1 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome to a new episode of You 2 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat I am the host, 3 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: and I am so glad you're here. Before we get 4 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,520 Speaker 1: started today, a quick reminder that although this is a 5 00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: podcast that is hosted by a therapist and it's called 6 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,239 Speaker 1: You Need Therapy, this podcast does not serve as a 7 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: replacement or substitute for actual mental health services. However, it 8 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: can help you along whatever journey you are on. So 9 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,160 Speaker 1: we are in the second week of the new year. 10 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,440 Speaker 1: If you are listening to this on the day it 11 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: came out, you're in the second Monday. I think this 12 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: would be the second Monday, right, yeah, the second Monday. 13 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: And I thought that we would use this episode as 14 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: a little chance for me to tell a story, a 15 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 1: recent story from my own life that led me to 16 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: a reminder of something that I logic, we know, but 17 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: sometimes forget to apply to my life when I'm in 18 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: some emotional spaces. Because you guys know this, I talked 19 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: about this all the time. I'm a therapist psychos of therapy. 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: I'm a therapist who also has to ask for help, 21 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: which should be every therapist. And although we have a 22 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 1: lot of information in our brain and we can help 23 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:23,319 Speaker 1: people access that information. Sometimes when it is you, it's 24 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: harder to take a step back and see the big picture. 25 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: So I thought I would tell you today a story 26 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 1: of when I cried about assessame bagel. And this happened 27 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: on Sunday, January one, so not that long ago. I 28 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: woke up, as I usually do, pretty early on this Sunday, 29 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,360 Speaker 1: and I couldn't go back to sleep, which is not 30 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: an issue for me. I like getting up early. I 31 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: like seizing the day. The mornings are my favorite part 32 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: of the day. And I had this wonderful idea to 33 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: go get my boyfriend breakfast, because one I wanted breakfast, 34 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: but also he very often and we'll be the one 35 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,279 Speaker 1: to get up and go run an errand or do something, 36 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: which is very kind, and I really appreciate that about him. 37 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 1: But I thought, hey, what better way to start the 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 1: new year than to do something kind for somebody else. 39 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: So I said, Patrick, I'm going to get you a bagel, 40 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 1: because you love bagels, and he loves bagels from a 41 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: specific place. But I was like, I think we should 42 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,239 Speaker 1: try something new. I think we should try more local 43 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 1: spots see if we can, you know, do like a 44 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 1: bagel tour maybe and then find the actual best bagel 45 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 1: in Nashville, even though he swears by these bagels. So 46 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,959 Speaker 1: I did some research. I found one that was fifteen 47 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: minutes away from my house, which is not really a 48 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 1: far way, but I also like going places that are 49 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,680 Speaker 1: five minutes away because I think, oh, it's fifteen minutes 50 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: there than a fifteen minutes back. I also, I'm probably 51 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: gonna spend fifteen minutes in the store at least getting 52 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: what I need. So it's forty five minutes, which like 53 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: rounds up to an hour, and that's an hour of 54 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: my day, and so it just seems I get a 55 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: little anxious about time. So anyway, I bet the bullet 56 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm gonna do it because these 57 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:00,679 Speaker 1: bagels amazing. So I get in my car and I 58 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,000 Speaker 1: drive to this bagel place. Pretty easy to get there, 59 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: not a lot of people on the road. And I 60 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,360 Speaker 1: get there and I park, and I look across the 61 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: street into the store and I noticed that all the 62 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: lights are off, and I think to myself, well, it 63 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: is January one, and a lot of businesses take off 64 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 1: on January one, so I imagine that this place is 65 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,639 Speaker 1: closed and then I saw a couple other people walk 66 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 1: up to it and then walk away. So I quickly 67 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 1: learned this place is closed. I was like, no big deal, 68 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 1: just changing plans a little bit. So we're going to 69 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: go to the original bagel place because I know that 70 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 1: place is open. I checked it on Google. I text 71 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I say, hey, this place is closed. 72 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a little longer. I'm gonna drive to 73 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: the other bagel place. And it was seventeen minutes from 74 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 1: where I currently was. Seventeen minutes away, so I'm gonna 75 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,480 Speaker 1: be a little longer, but send me your order. He's like, okay, 76 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: thank you so much, Like he was so appreciative. He 77 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: wouldn't have even cared if I just came home and 78 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: didn't get anything. We would have just had cereal and 79 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: be nappy. So I thank you so much. This is 80 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: what I want if you go. So I drive there 81 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: and listen to some good music. I'm feling good. I'm 82 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: feeling fine. Not ideal, but I also stopped at McDonald's 83 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: and got some diet cokes and hash browns, because what 84 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: better way to eat a bagel than with a McDonald's 85 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: diet coach which coke, which is the healer of all 86 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: healing things. So I get there and I walk in 87 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: and there are two people in there to like customers. 88 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,440 Speaker 1: One was walking out as I was walking in, and 89 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: then there was one person waiting for their food and 90 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 1: I walk in. Right away they asked me what my 91 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,679 Speaker 1: order is. I give them my order. I'm a little 92 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 1: thrown off because I don't understand the way they're doing things. 93 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: It seems a little chaotic, Like I ordered somewhere where 94 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: I guess normally you wouldn't order, and then there was 95 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: nobody at the register, but normally you would order at 96 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: the register. I just was a little thrown off of like, 97 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:44,159 Speaker 1: how is this working? So I order and I say, 98 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 1: I need a sessame bagel with butter, and then everything 99 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 1: bagel with whatever Patrick's order was, which was like a 100 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: just basic thing off of the menu, like a sandwich. 101 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: And right away she goes you said, oh, what bagel 102 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: with butter? And I said, assess me bagel and she 103 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: said okay. All of a sudden, right after I order, 104 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: literally I counted seventeen people came in. I don't know 105 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: if they are teenagers or like twenty year olds. I don't. 106 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 1: I can never tell ages of people anymore. But I 107 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: was like a younger group of kids, and it was 108 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,679 Speaker 1: a huge group there, seventeen of them. And then after 109 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: they came in, other people started to come in, and 110 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: so a line started to form out of the door, 111 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:23,799 Speaker 1: and I was like, well, that was literally God getting 112 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: here at the exact right time. So right after that happens, 113 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: this girl, the girl that walked in when I was 114 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,479 Speaker 1: walked or walked out when I was walking in, walks 115 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 1: into the bagel shop and she has a bag on 116 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: her hand and she said, hey, I asked for avocado 117 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 1: bagel with cheese and bacon, and you just put avocado 118 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: on this. And they're very confused by her. She had 119 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 1: repeat herself like three times, and then finally the person 120 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: that made her bagel was like, what's the problem, and 121 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: she told her and she just was like, well, I 122 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: didn't know that that's what you wanted, which I'm sure 123 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 1: she was stressed. There's a lot of people in there. 124 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,479 Speaker 1: I probably would have handled that a little differently and 125 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: that that's a okay. And so you could tell the 126 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,359 Speaker 1: girls getting a little frustrated, and she was like, well, 127 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: can I just have the bagel I ordered and the 128 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 1: babel that I paid for. So she's waiting there. I'm 129 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: waiting there for my bagels. Time goes by. The woman 130 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: hands me my bagel and then walks off. I'm sitting 131 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: there confused of like okay, do I just take this? 132 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: Is it free? Or like how do I pay? Because 133 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 1: there's nobody at the register. And then right after they 134 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: handed me my bagel, they handed the girl her bag 135 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 1: back and she opens it and she immediately goes, there's 136 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 1: no bagel in here. And the woman was like what 137 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,880 Speaker 1: she was, well, there's there's no bagel in the bag 138 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 1: you gave me. And she said, well, I thought you 139 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: just needed bacon for your bagel, and she said, no, 140 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 1: you took my bagel to remain make my bagel. Now 141 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,719 Speaker 1: I don't have a bagel and I just have bacon. 142 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 1: And she looked at and she goes, well, I didn't 143 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 1: know that, which was very confusing to me. So the 144 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,120 Speaker 1: girl is getting frustrated. The woman starts remaking her bagel, 145 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 1: I guess, and then finally a couple of minutes later, 146 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 1: somebody comes over the register and starts like ringing me 147 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: up or asking me what I ordered, and it was 148 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: a chaotic place. I have so much compassion for being 149 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,479 Speaker 1: in a chaotic place. There's gonna be a line, there's 150 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:09,080 Speaker 1: gonna be that normally somebody might approach that situation. But 151 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 1: thank you for being patient, or sorry about the line, 152 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: or really thank you for being patient. It's the best 153 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: way to handle that, because I didn't have an issue waiting. 154 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: It was really that I just was confused and know 155 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: what was going on. So they're a little bit rude 156 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: bringing me up, and I just was like, whatever, it's 157 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: the new year. Who knows what happened to these people 158 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 1: last night, if they had a rough night or a 159 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: good night, or maybe something happened in their lives recently, 160 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,560 Speaker 1: and they're just having a hard time. So I'm gonna 161 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 1: leave with my bagels and I'm just gonna happy. I'm 162 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: gonna go home and um, I'm gonna eat my bag 163 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: with Patrick and we're gonna have a wonderful first day 164 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: of the new year. So I get back in my car, 165 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: knowing that I should have probably checked my order after 166 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 1: watching What Happened with the Girl with the Avocado bacon bagel, 167 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,400 Speaker 1: and then just got bacon, but I was just in 168 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 1: a rush. I wanted to get back to Patrick. I 169 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: wanted to eat my bagel. I was excited. I could 170 00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 1: tell there's two bagels in there, so I just was like, 171 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: let's go. So I drew of fifteen minutes home, and 172 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: I was so excited about all the goodies. Had the 173 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: hash frounds, I had the diet cokes, and I brought 174 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,679 Speaker 1: them to Patrick and we were opened up our stuff 175 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: and I was explaining like the chaos, kind of laughing 176 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: at Off, like that was crazy. That place is so inefficient. 177 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: I don't understand it. And I opened up my bagel, 178 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 1: knowing that I ordered a sess me a bagel with butter, 179 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,520 Speaker 1: probably the easiest order anybody could ever have, other than 180 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: getting up plain bagel with butter. And I noticed that 181 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: there's like a lot of butter on it. And I'm like, oh, 182 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:28,280 Speaker 1: I guess I'm gonna have to go down stairs and 183 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: get a knife to spread this because it's just like 184 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 1: a big chunk of like white. So I opened up 185 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 1: my bagel and then I see that this was not 186 00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 1: a big chunk of butter. It was a huge, massive 187 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:44,599 Speaker 1: glob of cream cheese. I had chunks of something in it. 188 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,640 Speaker 1: It was like red and green, so I imagine that 189 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: it's peppers or tomatoes or something, but there's chunks of 190 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 1: something in the cream cheese. And I lost my mind. 191 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 1: When I lose my mind, I don't get super loud 192 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: all the time. I wasn't yelling, I was anything. I 193 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 1: just lost control of which we never really have control 194 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 1: our emotions. But I just lost control of my emotions 195 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,320 Speaker 1: and my excitement, and I became very upset very quick, 196 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,199 Speaker 1: and I said, oh my gosh, this has cream cheese 197 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,199 Speaker 1: on it. I can't eat this. Slammed bagel, shutting, threw 198 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: it on the floor, and I was so upset, and 199 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: I was also really hungry at this point. And you know, 200 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 1: I do realize how silly this is, just so you 201 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: know we're going to get to that point. But I 202 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,200 Speaker 1: remember wanting to throw things. I just wanted to be 203 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: so mad. I was so mad at this bagel place, 204 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: and then I was mad at Patrick. And he did 205 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: nothing wrong. He he offered to go get me the 206 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: right bagel. He want me to go back and get 207 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 1: what you ordered, and I said no, because if you 208 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: do that, then it defeats the purpose of me trying 209 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,439 Speaker 1: to go do something nice for you. And I just 210 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: tried to do something nice for you and how to 211 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: have a good morning, and this is what happens, and 212 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: I can't even eat that, And how hard is it 213 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: to just make I mean, I was so mad. And 214 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 1: then I got even more mad because he was sitting 215 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: there because he offered to do something. So he was like, 216 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: I guess I'll eat my bagel. So he was sitting 217 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: there enjoying his bagel and diet coke, and I was 218 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 1: just piste like, piste off. So eventually I just get up, 219 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 1: throw the covers off, stomp downstairs. Yes, we were eating 220 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 1: in bed, which might be gross to you guys. I 221 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: totally understand that, and if you judge me, that's okay. 222 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,840 Speaker 1: I have no issue with it. So I summed downstairs, 223 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,880 Speaker 1: and we had made a plan to clean the kitchen 224 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: and then go grocery shopping to get ourselves set up 225 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,280 Speaker 1: for the new year. We had made a budget, we 226 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: were excited to start cooking at home, and so I 227 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: wasn't so excited to do that. But I was like, 228 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 1: I guess I'll just clean the kitchen by myself since 229 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: Patrick's just up there eating a bagel. Meanwhile, like I 230 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,560 Speaker 1: brought him the bagel to eat, and I remember wanting 231 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: to slam things, but I have there's like soft closing drawer, 232 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,680 Speaker 1: so you can't slam them. So I kept trying to 233 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: slam the drawer, but then the drawer would get caught 234 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:57,040 Speaker 1: on whatever it is that keeps it from slamming. So 235 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 1: then I got even more mad. And so I have 236 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,440 Speaker 1: a kitchen of plants that has a couple of pieces 237 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 1: and I just like throw it into the pantry to 238 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 1: like make noise. I just wanted to release something, which 239 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: is that's totally normal and healthy. I probably should have 240 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 1: punched some pillows or gone and throw rocks or ice 241 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,240 Speaker 1: or screened into a pillow, but I was taking it 242 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: out on anything in the kitchen. And so then I 243 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 1: start doing the dishes, and of course I'm stewing and 244 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: creating more anger and resentment towards Patrick because he's not 245 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:29,320 Speaker 1: helping me, even though he's eating the bag I bought him. 246 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: And then he comes downstairs eventually, and he's tiptoeing down 247 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: the stairs, and then he comes in the kitchen and starts, 248 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 1: you know, trying to put some of the dishes away. 249 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: He quietly grabs a dish touse starts to dry the 250 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 1: dishes that I'm cleaning, and it just was pissing me 251 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 1: off that he was there. Then he went and got 252 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 1: dressed and he came here. He was like, I'm gonna 253 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: go to the grocery store and I was like, you 254 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 1: can't go to the grocery store. We didn't even make 255 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: a list. I'm like, so make angry at this point, 256 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: and he's like, well, I would like to go now. 257 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: I don't mind going now. I want to do that 258 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 1: before I get too late because I want to watch 259 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 1: from the football games today. And oh my god, that 260 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: sentence through me. Oh, you want to go now when 261 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 1: it's convenient for you so you can watch football games later, 262 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: so you can have a good day again. All of 263 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:15,080 Speaker 1: my logic was turned off at this point. My emotional 264 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:19,599 Speaker 1: brain was just wreaking havoc all over the place. So 265 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,559 Speaker 1: sometime goes by. My friend ends up ordering me a 266 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,199 Speaker 1: bagel from another place down the road that I actually 267 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: wanted to go to initially, and so we sit down 268 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I know i'm being a rational patrick, 269 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: but I would like to go to the grocery store together. 270 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: I would like to make a list. It didn't happen 271 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:37,719 Speaker 1: this nicely. It took some more settling down of me, 272 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: And I don't think I said it exactly this way, 273 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:41,959 Speaker 1: but that just of what I said was I want 274 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: to make a list. I want to make a plan 275 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 1: for the week for food, and then I want to 276 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: go together, like I want to go to the grocery 277 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,640 Speaker 1: store together. I don't want this to just be me 278 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: going the grocery store to get food for you and 279 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,559 Speaker 1: us obviously, so you can sit at home and watch 280 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,679 Speaker 1: football day, which is a whole other story. People out 281 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: there who his partners love watching hours and hours and 282 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: hours of football on the weekends. We're going to create 283 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,280 Speaker 1: a support group. But anyway, so then he's like, okay, 284 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,800 Speaker 1: I'll go to the store with you. It's fine. And 285 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, well I have to wait for 286 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 1: this bagel now that Kellen, my friend Kellen had got me, 287 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 1: and I knew he was getting antsy because he's like, well, 288 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: if we go get the bagel, and then what if 289 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: you have to sit and talk to your friend, and 290 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: then it's gonna take us longer to the grocery store 291 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: and I want to get back by a certain point. 292 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,839 Speaker 1: Because I knew he was going to the grocery store 293 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 1: to appease me, but he really wanted to be at 294 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,360 Speaker 1: home watching football. So we get in the car, we 295 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,800 Speaker 1: go to get the bagel, and I could just tell 296 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 1: he didn't want to be there. So what I did 297 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: then I gave nobody any solution to get out of 298 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: this safely. So I said, I don't want you to 299 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: go to the grocery store if you don't want to 300 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: go to the grocery store with me. I don't want 301 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:46,839 Speaker 1: to go to the grocery store with me if you 302 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,040 Speaker 1: would rather be at home watching football. He was like, well, 303 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you. I will go 304 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 1: to the grocery store with you, but obviously I would 305 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,840 Speaker 1: rather be watching football. I said, then you then don't come. 306 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: So I dropped him off of his car because his 307 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 1: car was at a friend's house near my friend Kelln, 308 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 1: who had got me the bagel. And I said, well, 309 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,520 Speaker 1: then you can't don't come with me. So he gets 310 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 1: out of the car quietly, and then he comes over 311 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 1: to the other side of the car and he taps 312 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 1: on the window and I roll it down and he 313 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 1: just says, I love you, and I said I love 314 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 1: you too, and I'm really mad at you right now. 315 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: He was like, I don't know what you want me 316 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: to do, and I said, well, you can't, you can't. 317 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: I just want to know that you can't win, because 318 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,320 Speaker 1: if you come with me and you're you're upset and 319 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: you don't want to be there, I'm gonna be mad 320 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: at you. And if you don't come with me, I'm 321 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: also gonna be mad at you. He was like, okay, well, 322 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I'm just gonna come 323 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 1: with you. And I was like, okay, realizing in this moment, 324 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 1: I'm making this worse, so I'm like, okay, just come 325 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 1: with me. Whatever. So he actually drove the grocery store 326 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 1: separately in his car, and then I drove in my 327 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: car to the grocery store and I had some alone 328 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 1: time to think, and I was like, Catherine, you know 329 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,960 Speaker 1: you're being a rational right now. You know in time 330 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,080 Speaker 1: you're not going to feel this way. You have an 331 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: opportunity to go grocery shopping with Patrick and have a 332 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: good time and joy yourself, or you can be mean 333 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:06,320 Speaker 1: to him. Those are your options. And so I said, okay, 334 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to apologize when I get there. I'm going 335 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: to tell him, I'm in a bad mood and I'm 336 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,080 Speaker 1: working on getting out of that mood, that bad mood, 337 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,640 Speaker 1: but I just can't snap out of it. It's going 338 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: to take me a second. So I did that. He said, okay. 339 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 1: We actually had a fine time at the grocery store. 340 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: Wasn't the best time, but a fine time. So that 341 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: was my my day of It was literally probably from 342 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,240 Speaker 1: nine o'clock to probably one or two where this bagel 343 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 1: had just taken over my first day of the new year, 344 00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 1: and there was a lot of feelings there or some 345 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 1: tears in my eyes, and there was a lot of 346 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to laugh myself, like I couldn't because I 347 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,360 Speaker 1: would be mad at myself for laughing myself. So as 348 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 1: I am recounting this experience later that day with friends, 349 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 1: and I told the story on the fifth Thing with 350 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:03,440 Speaker 1: Amy Brown that evening, I started to remember and pull 351 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: up the memories that because this isn't not an isolated event, 352 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: and I started to remember a couple of other times 353 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: recently that this has happened. And there was one similar 354 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: situation a couple of months ago where Patrick had actually 355 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: gotten up and gone to get me. I really wanted 356 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: a power eid slush. It just sounded so good to me. 357 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 1: He went up and got me a powered Slash from Sonic. 358 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 1: I ordered on the app. I download the app just 359 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: so I could order and get a half price because 360 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: side note pro tip, if you order drinks on the 361 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: app from Sonic, happy hours all the time, so you 362 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: can always get a half price drink, which is very clutch. 363 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 1: So I ordered on the app. He got food. We 364 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: probably would not have gotten food from Sonic because that's 365 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,200 Speaker 1: not my preferred breakfast food, although Sonic is so good. 366 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,240 Speaker 1: But I wanted powered Slusha. That's what we did. So 367 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: we went and got it, picked it up. He brought 368 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: it to me. It was not a powered Slash. It 369 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: was a huge power raid and Patrick didn't understand what 370 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,040 Speaker 1: the big deal was. And I was like, I can't 371 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: drink this, and also I don't want this. This is 372 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: very different than what I wanted and I could not 373 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: get over it. I again tears in my eyes. Was 374 00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: so upset. Actually when it's far to writing a email 375 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: to Sonics customer service, and in the email even said 376 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,119 Speaker 1: I wish I could pull it up in the I 377 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 1: told him what happened, like I ordered this, and then 378 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,439 Speaker 1: I came home and this is what I got. And 379 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 1: I do realize that this is not that big of 380 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 1: a deal and I am being a little bit dramatic, 381 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,679 Speaker 1: but I can't help it. And I just needed an 382 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: outlet to share my feelings. I'm not even asking for anything. 383 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell somebody. They actually did give 384 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,000 Speaker 1: me a free drink. So it worked really in my 385 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,680 Speaker 1: favorite and Patrick also went back and got the actual 386 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: drink in Sonics, like five minutes from my house, so 387 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: that happened and it was like so wild, like it's 388 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,680 Speaker 1: not again small potatoes. And then more recently than that, 389 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 1: I think it was the end of this end of 390 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:55,360 Speaker 1: November or early December. I had gotten some Christmas pajamas 391 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: for Patrick, and I was doing some shopping and noticed 392 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,879 Speaker 1: that Old Navy had their Smith pajamas out and I 393 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I gotta get those now because I 394 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: know they sell out. And so I go and I'm 395 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,719 Speaker 1: trying to find a pattern that would appease both Patrick 396 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,199 Speaker 1: and I because he's more picky and I don't know, um, 397 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 1: if you would wear certain things that I would wear, 398 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: and I wanted them to match, and then you had 399 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,399 Speaker 1: to find the same thing that had my size and 400 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 1: his size. So I got these pajamas and I got 401 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 1: home and I put them upstairs and I told him 402 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,160 Speaker 1: I have a surprise for you. They're upstairs. Go check 403 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 1: it out. And my mom used to always do this, 404 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: but she would give them to us on Christmas Eve, 405 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,760 Speaker 1: and I was gonna do that, but then I was like, wait, 406 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: we could wear these pajamas all December. They can be 407 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: like our Christmas pajamas. So he gets them and he's 408 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: excited and we put them on later that night and 409 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 1: he's like, just so you know, these aren't Christmas pajamas. 410 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,200 Speaker 1: And I was like, excuse me. He said, yeah, so 411 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,879 Speaker 1: I like these and I love them. Thank you for 412 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: buying them for me. But these aren't Christmas pajamas. These 413 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 1: are just pajamas. And they were the buffalo check, like black, 414 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,720 Speaker 1: like the plaid. It was just black and white. And 415 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 1: when I tell you, I lost again in my mind. 416 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,680 Speaker 1: I lost my mind. I was so distraught. I refused 417 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: to put mine on. I actually put them back in 418 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,720 Speaker 1: the bag and said, well, you can return these because 419 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 1: I'm not going to wear them anymore, and you now 420 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: are responsible for going to find us Christmas pajamas because 421 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 1: apparently I can't do that correctly. I mean, I this 422 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 1: is so outside of how I normally act. And then 423 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 1: he went downstairs to I think we'll watch a movie 424 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,840 Speaker 1: or something, and I think he thought I was coming, 425 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,240 Speaker 1: and I just got in bed and started reading my 426 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: book and I wouldn't go down stairs. And then a 427 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,399 Speaker 1: little later he came upstairs and he was like, what 428 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,159 Speaker 1: is wrong? And I told him HELP said I was, 429 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,960 Speaker 1: and he apologized, and I just couldn't get over it, 430 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: and I said, I appreciate your apology, and I do 431 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,640 Speaker 1: accept it, but I can't get over this and I'm 432 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: not gonna be able to wear those pajamas, and so 433 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: I do need you to return them. He was like, okay, 434 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, and we'll get to more of that 435 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,119 Speaker 1: as we carry on. Before we do that, I actually 436 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:01,439 Speaker 1: thought it would be interesting to get Patrick, and for 437 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: some of you, you know him as Big P from 438 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 1: when we talk about him on the Fifth Thing with 439 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: Amy on her podcast Four Things with Amy Brown. I 440 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 1: thought it'd be interesting to get his perspective on what 441 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,880 Speaker 1: he thought was going on and how he was feeling 442 00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: as these couple of events were happening because, like I said, 443 00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:21,120 Speaker 1: they're outside of my norm and they were very small 444 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 1: things that set me off versus really big things. So 445 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get Patrick, and then we're going to 446 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,800 Speaker 1: talk to him really quick about this. I have Patrick 447 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: here um in the flesh. This is his UNI therapy debut, 448 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 1: this is his podcast debut. This is any other kind 449 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 1: of debut you're having right now. I guess, okay, alright, 450 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,679 Speaker 1: so how do you feel? I feel good? Okay, he 451 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: feels good. All right. So I brought him here because 452 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: I wanted before I went into the why and what 453 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: was going on and what I discovered about my own 454 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: feelings and behavior, I wanted you guys to get a 455 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: perspective of what might the other person that's in that 456 00:20:59,119 --> 00:21:03,880 Speaker 1: situation with you be thinking. And I'm also curious what 457 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: he was thinking as well, just for myself. So we're 458 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: going to start with this. The bagel situation was not 459 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,879 Speaker 1: the first time that I've had a reaction to a small, 460 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:19,160 Speaker 1: seemingly small thing. Oh no, no, no. So I want 461 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: to know what was going on in your head when 462 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 1: I was initially upset about the bagel, Because what I 463 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,360 Speaker 1: remember is I gave you your bagel, and you were 464 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 1: so excited to eat it, and you got right into 465 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 1: having just thinking about Okay, so you're having your nice 466 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: time over there, and then I was upset. And I 467 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:40,000 Speaker 1: don't even know in the beginning if you've realized how 468 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,360 Speaker 1: upset I was. I mean, I feel like I can 469 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 1: kind of see it on your face most of the 470 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 1: time now when you're looking at me, though I was 471 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 1: looking at the bagel, yeah, I mean, I could just 472 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: feel you're negative, just just radiating off of you when 473 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: you were eating your bagel, and I was mad. What 474 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 1: were you thinking? Were you thinking she's being dramatic? Were 475 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 1: you thinking like, oh, shoot, I don't know what to do. 476 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,360 Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I knew it was an interesting 477 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 1: situation already because of all the troubles you had to 478 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 1: get to that bagel that morning. Thank you. I knew 479 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 1: it was hard to that point in the day because 480 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 1: of the journey you had to get there. What was 481 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 1: this the second bagel place that you had gone to? Yeah, 482 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: and they're on opposite sides of town. You were texting me, 483 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 1: and I could feel the negative energy through the phone. 484 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:30,919 Speaker 1: I guess, so you weren't thinking she's psychotic? No, I 485 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: mean psychoics not the right word. Now what I have 486 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: acted that way, I would have been disappointed for sure, 487 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 1: especially when you're you got to that point of like, okay, 488 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: journeys over, I'm here with my bagel, like the payoff 489 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: is here, and then you open it up and it's 490 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,080 Speaker 1: not exactly as you've seen. Not only not exactly as 491 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: you see something that you would not eat. Oh yeah, 492 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 1: I don't even think I said that earlier. A cream 493 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,919 Speaker 1: cheese grosses me out. So I couldn't just like scrape 494 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,440 Speaker 1: it off or be like, oh I didn't get I wanted, 495 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: but I'll have this, I like was a post. So 496 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,119 Speaker 1: that was pretty upsetting. So that happens, and then the 497 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,240 Speaker 1: day goes on and we get into the situation where 498 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,680 Speaker 1: I'm trying to go the grocery store and I want 499 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: you to come, but I want you to want to come, 500 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,359 Speaker 1: you don't want to come, but you'll come, and I 501 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,360 Speaker 1: am putting you in a possible situation. So at that point, well, 502 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: and there's there's reasons behind that too. You know, I 503 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,840 Speaker 1: like watching NFL football, and I was kind of getting 504 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,879 Speaker 1: excited for that part of the day where you know, 505 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: the red zone countdown starts and you're ready to watch 506 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 1: all the games and the Devils TV show. I had 507 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: offered to go to the store get all the things 508 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:41,119 Speaker 1: we needed prior to the start of the games, but no, 509 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 1: you were like, we want to do together, which is fine, 510 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 1: which is good. I just wish we would have jumped 511 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,159 Speaker 1: on that opportunity earlier than then. When it got to 512 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: the games start at twelve hate the red zone. Um, okay, 513 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 1: but were you not? I guess my thing what I'm 514 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,840 Speaker 1: thinking about is when you got out of the car 515 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 1: and I was like, you're not coming with me? I 516 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 1: want to know because I very much knew that I 517 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,359 Speaker 1: was putting you in a possible situation. But were you 518 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: still on that space of oh, I get why she's upset, 519 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,960 Speaker 1: or you like seriously, It was more about like I 520 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,760 Speaker 1: knew you were upset, and you had some valid reasons 521 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:24,680 Speaker 1: to be upset, And in my mind, it was like, 522 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't take much for me to spend 523 00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,439 Speaker 1: a little time, take a little time out of what 524 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: I was planning on doing to make you feel better 525 00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 1: since you've already had a hard morning. I also love 526 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,680 Speaker 1: that you are talking about me having a hard morning. 527 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,400 Speaker 1: It's really comes down to me getting the wrong bagel order. 528 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: So I just want to remind everybody that was my 529 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,440 Speaker 1: hard morning, and I do realize that. So that's why 530 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,359 Speaker 1: I guess in my head, looking back on it, I 531 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 1: would think that you would have been more annoyed of 532 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: like seriously, like what the heck? I mean again, I 533 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: kind of sat back and assessed the situation, and I 534 00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,360 Speaker 1: realized that, like, I can give up some of the time. 535 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,840 Speaker 1: I knew I was probably gonna be watching football good 536 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: rest of the part of the day. So the fact 537 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 1: that I could take a little bit of my time 538 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:12,399 Speaker 1: to make you feel better, it was something that you know, 539 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: I was willing to do. Okay, So my last question 540 00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 1: is what did you want to say that you were 541 00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,360 Speaker 1: too afraid to say to me that day? And why 542 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 1: would you have been afraid to say that? And I 543 00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,360 Speaker 1: wouldn't want you to know. I'm not going to be upset, okay. 544 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,159 Speaker 1: I thought you were just getting me in here for 545 00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: recorded on microphone. The initial reaction is, hey, this isn't 546 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,120 Speaker 1: the biggest of deals, you know, kind of like we've 547 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:44,719 Speaker 1: been alluding to in this series. It is a bagel. 548 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:48,680 Speaker 1: It's breakfast that went wrong that you know can be mended, 549 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 1: but I also know that that was what you were 550 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 1: You know, again, that was just represented something you were 551 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 1: looking forward to after putting in the work too. But 552 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,160 Speaker 1: why would you be afraid to actually just say that 553 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 1: because I think a lot of I'm glad you said that, 554 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 1: because I think a lot of people that is what 555 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,080 Speaker 1: actually gets in the way when these things come up, 556 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,720 Speaker 1: is there's something that like, obviously it's not that big 557 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: of a deal, and somebody calls that out and that's 558 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 1: actually not help at all. Like if you were to 559 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaker 1: say it's just a big or it's not a big 560 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 1: of a deal. I feel like that's the would have 561 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:21,840 Speaker 1: on the moment you would have you would have not 562 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 1: appreciated it, and maybe you would appreciated it later on. 563 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:30,359 Speaker 1: Maybe it was that that immediate negative reaction that I 564 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: was afraid of receiving. I guess if I would have 565 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,920 Speaker 1: said that, also, I'm not not great with my words. 566 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 1: I'm a numbers guy, so coming out of my mouth 567 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 1: it probably would have sounded even more insensitive to how 568 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 1: you were feeling, I guess or in the situation. So 569 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: could this be true that you didn't want to say 570 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: that because you knowing me know that. Obviously I am 571 00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 1: not an irrational person, and so it was unnecessary and 572 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: in time you could say that, but in the moment, 573 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,479 Speaker 1: obviously there would be something bigger going on if I 574 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,880 Speaker 1: was that upset over something so small. And yeah, I mean, 575 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:09,720 Speaker 1: I mean, and I guess in another way of saying 576 00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,360 Speaker 1: that you were actually really good at after a situation 577 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 1: is transpired, sitting back and thinking about, you know, the 578 00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 1: way you fell, in the actions you took, and thinking, hey, 579 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,840 Speaker 1: was that the right? Was that the appropriate reaction there? 580 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 1: And you usually pretty spot on when you think about 581 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,600 Speaker 1: it again, so usually usually come to the correct answer 582 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,880 Speaker 1: sooner or later. So I didn't want to, I guess 583 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: put you in a worse mood at that time, knowing 584 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: that you're going to come back and and write that, Yeah, okay, 585 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,359 Speaker 1: well I appreciate that answer. That very was a very 586 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: good answer. And I want you guys to know that, 587 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,040 Speaker 1: you guys know this from this whole episode and this 588 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 1: whole podcast. But I'm nowhere near perfect. So Patrick says that, 589 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 1: and that's very kind. And I also sometimes I can't 590 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: miss things. Yeah, I said you were good at it? It 591 00:27:55,400 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 1: It great? My god? Okay, is there anything else? You 592 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,840 Speaker 1: would like to say thanks for having me on. I 593 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 1: guess you're welcome all the time listener, first time caller. 594 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:15,760 Speaker 1: How long I've been listening? About a year? How long 595 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: did I make you wait until you could listen to 596 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 1: an episode? Um? I don't know, but I definitely snuck 597 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:23,439 Speaker 1: a few in before you told me that. That's trick 598 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: youven told me I couldn't specifically not listen. Maybe it did. 599 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: I did say that, but maybe I don't know. Before 600 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:33,440 Speaker 1: we know it was after, I mean it was after 601 00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 1: the first or second day? It was? Was that? Yeah? 602 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,719 Speaker 1: I listened to a couple. Which one did you listen to? 603 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:41,959 Speaker 1: I mean the first one I listened to was like 604 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 1: a relationship one? Yeah? Was it me by myself? I 605 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,840 Speaker 1: was just trying to get up some kind of idea, 606 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 1: you know, was it about myself? Yeah? There was a 607 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: lot of personal stuff on there. Wait which one was 608 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: it was? I did a Valentine's Day one and maybe 609 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: that's what it was. It was relationships in general, and 610 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,040 Speaker 1: like I remember talking about, like you know, looking for 611 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: like a soul mate or a perfect person is like 612 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 1: you you take the things that like you find important 613 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 1: most important, and you like prioritize those over um, you know, 614 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 1: maybe you don't like this thing. You know like that thing, 615 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,560 Speaker 1: but like does that outweigh kind of like you know, 616 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: you're you're you're even saying like you write a list 617 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: of like the things you find important in like someone else, 618 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 1: in a potential partner, and it's like, well then you 619 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,080 Speaker 1: cross some of those off and you get down to 620 00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 1: like the two or three or four maybe, and then 621 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: you're like, you know, as long as they have these, 622 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 1: I can live without these being perfect. So you guys 623 00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:38,560 Speaker 1: see that secrets come out when you have a mic 624 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: in front of you. Isn't anything else you would like 625 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: to tell me? I don't think I ever lied about 626 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: about actually listening when you said not to, but I 627 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 1: probably just skirted around that. Maybe. Well, I'm not upset 628 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: with you in case you're wondering, And thank you for 629 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: being here. Now that he has done this and he 630 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: knows what's like, you guys should just expect him to 631 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: be a regular guest. Sounds good. Okay, Wow you heard 632 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 1: it here first. Okay, So while I see how this story, 633 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: these stories could are entertaining, and I could just make 634 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: a podcast about telling these funny stories. That's not the 635 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,280 Speaker 1: sole reason that I really am sharing the stuff. The 636 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: reason I'm telling you, guys, all of this is because 637 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 1: I'm sure that most of you listening are still listening now, 638 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,480 Speaker 1: because I've been rambling about these stories for a while, 639 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,400 Speaker 1: because you have a story like this as well. You 640 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: have a memory of a time when you just broke 641 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: down over something similar in the fact that it was 642 00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 1: so small, and you knew you were being irrational, but 643 00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 1: you just could not not be irrational in the moment. 644 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,280 Speaker 1: And again, what I think is so interesting about these 645 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: experiences and the experience that I had personally, is just 646 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 1: that I knew I was being irrational in the moment, 647 00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:58,960 Speaker 1: but I could not stop myself where I chose not 648 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,040 Speaker 1: to stop myself. Really, I wanted so badly to not 649 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,479 Speaker 1: be bothered by these things and to be happy and 650 00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: just to go with the flow, but I could not 651 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: force myself to do it. And I do find myself 652 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,080 Speaker 1: a goo with a flow kind of person in a 653 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,959 Speaker 1: lot of situations. But I was just so full of 654 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 1: negative energy and I struggled to actually tune in in 655 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 1: the moment. Weirdly enough, and I was planning to sit 656 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,320 Speaker 1: down and record this episode I was procrastinating with some 657 00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 1: good old fashioned scrolling on Instagram and I stumbled upon 658 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 1: this quote that was posted by Mike Foster, who was 659 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 1: somebody I really like to follow. He is a therapist 660 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,959 Speaker 1: as well. He used to have a podcast called Fun Therapy. 661 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 1: You can still go listen to those episodes. Also side note, 662 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:42,640 Speaker 1: last week, I gotta follow from a Mike Foster two thousand. 663 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: His Instagram handles at Mike Foster two thousand and I 664 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 1: got a follow from him and I was like, what, 665 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 1: this is so cool. I didn't know this person who 666 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 1: I existed, and so I followed him back and I 667 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 1: was so excited and I showed Patrick later. I was like, 668 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: you're not going to care about this, but look who 669 00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: followed me on Instagram. Maybe I could get him on 670 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 1: the PODCAS asked, and I clicked on his profile and 671 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, somebody is not right because I 672 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 1: had to follow him back and I was like, I know, 673 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,720 Speaker 1: I follow him. This is so weird. Why would I 674 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: unfollow him? And then I quickly realized that it was 675 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: a fake account and he didn't really follow me. It 676 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,320 Speaker 1: was a scam. So that was upsetting. But Mike Closter 677 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:17,719 Speaker 1: if you're out there and you want to follow me, 678 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: I already follow you. I would love it. I also 679 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 1: love to have you have a podcast. But anyway, so 680 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 1: I was sitting down and I was getting ready to 681 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,320 Speaker 1: record this. I was scrolling and I saw a quote 682 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: that he posted. And the quote he posted was my 683 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 1: most frequent complaint towards my partner, A loved one reveals 684 00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 1: my greatest emotional need, not their greatest flaw. And then 685 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: in his caption, he wrote this, Lately, I've been trying 686 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 1: to tune in more to my reactions to others, especially 687 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 1: when these reactions are filled with frustration, criticism, or anger. 688 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 1: I'm getting more curious about why I'm so bothered by 689 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: something someone said or did. Sometimes it's people I know, 690 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 1: and sometimes it's people I don't, But either way, something 691 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 1: gets stirred up inside of me. What has been so 692 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,880 Speaker 1: fascinating is to see how little it has to do 693 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 1: with them, and more to do with me. These negative 694 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,600 Speaker 1: reactions to people are giving me an opportunity to empower 695 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: some healthy self reflection. It shows me how much work 696 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,400 Speaker 1: I still have to do and the things inside of 697 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,440 Speaker 1: me that still need to be healed. I've been using 698 00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 1: this question a lot. I wonder what's going on there? 699 00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,200 Speaker 1: This little question is a great tool to help me 700 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:29,320 Speaker 1: excavate and process unhealed parts inside of me. And whether 701 00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: it's my negative reaction to what my wife did or 702 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: a complete stranger, this is an opportunity for me to 703 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 1: explore something broken in me. Okay, So I love that, 704 00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 1: and I think it's so crazy that I read that 705 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,720 Speaker 1: literally as I was about to sit down and talk 706 00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: about this with you guys today. And I love the question. 707 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,520 Speaker 1: I wonder what's going on there? If I were to 708 00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 1: ask that question within each of my breakdown experiences, I 709 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: bet I would find a lot out about what was 710 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 1: happening inside of me rather than being angry about something 711 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: that somebody else did that was wrong. And remember, using 712 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 1: words like wonder and curious are super helpful tools to 713 00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,239 Speaker 1: help shift from a judgmental space to a space that 714 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,880 Speaker 1: is open for understanding and discovery. So I wonder what 715 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,080 Speaker 1: was going on there? I've been sitting down this morning 716 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,439 Speaker 1: and asked myself, like, I wonder what was going on there? 717 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 1: I will say there's more for me to process and 718 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: for me to uncover and talk about with my own 719 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 1: therapists in this situation. But what I do know is 720 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 1: that I lost control of the experiences that I wanted 721 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: to have in all of those situations. With the pajamas, 722 00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,080 Speaker 1: I imagined us starting this new tradition for ourselves that 723 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,719 Speaker 1: my mom started when I was a kid. And this 724 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: was actually the first Christmas that I was ever going 725 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:45,279 Speaker 1: to spend with a serious significant other, and I had 726 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 1: some exciting expectations for what I wanted to be like. 727 00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:50,520 Speaker 1: And yes, Patrick told me he liked the pajamas, but 728 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,359 Speaker 1: he told me he liked the pajamas despite the fact 729 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: they weren't Christmas pajamas. And that's not the experience I 730 00:34:56,239 --> 00:34:58,759 Speaker 1: wanted to have. I wanted to have an experience of 731 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 1: starting this tradition of Christmas pajamas, and I did not 732 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: receive that experience that I had set up in my head. 733 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,279 Speaker 1: And with the bagel, I was so excited to go 734 00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,239 Speaker 1: out and get some of our favorite things and then 735 00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,359 Speaker 1: sit down and have a perfect first morning of the year. 736 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,239 Speaker 1: And the mornings are my favorite time of the day, 737 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,200 Speaker 1: like I said, especially on the weekend, when we get 738 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,040 Speaker 1: to decide exactly how we want them to go. And 739 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:23,280 Speaker 1: I was already frustrated because I spent so much time driving, 740 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,400 Speaker 1: which is why I included the times of driving, and 741 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:29,879 Speaker 1: I was worried about losing more time, losing more part 742 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: of the morning that I wanted to be spending doing 743 00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 1: something other than driving around finding a bagel. And then 744 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,400 Speaker 1: when I got home and realized that I lost my 745 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: favorite part of the day and I didn't even get 746 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,680 Speaker 1: the bagel, I felt like I was robbed of an 747 00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:43,640 Speaker 1: experience that I wanted to have. I felt cheated, and 748 00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: what I probably wanted in that moment was somebody to 749 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 1: fix it, somebody to make it better. And Patrick even 750 00:35:49,520 --> 00:35:52,960 Speaker 1: asked if he wanted me to fix it, and I 751 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,799 Speaker 1: said no, because him fixing my current issue would then 752 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: take away again from the experience that I wanted to have, 753 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,680 Speaker 1: which I wanted to go do something nice for him 754 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 1: and then have this moment. Patrick wasn't doing anything wrong 755 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,239 Speaker 1: technically the second bagel shop. It's something wrong, but on 756 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:13,280 Speaker 1: any average day, I don't I think that would be annoying, 757 00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: but I would not get tears in my eyes and 758 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 1: cry over it. And really, at the end of the situation, 759 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 1: I was unable to ask for what I wanted, and 760 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,880 Speaker 1: then I was unable to get exactly what I wanted, 761 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,480 Speaker 1: and I could not accept anything other than what I 762 00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 1: had envisioned in my head. I was stuck on trying 763 00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 1: to control the experience that I wanted versus finding value 764 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,600 Speaker 1: and experience I was having. Now, this is where I 765 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: wish I was able to ask myself the question that 766 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,799 Speaker 1: Donald Miller taught us on Amy's podcast Four Things with 767 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:46,000 Speaker 1: Amy Brown when we got to interview Donald Miller. Great 768 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,879 Speaker 1: episode if you haven't listened to that one yet, but 769 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: he taught us to ask questions that include, what does 770 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: this make possible when things don't go our way? To 771 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: get us out of this victim mindset, because oh my god, 772 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:02,440 Speaker 1: I was a victim of freaking bagel gate and this 773 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,880 Speaker 1: would have made a lot of things possible, and eventually 774 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: it did. It didn't make a lot of things possible. 775 00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,520 Speaker 1: A friend of mine was able to show up. And 776 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,360 Speaker 1: I want to say, help me in a time of 777 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:14,360 Speaker 1: need by getting getting me a bagel, But that seems 778 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,880 Speaker 1: so dramatic. But a friend of mine was able to 779 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,319 Speaker 1: show up and do something nice for me, We could 780 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:21,919 Speaker 1: have had a different experience that morning. Maybe I could 781 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,759 Speaker 1: have made something for breakfast. Maybe I mean, right now, 782 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: it's not really worth going through what what that could 783 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 1: have made possible? But I want next time to be 784 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:30,960 Speaker 1: able to ask, what does this make possible? So I'm 785 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,719 Speaker 1: not getting an experience that I wanted, but what experiences 786 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:36,080 Speaker 1: are are still available to me even if they weren't 787 00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,239 Speaker 1: the ones that I initially chose. And when we have 788 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 1: emotional breakdowns over small things that logically we know aren't 789 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,360 Speaker 1: that big of a deal, it can be due to 790 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,440 Speaker 1: a lot of reasons. I don't want ever to pigeonhole 791 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,759 Speaker 1: you guys into that if this happens, that must mean 792 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,319 Speaker 1: that this is going on, because again, this can be 793 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,400 Speaker 1: due to a lot of different reasons that are include 794 00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,359 Speaker 1: but are not limited to harboring resentment. Sometimes we we 795 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,120 Speaker 1: have these experiences because we're holding in thoughts and feelings 796 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:07,480 Speaker 1: that were scared to share. Maybe sometimes we're triggering past trauma. 797 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,759 Speaker 1: Sometimes we have a lack of sleep or nutrition which 798 00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: results in a lack of cognitive function, and our our 799 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: logic brain isn't working as as well as we'd like 800 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,960 Speaker 1: it too. And so I share all of this, and 801 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,400 Speaker 1: I tell you the story, and I talk through this 802 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 1: with you guys, because I know that a lot of 803 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: you have these experiences. I want to encourage us all 804 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,000 Speaker 1: to ask that simple question, what is going on here? 805 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 1: I wonder what is going on here? Versus this is 806 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 1: what you're doing wrong? And if you just did this, 807 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,040 Speaker 1: I would be fine, If they just did that, I 808 00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,320 Speaker 1: would be fine. It allows us a space to break 809 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: free from a little, maybe unconscious codependency where I'm okay 810 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,600 Speaker 1: if you're okay, or if that's okay, I'm okay. I 811 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 1: can still be okay when the world is not going 812 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,200 Speaker 1: as I planned. But in order to find that space, 813 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 1: a lot of times we need to ask the question, 814 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 1: I wonder what is going on here? So we can 815 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,200 Speaker 1: kind of work ourselves back from that. So I love 816 00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,760 Speaker 1: being able to look back and laugh at this these situations, 817 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,400 Speaker 1: and I think that's important. I think we need to 818 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: find humor in some of these things, and it's a 819 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,480 Speaker 1: healing agent. At the same time, it's also important to 820 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,960 Speaker 1: learn from these things, because if I don't, if I 821 00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:18,279 Speaker 1: don't pay attention to these types of situations, I miss 822 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:20,720 Speaker 1: an opportunity to learn about myself. I miss an opportunity 823 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:23,399 Speaker 1: to learn about the world. And I set myself up 824 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 1: to allow this to happen. Over and over and over 825 00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,919 Speaker 1: and over again. And so, like I said, I still 826 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,759 Speaker 1: have some more digging to do about these situations, and 827 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,000 Speaker 1: they're still learning to be done here. But I also 828 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,960 Speaker 1: already am in a space where I can set myself 829 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:39,760 Speaker 1: up better next time. The next time I'm putting pressure 830 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,279 Speaker 1: on myself or the people around me to have a 831 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,319 Speaker 1: certain experience, I can remind myself that a lot of 832 00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:47,760 Speaker 1: things can happen. I can have a lot of different 833 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:50,960 Speaker 1: versions of an experience, and all those versions can be 834 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: good even if they're not there the versions that I 835 00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:57,440 Speaker 1: had imagined in my head and unmet expectations don't necessarily 836 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,000 Speaker 1: mean you will be having a bad time. And another 837 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,759 Speaker 1: I think I'm taking from this is it's okay to 838 00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,799 Speaker 1: ask for what you want even if it throws your 839 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,040 Speaker 1: plan off, which I think might be a tough one 840 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:09,319 Speaker 1: for me, but I'm going to practice it. What I 841 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,279 Speaker 1: think is really cool and helpful again for me to 842 00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:17,080 Speaker 1: accept this understanding that just because experience isn't what I imagined, 843 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,359 Speaker 1: it can still be good. What I think is really 844 00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,839 Speaker 1: cool is that my brain is a lot smaller than 845 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,920 Speaker 1: the world. Right there are so many things that my 846 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,719 Speaker 1: brain cannot imagine or come up with or think of 847 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,719 Speaker 1: those aren't in there yet. And so just because it's 848 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,359 Speaker 1: not I think that's in my brain, it doesn't mean 849 00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: it's even not even gonna be better, you know, or 850 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 1: eventually be better. So that's pretty helpful for me when 851 00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:39,319 Speaker 1: it comes to that stuff, and maybe it can be 852 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:43,000 Speaker 1: helpful for you as well. But I hope that what 853 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,279 Speaker 1: you have gained from listening to this episode is some 854 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:50,880 Speaker 1: laughter and entertainment and also an opportunity for you to 855 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,040 Speaker 1: spend a little more time digging in and wondering what's 856 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: going on with you as well, rather than blaming the 857 00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:01,040 Speaker 1: world for our bad attitudes and our misfortune. And because 858 00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:03,200 Speaker 1: again I want to read that quote from Mike Foster 859 00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 1: because it was so freaking good. And this quote isn't 860 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: from him, he says unknown after the quote, just so 861 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,960 Speaker 1: you know, but the the caption that I read was 862 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,000 Speaker 1: from him. The quote is my most frequent complaint towards 863 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,520 Speaker 1: my partner or loved one, reveals my greatest emotional need, 864 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:22,839 Speaker 1: not their greatest flaw, bringing it back to us, healthy communication, 865 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:26,360 Speaker 1: healthy discovery, all of that. So I hope you guys 866 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:28,480 Speaker 1: are having the day you need to have. I hope 867 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,160 Speaker 1: you are getting the bagel order that you need to get, 868 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,239 Speaker 1: and the truth is that might not be the one 869 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,760 Speaker 1: that you ordered. I will be back with you guys 870 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,759 Speaker 1: on Wednesday for couch Talks. If you want to send 871 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,440 Speaker 1: me a question for couch Talks, you can do that 872 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,840 Speaker 1: Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. If you 873 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:46,759 Speaker 1: want to follow me or the podcast, you can do 874 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,920 Speaker 1: that on Instagram at cat dot to fata and at 875 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,759 Speaker 1: you Need Therapy Podcast. Thank you so much for being 876 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:55,719 Speaker 1: here today and all the days that you are here, 877 00:41:55,920 --> 00:42:02,800 Speaker 1: and I will talk to you guys on Wednesday. N