1 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Okay, well, good afternoon or good evening, whatever time you're 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,320 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast. Good day. I am on my 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,399 Speaker 1: first full completed week of not smoking cannabis out of 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: a paper. Where's that going? I mean, the first couple 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 1: of days, I was grossed out by myself because I 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,360 Speaker 1: was coughing, and that made me grossed out by cannabis. 7 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,439 Speaker 1: But it didn't last very long, and I feel a 8 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:29,080 Speaker 1: mental clarity that I haven't felt in a while, so 9 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: I feel the benefits of it for sure. It's really 10 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 1: just not that hard to stop smoking pot well, and 11 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,599 Speaker 1: you cough quite a bit while you're smoking, so then 12 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: there's a come down period where you're coughing more right, 13 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: well like cough when I don't smoke the good joints, 14 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: like when they're not the proper joints or they're chemically treated, 15 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: like that's why you want the own natural organic you 16 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: know me? And I'm just like such a Quaker about 17 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: everything I put into my body because it's a temple. 18 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of power in taking a break 19 00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 1: from something, especially when it's got a hold over you, 20 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,960 Speaker 1: like our friend Shane, which brings me to my next question. 21 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: Who is in contact with Shane. I don't know that 22 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: anyone's been in contact. I think someone from the heart side, 23 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,759 Speaker 1: Catherine has our producer Catherine. What's the status is Shane 24 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: also staying off the weed? Shane is also staying off 25 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: the weed. Feels very clear, doing well and yeah, oh wait. 26 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: And there was another screen grab that I sent you, 27 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 1: Brandon of a woman who said she was going to 28 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: do the thirty Day Detox with us too. She DM 29 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,000 Speaker 1: me on Instagram and said she was going to quit 30 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: weed for a month, and I said, please do it 31 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,400 Speaker 1: with us. I think a lot of people are. I've 32 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: seen a lot of conversation online where people are already 33 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,119 Speaker 1: invested in this path of no canvas for you and Shane. 34 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 1: I don't know if people think it will last, but 35 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: they're very interested in it. Well, I mean, it doesn't 36 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: have to last. That's what the beauty of it is 37 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: is that it only has to last for thirty days. 38 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: You can last for thirty days, yeah, yeah, yeah, I 39 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: mean I'll definitely last for three weeks. I can't. I 40 00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: think probably the other thing is is that I don't 41 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: have a very competitive side to myself in terms of 42 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: like having to prove a point or beat somebody at 43 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: something so I could see myself like quitting before I 44 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: reached the thirty days because I just don't care anymore 45 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 1: and that's something I've had to live with my whole life. Well, 46 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 1: we'll have to check in with Shane. I think we 47 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,919 Speaker 1: should get him back on the phone at some point 48 00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 1: to get a real update on what he has going 49 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,920 Speaker 1: on and how it's affected his work life. Right, that's 50 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: an important update. There's also an important update. Have you 51 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:28,239 Speaker 1: been watching Mayor of Eastown Brennan? I just want someone 52 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: yesterday and they're like, I'm not getting anything done. All 53 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: I'm doing is watching the show. Yeah, it's really good. 54 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: I watched each episode twice so that I really understand 55 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,600 Speaker 1: what's going on and I want there to be a 56 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: new episode of it every week for the rest of 57 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: my life. Is it a limited series or is it 58 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:43,519 Speaker 1: a series? It's a limited series because Kate Winslet is 59 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,359 Speaker 1: in it. Yeah, they're all limited series now or maybe not? 60 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: Maybe no, maybe it will be another year. I don't know. 61 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 1: But she is fucking awesome, Oh my god. And the 62 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 1: accent is a little bit much, but it's that's the 63 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: SNL skit that they did Kate McKinnon did it about 64 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 1: my daughter's murder ditter dirt or fund or murderer accent 65 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: was really funny. But the show is really good. I 66 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: just love detective dramas. I also tried to watch a 67 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 1: show called Luther with Idris Elba and he was so hot. 68 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,800 Speaker 1: Oh god, so he's distracting. Yeah, he's so sexy that 69 00:03:17,919 --> 00:03:19,840 Speaker 1: I googled to see if he was married, and he was, 70 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: and I had to stop watching the show. Well, they've 71 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: discussed him being the new James Bond and I could not. 72 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: I've never watched James Bond. I have zero interests. But 73 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: if he was James Bond, I would have my act 74 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: at the theater. Yeah. Yeah, he's he's pretty hot. And 75 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: he's tall. You know that's nice too, A nice tall, 76 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: masculine and not one of these actors that you see 77 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: that looks tall and then you meet them and they're 78 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: like underneath you, any tyke. It's like, how are you 79 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,520 Speaker 1: not even a real person? You're a whisper of a man. 80 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 1: Just a little itty bitty thing, a little itty body, 81 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: titty committee. That's just what you need. A committee that 82 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 1: I will never be a member of. Should we get 83 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: into it today. I feel like there's a lot to cover. Yeah, 84 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: are we talking to Laura Walser today? We are talking 85 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: to That's a lot of relationship perspectives. Issues, people need 86 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: your thoughts. Okay, well, I'm excited to dive right into it. 87 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: You know, interpersonal affairs are my number one passion projects. 88 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: I don't know that we have an affair today, but 89 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: I'm sure we could find well, just interpersonal relations. It 90 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be an affair, but if we could 91 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: find one that would be better. Yes, all right, to 92 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: be hurt. Well, for this week, we had a lot 93 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,560 Speaker 1: of submissions and they all had an overarching theme of 94 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:29,480 Speaker 1: like uncomfortable conversations that you have to have with different 95 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: people in your life. And we've had to have a 96 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: few of those together and separately that then we've discussed 97 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: what do you mean separately, like you've had to have 98 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 1: an uncomfortable conversation with a friend or someone that you 99 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: work with. I got to have one someone in my life, 100 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: like my mom right inviding you about it. So we're 101 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,479 Speaker 1: all having them all the time, it seems, because this 102 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 1: week they're very The key is to continue having them. 103 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,320 Speaker 1: Yes they are, yes, right, right, right, the more uncomfortable, 104 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,760 Speaker 1: the more necessary. Probably, I would think so, because there's 105 00:04:57,800 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: no way to get around some those topics and you 106 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 1: just have to. And for one of them, I thought 107 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: that we would give an expert a call, even though 108 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,840 Speaker 1: we are experts in our Yeah, why do we need 109 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,160 Speaker 1: any more experts? Well, sometimes I think it's good to 110 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: get a third opinion. Okay, a third Okay, well not 111 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: more than a third, though, that would be too many 112 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: cooks in the kitchen. So after this break, we'll get 113 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 1: right into him. Okay, this first submission, I'm gonna have 114 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: to look up what this even means. I truly don't know. 115 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: I have a general idea, but this is a written 116 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: submission that says, Dear Chelsea, how do I tell women 117 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: I'm into cut holding? Do you know what that is? 118 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: Cut holding? Well, yes, I mean cut holding is like 119 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,599 Speaker 1: to have another man's woman, like to be in a 120 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:46,839 Speaker 1: relationship with someone else's wife. I would have had no 121 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: idea what that is. I had to google it. It 122 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:53,239 Speaker 1: is for a man, a cuckold is having a sexual 123 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 1: relationship with another man's wife. Okay, yeah, right, it's so 124 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: desiring actly what you can't have. And do you know 125 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 1: anyone who has done this. God, it's hard to decipher 126 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 1: between shows I've seen an actual friends of mine because 127 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: they kind of all blend together. So it could be 128 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,279 Speaker 1: a TV show that I'm watching. But yeah, somebody likes 129 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,039 Speaker 1: to have sex with somebody who's married because it gives 130 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:22,120 Speaker 1: them all the freedom to not have to really participate 131 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 1: in the relationship but get the sex when they want it. 132 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: Does this man watch his wife have sex with another man? 133 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,800 Speaker 1: Is it just something that he allows? So wait, say 134 00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: it again. I thought you said he likes to have women. 135 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: Cup Hold it. It doesn't have to be his wife. Okay, 136 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: this is the Google definition of a man make another 137 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: man a cuphold by having a sexual relationship with his wife. Yeah, 138 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,559 Speaker 1: so you're having sexual relationship with the wife of someone 139 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 1: else's husband. It's not your wife, it's someone else. Yeah, 140 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 1: you like to have affairs with married women, but the 141 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,919 Speaker 1: husband knows. Isn't that like part of the whole dynamic? 142 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 1: So again, are they watching? Is this just an exit? 143 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: I mean I don't know. I mean they don't always know, though, 144 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 1: I mean I think it's up to like whatever the 145 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: party is. But what what's he asked? Well, he wants 146 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: to know how to address that. How does he broach 147 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 1: that subject? Don't know, I mean, I don't have any 148 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: advice on that because it's all it's cheating, and you 149 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: know how christ like I am, I hate cheating. I 150 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: think it is just so cowardly the morality. Yeah, so 151 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:31,560 Speaker 1: as long as you're involved with someone being cheated on, 152 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: you know, even if you're not cheating on someone and 153 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 1: the person you're fucking is cheating on someone, Yeah, like 154 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: that's a guilty party. I know, shit happens. Like we've 155 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: all fucking you know, we've all done it, and we've 156 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: all been in bad situations where we made poor decisions. 157 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: But seriously, okay, So hypothetically, then say that cut holding 158 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: is an approved situation for one involved. What if a 159 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 1: man came to you was like, oh, I want to 160 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: fund someone else's wife, like they all know and approve 161 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, it would be hard to not pass 162 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: my judgment on that, Like that's so gross. First of all, 163 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: men can't talk about fucking wives anymore, Like that's a 164 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 1: wrap on that ship sail. Yeah, the ship is sailed 165 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: about men talking about whatever they want to fuck, like 166 00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: no one cares any more. Parties over so that already 167 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: annoys me. So if we flipped the switch and we 168 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: say cuckolding is basically a man allowing his wife to 169 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 1: cheat and know about it, he's the one being cuckolded. Yeah, 170 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: it's the man whose wife is out on loan like 171 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,599 Speaker 1: a rental car. I see, And I don't know. I 172 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: always thought the cuck holding and it wasn't even a 173 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: cheating aspect, because it was something that was set up that, like, 174 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: this guy liked either watching his wife have sex as 175 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 1: someone else or knowing that she was having sex. So 176 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: this this is obviously not our area of expertise. Maybe 177 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 1: we could find a cut holding coupled. Maybe if the 178 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: fucking word cuckold wasn't so stupid, maybe more people would 179 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 1: know what it meant. I mean, you just it's like 180 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,200 Speaker 1: a word you don't even ask twice about. No, that's 181 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: an urban dictionary word. It's not one we need to 182 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: concern ourselves with. Isn't that what Republicans call liberals cux snowflakes. 183 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 1: I've never put that together, but that sounds right well. 184 00:09:06,520 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: Cut so cut holding it would come from cox. Maybe 185 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 1: it's short for that. It probably is. I I does 186 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 1: that mean they're sleeping with our who's sleeping with who 187 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 1: and not scenario. I don't know someone's getting fucked, but 188 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: you know who. I'm not sleeping with people. Okay, well 189 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: we'll have to ask somebody else about that. Well, we'll 190 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 1: put an add up on Craigslist. I'm sure someone will respond. 191 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: That seems like exactly where you'd find a cut holding 192 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,400 Speaker 1: couples Craigslist. Yeah, that seems like it would be easy 193 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 1: to find that online, along with a bunch of other 194 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: six ship We hope that answers your question. Well, this 195 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 1: next one is from a woman, and this is where 196 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 1: I think. Is she willing to transition to become a man? 197 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: She could. We'll get her on the phone. Her name 198 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 1: is Caitlin, and she says, Dear Chelsea, how do you 199 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: tell someone you're going to marry that you want to 200 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: prenup without making it awkward? Okay, well, this is something 201 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: we could get help from an outside source. But I 202 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: would honestly say, yeah, why not get a prenup? In 203 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,800 Speaker 1: this fucked up, crazy world where fifty of people get 204 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 1: to worse, All you have to say is write down 205 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: the sentence fifty of people get divorced. Put that on 206 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,079 Speaker 1: a piece of paper, show it to the person you're marrying, 207 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: and say I need a prenup. It doesn't matter how 208 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: much we think we love each other, we need to 209 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,720 Speaker 1: protect ourselves. I would think that if you're going to 210 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 1: get married, this is a conversation that would have been 211 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: had in advance, or that you kind of know the 212 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,439 Speaker 1: person's temperament. Like, I don't know how it could be 213 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: awkward if the person you're with. Well, because some people's 214 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: parents have money and it doesn't come up until you know, 215 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,439 Speaker 1: the last minute, or it comes up after you're engaged, 216 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: so it's like it's not about you, it's about your 217 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 1: family's money. Like I know plenty of people who have 218 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: done that and are like, oh, you know their parents 219 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,199 Speaker 1: have a lot of money, or I've seen people who 220 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: you know, that's how it happens. You can. I mean, 221 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: it could be a variety of reasons. If it's just 222 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: one person, like a Jeff Bezos saying hey, I need 223 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,880 Speaker 1: a prenup, you know, that's a different story. Would you 224 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 1: get a prenup? Yeah? What if your potential husband also 225 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: had money? Definitely? Okay, So it really is just a 226 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 1: way to say life guard yourself regardless. Yeah, safeguard. And 227 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: it's like and if, yeah, everyone should be open to 228 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 1: signing a prenup, who gives a ship? I know I 229 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: have my own thing going, but still, like, it's just 230 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,320 Speaker 1: a way to say, like, it's like guaranteeing not to 231 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: get into a fight, right, And Caitlyn, as a woman, 232 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 1: you should just be able to stand the ground and 233 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: say that you want to protect what's yours and that's 234 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: that you shouldn't You shouldn't have to rationalize it. I 235 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 1: second that emotion. If you were presented with a prenup, 236 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: I think a lot of times it's so awkward because 237 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 1: this is finally the last time that you can identify 238 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: if someone is in the relationship for money, if that's 239 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:37,320 Speaker 1: an underlying factor for them. If you're presented with the prenup, 240 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,480 Speaker 1: is that how you would feel? Yeah? Well, I mean 241 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: if you're really asking someone if they're in it for money, 242 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: isn't the answer? Yeah, I mean if you have to 243 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: ask someone that, can't you? I know it happens all 244 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,640 Speaker 1: the time. I know, and maybe just because it hasn't 245 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: happened to me, I don't relate to it. But the 246 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,600 Speaker 1: idea that you could get married to somebody who's only 247 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: in it to get your money, Like, that's a long 248 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 1: way to go. I think it's multifaceted. There are elements 249 00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: of how long have you been with this person, were 250 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 1: you with them before they had the money, and now 251 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: collectively you know you've both invested different things. Well in 252 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 1: Our next submission comes from Lindsay with a similar question, 253 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 1: but hers is regarding divorce, So let's see what you 254 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:22,599 Speaker 1: think on this. She says, I've never been divorced, and 255 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 1: I don't think you have either, so you're the obvious 256 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: choice to give advice on the matter. Here's what I 257 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,920 Speaker 1: can't figure out. Do you tell your husband you want 258 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: to divorce some random night and then spend two weeks 259 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: together in the same house or do you tell him 260 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,559 Speaker 1: and then walk out of the door and come back 261 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: for all of your stuff? What is the worst situation 262 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 1: to move out while he is at work and leave 263 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,080 Speaker 1: a note? No one talks about this situation. Plus, we 264 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: have two dogs. Can I really take my dogs legally? 265 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: Not being an attorney makes you the obvious choice for 266 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: legal advice. Asking for your help is just another bad 267 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: decision to add to my twenty years of bad decision making. 268 00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: Thanks in advance for your help your bad decisions. Walking 269 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 1: out the door and leaving a note when you're breaking 270 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:02,920 Speaker 1: up with your husband is not That's not an option 271 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: unless he's abusive. So what do you do in the situation? 272 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,719 Speaker 1: Down and have a conversation with him? And especially when 273 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,560 Speaker 1: they have two dogs? She can't just take the dogs 274 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: if they got them. She can out, well, she can 275 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: if she was in an abusive relationship or if he was, like, 276 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,960 Speaker 1: you know, cheating on her or something. But like handling 277 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: it in an adult way is the best way to 278 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: handle that conversation. Sitting down and saying, hey, I'm unhappy 279 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 1: in this marriage. Can't just bolt? We got to figure 280 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 1: it out. Yeah, I mean that sounds harsh. Can you 281 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: know what? Maybe we should ask Laura Walster about this 282 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: as well. What sort of timeline there is when you 283 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: finally make the decision that you want the divorce, how 284 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 1: and when to talk to them about it and then 285 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 1: where you go from there? I mean, I can't imagine 286 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:51,440 Speaker 1: that it's a brief or swift move when you finally 287 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,560 Speaker 1: make the choice to have the divorce. Maybe she have 288 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,319 Speaker 1: some insight for Lindsay Young. Well, yeah, I mean, after 289 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: you tell the person, Hey, I'm leaving and then you 290 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: stay for two weeks. I would think you have a 291 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: game plan, you have something set up. Yeah, you should 292 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:06,719 Speaker 1: have a game like once you make the decision like 293 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,720 Speaker 1: I no longer want to be with this person, Like 294 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: you know that internally, it's not two weeks like a job, 295 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,679 Speaker 1: like I'm giving you two weeks notice. But you have 296 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,439 Speaker 1: things kind of in motion or set up, so you 297 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: know that you have some work to go if things 298 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 1: go poorly, that you know you have your money available 299 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: to you so you can take care of yourself. Right, Yeah, yeah, 300 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: I would say so for sure. Well let's see what 301 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 1: Laura Wasser has to say. Hey, but just there she is. Hi, 302 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:37,440 Speaker 1: Laura Wasser. Are you How are you? I'm good. You 303 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: know I moved across the street from your ex husband. Yeah, 304 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: he's really gone to ship with my kid. As a result, 305 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: he got caught vaping at school. I blame you. I 306 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 1: feel like you've been kind of an absent co parent 307 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,080 Speaker 1: to me. I know, I know, I do that a lot. 308 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: I don't show up in the way that I promised to, 309 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 1: or I show up sporadically, so I'm more of the 310 00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: father figure husband, like a divorce father is what I 311 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 1: am like. I come in with rainbows and money and 312 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: then I leave right before things get serious. All about 313 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 1: a Disneyland parent, Yeah, that's exactly a Disneyland parent. I 314 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: would never be caught dead at Disneyland, right. Thank you 315 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 1: for calling us, of course we wanted to ask. We're 316 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: giving a lot of advice, solicited advice for the first time, 317 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 1: and people are calling them with legal questions, so obviously 318 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: that's a little bit out of my wheelhouse. Yes, which 319 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,600 Speaker 1: I kind of like it when you make shut up 320 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 1: though and tell them the legal answers. I've watched it 321 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: on Instagrams sometimes I think it's good, you're doing well. 322 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: And how accurate does she seem to be in her guidance? 323 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 1: Very much so, I mean about as much, about as 324 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 1: accurate as me and I've been doing it for twenty 325 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: six years, so yeah, you're good. Well everything I know 326 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: I've learned from you, so thank you. People think that 327 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: it's solely for celebrities, and it's not. You hear of it. 328 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: More and more people introducing prenups into their relationship preemptively, 329 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: really just as a means to make it a smooth transition. 330 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,160 Speaker 1: If you do have to divorce. That's not about necessarily 331 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: how much you have, or even before even if you're 332 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: not planning on getting divorce. Because people are like, oh, 333 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: I wouldn't do a prenup, but just pre negotiating my divorce, 334 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 1: that's not what it is. What a prenup is is 335 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 1: a means for you to opt out of what the 336 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 1: law would otherwise be. A lot of people are like, 337 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 1: I'm not down with this whole California community property. The 338 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: minute I get married, half of everything I make or 339 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 1: create goes to the other person. I don't like that. 340 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: I want to support them, I want to have a 341 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: commitment with them. I want to raise kids at them. 342 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: But I've been a writer, sculptor, painter, lawyer for all 343 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: these years already. What I make and earn and create 344 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: I want to be mine, and I'll share some of 345 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: it with my spouse. But I don't want it to 346 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: automatically be fifty fifty or I've worked really hard. I've 347 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: got this amazing lifestyle I'm happy for when we're married. 348 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,360 Speaker 1: We fly private, we go to five star resorts, we 349 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: have nice meals. But if we split up, I'm not 350 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 1: down with having to continue that. You know, going into 351 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: the future, I want us both to be kind of contributing. 352 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: So I think it's really important for people, even if 353 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:04,520 Speaker 1: you're not flying private or going to five star resorts, 354 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,720 Speaker 1: to have a conversation. So many people come to me 355 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 1: and they don't even know what the law is that 356 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,400 Speaker 1: they're entering into when they're getting married. They don't even 357 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: know what the law is. Knowing the law, deciding whether 358 00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:17,360 Speaker 1: that law fits for you and your partner, and if 359 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: it doesn't, kind of figuring out a way to carve 360 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: it out so that you make the law that is 361 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 1: applicable to you. Also, by having a prenup, you have 362 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,919 Speaker 1: a lot of discussions that you might not otherwise have 363 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 1: when everything's rosy and sexy and romantic and you're planning 364 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: this wedding, have some real life discussions, because if you're 365 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: going to stay married for a long time, there's gonna 366 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: be some not sexy, romantic, loving times in your life. 367 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:44,200 Speaker 1: Might as well start having those communications and having those 368 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,040 Speaker 1: tools to get through those times before you get married. Right, Well, 369 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: that's the perfect segue because we had a woman, right 370 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: and her name is Caitlin, and she wants to know 371 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: how to broach that subject of wanting a prenup as 372 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 1: she enters into this relationship. Let's tell her, so, what 373 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: do you think how you go into the conversation confidently 374 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:05,760 Speaker 1: and without putting someone on the defense or making them 375 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: worried that the relationship doesn't have longevity. I think you say, 376 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: this is something that's really important to me that through. 377 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,399 Speaker 1: I hope we stay married forever. However, in order to 378 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,400 Speaker 1: do that, we're going to have to have some real 379 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: life moments here. One maybe when I'm giving birth to 380 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,439 Speaker 1: your child and I like poop on the delivery table. 381 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 1: One might be having a discussion about money and finances 382 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,879 Speaker 1: and what's mine and what's yours, and what our expectations 383 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,639 Speaker 1: of each other are, and a testaments how much I 384 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,359 Speaker 1: love you and how much I want this to work. 385 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 1: Is entering into this discussion now, which isn't super comfortable 386 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,639 Speaker 1: for me, but I want to do it so that 387 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 1: we're able to make it through anything. M That's a 388 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: great way to frame it, that we're able to make 389 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,440 Speaker 1: it through anything. I like that sentence. Write that down, sweetheart, 390 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 1: The way that you just spoke about that, it really 391 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,760 Speaker 1: seems to be a safeguard for both people. So even 392 00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 1: if one person maybe the breadwinner, and the other person 393 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: is taking care of, you know, stereotypically more domestic aspects 394 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: of the relationship, it's really protecting them both in the 395 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: long run to negotiate what they would like. And it's 396 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: also an eye opener for both. You have so many 397 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 1: people that are these supported spouts that go into relationships 398 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,360 Speaker 1: and they're constantly like looking over their shoulder. They don't 399 00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:18,800 Speaker 1: know what the rights will be, what happens if we 400 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,480 Speaker 1: break up? Am I going to have to move out 401 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,360 Speaker 1: of my home? Am I going to have to get 402 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: a job working at the landcomb counter and even markets? Like? 403 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 1: What's going to happen to me? Let's talk about that now. 404 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,800 Speaker 1: Let's figure out exactly how to protect both of you 405 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: and make you feel comfortable so that you're equipped no 406 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 1: matter what ends up happening. Yeah, because a lot of people, though, 407 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,159 Speaker 1: would argue I think that for a woman agreeing to 408 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,320 Speaker 1: get a pre nup with a man that has more money, right, 409 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: if I were to get married, which I won't, but 410 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: if I were and somebody had a lot more money 411 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 1: than I did them asking for the prenup, it invokes 412 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: a certain amount of like unease, Right, it makes you 413 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: feel uneasy to have to have the discussion about potentially 414 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: breaking up. So there is a natural defense that comes 415 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,120 Speaker 1: up right when people are faced with us. Unless you're 416 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: dealing with two people who both agree they want a 417 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:05,680 Speaker 1: prenup and for their own reasons, right, have you seen 418 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,520 Speaker 1: that men or women are more resistant to a prenup? 419 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,120 Speaker 1: Because around l A there are a lot of very 420 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: well to do women who enter in relationships knowing they 421 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:16,439 Speaker 1: want a prenup. Is it harder for a man to 422 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 1: accept because of his masculinity. No. Most men are like, 423 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,199 Speaker 1: I'm down with that. I'm a guy, I can But 424 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: the women that I've represented, particularly younger ones whose managers 425 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: or parents or entertainment lawyers are like, you really need 426 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: to get a prenup, They're very resistant because they really 427 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:37,640 Speaker 1: want it to be romantic and loving. Most of the time, 428 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 1: the guys are like, yeah, I'm fine with that. I 429 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: have had women that have been asked to sign prenups 430 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,400 Speaker 1: by their male counterparts who are very offended. And I 431 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,399 Speaker 1: say that the guys, because I'm usually representing them, you 432 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: need to really look at that. You need to really 433 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,159 Speaker 1: look at why they're so offended. A lot of prenups 434 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:58,960 Speaker 1: give an annual gift to the less moneyed spouse. I 435 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:01,440 Speaker 1: mean they're actually doing better as a result of having 436 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 1: a prenup than they would if not. So I mean 437 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 1: it's not always like screw you. If we break up, 438 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:08,919 Speaker 1: you're leaving and you're going to go live in a 439 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 1: refrigerator box under a bridge. The refusal to kind of 440 00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: get educated and understand what's happening and be a partner 441 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: in the relationship is something I think anybody who is 442 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: being met with that kind of resistance really needs to 443 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,920 Speaker 1: examine before they enter under a marriage with that person. Well, 444 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,880 Speaker 1: it's such a good point because people forget and we're 445 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,480 Speaker 1: not set up at a young age to acknowledge the 446 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: fact that a relationship is a business to some degree. 447 00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 1: It's it's work that you enter into these things, and 448 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 1: it's not smooth sailing. It's constant addressing the issues and 449 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: reassessing and growing. And part of that is the monetary 450 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 1: side and the collection and the accumulation of things together. 451 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 1: So it's much easier to separate those with the brain 452 00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:55,640 Speaker 1: up and as women particularly, we're so quick to abdicate. 453 00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: I don't want to hear about that. I want to 454 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,160 Speaker 1: worry about being pretty and doing that. I don't want 455 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 1: to think about money. I don't want to be bothered 456 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: at that. If you want to answer into a relationship 457 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: with someone, even if they have more money than you're 458 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,280 Speaker 1: starting out and be a real partner to them, find 459 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 1: out about the money. Insists that you go to the 460 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,159 Speaker 1: quarterly meetings with the business manager. Even if it's not 461 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: your money. You're still using that money to live, raise 462 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,679 Speaker 1: your children. Get involved in some of it, because it 463 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,760 Speaker 1: really does it will enable you to grow better together 464 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,640 Speaker 1: as partners. Okay, So Laura, we had a caller call 465 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 1: in our a listener. Well, she then she became a 466 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,600 Speaker 1: caller when she called, and she called him with a 467 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 1: story about she wants to get divorced, but she doesn't know, 468 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 1: like in what order she's supposed to do things. Does 469 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,440 Speaker 1: she tell her husband she wants to get divorced and 470 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,960 Speaker 1: then move out immediately? Does she tell her husband she 471 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,320 Speaker 1: wants to get divorced and then stay a couple of weeks? 472 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,879 Speaker 1: And she has two dogs? She's like, am I allowed 473 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 1: to take them? And I'm like, yeah, you know what, 474 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 1: great question? I have no fucking idea. Is it best 475 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: to put something in place of a place to go, 476 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: a way to get yourself out of a potentially complicated 477 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,480 Speaker 1: situation or harmful. Like what would you say to someone 478 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: who's coming in and they're like, I know, I want 479 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,400 Speaker 1: a divorce? What now? So I think again? It depends 480 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: a lot on the circumstances, Like God forbid, you're in 481 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: an abusive relationship and you tell your stuff that you 482 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: want a divorce and you get the ship beat out 483 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 1: of you. That's not good. But sometimes it's really just 484 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 1: a difficult conversation. Sometimes what do we do about the kids? 485 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,320 Speaker 1: We don't want the kids to think mommy's leaving daddy. Also, 486 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: the law in different states is different, but in almost 487 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,400 Speaker 1: every state there's nothing like an abandonment anymore. That's not 488 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: very US friendly. So particular in California, you don't have 489 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,960 Speaker 1: to worry about leaving the house and somebody saying, oh, 490 00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 1: you abandoned the house, so now your rights are kind 491 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 1: if you own part of the house, you can leave, 492 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: it's okay. But I would always recommend that somebody either 493 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:46,200 Speaker 1: goes online, makes a consultation a point with an attorney, 494 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 1: figures out what the law is in your state to 495 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,080 Speaker 1: start putting your ducks in a row. That's why we 496 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,280 Speaker 1: created It's over Easy the website. There's a ton of 497 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,400 Speaker 1: information on there. Even if you're not ready to start 498 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: filing divorce papers, educate yourself so that you can put 499 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: a plan in place. As for the dog, interesting question, Chelsea. 500 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 1: Always dogs have been chattel property no more than you 501 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 1: know this this bowl. Whoever bought the bowl, that's who 502 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:12,000 Speaker 1: owns the dogs. Now in California, we've changed that law 503 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 1: a little only in the last couple of years, to 504 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: say that a judge may actually listen to evidence about 505 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,640 Speaker 1: who took care of the dogs, who had a better 506 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 1: bond with the dogs. I mean, I know this is 507 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 1: the kind of stuff that you care about, and that 508 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,879 Speaker 1: person even if the dogs were not purchased by one 509 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 1: or the other, or they were purchased jointly. Because they're 510 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: not going to cut a dog in half, sometimes will 511 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:33,240 Speaker 1: be I mean, I'm not opposed to splitting a dog 512 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,959 Speaker 1: in half. I want the back half of birth. If 513 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 1: my bell ever takes him, I'm want the back half off. 514 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 1: So that law has changed a little bit, but generally 515 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: they're just property, just like a car or a vase 516 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,359 Speaker 1: or whatever else. So will they interview the dogs. No, 517 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,320 Speaker 1: they don't do like a child custody evaluation like they 518 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: do with kids. But you could actually give a judge 519 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,000 Speaker 1: evidence like, yes, I bought this dog for my husband 520 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,119 Speaker 1: for his birthday, so generally it would be characterize as 521 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:03,119 Speaker 1: a separate property asset because it was a gift to 522 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: my husband. However, my husband never did anything with the dog. 523 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,800 Speaker 1: I took the dog, I walked the dog, and I judge, Michael, 524 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna find that the dog's ears. 525 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 1: That's like literally in the past year and a half 526 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 1: new law. So but what would your advice be to 527 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: we do we know what state she's in, because she 528 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 1: was asking if she if she could take her two dogs, 529 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 1: what would be the repercussions of that? And I guess 530 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,720 Speaker 1: what you're saying is that she can do that. Probably right, 531 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 1: and again, I think and similarly to kids, I mean, 532 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,120 Speaker 1: if you're not if you don't have any orders in place, 533 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: and you need to go somewhere to kind of get clear, 534 00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,680 Speaker 1: as long as you're not like kidnapping them, you leave 535 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 1: an email thing. Listen, I'm gonna move out for a 536 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:43,960 Speaker 1: little bit. I've got the dogs. Let's discuss this. I'm 537 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 1: not disappearing with them, but I just think we need 538 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,920 Speaker 1: a little bit of physical space, and I don't want 539 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 1: you to worry you will see them again. That is 540 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 1: what I would probably tell her to do, because I 541 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,199 Speaker 1: don't think anybody is then going to accuse her of 542 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 1: stealing the dog. She's just taking the dogs for right now, 543 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,360 Speaker 1: all right. So that's a great advice. What what other 544 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,680 Speaker 1: like top tips does Laura Wasser have for people going 545 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,119 Speaker 1: through a divorce to make it just an easy event 546 00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: for everyone, Like, no one wants to go through a divorce, 547 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 1: and it's never gonna be easy. It's heartbreaking, it's difficult, 548 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: it's confusing. But my top tips would be educate yourself, 549 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaker 1: find out what the law is in your state and 550 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 1: how it applies to you. And if you didn't know 551 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,719 Speaker 1: a lot about some of the financial stuff, find out. 552 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,119 Speaker 1: There's basically four components to the financial part of a divorce, 553 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: right There's what you have, what you own, what you owe, 554 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,040 Speaker 1: any debts you have, if you've got you know, mortgages 555 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: or car leases, loans or whatever, what you earn you 556 00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,240 Speaker 1: and your spouse, and what you spent, how much what's 557 00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 1: your budget every month with those are the four things. 558 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,159 Speaker 1: Find that shipped out. Find out what the law is 559 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: in your state. If you've got kids, you have got 560 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 1: to figure out a way. Most states now, particularly California 561 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,440 Speaker 1: and New York, but now almost everywhere in between, are 562 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,880 Speaker 1: much more dad centric than we used to be. Dads 563 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,920 Speaker 1: are no longer seen kids every other weekend and one 564 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:02,639 Speaker 1: Wednesday for dinner. We really are sharing custody more. We 565 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 1: want your kids to be able to have as much 566 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,760 Speaker 1: time with both of their parents as possible, because in 567 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,440 Speaker 1: most instances, we believe that's best for your kids. Remember, 568 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: if you have kids, you're going to be dealing with 569 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: this person for the rest of your life, So don't 570 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: burn a bridge. Okay, I mean so many people say 571 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:22,800 Speaker 1: and write things they regret to their spouse as they're 572 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:25,359 Speaker 1: going through a divorce. And the greatest is they're paying 573 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,800 Speaker 1: somebody to write and save these things because they're paying 574 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 1: some lawyer to do it. Take it back. Think about 575 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,720 Speaker 1: the moment when you fell in love with that person, 576 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: when we were with them and you first had that baby. 577 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 1: Think about the things you loved about that person. You 578 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,120 Speaker 1: don't want to live with them anymore, You don't want 579 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 1: to be marry to them anymore. But you are going 580 00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,080 Speaker 1: to co parent with them. You are probably still going 581 00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 1: to be sharing some assets with them. One of you 582 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,560 Speaker 1: is going to be writing the other one at support 583 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,359 Speaker 1: check for a certain period of time. Figure out a 584 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,360 Speaker 1: way to make it as pleasant and civil and respectful 585 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: as possible. That's what I would say is the main tip. 586 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 1: Because I've heard so many people say to me, runly 587 00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: new then what I know now about this, I would 588 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: have approached it so much differently. I spent so much 589 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: money and so much toxic energy going through this. If 590 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,399 Speaker 1: I could have approached it more like a business transaction 591 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: and approached it with a little bit more, you know, 592 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: the golden rule, do unto others. Treated my spouse like 593 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,320 Speaker 1: I would have liked to be treated, and he would 594 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 1: have done the name you will. It's not gonna be easy. 595 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,720 Speaker 1: It's still gonna be scary and heartbreaking and whatever, but 596 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: you'll come through it to the other end in your 597 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 1: next chapter, and you'll be so much better off. I 598 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,040 Speaker 1: have a bunch of friends who are going through divorce. Actually, 599 00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,760 Speaker 1: what age or kids allowed to decide if they want 600 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 1: to be like you know, at a certain point it's 601 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,120 Speaker 1: their decision if they want to go to the dad's 602 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 1: or if they want to stay with the mom. Right, 603 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: not really, not really. At a certain point there their 604 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,640 Speaker 1: position will be heard by a judge. It's usually thirteen 605 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: or fourteen in California, but they don't get to decide. 606 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,680 Speaker 1: I mean, let me tell you something. If your dad's 607 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,080 Speaker 1: you know, the dad that's like in the den smoking 608 00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,320 Speaker 1: a bomb five nights a week, and and you're a teenager, 609 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,440 Speaker 1: you're like, I want to go live with dad. Your 610 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,480 Speaker 1: preference will be taken into consideration by the judge, but 611 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,920 Speaker 1: you're still a minor, and so your best interests are 612 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: still going to be decided and factored into everything else. 613 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 1: So yes, you can have a say, it's not going 614 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,600 Speaker 1: to be till your thirteen or fourteen. That's in California. 615 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 1: Other states take it differently. Almost every state has really 616 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,920 Speaker 1: said by now, we don't want a kid on the 617 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,240 Speaker 1: stand in a courtroom like you saw in the movies 618 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,880 Speaker 1: from the sixties and seventies saying what he or she wants. 619 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 1: So usually either going chambers and talk to the judge 620 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 1: with a court reporter there, or they'll have a mental 621 00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 1: health evaluator that they'll speak with and talk about their 622 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,200 Speaker 1: preference and why that's their preference? Is that their preference? 623 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,280 Speaker 1: Because mom really understands when I'm going through because I 624 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,440 Speaker 1: like boys and I might lose my virginity and have 625 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: my period and i'm and I'm a girl. Or is 626 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,160 Speaker 1: it because dad lets me be on my computer and 627 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,880 Speaker 1: my iPad and my play games as much as I want? What? 628 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 1: Why is that your preference? And then what's going to 629 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 1: be in your best interest? So I think the moral 630 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 1: of the story is, do not get married and do 631 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,800 Speaker 1: not have children. You should have children, children, okay, And 632 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: if you're gonna get married, get married knowing that this 633 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,239 Speaker 1: is a relationship like any other relationship, that you have 634 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: to work at if you want it to work, and 635 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: if for some reason it doesn't or things change, which 636 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: obviously happens quite a bit. I mean, look, when we 637 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 1: used to live till we were thirty five, getting married 638 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,520 Speaker 1: till death do us part was a lot easier than 639 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,880 Speaker 1: if you're living into years old. That person is going 640 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,240 Speaker 1: to start getting a little stale for you. Oh my god, 641 00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,719 Speaker 1: if I live till ninety, shoot me, seriously, I do 642 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 1: not want to be around and see what we'll be 643 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: willing you over around and your depends sweetheart, sweetheart, don't 644 00:30:22,600 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 1: say such things, Laura. I can ask one more question. 645 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: This is just a personal interesting question. I love any 646 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: time I see an attorney remove themselves from a case. 647 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 1: Why would an attorney choose to not move forward with 648 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: their client choose to like when I see, like, okay, 649 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: that so and so is no longer representing them. Is 650 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,280 Speaker 1: it like a joint decision that they make, or is 651 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: an attorney like I'm tapping out, like this is just 652 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,360 Speaker 1: too much for me? It depends. Are you talking about 653 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 1: Britney Spears and her lawyer from that? Oh? No, I 654 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:52,959 Speaker 1: would love to talk about that if you have if 655 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 1: you have any insight or any thoughts on on a 656 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 1: conservator ship. I have no insight. I cannot read that. 657 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,760 Speaker 1: I would like to put Chelsea on a conservator ship 658 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 1: if it all possible, and I would love your help 659 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: with that. But if we just made Chelsea Brittany's conservator, 660 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,480 Speaker 1: I would do that. I think I'm qualified to take 661 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,480 Speaker 1: care of her. I wouldn't overwork her, and I would 662 00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 1: be sympathetic to her, very sympathetic, I am. I mean, 663 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 1: how does something like that happen? Though? Laura like, how 664 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: does he get to be her conservator? Like? Why is 665 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: her mother not in that role? You can't, Laura's too 666 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 1: close to She's She's she's too in Hollywood. All right, 667 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:31,040 Speaker 1: Well forget it. Thanks for nothing, Laura, I can't believe you. Okay, Well, 668 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: this was very helpful for the questions that you did 669 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,719 Speaker 1: choose to I would love to get Laura back. I 670 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,120 Speaker 1: love anything legal I know, and I love you Laura. 671 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,680 Speaker 1: I love you guys too. Anytime when Catherine Law tells 672 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,320 Speaker 1: me I have to be somewhere, I just show up. Awesome. 673 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you so much, Laura. Guys have 674 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: a good one. Catherine Law, for the record, is one 675 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 1: of our producers in the podcast. There are a lot 676 00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,760 Speaker 1: of people behind the scenes who make this all come 677 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,160 Speaker 1: together and work, and one of them is. One of 678 00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 1: them is Catherine, who got a little her hair is 679 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,080 Speaker 1: pink and she's got a cute French opening. Get back 680 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 1: to Britney Spears for a second. I watched that New 681 00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:07,959 Speaker 1: York Times Hulu documentary. It's pretty upsetting. It's very upsetting. 682 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,400 Speaker 1: I mean, I can't imagine they either have her on 683 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:14,120 Speaker 1: so many drugs or she's been lobotomized because something is 684 00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: really off right, like something's wrong. So my friend said, 685 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 1: it feels like she got electric shock therapy, and I 686 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,800 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, do you think so? And 687 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 1: it's like, well, of course yeah, that nothing would be 688 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: surprising in this fucking town, right, But why is her 689 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: father in that role? So the way I understand is 690 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: that the conservator has to be requested by a person, 691 00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: So her father probably is the onlooker saw something going 692 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: on and maybe with good intention to like, we need 693 00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 1: to get her back on track. But then there becomes 694 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,080 Speaker 1: a point which I think she has surpassed, where that 695 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,400 Speaker 1: person is capable of taking care of themselves. They've gotten 696 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:51,760 Speaker 1: out of this situation. Well, if she's working, which she 697 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: was as soon as that conservatorship happened, he cleaned up 698 00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 1: her act and sent her out to work, right, she's 699 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,040 Speaker 1: able to work at that capacity, then she is a 700 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: will to also take care of herself in a sense. 701 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: So if the conservator the fact that he is making 702 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,280 Speaker 1: money off of her is a complete conflict of interest, 703 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,080 Speaker 1: well it's the whole team of people making money off 704 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,520 Speaker 1: of her. And what people should understand celebrities have a 705 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 1: team around them there's like a nucleus, which is the 706 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 1: celebrity and then the people all around. Yeah, it's like 707 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,160 Speaker 1: you're you're the center nucles. There's no use after the 708 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,720 Speaker 1: sea and nu nucle That's like when George W. Bush 709 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:31,920 Speaker 1: said nuclear nuclear nuclear. Anyway, So the celebrities at the 710 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,640 Speaker 1: center of it, and there are people around them, a 711 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,960 Speaker 1: business manager who who helps them manage their finances and 712 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,280 Speaker 1: keep them on track. And sometimes they're bad, a lot 713 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 1: of times they're really great. You have managers and agents, 714 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,720 Speaker 1: you have all these people who you do end up 715 00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: paying out to to help keep your brand on track. 716 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,280 Speaker 1: Your assistant. Yes, everyone wants you to be successful because 717 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 1: they're all making money off of that. However, her team 718 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,200 Speaker 1: has become so expansive that the number of people she's 719 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,520 Speaker 1: paying is no longer proportionate for her situation. Well, and 720 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: it's also like a concern of it. Her in my opinion, 721 00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:05,240 Speaker 1: should be a legal guardian that is getting paid a 722 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 1: salary and that's it. There's no like you know, commission. 723 00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 1: So he was supposed to be helping oversee her finances, 724 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 1: which she already has a business manager in place to 725 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: do so. Again, they're kind of like doubling down on 726 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,799 Speaker 1: that to just to make sure she's not overspending in 727 00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,840 Speaker 1: certain ways and that she's retaining her wealth, which is 728 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 1: good and appropriate. The personal control is what I think 729 00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:29,120 Speaker 1: more people have issue with in this situation that some 730 00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:32,320 Speaker 1: people are just not good money managers, but her not 731 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 1: being able to drive a car, her not being able 732 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 1: to kind of leave at her own will, or having 733 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:38,439 Speaker 1: to check in on where she's going and who she's 734 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,239 Speaker 1: with at a certain point. If she's going to make 735 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: bad decisions, she's an adult. She should be allowed to 736 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:47,320 Speaker 1: make those. Yeah, and then and she doesn't see those kids, 737 00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,440 Speaker 1: those boys, like there must be a medical reason. It 738 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,920 Speaker 1: just all is like white male patriarchy, the judicial system, 739 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:57,160 Speaker 1: the father getting they go to court, keep going to court, 740 00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,360 Speaker 1: and he keeps winning. Well. I think that's why she 741 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 1: likes say, I don't want him to be my conservator. 742 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:03,399 Speaker 1: And right now I believe she has a woman as 743 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,640 Speaker 1: a co conservator who she's asked to take over the 744 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,560 Speaker 1: permanent role and remove her father. And I'm sure that 745 00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,880 Speaker 1: there is a comfort that comes with having a woman. 746 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 1: Women need other women because it's women supporting women, whereas 747 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,879 Speaker 1: I'm sure for a woman it feels very much I'm 748 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 1: being controlled by this man whereas I'm being guided by 749 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:24,359 Speaker 1: this woman. Yeah, it's an unfortunate situation. And again, if 750 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: you want to look this up, you can go to 751 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,399 Speaker 1: it's over easy dot com. That's Laura Wasser's website to 752 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,920 Speaker 1: help you get divorced quickly over easy. So the last 753 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,399 Speaker 1: write in for the day is not so much about 754 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 1: an intimate partner, but sort of the platonic relationships in 755 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: your life that we all go through this. So I'm 756 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:43,320 Speaker 1: interested to get your take on this, She says, Dear Chelsea, 757 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,040 Speaker 1: what is the best way to tell some of my 758 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,799 Speaker 1: loser friends to get out of my life? So hard? 759 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,840 Speaker 1: It is so hard, but it has to be done sometimes, 760 00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 1: I know, but it's so hard, it really is. I 761 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 1: end up just participating in the relationship and just making 762 00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:01,399 Speaker 1: myself fucking nuts because of it. God, I have so 763 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,480 Speaker 1: many situations where I'm just like, are you fucking kidding me? 764 00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:08,840 Speaker 1: Why am I still in this relationship? I don't know, Brandon, 765 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:10,560 Speaker 1: you're pretty good. I mean you don't have a lot 766 00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:13,840 Speaker 1: of friends. No, I have basically zero friends because I 767 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 1: don't That's what I mean. I don't know. People are 768 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:20,120 Speaker 1: so annoying, and but no, not everyone is annoying. Some 769 00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,840 Speaker 1: people are not annoying, and some people are awesome friends. 770 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,000 Speaker 1: A lot of people are annoying. A lot of people 771 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:29,600 Speaker 1: suck suck, suck energy or you've allowed yourself to expend 772 00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,319 Speaker 1: too much energy on them. And that's the story of 773 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 1: my life. Well, so what I started doing was I 774 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,279 Speaker 1: overly invested in a lot of relationships and friendships. Like 775 00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:39,319 Speaker 1: I would if I've not heard from you a year, 776 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,480 Speaker 1: I would still drop a birthday gift off at your door, 777 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,520 Speaker 1: like I'd be the one offered. I'd be the one 778 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:47,040 Speaker 1: offered to take you to the airport. And as soon 779 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,360 Speaker 1: as I realized, and this was during quarantine, that was like, 780 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: I'm not going to keep investing time. It's not equitable 781 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:55,239 Speaker 1: in these relationships. So once you make the decision to 782 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,880 Speaker 1: not overly invest yourself, those people fade away. So I 783 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 1: don't even know. That's nessarily something you have to tell 784 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:04,560 Speaker 1: people most of the time. Hello, I have like five 785 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,000 Speaker 1: examples of people that you do have to tell because 786 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 1: I've not returned their text, I've not done so many things, 787 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:14,280 Speaker 1: and they do not get it listening to this podcast, 788 00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,959 Speaker 1: and they will still not get it, but she says 789 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:19,120 Speaker 1: lose her friends. So imagine these people don't have a 790 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 1: super high commitment to whatever the friendship is anyway, and 791 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 1: then a lot of people just fade into the background. 792 00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: And that's kind of the best way to deal with 793 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: it is you don't overly invest. People just kind of 794 00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:32,200 Speaker 1: distance itself naturally. But to your point, a lot of 795 00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:35,200 Speaker 1: times people do not get the fucking hint. No, I 796 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 1: just I can't understand how people don't get the hint 797 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:40,760 Speaker 1: when you don't want to hang out. Can you remember 798 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 1: the last time that you had to verbally tell someone like, 799 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:47,120 Speaker 1: I'm no longer interested in this relationship? Well, I had 800 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,360 Speaker 1: to do that with a guy that I started seeing. 801 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: It was just because I was I was done seeing him. 802 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:53,960 Speaker 1: It was that it was a wrap and he didn't 803 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,160 Speaker 1: get the hint. So I had to say it. Is 804 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,719 Speaker 1: it harder in a more intimate relationship like that then 805 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:01,879 Speaker 1: with a friend? What do you find? I think it's 806 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,279 Speaker 1: harder with a friend because there's history with the with 807 00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,279 Speaker 1: the guy you're dating. It's like, you know, whatever you've 808 00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,600 Speaker 1: known for a few weeks or a few months, it's 809 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:11,319 Speaker 1: not that big of a deal. So there's not water 810 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,560 Speaker 1: under the bridge. With friends, it's like you know their 811 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,239 Speaker 1: history and how sensitive they can be and how they'll 812 00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,520 Speaker 1: react if you blow them off, like actually say, hey, 813 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 1: I don't want to be friends with you anymore. It 814 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,479 Speaker 1: seems pretty harsh thing to say you had a history 815 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:26,960 Speaker 1: for a while, what you've discussed where you would just 816 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:28,799 Speaker 1: kind of cut people off as soon as they did 817 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,359 Speaker 1: something that you did not like or gross you out. 818 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 1: I'm a friendship end, Yeah, And that's right. You would 819 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,320 Speaker 1: be like, no more, no interesting people and their friendships 820 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,560 Speaker 1: with me for something I've done. But I have a 821 00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: lot of friendships that end for sure. Do you feel 822 00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,640 Speaker 1: that it is healthier to try and maintain some sort 823 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: of communication with all of your friends, even if it's 824 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,719 Speaker 1: not one that you want to engage in often? I mean, 825 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:57,080 Speaker 1: I'm so serious about like saying the truth and telling 826 00:38:57,120 --> 00:39:00,600 Speaker 1: people the truth that people I understand do not like 827 00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: that and that they don't want to hear the truth 828 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:07,520 Speaker 1: or my version of the truth. So I have a 829 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,360 Speaker 1: really hard time not expressing that that could be a 830 00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:12,879 Speaker 1: friendship ender because I've had it and then this is it. 831 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,200 Speaker 1: Or I tell someone the truth and they're like whoa, 832 00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: whoa WHOA, WHOA, like they don't want to hear that. Okay, 833 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,759 Speaker 1: there's a large conversation going on right now, kind of 834 00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:25,000 Speaker 1: generally about mental health and investing your energy and time 835 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:28,080 Speaker 1: into the right things that provide you something. So do 836 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,439 Speaker 1: you feel that it is better to maintain some sort 837 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 1: of connection with people or cut them off completely, like 838 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 1: for your own mental well being? Yeah, I think for 839 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 1: your own mental well being, it's better to maintain a 840 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,799 Speaker 1: connection with everybody and have good vibes with people you 841 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 1: know and try and maintain some level of decorum or friendship. Yeah. 842 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,600 Speaker 1: I think that's probably the healthier way to go through life. 843 00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:54,360 Speaker 1: I try and often remind myself that everyone has something 844 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:58,319 Speaker 1: worth enjoying. Everyone has an aspect of something you would 845 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,280 Speaker 1: like about them as a friend. It's sucking hard sometimes 846 00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 1: because that's very Jesuit of you. Well, it's not the 847 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,560 Speaker 1: trait that comes out most often, which is the hard part. 848 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,359 Speaker 1: So normally this is what I do if I don't 849 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,320 Speaker 1: like someone anymore. I go through these phases where I 850 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 1: really want gay friends, and then as soon as I 851 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,440 Speaker 1: get them, I would just want to drop him with 852 00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,839 Speaker 1: the nearest goodwill, Like I want nothing to do with them, 853 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,760 Speaker 1: so then I have to pawn them off my boyfriend, 854 00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:20,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I had to change my number or 855 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,400 Speaker 1: I'm out of town. What's the worst is when I 856 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:23,879 Speaker 1: tell him I'm doing something with you and they see 857 00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:28,319 Speaker 1: you're out of town and I'm like, fuck. But you 858 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,359 Speaker 1: can always blame me. You could always just say you're 859 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,399 Speaker 1: doing something of that or that my Bell needs, you know, 860 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,400 Speaker 1: some sort of body wax. For those of you who 861 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: don't know, my Bell is my housekeeper. She's been my 862 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,320 Speaker 1: housekeeper for a very long time and she has a 863 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,600 Speaker 1: maternal instinct and I don't. And that's why my dogs 864 00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,000 Speaker 1: love her and hate me. I said, I had to 865 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:47,239 Speaker 1: go over and brush your hair when I was like, 866 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 1: she couldn't get her extensions out and I have to 867 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,040 Speaker 1: go take them out for her. God, my extensions. Those 868 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:55,719 Speaker 1: were so disgusting. Well thanks, you're sweetheart. Now they're gone. 869 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 1: What do you mean thanks to my sweeeart? Did you 870 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,640 Speaker 1: cut them out? You're sleeping? I know that we really 871 00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:04,240 Speaker 1: answered that thoroughly for her, but okay, so yeah, I guess, 872 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,280 Speaker 1: try and do it softly by stop returning their calls 873 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,560 Speaker 1: and texts. Try and do it like that, and if 874 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:12,719 Speaker 1: it takes more than five times. Just say hey, I'm 875 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,279 Speaker 1: going through something. I really don't have time to hang 876 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: out for the next you know, a few months, I'll 877 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,359 Speaker 1: call you when my crisis. I'll be in touch. I'll 878 00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,680 Speaker 1: be in touch. I'll be in touch. Is a great 879 00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:25,840 Speaker 1: way to end everything. Just I'll be hey, I'm sorry 880 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,040 Speaker 1: you haven't heard from me for a while, but I'm 881 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,680 Speaker 1: dealing with a lot of stuff right now. I don't 882 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:36,880 Speaker 1: have time to hang out. I'll be in touch. That's perfect, 883 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:39,680 Speaker 1: That's all you need. Why don't we take this moment 884 00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:41,960 Speaker 1: to take a little break. And I'd like to read 885 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:46,239 Speaker 1: an ad. Actually, what was the last instance where you 886 00:41:46,640 --> 00:41:49,319 Speaker 1: had to dump a friend? The last instance? It's an 887 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:53,399 Speaker 1: ongoing process because it doesn't take Yeah, I I say 888 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:57,000 Speaker 1: that you're thinning the herd because when I started working 889 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:58,960 Speaker 1: for you, which was five years ago, there were a 890 00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:00,480 Speaker 1: lot of people in the mix. There are a lot 891 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:01,959 Speaker 1: of people on trips, there are a lot of people 892 00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,880 Speaker 1: popping in and out of the house. It isn't much smaller, 893 00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:08,960 Speaker 1: and I would say better group now in terms of quality. 894 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,400 Speaker 1: This is a friend that I've had for many, many years, 895 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,759 Speaker 1: an old friend who every once in a while pops up, 896 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,920 Speaker 1: but it's always something work related, like do I want 897 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,000 Speaker 1: to do this for her friends production? Do I want 898 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: to do this for a friend's production? Do I want 899 00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,400 Speaker 1: to do this? It's kind of always like that. Or 900 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:33,560 Speaker 1: we have another friend in common, and she kind of 901 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,520 Speaker 1: when that friend is around, will invite me around to 902 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,520 Speaker 1: get me there for my other friend, right, and so 903 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:46,759 Speaker 1: I obviously don't participate in that because it feels weird. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 904 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:51,359 Speaker 1: So anyway, she emails me and she'll text me every 905 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: once in a while, and I just have always had 906 00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:57,000 Speaker 1: this feeling about her that I don't find her sincere, 907 00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:59,120 Speaker 1: and I find her to be a bit you know, 908 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:03,759 Speaker 1: she's always working everything, which is very common in l A. Yes, 909 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:07,400 Speaker 1: that's very common. So she texted me the other day 910 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:10,160 Speaker 1: and was asking for us to get together out of 911 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,120 Speaker 1: nowhere or she mentioned, oh I saw so and so 912 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,120 Speaker 1: da dada, they said that you guys were just together 913 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,520 Speaker 1: here and there and again it was like that weird, 914 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:20,480 Speaker 1: you know, she just rubbed me the wrong way. So 915 00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:23,080 Speaker 1: then she texted me the other night and said, hey, 916 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,440 Speaker 1: do you want to go to dinner? I'm back on 917 00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:29,399 Speaker 1: this date. Are you back from Canada? And I just said, 918 00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:34,160 Speaker 1: I am back from Canada, no time for dinner. Sorry, 919 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out who this is. You wouldn't 920 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,600 Speaker 1: know her, So this person is really not like part 921 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,600 Speaker 1: of your No. No, no, no, not part of her. No, 922 00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,279 Speaker 1: you wouldn't even know her. But she's somebody who just 923 00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:49,080 Speaker 1: resurfaces all the time. And I'm not trying to end 924 00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,200 Speaker 1: the friendship. But I'm not going to dinner just to 925 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:55,240 Speaker 1: be nice anymore. Why, which is okay? Yeah, it feels 926 00:43:55,239 --> 00:43:57,520 Speaker 1: good to say no and you can't like that is 927 00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:00,640 Speaker 1: a full, full sentence. No, that's it, like I don't 928 00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:01,960 Speaker 1: want to do that, and I don't owe you an 929 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,759 Speaker 1: explanation exactly the explanation of like the excuse, like I 930 00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:09,520 Speaker 1: wanted to come, but it's like I'm not coming. Yeah. Sorry. 931 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:13,440 Speaker 1: Do you feel like the friends that you have longevity 932 00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:15,960 Speaker 1: with and that you can be open with would you 933 00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,319 Speaker 1: give them that same response like no, I don't want 934 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:20,400 Speaker 1: to or do you feel more of a need with 935 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:22,920 Speaker 1: those people that you are good with my friends? I 936 00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:24,400 Speaker 1: could say I'm not in the mood for that, or 937 00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that or blah blah blah. 938 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,440 Speaker 1: Those are the best friendships. Yeah, of course, and that's 939 00:44:28,480 --> 00:44:30,399 Speaker 1: how it should be with everybody. You shouldn't be doing 940 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,239 Speaker 1: anything that like, I mean, the idea of going to 941 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,120 Speaker 1: dinner with someone that I'm not really interested in seeing 942 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,800 Speaker 1: it is not on the menu for me. There's nothing worse. 943 00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:40,879 Speaker 1: You said it when we've been somewhere, that I will 944 00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:43,759 Speaker 1: make an audible sound if I'm disinterested, or you can 945 00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:45,279 Speaker 1: see it on my face that like, I will roll 946 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:47,040 Speaker 1: my eyes and I don't even I don't even know. 947 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:48,839 Speaker 1: But that's why I don't engage in things I really 948 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:50,600 Speaker 1: don't want to do because I'm I could never be 949 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:52,839 Speaker 1: an actor. I hide it so poorly that I don't 950 00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:55,120 Speaker 1: want to. I also hide it poorly, which is why 951 00:44:55,120 --> 00:44:58,640 Speaker 1: it's even more frustrating for the people that the people 952 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,640 Speaker 1: that I'm trying to blow off do not get it 953 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:04,239 Speaker 1: because I'm not. There's no mirror shield here. They think 954 00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:06,880 Speaker 1: you're having a great time. So what what's wrong with 955 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:10,359 Speaker 1: them that they don't understand that I no longer want 956 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:14,759 Speaker 1: to engage. People are just very dense. It's hard for 957 00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:16,759 Speaker 1: them to understand that someone wouldn't want to hang out. 958 00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:19,040 Speaker 1: I think they're just, you know, they've got nothing going on. 959 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,479 Speaker 1: But was this example, applying what we were talking about 960 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,040 Speaker 1: with the last Well, I think you know, she wanted 961 00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:28,360 Speaker 1: to broach the subject of not being interested in friendships 962 00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,720 Speaker 1: anymore with some of these people in her life. Yeah, right, yeah, 963 00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,879 Speaker 1: so I think that that does apply. Right. You could 964 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:37,080 Speaker 1: easily just say don't have time now, keep it short 965 00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,400 Speaker 1: and sweet, and don't worry about what their reaction is 966 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,279 Speaker 1: to that. My friend's reaction was like, got it will 967 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,960 Speaker 1: catch up in a couple of months. That was her reaction, 968 00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: which is perfect. And see, I've just gotten to the point, 969 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,040 Speaker 1: like you where no, I don't want to do this, 970 00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,719 Speaker 1: where if I feel like a relationship is kind of 971 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:55,400 Speaker 1: run its course, saying that being like, hey, you know, 972 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:58,040 Speaker 1: like we used to have a really good time together 973 00:45:58,080 --> 00:45:59,480 Speaker 1: and that was great, but like, you know, we're both 974 00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:02,440 Speaker 1: different paths now, or like I'm investing time myself, like 975 00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,239 Speaker 1: I really don't have time or energy to do that 976 00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,400 Speaker 1: right now. I don't know that sounds a little bit much. 977 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:08,640 Speaker 1: I'm investing time in myself. It's just like I don't 978 00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,800 Speaker 1: have time right now. I'm sorry, period, that's it, because 979 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:14,319 Speaker 1: you don't have the time. So I'm explaining too much. 980 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,080 Speaker 1: Don't explain don't over explain. That's the minute. And then 981 00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:19,600 Speaker 1: that's when lies come in because we always are like 982 00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:21,759 Speaker 1: I was gonna come. It's so much cooler just to 983 00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:25,760 Speaker 1: say I'm not coming. Sorry, didn't work out tonight. Sorry 984 00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,760 Speaker 1: that in my phone. Yeah, I don't over explain because 985 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,200 Speaker 1: I just feel like that just sounds like bullshit anyway. 986 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:34,000 Speaker 1: I mean it probably is. It does. It sounds like bullshit, 987 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,239 Speaker 1: and you know it's just another excuse. So you just 988 00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,160 Speaker 1: have to be direct. That's the moral of the story 989 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:40,600 Speaker 1: in this episode. Yeah, If that's the moral of the 990 00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:45,879 Speaker 1: story of the season, I want a divorce. Goodbye. There 991 00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,080 Speaker 1: was a lot going on here today. What did you 992 00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,399 Speaker 1: take away from all this relationship the dynamics of them. 993 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,719 Speaker 1: I think that comes back to the same fucking thing 994 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,040 Speaker 1: all the time is that people a are annoying and 995 00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:00,960 Speaker 1: then be It's hard to have conversations about anything, right. 996 00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,200 Speaker 1: But I think the overarching advice that we gave is 997 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,759 Speaker 1: that you have to just be honest with your communication 998 00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:09,040 Speaker 1: and just address it head on. I mean, you just 999 00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:12,160 Speaker 1: have to have that conversation. There's really no way around it. 1000 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:14,239 Speaker 1: Whether it's a note or in person, you're going to 1001 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 1: have to deal with it. Yeah, yeah, you gotta just 1002 00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:18,720 Speaker 1: sucking go for it. And the sooner the conversation happens, 1003 00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,279 Speaker 1: the sooner it's over, and the sooner you have your 1004 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,600 Speaker 1: answer on the other side, you know, like it's just 1005 00:47:23,719 --> 00:47:26,960 Speaker 1: saying it. It's just the ramping up to the actual 1006 00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:32,200 Speaker 1: encounter that is the most anxiety induce it. What was 1007 00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,400 Speaker 1: the most anxiety inducing for me during this episode was 1008 00:47:34,440 --> 00:47:37,280 Speaker 1: thinking about you married. Oh my god, I won't get married. 1009 00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:40,600 Speaker 1: Who's going to marry me anyway? Someone would? Someone will 1010 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,440 Speaker 1: if you wanted to, they would for sure. But I 1011 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,719 Speaker 1: couldn't go through that. You mean the actual wedding or 1012 00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,880 Speaker 1: the post all of it, the lead up or the breakdown. 1013 00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,520 Speaker 1: I don't want it. Like I want you to have 1014 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:54,320 Speaker 1: someone for intercourse. I support you and that, thank you 1015 00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:56,719 Speaker 1: for that, even a live in to some degree, but 1016 00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,560 Speaker 1: just everything that comes along with someone. I'm also in 1017 00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:02,640 Speaker 1: support of that. Or maybe it's a Tim Burton and 1018 00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,319 Speaker 1: Helena Bottom Carter thing. They just shared a common wing, 1019 00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:07,799 Speaker 1: but they each have their own sides of the house. 1020 00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:10,160 Speaker 1: Aren't they fucking divorced? Because he was having an affair 1021 00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:14,239 Speaker 1: with the nanny. Let's call Laura Walster back will find out. Okay, Well, 1022 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,480 Speaker 1: I want to thank you listeners for calling in and 1023 00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,439 Speaker 1: asking for our advice. I know how magical it must 1024 00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,560 Speaker 1: be for you to get it. I would like to 1025 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:25,279 Speaker 1: thank my co host Brandon and his very bushy eyebrows. 1026 00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:28,440 Speaker 1: But yeah, we want to say thank you for listening 1027 00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,040 Speaker 1: and that we will be back here. We should be 1028 00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:34,560 Speaker 1: announcing something, probably tour dates coming up, or you're getting 1029 00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,080 Speaker 1: back on the road. Oh, don't say it like that. 1030 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,000 Speaker 1: That makes me sound like a motorcycle mama. I would 1031 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,440 Speaker 1: love for you to travel between cities on a motorcycle. 1032 00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,200 Speaker 1: Oh my god, can you imagine what kind of shield 1033 00:48:45,239 --> 00:48:47,439 Speaker 1: I would need. We could get a sidecar for Bert. 1034 00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:52,880 Speaker 1: Bert would love it with those goggles on. That would 1035 00:48:52,880 --> 00:48:55,960 Speaker 1: be so cute. I'll figure that out for your sweetheart. 1036 00:48:56,040 --> 00:49:00,360 Speaker 1: Until next time, okay, Sam, And of course you've always 1037 00:49:00,360 --> 00:49:03,840 Speaker 1: email your issues, your questions, your thoughts to Dear Chelsea 1038 00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:08,200 Speaker 1: Project at gmail dot com. Again, Dear Chelsea Project at 1039 00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,080 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Problem solved.