WEBVTT - Your Chairlift or Mine? 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:04.800 I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jerry and 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:10.800 I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello. 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:12.479 Thank you so much for joining us on this week's 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:15.520 episode of help That I Suck It Dating. I don't 0:00:15.520 --> 0:00:16.800 know where I was going with it, and then I 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:18.919 just decided to keep on firing. Do you know do 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:20.640 you speak into other languages? Can you say hello on 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:32.200 another languagela? Ola? Hellap uh? That's tih Wait say that again? 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.280 So what doesn't sound how at? Crop or I can't 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:40.320 remember over? That's thank you cop crop crop. Anyways, we're 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.120 gonna mix it up a little bit this episode. We 0:00:43.159 --> 0:00:44.960 want to just dive int sae emails right away. We 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.199 got some guests later on. We're gonna have Brittany from 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:50.600 Tim Taylor Tasian Island. We're gonna have Melissa Brown um 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:54.560 to discuss relationships, and we're gonna have Erica. I'm going 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:57.440 to butcher this last name Kaibartes in here as well. 0:00:57.600 --> 0:00:59.640 I think that's how you say it. Who is a matchmaker? 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:01.680 So um, we're going to dive into all those guests 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:03.520 a little bit later. Before we do that, I figured, 0:01:03.600 --> 0:01:06.080 you know, why not, we'll stir up a little bit. 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:08.920 Because if there's anything that time has proven is that 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:11.720 if you defy convention, good things happen. And that's what 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:13.880 we're doing right now. We've never opened with emails. No, 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:16.200 it's probably gonna the number one listened to the episode. Well, 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:18.440 here's Alice. She wants to know. She says, I chose 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.520 to pursue a career that has been my lifelong passion. However, 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:24.560 I have never been in a relationship. Dean, from what 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:26.399 I understand, you feel a similar way. But do you 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:28.520 think you will ever reach a point where you're completely 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:31.399 satisfied with who you are and where you're at in life? 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:34.200 Then she asked the question to Jared, but I'll he's 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:36.400 not here today, but I'll throw this out to both 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.200 of you as well. The Alice points out that when 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:41.040 Ashley first one on The Bachelor, she had never been 0:01:41.080 --> 0:01:44.039 in a relationship at twenty six. Would you say that 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:45.839 before you got to know her? That was a turn 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:47.680 off for a red flag? So I'd ask you, guys, 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:49.520 if you met somebody who was in there late twenties 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:51.360 at least it has never been in a relationship, would 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.400 that be a red flag to you? Probably? Since the 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:56.720 short and sweet and simple answer. Hold on, what's your 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:58.800 definition of a relationship? For me has to be at 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:01.120 least like a year or two year relationship. If it's like, 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:04.000 I don't think that you can define someone else's relationship. 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.000 I think if someone says, yeah, I used to have 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:08.760 a girlfriend, nition is yeah. But I mean I can 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.359 say I had a boyfriend for a month, but that's 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:12.320 just someone that I was casually dating for a month. 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:16.079 So what I would have to know what is being 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:17.799 a relationship? In my opinion, it's when you put the 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:19.360 label on. It is when you start calling someone your 0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:22.840 girlfriend or when you start to consider yourself their boyfriend. Yeah, 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:25.000 but let's say you're dating someone for three months. You 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:27.240 think a three month relationship is the same thing as 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.520 a one year relationship, So you don't have you don't 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:31.840 go through like the waves of the ups and downs 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:35.120 as opposed to someone who is dating a significant or 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.400 significant other for an extended period of time. So anyways, 0:02:38.400 --> 0:02:40.040 my point is, yeah, it would be a little bit 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:41.880 of a red flag. Well, it depends on the relationship. 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.399 I think there can be very intense, powerful three month 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:47.880 relationships and there could be very casual three year relationships. True, 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.800 very true, right. I do want to point out earlier 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:52.520 in the email, she says that her and I are 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.240 similar because she chose to pursue a career that's been 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:58.000 her lifelong passion, and so she's never been in a relationship. 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.320 We don't really have that in common. I usually you'm 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:03.920 pointing that out, and here we go, we started the 0:03:03.919 --> 0:03:07.160 episode again. That's not even self deprecation. That's why I've 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.960 been very vocal about my um my moving through life 0:03:11.040 --> 0:03:14.960 very ambiguously and uncertainly of where I'm going to be next. 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:17.160 Um So, I think that she's kind of saying she 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:20.799 make the relationships take a back seat to her career, 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:24.520 which is fine. I love women who are pursuing their 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:28.840 careers as opposed to pursuing and looking for their significant 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:31.760 other or men or whatever. Just you know, I think nowadays, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.320 in nineteen, we shouldn't only be focusing on love. We 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:36.720 should be focusing on things that make us happy and 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:40.640 internally we can give that love back and to circle 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.960 it background. I think what Alice is saying is now 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:45.840 I am focusing on traveling and doing the things that 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:48.360 I've always wanted to do, and by that by working 0:03:48.360 --> 0:03:50.560 on myself and finding love with myself is will help 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:52.120 me find love downline. I think that's what she's saying, 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:54.680 because that's kind of what she mentioned later on. I've 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:56.280 only just started do that recently, so I guess when 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:57.560 I think of a career, I think of it since 0:03:57.640 --> 0:03:59.920 I was eighteen years old. But I do see what 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:01.400 you saying. I guess I do agree with her. I 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.680 think that's perfectly great. I think that there's there's that 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.440 famous quote, fall in love when you're ready, not when 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:09.040 you're lonely, And if you're pursuing something that you're very 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:12.320 passionate about, like your career, you'll always you'll never be 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:14.160 lonely because you will always have that that you're working on, 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:16.680 striving for to be better at, and then when love comes, 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:18.440 you're ready for it. We had a quote yesterday and 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.680 scrubbing In that seemed to strike a chord with a 0:04:20.680 --> 0:04:23.800 lot of the scrubbing in listeners the scrubbers as we 0:04:23.839 --> 0:04:30.440 call them, and it was needing nothing attracts everything. I mean, 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:34.640 if you are completely happy with where you are and 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:36.880 what you are and who you are, then that is 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:39.560 a very attractive quality to have, not somebody who's kinds 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.520 of the look of a relationship who's still working on themselves, 0:04:41.560 --> 0:04:43.680 that sort of thing, focus on you first. That's great. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:45.200 I love that. I don't know why I didn't think 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:48.640 of that. Dang, it all upset myself. Jasmine sends this 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.160 and she says, I really identify with what Dean has 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:55.599 said about feeling non monogamous. In my ideal partnership, I 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:58.600 will be open to intimacy with other people, probably friends, 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.440 but not always. I started seeing someone I really love 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:04.480 spending time with, but during a casual conversation, he expressed 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.480 that he is monogamous. We've only been dating for a month, 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:10.000 but it feels so good. But is it fair for 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:12.320 me to keep dating him knowing that I truly think 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.960 I'm non monogamous. I think it's fair. I think I 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:16.760 wonder if maybe an a monogamous person in a non 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:20.279 miss person could still date. I don't see it would 0:05:20.279 --> 0:05:22.720 be challenging. I certainly think it'll present its challenges, but 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:26.400 I don't think it's impossible. I hear scoffing from Canada. 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.360 Uh No, anxiety just kicked in. I wouldn't be able 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:34.400 to date someone who isn't wired the same way I'm wired. 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:37.840 In terms of being monogamous. Sure, I'm not I'm not. Again, 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.400 I'm not saying it's ideal. I don't think it's going 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:42.640 to be easy, but I think it's certainly possible, especially 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.080 if he's open to it. Maybe his monogamy lies in 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:46.919 the fact that he doesn't want to stray to others, 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.440 but he doesn't mind if his partners strays to others stray. 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:52.440 Maybe it's a loose term in that sense, but he's 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:54.440 open to like letting her do her thing, but he's 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.680 gonna stay monogamous himself, you know what I mean, M boy. 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.080 I don't think a monogamus person could handle that. Like 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:02.599 I said, I think it would be challenging, but I 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.120 don't think it's entirely off the table. Could a non 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:11.000 monogamous person find the person that makes them a monogamoust? Sure? Probably? Yeah? Yeah? 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:15.880 Um well, Dean, do you feel that way? Do you 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.160 feel like right now you're in a state of not 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.760 really wanting to be monogamous? Would if someone that you're like, 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.279 oh my god, this person is my ideal person blah 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:28.440 blah blah blah, whoever it is, and they want to 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:36.640 have a monogamous relationship, would you months. Okay, No, I'm kidding. 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:40.080 I'm kidding. Um. It's funny because i've actually ever since 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.159 obviously we talked about initially on this podcast a couple 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:44.760 of months ago. I bring it up with friends, uh 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:47.400 female friends, and I always say, hey, would you ever 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:51.039 consider being in a polyamorous relationship? That's what it's called polyamorous, right, 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.120 I guess is that when you have multiple partners, like 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:58.000 you're all like a thruples when a woman has more 0:06:58.040 --> 0:07:00.840 than one husband, and polygan miss is what a man 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.160 is more than one wife. So what would be the 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:07.760 same if like both partners have multiple partners? I guess. 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:09.840 I guess The question that I always ask is would 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:11.360 you be interested in a polly or would you be 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:14.120 open to the idea of a polly relationship? Because that 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:15.920 on a date, not of you on date. It's just 0:07:16.120 --> 0:07:18.520 like friends with lifelong friends of like you know obviously 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:20.800 females who are dating all that kind of stuff. Um, 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:24.160 and you know obviously they know my uh tainted track 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:26.160 record with dating and how challenging it's been for me 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:28.400 to be in these monogamous relationships. So I asked them openly, 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.400 I'm like, hey, what are your thoughts on a polly relationship, 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:34.000 and every single one of them is absolutely not. They 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:37.920 always say absolutely Now I know someone who is right 0:07:37.960 --> 0:07:41.360 now kind of dating someone who is not really monogamous, 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.840 and I I love the amount of honesty that goes 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.560 on in those kinds of relationships, because when you're in 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.680 a monogamous relationship, there's all these like unwritten rules that 0:07:50.760 --> 0:07:53.720 you think apply to every relationship. But then when you're 0:07:53.720 --> 0:07:57.200 in an open one, you you're open, You're you're kind 0:07:57.240 --> 0:07:59.400 of forced to being open about things that you're doing 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:03.640 with other partners that may potentially That's all it boils 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:05.240 down to at the end of day's communication. And it's 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:08.400 a challenge most challenging part because we're conditioned to like 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.600 think that we're supposed to be monogamous, whether it's biological 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.040 or whatever. I'm not here to argue that point. But 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:17.040 if you if you have thoughts about other people and 0:08:17.080 --> 0:08:19.240 you're in a monogamous relationship or conditioned to think that 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.360 we should keep those thoughts secret, and then we should 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:23.280 share those shots thoughts with a partner, And if you 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:25.440 have them and you start sharing them, you gotta be 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:28.640 a challenging conversation. But it could ultimately lead to I 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.480 don't know, better feelings for each other and and just 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:35.600 maybe happy yes for everyone involved. But again it's challenging. 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:41.000 I don't know, Like like the non monogamous thing is, uh, 0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:42.319 it has to be done right. There's a lot of 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.040 rules that need to be late and I believe it 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:47.600 has to be done right. Um. So for Jasmine in 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:50.000 her case, like she said, she's seeing someone that's monogamous 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:51.840 and she really likes him, but she thinks she's polly. 0:08:52.400 --> 0:08:58.920 Um tell him absolutely, There's there's no getting around that. 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:02.400 And unless you don't want to tell him, because here's 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:04.920 the thing, you're not gonna want to talent, because he's 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:06.960 gonna leave. He's not gonna be But I doubt he 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:10.240 leaves is my thing. I don't think leave. I really don't. Okay, 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:12.560 but if you're, if you're happy now, I wonder if 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.960 you drop that grenade on him right now, because maybe 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:17.800 you keep that to yourself and see where this goes, 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:21.040 because maybe this is the guy. But what happened, But 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:22.920 what happened in the Mark that always used to say, 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:26.000 be yourself, be open and honest, even with your shortcomings, 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:27.480 and then let the people that are gonna love you 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:29.720 for those shortcomings, love you for their shortcoming, because I 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:33.720 don't think that being a nonmonogamist, And maybe this is 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:36.080 me being insensitive, and I'm sorry if that's the case. 0:09:36.960 --> 0:09:38.600 I don't see it as a shortcoming. I also don't 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:42.240 see it as a trait as a I'm gay, I'm straight, 0:09:42.840 --> 0:09:45.840 I'm Christian. You know, there are certain things about you 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.120 that are kind of set in some degree of stone. 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:51.560 I'm not sure nonmonogamy is set in stone. I really 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:54.599 don't like anything you just said. I'll be honest. Do 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:58.160 you feel like if you didn't have any of those experiences, 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:03.520 would you you be open to just being monogamous? Because 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:06.800 I feel like you've been jaded, and you've been jaded 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:08.880 because of you know, some things that you've gone through 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:12.400 in the bashelor world and personal things like that. Do 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:15.000 you feel like if those experiences haven't hadn't happened to you, 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:19.160 you would want to be open to monogamy. At the 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:20.360 end of the day, it's not something I'm not open 0:10:20.400 --> 0:10:24.720 to monogamy. It's just that we all go through phases 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:26.480 in life, right and right now, I'm in a phase 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.040 where being in a relationship doesn't interest me, not for 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:31.760 the fact of monogamy, but for the fact that it 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:34.280 can kind of put restrictions on the lifestyle that I 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:38.720 want to live. I eat, traveling and going skydiving and 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:43.439 what it do. I understand what you're saying, but I'm 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.680 just saying that the main driving factor for me to 0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:48.920 not want to be in a relationship right now isn't monogamy. Well, 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:53.400 monogamy is a fear on the list. It's not number one. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:55.319 It's not the one reason preventing me from wanting to 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.000 be in a relationship with someone. And then when I 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.480 when I have conversations with people at seeing that they're 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.600 open to Paulli, it's it's more so for me to 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:06.280 just kind of probe and understand people's reactions to that 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:08.280 a little bit better because it's such a new thought 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.640 to me at least to be vocal about, you know, 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.080 Explain to me, Um, you just referred to it as 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:16.360 a phase, which is all I was kind of saying, 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:18.680 is this could be a phase you're going through. Explain 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:20.760 to me, just like being gay or being Christian. No, 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:23.960 I don't see those as phases. Maybe I misinterpreted so 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:26.360 you'd misinterpreted. He's saying that it's not like I guess, 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.000 like a label, right, is that what you're saying? More, 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.280 I'm saying that whether you're gay, or you're straight, or 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:33.320 your Christian or your Jewish, those things are fairly set 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:38.240 in stone. I don't think non monogamy is necessarily Okay, okay, 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.520 I kind of see what you're saying, but I still 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:42.400 don't necessary more of a phase where I don't see 0:11:42.400 --> 0:11:44.360 those other things as phases. I feel like those are 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.240 lifelong commitment. Okay, okay, okay, yep, now that makes sense 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.800 to me. Okay, all right, I can't for the day 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.640 Dean comes in. He's like, oh my god, I'm in 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.440 love with so and so, and you're never gonna want 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:55.800 to go on another day with anyone. I mean. The 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.079 thing with me, though, is I fall in love very 0:11:58.120 --> 0:11:59.720 easily and quickly, but then I fall out of it 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:03.960 just as quick. I don't know. I have addiction to 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:06.319 My therapist told me I have an addiction to novelty, 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:08.679 and I still think that's true. I love experiencing new 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:15.000 things and then when they're no longer a novelty to me, Yeah, 0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:17.480 it's interested in like a sister wife situation. You're interested 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.360 in seeing a person for a while and then another 0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:21.960 person for a while. The novelty of new people. Right, 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:26.800 it's not even people, but yeah people places things. Yeah, okay, okay, 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.040 And I know that's not fair, like it's it's unfair 0:12:29.120 --> 0:12:32.000 to bring someone into that situation. Um, but yeah. My 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:33.520 therapist told me that she's, yeah, you have an addiction, 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.640 addiction and novelty. And I was like, I try to 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:37.319 like she was like racking my brain to try to 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:38.800 argue with her, and I couldn't come up with an argument. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:42.559 I was like, all right, let's take a quick break 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.080 and then we have our first guest here. In a second, 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:48.680 she's with something called It's just lunch. If you're tired 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:51.160 of vading apps, this is a new way to meet 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.040 the one. Melissa Brown is coming up next. 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Okay, 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.960 so let's jump into our next segment with Melissa Brown, 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:03.200 who's from As Mark said, it's just welts are you there? Hi? An? Hello, 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.360 how are you? Thank you so much for calling in today? 0:15:05.440 --> 0:15:09.240 Hi Melissa? Hi, thanks for having me. Oh my gosh. 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:11.880 Of course some Melissa tell us what what exactly is? 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:16.040 It's just lunch. So it's just lunch. We are a 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:20.600 personalized match making service. So we're not an app, we're 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:25.960 not online. Um, we're an alternative to do an app aroundline. Um. 0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:30.200 But basically our clients work with matchmakers. So we set 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:33.280 up dates for our clients. Um, and we'll set up 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:37.160 lunch dates or we'll do drinks after work. Okay, And 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:40.920 how do people I guess find you guys? Then? Is 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:44.000 it just all word of mouth? Yeah? Yeah, Actually a 0:15:44.000 --> 0:15:45.800 lot of our clients do come from word of mouth 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:49.360 and referrals. Um, that's actually the number one way. But 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:51.680 you know, we're out there. We're in a bunch of 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.440 cities across the United States. UM, but we have a 0:15:55.480 --> 0:16:01.280 website and UM we obviously UM reach our clients either 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:05.240 through our online efforts for they'll call in. They'll hear 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:08.920 about us and call in UM and so typically they'll 0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:10.880 just check us out see what we're all about first 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.600 before they actually speak to a live mass taker. And 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:17.400 so do you do you notice a trend in singles? 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:19.520 I guess I don't know the age range that you 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:21.480 guys typically work with, but are they moving away from 0:16:21.480 --> 0:16:24.200 those dating apps? Do you tend to see that they are? 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.480 It's it's actually a real thing. And I don't know 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:30.640 if you've heard about UM I r L, but dating 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:33.280 in real life is it's actually like a new phenomena 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:37.080 where people are really ditching the apps right now. UM. 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.000 They want that alternative. They want to actually date in 0:16:40.040 --> 0:16:43.640 real life. UM. You know, we believe personally it's just 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.640 lunch that you really can't predict chemistry unless you meet 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:48.600 that person phase to phase. I mean you have to 0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:51.960 be sitting across for that person. You have to have 0:16:52.240 --> 0:16:57.280 that interaction UM and wiping and winking and not even 0:16:57.280 --> 0:16:59.360 actually going on a real date, you know, is it? 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:02.120 Is it really challenging way to actually, you know, meet 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:03.880 the love of your life. You have to get in 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.560 front of us and meet face to face. Well, one 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:08.200 of the benefits that I could think of that comes 0:17:08.280 --> 0:17:10.240 right to mind off of a dating app. Of course, 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:11.760 you're gonna have a lot of conversations, but you can 0:17:11.840 --> 0:17:14.000 kind of gauge the chemistry before you meet with them 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.800 face to face. So that was my question. Is it 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:22.119 a blind date? So we're so it depends no. Typically no, 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:24.640 a lot of our memberships, you know, they do see photos, 0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:26.960 so they do have that pixel in front of them. 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:30.520 They you those pictures which pretty much what you see online. 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:34.160 But even then, I mean, yes, you may say, okay, 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.360 I can tell that you know, they're pretty, I could 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:38.800 tell their handsome, I could tell them attracted to them, 0:17:39.200 --> 0:17:42.040 but you really can't tell until you see their smile, 0:17:42.160 --> 0:17:44.879 until you see the way they communicate, you know, until 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.200 you hear that laugh. I mean, there's so much more 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:51.960 to chemistry than just a picture and looks and and so. 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:53.760 But it is a good way. I mean, I think 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:56.800 starting off having a sense of of who that person 0:17:56.960 --> 0:18:01.960 is is important. Um, but with that dark clients, you know, 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.320 like to utilize the personalized matchmaker because they kind of 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:09.679 stepped through all the nose for them, they could just 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:11.840 focus on the ones that they wanted me and not 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:13.639 have to get through all the nose, you know, to 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:17.520 find that. Yes, so what would you see is the 0:18:17.560 --> 0:18:21.879 most top trending qualities that a man is looking for 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.040 and a woman or a man is looking for a 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:29.119 man or in their potential partner. Yeah, well, I think 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.960 for I mean, for men, it is a lot of 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:35.119 it is looked, I mean, and for men and women 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.960 will know within the first twenty minutes they want to 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:45.080 see that person again. Really, yeah, it is pretty quick. No, 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:49.040 I'm surprised. I'm surprised that it takes a date period. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:51.639 I thought it would take at least three because the 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:53.760 first day you're just trying to gauge and see, like, 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:56.480 you know, how should I act her on this person 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.600 just to get a second get a second date? And 0:18:58.640 --> 0:19:00.960 then after the second day that's when you really start 0:19:00.960 --> 0:19:02.560 to know, or the third day, you really start to 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.879 know with the person's true colors, or at least I 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:07.960 mean true colors. I hopefully think it's funny hearing both 0:19:08.000 --> 0:19:11.399 of your responses to that because so typical you're thinking 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:14.240 it takes oh my gosh, twenty minutes so long, and 0:19:14.280 --> 0:19:18.400 then you're saying it's it's not long enough. Um, And 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:20.879 so you know it is it is. You know a 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:22.960 lot of times with men it is looks. But for 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.359 for both men and women, I mean, they're pretty quick 0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.040 to tell right away if they want to meet that 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:30.280 person again. And what do you see yourself? What is 0:19:30.320 --> 0:19:33.280 your the success rate of it's just launch versus like 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:37.439 a typical or traditional dating. What's a traditional So so 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:41.159 for us, um, you know we are we focused on 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:46.280 first date. UM. So we do get to uh develop 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:48.760 relationships obviously with our clients because we do get to 0:19:48.800 --> 0:19:51.840 know them really well over the course they're memberships. Um. 0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:55.200 Sometimes we don't always hear about all the success stories unfortunately, 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:58.480 but you know, for us, you know, a successful date 0:19:58.560 --> 0:20:00.800