1 00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:06,440 Speaker 1: I feel so moved by the situation with Sonia Massey, 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,080 Speaker 1: who called the police because she thought she had an intruder. 3 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,960 Speaker 1: First thing she said when the police arrived is don't 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,160 Speaker 1: hurt me. Their response was, why would we hurt you? 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: And they sit in her living room have a calm conversation. 6 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,040 Speaker 1: Noticing that there is something on the stove, they instruct 7 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: her to take it off the stove so the house 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: does not burn. She reaches for potholders to make sure 9 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: she didn't burn herself. When she moves it off the 10 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: stove and they drew their guns. She raises her hands 11 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: with the potholders in her hands, and one of those 12 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: police officers fires upon her four times, killing her. Another 13 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: officer who was there renders aids to her, while the 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 1: shooting officer does nothing. The reason that's on my mind 15 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: so much is like, how can we as a black 16 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:59,279 Speaker 1: community not have vicarious trauma from seeing those things like 17 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: it is? It is incredible to me that we're supposed 18 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: to like live in this country and feel safe as 19 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 1: functioning citizens when too often someone will call the police 20 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: for issues of safety, like related to their job, and 21 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 1: that person ends up dead. I think that people in 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: our community under we underappreciate the traumatic experience that it 23 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: is just to be black and female in this culture 24 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: and what it's like to just watch that, you know, 25 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: Like I'm on social media Yesterday's kind of scrolling through 26 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: and I start seeing this name, Sonia Massey. I was like, 27 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: I don't know what this is, and then I see 28 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: the video and I'm like, I've seen too many videos 29 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: of black people's lives. 30 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 2: Being taken in the past a few years. 31 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: So I don't know how to heal from that level 32 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 1: of generational trauma. And I do believe it is generational trauma, 33 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: but I do know it continues to happen. And we 34 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 1: need to understand that when we're choosing politicians with ridiculous rhetoric, 35 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: we are choosing more experiences like that or less, depending 36 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: on how how you vote. Donald Trump has created an 37 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: environment of unsafety that is so unsafe it is no 38 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: longer even safe for him. We need to think about that. 39 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,880 Speaker 1: We need to have larger conversations about that. I think 40 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,799 Speaker 1: any of that relevant to the Family Therapy podcast. I 41 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: have no idea, but when I see that stuff going on, 42 00:02:24,919 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, the Republicans have been very clear 43 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 1: with their Project twenty twenty five, like this is our agenda, 44 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:35,800 Speaker 1: and one of those agenda items is police to have 45 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,320 Speaker 1: immunity for things they do in the line of duty 46 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: up to an including killing citizens. If we were living 47 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: in a Project twenty twenty five era today, that officer 48 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:50,239 Speaker 1: would be he would not be arrested. And I saw 49 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 1: Mugshott earlier today, so I believe he's been arrested. And 50 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: that scares me, like that genuinely scares me that we 51 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: could live in a world where someone could just walk 52 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 1: to my house shoot me because they thought the podtholders 53 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 1: they asked me to pick up We're somehow a weapon 54 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: and they could take my life and then they could 55 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: just go home and have dinner with their family that night. 56 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,440 Speaker 1: That's scary to me in a way that I have 57 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,800 Speaker 1: a hard time articulating to people who don't look like me. 58 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,360 Speaker 1: And it's just like we live in a society of 59 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,359 Speaker 1: no justice. And I don't even mean justice in a 60 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: legal sense. I mean like no honor, Like justice is 61 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: not an equitably distributed thing. So it's perfectly okay to 62 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: view this woman sitting in her house walking to her 63 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: stove as a threat, but Dylan Ruth shooting up an 64 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: entire Black church, somehow we think he deserves Burger King 65 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: and all this is on my mind right now. I 66 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: just saw that Sonya video last night. You know, you 67 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: follow the Angela Rise and the Tamika Valleies and the 68 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: Ben Crump's and the Lee Merrits, and you see these things, 69 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: and it's just like, how am I supposed to feel 70 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,560 Speaker 1: safe in this country? And if you if you don't 71 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: feel safe, then the the larger question is how am 72 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: I not supposed to feel traumaed? And connected to that? 73 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 1: If I don't, if I'm if I'm feeling trauma, how 74 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,480 Speaker 1: am I supposed to live in this country and not 75 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: have my trauma is triggered? Like it's like a cascade 76 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: of things that I don't I don't really know how 77 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: to sort out all the time. But you know, you know, 78 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: and I'm going to say something positive about what's on 79 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 1: the news going on the news and in my heart. 80 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,240 Speaker 1: When Joe Biden announced I was kind of living my 81 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: life on Sunday and I followed Joe Biden on Instagram 82 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: and I saw he posted a letter and it felt 83 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,599 Speaker 1: like it felt like a like a kick in the stomach. 84 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: I didn't even read I didn't have to read the letter. 85 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 1: I knew what it was. But I did eventually read it, 86 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: of course, and like that was actually where I saw it. 87 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: I didn't see it in the news outlet. I saw 88 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:45,919 Speaker 1: it six minutes after Joe Biden posted it. Then of 89 00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 1: course in the next few minutes it go super viral, 90 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: and for the for the next couple hours, I was 91 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: freaking out, Like the Democratic parties and shambles, what are 92 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: they going to do now? This is unprecedented blah blah blah. 93 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: The way the culture has rallied around Kamala Harris has 94 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 1: been a beautiful thing to see. Like to watch the 95 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 1: rallying of the culture behind Kamala Harris and to watch 96 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,919 Speaker 1: the I don't know what to call it, but like 97 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: the internal resilience of black women and black female culture 98 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 1: get triggered in this moment and create a movement behind 99 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: Kamala has actually been really beautiful to see. Welcome back 100 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: to Family Therapy. I'm your host, Elliott Connie, and as usual, 101 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask the most common question I ask, which 102 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: is what's been better since you listen to the previous 103 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,599 Speaker 1: episode and It's not just a question, it's training. The 104 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: reason I keep asking is I want you to be 105 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: to go through your life noticing the things that are 106 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: pleasing you, because the more you can train your brain 107 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: to notice those things, the more you can experience them. 108 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 1: I want all of you to realize that in every 109 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,359 Speaker 1: single day, in every single week, there are things happening 110 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:20,560 Speaker 1: that are very very good for you and things happening 111 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: that are not. That is true for all of us, 112 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: and the people who are the most happy, most satisfied, 113 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: most fulfilled are the ones who can train their brain 114 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: to notice the things that are happening that please them. 115 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: So that's why I ask you that question. This week's 116 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: session highlights a conversation with Freddie and Jay. We dive 117 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: into the layers of generational trauma that have created estrangement 118 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 1: in their family. Jay shares her new observations of changes 119 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: in her father and wants the other siblings to take 120 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: the time to see them as well. Freddie desperately wants 121 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,360 Speaker 1: to prove Jay right and be the man he is 122 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: for her and his other children as well, but he 123 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 1: has to keep showing up. The family value system for 124 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:10,240 Speaker 1: several generations has not been reinforced, thus making the effort 125 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: to connect very challenging. Generational trauma, family curses, unhealed pain, estrangement, 126 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 1: and inconsistency are a plague that runs through many, many 127 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: families until someone steps up and says, I forgive you, 128 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: I see you, and let's heal and move forward. So, Jay, 129 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: the last time we talked together with dad, he said 130 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: some things that you had never heard him say before. 131 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: What's been better between you and Dad since we had 132 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: that conversation? 133 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 3: I think we have a better understanding of each other. 134 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 3: I don't know that. 135 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 4: The way we interact with each other has changed necessarily, 136 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 4: but I think we have a better understanding with each other. 137 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: How do you know that? Like, what's different about the 138 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 1: understanding having one another? 139 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 4: I'm not sure I know what. I just feel it. Okay, 140 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:13,160 Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like he probably understands me better. 141 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 4: I understand him better. 142 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: And what are you most pleased with about what you 143 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: see your dad doing here in the last few weeks? 144 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 3: Help me fix my kitchen? So I'm pleased with that? 145 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: Did he really? 146 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 5: Oh? 147 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm. 148 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:34,400 Speaker 4: Solid with projects all the time. He's very good at, 149 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 4: you know, doing contractor work. 150 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: So I've heard that. 151 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, some of things like that. 152 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: Now, one of the things, one of the things about 153 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: the way he's been conducting himself in the past few 154 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: weeks that has impressed me is the way he's continuing 155 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 1: to put forth effort in reaching out to SIA. What 156 00:08:58,040 --> 00:08:59,840 Speaker 1: do you think about watching him do that? 157 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:01,840 Speaker 3: I think it's commendable. 158 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 4: I don't think he's gonna get the results that he 159 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,040 Speaker 4: would like, but I think, you know, it's always worth 160 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 4: a try. 161 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 1: The reason why I think it's such a good sign 162 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: is like earlier today, Freddy said, you know, he's been 163 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: a runner all his life, and now he's facing this 164 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: knowing that the potential outcome could be difficult, but he's 165 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:28,719 Speaker 1: still doing it. And I think that says something about him. 166 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:29,320 Speaker 1: What do you think? 167 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, I definitely feel like he's in a stage 168 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 6: of his life where he's kind of planning his roots 169 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 6: and he's kind of decided to be prevent and be 170 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 6: you know, more consistent than he has in the past. 171 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,880 Speaker 3: So I think that's a beautiful thing. 172 00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 1: Okay, cool, And what are you guys hoping we can 173 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,720 Speaker 1: get accomplished in our conversation today? 174 00:09:55,200 --> 00:10:02,680 Speaker 2: I'm hoping that you can put us in the direction 175 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 2: of a more positive direction, and for us to uh, 176 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:12,240 Speaker 2: for us to capitalize on building a stronger relationship between 177 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 2: me and her and and and the rest of her 178 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 2: brothers and sisters and and and to unify the family bond. 179 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 2: I kind of I kind of like when she said that, Uh, 180 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,199 Speaker 2: she doesn't think it's gonna be favorable with Jason, and 181 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 2: Jason could be sometimes And sometimes I'm a little stubborn too, 182 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,199 Speaker 2: I think, Uh, I think that kind of uh twinkled 183 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 2: down to all my kids, you know what I mean. Uh, 184 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,320 Speaker 2: in a way it's hard to like get them to 185 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: bounce back in a different direction. But uh, no matter 186 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 2: what the outcome is gonna be, He's he's always gonna 187 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 2: be my son, and I'm always gonna be able to 188 00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 2: do anything in the world that I can to help 189 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 2: him or in that fashion. But I don't think it 190 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 2: could be no worse than what it is now, you 191 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 2: know what I mean, for us not to be talking. 192 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,200 Speaker 2: So if he's talking that to me and cursing me 193 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,880 Speaker 2: up of climbing one of the pegs on the ladder, 194 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,440 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, we have a conversation, you 195 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,559 Speaker 2: know what I mean. So that's that's I'm looking at 196 00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 2: the outcome like that he had to get in. We had, 197 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 2: like I think, we had autiful friendship and sometimes therese 198 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 2: of that nature. They don't. They don't never disappear, you 199 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 2: know what I mean? Some love this don't never disappear. 200 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:32,720 Speaker 2: We just hold back on the love is always there, 201 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 2: you know. So hopefully that uh you know, I shattered 202 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 2: that ice with him, not I just have to use 203 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,120 Speaker 2: different avenues. If I can't get through the directly to him, 204 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 2: I just got to use a different avenue. So when 205 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:50,679 Speaker 2: when whenever that avenue meets with him, the topic of 206 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 2: me will arise, you know what I'm saying, wherever he whoever, 207 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 2: so that my name would be mentioned, so he ain't 208 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 2: gonna be able to escape it, you know what I mean. 209 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 2: So uh, sooner, ladies gonna have to come, you know, 210 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 2: come around. 211 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 1: Okay, So if we can have a conversation today me, 212 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 1: you and Jay that continues to bring the family back together, 213 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:18,600 Speaker 1: you'd be pleased extremely Yeah, okay, Jay, to ask you 214 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,240 Speaker 1: your favorite question, what do you what do you hope 215 00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: to get from talking today? 216 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 3: I'm just gonna piggyback off of that one. 217 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that would be a great, a great 218 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,960 Speaker 4: thing to achieve some you know, I'm being facetious, but seriously, 219 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 4: I do because as the oldest girl, I feel like 220 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:42,359 Speaker 4: it's kind of my responsibility to try and connect with 221 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 4: with all the kids in some way and somehow bring 222 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:53,120 Speaker 4: them together. I do think that our parents across the 223 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 4: board failed us in that aspect, as far as us 224 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 4: knowing each other and making it their business to make 225 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 4: sure that we have like had a relationship into our 226 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 4: you know, as we got older teenagers, young adults. 227 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 3: But I get it. 228 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 4: You know, everybody's living their lives in different parts of 229 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 4: the country and kind of doing their own thing. But 230 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 4: now that you know, we're older, now it's our responsibility 231 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 4: to decide if we want to have a relationship. And 232 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 4: there's you know, the grandchildren at this point, our present, 233 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 4: so they shouldn't have an opportunity to. 234 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 3: Know each other as well. I did reach out to 235 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 3: me just at one point. 236 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,199 Speaker 4: Asking her if we could all, you know, meet up 237 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,199 Speaker 4: connect in some way. She seemed open to it and 238 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 4: kind of gently mention it to the other ones, but 239 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 4: really get no response. 240 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 3: So I'll try again, you know, I'll. 241 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 4: See if there's a way that we can all see 242 00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 4: each other, see each other's faces. Like I saw Parrife 243 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 4: a few years back, and I was like the first 244 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,720 Speaker 4: time I had seen him in I don't know how long. 245 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 4: So I think it would be a beautiful thing if 246 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 4: we could make that happen. 247 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: What do you think it would mean for the family? Jay, 248 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: if you're able to make that happen. You said it's 249 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: a beautiful thing, but like, how would that make a 250 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: difference for the family, for you to be as one 251 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 1: of the oldest children, to take the rein and connect 252 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: all of that. 253 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:29,240 Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know if it would make a 254 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 4: difference for anybody else, but for me, there's a few 255 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 4: few things there. So the four my siblings that are 256 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 4: for my mother and my father same mother and father, 257 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 4: are not. 258 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 3: A unified front at all. 259 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 4: So I think it would be very unlikely that my 260 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 4: brothers would be involved. 261 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 3: I mean, you know, with slid being enough and. 262 00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:07,720 Speaker 4: Are like, I don't know, he's it's iffy, Nah, it's 263 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 4: no relationship at all. So I feel like if I 264 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 4: can at least have a relationship with my other siblings 265 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 4: that it can kind of hopefully get us kind of 266 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 4: have of the next generation having a relationship as well, 267 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,240 Speaker 4: and I think that, you know, we have to get 268 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 4: to a point where families are not so disjointed, like 269 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 4: nobody knows each other and nobody is you. 270 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 3: Know, has a relationship. 271 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 4: You know, there's like groups, like little mini groups, but 272 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 4: at the end of the day, we all share the 273 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 4: same the same bloodline. 274 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 3: And I think that I just I just feel it's important. 275 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 4: How come, because I've had a lot of friendships in 276 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 4: my life, and at the end of the day, my 277 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 4: family is what remains. And I still have friends and 278 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 4: I have, you know, people that I feel like I 279 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:14,720 Speaker 4: always would be connected to, but you know, friendships can 280 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 4: kind of come and go, but at the end of 281 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:22,120 Speaker 4: the day, it's family. You know that that same blood 282 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,480 Speaker 4: is thicking on water, is right. It took me a 283 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 4: really long time to believe that, but I do believe 284 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 4: it now, and I do think it matters, and you know, 285 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,120 Speaker 4: there's an opportunity that we should try. 286 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 3: We should at least try now. 287 00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 1: You have said now twice, at least twice, how important 288 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: it was for the kids to know each other, like 289 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 1: the grandkids, right, Like, yeah, why do you think that matters? 290 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,400 Speaker 1: Why is it so important to you that the next 291 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,600 Speaker 1: generation of kids don't have the estrangement that you that 292 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,280 Speaker 1: you're talking about you guys. 293 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 4: Having, because every generation before them is getting has got 294 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 4: it wrong. 295 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 3: So at some point we got to break this. You know. 296 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 4: I know people throw around this generational curse you know 297 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 4: phrase a lot, but for lack of a better phrase, 298 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,919 Speaker 4: that at some point that curse has to be broken. 299 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 4: You know, every generation cannot be disconnected, and not not 300 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:25,800 Speaker 4: to say that everything's going to be perfect. 301 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 3: I don't expect that, but you know we can. 302 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,960 Speaker 4: We can know each other, we can talk to each other. 303 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 4: You know, my mother and her brother don't have a relationship. 304 00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:38,679 Speaker 3: I don't know. 305 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 4: I know my father has relationship with his siblings to 306 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,960 Speaker 4: a certain extent, but I don't know that is that tight. 307 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 4: So I just feel like, you know, every generation prior 308 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 4: has missed the ball in some way, and I think 309 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 4: it's important that we teach our children that, you know, relationship, 310 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 4: these relationships do have value and they are important. And 311 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,919 Speaker 4: if not one else in the world is there for you, 312 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 4: the family will be. 313 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:13,879 Speaker 3: And I think we can create that bond and teach. 314 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 4: That value system, then you know, our children won't ever 315 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,080 Speaker 4: feel alone, They'll never feel. 316 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 3: Like they have. 317 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 4: You know, they're always going to have their parents. But 318 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 4: you know, it's not just about your parents. You know, 319 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 4: there's the family is there. We come from a long 320 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 4: line of people, and we should know who those people 321 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 4: are and we should be connected to the truth of 322 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 4: those people. 323 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: Jane, what would it be like for you two? And look, 324 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 1: this stuff doesn't happen overnight, and I'm sure you've already 325 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,119 Speaker 1: figured that out, But what would it be like for 326 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: you to contribute to breaking the family curse? What difference 327 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 1: did that make for you? 328 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 4: You know, when I'm no longer here, I don't know 329 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 4: that my kids have other people that they can, you know, 330 00:18:57,840 --> 00:18:58,679 Speaker 4: feel connected to. 331 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 1: And what do you know about your father that you 332 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: wish your siblings knew? 333 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 4: I wish they knew that he is not who he 334 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 4: used to be. I wish they knew that that he 335 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 4: has fought the good fight and he's been able to 336 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 4: overcome a lot of obstacles, and that he he is 337 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,880 Speaker 4: someone that they can rely on, someone that he can 338 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,720 Speaker 4: they can talk to, and someone that you know, has 339 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 4: a wealth of knowledge to share and funny stories. And 340 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 4: you know, I think I think he's a He's he's 341 00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:40,640 Speaker 4: a pretty solid guy, like. 342 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,640 Speaker 3: You know what I mean, Like I don't hold. 343 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,359 Speaker 4: Animosities towards him, so you know, I can see the 344 00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,679 Speaker 4: goodness of him, and I would want them to have 345 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 4: the opportunity to see that as well. 346 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: I think that's really special about you. By the way, Jay, 347 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 1: how did you get to a point where you can 348 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: see I just think you said something so incredibly powerful. 349 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: He's not the man he used to be. How come 350 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,280 Speaker 1: you could get to the point where you can see 351 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 1: that in him? 352 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 3: Because he's shown me he has consistently over the last 353 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 3: four years. I would say, he's shown me that, you know. 354 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:34,199 Speaker 5: He he's available, he's here, he's present, and that he 355 00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 5: you know, he wants to care. 356 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 4: He wants to show that he cares. And I can 357 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:43,439 Speaker 4: just see it, you know, And it's not, you know, 358 00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 4: some pie in the sky. He's shown it to me. 359 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,160 Speaker 4: He's already proven to me that that that's the thing, 360 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 4: that's the thing for him. So I don't have to 361 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 4: question it. I can see why his actions that you know, 362 00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:02,000 Speaker 4: he's serious about knowing me and knowing my family. 363 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: Man Freddy, she just said something, really, she said, he's 364 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 1: not the same man he used to be. You can 365 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,879 Speaker 1: depend on him. You can rely on him. He's a 366 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 1: wealth of knowledge and information and you can talk to him. 367 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:19,719 Speaker 1: She just said all of that. 368 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 2: Wow, it's almost. 369 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 7: Like, uh, fill this bucket up about me right now, 370 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 7: because you know some somethings that a hot woman uh 371 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 7: uh that this this fills your soul up, you know 372 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 7: what I mean? 373 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:43,600 Speaker 2: And I feel that Uh. I think like a lot 374 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 2: of people, that they remember the worst part about you, Yes, sir, 375 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 2: you know, they remember the evil things that you did, 376 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. They don't They don't remember 377 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 2: the things that you're trying to make a missions for 378 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 2: or the things you're trying to to uh to correct 379 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,480 Speaker 2: or or or to say you're sorry for Please forgive 380 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,960 Speaker 2: me for all the things that I've done wrong to 381 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 2: you and you and your life, you know what I mean. Uh. 382 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,479 Speaker 2: They don't open up their heart, they don't open up 383 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,920 Speaker 2: their mind, they don't use They just hold on to 384 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:20,160 Speaker 2: the bitterness, you know what I mean. And I think that, uh, 385 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 2: when you allow yourself to do that, you you could 386 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,360 Speaker 2: be eating up away inside, you know what I mean. 387 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,880 Speaker 2: All that this filters keep filtering out, and your whole 388 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 2: and your whole relationship with everybody, you know what I mean. 389 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,640 Speaker 2: So you you gotta give a chance for a room 390 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 2: for forgiveness in your life for people, you know what 391 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 2: I mean. So if you see somebody trying to make 392 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,720 Speaker 2: amends or trying to make a change in their life, 393 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,360 Speaker 2: or have made a change in their life, and you're 394 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,640 Speaker 2: not willing to accept them back or accept that, uh 395 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:56,200 Speaker 2: to forgive them, then you know you hurting your own self, 396 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Because like life is too up, man, 397 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,160 Speaker 2: life is way too short. The whole the whole animosity 398 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 2: or whole vengeance or her whole uh built on inside you. 399 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 2: You know what I mean. You got to release that, man. 400 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,359 Speaker 2: You just gotta let it just float up in the atmosphere. Man, 401 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 2: you just gotta just let it go. 402 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I mean. Look, one of the 403 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 1: things I know about Jay is she's not very good 404 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,679 Speaker 1: at bsing like she's going to tell you how she 405 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 1: feels about things. Would you say that's true about her? 406 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of conversations that I had with her, 407 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,719 Speaker 2: uh that the things that she said said to me 408 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 2: that would you know, hit the bullseye, you know what 409 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 2: I mean. You'd be like, sometimes you need somebody to 410 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,800 Speaker 2: tell you the truth, man, you know what I mean, 411 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 2: not to beat around the bush with stuff, You know 412 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 2: what I mean, to be like straightforward like bang. You 413 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,880 Speaker 2: know that's you know, it's like that. It's like that, 414 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Sometimes you have a conversation 415 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 2: with somebody and they just they just feeding back off 416 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,280 Speaker 2: what you're saying, you know what I'm saying, And they 417 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 2: don't got they don't say nothing contradict you to what 418 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,480 Speaker 2: you're saying. You know what I'm saying. That it's such 419 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 2: a show of agreement, you know what I mean. You 420 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,119 Speaker 2: don't want to have a conversation with a person that 421 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: always gonna be yes, yes, yes, you know what I mean. 422 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: So when I when I talk to when I talk 423 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 2: to Jay, and she said, if I say something that 424 00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 2: she thinks is wrong, she has no uh hesitation to say, 425 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 2: pop that ain't right. 426 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: Right, she has no problem that ain't right. 427 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 2: Not commend her for that because the fact that sometime 428 00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:34,720 Speaker 2: in your life, you know, you you you you don't 429 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,960 Speaker 2: want to sit down with somebody that's gonna be a 430 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:39,840 Speaker 2: you know, a yes man. Everything you said you got, 431 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, like just to please you, 432 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,880 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying they don't. They don't mind 433 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,120 Speaker 2: hurting your feelings a little bit, you know what I mean, 434 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 2: just just to put you in the right the right path, 435 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,200 Speaker 2: and sometimes you feeling God to be gotta be hurt 436 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:57,200 Speaker 2: a little bit to like yo, damn. You know that's 437 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 2: that's right, you know. 438 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,119 Speaker 1: Well, the reason the reason I say that is for 439 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,680 Speaker 1: her to say what she said, He's not the same 440 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: man he used to be. He is dependable, he is reliable, 441 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 1: and he is someone you can talk to. You must 442 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: have done something to make her think that, because I'm 443 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,520 Speaker 1: betting in your lowest worst moment, she would not have 444 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,800 Speaker 1: said that. So for her to say that now, you 445 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 1: must have done something or some things plural that would 446 00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: allow her to say that, Freddie, what do you think 447 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 1: you've done that would allow Jay to say what she 448 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:35,720 Speaker 1: just said. 449 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 2: I believe that sometime, you know, far as just to 450 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:47,359 Speaker 2: be uh, being acceptable to the things in your life. 451 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:51,159 Speaker 2: That's you know, sometimes people they'll sit back and watch, 452 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, he gonna go right, he 453 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,360 Speaker 2: going all right back into real thing. He ain't changed, 454 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,920 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So sometimes people don't don't 455 00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:03,679 Speaker 2: don't help you change, you know, they wait for you 456 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 2: to feel you know what I'm saying, They wait wait 457 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 2: for you fall on your face. You know what I'm saying. 458 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 2: Like with her, she gives you that help man, that 459 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 2: that helping the advice. You know what I'm saying. She 460 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,360 Speaker 2: don't She's not waiting for you for the disaster. She's 461 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,840 Speaker 2: trying to prevent the disaster. You know, I think a 462 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 2: lot of people just wait for you, you know, for you, 463 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 2: you know, for you to mess up. You know, they 464 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 2: feel more comfortable watching you and misery and watching you 465 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 2: being happy, you know what i mean. So that's her 466 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 2: whole heart. Her heart is so so so so developed 467 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 2: and in a way where she she always gives you 468 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 2: that helping hand. You know what I'm saying, Uh, helping advice, 469 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, That encouragement. Sometimes somebody just 470 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 2: need a little bit of encouragement along the way of life, 471 00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:55,720 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. And see this type of 472 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 2: person will give you that when you're just about to tumble. 473 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, She don't hold your hands 474 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,480 Speaker 2: so you don't fall on your face. 475 00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, she is all of those things. And I'm gonna 476 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,080 Speaker 1: say something to her about that in a second. But 477 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:16,359 Speaker 1: how did you conduct What did you do that helped 478 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,400 Speaker 1: her start to view you in a different way. 479 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,640 Speaker 2: Well, I think a lot of things that I don't 480 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 2: I used to do in my life. I don't do 481 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 2: that at all, you know I don't. I don't fall 482 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 2: victim to a lot of things. Uh, I take a 483 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,520 Speaker 2: responsibility sometimes. You know what I'm saying. You look for 484 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,440 Speaker 2: their skate route, you know what I mean. And I'm 485 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 2: not looking for that skate roum no more. I'm finding, 486 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 2: you know, the right path to take in my life now, 487 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. I'm not always looking for 488 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 2: the no longer looking for the way out or the quick, fast, 489 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:52,920 Speaker 2: fixed way. You know what I mean. I'm in that fight, 490 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,160 Speaker 2: you know, fight and fight hard, you know what I mean. 491 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 3: And I. 492 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,520 Speaker 2: Enjoy my life now, you know what I mean, Like 493 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,000 Speaker 2: when I see when I see my friends or I 494 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 2: see somebody that you still and life is so such 495 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 2: in a term oil, you know what I mean. You 496 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 2: know I can I can say to him, I said, 497 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:17,280 Speaker 2: you know I was dead. I know how it is, 498 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,919 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I know, like that's just 499 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,680 Speaker 2: a miserable life man to be ripping and running that day, 500 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,800 Speaker 2: you know, after a dollar, after a drug or after 501 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 2: you know, after you know, anything that's not gonna be 502 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,479 Speaker 2: uh favorable in your life, you know what I mean. 503 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 2: Just this just destroying you? You know what I mean? 504 00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,679 Speaker 1: What allowed you to be the kind of person like 505 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:39,480 Speaker 1: I don't do the things I used to anymore and 506 00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: I can now live my life on on this other path. 507 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 1: What allowed you to do that? 508 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:46,480 Speaker 3: Well? 509 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: I think that you know, you gotta face yourself, you 510 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 2: know what I mean. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta 511 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,560 Speaker 2: make sure that you you're right, you know what I mean? 512 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,920 Speaker 2: And life, because like, if you don't love yourself, nobody 513 00:28:57,960 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 2: else gonna love you. You know what I'm saying. You 514 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,880 Speaker 2: don't care about the next day, if you live or die, 515 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 2: Nobody else gonna care if you live or die. You 516 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 2: know what I mean. If you don't care about your 517 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 2: own well being, anybody else ain't gonna care about your 518 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 2: well being. You know what I'm saying. You know what 519 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 2: I'm saying. So if you if you don't care, and 520 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 2: they see that you don't care about ship or nothing 521 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 2: to you know what, they be like, you don't have 522 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 2: that same sentimental They're gonna be like if you don't care, 523 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,200 Speaker 2: to watch your care. You know what I mean. If 524 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,240 Speaker 2: you don't love me, watch you'll love him. You know 525 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 2: what I mean. If we don't put forth as far 526 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,080 Speaker 2: as like showing that initiative and life, well you care 527 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 2: and you you you you are available to somebody for 528 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 2: any thing in their life, you know what I'm saying. 529 00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:46,719 Speaker 2: If it ain't just to walk to somebody, actually walk 530 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,840 Speaker 2: to the store time, somebody could ask you to walk 531 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,040 Speaker 2: to go to the store form you know what I mean. 532 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 3: You know. 533 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,560 Speaker 2: It's not always the biggest thing in life that you 534 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 2: could do with somebody. Might just be that little thing 535 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,800 Speaker 2: that to stay hard, you know what I mean. So, 536 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 2: and I'm coming to terms with those things in life 537 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 2: where I'm open. I'm acceptable to everybody else's well being, 538 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, not only mine. 539 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: We'll be right back with more family therapy. When did 540 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: you realize you could do it? Freddie? When did you 541 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,280 Speaker 1: realize you could turn things around? 542 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: Well, it wasn't exactly an earth shadow, mean an event 543 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 2: that happened in my life that made me change change myself. 544 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,200 Speaker 2: I just got down on my knees one day and 545 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 2: asked God to give me the strength to be a 546 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 2: better man. To serve not only him, but to serve 547 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,840 Speaker 2: mankind and a positive aspect of life. 548 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: Freddie, Freddie, hold on, I'm gonna stop you real quick. 549 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: Did you just say, Jay, did you hear what your 550 00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 1: dad just said? Freddy? Did you just say it wasn't 551 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,560 Speaker 1: an earth shattering event. I just got down on my 552 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 1: knees and asked God to give me the strength to 553 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,360 Speaker 1: change my life. Did you just say that that sounds 554 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: like an earth shattering moment to me? You said it 555 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: was an earth shatter event. I just got down on 556 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,680 Speaker 1: my knees and ask God to help me be a 557 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:24,720 Speaker 1: better man. And apparently, as evidenced by the things Jay 558 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: has said, God answered that prayer. And you're gonna tell 559 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: me that's not an earth shattering event. 560 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, because like I'm not saying like as 561 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:40,560 Speaker 2: far as like it is, because you know, uh, his 562 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 2: accomplishments is always you know, sometimes it could be the 563 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,920 Speaker 2: smallest thing, uh to you, and that's all you need 564 00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,840 Speaker 2: is that's that's that that little touch of that little 565 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel, you know what 566 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,760 Speaker 2: I mean. Ain't gotta be a big flash or big 567 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 2: like a irene your atomic bomb going off. Could this 568 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:07,320 Speaker 2: be that little, that little touch of encouragement that he 569 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 2: filled me with. AND's like, yo, you know, because I 570 00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,120 Speaker 2: you know, I you know, like I said, I ain't 571 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,800 Speaker 2: think I was gonna be twenty five years old, you 572 00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:16,960 Speaker 2: know what I mean. The way the way my life 573 00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 2: was going, man, twenty five was it was it. 574 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:22,680 Speaker 5: Uh. 575 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 2: I couldn't even foresee it, you know what I mean. 576 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 2: I really couldn't foresee you because like my life had 577 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 2: been taken away from me so many times, you know 578 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 2: what I mean, by me being in the streets and 579 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:39,200 Speaker 2: by me doing silly, stupid things, you know what I mean. 580 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:41,560 Speaker 2: I used to I used to even do things that 581 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,560 Speaker 2: what caused me to die, you know what I mean, 582 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:49,760 Speaker 2: just to prove my manhood approved that you know, I ain't, 583 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 2: I ain't scared, you know what I mean. And I 584 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 2: look back at those things that I did. Man, what 585 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,320 Speaker 2: the hell was wrong with you? You know what I mean? 586 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 2: What was on your What in the world you was 587 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 2: thinking about? You know what I mean? So you know, 588 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,520 Speaker 2: I thank God for me being here now, like reaching that, 589 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 2: I mean, reach sixty five, you know what I mean. 590 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 2: I want to have a have a have a party. 591 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:19,720 Speaker 2: I'm hoping that that that'll come to effect, you know 592 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:23,960 Speaker 2: what I mean, and hopefully that everybody would attend. As 593 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 2: far as my family and kids, cousins, you know, I 594 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 2: really like more of like be a family thing a 595 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:35,000 Speaker 2: guy and than like more than a social work affair, 596 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. As far as like my 597 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 2: uncle's aunts, you know, cousins, you know, especially you know, 598 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 2: my grandkids. You know what I mean. I'm kind of 599 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 2: looking forward to because like I didn't, I never look 600 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:52,280 Speaker 2: forward to celebrating the birthday, you know what I mean. Uh, 601 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:56,880 Speaker 2: I was just like living minute to minute out out, 602 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,640 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, And what kind of life 603 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,840 Speaker 2: is that? The half of and and being that don't 604 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 2: really value their own life, you know what I mean, 605 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 2: So you gotta come to self, you know, preservation Like 606 00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:14,160 Speaker 2: I'm him, I'm gonna be sixty five is a joyful 607 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,359 Speaker 2: event for me now, you know what I mean. You know, 608 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,960 Speaker 2: it's monumental to me now, so it's accomplished. It's something 609 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,000 Speaker 2: I would never if I was twenty four years old 610 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,960 Speaker 2: and somebody asked me, what are you gonna do when 611 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,160 Speaker 2: you sixty five? I said, man, I'll be like I'll 612 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 2: be blown away because I think I would never make 613 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:33,360 Speaker 2: it to sixty five? 614 00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,880 Speaker 1: When is your sixty fifth birthday actually in August? In August? 615 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: Did you ever think, and I want you to think, 616 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 1: really honestly, think back to your lowest moment. You're incarcerated, 617 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:49,280 Speaker 1: you ain't talk to any of your kids, and however 618 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,359 Speaker 1: long did you ever think that one of your kids 619 00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:55,000 Speaker 1: would describe you as dependable, easy to talk to, a 620 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,799 Speaker 1: wealth and knowledge, and reliable. Do you ever think in 621 00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: that low moment, man, when did you do you ever 622 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,080 Speaker 1: think one of your kids would say that? And not 623 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: just one of your kids, but like one of your 624 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,400 Speaker 1: honest you know, Jay is not someone to just say 625 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 1: random stuff. If she said one of the things I've 626 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,400 Speaker 1: learned about Jay, and Jay correct me if I'm wrong. 627 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,239 Speaker 1: But if Jay says it, she means it. That's how 628 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 1: Jay is like. She doesn't just talk. If Jay spoke it, 629 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,440 Speaker 1: she meant what she said. And she described you in 630 00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 1: those four ways. Reliable, dependable, He's not the man who 631 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,400 Speaker 1: used to be wealth and knowledge, easy to talk to. 632 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:32,719 Speaker 1: Did you, when you were in your lowest moment, did 633 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:34,400 Speaker 1: you ever think one of your children will describe you 634 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 1: in that way? 635 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,960 Speaker 2: Not at all, not one bit. I think in my 636 00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:44,400 Speaker 2: lowest moment in my life that that would never have 637 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:47,399 Speaker 2: crossed my mind, you know what I mean, for as 638 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 2: far as one of my kids to be let's say 639 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,120 Speaker 2: something like that, you know what I mean, because it 640 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:56,480 Speaker 2: would be extremely outrageous, you know what I mean. Sometimes 641 00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 2: you can't you can't buy love, You can't buy a verse, 642 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,520 Speaker 2: well spoken word about somebody. You can't buy that, you 643 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:08,000 Speaker 2: know what I'm saying. And you can't produce that from 644 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,000 Speaker 2: somebody unless it's real, you know what I mean. If 645 00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,799 Speaker 2: it ain't real, it's gonna it's never gonna be manufactured 646 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,319 Speaker 2: like that, you know what I mean. 647 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 1: So one of the things I'm thinking is Jay has 648 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,839 Speaker 1: this really big goal. I'm not sure she knows how 649 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,319 Speaker 1: big it is, but Jay's got this really big ambition 650 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,799 Speaker 1: to like and I think the way she phrased it 651 00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: was to break the family curse. Jay, Did I catch 652 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:40,319 Speaker 1: that right? And like bring the family back together so 653 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 1: that the children can grow up knowing their family. How 654 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,719 Speaker 1: can you help Jay do that? Freddie? What could be 655 00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,400 Speaker 1: your role in helping Jay to accomplish changing the legacy 656 00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:52,280 Speaker 1: within the family. 657 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 2: Well, I believe my purpose in that or try to 658 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 2: an influence or we'll share with uh the families and 659 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:07,439 Speaker 2: and and and make sure that they realize that it's 660 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:12,239 Speaker 2: time for the family to have the real capital f 661 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 2: on it. You know what I mean, really spelled each 662 00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,400 Speaker 2: and every everybody's heart. You know what I'm saying, because we, 663 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:22,319 Speaker 2: like she said, our family, we we Everybody is in 664 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,280 Speaker 2: their own world, you know what I mean. Everybody doing 665 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:27,399 Speaker 2: their own thing. You know what I mean, with their 666 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 2: own little clique, you know what I mean. And that's 667 00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:32,799 Speaker 2: their family. You know what I'm saying, and what you know, 668 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 2: it's it's not extremely wrong, but the family is much 669 00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:41,680 Speaker 2: bigger than this one one son and one daughter, you 670 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:46,120 Speaker 2: know what I mean. His cousins is, his sisters and 671 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,439 Speaker 2: brothers and grandkids. You know what I mean. I don't 672 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:52,279 Speaker 2: think we ever had a family reunion where everybody went 673 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,880 Speaker 2: bought T shirts, you know what I mean, Like I 674 00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:58,360 Speaker 2: don't I don't believe that we ever had one of 675 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,280 Speaker 2: something like that. It's something that we should we should 676 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,479 Speaker 2: always should look forward to, you know what I mean, 677 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,960 Speaker 2: if somebody could just like initiate something like that and 678 00:38:07,719 --> 00:38:11,200 Speaker 2: put forth an effort to make it happy, you know 679 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,240 Speaker 2: what I mean. I mean, like you know, to bite 680 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,560 Speaker 2: down on you know, you know, and make it happy. 681 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 2: Twenty twenty people show it up. Maybe the next time 682 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,520 Speaker 2: fifty people show up. Sometimes word of mouth carries a 683 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 2: lot of weight, especially like while I was at the 684 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,520 Speaker 2: family re union and they said, woll you ain't come? 685 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 2: Ain't you family? You know what I mean? Sometimes you 686 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 2: know you got you know, hit below the bell. 687 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:38,000 Speaker 1: When I talk to the two of you, I just 688 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,600 Speaker 1: feel so much love. And Jay, can I there's something 689 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 1: I want to say to you about what you're trying 690 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,319 Speaker 1: to accomplish and said, all right, can I share something 691 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:50,320 Speaker 1: with you and give you a suggestion maybe even advice 692 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 1: if I could use that word. You are capable of 693 00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,880 Speaker 1: so much love and this is an act of love 694 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,120 Speaker 1: to be able to bring the family together. And the 695 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,919 Speaker 1: way you're describing and Freddy just said something that really 696 00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 1: stuck out to me, Like, you know, maybe the first 697 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,799 Speaker 1: time you do something, maybe a few people show up. 698 00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:14,279 Speaker 1: And I'm thinking, like I think your job, as you 699 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:16,600 Speaker 1: reach out to your siblings like you would talking about earlier, 700 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: is just to invite them into this space, like invite 701 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,680 Speaker 1: them into this dynamic that you have created with Freddie 702 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,759 Speaker 1: and help them experience him the way you experience him, 703 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:32,920 Speaker 1: and if they accept that invitation, great, but if not, 704 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: just keep doing it because one of the things I 705 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:38,919 Speaker 1: know is love is a very powerful and contagious thing. 706 00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:41,520 Speaker 1: Like eventually people are going to be like, hey, what's 707 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:46,400 Speaker 1: going on over there? And they eventually kind of attract 708 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:52,200 Speaker 1: to it. But the dynamic you're creating between you and 709 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:57,600 Speaker 1: your children and your father's slash their grandfather is a 710 00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,920 Speaker 1: very powerful thing. And I'm not I wonder if you 711 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:06,040 Speaker 1: were aware of its power. And you can't make all 712 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:10,839 Speaker 1: the siblings see it, but you can cultivate it and 713 00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,120 Speaker 1: nurture it to the point where the siblings start asking 714 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:16,680 Speaker 1: about it, like what's going on over there? And then 715 00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: before you know it, one or two of them show up, 716 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,160 Speaker 1: and before you know it, they bring their kids, and 717 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 1: before you know what I mean, like, you create the 718 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:27,120 Speaker 1: environment where it flourishes. You can't make them come, but 719 00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,240 Speaker 1: you can just cultivate it to the point where everybody 720 00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,959 Speaker 1: wants to be a part of it. Does that make sense? 721 00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:35,080 Speaker 3: Yes? Absolutely? I think I guess we're not ready. We're 722 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:36,520 Speaker 3: not quite ready for like. 723 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:43,600 Speaker 4: You know, the T shirts yet, you know what I'm saying. 724 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 3: I do think on a small scale. 725 00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 4: We can certainly start, you know, with those who are 726 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,879 Speaker 4: willing and let it build from there. 727 00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:55,840 Speaker 3: For sure, absolutely, and I'm willing to do that. 728 00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,760 Speaker 1: You're the right person at the right time to change 729 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:00,160 Speaker 1: the whole family legacy. 730 00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:01,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so. 731 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 4: I think I can do that, I guess for me though, 732 00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,719 Speaker 4: for for Pops, I think the biggest part that you 733 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:10,839 Speaker 4: could play is to show up for them the way 734 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:15,240 Speaker 4: you show up for me, because and to continue to try, 735 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:19,160 Speaker 4: you know, because they're not going to see you the 736 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,680 Speaker 4: way I see you, and it may take some time 737 00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:23,759 Speaker 4: to get there. It may take some time to get there, 738 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,719 Speaker 4: and that's okay, and we may never get there with everybody, 739 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:29,160 Speaker 4: but you know, we start with what we can and 740 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 4: we take it from there. 741 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,840 Speaker 1: I just want to go back to something you said. 742 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 1: I want to make sure we hit this. You said, 743 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,160 Speaker 1: one of the ways he can help you is to 744 00:41:37,200 --> 00:41:41,960 Speaker 1: show up for them the way he shows up for you. Now, right, 745 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:46,919 Speaker 1: some of your siblings may make it harder for him 746 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 1: to show up than you did. How do you want 747 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:54,400 Speaker 1: your dad to respond to that? Like, if one of 748 00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:58,160 Speaker 1: your siblings makes it, you know, just not easy for him, right, 749 00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,239 Speaker 1: How would you like to see your father how would 750 00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:02,720 Speaker 1: like to see him respond to it when it's not easy. 751 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:05,520 Speaker 3: To be patient? You know, you just got to be 752 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,200 Speaker 3: patient and keep that fighting spirit. You know. I think that. 753 00:42:11,239 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 4: The way you describe your relationship with Jason, I don't 754 00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,440 Speaker 4: it may be just as challenging with some of the 755 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:20,880 Speaker 4: other children. So you just got to keep trying and 756 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,160 Speaker 4: just keep trying and not like not let it go 757 00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,680 Speaker 4: because I don't think it's going to be easy. But 758 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 4: you know, it hasn't been easy for us to not 759 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:36,160 Speaker 4: have you present. So it's not you know, tit for tat, 760 00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:37,520 Speaker 4: but it is what it is. 761 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,720 Speaker 1: You know, you know what Jay like, it's not really 762 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:43,799 Speaker 1: fair for him to expect easy, is it? Like it 763 00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,200 Speaker 1: wasn't easy for you guys. He's got to go through 764 00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: some hard too. And I don't and I don't mean 765 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:50,680 Speaker 1: like payback with t for TAT like you were saying, 766 00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:53,440 Speaker 1: but like, it is what it is. 767 00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:58,480 Speaker 4: When you haven't been present or consistent, this is the result. 768 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,359 Speaker 4: And it's just like need any If water in the plant, 769 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 4: it's gonna flourish, it's gonna it's gonna live, But if 770 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,080 Speaker 4: you start watering it, it's gonna die. And hopefully you 771 00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 4: know the relationships with each one is not dead to 772 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,399 Speaker 4: a point that it can't be revived. But it's gonna 773 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,160 Speaker 4: need some sun, it's gonna need some some attention. It's 774 00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:18,040 Speaker 4: gonna need a little bit of care, and hopefully, you know, 775 00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,200 Speaker 4: you'll be able to get there. I would love for 776 00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:23,520 Speaker 4: you to grow old knowing that we You know, when 777 00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 4: you're eighty ninety years old, you can sit back and 778 00:43:26,280 --> 00:43:27,120 Speaker 4: be like, I tried. 779 00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:30,040 Speaker 3: My best with all of them. You know, once I 780 00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,080 Speaker 3: once I changed, I allowed my children to know who 781 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:33,719 Speaker 3: I am now. 782 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's that's I mean, that's beautiful. Jay Like 783 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,839 Speaker 1: and Freddy. I want you to hear her. They had 784 00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,560 Speaker 1: to go through something hard, so damn it, you do too. 785 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:50,400 Speaker 2: Already. No, the pining that I probably put them through 786 00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:55,080 Speaker 2: is layered up, you know. So if I break that 787 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,480 Speaker 2: layer down today, I got a chance to break another 788 00:43:58,520 --> 00:44:01,879 Speaker 2: layer down the mall. So by the time Tuesday come, 789 00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:05,799 Speaker 2: I'm working on another layer. So I know, like it's 790 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:10,400 Speaker 2: not gonna just the minute, just that quickly, because it 791 00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,840 Speaker 2: been built up for so many years, you know what 792 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,319 Speaker 2: I mean. I think with my daughter, and I think 793 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:20,560 Speaker 2: I was in there. I was in there with her 794 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:24,600 Speaker 2: to the point where my kids was calling me on FaceTime. 795 00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:28,279 Speaker 2: You know, they knew who they knew who their papa was. 796 00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:32,840 Speaker 2: And then I think, I think I started lacking again, 797 00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,560 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. I started off again, you 798 00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:40,040 Speaker 2: know what I mean. I wasn't constant with it, you know, 799 00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:44,440 Speaker 2: and then I go back into their life. Then I 800 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:48,080 Speaker 2: build back up again, then I lack again, you know 801 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 2: what I mean. I gotta be more persistent at it 802 00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:57,239 Speaker 2: all the time, you know, not just a spot there, 803 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,200 Speaker 2: a spot there. They gotta be in a and you 804 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,560 Speaker 2: as basis, you know what I mean. And I think 805 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:05,520 Speaker 2: that's the problem with her, you know what I mean, 806 00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:09,560 Speaker 2: because like once you you know, you make it, develop 807 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:13,760 Speaker 2: something with it with somebody, and you keep pulling back again. 808 00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:15,840 Speaker 2: It's hard for them to let you, let you for 809 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:17,919 Speaker 2: them let you back in because they think they're gonna 810 00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,879 Speaker 2: I'm gonna fall out again, you know what I mean. 811 00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:24,440 Speaker 4: That is so important because I know for me, like 812 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:26,799 Speaker 4: I don't I don't do like I'm at that point 813 00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:30,200 Speaker 4: in my life. I don't do people who are inconsistent wet. 814 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:34,319 Speaker 4: We don't do that around here, right, So absolutely though, 815 00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,800 Speaker 4: don't do that for my children. If you're gonna be 816 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,719 Speaker 4: a part of their lives. You're gonna be a part 817 00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:41,239 Speaker 4: of their lives. If you're not gonna be it, then 818 00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:45,280 Speaker 4: you know, go, you know, do your thing. But there's 819 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:49,359 Speaker 4: no inconsistency there. And Diana, like me, I'm a mother 820 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:53,359 Speaker 4: and she's a mother, and she probably feels the same way, like, nah, 821 00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,239 Speaker 4: you're gonna if you're gonna be here, you're gonna have 822 00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,560 Speaker 4: to be here because you're not gonna be pop pops sometimes, 823 00:45:58,719 --> 00:46:00,440 Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like this is this is 824 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:03,920 Speaker 4: not just a title. There's responsibility that comes with that. 825 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,799 Speaker 4: So hopefully you know what I'm saying. She she'll be 826 00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:11,760 Speaker 4: open as you know, as things move forward. 827 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,719 Speaker 3: But there's definitely not gonna be easy. But you gotta 828 00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:16,120 Speaker 3: be you. 829 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,120 Speaker 4: Gotta be serious about that part. You know, you set 830 00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,719 Speaker 4: a calendar thing. Maybe you just know that you got 831 00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:23,440 Speaker 4: to go down the list and call every single. 832 00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,239 Speaker 3: Kid once a week, you know what I mean. He's 833 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,480 Speaker 3: let that two hours to the side. You got a 834 00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,360 Speaker 3: lot of kids though, so you might need three hours. 835 00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,840 Speaker 3: I don't know, but you know, you might. 836 00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:34,919 Speaker 4: Just have to set that time to the side where 837 00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:36,840 Speaker 4: you say, this is what I do at this time 838 00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,280 Speaker 4: every week, once a week, you know, what I'm saying, 839 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,239 Speaker 4: and I think that might help you know. 840 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:46,680 Speaker 1: But Freddy, I asked Jay, if you would have asked 841 00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:50,560 Speaker 1: me right now, is what is Jay's biggest ambition? I 842 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,680 Speaker 1: would think it would be to break this family curse? 843 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 1: And I asked her what does she need from Freddy 844 00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,840 Speaker 1: to help her? And she gave a three word answer. 845 00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:02,880 Speaker 1: Do you know what that three word answer was? She 846 00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,040 Speaker 1: said it a couple of times. Actually, do you know 847 00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:09,440 Speaker 1: what it was? Did you catch it? Being consistent, keep 848 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,640 Speaker 1: showing up, That's what she said. She said it a 849 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:17,879 Speaker 1: couple of times, being consistent, being consistent, keep showing up. 850 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,239 Speaker 1: That's what she needs from you, because then the other 851 00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,160 Speaker 1: siblings are going to see in you what she sees 852 00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:30,040 Speaker 1: in you. And that's how families heal. I genuinely believe 853 00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:33,759 Speaker 1: that there's nothing families can't get through together. It just 854 00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:36,920 Speaker 1: might take some time, but you have to keep showing up. 855 00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:41,200 Speaker 2: When I call somebody and they don't answer, or they 856 00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:44,160 Speaker 2: don't pick up or go straight to voicemail, it used 857 00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,080 Speaker 2: to bother me a great deal, you know what I meant. 858 00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:48,920 Speaker 2: I used to get defensive about it, you know what 859 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:52,799 Speaker 2: I mean? But did I realize it was my own 860 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:56,920 Speaker 2: full you know what I mean. I was the one 861 00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:01,320 Speaker 2: that established that feeling with that out or with that person, 862 00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:03,960 Speaker 2: the only one who made the situation in the way 863 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,760 Speaker 2: it is, you know what I mean. So I don't 864 00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:11,439 Speaker 2: I don't get I don't get like to turd by 865 00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:14,600 Speaker 2: it anymore. I mean, like, okay, it ain't go too 866 00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,759 Speaker 2: favorble this time. You know, if I call you four 867 00:48:17,840 --> 00:48:20,799 Speaker 2: or five times and you still have an answer, you 868 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,200 Speaker 2: know I caused you know what I mean? You know 869 00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,359 Speaker 2: I made an attempt. You know what I mean. Then 870 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,960 Speaker 2: one day, definitely they're gonna pick up the phone and 871 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,520 Speaker 2: voice their opinion voice they are they way they feeling, 872 00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:36,000 Speaker 2: and I gotta suck it up like a sponge, you know, 873 00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:38,640 Speaker 2: because I caused it the way they feel. 874 00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,560 Speaker 1: One of the ways I want you to think about 875 00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:44,959 Speaker 1: this is your children aren't mad at you. They're mad 876 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,440 Speaker 1: at who you used to be. They just don't know 877 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:53,400 Speaker 1: that that's now different. Jay knows. So if you the 878 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:55,960 Speaker 1: reason why Jay wants you to keep showing up is 879 00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,440 Speaker 1: she knows something very important. She knows that who you 880 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,840 Speaker 1: are and who you used to be aren't the same person. 881 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:05,839 Speaker 1: And if you keep showing up, then everybody will see that, 882 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,399 Speaker 1: But right now, not all the kids see that. They 883 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,840 Speaker 1: don't all know that who he is and who he 884 00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:12,960 Speaker 1: used to be aren't the same. So I want you 885 00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:15,919 Speaker 1: to remember that they're not mad at you today. They're 886 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:17,840 Speaker 1: mad at who you used to be. They just don't 887 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,279 Speaker 1: know that who you are today is different. And if 888 00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:23,120 Speaker 1: you keep showing up, they will learn that in the 889 00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,880 Speaker 1: same way that Jay has. Because Jay now describes you 890 00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:32,680 Speaker 1: as reliable, dependable, a wealth of knowledge, who is good 891 00:49:32,719 --> 00:49:35,400 Speaker 1: to talk to. That's how she talks about you today. 892 00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:38,600 Speaker 1: I'll bet you fifteen years ago that's not what she said, 893 00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:43,480 Speaker 1: but that's what she says now. Let everyone else in 894 00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,400 Speaker 1: the family recognize, Oh, this guy is different. 895 00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:49,120 Speaker 3: I think it's also. 896 00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:53,879 Speaker 4: You know, if they ever hear this, I would want 897 00:49:53,960 --> 00:50:00,640 Speaker 4: to express to them you can't hold on to what 898 00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:04,040 Speaker 4: you want your parents to be. You have to be 899 00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:07,480 Speaker 4: able to see them for the human they are right now, 900 00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:08,760 Speaker 4: right and not even. 901 00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,360 Speaker 3: Just as a father figure. You know what I'm saying. 902 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:14,799 Speaker 4: I think a lot of the challenges I had when 903 00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:17,160 Speaker 4: I was younger is like I had this expectation or 904 00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:19,319 Speaker 4: what a dad should be, what a mom should be, 905 00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,160 Speaker 4: and then as I got older, I just kind of 906 00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:24,239 Speaker 4: let it go, and I just say, you know what, 907 00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,160 Speaker 4: I'm gonna let them be who they are, and then 908 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:30,040 Speaker 4: I'm gonna understand take the moment to understand who they 909 00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:36,239 Speaker 4: are and adjust accordingly. So I just hope that they 910 00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:38,279 Speaker 4: will have, you know, be able to get to a 911 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,080 Speaker 4: point where they just say, you know what, I'm going 912 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 4: to let him be who he is and accept and 913 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:48,160 Speaker 4: be accepting of that and try to establish a relationship 914 00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,120 Speaker 4: based on the truth. 915 00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:52,879 Speaker 3: Of who he is, not the image that I want 916 00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:54,799 Speaker 3: him to be right. 917 00:50:55,560 --> 00:51:00,320 Speaker 1: And it turns out who he is is not so bad. 918 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:06,759 Speaker 1: Who he was was in by alcohol, drugs, the streets. 919 00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:11,040 Speaker 1: Who he is is actually a pretty reliable, dependable, loving, 920 00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:16,399 Speaker 1: caring guy. Ye but she but Jay can't show you 921 00:51:16,480 --> 00:51:19,920 Speaker 1: off to the siblings unless you keep showing up so 922 00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:22,240 Speaker 1: they get to see that. Freddy. Does that make sense? 923 00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:23,839 Speaker 2: Great deal? 924 00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:29,600 Speaker 3: Yeah? Do lie? Yo? 925 00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:39,840 Speaker 2: Listen, Freddy. 926 00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,520 Speaker 1: Show her that she's right, because she's right. 927 00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:47,360 Speaker 2: That's my first ambition and in my life is to 928 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,640 Speaker 2: show her she absolutely right. 929 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:49,960 Speaker 3: Right. 930 00:51:56,160 --> 00:52:00,719 Speaker 1: Generational trauma is defined as trauma that is passed down 931 00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:04,080 Speaker 1: from one generation to the next. This is very very 932 00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:08,560 Speaker 1: relevant in the black community. The first trauma, being slavery, 933 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:12,240 Speaker 1: and all of the things that happen in coping with 934 00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:16,080 Speaker 1: such trauma, drinking, Like, there are lots of things that 935 00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:20,719 Speaker 1: happen in the context of that issue poverty. I mean, 936 00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,879 Speaker 1: there's a lot of trauma that gets passed down. So 937 00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,440 Speaker 1: how do we recognize it? I think we all know 938 00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:31,040 Speaker 1: kind of what's good for us and what we should 939 00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:35,520 Speaker 1: be doing that that is in our best interest, and 940 00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:39,440 Speaker 1: you've got to be willing to break the pattern. And 941 00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:42,399 Speaker 1: breaking a pattern is really really hard because whether it's 942 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:44,840 Speaker 1: a good habit or a bad habit, whether it's a 943 00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:47,799 Speaker 1: good pattern or a bad pattern, we all rely on 944 00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:51,560 Speaker 1: the patterns. So when you do something that is outside 945 00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:54,640 Speaker 1: of the pattern, even if good, the system will have 946 00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: a response to try to keep you in line with 947 00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:02,080 Speaker 1: the previously held pattern. So the pattern breaker has to 948 00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:05,719 Speaker 1: be a very strong and resilient person and understand that 949 00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,600 Speaker 1: they're going against the system and the system will push back. 950 00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:13,279 Speaker 1: So the best way to know whether you're dealing with 951 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,919 Speaker 1: a generational trauma or not is to rely on your 952 00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,239 Speaker 1: instincts that tell you what is good for you and 953 00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,759 Speaker 1: what is not and follow the path of the things 954 00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,840 Speaker 1: that are good for you. And understand the system is 955 00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:27,880 Speaker 1: going to push back, and you fight that pushing. The 956 00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,279 Speaker 1: other really beautiful thing is you don't even have to 957 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:33,400 Speaker 1: fully understand the trauma. That's actually not the goal and 958 00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:37,400 Speaker 1: it's not the point. Your job is to get fully 959 00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,880 Speaker 1: committed to creating a new pattern and understanding it's going 960 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:43,600 Speaker 1: to be hard. Stay tuned for my final thoughts after 961 00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:56,040 Speaker 1: this as it relates to change. In how to recognize change, 962 00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:58,719 Speaker 1: I read a quote in a book many many years 963 00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,759 Speaker 1: ago that says a change is only a change if 964 00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:07,040 Speaker 1: it's noticed whenever someone has caused you harm and someone 965 00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,400 Speaker 1: close to you like a parent or a partner or 966 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:15,400 Speaker 1: something best friend. Change is also really scary because you 967 00:54:15,480 --> 00:54:20,319 Speaker 1: also don't know if you can trust it. So the 968 00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,440 Speaker 1: number one thing I would like to say about this 969 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:26,520 Speaker 1: topic is the way to notice change is to look 970 00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:31,200 Speaker 1: for it and understand it's going to take a risk. Now, 971 00:54:31,239 --> 00:54:35,200 Speaker 1: I'm not asking you to experience harm while someone is changing, 972 00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,160 Speaker 1: but I am saying if it's one of those relationships 973 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:42,759 Speaker 1: like we only get one mom and one dad, like 974 00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:46,680 Speaker 1: some of these relationships are so close that they're worth 975 00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,359 Speaker 1: the risk, and actually having those people out of your 976 00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:55,480 Speaker 1: life causes even more harm. So with someone like Freddy 977 00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:59,600 Speaker 1: who is trying, just take the opportunity to look and 978 00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:03,959 Speaker 1: see evidence of the change. Maybe you'll see something, maybe 979 00:55:03,960 --> 00:55:06,880 Speaker 1: you won't, But if you look for it, then you 980 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:10,400 Speaker 1: give yourself the opportunity to experience something new, different in healing. 981 00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:12,759 Speaker 1: If you don't see it, then continue to have a 982 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:15,720 Speaker 1: boundary against that person. But if you do see it, 983 00:55:15,719 --> 00:55:18,839 Speaker 1: it'll change your life and change theirs in a monumental way. 984 00:55:18,880 --> 00:55:22,160 Speaker 1: And I think that's worth it, worth it, worth it. 985 00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,240 Speaker 1: It's important to ask yourself different questions on your healing journey. 986 00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,160 Speaker 1: For the next few weeks, I will ask you a 987 00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,920 Speaker 1: question at the end of each episode to hopefully inspire 988 00:55:29,960 --> 00:55:33,759 Speaker 1: your inner superhero. This week, I want you to ask yourself, 989 00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:38,160 Speaker 1: given that forgiveness is the greatest gift that you will 990 00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:43,520 Speaker 1: ever give yourself, who in your family's lineage needs the 991 00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:47,560 Speaker 1: most forgiving, even if that person is no longer with us. 992 00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:49,920 Speaker 1: I want you to look back, who in your family's 993 00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,120 Speaker 1: lineage needs the most forgiving and if you are able 994 00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,680 Speaker 1: to achieve that forgiveness, what difference would it make to 995 00:55:55,800 --> 00:56:00,920 Speaker 1: that person and to yourself. This is not just a 996 00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:04,759 Speaker 1: podcast that I want you to consume and be entertained 997 00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:07,759 Speaker 1: by I actually want you to be inspired. I want 998 00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:10,719 Speaker 1: you to be impacted by this, and in fact, we 999 00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:14,320 Speaker 1: can't help but be impacted by the content we consume. 1000 00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:16,239 Speaker 1: So what I would like for you to do is 1001 00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:19,040 Speaker 1: come on this healing journey with us. Come on this 1002 00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:23,640 Speaker 1: journey of change rediscovery with us. And the way to 1003 00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:26,920 Speaker 1: do that is to just pay attention to the things 1004 00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,360 Speaker 1: going on in your life as a consequence of listening 1005 00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:33,240 Speaker 1: to this podcast. Pay attention to things in your life 1006 00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,479 Speaker 1: shifting in a more desirable way. Pay attention to your 1007 00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:40,200 Speaker 1: desirable outcome becoming your reality. Pay attention to evidence of 1008 00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:44,239 Speaker 1: your success, your resilience, and your strength. And let us 1009 00:56:44,320 --> 00:56:47,200 Speaker 1: know in the comments what you're noticing in your life 1010 00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:50,120 Speaker 1: as a result of listening to this podcast and as 1011 00:56:50,160 --> 00:56:53,439 Speaker 1: a result of paying attention to these things. I would 1012 00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,720 Speaker 1: love to hear from you about your healing journey, your family, 1013 00:56:56,800 --> 00:56:59,960 Speaker 1: and your feedback. Leave a review, send a DM, connect 1014 00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:02,640 Speaker 1: me on socials at Elliott Speaks, and you can also 1015 00:57:02,719 --> 00:57:04,960 Speaker 1: send me a text message to nine seven two four 1016 00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,480 Speaker 1: two six two six four zero. Family Therapy is a 1017 00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:12,520 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Podcast Network. Special 1018 00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,680 Speaker 1: Thanks to our assistant, Glendale Seppe. It's produced by Jack 1019 00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:18,800 Speaker 1: Queish Thomas and the executive producer Dolly S. 1020 00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:19,200 Speaker 2: S Fisher. 1021 00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:23,160 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio 1022 00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,720 Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. The 1023 00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:29,680 Speaker 1: content presented on The Family Therapy podcast serves solely for 1024 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,560 Speaker 1: educational and informational purposes. It should not be considered a 1025 00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,480 Speaker 1: replacement for personalized medical or mental health guidance and does 1026 00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,720 Speaker 1: not constitute a provider patient relationship. It is advisable to 1027 00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:41,440 Speaker 1: consult with your healthcare provider or health team for any 1028 00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,320 Speaker 1: specific concerns or questions you may have.