1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,440 Speaker 1: If you're a guy that's listening and you've ever been 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:08,400 Speaker 1: involved on the other side of this, you were weak, 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:23,560 Speaker 1: you were you were a coward. What's up, guys, Welcome 4 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: to the podcast. Very very very special guest today, Amber Smith, 5 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: my wife, one of the favorites that always gets requested 6 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: on here, come on, bring back Amber. But you have 7 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: been pretty busy, a little busy. Yes, you have a baby. 8 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 1: We have a baby. He has attached to me right 9 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,400 Speaker 1: now actually, so he's like a koala. He's just stuck 10 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: inside your pocket all the time. And we have a 11 00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: special break today because the in laws are in town 12 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 1: for the holidays, and so you are you get like 13 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 1: a little bit of time to come on this pot cast. 14 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: Finally I do. This is like an awesome mommie break. 15 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: So I have a folder dedicated to you. So what 16 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: we do on this podcast is we answer your questions, 17 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:13,679 Speaker 1: and we do it in a way where it's it's 18 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 1: if we're sitting around a campfire, Amberne and then you 19 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: walk up and there's a third chair and you sit down. 20 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,199 Speaker 1: You go, could I talk to you, guys about something? 21 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: Could be about anything, could be about music or career 22 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: or finances or relationships or divorce, or babies or travel. 23 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: I don't know, it could be anything. We've seen it 24 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: all and Amber and I then it's this is a 25 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: safe space and environment where we could walk through the 26 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:46,400 Speaker 1: question slowly as if as if it's we have all 27 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: the time in the world, we have all night. And 28 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: I love that about this podcast. If you want to 29 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: be part of that, you could email Grangersmith podcast at 30 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,600 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Ask 31 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,880 Speaker 1: your question, we'll throw it into the queue and then 32 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,559 Speaker 1: I have a folder separated. This is just for Amber 33 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: because you get a lot of questions. Okay, we don't 34 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: have any notes on the table. We don't have books 35 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: or famous quotes or anything. So we're gonna hear your 36 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: question for the first time together and walk through it 37 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: the best we can. We're not always right, No, we 38 00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: are not, so you take it with a grain of salt. 39 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,959 Speaker 1: This is just what we from our first impression, how 40 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 1: we would answer it. And I'm going to thank you 41 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,680 Speaker 1: guys for making this podcast so successful and if you're 42 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: watching on Spotify, you could see us on video now, YouTube, 43 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: Apple podcast. Thank you guys for listening. First question in 44 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: the queue here, subject line is Amber. Exclamation exclamation, exclamation, exclamation. Okay, 45 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: this one's serious for you. All right for exclamations, Let's 46 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: do it, says Hey Granger. I absolutely love your podcast 47 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: music dismiss on YouTube and that you're a light for Jesus. 48 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing your family with myself 49 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,640 Speaker 1: and others. You all are such a blessing. My question 50 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 1: is mostly for Amber, but I'd love your advice as well. 51 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: I'm almost twenty eight and I'm still single. So many 52 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: of my dear friends are married and have babies. I'm 53 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 1: so happy for them, but I often find myself asking 54 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:20,519 Speaker 1: and wondering, Okay, God, when is my time coming. I'm 55 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,280 Speaker 1: a believer and walking with the Lord and have been 56 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: praying for so long for my future husband. I just 57 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: don't know what to do. I would welcome any advice 58 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 1: you guys might have. Thank you so much. Anna, Okay, 59 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,760 Speaker 1: you want to go first? For me? Well, I have 60 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,119 Speaker 1: a brother that's single. Yeah, Tyler, that's true. We could 61 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: just solve that with one answer, So, Anna, twenty eight single, 62 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,400 Speaker 1: That's that's like the age, Yeah, when all your friends 63 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: are getting married. Yes, right, And it's kind of starts 64 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: about twenty four, twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, 65 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: and at twenty eight you're like, Okay, what about me? 66 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: I got married Anna at thirty so or not thirty one? Right? No, 67 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,800 Speaker 1: well we got yes, so you got yeah, you were 68 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: married to me when you were thirty one. I met 69 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: you when I was twenty seven. Okay, So okay, so 70 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 1: you're it's a valid question. You're still very young, Anna, 71 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: You're still very young. You have so much, you have 72 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 1: so much life left, single life left. But I'm gonna 73 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna kick this over to you, okay. Uh, Like 74 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: I said, I met you when I was twenty seven. 75 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,600 Speaker 1: So I don't know if she's saying in her singleness, 76 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: if she has not had a boyfriend, or if she 77 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,160 Speaker 1: just hasn't found her the one yet. I guess you 78 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: could say. So. She says she's she's she loves God, 79 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: she's been following God. And she said, what can I do? 80 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 1: And I think the I think what came to mind 81 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: is keep doing what you're doing, keep pursuing the Lord. 82 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: I remember I told you a couple of days ago 83 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,840 Speaker 1: that I thought of something for London and Lincoln and 84 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: it was it was run so hard after God that 85 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: a guy or a girl has to chase Christ, has 86 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: to chase Christ to get to you, and I think 87 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: that's so good. And keep doing what you're doing. I 88 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: know who you are. I know you've asked me this 89 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 1: question on a rise and I'm sorry, Yeah, I do 90 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,720 Speaker 1: not personally, but I know her through social media, so 91 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:19,560 Speaker 1: she's asked me a lot about being single. And another 92 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,040 Speaker 1: word that came to mind when you were reading that 93 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: is contented contentedness, and Paul speaks about that and being 94 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: content in every season. And then something else came to me. 95 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: That's when the time is right, I the Lord will 96 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 1: make it happen, and so keep doing what you're doing 97 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 1: by praying. I don't know if you're involved in any 98 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: small groups or other ways to meet people, but those 99 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 1: are great ways to meet people who who have the 100 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: same values as you, who love the Lord like you do. 101 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: I know patience is hard, and God works in seasons 102 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: of waiting, and I know that that can be hard, 103 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: But like I said, I was twenty seven, almost twenty 104 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 1: eight when I met Granger, So you're right on that 105 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: cusp of possibly meeting the person that you might spend 106 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 1: the rest of your life with let me add one 107 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,760 Speaker 1: more thing. I went through a lot of relationships that 108 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:09,359 Speaker 1: were not good and and I wish, I wish I 109 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: didn't have to go through those seasons. And if you 110 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: haven't been through those seasons, I commend you for that, 111 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: for for waiting and and just keep holding out because 112 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: it's going to mean so much more when you meet 113 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: that person that you're going to spend the rest of 114 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,359 Speaker 1: your life with, and it's going to save you so 115 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: much heartache and pain along the way if you just 116 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 1: stay patient and stay steadfast and your love for the Lord. Yeah, 117 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: that's great. I think you said contentment is is such 118 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,239 Speaker 1: a key here just and I learned to be content 119 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: in all situations, including this one, including being single, including 120 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 1: this season of waiting. If you are impatient and you're 121 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: waiting and waiting and impatient, that's going to lead to 122 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 1: something bad because you're gonna you're you're gonna take the 123 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,839 Speaker 1: first guy that comes around and says the right things, 124 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 1: and he's decent, and he might not even be a 125 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 1: bad guy. That's the problem. He might be a fine guy. 126 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: He's good, but he's not great, and you don't love him, 127 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: but you force yourself into it. Because you go, well, 128 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: I guess this is my best opportunity. Let's do it. 129 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: But if you're content before that happens, if you're content 130 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: where you are right now, and you go, I'm good, 131 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm trusting God, I'm following God, and I'm 132 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: happy and I'm content right now. Eventually I would love 133 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: to have a husband, I would love to have a family, absolutely, 134 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: but right now I'm also good where I am. Then 135 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 1: that's gonna shield off any bad guys that start coming around, 136 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: and you're gonna put up a force field in a 137 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: good way where it's going to take the right guy 138 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: to penetrate that force field to finally get to you. 139 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: And you go, Wow, you came to me when I 140 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: was already content, and you you doubled what I had. 141 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: And I think you could echo what the psalms say 142 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 1: so many times, Anna when you read through the psalms. 143 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 1: And I love at the end of my Bible reading, 144 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: I love to findish with a psalm and just go down. 145 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: There's there's a lot of them, and you'll find things 146 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: all the time that say things like how much longer God, 147 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: how how much longer will you hide your face? How 148 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: much longer till I hear you speak, how much longer 149 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: till till you douce this till you you involve yourself 150 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 1: with me? And that's that's okay to question those kind 151 00:08:21,280 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 1: of things, because as long as you're bringing it to 152 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 1: Him and not to the world and not to what's 153 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 1: wrong with myself or all these other friends or all 154 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 1: these other problems that are happening. Though, unless unless you 155 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: just go straight to God with it and go you God, 156 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: I know you could do this. Where are you how 157 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,440 Speaker 1: much longer? And keep doing that, directing it in one 158 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: direction up, then I think you're going to be just fine. 159 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,320 Speaker 1: I agree. Keep praying, though. All right, it's about to 160 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: get it's about to get serious. Next question, I don't 161 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: know where we're going, Okay, I have no idea where 162 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: this is going. Subject line of this one says. Next 163 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: in the queue says, the only person I would ask 164 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 1: this is you better details than the previous email, whatever 165 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 1: that means, Whatever this means, Here we go. Goh, Hi, 166 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 1: Grangeur and guests. This podcast has opened my eyes to 167 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,560 Speaker 1: myself and to God lowercase God, and I can't thank 168 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: y'all enough for that. Please keep me anonymous so my 169 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:23,319 Speaker 1: question is follow my gut or do what's right. I'm 170 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,000 Speaker 1: twenty three years old. I've been engaged for one year 171 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: now and was supposed to get married in June. I've 172 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 1: been with my fiance now for five years. We own 173 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 1: a house together, but he has changed. He has turned 174 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 1: to smoking weed every day, always wants to stay home, 175 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 1: only focusing on sex. I decided to postpone the wedding 176 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: two weeks before my eyes really open when my grandfather 177 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: passed away and I felt like something wasn't right, and 178 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: then I fell into a deep depression. An old guy 179 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: friend from high school came along and truly supported me. 180 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:59,839 Speaker 1: Pointed me to God, lowercase God. He makes me want 181 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,920 Speaker 1: to sh share my feelings more, plus puts an effort 182 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: to encourage me in my hobbies, and most importantly, he's 183 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,600 Speaker 1: encouraged me to create a stronger bond with lower case God. 184 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 1: I am starting to develop feelings for this guy, but 185 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: my fiance is twenty seven and I don't want to 186 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:18,320 Speaker 1: have to start over after five years. Are these feelings 187 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: I'm feeling with this new old friend just temporary a temptation. 188 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 1: We are a lot alike and share so many things 189 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: in common. He makes me feel so guilty for trying 190 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: to end things and puts the fault on me. I 191 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: think that's the current the feelings. Do I do what 192 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 1: is the right thing by staying and pushing through with him? 193 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:44,079 Speaker 1: Since it's been five years and am I so scared 194 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 1: to start over or follow my gut? I've prayed every 195 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: night about this situation. I just need a little more guidance. 196 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:54,959 Speaker 1: Thank you. Wow, Okay, Anonymous, Hey Anonymous, I'm going to 197 00:10:55,000 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: say this again, very this is not an abnormal situation 198 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: that you're in, but I want to I want to 199 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:07,000 Speaker 1: make a correlation between Anna and you. Here's the deal. 200 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: What I was telling Anna about being content in your 201 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: situation and if you're not, you're going to be open 202 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: to anything. So that's what this new old friend is 203 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,079 Speaker 1: to you. This old friend it comes along and he says, 204 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: he says some really nice things, and he's he's nice 205 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:27,840 Speaker 1: to you because you're not content where you are. You're 206 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,199 Speaker 1: like might as well. I mean, it's better than this 207 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: current situation. But you don't love him. You have feeling 208 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 1: like you're developing feelings, but you don't love him. You're 209 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 1: just open to something new, and so here's here's my advice. 210 00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: Right before Amber gets into this, right up the bat, 211 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:50,600 Speaker 1: you're gonna break up with the fiance. I agree, done engagement, done, 212 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: old friend. It's not going to turn into a relationship. 213 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 1: He could be a buddy, he could be a like, 214 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,760 Speaker 1: you know, hang out and go see a movie occasionally. 215 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,680 Speaker 1: But this guy is nothing. Nothing's gonna happen. You would 216 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 1: know it by now, like you would know, and it might, 217 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 1: it could, it might. But but right now you're twenty three, 218 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you to pump the brakes and 219 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,959 Speaker 1: go back to be Anna. Right now, you guys are 220 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: gonna swap, yeah, swap places. You gotta be Anna and 221 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: and you're gonna you're gonna hit the brakes. Here's the deal. 222 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 1: Five years. You're worried about wasting five years in this relationship. 223 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: You're gonna waste your lifetime if you make this mistake 224 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: with him. The dude sits on the couch, smokes weed 225 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: and just wants sex. You got, you gotta, you have 226 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 1: a house together. He wants nothing else in life. He 227 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 1: doesn't want to get married. Why would he get married. 228 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: He's got everything he needs, He's got the sex, he's 229 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: got the weed, he's got the couch, he's got the house, 230 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: he's got the girl who just does whatever he tells him. 231 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 1: He's good. You ain't gonna get anything else out this guy. Right. 232 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: I'm just going off on this phoone. I totally. I am. 233 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 1: I can echo everything that you're saying right now, everything, 234 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: And you're asking should I do what's right? Who says 235 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: who says that staying in that relationship is right? You're 236 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: not married yet. You are not married, And if you 237 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,200 Speaker 1: were married, then I would say, you know, this would 238 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,000 Speaker 1: be a different conversation. We would talk about counseling, we 239 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: would talk about all these things to try to fix 240 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: your marriage. But you were not married yet. You are 241 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: twenty three. I get it. You don't want to hurt 242 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,320 Speaker 1: his feelings, But a little bit of hurt right now 243 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:20,959 Speaker 1: is better than a lifetime of hurt in a marriage 244 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:25,120 Speaker 1: where you guys are not loving each other. Your children 245 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 1: are having to go through all kinds of things watching 246 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: their parents fight, watching their dad sit on the couch 247 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: and smoke weed. You need to do, like Granger always says, 248 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 1: be selfish right now, because you can't be selfish whenever 249 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: you get married. And so yes, I agree with you. 250 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: I say, don't go with either one of them. And 251 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 1: if you think you might have feelings for this newer guy, 252 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 1: give it time. Don't rush into anything with him, say 253 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: six months, and if you're still feeling those feelings for him, 254 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,719 Speaker 1: then maybe go on a date and then try that. 255 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 1: But you're going to be too soon out of this 256 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: relationship to even know for sure. I think I agree 257 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: with you. I wouldn't go with either guy. Yeah, I 258 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 1: don't trust this new high school guy. Yeah, I don't 259 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 1: trust him. He came around and points you to God 260 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,280 Speaker 1: with the lower case G. I don't trust this guy 261 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,480 Speaker 1: because I don't think he I don't think he's pointing 262 00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: you in the right direction. You can get mad if 263 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 1: you want. Okay, this is my podcast, but we're just 264 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 1: and we're not trying to be mean. We're just trying 265 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: to be honest that this is what we would tell 266 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: our friend, and let's direct him. Let's direct her Anonymous 267 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: In her praying, she says she prays every night about 268 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 1: this situation, but just needs a little more guidance. I 269 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: get it, so, so I want to talk to you 270 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: about what you're praying because and I know I know 271 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: this is not the first time I'm going to say this. 272 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 1: I don't even know what the rest of the questions are, 273 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:43,240 Speaker 1: but I know I'm going to be repeating this. When 274 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 1: when Jesus taught us to pray the Lord's prayer, this 275 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: is an example. He didn't start with, give us today 276 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:54,160 Speaker 1: our daily bread. Here's how you pray. Everybody. You start with, 277 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,120 Speaker 1: give us today our daily bread. What I need. He 278 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: didn't start with that. What did you start with? Our Father, 279 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: who are in heaven hollowed? Be thy name? It started 280 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:09,080 Speaker 1: with worship. It started with acknowledgment of our creator an 281 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: upper case G. Yes, it started with that. It didn't 282 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 1: start with Okay, God, here's all right, God, you ready, 283 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: here's my situation again. I'm gonna come to you again. Okay. 284 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: I got this friend from high school and then I 285 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: got this Fyonce and he just smokes weed and have 286 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 1: sex with me in my house. Okay, it's not working. 287 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:30,120 Speaker 1: It's not working. So you got to rearrange this prayer, 288 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:35,640 Speaker 1: and you gotta start with this. God. You are holy, 289 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 1: You were You were the creator of oceans and mountains 290 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 1: and the Grand Canyon, and babies and puppies and stars 291 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: and galaxies. And oak trees and and I mean, you 292 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: could just sit there and go on and on about 293 00:15:55,760 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: about about the incredible God that created all things right 294 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,960 Speaker 1: and then and then secondly, you go and you have 295 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: it all in your hands, and so I give it 296 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,560 Speaker 1: all to you. And then at the very end, and 297 00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 1: then this situation I'm in because you're God and you're 298 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: all knowing and you created everything. Thank you for the 299 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: opportunity for me to bring you my situation, and thank 300 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,600 Speaker 1: you for the opportunity to listen to my little situation. 301 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 1: I want to follow you on, to pursue you, and 302 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: as an outcropping of that, I want to know what 303 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: to do and with this current relationship I'm in, change 304 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,240 Speaker 1: change it to that, and so let's see what happens. 305 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:47,800 Speaker 1: So good, I hit another one for yes you ready? 306 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,520 Speaker 1: This looks like another one? This looks like another one? Okay, 307 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 1: subject line daughter in an abusive relationship, Hi Grandeur, would 308 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: like to remain anonymous. Whenever it starts with that, you 309 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: know about to get crazy. I'll keep this as simple 310 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,360 Speaker 1: as I can. I have one daughter in her early twenties. 311 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: We do not live in the same state. This week 312 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: I found out she was beaten by someone she is 313 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,760 Speaker 1: dating parentheses not in a relationship. A few months ago, 314 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,720 Speaker 1: two of her close friends just told me, one of 315 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:23,199 Speaker 1: them a male who really cares for her. But she 316 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:27,159 Speaker 1: tells me she doesn't deserve someone so good, and she 317 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,639 Speaker 1: still hung up on the guy who beat her. I 318 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:32,840 Speaker 1: confronted her, and she's denying it. I don't know where 319 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 1: to go from here. I don't want her back into 320 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 1: a wall. I don't want to back her into a 321 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: wall and push her back to him. I'm feeling really 322 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,720 Speaker 1: guilty because I could have stopped it. I'm heartbroken, and 323 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do. And yes, I 324 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: have suggested counseling, thank you. I'm curious as to how 325 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: the dad could have stopped it. I don't know why 326 00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 1: that jumped out of me. Does the daughter in her 327 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: twenties early twenties. We don't know if this is a 328 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,960 Speaker 1: dad or not. I don't Yeah, my daughter is said 329 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 1: my daughter, right, Yeah, but it could be a mother. 330 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I guess. I just I felt I think 331 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: that this is a mother. Okay, by the way, Okay, well, 332 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 1: I'm wondering how Yeah, I'm wondering how the mother could 333 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: have stopped could have stopped it. She said, I'm feeling guilty. 334 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 1: I'm feeling really guilty because maybe I could have stopped it. 335 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: And and she lives in another state, and so I 336 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:36,960 Speaker 1: think she's just thinking hypothetically somewhere in her raising, you know, 337 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: or you know, something like that. Oh gosh, this is 338 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: hard because she is an adult and and I know 339 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,719 Speaker 1: as a mother you would want to try to protect 340 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: your daughter. But at a certain point, I mean, if 341 00:18:50,359 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: if this, if this really did happen, it needs to 342 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:55,159 Speaker 1: be reported, Yeah, for sure, Like it needs to be 343 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: reported to the police, and whether that's the whether. But 344 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,200 Speaker 1: if they call her in and she lies about it 345 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: and says it didn't happen, then nothing's gonna change. But 346 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: he'll he'll at least the guy will get a mark 347 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 1: on his record. Right well, he'll be pulled in for 348 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: questioning probably, and that counts for something. Yeah. Yeah, So 349 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: I get, like, once again, I believe this is a mother, 350 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 1: but I get I understand what she's saying about. I 351 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,200 Speaker 1: don't want to confront her and push her into a 352 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 1: wall and then back her right back into this guy. 353 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: You know, forget it, mother, you don't know. I love him, 354 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: but but hey, you have a lifeline right now with 355 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: these two close friends, right So I would I would 356 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,000 Speaker 1: get it really snugly with these two close friends of 357 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: hers because they're in the same state as the daughter. 358 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: I'm assuming, and so you got eyes on this situation, 359 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 1: I would I would have them report it hm and 360 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 1: bring them in for questioning. You're a third party now, 361 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: you're not directly involved. If if it's the two close friends, 362 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: hopefully they'll be brave enough to just do this. When 363 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: he said, one of them is a male who really 364 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 1: cares for her, but she tells him she doesn't deserve 365 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 1: someone so good, and she still hung up with the 366 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 1: guy who beat her. A lot of people listening are going, yep, 367 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 1: been there, done that. Yeah, I mean I've I was 368 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,520 Speaker 1: her too, And it's it's a sad thing when you 369 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,959 Speaker 1: feel like you don't deserve better, and not that you're 370 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: of all this worth or anything, but it's hard when 371 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 1: you when you you feel like you can change somebody, 372 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,720 Speaker 1: and you feel and and like she said, she doesn't 373 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: feel like she deserves to be loved that way. And 374 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,159 Speaker 1: the only thing you can do as a mother is 375 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:34,119 Speaker 1: pour into her and let her know her worth, but 376 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,360 Speaker 1: also lead her to God, because because she will find 377 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 1: her worth in the Lord. And I think I would 378 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:48,120 Speaker 1: I wouldn't panic because you're right to be worried. You're 379 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 1: right to email, and your right to suggest counseling. But 380 00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: I don't think it's time to absolutely panic. Here's what 381 00:20:56,080 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: I mean. I don't think she's been beaten in a 382 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: way that it shows like there's not bruises or scars 383 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,400 Speaker 1: or cuts. I don't think I'm totally assuming, but I'm 384 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: guessing that she it was like a pushed into the refrigerator, 385 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,400 Speaker 1: you know, something like that, and so it because if 386 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: it was bigger than that, the police could get involved 387 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,919 Speaker 1: and have evidence. And this guy's locked away, well this 388 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,919 Speaker 1: is probably it might have been a long time in 389 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 1: between when the mother found out, maybe, and but but 390 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: usually those small pushes lead to something more. So I 391 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,959 Speaker 1: don't want you to panic like she's gonna die. But 392 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:42,200 Speaker 1: I do think you're absolutely right that this could escalate 393 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: and probably will, and so we need to get a 394 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: hold of it fast through these two close friends. That's 395 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: if we're sitting around a campfire once again, Amber Night 396 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 1: are not and we're not going to give you the 397 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,720 Speaker 1: perfect right advice because this could go a million ways, 398 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: but I would I would have these two close friends 399 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,760 Speaker 1: report this to the police immediately. If there's bruisers or 400 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: scars or cuts, that's huge, that's huge for the case. 401 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 1: If there's not, it's good for you that she's not 402 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 1: getting too injured. But we need to unfortunately nip this 403 00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,399 Speaker 1: right now as fast as you can. And then I 404 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: would pour in pour in worth to your daughter. Yeah, like, 405 00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 1: just don't don't come at her in a way like 406 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: you could do better. You are a great girl and 407 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,160 Speaker 1: you deserve great boy. Don't don't give her that, yeah, 408 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,720 Speaker 1: because she's gonna think inside you don't know me. I'm 409 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:39,200 Speaker 1: not worth that, you don't know me. Instead, pour in 410 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 1: love to her where she is right now. Tell her 411 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 1: things like you're so brave to live in another state. 412 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: I didn't do that as a girl. You moved out 413 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,359 Speaker 1: of our home state. And you're just so independent and 414 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,119 Speaker 1: I love that about you. You know you were like 415 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: that when you're three years old. You're just so independent 416 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:02,160 Speaker 1: and so strong and so so you have so much 417 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:05,440 Speaker 1: courage to go and pursue. Maybe it's school, maybe it's 418 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:09,199 Speaker 1: a career. Pour into her that. So then instead of 419 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 1: thinking no, you don't know me. I'm actually worthless. She 420 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 1: starts thinking, I've been independent since I was three. Wow, 421 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,000 Speaker 1: I guess I am kind of independent. I guess I 422 00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,399 Speaker 1: am kind of brave. Like what if you could build 423 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 1: that up within her. Meanwhile, these two close friends are 424 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 1: reporting it. They got their eyes on her, and this 425 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: new guy is going to get pushed out just naturally. 426 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 1: And then just reiterating the fact that that you're there, 427 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:34,880 Speaker 1: and I'm sure you're telling her this all the time, 428 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: like you can always come to me, you can always 429 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,920 Speaker 1: come home. But keep doing that. I'm sure she'll roll 430 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: her eyes or hang up the phone on you, But 431 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 1: just keep doing that because one night, if something bad 432 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: happens again, she's going to remember that and she's going 433 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:47,639 Speaker 1: to call you and she's going to say I need 434 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,120 Speaker 1: to come home. And she's going to just keep pouring 435 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:51,639 Speaker 1: into her because, like I said, she's an adult and 436 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,639 Speaker 1: she has to make her own decisions. So I just, 437 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,879 Speaker 1: as a mother, just pray because prayer is so powerful. 438 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: So just keep praying and keep pouring into her, and 439 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 1: then get close with the two friends and have them 440 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,680 Speaker 1: report anything else that they see or hear. If you're 441 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: a guy that's listening. And you've ever been involved on 442 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 1: the other side of this, you are weak. You were 443 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: a coward. If this, if you have ever been led 444 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 1: down that road where you have to physically abuse a 445 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: girl in her early twenties, then you have a serious 446 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,360 Speaker 1: issue that needs help, needs fixing. You can be fixed. 447 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:36,240 Speaker 1: We're all sinners. Actually, I'm actually drinking from a coffee 448 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,320 Speaker 1: mug right here. That says wretched center. That's all of us. 449 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,760 Speaker 1: But that is a problem and it needs to be acknowledged. 450 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: With that, We're going to take a break. Podcast has 451 00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: brought to you guys today by Movement. 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Just go 511 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,280 Speaker 1: to shipstation dot com, click on the microphone at the 512 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,840 Speaker 1: top of the page and type in granger. That's shipstation 513 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 1: dot com. Enter offer code granger, Make ship happen and 514 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:43,640 Speaker 1: do like we do atye Apparel. All right, gosh, this 515 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,520 Speaker 1: has been a this has been why. This is what 516 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,480 Speaker 1: happens when you get on a podcast, Babe, I know 517 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 1: this one. Okay, this is a little more lighthearted. The 518 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,840 Speaker 1: subject line is how do I start? It? Says hey Granger. 519 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,600 Speaker 1: My name is Kayla. I'm from Benson, Utah. I want 520 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: to start my own nonprofit organization. My question for you 521 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: is how did you start the River Kelly Fund. I 522 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,920 Speaker 1: don't even know where to start. My husband, it is 523 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 1: an incomplete quadripletic and I want to be able to 524 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 1: provide medical equipment to those who can't afford it. Oh yes, yeah, 525 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:21,120 Speaker 1: incomplete quadripletic. Any advice would be appreciated. Kayla, Hey, Kayla, Okay, 526 00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,160 Speaker 1: So we had We actually had a lot of help. 527 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 1: We have a business team out a Nashville that helped 528 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 1: me set this up. So I wish I could give 529 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: you a lot better information about this, But go to 530 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 1: your trustee friend Google because you can. You can google 531 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: how to start a nonprofit. You'll have to get in 532 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: touch with with business people, with tax people. They will 533 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: help you set everything up. There was two different ways 534 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: we could have set up our fund or our foundation. 535 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 1: And if you want to start a foundation where it 536 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 1: just goes to this one cause, that's that you can 537 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 1: turn into a five oh one C three super easy. 538 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,680 Speaker 1: You also have another option to like we did with 539 00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 1: the River Kelly Fund, to be able to give to 540 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: many different organizations all five oh one C three. So 541 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,440 Speaker 1: we went that route because we wanted to help as 542 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: many different organizations as possible. In this case, you might 543 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: just want to provide medical equipment to those who can't 544 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: afford it. That's one cause that that could be something 545 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: that you could start pretty easy, but then other but 546 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 1: then after that, it's just creating a website and getting 547 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: the word out there and and starting your fundraisers. Yeah, 548 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: I'm I'm so happy for your heart, Kayleb, that you 549 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: want to do this and that you you're you have 550 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,440 Speaker 1: your love for your husband and and you want to 551 00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: be able to help others. That's amazing. Yeah. So it 552 00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: gives you purpose through through pain and it allows you 553 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: to to help your husband as well as help help 554 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,960 Speaker 1: all those other people for sure. Yeah, shout out to 555 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: our friends in Utah as well. Okay, we have I'm 556 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: gonna I'm going to read you some of these Okay, Okay. 557 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: We have a subject line called setting Family Boundaries. We 558 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 1: have one called life Sucks with No Joys, one called 559 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: Family Faith and Mental Health, and one called when do 560 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: I Quit? Where does the campfire go next? Okay, let's 561 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 1: do I gotta go with Life Sucks with No joy 562 00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 1: My name is Christian, twenty five years old from Montana. 563 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,719 Speaker 1: I've been encouraged and challenged by your podcast. I have 564 00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: so many questions that I'm struggling to find the right 565 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,000 Speaker 1: help and words to answer to my questions. My biggest 566 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 1: question that I've been dealing with over the past six 567 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:30,200 Speaker 1: years is what is real joy? I know I can 568 00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,560 Speaker 1: find joy in Jesus. I'm a believer and I love Jesus. 569 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 1: I lost my joy and confidence six years ago while 570 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,680 Speaker 1: I was dealing with suicidal thoughts and in my worst, 571 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: darkest season. I wonder now, what does it mean to 572 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: have real joy when I can't even smile anymore? Thanks 573 00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,720 Speaker 1: again for making this podcast and I look forward to 574 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: hearing more. Ye Yee Christian twenty five, Montana Shout out 575 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:59,600 Speaker 1: to Montana. It's interesting that his name is Christian when 576 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,360 Speaker 1: you say, I find it strange when people say I 577 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,040 Speaker 1: know I can find joy in Jesus, I'm a believer, 578 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: I love Jesus. It's almost like I'm doing all the things. 579 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:12,240 Speaker 1: But are you really? Do you have relationship with Jesus? 580 00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,680 Speaker 1: Because my true joy does come from Jesus. We have 581 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 1: had very dark, very dark moments in our lives, in 582 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 1: our in our family, and the only thing that is 583 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 1: that is keeping us and sustaining us is the joy 584 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 1: that comes from Jesus, I'm so sorry that you've been 585 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 1: dealing with suicidal thoughts. You're still here, and you're still 586 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: here for a purpose and for a reason. And so 587 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,240 Speaker 1: if I can encourage you, it would be to continue 588 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 1: to seek God every day. And also I just did 589 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,720 Speaker 1: and arise on this. Live a life of gratitude. Live 590 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,400 Speaker 1: a life of gratitude. Wake up every single day and 591 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,960 Speaker 1: give thanks to the Lord for the day that you've 592 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,000 Speaker 1: been given. Say three things that you're grateful for, because 593 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,760 Speaker 1: as studies have shown that you cannot have depression and 594 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 1: anxiety and the same thought as gratitude and thankfulness, So 595 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: replace any of those thoughts. I mean, I have dark 596 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: I still have dark times. I still have very sad moments. 597 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,840 Speaker 1: But in that moment we tell our daughter this, change 598 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: the channel in your mind. I immediately flip that dark 599 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 1: moment to looking around the room and saying God, thank 600 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 1: you for this day, thank you for my daughter, thank 601 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,760 Speaker 1: you for my son, thank you for my family, thank 602 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,680 Speaker 1: you for my food, just the little little things, and 603 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 1: then slowly you can you can change the it's I mean, 604 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:34,320 Speaker 1: studies have shown you change the brain chemistry and your 605 00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,520 Speaker 1: brain if you only focus on the negative things. You 606 00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: can slowly flip that back to being able to find 607 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:44,320 Speaker 1: the joy in everyday things. Christian, I could once again 608 00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: validate your question. Right, it's a it's a great question, 609 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 1: and it's normal. It's a normal question. So far, I 610 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 1: don't ever get questions on this podcast that I think 611 00:33:56,320 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: to myself, ooh, that's that's strange, weird way to think 612 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: of things. Christian, you're twenty five year a quarter of 613 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,960 Speaker 1: a century old. You're old, dude. Now, I'm just kidding. Hey, 614 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:13,759 Speaker 1: your question is very normal for a human to think, 615 00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: not to make it small. It's a big question, but 616 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: it's also common. You're searching for joy. You're twenty five, 617 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,680 Speaker 1: You're at an age. They call it the quarter life crisis, 618 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,560 Speaker 1: Like you're at an age when it just you're trying 619 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,360 Speaker 1: to you're at like at this cusp of who am I? 620 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,480 Speaker 1: What am I gonna do? Like what's my mark on 621 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,960 Speaker 1: this earth? And maybe you're married, maybe you have kids. 622 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, but that's all kind of part of it. 623 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 1: It's like, am I gonna have children? Am I gonna 624 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,839 Speaker 1: be like a family man? Or am I gonna be 625 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,440 Speaker 1: like a career guy? Am I gonna be a CEO, 626 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,360 Speaker 1: or am I gonna be a servant to someone in 627 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 1: the rest of my life? Who am I? What are 628 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,920 Speaker 1: my skills? I don't feel like I really am really 629 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,360 Speaker 1: good at anything. This is me, this is me talking. 630 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,359 Speaker 1: I've been in time and I'm like, man, I could 631 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,880 Speaker 1: do a lot of things decently, but what could I 632 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: do really good? And hey? That like as a musician, 633 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,239 Speaker 1: I'm saying the same thing like I was saying that 634 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:15,719 Speaker 1: back then. So so your age and whatever you have 635 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 1: going on in your life, these are these are things 636 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:23,120 Speaker 1: that are common thoughts when you're dealing. And I'm gonna 637 00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,000 Speaker 1: echo what Amber was saying about the Jesus comment. I've 638 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 1: said that kind of stuff before. I'm I mean, I'm 639 00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,799 Speaker 1: a believer. I love Jesus. But but but but but 640 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 1: there's always a butt you need worship in your life 641 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: because that gratefulness and gratitude is the two things you 642 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,360 Speaker 1: said that Amber said cannot exist in your brain and 643 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:49,120 Speaker 1: the same thought as depression. Worship is what we were 644 00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:53,640 Speaker 1: made to do. Humans were made to worship, and we're 645 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:58,239 Speaker 1: also made to not be worshiped. We can't be worshiped. 646 00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:00,960 Speaker 1: We in fact go crazy if we're worshiped. Look at 647 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,560 Speaker 1: people like Elvis, like the big the big human, big 648 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: famous people in life that got so big and they 649 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: were worshiped, they corrupted from the inside out and it 650 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,759 Speaker 1: usually ends up killing them because it's so weird. Right, 651 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 1: we cannot be worshiped, but we are made to worship. 652 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 1: So what does that mean. I'm gonna take you back 653 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 1: to the couple questions ago when I was talking about 654 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,160 Speaker 1: the psalms. If you just read through some of these psalms, 655 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,840 Speaker 1: it doesn't take very long to find they are always 656 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:35,200 Speaker 1: based on worship, worship, remembering, remembering creation, think about an eyeball. 657 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,960 Speaker 1: I said this on Pastor Chad's podcast the other day. 658 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,280 Speaker 1: We were Amber and I were sitting there eating pizza 659 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,960 Speaker 1: the other day and we were trying to figure out 660 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,520 Speaker 1: what color are Maverick's eyes. Are they green? Are they brown? 661 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,359 Speaker 1: Are they maybe blue? Or they teal? Because they haven't 662 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,359 Speaker 1: really defined themselves yet. And so we were looking really 663 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,400 Speaker 1: close and you guys are taking pictures of his eyes 664 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:59,799 Speaker 1: with the iPhone, ironically the iPhone, so and then we 665 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,799 Speaker 1: were zooming in and it made me think, oh, yeah, 666 00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,680 Speaker 1: I remember, there's this website that you can go to 667 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,040 Speaker 1: that has close up pictures of eyeballs, and it's incredible. 668 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,800 Speaker 1: You guys can google it right now, Google up close 669 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,719 Speaker 1: eyeball on your phones and do an image search and 670 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:20,759 Speaker 1: look at these images. It's absolutely incredible what your eyeball is. 671 00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:25,000 Speaker 1: The intricacy, it is crazy. The detail. It looks like 672 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:29,800 Speaker 1: the Grand Canyon, like Saturn meets the Grand Canyon with colors, 673 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,960 Speaker 1: and like the retina, the black retina in her eyes 674 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:38,319 Speaker 1: is actually a cavern that goes in so that all 675 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,640 Speaker 1: the eye, the colored part whatever, the part that is, 676 00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: what's that part called I don't know, forgot It rolls 677 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,800 Speaker 1: in like a not the iris, like into a cave 678 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 1: with these billions of like veins and crevices and and 679 00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,800 Speaker 1: like so they're all different colors and they be guys, 680 00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,640 Speaker 1: that's worship right there, because you look at that and 681 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:08,520 Speaker 1: you go, God, how how this un unbelievable what you 682 00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,520 Speaker 1: did to an eyeball? And that's just part of it, 683 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:17,840 Speaker 1: that's a tiny part of this of creation. So Christian, 684 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,959 Speaker 1: when you start thinking about stuff like that, you start 685 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,319 Speaker 1: meditating on that and you make that part of your 686 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,879 Speaker 1: prayer and you start thinking to yourself, God, you did 687 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 1: all this, you built this, you created this. You founded this, 688 00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 1: you planned this, you ordained this, you aligned this. You 689 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:36,800 Speaker 1: I mean, you did all of this in your hands. 690 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,400 Speaker 1: What are you capable of doing with my life? What 691 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,799 Speaker 1: are you capable of doing anything? So you know what, 692 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,279 Speaker 1: I'll give it to you. I don't want to do 693 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,719 Speaker 1: it anymore. I can't do it. You made eyeballs, you 694 00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:52,399 Speaker 1: do it. I give it to you. I trust you 695 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:56,080 Speaker 1: in faith. You take it all, take it all. Lead me. 696 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 1: I'll follow you, I'll pursue you. I'll let me be 697 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:04,759 Speaker 1: your serve, let me be your your minion, albeit I'm 698 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,320 Speaker 1: your sheep and your pasture. When you have an idea 699 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:13,200 Speaker 1: like that, when that, when that rolls over your mind, Christian, 700 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:20,439 Speaker 1: everything changes. You become You become a worshiper instead of 701 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 1: instead of Caughton depression. You can't be depressed. You cannot 702 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,320 Speaker 1: be depressed. And think of the creator of the universe 703 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 1: and what he did and what he's capable of doing, 704 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,879 Speaker 1: and that out of all that, the guy that made 705 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:38,279 Speaker 1: the eyeball is capable of having a relationship with you 706 00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 1: and listening to you and what you got, and he's 707 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,960 Speaker 1: interested in what you have going on in your life. 708 00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:52,680 Speaker 1: In this small fragment of time and history. That is unbelievable. 709 00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:59,560 Speaker 1: There is no suicidal thoughts or darkness or depression inside 710 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:07,080 Speaker 1: that kind of mentality, So take yourself there. I can't 711 00:40:07,080 --> 00:40:13,479 Speaker 1: follow up anything with that. All right, let's shift gears 712 00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,799 Speaker 1: setting family boundaries, marriage, faith, and mental health are when 713 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:21,760 Speaker 1: do I quit your picks setting family boundaries? Oh? Okay, 714 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:26,080 Speaker 1: as the in laws are taking care of rat, says 715 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,719 Speaker 1: hey Granger. My name is Amanda from South Austin. My 716 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,480 Speaker 1: question to you is what is a healthy, good way 717 00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,160 Speaker 1: to start the conversation about boundaries to have with the family, 718 00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:39,200 Speaker 1: mainly parents. I have two scenarios. One my mom has 719 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,120 Speaker 1: terrible body issues and that has trickled down to me. 720 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:46,359 Speaker 1: She's a naturally thin person and I take after my dad, 721 00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,000 Speaker 1: so I'm not I've taken a lot of time to 722 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: reflect and learn to love myself and my body God 723 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,759 Speaker 1: gave me. But every time she mentions her weight or 724 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,399 Speaker 1: clothing size her, it makes me revert back to I'm 725 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:00,759 Speaker 1: not good enough because I'm not going to be ever 726 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,920 Speaker 1: be that small. With the holidays and every family gathering 727 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,400 Speaker 1: revolving around food, I'm just wanting to set that boundary 728 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 1: with her about bringing up food weight size scenario two 729 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:17,920 Speaker 1: in laws with my daughter setting a real realistic expectation 730 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:21,640 Speaker 1: of how things will be when they live closer to us. 731 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,680 Speaker 1: They currently see their grandkids every day because their mom 732 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,120 Speaker 1: works nights and so they live with them, and that 733 00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,839 Speaker 1: isn't the case for our family. We also don't want 734 00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: sleepovers with them because they drink and smoke around our kids. 735 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,680 Speaker 1: A good way to have that conversation with them, What's 736 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:40,759 Speaker 1: a good way to have that conversation with them about 737 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: these boundaries. It comes from Amanda from South Austin. Okay, 738 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,160 Speaker 1: do we want to start with the weight? Yeah, we'll 739 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,719 Speaker 1: start with the way she ordered it. I think it's 740 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,080 Speaker 1: like you say in every podcast, it's all about a conversation. 741 00:41:55,680 --> 00:42:01,200 Speaker 1: It's all about communication with your mom and coming from 742 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,000 Speaker 1: a place of love. And now I understand she probably 743 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,759 Speaker 1: wants you to be healthy, you know, and take care 744 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,239 Speaker 1: of yourself, and that's that's different than body shaming and 745 00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:10,840 Speaker 1: all that. I think you just have to have a 746 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,799 Speaker 1: conversation with her and just say I would like for 747 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,200 Speaker 1: us not to discuss this, you know, at a family 748 00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:19,080 Speaker 1: gathering or something like that, Like if you want to 749 00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:20,640 Speaker 1: go away with me and we can have a conversation. 750 00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:22,440 Speaker 1: That's fine, But I don't. I don't need you to 751 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,520 Speaker 1: nitpick me every time I see you, and you know, 752 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,960 Speaker 1: and let her know like her body issues have trickled 753 00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,000 Speaker 1: down into you, which could trickle down into your children. 754 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,600 Speaker 1: So it's just it's just having an open dialogue with 755 00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:36,160 Speaker 1: her about that. I mean, I've I've had some of 756 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:38,879 Speaker 1: the same issues in my family, and it's just having 757 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:42,320 Speaker 1: a conversation and if and if she does overstep those boundaries, 758 00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:44,360 Speaker 1: then you can take a step back and and not 759 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,399 Speaker 1: go for the next holiday, and then hopefully she'll understand. Okay, 760 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,600 Speaker 1: well she didn't come this time. I need to value 761 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,440 Speaker 1: what she's asking me not to do so I can 762 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:56,960 Speaker 1: see my daughter again. Yeah, I can't really speak to 763 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,400 Speaker 1: the first scenario is a guy. I don't. I mean, 764 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave to you. That's why this question is 765 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:07,640 Speaker 1: in the amber folder, because guys, we just don't really 766 00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:16,080 Speaker 1: understand body body issues from each other. If guys have 767 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,680 Speaker 1: body issues with each other, it's the opposite. It's like, 768 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:22,320 Speaker 1: come on, man, what are you doing not eating or something? 769 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,520 Speaker 1: You need to eat? A hamburger? Yeah, you like such 770 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:27,320 Speaker 1: a double standard. Okay, So the scenario two with the 771 00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:35,799 Speaker 1: in laws. Your priority is your your family, yeah, and 772 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:41,279 Speaker 1: not your in laws. And that's that's uncomfortable. It can 773 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,000 Speaker 1: be uncomfortable, especially if you're If you're you haven't been 774 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,160 Speaker 1: around them that many years, like you don't have twenty 775 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,879 Speaker 1: years under your belt with them, But your priorities them 776 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,440 Speaker 1: if you want, don't want them to have sleepovers for 777 00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,080 Speaker 1: any reason. It doesn't have to be smoking and drinking. 778 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,839 Speaker 1: It could be any reason. They have a swimming pool 779 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,560 Speaker 1: in the back without a gate. Yeah. Done, they they 780 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:04,359 Speaker 1: grandpa doesn't buckle them up in their seat belts when 781 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,920 Speaker 1: they drive a car. Done. It could be any reason. 782 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:11,000 Speaker 1: It could be totally up to you, Grandpa snores, whatever. 783 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:16,359 Speaker 1: That's your priority, your prerogative, your kids, So don't even 784 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:20,920 Speaker 1: think twice about it. I agree, your immediate concern is 785 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,480 Speaker 1: your immediate family. When you get married and become one, 786 00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:26,839 Speaker 1: you and your husband are one before God, and then 787 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:29,279 Speaker 1: it's your little family. You guys have to start have 788 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,719 Speaker 1: to start making traditions for yourselves. And if you don't 789 00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:34,399 Speaker 1: feel comfortable with something, you don't have to do anything 790 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,480 Speaker 1: you don't want to do. It's like Granger said, it's 791 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,960 Speaker 1: not like they have these rights. And I'm not saying 792 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,200 Speaker 1: anything negative about about the grandparents, because yes, you want 793 00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,520 Speaker 1: them to have a relationship with your grandchildren. But if 794 00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:45,440 Speaker 1: you're not comfortable with something, you just say, this is 795 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:48,640 Speaker 1: how we do it in our family. You raised me 796 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:50,560 Speaker 1: and did things how you wanted to do in our 797 00:44:50,560 --> 00:44:53,319 Speaker 1: immediate family, and now it's my turn do it with 798 00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,040 Speaker 1: love and with grace. But they have to kind of 799 00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:59,640 Speaker 1: understand that. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Amanda. That's a great question. 800 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,080 Speaker 1: And I hope this question came in November, so I 801 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 1: hope that it worked out Christmas all right, I think 802 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:13,520 Speaker 1: you get one left. When to do When do I quit? Yeah? Hey, Grangeer, 803 00:45:14,880 --> 00:45:16,759 Speaker 1: I would love to have I'd love to talk to 804 00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:21,200 Speaker 1: you about this with Amber. Okay, first I have to 805 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:25,360 Speaker 1: say I admire your loved and your relationship. My beautiful 806 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,640 Speaker 1: bride and I've been married almost four years at the 807 00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 1: end of this month. My wife is Rachel and I'm Aaron. 808 00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,799 Speaker 1: We are from aurum Utah. I just started my own 809 00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:37,200 Speaker 1: company installing truck accessories on the side to my regular 810 00:45:37,280 --> 00:45:40,640 Speaker 1: nine to five. I really want to work for myself 811 00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:43,280 Speaker 1: and create something amazing and be able to create jobs 812 00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,880 Speaker 1: for many others and prove that all that for my family. 813 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,839 Speaker 1: I have always had the need to have a bigger goal, 814 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,280 Speaker 1: the next step and moving towards being better my job now. 815 00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,640 Speaker 1: I've had very high hopes and promises until this new 816 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,280 Speaker 1: guy hired that's in charge, and I feel very disrespected 817 00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:06,600 Speaker 1: and underminded about my abilities. I've sat down with him 818 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:10,319 Speaker 1: to talk about why this is and why he is 819 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,320 Speaker 1: this way, and he wouldn't say. He was just defensive 820 00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,719 Speaker 1: and told me all the things that he that he 821 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,360 Speaker 1: has done to make my job easier. I'm at a 822 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,759 Speaker 1: dead end here and it's only been since December of 823 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,120 Speaker 1: last year that we started the company. I hated coming 824 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:27,960 Speaker 1: to work and all I can think about is my 825 00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:31,319 Speaker 1: own new company. I really want to quit and just 826 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,880 Speaker 1: put all my efforts into this. Amazing wife says she 827 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:37,319 Speaker 1: will support me and whatever I choose for me. It's 828 00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,560 Speaker 1: super scary to go on my own and I have 829 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:42,640 Speaker 1: to put myself in her shoes. I would be scared 830 00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:44,520 Speaker 1: out of my mind if I were her. My question 831 00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:46,759 Speaker 1: is to you, is this, how do I know when 832 00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,000 Speaker 1: is the time to quit my job? And for Amber, 833 00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:51,920 Speaker 1: what are some ways I can make my wife feel 834 00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:56,480 Speaker 1: that God and her always come first. That and to 835 00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,640 Speaker 1: help her not to feel scared and to worry that 836 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:04,720 Speaker 1: this will all work out. It says parentheses. In the past, 837 00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,359 Speaker 1: I have, I have not been the best husband, and 838 00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:16,359 Speaker 1: I have in the past I have, it says met Ben. 839 00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,680 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, he said, he meant to say not been 840 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,480 Speaker 1: the best husband, and how I have treated her in 841 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:25,440 Speaker 1: my priorities. I was way too self absorbed and selfish 842 00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:28,799 Speaker 1: and at the end and it almost ended our marriage. 843 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:31,280 Speaker 1: I want to prove to her that I have changed 844 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,920 Speaker 1: and I'm continuing to change. Love you guys so much 845 00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:40,560 Speaker 1: Erin Okay, In there, he said, she said she will 846 00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:45,799 Speaker 1: support him no matter what. Yeah, I mean, it's kind 847 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,960 Speaker 1: of one of those questions where you I'm going to 848 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:49,839 Speaker 1: let you lead with this because I'm going to see 849 00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:51,880 Speaker 1: what advice you give, and then I'll go, yeah, I 850 00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:53,600 Speaker 1: want to start, Aaron. I want to start with this 851 00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,680 Speaker 1: new guy, the new guy that came to the old job, 852 00:47:55,719 --> 00:48:02,920 Speaker 1: the nine to five. I wouldn't be so quick to say, boom, 853 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:05,640 Speaker 1: I'm quitting. This guy's an idiot. I'm quitting. I'm gonna 854 00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:08,080 Speaker 1: go off and start my own my truck accessory business 855 00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 1: and get this thing off the ground. It might not 856 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,360 Speaker 1: be time to do that yet. And I believe you 857 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,319 Speaker 1: wouldn't have to ask me if you knew it was 858 00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:18,040 Speaker 1: time to start that truck accessory company on its own. 859 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,799 Speaker 1: I know you started it to go full time into that. 860 00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,560 Speaker 1: I don't think you'd have to ask me. You just know. Hey, 861 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:27,359 Speaker 1: how do you know it's making this much money? It's 862 00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:32,440 Speaker 1: making X amount of dollars right right now. And my 863 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:38,840 Speaker 1: buddy at arms Family YouTube channel, right, Daniel Arms was 864 00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:42,920 Speaker 1: a state trooper in Oklahoma and he was doing YouTube 865 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,640 Speaker 1: on the side and he wanted to be a YouTuber, 866 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,279 Speaker 1: so he worked and worked and worked. And this is 867 00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,200 Speaker 1: the same thing with the YouTuber Sean at Keeping It Dutch. 868 00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,400 Speaker 1: Same thing these both these guys had parallel situations where 869 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,880 Speaker 1: Daniel was working a job as a state trooper and 870 00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,800 Speaker 1: he was he needed the YouTube revenue to get to 871 00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:03,799 Speaker 1: a certain amount. What's the amount? Probably the amount that 872 00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,720 Speaker 1: to pay the bills. You know, everyone has a number 873 00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,200 Speaker 1: of budget each month that they need to hit to 874 00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:11,480 Speaker 1: pay the bills and to have a little extra for 875 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,040 Speaker 1: groceries and a little bit of spending money extra. So 876 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,520 Speaker 1: when you hit that number, boom, say bye. Bye to 877 00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:22,080 Speaker 1: the nine to five. We know a lot of people 878 00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:25,520 Speaker 1: like this. I don't think Aaron, I don't think you're 879 00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,560 Speaker 1: there yet, or you would have said that, you would 880 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,680 Speaker 1: have been like, I make really good money in the 881 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:32,400 Speaker 1: new company and I don't need the old so I 882 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,439 Speaker 1: think great. But I think the problem is this new 883 00:49:35,480 --> 00:49:43,640 Speaker 1: guy that the new boss. And we cannot change another person, 884 00:49:44,640 --> 00:49:48,080 Speaker 1: but we could change our perspective. We could change how 885 00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:51,600 Speaker 1: we react to them. So you are not going to 886 00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:55,919 Speaker 1: change this new guy. You're not going to convince him 887 00:49:56,000 --> 00:49:59,720 Speaker 1: that you're someone that he didn't see in the first place. 888 00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:04,839 Speaker 1: All you can do erin is change your perspective of 889 00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:10,160 Speaker 1: where he's coming from and his situation. Maybe he's fighting 890 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,799 Speaker 1: for his job. Maybe he came into the situation and 891 00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,600 Speaker 1: he's underqualified and he's trying to puff up as much 892 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,560 Speaker 1: as he can because he feels intimidated by you. Maybe 893 00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,799 Speaker 1: he feels like he's better suited at another job, but 894 00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:23,520 Speaker 1: this is the only thing he could get right now 895 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,160 Speaker 1: to pay the bills because he has medical bills to 896 00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,480 Speaker 1: pay for his mother. I'm just saying there's a million 897 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,880 Speaker 1: different scenarios, but you can't change any of it. You 898 00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,440 Speaker 1: could only change how you react and how you perceive him. 899 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:40,040 Speaker 1: So I would go in on Monday morning as a 900 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:43,359 Speaker 1: new man, Aaron to the nine to five, and don't 901 00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:46,640 Speaker 1: come in as a new man that's secretly gonna quit 902 00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:50,920 Speaker 1: and start his truck accessory full time, and don't brag 903 00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:55,279 Speaker 1: about that because it's not here yet. So walk in 904 00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:59,320 Speaker 1: Monday morning with this new boss and just be like mim, 905 00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:03,680 Speaker 1: I know things been a little weird and I've done 906 00:51:03,680 --> 00:51:06,000 Speaker 1: a lot of thinking about this, and I want to 907 00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,680 Speaker 1: start new. I want to start new. You're the boss. 908 00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,560 Speaker 1: I want to listen to what you say. I've been 909 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:14,080 Speaker 1: here for a long time, but I'm totally open to 910 00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,040 Speaker 1: change the way I operate. I don't want to be 911 00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,120 Speaker 1: stuck in a rut doing the same thing that I've 912 00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,399 Speaker 1: been doing just because I thought that was the right way. 913 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,759 Speaker 1: I want your perspective. If you you say that you're 914 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:25,759 Speaker 1: trying to make my life easier, and I just want 915 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:27,759 Speaker 1: to say thank you because I need it. I need 916 00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:30,880 Speaker 1: a life that's easier. And so, how how could I 917 00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:33,640 Speaker 1: make your life better? How could I serve you? How 918 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:36,200 Speaker 1: could I be a better employee to you? What do 919 00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:41,120 Speaker 1: you need from me? Pour into him serve him, pour 920 00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,799 Speaker 1: into him, be grateful for him, thankful for him, kind 921 00:51:44,320 --> 00:51:49,080 Speaker 1: to him, pour into him right, and watch how he 922 00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:53,160 Speaker 1: pours back into you. Yeah, I was going to say, 923 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,560 Speaker 1: you said in your question, my job I am in 924 00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,399 Speaker 1: now had very high hopes and promises until we had 925 00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,560 Speaker 1: a new guy hired. So it sounded like you enjoyed 926 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,879 Speaker 1: your job, you liked going to work, but with this 927 00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:05,520 Speaker 1: new guy, you've kind of been let down. Maybe you 928 00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:06,880 Speaker 1: were going to get a promotion and he got it 929 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,239 Speaker 1: or something. I'm not sure, but now you say now 930 00:52:09,320 --> 00:52:11,960 Speaker 1: you hate going to work. So I agree with Grainger. 931 00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:15,600 Speaker 1: I give it some time. Keep doing what you're doing 932 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:19,080 Speaker 1: on the side, keep growing that, and give yourself like 933 00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:21,480 Speaker 1: a goal six months, a year or something. And then 934 00:52:21,520 --> 00:52:23,239 Speaker 1: if you're still feeling the way that you're feeling after 935 00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,120 Speaker 1: you've been pouring into this new guy, setting aside your pride, 936 00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:29,759 Speaker 1: I feel like I feel a little pride coming from you. 937 00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,239 Speaker 1: Set aside your pride. I know it can be hard 938 00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,720 Speaker 1: when maybe he got the job you wanted or something, 939 00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,359 Speaker 1: But like Granger said, go in, pour into him, keep 940 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,560 Speaker 1: doing what you're doing on the side, hopefully growing that, 941 00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,000 Speaker 1: and then you'll either find a new love for your 942 00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,560 Speaker 1: current job or your dream job on the side of 943 00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:47,239 Speaker 1: what you want to do on your own grows and 944 00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,719 Speaker 1: gets bigger and then you'll know. But don't make any 945 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,360 Speaker 1: rash decisions. And you know, I commend your wife for 946 00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:55,160 Speaker 1: saying that she would support you no matter what, because 947 00:52:55,280 --> 00:52:57,680 Speaker 1: I say the same thing to Granger. But be smart 948 00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:00,920 Speaker 1: and dial down your a little bit. I feel like 949 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,480 Speaker 1: that maybe what's what's kind of getting to you. Good 950 00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,400 Speaker 1: luck to you erin currently you have you have good problems, buddy, 951 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:07,879 Speaker 1: These are good. These are good. This is a good 952 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:12,319 Speaker 1: situation you're in because you get you have options and 953 00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,120 Speaker 1: and you're on a path to be doing what you 954 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:18,719 Speaker 1: love for work and and at home at the same time. 955 00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:23,120 Speaker 1: So thank you guys for your questions. Yeah, we love 956 00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,080 Speaker 1: you guys. It's it's it's amazing to sit next to 957 00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,160 Speaker 1: you at the table again. I miss it. You're gonna 958 00:53:28,160 --> 00:53:31,399 Speaker 1: have to go back to your baby here. We love 959 00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:33,879 Speaker 1: you guys. We'll see you next episode every Monday. Yeee. 960 00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:36,520 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I 961 00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:39,160 Speaker 1: appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out 962 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:42,520 Speaker 1: by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, 963 00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:46,000 Speaker 1: subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and 964 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,880 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 965 00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,360 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 966 00:53:52,400 --> 00:53:56,399 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Graingersmith Podcast at 967 00:53:56,440 --> 00:53:58,880 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yie