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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host. Oh yeah, and we got some great

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Speaker 1: stories coming up. But before that, we got a teeny

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Speaker 1: two minute break from the sponsors that keep this show

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Speaker 1: propped up like a little house.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm severely allergic to my little brother's kittens fur,

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Speaker 2: but my stepdad doesn't care. Come on, man, she's allergic.

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Speaker 2: I feel this very allergic to cats. Background. For the

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Speaker 2: first twelve years, it was just me and my mom,

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Speaker 2: now forty female, and things were good. We were happy,

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Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera, usual good single parent household stuff.

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Speaker 2: Frea get stepped yet I had to come in. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this comes from deleted and if you want

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Speaker 2: to spit your own stories, go to Urslas Shokey story

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Speaker 2: Time Separate it. So six years ago, she gets married

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Speaker 2: to my stepdad, who will call Frank from now on,

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Speaker 2: and he's a good guy, a little stuck in his ways,

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Speaker 2: but a nice guy. I was twelve when they got married,

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Speaker 2: and Frank took me on wholeheartedly, which was great since

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Speaker 2: I'd never had a father figure before. Not long after

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Speaker 2: they got married, my mom fell pregnant and had my

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Speaker 2: little brother, who will call Tommy, and I love my

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Speaker 2: little brother. I did everything I could to help my

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Speaker 2: mom and Frank look after him. I cried just as

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Speaker 2: hard as them when he took his first steps. We're

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Speaker 2: really close.

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Speaker 1: That's sweet.

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Speaker 2: But a few months ago my mom and Frank split up.

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Speaker 2: Divorce was amicable. Tommy spends every other weekend with Frank,

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Speaker 2: and I know I can go round whatever I want.

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Speaker 2: I'm eighteen. Courts can't say anything for me, but I'm

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Speaker 2: busy with school, so I don't see him as often

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Speaker 2: as I probably should. The problem after my mom and

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Speaker 2: Frank broke up and Frank moved out, Tommy started pleading

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Speaker 2: for a pet. Now, we've been a pet free household

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Speaker 2: with the exception of a few goldfish, for my entire life.

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Speaker 2: But my mom is a soft spot for Tommy's pleading face,

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Speaker 2: so she looked online and found a litter of kittens

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Speaker 2: ready to go. So one day Tommy came home from

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Speaker 2: school to a tiny black kitten that he called Shadow,

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Speaker 2: and he was totally in love. Now, I've always been asthmatic,

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Speaker 2: and I'd noticed that going around my friend's houses who

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Speaker 2: had cats, I get a bit more wheezy, but I

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Speaker 2: put that down to the fact that me and my

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Speaker 2: friends are quite active, and we'd practice dances and laugh

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Speaker 2: till we cried pretty much every time we meet up,

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Speaker 2: so I get weazy at houses without pets. Too kind

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Speaker 2: of shocking to not know that you're allergic to cats,

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Speaker 2: But within a day or so, I was using my

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Speaker 2: inhaler every fifteen minutes or so. That night, my mom

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Speaker 2: had to take me to the er because of a

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Speaker 2: severe asthma attack that caused me to stop breathing more

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Speaker 2: than once. This was thankfully Tommy's weekend at his dad's,

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Speaker 2: so he didn't see me like that and didn't have

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Speaker 2: to come to hospital with us. While at the hospital,

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Speaker 2: my mom was told that if it was Kat Ferret

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Speaker 2: that had done this to me, an allergy combined with

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Speaker 2: my asthma had triggered the extreme attack and I shouldn't

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Speaker 2: be around cat for for very long. I didn't remember

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Speaker 2: much other than that I was mostly terrified that this

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Speaker 2: was the end. Oh, that I was going to pass

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Speaker 2: away at eighteen from a freakin' asthma attack. So this

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Speaker 2: bit is filled in by my mom, who told me afterwards.

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Speaker 2: Once we were sure I was going to be okay,

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Speaker 2: she phoned Frank and explained what had happened and asked

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Speaker 2: h if he could go pick up Shadow and rehome

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Speaker 2: him in some way, and called the deep cleaners to

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Speaker 2: come and basically steam the house clean to make sure

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Speaker 2: that all remnants of fur were gone by the time

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Speaker 2: we got home, and she's stay with me in a

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Speaker 2: motel for the night so this could be done. According

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Speaker 2: to Mom. He agreed to this, Holy expressed worry towards me,

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Speaker 2: and even promised to gently break the news to Tommy.

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Speaker 2: We get home after the night in the motel and

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Speaker 2: all signs that we ever had a cat are gone.

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Speaker 2: Frank's left a note on the kitchen table letting us

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Speaker 2: know that he's taken Shadow to live with him, so

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Speaker 2: that Tommy doesn't have to entirely get rid of his kitten.

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Speaker 2: Mom's a little annoyed because that still introduces kat for

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Speaker 2: around me, but we quickly set up a system that

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Speaker 2: Tommy would strip off just inside the front door, be

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Speaker 2: dumped to the bath, and his clothes dumped in the

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Speaker 2: wash straight away, and we should be fine. Tommy comes

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Speaker 2: home and Mom puts him through that. He's confused a little,

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Speaker 2: but goes with it anyway and asks me to read

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Speaker 2: him a bedtime story. Things go on like this for

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Speaker 2: a month or two, Tommy occasionally going to Frank's apartment

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Speaker 2: on weekends that he was technically meant to spend with

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Speaker 2: Mom because he wanted to visit his kitten, and Mom

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Speaker 2: was happy to let him do that the fallout. One weekend,

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Speaker 2: he stays with us, and I take him to the

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Speaker 2: park because I still feel really guilty that his beloved

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Speaker 2: pet had to go because of me. And we're on

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Speaker 2: the swings and pushing on those swings, and this conversation occurs. Tommy,

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Speaker 2: I can't wait till I get my report card next week.

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Speaker 1: Me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you think he'd done really well, do you, Tommy?

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Speaker 2: And then Shadow can come home? Me what Tommy dad

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Speaker 2: told me? Mom said Shadow had to live with Dad

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Speaker 2: because I wasn't doing well at school. But now I've

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Speaker 2: done really well, so Shadow can come home.

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Speaker 3: WHOA She totally used this whole cat thing to like,

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Speaker 3: have Tommy do better in school?

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Speaker 4: WHOA?

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Speaker 2: I don't answer. I can't. Frank had lied to Tommy,

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Speaker 2: and now Mom's gonna have to explain what's actually happened.

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Speaker 2: It'll be even harder than it was before because he

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Speaker 2: really has worked hard. So we're assuming that the step

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Speaker 2: dad has said, Oh, your mom said you can't have Whoa.

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Speaker 2: That's messed up. That's messed up. You should be telling

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Speaker 2: this child the truth. I don't think it matters that

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Speaker 2: he's young. I think you should say, like, hey, your

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Speaker 2: sister's very allergic, so it just means you can't have

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Speaker 2: the cat. But you know, we're not gonna get rid

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Speaker 2: of him. We just gotta keep going like this.

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Speaker 3: And then just being like, well, like, I'm not happy

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Speaker 3: with your grades. If your grades get better, then maybe

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Speaker 3: this guy came back. When that's not even true at all.

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Speaker 2: I've seen his report card and I have never seen

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Speaker 2: him have one that sings his praises so much. That evening,

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Speaker 2: once Tommy's in bed, I tell my mom about the conversation,

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Speaker 2: and she's horrified. She phones Frank and tells me that

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Speaker 2: his basic response was I thought it would be easier.

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Speaker 2: I didn't think he'd actually get his grades up. We

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Speaker 2: gotta know what work. So we're both fuming. Mom sits

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Speaker 2: down with Tommy and explains the truth. It's nothing to

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Speaker 2: do with his grades. She's really sorry. It's because Shadow

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Speaker 2: made me very unwell. So on and so forth. I

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Speaker 2: listen from outside the door, and I hear Tommy crying

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Speaker 2: and saying it's unfair and he worked really hard. Within

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Speaker 2: an hour, Mom is taking Tommy to Frank's. He comes

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Speaker 2: home that evening and won't talk to Mom. He storms

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Speaker 2: straight upstairs and slams the bathroom door. He's used to

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Speaker 2: the strip off and straight in the bathrootine. Now it's

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Speaker 2: been a week and a bit and he's not spoken

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Speaker 2: to either of us. I'd be okay to deal with

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Speaker 2: this if that was all He's five, he'll grow out

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Speaker 2: of it and speak to us again eventually. But he's

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Speaker 2: continued to storm upstairs without stripping off at the door,

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Speaker 2: and I'm starting to find cat hairs on my bed.

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Speaker 2: My bedroom is nowhere near the bathroom. There's no way

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Speaker 2: any accidental cross contamination could go on. I've phoned Frank

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Speaker 2: up a few times to ask how Tommy's doing, and

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Speaker 2: he's really cagy and saying how angry Tommy is, not

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Speaker 2: just at his mom, but at me too. And maybe

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Speaker 2: I'm overthinking, but I always think he sounds a little

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Speaker 2: happy when he's talking about how angry Tommy is at

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Speaker 2: me and my brother is a sweetheart. He's the little

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Speaker 2: kid who cries if you step on an ant. I

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Speaker 2: can't believe he's coming and spreading cat hair in my

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Speaker 2: room of his own volition. But I don't really want

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Speaker 2: to tell my mom because I don't want to get

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Speaker 2: Tommy into massive trouble. You should absolutely tell your mom.

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Speaker 2: I mean, he's five, Shall have a conversation with him.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't understand, but you should absolutely have a conversation

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Speaker 2: so that this doesn't keep happening because you're at risk. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: I've been sneaking, washing my sheets and hoovering my room

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Speaker 2: as often as I can to make sure I'm not

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Speaker 2: getting too weazy, but I'm worried about ending up in

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Speaker 2: hospital again. What should I do? And there is an update?

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Speaker 2: But girl, tell your mom.

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Speaker 3: Tell your mom, because even if this is like the stepdad,

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Speaker 3: then it's like no one is safe except for you

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Speaker 3: and your mom.

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Speaker 2: That's the only person that you could talk to. So

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Speaker 2: do that absolutely. Yeah. I mean, like I think whatever

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Speaker 2: you told him, maybe it isn't enough. Maybe you haven't

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Speaker 2: told Tommy how serious it is. Like I know he's young,

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Speaker 2: but like you could say this is really serious, like

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Speaker 2: I would not be good beyond maybe saying like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it just makes me sick. First off, there is an update.

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Speaker 2: Thank you all for your responses. I took the time

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Speaker 2: to read through each of them and took everything on board.

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Speaker 2: So Friday morning, I told my mom what was going

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Speaker 2: on before I headed off to school and told her

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Speaker 2: that I really didn't want to get Tommy in trouble.

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Speaker 2: She said we'd sit down and talk with him after school,

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Speaker 2: the pair of us and get to the bottom of this,

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Speaker 2: and he'd be grounded and I'm a scooter taken away

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Speaker 2: because he's not getting away with them. So we sat

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Speaker 2: down and talked with him. This is a summary of

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Speaker 2: the conversation. Mom, have you been putting cat hair on

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Speaker 2: your sister's bed, Tommy? Yeah? Mom, that's very wrong Tommy

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Speaker 2: because explanation of severie allergy. Tommy looks shocked at this point.

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Speaker 2: I don't think he'd figured out that it could actually

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Speaker 2: remove me from this plane exactly, and which is what

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Speaker 2: I'm saying. I'm like, you have to have a serious

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Speaker 2: conversation with him. I know he's young, but like, explain,

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Speaker 2: this could on alive, op right, five year olds can

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Speaker 2: learn about that stuff. He kept looking at me, and

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Speaker 2: I was nodding in agreement with Mom. He says, sorry,

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Speaker 2: Dad said that if you were okay with a bit

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Speaker 2: of cat hair, Shadow could come home. He said that

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Speaker 2: was a good way for him to come back. I'm sorry, Mom,

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Speaker 2: What exactly did Dad say? He said that Opie got

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Speaker 2: sick from cat hair, but having little bits about would

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Speaker 2: mean she got better at being around it, and then

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Speaker 2: Shadow could come home, like my injections, which kind of

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Speaker 2: is true. Unless you have a very serious allergy, it

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Speaker 2: can be true that you can get used to it

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Speaker 2: over time. But also Opie has asthma, so it is

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Speaker 2: a very different situation. Yeah, that's not something that goes away.

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Speaker 2: So since then, Mom and I have basically gone no

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Speaker 2: contact with Frank. Tommy went for his weekend there with

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Speaker 2: the knowledge that he's grounded and that's been passed on.

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Speaker 2: When Mom asked Frank about what Tommy had said, he

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Speaker 2: denied it, saying he explained allergies properly and that it sucked,

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Speaker 2: but that was the way it was. We don't believe him,

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Speaker 2: but since it's the word of a five year old

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Speaker 2: against that of a forty year old pillar of community,

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Speaker 2: there's nothing we can do about it. Tommy came home

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Speaker 2: yesterday evening, stripped off at the door, went straight to

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Speaker 2: the bath, and then came and gave me a hug

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Speaker 2: once he was clean. He's such a sweet five year old.

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Speaker 2: That's really sweet apologizing again for what he'd done. Of

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Speaker 2: course I'd forgiven him. He's a little kid who's been

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Speaker 2: manipulated by a grown up, which suck. But you know

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Speaker 2: what doesn't joining us for full episodes with stories just

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Speaker 2: like this. Just go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your

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Speaker 2: favorite podcast app and just search up Okay, storytime and

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Speaker 2: there is a little bit more to this story. So

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Speaker 2: we're gonna freaking jump in it. I'll let you have

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Speaker 2: any final thoughts.

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Speaker 3: Just that's crazy, Frank, Like, if that is true with

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Speaker 3: like allergies and stuff like, it doesn't seem worth the

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Speaker 3: risk here.

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Speaker 2: No, I mean it is true, it is true, but

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Speaker 2: this is a different case. I had allergy shots for years.

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Speaker 2: It is same with vaccines. You know, you're giving a

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Speaker 2: little bit of that allergy or that infection so that

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Speaker 2: you can build a tolerance to it. But it is

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Speaker 2: completely different in Opie's case because we've already had her

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Speaker 2: experiencing this you know, hospitalization, and also it takes a

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Speaker 2: long time as someone you know, like I never had cats.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure if I got cats, I could eventually build

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Speaker 2: up an immunization to it or immunity to it.

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Speaker 1: But it's not fun.

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Speaker 2: I get like hives where I'm like sneezing and coughing,

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Speaker 2: and I have headaches.

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Speaker 1: It's not fun.

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Speaker 3: And I'm sure like hospital trips aren't fine either. So

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Speaker 3: now hopefully the issue has been put to rest.

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Speaker 2: It seeks to know that Frank tried to do that

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Speaker 2: to me, whether he thought he was helping or was

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Speaker 2: just being a jack butt. I guess we'll never know,

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Speaker 2: but I cut him out of my life, and that's

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Speaker 2: that I guess at it. As per other suggestions, I

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Speaker 2: will be getting Tommy a little plush cat sometimes soon

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Speaker 2: for him to have at home. It's not as Fay.

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Speaker 2: That's really cute. I love their relationship. That's very sweet.

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Speaker 3: My religious father had me banned from multiple weddings because

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Speaker 3: I'm queer, and now you have to ban them from

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Speaker 3: your life for contacts. I twenty nine, am a man

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Speaker 3: and my family is very Catholic.

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Speaker 2: My siblings are very supportive of me.

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Speaker 3: I'm the oldest, as is my mom's side of the family,

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Speaker 3: my last remaining grandma, and a few cousins on my

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Speaker 3: dad's side.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes.

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Speaker 3: From a Disastrous Tree twenty nine to twenty one and

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories and go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime subpredd it. So the

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Speaker 3: entire family is Catholic except for a handful on my

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Speaker 3: mom's side, but my dad's side is like extra Catholic,

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Speaker 3: including a few adult and those who know no. My

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Speaker 3: sister will call her Caitlin twenty six, and her now

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Speaker 3: husband will call him Garrett also twenty six, got engaged

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Speaker 3: before I came out to my parents. I was super

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Speaker 3: happy for her, as they were a childhood sweet hearts

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Speaker 3: who had dated in middle school, saw the people in

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Speaker 3: high school, in college, and then found each other again

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Speaker 3: a couple of years ago. Garrett is also my brother's

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Speaker 3: best friend. Caitlyn and I had discussed our issues with

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Speaker 3: our parents a couple of years ago, especially regarding our

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Speaker 3: dad's behavior.

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Speaker 2: He is very controlling, despite us all being in our twenties.

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Speaker 3: She was worried he would use the wedding to control

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Speaker 3: her since he is going to pay for it, as

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Speaker 3: was tradition.

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Speaker 2: He even started grilling.

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Speaker 3: Her about her and Garrett's sleeping arrangements when they went

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Speaker 3: to Disney, which caused a huge fight. I reassured her

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Speaker 3: that even if he decided not to pay for the wedding,

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Speaker 3: Garrett's dad would happily cover the costs because he adored her,

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Speaker 3: and that my siblings and I were always happy to

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Speaker 3: pitch in. I also offered to walk her down the

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Speaker 3: aisle if Dad refused. Caitlyn invited me to go dress shopping.

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Speaker 3: Usually it's not tradition to have brothers present for this,

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Speaker 3: but because I still wasn't out and my mom wanted

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Speaker 3: me to come, and despite dresses not being my thing,

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Speaker 3: I have known to have good taste, I obliged. We

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Speaker 3: managed to pick out her dream dress that day. I

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Speaker 3: was super happy to have been included, and in hindsight,

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Speaker 3: I'm especially glad I went because this was the last

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Speaker 3: wedding related thing I got to do.

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Speaker 2: Oh No, also the fact that this isn't even like

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Speaker 2: the dad's wedding at all and he's still excluding ope.

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Speaker 3: I knew I wasn't going to be a bridesmaid, despite

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Speaker 3: my parents thinking I would be, but my sister was

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Speaker 3: torn about putting me in as a groomsman because of

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Speaker 3: the drama with our parents. I'm not too interested in

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Speaker 3: wedding things, so I told her that if she just

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Speaker 3: wanted me there and not participating like my siblings, that

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Speaker 3: was fine. Fast forward to the year of the wedding,

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Speaker 3: and I reached a crossroads with my parents. I had

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Speaker 3: been on HRT for a year without their knowledge, and

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Speaker 3: by that point the changes were very noticeable. I didn't

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Speaker 3: want the news to come out in an uncontrolled way,

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Speaker 3: so I sat down with my parents and laid everything out.

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Speaker 3: Keep in mind, I had been outed almost seven years prior,

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Speaker 3: spent a miserable year dealing with them as they were

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Speaker 3: verbally abusive, and then suddenly everyone just pretended like nothing

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Speaker 3: was wrong. So this talk wasn't hey, by the way

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Speaker 3: I'm but rather hey a reminder that I'm true and

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Speaker 3: that now I am almost thirty, I have actually started

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Speaker 3: and there's.

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Speaker 2: Nothing you can do about it. It went about as

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Speaker 2: well as I expected.

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Speaker 3: I left their house and cut off all contact, telling

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Speaker 3: them that when Dad stops calling me slurs and when

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Speaker 3: they start behaving like adults, maybe we can talk things out.

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Speaker 2: They were not happy.

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Speaker 3: And to this day still have not left me alone

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Speaker 3: as I asked. When this happened in January, I had

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Speaker 3: a cousin's wedding in September, then my sister's wedding was

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Speaker 3: in November. I had given my siblings a headset that

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Speaker 3: this was happening and told my sister that I was

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Speaker 3: sorry if this affected her negatively in any way, but

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Speaker 3: I wanted to get it out of the way now

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Speaker 3: to prevent any drama around her big day. We discussed

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Speaker 3: plans for the wedding to keep things low key and

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Speaker 3: avoid confrontations. Caitlin originally suggested moving forward as planned, keeping

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Speaker 3: me as a guest, but having me participate in family

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Speaker 3: of the bride activities on the wedding day. She wanted

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Speaker 3: me to try and make amends if possible, but understood

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Speaker 3: if tensions would be high. A month before my cousin's wedding,

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Speaker 3: I found out that my dad and my aunt, the

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Speaker 3: most Catholic, threw a huge fit with my cousin about

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Speaker 3: inviting me, and my invitation was rescinded day. It's like

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Speaker 3: not even the dad's wedding in the ant's wedding.

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Speaker 2: Also just like, yeah, the fact that it seems like

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Speaker 2: the sister, I guess complied a little bit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would have had to travel out of state

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Speaker 3: when I couldn't really afford to, and I'd need to

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Speaker 3: take time off of work. So I took it in

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Speaker 3: stride as yet another cousin's wedding. I couldn't attend, Dude

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Speaker 3: to my situation. This one just stung a bit because

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Speaker 3: my cousin was one of the supportive ones. But I

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Speaker 3: understood not wanting extra drama.

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Speaker 2: No, I don't understand that. I'm sorry. If you're one

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Speaker 2: of the supportive ones. It's not about the drama. It's

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Speaker 2: about being supportive in all areas, not what it's just

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Speaker 2: easy for.

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Speaker 3: You, right, you would want them to kind of like

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Speaker 3: stand up for you a little bit.

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Speaker 2: You're not an ally if you're just like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I support you, and then when anyone's like, hey, do

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Speaker 2: you support this person, and you're like, then.

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Speaker 3: My sister told me that my dad threw another fit

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Speaker 3: and demanded that I not be at her wedding at all.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So this is where the sister comes in. So

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Speaker 2: two weddings now that he's like, don't bring him over.

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Speaker 2: We know that the dad is an a hole. The

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Speaker 2: people that are uninviting ope to their weddings are also

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Speaker 2: a holes, like you guys are cowards.

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Speaker 3: He told her he didn't want me there because he

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Speaker 3: didn't want me to be the reason that I ruined

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Speaker 3: his and Mom's day, their day.

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Speaker 2: I don't know about that.

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Speaker 3: I told my sister it was her decision. It was

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Speaker 3: her and Garrett's day, not our parents, but I would

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Speaker 3: respect whatever she wanted to do.

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Speaker 2: You are too nice to go from being considered for

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Speaker 2: like groomsmen and then maybe not even get invited at

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Speaker 2: all is ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: My grandma and my mom said to the family were

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Speaker 3: furious with my dad for uninviting me, but no one

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Speaker 3: wanted to fight for me to be there. Ultimately, my

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Speaker 3: sister chose not to have me there because she didn't

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Speaker 3: want to piss off our dad and was worried about

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Speaker 3: his financial control. Again, I told her I understood and

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Speaker 3: didn't want to be the reason for fighting or negativity

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Speaker 3: on her big day.

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Speaker 2: Why can't we antivate the dad. I mean, it seems

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Speaker 2: that maybe he's paying for some of it, but like

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Speaker 2: if this were my brother, I'd be like if someone's

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Speaker 2: was saying, oh, don't invite your brother, and they were

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Speaker 2: providing money, I'd be like, Okay, well I'm having a

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Speaker 2: cheaper wedding. I guess because my brother's coming to this wedding, right,

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Speaker 2: I totally agree.

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Speaker 3: I sent her well wishes and asked my siblings for photos.

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Speaker 3: I have another cousin getting married this year, this time

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Speaker 3: on my mom's side. As far as I know, I'm

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Speaker 3: still expected to attend, and I hope my parents don't

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Speaker 3: have any say over this one. But if I miss

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Speaker 3: out on yet another family wedding because of them, it

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00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 3: will sting. I wish things had gone differently, but it

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Speaker 3: is the way it is, and you know what is

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Speaker 3: the way.

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Speaker 2: It is is the fact that we have more episodes

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Speaker 2: of full stories just like these ones. Go to Okay Storytime.

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00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:54,000
Speaker 3: On Spotify, Apple Podcasts or whatever your favorite podcast app is,

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Speaker 3: and we'll be there and it'll really sting if you

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Speaker 3: don't go there, so please your coward. There is like

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Speaker 3: a little bit more, but that is hard because, like

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Speaker 3: Devil's Advocate, a little bit, I'm assuming the OPI's like

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Speaker 3: verbal abuse that he's gotten from his parents is like

408
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 3: you know about him being tr but I do wonder

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Speaker 3: if that comes up in any other situations and possibly

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Speaker 3: with other like siblings, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Because that is hard where it's like, ah, like you should.

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Speaker 3: Stand up and they should, you know. But I do

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Speaker 3: also wonder, like how those conversations went and if there

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Speaker 3: was like manipulation or anything going on. It's possible that

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Speaker 3: there wasn't. I'm sure that it was.

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Speaker 2: Like I still believe that it is incredibly hard to

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Speaker 2: stand up for yourself and to stand up against family members,

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Speaker 2: especially parents, in this situation when it's not directly impacting you, especially,

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Speaker 2: but I still think it needs to be done. There's

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Speaker 2: always gotta be really like big moments in our lives

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Speaker 2: historically and personally where you're going to have to stand

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Speaker 2: up for people who are marginalized, whether that be in

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Speaker 2: your family or in the greater culture. But just because

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Speaker 2: it's hard doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.

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Speaker 3: But there is a little bit more And while I

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Speaker 3: know I can be a people pleaser, which I'm working on,

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Speaker 3: I just wish my family would fight for me a

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Speaker 3: little more so I wouldn't always have to take the

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Speaker 3: blow to avoid more drama. Anyway, I just wanted to

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Speaker 3: get this off my chest, and this felt like a

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00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,199
Speaker 3: good place to do it. Thanks for listening. So we

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Speaker 3: have a small addition here. Looks like there's still more,

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Speaker 3: so I'm guessing there's an update comment. Small addition, Garrett

434
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,920
Speaker 3: was born in Italy before they immigrated here. I think

435
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,959
Speaker 3: the cousin's husband, I believe one of the husbands his

436
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 3: dad made a home cooked meal for their first date

437
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,960
Speaker 3: as adults, asked her what she looked for in a

438
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 3: husband that same night, and built her two pieces of

439
00:19:34,359 --> 00:19:37,439
Speaker 3: furniture within a month of them dating again. He smokes

440
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:41,160
Speaker 3: cigars like SIGs, and even brought some for me last

441
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 3: time I saw him so that we could smoke together.

442
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 2: I think I have his approval.

443
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,359
Speaker 1: That's nice.

444
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 3: There are some comments, Okay, comments say it's always tough

445
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,239
Speaker 3: when the people who claim to support us end up

446
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,680
Speaker 3: not showing up when push comes to shove and continue

447
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,679
Speaker 3: to let us become the proverbial, the old.

448
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 2: One and tube bag. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

449
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 3: I wish you much luck on your journey, and I

450
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,840
Speaker 3: hope that you get to go to this wedding. Ohpi responded,

451
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 3: I appreciate it. I'm still no contact with my parents

452
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 3: after two years now, had everything changed gone top surgery,

453
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 3: the whole jamang. The siblings are still as supportive as

454
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 3: they were before, but we're all just trying to keep

455
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 3: the peace and balance things the best we can. Nothing

456
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 3: I didn't expect tbh. Another comment says, see if your

457
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,879
Speaker 3: sister just invited you and disowned your dad, she wouldn't

458
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,720
Speaker 3: have to worry about how he'll withold money anymore. She

459
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,919
Speaker 3: chooses to let him control her with the money. But

460
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 3: she's an adult with a husband now she can ideally

461
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 3: rely on herself or less ideally, her husband. Now she

462
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:40,360
Speaker 3: doesn't need daddy's money anymore. Ohpi responded, I don't disagree.

463
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 3: It sucks that she would prioritize that over me being there,

464
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 3: but I didn't feel comfortable demanding that she'd give up

465
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 3: her chance for the wedding she wanted because my parents

466
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 3: are bigots. But the money wasn't strictly the priority. It

467
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,920
Speaker 3: was more the family relationships that was the pressure.

468
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:55,720
Speaker 2: Like what about your relationship though?

469
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,679
Speaker 1: Is that not important?

470
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 2: I would much rather have a family relationship with someone

471
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: I love. When I love.

472
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,360
Speaker 3: Who's a big h That's a difficult scene. This where

473
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 3: it's like you want to like avoid family drama and stuff,

474
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 3: which I get, but it's also like, is this not

475
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 3: family drama?

476
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:10,680
Speaker 4: Though?

477
00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,919
Speaker 2: I just don't understand how not seeing Ope and uninviting

478
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,439
Speaker 2: Ope to your wedding is less drama, Like aren't people

479
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 2: gonna ask didn't this already create drama? I think they

480
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 2: understand that Op is not going to put up a

481
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 2: fight and he's gonna just take it.

482
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 3: So they're just like, well, I'd rather just have that

483
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 3: over like my dad getting mad, you know.

484
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 2: I would say. My thought is that if you want

485
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 2: to continue having a relationship with your siblings, specifically your sister,

486
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 2: you could probably bring up and say, hey, I mean

487
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 2: you could have done this before the wedding, but you know,

488
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 2: post it, you could say like, hey, I understood why,

489
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,880
Speaker 2: but I wanted to say that I was extremely hurt

490
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,359
Speaker 2: that you made that decision. You didn't think about my

491
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 2: feelings or like took this as a chance to show

492
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: your support. I think you could have that conversation without

493
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 2: necessarily demanding things from her.

494
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 3: There is like a tiny bit more so I'll just

495
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 3: get through this last little bit. While we feel some

496
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 3: type of way about our parents, it's still very hard

497
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 3: to just cut them off. And I was the only

498
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 3: one comfortable doing that. And even then, I'm only comfortable

499
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 3: with it because I had planned this for literally a

500
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 3: decade and had mentally steeled myself for the final talk.

501
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,120
Speaker 3: I don't fault my siblings for not doing the same.

502
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 3: Craps complicated and that is it. Yeah, that's the end

503
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: of that story. I don't think that the sister and

504
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 3: the cousin would need to like go no contact.

505
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,359
Speaker 2: I think it's just like figuring out a way to

506
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 2: become financially independent from people who are making you cut

507
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:32,120
Speaker 2: off your siblings. But that is the end of that story.

508
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: My sister made a fall CPS claim on us we

509
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 2: went no contact. That's a big claim, man, that is

510
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 2: a big claim. My sister and I have always been close.

511
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 2: Every year, she spends Christmas Eve sleeping over with her

512
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 2: fiance Mail thirty one, and helps us build and set

513
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 2: up toys from Santa for Christmas Morning. We call ourselves

514
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: Santa's Helpers and.

515
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 1: Have a lot of fun with it. That's so cute.

516
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 2: I want to do that. By the way, this comes

517
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 2: from Random Redhead ten and if you want to some

518
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,480
Speaker 2: of your own stories, go to our slash ooke, storytime,

519
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 2: separate it. So this year she spent the night and

520
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 2: saw my husband and father disciplining our son, Mail thirteen.

521
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,479
Speaker 2: Our son is now a teenager and likes to ignore

522
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: us when we ask him to do something, Pretend he

523
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 2: doesn't know how to do something incredibly simple, slam doors,

524
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,199
Speaker 2: general teenage sassy behavior. His teachers at school notice it

525
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 2: as well, so it's something we're working on at home.

526
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,640
Speaker 2: Our discipline style is somewhere between tough love and talk

527
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,600
Speaker 2: it out. Every time a conflict at home arises, my

528
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 2: son does the argue, flip out, then run upstairs and

529
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,719
Speaker 2: slam the door thing. My husband will wait ten minutes

530
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 2: and go upstairs and have a heartfelt, meaningful dialogue with him.

531
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:37,520
Speaker 1: That's good.

532
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 2: This happened on Christmas Eve. He told his three year

533
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,360
Speaker 2: old sister Sannah wasn't real, and we both immediately told

534
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 2: him that wasn't okay, and he started arguing with us.

535
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:50,479
Speaker 2: Oh man. It led to the same typical back and forth.

536
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 2: The difference was my sister and her fiance were present.

537
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 2: Neither of them said anything and went about our usual

538
00:23:56,560 --> 00:24:00,399
Speaker 2: Christmas Eve routine. Everything seemed fine. Our son apologized and

539
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,199
Speaker 2: went to bed. What did they do? Did they just

540
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 2: tell the three year old? They're like, oh, that was fake,

541
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 2: he's real. Upon his return to school after break, a

542
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 2: CPS worker showed up and pulled him out of class

543
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 2: to interview him about how his parents treat him.

544
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: WHOA.

545
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 2: He told them he loved his parents and that things

546
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: at home were fine. He expressed that when we discipline him,

547
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,919
Speaker 2: we sometimes ground him and we take away his electronics

548
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,159
Speaker 2: for a week, and sometimes he'll argue with us, but

549
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 2: he knows that when we discipline that we do it

550
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 2: because we love him and we want him to grow

551
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 2: and learn. I have a seizure disorder. I have not

552
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: had a seizure in ten years, but in December, out

553
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 2: of nowhere, I had three back to back. I was

554
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: sitting in my neurologist office preparing for an EEG sleep

555
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 2: study when I got a call that went to voicemail.

556
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: It was from the same CPS worker saying she would

557
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 2: be coming to our house the next day to interview

558
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 2: us and our.

559
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: Three year old.

560
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 2: I immediately shared the number in voicemail with my husband

561
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 2: and told him to call her back because I couldn't.

562
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,959
Speaker 2: The very next day, after an exhausting round of seizure tests.

563
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 2: She came over as you arrive. We got a clear

564
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: picture of the accusations made against us. One she claimed

565
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 2: my husband was a heavy drinker with anger issues. Two

566
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 2: she claimed we were starving our three children and had

567
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 2: no food in the house. To answer the first accusation,

568
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 2: it was Christmas Eve. All of our family was there

569
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 2: drinking eggnog or wine. No one in the house got

570
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 2: sloshed except my sister, who drank an entire eighteen pack

571
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 2: of Bruskis by herself that night. We do not have

572
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 2: a drinking problem. It was a holiday with family and

573
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 2: a delicious meal. I had spent all day preparing. My

574
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:34,359
Speaker 2: husband does not have anger problems whatsoever. We were upset

575
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,399
Speaker 2: at what our son said to his sister, but not

576
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 2: in any way that would justify claiming anyone in this

577
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 2: house at anger issues. My dad and my husband pulled

578
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 2: our son aside to talk to him about it. I

579
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 2: really don't understand this one. To answer the second accusation,

580
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,840
Speaker 2: when the CPS worker toward our house, we showed her

581
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 2: our pantry, fridge, and freezer. She literally laughed out loud

582
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 2: and said, there's enough food here to feed everyone in

583
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 2: the house for three months. We are absolutely not starving

584
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 2: our kids, and that was obvious right away. I wonder

585
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,080
Speaker 2: if they're kind of like more ingredient household, because that's

586
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 2: how my household was. And all of my friends would

587
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 2: come over and I would say this to you, and they're.

588
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 1: Like, you don't have any food. I'm like, I know,

589
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 1: I know.

590
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 2: And then my mom is like, look at the ingredients.

591
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: You can make something, and I'm like, well, that's not

592
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 2: the point, mom. I wanted some chips or you have

593
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,159
Speaker 2: like a couple of chocolate chips for dessert. Yes, we

594
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 2: still do that. It's good. It's a go too really quick.

595
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 2: I also do frozen peas and corn for snacks. Not

596
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,200
Speaker 2: a lot of people do that one, but my friend

597
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 2: taught me that. One When the CPS worker was packing

598
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 2: up to leave, she stated, I'm grateful to be handling

599
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 2: a case in a functional home with happy, healthy kids.

600
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 2: Usually it's quite the opposite. Today she called us back

601
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 2: and is closing the case by the end of the day.

602
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: She does not believe any further action is needed and

603
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 2: our risk score is low. Upon talking to my parents

604
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 2: and brother all agree this was for sure. My sister

605
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 2: based on their conversations with her, though she has not

606
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:57,199
Speaker 2: outright admitted it, all agree this was the last thing

607
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 2: our family needed while dealing with my health issues and

608
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 2: restrus ruxturing our lives and schedules around the reality that

609
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 2: I can't drive for six months, meaning I can't work.

610
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 2: My husband and I see this as a major betrayal. Absolutely,

611
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 2: that is a serious, serious accusation. I am still reeling

612
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 2: from the reality that a family member I've always been

613
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 2: so close with and trusted would make such an impulsive, dishonest,

614
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 2: and quite frankly cruel decision like this. I have spent

615
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 2: weeks trying to figure out how to confront her, as

616
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 2: she has not fully admitted to doing this, but has

617
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: heavily implied it to everyone who's spoken to her. She

618
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 2: went from being overly communicative the day of the interview,

619
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 2: demanding a call her and tell her how it went,

620
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 2: and in general blowing up my phone, to being silent

621
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 2: and not speaking to me for weeks after I told

622
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,879
Speaker 2: her it went fine. I believe she knows I assume

623
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 2: she did this. I want to have a conversation with her,

624
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 2: but I do not know how to do it. I

625
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 2: feel betrayed by my sister and incredibly hurts. I do

626
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 2: not want to react emotionally, but I do want her

627
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 2: to know this was wrong. Quick small update. My brother

628
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 2: wants to coordinate lunch where we sit down with her

629
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 2: to discuss this. He doesn't think me texting her is

630
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,880
Speaker 2: a good idea, so that may happen, but I don't

631
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,320
Speaker 2: even know if I can look her in the eye

632
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 2: right now. I intend to bring up the drinking issues

633
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: and concerns for her mental health during this conversation, but

634
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 2: also try to get to the truth. We'll have one

635
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 2: final update after this, and there is another update, But

636
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 2: do you have any thoughts before we jump into it?

637
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 2: I say, list, just jump right in, Just jump rightnan,

638
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 2: roll right in. She ended up reaching out to me

639
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 2: and telling me how much she loved me. I responded

640
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 2: saying that I had a question to ask and I

641
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 2: needed her to be honest with me. She called me immediately,

642
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 2: she with saying, I think you already know the answer

643
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 2: if you're asking the questions, So yes, it was me

644
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,760
Speaker 2: whoa a confession. I follow it up with do you

645
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 2: realize what could have happened to my kids? To me

646
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 2: and my husband? Do you realize how bad the outcome

647
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 2: of this could be. She began to rant and yell.

648
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,560
Speaker 2: She said me and my bo husband don't deserve to

649
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,160
Speaker 2: be parents, that I obviously don't care about my kids

650
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 2: because I haven't even brought them up, which I literally

651
00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 2: open with, do you realize what could have happened to

652
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: my kids? Literally my first question? I think she was

653
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 2: wasted again to this call. She just kept yelling and ranting,

654
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 2: and I couldn't get a word in. I kept asking

655
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 2: if I could speak, and she wouldn't stop going off.

656
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 2: The only words out of my mouth she heard was

657
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,200
Speaker 2: you realize we're going to be taking a very long

658
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 2: break from me, right And her response was I'm sure

659
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 2: you will, and I don't care, and then resumed her ranting.

660
00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 2: So I calmly told her if she was not going

661
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 2: to let me speak, I was going to hang up.

662
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 2: At this point, her ranting was incoherent, something about how

663
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 2: she cares more about my kids than anyone obviously not

664
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 2: if you think about what you did was okay? And

665
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 2: think that showing my kids you care about them means

666
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 2: putting them at risk and ensuring that they are also

667
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 2: losing a family member as a result. Of her actions. Then, sure,

668
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 2: I guess that's caring. I once again calmly stated that

669
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: I was going to hang up if she wouldn't let

670
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 2: me speak. Unfortunately, that's where this phone call ended. I

671
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 2: hung up and blocked her immediately, and then called her father.

672
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 2: I told them the way she was behaving on the

673
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: phone sounded like she was incredibly unstable and either wasted,

674
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 2: having a manic episode, or both, and that he should

675
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 2: call her just to try and calm her down and

676
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 2: get through to her. It sounds like he was going

677
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 2: to immediately, though I don't know. I am devastated and

678
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 2: still reeling from this, and I know it was her,

679
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 2: but I really wanted the slim chance it wasn't to

680
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 2: be true, even if I knew it was possible that

681
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:16,480
Speaker 2: it wasn't. Hearing her say it sent chills down my spine.

682
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 2: She said it so indignantly, like she was proud of

683
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 2: her actions, and then devolved into unhinged ranting. Last night,

684
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 2: I officially lost my sister. I will be going no

685
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 2: contact from here on out, but my heart is broken.

686
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 2: My dad clearly did not want to believe it was her, either,

687
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 2: because I heard his tone change instantly when I said

688
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 2: she had admitted it. My dad sounded like he was

689
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 2: on the verge of tears, and quite frankly, I don't

690
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 2: blame him. She just caused a massive rift in our family.

691
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 2: I don't even get to bring up the accusations. I

692
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 2: really would have loved to ask her where the heck

693
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 2: she came up with the idea that we're starving our

694
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 2: kids and I have no food in the house. She

695
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 2: has never left our house hungry, and our kids have

696
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 2: never gone hungry. I would have loved to answer to that,

697
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 2: but never got a word in once she was going off.

698
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 2: By the way, hey, you can listen to our words

699
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 2: if you listen to full episodes with stories just like this.

700
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 2: Just go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favorite podcast

701
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 2: app and search. A book is story Time, and there

702
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 2: is a little bit more to the story.

703
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 1: But I do you any find it worts?

704
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 3: I really wonder did it say if this sister has kids?

705
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 3: I don't think so, because I wonder, like if that's

706
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 3: the case that I wonder if she's just like jealous,

707
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 3: like if she maybe couldn't have kids or something like that,

708
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 3: and she's like upset about that and lashing out that's

709
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 3: the only thing I could think of.

710
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 2: It sounds a little bit like, Oh, you guys don't

711
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 2: deserve kids, I do. It seems like your sister is

712
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 2: going through a pretty serious mental health crisis if she's

713
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 2: gotten to this point. I mean, we know that she

714
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 2: was drinking the night of Christmas Eve, so maybe she

715
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,960
Speaker 2: was complating some of these issues. That's also just a

716
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 2: whole other issue. No, that's what I'm saying. It seems

717
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 2: like that is like the main issue here, which has

718
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 2: caused her to call CPS. So hopefully you're able to

719
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 2: get her help. But again, your safety and your children's

720
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 2: safety is priority. I also would have loved to ask

721
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 2: her about the anger is she's thing, because it was

722
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 2: clear and onto play on the phone last night. She's

723
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 2: the one wasted and angry, not my husband. Of course,

724
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 2: I would have loved to make that keen observation, but

725
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 2: again I never got to speak once she was going

726
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 2: This is my final update. I have no idea how

727
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 2: I feel today besides heartbroken and numb. I want to

728
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 2: thank everyone who commented with words of support and advice.

729
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 2: It meant a lot to me and really helped inform

730
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 2: how I was going to handle this moving forward. I

731
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 2: wish I had been wrong, but I wasn't. I'm worried

732
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,800
Speaker 2: because of her reaction on the phone last night she

733
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 2: might retaliate. I have no idea if she will. I

734
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: hope speaking to my dad may be helped. I'm a

735
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 2: little on edge today and sad, but just hoping to

736
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 2: move forward from this in peace. And that is the

737
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 2: end of that story.

738
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: Sam. Here, we're gonna get back to the stories. But

739
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 1: here's three of its bads from our sponsors. My mother

740
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: in law gave me this silent treatment after an argument,

741
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: but I won't stand for it. Mom, stop doing this

742
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: to me. My in laws have moved into my house

743
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: until they can find a house nearby because they want

744
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 1: to be close to their grandchild, my two year old daughter.

745
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: The duration of this agreement is about ten years. By

746
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:11,840
Speaker 1: the way, This comes from user Germanicus Jay Caesar and

747
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:13,920
Speaker 1: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

748
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So there was an

749
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: Easter egg hunt in my neighborhood this past Saturday that

750
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: I wanted my daughter to experience. It cut into her naptime,

751
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 1: but that was okay by me. This did not seem

752
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: okay with my mother in law, who said my daughter

753
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 1: shouldn't go. I replied that she is going and will

754
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: have a good time, just like she did on her

755
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:36,040
Speaker 1: first Halloween, which, by the way, they also objected to.

756
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,200
Speaker 1: I asked my mother in law for help because I

757
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:41,160
Speaker 1: was going to take pictures with my expensive DSLR camera.

758
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,760
Speaker 1: As we were about to go out the door, she said, oh,

759
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 1: I don't need to go if you aren't bringing you

760
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: a camera. I responded that I do have my camera,

761
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,680
Speaker 1: and internally I was getting annoyed. We walked across the

762
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 1: street to the Easter egg hunt and she complained the

763
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,800
Speaker 1: entire walk. We got there, and she didn't help with

764
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: my daughter so I could take pictures. She just stood

765
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: there like a bump on a log. I barely got

766
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: any good pictures. She then said to me, looks like

767
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: you don't need me and I can leave now. I

768
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 1: snapped and don't remember exactly what I said, but it

769
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 1: was something sarcastic, she replied, and I responded back. She

770
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: then informed me that it is unmannerly to argue in public.

771
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: I was mad and said I don't care. She walked off.

772
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 1: What a crazy thing to be like in an argument,

773
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 1: being like you have bad manners for arguing. It's like

774
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,280
Speaker 1: dude skill issue. She was right and I was wrong

775
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 1: about snapping off in public. However, I had no idea

776
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: how deeply this seemed to have enraged her, but she

777
00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:37,240
Speaker 1: abused gave me the silent treatment for two days straight.

778
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: I kept my husband informed and he didn't say or

779
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 1: do much. This morning, I tried to engage in conversation,

780
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: and she once again totally ignored me, just like a

781
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: good adult. So I asked her, in front of our

782
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 1: respective husbands, when she was going to stop giving me

783
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 1: the silent treatment and start talking to me again. This

784
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: started a major doodoo storm. She tells me that she

785
00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: doesn't know how to talk to someone with a mental illness.

786
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: This excuse is absolutely ridiculous. I may be bipolar, but

787
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:08,320
Speaker 1: I am medicated correctly and see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly.

788
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 1: I've never been to a mental institution or anything serious

789
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: like that. She then goes on to say that I

790
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: don't clean, I don't dust, I stay up all night

791
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: and sleep all day and eat all the time. I

792
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:20,720
Speaker 1: may not be the neatest person, but I'm not a slob.

793
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,839
Speaker 1: I go to bed at ten PM and I wake

794
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 1: up anywhere between five and seven am and sometimes take

795
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 1: a two hour nap. When we put my daughter down

796
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 1: for a nap, I told her that my mental disorder

797
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,719
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with this, and that eating has

798
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: nothing to do with anything, and that for someone who

799
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 1: harps about manners so much, it was root and to

800
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: ignore me in my own house for two days, making

801
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 1: me very uncomfortable. I did apologize for calling her out

802
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 1: in public. Now it looks like there is a good

803
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: chance the in laws are leaving my house, maybe for good.

804
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: I spoke to my father about all this, and he

805
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 1: suggested a sit down meeting with the four of us

806
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: to air out our grievances. This incident isn't everything, but

807
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,320
Speaker 1: it's been brewing up to this point. I called my

808
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: husband to schedule this meeting, but I have no idea

809
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,959
Speaker 1: if it's going to happen. He's pretty pissed off, both

810
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,799
Speaker 1: at me and his mom. He'll say he'll see what

811
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: he can do. Not sure what I'm asking other than

812
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 1: does the hive mind have any other suggestions on what

813
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: else to do? And there is an update? I mean,

814
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,640
Speaker 1: what would your what would your suggestion be.

815
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 5: I don't know, but it's really hitting me that we're

816
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 5: the Hive Mind.

817
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: We are we are a member, we have a membership

818
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:21,360
Speaker 1: to the high.

819
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 5: Mind' a membrane of the Hive Mind. And I don't

820
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 5: like that.

821
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 1: I mean, i'd say what you did, op was kind

822
00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: of the best route to take, like, especially if like

823
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: the first time that you want to sort of press

824
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: the issue where it's like just getting like your husband

825
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 1: and her husband, you know, present and just going like, hey, so,

826
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: what's our issue. I understand that we had an uncomfortable moment,

827
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: but not speaking to me like at all, ignoring me

828
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 1: is a very childish thing to do.

829
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,240
Speaker 5: And I feel like if you do press the issue,

830
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,439
Speaker 5: it'll be like it's like a game to her and

831
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 5: you're like, ahha I won, Like I won this argument,

832
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 5: and uh, okay, well right now you really want to

833
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 5: talk about it?

834
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 6: Okay, Well, I.

835
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,520
Speaker 1: Think that's why you want to You take the don't

836
00:37:05,560 --> 00:37:06,800
Speaker 1: make it a one on one it.

837
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 5: Oh, I means you could take the high road too,

838
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 5: And she's like, okay, fine, just like whatever, let's just

839
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 5: get this, let's just air this album.

840
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: You just want the other people in her life to

841
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 1: be able to like who she might listen to. It

842
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: should be like her son, her husband, where it's like, hey,

843
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: why are you like low key bullying my wife? Like

844
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,239
Speaker 1: why are you trying to why are you trying to

845
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,319
Speaker 1: power play my wife? Right now? Bye?

846
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 5: By giving her this, I feel like if you bring

847
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 5: in like those important people in her life, like you said,

848
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:34,719
Speaker 5: and they pressed the matter, like hey, why are you

849
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 5: being so petty? Why are you being immature? Why are

850
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 5: you being really childish here?

851
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: And she's like, all right, let's get into the update.

852
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: I greatly appreciate the comments and advise people are giving me.

853
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,320
Speaker 1: I've read everyone so far. When I came home today

854
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 1: with my tom there, my husband was already home and

855
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 1: his parents were out looking at houses, so we had

856
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: some time to talk. He said that I haven't exactly

857
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: been a good host and that I need to get

858
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:00,919
Speaker 1: moving on unpacking the boxes while he's gone at work

859
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 1: and get the house ready enough so that some cleaning

860
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,399
Speaker 1: people can come twice a month. I said, if that's

861
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 1: what it takes to make your mother happy about the

862
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 1: house being up to her cleaning standards, that was perfectly

863
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,200
Speaker 1: fine by me. I would make an effort. He also

864
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,400
Speaker 1: noted that my sleep schedule has been a bit off,

865
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: and he was worried about me. I explained to him

866
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,400
Speaker 1: that every night I keep the toddler, we take turns daily,

867
00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 1: and she wakes me up in the middle of the night.

868
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: A lot of times I can't get back to sleep,

869
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: so I'm up at three am doing something productive on

870
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: the computer, like finding a job. He said, if it

871
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: took him taking the baby overnight for a while to

872
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: get my sleep back in order, then he would be

873
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: fine doing that. He told me he and his parents

874
00:38:35,239 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: both just think I sit on my button play on

875
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:41,319
Speaker 1: the computer. I explained, once again and somewhat annoyed, that

876
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,080
Speaker 1: I'm trying to find a job and that takes time

877
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 1: on the computer. Right now, we have two mortgages, and

878
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:49,359
Speaker 1: the last time we had two mortgages, we were very

879
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:52,000
Speaker 1: stressed out because of money issues. He said, I don't

880
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: need a job immediately, that we are doing very well financially.

881
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: He said that if I did find a job, that

882
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 1: it would make my in laws full time care givers

883
00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: of our toddler while they were trying to sell their

884
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 1: house and find a new one. Up here, there are

885
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: huge wait lists to get into a good daycare We're

886
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 1: talking months, and that probably wasn't going to work out.

887
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: I agreed to put trying to find a job on

888
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: the back burner until they are more settled and or

889
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 1: we can find a good daycare. Frankly, I'm going to

890
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,480
Speaker 1: make finding a daycare a major priority now, because I

891
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 1: don't need this crap from them. When I tried to

892
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: explain to my husband that what she said to me

893
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 1: about my mental health and eating all the time, et cetera,

894
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:32,120
Speaker 1: we're low blows and unacceptable, he tried to say that

895
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,480
Speaker 1: to her what I initially told her, we're low blows.

896
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,359
Speaker 1: I didn't agree or disagree with him right there and then,

897
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: But thinking about it more, I know that's absolute BS.

898
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 1: I called her out on her abuse, she heaped on

899
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: more abuse. And while I have already apologized to her

900
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,719
Speaker 1: for being rude to her in public, she has yet

901
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: to apologize to me about anything she has said or done.

902
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 5: Oh do you see where she's at?

903
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 6: Do you see what she's riding right now?

904
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: It's a horse, a horse.

905
00:39:59,000 --> 00:39:59,839
Speaker 6: She's on her high horse.

906
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,719
Speaker 1: Because she's so high up there on that high horse,

907
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: I couldn't even tell what she was on. It was

908
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: such a weird yeah, I couldn't. I was like, are

909
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 1: these the legs of a very tall giraffe. No, it's

910
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,480
Speaker 1: a horse, a really tall horse, a very very very

911
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 1: tall horse.

912
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 5: She's on and someone needs to get her off.

913
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 1: Her high horse, hopefully a husband to the rescue. Da

914
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: da dah. My husband also thinks that the silent treatment

915
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 1: wasn't a bit. I explained to him that it is abusing.

916
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: You do that to a child, or in the workplace,

917
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: it would be considered a hostile work environment, so why

918
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: is it acceptable in my own house. He then told

919
00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,719
Speaker 1: me that she once ignored him for a week and

920
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 1: then just shrugged. I told him that was very oggressive,

921
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 1: and then he just said, we agree to disagree. I'm

922
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: still not sure what to make of this. More than

923
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: a few people in relationships, including my husband, want me

924
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: to be the bigger person and apologize first. After thinking

925
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,719
Speaker 1: about it, I'm not going to do it. I have

926
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,319
Speaker 1: already apologized for being rude, and my apology has yet

927
00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: to be accepted. The silent treatment and the insults about

928
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: my mental health were insulting, ignorant, and too. Yep, that's true.

929
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 1: You need you deserve apologies for that. Yeah, before you

930
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 1: need to do more exactly.

931
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 5: For yourself and what you know you were called out on,

932
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 5: which was nothing. I was not fair for her to

933
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,799
Speaker 5: say any of that or justified. She's just being despicable.

934
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 5: So yeah, the fact that you can, the fact that

935
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 5: no one's saying one again, no one's approving that you

936
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 5: apologize first or like, hey you you did that, and

937
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 5: then no one's saying you should stick up for yourself

938
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 5: is really dumb. This is really stupid, and especially your

939
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 5: husband's like, you apologize, but you got to really apologize,

940
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 5: put your put your heart into it.

941
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, husband, Why I thought I wanted you

942
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,720
Speaker 1: to be a W. You're not being a W right now, husband,

943
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: You're being an L. I also grew up in an

944
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:47,720
Speaker 1: emotionally household, and I've unfortunately worked in way too many

945
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 1: toxic environments. I've experienced this over and over with abuse

946
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: and toxic managers. When you are made to apologize for

947
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,239
Speaker 1: something that really wasn't your fault, it signals to the

948
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 1: other person that they were right all along and that

949
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: you accept the gave you then and in the future. Seriously,

950
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 1: f that I've already apologized for my rudeness in public,

951
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,959
Speaker 1: I'm not going to apologize again until she apologizes about

952
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: the abuse. However, some good news. When she and my

953
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 1: father in law came back from house hunting, she actually

954
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: looked me in the eye and talked to me. My

955
00:42:19,239 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 1: husband has said to me that he is going to

956
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 1: speak to his parents first to try and figure out

957
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 1: what's going on, and then we will all have a

958
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 1: discussion to air out and settle our grievances. I'm still

959
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 1: stressed out about all this, though. I just want to

960
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 1: get over this and move on. And there is a

961
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 1: second update it. Let's dive in. After I posted my

962
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: first update and read some of the helpful responses, I

963
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:42,319
Speaker 1: couldn't wait another minute to discuss this issue with my

964
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 1: husband because I was literally shaking and breathing hard from anger.

965
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: I woke him up and told him we had issues

966
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 1: that needed to be discussed right now. I explained how

967
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,439
Speaker 1: throughout this whole process he did not have my back.

968
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: I explained how even though he thinks the silent treatment

969
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: is not abusive, he absolutely positively is wrong and it

970
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,360
Speaker 1: is a if nothing else, it is a massively manipulative

971
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 1: tactic that was used for two days straight to make

972
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: me very uncomfortable in my own house. I told him

973
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:11,880
Speaker 1: that he had more than enough chances to talk to

974
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,399
Speaker 1: his mother about the situation, that I had more than

975
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 1: once explained to him what was going on, and that

976
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,880
Speaker 1: he did not help amend the situation other than ignoring

977
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 1: it or invalidating my feelings. I told him that myself

978
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: and my daughter are his number one priority, that the

979
00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,440
Speaker 1: three of us are supposed to be a team, and

980
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,800
Speaker 1: that he and his parents ganging up on me is unacceptable.

981
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: If he continues to choose them over me, then I

982
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 1: would seriously consider this being the end of the road.

983
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: I told him we seriously needed couples counseling, that I

984
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 1: would talk to my therapist about what's going on, and

985
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 1: that I would try to do better, but I can't

986
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 1: live with the multiple passive aggressivest incidents that I have

987
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 1: not posted about that have been brewing with my in laws,

988
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: which culminated into this incident. He didn't have much to say,

989
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:59,239
Speaker 1: of course, he did, well, wow, he's like okay, he

990
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 1: just he went cool, it sounds good. Yeah, yeah, he

991
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,759
Speaker 1: didn't have much to say. He had the baby that night,

992
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: so she woke up after I was done talking, got

993
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: snuggled in between us, and I cuddled her and said,

994
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: do you want to discuss this further? He said no,

995
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 1: he needed some sleep and needed to think about it all.

996
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 1: The next morning, I came into his room and he

997
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: and the baby were dressed. I said, so, what's the

998
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 1: game plan? He said, I don't know. How do you

999
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 1: want to do this? I said something like we need

1000
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: to have a united front and we need to tell

1001
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 1: them that while we haven't been the best hosts, their passive,

1002
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: aggressive and behaviors are toxic in this household and they

1003
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,560
Speaker 1: need to go. He stayed silent for a bit and

1004
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,279
Speaker 1: I asked him what he was thinking. He told me

1005
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,800
Speaker 1: he's still bewildered how it ever got to this point,

1006
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:43,760
Speaker 1: and he feels a lot of pressure in deciding between

1007
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 1: his parents and myself, and that I've pretty much given

1008
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,719
Speaker 1: him an ultimatum. I just about blew it and told

1009
00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 1: him there was absolutely no pressure to decide, that he

1010
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,279
Speaker 1: should always be on my team without hesitation, and that

1011
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,520
Speaker 1: saying this to me is so messed up. I can't

1012
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:00,160
Speaker 1: even think. I said, this goes more to show that

1013
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: we need couples counseling really bad, because what you just

1014
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:08,040
Speaker 1: said is out of this world messed up. Yeah, I mean, yeah,

1015
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:11,320
Speaker 1: clearly he should have your back, But honestly, it sounds

1016
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,280
Speaker 1: like he all the he's went through, he doesn't even

1017
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: comprehend or know that that's what it was.

1018
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 6: I understand.

1019
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 5: He's like, that was just my life and that was

1020
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 5: yeah them that So like.

1021
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: He's just like, well, I don't understand why you're not

1022
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 1: okay with their behavior because I've had to be okay

1023
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 1: with it my entire life, so so you.

1024
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,240
Speaker 6: It's kind of sucks because it's not really his fault.

1025
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,640
Speaker 1: It's reading like a case of someone who straight up

1026
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 1: is not able to identify how toxic their parents' behavior.

1027
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 5: Are exactly because he that's what he grew up with.

1028
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 5: He literally grew up as a little boy and like

1029
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 5: he didn't know any better. Yeah, so normal, this is normal.

1030
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:49,440
Speaker 5: So I'm not trying to excuse his behavior of like, Okay,

1031
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 5: well you're kind of being dumb here and excusing your

1032
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 5: mother or the way she treats everyone is not away.

1033
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 5: But it's not fair to say that because guess what, again,

1034
00:45:57,719 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 5: he grew up in this.

1035
00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 6: It's on his mother.

1036
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 5: It's true, his mother is the one who made him

1037
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 5: think like this, and I think it's going to hit

1038
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 5: him my god train. When he realizes like, oh no, hopefully,

1039
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,840
Speaker 5: I think I think the train, and the train is

1040
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 5: rolling into the station. Yeah, I think he needs I

1041
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 5: think he needs therapy himself, other than the counseling with

1042
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 5: like a couple's counseling.

1043
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 6: He needs therapy.

1044
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 5: I'll just like realizing, Hey, what you went through.

1045
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,280
Speaker 1: Yeah that wasn't okay. It that's not cool. It wasn't

1046
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: all right. So after I said all that, he didn't

1047
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:33,399
Speaker 1: have a response. I said to him, fine, if your

1048
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,799
Speaker 1: mother gives me a sincere apology, then it will be

1049
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,440
Speaker 1: their last chance to live here. But if she doesn't

1050
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 1: apologize or they pull another stunt, they are out the

1051
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 1: door a sap. After a bit, he says, let's go

1052
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 1: downstairs and talk with them. We go downstairs. My husband

1053
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: sits at the table. I can't sit down. I have

1054
00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 1: to move. I'm so nervous and shaky. His father is

1055
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,080
Speaker 1: already at the table eating breakfast, and his mother comes

1056
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,080
Speaker 1: down for a second. We see her going back up

1057
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:58,919
Speaker 1: the stairs and I say, mother in law, we really

1058
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 1: need you to come down and to discuss some things.

1059
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: I let my husband speak. He apologizes that while we

1060
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 1: have not been the greatest hosts, it's small potatoes compared

1061
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,840
Speaker 1: to what has been happening, and that the option is

1062
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 1: there for them to leave. I interjected and said again,

1063
00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,279
Speaker 1: I'm sorry about what happened at the Easter egg hunt,

1064
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 1: but I need an apology for your two days of

1065
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 1: abit of behavior ignoring me if you want to stay

1066
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: here and move forward. Mother in law was shocked that

1067
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 1: I ask for an apology, literally jaw dropping shocked. Father

1068
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 1: in law was also very shocked. I'm thinking to myself,

1069
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 1: Holy crap, what is up with these people. Mother in

1070
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 1: law says, I did nothing wrong. Not speaking to you

1071
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: for two days is not abusive. I interrupt and say,

1072
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 1: you are wrong. It's a beautive. It's passive, aggressive, and

1073
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 1: it's highly manipulative. I want an apology. Father in law

1074
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: says that he agrees with his wife that there was

1075
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 1: no abuse that happened. My husband was silent. I said,

1076
00:47:47,800 --> 00:47:50,080
Speaker 1: we need to communicate better instead of giving people the

1077
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: silent treatment. She goes on a rant about how actions

1078
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,880
Speaker 1: speak louder than words, irony anyone, and I swear to

1079
00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:01,759
Speaker 1: the flying Spaghetti monster. She says communication and talking is

1080
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:06,239
Speaker 1: a psychiatric clap trap, So once again, she uses my

1081
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: mental illness to invalidate what I have to say. I

1082
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 1: turned to my husband and say, how do I even

1083
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:13,879
Speaker 1: try to work through this? He then starts to speak

1084
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 1: up again and actually backs me up about the bad

1085
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: communication going on. He explains numerous examples of how she

1086
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 1: would talk about things that made no sense and we

1087
00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:24,479
Speaker 1: would all try to figure out what she was trying

1088
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: to convey. For example, she wants my daughter to start

1089
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: going to inexpensive daycare a few days a week, which

1090
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: is very strange because she has always been anti daycare,

1091
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,479
Speaker 1: saying that people should stay home with their kids. Neither

1092
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 1: my husband nor I could figure out where the heck

1093
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: she was coming from, until we later figured out that

1094
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: she feels like she is spending too much time babysitting

1095
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 1: my daughter and I need to step up more. If

1096
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 1: she had just said that, instead of all of us

1097
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure this out, it could have gotten resolved

1098
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:54,799
Speaker 1: much quicker. I honestly can't remember how the rest went down,

1099
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 1: detail by detail. At one point, I tried to explain

1100
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 1: an example of their passive aggressiveness and how it enrages me.

1101
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 1: My mother in law would laugh when she thinks I've

1102
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 1: done something incorrect with my child and says, I don't

1103
00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:08,359
Speaker 1: know what child rearing book you read that from, but

1104
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: that's not the way to do it. She then interrupts

1105
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: me to reply, well, what books have you read about

1106
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:15,480
Speaker 1: child raising? I told her to stop taking the conversation

1107
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: down a different road. That wasn't the point, and she

1108
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 1: knows it. My husband says that he agrees with me

1109
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,479
Speaker 1: about their passive aggressive behavior and that he can think

1110
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:25,320
Speaker 1: of another example of it. Some days ago, I promised

1111
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,760
Speaker 1: my daughter a juice box. My father in law grumbled

1112
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 1: about it, but I ignored it. A few minutes later, I

1113
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 1: said to my daughter, here is your juice box, in

1114
00:49:32,440 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: which father in law says that's not good for her

1115
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 1: and you should have let her forget it. Present tense,

1116
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 1: my husband then says to both of them, I was

1117
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:41,920
Speaker 1: the one that bought those juice boxes in the first place,

1118
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:44,760
Speaker 1: and we both don't give a dang about some ninety

1119
00:49:44,800 --> 00:49:47,240
Speaker 1: calorie juice box she can have every once in a while,

1120
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: but this passive aggressive behavior about how we raise our

1121
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:54,080
Speaker 1: child has got to stop. This instant which I agree,

1122
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 1: I think your child, you know?

1123
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 5: The husband yes, In the husband's understanding the process now

1124
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 5: like it's it's slow. Like you said that the train

1125
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:03,080
Speaker 5: station is he's the train's at the trains.

1126
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 1: The train is at the station. When my mother in

1127
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 1: law finally sees that my husband is backing me up

1128
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: and not allowing her to abuse me further, she finally

1129
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 1: gets up and says, historically, well, I am just a

1130
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:17,319
Speaker 1: bad mother in law who's a mine, and I'll just

1131
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,919
Speaker 1: have to deal with being that person. We're moving out

1132
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: and going back home, and then stomps off.

1133
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 6: Here we go again.

1134
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,319
Speaker 1: That's manipulation.

1135
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1136
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 6: I was like, she's gonna pull that car.

1137
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 1: You are manipulating, mad one.

1138
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,839
Speaker 5: I'm the bad one, so now you make me feel bad,

1139
00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 5: make you feel bad.

1140
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to say anything bad about me, or you're

1141
00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:39,799
Speaker 1: gonna be the bad guy. And I guess I'm bad

1142
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:43,359
Speaker 1: forever and everyone hates me. Boo, stop it. We see

1143
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: what you're doing. Stop it. They packed up their stuff.

1144
00:50:46,680 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 1: They spoke to my husband privately upstairs while I was

1145
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 1: downstairs with my daughter. My husband didn't budge, and they

1146
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: kept on packing. I was very uncomfortable with this whole

1147
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 1: situation and asked if I could take my daughter to

1148
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,840
Speaker 1: a playground and then come back when they're done so

1149
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: they can tell her goodbye. My husband just said for

1150
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 1: me to take a break and go to a coffee

1151
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: place to get a breather from all of this, and

1152
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 1: he would watch our daughter. About thirty minutes later, they leave.

1153
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 1: The rest of the day, my husband is very depressed

1154
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 1: and still in shock by what happened. He tells me

1155
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 1: he's still processing what just went on. My stomach was

1156
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,160
Speaker 1: tied in knots about this whole deal, but as the

1157
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:20,759
Speaker 1: day got longer and there was no stress to deal

1158
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 1: with my in laws, that pressure just lifted away. I

1159
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 1: am just totally believed that they are gone. My husband

1160
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:30,520
Speaker 1: is scared about the consequences of these actions with his parents.

1161
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: He should be more scared by what could have happened

1162
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 1: if he had taken their side, which leads me to

1163
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 1: another messed up thing. My husband said, and why we

1164
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 1: desperately need couple's therapy. Hours after the in laws are gone,

1165
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:42,479
Speaker 1: he says to me, you used to like to watch

1166
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 1: the show Intervention where they gang up on the person

1167
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:47,719
Speaker 1: to go into substance and booze treatment. Why do you

1168
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 1: think it's okay for that kind of ganging up to occur,

1169
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: but that it's not okay for my parents and I

1170
00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: to gang up on you. I think to myself, Geeus,

1171
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 1: EF and Christmas, what the absolute F is this craft?

1172
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 1: My response was, I can't believe you are comparing a

1173
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:08,320
Speaker 1: show about substance abuse to what happened this past week.

1174
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 1: The people on intervention are people who were breaking the

1175
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:14,799
Speaker 1: law physically harming themselves and harming others. I have not

1176
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 1: harmed myself with what's been going on, and I sure

1177
00:52:17,160 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 1: as heck haven't harmed others. I have also broken no laws.

1178
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 1: What planet are you from that you can try to

1179
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,759
Speaker 1: conflate those two things. He had no answer to that

1180
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: and walked away. We need couple's therapy. He should be

1181
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 1: angry that his parents put us through this crap, and

1182
00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: he is just MOPy and depressed, and honestly, yeah, you

1183
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:34,520
Speaker 1: guys need couple's therapy, but he needs he probably needs

1184
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,200
Speaker 1: some individual therapy before.

1185
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 5: Like I said, this guy needs therapy because he needs it.

1186
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 5: Broken down brain is being wired completely differently now that

1187
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:46,480
Speaker 5: he's going against his mother, especially his mother, but.

1188
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:47,200
Speaker 6: Going against both of y.

1189
00:52:48,040 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 1: He is not allowed to do that.

1190
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just trying to figure out what is right

1191
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 5: and what is wrong and trying to put those wires

1192
00:52:54,760 --> 00:53:01,120
Speaker 5: into the right spots now. And he's definitely like, uh.

1193
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 6: Someone that guid he's gonna meet someone.

1194
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 1: He's having a hard time.

1195
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:05,360
Speaker 5: He needs someone to help untangle those wires and like,

1196
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 5: all right, this is clarity, this is what you actually

1197
00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,800
Speaker 5: need to do. He seems like one at one moment

1198
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,120
Speaker 5: he has it. In the next moment he does it,

1199
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 5: and I get it. He is being torn, but he

1200
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:16,920
Speaker 5: needs to understand that his parents are in wrong.

1201
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 6: Yeah he does in a sense.

1202
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 1: But then he's like, ah, but it's the it's the

1203
00:53:20,320 --> 00:53:22,759
Speaker 1: it's the training, it's the creases in the paper. It's

1204
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: like once once a piece of paper has been folded,

1205
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 1: and you fold it and you fold it again, which

1206
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 1: is that's what's been happening to him his whole life.

1207
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 1: His mind is that crease. It's really hard for the

1208
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 1: paper not want, not to not want to fold back

1209
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,359
Speaker 1: into that same pattern. So you got to you gotta

1210
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:41,960
Speaker 1: start making a new crease here. I'm not going to

1211
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:44,440
Speaker 1: insult him for what he's feeling, but it makes me

1212
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: still feel like I'm the bad guy. And by the way,

1213
00:53:46,960 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 1: we've never think you're the bad guy. If you listen

1214
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,719
Speaker 1: to full episodes with stories like this one, all you

1215
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,280
Speaker 1: have to do is go to Spotify or Apple Podcasts

1216
00:53:56,320 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcast from and search. Okay, yeah,

1217
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:06,680
Speaker 1: and there you can find a whole lot of stories

1218
00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 1: to listen to. I got and we do have a

1219
00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: little bit of story left. Let's just go ahead and

1220
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:15,239
Speaker 1: go right into it here. Late this evening, we both

1221
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: got an email from my mother in law that said,

1222
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry and saddened by any unhappiness my

1223
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:24,200
Speaker 1: words or actions have caused either of you. Never did

1224
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:26,239
Speaker 1: I mean to make life more difficult for you. The

1225
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:28,279
Speaker 1: hope was always to be of help. The help was

1226
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: offered with abiding love. And I know you both to

1227
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 1: be good parents. Your deep love for your child is

1228
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: the best thing any child can have. Neither my husband

1229
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:40,080
Speaker 1: nor I know what to say to her at this point.

1230
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:43,440
Speaker 1: We're both mentally exhausted, and it'll wait until the morning.

1231
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:47,360
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story. Honestly, you know,

1232
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:51,319
Speaker 1: just I would say move forward, knowing how she is,

1233
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 1: and just I would say this, believe it at that.

1234
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,919
Speaker 5: I just stop playing with her games. She she loves

1235
00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 5: playing these mental games and see what she can get

1236
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 5: a kick out of it. And that's what that's what

1237
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,759
Speaker 5: she like feeds off of That's what I can tell

1238
00:55:03,800 --> 00:55:06,640
Speaker 5: them her character. She just likes these mental games and

1239
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 5: she likes to play with people and just don't play

1240
00:55:08,480 --> 00:55:08,879
Speaker 5: with their games.

1241
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:10,080
Speaker 6: So it's like, okay, that's how you're.

1242
00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 1: Just a very vanilla response to that email, just being like, oh,

1243
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: thank you, it's very nice. See you whenever. You know,

1244
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:19,400
Speaker 1: don't feed into the arguments, don't feed into the petty,

1245
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,879
Speaker 1: don't feed into her little comments. Just don't give her

1246
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: any energy back.

1247
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:26,399
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly, because if once you put the energy into it,

1248
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 5: it's gonna get more negative, negative energy out of it.

1249
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, so there's no reason to put more in it.

1250
00:55:30,160 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 1: That's that's the way I would deal with this while

1251
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 1: keeping her at bab in the fold.

1252
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 5: So to what that horse is, that horse is and

1253
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 5: she's never getting off that high horse.

1254
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,400
Speaker 1: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

1255
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:42,919
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

1256
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

1257
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 5: My mother in law freaked out about my newborn skin color.

1258
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,479
Speaker 5: She demanded for a paternity test.

1259
00:55:50,840 --> 00:55:57,919
Speaker 4: Why are we freaking out about the baby genetics when

1260
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,680
Speaker 4: you know you're gardner is all pretty.

1261
00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,200
Speaker 5: My husband and I have been together for four years,

1262
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 5: married for two. My husband is Indian, I am white.

1263
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,799
Speaker 5: I have always gone along with my mother in law.

1264
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:11,319
Speaker 5: She was warm and welcoming from the beginning, and I

1265
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:13,759
Speaker 5: really like her. She was over the moon when we

1266
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,359
Speaker 5: told her I was pregnant. Our daughter, Sarah, is her

1267
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:19,319
Speaker 5: first grandchild. By the way, this comes from user Gray

1268
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 5: Gray Throwaway. That's a great one, and if you want

1269
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 5: to submit your own stories, go ahead and submit them

1270
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,880
Speaker 5: to the r slash Okay storytime Cybred. So, while I

1271
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:29,359
Speaker 5: was pregnant, my husband and I joked together about how

1272
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,719
Speaker 5: the baby might look one hundred percent white. In all seriousness,

1273
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:34,680
Speaker 5: we both knew she would probably look verry wet at

1274
00:56:34,680 --> 00:56:37,120
Speaker 5: first and get darker with time. She was born month

1275
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:39,800
Speaker 5: ago and does indeed look like any other white baby,

1276
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 5: but she has a full head of black hair and

1277
00:56:41,760 --> 00:56:44,800
Speaker 5: brown eyes. My husband and I think he's gorgeous.

1278
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure she is gorgeous.

1279
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 6: We love that anyway.

1280
00:56:48,560 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 5: My husband and I decided early on that we didn't

1281
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 5: want any visitors in the hospital while I was giving birth,

1282
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 5: and that we wanted one week at home with her

1283
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 5: before introducing her to the family members. We wanted a

1284
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:01,319
Speaker 5: little privacy and peace during her crazy time. My mother

1285
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,800
Speaker 5: in law wasn't thrilled by this, but she did respect it.

1286
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:05,800
Speaker 5: She came to our house three weeks ago with my

1287
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,680
Speaker 5: father in law and sister in law. She had a

1288
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 5: huge good on her face as I walked towards her

1289
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,719
Speaker 5: with Sarah in my arms. But when she saw my

1290
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 5: baby's face, everything changed. That's when the fire nation attacked.

1291
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 1: I was half a second behind you.

1292
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 5: She began shrieking, and I mean shrieking, that the baby

1293
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,440
Speaker 5: wasn't my husband's. My husband and I were stunned. The

1294
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 5: baby started to cry, and everything's sort of dissolved into chaos. No,

1295
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 5: my husband tried to explain that it's totally normal for

1296
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 5: the baby to be so pale, but she wouldn't calm

1297
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 5: down enough to hear him. They all left, without any

1298
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,120
Speaker 5: of them even holding the baby bed.

1299
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 1: What that's not? I think you overreacted? Perhaps again, do

1300
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: we not know how genetics work? We don't even know

1301
00:57:45,400 --> 00:57:48,000
Speaker 1: as even gene'sis to how babies work. Did you know

1302
00:57:48,040 --> 00:57:51,720
Speaker 1: that babies aren't at their final settings as soon as

1303
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 1: they're born.

1304
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 6: That was weeks ago.

1305
00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:55,400
Speaker 5: In the weeks since, my husband had spoken to her

1306
00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:58,160
Speaker 5: over the phone many times telling her that he is

1307
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 5: certain the baby is his. Pointed out to her that

1308
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 5: she herself is light skin for an Indian woman, but

1309
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:07,400
Speaker 5: since my husband is darker, she thinks Sarah should be darker.

1310
00:58:07,560 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 5: She has refused to see me or Sarah until we

1311
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,880
Speaker 5: do a paternity test. My husband has no doubts about

1312
00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 5: Sarah being his, but he has asked me to do

1313
00:58:15,440 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 5: the test for his mother's sake and for Sarah's. He

1314
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 5: wants her to have a relationship with her grandmother. I

1315
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 5: do too, or at least I did. I'm not sure anymore.

1316
00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:27,360
Speaker 5: My family lives very far away, ten hours by plane,

1317
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:30,080
Speaker 5: while my husband's family is less than an hour by car.

1318
00:58:30,160 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 5: I was counting on my mother in law to be

1319
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 5: a big part of Sarah's life, and she was very

1320
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:37,800
Speaker 5: excited about spending time with her granddaughter. But now now

1321
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:39,720
Speaker 5: I don't know if I can ever leave Sarah with

1322
00:58:39,760 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 5: a woman who can come unhinged so easily.

1323
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 1: I think my condition would be one. Of course, the

1324
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 1: paternity test is gonna be like positive, and then there

1325
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 1: needs to be a big fat apology attached to it.

1326
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:52,640
Speaker 6: I think so.

1327
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 1: From the mother in law's side, I.

1328
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 5: Think for the just the let's just do this paternity test,

1329
00:58:57,640 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 5: because if we don't nothing to get settled, right, do

1330
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:03,479
Speaker 5: the Pertaria test and be like, okay, that's a pretetor test.

1331
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 5: I better get the biggest apology and like biggest gift basket. Yeah,

1332
00:59:08,920 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 5: I am like I better she better say like, okay, right,

1333
00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do the grandmother duties and more. Yeah, what

1334
00:59:15,320 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 5: do I do? Do I swallow my pride and get

1335
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,120
Speaker 5: the test done? Even if I do? How can I

1336
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 5: trust my mother in law's behavior and judgment? After this edit?

1337
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 5: In case anyone wants more details about her reaction, here's

1338
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 5: one of my comment replies.

1339
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 6: You didn't see her.

1340
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 5: She flew off the handle at the mere sight of

1341
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:32,680
Speaker 5: my child. She screamed at me, She screamed at my husband.

1342
00:59:32,760 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 5: She called me things in Hindi so insulting that my

1343
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 5: husband won't tell me what was said. Comments comment one.

1344
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 5: Contrary to other posts here, my suggestion is to tell

1345
00:59:41,080 --> 00:59:43,160
Speaker 5: your mother in law in no uncertain terms that this

1346
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:45,800
Speaker 5: kind of irrational nonsense is not welcome in you.

1347
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:47,240
Speaker 6: Or your daughter's life.

1348
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 5: Refusing to honor this ridiculous request is not denying your

1349
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 5: child a relationship with her grandmother. Refusing this request is

1350
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 5: standing up for yourself and forcing a fifty year self

1351
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 5: fifty seven year old woman to act like an adult

1352
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 5: instead of trying to bully and manipulate you. If she

1353
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,480
Speaker 5: can't see the light and act like a normal, rational person,

1354
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 5: then you are all better off without her. Appeasing irrational,

1355
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,960
Speaker 5: manipulive people only weakens you and enables to tell mother

1356
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 5: in law if she wants a relationship with her granddaughter,

1357
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,320
Speaker 5: she needs to act like an adult. Also, keep an

1358
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,800
Speaker 5: eye out for passive, aggressive crap and subtle resentment she

1359
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:17,960
Speaker 5: may keep on you or your daughter over this hope,

1360
01:00:17,960 --> 01:00:20,200
Speaker 5: He replies, Yeah, A big part of me wants to

1361
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 5: ignore her bs, but my heart is breaking from my

1362
01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:25,280
Speaker 5: husband and my child. I was thinking of writing her

1363
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:27,920
Speaker 5: a letter telling her how much I like and respect her,

1364
01:00:28,000 --> 01:00:30,040
Speaker 5: and I want her to be a part of Sarah's life.

1365
01:00:30,120 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 5: I would also include in that letter that her behavior

1366
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 5: hurt my heart because I am deeply in love with

1367
01:00:34,440 --> 01:00:37,440
Speaker 5: her son and would never do anything that she suggested.

1368
01:00:37,680 --> 01:00:39,880
Speaker 5: I would tell her that my daughter needs her grandmother.

1369
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 5: But I am afraid that our relationship has been tainted

1370
01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:45,080
Speaker 5: by this and that we need to sort this out

1371
01:00:45,120 --> 01:00:46,920
Speaker 5: ourselves before bringing Sarah into it.

1372
01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 6: And we have an update. Ah, what do you think?

1373
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 4: I mean?

1374
01:00:52,320 --> 01:00:56,080
Speaker 1: You know, not everybody understands that. I guess the baby.

1375
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,600
Speaker 1: A baby doesn't always look like it's parents, especially right

1376
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 1: after it's born. And I don't know. I think this

1377
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 1: is something that you do and then you like wave

1378
01:01:07,360 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 1: it in front of her face just to see her reaction,

1379
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:10,680
Speaker 1: be like, so what do you have to say to

1380
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 1: me now? And then if she really says nothing to

1381
01:01:12,800 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: say in terms of like an apology, then that's when

1382
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,560
Speaker 1: it's like, all right, well, honestly, this behavior is I

1383
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 1: would give her.

1384
01:01:19,760 --> 01:01:21,960
Speaker 5: I would give her the you listen, the way you

1385
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:27,040
Speaker 5: reacted was inhumane. That was ridiculous. You made your granddaughter cry,

1386
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:28,919
Speaker 5: and but she's like, that's not my granddaughter. I'm like, okay,

1387
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 5: well we'll do the test and then we'll we'll shut

1388
01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 5: you up. And then what are we gonna do from

1389
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,919
Speaker 5: here on out? What how are we gonna go about?

1390
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 5: I will talk to your husband, like, hey, we do

1391
01:01:36,920 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 5: the portraity test.

1392
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 1: It needs to be a thing where it's like, oh,

1393
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 1: this happened to my brother and it was like the

1394
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 1: same thing, and I just I don't know. I saw

1395
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 1: what it did to him, and that's what like, I

1396
01:01:45,720 --> 01:01:48,560
Speaker 1: need a reason and I need like a big apology,

1397
01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 1: like what I need. I would need both of those

1398
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 1: things to go back.

1399
01:01:51,920 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 5: To him because her skin tone is not the same

1400
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:55,720
Speaker 5: skin tone as your father.

1401
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,800
Speaker 1: Guy said, So babies, don't oh it, guys, Come.

1402
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 5: On, people, just I love how I'm getting both these stories.

1403
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 6: We have an update, though. I want to thank everyone

1404
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 6: for their advice.

1405
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 5: Everyone mostly everyone was very helpful and it was validating

1406
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 5: to hear people say that my mother in law had

1407
01:02:12,640 --> 01:02:15,560
Speaker 5: behaved badly. Yeah, very Yesterday morning, my mother in law

1408
01:02:15,640 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 5: called my husband while he was at work. She said

1409
01:02:18,080 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 5: she wanted to come back to the house to apologize.

1410
01:02:20,720 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 6: Seriously. Didn't expect that. Wow.

1411
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1412
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:25,960
Speaker 5: My husband told her he needed to check with me first.

1413
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:27,680
Speaker 5: I told him it was fine as long as he

1414
01:02:27,800 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 5: and my sister in law were there too. Till last night,

1415
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:33,320
Speaker 5: after my husband came home, mother in law and sister

1416
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 5: in law came over.

1417
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,920
Speaker 6: I was pretty nervous, but I try not to show it.

1418
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:38,840
Speaker 5: Mother in law apologized for her behavior.

1419
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:39,680
Speaker 6: She said she.

1420
01:02:39,720 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 5: Knows that Sarah is her son's daughter and that I am,

1421
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 5: in her words, a good girl. She said that she

1422
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:48,520
Speaker 5: is disappointed that we aren't including Indian culture in Sarah's life.

1423
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 1: Wow, what are you talking about. It's too early to

1424
01:02:51,280 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 1: make that call at all. The father, Oh my god,

1425
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:57,120
Speaker 1: this is not that is not what has happened. And

1426
01:02:57,200 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 1: now you're just changing You're moving the goalpost, different sport.

1427
01:03:00,680 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, okay, okay, let's just keep on. We gave her

1428
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,440
Speaker 5: a completely Western name except the last name, and we

1429
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 5: didn't have any religious ceremonies for her, including the traditional

1430
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,439
Speaker 5: Hindu baby naming ceremony. I feel I need to tell

1431
01:03:11,440 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 5: you all that this was a mutual decision between me

1432
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:14,560
Speaker 5: and my husband.

1433
01:03:14,560 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 6: Okay, my husband was.

1434
01:03:15,600 --> 01:03:18,000
Speaker 5: Born and raised here and is very Westernized. While his

1435
01:03:18,040 --> 01:03:20,600
Speaker 5: given name is very Indian, he has a Western nickname

1436
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,840
Speaker 5: he prefers to go by. We live in the American South,

1437
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 5: and he deals with casual and not so casual bigotry

1438
01:03:26,440 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 5: on a regular basis. He has been pulled over by

1439
01:03:28,960 --> 01:03:33,040
Speaker 5: the police repeatedly for looking suspicious and even occasionally harassed

1440
01:03:33,040 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 5: at work. He doesn't want that for our daughter. So

1441
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 5: when we decided on a name. He was clear that

1442
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,520
Speaker 5: giving her an Indian name was not something he wanted

1443
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,920
Speaker 5: to do. We are also both atheists. He didn't want

1444
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:46,280
Speaker 5: to do the traditional ceremonies for either of our family's religions.

1445
01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:47,080
Speaker 1: Anyway.

1446
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:49,280
Speaker 5: My mother in law said she dealt with the western

1447
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:51,600
Speaker 5: name and the lack of a ceremony, but when she

1448
01:03:51,640 --> 01:03:54,680
Speaker 5: saw the baby even looked white, she freaked out. She

1449
01:03:54,760 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 5: reiterated that she doesn't doubt Sarah's praternity and that she's

1450
01:03:57,760 --> 01:04:00,080
Speaker 5: sorry for the way she acted. She said she very

1451
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 5: much wanted to be a part of Sarah's life. I

1452
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:04,560
Speaker 5: thanked her for the apology, but I also told her

1453
01:04:04,840 --> 01:04:07,040
Speaker 5: how what she did made me feel. I told her

1454
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:09,800
Speaker 5: that I had really valued our relationship and had been

1455
01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 5: looking forward to her relationship with Sarah, but that I'm

1456
01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 5: worried now. I told her she behaved in a way

1457
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 5: that made me question her ability to spend time with

1458
01:04:16,880 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 5: Sarah alone, which is fair, But but I said if

1459
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 5: she wanted to, she could proved to me that this

1460
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:23,240
Speaker 5: was a one time incident. I told her that my

1461
01:04:23,320 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 5: husband and I had discussed letting Sarah stay with her

1462
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 5: one week and a month when she gets older. On

1463
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,080
Speaker 5: these weekends, my mother in law would be more than

1464
01:04:30,120 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 5: welcome to take Sarah to her temple and teach her

1465
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:35,120
Speaker 5: all about Indian culture and the Hindu religion if she

1466
01:04:35,200 --> 01:04:38,200
Speaker 5: wanted to. However, as of now, that is no longer

1467
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:40,680
Speaker 5: the plan. If my mother in law wants that privilege back,

1468
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 5: she needs to behave like an adult and treat both

1469
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 5: of us with respect. She agreed and told us she

1470
01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:48,360
Speaker 5: loves us both. We hugged and she cried a little.

1471
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 1: And if you want to experience the full range of

1472
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 1: human emotions, then what should they do?

1473
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:57,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, they can find full episodes with stories just like

1474
01:04:58,040 --> 01:05:02,080
Speaker 5: this one on Spotify, Apple podcast or wherever you get

1475
01:05:02,080 --> 01:05:04,400
Speaker 5: your podcast app and search what do we search?

1476
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 1: Okay, story time.

1477
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 5: And let's get to the rest of the story. She

1478
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 5: asked to see the baby and cried full on. When

1479
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:15,560
Speaker 5: she held her. She cooed on her and Hindi. My

1480
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:17,360
Speaker 5: husband said it was all sweet things.

1481
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 1: God, she's not slurring the baby.

1482
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:22,400
Speaker 5: And promise us that she would earn our trust back.

1483
01:05:22,520 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 5: She then asked if we can reconsider the baby naming ceremony.

1484
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 5: We agreed that if she wanted the planet, we would

1485
01:05:28,640 --> 01:05:28,960
Speaker 5: do it.

1486
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 1: Compromise.

1487
01:05:30,200 --> 01:05:32,400
Speaker 5: We aren't thrilled with that, but we are happy that

1488
01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:35,040
Speaker 5: things are working out. I will be proceeding with caution,

1489
01:05:35,160 --> 01:05:38,440
Speaker 5: but I am optimistic. Her apology was sincere and it

1490
01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:41,440
Speaker 5: appears not coursed. She won't be left alone with Sarah

1491
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 5: anytime soon. But if she continues to be warm, loving

1492
01:05:44,440 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 5: and the sane woman we knew her before to be,

1493
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:50,360
Speaker 5: before this nonsense, then a year or two down the road,

1494
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:52,120
Speaker 5: everything will be the way it's supposed to be.

1495
01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:54,600
Speaker 6: And that and that is the end of that story.

1496
01:05:54,680 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 1: Wow, good ending, good ending.

1497
01:05:56,960 --> 01:06:00,240
Speaker 5: Yeah again, I think she just had a lot of

1498
01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:04,080
Speaker 5: underlying emotions and thoughts that just just boiled all together,

1499
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,760
Speaker 5: and when she just saw the baby, just like it

1500
01:06:07,840 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 5: all hit her all at once. She's like, what about

1501
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:14,920
Speaker 5: our She's like, what about my traditions? What about our

1502
01:06:15,000 --> 01:06:19,360
Speaker 5: family traditions? What about just our just background, our history

1503
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:20,320
Speaker 5: and everything, our culture?

1504
01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:23,040
Speaker 1: What can I do to the baby?

1505
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 5: But you can't, Like the baby was just born. The

1506
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,400
Speaker 5: baby is going to experience that. Especially. It seems like

1507
01:06:28,520 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 5: Opie and her husband did say that when it comes

1508
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 5: to that time, when you do take care of Sarah,

1509
01:06:35,080 --> 01:06:38,160
Speaker 5: you can take her and teach her the cultural things

1510
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 5: that you want to teach her,