WEBVTT - How Do I Put This… with Laura Wasser 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:03.640 Okay, well, good afternoon or good evening, whatever time you're 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:07.320 listening to this podcast. Good day. I am on my 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.399 first full completed week of not smoking cannabis out of 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:17.160 a paper. Where's that going? I mean, the first couple 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:20.320 of days, I was grossed out by myself because I 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:23.360 was coughing, and that made me grossed out by cannabis. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.439 But it didn't last very long, and I feel a 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:29.080 mental clarity that I haven't felt in a while, so 0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:32.040 I feel the benefits of it for sure. It's really 0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:34.479 just not that hard to stop smoking pot well, and 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:36.599 you cough quite a bit while you're smoking, so then 0:00:36.640 --> 0:00:39.080 there's a come down period where you're coughing more right, 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.400 well like cough when I don't smoke the good joints, 0:00:41.400 --> 0:00:44.400 like when they're not the proper joints or they're chemically treated, 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:47.080 like that's why you want the own natural organic you 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:50.000 know me? And I'm just like such a Quaker about 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:52.479 everything I put into my body because it's a temple. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:55.800 So there's a lot of power in taking a break 0:00:55.840 --> 0:00:59.200 from something, especially when it's got a hold over you, 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:02.960 like our friend Shane, which brings me to my next question. 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:05.200 Who is in contact with Shane. I don't know that 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:07.399 anyone's been in contact. I think someone from the heart side, 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.759 Catherine has our producer Catherine. What's the status is Shane 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:14.520 also staying off the weed? Shane is also staying off 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:20.440 the weed. Feels very clear, doing well and yeah, oh wait. 0:01:20.480 --> 0:01:22.480 And there was another screen grab that I sent you, 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:24.880 Brandon of a woman who said she was going to 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:27.280 do the thirty Day Detox with us too. She DM 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.000 me on Instagram and said she was going to quit 0:01:30.040 --> 0:01:31.679 weed for a month, and I said, please do it 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:33.400 with us. I think a lot of people are. I've 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.000 seen a lot of conversation online where people are already 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:40.119 invested in this path of no canvas for you and Shane. 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:42.160 I don't know if people think it will last, but 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:44.560 they're very interested in it. Well, I mean, it doesn't 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:46.600 have to last. That's what the beauty of it is 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:48.560 is that it only has to last for thirty days. 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:51.040 You can last for thirty days, yeah, yeah, yeah, I 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:54.840 mean I'll definitely last for three weeks. I can't. I 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:57.440 think probably the other thing is is that I don't 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.440 have a very competitive side to myself in terms of 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:03.280 like having to prove a point or beat somebody at 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.320 something so I could see myself like quitting before I 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:08.800 reached the thirty days because I just don't care anymore 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:12.120 and that's something I've had to live with my whole life. Well, 0:02:12.720 --> 0:02:14.120 we'll have to check in with Shane. I think we 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:15.919 should get him back on the phone at some point 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.840 to get a real update on what he has going 0:02:17.880 --> 0:02:20.920 on and how it's affected his work life. Right, that's 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.280 an important update. There's also an important update. Have you 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:28.239 been watching Mayor of Eastown Brennan? I just want someone 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:30.120 yesterday and they're like, I'm not getting anything done. All 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.560 I'm doing is watching the show. Yeah, it's really good. 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.280 I watched each episode twice so that I really understand 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:36.600 what's going on and I want there to be a 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:38.480 new episode of it every week for the rest of 0:02:38.480 --> 0:02:40.560 my life. Is it a limited series or is it 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:43.519 a series? It's a limited series because Kate Winslet is 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:46.359 in it. Yeah, they're all limited series now or maybe not? 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.560 Maybe no, maybe it will be another year. I don't know. 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:52.840 But she is fucking awesome, Oh my god. And the 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:55.600 accent is a little bit much, but it's that's the 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:58.120 SNL skit that they did Kate McKinnon did it about 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.880 my daughter's murder ditter dirt or fund or murderer accent 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.520 was really funny. But the show is really good. I 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:08.200 just love detective dramas. I also tried to watch a 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:13.520 show called Luther with Idris Elba and he was so hot. 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:17.800 Oh god, so he's distracting. Yeah, he's so sexy that 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:19.840 I googled to see if he was married, and he was, 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:22.040 and I had to stop watching the show. Well, they've 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.360 discussed him being the new James Bond and I could not. 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.400 I've never watched James Bond. I have zero interests. But 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.760 if he was James Bond, I would have my act 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:33.640 at the theater. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's pretty hot. And 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:36.680 he's tall. You know that's nice too, A nice tall, 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.760 masculine and not one of these actors that you see 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:40.440 that looks tall and then you meet them and they're 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:43.160 like underneath you, any tyke. It's like, how are you 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:46.520 not even a real person? You're a whisper of a man. 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:49.680 Just a little itty bitty thing, a little itty body, 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:52.800 titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.080 I will never be a member of. Should we get 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:58.600 into it today. I feel like there's a lot to cover. Yeah, 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.760 are we talking to Laura Walser today? We are talking 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:05.480 to That's a lot of relationship perspectives. Issues, people need 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:08.080 your thoughts. Okay, well, I'm excited to dive right into it. 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:11.320 You know, interpersonal affairs are my number one passion projects. 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:12.840 I don't know that we have an affair today, but 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:16.320 I'm sure we could find well, just interpersonal relations. It 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:18.560 doesn't have to be an affair, but if we could 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:20.560 find one that would be better. Yes, all right, to 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.400 be hurt. Well, for this week, we had a lot 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:25.560 of submissions and they all had an overarching theme of 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:29.480 like uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with different 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:31.200 people in your life. And we've had to have a 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:34.359 few of those together and separately that then we've discussed 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:36.680 what do you mean separately, like you've had to have 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.039 an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or someone that you 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.880 work with. I got to have one someone in my life, 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:45.400 like my mom right inviding you about it. So we're 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:47.479 all having them all the time, it seems, because this 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:50.440 week they're very The key is to continue having them. 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:54.320 Yes they are, yes, right, right, right, the more uncomfortable, 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.760 the more necessary. Probably, I would think so, because there's 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:00.120 no way to get around some those topics and you 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:03.760 just have to. And for one of them, I thought 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:05.840 that we would give an expert a call, even though 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.840 we are experts in our Yeah, why do we need 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.160 any more experts? Well, sometimes I think it's good to 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:14.080 get a third opinion. Okay, a third Okay, well not 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:15.760 more than a third, though, that would be too many 0:05:15.800 --> 0:05:18.640 cooks in the kitchen. So after this break, we'll get 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:23.880 right into him. Okay, this first submission, I'm gonna have 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.159 to look up what this even means. I truly don't know. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:28.680 I have a general idea, but this is a written 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:31.440 submission that says, Dear Chelsea, how do I tell women 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:33.800 I'm into cut holding? Do you know what that is? 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:37.440 Cut holding? Well, yes, I mean cut holding is like 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:42.599 to have another man's woman, like to be in a 0:05:42.680 --> 0:05:46.839 relationship with someone else's wife. I would have had no 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:48.960 idea what that is. I had to google it. It 0:05:49.160 --> 0:05:53.239 is for a man, a cuckold is having a sexual 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:58.760 relationship with another man's wife. Okay, yeah, right, it's so 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:02.440 desiring actly what you can't have. And do you know 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:05.920 anyone who has done this. God, it's hard to decipher 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.880 between shows I've seen an actual friends of mine because 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.320 they kind of all blend together. So it could be 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.279 a TV show that I'm watching. But yeah, somebody likes 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:18.039 to have sex with somebody who's married because it gives 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:22.120 them all the freedom to not have to really participate 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:25.240 in the relationship but get the sex when they want it. 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.560 Does this man watch his wife have sex with another man? 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:30.800 Is it just something that he allows? So wait, say 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:32.719 it again. I thought you said he likes to have women. 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.760 Cup Hold it. It doesn't have to be his wife. Okay, 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:39.400 this is the Google definition of a man make another 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:43.880 man a cuphold by having a sexual relationship with his wife. Yeah, 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.559 so you're having sexual relationship with the wife of someone 0:06:46.600 --> 0:06:51.839 else's husband. It's not your wife, it's someone else. Yeah, 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:55.159 you like to have affairs with married women, but the 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:57.919 husband knows. Isn't that like part of the whole dynamic? 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:01.320 So again, are they watching? Is this just an exit? 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.719 I mean I don't know. I mean they don't always know, though, 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:07.560 I mean I think it's up to like whatever the 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:09.920 party is. But what what's he asked? Well, he wants 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:11.840 to know how to address that. How does he broach 0:07:11.880 --> 0:07:15.840 that subject? Don't know, I mean, I don't have any 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:19.440 advice on that because it's all it's cheating, and you 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:24.120 know how christ like I am, I hate cheating. I 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:28.040 think it is just so cowardly the morality. Yeah, so 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.560 as long as you're involved with someone being cheated on, 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:34.880 you know, even if you're not cheating on someone and 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:38.120 the person you're fucking is cheating on someone, Yeah, like 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:40.520 that's a guilty party. I know, shit happens. Like we've 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.480 all fucking you know, we've all done it, and we've 0:07:42.520 --> 0:07:45.480 all been in bad situations where we made poor decisions. 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:49.200 But seriously, okay, So hypothetically, then say that cut holding 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:53.080 is an approved situation for one involved. What if a 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.400 man came to you was like, oh, I want to 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:58.720 fund someone else's wife, like they all know and approve 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:01.840 of this. Yeah, it would be hard to not pass 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:04.960 my judgment on that, Like that's so gross. First of all, 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.440 men can't talk about fucking wives anymore, Like that's a 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:09.760 wrap on that ship sail. Yeah, the ship is sailed 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:11.920 about men talking about whatever they want to fuck, like 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:15.080 no one cares any more. Parties over so that already 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:17.600 annoys me. So if we flipped the switch and we 0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:23.600 say cuckolding is basically a man allowing his wife to 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:28.160 cheat and know about it, he's the one being cuckolded. Yeah, 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:32.720 it's the man whose wife is out on loan like 0:08:32.760 --> 0:08:34.599 a rental car. I see, And I don't know. I 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:36.720 always thought the cuck holding and it wasn't even a 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.160 cheating aspect, because it was something that was set up that, like, 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:42.400 this guy liked either watching his wife have sex as 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:44.960 someone else or knowing that she was having sex. So 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.360 this this is obviously not our area of expertise. Maybe 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.240 we could find a cut holding coupled. Maybe if the 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:52.600 fucking word cuckold wasn't so stupid, maybe more people would 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:54.200 know what it meant. I mean, you just it's like 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:56.200 a word you don't even ask twice about. No, that's 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:58.400 an urban dictionary word. It's not one we need to 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:03.040 concern ourselves with. Isn't that what Republicans call liberals cux snowflakes. 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:06.480 I've never put that together, but that sounds right well. 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:09.280 Cut so cut holding it would come from cox. Maybe 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:12.240 it's short for that. It probably is. I I does 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:14.960 that mean they're sleeping with our who's sleeping with who 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.360 and not scenario. I don't know someone's getting fucked, but 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:22.560 you know who. I'm not sleeping with people. Okay, well 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.640 we'll have to ask somebody else about that. Well, we'll 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.800 put an add up on Craigslist. I'm sure someone will respond. 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:28.720 That seems like exactly where you'd find a cut holding 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.400 couples Craigslist. Yeah, that seems like it would be easy 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.400 to find that online, along with a bunch of other 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:38.440 six ship We hope that answers your question. Well, this 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:40.560 next one is from a woman, and this is where 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.880 I think. Is she willing to transition to become a man? 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:44.920 She could. We'll get her on the phone. Her name 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.520 is Caitlin, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how do you 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:49.320 tell someone you're going to marry that you want to 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:52.160 prenup without making it awkward? Okay, well, this is something 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.240 we could get help from an outside source. But I 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.120 would honestly say, yeah, why not get a prenup? In 0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:59.800 this fucked up, crazy world where fifty of people get 0:09:59.880 --> 0:10:02.320 to worse, All you have to say is write down 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:05.640 the sentence fifty of people get divorced. Put that on 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:08.079 a piece of paper, show it to the person you're marrying, 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:11.280 and say I need a prenup. It doesn't matter how 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.240 much we think we love each other, we need to 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.720 protect ourselves. I would think that if you're going to 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.160 get married, this is a conversation that would have been 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:20.480 had in advance, or that you kind of know the 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.439 person's temperament. Like, I don't know how it could be 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:25.880 awkward if the person you're with. Well, because some people's 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.720 parents have money and it doesn't come up until you know, 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.439 the last minute, or it comes up after you're engaged, 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:34.800 so it's like it's not about you, it's about your 0:10:34.800 --> 0:10:37.400 family's money. Like I know plenty of people who have 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.240 done that and are like, oh, you know their parents 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.199 have a lot of money, or I've seen people who 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:44.640 you know, that's how it happens. You can. I mean, 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.440 it could be a variety of reasons. If it's just 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:50.600 one person, like a Jeff Bezos saying hey, I need 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:52.880 a prenup, you know, that's a different story. Would you 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.960 get a prenup? Yeah? What if your potential husband also 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.640 had money? Definitely? Okay, So it really is just a 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:03.160 way to say life guard yourself regardless. Yeah, safeguard. And 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:05.160 it's like and if, yeah, everyone should be open to 0:11:05.160 --> 0:11:07.560 signing a prenup, who gives a ship? I know I 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.360 have my own thing going, but still, like, it's just 0:11:10.400 --> 0:11:13.320 a way to say, like, it's like guaranteeing not to 0:11:13.320 --> 0:11:16.320 get into a fight, right, And Caitlyn, as a woman, 0:11:16.440 --> 0:11:17.960 you should just be able to stand the ground and 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.080 say that you want to protect what's yours and that's 0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:23.280 that you shouldn't You shouldn't have to rationalize it. I 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.600 second that emotion. If you were presented with a prenup, 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.840 I think a lot of times it's so awkward because 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:31.680 this is finally the last time that you can identify 0:11:31.720 --> 0:11:34.280 if someone is in the relationship for money, if that's 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:37.320 an underlying factor for them. If you're presented with the prenup, 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.480 is that how you would feel? Yeah? Well, I mean 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.240 if you're really asking someone if they're in it for money, 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:46.760 isn't the answer? Yeah, I mean if you have to 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.640 ask someone that, can't you? I know it happens all 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:52.640 the time. I know, and maybe just because it hasn't 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:56.480 happened to me, I don't relate to it. But the 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.600 idea that you could get married to somebody who's only 0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:02.320 in it to get your money, Like, that's a long 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:06.120 way to go. I think it's multifaceted. There are elements 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:08.200 of how long have you been with this person, were 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.320 you with them before they had the money, and now 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.600 collectively you know you've both invested different things. Well in 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:17.080 Our next submission comes from Lindsay with a similar question, 0:12:17.160 --> 0:12:20.599 but hers is regarding divorce, So let's see what you 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:22.599 think on this. She says, I've never been divorced, and 0:12:22.640 --> 0:12:24.960 I don't think you have either, so you're the obvious 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:26.760 choice to give advice on the matter. Here's what I 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:28.920 can't figure out. Do you tell your husband you want 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:31.120 to divorce some random night and then spend two weeks 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.120 together in the same house or do you tell him 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:34.559 and then walk out of the door and come back 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:37.160 for all of your stuff? What is the worst situation 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:39.080 to move out while he is at work and leave 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:42.080 a note? No one talks about this situation. Plus, we 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.840 have two dogs. Can I really take my dogs legally? 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:47.640 Not being an attorney makes you the obvious choice for 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.800 legal advice. Asking for your help is just another bad 0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:54.000 decision to add to my twenty years of bad decision making. 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.640 Thanks in advance for your help your bad decisions. Walking 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.480 out the door and leaving a note when you're breaking 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:02.920 up with your husband is not That's not an option 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:06.480 unless he's abusive. So what do you do in the situation? 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.719 Down and have a conversation with him? And especially when 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.560 they have two dogs? She can't just take the dogs 0:13:12.960 --> 0:13:16.600 if they got them. She can out, well, she can 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:19.920 if she was in an abusive relationship or if he was, like, 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:23.960 you know, cheating on her or something. But like handling 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:25.960 it in an adult way is the best way to 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:29.240 handle that conversation. Sitting down and saying, hey, I'm unhappy 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:33.160 in this marriage. Can't just bolt? We got to figure 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.120 it out. Yeah, I mean that sounds harsh. Can you 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.400 know what? Maybe we should ask Laura Walster about this 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.760 as well. What sort of timeline there is when you 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.200 finally make the decision that you want the divorce, how 0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:45.640 and when to talk to them about it and then 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:47.520 where you go from there? I mean, I can't imagine 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:51.440 that it's a brief or swift move when you finally 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.560 make the choice to have the divorce. Maybe she have 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.319 some insight for Lindsay Young. Well, yeah, I mean, after 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.240 you tell the person, Hey, I'm leaving and then you 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:02.280 stay for two weeks. I would think you have a 0:14:02.320 --> 0:14:05.240 game plan, you have something set up. Yeah, you should 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:06.719 have a game like once you make the decision like 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:08.720 I no longer want to be with this person, Like 0:14:08.880 --> 0:14:11.240 you know that internally, it's not two weeks like a job, 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.679 like I'm giving you two weeks notice. But you have 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.439 things kind of in motion or set up, so you 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.360 know that you have some work to go if things 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:20.520 go poorly, that you know you have your money available 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:25.280 to you so you can take care of yourself. Right, Yeah, yeah, 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.440 I would say so for sure. Well let's see what 0:14:27.520 --> 0:14:32.000 Laura Wasser has to say. Hey, but just there she is. Hi, 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:37.440 Laura Wasser. Are you How are you? I'm good. You 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:42.080 know I moved across the street from your ex husband. Yeah, 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:44.920 he's really gone to ship with my kid. As a result, 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:47.160 he got caught vaping at school. I blame you. I 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.240 feel like you've been kind of an absent co parent 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:51.080 to me. I know, I know, I do that a lot. 0:14:51.120 --> 0:14:53.040 I don't show up in the way that I promised to, 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.360 or I show up sporadically, so I'm more of the 0:14:56.440 --> 0:14:59.920 father figure husband, like a divorce father is what I 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.640 am like. I come in with rainbows and money and 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:05.840 then I leave right before things get serious. All about 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:10.680 a Disneyland parent, Yeah, that's exactly a Disneyland parent. I 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.720 would never be caught dead at Disneyland, right. Thank you 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.120 for calling us, of course we wanted to ask. We're 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:20.840 giving a lot of advice, solicited advice for the first time, 0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:24.120 and people are calling them with legal questions, so obviously 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:27.720 that's a little bit out of my wheelhouse. Yes, which 0:15:27.840 --> 0:15:29.600 I kind of like it when you make shut up 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:32.080 though and tell them the legal answers. I've watched it 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.800 on Instagrams sometimes I think it's good, you're doing well. 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:37.400 And how accurate does she seem to be in her guidance? 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:40.200 Very much so, I mean about as much, about as 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.200 accurate as me and I've been doing it for twenty 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.000 six years, so yeah, you're good. Well everything I know 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.480 I've learned from you, so thank you. People think that 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.760 it's solely for celebrities, and it's not. You hear of it. 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:55.400 More and more people introducing prenups into their relationship preemptively, 0:15:55.840 --> 0:15:58.520 really just as a means to make it a smooth transition. 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:01.160 If you do have to divorce. That's not about necessarily 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.600 how much you have, or even before even if you're 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.560 not planning on getting divorce. Because people are like, oh, 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:08.160 I wouldn't do a prenup, but just pre negotiating my divorce, 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.680 that's not what it is. What a prenup is is 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:15.040 a means for you to opt out of what the 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.080 law would otherwise be. A lot of people are like, 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.200 I'm not down with this whole California community property. The 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:23.160 minute I get married, half of everything I make or 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:25.960 create goes to the other person. I don't like that. 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:27.600 I want to support them, I want to have a 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.280 commitment with them. I want to raise kids at them. 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:33.920 But I've been a writer, sculptor, painter, lawyer for all 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:36.840 these years already. What I make and earn and create 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:38.880 I want to be mine, and I'll share some of 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.800 it with my spouse. But I don't want it to 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.720 automatically be fifty fifty or I've worked really hard. I've 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:47.840 got this amazing lifestyle I'm happy for when we're married. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:51.360 We fly private, we go to five star resorts, we 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.360 have nice meals. But if we split up, I'm not 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:56.640 down with having to continue that. You know, going into 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:59.440 the future, I want us both to be kind of contributing. 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.120 So I think it's really important for people, even if 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.520 you're not flying private or going to five star resorts, 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.720 to have a conversation. So many people come to me 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:08.560 and they don't even know what the law is that 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:11.400 they're entering into when they're getting married. They don't even 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.639 know what the law is. Knowing the law, deciding whether 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:17.360 that law fits for you and your partner, and if 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:20.560 it doesn't, kind of figuring out a way to carve 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:22.080 it out so that you make the law that is 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:25.119 applicable to you. Also, by having a prenup, you have 0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:27.919 a lot of discussions that you might not otherwise have 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:31.760 when everything's rosy and sexy and romantic and you're planning 0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:34.600 this wedding, have some real life discussions, because if you're 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:36.800 going to stay married for a long time, there's gonna 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:40.560 be some not sexy, romantic, loving times in your life. 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:44.200 Might as well start having those communications and having those 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:48.040 tools to get through those times before you get married. Right, Well, 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.040 that's the perfect segue because we had a woman, right 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:51.760 and her name is Caitlin, and she wants to know 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.800 how to broach that subject of wanting a prenup as 0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:58.280 she enters into this relationship. Let's tell her, so, what 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.240 do you think how you go into the conversation confidently 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.760 and without putting someone on the defense or making them 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:10.160 worried that the relationship doesn't have longevity. I think you say, 0:18:10.200 --> 0:18:13.320 this is something that's really important to me that through. 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:17.399 I hope we stay married forever. However, in order to 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:19.400 do that, we're going to have to have some real 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.840 life moments here. One maybe when I'm giving birth to 0:18:22.880 --> 0:18:25.439 your child and I like poop on the delivery table. 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:30.200 One might be having a discussion about money and finances 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.879 and what's mine and what's yours, and what our expectations 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.639 of each other are, and a testaments how much I 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:37.359 love you and how much I want this to work. 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:40.840 Is entering into this discussion now, which isn't super comfortable 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:42.639 for me, but I want to do it so that 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.280 we're able to make it through anything. M That's a 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.040 great way to frame it, that we're able to make 0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:49.440 it through anything. I like that sentence. Write that down, sweetheart, 0:18:49.400 --> 0:18:51.600 The way that you just spoke about that, it really 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:54.760 seems to be a safeguard for both people. So even 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:58.639 if one person maybe the breadwinner, and the other person 0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:02.280 is taking care of, you know, stereotypically more domestic aspects 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:04.800 of the relationship, it's really protecting them both in the 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:08.200 long run to negotiate what they would like. And it's 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.480 also an eye opener for both. You have so many 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:14.680 people that are these supported spouts that go into relationships 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:17.360 and they're constantly like looking over their shoulder. They don't 0:19:17.359 --> 0:19:18.800 know what the rights will be, what happens if we 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:20.480 break up? Am I going to have to move out 0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:22.360