WEBVTT - Dating Questions Asked and Answered with Deandra Kanu 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.280 Hell I Suck At Dating with de Unglert and Dared 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:10.440 Haven and I heard radio podcast What's going on? Everyone? 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:14.080 Welcome to Thursday's special Caller edition of Help I Suck 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:16.160 At Dating. I don't know if I'm going to keep 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:18.360 calling at the special Caller edition because this has become 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:20.200 quite a staple for the Help I Suck At Dating 0:00:20.239 --> 0:00:23.360 franchise as of late. Uh, if you haven't listened to 0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:30.600 the last Sunday's episode, we have Deandren Nice Deandrew Connie 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.559 is on the episode with us. Be sure to go 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:35.159 back and listen to that. Turn this episode off, go back, 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:37.280 listen to that episode, and then come back and listen 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.640 to this episode for the callers that are going to 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:42.960 call in. DeAndre has joined us once again. De Andrew, 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.479 thank you for joining us. I've got a question for you. 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:50.400 In last Sunday's episode, Jared kept calling you DeAndre, but 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:54.280 it's DeAndre. It's DeAndre, and honestly, so many people do DeAndre, 0:00:54.320 --> 0:00:55.840 and I just let it slide because I'm like, I 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:59.040 don't want to have to correct anyone, but it is DeAndre, gotcha, 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:01.680 And that doesn't bother you at all that someone would 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:04.080 say because it's I mean, it's basically the same thing. 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.560 I guess, well, it doesn't bother me, but I do 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:08.559 correct it. Like at some point I will correct somebody. 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:10.240 But I'm like, I just have to wait for them to, 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:14.319 you know, show that out. But Deandra kany, what's your 0:01:14.319 --> 0:01:21.160 middle name in Kyruka? Say it again in Kyruca. It's Nigerian. 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:26.760 That's awesome. You're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna not try 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:30.280 to pronounce that one. I'm gonna mess that up. Um. 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.759 Caitlin is the same thing because most times people think 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:36.200 her name is Caitlyn, and she like let it slide 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:37.680 the first couple of times and then she's like, no, no no, no, 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.760 it's not's not my name. Yeah, you just have to 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:41.120 wait for them to like warm up a little bit 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:44.080 and be like, hey, by the way, it's DeAndre. Yeah. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.200 And my biggest fear is like, oh, for instance, we 0:01:47.200 --> 0:01:49.600 were on I was on a trip like two months 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:53.160 ago and this girl was named Noemi, but everyone kept 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:55.440 calling her Naomi and I like walked up to her 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:56.920 on the second day and I was like, what is 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.480 your name? I cannot call you Naomi if your name 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.800 is Nomi, And she's like, oh, it's no Emi, And 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:02.960 I was like, thank god I got that out of 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.280 the way, because like, I don't know, it's like, it's 0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:08.040 not like disrespectful, but it is. If someone is calling 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.240 me by the wrong name consistently, I would be like, listen, 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:11.840 you gotta tell you gotta start calling you by the 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:14.400 right now. But imagine, so, don't calling you Dianne, like 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:17.040 your name is Kean. And I think that So it's 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:18.799 I love when people are like, hey, what is her name? 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.040 Can you just like make sure I'm pronouncing me right. 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:22.799 I think that's that's so respectful, and I think it's 0:02:22.800 --> 0:02:24.560 like a beautiful thing because you have no shame. It 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:29.360 means like you're not unapologetically like, hey, I want to 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:32.400 make sure what's up. Definitely, something I've learned in older 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.000 age is just like just be straightforward with it, and 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.160 like because it is out of it is out of respect, 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:38.880 Like I don't want to disrespect you by getting your 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:42.639 name roum consistently. Um, So I think, yeah, that's a 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.320 good thing, all right. So we're gonna have our first 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:48.000 caller calling her name is Macy. Let's see if we 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:51.320 can get her in here. Jared is still in the bathroom. 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.160 All right, Macy, how are you? I'm good? How are you? 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:56.639 We are good? Thank you for joining us. What's going on? 0:02:58.080 --> 0:03:00.680 So my boyfriend won't give me a key to his 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.440 house even though I live there, and like you want 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:05.520 to have to run out to get errands, you know, 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:08.200 or to work or to you know, do anything. I 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:10.839 have to sit outside until he comes home. So I'm 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:15.000 just like wondering, Like, am I asking too much? How 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:18.160 long have you all been dating for long enough for 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:19.880 me to have a key? Like, if you're gonna let 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:22.360 me move in, you know what I mean? If you're 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.880 let me move in, I should have a key. If 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:28.800 you live there, you should have a key. That's that's basic. 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:35.080 I think that's not too much. Well, I'm not sure. 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:37.240 He just, you know, he's he just won't give me 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.080 the key. Every time I ask key, kind of you know, 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:42.360 changes the subject, just saying oh, you'll get one, you know, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.480 in due time, but he never really you know, I 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:47.360 haven't gotten a key yet, and I'm just like I'm 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:49.400 having to sit outside. I'm just I don't know what 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:53.160 to do. Do you pay rent? Um? I do pay rents? 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:58.480 You need you got a key? Yeah, I'm not really 0:03:58.480 --> 0:04:00.040 sure to do about it, but he is yet to 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:01.800 give me a key, and he thinks, you know, since 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:07.240 he pays most briant, then you know. I think this 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.240 is what you do. You walk up to him and 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.920 you say, listen, here a little bit, I need a key, 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.040 and I need it right now. Give me yours and 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:16.000 get a copy of it, and I'll bring it back 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:18.159 in twenty minutes. That's what I would do. If I 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:19.680 talk to him like that, you guys are gonna try 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.840 to get me kicked off the house. I don't think 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:24.440 you should talk to him like that, but I definitely 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:26.599 think I would just sit him down and be like, hey, 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:29.960 I love you, I live with you. It's really inconvenient 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:31.520 for me to be able to like have to hit 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:33.600 you up every single time. I need to leave the house. 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.200 Let's sit down and figure out this key situation, or 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:38.919 we need to figure out our relationship, like, let's be genuine. 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.200 I think that there's nothing wrong with the genuine conversation 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.000 and he should not get angry about that. But he 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:44.719 gets angry about that, that should be a red flag 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:49.160 to you. M hmm, that's true. I think my boyfriend 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.919 has control issues. I think that's one of the problems. Yeah, 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:54.680 I mean that definitely sounds like that could be an 0:04:54.720 --> 0:04:57.840 underlying issue. But at the end of the day, the 0:04:57.920 --> 0:05:00.280 bottom line is if you live somewhere, you need to 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:04.000 have a key, Like what like what if he's gone 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:06.560 and you're there by yourself and then you leave and 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:07.880 you want to lock the door when you leave, but 0:05:07.880 --> 0:05:09.520 then you need to come back really quick for something. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:11.440 It's like you're just you're fish out of water at 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:14.039 that point, you're kind of screwed. So beyond even just 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:16.560 like the convenience of having a key, which you should have, 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.239 there's like a safety factor that falls into it too, 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.400 Like I'm sure there's a lot of situations where it 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:23.800 would be better off for you have the key as 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.160 like a safety thing too. So I think it goes 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.120 without saying that you should get a key, but I 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.039 do agree. Okay, don't call him a little bit, but 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:36.200 you should clearly state, like Deandrew was saying that you 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.760 love him, you need a key for many, many reasons, 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:42.480 Like there's like multiple reasons. But but just watch his 0:05:42.560 --> 0:05:44.520 reaction because I think that's really important and I think 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:49.520 it'll tell you a lot. Okay, thank you guys. Yeah, 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:53.840 good luck. Hopefully you find that key. Jared, Welcome back 0:05:53.839 --> 0:05:57.159 to the podcast. How is your bathroom break? It was good? 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:01.520 I live a candle. Oh did you go number two? 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:07.240 Was it fast? Yeah? That was fast? But I like this. 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:11.160 I mean it wasn't super fast, but for number two 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:14.320 is very fast? All right? Next up, the clock's ticking. 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:18.120 Next up we have logan joining us. Logan, how are you? 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:23.840 I'm doing good? How are you good? Joining us? What's 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:27.920 going on? How can we help you? Uh? Well, basically, 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:32.679 my girlfriend has a finsta, um and I just recently 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:35.360 found it, but she doesn't want me to follow her, 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:40.479 so she won't let me see it. Mhmm. Interesting. That's 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:42.080 not that big of a deal though, because I feel 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:44.480 like a Finsta is the equivalent of a close friends 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:48.640 and sometimes girls op post really embarrassing, like funny, insecure, 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:52.520 you know, like it's basically like their diary. UM, So 0:06:52.560 --> 0:06:54.559 I feel like that's not that big of a red flag. 0:06:54.680 --> 0:07:00.480 What do you guys think? Uh? Yeah, m m. What's 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:04.840 a thin stuff you're showing? You're showing your age here, Jared? 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:09.120 Is that a fake Instagram? My initial reaction, Okay, I 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.160 know what offense is. Why would anybody have a fake 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.080 Instagram if they're are they just stalking people on it? 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:16.520 And you just said sometimes girls use it as like 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.840 a diary, right, exactly, Like you post like funny things, 0:07:19.960 --> 0:07:21.960 or you post things that are, like you know, inappropriate 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.080 that you wouldn't post on your page, or you post 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.520 like embarrassing things. It's almost like a way for your 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:28.840 close friends to see like the raw and cut real 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:32.400 you that Instagram can't see. Well, what does what does 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:35.280 she post on her fake fake Insta? He doesn't know 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:38.160 because she won't let him follow her. That's right. I 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:42.120 do appreciate DeAndre being here because I I would have 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:45.360 been concerned about it. But Deandrew's perspective does make a 0:07:45.360 --> 0:07:49.880 lot of sense. Um, for girls like to only follow 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:52.440 their girl friends, and like you said, Deandrew kind of 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:55.720 like post like an unedited version of their lives. So 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:57.680 that makes sense to me. I could see that being 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:01.680 a less non issue for sure. Um, it's news to 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:03.720 me though. I mean, Calin might have a fence to 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:05.520 if she does, she's really good at hiding it. But 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.320 I guess with the Andrew's perspective, I really wouldn't be 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.720 too worried about it at all? Can you see her 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:15.120 followers on her fence? Stores at private? It's all private, 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.800 And have you asked her like, hey, like what's on 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:19.680 your fence to because maybe she could just like briefly 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:21.160 show you and you're like, okay, I don't even need 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.200 to follow you. Or is she like, no, you can't 0:08:23.200 --> 0:08:26.360 see anything. Yeah. Her reasoning is that I need to 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.480 trust her, so I can't say anything show me anything, 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:35.360 and trust is earned. You should say Okay, I do 0:08:35.440 --> 0:08:39.679 trust you, but what do you Why can't you show me? 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:42.839 What are you hiding? I think that's a little bit 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:44.480 of a red flag though, because it's like, as in 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:46.600 much of his embarrassing stuff as I posted like all 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.719 my close friends, if my boyfriend wanted to see it, 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:50.840 I'd like, look really quickly, but don't stare too hard 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:55.960 briefly right, And by by saying like you just need 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.360 to trust me kind of has the opposite effect where 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:00.760 it's like, well I would have trusted you if you 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:03.360 said anything else besides that, because yeah, like if if 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:05.800 she was just like, yeah, I just post random goofy 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:09.160 things for my friends that are close, then you'd be like, okay, cool, 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:11.679 I get it. But maybe the way she phrased it 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:13.959 wasn't the best. But I don't know, danger, what do 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.319 you think you should do? Well? I would ask like, 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.240 what kind of stuff are you posting on there? Does 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.600 she have you asked her that already? I haven't really 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.240 asked her exactly what she's posting. I just asked her 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:25.920 to see it, and she got really mad at me, 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:30.240 and then I told many to trust her. But exactly 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:33.760 trust is earned. That's my whole point. Yeah, I don't 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:35.920 know that. The fact that she got mad. I don't 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:38.120 think that would be my initial reaction. If my boyfriends like, 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:40.960 can I see your fence stuff, it would be like embarrassing, like, okay, 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:42.839 I don't want you to see this. I posted a 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.720 picture with my belly bloated. It's not cute, but you know, 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:47.360 like I'll hold the phone over here and like, you know, 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.480 to scroll through it. So I think just being wearied. 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.240 But I'd be like, hey, I don't need to follow you, 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:53.480 but I would just love to know what kind of 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:55.440 stuff you're posting on there, because it's making me feel 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.560 like you're hiding something, even though you say you're not. 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.679 Like I would just be, you know, tell her how 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:02.920 you versus you're doing something, tell her how it makes 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:06.840 you feel. Yeah, nice, that's really good advice. Yeah, I 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:10.320 like that. I will thanks. Yeah, thanks for calling. Love 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:13.959 going to appreciate it. Thank you, d Andrew. It sounds 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.360 like you might have a fence stuff. Okay, I don't 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:18.120 have a fence stuff, but I have a close friends 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:21.440 and guys be like keeping at me your close friends, 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:23.079 and I'm like no, because the stuff I post on 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:27.360 there is so embarrassing I would rather die, Like what 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:29.040 do you post? What do you post on your fence stuff? 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:31.400 Close friends? All those post crazy stuff Like if I 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.160 go on a date and it's horrible, like I'll give 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:35.600 like the ug cut, you know version of that. Or 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.400 you know, if I'm not looking cute one day, like 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:39.880 I'll purposely post like looking really ugly on my close 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.600 friends things like that, or embarrassing stories, or like if 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:44.600 I'm feeling not happy one day, I'll like go into 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:46.480 a rant about why I'm not happy. And those aren't 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.439 really things that I want any man to see. I 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:50.920 want to be on the close friends list. How do 0:10:50.960 --> 0:10:53.520 I get on that list? Well, it takes a lot 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:54.840 of a lot of trust. You gotta have a lot 0:10:54.880 --> 0:11:11.640 of m all right. Next up we have Jenny joining us. 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:14.160 Let's see if we can get her brought in here. Hi. 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.800 Um okay. Uh, So, my boyfriend and I have been 0:11:17.840 --> 0:11:21.440 together for a year, and you know, I've gotten to 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:23.720 know some of his family pretty well, and you know, 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:27.440 we're both young, we're twenty two, and and this happened 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:29.719 over the holidays, and I don't know, it surprised me, 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:33.640 and I'm wondering if I'm just like naive or something. Um. 0:11:33.679 --> 0:11:36.960 His family rented this like big house for Thanksgiving on 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.240 a beach, and you know, so we were all in 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.320 and out of the house, like in beachware and stuff, 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:44.439 and I noticed that when I was wearing like my swimsuit, 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.760 that some of his family was like taking some some 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:51.680 quick looks at me, you know. Um, And I don't know, 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:52.920 I just I didn't think it was that big of 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:55.079 a deal because you know, like, you know, a girl 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:58.400 in a bikini is like noticeable like around people. Like 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.120 it's fine, especially like because I was like one of 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:05.439 the only non like family member girls that was like there. Um. 0:12:05.520 --> 0:12:09.560 But on Friday, I heard, uh to my boyfriend's cousins 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:12.160 joking about it in the kitchen and you know, I 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:14.280 heard one of them saying that they hoped that she, 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:17.320 meaning me, would you know, be wearing that red bikini 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:21.200 again tomorrow. And I was like, oh my god. So 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:22.920 I went and I told my boyfriend and he just 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:25.120 laughed it off, and he was like, that's normal. Guys 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:27.640 talk like that. They joked like that, It's like whatever, 0:12:27.880 --> 0:12:29.440 you know, it's totally normal for them to make those 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:34.839 kinds of comments about girlfriends and whatever. And so I 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.200 was like, still kind of annoyed, and I was really 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:41.720 annoyed that he wasn't concerned about it. I guess um. 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:45.719 So I definitely wore uh that red bikini the next day, 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:49.079 and I wore it literally all day, through dinner, everything, 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.480 because I was just like, oh, you want to see 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:53.280 me in the red bikini. Fine, that's all You're gonna 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.800 see me in all day long. And I don't know. 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.000 Now I'm wondering if I was like being like childish 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:00.600 or if you know, like, may be I'm in the 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:03.439 wrong year. I don't know. No, I don't think you're 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.680 in the wrong. It is. It is an interesting situation, 0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:10.680 and thank you for sharing it with us, because guys, yeah, 0:13:10.840 --> 0:13:15.120 I hate the phrase guys will be guys, um it. 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:19.320 It's just like weird when it's your boyfriend's family talking 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.880 about you right like, and your boyfriend's not standing up 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:24.480 for for you to like kind of put it to bed. 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:27.319 It's just it's it's I don't know, that's a tricky one. 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:31.560 What do you guys think? Jared and DeAndre? So, I 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:35.080 feel like he's probably embarrassed because if one of my 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.400 guy you know, with one of my girl cousins was, 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:40.079 you know, talking about that about my boyfriend, I wouldn't 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.120 want to confront them because it's my family and that's 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.360 so weird that they would even fix theirs to speak 0:13:44.360 --> 0:13:47.800 about my spouse, like my partner. But he's probably just 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:49.720 embarrassed and trying to make it seem like it's nothing 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:51.440 because he wants to sleep it under the rug. But 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.640 I think you did the right thing by just continuously 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:56.800 being you where the red bikini. This isn't the nineteen fifties. 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:59.000 You know, you can wear a bikini and be around 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:01.480 people and they don't have to make inappropriate comments about you. 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:04.560 I think he's just embarrassing really just doesn't know what 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.319 to do because that's like such a weird situation when 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:11.199 your own family is talking about your girlfriend. Yeah, that 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.080 is true too. It's like he probably doesn't want to 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.680 be confrontational with his family members over something like that. 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:19.720 But at the same time, like if that's something that 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:22.400 you want for him to do, which it sounds like 0:14:22.440 --> 0:14:24.640 you're kind of you do, you would like maybe wanted to, 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:27.720 but you don't necessarily care that much about that. Like 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:33.640 I guess he would have been more concerned, you know, 0:14:33.760 --> 0:14:37.400 like been like, oh, that's kind of odd, or you know, 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.320 or even been like, you know, yeah, you look good. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.320 At least they were appreciate, you know, Like, but he 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.280 was just like, it's whatever, and I was like, it's 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:48.360 not whatever, right, It's it's very strange when your family 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.960 members sexualize your partner, right. That's kind of the underlying issue. 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:56.160 It's like, why would you do that when it's my girlfriend? Um, 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:57.920 I'm trying, I'm trying to imagine my head, like what 0:14:57.920 --> 0:14:59.600 would happen if my brother is do the same thing 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:03.240 to kay Land And it wouldn't ever happen. So it's 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.040 like I can't imagine how I would react, but I 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:06.720 would probably kind of do the same thing, like laugh 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.920 it off and kind of try to sweep it under 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.480 the rug, but that that might be like the not 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.400 the best reaction, because you do want to have some 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.800 sort of defense for you and like you don't want 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:20.440 your boyfriend's family to be like uggling you, right like, 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:23.320 especially when you're out, um doing that. I don't know, 0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:25.160 that's that's tricky, Jared, you haven't weighed it on this, 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:27.400 What do you think? Yeah, I'm also with Dean. I 0:15:27.400 --> 0:15:29.080 don't I can't imagine my friends doing this, but I 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:32.120 can totally see like a you know, weird uncle saying 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.480 something creepy and oh my god Jesus. So if that 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:39.160 was the case, I would probably and Ashley came up 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:40.920 to me and said, hey, listen, that was kind of weird. 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.680 I'd be like, I get it. He's harmless, but you know, 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:47.040 take it as a compliment, and then I'll talk to him. 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.360 That's what I would say. And then I would go 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:53.040 to him be like, listen, like, thank you for saying that. 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.160 I appreciate it, Like, I get it, that's why I 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.000 married her, but um, you know, just trying not to 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.800 say something weird around her makes feeling comfortable. And then 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:02.600 I would hope that they would respond to that well, 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:06.080 so I'd be confrontational, but in a very gentle way. 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.360 That's how I would handle it. So I don't know, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.400 I can't really blame your boyfriend all that much because 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:13.520 it is a weird scenario where it is your family 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:16.840 and like they're just making weird remarks. So it's like like, I, 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:19.640 you know, I'm gonna of course defend you, but I 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:21.640 also don't want to like make this a bigger thing 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.440 than it actually is, because then if he comes up confrontational, 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.400 is he escalating the situation instead of de escalating. It 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:29.280 would have just been better if he just didn't say 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.600 anything and moved on. Um. So I don't know, that's 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.600 a tough it's it's more so I think just um, 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:40.200 hopefully I i'd moved past it. But I mean I 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.320 understand why you'd be like, hey, listen, come, you know, 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:44.520 come on now, your your family is making me feel unomfortably. 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.800 You should say something. So I see both sides of it. 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:50.200 I had a similar ish situation a couple of years ago. Uh, 0:16:50.320 --> 0:16:52.400 we rent out this big house in Palm Springs for 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:55.000 my like one of my best friend's birthdays, and then 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.240 my one of my other best friends. We were all 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.600 like partying and drunken stuff, and one of my other 0:17:00.680 --> 0:17:04.480 best friends smacked Klin on the butt like jokingly, and 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:07.440 he thought it was He thought it was hilarious, and 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:09.639 everyone else was like kind of laughing, and Calin was like, 0:17:09.680 --> 0:17:12.080 that's not cool, and so I like, I was like, 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.240 I walked walked up to him, shoved him in the pool, 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.000 and I said, you better to never do that again. 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:18.879 And it was kind of weird to like it was 0:17:18.920 --> 0:17:21.680 like all a joke obviously, but I think that there 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:23.919 was a line that was crossed at some point and 0:17:23.920 --> 0:17:26.480 then it's like, well, how how do I respond appropriately? 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:29.400 So that like it's just it's definitely a delicate situation. 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.760 But the worst thing you can do, in my opinion, 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:35.720 is not say how you feel about it, because that's 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:37.520 not gonna hurt anyone, and like that's going to only 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:41.320 help fix the situation later on. But it is it 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:44.560 is an uncomfortable situation to be in, for sure. I mean, 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.480 as a woman, I feel Jenny on this because it's 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.480 like being sexualized in any way by someone who isn't 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.400 your partner is so awkward and it makes you feel uncomfortable. 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:55.240 So I understand her not being uncomfortable around becausin's and 0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:57.080 like wanting your man to say something. But it's just 0:17:57.119 --> 0:17:59.760 such a weird situation because people should know better, and 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:03.560 that's just really sad that they don't know better. Yeah right, 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:05.840 I agree. It's like its more falls on this on 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.240 the family members and like my friend in this case, 0:18:08.640 --> 0:18:11.280 for being weird and doing and saying those things, Like 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.320 just don't say and do those things. It's pretty simple 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.840 and we won't be in the situation. But um, but yeah, 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:19.439 I think maybe just like say something or I don't know, 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.560 like danger, do you think it's a good idea to 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.440 not say anything and if it arises again then bring 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.760 it up or kind of just like forget about it 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.560 until that potentially happens again. So since this one already 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:30.960 passed and he already was like, okay, let's brush it off. 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.280 If anything close to making you uncomfortable happens again with 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:36.639 those same cousins, I would definitely be like, look, I 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:39.480 love slide. The first time I'm uncomfortable I heard them 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:43.399 talking like this. If this is like the conversation is 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:45.520 going to be amongst your family, I'm uncomfortable by this. 0:18:45.600 --> 0:18:47.439 I think you need to say something, so I definitely 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:50.720 would get one chance, okay, but if anything close to 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:52.920 weird happens, I would definitely say you need to say 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:57.080 something because I'm uncomfortable. Now. Yeah, I like I like that. 0:18:57.280 --> 0:19:00.400 Thank you of course. Yeah, hopefully you get it figured out. Jenny, 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:04.119 thank you for calling in. We appreciate it. Thanks, Thank you, Jenny. 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.560 By bye Jenny. All right, well that's gonna do it 0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:12.879 for Thursday's special caller episode of Help I Suck at Dating? Jared, 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:16.840