1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,840
Speaker 1: So I'm happy to say that, after celebrating ten years

2
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:14,040
Speaker 1: married and approaching we're starting another ten years, I'm feeling

3
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,360
Speaker 1: way more optimistic than I did going into marriage in general.

4
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:25,040
Speaker 1: Dead as. Yeah, well, I'm proud of of us for

5
00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,600
Speaker 1: the first ten years, and I'm not only optimistic, but

6
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:32,360
Speaker 1: I'm excited about the next time. Oh this was really

7
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:38,360
Speaker 1: a yes. I like that. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

8
00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,960
Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos

9
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,680
Speaker 1: without boys and reading each other publicly as a form

10
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:50,199
Speaker 1: of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therby most days. Wow.

11
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:53,559
Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.

12
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,920
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

13
00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:00,680
Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to

14
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,880
Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.

15
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:05,120
Speaker 1: Dead as is the term that we say every day.

16
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,640
Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

17
00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,399
Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

18
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,160
Speaker 1: We're about to take pillows off to a whole new level.

19
00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:23,760
Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now. All right, story time typically

20
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:31,679
Speaker 1: story time A typically y'all know, I do story time

21
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,960
Speaker 1: because I like to tell stories. But today I'm going

22
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,720
Speaker 1: to be a gentleman and let my wife take over

23
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:45,240
Speaker 1: story time. I appreciate that so much, So take us back, baby. Okay. So,

24
00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,520
Speaker 1: as many of you know, we in prior seasons talked

25
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:52,680
Speaker 1: about approaching ten years planning a huge well not even

26
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:57,360
Speaker 1: huge and intimate, but very grand, intimately huge, intimately huge

27
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:01,680
Speaker 1: and grand um v renewal and for me and for

28
00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,320
Speaker 1: you and for us and our family, that was going

29
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,360
Speaker 1: to be a time for us to really celebrate how

30
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,200
Speaker 1: far we've come for the past ten years, really have

31
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:13,400
Speaker 1: the people there who matter the most to us, focusing

32
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,680
Speaker 1: on just really celebrating the past ten years and then

33
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,480
Speaker 1: having a way to kind of launch us into the

34
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:23,079
Speaker 1: next ten years, kind of feeling refreshed and renewed and recommitted.

35
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:28,400
Speaker 1: And none of that happened. Thanks to the coronavirus the pandemic.

36
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,760
Speaker 1: Of course, everything was shut down. Traveling was shut down

37
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:36,920
Speaker 1: UM Jamaica hopefully nowhere, but UM Jamaica was shut down.

38
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,679
Speaker 1: So it was funny because we're approaching our tenure anniversary

39
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,800
Speaker 1: and now it's like, all right, well, what do we

40
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,080
Speaker 1: do to celebrate? We can't really do anything. My mom

41
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,840
Speaker 1: was with the boys in New York at the time,

42
00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:54,280
Speaker 1: lockdown there, and my sister's birthday was coming up, and

43
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:57,480
Speaker 1: we were also celebrating her graduating from nursing school. So

44
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,360
Speaker 1: it was a two and one celebration that was happening

45
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,799
Speaker 1: in New York. Now, things we're kind of touching go

46
00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,120
Speaker 1: still with the coronavirus, still kind of being up and

47
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,360
Speaker 1: down New York being one of the epicenters. And I

48
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,320
Speaker 1: had told my sister pretty much at the end of June,

49
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,200
Speaker 1: you know, girl, I'll love you, but I can't even

50
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,280
Speaker 1: make it for your birthday or your graduation party, um,

51
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:16,760
Speaker 1: which they were having in a small gathering um, you know,

52
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,920
Speaker 1: at the house because I was getting ready to film

53
00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,399
Speaker 1: and if I was getting ready to films to a sister,

54
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,040
Speaker 1: so I said, just to make sure you were safe.

55
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,880
Speaker 1: We were literally treating about like a newborn baby. Did

56
00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:30,359
Speaker 1: not want anybody to be around him or run the

57
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:35,080
Speaker 1: risk of him UM testing positives exactly. So I said, girl,

58
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,240
Speaker 1: we're not gonna be able to I'm not gonna be

59
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 1: able to make it. So incomes a vow two days

60
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:42,920
Speaker 1: before my sister's birthday and he's just like, oh, you're

61
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,200
Speaker 1: not going to New York for cucaris, you know, wet'll

62
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,160
Speaker 1: get together. And I was like, no, I can't go.

63
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,720
Speaker 1: Why would I go. I don't want to risk you

64
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,040
Speaker 1: getting sick. And he was like, I think you'd be

65
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,640
Speaker 1: all right if you wear your mask and stuff when

66
00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,600
Speaker 1: you follow the protocol that they put in place. And

67
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,320
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, exactly, you know, very like, you know, okay,

68
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,400
Speaker 1: I think you'd be good. So said, you know, you

69
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,080
Speaker 1: think you think I'll be good to val He's like, yeah,

70
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,839
Speaker 1: go have a good time. I said, all all those

71
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 1: things right, So I go to New York because I'm like,

72
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,160
Speaker 1: all right, if the Valve feels comfortable and I'll go,

73
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 1: wear my mask and all that good stuff will be

74
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 1: good to go. So I go to New York. Literally

75
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,560
Speaker 1: just take maybe a pair of underwear and an outfit

76
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,480
Speaker 1: and act very light. When I got to New York,

77
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,480
Speaker 1: I called up my girl Tianna, because you know, when

78
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,240
Speaker 1: I'm in New York, I'm gonna get all the things done,

79
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,840
Speaker 1: you know. So I hit my girl Tianna up for nails.

80
00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,200
Speaker 1: I'm like, have you been around people? Have you been

81
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,000
Speaker 1: taking clients? She said no, I haven't been. I said, well,

82
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,760
Speaker 1: if I wear a double mask and you wear a mask,

83
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,000
Speaker 1: will you comfortable doing my nails? And she's just like,

84
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,120
Speaker 1: I'm comfortable if you're comfortable. I said, okay, we should

85
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,240
Speaker 1: be good. So I got my nails done, the same

86
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:46,240
Speaker 1: thing for my hair, go to my sister's event, have

87
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,000
Speaker 1: my mask on the entire time, just to show my support.

88
00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:51,560
Speaker 1: She was so so surprised. It was an amazing time.

89
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,279
Speaker 1: I had a great little get together there. Um, and

90
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,520
Speaker 1: then I come I'm on my way back or I'm

91
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,919
Speaker 1: preparing to come back to California, and devote hits me

92
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:04,159
Speaker 1: with the you know the baby. I was thinking you

93
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,640
Speaker 1: should just stay in New York. I don't think you

94
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:10,200
Speaker 1: should come back before I leave to film. You see

95
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,599
Speaker 1: my face. Now, I'm gonna let you finish tell me

96
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,040
Speaker 1: your story because it's story time, but you're leaving out

97
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,839
Speaker 1: some very permanent information. So a finished story, story time.

98
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:24,480
Speaker 1: So don't interfere in my story time. Okay, don't don't interfere.

99
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:30,480
Speaker 1: So um. I moved in New York as carefully as possible,

100
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,640
Speaker 1: because I said I did not want to be around people.

101
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,360
Speaker 1: I didn't even stay at my parents house because there's

102
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,440
Speaker 1: so many people there that I stayed at our manager's

103
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:40,560
Speaker 1: empty apartment so I could be by myself. Right, So, hold,

104
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,520
Speaker 1: who picked me up from the airport? I don't remember

105
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:48,000
Speaker 1: pick me from the airport. No, she didn't pick me.

106
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: Doesn't drive. Let me tell my story. The door doesn't drive. Um.

107
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,520
Speaker 1: So Debout hits me with I don't think you should

108
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,320
Speaker 1: come back to California. I think you should just stay

109
00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,720
Speaker 1: in New York and I want to go film and

110
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,200
Speaker 1: I is like, there's no way we can do that

111
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:05,719
Speaker 1: because our anniversaries on Saturday. So it was a huge eruption,

112
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,279
Speaker 1: a big argument because my ass was going to stay

113
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 1: in California with Devil. I wasn't even want to go

114
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,000
Speaker 1: to New York to begin with, and the Devil was

115
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,400
Speaker 1: just like, no, I think you should go. You'll be

116
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,080
Speaker 1: fine if you wear your masks, if you wear your mask.

117
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,839
Speaker 1: If you wear your mask, my mass literally never left

118
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:25,120
Speaker 1: my face. Okay, So we agreed that I come back

119
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,839
Speaker 1: to California, but we'll quarantine in the house together meeting.

120
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 1: I'll stay on one end of the house. He stays

121
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,279
Speaker 1: on the other end of the house until I test

122
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,680
Speaker 1: and get a negative result. The negative result would have

123
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,880
Speaker 1: put me on our anniversary day July four, So literally

124
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,080
Speaker 1: we spent that entire week. I want to say it

125
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,719
Speaker 1: was a week at that point in separate ends of

126
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: the house, pissed at each other because we couldn't be

127
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,799
Speaker 1: around each other. And I finally got the test result back.

128
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,480
Speaker 1: I want to say it was like three pm. I

129
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:00,719
Speaker 1: was stalking them hoping to get the test result back,

130
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:05,640
Speaker 1: and finally it was like three pm on the day

131
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:10,280
Speaker 1: of our anniversary, I got the negative result. We hugged,

132
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:16,960
Speaker 1: we kissed. I cried because the valve got one of

133
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:20,560
Speaker 1: my favorites, probably my favorite R and B singer Jamie

134
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,840
Speaker 1: Fox two. What I didn't know was that the plan

135
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,560
Speaker 1: was for him to try to get to Jamaica for

136
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,680
Speaker 1: the valunal, that I was making arrangements for that, but

137
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,200
Speaker 1: because that couldn't happen, Jamie sang for me in a

138
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,360
Speaker 1: video that I'm sure many people have seen on on

139
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,080
Speaker 1: social media. And I just want to say that this

140
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,680
Speaker 1: story long is help and you always make fun of

141
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:46,680
Speaker 1: my stories. This story, the story hold on triple am

142
00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:48,680
Speaker 1: I interjected in this story or is this story long?

143
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,120
Speaker 1: Is keep interjecting, but there's context of the story. I

144
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,960
Speaker 1: had to tell it, tell them why we had such

145
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:58,280
Speaker 1: a bumpy road getting to ten years. Wow, okay, go ahead,

146
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:01,120
Speaker 1: finished finishes this story about in the last story I

147
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,640
Speaker 1: tell the last story I tell um, And it ended

148
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,720
Speaker 1: up being a wonderful night once we were able to

149
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,520
Speaker 1: actually hug and kis and be around each other again.

150
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,000
Speaker 1: And um, yeah, so Devout really pulled out all the

151
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,640
Speaker 1: stops to make it special. And then I, in turn,

152
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,560
Speaker 1: um put a really nice dinner together in our backyard

153
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,240
Speaker 1: and it was the two of us. Um Devot got

154
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,840
Speaker 1: tons of roses yellow and red for friendship and love.

155
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,120
Speaker 1: Just really well thought out, simple things that I think

156
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,120
Speaker 1: definitely took the place of what was going to be

157
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:31,800
Speaker 1: our Jamaica turn, of our renewal, but it was just

158
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,120
Speaker 1: as special. Well it's funny because I was looking up

159
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:39,840
Speaker 1: love songs for karaoke and what came up as a

160
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,560
Speaker 1: love song was up from Cardi b Right, and I'm like,

161
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:44,439
Speaker 1: how is this a love song? But then I was

162
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,480
Speaker 1: thinking about the words, and it's like, when it's up,

163
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,160
Speaker 1: then it's up, then it's up, then it's stuck. And

164
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,000
Speaker 1: that's what happens when you get married. You get stuck.

165
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,800
Speaker 1: Damn we up and then we stuck. So I just

166
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,960
Speaker 1: think it's funny to mention that uh Up by Cardi

167
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 1: is considered part of that's the only part of the

168
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,440
Speaker 1: song I know so good, so neither one of us

169
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,880
Speaker 1: have to sing it. But that was gonna be my

170
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,760
Speaker 1: selection karaoke, because there's a whole dance going on now too,

171
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,640
Speaker 1: there is. It's a whole dance battle with like Ups

172
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,760
Speaker 1: and Amazon and the world delivery workers. Yeah, well you

173
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,120
Speaker 1: know all them because they come here get up with

174
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,679
Speaker 1: the time. That's a fact. You told a very beautiful

175
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,200
Speaker 1: long story all right now is at the time devot

176
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:26,960
Speaker 1: just to put it out there for you to now

177
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,280
Speaker 1: refute my story. I'm not refuting it. But you said

178
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:34,000
Speaker 1: you gave context, right, but you left out a huge

179
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,640
Speaker 1: part of the context. So what's the one thing that

180
00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,200
Speaker 1: you had an issue with? Go ahead, right, because I

181
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,200
Speaker 1: know people are gonna ask why would de Voo say

182
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,640
Speaker 1: go to New York and then when you say you

183
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:47,120
Speaker 1: should be fine, say you should just stay in New York.

184
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,440
Speaker 1: The reason why I said you should go to New

185
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,079
Speaker 1: York is because I literally thought you were gonna go

186
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,520
Speaker 1: to New York, go to the party, and come home.

187
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,520
Speaker 1: At no point when you told me you were going

188
00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,720
Speaker 1: to New York. Were you going to go meet with

189
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,760
Speaker 1: t Anna, which is a different space, then go to Janelle's,

190
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,280
Speaker 1: which is a different space, then go to the party.

191
00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:08,400
Speaker 1: That's two different contact tracing points. At this time, this

192
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,480
Speaker 1: is still July. We didn't know how this this virus

193
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,960
Speaker 1: was spread, and I could not test positive because if

194
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,120
Speaker 1: I test positive, then I wouldn't be able to film,

195
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:17,439
Speaker 1: and as one of the main characters in the show,

196
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,480
Speaker 1: the show wouldn't have been able to go on if

197
00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,640
Speaker 1: I couldn't film. So so so all I'm saying is

198
00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:24,240
Speaker 1: I didn't just tell you to go and then you

199
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,000
Speaker 1: get there and then change my mind and say don't

200
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,920
Speaker 1: come back. You never communicated to me that you were

201
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,720
Speaker 1: going to go meet with your glam team to go

202
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,520
Speaker 1: to the party. And that's a key point of context

203
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,120
Speaker 1: that you left out for the people who are listening

204
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,320
Speaker 1: to Tiana, and I asked her if she's been around anybody.

205
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,600
Speaker 1: I'm saying the context double mask, I double mask, and

206
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,160
Speaker 1: I got my nails done. Yeah, But when you told

207
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,559
Speaker 1: the story, you have put my voice on and said

208
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,960
Speaker 1: you should go where your mask you should go? I said,

209
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,319
Speaker 1: because I thought you was going to get off the

210
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,560
Speaker 1: plane go to the party, go home, and come back.

211
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,840
Speaker 1: But in my from my perspective, I felt like, if

212
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,160
Speaker 1: I'm on a plane with a ton of people, I

213
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:59,280
Speaker 1: don't know both ways, I'm in uh get together that

214
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 1: has more in one person in that space. I didn't

215
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,640
Speaker 1: think that me being careful with two people who have

216
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 1: been home and not around people double mass both times

217
00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,240
Speaker 1: would have been that much more of a contact point.

218
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,400
Speaker 1: So this is my thing. Why I add more contact points?

219
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,160
Speaker 1: If you already said you got on the plane, which

220
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,920
Speaker 1: is already a risk. You go into the party, that's

221
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 1: already a risk. Why I add two other risks when

222
00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:23,600
Speaker 1: you don't know if that's gonna be a risk. Any

223
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,080
Speaker 1: of the risks that I put myself in could have

224
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,120
Speaker 1: been avoided if I just stayed mass in California. Like

225
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,120
Speaker 1: that's very very true. But you know also what my

226
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,240
Speaker 1: wife would have did. She'd have been in California pounding

227
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:38,800
Speaker 1: the whole time. That's not even I even ult myself

228
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,880
Speaker 1: to say that I wasn't going to go and I

229
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,800
Speaker 1: didn't mind, to be honest, if but anyway, if you

230
00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:45,160
Speaker 1: say so, story guys, that's how we spent our ten

231
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,480
Speaker 1: year anniversary. I think it was it was amazing. It

232
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,200
Speaker 1: was great time together. I think what it all boiled

233
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,600
Speaker 1: down to is that we just had time together. And

234
00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 1: it is different because we had the pandemic that had

235
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,079
Speaker 1: hit in March, and then we were home lockdown with

236
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,840
Speaker 1: my mom and dad and the boys for at that

237
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,480
Speaker 1: point April made June July almost four months, so it

238
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:06,920
Speaker 1: was nice to kind of finally have just time together. Well,

239
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,760
Speaker 1: what I think is is best about the story you

240
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,000
Speaker 1: told is that that story, which took about a week,

241
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,920
Speaker 1: it was like the microcosm of what I think marriage

242
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,160
Speaker 1: is now. Right, Um, you and I had completely different ideas.

243
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,280
Speaker 1: You and I were both trying to do something for

244
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,080
Speaker 1: the better the betterment of the other person. Right. I

245
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 1: wanted you to go enjoy your sister's party because I

246
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,360
Speaker 1: wanted you to to be able to enjoy that aspect

247
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,560
Speaker 1: of your life. Your family is important to you outside

248
00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:32,760
Speaker 1: of our nuclear family. So I was like, you know what,

249
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,040
Speaker 1: let her take the risk boom. You were willing to

250
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:38,760
Speaker 1: stay because you were willing to miss that to take

251
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,880
Speaker 1: the risk because I had to work. So here we

252
00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:44,600
Speaker 1: are both trying to do what's best for the other person.

253
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,760
Speaker 1: Then we end up debating and arguing you know what

254
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,839
Speaker 1: I'm saying, but then he had to communicate it through

255
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,520
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So I think that, you know, ultimately,

256
00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,839
Speaker 1: that's the microcosm of what marriage is because we ended

257
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,040
Speaker 1: up finding a way to make it work out. We

258
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,440
Speaker 1: couldn't do our big viralnyl and ended up being just

259
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:03,680
Speaker 1: you and I in the home making a dinner. Um,

260
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,319
Speaker 1: you know we I grew some lobster, you made some steaks,

261
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,280
Speaker 1: you made the sides. I got Jamie Fox to saying

262
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,840
Speaker 1: we had it in our backyard and it was special

263
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,199
Speaker 1: and it was dope. So I think that that ultimately

264
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,320
Speaker 1: is the microcosm of what marriage has been for us

265
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,160
Speaker 1: for the past ten years. It's been some ups and downs.

266
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:24,160
Speaker 1: Life has thrown some curveballs. Um, We've argued, we've debate,

267
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,959
Speaker 1: but we figured it out right. And I think that

268
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 1: I appreciate the most about this is that we both

269
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,760
Speaker 1: were trying to consider the other person in everything, which

270
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,400
Speaker 1: is something that I think both of us have grown

271
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,360
Speaker 1: to do over the past ten years. Absolutely, in the

272
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,439
Speaker 1: very beginning of it, or the very beginning of our marriage,

273
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:41,800
Speaker 1: there was a lot of you saying, you know what

274
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,360
Speaker 1: I'm hoping to be a great husband. So I'm gonna

275
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:44,839
Speaker 1: go out and I'm gonna work, and I'm gonna do

276
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,760
Speaker 1: this and I'm gonna provide because that's what husbands do.

277
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, all right, I'm going to be

278
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,120
Speaker 1: a great wife because I should just be at home

279
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,480
Speaker 1: and I should take care of the house and I

280
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,160
Speaker 1: should just you know, do the things that I've seen

281
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,560
Speaker 1: my mom and my grandmother do and like great help

282
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,960
Speaker 1: with the bills, YadA YadA, And those were just surface

283
00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:02,240
Speaker 1: level things. Was us thinking about ourselves and how we

284
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:03,880
Speaker 1: could be great, but also at the same time not

285
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:07,720
Speaker 1: necessarily considering the other. So um so, yeah, shout out

286
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,640
Speaker 1: to us for ten years. And let me tell you, baby,

287
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,440
Speaker 1: boys and girls, what's not awash is the vurnal because

288
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,200
Speaker 1: we don't have to be ten years. It should be well,

289
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:21,000
Speaker 1: it could be thirteen. It could just be a whole

290
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,840
Speaker 1: lass vacation. Who has a thirty year varnul? Like, who

291
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,600
Speaker 1: does that? Do we ever do anything conventionally? But now

292
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:33,320
Speaker 1: so there we are. Anyway, According to according to tradition,

293
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,400
Speaker 1: UM ten year anniversaries of marriage represent or is represented

294
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,840
Speaker 1: by tin or aluminum. UM. So, I don't know if

295
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,080
Speaker 1: people know about. Traditionally, each year means something, or if

296
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,840
Speaker 1: you're going to give somebody something for their different year anniversaries,

297
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,720
Speaker 1: there's normally a corresponding thing that goes with it, So

298
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:57,760
Speaker 1: tending aluminum. Those elements represent durability impliability to symbolize that

299
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:01,720
Speaker 1: the relationship can be bent but not broken unless you're

300
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,200
Speaker 1: cheap as foil paper, which we know nobody likes. Cheaper

301
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,680
Speaker 1: as foil paper, foil papers everything in the black community.

302
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,280
Speaker 1: You know, you can cover anything with foil paper. You

303
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:14,040
Speaker 1: can get your TV to work, you can pack plates,

304
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:20,320
Speaker 1: foil illuminate, very durable. Okay. Within your marriage, by this

305
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,600
Speaker 1: stage you will have experienced the need to compromise on

306
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,600
Speaker 1: some things. That's but your marriage is still going to

307
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:30,400
Speaker 1: be strong, right And with that material it represents the

308
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:35,840
Speaker 1: twenty years with that material um twenty years is China?

309
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:42,600
Speaker 1: Why could be China? Why it can't be Africa? You're

310
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:46,760
Speaker 1: not serious? Are you? Like the plates porcelain like that

311
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,800
Speaker 1: kind of I don't care. Why why it is called China.

312
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,960
Speaker 1: I want to call mine Africa, all right, twenty years

313
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 1: it's gonna be Africa. About Africa that we can we

314
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,800
Speaker 1: can talk about diamonds. See what I'm saying. Let's see

315
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:04,840
Speaker 1: saying show on audio and video the Devasid diamonds in

316
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,560
Speaker 1: twenty years. Oh gosh, that's what you got out of

317
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,680
Speaker 1: baby boy. Africa's the motherland. Okay, that is true. The

318
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,680
Speaker 1: greatest people on Earth come out of Africa. We're African Americans.

319
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 1: So in twenty I'm focusing on everything, all things great,

320
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,840
Speaker 1: all things African, and with pressure, diamonds are formed. I

321
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,520
Speaker 1: love that. Um. It brings the meeting, delicate, beautiful and

322
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,720
Speaker 1: elegant relationship that you've built over twenty years together. So

323
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,920
Speaker 1: what will it take to go from hard work to

324
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,840
Speaker 1: smooth sailing in the next ten years of marriage? That's

325
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,120
Speaker 1: what we're talking about today. Now that the first ten

326
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,360
Speaker 1: years have been under our belt, where do we see

327
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 1: ourselves in the next ten years? How are we going

328
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:49,520
Speaker 1: to get there? Um, we're almost one year into that

329
00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,040
Speaker 1: next ten year point. What differences have you noticed between

330
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,160
Speaker 1: your one and your eleven? Well, I mean, if you've

331
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 1: been with us through this ride for four seasons now,

332
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:05,040
Speaker 1: we've perved a lot about our relationship from being together eighteen,

333
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:10,680
Speaker 1: getting married at and now at thirty seven and thirty

334
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:14,479
Speaker 1: six respectively thinking about what's next for us. We pursed out,

335
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,119
Speaker 1: We've talked about the ups and the downs, with a

336
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,440
Speaker 1: lot of the downs and the misconceptions we had about marriage,

337
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 1: and I feel like, UM, in doing that, we've been

338
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:27,920
Speaker 1: able to grow collectively and grow individually. So I want

339
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,639
Speaker 1: to like just talk about what is our plan with

340
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 1: all of his knowledge we have through marriage, to like

341
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 1: be better for the next ten years. Yeah, I mean

342
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 1: I have to say that for the past well for

343
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,119
Speaker 1: now five seasons of the podcast. We're joke in our

344
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,240
Speaker 1: opening that we read each other publicly as a kind

345
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,880
Speaker 1: of therapy, UM, but it literally I feel like has

346
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:49,840
Speaker 1: been like that for us because I've been able to

347
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 1: really dissect a lot of things publicly through the form

348
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 1: of the podcast, and it's also privately UM. And we

349
00:17:55,680 --> 00:18:00,320
Speaker 1: see the value in reflecting UM on different moments. We

350
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,840
Speaker 1: reflect I feel like on a daily, weekly basis at

351
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,320
Speaker 1: least with each other, and we have those conversations that

352
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:08,119
Speaker 1: need to be had, UM. But I feel like there

353
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,479
Speaker 1: was also a lot of individual growth that happened very

354
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 1: that was also very stressful at times because some processes

355
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 1: that we both had to go through as individuals. The

356
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 1: other didn't understand, but I think in turn it for

357
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 1: the collective greater good of the marriage and of our family.

358
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,520
Speaker 1: It definitely worked in our favor, absolutely, because I think

359
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,960
Speaker 1: that we both had to like unlearn some of the

360
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 1: things that we were conditioned to believe to be truths

361
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:37,640
Speaker 1: and then relearn ourselves and each other. And also knowing

362
00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:42,520
Speaker 1: that those those quote unquote truths or those traditions, they're malleable,

363
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 1: like they're not something that's just going to be cookie

364
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 1: cutter to every relationship. That's what we had to learn.

365
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 1: We had to learn that we tried to just tell

366
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: and make our relationship to what we thought the ideal

367
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 1: relationship was. That's when we were we ran into like roadblocks.

368
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,000
Speaker 1: So if if one thing I've seen, think the major difference.

369
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:05,080
Speaker 1: I'm not going into this next ten years with expectations

370
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 1: of what I expect you to be or who I

371
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 1: expect you to be and who I expect myself to be.

372
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,000
Speaker 1: I plan to be more like like water, you know

373
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,120
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, flat, crash and flow and kind of see,

374
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,520
Speaker 1: you know, wake up every day and see where the

375
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 1: day is going and kind of figure out, you know,

376
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 1: what what's going to be my method to get through

377
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 1: this next peak or valley wherever we are. And I

378
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,040
Speaker 1: think that's going to be the big difference because when

379
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 1: you when you have expectations, that only leads to disappointments.

380
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 1: So when you when you walk in saying you know,

381
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,359
Speaker 1: I don't know what to expect, I'm just going to

382
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 1: be excited about whatever comes, you can move forward with

383
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 1: a more positive attitude. Yeah, for sure. And I think

384
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:44,280
Speaker 1: we both kind of know each other to an extent

385
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,280
Speaker 1: where like I know the things that make you take

386
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,639
Speaker 1: and all the things that may take you off, you know,

387
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,359
Speaker 1: So trying to avoid those at all calls definitely something

388
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: that will aim to do. Um. But for me, I

389
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 1: think the biggest difference between year one and year eleven

390
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,399
Speaker 1: is me going into it thinking like, oh, I'm just

391
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 1: a wife now, you know. But also too, I've said

392
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:05,159
Speaker 1: I didn't really know what came with being a wife

393
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,560
Speaker 1: year one. Um, it was really just a matter of

394
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 1: taking a look at maybe the females around me, the

395
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 1: women around me, wives around me. Um, do you see

396
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 1: things in movies and on television, And for a seven

397
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 1: year old who's kind of just green to that, that's

398
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,159
Speaker 1: kind of my approach and I'm just kind of like,

399
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,879
Speaker 1: all right, I guess I'll learn as I go. Um,

400
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 1: Whereas going into year eleven, I feel like, Okay, I

401
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: have a really good grasp of who I am now.

402
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 1: I think that's the biggest difference. I think it's just

403
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,240
Speaker 1: that you know who you are now. Yeah, yeah, I think,

404
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,560
Speaker 1: And I know I'm coming I'm continuing in this relationship

405
00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,639
Speaker 1: as I continue to grow and coming in as a

406
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,360
Speaker 1: more complete version of myself than I did at seven seven,

407
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: I was still trying to figure out a lot. And

408
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,200
Speaker 1: I think our biggest issue, too, was that we met

409
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,720
Speaker 1: at eighteen, so we had pretty much nine years of

410
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,040
Speaker 1: our life before marriage that we were still trying to

411
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: figure trying to grow as individuals and grow together simultaneously,

412
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 1: And that was I think that mental to us in

413
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: the very beginning. So so let me ask a question,

414
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,480
Speaker 1: where do you see yourself in the next ten years

415
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 1: and how how will I help you get there? You

416
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 1: know what I spoke about this, I think in a

417
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: prior season about me not being sure what my purpose

418
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 1: is or you know, why I'm actually here? What am

419
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 1: I supposed to be doing? What am I supposed to

420
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 1: be getting out of life? And I think one thing

421
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,720
Speaker 1: that I've learned over the past maybe like a year

422
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 1: or two, I know that one of the biggest reasons

423
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,320
Speaker 1: why I am here is to be able to nurture, um,

424
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,720
Speaker 1: you and our children and and be that pillar for

425
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: you guys, particularly when I think about even just when

426
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,200
Speaker 1: the pandemic first hit and all of the racial injustices

427
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 1: that were on the forefront, you know, back in last

428
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: April and May, and I saw how broken you were

429
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 1: from that just being a black man living in America,

430
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 1: I really honed in on me being that pillar of

431
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,879
Speaker 1: strength and comfort for you guys within this household. So

432
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,479
Speaker 1: that's something that I know I'm definitely here for or

433
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 1: and wanting to do in the next ten years, is

434
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: to really be that for you as we raise these

435
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,879
Speaker 1: three boys who will be black men one day, UM,

436
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 1: making sure that I am providing a safe haven and

437
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 1: a space for them to grow into who they are

438
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: supposed to become. UM. So that's one thing that I

439
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 1: definitely want to do in the next ten years. UM.

440
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,919
Speaker 1: For myself too, I have my individual goals as well,

441
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: UM with that being at the forefront, also just working

442
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 1: on myself career wise, UM, continuing to host, continuing to act,

443
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: continuing to be of service to others. Um. I feel

444
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: like we've been blessed abundantly in those spaces and the

445
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 1: more that I can continue to help to pour into others. Um,

446
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: How but how will you? How can I help you

447
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: get there? Oh? Well, yeah, well that was the second

448
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,080
Speaker 1: part of the question into UM. But you can help

449
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:50,439
Speaker 1: me in doing that by I think continuing to be

450
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: who you've been in my life, and you've been a

451
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 1: sounding board, You've been, UM, a motivation factor for me,

452
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 1: you know, looking at you and your work ethic and

453
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: the way you do things, I admire it and I

454
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 1: still sometimes sit back and watch you and awe of

455
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,879
Speaker 1: like the things you're able to accomplish and do you

456
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 1: just in a twenty four hour time period, because you're

457
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: just driven in that unyielding with everything you do. So

458
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,879
Speaker 1: I think you've always offered that for me. But I

459
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 1: also appreciate the fact that you've stepped back a bit

460
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: and you've also given me a chance to kind of

461
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 1: make my mistakes as well, and you've given me a

462
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 1: chance to change my mind and then support me through

463
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: changing my mind, which I tend to do a lot.

464
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: UM And even in my indecisions. Um, is that a

465
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 1: weird in decisions or in being indecisive? Um, You've definitely

466
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 1: had your moments where even through your own frustration because

467
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 1: you've just been wanting to help me get to where

468
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 1: I got to get to, you've also allowed me to

469
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: go through my own processes. And I feel like you've

470
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: respected the fact that we don't do things the same way.

471
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 1: And I appreciate that because for a long time, I

472
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 1: feel like there was like a judgment that came with that,

473
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 1: like you don't do things the same way I do it,

474
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: or I would have done this differently, so therefore it's

475
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 1: not the right way. Where I feel like you've been

476
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,479
Speaker 1: able to kind of step back a bit now and say,

477
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 1: all right, well, I'm going to focus on myself now too,

478
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: which I think you deserve to do because you've spent

479
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: so many years focusing on me and focusing on the

480
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,919
Speaker 1: family that I want to be of support to you

481
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,479
Speaker 1: now so that you can do the things that you

482
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 1: want to do wholeheartedly. I mean, that's that's a good

483
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: segue into what I want to do, because that's that's

484
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: where my focus is. Like I feel like I've spent

485
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 1: the first ten years of our marriage really focused on

486
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: trying to be the best husband I could be and

487
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: focusing on trying to be the best father I can be,

488
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,159
Speaker 1: And in many aspects, I've put the things that I

489
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 1: wanted to do, like on the back burner, because I

490
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 1: wanted to set up a foundation where my family was together,

491
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,439
Speaker 1: which was a choice I made, and I'm happy that

492
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: I did it that way because I honestly feel like, um,

493
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm kind of in my prime of

494
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 1: my life. Like being an athlete, first, you feel like

495
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,240
Speaker 1: your prime is when you're in your twenties, you know

496
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, But then as you go through life,

497
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 1: you start to realize that your twenties is not really

498
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: your prime because you don't even have the mental fortitude

499
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: to understand what you're But now that I'm in my

500
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: mid thirties, I feel like, Okay, not only do I

501
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: have the physical prowress, but mentally I'm in a better

502
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: place financially because I did set the foundation for us.

503
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: I'm in a better place to where I can step

504
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 1: away from being the husband father for the times that

505
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: I have to focus on my career and not worried

506
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 1: that it's going to be to a detriment to my family.

507
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Um, well, I thank you,

508
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: thank you so much. You look a little you look

509
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: at to the you know what I'm saying. I will

510
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: say this though you you look better now at thirty

511
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: seven and you did an eighteen like you've gained a

512
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: legitimate thirty five pounds. Yeah, you've gained the legitimate pounds

513
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 1: in all the right places. If you become more talented

514
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 1: in other areas based on practice. But I will say this,

515
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: at this tenure point, our sex life, and I know

516
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a whole podcast about this about sex

517
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 1: life is at a completely different level now, and I

518
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: think it's all based on knowledge and learning. Said, we

519
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: figured some stuff out and we plan to talk about

520
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 1: that on a completely different podcast. But now I feel

521
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: like these next ten years, I want to focus on

522
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: my career because I have the foundation for my family

523
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 1: set up, and you can help me do that by

524
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: continuing in the same form that you have been for

525
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 1: the first ten You know, you've always been a big

526
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 1: support system. Um, we have reached the point where we

527
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: realize that our processes are different. So rather than saying

528
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: I feel like my wife is an anchor because she

529
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,879
Speaker 1: doesn't work the same way I work. I've learned how

530
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 1: to work with you in different processes, you know I'm saying.

531
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: So we pretty much just set goals. I set in mind,

532
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: you set yours, and as long as it gets to goal,

533
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: no matter how it gets done, it is done. I

534
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: feel like our our heart was in the right place

535
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: in the very beginning of marriage, because though I said,

536
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,360
Speaker 1: in the beginning, there was a lot of like kind

537
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,719
Speaker 1: of selfishness happening where you were kind of like in

538
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 1: your own mind like this is what I have to do,

539
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 1: and this is how I have to provide, and this

540
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: is going to make me a great husband. And I

541
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: was like, well, this is what I have to do.

542
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 1: In that selfishness, there was also a bit of selflessness

543
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 1: because we were then building for our family and our

544
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,200
Speaker 1: future family. So at the time we got married, honeymoon,

545
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: baby Jackson was here, So I think our heart was

546
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,120
Speaker 1: in the right place. Though at the time we might

547
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: have seen the other as being selfish, there really wasn't

548
00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: any selfish moments that we had because we were ultimately

549
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: thinking about the bigger picture. We just didn't know how

550
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 1: to be of service to each other. I would agree.

551
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,919
Speaker 1: I don't feel like either one of us walked in

552
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 1: being selfish. We didn't have the tools to be good spouses.

553
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: That's really really what it was like. I came into

554
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 1: marriage wanting to be selfless, but not realizing how selfish

555
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 1: I was being, if that makes sense, you know what

556
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I feel like you kind of came

557
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 1: in the same way, you know what I'm saying. But

558
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: it's all about the tools, and I think that's why

559
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 1: we wanted to have this conversation moving forward. And it's

560
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:57,440
Speaker 1: funny because UM our producer UM brought this to us. Right.

561
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: It's My Husband's twenty Lessons from twenty years of Marriage,

562
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,000
Speaker 1: a purpose driven marriage blog by Dwayne Steward and his

563
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 1: wife Nadine Stewart. And they've made it to twenty years

564
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: of marriage, so they gave like the twenty things lessons, right,

565
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 1: So I'm like, we're only halfway there. So I was

566
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: looking at these and I was saying, some of these

567
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: definitely like resonate with me. And at this tendier point,

568
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: I want to point out the ones that resonate with

569
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 1: me right as a husband. Right. Three just looking at

570
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: it already. Okay, so I'm gonna leave my the number one,

571
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go from backwards to because I'm gonna go

572
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: from the one that's the least, you know what I'm saying.

573
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: Number ten for me was it's okay to have disagreements.

574
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: When I first got married, right, I felt like a

575
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:48,200
Speaker 1: disagreement meant that there's a break or a fracture in

576
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: our train of thought and I have to make sure

577
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: that my wife agrees with me. It's learning that it's

578
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: okay to have disagreements made me realize, like, oh, it's

579
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 1: okay that we have different processes in life. It's okay

580
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,040
Speaker 1: that we don't, you know, agree on every little thing.

581
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that I'm marriage is gonna work. It

582
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: just means that we think differently, and that doesn't mean

583
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: that it's going to lead to us being a fracture,

584
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 1: being a split, you know what I'm saying. So understanding

585
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: that it's okay to have disagreements was like that was

586
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: like important to me, but it kind of made me

587
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,120
Speaker 1: feeliz like, Okay, let's be settled. She thinks like this,

588
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 1: I think like this, and it's okay to say we

589
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: can agree to disagree on this one, because you're here

590
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: to agree to desgree sometimes. But she'd really just like this,

591
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: this motherfucking here, I don't even know what he's talking about,

592
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: but whatever, I'm gonna say it just to end the argument.

593
00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: But really, there's the point that you come to where

594
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 1: you're just like, Okay, you are entitled to feel that way.

595
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 1: I don't agree with it, but we can actually move on.

596
00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: And that that led me to the next one, which

597
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 1: is you don't have to win every argument, because arguments

598
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,920
Speaker 1: are not always about winning. Arguments sometimes are about understanding,

599
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 1: which let me to the next one was take time

600
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: to listen. You know, I think that as a husband,

601
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: and I'm just going through my ones first and let

602
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: you go through yours. But these things realistically helped me

603
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 1: communicate and learn how to get your perspective. You know

604
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because I wanted to understand where you

605
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 1: were coming from and the way I used to ask questions.

606
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: You used to be like, well, you're drilling me, You're

607
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 1: drilling me a why like you? And I was just

608
00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 1: like them, I'm trying to understand you. But I didn't

609
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:23,280
Speaker 1: realize that every time you would try to explain it

610
00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: to me. If it wasn't explained in a way that

611
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: I wanted it explained, I just discredited it, right. And

612
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 1: that makes me think of our discussion that we had

613
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: um right after the New Year in New York, you know, UM,

614
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: we had a discussion about, you know, kind of asking

615
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: each other this. This is kind of how this podcast

616
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 1: episode came to fruition. Was us having that conversation talking

617
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: about like, what are we going to do for the

618
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 1: next ten years, um? Or where do we even see

619
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: ourselves at this point in our marriage and then trying

620
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: to kind of plan for that, and you were asking

621
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: very specific questions and I kind of got frustrated through

622
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: the conversation because I was like, I don't know what

623
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: you want to hear, but this is what I'm saying.

624
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,160
Speaker 1: And then you got frustrated because I kept asking the

625
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 1: same the same thing over and over again, and I

626
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: was like, are you asking me over and over again

627
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: because you want me to say something specific? Because if

628
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 1: that's the case, it's not gonna happen. This is how

629
00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 1: I feel. And it's funny because when we first met,

630
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: maybe in year one, I was kind of the person

631
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't say anything. I just kind of kept

632
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: a lot to myself. So I will say that we

633
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: have progressed because you can't get me to shut my

634
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 1: mouth from you just talk too much. You can barely

635
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: get a word in edgewise, you know. But the last two, um,

636
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 1: the last two here, women are still complicated. That's when

637
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 1: I laughed at it. That's when you laughed at women

638
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,800
Speaker 1: are still complicated. Yes, um, I say this to Conde

639
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 1: all the time and she hates it. I'm like, yo,

640
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: you live in your mind. You live in a completely

641
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 1: different universe that that is reality. And she used to

642
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: be like, stop saying that to me. You make me

643
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: sound like I'm crazy. But um, I started to realize

644
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,080
Speaker 1: that you're not crazy, You're complicated. You know what. My

645
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: response is always to that. But you love it here.

646
00:31:58,560 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 1: I live in all to universe, but you are a

647
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: frequent visitor like the tents, and you are here. So

648
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: you you actually made me pitch the tent in your universe.

649
00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: You did that. You take it, um, And the last

650
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: one of the most important one I've got, especially from

651
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: our relationship tribute around the house. No, that wasn't it.

652
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,720
Speaker 1: That's another one. Know, the most important to me was

653
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: no matter no matter what anyone says, your wife wants

654
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 1: you to lead. And I take that to heart because

655
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: I do feel like in this day and age, there's

656
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: so much talk about you know, it's it's not about

657
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:45,040
Speaker 1: who's at the head of the table, it's about going

658
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: in the right direction. And we're hearing so many people

659
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: saying like, it's okay to let your wife leaders, Okay,

660
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: let your wifely not believe in that, right, But oftentimes

661
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: you've looked at me and said, babe, what do you want? Like,

662
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: what do you what are we going to do? And

663
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 1: then sometime trying to prefer right and trying to defer

664
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 1: sometimes it created more confusion as opposed to me just

665
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: saying this is what we're doing, and you'd be like,

666
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: all right, cool, damn yeah, let's do it. And I

667
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: think also too, over the past ten years, I've learned

668
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: that there's certain things that if I care deeply or

669
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: strongly about, I'm okay with vocalizing that, and then we

670
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 1: can then figure out a game plan after that. And

671
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: there's certain things that you're just like a hard no

672
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,080
Speaker 1: or a hard yest or a hard we're going to

673
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: do this on and then I'm kind of like, all right, baby,

674
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: that's cool. It's different when there's something that we both

675
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: feel strongly about and it may be opposite directions that

676
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: require more of a conversation or more like the weighing

677
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: the options. Yeah, but like you know, it's it's cliche

678
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: to say, but it's like pick your battles, but it

679
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: really becomes that because it's something as simple as like, Babe,

680
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:44,880
Speaker 1: you know, we're picking out furniture in our in our home,

681
00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: and it's like, but what do you think about this couch?

682
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 1: You've said to me several times, Okay, the family rooms,

683
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: your area couch, you one, I really don't care. Whereas

684
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,280
Speaker 1: you're downstairs in your space and you're just like, well

685
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: I don't want this painting on the wall, and I'm

686
00:33:58,240 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: just like, all right, well, let's do space. You know.

687
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: So we learned to kind of pick and choose our

688
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,280
Speaker 1: battles over the course of the years, which I think

689
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: has definitely helped. You know. Um, let me here, let

690
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: me here. So let's see A wife's twenty lessons for

691
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 1: twenty years of marriage, a purpose driven marriage blog by

692
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,920
Speaker 1: Nadine Stewart. Now, um, so there are a lot of

693
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: cute little ones in here. I think they kind of

694
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 1: overlapped um. But one thing that stood out to me

695
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: is learn your husband's love language. So we hear the

696
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 1: term love language thrown around a lot um. I know

697
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: there's a specific list of it um, but for you,

698
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:34,000
Speaker 1: I know which you need, not just like from a

699
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: sexual standpoint, but now also to just from like what

700
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: makes you feel cared for. I know there's been many

701
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: times over the years that you're just like, well, what

702
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: do you do for me? What have you done that

703
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: was specifically for me? Without you thinking, Okay, this is

704
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: the most convenient way for you to do it, so

705
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: you're going to do it, or I'm going to get

706
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 1: this done because the vals nagged me about it, like

707
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: really now knowing okay, this is what he likes, this

708
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 1: is what he will like, and really waking up in

709
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: the morning with the idea in the mindset, how can

710
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 1: I make devows day easier today? How can I make

711
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: Devo's date better today? And sometimes it's something as simple

712
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,000
Speaker 1: as just making sure that you have a smoothie ready

713
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 1: after your workout, you know what I mean, without you

714
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: have to ask for it, you know what I mean,

715
00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: Like little things like that, I'm all right, so I

716
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 1: just have the smoothie ready and not doing it all

717
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: my time, but doing it and say, hey, I have

718
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,800
Speaker 1: a lot going on today. Let me make this movie.

719
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 1: Put it in the freezer. Shoot to a text, Babe,

720
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 1: I'm running out to run some errands, but your smoothies

721
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: in the freezer. Simple, And then I think you like

722
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 1: something like that. After a while, I realized, Okay, that's

723
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: something small, but it can be something big. When I

724
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 1: know how you feel cared for. It's not enough for

725
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: me to know internally that I love you. I have

726
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:46,919
Speaker 1: to find ways to show you that are more um um.

727
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 1: And that in turn says be your husband's biggest cheerleader.

728
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: And there was also one that said complement your husband

729
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: in front of others. I was going to I was

730
00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 1: going to point these out because I was going to

731
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 1: do the opposite after this and say, I'm gonna read

732
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: what she learned at the twenty and see if there's

733
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: certain things I could pick out for you. Because we

734
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: just had a conversation about this, because I notice with

735
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: people it's like, just like yelp, right, if you have

736
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 1: a bad experience in a restaurant, you'll run to yelp

737
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, this place is trash, right, But

738
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,319
Speaker 1: if you have a great experience in a restaurant, you

739
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 1: never compliment the restaurant in public for people to hear.

740
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: And I noticed the same thing with marriages. There's a

741
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 1: passive aggressive nature with spouses. Not just women, are not

742
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: just men with spouses where they'll say something negative about

743
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 1: their spouse in front of other people to get the

744
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: message across passive aggressively. But you very rarely hear spouses

745
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: say passive aggressive positive things about their spouse in front

746
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: of people. So when you're constantly hearing these negative, negative reinforcements,

747
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,879
Speaker 1: that weighs on your spouse. You know what I'm saying,

748
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 1: And I feel like, um, I feel like you know,

749
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: we've both done that to each other a lot in

750
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,359
Speaker 1: the first you know, ten years of marriage and you know,

751
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 1: watching her, you know, watching reading that said is like wow, right,

752
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: because you said before, like you know, people will always

753
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 1: like praise you and I together collectively for something that

754
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,919
Speaker 1: you've done right. But then when it comes to something

755
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 1: that I do by myself or people assume it's about myself,

756
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, go kidine, But they don't ever think

757
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 1: about devo too in that moment, you know, And I

758
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: feel like it may in part be because, for example,

759
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: on social media, you're just way more expressive than I am.

760
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: You're creative, like you are the master mind behind the

761
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: social media with us. So you post more, you will

762
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 1: post me, you'll post the appreciation, You'll be very vocal

763
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,560
Speaker 1: about how you feel about me on social media, whereas

764
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: I don't tend to do the same thing because maybe

765
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: the person that posts once a week. Sometimes I have

766
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,320
Speaker 1: my waves, and it's not for lack of me caring

767
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 1: to express publicly how I feel about you. Some things

768
00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 1: that kind of feel like are already understood, you know.

769
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 1: So that's the problem exactly, because even if it's not

770
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 1: social media, you'll be in the kitchen. I'll just come

771
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: up behind you and I'll kiss you. Don't be like

772
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 1: I love you, and then you know, you'd be like thanks,

773
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 1: and I'll kiss you and I'll touch on you and

774
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 1: then I'll walk away. I don't get that from you

775
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: because you probably feel like it's already understood. Imagine living

776
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: your life where your spouse will only assume that the

777
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: positive things are understood, so they don't have to say it,

778
00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:13,400
Speaker 1: but then the negative things. Let me make sure he

779
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 1: knows the negative things don't be understood. You know what

780
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: I'm saying. That's the fact, And that's why I realize

781
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,720
Speaker 1: your love language is that it's it's having those positive

782
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,279
Speaker 1: affirmations or like the over I don't want to say over,

783
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: but they display affection. Those are the things that I

784
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,000
Speaker 1: know that you like to and then also to being

785
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 1: able to praise you publicly, because I think also to

786
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 1: for a man and for his his ego, he also

787
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: wants to know that he's doing well. Absolutely, you know

788
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: what I mean. UM, So it's not enough for me

789
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,480
Speaker 1: to just feel it internally or for me to just

790
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 1: assume that you know, um, marriage is not it's one

791
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: hundred fact M And that is actually very true. I

792
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 1: mean in the beginning, I feel like we kind of

793
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: came in fifty fifty because we were still trying to

794
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:57,439
Speaker 1: figure out ourselves individually. But I feel like now going

795
00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: into the next ten, we can definitely say that we're

796
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: i'ld say happening about me and I can I would

797
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: have to say, I would like, you don't think you

798
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: know yourself? Right? Someone? Or maybe I'll give myself a

799
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 1: ten percent to evolve. If that makes it, that's what

800
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,200
Speaker 1: I would say. I would say, it's more about evolution.

801
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: I came into marriage trying to give everything to this marriage,

802
00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: but I just didn't have the tools to give the

803
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 1: right way. Maybe that's what I'm saying. So I was

804
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 1: always in a hundred and I mean, I think a

805
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,720
Speaker 1: little bit of where you and I differed was, uh

806
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: remember podcast episode I think episode I mean season four.

807
00:39:37,440 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 1: You has said you were focused mainly on the wedding

808
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 1: and didn't give much thought about the marriage, and I

809
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: think that's why you kind of feel like, well, now

810
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: I'm actually focused on the marriage because you were focused

811
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 1: on a different aspect of our relationship. You were focused

812
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 1: on the wedding at that point in the marriage, kind

813
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:55,279
Speaker 1: of like, oh ship, we are married now. For me,

814
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,840
Speaker 1: I was really focused on the marriage, trying to focus

815
00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 1: on how to be the best version. But I just

816
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: did not I know how to be a good husband,

817
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So it's like I didn't

818
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: have the tools. I was in the wrong direction, you

819
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And you at that point wasn't

820
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: really focused much on it. So we were both struggling

821
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: in the beginning parts. Yeah, that was definitely a factor.

822
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,359
Speaker 1: You know. It's funny I talked about not feeling as

823
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: if I was prepared for marriage in the beginning in

824
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 1: my twenties, like you know, no one ever prepared me.

825
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:27,360
Speaker 1: But to be quite honest, even with preparation, even with advice,

826
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 1: you just have to be in it. You have to

827
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: be in it, like you know. And I can't blame

828
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: you know, for example, my mom, or my aunt's or

829
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 1: past family members or anybody for not preparing me per

830
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:42,439
Speaker 1: se because what might have been the realms in which

831
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: my parents, for example, had their marriage or they existed

832
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 1: in their space as a marriage might not have worked

833
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:50,800
Speaker 1: for us. So that's definitely something that over the year side.

834
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 1: So let me ask a question, learned, honest question. In

835
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:57,640
Speaker 1: other cultures, you hear, you know, you hear people say

836
00:40:57,680 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 1: things like, um, for example, and it comes to white women, right,

837
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: white women are groomed to be wives. They say same

838
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: thing about Asian women, right, Like they say the same

839
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,799
Speaker 1: thing about Asian Asian women, Indian women, white women, how

840
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 1: they're groom to be wives and quote unquote, they're they're

841
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: more submissive because of that. You know what I'm saying.

842
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 1: Have you ever heard that before? Right? So do you

843
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 1: think do you think do you think it's a cultural

844
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,840
Speaker 1: thing where black people in particular are not grooming the

845
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,399
Speaker 1: younger generation to be spouses. So for example, they say,

846
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: you know, with with black men, black men are not

847
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 1: groomed to be husbands. So we're horrible in relationships. We

848
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 1: don't know how to communicate. And I'll agree to that.

849
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 1: My father never talked to me about how to speak

850
00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 1: to my wife, you know what I'm saying. There was

851
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: no man's group on how do I speak to my

852
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: wife in this situation. So a lot of times I

853
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:51,280
Speaker 1: was speaking to you like I would speak to my athletes,

854
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 1: and then you realize, like I can't communicate with my

855
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 1: wife like this, you know what I'm saying. But I

856
00:41:57,040 --> 00:42:00,279
Speaker 1: was only doing what I knew best and communicate. There's

857
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,480
Speaker 1: some relationships where I would say for black men and

858
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 1: women that communication is just not a thing, Like they

859
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,399
Speaker 1: don't know how to communicate, you know. And I think

860
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: if you take it back to even like like even

861
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: if I take it back to like, you know, our

862
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 1: ancestors and and days even post slavery or durious slavery,

863
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: like there was survival. Survival was the main thing. So

864
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: if you're thinking about being in survival mode, just trying

865
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,919
Speaker 1: to teach your your your family or your children how

866
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: to live and how to survive. We had different stresses

867
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,919
Speaker 1: in life. We had way different stresses. So in terms

868
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 1: of grooming someone for marriage, that might not have been

869
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,399
Speaker 1: on the top of the totem pole when you're trying

870
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,919
Speaker 1: to tell people how to survive, how to understandable to

871
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 1: to live, how to to work, how to you know.

872
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 1: But but you can see how that's been a detriment

873
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 1: to generations because even when you look at look at

874
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 1: some of these things that you say, like like, for example,

875
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,239
Speaker 1: she says she learns as a wife. Right, If you

876
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,759
Speaker 1: say this to some women nowadays, they'd be like, I'm

877
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 1: not doing that as mad submissive, you know what I'm saying.

878
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 1: Like even for the fact that um letting your husband lead, um,

879
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 1: complimenting him, let him know you're apreciate him. Um. What

880
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: was another one? I see here be your spouse as

881
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: big as cheerleader. It's like, oh, what you want me

882
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,520
Speaker 1: to just be my husband's kiss ass. But it's like

883
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 1: these are things that want a list of people who've

884
00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: been married twenty years. I don't think it's a kiss

885
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 1: ass though. I think it's like you need to build

886
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 1: your man up, but not essentially for black men who

887
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:18,239
Speaker 1: tend to go out into this world and they're beat

888
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: down all the time. So I think because even for

889
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 1: for men, it's like some of these things here it says,

890
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 1: contribute around the house, take time to listen. It's like, oh,

891
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 1: so you want me to be soft, learn your wife's

892
00:43:28,719 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: love language. You want me to be a sim you

893
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:31,960
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It's like when you look at

894
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 1: these things that they're listening to be prepared for marriage.

895
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: When you say some of these things two single people,

896
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: they're like, I'm not doing that ship, you know what

897
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And do you. I think that they're coming

898
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 1: into it without the mindset of serving like we talked about, right. So,

899
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,480
Speaker 1: if you're not thinking about serving and you're not thinking

900
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 1: about these lists of things right this this is probably

901
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,800
Speaker 1: part of the reason why so many of so many

902
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 1: of people in our culture feel like if I get

903
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 1: a white woman or Asian or Indian woman, they're more

904
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 1: submissive because they're they're taught about marriage like you hear

905
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,680
Speaker 1: all the time that white women are taught how to

906
00:44:04,719 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 1: be wives, Asian women are taught how to be wives.

907
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Indian women are to how

908
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,400
Speaker 1: to be wives. And our culture, being a wife is

909
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,120
Speaker 1: like secondary or maybe even third after being a career

910
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 1: woman for a Black woman, mainly because in our culture

911
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 1: socio economically, women have never held a position in history

912
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,839
Speaker 1: in America where we were, they were just stay at

913
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 1: home wives or they were able to know what I'm

914
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 1: saying social economically, absolutely so, and it's the same thing

915
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:37,040
Speaker 1: for men. We've never been in the position, and because

916
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 1: of generate lack of generational wealth where we were just

917
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 1: the breadwinner, we've always had to rely on our wives

918
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: throughout Black American history in order to bring money in.

919
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,080
Speaker 1: So when you hear things like you know, I'm the

920
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,280
Speaker 1: leader of the house, I'm the head of household, household,

921
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: it's hard to say that when you're asking this woman

922
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,399
Speaker 1: to bring in money as well. So it's like, how

923
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:58,279
Speaker 1: do we teach the next generation to be wives and

924
00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: husbands without them being defend about, like, well, I'm not

925
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: doing these things because that will make me less of

926
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: an individual. You know what I'm saying, but they have

927
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: to be necessary. I think they has to be balanced

928
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,919
Speaker 1: with that um and certain things are just necessary for

929
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: your spouse to intern feel like they're valued in a relationship.

930
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,959
Speaker 1: It's like, what are you more concerned about the fact

931
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: that you can have a career and you can flaw

932
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 1: us and have the nice things and that's just what

933
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:24,359
Speaker 1: you're about. If that's what you're about, then you may

934
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,520
Speaker 1: want to consider not being married. That may not be

935
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: for you. But in terms of being in a relationship

936
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: and trying to build up your spouse, who else are

937
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,800
Speaker 1: you going to be doing it for? I mean, that's

938
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 1: that's what are we doing it for? It Like, if

939
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: it's you into you and another person existing in a

940
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:41,879
Speaker 1: space where you're wanting to build a life together, why

941
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: not be that person's biggest I hear you? Why not

942
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 1: be that? You know what I'm saying, I hear you.

943
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,120
Speaker 1: Do you think that this will ever be normalized though?

944
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: Because even if you look at social media, if you

945
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 1: look at social media, this is not the normal relationship

946
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 1: that we see. That's why we have a black Love page,

947
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 1: a black love exists, why we have Black Love the

948
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:02,480
Speaker 1: show which you and I were on that's why you

949
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 1: have black love, doctor, is because the normal relationship you've

950
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 1: seen between men and women it's either men womenizing women

951
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 1: or now there's a whole culture of black women gaining

952
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: their sexual revolution and claiming it and they're like, well,

953
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 1: I'm gonna treat you the same way you treated me

954
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:23,520
Speaker 1: for all of these generations, which is toxic, you know

955
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And that's become the normal part of

956
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 1: mainstream media, get you back type or you're going to

957
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: have to pay for right. Yeah. But then you'll see,

958
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:35,239
Speaker 1: like this is a couple of goals. So you have

959
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: a young man and a young woman who have young men,

960
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,080
Speaker 1: or a young woman who has never been taught how

961
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: to be a spouse, but then aspire to being a

962
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: relationship not knowing how to be in a relationship, and

963
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: end up in a toxic relationship. Couple got there? You know,

964
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:51,839
Speaker 1: we see the hashtag relationship goals or goals under our

965
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 1: pages all the time. But people see us now ten

966
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 1: years married, in eighteen years together. I don't know if

967
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 1: y'a would have been saying that about it ten years ago.

968
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 1: I know for a fact they wouldn't have been or

969
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: twelve years ago Yeah, I wouldn't have been saying that

970
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,280
Speaker 1: about us because there was a lot that went into

971
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,760
Speaker 1: us getting to this point, and we could have skipped

972
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: that step if we would have been if we would

973
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 1: have been privy to mentor and and receptive to it.

974
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: I feel like there's also this generation is not receptive

975
00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 1: to some of that things. It's just like a hard

976
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: no or a hard I'm not doing that. And it's

977
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: just like, but why is it just because you're going

978
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: off of what your friends are saying? Are you going

979
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 1: off of what you've seen your part? You know what

980
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 1: I mean? Like, there's a hard note with so many

981
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 1: things that I feel like if there was a little

982
00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 1: bit more thought, our compassion that went into it, it

983
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: could probably let's go in a different director. Let's be honest, right,

984
00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 1: You and I when we work out, we watch rat

985
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 1: videos on vivo, right, and we have certain artists. I'm

986
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 1: not going to out any artists or anything like, but

987
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 1: we have certain artists that we watch because their music

988
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: is going. I look at some of these artists in

989
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: the videos and I'm like, if my son's only watched

990
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:02,320
Speaker 1: these images of what the interaction is between men and women,

991
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:06,480
Speaker 1: they're gonna grow up with a skewed version of what

992
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,399
Speaker 1: life is supposed to be. You know what I'm saying.

993
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: The way these men treat these women in these videos,

994
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 1: the way these women, when they have position of powers,

995
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 1: treat the men in these videos, It's kind of like,

996
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:19,360
Speaker 1: how do our children learn how to be in a

997
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:23,400
Speaker 1: relationship if these are all the images they see? You

998
00:48:23,440 --> 00:48:25,399
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And I know for a fact

999
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,720
Speaker 1: that for the next ten years, with all this knowledge

1000
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,839
Speaker 1: I have, it's gonna be way better than the first

1001
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 1: because we're planning on these steps right here that we're reading,

1002
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:36,359
Speaker 1: but also the things that we've learned, and I will

1003
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: have to say, a lot of it is just dropping ego.

1004
00:48:39,239 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: You cannot be in a relationship and believe that your

1005
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 1: your ego is more important than the relationship itself. And

1006
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: I think that's the main thing, Like it's not about

1007
00:48:49,480 --> 00:48:52,760
Speaker 1: me anymore. It ultimately has to be about the other person.

1008
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 1: And if it's always gonna be about you, let it

1009
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:57,000
Speaker 1: be about you. But we just don't burn about don't

1010
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: get married, don't get married just about you and be

1011
00:48:59,560 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: whole hardly about you. And that's okay, that's okay to um.

1012
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:06,960
Speaker 1: You touching on the relationship sorry the family or for example,

1013
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: like our sons Um Jackson, Karen Kaz If there that's

1014
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: what they see, then that's what they will tend to

1015
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 1: emulate that well, that's what they will aspire to. And

1016
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 1: I feel like one question that I had had was

1017
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,760
Speaker 1: where you see us as a family in ten years.

1018
00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I want our boys to see us

1019
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 1: in a healthy space because, yeah, they can watch social media.

1020
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:31,240
Speaker 1: Social media will be around. I'm sure they'll watch television

1021
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, but we don't want for our

1022
00:49:32,680 --> 00:49:36,120
Speaker 1: children to gain much of anything, you know what I

1023
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 1: mean about their life or their lifestyle from social media

1024
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:42,000
Speaker 1: or from the media. Um. If anything, we're trying to

1025
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 1: shelter them from that, and we're going to also just

1026
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 1: like kind of make sure that we're mindful of what

1027
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: they're in taking. But I think for me, it's important

1028
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:51,320
Speaker 1: for them to see us in a space where their

1029
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:55,279
Speaker 1: mom and dad love each other and they're having healthy conversations.

1030
00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 1: And even if it's a thing where we have a

1031
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 1: disagreement publicly in front of them, you know, or they're

1032
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: walking on something like that, I would love for them

1033
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: to also see at the end that you know mom

1034
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,279
Speaker 1: and Dad ultimately were able to get over that and

1035
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 1: they you know, love each other. Um. Because she also

1036
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 1: mentioned here um Nadine in her list. Um, it was

1037
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 1: a responsibility for teaching your kids about faith, family, morals

1038
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:23,359
Speaker 1: and values, sharing your dreams and goals together. Um. Making

1039
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 1: sure that you have at least one meal together as

1040
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 1: a family, prioritizing that. Um. So that's actually something that

1041
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: I should be And it says your marriage should be

1042
00:50:31,719 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: the priority relationship of the family, which I think sometimes

1043
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:41,080
Speaker 1: it happens where parenting parenting onett and that's super important.

1044
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:45,240
Speaker 1: She's that's actually number thirteen on the list. If there's

1045
00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: one thing, let's see the reverse of that, where we're

1046
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: putting the kids first. So that's if there's one thing

1047
00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 1: I'll say that I'm going to make a flip from

1048
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: this year from leving On, is that I am no

1049
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: longer and this has to be a matter of fact.

1050
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 1: I hope this is trouble make a note. This is

1051
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 1: going to have to be the sound bite for this episode.

1052
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into my marriage saying that

1053
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 1: my kids are always going to be first. That's just

1054
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 1: not healthy because the kids don't get here without us.

1055
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: So if I'm constantly putting their kids first and not

1056
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:21,239
Speaker 1: my wife, right, They're not going to be able to

1057
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: see a healthy relationship to grow up to be productive

1058
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,600
Speaker 1: humans and ultimately seek out relationships that are healthy because

1059
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,919
Speaker 1: they'll see me as a good dad and they'll see

1060
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:32,920
Speaker 1: you as a good mom, but they won't see us

1061
00:51:32,920 --> 00:51:35,800
Speaker 1: be good spouses. You have to continue to be first

1062
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 1: in my life, and I want to continue to be

1063
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: first and yours because that's the only way we will

1064
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 1: be able to build a family unit that's powerful enough

1065
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 1: to spread that that image and to spread that that

1066
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:51,479
Speaker 1: word outwardly. As a wife and a mom, I feel

1067
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 1: like there's so much discussion after you have children about oh,

1068
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,360
Speaker 1: I have to find myself again and I have to

1069
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: find myself again and I to be who I am again,

1070
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:05,200
Speaker 1: But there's very little conversation about finding who you who

1071
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 1: you finding who you are, or who you can be

1072
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 1: after motherhood for your spouse again. You know what I mean?

1073
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,359
Speaker 1: You know what I mean. There's being the best mom,

1074
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 1: being the best mom and all that, but a lot

1075
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:19,080
Speaker 1: of the focus shifts once you have children to the

1076
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 1: children for the mom particularly, not to take anything away

1077
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:25,799
Speaker 1: from fathers who are providing and who are there's a

1078
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 1: certain there's a we have a child, and there's a

1079
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 1: lot of focus on like being that first time mom

1080
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,359
Speaker 1: and everyone checking in on the mom and making does

1081
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 1: she's making sure that she gets herself back, And then

1082
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,439
Speaker 1: there's also a bit of like she deserves to get

1083
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:43,280
Speaker 1: herself back for herself, yes, but a lot of myself

1084
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,640
Speaker 1: getting back was for you. Like I wanted you to

1085
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 1: have your wife back. I wanted you to have cadeem back,

1086
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,800
Speaker 1: the person who you initially fell in love with before

1087
00:52:50,840 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 1: we had children. So if anything, I feel like in

1088
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 1: the next ten years, I am going to make a

1089
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: conscious effort, like you said, to be that number one

1090
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:00,839
Speaker 1: for you because I fel like if we're both each

1091
00:53:00,880 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: other's number one, then it's only it's going to be

1092
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 1: that much healthier of a situation for our boys. That's

1093
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,880
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that actually ties back into what we

1094
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: talked about before. When you're getting you know, God gives

1095
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 1: you or the universe, whoever you believe in, they give

1096
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: you enough and in abundance so that you can share

1097
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:22,000
Speaker 1: and pay it forward. Right, So imagine if me as

1098
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 1: a husband is giving a lot to my wife, all

1099
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: of the abundance you have, you could give to me

1100
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,520
Speaker 1: and give to the kids. And if we're constantly pouring

1101
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: into each other, we can always have abundance to pour

1102
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 1: into the kids. But if exactly if we're taking all

1103
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 1: of this and we're constantly pouring into the kids, and

1104
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,239
Speaker 1: the kids are not going to be pouring back into us,

1105
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,279
Speaker 1: and they shouldn't have to their kids indirectly because we

1106
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 1: enjoyed indirectly. Indirectly, they do. But it's different when someone

1107
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,879
Speaker 1: is directly pouring into you and you're pouring into them.

1108
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: So now God is pouring into me, my wife is

1109
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:55,799
Speaker 1: pouring into me. Of course I'm going to have enough

1110
00:53:56,239 --> 00:53:58,840
Speaker 1: to pour into my kids and my wife as opposed

1111
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: to God pouring into me, and I'm pouring into my kids,

1112
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,239
Speaker 1: and then whatever's left over my wife gets. That's how

1113
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: you get that fracture in a relationship, you know. And

1114
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:09,200
Speaker 1: I'll be the first to admit that there were points

1115
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: when you know, you became a mom while I was

1116
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 1: just like them. I really don't matter anymore, you know,

1117
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:18,000
Speaker 1: after Jackson, it was both of our first we were

1118
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:21,799
Speaker 1: both like we adored Jackson, like we were both like

1119
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 1: honed in hundreds of him. I didn't feel it that

1120
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 1: much after him. When Cairo came, it was a five

1121
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 1: year difference, you know, after Jackson, so I felt like

1122
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 1: we were both like, how do we do this all

1123
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:33,879
Speaker 1: over again? But then when it was Kiro and Kas

1124
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 1: and then Jackson was like, yo, I'm still here. There

1125
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 1: were points where I was just like, I'm never gonna

1126
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 1: get my wife back. Until possible for me to be

1127
00:54:42,280 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: able to divide myself into four, you know what I mean,

1128
00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: it was virtually impossible. But I feel like I'm um

1129
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 1: in a space now where I'm like, all right, I

1130
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 1: got my mojo back. Cas is three, and you know,

1131
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,840
Speaker 1: we're definitely mentally the difference. But it almost sounds selfish

1132
00:54:56,880 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 1: because we've been so conditioned to hear my kids are

1133
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: gonna come first. It sounds selfish to say, well, my

1134
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 1: wife's always gonna come first. Well, for me, as a husband,

1135
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 1: I was always like conditioned that way. My father told

1136
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,440
Speaker 1: me that was just like you take care of your wife.

1137
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: Your wife wanna take kid and kids. And my father

1138
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,719
Speaker 1: would telling me like, well you you may get was

1139
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 1: left over. But I've never really heard a woman say

1140
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,680
Speaker 1: my wife, my husband comes first. And then the kids.

1141
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 1: And the funny thing is when I do see women

1142
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:25,719
Speaker 1: say that online, other women be bashing that woman, like

1143
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:28,320
Speaker 1: I've seen women in comments make stuff about like I

1144
00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:30,279
Speaker 1: don't you know, don't care what your women say. My

1145
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:32,319
Speaker 1: husband is how these kids got here. He's always gonna

1146
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:34,480
Speaker 1: come first. And I've seen other women like your kids

1147
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 1: and asked to be here and no and not. But

1148
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 1: then when you think about it, that's probably why her

1149
00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 1: marriage and her relationship is so strong, because she puts

1150
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:43,799
Speaker 1: her husband first, and he has the energy to put

1151
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:46,000
Speaker 1: into her and the kids, and he puts his wife first.

1152
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 1: So that's a great revelation there about constantly putting your

1153
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 1: spouse first, even when you have kids. I think that

1154
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: that's like key, Like that's that's key. Some things that

1155
00:55:56,880 --> 00:56:01,200
Speaker 1: we're going to leave behind. What are we gonna leave behind? Um?

1156
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 1: One thing I'm going to leave behind? Wow, I didn't

1157
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,040
Speaker 1: even really give much much thought into this. I think

1158
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: we can leave behind um. You know, selfishness. That's something

1159
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 1: that is no longer an equation or in the equation

1160
00:56:14,440 --> 00:56:18,799
Speaker 1: factors into the equation. UM. Leaving behind For me, I know,

1161
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 1: I'm like my way of doing things sometimes it is

1162
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 1: not necessarily the right way of doing things per se.

1163
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,440
Speaker 1: And for a long time I was like, well, well

1164
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 1: I did it, though, like I did it, and I

1165
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: did it my way and it happened, and I don't

1166
00:56:30,200 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how that in turn may kind of

1167
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: stress you out or it leaves you to then feel

1168
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 1: like you're waiting on me to execute something. And just

1169
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,560
Speaker 1: because I'm doing it my way doesn't necessarily mean it's

1170
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:45,920
Speaker 1: right or doesn't mean that it's not causing you frustration

1171
00:56:46,000 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 1: because it may be a collective thing that we're trying

1172
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:50,400
Speaker 1: to do, maybe just even from like a business standpoint.

1173
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: You know, I have to respect the fact that you know,

1174
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: just because I do it my way, I can't be

1175
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 1: sensitive to the fact that this is the way you

1176
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 1: do the same the same thing. You know. Does that

1177
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 1: make sense? It makes sense. Yeah, I've I've legitimately figured

1178
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,080
Speaker 1: it out. I am going to leave behind projecting what

1179
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:10,359
Speaker 1: I think your your purposes in life and let you

1180
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,480
Speaker 1: do it on your own, because I feel like these

1181
00:57:12,560 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 1: first ten years I spent a lot of time saying, hey,

1182
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 1: you know you'll be doing good at this. Okay, you

1183
00:57:17,640 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: know you'll be great at doing this. Kay, you need

1184
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:20,360
Speaker 1: to do it this way. If you want to be

1185
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 1: successful doing this, I'm gonna leave that in from I'm

1186
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 1: gonna leave all that behind and say, you know what, Hey,

1187
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 1: you figure out what it is you want to do,

1188
00:57:29,840 --> 00:57:32,320
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna support it no matter what, because that

1189
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:34,720
Speaker 1: will that will leave me of some stress and anxiety

1190
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: of not watching you do things the way I want

1191
00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,960
Speaker 1: to do it. Plus it will also allow you the

1192
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 1: creative space to figure out what your purpose is because

1193
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 1: I kept saying to myself, I know what my wife's

1194
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:48,320
Speaker 1: purpose is. I know what she wants to be and

1195
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: what she wants to do, and when you weren't doing

1196
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: those things, it was disappointed. And I think those disappointments

1197
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: led to resentment. You know what I'm saying for for

1198
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 1: both of us, and I'm gonna leave that behind. Don't

1199
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: help me in turn too, because it will help me

1200
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,480
Speaker 1: as I try to you know, battle my as I

1201
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: have been the areas that are procrastinating and don't get

1202
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:07,880
Speaker 1: things done. I feel like if I you know, it's

1203
00:58:07,920 --> 00:58:09,800
Speaker 1: kind of the onus is off of you if things

1204
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: don't get done, to be like, Okay, I'm here for

1205
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:15,520
Speaker 1: you if you need me. However, do you think sis

1206
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:17,240
Speaker 1: you know, and it's gonna be up to me to

1207
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,280
Speaker 1: do my thing. And if I don't, then I will

1208
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:20,800
Speaker 1: have to take the onus and say you know what,

1209
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:24,560
Speaker 1: or accept that something may not have gotten or it

1210
00:58:24,600 --> 00:58:27,040
Speaker 1: did get done and I can celebrate that. So I'm

1211
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:28,720
Speaker 1: going to put out there that I will get the

1212
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:31,680
Speaker 1: things done that I was procrastinating on as I've been

1213
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: trying to work on it, and you know I have

1214
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,120
Speaker 1: been trying to work on it if you have been

1215
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: working on it. So but you know what this is.

1216
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: This is good and ultimately I think it's good for

1217
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 1: people to understand why we love to do dead as podcasts.

1218
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:46,280
Speaker 1: Speaking out loud allows you to work through things. This

1219
00:58:46,360 --> 00:58:48,560
Speaker 1: is our form of therapy. You know, we don't have

1220
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:53,200
Speaker 1: a therapist. Um, we've learned each other through therapy through

1221
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 1: the podcast, so listening to each other to speak and

1222
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 1: and think out loud. Um, I've learned a lot. Let's

1223
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 1: take a quick break, was pay some bills to get

1224
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 1: to these ads and come back and do some listening letters.

1225
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 1: But I have learned through this process of listening to

1226
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:08,480
Speaker 1: you now some more things about us that we can

1227
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:13,080
Speaker 1: share another episode. But I definitely have like put some

1228
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:14,880
Speaker 1: some little tabs there and say, you know what, that

1229
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 1: would be a dolt podcast. We'll tell you when we

1230
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:32,440
Speaker 1: get back from all right, sounds good? All right, all right,

1231
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: now we're back after paying these bills. We're back to

1232
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 1: Cadine's favorite nosy time of the show where you gets

1233
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:40,240
Speaker 1: the listening letters from. Now it's time for me to

1234
00:59:40,280 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 1: get in y'all's business. I'm sparking off right now. All right, First,

1235
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 1: I want to say I absolutely love you guys, your podcast,

1236
00:59:47,080 --> 00:59:49,120
Speaker 1: your videos, everything. My fiance and I have had a

1237
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,360
Speaker 1: lot in common with you too. We have been together

1238
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,480
Speaker 1: for thirteen years in January, congratulations. Since he was seventeen

1239
00:59:54,520 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: and I was. He asked me to marry him three

1240
00:59:57,640 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 1: years ago, shortly after we found that I was pregnant

1241
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:02,000
Speaker 1: and we I have a beautiful three year old daughter.

1242
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 1: Congratulations again. Since then, he has been having a lot

1243
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: of cold feet. He knows that I value marriage and

1244
01:00:07,760 --> 01:00:09,240
Speaker 1: I am so ready to be married. I mean, hell,

1245
01:00:09,320 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 1: I pretty much spent half my life with him. We

1246
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 1: started out being best friends. So the love is great,

1247
01:00:14,600 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 1: the parenting is great, the sex is amazing. Money could

1248
01:00:17,160 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 1: be better, but I know that will come as we grow.

1249
01:00:19,240 --> 01:00:22,000
Speaker 1: Um our one problem that bothers us, mostly him, is

1250
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 1: our communication isn't always up to par. You get into

1251
01:00:25,520 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 1: the monotony of life and sometimes we aren't talking about

1252
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 1: laughing like, oh, we're talking about laughing like we used to.

1253
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 1: I know. This scares him about getting married and not

1254
01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 1: wanting to be bored. The vulnerability is they're just not

1255
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,640
Speaker 1: the fun conversation all the time. So my question is

1256
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 1: how can we keep our communication going and great? So

1257
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 1: my my first question when I read this is like,

1258
01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:48,400
Speaker 1: are you guys making time for yourselves to to do

1259
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:50,800
Speaker 1: the things that you did when you were dating and

1260
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,280
Speaker 1: you first got together. You know, I know sometimes when

1261
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:56,240
Speaker 1: you throw a child into the relationship and she's three now,

1262
01:00:56,800 --> 01:00:59,240
Speaker 1: those three years might have been the test for him

1263
01:00:59,280 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 1: to be like, don't know, because things are very different

1264
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 1: when children become involved, absolutely different, absolutely different. So back

1265
01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:09,000
Speaker 1: to what we just said towards the end of the

1266
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:12,080
Speaker 1: meat of the show, um, making sure that we're putting

1267
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:15,240
Speaker 1: each other first. So are you putting him first? And

1268
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,080
Speaker 1: is he putting you first? That would probably be a

1269
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 1: good place to start, Um, to make sure that you

1270
01:01:21,280 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 1: guys are on the same page with that, and that

1271
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 1: you're pouring into each other because it could be a

1272
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:28,479
Speaker 1: thing where you're you're in mommy and daddy mode now

1273
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:30,600
Speaker 1: and you kind of lost sight of what it was

1274
01:01:30,640 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: like to be here. Fiance's honestly, I would I would

1275
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 1: say that's exactly what it is. Things things seem to

1276
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:40,360
Speaker 1: get still in a relationship when you lose sight of

1277
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,840
Speaker 1: what the focal points should be. You know, you to

1278
01:01:44,000 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 1: our life partners. You know what I'm saying, You tube

1279
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 1: should focus on each other and everything that comes after

1280
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:52,160
Speaker 1: that should be secondary. It sounds crazy because we've heard

1281
01:01:52,200 --> 01:01:54,040
Speaker 1: the opposite. My kids are always going to come first.

1282
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: Your spouse has to come first. When you have a child, Automatically,

1283
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:00,240
Speaker 1: your first instinct as a parent is to at the

1284
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,919
Speaker 1: child first. But realistically, you can't even be the best

1285
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:07,120
Speaker 1: version of yourself if you're not fulfilled within your relationship.

1286
01:02:07,440 --> 01:02:12,400
Speaker 1: So I think you two should take some time, um, recoup, regroup,

1287
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:14,280
Speaker 1: and say, you know what, I'm gonna go back to

1288
01:02:14,400 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 1: dating my my fiance. I'm gonna go back to making

1289
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:20,960
Speaker 1: sure that he knows that he's number one, and he

1290
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: should go back to making sure that you're number one.

1291
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 1: Instead of both of you running to the child all

1292
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:28,320
Speaker 1: the time. And that doesn't mean you neglect your children.

1293
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 1: That's not what we're saying, because you know there'll always

1294
01:02:30,120 --> 01:02:32,520
Speaker 1: be some extremists and be like they be neglecting Nate kids.

1295
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: You know, what we're saying is that if you pour

1296
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 1: into each other, you have enough energy for everyone. So

1297
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:40,600
Speaker 1: that's true. Actually, number eight on Nadine's this was regular

1298
01:02:40,680 --> 01:02:43,200
Speaker 1: date nights are a musk, but tracks together are amazing.

1299
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 1: So depending on what you guys, um have, if you

1300
01:02:46,200 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 1: have resources to be able to make sure those date

1301
01:02:48,360 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 1: nights happen, um, you need to break up that monotony because,

1302
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 1: let me tell you, after having kids, it's like bottles

1303
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,160
Speaker 1: and diapers and changing in here and there. The monotony

1304
01:02:56,360 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 1: is what I think also was a detriment to us

1305
01:02:59,040 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 1: to falling into this day in day out ships passing

1306
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 1: in the night. Like, you know, the main conversation we

1307
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 1: were having is like, well, where are you at today?

1308
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 1: What client do you have? All Right, I'm busy at

1309
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 1: this time. Okay, who's picking up Jackson? Okay? Dada? You

1310
01:03:12,760 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: got pampers? Dada? You know it was just like it

1311
01:03:15,760 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: was just so so Monday. You know why, because fun

1312
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:23,160
Speaker 1: comes from new experiences. No and nothing you do, no

1313
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:24,919
Speaker 1: matter how fun it is, if you do it over

1314
01:03:24,960 --> 01:03:27,520
Speaker 1: and over and over again, it remains fun. It starts

1315
01:03:27,560 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 1: to lose its luster. You need new experiences. So oftentimes

1316
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 1: when relationship relationships become marriages and they become parents, um,

1317
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:39,600
Speaker 1: you stop doing new things and experiencing new things because

1318
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:42,600
Speaker 1: your whole life revolves around the kids or work. What

1319
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 1: you have to continue to do is travel and experience

1320
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 1: new things because that is going to make things fun.

1321
01:03:47,840 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 1: It will give you that that monotonous conversation will disappear

1322
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:54,000
Speaker 1: if you've gone to a new place because now you

1323
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 1: can talk about a new experience. You know what I'm saying,

1324
01:03:56,320 --> 01:03:58,160
Speaker 1: So make sure you do that. Yeah, the question being

1325
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:00,280
Speaker 1: how can we keep our communication going and great? Is

1326
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: that making for each other, making time for new experience

1327
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: each other? Love that? Good luck, y'all. I read it.

1328
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,959
Speaker 1: My girlfriend and I will be celebrating one year Anne

1329
01:04:12,160 --> 01:04:15,520
Speaker 1: our when your anniversary in December. In the short amount

1330
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:17,919
Speaker 1: of time together, we have discussed marriage, kids, and spend

1331
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 1: the rest of our lives together. We're so in love

1332
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 1: with each other that I know I'm proposing to her

1333
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:25,800
Speaker 1: within the next year. With that being said, yeah, we'll

1334
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:28,440
Speaker 1: be moving in together come summer one. This will be

1335
01:04:28,480 --> 01:04:30,760
Speaker 1: the first time that either of us have lived with

1336
01:04:30,840 --> 01:04:34,360
Speaker 1: a significant other. We're both the oldest children in our families,

1337
01:04:34,480 --> 01:04:38,440
Speaker 1: so both both of us have the same quirks and

1338
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 1: particular vibes that come along with being the oldest child

1339
01:04:41,400 --> 01:04:45,600
Speaker 1: aka that oldest child stubbornness. We feel you on that.

1340
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:48,440
Speaker 1: Any advice and tips for us as we get ready

1341
01:04:48,480 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 1: to make this huge step moving in together and working

1342
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:56,120
Speaker 1: towards marriage. Oh you guys, this is hopefully they've been

1343
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 1: listening to this whole episode, because yeah, I feel like

1344
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:02,560
Speaker 1: there's a lot of of advice. But one thing we

1345
01:05:02,640 --> 01:05:05,960
Speaker 1: have learned, and we talked about this on the sex episode,

1346
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 1: is creating new experiences. Make life exciting, period, Like just

1347
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,600
Speaker 1: do not get caught up in the mundane. You know,

1348
01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 1: I'm married now, I gotta go to work and come home.

1349
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:20,360
Speaker 1: I gotta have kids, gotta go work, come no find

1350
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 1: time to go on vacation, go on staycations within your city.

1351
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 1: Codeine and I had some of the best sex in

1352
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:30,760
Speaker 1: our lives being in Brooklyn, and it's staying at a

1353
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:34,520
Speaker 1: hotel in Brooklyn because it was just a different experience

1354
01:05:34,560 --> 01:05:37,200
Speaker 1: than what we were doing. Get you a little deal,

1355
01:05:37,600 --> 01:05:40,400
Speaker 1: get a little deal, you know, you know what I mean.

1356
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:44,840
Speaker 1: Have have some nice, amazing sex, go go see go

1357
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:46,920
Speaker 1: to a theater, go go see a play, go do

1358
01:05:47,040 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 1: something different. And then the conversations that come from those

1359
01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:54,120
Speaker 1: experiences remain fresh because and I have sat down and

1360
01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:57,560
Speaker 1: had hour long hours and hours of a long conversation

1361
01:05:57,600 --> 01:05:59,440
Speaker 1: about what we want to do and what we've been

1362
01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:02,920
Speaker 1: inspired to do based on the things that we've experienced.

1363
01:06:03,360 --> 01:06:06,240
Speaker 1: So continue to date each other throughout the process. Don't

1364
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 1: don't stop. And it sounds cliche, but it's really not cliche.

1365
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:12,640
Speaker 1: You do something great together. Even a couple of things

1366
01:06:12,720 --> 01:06:15,640
Speaker 1: on Nadine's list here that I had also pegged that

1367
01:06:15,720 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 1: were important agree on the foundation of your marriage or

1368
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:22,600
Speaker 1: your relationship. So going into this marriage, going into this relationship,

1369
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 1: going into living together, what are the most things that

1370
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:27,200
Speaker 1: are important for you as the building blocks or what

1371
01:06:27,280 --> 01:06:28,840
Speaker 1: are going to be the building blocks that have gotten

1372
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 1: you to this point and that will then be the

1373
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 1: building blocks for your marriage. That's important conversation to have.

1374
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:37,160
Speaker 1: Um also to just no annoying habits may not go away.

1375
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:38,720
Speaker 1: That was number ten on her list. So as you

1376
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 1: move in with somebody. Now there's certain things that you've

1377
01:06:41,280 --> 01:06:43,320
Speaker 1: done living in your space and certain things that she's

1378
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:45,080
Speaker 1: done living in her space that now you guys are

1379
01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:49,280
Speaker 1: going to be doing together. Devoutting his pile of clothes

1380
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:51,080
Speaker 1: in the corner of the room when everything else is

1381
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:53,320
Speaker 1: put away. It's gonna be a thing that, you know,

1382
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 1: you may just have to get used to. Exactly the

1383
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 1: top being crazy with pick up and everything on it.

1384
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,920
Speaker 1: You know, clean everything, believe the whole countertop, Sweep out

1385
01:07:01,960 --> 01:07:03,840
Speaker 1: piles of dirt into the corner and leave it different

1386
01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:06,560
Speaker 1: at the time. That's it. You're never gonna stop, no

1387
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 1: matter how many times you say it. That's it. It's

1388
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 1: just habits and little things like the VAL's feet being

1389
01:07:11,600 --> 01:07:13,760
Speaker 1: squeaky all over the floor because his feet are clamming

1390
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,520
Speaker 1: all the time. I can't change. Like, there's just little

1391
01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: things that you're just gonna have. Little things like like

1392
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:21,680
Speaker 1: farting in her sleep, Like little things like that. Not

1393
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 1: do it in my sleep, You don't know. Becauld you

1394
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 1: be sleep, you be sleep like little things like that,

1395
01:07:27,600 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 1: don't you know what I mean? So just be prepared

1396
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 1: for little things like that, little little quirks that each

1397
01:07:34,200 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 1: other may have UM and in turn you find a

1398
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:38,479
Speaker 1: way to laugh about it over the years, for sure.

1399
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:40,040
Speaker 1: So good luck to y'all. I think y'all are on

1400
01:07:40,080 --> 01:07:42,560
Speaker 1: the right track and I'm happy to see that you

1401
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:44,760
Speaker 1: guys are having the discussions about where you want your

1402
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:46,680
Speaker 1: like to go. Absolutely, and if you'd like to be

1403
01:07:46,680 --> 01:07:48,840
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listening letters, email us at

1404
01:07:48,880 --> 01:07:51,880
Speaker 1: dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. Oh you flipped

1405
01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:54,480
Speaker 1: it this time. That's D A D A S S

1406
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:57,760
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

1407
01:07:57,960 --> 01:08:03,760
Speaker 1: Look look at the spell out loud a bit. What's

1408
01:08:03,760 --> 01:08:06,680
Speaker 1: your moment of truth for today? There were so many

1409
01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:08,960
Speaker 1: moments of truth. I feel like I could pull from

1410
01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:14,440
Speaker 1: this UM. I guess going into this next ten years

1411
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 1: and on because I'm not on campus at twenty UM,

1412
01:08:19,200 --> 01:08:24,799
Speaker 1: but I feel like I am finally in a space

1413
01:08:24,960 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 1: where I am aware of who I am, though I

1414
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:32,200
Speaker 1: embrace the change that will come in the next few years,

1415
01:08:32,200 --> 01:08:34,240
Speaker 1: because you know, I don't want to be the same

1416
01:08:34,280 --> 01:08:36,599
Speaker 1: person in ten years that I am now. I want

1417
01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 1: to know that I've grown and that I've been able

1418
01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:41,040
Speaker 1: to contribute more and I've been able to do more

1419
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 1: for myself and for my family. And for others. So

1420
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 1: I feel like if I'm doing that with you as

1421
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:52,960
Speaker 1: my number one, my day one, the one who I'm

1422
01:08:53,000 --> 01:08:56,760
Speaker 1: pouring the most into um, that will only leave for

1423
01:08:56,800 --> 01:09:00,240
Speaker 1: an abundance that we can then give to others like

1424
01:09:00,320 --> 01:09:04,200
Speaker 1: we've continued to. So yeah, like that that kind of

1425
01:09:04,200 --> 01:09:06,559
Speaker 1: appeals in spills into my moment of truth, very simple

1426
01:09:06,600 --> 01:09:08,880
Speaker 1: moment of truth. Moment of truth for the vow ellis

1427
01:09:09,120 --> 01:09:12,360
Speaker 1: I fucking love being married? I love it. I just

1428
01:09:12,479 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 1: I just love the lifestyle choice of being married. That

1429
01:09:15,920 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 1: was number one for me is that I just wanted

1430
01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,559
Speaker 1: to be married. So being able to figure out how

1431
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:24,360
Speaker 1: to be happy within my marriage is just amazing for me.

1432
01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:26,639
Speaker 1: I love it. It's it's been a good ten years.

1433
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:29,280
Speaker 1: I'm excited for the next ten years and I'm just

1434
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:33,920
Speaker 1: excited to keep you number one. Like I am. I

1435
01:09:33,960 --> 01:09:37,639
Speaker 1: feel good about knowing that it's important for me to

1436
01:09:37,640 --> 01:09:41,880
Speaker 1: to keep you as the prime focus of this family unit.

1437
01:09:42,280 --> 01:09:44,960
Speaker 1: Don't matter how much the kids need, how much they

1438
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 1: want where they are in life, you have to be

1439
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,040
Speaker 1: number one. And that's my moment of truth. I love

1440
01:09:49,080 --> 01:09:51,679
Speaker 1: being married. It's fucking amazing, and I love my wife

1441
01:09:51,680 --> 01:09:56,400
Speaker 1: and you number one. Al right, I bro al right.

1442
01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:58,519
Speaker 1: Be sure to find us on social media at dead

1443
01:09:58,560 --> 01:10:01,160
Speaker 1: as the podcast absolutely and you know where to find

1444
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:04,120
Speaker 1: me find out I hope, Cadeen, I am and I

1445
01:10:04,160 --> 01:10:06,680
Speaker 1: am devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

1446
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:12,720
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe. Baby Do It Do Its.

1447
01:10:15,800 --> 01:10:18,320
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast

1448
01:10:18,439 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 1: Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the

1449
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,880
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts and

1450
01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:25,720
Speaker 1: never miss a Thing