing at 407 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,440 Speaker 1: the entrance to my office was a vice president. I 408 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,399 Speaker 1: knew this man well and had worked in close conjunction 409 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 1: with him numerous times in my old position. I hadn't 410 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:38,240 Speaker 1: seen nor heard from him since my move to the 411 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: remote satellite location in Detroit. I had no idea he 412 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: was even in the state, let alone the office. This morning. 413 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,680 Speaker 1: I was unaware there was an all employee management meeting 414 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: in town. I nearly froze in fear as my right 415 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: hand subconsciously scrambled for the mouse, minimizing everything on my 416 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,159 Speaker 1: computer screen. Mister moonshine, A, how's it going? Long time? No, 417 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: see very well, sir, I managed to form the reply. 418 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 1: My eyes darted left to right, searching for anything incriminating 419 00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,960 Speaker 1: in my office. Aside from the Osha posters from wall 420 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: to wall, a big pile of seeds, combs, and globes 421 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 1: in the corner, everything looked almost professional. I've got a problem, 422 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 1: he began. I gestured towards a chair across from my desk, 423 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 1: snapping back as quickly as possible into whatever management mode 424 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 1: I had still encoded in my brain. Well, it's everybody's problem. 425 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,840 Speaker 1: I think you know who I'm referring to. I shook 426 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: my head. Mister dipshit, he continued, and I nodded. Mister 427 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,359 Speaker 1: dipshit was technically my old boss when I worked at 428 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 1: the corporate office, but he was the epitome of everything 429 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: that you would not want in an executive position. He 430 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: was clueless as to the specifics of the job, poorly groomed, racist, 431 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 1: a liar, and a crook who took personal vendettas to 432 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: the next level. He also despised me from the start, 433 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,439 Speaker 1: as I was constantly making him look bad. Because of 434 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: my longevity at the company, I was friends with quite 435 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:06,240 Speaker 1: a few people in senior management, and this always frightened him. 436 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 1: Instead of coming to him, most would go behind his 437 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 1: back and come to me. So he had been gunning 438 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,720 Speaker 1: for me the entire time that we worked together. However, 439 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 1: given my current situation, I figured that he had all 440 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:22,399 Speaker 1: but forgotten about me. I was quite wrong, though, mister 441 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 1: dipshit calls me yesterday and says that you're going behind 442 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:31,280 Speaker 1: his back and trying to purposely sabotage his operation. I 443 00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 1: blinked slightly and said, he said what. Mister VP smiled 444 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: and continued, Oh yeah, he's up in a roar. He 445 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,679 Speaker 1: swears that you're sitting here running the company from your desk. 446 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: What running? The man hasn't done anything in years. I 447 00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 1: attempted to stifle a giggle. Mister VP, who hates mister 448 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,200 Speaker 1: dipshit as much as the next guy, nodded and said, 449 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 1: and I told him that I almost guarantee that you 450 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: run his department from your desk. I've talked talk to 451 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,080 Speaker 1: some of his people down there, and they all insist 452 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 1: that you're always there to help them out, whereas most 453 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 1: of the time they can never find him. I sensed 454 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: that the conversation might be taking a bad turn, so 455 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: I tried to turn it back. I never try to 456 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,000 Speaker 1: run anything. If people need help, I give that assistance. 457 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 1: But we're all on the same team, sir. But if 458 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,119 Speaker 1: mister dipshett feels like I'm encroaching, I'll back off and 459 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,320 Speaker 1: let it be. Mister VP raised his hand and shook 460 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,520 Speaker 1: his head. No, no, I want to make sure that 461 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: things are run right. I know that you're horribly busy 462 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,920 Speaker 1: up here, but I want to make sure that you're 463 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 1: available for consultation if need be. I nodded, pretending that, 464 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,800 Speaker 1: in addition to my tremendous workload of posting on the 465 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,679 Speaker 1: Reddit forums, I would sacrifice and answer a couple emails 466 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: a day. But then I asked, what about mister dipshet. 467 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: Don't worry about mister dipshett, VP replied, snickering. He's got 468 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,280 Speaker 1: a hard on for you, Moonshine, in more ways than one. 469 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,200 Speaker 1: I tried not to show any emotion as my brain 470 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,640 Speaker 1: tried to rationalize that state. He couldn't have meant what 471 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,159 Speaker 1: I thought he meant, right like, I mean, there's no 472 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: way that troll like human who's never been introduced to 473 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:12,960 Speaker 1: a Q tip or nose hair trimmer could be no. No, no, no, 474 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 1: cleanse my thoughts, I replied, my worried eyes, betraying my 475 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,879 Speaker 1: true feelings. I knew I could count on you, Moonshine, 476 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:24,120 Speaker 1: mister VP said as he stood up and walked towards 477 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 1: the door. He stopped for a second, looking back at me. 478 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,200 Speaker 1: What's your title. I snapped back to reality as soon 479 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:35,640 Speaker 1: as possible and tried the soft answer. Still the manager, 480 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,640 Speaker 1: I snapped back to real. VP nodded, then pointed at 481 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: my desk. I'll make sure you get the management globe, 482 00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 1: he promised, then walked out the door. The management globe. 483 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,159 Speaker 1: Does this mean OP is moving up in the company 484 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,679 Speaker 1: after doing nothing for years? I think it might. I 485 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,240 Speaker 1: think it might. But there is the epilogue. We're gonna 486 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,639 Speaker 1: get the conclusion to this story. Man. I hope you 487 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 1: guys like this mass of long one. Yeah you did. Okay, 488 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 1: flog My globe with the executive wooden stand appeared a 489 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: few days later and now occupies a place of honor 490 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,439 Speaker 1: in my small office. Every once in a while, when 491 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:15,040 Speaker 1: I leave my door open, people walk by and glance in, 492 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,560 Speaker 1: and although nearly imperceptible, I can tell their posture straightens 493 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 1: up a bit when their eye comes across that piece 494 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:26,199 Speaker 1: of furniture, that simple object which says to the world, 495 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,240 Speaker 1: I am a monster of the corporate world. Within twenty seconds, 496 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,960 Speaker 1: I can tell you the capital of Madagascar. Now fetch 497 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: me some coffee. The six original globes still sit stacked 498 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 1: up beside my bookcase. What to do with them remains 499 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,440 Speaker 1: a mystery. I'm absolutely positive that one is earmarked for 500 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,320 Speaker 1: my Reddit Secret Santa, but as for the other five, 501 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 1: perhaps I'll just leave them on random people's desks at work. 502 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:53,480 Speaker 1: If the secretary in accounting seems to be having a 503 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: bad day, she may just come in the next day 504 00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,640 Speaker 1: to a bright, shiny blue ball plastic sitting on her desk, 505 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,560 Speaker 1: and maybe, just maybe that will be the motivation needed 506 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: for her to continue striving in this corporate jungle. The 507 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 1: seeds and combs have all been distributed by random sampling. 508 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: In the spirit of the season, I went through our 509 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:13,320 Speaker 1: Microsoft Outlook address book and picked the random names of 510 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 1: employees all across America and sent them Manila envelopes filled 511 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,840 Speaker 1: with either seeds or combs or a combination. Thereof no 512 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 1: return address, just little notes like Merry Christmas, here's a 513 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: comb and seeds, zing greetings the poor Man's Chris Kingrol. 514 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,520 Speaker 1: I surely am spreading wildflowers and well groomed hair company wide. 515 00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:37,160 Speaker 1: The phone rang bright and early this Monday morning. I 516 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,720 Speaker 1: finished the paragraph that I was reading on ESPN dot 517 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: com and went for the phone. Mister Moonshine came the 518 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: voice from the cell phone. Mister vice president, I replied, 519 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: just checking up on you. Anything negative from mister dipshit. Now, 520 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: I had received a grand total of one email since 521 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,480 Speaker 1: the last conversation and had solved that minor problem in 522 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,000 Speaker 1: a grand total of five minutes. But he didn't have 523 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 1: to know that. Well, there's a lot of stuff, but 524 00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,080 Speaker 1: I'm keeping it in line, sir, very good, Continue running 525 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 1: the company, moonshine, he said, with a laugh. Will do, 526 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,000 Speaker 1: I replied, and hung up the phone. I thought for 527 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:14,000 Speaker 1: a second, looked down at my cell phone, and proceeded 528 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: to run the company in the most productive fashion that 529 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,320 Speaker 1: I could think of. I beat my high score in 530 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: Snake and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of 531 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:31,000 Speaker 1: the saga of the Forgotten employee. What a crazy, what 532 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: a crazy journey we've been on. I also am like 533 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 1: very curious for people in corporate jobs, Like, have you ever, 534 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: at least for like a beautiful week or beautiful month, 535 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 1: had like nothing to do because you were forgotten about? 536 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,760 Speaker 1: I would love to know from anyone who's like in 537 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,520 Speaker 1: the corporate world does this stuff happen? Because I've heard 538 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: about like stories about this happening, like there's a Silicon 539 00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:56,840 Speaker 1: Valley episode about it, where like Google employees are just 540 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,239 Speaker 1: continually paid but don't have to do anything and are 541 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: just forgotten by the system and it's awesome. But I 542 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 1: would love to know if you guys have any experiences 543 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,280 Speaker 1: with that yourself or know someone who has put your 544 00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:14,080 Speaker 1: answers in the comments. Hopefully you enjoyed this long, hard 545 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 1: solo episode. We're gonna be trying this out a little 546 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 1: bit more and with that, I will see you in 547 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: the next episode. I love you, guys, Thank you for 548 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 1: you know, watching. If you've gotten all the way to 549 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 1: the end, if you've gotten all the way to the end, 550 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:34,240 Speaker 1: maybe like send me a two line poem and I'll 551 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 1: read it and say Sam's two line poem. All right, 552 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 1: I'll see you soon.