Speaker 1: Okay, well, good afternoon or good evening, whatever time you're
Speaker 1: listening to this podcast. Good day. I am on my
Speaker 1: first full completed week of not smoking cannabis out of
Speaker 1: a paper. Where's that going? I mean, the first couple
Speaker 1: of days, I was grossed out by myself because I
Speaker 1: was coughing, and that made me grossed out by cannabis.
Speaker 1: But it didn't last very long, and I feel a
Speaker 1: mental clarity that I haven't felt in a while, so
Speaker 1: I feel the benefits of it for sure. It's really
Speaker 1: just not that hard to stop smoking pot well, and
Speaker 1: you cough quite a bit while you're smoking, so then
Speaker 1: there's a come down period where you're coughing more right,
Speaker 1: well like cough when I don't smoke the good joints,
Speaker 1: like when they're not the proper joints or they're chemically treated,
Speaker 1: like that's why you want the own natural organic you
Speaker 1: know me? And I'm just like such a Quaker about
Speaker 1: everything I put into my body because it's a temple.
Speaker 1: So there's a lot of power in taking a break
Speaker 1: from something, especially when it's got a hold over you,
Speaker 1: like our friend Shane, which brings me to my next question.
Speaker 1: Who is in contact with Shane. I don't know that
Speaker 1: anyone's been in contact. I think someone from the heart side,
Speaker 1: Catherine has our producer Catherine. What's the status is Shane
Speaker 1: also staying off the weed? Shane is also staying off
Speaker 1: the weed. Feels very clear, doing well and yeah, oh wait.
Speaker 1: And there was another screen grab that I sent you,
Speaker 1: Brandon of a woman who said she was going to
Speaker 1: do the thirty Day Detox with us too. She DM
Speaker 1: me on Instagram and said she was going to quit
Speaker 1: weed for a month, and I said, please do it
Speaker 1: with us. I think a lot of people are. I've
Speaker 1: seen a lot of conversation online where people are already
Speaker 1: invested in this path of no canvas for you and Shane.
Speaker 1: I don't know if people think it will last, but
Speaker 1: they're very interested in it. Well, I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 1: have to last. That's what the beauty of it is
Speaker 1: is that it only has to last for thirty days.
Speaker 1: You can last for thirty days, yeah, yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean I'll definitely last for three weeks. I can't. I
Speaker 1: think probably the other thing is is that I don't
Speaker 1: have a very competitive side to myself in terms of
Speaker 1: like having to prove a point or beat somebody at
Speaker 1: something so I could see myself like quitting before I
Speaker 1: reached the thirty days because I just don't care anymore
Speaker 1: and that's something I've had to live with my whole life. Well,
Speaker 1: we'll have to check in with Shane. I think we
Speaker 1: should get him back on the phone at some point
Speaker 1: to get a real update on what he has going
Speaker 1: on and how it's affected his work life. Right, that's
Speaker 1: an important update. There's also an important update. Have you
Speaker 1: been watching Mayor of Eastown Brennan? I just want someone
Speaker 1: yesterday and they're like, I'm not getting anything done. All
Speaker 1: I'm doing is watching the show. Yeah, it's really good.
Speaker 1: I watched each episode twice so that I really understand
Speaker 1: what's going on and I want there to be a
Speaker 1: new episode of it every week for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. Is it a limited series or is it
Speaker 1: a series? It's a limited series because Kate Winslet is
Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, they're all limited series now or maybe not?
Speaker 1: Maybe no, maybe it will be another year. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But she is fucking awesome, Oh my god. And the
Speaker 1: accent is a little bit much, but it's that's the
Speaker 1: SNL skit that they did Kate McKinnon did it about
Speaker 1: my daughter's murder ditter dirt or fund or murderer accent
Speaker 1: was really funny. But the show is really good. I
Speaker 1: just love detective dramas. I also tried to watch a
Speaker 1: show called Luther with Idris Elba and he was so hot.
Speaker 1: Oh god, so he's distracting. Yeah, he's so sexy that
Speaker 1: I googled to see if he was married, and he was,
Speaker 1: and I had to stop watching the show. Well, they've
Speaker 1: discussed him being the new James Bond and I could not.
Speaker 1: I've never watched James Bond. I have zero interests. But
Speaker 1: if he was James Bond, I would have my act
Speaker 1: at the theater. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's pretty hot. And
Speaker 1: he's tall. You know that's nice too, A nice tall,
Speaker 1: masculine and not one of these actors that you see
Speaker 1: that looks tall and then you meet them and they're
Speaker 1: like underneath you, any tyke. It's like, how are you
Speaker 1: not even a real person? You're a whisper of a man.
Speaker 1: Just a little itty bitty thing, a little itty body,
Speaker 1: titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that
Speaker 1: I will never be a member of. Should we get
Speaker 1: into it today. I feel like there's a lot to cover. Yeah,
Speaker 1: are we talking to Laura Walser today? We are talking
Speaker 1: to That's a lot of relationship perspectives. Issues, people need
Speaker 1: your thoughts. Okay, well, I'm excited to dive right into it.
Speaker 1: You know, interpersonal affairs are my number one passion projects.
Speaker 1: I don't know that we have an affair today, but
Speaker 1: I'm sure we could find well, just interpersonal relations. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be an affair, but if we could
Speaker 1: find one that would be better. Yes, all right, to
Speaker 1: be hurt. Well, for this week, we had a lot
Speaker 1: of submissions and they all had an overarching theme of
Speaker 1: like uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with different
Speaker 1: people in your life. And we've had to have a
Speaker 1: few of those together and separately that then we've discussed
Speaker 1: what do you mean separately, like you've had to have
Speaker 1: an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or someone that you
Speaker 1: work with. I got to have one someone in my life,
Speaker 1: like my mom right inviding you about it. So we're
Speaker 1: all having them all the time, it seems, because this
Speaker 1: week they're very The key is to continue having them.
Speaker 1: Yes they are, yes, right, right, right, the more uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: the more necessary. Probably, I would think so, because there's
Speaker 1: no way to get around some those topics and you
Speaker 1: just have to. And for one of them, I thought
Speaker 1: that we would give an expert a call, even though
Speaker 1: we are experts in our Yeah, why do we need
Speaker 1: any more experts? Well, sometimes I think it's good to
Speaker 1: get a third opinion. Okay, a third Okay, well not
Speaker 1: more than a third, though, that would be too many
Speaker 1: cooks in the kitchen. So after this break, we'll get
Speaker 1: right into him. Okay, this first submission, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to look up what this even means. I truly don't know.
Speaker 1: I have a general idea, but this is a written
Speaker 1: submission that says, Dear Chelsea, how do I tell women
Speaker 1: I'm into cut holding? Do you know what that is?
Speaker 1: Cut holding? Well, yes, I mean cut holding is like
Speaker 1: to have another man's woman, like to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with someone else's wife. I would have had no
Speaker 1: idea what that is. I had to google it. It
Speaker 1: is for a man, a cuckold is having a sexual
Speaker 1: relationship with another man's wife. Okay, yeah, right, it's so
Speaker 1: desiring actly what you can't have. And do you know
Speaker 1: anyone who has done this. God, it's hard to decipher
Speaker 1: between shows I've seen an actual friends of mine because
Speaker 1: they kind of all blend together. So it could be
Speaker 1: a TV show that I'm watching. But yeah, somebody likes
Speaker 1: to have sex with somebody who's married because it gives
Speaker 1: them all the freedom to not have to really participate
Speaker 1: in the relationship but get the sex when they want it.
Speaker 1: Does this man watch his wife have sex with another man?
Speaker 1: Is it just something that he allows? So wait, say
Speaker 1: it again. I thought you said he likes to have women.
Speaker 1: Cup Hold it. It doesn't have to be his wife. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is the Google definition of a man make another
Speaker 1: man a cuphold by having a sexual relationship with his wife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're having sexual relationship with the wife of someone
Speaker 1: else's husband. It's not your wife, it's someone else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you like to have affairs with married women, but the
Speaker 1: husband knows. Isn't that like part of the whole dynamic?
Speaker 1: So again, are they watching? Is this just an exit?
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know. I mean they don't always know, though,
Speaker 1: I mean I think it's up to like whatever the
Speaker 1: party is. But what what's he asked? Well, he wants
Speaker 1: to know how to address that. How does he broach
Speaker 1: that subject? Don't know, I mean, I don't have any
Speaker 1: advice on that because it's all it's cheating, and you
Speaker 1: know how christ like I am, I hate cheating. I
Speaker 1: think it is just so cowardly the morality. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: as long as you're involved with someone being cheated on,
Speaker 1: you know, even if you're not cheating on someone and
Speaker 1: the person you're fucking is cheating on someone, Yeah, like
Speaker 1: that's a guilty party. I know, shit happens. Like we've
Speaker 1: all fucking you know, we've all done it, and we've
Speaker 1: all been in bad situations where we made poor decisions.
Speaker 1: But seriously, okay, So hypothetically, then say that cut holding
Speaker 1: is an approved situation for one involved. What if a
Speaker 1: man came to you was like, oh, I want to
Speaker 1: fund someone else's wife, like they all know and approve
Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, it would be hard to not pass
Speaker 1: my judgment on that, Like that's so gross. First of all,
Speaker 1: men can't talk about fucking wives anymore, Like that's a
Speaker 1: wrap on that ship sail. Yeah, the ship is sailed
Speaker 1: about men talking about whatever they want to fuck, like
Speaker 1: no one cares any more. Parties over so that already
Speaker 1: annoys me. So if we flipped the switch and we
Speaker 1: say cuckolding is basically a man allowing his wife to
Speaker 1: cheat and know about it, he's the one being cuckolded. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the man whose wife is out on loan like
Speaker 1: a rental car. I see, And I don't know. I
Speaker 1: always thought the cuck holding and it wasn't even a
Speaker 1: cheating aspect, because it was something that was set up that, like,
Speaker 1: this guy liked either watching his wife have sex as
Speaker 1: someone else or knowing that she was having sex. So
Speaker 1: this this is obviously not our area of expertise. Maybe
Speaker 1: we could find a cut holding coupled. Maybe if the
Speaker 1: fucking word cuckold wasn't so stupid, maybe more people would
Speaker 1: know what it meant. I mean, you just it's like
Speaker 1: a word you don't even ask twice about. No, that's
Speaker 1: an urban dictionary word. It's not one we need to
Speaker 1: concern ourselves with. Isn't that what Republicans call liberals cux snowflakes.
Speaker 1: I've never put that together, but that sounds right well.
Speaker 1: Cut so cut holding it would come from cox. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's short for that. It probably is. I I does
Speaker 1: that mean they're sleeping with our who's sleeping with who
Speaker 1: and not scenario. I don't know someone's getting fucked, but
Speaker 1: you know who. I'm not sleeping with people. Okay, well
Speaker 1: we'll have to ask somebody else about that. Well, we'll
Speaker 1: put an add up on Craigslist. I'm sure someone will respond.
Speaker 1: That seems like exactly where you'd find a cut holding
Speaker 1: couples Craigslist. Yeah, that seems like it would be easy
Speaker 1: to find that online, along with a bunch of other
Speaker 1: six ship We hope that answers your question. Well, this
Speaker 1: next one is from a woman, and this is where
Speaker 1: I think. Is she willing to transition to become a man?
Speaker 1: She could. We'll get her on the phone. Her name
Speaker 1: is Caitlin, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how do you
Speaker 1: tell someone you're going to marry that you want to
Speaker 1: prenup without making it awkward? Okay, well, this is something
Speaker 1: we could get help from an outside source. But I
Speaker 1: would honestly say, yeah, why not get a prenup? In
Speaker 1: this fucked up, crazy world where fifty of people get
Speaker 1: to worse, All you have to say is write down
Speaker 1: the sentence fifty of people get divorced. Put that on
Speaker 1: a piece of paper, show it to the person you're marrying,
Speaker 1: and say I need a prenup. It doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: much we think we love each other, we need to
Speaker 1: protect ourselves. I would think that if you're going to
Speaker 1: get married, this is a conversation that would have been
Speaker 1: had in advance, or that you kind of know the
Speaker 1: person's temperament. Like, I don't know how it could be
Speaker 1: awkward if the person you're with. Well, because some people's
Speaker 1: parents have money and it doesn't come up until you know,
Speaker 1: the last minute, or it comes up after you're engaged,
Speaker 1: so it's like it's not about you, it's about your
Speaker 1: family's money. Like I know plenty of people who have
Speaker 1: done that and are like, oh, you know their parents
Speaker 1: have a lot of money, or I've seen people who
Speaker 1: you know, that's how it happens. You can. I mean,
Speaker 1: it could be a variety of reasons. If it's just
Speaker 1: one person, like a Jeff Bezos saying hey, I need
Speaker 1: a prenup, you know, that's a different story. Would you
Speaker 1: get a prenup? Yeah? What if your potential husband also
Speaker 1: had money? Definitely? Okay, So it really is just a
Speaker 1: way to say life guard yourself regardless. Yeah, safeguard. And
Speaker 1: it's like and if, yeah, everyone should be open to
Speaker 1: signing a prenup, who gives a ship? I know I
Speaker 1: have my own thing going, but still, like, it's just
Speaker 1: a way to say, like, it's like guaranteeing not to
Speaker 1: get into a fight, right, And Caitlyn, as a woman,
Speaker 1: you should just be able to stand the ground and
Speaker 1: say that you want to protect what's yours and that's
Speaker 1: that you shouldn't You shouldn't have to rationalize it. I
Speaker 1: second that emotion. If you were presented with a prenup,
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times it's so awkward because
Speaker 1: this is finally the last time that you can identify
Speaker 1: if someone is in the relationship for money, if that's
Speaker 1: an underlying factor for them. If you're presented with the prenup,
Speaker 1: is that how you would feel? Yeah? Well, I mean
Speaker 1: if you're really asking someone if they're in it for money,
Speaker 1: isn't the answer? Yeah, I mean if you have to
Speaker 1: ask someone that, can't you? I know it happens all
Speaker 1: the time. I know, and maybe just because it hasn't
Speaker 1: happened to me, I don't relate to it. But the
Speaker 1: idea that you could get married to somebody who's only
Speaker 1: in it to get your money, Like, that's a long
Speaker 1: way to go. I think it's multifaceted. There are elements
Speaker 1: of how long have you been with this person, were
Speaker 1: you with them before they had the money, and now
Speaker 1: collectively you know you've both invested different things. Well in
Speaker 1: Our next submission comes from Lindsay with a similar question,
Speaker 1: but hers is regarding divorce, So let's see what you
Speaker 1: think on this. She says, I've never been divorced, and
Speaker 1: I don't think you have either, so you're the obvious
Speaker 1: choice to give advice on the matter. Here's what I
Speaker 1: can't figure out. Do you tell your husband you want
Speaker 1: to divorce some random night and then spend two weeks
Speaker 1: together in the same house or do you tell him
Speaker 1: and then walk out of the door and come back
Speaker 1: for all of your stuff? What is the worst situation
Speaker 1: to move out while he is at work and leave
Speaker 1: a note? No one talks about this situation. Plus, we
Speaker 1: have two dogs. Can I really take my dogs legally?
Speaker 1: Not being an attorney makes you the obvious choice for
Speaker 1: legal advice. Asking for your help is just another bad
Speaker 1: decision to add to my twenty years of bad decision making.
Speaker 1: Thanks in advance for your help your bad decisions. Walking
Speaker 1: out the door and leaving a note when you're breaking
Speaker 1: up with your husband is not That's not an option
Speaker 1: unless he's abusive. So what do you do in the situation?
Speaker 1: Down and have a conversation with him? And especially when
Speaker 1: they have two dogs? She can't just take the dogs
Speaker 1: if they got them. She can out, well, she can
Speaker 1: if she was in an abusive relationship or if he was, like,
Speaker 1: you know, cheating on her or something. But like handling
Speaker 1: it in an adult way is the best way to
Speaker 1: handle that conversation. Sitting down and saying, hey, I'm unhappy
Speaker 1: in this marriage. Can't just bolt? We got to figure
Speaker 1: it out. Yeah, I mean that sounds harsh. Can you
Speaker 1: know what? Maybe we should ask Laura Walster about this
Speaker 1: as well. What sort of timeline there is when you
Speaker 1: finally make the decision that you want the divorce, how
Speaker 1: and when to talk to them about it and then
Speaker 1: where you go from there? I mean, I can't imagine
Speaker 1: that it's a brief or swift move when you finally
Speaker 1: make the choice to have the divorce. Maybe she have
Speaker 1: some insight for Lindsay Young. Well, yeah, I mean, after
Speaker 1: you tell the person, Hey, I'm leaving and then you
Speaker 1: stay for two weeks. I would think you have a
Speaker 1: game plan, you have something set up. Yeah, you should
Speaker 1: have a game like once you make the decision like
Speaker 1: I no longer want to be with this person, Like
Speaker 1: you know that internally, it's not two weeks like a job,
Speaker 1: like I'm giving you two weeks notice. But you have
Speaker 1: things kind of in motion or set up, so you
Speaker 1: know that you have some work to go if things
Speaker 1: go poorly, that you know you have your money available
Speaker 1: to you so you can take care of yourself. Right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say so for sure. Well let's see what
Speaker 1: Laura Wasser has to say. Hey, but just there she is. Hi,
Speaker 1: Laura Wasser. Are you How are you? I'm good. You
Speaker 1: know I moved across the street from your ex husband. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's really gone to ship with my kid. As a result,
Speaker 1: he got caught vaping at school. I blame you. I
Speaker 1: feel like you've been kind of an absent co parent
Speaker 1: to me. I know, I know, I do that a lot.
Speaker 1: I don't show up in the way that I promised to,
Speaker 1: or I show up sporadically, so I'm more of the
Speaker 1: father figure husband, like a divorce father is what I
Speaker 1: am like. I come in with rainbows and money and
Speaker 1: then I leave right before things get serious. All about
Speaker 1: a Disneyland parent, Yeah, that's exactly a Disneyland parent. I
Speaker 1: would never be caught dead at Disneyland, right. Thank you
Speaker 1: for calling us, of course we wanted to ask. We're
Speaker 1: giving a lot of advice, solicited advice for the first time,
Speaker 1: and people are calling them with legal questions, so obviously
Speaker 1: that's a little bit out of my wheelhouse. Yes, which
Speaker 1: I kind of like it when you make shut up
Speaker 1: though and tell them the legal answers. I've watched it
Speaker 1: on Instagrams sometimes I think it's good, you're doing well.
Speaker 1: And how accurate does she seem to be in her guidance?
Speaker 1: Very much so, I mean about as much, about as
Speaker 1: accurate as me and I've been doing it for twenty
Speaker 1: six years, so yeah, you're good. Well everything I know
Speaker 1: I've learned from you, so thank you. People think that
Speaker 1: it's solely for celebrities, and it's not. You hear of it.
Speaker 1: More and more people introducing prenups into their relationship preemptively,
Speaker 1: really just as a means to make it a smooth transition.
Speaker 1: If you do have to divorce. That's not about necessarily
Speaker 1: how much you have, or even before even if you're
Speaker 1: not planning on getting divorce. Because people are like, oh,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do a prenup, but just pre negotiating my divorce,
Speaker 1: that's not what it is. What a prenup is is
Speaker 1: a means for you to opt out of what the
Speaker 1: law would otherwise be. A lot of people are like,
Speaker 1: I'm not down with this whole California community property. The
Speaker 1: minute I get married, half of everything I make or
Speaker 1: create goes to the other person. I don't like that.
Speaker 1: I want to support them, I want to have a
Speaker 1: commitment with them. I want to raise kids at them.
Speaker 1: But I've been a writer, sculptor, painter, lawyer for all
Speaker 1: these years already. What I make and earn and create
Speaker 1: I want to be mine, and I'll share some of
Speaker 1: it with my spouse. But I don't want it to
Speaker 1: automatically be fifty fifty or I've worked really hard. I've
Speaker 1: got this amazing lifestyle I'm happy for when we're married.
Speaker 1: We fly private, we go to five star resorts, we
Speaker 1: have nice meals. But if we split up, I'm not
Speaker 1: down with having to continue that. You know, going into
Speaker 1: the future, I want us both to be kind of contributing.
Speaker 1: So I think it's really important for people, even if
Speaker 1: you're not flying private or going to five star resorts,
Speaker 1: to have a conversation. So many people come to me
Speaker 1: and they don't even know what the law is that
Speaker 1: they're entering into when they're getting married. They don't even
Speaker 1: know what the law is. Knowing the law, deciding whether
Speaker 1: that law fits for you and your partner, and if
Speaker 1: it doesn't, kind of figuring out a way to carve
Speaker 1: it out so that you make the law that is
Speaker 1: applicable to you. Also, by having a prenup, you have
Speaker 1: a lot of discussions that you might not otherwise have
Speaker 1: when everything's rosy and sexy and romantic and you're planning
Speaker 1: this wedding, have some real life discussions, because if you're
Speaker 1: going to stay married for a long time, there's gonna
Speaker 1: be some not sexy, romantic, loving times in your life.
Speaker 1: Might as well start having those communications and having those
Speaker 1: tools to get through those times before you get married. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: that's the perfect segue because we had a woman, right
Speaker 1: and her name is Caitlin, and she wants to know
Speaker 1: how to broach that subject of wanting a prenup as
Speaker 1: she enters into this relationship. Let's tell her, so, what
Speaker 1: do you think how you go into the conversation confidently
Speaker 1: and without putting someone on the defense or making them
Speaker 1: worried that the relationship doesn't have longevity. I think you say,
Speaker 1: this is something that's really important to me that through.
Speaker 1: I hope we stay married forever. However, in order to
Speaker 1: do that, we're going to have to have some real
Speaker 1: life moments here. One maybe when I'm giving birth to
Speaker 1: your child and I like poop on the delivery table.
Speaker 1: One might be having a discussion about money and finances
Speaker 1: and what's mine and what's yours, and what our expectations
Speaker 1: of each other are, and a testaments how much I
Speaker 1: love you and how much I want this to work.
Speaker 1: Is entering into this discussion now, which isn't super comfortable
Speaker 1: for me, but I want to do it so that
Speaker 1: we're able to make it through anything. M That's a
Speaker 1: great way to frame it, that we're able to make
Speaker 1: it through anything. I like that sentence. Write that down, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: The way that you just spoke about that, it really
Speaker 1: seems to be a safeguard for both people. So even
Speaker 1: if one person maybe the breadwinner, and the other person
Speaker 1: is taking care of, you know, stereotypically more domestic aspects
Speaker 1: of the relationship, it's really protecting them both in the
Speaker 1: long run to negotiate what they would like. And it's
Speaker 1: also an eye opener for both. You have so many
Speaker 1: people that are these supported spouts that go into relationships
Speaker 1: and they're constantly like looking over their shoulder. They don't
Speaker 1: know what the rights will be, what happens if we
Speaker 1: break up? Am I going to have to move out
Speaker 1: of my home? Am I going to have to get
Speaker 1: a job working at the landcomb counter and even markets? Like?
Speaker 1: What's going to happen to me? Let's talk about that now.
Speaker 1: Let's figure out exactly how to protect both of you
Speaker 1: and make you feel comfortable so that you're equipped no
Speaker 1: matter what ends up happening. Yeah, because a lot of people, though,
Speaker 1: would argue I think that for a woman agreeing to
Speaker 1: get a pre nup with a man that has more money, right,
Speaker 1: if I were to get married, which I won't, but
Speaker 1: if I were and somebody had a lot more money
Speaker 1: than I did them asking for the prenup, it invokes
Speaker 1: a certain amount of like unease, Right, it makes you
Speaker 1: feel uneasy to have to have the discussion about potentially
Speaker 1: breaking up. So there is a natural defense that comes
Speaker 1: up right when people are faced with us. Unless you're
Speaker 1: dealing with two people who both agree they want a
Speaker 1: prenup and for their own reasons, right, have you seen
Speaker 1: that men or women are more resistant to a prenup?
Speaker 1: Because around l A there are a lot of very
Speaker 1: well to do women who enter in relationships knowing they
Speaker 1: want a prenup. Is it harder for a man to
Speaker 1: accept because of his masculinity. No. Most men are like,
Speaker 1: I'm down with that. I'm a guy, I can But
Speaker 1: the women that I've represented, particularly younger ones whose managers
Speaker 1: or parents or entertainment lawyers are like, you really need
Speaker 1: to get a prenup, They're very resistant because they really
Speaker 1: want it to be romantic and loving. Most of the time,
Speaker 1: the guys are like, yeah, I'm fine with that. I
Speaker 1: have had women that have been asked to sign prenups
Speaker 1: by their male counterparts who are very offended. And I
Speaker 1: say that the guys, because I'm usually representing them, you
Speaker 1: need to really look at that. You need to really
Speaker 1: look at why they're so offended. A lot of prenups
Speaker 1: give an annual gift to the less moneyed spouse. I
Speaker 1: mean they're actually doing better as a result of having
Speaker 1: a prenup than they would if not. So I mean
Speaker 1: it's not always like screw you. If we break up,
Speaker 1: you're leaving and you're going to go live in a
Speaker 1: refrigerator box under a bridge. The refusal to kind of
Speaker 1: get educated and understand what's happening and be a partner
Speaker 1: in the relationship is something I think anybody who is
Speaker 1: being met with that kind of resistance really needs to
Speaker 1: examine before they enter under a marriage with that person. Well,
Speaker 1: it's such a good point because people forget and we're
Speaker 1: not set up at a young age to acknowledge the
Speaker 1: fact that a relationship is a business to some degree.
Speaker 1: It's it's work that you enter into these things, and
Speaker 1: it's not smooth sailing. It's constant addressing the issues and
Speaker 1: reassessing and growing. And part of that is the monetary
Speaker 1: side and the collection and the accumulation of things together.
Speaker 1: So it's much easier to separate those with the brain
Speaker 1: up and as women particularly, we're so quick to abdicate.
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about that. I want to
Speaker 1: worry about being pretty and doing that. I don't want
Speaker 1: to think about money. I don't want to be bothered
Speaker 1: at that. If you want to answer into a relationship
Speaker 1: with someone, even if they have more money than you're
Speaker 1: starting out and be a real partner to them, find
Speaker 1: out about the money. Insists that you go to the
Speaker 1: quarterly meetings with the business manager. Even if it's not
Speaker 1: your money. You're still using that money to live, raise
Speaker 1: your children. Get involved in some of it, because it
Speaker 1: really does it will enable you to grow better together
Speaker 1: as partners. Okay, So Laura, we had a caller call
Speaker 1: in our a listener. Well, she then she became a
Speaker 1: caller when she called, and she called him with a
Speaker 1: story about she wants to get divorced, but she doesn't know,
Speaker 1: like in what order she's supposed to do things. Does
Speaker 1: she tell her husband she wants to get divorced and
Speaker 1: then move out immediately? Does she tell her husband she
Speaker 1: wants to get divorced and then stay a couple of weeks?
Speaker 1: And she has two dogs? She's like, am I allowed
Speaker 1: to take them? And I'm like, yeah, you know what,
Speaker 1: great question? I have no fucking idea. Is it best
Speaker 1: to put something in place of a place to go,
Speaker 1: a way to get yourself out of a potentially complicated
Speaker 1: situation or harmful. Like what would you say to someone
Speaker 1: who's coming in and they're like, I know, I want
Speaker 1: a divorce? What now? So I think again? It depends
Speaker 1: a lot on the circumstances, Like God forbid, you're in
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship and you tell your stuff that you
Speaker 1: want a divorce and you get the ship beat out
Speaker 1: of you. That's not good. But sometimes it's really just
Speaker 1: a difficult conversation. Sometimes what do we do about the kids?
Speaker 1: We don't want the kids to think mommy's leaving daddy. Also,
Speaker 1: the law in different states is different, but in almost
Speaker 1: every state there's nothing like an abandonment anymore. That's not
Speaker 1: very US friendly. So particular in California, you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about leaving the house and somebody saying, oh,
Speaker 1: you abandoned the house, so now your rights are kind
Speaker 1: if you own part of the house, you can leave,
Speaker 1: it's okay. But I would always recommend that somebody either
Speaker 1: goes online, makes a consultation a point with an attorney,
Speaker 1: figures out what the law is in your state to
Speaker 1: start putting your ducks in a row. That's why we
Speaker 1: created It's over Easy the website. There's a ton of
Speaker 1: information on there. Even if you're not ready to start
Speaker 1: filing divorce papers, educate yourself so that you can put
Speaker 1: a plan in place. As for the dog, interesting question, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Always dogs have been chattel property no more than you
Speaker 1: know this this bowl. Whoever bought the bowl, that's who
Speaker 1: owns the dogs. Now in California, we've changed that law
Speaker 1: a little only in the last couple of years, to
Speaker 1: say that a judge may actually listen to evidence about
Speaker 1: who took care of the dogs, who had a better
Speaker 1: bond with the dogs. I mean, I know this is
Speaker 1: the kind of stuff that you care about, and that
Speaker 1: person even if the dogs were not purchased by one
Speaker 1: or the other, or they were purchased jointly. Because they're
Speaker 1: not going to cut a dog in half, sometimes will
Speaker 1: be I mean, I'm not opposed to splitting a dog
Speaker 1: in half. I want the back half of birth. If
Speaker 1: my bell ever takes him, I'm want the back half off.
Speaker 1: So that law has changed a little bit, but generally
Speaker 1: they're just property, just like a car or a vase
Speaker 1: or whatever else. So will they interview the dogs. No,
Speaker 1: they don't do like a child custody evaluation like they
Speaker 1: do with kids. But you could actually give a judge
Speaker 1: evidence like, yes, I bought this dog for my husband
Speaker 1: for his birthday, so generally it would be characterize as
Speaker 1: a separate property asset because it was a gift to
Speaker 1: my husband. However, my husband never did anything with the dog.
Speaker 1: I took the dog, I walked the dog, and I judge, Michael,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna find that the dog's ears.
Speaker 1: That's like literally in the past year and a half
Speaker 1: new law. So but what would your advice be to
Speaker 1: we do we know what state she's in, because she
Speaker 1: was asking if she if she could take her two dogs,
Speaker 1: what would be the repercussions of that? And I guess
Speaker 1: what you're saying is that she can do that. Probably right,
Speaker 1: and again, I think and similarly to kids, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you're not if you don't have any orders in place,
Speaker 1: and you need to go somewhere to kind of get clear,
Speaker 1: as long as you're not like kidnapping them, you leave
Speaker 1: an email thing. Listen, I'm gonna move out for a
Speaker 1: little bit. I've got the dogs. Let's discuss this. I'm
Speaker 1: not disappearing with them, but I just think we need
Speaker 1: a little bit of physical space, and I don't want
Speaker 1: you to worry you will see them again. That is
Speaker 1: what I would probably tell her to do, because I
Speaker 1: don't think anybody is then going to accuse her of
Speaker 1: stealing the dog. She's just taking the dogs for right now,
Speaker 1: all right. So that's a great advice. What what other
Speaker 1: like top tips does Laura Wasser have for people going
Speaker 1: through a divorce to make it just an easy event
Speaker 1: for everyone, Like, no one wants to go through a divorce,
Speaker 1: and it's never gonna be easy. It's heartbreaking, it's difficult,
Speaker 1: it's confusing. But my top tips would be educate yourself,
Speaker 1: find out what the law is in your state and
Speaker 1: how it applies to you. And if you didn't know
Speaker 1: a lot about some of the financial stuff, find out.
Speaker 1: There's basically four components to the financial part of a divorce,
Speaker 1: right There's what you have, what you own, what you owe,
Speaker 1: any debts you have, if you've got you know, mortgages
Speaker 1: or car leases, loans or whatever, what you earn you
Speaker 1: and your spouse, and what you spent, how much what's
Speaker 1: your budget every month with those are the four things.
Speaker 1: Find that shipped out. Find out what the law is
Speaker 1: in your state. If you've got kids, you have got
Speaker 1: to figure out a way. Most states now, particularly California
Speaker 1: and New York, but now almost everywhere in between, are
Speaker 1: much more dad centric than we used to be. Dads
Speaker 1: are no longer seen kids every other weekend and one
Speaker 1: Wednesday for dinner. We really are sharing custody more. We
Speaker 1: want your kids to be able to have as much
Speaker 1: time with both of their parents as possible, because in
Speaker 1: most instances, we believe that's best for your kids. Remember,
Speaker 1: if you have kids, you're going to be dealing with
Speaker 1: this person for the rest of your life, So don't
Speaker 1: burn a bridge. Okay, I mean so many people say
Speaker 1: and write things they regret to their spouse as they're
Speaker 1: going through a divorce. And the greatest is they're paying
Speaker 1: somebody to write and save these things because they're paying
Speaker 1: some lawyer to do it. Take it back. Think about
Speaker 1: the moment when you fell in love with that person,
Speaker 1: when we were with them and you first had that baby.
Speaker 1: Think about the things you loved about that person. You
Speaker 1: don't want to live with them anymore, You don't want
Speaker 1: to be marry to them anymore. But you are going
Speaker 1: to co parent with them. You are probably still going
Speaker 1: to be sharing some assets with them. One of you
Speaker 1: is going to be writing the other one at support
Speaker 1: check for a certain period of time. Figure out a
Speaker 1: way to make it as pleasant and civil and respectful
Speaker 1: as possible. That's what I would say is the main tip.
Speaker 1: Because I've heard so many people say to me, runly
Speaker 1: new then what I know now about this, I would
Speaker 1: have approached it so much differently. I spent so much
Speaker 1: money and so much toxic energy going through this. If
Speaker 1: I could have approached it more like a business transaction
Speaker 1: and approached it with a little bit more, you know,
Speaker 1: the golden rule, do unto others. Treated my spouse like
Speaker 1: I would have liked to be treated, and he would
Speaker 1: have done the name you will. It's not gonna be easy.
Speaker 1: It's still gonna be scary and heartbreaking and whatever, but
Speaker 1: you'll come through it to the other end in your
Speaker 1: next chapter, and you'll be so much better off. I
Speaker 1: have a bunch of friends who are going through divorce. Actually,
Speaker 1: what age or kids allowed to decide if they want
Speaker 1: to be like you know, at a certain point it's
Speaker 1: their decision if they want to go to the dad's
Speaker 1: or if they want to stay with the mom. Right,
Speaker 1: not really, not really. At a certain point there their
Speaker 1: position will be heard by a judge. It's usually thirteen
Speaker 1: or fourteen in California, but they don't get to decide.
Speaker 1: I mean, let me tell you something. If your dad's
Speaker 1: you know, the dad that's like in the den smoking
Speaker 1: a bomb five nights a week, and and you're a teenager,
Speaker 1: you're like, I want to go live with dad. Your
Speaker 1: preference will be taken into consideration by the judge, but
Speaker 1: you're still a minor, and so your best interests are
Speaker 1: still going to be decided and factored into everything else.
Speaker 1: So yes, you can have a say, it's not going
Speaker 1: to be till your thirteen or fourteen. That's in California.
Speaker 1: Other states take it differently. Almost every state has really
Speaker 1: said by now, we don't want a kid on the
Speaker 1: stand in a courtroom like you saw in the movies
Speaker 1: from the sixties and seventies saying what he or she wants.
Speaker 1: So usually either going chambers and talk to the judge
Speaker 1: with a court reporter there, or they'll have a mental
Speaker 1: health evaluator that they'll speak with and talk about their
Speaker 1: preference and why that's their preference? Is that their preference?
Speaker 1: Because mom really understands when I'm going through because I
Speaker 1: like boys and I might lose my virginity and have
Speaker 1: my period and i'm and I'm a girl. Or is
Speaker 1: it because dad lets me be on my computer and
Speaker 1: my iPad and my play games as much as I want? What?
Speaker 1: Why is that your preference? And then what's going to
Speaker 1: be in your best interest? So I think the moral
Speaker 1: of the story is, do not get married and do
Speaker 1: not have children. You should have children, children, okay, And
Speaker 1: if you're gonna get married, get married knowing that this
Speaker 1: is a relationship like any other relationship, that you have
Speaker 1: to work at if you want it to work, and
Speaker 1: if for some reason it doesn't or things change, which
Speaker 1: obviously happens quite a bit. I mean, look, when we
Speaker 1: used to live till we were thirty five, getting married
Speaker 1: till death do us part was a lot easier than
Speaker 1: if you're living into years old. That person is going
Speaker 1: to start getting a little stale for you. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: if I live till ninety, shoot me, seriously, I do
Speaker 1: not want to be around and see what we'll be
Speaker 1: willing you over around and your depends sweetheart, sweetheart, don't
Speaker 1: say such things, Laura. I can ask one more question.
Speaker 1: This is just a personal interesting question. I love any
Speaker 1: time I see an attorney remove themselves from a case.
Speaker 1: Why would an attorney choose to not move forward with
Speaker 1: their client choose to like when I see, like, okay,
Speaker 1: that so and so is no longer representing them. Is
Speaker 1: it like a joint decision that they make, or is
Speaker 1: an attorney like I'm tapping out, like this is just
Speaker 1: too much for me? It depends. Are you talking about
Speaker 1: Britney Spears and her lawyer from that? Oh? No, I
Speaker 1: would love to talk about that if you have if
Speaker 1: you have any insight or any thoughts on on a
Speaker 1: conservator ship. I have no insight. I cannot read that.
Speaker 1: I would like to put Chelsea on a conservator ship
Speaker 1: if it all possible, and I would love your help
Speaker 1: with that. But if we just made Chelsea Brittany's conservator,
Speaker 1: I would do that. I think I'm qualified to take
Speaker 1: care of her. I wouldn't overwork her, and I would
Speaker 1: be sympathetic to her, very sympathetic, I am. I mean,
Speaker 1: how does something like that happen? Though? Laura like, how
Speaker 1: does he get to be her conservator? Like? Why is
Speaker 1: her mother not in that role? You can't, Laura's too
Speaker 1: close to She's She's she's too in Hollywood. All right,
Speaker 1: Well forget it. Thanks for nothing, Laura, I can't believe you. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: this was very helpful for the questions that you did
Speaker 1: choose to I would love to get Laura back. I
Speaker 1: love anything legal I know, and I love you Laura.
Speaker 1: I love you guys too. Anytime when Catherine Law tells
Speaker 1: me I have to be somewhere, I just show up. Awesome.
Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you so much, Laura. Guys have
Speaker 1: a good one. Catherine Law, for the record, is one
Speaker 1: of our producers in the podcast. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of people behind the scenes who make this all come
Speaker 1: together and work, and one of them is. One of
Speaker 1: them is Catherine, who got a little her hair is
Speaker 1: pink and she's got a cute French opening. Get back
Speaker 1: to Britney Spears for a second. I watched that New
Speaker 1: York Times Hulu documentary. It's pretty upsetting. It's very upsetting.
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't imagine they either have her on
Speaker 1: so many drugs or she's been lobotomized because something is
Speaker 1: really off right, like something's wrong. So my friend said,
Speaker 1: it feels like she got electric shock therapy, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, do you think so? And
Speaker 1: it's like, well, of course yeah, that nothing would be
Speaker 1: surprising in this fucking town, right, But why is her
Speaker 1: father in that role? So the way I understand is
Speaker 1: that the conservator has to be requested by a person,
Speaker 1: So her father probably is the onlooker saw something going
Speaker 1: on and maybe with good intention to like, we need
Speaker 1: to get her back on track. But then there becomes
Speaker 1: a point which I think she has surpassed, where that
Speaker 1: person is capable of taking care of themselves. They've gotten
Speaker 1: out of this situation. Well, if she's working, which she
Speaker 1: was as soon as that conservatorship happened, he cleaned up
Speaker 1: her act and sent her out to work, right, she's
Speaker 1: able to work at that capacity, then she is a
Speaker 1: will to also take care of herself in a sense.
Speaker 1: So if the conservator the fact that he is making
Speaker 1: money off of her is a complete conflict of interest,
Speaker 1: well it's the whole team of people making money off
Speaker 1: of her. And what people should understand celebrities have a
Speaker 1: team around them there's like a nucleus, which is the
Speaker 1: celebrity and then the people all around. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 1: you're you're the center nucles. There's no use after the
Speaker 1: sea and nu nucle That's like when George W. Bush
Speaker 1: said nuclear nuclear nuclear. Anyway, So the celebrities at the
Speaker 1: center of it, and there are people around them, a
Speaker 1: business manager who who helps them manage their finances and
Speaker 1: keep them on track. And sometimes they're bad, a lot
Speaker 1: of times they're really great. You have managers and agents,
Speaker 1: you have all these people who you do end up
Speaker 1: paying out to to help keep your brand on track.
Speaker 1: Your assistant. Yes, everyone wants you to be successful because
Speaker 1: they're all making money off of that. However, her team
Speaker 1: has become so expansive that the number of people she's
Speaker 1: paying is no longer proportionate for her situation. Well, and
Speaker 1: it's also like a concern of it. Her in my opinion,
Speaker 1: should be a legal guardian that is getting paid a
Speaker 1: salary and that's it. There's no like you know, commission.
Speaker 1: So he was supposed to be helping oversee her finances,
Speaker 1: which she already has a business manager in place to
Speaker 1: do so. Again, they're kind of like doubling down on
Speaker 1: that to just to make sure she's not overspending in
Speaker 1: certain ways and that she's retaining her wealth, which is
Speaker 1: good and appropriate. The personal control is what I think
Speaker 1: more people have issue with in this situation that some
Speaker 1: people are just not good money managers, but her not
Speaker 1: being able to drive a car, her not being able
Speaker 1: to kind of leave at her own will, or having
Speaker 1: to check in on where she's going and who she's
Speaker 1: with at a certain point. If she's going to make
Speaker 1: bad decisions, she's an adult. She should be allowed to
Speaker 1: make those. Yeah, and then and she doesn't see those kids,
Speaker 1: those boys, like there must be a medical reason. It
Speaker 1: just all is like white male patriarchy, the judicial system,
Speaker 1: the father getting they go to court, keep going to court,
Speaker 1: and he keeps winning. Well. I think that's why she
Speaker 1: likes say, I don't want him to be my conservator.
Speaker 1: And right now I believe she has a woman as
Speaker 1: a co conservator who she's asked to take over the
Speaker 1: permanent role and remove her father. And I'm sure that
Speaker 1: there is a comfort that comes with having a woman.
Speaker 1: Women need other women because it's women supporting women, whereas
Speaker 1: I'm sure for a woman it feels very much I'm
Speaker 1: being controlled by this man whereas I'm being guided by
Speaker 1: this woman. Yeah, it's an unfortunate situation. And again, if
Speaker 1: you want to look this up, you can go to
Speaker 1: it's over easy dot com. That's Laura Wasser's website to
Speaker 1: help you get divorced quickly over easy. So the last
Speaker 1: write in for the day is not so much about
Speaker 1: an intimate partner, but sort of the platonic relationships in
Speaker 1: your life that we all go through this. So I'm
Speaker 1: interested to get your take on this, She says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 1: what is the best way to tell some of my
Speaker 1: loser friends to get out of my life? So hard?
Speaker 1: It is so hard, but it has to be done sometimes,
Speaker 1: I know, but it's so hard, it really is. I
Speaker 1: end up just participating in the relationship and just making
Speaker 1: myself fucking nuts because of it. God, I have so
Speaker 1: many situations where I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 1: Why am I still in this relationship? I don't know, Brandon,
Speaker 1: you're pretty good. I mean you don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of friends. No, I have basically zero friends because I
Speaker 1: don't That's what I mean. I don't know. People are
Speaker 1: so annoying, and but no, not everyone is annoying. Some
Speaker 1: people are not annoying, and some people are awesome friends.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are annoying. A lot of people
Speaker 1: suck suck, suck energy or you've allowed yourself to expend
Speaker 1: too much energy on them. And that's the story of
Speaker 1: my life. Well, so what I started doing was I
Speaker 1: overly invested in a lot of relationships and friendships. Like
Speaker 1: I would if I've not heard from you a year,
Speaker 1: I would still drop a birthday gift off at your door,
Speaker 1: like I'd be the one offered. I'd be the one
Speaker 1: offered to take you to the airport. And as soon
Speaker 1: as I realized, and this was during quarantine, that was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to keep investing time. It's not equitable
Speaker 1: in these relationships. So once you make the decision to
Speaker 1: not overly invest yourself, those people fade away. So I
Speaker 1: don't even know. That's nessarily something you have to tell
Speaker 1: people most of the time. Hello, I have like five
Speaker 1: examples of people that you do have to tell because
Speaker 1: I've not returned their text, I've not done so many things,
Speaker 1: and they do not get it listening to this podcast,
Speaker 1: and they will still not get it, but she says
Speaker 1: lose her friends. So imagine these people don't have a
Speaker 1: super high commitment to whatever the friendship is anyway, and
Speaker 1: then a lot of people just fade into the background.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of the best way to deal with
Speaker 1: it is you don't overly invest. People just kind of
Speaker 1: distance itself naturally. But to your point, a lot of
Speaker 1: times people do not get the fucking hint. No, I
Speaker 1: just I can't understand how people don't get the hint
Speaker 1: when you don't want to hang out. Can you remember
Speaker 1: the last time that you had to verbally tell someone like,
Speaker 1: I'm no longer interested in this relationship? Well, I had
Speaker 1: to do that with a guy that I started seeing.
Speaker 1: It was just because I was I was done seeing him.
Speaker 1: It was that it was a wrap and he didn't
Speaker 1: get the hint. So I had to say it. Is
Speaker 1: it harder in a more intimate relationship like that then
Speaker 1: with a friend? What do you find? I think it's
Speaker 1: harder with a friend because there's history with the with
Speaker 1: the guy you're dating. It's like, you know, whatever you've
Speaker 1: known for a few weeks or a few months, it's
Speaker 1: not that big of a deal. So there's not water
Speaker 1: under the bridge. With friends, it's like you know their
Speaker 1: history and how sensitive they can be and how they'll
Speaker 1: react if you blow them off, like actually say, hey,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be friends with you anymore. It
Speaker 1: seems pretty harsh thing to say you had a history
Speaker 1: for a while, what you've discussed where you would just
Speaker 1: kind of cut people off as soon as they did
Speaker 1: something that you did not like or gross you out.
Speaker 1: I'm a friendship end, Yeah, And that's right. You would
Speaker 1: be like, no more, no interesting people and their friendships
Speaker 1: with me for something I've done. But I have a
Speaker 1: lot of friendships that end for sure. Do you feel
Speaker 1: that it is healthier to try and maintain some sort
Speaker 1: of communication with all of your friends, even if it's
Speaker 1: not one that you want to engage in often? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm so serious about like saying the truth and telling
Speaker 1: people the truth that people I understand do not like
Speaker 1: that and that they don't want to hear the truth
Speaker 1: or my version of the truth. So I have a
Speaker 1: really hard time not expressing that that could be a
Speaker 1: friendship ender because I've had it and then this is it.
Speaker 1: Or I tell someone the truth and they're like whoa,
Speaker 1: whoa WHOA, WHOA, like they don't want to hear that. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's a large conversation going on right now, kind of
Speaker 1: generally about mental health and investing your energy and time
Speaker 1: into the right things that provide you something. So do
Speaker 1: you feel that it is better to maintain some sort
Speaker 1: of connection with people or cut them off completely, like
Speaker 1: for your own mental well being? Yeah, I think for
Speaker 1: your own mental well being, it's better to maintain a
Speaker 1: connection with everybody and have good vibes with people you
Speaker 1: know and try and maintain some level of decorum or friendship. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's probably the healthier way to go through life.
Speaker 1: I try and often remind myself that everyone has something
Speaker 1: worth enjoying. Everyone has an aspect of something you would
Speaker 1: like about them as a friend. It's sucking hard sometimes
Speaker 1: because that's very Jesuit of you. Well, it's not the
Speaker 1: trait that comes out most often, which is the hard part.
Speaker 1: So normally this is what I do if I don't
Speaker 1: like someone anymore. I go through these phases where I
Speaker 1: really want gay friends, and then as soon as I
Speaker 1: get them, I would just want to drop him with
Speaker 1: the nearest goodwill, Like I want nothing to do with them,
Speaker 1: so then I have to pawn them off my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I had to change my number or
Speaker 1: I'm out of town. What's the worst is when I
Speaker 1: tell him I'm doing something with you and they see
Speaker 1: you're out of town and I'm like, fuck. But you
Speaker 1: can always blame me. You could always just say you're
Speaker 1: doing something of that or that my Bell needs, you know,
Speaker 1: some sort of body wax. For those of you who
Speaker 1: don't know, my Bell is my housekeeper. She's been my
Speaker 1: housekeeper for a very long time and she has a
Speaker 1: maternal instinct and I don't. And that's why my dogs
Speaker 1: love her and hate me. I said, I had to
Speaker 1: go over and brush your hair when I was like,
Speaker 1: she couldn't get her extensions out and I have to
Speaker 1: go take them out for her. God, my extensions. Those
Speaker 1: were so disgusting. Well thanks, you're sweetheart. Now they're gone.
Speaker 1: What do you mean thanks to my sweeeart? Did you
Speaker 1: cut them out? You're sleeping? I know that we really
Speaker 1: answered that thoroughly for her, but okay, so yeah, I guess,
Speaker 1: try and do it softly by stop returning their calls
Speaker 1: and texts. Try and do it like that, and if
Speaker 1: it takes more than five times. Just say hey, I'm
Speaker 1: going through something. I really don't have time to hang
Speaker 1: out for the next you know, a few months, I'll
Speaker 1: call you when my crisis. I'll be in touch. I'll
Speaker 1: be in touch. I'll be in touch. Is a great
Speaker 1: way to end everything. Just I'll be hey, I'm sorry
Speaker 1: you haven't heard from me for a while, but I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I don't
Speaker 1: have time to hang out. I'll be in touch. That's perfect,
Speaker 1: That's all you need. Why don't we take this moment
Speaker 1: to take a little break. And I'd like to read
Speaker 1: an ad. Actually, what was the last instance where you
Speaker 1: had to dump a friend? The last instance? It's an
Speaker 1: ongoing process because it doesn't take Yeah, I I say
Speaker 1: that you're thinning the herd because when I started working
Speaker 1: for you, which was five years ago, there were a
Speaker 1: lot of people in the mix. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of people on trips, there are a lot of people
Speaker 1: popping in and out of the house. It isn't much smaller,
Speaker 1: and I would say better group now in terms of quality.
Speaker 1: This is a friend that I've had for many, many years,
Speaker 1: an old friend who every once in a while pops up,
Speaker 1: but it's always something work related, like do I want
Speaker 1: to do this for her friends production? Do I want
Speaker 1: to do this for a friend's production? Do I want
Speaker 1: to do this? It's kind of always like that. Or
Speaker 1: we have another friend in common, and she kind of
Speaker 1: when that friend is around, will invite me around to
Speaker 1: get me there for my other friend, right, and so
Speaker 1: I obviously don't participate in that because it feels weird. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: So anyway, she emails me and she'll text me every
Speaker 1: once in a while, and I just have always had
Speaker 1: this feeling about her that I don't find her sincere,
Speaker 1: and I find her to be a bit you know,
Speaker 1: she's always working everything, which is very common in l A. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's very common. So she texted me the other day
Speaker 1: and was asking for us to get together out of
Speaker 1: nowhere or she mentioned, oh I saw so and so
Speaker 1: da dada, they said that you guys were just together
Speaker 1: here and there and again it was like that weird,
Speaker 1: you know, she just rubbed me the wrong way. So
Speaker 1: then she texted me the other night and said, hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to go to dinner? I'm back on
Speaker 1: this date. Are you back from Canada? And I just said,
Speaker 1: I am back from Canada, no time for dinner. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out who this is. You wouldn't
Speaker 1: know her, So this person is really not like part
Speaker 1: of your No. No, no, no, not part of her. No,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't even know her. But she's somebody who just
Speaker 1: resurfaces all the time. And I'm not trying to end
Speaker 1: the friendship. But I'm not going to dinner just to
Speaker 1: be nice anymore. Why, which is okay? Yeah, it feels
Speaker 1: good to say no and you can't like that is
Speaker 1: a full, full sentence. No, that's it, like I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that, and I don't owe you an
Speaker 1: explanation exactly the explanation of like the excuse, like I
Speaker 1: wanted to come, but it's like I'm not coming. Yeah. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like the friends that you have longevity
Speaker 1: with and that you can be open with would you
Speaker 1: give them that same response like no, I don't want
Speaker 1: to or do you feel more of a need with
Speaker 1: those people that you are good with my friends? I
Speaker 1: could say I'm not in the mood for that, or
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that or blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Those are the best friendships. Yeah, of course, and that's
Speaker 1: how it should be with everybody. You shouldn't be doing
Speaker 1: anything that like, I mean, the idea of going to
Speaker 1: dinner with someone that I'm not really interested in seeing
Speaker 1: it is not on the menu for me. There's nothing worse.
Speaker 1: You said it when we've been somewhere, that I will
Speaker 1: make an audible sound if I'm disinterested, or you can
Speaker 1: see it on my face that like, I will roll
Speaker 1: my eyes and I don't even I don't even know.
Speaker 1: But that's why I don't engage in things I really
Speaker 1: don't want to do because I'm I could never be
Speaker 1: an actor. I hide it so poorly that I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I also hide it poorly, which is why
Speaker 1: it's even more frustrating for the people that the people
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to blow off do not get it
Speaker 1: because I'm not. There's no mirror shield here. They think
Speaker 1: you're having a great time. So what what's wrong with
Speaker 1: them that they don't understand that I no longer want
Speaker 1: to engage. People are just very dense. It's hard for
Speaker 1: them to understand that someone wouldn't want to hang out.
Speaker 1: I think they're just, you know, they've got nothing going on.
Speaker 1: But was this example, applying what we were talking about
Speaker 1: with the last Well, I think you know, she wanted
Speaker 1: to broach the subject of not being interested in friendships
Speaker 1: anymore with some of these people in her life. Yeah, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I think that that does apply. Right. You could
Speaker 1: easily just say don't have time now, keep it short
Speaker 1: and sweet, and don't worry about what their reaction is
Speaker 1: to that. My friend's reaction was like, got it will
Speaker 1: catch up in a couple of months. That was her reaction,
Speaker 1: which is perfect. And see, I've just gotten to the point,
Speaker 1: like you where no, I don't want to do this,
Speaker 1: where if I feel like a relationship is kind of
Speaker 1: run its course, saying that being like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: like we used to have a really good time together
Speaker 1: and that was great, but like, you know, we're both
Speaker 1: different paths now, or like I'm investing time myself, like
Speaker 1: I really don't have time or energy to do that
Speaker 1: right now. I don't know that sounds a little bit much.
Speaker 1: I'm investing time in myself. It's just like I don't
Speaker 1: have time right now. I'm sorry, period, that's it, because
Speaker 1: you don't have the time. So I'm explaining too much.
Speaker 1: Don't explain don't over explain. That's the minute. And then
Speaker 1: that's when lies come in because we always are like
Speaker 1: I was gonna come. It's so much cooler just to
Speaker 1: say I'm not coming. Sorry, didn't work out tonight. Sorry
Speaker 1: that in my phone. Yeah, I don't over explain because
Speaker 1: I just feel like that just sounds like bullshit anyway.
Speaker 1: I mean it probably is. It does. It sounds like bullshit,
Speaker 1: and you know it's just another excuse. So you just
Speaker 1: have to be direct. That's the moral of the story
Speaker 1: in this episode. Yeah, If that's the moral of the
Speaker 1: story of the season, I want a divorce. Goodbye. There
Speaker 1: was a lot going on here today. What did you
Speaker 1: take away from all this relationship the dynamics of them.
Speaker 1: I think that comes back to the same fucking thing
Speaker 1: all the time is that people a are annoying and
Speaker 1: then be It's hard to have conversations about anything, right.
Speaker 1: But I think the overarching advice that we gave is
Speaker 1: that you have to just be honest with your communication
Speaker 1: and just address it head on. I mean, you just
Speaker 1: have to have that conversation. There's really no way around it.
Speaker 1: Whether it's a note or in person, you're going to
Speaker 1: have to deal with it. Yeah, yeah, you gotta just
Speaker 1: sucking go for it. And the sooner the conversation happens,
Speaker 1: the sooner it's over, and the sooner you have your
Speaker 1: answer on the other side, you know, like it's just
Speaker 1: saying it. It's just the ramping up to the actual
Speaker 1: encounter that is the most anxiety induce it. What was
Speaker 1: the most anxiety inducing for me during this episode was
Speaker 1: thinking about you married. Oh my god, I won't get married.
Speaker 1: Who's going to marry me anyway? Someone would? Someone will
Speaker 1: if you wanted to, they would for sure. But I
Speaker 1: couldn't go through that. You mean the actual wedding or
Speaker 1: the post all of it, the lead up or the breakdown.
Speaker 1: I don't want it. Like I want you to have
Speaker 1: someone for intercourse. I support you and that, thank you
Speaker 1: for that, even a live in to some degree, but
Speaker 1: just everything that comes along with someone. I'm also in
Speaker 1: support of that. Or maybe it's a Tim Burton and
Speaker 1: Helena Bottom Carter thing. They just shared a common wing,
Speaker 1: but they each have their own sides of the house.
Speaker 1: Aren't they fucking divorced? Because he was having an affair
Speaker 1: with the nanny. Let's call Laura Walster back will find out. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I want to thank you listeners for calling in and
Speaker 1: asking for our advice. I know how magical it must
Speaker 1: be for you to get it. I would like to
Speaker 1: thank my co host Brandon and his very bushy eyebrows.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we want to say thank you for listening
Speaker 1: and that we will be back here. We should be
Speaker 1: announcing something, probably tour dates coming up, or you're getting
Speaker 1: back on the road. Oh, don't say it like that.
Speaker 1: That makes me sound like a motorcycle mama. I would
Speaker 1: love for you to travel between cities on a motorcycle.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, can you imagine what kind of shield
Speaker 1: I would need. We could get a sidecar for Bert.
Speaker 1: Bert would love it with those goggles on. That would
Speaker 1: be so cute. I'll figure that out for your sweetheart.
Speaker 1: Until next time, okay, Sam, And of course you've always
Speaker 1: email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to Dear Chelsea
Speaker 1: Project at gmail dot com. Again, Dear Chelsea Project at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Problem solved.