Speaker 1: I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born
Speaker 1: and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and
Speaker 1: I'm a body positive advocate. I'm CAROLINEA Bermudez soy Nika
Speaker 1: wins it. But I was born and raised in Ohio.
Speaker 1: I'm a wife, a mama, and a worker being. This
Speaker 1: is life in spanglish. What help, homie, It is time
Speaker 1: for us to hang again. Yeah, you know, I've been
Speaker 1: singing things because now I like feel like that is
Speaker 1: a release for me, a stress reliever. So I've been
Speaker 1: coming up with these ridiculous songs and I'm singing them
Speaker 1: around the house and then my kids. So you just
Speaker 1: make up random songs, not singing, but they're not songs
Speaker 1: that we know. No, no, they're like they're like, um,
Speaker 1: you know, fuck this ship, I'm done. I've had it today.
Speaker 1: You know, like that fact that you're singing them like
Speaker 1: their church and you're throwing me that one. I don't
Speaker 1: sing around my kids. I wait till they go to school.
Speaker 1: But like, yeah, when I'm doing the laundry, ill like
Speaker 1: seeing different songs about like people trying to like, you know,
Speaker 1: help me things like that. So that's where I'm at today.
Speaker 1: But you know, that's just how I'm feeling. But honey,
Speaker 1: how have you been doing telling me everything that's going on?
Speaker 1: Feeling amazing? Care you know, I'm working out, you know,
Speaker 1: leave it, you know. Work. It's a lot, not even
Speaker 1: gonna lie to you. And we're not even back in
Speaker 1: full time yet, you know what I mean. Like there's
Speaker 1: still that whole hybrid situation here and there, you know.
Speaker 1: But like I mean, I feel like for the most
Speaker 1: part now most of the nation is back into the
Speaker 1: rhythm of being like back at work, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. But just managing it all has been a lot.
Speaker 1: People are being so picky with even going back to work.
Speaker 1: People are making demands and I love it. And you
Speaker 1: know what, employers are very open there be. I never
Speaker 1: thought I would see the day, Carolina, are they well?
Speaker 1: You know what? Even even our company, we got an
Speaker 1: email and the gist I got from it from our
Speaker 1: CEO was work wherever you are most productive and work
Speaker 1: with your manager on where you will work from. I
Speaker 1: thought that was pretty flexible. It could have been like, hell, no,
Speaker 1: everybody got to bring the ash back to work Monday,
Speaker 1: January second, something like that. No, it wasn't no hold
Speaker 1: on that that email is coming. Just wait, Like even
Speaker 1: though we're past January, that emails coming does wait? You
Speaker 1: know it'll be here. The thing is, it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: we've got to get back until Like I said, it's
Speaker 1: like the rhythm of like things. But you know we
Speaker 1: don't have to go back to like the rat race,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And I use that freeze
Speaker 1: because that's New York City, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like it's go time. When you wake up, you're like
Speaker 1: shot out of the cannon. You gotta keep up with
Speaker 1: everybody else. You got to get on that train. You
Speaker 1: gotta get on the bus. You gotta do all the
Speaker 1: seed on the bus. That's saying, if you can make
Speaker 1: it here, you can make it anywhere. What was it true? Man?
Speaker 1: Like girl, you'd be over here like this me and
Speaker 1: trying to grow me on the train. You gotta like
Speaker 1: move carts when there's a weirdo or a freak. I'm
Speaker 1: just glad I got strong elbows. I know, strong elbows.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know what out my way, Get
Speaker 1: out of my way. Um No, you know what we
Speaker 1: were going to talk about something that I thought was
Speaker 1: like really interesting today because I think it still applies,
Speaker 1: like even though it happened a while ago, like you know,
Speaker 1: you're still seeing it pop up on social media here
Speaker 1: and there, and that's the whole Like, do you remember
Speaker 1: when the red flags are trending on social media? Red flags? Like,
Speaker 1: let's say, as an example, in dating, Okay, so you
Speaker 1: know what's the red flag? A red flag is something
Speaker 1: that you're put on notice about somebody where you begin
Speaker 1: to notice something about them that might not be what
Speaker 1: you would normally vibe with. Like, for example, you're on
Speaker 1: a date and the guy or the girl is rude
Speaker 1: to the wait staff. That to me is a red flag.
Speaker 1: You know, having been a waitress, I know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be disrespected by patrons. And so these
Speaker 1: are the things that like kind of give you that
Speaker 1: heads up like this may not be the person that
Speaker 1: you think they are. You know, I don't know, Caro,
Speaker 1: because sometimes I'd be having like bad days and that
Speaker 1: could be rude to the wait set. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I'm not a good catch, you know. So it's weird
Speaker 1: red flags. You never know what date a person is having.
Speaker 1: And I'm always here defending myself because you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff can't go wrong during the restaurant visit.
Speaker 1: And don't fuck with my food because you're gonna see
Speaker 1: aside of me, that's not good girl. Oh maybe that
Speaker 1: raw salmon, because I'm gonna be like, nah, this ain't it.
Speaker 1: I think that this is more of like you know, um,
Speaker 1: it might not be situational like yes, you know, people
Speaker 1: do have bad days or you know, the restaurant doesn't
Speaker 1: get it right or the cooking staff doesn't get it right.
Speaker 1: And like, like I said, as a former waitress, I
Speaker 1: remember those days and I would actually be very sympathetic
Speaker 1: to people, and I would feel bad, like, you know,
Speaker 1: I want you to have a great meal, because if
Speaker 1: you don't have a great meal, I don't get a
Speaker 1: great tip. You know. But there's a difference between somebody
Speaker 1: who's having like just a terrible meal or a bad day,
Speaker 1: and someone who is inherently rude or nasty to people.
Speaker 1: You know, like you you can begin to tell them
Speaker 1: apart of fun, I know what you're saying. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean with dating, you know, it was always
Speaker 1: a big red flag for me someone who was overly
Speaker 1: sexual like off the rip. Oh yeah, any any a
Speaker 1: boot comments, any booty, any type of comment that alluded
Speaker 1: to sex, like let's stay first date. I was like, nah,
Speaker 1: this saying it definitely, you know my eyes were like nah,
Speaker 1: this guy over here just trying to smash Definitely, Let's
Speaker 1: just grab this food, let's do this movie, and let's
Speaker 1: get out of here. Growing up as a Latino, right,
Speaker 1: parents were always like no, they could get the talking,
Speaker 1: you know, they stuff like you know, we were. Our
Speaker 1: parents were always very like sex was taboo, and he
Speaker 1: was always like, don't let guys touch you, don't let
Speaker 1: guys used you. Men only want to have sex with you.
Speaker 1: So that stood with me like throughout my adult life.
Speaker 1: So I think immediately if I went out with someone
Speaker 1: and they were being overly sexual, mom and dad came
Speaker 1: to mind right away and not to get it by sato.
Speaker 1: So immediately that would just pop up, especially because you
Speaker 1: know I was always boluptuous. You know, like twelve years old,
Speaker 1: I probably had a third or four d really oh wow,
Speaker 1: so you develop pretty I developed pretty early, but not
Speaker 1: like that, like I mean you really, girl, I had
Speaker 1: dies I had asked. My mom went through it girl.
Speaker 1: And you know, we lived on a hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: one and Broadway just you know, the heart of the hood.
Speaker 1: So it was just like I was always very alert
Speaker 1: and like I was hyper aware of like men being sexual.
Speaker 1: So first day, any type of sexual thought red flag.
Speaker 1: Absolutely no, I have to totally agree with you there,
Speaker 1: because it's like, you know, like my mom would always
Speaker 1: say that, didn't you know what I mean? Like, but
Speaker 1: for me, if somebody is being overtly sexual, like even
Speaker 1: in the text messages and things like that, if you're
Speaker 1: not respecting me, Like I definitely thought that was a
Speaker 1: red flag when I was dating. But it was also
Speaker 1: almost like let me be the freak, like let me
Speaker 1: show you, you know what I mean, like, let me
Speaker 1: be the one I don't know. I guess that's always
Speaker 1: how I was, you know. And if I wanted to
Speaker 1: go there with somebody, I wanted to have the option
Speaker 1: to go there with with a guy. I didn't want
Speaker 1: it to be like part of the plan or part
Speaker 1: of his master plan, you know. Like the other thing too,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, obviously when you go out to
Speaker 1: the restaurant, how do they treat people. Another flag for
Speaker 1: me was the way they spoke about their mother, because
Speaker 1: I always wanted to know kind of. I feel like
Speaker 1: you get a really good view of what a person
Speaker 1: is like based on the relationship with their mothers. So,
Speaker 1: you know, there were guys who I legitimately would go
Speaker 1: out with it would like trash their moms, and I
Speaker 1: was just like, dude, what like that is the woman
Speaker 1: who gave you life. How are you going to sit
Speaker 1: here and talk about her like that? So that for
Speaker 1: me immediately, and like, listen, I know every situation in
Speaker 1: life is very different. You know, I wasn't there when
Speaker 1: they were growing up, But I also think that there's
Speaker 1: just a time and a place for it. And despite
Speaker 1: what you may have been through, the way that you
Speaker 1: speak about your mom, I think speaks volumes about you.
Speaker 1: So I would definitely say, like the way they spoke
Speaker 1: about their mom if they were overtly sexual, red flag,
Speaker 1: red flag, if they needed to borrow money for me
Speaker 1: for the date flag listen, I'm wanting to go Dutch.
Speaker 1: We can go. I always like that. You know. My
Speaker 1: husband still mentioned he's like, yo, you used to pay
Speaker 1: some time, but that was more of a control thing.
Speaker 1: I wanted him to understand, like I got my money,
Speaker 1: I don't need to pay for this I just I
Speaker 1: just just like the flex on him. But yeah, you're
Speaker 1: trying to borrow money, that's the ft flag. We're not
Speaker 1: doing that at all. Well, you know, I dated a
Speaker 1: guy and it was like, you know, this was back
Speaker 1: when I was working or living in l A. And
Speaker 1: he was such a disaster. Everything was in his mother's name.
Speaker 1: He always paid in cash, he never had Sometimes he
Speaker 1: would have a surplus of money, sometimes he would have
Speaker 1: no money. And then finally my girl was like, girl,
Speaker 1: wake up. I was like, what, she's like, he's a
Speaker 1: drug dealer. I said, what, I made a plenty of those, girl,
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. But I never But that's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. How naive I was that I had no idea.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he always pays in cash, and like you
Speaker 1: know or or you would always ask me like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you give me you know, this amount of money
Speaker 1: until you know next week, because you know next week
Speaker 1: I'll get paid for this job that I was doing.
Speaker 1: He told me he was in construction. He was just
Speaker 1: trying to re up on his drug talk about can
Speaker 1: you can you let me hold three thousands so I
Speaker 1: could get quarter brick and break it down real quick. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: And I'm sitting there counting ones and fives for my
Speaker 1: tips as a waitress at a freaking restaurant, and I'm
Speaker 1: like sitting that. I'm like, you know, and it's like,
Speaker 1: I like, I like the guy, but I had no
Speaker 1: clue that he was actually like doing some devious stuff
Speaker 1: on the side, you know what I mean. So it
Speaker 1: was until my girlfriend, she had the light on me
Speaker 1: and she was just like, baby, wake up, that guy's
Speaker 1: a drug dealer. And I was like no, she goes, yes,
Speaker 1: it's crazy. Drug dealers would never read flag for me.
Speaker 1: They were actually green flags because I knew we would
Speaker 1: have cash, we would go everywhere, we would eat whatever
Speaker 1: we wanted. Oh take me to May season and my Apparlina.
Speaker 1: My trick was with the drug dealers, just sak me shopping.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, I'm not gonna try anything on. I'll
Speaker 1: take this, this, this, this, this, this, and that. Give
Speaker 1: me their seat. Next day, I'll go back, bring everything
Speaker 1: back and get the cash. Oh my gosh. See that's
Speaker 1: where I feel like I am so small town. Never
Speaker 1: thought about that. I I'll I remember was saying, like,
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't want to date this guy because
Speaker 1: God forbid I was in the car with him and
Speaker 1: he had something. I was like, there goes my dream
Speaker 1: of ever doing anything in my life. My mom and
Speaker 1: dad would tell me, if you get arrested, your life
Speaker 1: is over, you know, so like I don't know, I
Speaker 1: guess that that was Like that was definitely a red
Speaker 1: flag for me, and that ended the relationship because I
Speaker 1: was like, I cannot be messing with somebody who was
Speaker 1: like and I put me in danger. I was like
Speaker 1: so afraid. After then I found out he was just
Speaker 1: like a weed dealer, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: it wasn't even anything serious, but no, no, a chopel,
Speaker 1: no way. I wasn't you know Robin Albos with people
Speaker 1: like that back in l A. Well, Like you know
Speaker 1: what red flags, I don't think it's even limited to
Speaker 1: just dating. Red flags can be applied to like your friendships,
Speaker 1: your cold workers. You know. I had a friend when
Speaker 1: I moved to New York and it was the big
Speaker 1: red flag and I didn't pay attention to it. And
Speaker 1: it's something that I wish now in hindsight, that I
Speaker 1: would have caught on very early, because it definitely caused
Speaker 1: me a lot of story us and a lot of
Speaker 1: pain later on, But I met this friend and you know,
Speaker 1: I moved to New York and I didn't know anybody.
Speaker 1: I didn't have any girlfriends. I didn't have any like
Speaker 1: you know, friends of friends, nothing, So you know, I
Speaker 1: was basically out here on my own and I met
Speaker 1: this girl, and um, she came on really strong at
Speaker 1: the beginning, and I was like, you know, what, what
Speaker 1: do I have to lose. Let me go get a
Speaker 1: drink with her, let me go hang out, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like I wanted to go out and
Speaker 1: feel like I wasn't just alone all the time, you know.
Speaker 1: But when I started making other friends, and she would
Speaker 1: make comments and get jealous and be like, oh, so
Speaker 1: you have time to go out with X, Y and Z,
Speaker 1: but you can't meet me for lunch. And that's where
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my gosh, like, don't be jealous.
Speaker 1: Like I'm meeting new people and I'm hanging out, you know,
Speaker 1: And to me, I thought like, oh, she must really
Speaker 1: value our friendship. But no, that's a red flag. That
Speaker 1: means somebody is like really investing too much in that
Speaker 1: relationship where they're not allowing you to grow and have
Speaker 1: friendships with other people. They want you for themselves, Like
Speaker 1: I ignored a red flag with a friendship. You know,
Speaker 1: you know us, you know, we we get invited everywhere,
Speaker 1: we go to events, you know where around celebrities, we
Speaker 1: go to concerts, and you know, I had a friend
Speaker 1: down for everything, ready to go everywhere, very very oh
Speaker 1: what do you need me to do? Boom boom, boom
Speaker 1: everything everywhere? Every concert, every backstage okay, boom, come to pandemic.
Speaker 1: Didn't hear from her ever? Aga Wow, And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that I was just you know, being
Speaker 1: used for a social life. Well you know what I
Speaker 1: call that. I call that the equivalent to the employee discount. Okay,
Speaker 1: so here's the correlation. So this has happened to me
Speaker 1: so many times, and and you're right in our industry
Speaker 1: because we get invited to cool things and people want
Speaker 1: to be a part of it and they just want
Speaker 1: to be like and that's where people say, it's really
Speaker 1: like your crew, like who do you hang out with?
Speaker 1: Who are you you know, vibing with? So I equate
Speaker 1: that with the employee discount. You know, there are people
Speaker 1: who work at I'm just gonna make it up Macy's
Speaker 1: and they get that thirty percent discount, and whenever somebody
Speaker 1: needs something, they're calling you for that discount. Girl, can
Speaker 1: you hook me up? Like, I need this pair of ugs,
Speaker 1: but I'm not trying to pay two hundred dollars? Can
Speaker 1: you hook me up with your employee discount. That's basically
Speaker 1: the equivalent of what you and I have been through,
Speaker 1: where people want to go to concerts or meet certain managers,
Speaker 1: or meet you know, label people, or even just set
Speaker 1: foot in the stations we work for. It's creepy and
Speaker 1: it's weird. And then you think back and you're like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this person, I guess they used me, but it's so
Speaker 1: weird because you don't even realize it. You get caught up.
Speaker 1: You're like, that is this cool? This is cool, this
Speaker 1: is cool. And then you look back and you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: they never really give a funk about me. It was
Speaker 1: just I was cool to hang out with and I
Speaker 1: took you to cool places. And red flag definitely missed
Speaker 1: for me on that one Poachers friend. Poachers, that's another
Speaker 1: red flag, you know, where you introduce your friends. So
Speaker 1: this happened to me where you know, I introduced one
Speaker 1: friend to another friend. That other friend was super powerful.
Speaker 1: She has a very very high position in a company
Speaker 1: which you know, obviously I won't name. And so this
Speaker 1: one friend who I introduced her to because I knew
Speaker 1: that they had similar interests, all of a sudden, I'm
Speaker 1: seeing on Instagram that she's hanging out with my home girl.
Speaker 1: They cut your ass out, and I'm like, whoa wait
Speaker 1: a minute, when did you guys make a plan? I
Speaker 1: would have loved to have come to dinner with you guys.
Speaker 1: And I was actually in the city that day, and
Speaker 1: and the realization to me was like, wow, so you
Speaker 1: used me because this was no secret that they were
Speaker 1: in there in the same industry. But one of them
Speaker 1: was lower level, one of them was higher level. The
Speaker 1: lower level used you to get to higher level, to
Speaker 1: get to higher level. And then when I brought it
Speaker 1: up to my higher level friend, you know, she was
Speaker 1: very respectful and she was like, man, that's messed up.
Speaker 1: But she understood exactly what was going on. So throughout
Speaker 1: time she began to see that my friend, who was
Speaker 1: in the same industry was basically just using her to
Speaker 1: get her connections. Red flag. She was like, listen, red flag, Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: because if I'm cool with you and if you're my friend,
Speaker 1: like if you're truly my friend, I don't want anybody
Speaker 1: taking advantage of you. And that's why I said to her,
Speaker 1: I said, Yo, I'm really sorry that I introduced you
Speaker 1: to this person because now I'm seeing that you guys
Speaker 1: are getting together, and I'm just gonna let you know.
Speaker 1: There's there's an m o here, like there's the reason
Speaker 1: why she is reaching out to you, and I don't
Speaker 1: I'm not cool with it. I don't like it, and
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna let me you know. And so my
Speaker 1: other friend was just like, you know, thank goodness that
Speaker 1: we're close the way that we are and she respects me,
Speaker 1: and she was like, wow, you know what, I'm definitely
Speaker 1: gonna keep an eye on it. And then she realized
Speaker 1: it months later when the person who I introduced her
Speaker 1: started reaching out to the people that she was connecting
Speaker 1: her with. So, you know, it's just very obvious when
Speaker 1: people are users, you know, now are there are there
Speaker 1: a certain reflex that you can get over with Carolina?
Speaker 1: You know, I can get over certain things, like you know,
Speaker 1: if you make a mistake and you own up to
Speaker 1: it and you say, you know what, thank you for
Speaker 1: letting me know that across the boundary with you, I'll
Speaker 1: let it go. It's when you do the same thing
Speaker 1: over and over again, then no, I'm not I'm not
Speaker 1: here for it, you know. Um when I did call
Speaker 1: out my one friend who was like reaching out to
Speaker 1: other people, and I just said, I was like, look,
Speaker 1: you know, I really feel like you, um, you compromise
Speaker 1: my relationship with this person, you know, and I introduced
Speaker 1: you in good faith, thinking that this would be a
Speaker 1: great you know, but like for you to go behind
Speaker 1: my back that makes me feel a certain type of way.
Speaker 1: And she said, oh my gosh, I would never do
Speaker 1: that to you. Are you kidding me, said all the
Speaker 1: things that she probably should have said. But then when
Speaker 1: I saw the behavior and it kept going on and on,
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you're canceled. I'm done. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't need somebody like you in my life.
Speaker 1: Just you're using me for your own personal as. That's
Speaker 1: a fact, and I feel like moral or the story.
Speaker 1: Don't ignore your gut and don't ignore the red flags,
Speaker 1: you know, because sometimes we want to see the best
Speaker 1: in people, but they're showing us the worst. And you know,
Speaker 1: there's a Maya Angelou quote that people use all the time,
Speaker 1: you know, like it's something to the fact that like
Speaker 1: when people show you who there are, believe them, you know,
Speaker 1: and sometimes ignoring red flags at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: then we're not gonna have anybody to blame for ourselves
Speaker 1: when people look us over and you get stuck though,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And like even if at
Speaker 1: work you can find the red flag, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, like here and there and there are sore
Speaker 1: in our industry. I've been used. I remember this person,
Speaker 1: I helped them so much, and now they don't even
Speaker 1: know me. They have people, you know, not that I
Speaker 1: have people that I have fed that I have. You know,
Speaker 1: you need red much and then it's just like okay, no,
Speaker 1: like genuine like love. And then they're just like, oh,
Speaker 1: thank you, I'm good. Now you open the door. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm good. Peace, have a nice life. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 1: know that's the thing it's like for for me at work,
Speaker 1: I think a red flag is somebody who says that
Speaker 1: they're there to help you, and then they don't do
Speaker 1: ship to help you. They see you on the ground struggling,
Speaker 1: you know, what I mean, like crawling on the ground
Speaker 1: and they are in a position to help you and
Speaker 1: they just don't do it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Or the people who go behind your back and they
Speaker 1: stay they're your friend, and then they go over to
Speaker 1: somebody be like, nah, you know what I would be
Speaker 1: better for this, Like why don't you use me? And
Speaker 1: I'll do this for less. That's the one that burns me.
Speaker 1: Person that undercuts maybe messing up the game when it
Speaker 1: comes to the bread, that's for sure. And you know
Speaker 1: what it's like how many years And that's the thing
Speaker 1: that I've always said, it's like when you undercut me,
Speaker 1: you're undercutting yourself because I have made these moves to
Speaker 1: make more money for all of us, like for the game.
Speaker 1: When you out here, let's say like in New York.
Speaker 1: Here it's Customerica people the whole clubs and hosts parties, right,
Speaker 1: and you know some people might ask, let's say, for
Speaker 1: a thousand dollars to just pull up and hang out
Speaker 1: at the club. Somebody might ask for this. But then
Speaker 1: you have people, oh, I'll do it. Just give me
Speaker 1: a bottle of hooka and I'll be there and I'll
Speaker 1: promote it and I'm like, yo, ro y'all over here
Speaker 1: fucking up the game just to make a corny flyer
Speaker 1: for Instagram. Like so when somebody legit says I want
Speaker 1: three thou dollars to host, they're not gonna get it
Speaker 1: because they're like, Okay, I'll get this one over here
Speaker 1: for hookah and and some models. So it's like, stop
Speaker 1: messing up the game, bro. The people that came before
Speaker 1: us worked super hard to raise the bar on what
Speaker 1: the dollar amount is for certain work. You're devaluing us
Speaker 1: in the industry. So I feel you on that one, Karen.
Speaker 1: I hate for sure. I hate them for sure. And
Speaker 1: I have a friend who doesn't work in the industry,
Speaker 1: and she said there was a red flag that like,
Speaker 1: you know, she would always ask for help, like to
Speaker 1: cover her shift, all right, and like there was a
Speaker 1: certain manager that wanted her friends always love to like
Speaker 1: work with because this manager they got along really well,
Speaker 1: and sure enough they're up for a promotion. She had
Speaker 1: covered a couple of shifts before you know it, she
Speaker 1: went behind my friends back told the manager, well, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm here all the time, I'm always covering her shifts.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, but she offered to cover your shifts,
Speaker 1: so it was an ulterior motive, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it's like you just gotta always watch how people move.
Speaker 1: You gotta be super hyper hyper alert. Like it's you
Speaker 1: can see red flags being waived everywhere, but you have
Speaker 1: to be looking at what's happening because sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: we just get caught up and we don't see it,
Speaker 1: and then a year later you're like, oh, all the
Speaker 1: red flags, I missed them by It's all used and
Speaker 1: abuse for a whole year because you fail to see
Speaker 1: the red flags. It's so true though too, and you
Speaker 1: know what that that's the whole point. It's like you
Speaker 1: don't want to be made to look like a fool,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, So you just gotta at
Speaker 1: yourself and like and and it's so true. It goes
Speaker 1: back to like what your parents told you when you
Speaker 1: were younger, like watch the company you keep, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like the friends that you have surrounding you.
Speaker 1: Like I forget who it was. I think it was
Speaker 1: like Hohoda or something like like the friends that you
Speaker 1: surround you with, or like the sum of all your
Speaker 1: parts or so I don't know, I'm messing up the quote.
Speaker 1: I'll figure it out. But but like she she basically
Speaker 1: is saying, like who you surround yourself with, Like that's
Speaker 1: who's making you know you who you are. So surround
Speaker 1: yourself with the good people who aren't gonna undercut you,
Speaker 1: who aren't going to go behind your back and try
Speaker 1: to get the promotion, you know. And I feel like
Speaker 1: there are so many people who need to hear this
Speaker 1: because we're sometimes we're afraid. We're afraid that we might
Speaker 1: lose that relationship, or you know, you're afraid that you
Speaker 1: might be a little bit too hyper alert. No, listen
Speaker 1: to your gut. That little voice inside is telling you
Speaker 1: something for a reason. Let me tell you one thing.
Speaker 1: For years, Bella called me skeptical, and then I thought
Speaker 1: everybody wanted to use me. And now she's like, wow,
Speaker 1: I see it. You weren't skeptical, you were just being aware.
Speaker 1: And it's true because it was just like, oh, does
Speaker 1: this person want this? Do they want? Like I was
Speaker 1: just kind of like trying to see true people in
Speaker 1: order to avoid you know, getting used. But you know
Speaker 1: where I hold back though, even just to bring just
Speaker 1: to bring this whole subject full circle, do you know
Speaker 1: where I hold up on the red flags marriages. I
Speaker 1: will not if I got a married friend and my
Speaker 1: married friend is telling me about her issues with her husband,
Speaker 1: and if I see these red flags, I will only
Speaker 1: say them if she asked me, because then they make up.
Speaker 1: Then you know, he knows that I was saying X, Y,
Speaker 1: and Z. You got to be so super careful with
Speaker 1: those red flags on a marriage because friends go to
Speaker 1: friends for advice. And I'm not saying that I don't
Speaker 1: tell my friends the truth or that I don't give
Speaker 1: my friends good advice, but like I will not go
Speaker 1: there unless because like, for example, I I have a
Speaker 1: friend who is in a repeat relationship. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just like you're just so sick and tired of hearing
Speaker 1: about like oh my gosh, what did he do? Now?
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? And it's like you get
Speaker 1: to the point where you're like, I'm done giving the advice.
Speaker 1: Like I'm not gonna sit here and tell you because
Speaker 1: like you're gonna end up with them anyway, and y'all
Speaker 1: are gonna hate me, you know what I mean? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you can't because then they're like, oh, Carolina was right
Speaker 1: when she said then it's like target, then you got
Speaker 1: the target on your husbands, like I want that bitch
Speaker 1: in my house. Yeah exactly, exactly, So, no, you know
Speaker 1: what it is. It's like, you know, the red flag thing.
Speaker 1: I know that it was like trending, and I did.
Speaker 1: I stopped for a moment, and I thought back on
Speaker 1: my life, like when I've ignored red flags, and like,
Speaker 1: I think it's you get older, you know, But no,
Speaker 1: I don't even think it's aged specific, because there are
Speaker 1: some people who are better at listening to their gut
Speaker 1: than others, you know. I mean you could be in
Speaker 1: your twenties and making better decisions than me and my forties.
Speaker 1: You know that's a fact. Yet age has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with it. I think it's just being a where
Speaker 1: and you're just trusting your gut. You know, your guts
Speaker 1: never gonna up steer you wrong when you feel like
Speaker 1: that's wrong or I shouldn't post that, or I shouldn't
Speaker 1: have said that. Maybe I should have walked down that
Speaker 1: street go back. Yeah, exactly, trust your gut, trust the
Speaker 1: mental red flags because they pop up. It's true though, No,
Speaker 1: it's so true. Now let's talk about something that I
Speaker 1: wanted to ask you more about because I am really
Speaker 1: still not I know, I know, it's like this is
Speaker 1: so long ago when only Fans started, and I still
Speaker 1: don't get it, honey explaining this only fans to me
Speaker 1: because there have been so many teachers in the news
Speaker 1: like that have been fired from their jobs because it
Speaker 1: was discovered that they were on only fans. I remember
Speaker 1: reading a headline about like, you know, a high school
Speaker 1: cheerleading coach got let go because she was on only
Speaker 1: Fans and the neighborhood discovered it. But then I'm hearing
Speaker 1: celebrities like Bella Thorne, that Bad Baby Girl, Bad Bad Barbie,
Speaker 1: Bad Baby. I don't even know her name, but cash
Speaker 1: me outside that one. She They're making millions of dollars
Speaker 1: on this website. So what do you do on only fans? Shockingly,
Speaker 1: I don't have an account. Well, yeah, because it turned
Speaker 1: into you know, at the beginning, only fans started as
Speaker 1: something for artists, right, and you're like, let's say you
Speaker 1: played the guitar, you made an only fans account, You
Speaker 1: played the guitar only fans, and your fans only would
Speaker 1: be there watching. But then what happened was, let's say,
Speaker 1: like washed up like Instagram models, would start posting new
Speaker 1: pictures of themselves. Like they would post like a picture,
Speaker 1: let's say like this, and then they'd be like, for
Speaker 1: the full pictures. She's showing me her by the way.
Speaker 1: Now I'm kidding. I'll try just one move right for
Speaker 1: the full for the full picture, go to my Only Fans.
Speaker 1: Then you have to pay a membership and then you
Speaker 1: see the full move you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: it became Only Fans became a sexual porn type of
Speaker 1: website where people monetize and make money. Because you know,
Speaker 1: you can't you post the thong pictures on Instagram, You're
Speaker 1: not making bread. So all these people that you know
Speaker 1: wanted to make money off of their sexuality all migrated
Speaker 1: over to Only Fans. I think they like switched it
Speaker 1: to like something else. You know, they tried to clean
Speaker 1: it up. But when it comes to the teachers, Carolina,
Speaker 1: they don't make no money. And I understand you're a teacher,
Speaker 1: but you're not a preacher. It's like you don't want
Speaker 1: to show your face and you want to do only fans.
Speaker 1: That's not affecting your teaching job. You're just trying to
Speaker 1: make a little extra bread. So I'm not mad at
Speaker 1: them if they want to do only fans and they're
Speaker 1: not affecting the kids or touching the kids in any
Speaker 1: which way. Yeah, go for it. Yes thoughts as a parent,
Speaker 1: now you're bringing it up. No, you know, I've honestly
Speaker 1: never really thought about it because I didn't really know
Speaker 1: what only fans is, and I truthfully have not researched it.
Speaker 1: I remember hearing about it here and there, and I thought, like,
Speaker 1: what is it, Like does bad Baby go on there
Speaker 1: and and talk for an hour and people go and
Speaker 1: watch her because like it's a pace. I I really
Speaker 1: didn't understand that it was like more kind of a
Speaker 1: pornographic thing. I mean, yes, I think like it kind
Speaker 1: of like became that, you know, it was used heavy
Speaker 1: by like porn people. And I'm trying to bring up
Speaker 1: her only fantasy what she does on there, Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I don't even have it on my phone. That's my
Speaker 1: whole thing. But it's like, you know, this is the thing.
Speaker 1: We live in a society of judgment, right, and so
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, if you are a preschool teacher and
Speaker 1: I'm making this up obviously, if you're a preschool teacher
Speaker 1: and you're working for a district, there's got to be
Speaker 1: kind of like a moral code or you know, something
Speaker 1: that you have to follow. So if that is indeed
Speaker 1: part of your contract, then it is a conflict of interest.
Speaker 1: Then you are compromising your job to go on there.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you're wrong or that that you
Speaker 1: don't need the money, but what I'm saying is a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't read the fine print and they say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get this job, and then they realize that
Speaker 1: there are repercussions for doing something like this. Now I
Speaker 1: agree with you. If you do it on your off time,
Speaker 1: you're not hurting any kids. You're not bringing not influence
Speaker 1: into the classroom. You're an adult and you're dealing with adults.
Speaker 1: Do you don't bring it to my babies? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean? But like that's the thing. What did
Speaker 1: you find the bad baby account? What does she do?
Speaker 1: I find it? So I found it, So give me
Speaker 1: Halloween costs of ideas and the best response in my
Speaker 1: d M, I will send you a titty video with
Speaker 1: a nip slip. Okay, So basically I'm never going to
Speaker 1: have an account on only her like laying in boy
Speaker 1: shorts with a bra. I mean, look, it looks kind
Speaker 1: of like sexualized. I'm not in it because I gotta
Speaker 1: pay her money to be in it. And how much
Speaker 1: you have to pay? How much you have to pay
Speaker 1: to be in a bad Baby? How much is only fans?
Speaker 1: I've never looked at it, because you know, I do
Speaker 1: know that like men. I know, like guys. I have
Speaker 1: four brothers, and they're like, I'm like, what are you
Speaker 1: looking at? Oh? This is um let's say Tahari, who's
Speaker 1: like a video model from the area. Oh, this is
Speaker 1: pictures from Tahi. Is only fans. I'm like, oh, you
Speaker 1: follow her own fans? No, a man pays the membership
Speaker 1: and then he sends all of us to pictures. I'm like,
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, oh my gosh, that is that. So it's
Speaker 1: become this whole other realm of like talent. I guess
Speaker 1: you could say, you know what, I'm using air quotes,
Speaker 1: But you know, if I were to go on only fans,
Speaker 1: what are you going to see my CD section scar?
Speaker 1: You would do? That is not cute sexy mom pictures,
Speaker 1: I guess, but listen, only fans a month and the
Speaker 1: top tier accounts a month. People pay for to see
Speaker 1: a titty, and then you can also um tip and
Speaker 1: and get paid for private messages, like if they want
Speaker 1: me to send a private message, they can, they can
Speaker 1: pay me and then I guess a sexty plivate message.
Speaker 1: I don't understand what other types. So that basically it's
Speaker 1: a combination of cameo where you get private messages I guess, right,
Speaker 1: like where you pay people to give you a message,
Speaker 1: or pay somebody, yeah, to give somebody a shout out.
Speaker 1: So it's the combination of cameo and I asks what
Speaker 1: like one of the porn sites listen. I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I just think that like we're such an oversexualized society
Speaker 1: and it's so unnecessary. I mean, half of this stuff
Speaker 1: that people are seeing on only fans. You go to
Speaker 1: Europe and you turn on the television after eight pm,
Speaker 1: you're gonna see it. It's normal. It's so crazy, Carolyn.
Speaker 1: And you know what's nuts that Like if I'm out
Speaker 1: and my nipples get hard, I feel terrible. I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm being geographic. Yeah, I'm like I covered my chest,
Speaker 1: wasn't here. We're so over sexualized in this country that
Speaker 1: even a wind hitting you and your nipples getting hard.
Speaker 1: You feel exposed, and it's something so natural and you're right.
Speaker 1: Like when I was in I say, like Parish TV
Speaker 1: on I'm like, what the hell is what is this?
Speaker 1: They'll have naked girls with pastings on on the television
Speaker 1: and you're shown and night almost like a talk show
Speaker 1: or something, and all of a sudden, titties. I'm like, Wow,
Speaker 1: I like this. But see, like something that you just said,
Speaker 1: like maybe because we've been shamed or we've been taught
Speaker 1: to treat sexuality as taboo. Like now, like I said,
Speaker 1: I'm forty three, I'm not trying to go out there
Speaker 1: with hard nipples. But if the wind comes and hits it,
Speaker 1: it is what it is. That's nature. I seriously don't.
Speaker 1: I never ever feel like I have to cover up
Speaker 1: or you know, because there's nothing wrong with it. My
Speaker 1: Latina mom super shamed me, you know, about body being
Speaker 1: sexual in any way anyway. So it's like even when
Speaker 1: I wear workout pants, Teralina, I've bent over and I actually,
Speaker 1: can you see my underwear before I go anywhere with
Speaker 1: with workout pants because I feel like if you could
Speaker 1: see my underwear and I've bent down to get something.
Speaker 1: I'm being sexual and I'm being lude and I'm being
Speaker 1: launching and I'm being buggler. But that's my mom's fault
Speaker 1: because it's the Latina mom. She shamed me not I
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to wear shorts Carolina at all unless they
Speaker 1: were above the knee. Right. Well, you know what the
Speaker 1: thing is, It's like, I feel like I got mixed
Speaker 1: messages from my mom. Truthfully. I love Like one minute,
Speaker 1: my mom would be like ayala and then and then
Speaker 1: she would say and then later on, as I was
Speaker 1: like dating or getting married, she'd be like, long, ha,
Speaker 1: I see that, Like she would she would show me like,
Speaker 1: you know, show off a little bit, like this looks beautiful.
Speaker 1: Like so, I feel like my mother did definitely give
Speaker 1: me mixed messages. You know, I think I think mom
Speaker 1: understood the difference between child and adult, which is amazing.
Speaker 1: I still feel like my mom is stuck on child
Speaker 1: mod you know maybe maybe yeah yeah, because something like that,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. She seemed like she's like
Speaker 1: like she over mothers, and I'm like, Mom, it's a
Speaker 1: very long time. You can let it go. I love
Speaker 1: your mom because you know, as a woman, she wants
Speaker 1: you to be coquetta sexy, and you know those are
Speaker 1: old things that we shouldn't be ashamed to do or
Speaker 1: to be. No, and she'll she'll always say to me, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's so funny. She'll say, simpra sexy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: goanna Mark Bay, you know, And I'm like, you want
Speaker 1: you to come on like Peggy buddy, Yeah, No, for real.
Speaker 1: She'll always whenever she's home. I swear to you guys,
Speaker 1: whenever my mother comes to visit, it's a beautiful thing
Speaker 1: because she'll cook and she'll help me with the kids,
Speaker 1: and it's just like, oh my god, it's a light
Speaker 1: it's a godsend. Right. But then, like I will know,
Speaker 1: she'll start looking at the clock. And I know my
Speaker 1: mother so well. She'll start looking at the clock and
Speaker 1: she'll be like, Hi, huh, you gotta Mark. And I'll say,
Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe like round seven. He normally gets
Speaker 1: around seven, okay. By she'll tell me. She'll say, like,
Speaker 1: go get ready. He's in a way, you know, helping
Speaker 1: your marriage. You know you still want him to see us.
Speaker 1: You know, the woman he's attracted to, she's spicy, pretty,
Speaker 1: she's sexy, so she's helping me. You know, know they
Speaker 1: had it. And you know, my mom says that, you know,
Speaker 1: to us, my other my elder ship is married, and
Speaker 1: my mom does say like the you know, like you know,
Speaker 1: so I understand where your mom is coming. And I
Speaker 1: do myself too. You know, I tried not to let
Speaker 1: my husband see me too tore down, because I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't let my husband see my malasma. I gotta
Speaker 1: be honest with you. I try to cover that shut
Speaker 1: up before he wakes up. You know, I got malass
Speaker 1: after I had asher um. I got malasma. It's like
Speaker 1: these dark patches that are on your face. That's why
Speaker 1: I never do like no makeup Monday, all of that
Speaker 1: stuff like I never do because I don't need to
Speaker 1: do no makeup Monday. I know it makes me feel
Speaker 1: more confident to have some cover up. Okay, leave me alone,
Speaker 1: but I don't. I normally try to just put a
Speaker 1: little base on or something, you know, just so he
Speaker 1: sees me. You know, with the little bit on indecent you.
Speaker 1: You don't want him to still want to be married
Speaker 1: to you, not be like okay, I need me a
Speaker 1: new hope because this one right he is run down
Speaker 1: to the ground this rundown. I'm knowing, I'm tired. I
Speaker 1: am tired, but you're right, you know what, Like my
Speaker 1: mom is fostering that relationship. And as somebody who has
Speaker 1: been married to her husband for almost sixty years, you guys,
Speaker 1: my parents, it is unbelievable that they still got it,
Speaker 1: like my mom, it is. It is one of the
Speaker 1: most beautiful things. Now, don't get me wrong. They constantly bigger,
Speaker 1: They fight, and my mom calls it negro. I like
Speaker 1: she they yelled at each other all the time, but
Speaker 1: it's one of the most beautiful relationships. She'll see that
Speaker 1: my dad is coming and she's like, no, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: my boy, yeah, my wife yeah, and she'll go into
Speaker 1: the bathroom. She will get herself ready. So it's almost
Speaker 1: like she's she practices what she preaches, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. And I think that that's a beautiful thing,
Speaker 1: you know what, and one have married for decades and
Speaker 1: necades and decades. I will take their advice. They must
Speaker 1: know something there. They honestly did something right. And I'm
Speaker 1: not taking advice to nobody whose marriages failed or from
Speaker 1: nobody who's single. Like I'll listen to them, but I'm
Speaker 1: not taking them to heart. Now, your mama tell her
Speaker 1: to call me because my mama is a marriage number
Speaker 1: three And I don't know if that I love your mom.
Speaker 1: I'm able to be very very candid about you know,
Speaker 1: my mom and our relationship. But yeah, for sure your
Speaker 1: mom she got the gems and she's got the game downpack. Well.
Speaker 1: I don't even know how we went from red flags
Speaker 1: to only fans to marriage advice from our moms, but
Speaker 1: that's the way we roll on life in Spanglish. And
Speaker 1: you know, by the way, if you guys have any
Speaker 1: feedback or tips, please share them with us so we
Speaker 1: can share them with others. But definitely like make sure
Speaker 1: that in your life you look out for those red flags.
Speaker 1: Maybe this is the universe today by you listening to
Speaker 1: this episode, Maybe that's the universe telling you to maybe
Speaker 1: pay attention to who you have around you or like
Speaker 1: what's surrounding you in your life. But I always hate
Speaker 1: to go honey, but you know what, we do this
Speaker 1: every week. I love you so much. Thank you so
Speaker 1: so much for joining me today. We need to tell
Speaker 1: everybody to follow us. Yeah, follow us on Instagram eli
Speaker 1: spanguish and also subscribe on iTunes because when a new
Speaker 1: episode pops up, you're gonna get a reminder. You don't
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Speaker 1: your phone. Even if it's locked. You're gonna get Life
Speaker 1: in Spanguish new episode uploaded. Definitely check us out on
Speaker 1: iHeart Radio. Like subscribe, you will get it straight to
Speaker 1: your phone. You're gonna love it. And that way, you
Speaker 1: know what, when you're walking your dog like me that
Speaker 1: you know when your dog is pulling you around the block,
Speaker 1: when you're riding in your car, you're taking your kids
Speaker 1: to whatever practice, you can just listen throwing them bows,
Speaker 1: You'll be listening to us. So definitely at l I
Speaker 1: spang I'm at the Real Care re lean on Instagram,
Speaker 1: Definitely follow me, follow my girl Honey German, hit me
Speaker 1: on a gram. I am Honey Jerman. And I even
Speaker 1: be following people back because I like connecting. Hit me
Speaker 1: up you too. We love it. We just don't like
Speaker 1: to connect on only fans. Okay, we gotta go. He
Speaker 1: Life in Spanglish is a production of Life in Spanglish
Speaker 1: Productions in partnership with I Heard Michael Podcast Network