1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:25,196 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hey, Happiness Lab listeners. I hope you're doing the 2 00:00:25,236 --> 00:00:28,156 Speaker 1: best you can to stay physically and mentally healthy during 3 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:31,756 Speaker 1: the time of COVID nineteen. For today's episode, I wanted 4 00:00:31,796 --> 00:00:33,796 Speaker 1: to switch it up a bit, and so I partnered 5 00:00:33,796 --> 00:00:37,076 Speaker 1: with one of my favorite behavioral scientists, doctor Katie Milkman 6 00:00:37,236 --> 00:00:40,276 Speaker 1: from Warton Business School. You may remember Katie from one 7 00:00:40,276 --> 00:00:42,716 Speaker 1: of our New Year's episodes where we focused on the 8 00:00:42,756 --> 00:00:46,716 Speaker 1: fresh Start effect, but Katie also hosts a fantastic podcast 9 00:00:46,876 --> 00:00:49,636 Speaker 1: called choice Ology, which is all about the ways our 10 00:00:49,636 --> 00:00:53,396 Speaker 1: minds lead us astray during decision making. Katie wanted me 11 00:00:53,436 --> 00:00:55,516 Speaker 1: to be a guest on choice Ology so that we 12 00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:58,436 Speaker 1: could chat about strategies for protecting our collective well being 13 00:00:58,676 --> 00:01:00,996 Speaker 1: during this challenging time. This was a bit of a 14 00:01:01,076 --> 00:01:03,276 Speaker 1: change for me, since, as you know, I'm usually the 15 00:01:03,316 --> 00:01:05,916 Speaker 1: one asking the questions, and so I decided to share 16 00:01:05,956 --> 00:01:16,116 Speaker 1: that episode with you. I hope you enjoy it. Laurie, 17 00:01:16,196 --> 00:01:18,196 Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me. I really appreciate it. 18 00:01:18,916 --> 00:01:21,116 Speaker 1: Thanks so much. I mean, this is important stuff to 19 00:01:21,116 --> 00:01:23,476 Speaker 1: be talking about today. I actually wanted to start by 20 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,956 Speaker 1: asking if you could tell me a little bit about 21 00:01:25,996 --> 00:01:28,436 Speaker 1: what originally inspired you to create a course on the 22 00:01:28,476 --> 00:01:30,836 Speaker 1: science of happiness. I know, it was a somewhat unusual 23 00:01:30,876 --> 00:01:34,276 Speaker 1: career move for an expert on canines and primates. Yeah, 24 00:01:34,276 --> 00:01:36,956 Speaker 1: it was a little strange. About four years ago, I 25 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,116 Speaker 1: took on a new role as a head of college 26 00:01:39,116 --> 00:01:41,636 Speaker 1: on campus. So Yale's one of these strange schools like 27 00:01:41,676 --> 00:01:44,156 Speaker 1: Hogwarts where it has Griffin door and slitherin, like these 28 00:01:44,196 --> 00:01:47,636 Speaker 1: weird colleges within a college. I became head of Silliman College, 29 00:01:47,636 --> 00:01:50,156 Speaker 1: which is one of the residential colleges, and it was 30 00:01:50,156 --> 00:01:52,116 Speaker 1: in that role that I started really being in the 31 00:01:52,156 --> 00:01:54,556 Speaker 1: trenches with college students. My house is in the middle 32 00:01:54,596 --> 00:01:57,076 Speaker 1: of their dorm. I ate with them in the dining 33 00:01:57,076 --> 00:01:58,876 Speaker 1: hall and hung out with them in the coffee shop. 34 00:01:59,196 --> 00:02:00,996 Speaker 1: And it was then that I really started to see 35 00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:03,196 Speaker 1: this mental health crisis that I'd kind of heard about 36 00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:04,956 Speaker 1: on the news, but I hadn't really seen up close 37 00:02:04,996 --> 00:02:07,396 Speaker 1: and personal. I mean, I was dealing with students who 38 00:02:07,396 --> 00:02:10,756 Speaker 1: were suicidal, students who were just like incredibly depressed or 39 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:13,196 Speaker 1: often just really really anxious and just kind of stressed 40 00:02:13,196 --> 00:02:15,556 Speaker 1: out about the future all the time, and it just 41 00:02:15,596 --> 00:02:17,916 Speaker 1: made me sad. I mean, this was like my community 42 00:02:17,916 --> 00:02:20,276 Speaker 1: of students who I was really close with, and so 43 00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:22,876 Speaker 1: the class started as an attempt to give them actionable 44 00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:25,396 Speaker 1: tips for how they could do something about this. And 45 00:02:25,476 --> 00:02:27,956 Speaker 1: so I slapped this class together like a new professor, 46 00:02:27,996 --> 00:02:30,476 Speaker 1: does you know, thinking like, oh, fifty students or so 47 00:02:30,596 --> 00:02:32,436 Speaker 1: we'll take it because it's kind of this new class, 48 00:02:32,756 --> 00:02:35,636 Speaker 1: and was completely blindsided by the fact that over a 49 00:02:35,716 --> 00:02:38,196 Speaker 1: thousand students at Yale wanted to take it. We had 50 00:02:38,236 --> 00:02:39,916 Speaker 1: to figure out how to teach the class in a 51 00:02:39,916 --> 00:02:42,076 Speaker 1: concert hall because that was the only spot on campus 52 00:02:42,076 --> 00:02:44,636 Speaker 1: where all the students fit. And it was all a 53 00:02:44,676 --> 00:02:47,916 Speaker 1: little surreal to realize how much students were excited about 54 00:02:47,996 --> 00:02:50,356 Speaker 1: learning this content of what they could do to feel happier. 55 00:02:50,516 --> 00:02:52,876 Speaker 1: On that note, I actually wanted to just start by 56 00:02:52,876 --> 00:02:55,796 Speaker 1: asking you a little bit about what our listeners should 57 00:02:55,836 --> 00:02:58,516 Speaker 1: know if they're trying to figure out how to improve 58 00:02:58,516 --> 00:03:01,156 Speaker 1: their own emotional well being at this very scary and 59 00:03:01,276 --> 00:03:04,116 Speaker 1: uncertain time. What insights from that class do you think 60 00:03:04,116 --> 00:03:07,316 Speaker 1: are most important to the current crisis. Yeah, well, lots 61 00:03:07,316 --> 00:03:09,596 Speaker 1: of things. I mean, I think the first most important 62 00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:13,556 Speaker 1: insight is just that this science gives us interventions we 63 00:03:13,596 --> 00:03:16,316 Speaker 1: can do to improve our well being in any time, 64 00:03:16,356 --> 00:03:19,156 Speaker 1: but especially in a time that's as stressful as what 65 00:03:19,196 --> 00:03:21,596 Speaker 1: we're going through in COVID nineteen. I mean, I don't 66 00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:24,636 Speaker 1: know about you, Katie, but I'm watching my anxiety levels 67 00:03:24,676 --> 00:03:27,676 Speaker 1: shoot through the roof. I'm dealing with lots of uncertainty, 68 00:03:27,836 --> 00:03:30,756 Speaker 1: Like I'm constantly trying to figure out if my chest 69 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,316 Speaker 1: is tight because I've developed symptoms of COVID nineteen, or 70 00:03:33,356 --> 00:03:35,996 Speaker 1: if I'm just incredibly anxious and feeling stressed right now. 71 00:03:36,276 --> 00:03:38,316 Speaker 1: I think so many of us are just kind of 72 00:03:38,596 --> 00:03:42,076 Speaker 1: realizing that unless we do something, our mental health is 73 00:03:42,076 --> 00:03:44,196 Speaker 1: going to really suffer. And I feel like that can 74 00:03:44,196 --> 00:03:47,196 Speaker 1: be really frustrating because we know exactly the things we're 75 00:03:47,196 --> 00:03:49,276 Speaker 1: supposed to be doing right now to help our physical health, 76 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:51,716 Speaker 1: right you know, we wash our hands, you know, stay 77 00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:54,196 Speaker 1: six feet from everybody, you know, shelter in place kind 78 00:03:54,236 --> 00:03:56,596 Speaker 1: of thing. But I don't think the CDC and the 79 00:03:56,636 --> 00:03:58,916 Speaker 1: government and all these folks are giving us strong things 80 00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:00,956 Speaker 1: we can do to protect our mental health right now. 81 00:04:01,196 --> 00:04:03,396 Speaker 1: And I think that's why droves of people are coming 82 00:04:03,396 --> 00:04:05,916 Speaker 1: to this course now. They're like they want actionable tips 83 00:04:05,916 --> 00:04:08,436 Speaker 1: that they can do to make things better. And so 84 00:04:08,476 --> 00:04:10,316 Speaker 1: I think one good thing is that the science really 85 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,676 Speaker 1: shows us. There are actionable tips you can do. There 86 00:04:12,716 --> 00:04:14,676 Speaker 1: are simple interventions that all of us can be doing 87 00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:17,316 Speaker 1: right now to feel better, but they take some intention 88 00:04:17,316 --> 00:04:19,916 Speaker 1: and they take some work, just like you know, washing 89 00:04:19,916 --> 00:04:21,716 Speaker 1: your hands a little bit more than you normally would, 90 00:04:21,796 --> 00:04:23,716 Speaker 1: or washing them more carefully or for longer than you 91 00:04:23,796 --> 00:04:26,516 Speaker 1: normally would. I think that science gives us tips about 92 00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:28,516 Speaker 1: what we can do to improve our well being, but 93 00:04:28,596 --> 00:04:30,436 Speaker 1: you know, you have to put some work into them, 94 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,756 Speaker 1: and it could feel foreign when you start these new habits. 95 00:04:33,196 --> 00:04:35,236 Speaker 1: But the biggest thing I think that the science suggests 96 00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,436 Speaker 1: is that we have to be taking care of our 97 00:04:37,476 --> 00:04:40,716 Speaker 1: social connections right now. And I think that's for two reasons. 98 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:42,676 Speaker 1: One is, you know, we have to worry about our 99 00:04:42,676 --> 00:04:45,476 Speaker 1: immune function, and we know if there's one thing scientifically 100 00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:48,556 Speaker 1: that completely takes immune function, it's feeling lonely and feeling 101 00:04:48,596 --> 00:04:51,076 Speaker 1: socially isolated. But the one thing we have to do 102 00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,716 Speaker 1: to protect our physical health right now is to socially distanced. 103 00:04:53,756 --> 00:04:56,356 Speaker 1: It's like not to go do what we normally do 104 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,276 Speaker 1: when things feel threatening and scary, which is like go 105 00:04:58,356 --> 00:04:59,956 Speaker 1: to the pub with our friends, or like go to 106 00:04:59,996 --> 00:05:02,196 Speaker 1: our mom's house and get a hug. Like what we 107 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:04,156 Speaker 1: have to do is just like shelter in place and 108 00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:06,916 Speaker 1: kind of be by ourselves. So I think being socially 109 00:05:06,916 --> 00:05:09,956 Speaker 1: connected right now means being very intentional about it. It 110 00:05:09,996 --> 00:05:13,436 Speaker 1: means using the technologies we have, from phone to FaceTime 111 00:05:13,436 --> 00:05:16,916 Speaker 1: to Zoom to actually get those informal interactions that we're 112 00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:20,196 Speaker 1: all missing right now. And that can look like checking 113 00:05:20,196 --> 00:05:22,796 Speaker 1: in on your elderly parents, you know, once at night. 114 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,476 Speaker 1: It can look like, you know, calling friends more often 115 00:05:25,516 --> 00:05:28,036 Speaker 1: than you would normally. But it can also look like 116 00:05:28,436 --> 00:05:31,236 Speaker 1: doing the fun things we do socially together just over 117 00:05:31,276 --> 00:05:34,396 Speaker 1: these technologies, which has been really fun for me. I've 118 00:05:34,396 --> 00:05:36,196 Speaker 1: reached out to a number of friends I haven't seen 119 00:05:36,196 --> 00:05:38,076 Speaker 1: in a while, Like I did a spa and night 120 00:05:38,116 --> 00:05:40,356 Speaker 1: with my college roommates where we all did mud masks 121 00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:43,436 Speaker 1: on Zoom. You know. I've been getting dinner with friends 122 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,796 Speaker 1: across different time zones. I did a dinner with a 123 00:05:45,796 --> 00:05:47,996 Speaker 1: friend in Seattle who I hadn't seen in a long time. 124 00:05:48,396 --> 00:05:50,676 Speaker 1: And even just like silly things that you'd never do 125 00:05:50,756 --> 00:05:55,116 Speaker 1: socially over technology before, like share a yoga class online 126 00:05:55,116 --> 00:05:56,956 Speaker 1: with a friend at the same time. You know, we 127 00:05:56,956 --> 00:05:59,076 Speaker 1: wouldn't do that normally, but right now we need to 128 00:05:59,116 --> 00:06:01,676 Speaker 1: be doing those things to have the same social connection 129 00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:04,236 Speaker 1: we normally would. So advice I'd gave to my podcast 130 00:06:04,316 --> 00:06:07,356 Speaker 1: folks is think about the social connections you had, you know, 131 00:06:07,396 --> 00:06:10,076 Speaker 1: a month ago before all this started, and figure out 132 00:06:10,156 --> 00:06:12,956 Speaker 1: how you can build exactly those same things in with 133 00:06:12,996 --> 00:06:16,356 Speaker 1: these technologies. My research team is doing virtual water cooler 134 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,956 Speaker 1: meetings at noon every day to sort of try to 135 00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:21,676 Speaker 1: simulate that experience. And Angela Duckworth and I were just 136 00:06:21,676 --> 00:06:23,796 Speaker 1: talking and she told me that they're having family dinners 137 00:06:23,836 --> 00:06:27,236 Speaker 1: with a guest every night propped on the table, a 138 00:06:27,276 --> 00:06:29,236 Speaker 1: family member who can't be with them, like an uncle 139 00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:32,036 Speaker 1: or an aunt or a grandparent. So I love all 140 00:06:32,076 --> 00:06:35,036 Speaker 1: the ideas you had and curious about the various ways 141 00:06:35,116 --> 00:06:37,916 Speaker 1: that your listeners and our listeners are coming up with 142 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:40,476 Speaker 1: creative solutions to this. I love that you use the 143 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:43,276 Speaker 1: water cooler example, because I think those are the things 144 00:06:43,316 --> 00:06:45,196 Speaker 1: we need to replicate right Like we know how to 145 00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:47,676 Speaker 1: formally have like a conference call over zoom, we do 146 00:06:47,756 --> 00:06:49,876 Speaker 1: that for work all the time. Well, we don't know 147 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,676 Speaker 1: how to replicate well yet. Is the informal things you know, 148 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,836 Speaker 1: like Joe was dropping by the house and it's like, oh, 149 00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:57,276 Speaker 1: stay for dinner like that kind of simple thing we 150 00:06:57,276 --> 00:06:59,516 Speaker 1: don't know how to replicate. Or I'm walking by your 151 00:06:59,516 --> 00:07:01,676 Speaker 1: office and I just want a chit chat for five minutes. 152 00:07:01,956 --> 00:07:04,756 Speaker 1: We need to find ways to do those intentionally over 153 00:07:04,796 --> 00:07:07,076 Speaker 1: these technologies too, and I think that's going to make 154 00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:10,516 Speaker 1: or break our feelings of social connection. I'm actually hopeful 155 00:07:10,596 --> 00:07:14,036 Speaker 1: that this COVID nineteen crisis and the ways we're using 156 00:07:14,076 --> 00:07:17,956 Speaker 1: technology right now might form new habits that end up 157 00:07:17,996 --> 00:07:20,436 Speaker 1: helping us even when this whole crisis is over. Because 158 00:07:20,436 --> 00:07:22,516 Speaker 1: that's another thing to remember is that it feels like 159 00:07:22,556 --> 00:07:24,636 Speaker 1: this is going to go on forever, but in fact, 160 00:07:24,876 --> 00:07:27,436 Speaker 1: you coronavirus is going to go away, will go back 161 00:07:27,476 --> 00:07:29,756 Speaker 1: to normal life. But I'm hopeful that some of these 162 00:07:29,756 --> 00:07:32,316 Speaker 1: social things we're doing now I can do later when 163 00:07:32,356 --> 00:07:34,836 Speaker 1: all this is over. I hadn't seen my college roommates 164 00:07:34,836 --> 00:07:37,476 Speaker 1: all in the same room in like years, right, but 165 00:07:37,636 --> 00:07:39,916 Speaker 1: now because of COVID nineteen, I'm having the spawn night 166 00:07:39,996 --> 00:07:41,596 Speaker 1: with them and catching up with them and seeing their 167 00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:44,036 Speaker 1: kids over zoom, Like I kind of want to do 168 00:07:44,076 --> 00:07:46,156 Speaker 1: that when things go back to normal, like that would 169 00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:48,796 Speaker 1: help my normal social connection and to help me feel 170 00:07:48,876 --> 00:07:52,236 Speaker 1: less lonely in like the normative kind of typical data. 171 00:07:52,276 --> 00:07:54,196 Speaker 1: I think we'd never do that before because it kind 172 00:07:54,196 --> 00:07:56,396 Speaker 1: of just felt so weird to like call somebody up 173 00:07:56,436 --> 00:07:58,956 Speaker 1: and have a zoom spawn night. But now that we're 174 00:07:59,156 --> 00:08:01,076 Speaker 1: kind of breaking the barrier to do these things, I 175 00:08:01,076 --> 00:08:03,676 Speaker 1: think we can keep doing them in the future too. Yeah, 176 00:08:03,676 --> 00:08:06,116 Speaker 1: that's a really optimistic note. And I guess one of 177 00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:09,356 Speaker 1: the things I've been thinking about is these wonderful moments 178 00:08:09,396 --> 00:08:11,676 Speaker 1: we've seen captured on social media where like all of 179 00:08:11,716 --> 00:08:15,036 Speaker 1: Italy comes out onto their balconies and everyone's flapping or 180 00:08:15,116 --> 00:08:19,356 Speaker 1: singing together to celebrate healthcare workers and these kinds of moments. 181 00:08:19,996 --> 00:08:22,516 Speaker 1: You know, how can we find more of those after 182 00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:24,876 Speaker 1: the crisis would be helpful as well, I think, yeah, exactly. 183 00:08:24,916 --> 00:08:27,036 Speaker 1: I mean, we should be thanking our healthcare workers all 184 00:08:27,036 --> 00:08:28,556 Speaker 1: the time, right, you know, we should be kind of 185 00:08:28,556 --> 00:08:31,316 Speaker 1: coming together as communities all the time. And I think, 186 00:08:31,716 --> 00:08:34,036 Speaker 1: I mean, as you know from all your work on habits, like, 187 00:08:34,116 --> 00:08:36,876 Speaker 1: once we start doing this stuff, once it becomes part 188 00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:39,636 Speaker 1: of our behavioral repertoire, we'll be able to do that 189 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:41,956 Speaker 1: more often once this is over too. I love all 190 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:45,396 Speaker 1: these suggestions about how we can maintain our social ties. 191 00:08:45,756 --> 00:08:47,676 Speaker 1: I know there are some other things we can do too, 192 00:08:47,756 --> 00:08:52,116 Speaker 1: outside of maintaining social ties to maintain our well being. 193 00:08:52,356 --> 00:08:55,396 Speaker 1: One thought that I had was that a lot of 194 00:08:55,396 --> 00:08:59,436 Speaker 1: our mutual friends in the scientific community have been advocating 195 00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:02,756 Speaker 1: for something called the Three Gratitudes exercise. In normal times, 196 00:09:02,756 --> 00:09:05,036 Speaker 1: that's something that can be helpful, and I thought maybe 197 00:09:05,036 --> 00:09:06,796 Speaker 1: it would be helpful if you could talk our listeners 198 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,796 Speaker 1: through how that works and why it might be valuable 199 00:09:08,836 --> 00:09:11,316 Speaker 1: to try. I know, yeah, I think this idea is 200 00:09:11,356 --> 00:09:14,076 Speaker 1: so critical right now, where we can just get in 201 00:09:14,116 --> 00:09:17,396 Speaker 1: the mode of woe is me, everything is terrible, like 202 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:20,716 Speaker 1: complaining about everything from staying inside to like what we 203 00:09:20,756 --> 00:09:23,556 Speaker 1: have in our pantry, to you know, the small things, 204 00:09:23,596 --> 00:09:25,916 Speaker 1: to like the really big awful things, like you know, 205 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,836 Speaker 1: people's family members are dying, right like this could be 206 00:09:28,876 --> 00:09:31,996 Speaker 1: a time when we really got in everything is awful mode. 207 00:09:32,316 --> 00:09:35,636 Speaker 1: But what research shows is that that doesn't help us 208 00:09:35,636 --> 00:09:37,796 Speaker 1: as much as we think, and that we really can 209 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,756 Speaker 1: benefit from taking an approach that involves being a little 210 00:09:40,756 --> 00:09:43,756 Speaker 1: bit more grateful, so counting our blessings, even right now 211 00:09:43,836 --> 00:09:45,716 Speaker 1: when it feels like there aren't that many blessings to 212 00:09:45,756 --> 00:09:48,756 Speaker 1: be counted. There's lots of work suggesting that the simple 213 00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,076 Speaker 1: act of scribbling down three to five things you're grateful 214 00:09:51,116 --> 00:09:54,276 Speaker 1: for can significantly bump up your mood in some studies 215 00:09:54,316 --> 00:09:56,796 Speaker 1: as quickly as within a couple of weeks. And so 216 00:09:56,876 --> 00:09:59,076 Speaker 1: this is an exercise that all of us can be doing. 217 00:09:59,116 --> 00:10:01,396 Speaker 1: It's completely free. It takes, like, you know, five to 218 00:10:01,396 --> 00:10:03,636 Speaker 1: ten minutes a day. You know, for me, I've been 219 00:10:03,676 --> 00:10:06,116 Speaker 1: trying to do this sort of informally myself, and you know, 220 00:10:06,156 --> 00:10:08,476 Speaker 1: the list is a little bit crazy. It's like, you know, 221 00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:10,356 Speaker 1: I have the tea that I really liked in the 222 00:10:10,396 --> 00:10:12,636 Speaker 1: back of my cupboard and I found it. Neither me 223 00:10:12,756 --> 00:10:14,556 Speaker 1: nor my husband are sick, and I can still hug 224 00:10:14,596 --> 00:10:16,236 Speaker 1: him right now, which which is something I want to 225 00:10:16,276 --> 00:10:18,556 Speaker 1: savor now because who knows how long that's going to last. 226 00:10:18,636 --> 00:10:22,236 Speaker 1: Right again, those seem like silly things, and they're against 227 00:10:22,236 --> 00:10:24,596 Speaker 1: a backdrop of a lot of bad stuff. But just 228 00:10:24,836 --> 00:10:27,636 Speaker 1: remembering that I have these enormous blessings does two things. 229 00:10:27,676 --> 00:10:30,436 Speaker 1: One is it makes me feel grateful, which can boost 230 00:10:30,436 --> 00:10:33,116 Speaker 1: my well being in the moment. And so those moments 231 00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:36,596 Speaker 1: that you appreciate can cause you to savor the things 232 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,796 Speaker 1: that you really care about now and can appreciate them, 233 00:10:40,036 --> 00:10:41,876 Speaker 1: you know, even though some of them are really fragile. 234 00:10:42,236 --> 00:10:44,316 Speaker 1: So we're talking a lot about things that are bringing 235 00:10:44,396 --> 00:10:47,756 Speaker 1: us hope about after this crisis. I also want to 236 00:10:47,756 --> 00:10:49,556 Speaker 1: talk about what's giving you hope and the way people 237 00:10:49,556 --> 00:10:52,436 Speaker 1: are behaving during the crisis. Are there things that you're 238 00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:55,716 Speaker 1: seeing about this crisis that are bringing out good in 239 00:10:55,796 --> 00:11:01,436 Speaker 1: people and that you think will have benefits on society immediately. Yeah, 240 00:11:01,676 --> 00:11:03,956 Speaker 1: and that too is the thing that I've seen. But 241 00:11:04,036 --> 00:11:06,476 Speaker 1: it also takes work. You know, if you're not putting 242 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,996 Speaker 1: intention in and you just go on your Facebook news 243 00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,476 Speaker 1: or go on Google News, it doesn't look like the 244 00:11:11,516 --> 00:11:13,516 Speaker 1: world is a happy place. It's a very woe is 245 00:11:13,556 --> 00:11:15,916 Speaker 1: Me kind of time right now. But if you dig 246 00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:18,716 Speaker 1: a little deeper and you look for where there are 247 00:11:18,756 --> 00:11:20,956 Speaker 1: people doing amazing things. As I think it was mister 248 00:11:21,076 --> 00:11:22,876 Speaker 1: Rogers said, you know, go look for the heroes. That 249 00:11:22,956 --> 00:11:25,356 Speaker 1: was one of his quotes during tragedy. If you look 250 00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:27,596 Speaker 1: for the heroes, there are heroes there, and there are 251 00:11:27,596 --> 00:11:30,316 Speaker 1: heroes that are doing amazing things. One of the things 252 00:11:30,396 --> 00:11:33,156 Speaker 1: I've been doing is on Twitter, there's this wonderful hashtag 253 00:11:33,196 --> 00:11:36,596 Speaker 1: called covid kindness. And whenever I find myself panic scrolling, 254 00:11:36,676 --> 00:11:38,316 Speaker 1: like I've kind of been on Twitter looking at the 255 00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:40,356 Speaker 1: awful stuff from like, let me do the search for 256 00:11:40,396 --> 00:11:42,516 Speaker 1: COVID kindness, and whenever you do that, you just see 257 00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:46,036 Speaker 1: these wonderful stories of people who are doing things in 258 00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:50,156 Speaker 1: their community to help vulnerable individuals or healthcare workers that 259 00:11:50,196 --> 00:11:53,316 Speaker 1: are just you know, being incredibly brave to help the community. 260 00:11:53,676 --> 00:11:58,156 Speaker 1: Just like wonderful stories of just human kindness and compassion 261 00:11:58,436 --> 00:12:00,756 Speaker 1: that just pop to the four And when you see those, 262 00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:03,396 Speaker 1: you realize that, you know, all the panic buying and 263 00:12:03,436 --> 00:12:06,676 Speaker 1: the toilet paper stealing, like that's not actually the norm. 264 00:12:06,796 --> 00:12:09,196 Speaker 1: What does happen when people are in crisis is that 265 00:12:09,276 --> 00:12:12,756 Speaker 1: people come together in these incredibly beautiful ways. But you 266 00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:14,916 Speaker 1: have to be a little intentional to notice that. I've 267 00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,436 Speaker 1: been trying to do the same thing, to look and 268 00:12:16,476 --> 00:12:19,236 Speaker 1: see where people are doing these generous acts, and I've 269 00:12:19,236 --> 00:12:22,156 Speaker 1: been totally blown away. One thing that I've been thinking 270 00:12:22,196 --> 00:12:25,276 Speaker 1: about is I've read about many of the generous acts 271 00:12:25,316 --> 00:12:28,596 Speaker 1: that we're seeing, is that not only are they helping 272 00:12:28,596 --> 00:12:31,996 Speaker 1: other people, but they're actually probably helping the people who 273 00:12:32,076 --> 00:12:34,476 Speaker 1: are doing them. Right, So for those of us who 274 00:12:34,476 --> 00:12:36,996 Speaker 1: are trying to figure out how to maintain well being 275 00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:39,276 Speaker 1: at this time. One of the things I've been thinking 276 00:12:39,396 --> 00:12:42,036 Speaker 1: is we should all be trying to find a way 277 00:12:42,036 --> 00:12:44,596 Speaker 1: to contribute in a small way from home. You know, 278 00:12:44,636 --> 00:12:46,876 Speaker 1: maybe the way we can contribute as just by staying home, 279 00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:49,156 Speaker 1: but finding a purpose and finding a way to be 280 00:12:49,276 --> 00:12:52,236 Speaker 1: generous has benefits. Could you talk a little bit about 281 00:12:52,316 --> 00:12:55,916 Speaker 1: the research on pro social behavior and how that affects 282 00:12:55,916 --> 00:12:59,156 Speaker 1: well being? Yeah, I mean there's so much work suggesting it. 283 00:12:59,236 --> 00:13:01,476 Speaker 1: If we want to be happier, we need to be 284 00:13:01,516 --> 00:13:04,356 Speaker 1: other oriented rather than self focused. And I think this 285 00:13:04,396 --> 00:13:06,876 Speaker 1: goes against the kind of standard cultural line right now, 286 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,356 Speaker 1: you know when we think of like, oh, we need 287 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:11,036 Speaker 1: to treat ourselves or like self care you know during 288 00:13:11,036 --> 00:13:14,156 Speaker 1: the pandemic. What the research suggests is that that doesn't 289 00:13:14,236 --> 00:13:17,516 Speaker 1: work as well as other care during the pandemic. Tons 290 00:13:17,516 --> 00:13:19,796 Speaker 1: of lovely work by folks like Mike Norton and Liz 291 00:13:19,836 --> 00:13:22,756 Speaker 1: Done show that the simple act of doing something nice 292 00:13:22,796 --> 00:13:25,516 Speaker 1: for others, whether spending money on others or spending your 293 00:13:25,556 --> 00:13:27,996 Speaker 1: time on other people, can boost your well being more 294 00:13:27,996 --> 00:13:30,236 Speaker 1: than if you spent that money or time on yourself. 295 00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:32,916 Speaker 1: And again, that violates our intuitions about what we need, 296 00:13:32,996 --> 00:13:35,916 Speaker 1: but it's what the research suggests, and I think right 297 00:13:35,956 --> 00:13:38,836 Speaker 1: now that becomes all the more important. I think one 298 00:13:38,836 --> 00:13:42,636 Speaker 1: of the frustrations people are feeling about staying inside is 299 00:13:42,676 --> 00:13:44,756 Speaker 1: that they see so many people in need. There's so 300 00:13:44,796 --> 00:13:47,396 Speaker 1: many vulnerable people, there's so many sick people who need help, 301 00:13:47,636 --> 00:13:49,116 Speaker 1: and you say, well, what can I do to help? 302 00:13:49,156 --> 00:13:51,396 Speaker 1: And people say, just stay home, Like do nothing, like 303 00:13:51,516 --> 00:13:54,116 Speaker 1: just stay home, which kind of violates our agency, Like 304 00:13:54,156 --> 00:13:56,756 Speaker 1: we want to take active steps to be helpful. But 305 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,436 Speaker 1: then when you look at what people are doing, you 306 00:13:58,476 --> 00:14:00,796 Speaker 1: realize that, like, so many of us can do really 307 00:14:00,836 --> 00:14:04,516 Speaker 1: simple things right now. And I think it's particularly useful 308 00:14:04,596 --> 00:14:06,396 Speaker 1: right now, not just because we all need this bump 309 00:14:06,396 --> 00:14:08,796 Speaker 1: in well being that can come from pro social behavior, 310 00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:12,476 Speaker 1: but also because we all have these windfalls that allow 311 00:14:12,596 --> 00:14:15,076 Speaker 1: us to do that more easily. You know, so many 312 00:14:15,116 --> 00:14:17,196 Speaker 1: of us are experiencing a bit of a time windfall 313 00:14:17,276 --> 00:14:19,596 Speaker 1: right now. You know, some of us aren't working as much. 314 00:14:19,916 --> 00:14:21,796 Speaker 1: Some of us, even who are still working at our 315 00:14:21,796 --> 00:14:24,596 Speaker 1: normal jobs, don't have the normal commute time that we spend. 316 00:14:24,916 --> 00:14:27,396 Speaker 1: We can use that time windfall to help, whether that's 317 00:14:27,436 --> 00:14:30,796 Speaker 1: you know, calling and advocating for people in need, or 318 00:14:30,916 --> 00:14:33,636 Speaker 1: doing chores and stuff for people in need, whether that's 319 00:14:33,676 --> 00:14:36,556 Speaker 1: you know, like going on social media and writing gratitude 320 00:14:36,636 --> 00:14:39,356 Speaker 1: letters for the healthcare workers, like we can use that 321 00:14:39,396 --> 00:14:41,996 Speaker 1: time in specific ways to help others. Some of us 322 00:14:42,036 --> 00:14:44,716 Speaker 1: are even experiencing what we don't expect, but which is 323 00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:47,636 Speaker 1: a sort of financial windfall. And I've seen this in myself. 324 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,596 Speaker 1: It's small and so we might not notice it, but 325 00:14:49,876 --> 00:14:52,196 Speaker 1: you know, those cups of coffee that I'm not buying 326 00:14:52,196 --> 00:14:54,356 Speaker 1: at my coffee shop every morning, you know, that's three 327 00:14:54,356 --> 00:14:56,476 Speaker 1: bucks a day that I'm saving that I could be 328 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,796 Speaker 1: using to do something nice for other people, whether that's 329 00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:02,556 Speaker 1: again buying groceries for someone in need, or you know, 330 00:15:02,596 --> 00:15:05,316 Speaker 1: buying gift card to a local restaurant that you needs 331 00:15:05,316 --> 00:15:07,516 Speaker 1: the support right now, and it helps the folks that 332 00:15:07,556 --> 00:15:10,036 Speaker 1: are really in need, but it also helps us, like 333 00:15:10,196 --> 00:15:13,596 Speaker 1: this kind of wonderful win win situation that doing nice 334 00:15:13,636 --> 00:15:15,716 Speaker 1: stuff for others right now is going to boost our 335 00:15:15,756 --> 00:15:17,636 Speaker 1: well being in a time when we really really need 336 00:15:17,636 --> 00:15:19,796 Speaker 1: it right And I think that's one of the most 337 00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:23,996 Speaker 1: fascinating findings from research on happiness of late is how 338 00:15:24,636 --> 00:15:27,916 Speaker 1: we get this virtuous cycle we're giving helps the giver 339 00:15:28,076 --> 00:15:30,876 Speaker 1: and the recipient, and it feels really important right now. 340 00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:33,636 Speaker 1: I've also been thinking about how we find meaning in 341 00:15:33,676 --> 00:15:37,196 Speaker 1: these moments, and I think looking for ways that we 342 00:15:37,276 --> 00:15:40,276 Speaker 1: can be purposely helpful is probably going to help us 343 00:15:40,276 --> 00:15:43,596 Speaker 1: all find meaning in this madness exactly. And I think 344 00:15:43,636 --> 00:15:46,156 Speaker 1: that is a scary part of this is that it 345 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,916 Speaker 1: feels so uncertain. You know, many of us are facing 346 00:15:49,236 --> 00:15:52,276 Speaker 1: our own mortality or the close mortality of the people 347 00:15:52,316 --> 00:15:54,956 Speaker 1: we care about, and that can launch us into this 348 00:15:55,076 --> 00:15:57,356 Speaker 1: deep search for a meaning. And I think the act 349 00:15:57,396 --> 00:15:59,956 Speaker 1: of realizing that our purpose in this crisis is to 350 00:16:00,036 --> 00:16:02,316 Speaker 1: do whatever we can to help other people and to 351 00:16:02,436 --> 00:16:05,076 Speaker 1: make other people's lives better in this yucky time, that 352 00:16:05,156 --> 00:16:07,996 Speaker 1: can curb that existential anxiety, which I think can be 353 00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:10,796 Speaker 1: really really powerful. Okay, I want to pivot from the 354 00:16:10,876 --> 00:16:14,556 Speaker 1: existential to the super practical and talk a little bit 355 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,876 Speaker 1: about a couple of other things that people might want 356 00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:19,796 Speaker 1: to focus on and think about doing just to make 357 00:16:19,836 --> 00:16:22,396 Speaker 1: themselves feel better on a daily basis. We talked a 358 00:16:22,436 --> 00:16:25,316 Speaker 1: little bit about three blessings or the three gratitudes. Exercise. 359 00:16:25,676 --> 00:16:29,036 Speaker 1: I want to talk about physical exercise as well. Where 360 00:16:29,076 --> 00:16:31,916 Speaker 1: does that fit into maintaining well being, and how are 361 00:16:31,956 --> 00:16:35,116 Speaker 1: you finding ways to do it while you're social distancing. Yeah, 362 00:16:35,156 --> 00:16:37,916 Speaker 1: I think one kind of scary thing about this crisis 363 00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:39,756 Speaker 1: is that the normal things that we do for our 364 00:16:39,796 --> 00:16:42,916 Speaker 1: well being, like our daily yoga practice, it's hard to 365 00:16:42,956 --> 00:16:45,956 Speaker 1: maintain that habit in this new situation, mostly just because 366 00:16:45,956 --> 00:16:47,756 Speaker 1: we're in a totally new situation. We're all like in 367 00:16:47,796 --> 00:16:49,676 Speaker 1: our houses, we might not be able to get to 368 00:16:49,716 --> 00:16:52,516 Speaker 1: our gyms or our yoga studios, and so we need 369 00:16:52,556 --> 00:16:55,436 Speaker 1: to be very intentional about making sure the normal things 370 00:16:55,436 --> 00:16:57,756 Speaker 1: we did in our daily lives to promote well being, 371 00:16:57,876 --> 00:17:00,436 Speaker 1: like exercise, that we still seem to fit those in. 372 00:17:00,556 --> 00:17:03,476 Speaker 1: And exercise is a really really critical one. We know 373 00:17:03,596 --> 00:17:06,276 Speaker 1: exercise is super important for our physical health, right It's 374 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,036 Speaker 1: another thing that contributes to healthy immune function, which we 375 00:17:09,116 --> 00:17:11,396 Speaker 1: all need right now to protect ourselves from this virus, 376 00:17:11,716 --> 00:17:14,956 Speaker 1: but it completely contributes to a healthy mental health as well. 377 00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:17,356 Speaker 1: You know, a half hour of cardio on Monday morning, 378 00:17:17,356 --> 00:17:20,156 Speaker 1: there's research that suggests that the kind of endorphin while 379 00:17:20,196 --> 00:17:22,516 Speaker 1: being boost you get from that can last till Tuesday 380 00:17:22,516 --> 00:17:24,196 Speaker 1: at two pm. And so I think we need to 381 00:17:24,196 --> 00:17:26,676 Speaker 1: find ways to prioritize it, but that means hacking our 382 00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:28,756 Speaker 1: new habits to figure out how to fit it in. 383 00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:31,356 Speaker 1: And one of the tips that I've been giving my 384 00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:33,916 Speaker 1: listeners or the podcast actually comes Katie from your work, 385 00:17:34,196 --> 00:17:37,276 Speaker 1: which is on all this work on fresh starts. Right. So, 386 00:17:37,676 --> 00:17:39,636 Speaker 1: one of the bad things about this crisis is that 387 00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:41,556 Speaker 1: we all are stuck in this new situation of being 388 00:17:41,596 --> 00:17:43,956 Speaker 1: inside our house. But for many of us, that's a 389 00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:46,556 Speaker 1: really unprecedented situation. And what we know is that we 390 00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:48,956 Speaker 1: can use those new situations and these new kind of 391 00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:52,316 Speaker 1: temporal boundaries to set up fresh habits. And so this 392 00:17:52,396 --> 00:17:54,556 Speaker 1: is something that I've been trying to do where I'm like, Okay, 393 00:17:54,636 --> 00:17:56,436 Speaker 1: I'm not working in the mornings, I'm not having my 394 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,276 Speaker 1: normal meetings. That means mornings are for cardio right now. 395 00:17:59,516 --> 00:18:01,716 Speaker 1: And so almost like you might treat a new year 396 00:18:01,836 --> 00:18:04,436 Speaker 1: as a new moment, as a new time horizon, as 397 00:18:04,476 --> 00:18:07,276 Speaker 1: a good new start, I'm kind of using social isolation 398 00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:10,076 Speaker 1: as that It's like, well, now I'm sheltering place new situation, 399 00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:12,436 Speaker 1: let me set up these new habits. I think we 400 00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:14,716 Speaker 1: also have to get really intentional about how we do 401 00:18:14,716 --> 00:18:17,556 Speaker 1: that exercise, especially if you're a person who's gone to 402 00:18:17,556 --> 00:18:19,556 Speaker 1: the gym a lot. I think you just need to 403 00:18:19,596 --> 00:18:22,356 Speaker 1: get creative. And one of the creative ways to do that, 404 00:18:22,396 --> 00:18:24,756 Speaker 1: I think is to harness exercise which bumps up your 405 00:18:24,756 --> 00:18:27,396 Speaker 1: well being, and being social, which bumps up your well being, 406 00:18:27,636 --> 00:18:30,276 Speaker 1: and to try to find ways to do exercise via 407 00:18:30,316 --> 00:18:33,076 Speaker 1: these technologies with friends. And so I've done this a 408 00:18:33,076 --> 00:18:35,876 Speaker 1: lot with different yoga classes. You can actually learn from 409 00:18:35,916 --> 00:18:37,636 Speaker 1: some of the best yogis in the country for free, 410 00:18:37,676 --> 00:18:39,796 Speaker 1: because people are doing these wonderful nice things where they're 411 00:18:39,796 --> 00:18:42,436 Speaker 1: sharing this stuff. But don't just do that yourself on 412 00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:44,836 Speaker 1: your yoga mat. Do that with a friend over zoom, 413 00:18:44,836 --> 00:18:46,956 Speaker 1: you know, book a class together and meet with a 414 00:18:46,956 --> 00:18:49,076 Speaker 1: friend in a different time zone who can work out 415 00:18:49,076 --> 00:18:51,596 Speaker 1: with you. And I think that allows you both to 416 00:18:51,636 --> 00:18:53,476 Speaker 1: get your work out in, but it also can let 417 00:18:53,476 --> 00:18:55,996 Speaker 1: you have that social connection time that we're all creating 418 00:18:56,116 --> 00:18:58,796 Speaker 1: right now. It's also a nice commitment device, by the way, 419 00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:01,236 Speaker 1: to throw out another thing we've actually talked about on 420 00:19:01,636 --> 00:19:03,716 Speaker 1: on this show, and Mabe you've talked about on yours too. 421 00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:06,316 Speaker 1: By committing with someone else to do something, it ensures 422 00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:08,716 Speaker 1: you'll actually fall through at a higher rate. Right, So 423 00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,516 Speaker 1: if you how your friend, you'll meet them at this 424 00:19:11,036 --> 00:19:13,436 Speaker 1: class online. It's sort of like telling someone you'll meet 425 00:19:13,476 --> 00:19:15,436 Speaker 1: them at the gym, because if you don't show up, 426 00:19:15,436 --> 00:19:18,636 Speaker 1: then you're a jerk. So exactly. You know, you'd never 427 00:19:18,676 --> 00:19:20,996 Speaker 1: go to an online yoga class with your mom before 428 00:19:20,996 --> 00:19:23,476 Speaker 1: this crisis, But now this is this new way that 429 00:19:23,556 --> 00:19:25,596 Speaker 1: we can connect with the people we care about who 430 00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:28,236 Speaker 1: we may not see as much, and hopefully that can 431 00:19:28,276 --> 00:19:29,956 Speaker 1: be a thing that sticks into the future. You know, 432 00:19:29,956 --> 00:19:33,116 Speaker 1: hopefully this fresh start of this crisis, if you can 433 00:19:33,156 --> 00:19:36,396 Speaker 1: harness it to do better habits, whether that be exercise 434 00:19:36,516 --> 00:19:38,596 Speaker 1: or these new forms of social connection or even things 435 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,716 Speaker 1: we haven't talked about yet, like meditation or breathwork, like 436 00:19:42,196 --> 00:19:45,356 Speaker 1: hopefully those habits will stick beyond the time that we're 437 00:19:45,356 --> 00:19:49,156 Speaker 1: stuck in our houses. I hope you'll like the tips 438 00:19:49,156 --> 00:19:51,636 Speaker 1: that you've heard so far. We'll take a quick break, 439 00:19:51,676 --> 00:19:53,316 Speaker 1: but Katie and I will be back in just a 440 00:19:53,316 --> 00:19:56,196 Speaker 1: second with even more practical ways you can focus on 441 00:19:56,236 --> 00:20:07,116 Speaker 1: your well being during this challenging time. The next thing 442 00:20:07,156 --> 00:20:10,876 Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you about was patient and what 443 00:20:10,996 --> 00:20:12,956 Speaker 1: you think that can do for people at this time 444 00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:15,036 Speaker 1: and in general. You know, it's something we hear about 445 00:20:15,076 --> 00:20:17,236 Speaker 1: all the time, and I always wonder, you know, is 446 00:20:17,236 --> 00:20:20,196 Speaker 1: it just overhyped or con meditation really be helpful and 447 00:20:20,236 --> 00:20:22,196 Speaker 1: sort of how does it relate to mindfulness and how 448 00:20:22,196 --> 00:20:25,116 Speaker 1: can we use both at this moment to boost our 449 00:20:25,156 --> 00:20:27,956 Speaker 1: well being. Yeah, I think this stuff is so critical 450 00:20:28,076 --> 00:20:31,436 Speaker 1: right now. Both meditation and then all just different attempts 451 00:20:31,516 --> 00:20:34,156 Speaker 1: to kind of chill out our sympathetic nervous systems, you know, 452 00:20:34,236 --> 00:20:36,356 Speaker 1: fast biology lesson. You know. One of the reasons we're 453 00:20:36,396 --> 00:20:39,036 Speaker 1: all feeling so hyped up and anxious right now is 454 00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:42,116 Speaker 1: that coronavirus is the kind of threat, like a tiger 455 00:20:42,196 --> 00:20:44,796 Speaker 1: lurking in the bushes, that's going to set our sympathetic 456 00:20:44,796 --> 00:20:47,276 Speaker 1: nervous system going a little bit crazy. And so this 457 00:20:47,316 --> 00:20:49,676 Speaker 1: is the fight or flight system. It's the system that says, 458 00:20:49,676 --> 00:20:51,716 Speaker 1: oh my god, shut off everything else about the way 459 00:20:51,756 --> 00:20:53,796 Speaker 1: the body works so that we can run away really 460 00:20:53,876 --> 00:20:56,836 Speaker 1: quickly from this threat. The problem with coronavirus is that 461 00:20:56,876 --> 00:20:59,076 Speaker 1: it's chronically on, you know, possibly it's going to be 462 00:20:59,156 --> 00:21:01,716 Speaker 1: a threat that we're all facing for months and months 463 00:21:01,716 --> 00:21:05,756 Speaker 1: and months, and it's really wigging our sympathetic nervous systems out. 464 00:21:05,836 --> 00:21:08,716 Speaker 1: For lack of a better way to phrase it. We're 465 00:21:08,716 --> 00:21:11,956 Speaker 1: not meant to turn these systems on, but the constant 466 00:21:11,996 --> 00:21:14,756 Speaker 1: threat is making us feel anxious. It's causing our bodies 467 00:21:14,796 --> 00:21:17,156 Speaker 1: to be flooded with stress hormones, and that has a 468 00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:20,276 Speaker 1: number of really awful physical consequences. First, it's really bad 469 00:21:20,276 --> 00:21:22,276 Speaker 1: for our immune system, so again, at this time that 470 00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:24,836 Speaker 1: we need our immune function to be working at its 471 00:21:24,876 --> 00:21:27,516 Speaker 1: optimal level, we're flooding our bodies with hormones that are 472 00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:29,916 Speaker 1: it's making that not the case. But the second thing 473 00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:32,476 Speaker 1: is it's awful for our digestion, it's awful for our 474 00:21:32,756 --> 00:21:35,516 Speaker 1: sexual health and functioning. It's just not good to be 475 00:21:35,556 --> 00:21:38,276 Speaker 1: turning this system on for a long time. The good 476 00:21:38,276 --> 00:21:40,836 Speaker 1: news is that the body has a stop gap, which 477 00:21:40,876 --> 00:21:43,476 Speaker 1: is the parasympathetic nervous system. That's the like rest and 478 00:21:43,556 --> 00:21:46,996 Speaker 1: digest system. And normally you would turn that on by 479 00:21:47,116 --> 00:21:49,516 Speaker 1: shutting off the threat, which we can't do right now. 480 00:21:49,836 --> 00:21:51,716 Speaker 1: But the great news is that the body gives us 481 00:21:51,716 --> 00:21:54,956 Speaker 1: an awesome way to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, and 482 00:21:54,996 --> 00:21:57,756 Speaker 1: that's actually through our breath. If you ever notice when 483 00:21:57,756 --> 00:21:59,836 Speaker 1: you have like a horrible threat, or if you've been 484 00:21:59,836 --> 00:22:01,756 Speaker 1: attacked by a tiger or even if you're like running 485 00:22:01,756 --> 00:22:04,556 Speaker 1: a marathon or running on a treadmill. When you're breathing 486 00:22:05,196 --> 00:22:07,916 Speaker 1: in the time when your body's like activating all its muscles, 487 00:22:08,116 --> 00:22:10,476 Speaker 1: you tend to breathe really shallowly and through your chest, 488 00:22:10,556 --> 00:22:12,436 Speaker 1: the kind of thing that people experience in say, panic 489 00:22:12,476 --> 00:22:16,316 Speaker 1: attacks too. But the parasympathetic nervous system is activated not 490 00:22:16,356 --> 00:22:19,156 Speaker 1: by shallow chest breathing, but by this deep sort of 491 00:22:19,156 --> 00:22:21,396 Speaker 1: belly breathing. You know, these deep breaths that we take 492 00:22:21,756 --> 00:22:23,796 Speaker 1: where we take the air in through our stomach and 493 00:22:23,836 --> 00:22:26,556 Speaker 1: then let it out really slowly. The awesome news is 494 00:22:26,556 --> 00:22:28,596 Speaker 1: that this is a way that science suggests we can 495 00:22:28,636 --> 00:22:31,956 Speaker 1: activate our parasympathetic nervous system just through our breath. And 496 00:22:31,996 --> 00:22:35,396 Speaker 1: so just taking time to do two to three minutes 497 00:22:35,476 --> 00:22:38,556 Speaker 1: of deep belly breathing this is an even meditation per se. 498 00:22:38,556 --> 00:22:40,796 Speaker 1: It's just kind of getting your breath right can give 499 00:22:40,876 --> 00:22:43,516 Speaker 1: your parasympathetic nervous system a moment to kind of jump 500 00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:46,036 Speaker 1: in and react. You know, this is a spot where 501 00:22:46,076 --> 00:22:49,276 Speaker 1: the ancient wisdom was just spat on. The simple act 502 00:22:49,316 --> 00:22:52,276 Speaker 1: of taking time to focus on your breath means a 503 00:22:52,316 --> 00:22:54,116 Speaker 1: couple of things. One is that you're kind of training 504 00:22:54,116 --> 00:22:56,956 Speaker 1: your brain to focus on something, you're training your brain 505 00:22:56,996 --> 00:22:58,836 Speaker 1: to focus in some sense on what you want. And 506 00:22:58,876 --> 00:23:02,076 Speaker 1: so when your mind might go to ruminating about COVID 507 00:23:02,196 --> 00:23:04,516 Speaker 1: or what's happening with your elderly grandparents, all these things 508 00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:06,836 Speaker 1: that you might not be able to control at that time, 509 00:23:07,356 --> 00:23:09,396 Speaker 1: that kind of sucks and it's going to active your 510 00:23:09,396 --> 00:23:11,956 Speaker 1: sypathetic nervous system. But the simple act of focusing on 511 00:23:11,956 --> 00:23:14,236 Speaker 1: your bath means you're kind of like a muscle retraining 512 00:23:14,236 --> 00:23:16,476 Speaker 1: your mind to go to the stuff that you want 513 00:23:16,516 --> 00:23:18,636 Speaker 1: it to. And every moment that you spend kind of 514 00:23:18,636 --> 00:23:21,316 Speaker 1: focusing on your breath or a mantra is one that 515 00:23:21,356 --> 00:23:24,476 Speaker 1: you're not freaking out about COVID statistics right now, And 516 00:23:24,516 --> 00:23:26,916 Speaker 1: it can have these incredible effects. The simple act of 517 00:23:26,956 --> 00:23:31,036 Speaker 1: meditating a few minutes a day can increase your concentration, 518 00:23:31,116 --> 00:23:34,196 Speaker 1: It can increase your focus, It can decrease things like 519 00:23:34,316 --> 00:23:38,276 Speaker 1: craving and like things like your addictive tendencies. It can 520 00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:41,156 Speaker 1: be really helpful for sort of promoting the healthy behaviors 521 00:23:41,156 --> 00:23:43,156 Speaker 1: you need to get over addictions and things like that. 522 00:23:43,436 --> 00:23:46,276 Speaker 1: But it can really regulate your emotions. It can really 523 00:23:46,316 --> 00:23:49,076 Speaker 1: help with things like depression and anxiety. Again, I think 524 00:23:49,076 --> 00:23:50,836 Speaker 1: in part because you're kind of training your mind not 525 00:23:50,876 --> 00:23:52,956 Speaker 1: to ruminate on the bad stuff but to focus on 526 00:23:52,996 --> 00:23:55,556 Speaker 1: the good stuff. That's really helpful. And for those like 527 00:23:55,636 --> 00:23:57,396 Speaker 1: me who are a little bit new to the world 528 00:23:57,396 --> 00:24:00,396 Speaker 1: of meditation, do you have any advice on great tools 529 00:24:00,396 --> 00:24:02,116 Speaker 1: we can use to get up to speed. Would you 530 00:24:02,156 --> 00:24:05,036 Speaker 1: just google meditation or do you think there's some Yeah, 531 00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:07,796 Speaker 1: there's some offerings out there that are better than others. Yeah, 532 00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:09,956 Speaker 1: there are lots of different ones. If you look at 533 00:24:09,996 --> 00:24:14,556 Speaker 1: you know, beginner meditations or especially beginner mindfulness based stress reduction, 534 00:24:14,636 --> 00:24:17,276 Speaker 1: which is one of the most secular and scientifically based 535 00:24:17,396 --> 00:24:20,116 Speaker 1: versions of meditation, those tend to be really good. Other 536 00:24:20,116 --> 00:24:23,436 Speaker 1: folks really like calm an app or headspace. But honestly, 537 00:24:23,476 --> 00:24:26,956 Speaker 1: even if you just google beginner mindfulness based meditation, you 538 00:24:26,956 --> 00:24:29,556 Speaker 1: can get started. Another thing that I often tell people 539 00:24:29,596 --> 00:24:32,036 Speaker 1: who are new to it is to not focus on 540 00:24:32,076 --> 00:24:33,716 Speaker 1: the amount of time. I think sometimes you think, oh 541 00:24:33,716 --> 00:24:35,916 Speaker 1: my god, I to meditate for twenty minutes and so on, 542 00:24:36,316 --> 00:24:39,956 Speaker 1: like start with a minute. Dan Harris, who is like 543 00:24:40,196 --> 00:24:42,916 Speaker 1: a big new proponent of meditation, he wrote a book 544 00:24:43,436 --> 00:24:46,836 Speaker 1: called a Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics, he's a big proponent 545 00:24:46,876 --> 00:24:49,036 Speaker 1: of just do it for a minute, because we all 546 00:24:49,116 --> 00:24:50,836 Speaker 1: have a minute where you can just sit there, and 547 00:24:50,956 --> 00:24:53,916 Speaker 1: you'd be surprised that just sitting and following your breath 548 00:24:53,916 --> 00:24:56,236 Speaker 1: for a minute can be really powerful. I also think 549 00:24:56,276 --> 00:24:58,956 Speaker 1: it's useful to think about the particular kinds of meditation 550 00:24:59,076 --> 00:25:01,836 Speaker 1: because they're different sort of flavors of meditation that you 551 00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:04,356 Speaker 1: can try out. Whether you're focused on your breath, in 552 00:25:04,396 --> 00:25:07,596 Speaker 1: some meditation cases, you're focused on gratitude, so actually kind 553 00:25:07,596 --> 00:25:10,636 Speaker 1: of using that meditation time account your blessings in some sense. 554 00:25:10,996 --> 00:25:13,636 Speaker 1: But a really powerful one that can be particularly helpful 555 00:25:13,716 --> 00:25:16,716 Speaker 1: right now is a form of meditation known as loving 556 00:25:16,836 --> 00:25:20,516 Speaker 1: kindness or meta meditation, which sounds so cheesy in syrup 557 00:25:20,516 --> 00:25:22,876 Speaker 1: be sweet and so bear with me if you're the 558 00:25:22,916 --> 00:25:25,316 Speaker 1: kind of person who's not like into this stuff naturally, 559 00:25:25,636 --> 00:25:28,596 Speaker 1: But what loving kindness meditation is is it's the act 560 00:25:28,676 --> 00:25:33,836 Speaker 1: of trying to control your compassion muscles. Basically, during the meditation, 561 00:25:33,956 --> 00:25:35,916 Speaker 1: you sort of think about people in your life and 562 00:25:35,956 --> 00:25:38,796 Speaker 1: you sort of wish them well. You'll often use phrases 563 00:25:38,836 --> 00:25:41,716 Speaker 1: like may you be happy, may you be healthy, may 564 00:25:41,716 --> 00:25:45,196 Speaker 1: you be free from harm, things like that, but Practitioners 565 00:25:45,236 --> 00:25:48,116 Speaker 1: of this practice often report that in the act of 566 00:25:48,396 --> 00:25:51,476 Speaker 1: thinking those thoughts, they kind of feel these warm compassion 567 00:25:51,596 --> 00:25:55,036 Speaker 1: feelings in their chest, and the research suggests that practicing 568 00:25:55,036 --> 00:25:58,316 Speaker 1: these things can be incredibly powerful. One piece of research 569 00:25:58,356 --> 00:26:02,236 Speaker 1: suggests that loving kindness meditation can really help with burnout, 570 00:26:02,556 --> 00:26:04,596 Speaker 1: and the way this is thought to work is that, 571 00:26:04,876 --> 00:26:07,716 Speaker 1: you know, burnout is when you kind of over feel 572 00:26:07,756 --> 00:26:10,836 Speaker 1: people's pain too much. Think of these healthcare workers right 573 00:26:10,876 --> 00:26:13,476 Speaker 1: now who are dealing with these awful situations, you know, 574 00:26:13,516 --> 00:26:16,996 Speaker 1: seeing people and suffering, watching young people die like it's awful. 575 00:26:17,356 --> 00:26:21,716 Speaker 1: Practicing compassion through these techniques allows you to experience the 576 00:26:21,796 --> 00:26:24,196 Speaker 1: care that you want to give for other people without 577 00:26:24,196 --> 00:26:27,116 Speaker 1: necessarily experiencing their pain. So it's a little different than 578 00:26:27,156 --> 00:26:29,316 Speaker 1: empathy and kind of feeling people's pain. You're kind of 579 00:26:29,476 --> 00:26:32,516 Speaker 1: feeling motivated to help them and what The research suggests 580 00:26:32,516 --> 00:26:34,836 Speaker 1: that these practices can allow you to engage with the 581 00:26:34,836 --> 00:26:37,316 Speaker 1: suffering of other people in a way that doesn't mess 582 00:26:37,356 --> 00:26:40,036 Speaker 1: you up. One study by Tania Singer and her colleagues 583 00:26:40,076 --> 00:26:42,716 Speaker 1: show that if you give subjects these kind of nasty 584 00:26:42,796 --> 00:26:45,436 Speaker 1: videos of people suffering, but you have them do this 585 00:26:45,476 --> 00:26:49,916 Speaker 1: practice of loving kindness meditation, they experience those videos not 586 00:26:50,036 --> 00:26:52,396 Speaker 1: with negative emotions like ah, I feel sad and I 587 00:26:52,476 --> 00:26:56,116 Speaker 1: feel angry about this situation. They actually experience those videos 588 00:26:56,116 --> 00:27:00,116 Speaker 1: with more positive emotions, and particularly more affiliative or caregiving emotions. So, 589 00:27:00,156 --> 00:27:02,196 Speaker 1: in other words, you see human suffering and rather than 590 00:27:02,236 --> 00:27:04,276 Speaker 1: wanting to run away from it, you want to do 591 00:27:04,316 --> 00:27:06,636 Speaker 1: something about it and help. And I think in this 592 00:27:06,676 --> 00:27:09,516 Speaker 1: time where we need to kind of oh with the 593 00:27:09,516 --> 00:27:12,316 Speaker 1: suffering of other people and not fall apart, but also 594 00:27:12,396 --> 00:27:14,356 Speaker 1: in a time when we need to focus our energies 595 00:27:14,356 --> 00:27:17,436 Speaker 1: on more pro social actions, this particular kind of meditation 596 00:27:17,476 --> 00:27:19,716 Speaker 1: can be really powerful. One thing I've been thinking a 597 00:27:19,756 --> 00:27:22,076 Speaker 1: lot about, and you mentioned earlier, is how much time 598 00:27:22,116 --> 00:27:25,076 Speaker 1: we're all spending on social media and the news, and 599 00:27:25,116 --> 00:27:27,316 Speaker 1: how hard it is to rip ourselves away from that. 600 00:27:27,836 --> 00:27:29,996 Speaker 1: For me, one of the biggest challenges actually is that 601 00:27:30,436 --> 00:27:32,236 Speaker 1: at night, right before bed, I sort of get on 602 00:27:32,356 --> 00:27:35,116 Speaker 1: my phone and start reading all the latest statistics, and 603 00:27:35,276 --> 00:27:37,636 Speaker 1: it doesn't seem like that's probably the best thing to do. 604 00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:41,316 Speaker 1: So I'm wondering if you would suggest other routines. In particular, 605 00:27:41,876 --> 00:27:44,396 Speaker 1: how can we rip ourselves away from these statistics? When 606 00:27:44,476 --> 00:27:46,916 Speaker 1: is it most harmful in fact to be looking at them, 607 00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:49,236 Speaker 1: and what other routines should we have if we want 608 00:27:49,276 --> 00:27:52,116 Speaker 1: to make sure that we sleep well, for instance. Yeah, 609 00:27:52,156 --> 00:27:54,156 Speaker 1: so I think the social media one is a big one. 610 00:27:54,356 --> 00:27:57,276 Speaker 1: Many of us are in a new situation or feeling anxious, 611 00:27:57,276 --> 00:27:59,636 Speaker 1: We're feeling a little bored, and in our normal life, 612 00:27:59,676 --> 00:28:01,196 Speaker 1: many of us have a habit that we do when 613 00:28:01,196 --> 00:28:02,916 Speaker 1: we're feeling that way, which is like we quickly go 614 00:28:02,956 --> 00:28:05,156 Speaker 1: on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter and like do a 615 00:28:05,196 --> 00:28:08,116 Speaker 1: quick check. The problem is that while those quick checks 616 00:28:08,196 --> 00:28:10,716 Speaker 1: might have worked and bumped up our dopamine in the past, 617 00:28:11,116 --> 00:28:13,636 Speaker 1: right now they're not filled with happy cat videos or 618 00:28:13,716 --> 00:28:17,116 Speaker 1: baby pictures. It's filled with like these scary coronavirus statistics 619 00:28:17,116 --> 00:28:19,876 Speaker 1: that are going to spike our anxiety. I think one 620 00:28:19,916 --> 00:28:21,476 Speaker 1: of the things I've been trying to do is when 621 00:28:21,476 --> 00:28:23,636 Speaker 1: I do those things. In other words, when I do 622 00:28:23,676 --> 00:28:26,116 Speaker 1: the quick Twitter check, I try to be really mindful 623 00:28:26,156 --> 00:28:28,156 Speaker 1: and pay attention to how it's feeling in my body. 624 00:28:28,476 --> 00:28:30,236 Speaker 1: Did that help or did that kind of make me 625 00:28:30,276 --> 00:28:33,156 Speaker 1: feel worse? And inevitably, whenever I've done that check lately, 626 00:28:33,196 --> 00:28:35,076 Speaker 1: I've been like, this was a really dumb idea, Like 627 00:28:35,116 --> 00:28:38,076 Speaker 1: why did I just spike my anxiety unnecessarily again right 628 00:28:38,076 --> 00:28:40,076 Speaker 1: before bed, right when I was going to bed, and 629 00:28:40,156 --> 00:28:43,076 Speaker 1: so I've kind of just put a moratorium on any 630 00:28:43,156 --> 00:28:46,956 Speaker 1: social media after around six pm. I've made a little 631 00:28:46,956 --> 00:28:48,876 Speaker 1: spot in my room where I put my phone and 632 00:28:48,876 --> 00:28:51,196 Speaker 1: I keep it really far away. And the things I 633 00:28:51,236 --> 00:28:53,436 Speaker 1: do before bed now usually i'd read on my kindle. 634 00:28:53,716 --> 00:28:56,316 Speaker 1: I've only brought out physical books ahead of time, so 635 00:28:56,356 --> 00:28:58,396 Speaker 1: that even if I'm planning to just read on my kindle, 636 00:28:58,476 --> 00:28:59,956 Speaker 1: I don't have the urge to kind of do the 637 00:28:59,996 --> 00:29:03,116 Speaker 1: quick social media check. And that's been so helpful for 638 00:29:03,276 --> 00:29:06,796 Speaker 1: my anxiety levels, particularly before I sleep, right because another 639 00:29:06,836 --> 00:29:09,356 Speaker 1: thing that spiking your sympathetic nervous system does, it makes 640 00:29:09,356 --> 00:29:10,796 Speaker 1: it really hard to go to bed. It makes it 641 00:29:10,836 --> 00:29:13,756 Speaker 1: really hard to rest and relax. So that's been really powerful. 642 00:29:14,116 --> 00:29:17,196 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's incredibly important to be informed, right, 643 00:29:17,196 --> 00:29:19,316 Speaker 1: and some amount of anxiety about what's going on is 644 00:29:19,356 --> 00:29:21,676 Speaker 1: important because we have to plan and act on it. 645 00:29:21,996 --> 00:29:23,836 Speaker 1: But I've been trying to figure out, like, what's the 646 00:29:23,876 --> 00:29:26,356 Speaker 1: optimal level right now? How many times a day do 647 00:29:26,396 --> 00:29:28,796 Speaker 1: I actually have to check in to be informed rather 648 00:29:28,836 --> 00:29:32,356 Speaker 1: than to be totally freaked out, And what I've realized 649 00:29:32,436 --> 00:29:34,636 Speaker 1: is that, like you know, one half hour check in 650 00:29:34,636 --> 00:29:37,796 Speaker 1: the morning is probably good for the day. Anything else 651 00:29:37,916 --> 00:29:40,236 Speaker 1: is going to be superfluous. And so that's been really 652 00:29:40,316 --> 00:29:42,716 Speaker 1: powerful to realize I don't have to do it, and 653 00:29:42,756 --> 00:29:46,156 Speaker 1: also to realize that doing that is an opportunity cost 654 00:29:46,196 --> 00:29:48,796 Speaker 1: on other stuff that could really be helping me. When 655 00:29:48,836 --> 00:29:50,996 Speaker 1: I get the urge to go on social media now 656 00:29:51,036 --> 00:29:53,156 Speaker 1: to do a quick check, I've been trying to harness 657 00:29:53,196 --> 00:29:55,476 Speaker 1: that into a new behavior, which, as you know, to 658 00:29:55,556 --> 00:29:58,036 Speaker 1: replace habits, it's helpful to have the other new behavior 659 00:29:58,076 --> 00:30:00,556 Speaker 1: you go to. So I've been trying, instead of going 660 00:30:00,556 --> 00:30:02,156 Speaker 1: on social media to say, oh, this is a time 661 00:30:02,156 --> 00:30:03,756 Speaker 1: when I should text a friend, who should I text, 662 00:30:03,836 --> 00:30:05,916 Speaker 1: I'll text my dad, or I'll text you know, a 663 00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:08,476 Speaker 1: friend who's like up the street, like And so it's 664 00:30:08,516 --> 00:30:10,756 Speaker 1: still like going to my phone and doing something when 665 00:30:10,796 --> 00:30:13,556 Speaker 1: I have that moment, a momentary anxious feeling that I 666 00:30:13,596 --> 00:30:15,556 Speaker 1: have this queue that I want to act on, but 667 00:30:15,636 --> 00:30:17,156 Speaker 1: instead of acting on it in a way that's going 668 00:30:17,196 --> 00:30:19,476 Speaker 1: to bump up my anxiety, hopefully it's acting on it 669 00:30:19,516 --> 00:30:21,756 Speaker 1: in a way that will help with social connection. Right now, 670 00:30:22,116 --> 00:30:25,156 Speaker 1: I love that habit replacement that's a fantastic one. Use 671 00:30:25,236 --> 00:30:29,276 Speaker 1: that queue of a social media craving and instead text 672 00:30:29,316 --> 00:30:31,436 Speaker 1: a friend or you know, make a donation or find 673 00:30:31,436 --> 00:30:33,836 Speaker 1: out way you can help someone. Exactly the same with 674 00:30:33,876 --> 00:30:35,396 Speaker 1: going to bed too. I think, you know, if I 675 00:30:35,436 --> 00:30:37,556 Speaker 1: didn't have the other queue of a physical book that 676 00:30:37,596 --> 00:30:39,796 Speaker 1: I was excited to read, even if I put my 677 00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:41,476 Speaker 1: phone somewhere, I would just get up and go look 678 00:30:41,476 --> 00:30:43,796 Speaker 1: at my phone right like. But having this other thing 679 00:30:43,836 --> 00:30:46,436 Speaker 1: that I'm looking forward to, that's an alternative behavior that 680 00:30:46,476 --> 00:30:49,596 Speaker 1: I can just slot in. It's been really powerful, that's great, 681 00:30:49,596 --> 00:30:52,076 Speaker 1: So I have to be really disciplined about replacements. On 682 00:30:52,076 --> 00:30:54,956 Speaker 1: the note of sleep, you mentioned your sleep routine, which 683 00:30:54,996 --> 00:30:57,556 Speaker 1: is fabulous, and I'm going to emulate. Are there any 684 00:30:57,556 --> 00:31:00,076 Speaker 1: other things we should be thinking about doing to ensure 685 00:31:00,116 --> 00:31:02,476 Speaker 1: that we're able to sleep well or as well as 686 00:31:02,516 --> 00:31:06,236 Speaker 1: possible at this very stressful time. What does the research 687 00:31:06,276 --> 00:31:08,436 Speaker 1: say about how we can ensure we get the sleep 688 00:31:08,476 --> 00:31:11,756 Speaker 1: we need for our systems and our emotional well being. Well. 689 00:31:11,796 --> 00:31:14,036 Speaker 1: I think one thing is to just realize how critical 690 00:31:14,076 --> 00:31:16,996 Speaker 1: sleep is for our mental health. Right now, the data 691 00:31:17,036 --> 00:31:19,596 Speaker 1: on sleep and mental health are like shocking that you 692 00:31:19,676 --> 00:31:23,276 Speaker 1: basically can spike your mood and your emotions to basically 693 00:31:23,316 --> 00:31:25,356 Speaker 1: almost be at a clinical level where you need treatment 694 00:31:25,676 --> 00:31:27,916 Speaker 1: simply by getting like, you know, three to four hours 695 00:31:28,076 --> 00:31:29,996 Speaker 1: a night of sleep for a week or so. There's 696 00:31:30,036 --> 00:31:33,636 Speaker 1: some studies suggesting this right, So finding ways to prioritize sleep, 697 00:31:33,756 --> 00:31:35,716 Speaker 1: it's really critical, and I think you hit the nail 698 00:31:35,716 --> 00:31:37,796 Speaker 1: on the Headwick. We just have to be really intentional 699 00:31:37,836 --> 00:31:40,476 Speaker 1: about it. We have to form new habits. The good 700 00:31:40,476 --> 00:31:43,196 Speaker 1: news is we're in this crazy new situation where we 701 00:31:43,196 --> 00:31:45,476 Speaker 1: can start to form those new habits. We're in the 702 00:31:45,516 --> 00:31:47,636 Speaker 1: house in a different way than we were before. You know, 703 00:31:47,636 --> 00:31:49,476 Speaker 1: we're not going out, say at night, to go get 704 00:31:49,556 --> 00:31:51,596 Speaker 1: drinks with friends or doing what we would normally do, 705 00:31:51,796 --> 00:31:54,436 Speaker 1: and I think that allows us a novel situation where 706 00:31:54,436 --> 00:31:56,436 Speaker 1: we can set up these new habits. The last thing 707 00:31:56,476 --> 00:31:59,636 Speaker 1: I was thinking about is these stressors that are very 708 00:31:59,676 --> 00:32:02,156 Speaker 1: real and aren't just in the media, but things like 709 00:32:02,676 --> 00:32:04,996 Speaker 1: losing a job or being afraid that you were going 710 00:32:05,036 --> 00:32:07,156 Speaker 1: to be out of a job, or knowing someone who's 711 00:32:07,236 --> 00:32:09,476 Speaker 1: sick and being very worried about them. When we have 712 00:32:09,516 --> 00:32:12,756 Speaker 1: these very real concerns that we can't ignore, like social media, 713 00:32:12,796 --> 00:32:15,356 Speaker 1: which we really could live without. What advice do you 714 00:32:15,396 --> 00:32:17,796 Speaker 1: have on how we can handle that? I guess there 715 00:32:17,796 --> 00:32:20,276 Speaker 1: are two pieces of advice. One is if you're dealing 716 00:32:20,516 --> 00:32:23,796 Speaker 1: with that situation happening to someone else, someone you care about, 717 00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:26,796 Speaker 1: right you know, this is happening with me in my 718 00:32:26,836 --> 00:32:29,116 Speaker 1: own life, you know, finding out that students in my 719 00:32:29,156 --> 00:32:31,596 Speaker 1: college are presumed COVID, you know, and they're really, really 720 00:32:31,636 --> 00:32:34,076 Speaker 1: sick right now. And this is one of the worst 721 00:32:34,076 --> 00:32:36,036 Speaker 1: things about this crisis, is like I can't do what 722 00:32:36,036 --> 00:32:37,556 Speaker 1: I would normally do, which is like show up at 723 00:32:37,556 --> 00:32:39,836 Speaker 1: their door, give them soup, like, you know, wish them well. 724 00:32:40,236 --> 00:32:42,996 Speaker 1: I think we have these thwarted moments of wanting to 725 00:32:43,036 --> 00:32:45,116 Speaker 1: help where we can't do it. And what I've been 726 00:32:45,116 --> 00:32:47,876 Speaker 1: trying to do is to harness those thwarted altruism moments 727 00:32:47,876 --> 00:32:50,236 Speaker 1: to a different kind of altruism. Right Like, every time 728 00:32:50,236 --> 00:32:51,996 Speaker 1: I get an email from a six student, I'm like, 729 00:32:52,276 --> 00:32:54,356 Speaker 1: let me donate some money to a cause that's really 730 00:32:54,356 --> 00:32:56,916 Speaker 1: good right now, or let me call an elderly neighbor 731 00:32:56,956 --> 00:32:58,956 Speaker 1: and check out on them, right So you kind of 732 00:32:58,996 --> 00:33:01,316 Speaker 1: take the altruistic urge that you have to help the 733 00:33:01,316 --> 00:33:03,036 Speaker 1: person in need who you might not be able to 734 00:33:03,036 --> 00:33:06,076 Speaker 1: help directly. And sort of channel that into something else. 735 00:33:06,436 --> 00:33:09,356 Speaker 1: I think if you're facing these problems yourself, right you've 736 00:33:09,556 --> 00:33:12,636 Speaker 1: personally lost a job or you've personally started to feel sick, 737 00:33:13,036 --> 00:33:15,196 Speaker 1: I think the key there is to do the kinds 738 00:33:15,196 --> 00:33:17,356 Speaker 1: of things that we know can be really powerful for 739 00:33:17,396 --> 00:33:20,196 Speaker 1: promoting resilience, and a lot of them have to do 740 00:33:20,236 --> 00:33:24,316 Speaker 1: with realizing that this situation, as awful as it is, 741 00:33:24,316 --> 00:33:27,236 Speaker 1: is temporary. And it's the kind of thing where we 742 00:33:27,276 --> 00:33:30,436 Speaker 1: know that people who've gone through really awful life circumstances 743 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:32,916 Speaker 1: and have come out the other side often report that 744 00:33:33,276 --> 00:33:36,956 Speaker 1: it was ultimately a good experience. Okay, so it'll be 745 00:33:37,036 --> 00:33:39,196 Speaker 1: hard in the moment when you're dealing with a crisis 746 00:33:39,196 --> 00:33:42,476 Speaker 1: to see that, but it sounds like the key advice is, yes, 747 00:33:42,556 --> 00:33:45,516 Speaker 1: this may be the low point in your life. We 748 00:33:45,796 --> 00:33:48,796 Speaker 1: don't want to take anything away from that, but research 749 00:33:48,836 --> 00:33:51,756 Speaker 1: shows that you will come out of it and that 750 00:33:51,956 --> 00:33:54,556 Speaker 1: six months later a lot of people are able to 751 00:33:54,556 --> 00:33:57,356 Speaker 1: be back just as happy as they were before. So 752 00:33:57,516 --> 00:33:58,996 Speaker 1: know that there is a light at the end of 753 00:33:58,996 --> 00:34:01,836 Speaker 1: the tunnel and look for opportunities to grow. Yeah, and 754 00:34:01,876 --> 00:34:04,156 Speaker 1: you can speed that light up by kind of taking 755 00:34:04,196 --> 00:34:08,796 Speaker 1: this future oriented processing yourself. So if you're experiencing something awful, 756 00:34:08,876 --> 00:34:11,636 Speaker 1: just gribe how you're going to deal with that setback 757 00:34:11,716 --> 00:34:13,756 Speaker 1: a year from now. You know, So if you've lost 758 00:34:13,756 --> 00:34:15,156 Speaker 1: your job, sit down and be like, all right, a 759 00:34:15,236 --> 00:34:17,796 Speaker 1: year from now, me, what am I thinking? Actually I 760 00:34:18,156 --> 00:34:20,196 Speaker 1: got through it, things are going to be okay. It 761 00:34:20,236 --> 00:34:21,916 Speaker 1: can kind of just get you to have all like 762 00:34:21,996 --> 00:34:24,636 Speaker 1: a more meta view of what's going on, and you 763 00:34:24,676 --> 00:34:27,316 Speaker 1: can realize that it's it's in the moment. Things that 764 00:34:27,396 --> 00:34:30,316 Speaker 1: seem really awful in the scheme of things are often 765 00:34:30,356 --> 00:34:33,076 Speaker 1: going to be okay in sometime. Laurie, No, we're about 766 00:34:33,116 --> 00:34:34,596 Speaker 1: at a time, and I just wanted to ask if 767 00:34:34,636 --> 00:34:37,196 Speaker 1: you have any final words of wisdom or any final 768 00:34:37,236 --> 00:34:39,956 Speaker 1: things you think we should cover so that our listeners 769 00:34:40,276 --> 00:34:43,356 Speaker 1: can get through this very difficult time. You've given so 770 00:34:43,476 --> 00:34:46,716 Speaker 1: much great advice, but is there any last word that 771 00:34:46,756 --> 00:34:49,036 Speaker 1: you want to share? I think I guess the last 772 00:34:49,076 --> 00:34:52,636 Speaker 1: words two words, but just self compassion. It really is 773 00:34:52,676 --> 00:34:54,916 Speaker 1: an awful time. Like there's a reason we're calling this 774 00:34:54,956 --> 00:34:58,476 Speaker 1: crisis unprecedented. There's a deadly virus that's incredibly scary and 775 00:34:58,516 --> 00:35:01,996 Speaker 1: incredibly uncertainty provoking. And I think one thing to realize 776 00:35:01,996 --> 00:35:05,076 Speaker 1: is it's okay to feel crappy, Like it's okay to 777 00:35:05,196 --> 00:35:07,956 Speaker 1: not be working. It's okay to give yourself and your 778 00:35:07,996 --> 00:35:10,436 Speaker 1: family members a little bit more self compassion and a 779 00:35:10,436 --> 00:35:12,036 Speaker 1: little bit more of a benefit of the doubt than 780 00:35:12,076 --> 00:35:14,956 Speaker 1: you usually would. But part of that is to realize 781 00:35:14,996 --> 00:35:17,436 Speaker 1: that science gives you intentional things that you can do 782 00:35:17,476 --> 00:35:20,516 Speaker 1: to feel better. So yeah, like feel crappy and lick 783 00:35:20,556 --> 00:35:22,836 Speaker 1: your wounds, but as soon as you have the space, 784 00:35:23,116 --> 00:35:25,276 Speaker 1: try some of these things out that we've been talking about, 785 00:35:25,516 --> 00:35:27,956 Speaker 1: because all the research suggests they can help a lot. 786 00:35:29,396 --> 00:35:31,476 Speaker 1: Thank you, Laurie, this was so great. I really appreciate 787 00:35:31,476 --> 00:35:34,236 Speaker 1: you taking the time. No, no problem, this is one 788 00:35:35,796 --> 00:35:38,276 Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this special episode. If you liked 789 00:35:38,276 --> 00:35:40,836 Speaker 1: what you heard, you should subscribe to Choiceology wherever you 790 00:35:40,876 --> 00:35:43,436 Speaker 1: get your podcasts. And I also hope that you'll come 791 00:35:43,436 --> 00:35:45,956 Speaker 1: back to hear the next episode of The Happiness Lab 792 00:35:46,036 --> 00:35:47,756 Speaker 1: with me doctor Laurie Santos