Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called Defecto or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, This very podcast which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. Avail every
Speaker 1: rust your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right
Speaker 1: now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. Go
Speaker 1: listen to see by. There's a delusional quality that all
Speaker 1: successful people have, and when it comes to my dreams,
Speaker 1: I'm a lunatic and there's nothing like being able to
Speaker 1: watch your dreams, my dreams, our dreams unfold together after
Speaker 1: seventeen years. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellis. You
Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos with our boys
Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need derby most days. And one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: ass is a term that we say every day. Where
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hun
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 1: We're about to take Phillow's off to a whole new level.
Speaker 1: Dead ask starts. Now. This past year has been like
Speaker 1: the greatest year for the ellis Is when it comes
Speaker 1: to dreaming and manifestations. And the beginning of October, after
Speaker 1: I'd already rapped shooting my first season of Sisters of
Speaker 1: Tyler Perry, we got an invitation in the mail for
Speaker 1: his grand opening for the studio acres of land he
Speaker 1: owns former Confederate Army base now owned by one black man.
Speaker 1: And we looked at the people who are going to
Speaker 1: be invited, uh Cicily, Tyson, will Smith, Denzel Washington, Oprah Winfrey, Hollyberry,
Speaker 1: Whoopie Goldberg, the late John Singleton, just a few names
Speaker 1: that were being dedicated to the twelve sound stages. Everybody
Speaker 1: in Black Hollywood is there, and we're in the John
Speaker 1: Singleton sound stage and and the doors opened to the
Speaker 1: sound stage. Everyone was in tears, but um they opened
Speaker 1: the doors to the sound stage and there's a three
Speaker 1: hundred yard red carpet forty yards wide from the beginning
Speaker 1: of sound stage one of sound stage twelve, which was
Speaker 1: John Singleton, to sound stage to our which is over
Speaker 1: one free and we're walking back and forth dedicating each
Speaker 1: sound stage to the people who were there. And I
Speaker 1: remember looking to my right and it was Puffy. It
Speaker 1: was usher and ludicrous, and I remember Puffy looking up
Speaker 1: and saying, this ship is crazy. Then looking to you,
Speaker 1: looking to my left and seeing jay Z and Beyonce
Speaker 1: standing right next to us. And at that point I
Speaker 1: said to myself, how did we get here to dream
Speaker 1: the impossible dream? You go, girl to fight the unbeatable
Speaker 1: fun sang sang too bad with unbearable sorrow. Oh isn't
Speaker 1: it such a good song. It is such a great song.
Speaker 1: Oh God, the impossible to dream, the impossible dream. How
Speaker 1: often do dreams seem so impossible, so IMPOSSI oh man,
Speaker 1: just some telling that that small snippet of what was
Speaker 1: an amazing weekend almost brings me to tears now. And
Speaker 1: I'm just literally saying the same thing and feeling the
Speaker 1: same thing, and thinking about how I felt in that moment,
Speaker 1: and talk about being a good company man like devout.
Speaker 1: Literally I was alongside him the entire time and just
Speaker 1: holding his hand and we're walking. We held hands the
Speaker 1: entire time. Yeah, and like just moments where we like
Speaker 1: squeeze squeeze each other's hands because we'd recognize like some
Speaker 1: other amazing person who was just standing in the same
Speaker 1: area as us, and we just wondered, like how do
Speaker 1: we get here? But it was also a moment of
Speaker 1: confirmation that felt like, man, all this work, all this
Speaker 1: work for all of the year, like we're supposed to
Speaker 1: be here. Culminated by a ten minute conversation with Will
Speaker 1: Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith life made it was insane.
Speaker 1: It was insane, And it's funny because I remember being
Speaker 1: young and saying to myself living in Brooklyn that where
Speaker 1: I exist now is where my life is going. It's
Speaker 1: not where my life is going to be this, I'm
Speaker 1: not going to end up here, you know, like I'm
Speaker 1: just not going to remember a child, Yes, I remember
Speaker 1: being a child, small child, saying am I going to
Speaker 1: play in the NBA? Am I going to be in
Speaker 1: the NFL catching touchdowns like Jerry Rice? Or am I
Speaker 1: going to be on stage dancing making people laugh, singing?
Speaker 1: Like I just knew that there was something greater for
Speaker 1: me that had nothing to do with me, But I
Speaker 1: just felt my whole life that there was something greater
Speaker 1: than I was supposed to do and it ended up
Speaker 1: turning into TV film. Because when I used to go
Speaker 1: to Morristown, Tennessee, and in summertimes, if it's my grandparents, um,
Speaker 1: the Boys and Girls Club had a basketball court that
Speaker 1: had a billiards lounge, and they also had a performing
Speaker 1: arts center and I used to always go to Performing
Speaker 1: Arts Center and I would dance, rap due plays and
Speaker 1: acting was always something that I wanted to do and
Speaker 1: I always felt my whole life like I'm not going
Speaker 1: to stop until I get to where I want to be.
Speaker 1: And being at that dinner the Tyler Perry opening was
Speaker 1: like the first step. Like that wasn't the culmination of
Speaker 1: my career, that was the beginning. And I honestly feel
Speaker 1: that now. Yeah. I mean I was on stage at
Speaker 1: a young age too. Um. I started dancing at three
Speaker 1: years old, and I think that's kind of like the
Speaker 1: thing that you do when you have a daughter. It's like,
Speaker 1: let's go and dance school, um, and then let's see
Speaker 1: if it becomes a thing. And I was dancing since
Speaker 1: that was three. Started dancing competitively when I was about ten. Um,
Speaker 1: and I'll never forget one day I got a pamphlet
Speaker 1: in the mail from American co ed pageants and I
Speaker 1: saw it and I remember always liking to watch Miss
Speaker 1: America with my mom. Of course, Venea Williams was like
Speaker 1: my most favorite um Miss America ever and thinking to myself, Wow,
Speaker 1: like the beautiful gowns and being on stage and the
Speaker 1: pretty crown and the swimsuits like those are those are
Speaker 1: always things that I looked at and I kind of admired,
Speaker 1: like the the confidence these women had to be on
Speaker 1: stage and they were all so well spoken, and I
Speaker 1: remember looking at that as a young girl, thinking wow,
Speaker 1: I'd love to do that one day. UM. So I
Speaker 1: got this pamphlet in the mail when I was ten
Speaker 1: years old for the Miss New York preteen pageant, and
Speaker 1: I remember taking it to my mom and dad and
Speaker 1: saying like, hey, I want to do this, um you
Speaker 1: know believe you let me compete. And you know, my
Speaker 1: dad was kind of like, oh, you don't have to
Speaker 1: bother with that, Like he wasn't. No, my father's not
Speaker 1: he's very practical, like us is gonna get you are,
Speaker 1: you're gonna make money doing it? You know, it's about
Speaker 1: your school work, you know, attend to remember saying, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's a scholarship pageant, and I know scholarship
Speaker 1: meant money, so I was like, well, I can win
Speaker 1: money and I could put that in a bank account
Speaker 1: for college one day. So he was kind of like
Speaker 1: a still skeptical, but he's like okay, And I really
Speaker 1: wanted to do it badly. And my mom was more
Speaker 1: so the one like, well, I think this will be
Speaker 1: good exposure. She saw they had an interview portion of
Speaker 1: the competition, so she said, you know what, this will
Speaker 1: get you in front of people talking. You're not going
Speaker 1: to be shy, you won't have to be scared of
Speaker 1: public speaking, and if you really want to do it,
Speaker 1: we'll do it. And being on stage and feeling that
Speaker 1: rush and performing in front of people in front of
Speaker 1: an audience and speaking and public speaking became a thing
Speaker 1: that was just natural for me and yeah, thank you,
Speaker 1: and I kind of had a knack for it, and
Speaker 1: at that moment I knew that chances are I wasn't
Speaker 1: going to go the route The entire family went medically
Speaker 1: into medicine. Um. Though, at pageants when they asked me
Speaker 1: what I wanted to be, I always had a pediatrician
Speaker 1: because I felt like, you know, that was what I
Speaker 1: was supposed to do. You know, my aunt was a pediatrician,
Speaker 1: my uncle was a doctor, my mom is a nerves
Speaker 1: my father's a lab tech. Like it made sense, Um,
Speaker 1: But I always knew deep down that that was not
Speaker 1: going to be in my path. So here's a question
Speaker 1: I have for you. UM, did you did you always
Speaker 1: believe in manifesting? Did you always believe that I have
Speaker 1: to believe this, say it out loud, claim it in
Speaker 1: order for it to work, or did you feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: these are just necessary steps. I had to tell no,
Speaker 1: I was never a manifest er. I was never, um,
Speaker 1: the person who felt about it, felt it was necessary,
Speaker 1: or there was value per se in saying these things aloud.
Speaker 1: This is not something that I learned actually until like
Speaker 1: maybe a couple of years ago. To be honest, Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I was raised seven day events in the church,
Speaker 1: so you prayed for things that you wanted, and when
Speaker 1: you did pray for things, you had to work. Is
Speaker 1: a different type of man that afferent, right exactly. So
Speaker 1: when I speak of manifestation as in like Africa affirmations
Speaker 1: a loud things like that, not necessarily the spiritual side
Speaker 1: of things that for me wasn't a thing, but just
Speaker 1: praying on things and being able to do the work.
Speaker 1: That was something that I believed in and something that
Speaker 1: I did as a child, and I still can continue
Speaker 1: to do that as an adult, coupled with other things
Speaker 1: as in verbal affirmation, speaking things into existence, and then
Speaker 1: also having to develop the work ethic to work towards
Speaker 1: those things. From the time I was five, I felt
Speaker 1: like I could do anything that I ever wanted to do. Mhm.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget that early because I remember being in
Speaker 1: Miss Bradshaw's class and they're being a bar Remember we
Speaker 1: should have the chin up tests. There was a bar
Speaker 1: on the wall and no one in the kindergarten class
Speaker 1: or the first grade class could get to the bar
Speaker 1: without Mr Smith lifting them up and putting them on
Speaker 1: the bar. And I remember being in kindergarten, and I
Speaker 1: remember looking at the bar saying like I can reach that.
Speaker 1: Like I remember saying that I can be used to
Speaker 1: I can reach that. And I remember the kids and
Speaker 1: this is the thing, like I remember so vividly. I
Speaker 1: remember the kids like trying to reach, just jump and
Speaker 1: trying and didn't get nowhere close. And I remember running
Speaker 1: and jem and I was always very athletic cause I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be the person to get it, you know.
Speaker 1: By the end of the year, I figured out that
Speaker 1: if I had run and jumped and kicked off the wall,
Speaker 1: I could kick off the wall and grab it. And
Speaker 1: I remember being able to run and grab it, and
Speaker 1: it was a big deal. Mr Smith used to have
Speaker 1: me do that to other people, like he would be
Speaker 1: like I would be in gym class and he would
Speaker 1: be like, yo, Ellis, Ellis, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: go go get the chin up bar. And I remember
Speaker 1: seeing the kids, can remember the kids coming in there
Speaker 1: and I run and I run full speed and I
Speaker 1: kick off the wall and grab the bar, and I
Speaker 1: remember the kids going yo. And I remember that point
Speaker 1: in my life being a point where I said, yo,
Speaker 1: I can't do anything I want to do, you know,
Speaker 1: I just gotta figure it out. And from that point
Speaker 1: on to the rest of my life, any time I
Speaker 1: said you know what, I'm gonna do something, I just
Speaker 1: did it and failed and failed and failed and failed
Speaker 1: and failed until I figured it out. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I think most people are afraid of to
Speaker 1: fail your part absolutely, and I learned if I listened
Speaker 1: to Masterpiece, that's something that to revote summit. He said
Speaker 1: in life right, you're gonna come across people, and these
Speaker 1: people are not going to root for you to win,
Speaker 1: because in our culture, especially in the in the Black
Speaker 1: American culture, we like to laugh at people who fail,
Speaker 1: you know, like we like to point out out how
Speaker 1: you failed. You failed, you failed, and it's not until
Speaker 1: you're comfortable saying in l it's not a loss, it's
Speaker 1: a lesson. Will you be able to continue to keep
Speaker 1: trying because when you failed, you didn't lose. You learned.
Speaker 1: Why didn't I get to the bar that time? Why
Speaker 1: didn't I get to the bar at that time? Oh?
Speaker 1: Maybe I should jump off my left foo, Maybe should
Speaker 1: jump off my right foot. Maybe I should do my left,
Speaker 1: then my right foot. Maybe I should reach it my
Speaker 1: right hand rather than my left, because my right hand
Speaker 1: is my strong hand. These are the things I remember
Speaker 1: saying to myself at five that if I wanted to
Speaker 1: grab it first, I would have to run and then
Speaker 1: I have to grab my right hand for us because
Speaker 1: every time I touch you with my left I can't
Speaker 1: hold it. And it was every time I missed it,
Speaker 1: I had learned something. So you had a strategy in
Speaker 1: place at that point. I had a strategy. That's that's
Speaker 1: amazing to realize that at five. And I don't even
Speaker 1: think I knew that a part that about you that
Speaker 1: was a secret secret because I didn't know that because
Speaker 1: I feel I feel kind of strange telling people, because
Speaker 1: when you say things out loud sometimes people look at
Speaker 1: you like you crazy. You know, I can remember certain
Speaker 1: things in my life that changed my perspective on things
Speaker 1: and who I was and who I was going to be.
Speaker 1: And when you say things out loud, sometimes people oh,
Speaker 1: he's full of himself. He's crazy. But even when I
Speaker 1: told people my dreams, they laughed. They laugh. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that are not meant to be said aloud.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a power sometimes and holding that in.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, And you're saying, you know what this is
Speaker 1: for me because it's about me and it's something I
Speaker 1: want to accomplish, and you feel less pressure sometimes fearing
Speaker 1: the scrutiny that you're gonna have as you make it
Speaker 1: towards that because you think about success and you think about, um,
Speaker 1: what people that means for people. You know, some people
Speaker 1: believe that success just comes from being in the right
Speaker 1: place at the right time. You know, one of the
Speaker 1: most successful people of all times in my opinion, at
Speaker 1: least Oprah when free. You look at her career and
Speaker 1: where she's come. Um, I have a quote from her,
Speaker 1: she said, UM, I believe that luck is preparation meets opportunity.
Speaker 1: If you haven't been prepared when the opportunity came along,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't have been lucky. Absolutely. So when I look
Speaker 1: at so I know when I look around at uh,
Speaker 1: you know, these times and realize that the things I've
Speaker 1: dreamed of for myself and how they've come into fruition,
Speaker 1: that I'm extremely lucky. It's really just not luck. It's
Speaker 1: just having having prepared for it. It's never ever And
Speaker 1: I think that's the missing piece for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I know. I've had moments where I just kind of
Speaker 1: wanted things to happen. One of the things that happened,
Speaker 1: I wasn't prepared to receive it at that point because
Speaker 1: I wasn't working towards it, and I can admit that
Speaker 1: for sure. Shout out to our producer because about triple.
Speaker 1: But she has a man and her mantra is everything
Speaker 1: is magic about how you have to find the magic
Speaker 1: and every opportunity that comes your way that magic moment,
Speaker 1: this magic moment, and here's a perfect opportunity. I'm at Power.
Speaker 1: I have a co star role where this is my fame.
Speaker 1: It's my claim to fame on Power. When I'm into
Speaker 1: jail and then Tommy comes up because he thinks something
Speaker 1: ghost season two episodes and I turned to Tommy and
Speaker 1: I go, you looking at that was my claim the
Speaker 1: thing right now? That was amazing sidebar because I remember
Speaker 1: everyone being like, has roll on Power, has roll on Power.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, v this is your one line though,
Speaker 1: that's your one I didn't you have another show that
Speaker 1: you did where it was just like then you're looking
Speaker 1: at it was it was the brakes where it was
Speaker 1: the brakes where I was in the lineup. I'm always
Speaker 1: in the line up. I'm always locked up whatever. So
Speaker 1: I'm in the brakes and I'll pull up and the
Speaker 1: guy says, um some dumb lines. I think he says
Speaker 1: something like, what you're looking at too, I say to him,
Speaker 1: I say to him on the brakes, what then you're
Speaker 1: talking about looking at them? Pretty much Nanny and Debbie
Speaker 1: and none of them family watching. They want to watch
Speaker 1: the vals like big TV moments where she's just like
Speaker 1: you had to cuss. My family is very old school Baptist.
Speaker 1: But I get this role and then afterwards I get
Speaker 1: a call from production at Power. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: um the value. You kind of look like Amri. Do
Speaker 1: you do stunts? And I'm like, yeah, I always lie,
Speaker 1: and I learned this in football. You lie to find
Speaker 1: out what they want to present to you. I take
Speaker 1: the job as a stunt double, and I get an
Speaker 1: opportunity for the next three years to work as a
Speaker 1: Mari Hartway's stunt double. Best thing you ever did, best
Speaker 1: thing I ever did. Because there's no acting class better
Speaker 1: than watching a lead male. You want to be a
Speaker 1: lead male. Watching a lead male work from a day
Speaker 1: to day you have to look at every situation right
Speaker 1: and you can't look in and say, oh, this is
Speaker 1: too small for me. People like to say that, oh
Speaker 1: I want to be here, that's too small for me.
Speaker 1: I went from being a half a million dollar a
Speaker 1: year athlete when I retired from the NFL to making
Speaker 1: ten dollars an hour working at Paris Speed School for
Speaker 1: two years because I wanted to learn. We lost everything.
Speaker 1: I wanted to learn how to own my own sports
Speaker 1: performance business had to start somewhere. So I had to
Speaker 1: take a very humble step back, a very very humble
Speaker 1: step back, and half a million dollars a year to
Speaker 1: ten dollars an hour. And I know a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends other people said I would have never done that,
Speaker 1: But for me, I was like, where I am now
Speaker 1: is not where I'm going to end up. Like this
Speaker 1: moment right here is not when're gonna end up. So
Speaker 1: you got to do it that moment when we got
Speaker 1: back to Brooklyn and we were in the apartment, it
Speaker 1: wasn't renovated at that time, to the apartment was looking
Speaker 1: about thirty years old. We had our suitcases with our clothes,
Speaker 1: some furniture, and um, I took we were engaged at
Speaker 1: the time, yes, and I was just like, so what
Speaker 1: we're gonna do. I was like, well, I'm gonna work
Speaker 1: at Paris and I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to
Speaker 1: the mall. You talk about taking a humble step back.
Speaker 1: We were living in a four bedroom, four bathrooms, but
Speaker 1: just fiance, living room, dining room, front yard, backyard in
Speaker 1: a cold sack. We moved back to Brooklyn. My fiance
Speaker 1: takes your wedding ring off, her engagement ring, put it
Speaker 1: on the table, gets on the b forty four, goes
Speaker 1: to work in King's Plaza mall and it was like,
Speaker 1: this is our dream. We have a dream, we have
Speaker 1: a focus. We have to start in this small moment,
Speaker 1: but we're going to get there. And what was the
Speaker 1: promise I made to you? Every year, it's going to
Speaker 1: be better than the last, the most. And that's the
Speaker 1: that's the promise you have to make to yourself when
Speaker 1: you're trying to manifest your dreams. Absolutely every year is
Speaker 1: going to be better than the last. And as long
Speaker 1: as it's better than the last, you know you're making progress.
Speaker 1: And before you know it, the floodgates open up because
Speaker 1: you honestly manifested. I used to say the k all
Speaker 1: the time, I'm gonna be a leading male, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be a leading mail. I want to act, I want
Speaker 1: to do this, I want to do the last year,
Speaker 1: you were like, I'm going to be a series regular
Speaker 1: on the show TV show. I said that last last year,
Speaker 1: and you got your last year. I said to myself,
Speaker 1: I'm going to redo my head shots and get back
Speaker 1: out there in front of the camera. You know, cast
Speaker 1: is gonna be two. We're done having kids. I want
Speaker 1: to book my first real credit on the show. So done.
Speaker 1: Just had my first in star show. There were many failures,
Speaker 1: many times we missed the bar on that remember Bigger?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we both tested. We both tested in April.
Speaker 1: Watch the blog Some of our followers probably watched that
Speaker 1: blog where we both in April of this year went
Speaker 1: to test for the show Bigger, which is on b
Speaker 1: ET Plus right now, which is an awesome show. Shout
Speaker 1: out to the cast and everybody read everyone who casts
Speaker 1: for that? It was who casts for that? Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a really great show that's airing now on BT Plus.
Speaker 1: But we both tested for roles on that show, which
Speaker 1: testing means for yours who don't know, testing is when
Speaker 1: you read in front of the network, in front of
Speaker 1: the executive producers. We read in front of Will Packer,
Speaker 1: and it's like, wow, we're right here, this is our moment,
Speaker 1: and neither one of us got picked, and I remember
Speaker 1: being in that moment when um, I know I didn't
Speaker 1: make it after like the first round, but it was
Speaker 1: the very last round and Devot was up against um
Speaker 1: another young Chase Chase for the role of Dion, and
Speaker 1: I remember Robbie calling us into the office and letting
Speaker 1: Divot know that he didn't get the role. And I
Speaker 1: could just feel like I can see the bees of
Speaker 1: sweat collecting on Devot's forehead because he felt like in
Speaker 1: that moment, like, no, you know that was a sweat, right,
Speaker 1: that was my tears, tears going back through my forehead
Speaker 1: coming out of my forehead. That's exactly what it literally
Speaker 1: wanted to cry. It's so badly because I was just like,
Speaker 1: I know how close he was and how badly he
Speaker 1: wanted that in that moment. But then you know, we
Speaker 1: picked up, We went back and say you know what
Speaker 1: Devot was for you as you it'll be for you.
Speaker 1: And then he ended up two weeks later. Two weeks later,
Speaker 1: I went't auditioned booking Sisters and in front of I
Speaker 1: read in front of Tyler Perry two weeks later in
Speaker 1: our book Sixters, and I was like, that just meant
Speaker 1: bigger and reading for Tyler Perry leaves me booking that show,
Speaker 1: going to the studio opening, and meeting some of the
Speaker 1: people that I grew up watching I met, I met
Speaker 1: and had a conversation with did he jay Z? Jay
Speaker 1: Z's Whole catalog is the soundtrack from my life from
Speaker 1: the nineties up until now. I like and he's from Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: we prown Brooklyn Knights. Like knowing everything that he's done
Speaker 1: and the fact that he's married now he has three
Speaker 1: kids and he's building an empire and he's socially conscious.
Speaker 1: It's like you look at certain people like, damn, I
Speaker 1: wonder if I can be able to do that. Then
Speaker 1: you get a chance to meet them in real life
Speaker 1: and then they just like it, what's up man? You know?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh shoot, I'm talking to jay Z
Speaker 1: and he's like, this is nice. This is really nice.
Speaker 1: The Tyler's doing for everybody, this is nice. And I'm
Speaker 1: talking to It's like I totally got like chicken and
Speaker 1: like kind of aiding get alongside her, and I was
Speaker 1: kind of like, hey girl. She's like hey, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I don't know what to
Speaker 1: say to her. I totally got start striking at that moment,
Speaker 1: which never happens to me. But that was that's big.
Speaker 1: So that leads us to your your mantra. Remember you
Speaker 1: had to make a mantra? Um, what was what was
Speaker 1: the exercise? Where were you? I? I forget, but I've
Speaker 1: know it, but I forget where you were when you
Speaker 1: made the mantra. It was my sophomore year of college
Speaker 1: at Houstra. I was taking a speech communications class and
Speaker 1: we had to read the Secret and we talked about
Speaker 1: um manifesting in the law of attraction and saying things
Speaker 1: out loud. So they was like, you should have a
Speaker 1: mission statement that you say every day so you can
Speaker 1: attract positive energy to yourself. So she wanted us to
Speaker 1: come up with It wasn't trush Shot, it was another professor,
Speaker 1: but Um, she wanted me to create a mission statement.
Speaker 1: So the mission statement was each day I worked to
Speaker 1: build a legacy, not to be defined by my greatness,
Speaker 1: but by the masses. I inspire to be greater than myself.
Speaker 1: And after class she asked, she was like, UM, what
Speaker 1: made you come up with that? You know? And I said, well, really, Stickley,
Speaker 1: I want to live forever, and she was just like,
Speaker 1: what you mean by that, I said, how do you
Speaker 1: live forever? You create a legacy, and you can only
Speaker 1: create a legacy by making the people around you better,
Speaker 1: because if you make the people around you better, those
Speaker 1: people will forever say your name. I learned that by
Speaker 1: watching Troy and Achilles was my favorite character. So Achilles
Speaker 1: always talked about wanting to live forever because he always
Speaker 1: wanted his name to be spoken about. And the only
Speaker 1: way you can speak of people will speak about you
Speaker 1: if you're a protector and if you influence people. So
Speaker 1: I always wanted to influence people to be great, and
Speaker 1: it really has nothing to do with your greatness. At
Speaker 1: that point, it doesn't matter what you did, because no
Speaker 1: matter what you do, there's always going to be someone
Speaker 1: greater that comes along and does it better than you.
Speaker 1: But if you are the person is known for influencing
Speaker 1: greatness amongst people, your name will never die. And that
Speaker 1: to me always meant so much. Think about Michael Jackson.
Speaker 1: Think think about Michael jacks Think about how many people
Speaker 1: after him have been influenced by his music. That Michael
Speaker 1: Jackson's music will never die. We have three boys. They
Speaker 1: all sit down at the computer and put in beat
Speaker 1: it and listen to beat it like they literally even
Speaker 1: down to cast on his iPad, will be listening to
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson and it's just great. It's just no, You're
Speaker 1: absolutely right. But I almost feel like it turned into
Speaker 1: I get I was interviewing you today, and I think
Speaker 1: it makes sense only because I know your story and
Speaker 1: you knew since five years old or since you were
Speaker 1: really young, that this is what she wanted to do.
Speaker 1: And I've watched all of these things kind of come
Speaker 1: to fruition, especially with your career, and it's just it's
Speaker 1: been it's been amazing to kind of watch and see.
Speaker 1: It's been amazing to be a part of what you
Speaker 1: though to be honest, because this is dead ass. And
Speaker 1: one thing I've also learned throughout life is that you
Speaker 1: understand the value in people, and I understand it. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to do anything in my life if
Speaker 1: I didn't have you here, because there were times where
Speaker 1: I didn't exactly know how I was going to get
Speaker 1: to the next step, but I knew that could be creative,
Speaker 1: and you always found a way to turn that creativity
Speaker 1: into an actual plan that worked. You know, It's funny too,
Speaker 1: because I I always. I struggled a lot with UM
Speaker 1: figuring out what my purpose is, and I think I
Speaker 1: still have moments where I wonder why what am I
Speaker 1: here for? I'm not sure what it is. What my
Speaker 1: purpose isn't just my children, because naturally, like you said
Speaker 1: in past episodes, when you become a mom, that's like
Speaker 1: your soul for focus before everything else. So it's like,
Speaker 1: it's not purpose to just be a mom? Is my
Speaker 1: purpose to be here to assist you on your journey
Speaker 1: to greatness and this legacy that we're creating for our boys.
Speaker 1: And I've struggled with figuring out what exactly it is,
Speaker 1: and I wonder sometimes can my purpose be multifaceted? Can
Speaker 1: I be here to assist you in being great? And
Speaker 1: then now that I've done having kids and I'm back
Speaker 1: in front of the camera again, now I can maybe
Speaker 1: find my purpose through acting um, you know, raising our children.
Speaker 1: But also I think about the component of other people
Speaker 1: and giving back and being able to help. And I
Speaker 1: think that's an amazing thing that we both have in common,
Speaker 1: is that we always and everything we do try to
Speaker 1: be good people to other people around us, and we
Speaker 1: think about how we will be able to help those
Speaker 1: around us, those who may not have as much even
Speaker 1: being able to help our family, Like, that's always something
Speaker 1: that we've spoken about over the years. It's never just
Speaker 1: about you, it's never just about me even never just
Speaker 1: about our children, but it's about the masses around us. Well,
Speaker 1: it's funny because I watched the movie that pretty much
Speaker 1: changed my life. Um, you haven't heard the movie called
Speaker 1: pay It Forward. It was a movie, it was. It
Speaker 1: was the movie with the dude from the sixth Sense
Speaker 1: that forgot his name, the kid from the Kid from Success.
Speaker 1: But um, he had this I forgot I wonder if
Speaker 1: that's even the name of it. But the concept was
Speaker 1: paying it forward, and he had this whole idea that
Speaker 1: if something does, if somebody does something for you and
Speaker 1: you pay him back, it stops there. I did something
Speaker 1: for you, you pay me back. That frees you of
Speaker 1: somebody doing something for you first. But if you pay
Speaker 1: it forward, and you do something for someone and that
Speaker 1: person has to pay it forward to three people, it
Speaker 1: continues to grow into the world. Think about how dope
Speaker 1: that is. Rather than saying to people, y'all, i'll give
Speaker 1: you this, but you got to pay me back, you said,
Speaker 1: you know what I'll give you this, but you gotta
Speaker 1: pay it forward. That changed I remember watching that. I
Speaker 1: think that movie changed my life. I have to find
Speaker 1: a name of the movie. But it changed my life
Speaker 1: because it made me realize how important it is to
Speaker 1: not give people back. You know, if someone gave me something,
Speaker 1: that means they probably don't need my help, but someone
Speaker 1: else may need my help. And if I can do
Speaker 1: it to someone else and then they keep moving and forward,
Speaker 1: the world will be a much better place. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And I just that recently to one's
Speaker 1: maybe one of the kids you've mentored or something. I mean,
Speaker 1: we could pay it forward on the wall at the
Speaker 1: gym them you put paid phone on the wall because
Speaker 1: I tell you I to all the kids, they will say,
Speaker 1: your coach to value. You know, I'm gonna pay you back.
Speaker 1: And I tell them on Somebody's like, I don't need
Speaker 1: your help, bro, but there's gonna be someone after you
Speaker 1: that's going to need your help. And the only way
Speaker 1: I'll help you is if you promise me that you're
Speaker 1: going to help someone else when they ask you for
Speaker 1: the help the same way, the same way I asked it.
Speaker 1: So whether it's money, whether it's advice, don't worry about
Speaker 1: paying me back. But coach Vallece, you're fifty dollars. I
Speaker 1: don't need the fifty dollars. I gave it to you.
Speaker 1: But now if someone else asked you for fifty dollars
Speaker 1: and you got it, you better not keep your hand closed.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And I think, and I
Speaker 1: think it's important for people to know too, when you're
Speaker 1: manifesting your destiny, right, especially when you talk about the
Speaker 1: kids we mentor people can't be what they can't see, right,
Speaker 1: you have to see it first. Once you see it
Speaker 1: and you know, like, this is what I want to do,
Speaker 1: that becomes the goal. You take that thing, you visualize it,
Speaker 1: and you put that somewhere where you can see it
Speaker 1: every single day. And if you wake up every day
Speaker 1: because it's easy to get distracted in this world and
Speaker 1: you lose sight of what the goal is. So when
Speaker 1: you wake up every day and you looking and you
Speaker 1: see that goal, it's like, that's why I'm doing this.
Speaker 1: That's the power behind vision that's that is the huge
Speaker 1: power behind vision boards. And you know, people, some people
Speaker 1: think a vision board has to be on your wall, right,
Speaker 1: here by your bed, and some people do that. I've
Speaker 1: never had a physical vision board, but I've had visical
Speaker 1: vision boards in my phone. There are certain things that
Speaker 1: when I opened up my phone, I see it and
Speaker 1: I say, this is what I want. Remember when I
Speaker 1: created the vision board, it was will Smith, Diddy, jay Z,
Speaker 1: and Wesley Snipes, and I said, I wanted to be
Speaker 1: a combination of these four men. And I put that
Speaker 1: in my phone and I had the picture of all
Speaker 1: four of them. And whenever I feel like I'm losing
Speaker 1: track of why I'm doing something, I go back to
Speaker 1: that picture and I say, this right here is why
Speaker 1: it's funny. I I started doing like I said. I
Speaker 1: never was the one that always like said the verbal
Speaker 1: confirmation to affirmations and stuff like that. Um, but one
Speaker 1: thing for me is I've used I've used my social
Speaker 1: media now to follow certain people. Oh yes, I feel
Speaker 1: inspire me or motivate me to be greater, who are
Speaker 1: doing things that I aspire to do and they're doing it.
Speaker 1: And that's the power of using social media for the positive.
Speaker 1: So if you look at some of my top stories,
Speaker 1: they're going to be people who motivate me. In the
Speaker 1: acting world, they motivate me to be a better mother.
Speaker 1: They voted motivate me to be a better wife, a
Speaker 1: better human being. Like, that's what I use my social
Speaker 1: media for. That That is such a dope concept because
Speaker 1: if you think about it right, social media now they
Speaker 1: have algorithms that when you click on somebody's profile or
Speaker 1: you click on certain things, they send blasts to your
Speaker 1: phone of those things. So when you're following certain things
Speaker 1: subconsciously and physically, it's always on your mind. So when
Speaker 1: you follow bullshit, when you click on bullshit, bullshits on
Speaker 1: your mind. So if you look at social media and
Speaker 1: you're following trash, your life is going to be trash. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: you need constant reminders of why you do things in life.
Speaker 1: If you look at the greatest people in the world,
Speaker 1: they're not following bullshit, they fault. They may be following
Speaker 1: five or ten people, and all of those people are
Speaker 1: doing greater things than them. Absolutely, and it's a reminder
Speaker 1: of this is where I want to be. That's so
Speaker 1: dope that you said, I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 1: That's probably the biggest for me, just because I know
Speaker 1: so much of my work is on social media, just
Speaker 1: with us creating, being content creators and all that. So
Speaker 1: we do spend a lot of time on our phone.
Speaker 1: So I think about the time that, you know, you
Speaker 1: have those moments where you're kind of just bored and
Speaker 1: aimlessly scrolling through. You think about what you're actually consuming.
Speaker 1: And I know that for a fact, there's certain people
Speaker 1: that I followed for a reason or whose whose stories
Speaker 1: I'll go to for that day because I know there's
Speaker 1: something in there that's going to motivate me or uplift me,
Speaker 1: or it's going to help me get to that next goal,
Speaker 1: whatever that is. So it's like, you know, I think
Speaker 1: about setting out maybe like a little um, a little
Speaker 1: path for people or a little something to follow, because
Speaker 1: we like to have takeaways for our listeners about what
Speaker 1: is it, what it is that you can kind of
Speaker 1: take from this and maybe apply to your life. Right,
Speaker 1: So once you decide what you want, you said that goal, Yeah,
Speaker 1: decide what you want, you set the goal. UM trible,
Speaker 1: you know you're annoying trouble, but we know. But she
Speaker 1: she gave she gave us a really cool UM acronym,
Speaker 1: which is smart. Right. Smart stands for a specific measurable,
Speaker 1: achievable relevant time bound, so all of these things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it tells you pretty much she's smart and she
Speaker 1: sees the magic in the moment, So you know, we
Speaker 1: want to I just want to break that down really
Speaker 1: quickly to kind of give people an idea of how
Speaker 1: you can apply this to whatever whatever it is you're manifesting. Right,
Speaker 1: So specific goal should be clear and specific, otherwise you
Speaker 1: won't be able to focus your efforts are really, really
Speaker 1: true motivated to achieve it. So when you're drafting up
Speaker 1: your goal, you know you should answer the first five
Speaker 1: questions right, the w questions, what do I want to accomplish?
Speaker 1: Why is the goal important? Who is involved? Where is
Speaker 1: it located? And which resources are limits are involved? It's funny,
Speaker 1: that's literally literally, this is literally what we did when
Speaker 1: I retired from the NFL. When I was trying to
Speaker 1: figure out how to get acting, it was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what is it I want to do? Okay, why do
Speaker 1: I want to do this? How do we get into it?
Speaker 1: That's when I called on Adrian because she was involved
Speaker 1: in it. It was like, who get involved with? Where
Speaker 1: is it located? Me to the city, who do I
Speaker 1: talk to this is? And which resources are involved? Like
Speaker 1: this is exactly what we do. What will limit me
Speaker 1: from that? And how can I navigate around that? Is?
Speaker 1: So that's great. Then measurable m make your goals measurable
Speaker 1: so that you can track your progress and stay motivated.
Speaker 1: Right for example, this one right here, right. If your
Speaker 1: goal is to be a stand up comedian, for example,
Speaker 1: you can say I want to understand up three times
Speaker 1: a week, So it's exercising that practicing that it's attainable
Speaker 1: and it's trackable so you know when you're making progress.
Speaker 1: That makes so much sense. I think I need. I
Speaker 1: feeled myself at that point. Absolutely I need to do
Speaker 1: that as well. And that's where my procrastination came in
Speaker 1: because I'm just like me just sitting around expecting things
Speaker 1: to happen and it's not happening. I was. I was
Speaker 1: directly impacting that proportion of my life where things just
Speaker 1: weren't happening, and I'm wondering why, Well, it's because but
Speaker 1: she wasn't working at it. You just weren't doing it.
Speaker 1: It's true, though, I mean, that's that's the hard truth,
Speaker 1: Like why isn't it happening because you aren't work Because
Speaker 1: you're not working at it? Exactly. So all these you
Speaker 1: can pray as much as you want, you can do
Speaker 1: all these verbal affirmations as much as you want, but
Speaker 1: it's not going to happen that way. Hold on faith
Speaker 1: without works. It's the truth. It doesn't matter whether you're
Speaker 1: religious or your spiritual. It is the truth. It is.
Speaker 1: I remember a quick story. My grandmother was like, um, guys,
Speaker 1: before you go to sleep, this yard needs to be cut.
Speaker 1: I said, Grandma, ma's your questions. She was like what.
Speaker 1: I was like, you believe in the Bible, right, this
Speaker 1: is me at twelve. She's like, yes, I feel smart,
Speaker 1: smart smart. I said, yes, I do believe. She said, yes,
Speaker 1: I do believe in the Bible. Where I said, well,
Speaker 1: you made us read a scripture and it said if
Speaker 1: three or more people come together and we pray, the
Speaker 1: Lord will give you what you need. So I was
Speaker 1: she was like yes. I said, so rather than us
Speaker 1: going out and cutting the yard, how about the three
Speaker 1: of us get together we prayed at the yard will
Speaker 1: be cut, and then we're gonna go play basketball. And
Speaker 1: she said about you can get your brother, y'all go pray.
Speaker 1: I don't whoop your ass, right, So I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: go outside and cut the grass. But then she was like,
Speaker 1: because the moral of the story is faith without works,
Speaker 1: is that you can pray for it, but if you
Speaker 1: don't put the work in, God will not give you
Speaker 1: the blessings you asked for without you're putting in the work.
Speaker 1: Shout out to my Nanadela Ellis. I got the I
Speaker 1: got the message. I ain't want my ass whooped. I
Speaker 1: ain't wanted dead ass. I didn't want a dead ass.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be alive. That's how we have fake
Speaker 1: grass because I'm trying to cut it so fake it's
Speaker 1: fake achievable. Your goals also needs to be realistic and attainable.
Speaker 1: The easiest way to lose motivation is by setting goals
Speaker 1: that are out of reach. To avoid that, breakdown big
Speaker 1: goals into smaller goals that will help you get there.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe your goal is to make a career change,
Speaker 1: and if you don't have those skills to make that
Speaker 1: make your viable candidate for that job, then maybe you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to kind of backtrack and see what you
Speaker 1: can do to teach yourself, get a new set of skills,
Speaker 1: get a certification, whatever your next goal is, to switch careers.
Speaker 1: Now I'm gonna have to remix this a little bit
Speaker 1: because I feel like being realistic doesn't get you anywhere
Speaker 1: in life. Like another Will Smith, the goal thing I've
Speaker 1: heard was him saying being realistic doesn't make great people.
Speaker 1: For example, the Right brothers right when they decided to
Speaker 1: talk about flying flying planes. Right, it's not realistic to
Speaker 1: think that you could take a piece of metal, bend
Speaker 1: it into a cylinder, get in it, and then fly
Speaker 1: over the ocean the ship is just not realistic. So
Speaker 1: in a way, you have to think beyond being realistic.
Speaker 1: And then that's why I'm siming a remixing. So now
Speaker 1: you know what the end goal is. Once you know
Speaker 1: what the end goal is, let's create some smaller goals,
Speaker 1: which I agree with, to get us to the final point,
Speaker 1: because you're not going to ultimately get to that unrealistic
Speaker 1: goal tomorrow. There are steps. In the case of the plane,
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, we're gonna make the metal cylinder, okay,
Speaker 1: right now, we need an engine. Okay, now we have
Speaker 1: to find gravity. Okay, that's how are we gonna do all?
Speaker 1: How we Let's let's this goal for this year is
Speaker 1: to figure out aeronautics. That's the word, right, aeronautics. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's why you're marryat and you're cute plus are relevant.
Speaker 1: Your goal should be important to you. Social media makes
Speaker 1: it easy for us to compare our lives and success
Speaker 1: to other people. That is a recipe for disaster, and
Speaker 1: sometimes that can make you think you want something that
Speaker 1: isn't for you. So comparing yourself to other people and
Speaker 1: listening to the opinions of others in your life can
Speaker 1: have you creating goals that aren't relevant to your life,
Speaker 1: your skills, or your particular interests. So set goals that
Speaker 1: align with what you want for your life. Not to
Speaker 1: say about that that's just straightforwards, just true because if
Speaker 1: you listen to if we had listened to what people
Speaker 1: told us about what we did with our social media,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't be here right now. Yes, that's it. Also,
Speaker 1: if you can put yourself to other people's life, like
Speaker 1: your homeboy could be a wrapper. He's killing getting wrap.
Speaker 1: You don't even want to wrap. Why are you even
Speaker 1: upset that he wrapping and you're not You're not even
Speaker 1: trying to wrap? There you go, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: So I get it. You got to be relevant ant,
Speaker 1: time bound, set a date, and giving yourself a dadne
Speaker 1: actually applies to creating a sense of urgency with your
Speaker 1: goals that will keep you motivated and able to prioritize
Speaker 1: how you do spend your time. And this will also
Speaker 1: help you break down your long term goals into daily
Speaker 1: actions so that ties into um measurable right and asking
Speaker 1: yourself every day what can I do to get closer
Speaker 1: to my goal? This is like super helpful. This is
Speaker 1: helpful because there's something I need people to understand. The
Speaker 1: most valuable asset you have in your life. It's time. Time.
Speaker 1: It's not money. You can always make more money, but
Speaker 1: when you're losing time, like you can't lose that. That
Speaker 1: is the most valuable asset you have in your life.
Speaker 1: So if you don't set time and Codeine and I
Speaker 1: going back and forth on this all the time because
Speaker 1: Case she's a procrastinator and I'm the opposite of a procrastinator.
Speaker 1: The minute I know something has to get done, I
Speaker 1: want to rewind and do that ship yesterday. And it
Speaker 1: can be like devout like we just found out about it.
Speaker 1: The fact that it's not done. You can't be stressed
Speaker 1: and worried about it. So there's a balance in between, right,
Speaker 1: you can't be a procrastinator at the same time, you
Speaker 1: can't be a stressful person thinking that stuff's never got
Speaker 1: done on time. You have to find that medium to
Speaker 1: where you can you know, you can get things done
Speaker 1: and still live a comfortable life and enjoy it, enjoy
Speaker 1: the moment. Like you said, I don't do enough enjoy
Speaker 1: the moment. Yes, I think that a lot. You definitely
Speaker 1: need to stop and enjoy certain moments and not let
Speaker 1: them pass you by. And these are things that you've
Speaker 1: worked for for a long time. So as we wrap
Speaker 1: things up, which I think this is amazing because this
Speaker 1: is um the last episode of season two, So we're
Speaker 1: super happy that you guys have been on this journey
Speaker 1: with us, So happy for you, happy and just being
Speaker 1: as we're getting towards the end of the year and
Speaker 1: everyone's probably now going to be making those vision boards
Speaker 1: and having those discussions. You know, we're ending the fourth
Speaker 1: quarter of the year and already looking towards two thousand
Speaker 1: twenty and everything that's out there that you are trying
Speaker 1: to achieve and the goals that are being said. Um,
Speaker 1: you mentioned the secret devot and having to read that book.
Speaker 1: I had no. I read that book as well a
Speaker 1: couple of years ago. It might it might be worth
Speaker 1: doing a little stift through again just to get a
Speaker 1: little refresher. But UM, we did pull some stuff from
Speaker 1: that UM. One being visualizing what you have now, visualizing
Speaker 1: what you want and in detail UM. And also being
Speaker 1: able to see yourself in that place UM where you
Speaker 1: want to be UM, and how making those goals are
Speaker 1: going to be real and achievable for you. And the
Speaker 1: only person that you have to conceive, the only person
Speaker 1: that you have to convince that you're capable of this
Speaker 1: is yourself. And that's the truth. And it was funny.
Speaker 1: I learned this uh mountain biking. When we were in St.
Speaker 1: Lucia mountain biking and people going down the mountains so fast,
Speaker 1: and there's a woman there, she's a professional mountain biker,
Speaker 1: and she said, UM, don't look at the rock. And
Speaker 1: I was like, what the hell does that mean? She
Speaker 1: was just like, every time I'm going down mountains with
Speaker 1: people and he hits fast, they look at the rock.
Speaker 1: Because once you look at the rock, you go towards
Speaker 1: the rock and it don't matter how many times you say,
Speaker 1: don't hit the rock, don't hit the rock, don't hit
Speaker 1: the rock. If you're focused on the rock, you're gonna
Speaker 1: hit the rock. So she said, don't even look at
Speaker 1: the rock. The rock is not there. Look at the
Speaker 1: path that you want to go. And that's what you
Speaker 1: call visualizing. You visualize where you want to go away.
Speaker 1: You see yourself because the universe is always conspiring in
Speaker 1: your favor. So since the universe is always conspiring in
Speaker 1: your favor, if you're constantly thinking about the things you
Speaker 1: don't want to happen, you don't want to happen, it
Speaker 1: doesn't that right. So all it is is just sending
Speaker 1: you all the stuff you don't want to happen. It's
Speaker 1: sending it to you, as opposed to saying I got this,
Speaker 1: I got this, I got this, And I've exercised that
Speaker 1: every time I thought about I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get this. I don't know if I'm gonna get this,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've been doing that recently. I've been
Speaker 1: doing that recently with these new auditions and new stuff,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I got this, Like I absolutely got this.
Speaker 1: Putting that out there, don't even think about it and
Speaker 1: then in turn protect your energy because sometimes too, when
Speaker 1: you know that, you're convincing yourself that you're capable and
Speaker 1: that's the only thing that matters. We're kind of tuning
Speaker 1: out everybody else who may think otherwise and being concerned
Speaker 1: with what other people think about you, your dreams and
Speaker 1: things that you're trying to achieve. So protecting your energy
Speaker 1: you UM. You know, what you resist will persist. I
Speaker 1: like that what you resist will persist. The law of
Speaker 1: attraction says that the universe does not process negatives, only energy,
Speaker 1: meaning that if you focus on what you don't want,
Speaker 1: you will only continue to attract more of that thing
Speaker 1: that goes hand in hand with what we just said,
Speaker 1: positivity goes a long way. Don't watch the rock. Don't
Speaker 1: watch the rock, keep your eyes on the pad, and
Speaker 1: don't worry about how it's going to happen. Just no
Speaker 1: one believed that it will. UM. So people take that
Speaker 1: approach for here yourself, for the opportunities that you don't
Speaker 1: even know exist. Many of the best opportunities I've seen
Speaker 1: come from places and people in situations that you least expected.
Speaker 1: So don't let what you might see as a setback
Speaker 1: discourage you from working towards your goals. This is very
Speaker 1: great stuff. I mean, it's it's I mean, we we
Speaker 1: gave some great examples. And it's funny to hear somebody
Speaker 1: I put it down on paper, because as you go
Speaker 1: through life, you don't put things down on paper. You
Speaker 1: just do it. And I can see how doing these
Speaker 1: things for me, it's almost like the step by step. Yes,
Speaker 1: it shows the measurables there for you. Give thanks, exude
Speaker 1: a positive attitude and attitude of gratitude, because when you're
Speaker 1: genuinely grateful for what you have today, you will start
Speaker 1: to see more clearly that you already have everything you
Speaker 1: need to succeed. As though that's so dope, and it's
Speaker 1: so true. That is so true people. I feel like
Speaker 1: people who are genuinely humble, gracious people always get more stuff.
Speaker 1: Absolutely and and you know, I always talk about being
Speaker 1: a spiritual person out of religious person. I feel like
Speaker 1: God has always given me more than I needed because
Speaker 1: he knows that I'm always going to pay it for forward.
Speaker 1: So and and it may sound crazy, but I feel
Speaker 1: like God will never let everyone go without, so he
Speaker 1: knows that if he doesn't give me so many people
Speaker 1: will go without because he knows what I can give.
Speaker 1: I'm giving and that have come and gone through our household.
Speaker 1: We think about the children that came through your mentorship
Speaker 1: program who used to come home with us some nights.
Speaker 1: We used to feed them, give them lunch money, whatever
Speaker 1: it was like, and never expecting anything in return or
Speaker 1: wanting anything in return. We just knew that it was
Speaker 1: the right thing to do in that moment, and we
Speaker 1: genuinely wanted to do it because it was going to
Speaker 1: better their situations somehow, even if it was just for
Speaker 1: the day, yes, you know, if it was for the week,
Speaker 1: for the month. We need some single moms who needed
Speaker 1: some help with their kids pick up and it was
Speaker 1: just like, that's just what we did it with us.
Speaker 1: We had Jackson in the back seat with us, and
Speaker 1: we'd be trucking kids around like there were hours. As
Speaker 1: I said, I've definitely had more than just three children.
Speaker 1: You definitely about through our household. But it's funny to
Speaker 1: financially because sometimes people equate all this to finances. The
Speaker 1: moment that we stopped worrying about our bank account is
Speaker 1: when our bank account always remained full, because I remember
Speaker 1: it was times when I used to watch every nickel
Speaker 1: and diamond. This is going out, this is going out,
Speaker 1: this is going out, and I only saw stuff going
Speaker 1: out that I wasn't allowing things to come in. And
Speaker 1: my my aunt Debbie gave me a parable about keeping
Speaker 1: your hand closed. So he's like, when you have money
Speaker 1: in your hand, you feel so tight that you're not
Speaker 1: letting no money come out that you don't realize that
Speaker 1: you're not letting no money going either. So you gotta
Speaker 1: open up, you know, let the blessings flow and then flowing.
Speaker 1: You gotta let the blessings out to let the blessings
Speaker 1: come in. So absolutely all right, there we go. So
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break. We're gonna move into
Speaker 1: some listening letters when we get back after we deal
Speaker 1: with these ads. Baby, for sure they too this for
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Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now listen in Stitcher, Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. All right, and it's
Speaker 1: our last bit of listener letters for this season. Thank
Speaker 1: you to everybody who's reading, who's wrote in um to
Speaker 1: our email and told us a little bit about you know,
Speaker 1: your situation. So to close out for the season, UM,
Speaker 1: we have this one here. I'm a twenty six year
Speaker 1: old single millennial woman who is literally just trying to
Speaker 1: figure out life. I know, still trying to figure it out. Girl.
Speaker 1: I did everything quote unquote right, went to college, graduated
Speaker 1: with honors on time. My mom wasn't playing with me,
Speaker 1: got a job in advertising and marketing, and went back
Speaker 1: to grad school and graduated while still working full time.
Speaker 1: I know, I'm very blessed, but as my birthday is
Speaker 1: coming up, I've been thinking more and more lately about
Speaker 1: what I want my life to look like and what
Speaker 1: I really want. I just don't want to live in
Speaker 1: ordinary life when I feel like I'm destined for more.
Speaker 1: Number One, one of my goals has always been to
Speaker 1: become a TV media personality. Know, you both created your
Speaker 1: careers and dreams from the ground with nothing. I podcast
Speaker 1: with a friend and I've started to put myself out
Speaker 1: there more. I know it's going to take time, and
Speaker 1: I'm more than happy to do the work. What tips
Speaker 1: or suggestions, what would give to someone who is building
Speaker 1: their dream career from the ground up and want to
Speaker 1: be in the media industry. Okay, that's our first So
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're starting to do the right things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean this is the first part. You work. Obviously,
Speaker 1: you have a great job, you have your degrees. Okay,
Speaker 1: so I would say start. The number one thing is
Speaker 1: put some money aside. Put some money aside, and put
Speaker 1: this as your savings for when you decide to take
Speaker 1: the leap, because at some point you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: take the leap and put yourself out there to not
Speaker 1: do both. So as long as you have the money
Speaker 1: and you have the opportunity and resources to do that,
Speaker 1: you know you'll feel more comfortable doing it. First thing,
Speaker 1: you start putting some money aside. That's number one. Number two,
Speaker 1: find out exactly what it is you want to do
Speaker 1: in TV media before you to make that transition. You
Speaker 1: can't just say TV media right to decide what you
Speaker 1: want to do. Find out if there's a craft involved
Speaker 1: or learning with that, because you have to respect the
Speaker 1: craft of that work. You can't just say I want
Speaker 1: to do this and go and go start doing it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to learn about it for people to
Speaker 1: respect you and give you opportunities. Absolutely, and they may
Speaker 1: not require like a ton of schooling or anything, but
Speaker 1: it may be you know, a class or two that
Speaker 1: you would have to take just to kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: have that under your belt your resume. Say, for example,
Speaker 1: like when I did entertainment hosting UM with the Hot Zone.
Speaker 1: You know that's something that I reached out to someone about.
Speaker 1: That could be Number three. Start to reach out to
Speaker 1: people who are already in the industry who um may
Speaker 1: know the right avenue for you. Once you figured out
Speaker 1: where exactly you want to be, So you don't want
Speaker 1: to just be broad in that, Oh I just want
Speaker 1: to do television, Oh I just want to do media work.
Speaker 1: Where exactly do you want to fall into that category
Speaker 1: and then find out the right people that you can
Speaker 1: align yourself with and know that sometimes you have to
Speaker 1: do that work without pay in the very ahead, because
Speaker 1: I've been there, I've been working with say just to
Speaker 1: be able to get that real you know, um, be
Speaker 1: able to get that footage of yourself doing it so
Speaker 1: you can have that as your proof, like a proof
Speaker 1: of concept. With anything you need, people need to see
Speaker 1: it to believe it. Um, So go ahead. That's three
Speaker 1: and four find the right people, and then four be
Speaker 1: willing to work towards it without pay. That's why number
Speaker 1: one makes sense. Save some money, um, and just do it.
Speaker 1: Put yourself out there. You have so many different avenues
Speaker 1: that you can use at this point, you have no excuses.
Speaker 1: You have the podcast, there's so many social media outlets, um,
Speaker 1: different websites, I mean really to get into television and
Speaker 1: media and film. At this point you have so many
Speaker 1: routes to do that. So just keep at it, and
Speaker 1: you've got to be persistent and get used to hearing. No.
Speaker 1: Number five rejection is how much percent of the business.
Speaker 1: They say fifty, but I feel like it's more like ninety. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you're gonna hear no a ton of no more,
Speaker 1: and it takes one years for the floodgates open up.
Speaker 1: So that's it, the right I like that baby you
Speaker 1: gave for five things, And when when that feel like
Speaker 1: opens and you get the opportunity, capital capitalize on it
Speaker 1: for sure and be ready, all right and moving on
Speaker 1: to our second listen to a better question. I've been
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend for four years. We have a one
Speaker 1: and a half year old daughter. He's a great man
Speaker 1: and a wonderful father. However, I feel like we're stuck
Speaker 1: in the standstill. I work, I go to college and
Speaker 1: take care at home, and he works, helps out with
Speaker 1: our daughter. But I feel like he's lost his drive.
Speaker 1: He doesn't like to do family activities. He hasn't made
Speaker 1: any moves for our future, no career moves. He used
Speaker 1: to dream of being a writer and director. Him being
Speaker 1: stuck with this in the slump makes me frustrated, and
Speaker 1: it's sort of pushing us apart. Any advice on this,
Speaker 1: many blessings to you guys, Thank you man. This just
Speaker 1: sounds so familiar with people who um like we talked
Speaker 1: about early in the episode purpose, finding your purpose. He
Speaker 1: may not know how to get into being a writer
Speaker 1: or a director, and that can be frustrating and also
Speaker 1: put you in a little state of depression when even
Speaker 1: if you're working and you're making good money, but you're
Speaker 1: not doing what makes you happy. It makes you feel
Speaker 1: like you're not living out your your life's purpose. And
Speaker 1: then ultimately us his family start to feel the effects
Speaker 1: of that because he's not happy within himself, absolutely, and
Speaker 1: he's in a field, like we said before, acting, writing, directing,
Speaker 1: all of that, that industry is just so difficult to
Speaker 1: break into. And um, there's, like you said, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of nose before you get that, Yes, and there's
Speaker 1: a lot of you know, putting things into works and
Speaker 1: into motion and waiting for it to happen, and preparing
Speaker 1: for it to happen to only hear the know or
Speaker 1: things not being green lit, or just any little thing
Speaker 1: that could potentially be a roadblock. So it's understandable. I
Speaker 1: get it. Um. I also too have been on the
Speaker 1: side where I've seen the frustration and devout for example,
Speaker 1: you know, working the jobs that he didn't necessarily want
Speaker 1: to work, but he had to work just to be
Speaker 1: able to make a way for him to do what
Speaker 1: he really loved. It's frustrating, So it can be frustrating.
Speaker 1: We both went through that. I remember in two thousand
Speaker 1: and seven. Um, this was my second year in the NFL.
Speaker 1: I was making a lot of money. Code was at home.
Speaker 1: She wasn't working. She was like a stay at home,
Speaker 1: kept a girlfriend, and she was in a state of depression.
Speaker 1: She was like, I want to do TV and she
Speaker 1: talked about going back to New York while I was
Speaker 1: in Michigan because she just was not happy not doing
Speaker 1: what she wanted to do. UM. The first thing I'll
Speaker 1: tell you is that it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: If you know that that's what the issue is, don't
Speaker 1: don't say, oh, I'm not doing something right, don't internalize that.
Speaker 1: But what you can do is speak to him about it.
Speaker 1: Tell him you recognize it, and say how can I
Speaker 1: help you get to where you want to be? You know,
Speaker 1: as far as doing the things you want to do,
Speaker 1: that still may not guarantee his happiness, but if you
Speaker 1: take an active step into helping him get there, maybe
Speaker 1: you find some writing classes or some directed classes, or
Speaker 1: or you find out ways for for him to you know,
Speaker 1: start taking that step to chase that dream, maybe to
Speaker 1: help him get out of that phone. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: seems like you're doing a lot at home to you know,
Speaker 1: you work, he said, you go to school, you take
Speaker 1: care of home. He helps with the daughter. Um, so
Speaker 1: maybe too, like you said, since it seems like you're
Speaker 1: willing to help, and you are helping, you know, being
Speaker 1: able to say, baby, is there anything you want me
Speaker 1: to help your research or look up like you think
Speaker 1: about when Devo was like, yeah, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: a stunt doublefore Mari and I was like, well, you
Speaker 1: don't do stunts, but all right, let's google this's and
Speaker 1: figure it out together. You know. Um, sometimes that little
Speaker 1: bit of support or maybe the excitement and you or
Speaker 1: you just saying, you know, I recognize that you seem
Speaker 1: to be in a little slump. Is there anything that
Speaker 1: I can do to help you? Or you know, maybe
Speaker 1: we can do this together, or I can help you
Speaker 1: jump started that might help. The lastly, the most important
Speaker 1: thing I need to tell you guys is that this
Speaker 1: is normal. A lot of people walking around in the
Speaker 1: world today don't know what their life's purposes and they
Speaker 1: are feeling a state of frustration on in depression, especially
Speaker 1: amongst millennials, because millennials, unlike our parents or the generation
Speaker 1: before us, we were taught differently. The generation before us
Speaker 1: was taught that you get a job, you work, weeks vacation,
Speaker 1: and that's life. And when you die, you go to
Speaker 1: heaven because you pay your taxes. That's what they were taught.
Speaker 1: Now our generation has been taught that you're not happy
Speaker 1: unless you're living your life's purpose. So there are a
Speaker 1: lot of people walking around, working, doing well who aren't happy.
Speaker 1: So don't feel like what you're going through is not
Speaker 1: normal or that you guys aren't making so normal. Some
Speaker 1: of the people you look at, look up to the most,
Speaker 1: have gone through that are going through that, So don't
Speaker 1: be so hard on yourself. Continue to talk, be transparent,
Speaker 1: and figure it out together. For sure. Definitely, Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: Season two is a rap that went so fast. Are
Speaker 1: you gonna cry like you did at the end of
Speaker 1: season one? Yeah, we love you guys so much and
Speaker 1: we thank you all for listening. Um, you know, and
Speaker 1: continue to follow us and continue to write in listener
Speaker 1: letters just because the season is over and on me,
Speaker 1: we still the email box is still open, and go
Speaker 1: ahead and email so keep emailing us because we will
Speaker 1: be back with season three and will be digging up
Speaker 1: you know, some receipts and some emails. So continue to
Speaker 1: um to write in, and if you want to be
Speaker 1: featured for one of our listener letters, email us at
Speaker 1: dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Yes, all right,
Speaker 1: moment of truth. Do you have a moment truth for
Speaker 1: this season or this episode, or just anything in your
Speaker 1: heart that you want to say, or any good things
Speaker 1: moment of truth good people out there, here's the moment
Speaker 1: of truth for me. I'll let you do a moment
Speaker 1: of truth for just yourself. I have accomplished everything this
Speaker 1: year that I wanted to accomplish, as far as TV, podcast,
Speaker 1: social media. I didn't get you pregnant. But I'll say
Speaker 1: this man's mind, I have accomplished everything that I put
Speaker 1: my mind to this year, in part because my mindset
Speaker 1: from last year. From the beginning, from the middle of
Speaker 1: summer last year, I started saying to myself, I'm going to.
Speaker 1: I stopped saying I wonder if or I hope. I
Speaker 1: started seeing last year in our house next year, I'm
Speaker 1: going to, And I started to put the work in
Speaker 1: to say every day I'm putting the energy into getting that,
Speaker 1: and I got it. And I want everybody who listens
Speaker 1: to that as podcast to apply that to your life
Speaker 1: and get everything on the life that you want because
Speaker 1: you deserve it, because you're all fucking dope. There you go.
Speaker 1: I love that. Look at you. I love that, and
Speaker 1: I love you, and UM, let's see my moment of truth. UM.
Speaker 1: I'm going to speak as Cadeine UM who has had
Speaker 1: her children, and I am loving and living in the
Speaker 1: moment with my children. I have an amazing husband, we
Speaker 1: are doing things together. Here is to me closing out
Speaker 1: this year accomplishing so much that I've set out to do,
Speaker 1: but also knowing that if I continue to work aggressively
Speaker 1: towards my goals, if I continue to speak these things
Speaker 1: into existence literally UM, just channeling them, to have an
Speaker 1: amazing two thousand, twenty UM, and I'm prepared to do
Speaker 1: that with you by my side, and our boys following
Speaker 1: closely behind, and all of our family and friends around.
Speaker 1: I'm just super super grateful, um, for the year that
Speaker 1: we've had. We've relocated so many major big moments and
Speaker 1: moves and and hills and valleys, but I'm just thankful
Speaker 1: for the ride, and I'm thankful for everyone who listens
Speaker 1: and who continues to share and comment, And like, I mean,
Speaker 1: every victory that we have had, collectively or individually, um,
Speaker 1: is that much more impactful for us because we've had
Speaker 1: a host of online I feel like family and friends
Speaker 1: who are continuously rooting for us, and I feel like
Speaker 1: we get sometimes more support from them than people that
Speaker 1: we know. And yeah, and it's insane and it's been great,
Speaker 1: And in my moment of truth, I'm thanking you and
Speaker 1: I'm reflecting on that, and i want you to know
Speaker 1: that it's never taken for granted and it's always appreciated.
Speaker 1: And we love you guys, and we look forward to
Speaker 1: more seasons with you. So make sure you follow us
Speaker 1: on our social media. That's I Am Devout and Cadine
Speaker 1: I Am. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe. Continue to listen. Man,
Speaker 1: it's a wrap on season two. We'll be on a
Speaker 1: little bit of a hiatus, but we'll be back very
Speaker 1: soon with more to talk about more amazing guests and
Speaker 1: marketing and dest dead Ass is a production of Stitcher.
Speaker 1: Is produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief
Speaker 1: content officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate produces are Kristin
Speaker 1: Torres and Trouble. Our studio engineer and original music is
Speaker 1: by Brendan Burns and mixed by Andy, Christine's daughter. We're back.
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a
Speaker 1: podcast going on right now as part as the Stitching Net.
Speaker 1: We're called Substraction that's available everywhere getting podcast at US,
Speaker 1: at your Spotify, Apple Go listen right now to the
Speaker 1: Distraction right now, it's out. Do it please m