WEBVTT - Breaking Generational Trauma 0:00:01.480 --> 0:00:06.440 I feel so moved by the situation with Sonia Massey, 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:09.080 who called the police because she thought she had an intruder. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:11.960 First thing she said when the police arrived is don't 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:15.160 hurt me. Their response was, why would we hurt you? 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:18.120 And they sit in her living room have a calm conversation. 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:23.040 Noticing that there is something on the stove, they instruct 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:24.840 her to take it off the stove so the house 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:30.560 does not burn. She reaches for potholders to make sure 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:32.280 she didn't burn herself. When she moves it off the 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:36.600 stove and they drew their guns. She raises her hands 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:41.040 with the potholders in her hands, and one of those 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:44.760 police officers fires upon her four times, killing her. Another 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:47.720 officer who was there renders aids to her, while the 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:51.160 shooting officer does nothing. The reason that's on my mind 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:53.080 so much is like, how can we as a black 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:59.279 community not have vicarious trauma from seeing those things like 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:02.440 it is? It is incredible to me that we're supposed 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:05.880 to like live in this country and feel safe as 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:11.520 functioning citizens when too often someone will call the police 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:15.160 for issues of safety, like related to their job, and 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.679 that person ends up dead. I think that people in 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:22.720 our community under we underappreciate the traumatic experience that it 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:26.360 is just to be black and female in this culture 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:29.160 and what it's like to just watch that, you know, 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:32.680 Like I'm on social media Yesterday's kind of scrolling through 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:35.320 and I start seeing this name, Sonia Massey. I was like, 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.160 I don't know what this is, and then I see 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:40.640 the video and I'm like, I've seen too many videos 0:01:40.640 --> 0:01:42.520 of black people's lives. 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:44.679 Being taken in the past a few years. 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:47.320 So I don't know how to heal from that level 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:50.440 of generational trauma. And I do believe it is generational trauma, 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.400 but I do know it continues to happen. And we 0:01:53.440 --> 0:01:58.360 need to understand that when we're choosing politicians with ridiculous rhetoric, 0:01:59.320 --> 0:02:03.920 we are choosing more experiences like that or less, depending 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:07.160 on how how you vote. Donald Trump has created an 0:02:07.280 --> 0:02:11.800 environment of unsafety that is so unsafe it is no 0:02:11.880 --> 0:02:15.480 longer even safe for him. We need to think about that. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.880 We need to have larger conversations about that. I think 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.799 any of that relevant to the Family Therapy podcast. I 0:02:21.840 --> 0:02:24.800 have no idea, but when I see that stuff going on, 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:28.600 I'm like, you know, the Republicans have been very clear 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:32.040 with their Project twenty twenty five, like this is our agenda, 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.800 and one of those agenda items is police to have 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:39.320 immunity for things they do in the line of duty 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.919 up to an including killing citizens. If we were living 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:47.480 in a Project twenty twenty five era today, that officer 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.239 would be he would not be arrested. And I saw 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:52.840 Mugshott earlier today, so I believe he's been arrested. And 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:56.040 that scares me, like that genuinely scares me that we 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:57.959 could live in a world where someone could just walk 0:02:58.000 --> 0:03:01.320 to my house shoot me because they thought the podtholders 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:05.080 they asked me to pick up We're somehow a weapon 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.240 and they could take my life and then they could 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.120 just go home and have dinner with their family that night. 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.440 That's scary to me in a way that I have 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:14.800 a hard time articulating to people who don't look like me. 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.360 And it's just like we live in a society of 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:21.359 no justice. And I don't even mean justice in a 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.800 legal sense. I mean like no honor, Like justice is 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.560 not an equitably distributed thing. So it's perfectly okay to 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:30.960 view this woman sitting in her house walking to her 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:35.960 stove as a threat, but Dylan Ruth shooting up an 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:40.680 entire Black church, somehow we think he deserves Burger King 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:42.520 and all this is on my mind right now. I 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:46.360 just saw that Sonya video last night. You know, you 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.400 follow the Angela Rise and the Tamika Valleies and the 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:52.680 Ben Crump's and the Lee Merrits, and you see these things, 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:55.480 and it's just like, how am I supposed to feel 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:58.560 safe in this country? And if you if you don't 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.640 feel safe, then the the larger question is how am 0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:05.520 I not supposed to feel traumaed? And connected to that? 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.040 If I don't, if I'm if I'm feeling trauma, how 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:09.480 am I supposed to live in this country and not 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.760 have my trauma is triggered? Like it's like a cascade 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:14.600 of things that I don't I don't really know how 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.280 to sort out all the time. But you know, you know, 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:19.160 and I'm going to say something positive about what's on 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:20.960 the news going on the news and in my heart. 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:25.240 When Joe Biden announced I was kind of living my 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.400 life on Sunday and I followed Joe Biden on Instagram 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:31.040 and I saw he posted a letter and it felt 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.599 like it felt like a like a kick in the stomach. 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:35.560 I didn't even read I didn't have to read the letter. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:37.960 I knew what it was. But I did eventually read it, 0:04:38.000 --> 0:04:41.120 of course, and like that was actually where I saw it. 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.240 I didn't see it in the news outlet. I saw 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:45.919 it six minutes after Joe Biden posted it. Then of 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:47.839 course in the next few minutes it go super viral, 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:51.120 and for the for the next couple hours, I was 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:54.880 freaking out, Like the Democratic parties and shambles, what are 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:59.279 they going to do now? This is unprecedented blah blah blah. 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:06.640 The way the culture has rallied around Kamala Harris has 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:10.200 been a beautiful thing to see. Like to watch the 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:16.920 rallying of the culture behind Kamala Harris and to watch 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.919 the I don't know what to call it, but like 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:24.880 the internal resilience of black women and black female culture 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:28.440 get triggered in this moment and create a movement behind 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:43.960 Kamala has actually been really beautiful to see. Welcome back 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.200 to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott Connie, and as usual, 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:51.320 I'm gonna ask the most common question I ask, which 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:54.240 is what's been better since you listen to the previous 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.599 episode and It's not just a question, it's training. The 0:05:57.600 --> 0:05:59.680 reason I keep asking is I want you to be 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:03.800 to go through your life noticing the things that are 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.000 pleasing you, because the more you can train your brain 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.120 to notice those things, the more you can experience them. 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:13.279 I want all of you to realize that in every 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:17.359 single day, in every single week, there are things happening 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:20.560 that are very very good for you and things happening 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.240 that are not. That is true for all of us, 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:26.560 and the people who are the most happy, most satisfied, 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:30.560 most fulfilled are the ones who can train their brain 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:33.440 to notice the things that are happening that please them. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.880 So that's why I ask you that question. This week's 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:40.880 session highlights a conversation with Freddie and Jay. We dive 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:44.520 into the layers of generational trauma that have created estrangement 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:48.719 in their family. Jay shares her new observations of changes 0:06:48.720 --> 0:06:51.640 in her father and wants the other siblings to take 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:55.320 the time to see them as well. Freddie desperately wants 0:06:55.360 --> 0:06:58.360 to prove Jay right and be the man he is 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:02.200 for her and his other children as well, but he 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:06.080 has to keep showing up. The family value system for 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:10.240 several generations has not been reinforced, thus making the effort 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:16.480 to connect very challenging. Generational trauma, family curses, unhealed pain, estrangement, 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:20.800 and inconsistency are a plague that runs through many, many 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:24.120 families until someone steps up and says, I forgive you, 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:35.360 I see you, and let's heal and move forward. So, Jay, 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:41.440 the last time we talked together with dad, he said 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:44.520 some things that you had never heard him say before. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:48.280 What's been better between you and Dad since we had 0:07:48.320 --> 0:07:49.120 that conversation? 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:52.600 I think we have a better understanding of each other. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:54.360 I don't know that. 0:07:56.200 --> 0:07:59.000 The way we interact with each other has changed necessarily, 0:07:59.040 --> 0:08:02.000 but I think we have a better understanding with each other. 0:08:02.600 --> 0:08:04.560 How do you know that? Like, what's different about the 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.000 understanding having one another? 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.720 I'm not sure I know what. I just feel it. Okay, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:13.160 I feel like I feel like he probably understands me better. 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:14.120 I understand him better. 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:18.240 And what are you most pleased with about what you 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.520 see your dad doing here in the last few weeks? 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.480 Help me fix my kitchen? So I'm pleased with that? 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:26.960 Did he really? 0:08:27.120 --> 0:08:27.280 Oh? 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:30.040 Oh yeah, I'm. 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:34.400 Solid with projects all the time. He's very good at, 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:36.240 you know, doing contractor work. 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:37.880 So I've heard that. 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:41.040 Yeah, yeah, some of things like that. 0:08:42.320 --> 0:08:46.960 Now, one of the things, one of the things about 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.520 the way he's been conducting himself in the past few 0:08:49.559 --> 0:08:54.600 weeks that has impressed me is the way he's continuing 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:58.000 to put forth effort in reaching out to SIA. What 0:08:58.040 --> 0:08:59.840 do you think about watching him do that? 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:01.840 I think it's commendable. 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:05.880 I don't think he's gonna get the results that he 0:09:05.920 --> 0:09:09.040 would like, but I think, you know, it's always worth 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:09.440 a try. 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:12.680 The reason why I think it's such a good sign 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:17.400 is like earlier today, Freddy said, you know, he's been 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.760 a runner all his life, and now he's facing this 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:26.080 knowing that the potential outcome could be difficult, but he's 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.719 still doing it. And I think that says something about him. 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:29.320 What do you think? 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:35.800 Yeah, absolutely, I definitely feel like he's in a stage 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:39.000 of his life where he's kind of planning his roots 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:43.440 and he's kind of decided to be prevent and be 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:45.720 you know, more consistent than he has in the past. 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.880 So I think that's a beautiful thing. 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:52.280 Okay, cool, And what are you guys hoping we can 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:54.720 get accomplished in our conversation today? 0:09:55.200 --> 0:10:02.680 I'm hoping that you can put us in the direction 0:10:03.480 --> 0:10:07.640 of a more positive direction, and for us to uh, 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:12.240 for us to capitalize on building a stronger relationship between 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:16.480 me and her and and and the rest of her 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:21.360 brothers and sisters and and and to unify the family bond. 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:24.680 I kind of I kind of like when she said that, Uh, 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:29.199 she doesn't think it's gonna be favorable with Jason, and 0:10:29.280 --> 0:10:32.880 Jason could be sometimes And sometimes I'm a little stubborn too, 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:36.199 I think, Uh, I think that kind of uh twinkled 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:39.439 down to all my kids, you know what I mean. Uh, 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.320 in a way it's hard to like get them to 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:48.160 bounce back in a different direction. But uh, no matter 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.520 what the outcome is gonna be, He's he's always gonna 0:10:51.520 --> 0:10:52.880 be my son, and I'm always gonna be able to 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:55.200 do anything in the world that I can to help 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:59.640 him or in that fashion. But I don't think it 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:03.080 could be no worse than what it is now, you 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.280 know what I mean, for us not to be talking. 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.200 So if he's talking that to me and cursing me 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.880 up of climbing one of the pegs on the ladder, 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.440 you know what I mean, we have a conversation, you 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:16.559 know what I mean. So that's that's I'm looking at 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:20.120 the outcome like that he had to get in. We had, 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:25.280 like I think, we had autiful friendship and sometimes therese 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.679 of that nature. They don't. They don't never disappear, you 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:29.640 know what I mean? Some love this don't never disappear. 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.720 We just hold back on the love is always there, 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.800 you know. So hopefully that uh you know, I shattered 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:39.760 that ice with him, not I just have to use 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:43.120 different avenues. If I can't get through the directly to him, 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.000 I just got to use a different avenue. So when 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:50.679 when whenever that avenue meets with him, the topic of 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.520 me will arise, you know what I'm saying, wherever he whoever, 0:11:54.720 --> 0:11:58.360 so that my name would be mentioned, so he ain't 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.000 gonna be able to escape it, you know what I mean. 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.480 So uh, sooner, ladies gonna have to come, you know, 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:04.120 come around. 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:08.640 Okay, So if we can have a conversation today me, 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.960 you and Jay that continues to bring the family back together, 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:18.600 you'd be pleased extremely Yeah, okay, Jay, to ask you 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.240 your favorite question, what do you what do you hope 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:22.400 to get from talking today? 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:24.960 I'm just gonna piggyback off of that one. 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.480 Yeah, I think that would be a great, a great 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.960 thing to achieve some you know, I'm being facetious, but seriously, 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:36.040 I do because as the oldest girl, I feel like 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:42.359 it's kind of my responsibility to try and connect with 0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:45.880 with all the kids in some way and somehow bring 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:53.120 them together. I do think that our parents across the 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:57.080 board failed us in that aspect, as far as us 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.160 knowing each other and making it their business to make 0:13:00.200 --> 0:13:03.320 sure that we have like had a relationship into our 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.320 you know, as we got older teenagers, young adults. 0:13:06.480 --> 0:13:07.040 But I get it. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:10.000 You know, everybody's living their lives in different parts of 0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.920 the country and kind of doing their own thing. But 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:18.240 now that you know, we're older, now it's our responsibility 0:13:18.240 --> 0:13:22.760 to decide if we want to have a relationship. And 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:27.160 there's you know, the grandchildren at this point, our present, 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.280 so they shouldn't have an opportunity to. 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:32.360 Know each other as well. I did reach out to 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.000 me just at one point. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.199 Asking her if we could all, you know, meet up 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:41.199 connect in some way. She seemed open to it and 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:44.200 kind of gently mention it to the other ones, but 0:13:45.559 --> 0:13:46.720 really get no response. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:51.160 So I'll try again, you know, I'll. 0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:55.880 See if there's a way that we can all see 0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:01.199 each other, see each other's faces. Like I saw Parrife 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:03.720 a few years back, and I was like the first 0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.720 time I had seen him in I don't know how long. 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:10.360 So I think it would be a beautiful thing if 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:11.640 we could make that happen. 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.880 What do you think it would mean for the family? Jay, 0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:16.640 if you're able to make that happen. You said it's 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.480 a beautiful thing, but like, how would that make a 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.640 difference for the family, for you to be as one 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.960 of the oldest children, to take the rein and connect 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:26.640 all of that. 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.240 I mean, I don't know if it would make a 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:34.120 difference for anybody else, but for me, there's a few 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:41.080 few things there. So the four my siblings that are 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:43.160 for my mother and my father same mother and father, 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:44.760 are not. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.360 A unified front at all. 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:55.400 So I think it would be very unlikely that my 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:56.960 brothers would be involved. 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:02.080 I mean, you know, with slid being enough and. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:07.720 Are like, I don't know, he's it's iffy, Nah, it's 0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:13.720 no relationship at all. So I feel like if I 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:17.880 can at least have a relationship with my other siblings 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:21.960 that it can kind of hopefully get us kind of 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:26.080 have of the next generation having a relationship as well, 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:31.240 and I think that, you know, we have to get 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:35.320 to a point where families are not so disjointed, like 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:38.520 nobody knows each other and nobody is you. 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:40.960 Know, has a relationship. 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:44.320 You know, there's like groups, like little mini groups, but 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:46.640 at the end of the day, we all share the 0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:48.560 same the same bloodline. 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:53.000 And I think that I just I just feel it's important. 0:15:54.400 --> 0:15:58.800 How come, because I've had a lot of friendships in 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:03.640 my life, and at the end of the day, my 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:07.280 family is what remains. And I still have friends and 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.280 I have, you know, people that I feel like I 0:16:10.360 --> 0:16:14.720 always would be connected to, but you know, friendships can 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:16.920 kind of come and go, but at the end of 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:22.120 the day, it's family. You know that that same blood 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.480 is thicking on water, is right. It took me a 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:28.280 really long time to believe that, but I do believe 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:33.800 it now, and I do think it matters, and you know, 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:36.120 there's an opportunity that we should try. 0:16:36.240 --> 0:16:38.280 We should at least try now. 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:43.080 You have said now twice, at least twice, how important 0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:45.960 it was for the kids to know each other, like 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:51.600 the grandkids, right, Like, yeah, why do you think that matters? 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.400 Why is it so important to you that the next 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:58.600 generation of kids don't have the estrangement that you that 0:16:58.680 --> 0:17:00.280 you're talking about you guys. 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:03.760 Having, because every generation before them is getting has got 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:04.160 it wrong. 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.080 So at some point we got to break this. You know. 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:11.159 I know people throw around this generational curse you know 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.760 phrase a lot, but for lack of a better phrase, 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:17.919 that at some point that curse has to be broken. 0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:24.080 You know, every generation cannot be disconnected, and not not 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:25.800 to say that everything's going to be perfect. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:31.960 I don't expect that, but you know we can. 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:33.960 We can know each other, we can talk to each other. 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:37.560 You know, my mother and her brother don't have a relationship. 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:38.679 I don't know. 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:41.600 I know my father has relationship with his siblings to 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:44.960 a certain extent, but I don't know that is that tight. 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:48.800 So I just feel like, you know, every generation prior 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:56.520 has missed the ball in some way, and I think 0:17:56.520 --> 0:18:00.000 it's important that we teach our children that, you know, relationship, 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:04.600 these relationships do have value and they are important. And 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:06.919 if not one else in the world is there for you, 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:07.840 the family will be. 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:13.879 And I think we can create that bond and teach. 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:18.439 That value system, then you know, our children won't ever 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:20.080 feel alone, They'll never feel. 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:20.280 Like they have. 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:23.919 You know, they're always going to have their parents. But 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:26.080 you know, it's not just about your parents. You know, 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:29.920 there's the family is there. We come from a long 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:32.760 line of people, and we should know who those people 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:35.720 are and we should be connected to the truth of 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:36.359 those people. 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:41.200 Jane, what would it be like for you two? And look, 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:43.720 this stuff doesn't happen overnight, and I'm sure you've already 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.119 figured that out, But what would it be like for 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:50.359 you to contribute to breaking the family curse? What difference 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:52.520 did that make for you? 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:54.560 You know, when I'm no longer here, I don't know 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.639 that my kids have other people that they can, you know, 0:18:57.840 --> 0:18:58.679 feel connected to. 0:18:59.560 --> 0:19:03.080 And what do you know about your father that you 0:19:03.200 --> 0:19:04.560 wish your siblings knew? 0:19:05.440 --> 0:19:08.840 I wish they knew that he is not who he 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.520 used to be. I wish they knew that that he 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:18.320 has fought the good fight and he's been able to 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:23.560 overcome a lot of obstacles, and that he he is 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.880 someone that they can rely on, someone that he can 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:30.720 they can talk to, and someone that you know, has 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:35.320 a wealth of knowledge to share and funny stories. And 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:39.320 you know, I think I think he's a He's he's 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:40.640 a pretty solid guy, like. 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:43.640 You know what I mean, Like I don't hold. 0:19:43.720 --> 0:19:47.359 Animosities towards him, so you know, I can see the 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:51.679 goodness of him, and I would want them to have 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:53.240 the opportunity to see that as well. 0:19:53.840 --> 0:19:56.280 I think that's really special about you. By the way, Jay, 0:19:56.680 --> 0:19:59.120 how did you get to a point where you can 0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:02.680 see I just think you said something so incredibly powerful. 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:06.280 He's not the man he used to be. How come 0:20:06.400 --> 0:20:08.280 you could get to the point where you can see 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.119 that in him? 0:20:10.200 --> 0:20:17.760 Because he's shown me he has consistently over the last 0:20:19.760 --> 0:20:24.320 four years. I would say, he's shown me that, you know. 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:34.199 He he's available, he's here, he's present, and that he 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:36.600 you know, he wants to care. 0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:39.880 He wants to show that he cares. And I can 0:20:40.000 --> 0:20:43.439 just see it, you know, And it's not, you know, 0:20:43.560 --> 0:20:46.159 some pie in the sky. He's shown it to me. 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:50.160 He's already proven to me that that that's the thing, 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:52.840 that's the thing for him. So I don't have to 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:57.280 question it. I can see why his actions that you know, 0:20:57.400 --> 0:21:02.000 he's serious about knowing me and knowing my family. 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:08.480 Man Freddy, she just said something, really, she said, he's 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.480 not the same man he used to be. You can 0:21:11.520 --> 0:21:14.879 depend on him. You can rely on him. He's a 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:18.200 wealth of knowledge and information and you can talk to him. 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:19.719 She just said all of that. 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:23.720 Wow, it's almost. 0:21:23.359 --> 0:21:28.360 Like, uh, fill this bucket up about me right now, 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:32.440 because you know some somethings that a hot woman uh 0:21:33.040 --> 0:21:37.680 uh that this this fills your soul up, you know 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:38.160 what I mean? 0:21:38.600 --> 0:21:43.600 And I feel that Uh. I think like a lot 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:48.000 of people, that they remember the worst part about you, Yes, sir, 0:21:48.320 --> 0:21:51.840 you know, they remember the evil things that you did, 0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:53.919 you know what I mean. They don't They don't remember 0:21:53.920 --> 0:21:56.520 the things that you're trying to make a missions for 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.720 or the things you're trying to to uh to correct 0:21:59.920 --> 0:22:03.480 or or or to say you're sorry for Please forgive 0:22:03.520 --> 0:22:05.960 me for all the things that I've done wrong to 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:08.800 you and you and your life, you know what I mean. Uh. 0:22:09.640 --> 0:22:11.479 They don't open up their heart, they don't open up 0:22:11.480 --> 0:22:14.920 their mind, they don't use They just hold on to 0:22:15.200 --> 0:22:20.160 the bitterness, you know what I mean. And I think that, uh, 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:23.880 when you allow yourself to do that, you you could 0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:26.360 be eating up away inside, you know what I mean. 0:22:27.080 --> 0:22:29.880 All that this filters keep filtering out, and your whole 0:22:29.960 --> 0:22:33.120 and your whole relationship with everybody, you know what I mean. 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:35.640 So you you gotta give a chance for a room 0:22:35.960 --> 0:22:38.520 for forgiveness in your life for people, you know what 0:22:38.560 --> 0:22:41.600 I mean. So if you see somebody trying to make 0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:44.720 amends or trying to make a change in their life, 0:22:44.800 --> 0:22:47.360 or have made a change in their life, and you're 0:22:47.400 --> 0:22:51.640 not willing to accept them back or accept that, uh 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:56.200 to forgive them, then you know you hurting your own self, 0:22:56.240 --> 0:23:00.680 you know what I mean? Because like life is too up, man, 0:23:00.840 --> 0:23:04.160 life is way too short. The whole the whole animosity 0:23:04.320 --> 0:23:09.280 or whole vengeance or her whole uh built on inside you. 0:23:09.280 --> 0:23:11.400 You know what I mean. You got to release that, man. 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:14.359 You just gotta let it just float up in the atmosphere. Man, 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:15.560