WEBVTT - Red Flags Everywhere 0:00:04.960 --> 0:00:07.360 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.800 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:13.760 I'm a body positive advocate. I'm CAROLINEA Bermudez soy Nika 0:00:13.920 --> 0:00:16.400 wins it. But I was born and raised in Ohio. 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:20.400 I'm a wife, a mama, and a worker being. This 0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:25.080 is life in spanglish. What help, homie, It is time 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:28.160 for us to hang again. Yeah, you know, I've been 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:31.440 singing things because now I like feel like that is 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:34.120 a release for me, a stress reliever. So I've been 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:36.680 coming up with these ridiculous songs and I'm singing them 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:38.760 around the house and then my kids. So you just 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:42.240 make up random songs, not singing, but they're not songs 0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:45.320 that we know. No, no, they're like they're like, um, 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:49.400 you know, fuck this ship, I'm done. I've had it today. 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:52.159 You know, like that fact that you're singing them like 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:55.880 their church and you're throwing me that one. I don't 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:57.800 sing around my kids. I wait till they go to school. 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.520 But like, yeah, when I'm doing the laundry, ill like 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:03.880 seeing different songs about like people trying to like, you know, 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:07.319 help me things like that. So that's where I'm at today. 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.080 But you know, that's just how I'm feeling. But honey, 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:12.200 how have you been doing telling me everything that's going on? 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:15.200 Feeling amazing? Care you know, I'm working out, you know, 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.759 leave it, you know. Work. It's a lot, not even 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:21.080 gonna lie to you. And we're not even back in 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.880 full time yet, you know what I mean. Like there's 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:27.520 still that whole hybrid situation here and there, you know. 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.600 But like I mean, I feel like for the most 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.120 part now most of the nation is back into the 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.040 rhythm of being like back at work, you know what 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:37.880 I mean. But just managing it all has been a lot. 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:41.640 People are being so picky with even going back to work. 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.360 People are making demands and I love it. And you 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:47.240 know what, employers are very open there be. I never 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.320 thought I would see the day, Carolina, are they well? 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:52.000 You know what? Even even our company, we got an 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.040 email and the gist I got from it from our 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:57.480 CEO was work wherever you are most productive and work 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:00.560 with your manager on where you will work from. I 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.320 thought that was pretty flexible. It could have been like, hell, no, 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.880 everybody got to bring the ash back to work Monday, 0:02:05.960 --> 0:02:08.960 January second, something like that. No, it wasn't no hold 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:12.520 on that that email is coming. Just wait, Like even 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:16.200 though we're past January, that emails coming does wait? You 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.280 know it'll be here. The thing is, it's like, you know, 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:19.960 we've got to get back until Like I said, it's 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:21.480 like the rhythm of like things. But you know we 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:23.320 don't have to go back to like the rat race, 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.360 you know what I mean. And I use that freeze 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:28.480 because that's New York City, you know what I mean. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.280 Like it's go time. When you wake up, you're like 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.280 shot out of the cannon. You gotta keep up with 0:02:33.320 --> 0:02:35.000 everybody else. You got to get on that train. You 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:36.679 gotta get on the bus. You gotta do all the 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:40.919 seed on the bus. That's saying, if you can make 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:45.079 it here, you can make it anywhere. What was it true? Man? 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.720 Like girl, you'd be over here like this me and 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:50.920 trying to grow me on the train. You gotta like 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:53.799 move carts when there's a weirdo or a freak. I'm 0:02:53.800 --> 0:02:56.560 just glad I got strong elbows. I know, strong elbows. 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.880 I'm just like, you know what out my way, Get 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:01.000 out of my way. Um No, you know what we 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:02.519 were going to talk about something that I thought was 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:05.639 like really interesting today because I think it still applies, 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:08.440 like even though it happened a while ago, like you know, 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:10.760 you're still seeing it pop up on social media here 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.680 and there, and that's the whole Like, do you remember 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:17.120 when the red flags are trending on social media? Red flags? Like, 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:21.160 let's say, as an example, in dating, Okay, so you 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.359 know what's the red flag? A red flag is something 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:26.720 that you're put on notice about somebody where you begin 0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:30.440 to notice something about them that might not be what 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:32.760 you would normally vibe with. Like, for example, you're on 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:35.040 a date and the guy or the girl is rude 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:38.640 to the wait staff. That to me is a red flag. 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:40.960 You know, having been a waitress, I know what it 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:44.080 feels like to be disrespected by patrons. And so these 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:45.640 are the things that like kind of give you that 0:03:45.760 --> 0:03:48.480 heads up like this may not be the person that 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:51.200 you think they are. You know, I don't know, Caro, 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:54.240 because sometimes I'd be having like bad days and that 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.080 could be rude to the wait set. That doesn't mean 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:58.560 I'm not a good catch, you know. So it's weird 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.360 red flags. You never know what date a person is having. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.040 And I'm always here defending myself because you know, a 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.440 lot of stuff can't go wrong during the restaurant visit. 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:08.839 And don't fuck with my food because you're gonna see 0:04:08.840 --> 0:04:11.600 aside of me, that's not good girl. Oh maybe that 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:14.320 raw salmon, because I'm gonna be like, nah, this ain't it. 0:04:14.600 --> 0:04:17.240 I think that this is more of like you know, um, 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.559 it might not be situational like yes, you know, people 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:23.080 do have bad days or you know, the restaurant doesn't 0:04:23.080 --> 0:04:25.080 get it right or the cooking staff doesn't get it right. 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:27.440 And like, like I said, as a former waitress, I 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.680 remember those days and I would actually be very sympathetic 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:31.359 to people, and I would feel bad, like, you know, 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:33.040 I want you to have a great meal, because if 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:34.520 you don't have a great meal, I don't get a 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.200 great tip. You know. But there's a difference between somebody 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.200 who's having like just a terrible meal or a bad day, 0:04:41.600 --> 0:04:45.960 and someone who is inherently rude or nasty to people. 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.040 You know, like you you can begin to tell them 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.000 apart of fun, I know what you're saying. You know 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.599 what I mean with dating, you know, it was always 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:55.600 a big red flag for me someone who was overly 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:59.840 sexual like off the rip. Oh yeah, any any a 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:04.320 boot comments, any booty, any type of comment that alluded 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:07.080 to sex, like let's stay first date. I was like, nah, 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.680 this saying it definitely, you know my eyes were like nah, 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.520 this guy over here just trying to smash Definitely, Let's 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:15.440 just grab this food, let's do this movie, and let's 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.640 get out of here. Growing up as a Latino, right, 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.039 parents were always like no, they could get the talking, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:25.320 you know, they stuff like you know, we were. Our 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:27.760 parents were always very like sex was taboo, and he 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:29.599 was always like, don't let guys touch you, don't let 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.800 guys used you. Men only want to have sex with you. 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:35.160 So that stood with me like throughout my adult life. 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:37.840 So I think immediately if I went out with someone 0:05:37.880 --> 0:05:40.000 and they were being overly sexual, mom and dad came 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:44.720 to mind right away and not to get it by sato. 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.840 So immediately that would just pop up, especially because you 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:50.320 know I was always boluptuous. You know, like twelve years old, 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.520 I probably had a third or four d really oh wow, 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.560 so you develop pretty I developed pretty early, but not 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:57.920 like that, like I mean you really, girl, I had 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.960 dies I had asked. My mom went through it girl. 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:02.720 And you know, we lived on a hundred and fifty 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.520 one and Broadway just you know, the heart of the hood. 0:06:05.800 --> 0:06:07.880 So it was just like I was always very alert 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.360 and like I was hyper aware of like men being sexual. 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.880 So first day, any type of sexual thought red flag. 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.560 Absolutely no, I have to totally agree with you there, 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:20.679 because it's like, you know, like my mom would always 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:25.039 say that, didn't you know what I mean? Like, but 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:28.680 for me, if somebody is being overtly sexual, like even 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:30.520 in the text messages and things like that, if you're 0:06:30.560 --> 0:06:33.280 not respecting me, Like I definitely thought that was a 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:36.000 red flag when I was dating. But it was also 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:38.400 almost like let me be the freak, like let me 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:40.520 show you, you know what I mean, like, let me 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.520 be the one I don't know. I guess that's always 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:45.320 how I was, you know. And if I wanted to 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.160 go there with somebody, I wanted to have the option 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:49.200 to go there with with a guy. I didn't want 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:51.840 it to be like part of the plan or part 0:06:51.839 --> 0:06:54.880 of his master plan, you know. Like the other thing too, 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.240 it's like, you know, obviously when you go out to 0:06:57.279 --> 0:07:00.560 the restaurant, how do they treat people. Another flag for 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:05.080 me was the way they spoke about their mother, because 0:07:05.240 --> 0:07:08.400 I always wanted to know kind of. I feel like 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.720 you get a really good view of what a person 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.320 is like based on the relationship with their mothers. So, 0:07:15.720 --> 0:07:18.120 you know, there were guys who I legitimately would go 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:19.960 out with it would like trash their moms, and I 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:23.000 was just like, dude, what like that is the woman 0:07:23.040 --> 0:07:25.000 who gave you life. How are you going to sit 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:26.920 here and talk about her like that? So that for 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:30.120 me immediately, and like, listen, I know every situation in 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.400 life is very different. You know, I wasn't there when 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:34.720 they were growing up, But I also think that there's 0:07:34.760 --> 0:07:38.080 just a time and a place for it. And despite 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.200 what you may have been through, the way that you 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.840 speak about your mom, I think speaks volumes about you. 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:44.760 So I would definitely say, like the way they spoke 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.840 about their mom if they were overtly sexual, red flag, 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.600 red flag, if they needed to borrow money for me 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:54.960 for the date flag listen, I'm wanting to go Dutch. 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:58.760 We can go. I always like that. You know. My 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:01.000 husband still mentioned he's like, yo, you used to pay 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:02.960 some time, but that was more of a control thing. 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:05.680 I wanted him to understand, like I got my money, 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:08.160 I don't need to pay for this I just I 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.880 just just like the flex on him. But yeah, you're 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:12.840 trying to borrow money, that's the ft flag. We're not 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.400 doing that at all. Well, you know, I dated a 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:16.840 guy and it was like, you know, this was back 0:08:16.840 --> 0:08:19.160 when I was working or living in l A. And 0:08:19.320 --> 0:08:24.400 he was such a disaster. Everything was in his mother's name. 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:28.960 He always paid in cash, he never had Sometimes he 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:31.280 would have a surplus of money, sometimes he would have 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:33.760 no money. And then finally my girl was like, girl, 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.120 wake up. I was like, what, she's like, he's a 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.480 drug dealer. I said, what, I made a plenty of those, girl, 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:41.520 don't worry about it. But I never But that's what 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.880 I'm saying. How naive I was that I had no idea. 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.320 I'm like, he always pays in cash, and like you 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.360 know or or you would always ask me like, hey, 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:50.400 can you give me you know, this amount of money 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.319 until you know next week, because you know next week 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:55.000 I'll get paid for this job that I was doing. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:58.320 He told me he was in construction. He was just 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:00.920 trying to re up on his drug talk about can 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:02.719 you can you let me hold three thousands so I 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:05.679 could get quarter brick and break it down real quick. Absolutely, 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.400 And I'm sitting there counting ones and fives for my 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.160 tips as a waitress at a freaking restaurant, and I'm 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:15.079 like sitting that. I'm like, you know, and it's like, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:17.480 I like, I like the guy, but I had no 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:21.480 clue that he was actually like doing some devious stuff 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:22.959 on the side, you know what I mean. So it 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:25.200 was until my girlfriend, she had the light on me 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:28.040 and she was just like, baby, wake up, that guy's 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:30.880 a drug dealer. And I was like no, she goes, yes, 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:35.040 it's crazy. Drug dealers would never read flag for me. 0:09:35.080 --> 0:09:37.360 They were actually green flags because I knew we would 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:40.280 have cash, we would go everywhere, we would eat whatever 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.800 we wanted. Oh take me to May season and my Apparlina. 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:47.559 My trick was with the drug dealers, just sak me shopping. 0:09:47.800 --> 0:09:49.680 Oh no, no, I'm not gonna try anything on. I'll 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:52.040 take this, this, this, this, this, this, and that. Give 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:54.160 me their seat. Next day, I'll go back, bring everything 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:57.560 back and get the cash. Oh my gosh. See that's 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:00.320 where I feel like I am so small town. Never 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:02.840 thought about that. I I'll I remember was saying, like, 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:04.679 you know, I didn't want to date this guy because 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:06.440 God forbid I was in the car with him and 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:08.360 he had something. I was like, there goes my dream 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:11.200 of ever doing anything in my life. My mom and 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:13.559 dad would tell me, if you get arrested, your life 0:10:13.640 --> 0:10:16.320 is over, you know, so like I don't know, I 0:10:16.320 --> 0:10:18.360 guess that that was Like that was definitely a red 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:21.400 flag for me, and that ended the relationship because I 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:23.280 was like, I cannot be messing with somebody who was 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:25.200 like and I put me in danger. I was like 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:27.560 so afraid. After then I found out he was just 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:29.400 like a weed dealer, you know what I mean, Like 0:10:29.440 --> 0:10:34.400 it wasn't even anything serious, but no, no, a chopel, 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:37.040 no way. I wasn't you know Robin Albos with people 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:39.920 like that back in l A. Well, Like you know 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.120 what red flags, I don't think it's even limited to 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:46.559 just dating. Red flags can be applied to like your friendships, 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:50.600 your cold workers. You know. I had a friend when 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.520 I moved to New York and it was the big 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:54.480 red flag and I didn't pay attention to it. And 0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:56.920 it's something that I wish now in hindsight, that I 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:59.319 would have caught on very early, because it definitely caused 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:00.600 me a lot of story us and a lot of 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.319 pain later on, But I met this friend and you know, 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.160 I moved to New York and I didn't know anybody. 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.480 I didn't have any girlfriends. I didn't have any like 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.760 you know, friends of friends, nothing, So you know, I 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:13.880 was basically out here on my own and I met 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:18.880 this girl, and um, she came on really strong at 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.760 the beginning, and I was like, you know, what, what 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:23.040 do I have to lose. Let me go get a 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:24.720 drink with her, let me go hang out, you know 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:26.120 what I mean, Like I wanted to go out and 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:28.400 feel like I wasn't just alone all the time, you know. 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:33.319 But when I started making other friends, and she would 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:37.600 make comments and get jealous and be like, oh, so 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.880 you have time to go out with X, Y and Z, 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.200 but you can't meet me for lunch. And that's where 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:44.360 I was just like, oh my gosh, like, don't be jealous. 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.679 Like I'm meeting new people and I'm hanging out, you know, 0:11:47.080 --> 0:11:48.960 And to me, I thought like, oh, she must really 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.680 value our friendship. But no, that's a red flag. That 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:56.600 means somebody is like really investing too much in that 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.400 relationship where they're not allowing you to grow and have 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:02.200 friendships with other people. They want you for themselves, Like 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.600 I ignored a red flag with a friendship. You know, 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:09.679 you know us, you know, we we get invited everywhere, 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.200 we go to events, you know where around celebrities, we 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.839 go to concerts, and you know, I had a friend 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:19.120 down for everything, ready to go everywhere, very very oh 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:21.280 what do you need me to do? Boom boom, boom 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:26.959 everything everywhere? Every concert, every backstage okay, boom, come to pandemic. 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:32.160 Didn't hear from her ever? Aga Wow, And I was like, wow, 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:34.920 I didn't realize that I was just you know, being 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:38.040 used for a social life. Well you know what I 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:41.840 call that. I call that the equivalent to the employee discount. Okay, 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:45.960 so here's the correlation. So this has happened to me 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:49.120 so many times, and and you're right in our industry 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:51.120 because we get invited to cool things and people want 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:52.280 to be a part of it and they just want 0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:54.280 to be like and that's where people say, it's really 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:56.040 like your crew, like who do you hang out with? 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.800 Who are you you know, vibing with? So I equate 0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:01.720 that with the employee discount. You know, there are people 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:04.280 who work at I'm just gonna make it up Macy's 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:07.400 and they get that thirty percent discount, and whenever somebody 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.800 needs something, they're calling you for that discount. Girl, can 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.120 you hook me up? Like, I need this pair of ugs, 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:13.840 but I'm not trying to pay two hundred dollars? Can 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:16.360 you hook me up with your employee discount. That's basically 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:18.400 the equivalent of what you and I have been through, 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:23.200 where people want to go to concerts or meet certain managers, 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:27.000 or meet you know, label people, or even just set 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:29.800 foot in the stations we work for. It's creepy and 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:32.440 it's weird. And then you think back and you're like, oh, yeah, 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.040 this person, I guess they used me, but it's so 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:38.640 weird because you don't even realize it. You get caught up. 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:40.480 You're like, that is this cool? This is cool, this 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.640 is cool. And then you look back and you're like, Okay, 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:44.680 they never really give a funk about me. It was 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.480 just I was cool to hang out with and I 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:51.960 took you to cool places. And red flag definitely missed 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:56.400 for me on that one Poachers friend. Poachers, that's another 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:59.760 red flag, you know, where you introduce your friends. So 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.560 this happened to me where you know, I introduced one 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:06.400 friend to another friend. That other friend was super powerful. 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:10.240 She has a very very high position in a company 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.720 which you know, obviously I won't name. And so this 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.480 one friend who I introduced her to because I knew 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:19.080 that they had similar interests, all of a sudden, I'm 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:23.280 seeing on Instagram that she's hanging out with my home girl. 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.760 They cut your ass out, and I'm like, whoa wait 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:29.520 a minute, when did you guys make a plan? I 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.280 would have loved to have come to dinner with you guys. 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:34.440 And I was actually in the city that day, and 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:38.400 and the realization to me was like, wow, so you 0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.720 used me because this was no secret that they were 0:14:41.720 --> 0:14:43.640 in there in the same industry. But one of them 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:45.760 was lower level, one of them was higher level. The 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.560 lower level used you to get to higher level, to 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.800 get to higher level. And then when I brought it 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.960 up to my higher level friend, you know, she was 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.560 very respectful and she was like, man, that's messed up. 0:14:56.600 --> 0:15:00.800 But she understood exactly what was going on. So throughout 0:15:00.880 --> 0:15:03.480 time she began to see that my friend, who was 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:06.760 in the same industry was basically just using her to 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:15.800 get her connections. Red flag. She was like, listen, red flag, Yeah, well, 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:17.640 because if I'm cool with you and if you're my friend, 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.640 like if you're truly my friend, I don't want anybody 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:22.680 taking advantage of you. And that's why I said to her, 0:15:22.720 --> 0:15:24.920 I said, Yo, I'm really sorry that I introduced you 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:26.600 to this person because now I'm seeing that you guys 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:28.520 are getting together, and I'm just gonna let you know. 0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:31.960 There's there's an m o here, like there's the reason 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.320 why she is reaching out to you, and I don't 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.880 I'm not cool with it. I don't like it, and 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:38.200 I'm just gonna let me you know. And so my 0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:40.080 other friend was just like, you know, thank goodness that 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.640 we're close the way that we are and she respects me, 0:15:43.040 --> 0:15:45.200 and she was like, wow, you know what, I'm definitely 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.440 gonna keep an eye on it. And then she realized 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:51.080 it months later when the person who I introduced her 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.880 started reaching out to the people that she was connecting 0:15:53.880 --> 0:15:56.360 her with. So, you know, it's just very obvious when 0:15:56.360 --> 0:16:03.320 people are users, you know, now are there are there 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.680 a certain reflex that you can get over with Carolina? 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.400 You know, I can get over certain things, like you know, 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:12.520 if you make a mistake and you own up to 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.720 it and you say, you know what, thank you for 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:17.280 letting me know that across the boundary with you, I'll 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:19.240 let it go. It's when you do the same thing 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.040 over and over again, then no, I'm not I'm not 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.200 here for it, you know. Um when I did call 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.040 out my one friend who was like reaching out to 0:16:27.160 --> 0:16:29.200 other people, and I just said, I was like, look, 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:34.080 you know, I really feel like you, um, you compromise 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.880 my relationship with this person, you know, and I introduced 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:38.680 you in good faith, thinking that this would be a 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.440 great you know, but like for you to go behind 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.360 my back that makes me feel a certain type of way. 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:44.840 And she said, oh my gosh, I would never do 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:47.480 that to you. Are you kidding me, said all the 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.600 things that she probably should have said. But then when 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:52.720 I saw the behavior and it kept going on and on, 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:54.880 I was like, yeah, you're canceled. I'm done. You know, 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.440 I don't I don't need somebody like you in my life. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:02.320 Just you're using me for your own personal as. That's 0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:04.520 a fact, and I feel like moral or the story. 0:17:05.200 --> 0:17:08.120 Don't ignore your gut and don't ignore the red flags, 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.240 you know, because sometimes we want to see the best 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:13.080 in people, but they're showing us the worst. And you know, 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.200 there's a Maya Angelou quote that people use all the time, 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.720 you know, like it's something to the fact that like 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:21.919 when people show you who there are, believe them, you know, 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:26.720 and sometimes ignoring red flags at the end of the day, 0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:28.960 then we're not gonna have anybody to blame for ourselves 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.920 when people look us over and you get stuck though, 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:33.840 you know what I mean. And like even if at 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:35.800 work you can find the red flag, you know what 0:17:35.840 --> 0:17:38.399 I mean, like here and there and there are sore 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:42.560 in our industry. I've been used. I remember this person, 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:44.520 I helped them so much, and now they don't even 0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:48.520 know me. They have people, you know, not that I 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:51.800 have people that I have fed that I have. You know, 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.200 you need red much and then it's just like okay, no, 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:57.360 like genuine like love. And then they're just like, oh, 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:00.200 thank you, I'm good. Now you open the door. Hey, 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:03.439 I'm good. Peace, have a nice life. Yeah, yeah, you 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:05.760 know that's the thing it's like for for me at work, 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:08.080 I think a red flag is somebody who says that 0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:10.280 they're there to help you, and then they don't do 0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.840 ship to help you. They see you on the ground struggling, 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:16.640 you know, what I mean, like crawling on the ground 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:19.239 and they are in a position to help you and 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.280 they just don't do it, you know what I mean. 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:24.880 Or the people who go behind your back and they 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:26.919 stay they're your friend, and then they go over to 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:28.919 somebody be like, nah, you know what I would be 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.159 better for this, Like why don't you use me? And 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:35.159 I'll do this for less. That's the one that burns me. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:39.320 Person that undercuts maybe messing up the game when it 0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:41.560 comes to the bread, that's for sure. And you know 0:18:41.640 --> 0:18:44.640 what it's like how many years And that's the thing 0:18:44.680 --> 0:18:47.480 that I've always said, it's like when you undercut me, 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:51.000 you're undercutting yourself because I have made these moves to 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:55.119