Speaker 1: What are you doing on my phone? Why are you
Speaker 1: looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Speaker 2: Well? What's up? Everybody? Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here and joining wherever you're watching
Speaker 1: or coming from or listening from.
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.
Speaker 1: I love this platform talking, taking my time, going long form,
Speaker 1: answering your questions.
Speaker 2: That's what I do here.
Speaker 1: Email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll
Speaker 1: pull it up in cute just like I have here,
Speaker 1: and we'll randomly go through your questions. Now, there are
Speaker 1: a lot, I'll be honest with you, there's a lot
Speaker 1: that come in and I'm just not going to get
Speaker 1: to them all, but I'm going to try. And I
Speaker 1: believe this is episode two and two, is that right?
Speaker 1: That is amazing. How the time has flown by with
Speaker 1: these I can remember just yesterday. Yeah, this is too too.
Speaker 1: I can remember just yesterday doing episode one hundred, it
Speaker 1: seemed like. So that's a testament to you guys listening
Speaker 1: and wanting more content and asking more questions and watching
Speaker 1: the little clips at Paul makes it on social media,
Speaker 1: which is why some of y'all even came here in
Speaker 1: the first place. Email me your questions Granger Smith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and it could be about anything.
Speaker 1: We will dive into them here.
Speaker 2: First.
Speaker 1: One subject client says, love the content. I love your podcast.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much for.
Speaker 1: All you do, man, and all the advice you give.
Speaker 1: I just bought an old GMC truck and it's a looker,
Speaker 1: I'll admit it. What do you think I.
Speaker 2: Should do to deal with pride?
Speaker 1: I've worked many summers for it and I have a
Speaker 1: little pride about it. Please, if you don't mind, keep
Speaker 1: me anonymous. It says from a seventeen year old country boy,
Speaker 1: and then it has his name. I'll keep him anonymous.
Speaker 1: That's funny. And first let me just say. First, let
Speaker 1: me say, man, good on you for working. What did
Speaker 1: you say many summers? You worked many summers for it,
Speaker 1: and you have earned it, okay, And so that's a
Speaker 1: great thing and no one should take that away from you.
Speaker 1: You wanted a truck, and you worked many summers and
Speaker 1: you bought it. You don't hear that story too often.
Speaker 1: We live more in a world where you buy it
Speaker 1: on credit right now and you hope to pay it
Speaker 1: off down the road. So that's a great thing. Man
Speaker 1: seventeen years old doing a great thing. And then you're
Speaker 1: asking a good question. I'll be honest with you, that's
Speaker 1: a good question. How do I deal with pride? Because
Speaker 1: we understand that pride is a pretty devastating sin in
Speaker 1: the Bible. In fact, I don't even I don't like you.
Speaker 1: Won't hear me say I'm proud of you. It might
Speaker 1: be going a little too far, but I don't even
Speaker 1: say I'm proud of you to my kids, and I
Speaker 1: I don't mind when other people say I'm proud of you, Granger,
Speaker 1: but I think about it every time I hear it.
Speaker 1: And now I'm gonna get in some of y'all's head.
Speaker 1: But when you say I'm so proud of you, man,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, isn't pride of sin? No, Granger, it's not
Speaker 1: not in that way. But no one can really fully
Speaker 1: explain what that means. I tell my kids instead, I
Speaker 1: say I'm amber and I both do this. I'm well
Speaker 1: pleased with you. You know that that's what God says,
Speaker 1: This is my son whom I'm well pleased. God the
Speaker 1: Father says that to the son, this is my son
Speaker 1: with whom I'm well pleased. So I kind of take
Speaker 1: that and use that for Lincoln, Like, buddy, I'm so
Speaker 1: pleased with you. I'm so encouraged by your behavior or
Speaker 1: what you've done, what you've earned, how hard you're working,
Speaker 1: what you have overcome. I'm so pleased with what you've done.
Speaker 1: I try to avoid that word pride. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of you, man. I try to avoid that. And hey,
Speaker 1: that's not like it's not like I'm telling you you're
Speaker 1: wrong if you say that, this is just me in
Speaker 1: my life. I try to avoid that word. And it's
Speaker 1: interesting that that comes up in this question.
Speaker 2: To be.
Speaker 1: To be proud in this sense of your hard work
Speaker 1: is not a problem. It can become a problem, one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. That's why it's dangerous. It can become a
Speaker 1: problem when you become prideful. If, for instance, your neighbor
Speaker 1: pulls in the driveway with the same truck right and
Speaker 1: his daddy bought it for him straight up, and it's
Speaker 1: the same truck. In fact, it looks a little nicer
Speaker 1: than yours, And he goes, man, don't you love my truck?
Speaker 1: I love your truck. Don't you love my truck? And
Speaker 1: you look at him pridefully, and you say, I earned
Speaker 1: my truck. How did you get yours? Did Daddy buy
Speaker 1: it for you? Because I earned this truck many years
Speaker 1: and I deserve to have it in a way more
Speaker 1: than you, is what you're thinking. And then pride starts
Speaker 1: taking over, and it starts corrupting a friendship that was
Speaker 1: fine before this conversation started. Right, That's why pride can
Speaker 1: become a huge issue.
Speaker 2: It could be it.
Speaker 1: Could be something that just divides people, divides friends and
Speaker 1: families and yourself. So as funny as it did, I
Speaker 1: even laughed at it when I read it. It's a
Speaker 1: legit question. If you give this to God, though, I
Speaker 1: would be careful because when you ask God for something,
Speaker 1: when you ask God for patience, what does he give
Speaker 1: you to teach you patience? What does he give you?
Speaker 1: If God is going to teach you patience, He's going
Speaker 1: to give you more and more and more that you
Speaker 1: that becomes harder and harder to withstand. Life keeps coming
Speaker 1: at you herd and you're waiting and waiting and waiting,
Speaker 1: and guess what you're doing in the process learning patience.
Speaker 1: It's not like he just zaps patience. You say, God,
Speaker 1: show me love. He doesn't pour in all these people
Speaker 1: in your life, that love you, He might take something away,
Speaker 1: because by taking something away, you truly see what love, how.
Speaker 2: Strong your love was or is.
Speaker 1: So if you ask God to take away pride, God
Speaker 1: teach me not to be prideful, be careful, because through
Speaker 1: that he humbles us. And humbling that word is another
Speaker 1: word that's completely misused. In fact, my book Like a River,
Speaker 1: this is an example. My book Like a River selling
Speaker 1: really well, and somebody said, man, I bet, I bet
Speaker 1: you are so proud and humbled by how well your
Speaker 1: book is doing.
Speaker 2: It must be so humbling.
Speaker 1: Like No, that's a misuse of that word humbling my book.
Speaker 1: Being humbled by my book would be that no one
Speaker 1: bought it. I would be humbled that no one bought it.
Speaker 1: I was prideful, I thought it was a good book.
Speaker 1: No one bought it. Thus I am now humbled by this.
Speaker 1: So if you ask God to protect you from pride,
Speaker 1: he humbles you by.
Speaker 2: Something happens to it.
Speaker 1: Maybe you literally out in your truck, is sitting at
Speaker 1: your school parking lot and a tree branch falls right
Speaker 1: and just destroys it.
Speaker 2: Boom.
Speaker 1: You walk out there, all those years of hard work destroyed.
Speaker 2: You were humbled completely.
Speaker 1: Everything you thought you worked for and had and was
Speaker 1: so pretty and shiny is now gone, and so's your pride.
Speaker 2: You see what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's like, Hey, God, make sure that I don't have
Speaker 1: any pride.
Speaker 2: Be careful with that prayer.
Speaker 1: I'm being facetious when I say be careful, because of
Speaker 1: course it's a good prayer. But don't be surprised when
Speaker 1: God answers in a way that you didn't expect. He
Speaker 1: teaches us how to not be prideful by making us humble,
Speaker 1: not in the way that we use that word in America.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about. It's a good question.
Speaker 1: Thank you, country boy. Let's see next question, says dear Granger.
Speaker 1: My name is Lisa. I'm not sure how to write this,
Speaker 1: but I'll try. I'm exhausted, I'm lonely, I'm unhappy, I
Speaker 1: have been for some years now. I want to change
Speaker 1: my life, but I've always been scared of big changes.
Speaker 1: A big change is what I need. I knew that,
Speaker 1: but it's not the same and I don't do it.
Speaker 1: Maybe you have some advice for me, maybe not to
Speaker 1: be hon it. I would try nearly anything. I've always
Speaker 1: liked your way that you see life in your family
Speaker 1: and just being yourself. Thank you for always being there somewhere.
Speaker 2: Best regards to Lisa.
Speaker 1: Thank you Lisa the the bottom the bottom email part
Speaker 1: portion of it is in German, so I'm wondering, Lisa,
Speaker 1: if you were if you were German, or if you're
Speaker 1: in Germany. Regardless, thank you for the question, and thanks
Speaker 1: for thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me
Speaker 1: with something, for being vulnerable with this. This, this is
Speaker 1: something that's like I wish that you were closer to me.
Speaker 1: So I wish we were actually having a conversation because
Speaker 1: I would dig in a little bit to what you
Speaker 1: mean by exhausted and lonely and unhappy for some years now.
Speaker 2: I would want to know what's going on, you know.
Speaker 1: Like, let's get to the next level of this, you say, so,
Speaker 1: I say that in a way to let you know.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to shoot in the dark completely
Speaker 1: on this right, I'm just shooting arrows in the dark here.
Speaker 2: But you say, I want I want to.
Speaker 1: Change my life, but have always been scared of big changes,
Speaker 1: and a big change is what I need. Okay, shooting
Speaker 1: in the dark here, a big change, top of my mind,
Speaker 1: is moving. That's a big change, moving houses, moving jobs,
Speaker 1: And it sounds like maybe that's what you're getting at.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe this is there was a relationship that didn't
Speaker 1: work or lack of one, or a strange relationship that's
Speaker 1: still kind of hanging on. Maybe there's some problems with family.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need a new setting with this big change
Speaker 1: that you're talking about. And so if just me, you're
Speaker 1: asking me on the podcast, I'd say, what do you
Speaker 1: do for work? Let's take that skill and let's take
Speaker 1: a similar pay job, something that requires a similar skill,
Speaker 1: and make a parallel jump in another town, maybe another state.
Speaker 2: Probably most people do this in Florida.
Speaker 1: Go to another state, find a parallel job, get an apartment.
Speaker 1: Now you're not doing this to be happier. I promise
Speaker 1: you you will not find happiness there. But sometimes that
Speaker 1: change could stir up something either a love for your
Speaker 1: hometown maybe maybe a better understanding of the estranged relationship
Speaker 1: you were in by having distance from it. Or you
Speaker 1: could legitimately get to a new town, find a little church,
Speaker 1: plug in, start meeting people, start diving into your hobbies,
Speaker 1: create this community around you.
Speaker 2: And it is the.
Speaker 1: Change that you needed to get you unstuck. Surely that's
Speaker 1: definitely possibility. If you don't want to go that far,
Speaker 1: if you don't want to just move to another town
Speaker 1: or job. I say this sometimes I would, I would
Speaker 1: go all in on a hobby of some sort. And
Speaker 1: I say the same thing to kids as they're going
Speaker 1: into school, high school, college, and they don't know anybody
Speaker 1: and they're lonely and they're not connected in any way.
Speaker 1: I say, I say, if we had a conversation, to
Speaker 1: be a lot easier, But I would say, search your mind,
Speaker 1: what do you enjoy doing? It could be anything like
Speaker 1: It could be knitting, It could be chess, It could
Speaker 1: be horses, It could be collecting toy trains. I was
Speaker 1: in this town in Pennsylvania the other day and I
Speaker 1: saw a hobby shop with those little toy trains, and
Speaker 1: there was all these people in there looking at these
Speaker 1: little model trains, and they sold, they sold the little
Speaker 1: miniature trees and the little miniature roads, and the grass,
Speaker 1: the turf, and the little people and the figurines and
Speaker 1: all the little cars in the street lights, and then
Speaker 1: the trains and the mountains and the snow on the mountains,
Speaker 1: and people are in there digging it like that's their hobby.
Speaker 1: They love it. We as people need a community around
Speaker 1: us that is like minded in those kind of things.
Speaker 1: So what I mean, the point I'm making with the
Speaker 1: miniature trains is that there is nothing that is that
Speaker 1: is off limits that you could You could say, man,
Speaker 1: I like something, but I don't know if anyone else does.
Speaker 1: I promise you they do. There's a community for everything
Speaker 1: that you like.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's a band. I've seen a.
Speaker 1: Lot of people with Ye Nation that have told me Granger,
Speaker 1: I didn't have anybody in my life. I didn't have
Speaker 1: any friends, I didn't have a relationship. I didn't fit
Speaker 1: in in my school or my college or after that.
Speaker 1: But I came to one of your concerts because I
Speaker 1: liked your music. And I was standing there on the
Speaker 1: front row, and I looked around and I saw other
Speaker 1: people dressed like me, looking like me, liking the things
Speaker 1: I like. And I thought for myself, right then, here's
Speaker 1: my home, here's my family. Right this could be you
Speaker 1: with a train collection or something of the sort.
Speaker 2: But you got to go all in.
Speaker 1: The thing not to do is stay home. Flip through Instagram,
Speaker 1: see how much everyone else has an amazing life. See
Speaker 1: how much your life sucks. Eat the same food, watch
Speaker 1: the same thing, stay up late looking at Facebook, go
Speaker 1: to sleep, wake up, go to work, see all the
Speaker 1: people that you don't like at work. You're stuck that way.
Speaker 1: You gotta get out, you gotta go. Okay, what do
Speaker 1: I like?
Speaker 2: Where? Where is?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop using the train collection. Okay, say let's
Speaker 1: go to horses. I'm gonna go find me a horse
Speaker 1: farm and ask if I could volunteer, or if there's
Speaker 1: an equestrian group that I could join to get with
Speaker 1: some other like minded people. You have to get out
Speaker 1: and do it. Make the step, Make the step. I
Speaker 1: gave you a lot of really good examples there. I always
Speaker 1: do another question. We've got a time for another question here.
Speaker 1: And I realized I forgot that you are probably in Germany.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if model trains is the thing
Speaker 1: in Germany, but I know nutcrackers are. I see, you
Speaker 1: know that's where they That's where they come from. Half kidding,
Speaker 1: next question, just going just flipping through an order here.
Speaker 1: Subsequent says podcast question, Hey Granger, I have something that's
Speaker 1: really been causing me distress recently, and was hoping you'd
Speaker 1: be able to discuss it on an episode. I have
Speaker 1: a sin that have been constantly dealing with and it's
Speaker 1: seriously hurting me spiritually and with my assurance, it's been
Speaker 1: making me worry that I'm not saved and it's causing
Speaker 1: me a lot of heartache and worry. Is there any
Speaker 1: guidance or help you could give me on this and
Speaker 1: how I could know that I am saved when I'm
Speaker 1: consistently struggling with the same sin. Thanks Josh, Josh, I
Speaker 1: appreciate you, brother. Thank you so much for emailing and
Speaker 1: it's not a very long email, but I could go
Speaker 1: into some depth with this because I get it.
Speaker 2: I get what you're saying, and there's a couple. This
Speaker 2: is multi layered.
Speaker 1: I have a feeling you're probably talking about pornography because
Speaker 1: that's very common, and I could be wrong, but I
Speaker 1: would say, if I was going to bet, this would
Speaker 1: be the sin that you're talking about, because it's hurting
Speaker 1: you spiritually and you keep going back to it, and
Speaker 1: pornography is a massive addiction worldwide. I was going to
Speaker 1: say in this country, but worldwide. So that's one layer
Speaker 1: and we could deal with that. But the other layer
Speaker 1: is your assurance. Hang on a second, let me look
Speaker 1: up I want to look up lyrics. This might be helpful.
Speaker 1: Never Mind, I'm on my airplane mode, so I can't
Speaker 1: do that. But I was gonna look up that song,
Speaker 1: Blessed Assurance. Look it up for yourself, the song Doubled
Speaker 1: Him Blessed assurance. Assurance is an interesting thing because if
Speaker 1: you understand Christianity correctly, and if you are a believer,
Speaker 1: then you have to understand that we are saved by
Speaker 1: grace through faith. This is not your own doing. So
Speaker 1: what that means is you're saved because you believe you're
Speaker 1: saved because you're one of God's children, because He saved
Speaker 1: you by his grace, not by the amount or lack
Speaker 1: of sin in your life. Sin and the destruction of
Speaker 1: sin and you battling against sin comes after your blessed
Speaker 1: assurance of salvation. So after you're saved, you begin to
Speaker 1: hate your sin. After you're saved, you begin to want
Speaker 1: to destroy it. It begins to really bother you. You begin
Speaker 1: to want to fight it off and do anything you
Speaker 1: can to eradicate it from your life, because it now
Speaker 1: feels like a disease that is corrupting you. That's what's
Speaker 1: happened to you right now. It's called sanctification. Is this
Speaker 1: flea that is on your body and is itching you
Speaker 1: and biting you, and you flick it off and it
Speaker 1: comes back and you flick it off again, and you're
Speaker 1: wanting to get rid of the fleas.
Speaker 2: That's what sin is to you.
Speaker 1: After you have assurance, But your assurance doesn't come from
Speaker 1: whether or not you're sinning or not. See, that's what
Speaker 1: Romans five eight means. God demonstrates his love for us
Speaker 1: that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
Speaker 1: That's his love for us. He died for us to
Speaker 1: save you from yourself from your sin while you were
Speaker 1: a sinner. That doesn't say Christ came to die for you.
Speaker 1: So long as you stop sinning. And if you don't
Speaker 1: stop this sin, then you don't have salvation anymore. Your
Speaker 1: assurance is gone.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Now, the caveat with that is if you are sinning,
Speaker 1: you're living in sin and you don't care about it,
Speaker 1: and you continue to live with it knowing it's there,
Speaker 1: then you're probably not saved.
Speaker 2: That's the problem. So it is.
Speaker 1: Also that's why James says that faith without works is dead,
Speaker 1: meaning if you go on without good works, without caring
Speaker 1: about your sin, it still lives with you and you
Speaker 1: still commit this bad stuff, then you probably don't have
Speaker 1: a saving faith, not because what you're doing affects it,
Speaker 1: but because the salvation is not there yet. Right, So,
Speaker 1: the works, the good works, the eradicating of sin is
Speaker 1: a result of a saving faith that you did not do.
Speaker 1: You were saved by grace. That is an unmerited gift.
Speaker 1: Now we could walk through assurance of faith, We could
Speaker 1: walk through we can go through truths of the Bible
Speaker 1: and go if this is happening in your life, you're saved.
Speaker 1: If this is happening in your life, you're saved. If
Speaker 1: this is happening in your life, you are saved. You
Speaker 1: have assurance, You have that blessed assurance. Like the song says,
Speaker 1: it is not your own works, it is not your doing.
Speaker 1: God is not grading you on a curve. God doesn't
Speaker 1: have a checklist of a naughty list like Santa claus
Speaker 1: good list and naughty list, and the more naughties you have,
Speaker 1: you might not be saved. That is not the God
Speaker 1: of the Bible. Can you imagine how ridiculous.
Speaker 2: That would be.
Speaker 1: In fact, every other religion says that they're all grading
Speaker 1: on a curve. They're as they don't know other God exists.
Speaker 1: But in theory, all other gods and all our other
Speaker 1: religions are grading on a curve. That's including the Catholic God.
Speaker 1: That's including Catholicism, which is grading you on your works,
Speaker 1: making sure you're doing all the right things, making sure
Speaker 1: you're confessing to the priest enough times, making sure you're
Speaker 1: going to Mass, you're doing you're paying your sacraments right,
Speaker 1: and then you could do enough to go to purgatory.
Speaker 1: It's not the God of the Bible, not just offended
Speaker 1: but of people. But it's just the truth. And Josh,
Speaker 1: when it comes to the sin itself, that is a
Speaker 1: completely different conversation. But I've i have talked about this
Speaker 1: a bunch on this podcast, and I'm assuming if it
Speaker 1: is pornography, I would go to covenantiys dot com check
Speaker 1: that out. It's good that you're wanting to eradicate this.
Speaker 1: It would be bad if you were doing this and
Speaker 1: covering it up and saying it's not that bad. It's
Speaker 1: not that bad. I don't think it's that bad. It's
Speaker 1: probably not a sin. I don't think it's bad. That
Speaker 1: would be a sign to me that you don't have
Speaker 1: that assurance.
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: I hope it does.
Speaker 2: All right, let's take a break. Be right back.
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Speaker 1: to your questions.
Speaker 2: Okay, welcome back.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Love to walk through whatever you
Speaker 1: got going on, Just like we're sitting in a cab
Speaker 1: of a truck and you say, man, can I run
Speaker 1: something by? You got a question for you, let's talk
Speaker 1: about it. This next question, subject CLIENTE says my relationship,
Speaker 1: And before I read it, I want to remind everybody
Speaker 1: it's helpful if you have a when you write your
Speaker 1: question if it's about a phone link, because if it
Speaker 1: gets longer than that, it's hard to keep up with
Speaker 1: the reading. Okay, this next question is perfect, Hey Granger.
Speaker 1: My name is Seth. I'm seventeen years old. Last winter,
Speaker 1: I stayed in a friend's house on the weekends because
Speaker 1: they live two minutes away from the mountain that I
Speaker 1: ski race for. His daughter ski races for an academy
Speaker 1: at a different mountain, so I haven't met her until
Speaker 1: I started staying in their basement, only talking through text.
Speaker 1: An instant before that, I quickly fell in love and
Speaker 1: told her I liked her a few weeks later. The
Speaker 1: problem is now I don't feel the same way as
Speaker 1: I did before because instead of wait, I jumped the gun.
Speaker 1: Now I'm in a situation where I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: being called to be single. But on the other half,
Speaker 1: but the other half doesn't want to stop thinking about her,
Speaker 1: the other half of your brain, I think, is what
Speaker 1: you mean. We are Actually we aren't actually official yet,
Speaker 1: just very serious friends, serious friends. Do you think I
Speaker 1: should take a year to decide what to do or
Speaker 1: start dating her and see where the Lord brings us?
Speaker 1: I've been praying about this a lot, but I find
Speaker 1: myself confused. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Seth, Seth,
Speaker 1: Thanks bro. I am so curious about your life that
Speaker 1: you you literally live on a mountain and race ski
Speaker 1: skiing and this other girl is a skier on a
Speaker 1: different mountain. What kind of life are you living?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: This is like my dream when I was seventeen living
Speaker 1: in Texas, I could only dream of living on a
Speaker 1: mountain and skiing on a race team.
Speaker 2: That's pretty amazing.
Speaker 1: Listen, dude, don't do not over spiritualize this stuff. I
Speaker 1: see this time and time again on these emails.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: Stop stop over spiritualizing unspiritual things like this whole God
Speaker 1: is calling me to be single? What you're seventeen? What
Speaker 1: does that even mean? And then should I start dating
Speaker 1: her and see where the Lord brings us. This is
Speaker 1: just this is over spiritualizing a non spiritual situation, right,
Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is we can't let
Speaker 1: common sense get in the way of some mysticism, like
Speaker 1: some mysterious will for our lives that God has that's
Speaker 1: hidden and it's hard to find. But if we continue
Speaker 1: on the path maybe that follow the bread crumbs, then
Speaker 1: eventually this secret path will be revealed to us, and
Speaker 1: then mystically will know what God's true intention was from
Speaker 1: the beginning. It's like, no, no, no, you're a boy
Speaker 1: seventeen and you started liking this girl and you told
Speaker 1: her you liked her, and now you're having second thoughts.
Speaker 2: That's that's what this is.
Speaker 1: God calling you to be single. Just cross if I
Speaker 1: was grading this paper, I just crossed that out. Should
Speaker 1: I start dating her to see where the Lord brings us?
Speaker 2: Absolutely not? Why would you do that. You don't like
Speaker 2: her anymore. It's like.
Speaker 1: It's like you thought God brought you to this girl
Speaker 1: and then you now are having second thoughts and that's
Speaker 1: your problem, not God's. But God really wants you with her,
Speaker 1: So you need to fight through that, that idea that
Speaker 1: you have that you don't like her and follow what
Speaker 1: God intended is wrong and weird. Listen, I'm not, by
Speaker 1: no means blaming you for this email. I see this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff every day, not only on this podcast,
Speaker 1: but just through regular conversation. People in twenty twenty three
Speaker 1: are wanting to over spiritualize everything when God's will for
Speaker 1: you and his call on your life is to be sanctified,
Speaker 1: to love him, to love your neighbor, to take his
Speaker 1: word to all nations, making disciples and teaching people to
Speaker 1: obey the words of Jesus. That is his will for
Speaker 1: your life. If you're doing if you're seeking him and
Speaker 1: you're in his word, and you have a wise counsel
Speaker 1: around you, and you have a good prayer life, at
Speaker 1: that point, you're just following with whatever you want to
Speaker 1: do because you are in the will of God at
Speaker 1: that point, and God thereby gives you the desires of
Speaker 1: the heart, including.
Speaker 2: A girl that you like or don't like.
Speaker 1: So you could clearly you could say easily, this would
Speaker 1: be weird, so don't say it. But you could say
Speaker 1: it's the will of God that I don't like this
Speaker 1: girl anymore. You could say that if you were walking
Speaker 1: in the spirit enough, you could be like I liked
Speaker 1: her and now I don't, and that's definitely a sign
Speaker 1: from God he reduced my passion for this girl. But
Speaker 1: once again, why over spiritualize seventeen year old hormones?
Speaker 2: That's all this is?
Speaker 1: I have. My question is this is it's weird to
Speaker 1: me as I read the quest And what's so weird
Speaker 1: is that you have a friend first of all, that's
Speaker 1: old enough to have a daughter your age. And second
Speaker 1: of all, he invites you to live in his basement
Speaker 1: when he's got a daughter your age living in the
Speaker 1: house above the basement. That's weird, Like, why is that happening?
Speaker 1: I don't understand that I have a daughter, she's about
Speaker 1: to be twelve. There ain't no way some kid around
Speaker 1: her age is going to live anywhere on our property.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how much I love him. And it's
Speaker 1: nothing against you seth at all. In fact, I want
Speaker 1: to go skiing with you one day. You could show
Speaker 1: me it's a thing or two. There's nothing against you
Speaker 1: that has everything to do with seventeen year old boy hormones.
Speaker 1: I was once a seventeen year old boy. I ain't
Speaker 1: putting me or you or anyone else around a girl.
Speaker 1: That's our age when I'm that when I'm seventeen, right,
Speaker 1: So that's a question for your friend. And why you
Speaker 1: have a friend that has a seventeen year old daughter.
Speaker 1: These these are all questions I have. Bottom line is,
Speaker 1: don't over spiritualize. Don't bring God into this kind of
Speaker 1: situation if you don't. If you this is totally normal
Speaker 1: for you to like her and then be like, you
Speaker 1: know what after I actually verbalized that and told her,
Speaker 1: and she likes me too, I kind of think I
Speaker 1: actually don't like her.
Speaker 2: I remember doing that. It's okay. It just means you
Speaker 2: don't like her. This is the learning.
Speaker 1: This is the big experiment leading up to your eventual wife.
Speaker 1: This is you learning the dynamics of boy and girl
Speaker 1: and how you interact, and what's it like to tell
Speaker 1: one that you're attracted to them, and what's it like
Speaker 1: to hear them be attracted back to you. That you're
Speaker 1: calculating all this stuff. It's good you're learning, but don't
Speaker 1: over spiritualize it. Next question, subject line interesting, says jealous,
Speaker 1: and I know it. Hey Grangeer, my name is Amelia
Speaker 1: and I'm a college student from Southern Illinois. I'm currently
Speaker 1: in a relationship with a godly young man. We have
Speaker 1: been together for over a year and a half and
Speaker 1: plan on marriage after we finish our education. My boyfriend
Speaker 1: does not post on social media anymore, but he still
Speaker 1: has pictures from high school. Currently, he has pictures from
Speaker 1: prom posted with another girl while they were just friends.
Speaker 1: He still also has photos of his exes.
Speaker 2: On his phone.
Speaker 1: I know that they do not mean anything to him,
Speaker 1: he just doesn't take the time to delete them. And
Speaker 1: it's just hard seeing him with other women. And I
Speaker 1: would like to know if I have a right to
Speaker 1: ask him to delete them because they bother me, or
Speaker 1: if this is stepping too far being outside of marriage.
Speaker 1: Sorry for the long message, thank you and God bless so.
Speaker 1: First of all, that's actually a perfectly linked message. It's
Speaker 1: less than the length of a phone Amelia, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for that. And for the email. I think
Speaker 1: it's a good email. I think it's a common thing.
Speaker 1: I think it's called My friend Caleb kind of gave
Speaker 1: it a word, and I don't know if he made
Speaker 1: this up or if it's a thing. But retrospective jealousy
Speaker 1: meaning you're jealous of things that happened in the past,
Speaker 1: even though they are not relative at all to what's
Speaker 1: happening in the present. And it's a real thing, and
Speaker 1: it's normal for you to think that in some sense.
Speaker 1: How you respond to it, that's when it could be abnormal.
Speaker 1: So we'll walk through this. You have a relationship with
Speaker 1: a godly young man and you're planning on marriage.
Speaker 2: Okay, so far.
Speaker 1: I don't think that this is like a problem in
Speaker 1: the relationship. I don't think that this is something that
Speaker 1: we can't fix. I don't think this is anything that
Speaker 1: you should be guilty about yourself. Because you feel what
Speaker 1: you feel, you know it's not You can't look at
Speaker 1: yourself and go, I have a problem for feeling this way.
Speaker 1: You can't blame yourself for a feeling. You can blame
Speaker 1: yourself for acting on the feeling, but you can't blame
Speaker 1: yourself for feeling.
Speaker 2: You can't.
Speaker 1: And I think it would be totally normal to have
Speaker 1: a conversation about it to him, if you are cordial
Speaker 1: and cool about it. So this is the hard part,
Speaker 1: and this is where you will either cross the line
Speaker 1: or not, and it's up to you, And this is
Speaker 1: where you'll either hurt your relationship in the future or
Speaker 1: not depending on how you deal with it right here,
Speaker 1: and I think you'd be as vulnerable and is as
Speaker 1: open and as accepting and forgiving of him. Here's the kicker,
Speaker 1: regardless of what he says. Here's an example. You say,
Speaker 1: talk to you about something, and I'm so embarrassed. I'm
Speaker 1: so embarrassed.
Speaker 2: But when I.
Speaker 1: See on your social media pictures of you with your
Speaker 1: arm around another girl acting happy at prom, it just
Speaker 1: I get jealous. And I feel so stupid for even
Speaker 1: bringing that up. And I know that you just haven't
Speaker 1: had time to delete them, and I know that you
Speaker 1: were just friends at the time, and I know that
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean anything to you, but I just I
Speaker 1: just wanted to tell you. It's hard for me to
Speaker 1: see it. And I know that there's pictures of your
Speaker 1: axes on your phone, and I know that you just
Speaker 1: haven't had the time to delete it. But okay, okay,
Speaker 1: so I'll pause here, And now how he's how is
Speaker 1: he going to react to this? Because he can say this,
Speaker 1: He can say, what are you doing on my phone?
Speaker 1: Why are you looking like a psychopath through my phone?
Speaker 1: Hopefully he doesn't say that, but he can. How will
Speaker 1: you react to that? Like will you. Will you get
Speaker 1: mad and say, well, do you do? You should? I
Speaker 1: not trust you if you're getting mad? Is you what
Speaker 1: is you getting mad? Mean about our relationship? And do
Speaker 1: you actually like that girl? Do you still talk to
Speaker 1: that girl? Let me see your text messages? Have you
Speaker 1: texted her?
Speaker 2: You're like, are you going to go there? You can?
Speaker 1: And your relationship is pretty cooked if you do that?
Speaker 1: Or do you react when he says, why are you
Speaker 1: looking at my phone?
Speaker 2: If you say.
Speaker 1: You're right, I shouldn't like I said, I'm embarrassed and
Speaker 1: I love you and that's why I'm fighting this jealousy?
Speaker 1: Can you help me fight it? And you're right, I
Speaker 1: shouldn't look at your phone. Do you have the restraint,
Speaker 1: the mental restraint and discipline to look him in the
Speaker 1: eye as he comes after you in a way because
Speaker 1: he's going to be defensive. Maybe maybe he'll be defensive.
Speaker 1: Do you have a way of just putting it back
Speaker 1: on yourself and not pouring any on him? Because if
Speaker 1: you do that, I can imagine you say.
Speaker 2: You're right, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I would imagine If not right, then then in a
Speaker 1: day or two he could very well come back and go.
Speaker 1: You know, I've been thinking about that conversation, and I'm
Speaker 1: sorry I reacted in a way of saying, why are
Speaker 1: you looking at my phone? In fact, I thought more
Speaker 1: about it and I went ahead and just deleted all
Speaker 1: that stuff because you're right, we're planning on getting married
Speaker 1: after college, and this wouldn't be right for me to
Speaker 1: have it on the phone boom. I could easily see
Speaker 1: it going that way, and I could easily see you
Speaker 1: reacting in a bad way and ruining the chance at
Speaker 1: that kind of redemption. That could very well happen. So
Speaker 1: my question to you is which First of all, I
Speaker 1: think it is appropriate to bring it up in a
Speaker 1: very very protective way. But my question to you is
Speaker 1: can you can you handle whatever his response to you
Speaker 1: might be.
Speaker 2: It's interesting, right.
Speaker 1: Think about this and be very careful with it, and
Speaker 1: I think there is way, there is a way to
Speaker 1: heal from it, and there's a way for you to
Speaker 1: gain confidence, especially when you're married. When you're married, which
Speaker 1: sounds like you're heading on that path, you're not gonna
Speaker 1: worry about some old prom date that was his friend.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna worry about some old girlfriend that doesn't
Speaker 1: exist anymore, because why you have the ring on your finger,
Speaker 1: so you have that confidence coming ahead, and so I
Speaker 1: think that'll grow. That confidence will grow, and that retrospective
Speaker 1: jealousy will slowly crumble. But be careful not to fuel
Speaker 1: it any further. Be careful not to go through his
Speaker 1: drawers or his shoe boxes in his closet and try
Speaker 1: to seek it out, because it's easy to want to
Speaker 1: feed that hunger. Jealousy becomes a hunger, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to feed it. Like if I see it on
Speaker 1: his phone, I wonder if there's more. I wonder if
Speaker 1: there's something he's hiding from me. That's when it gets bad.
Speaker 1: Try to restrain yourself from that. Here's another question. A
Speaker 1: subject line says belonging to a not so healthy church,
Speaker 1: and then it says in parentheses, do not read on
Speaker 1: the podcast, So I will respect your wishes and pass
Speaker 1: on this question. Next question says that I think I
Speaker 1: can read. Subdecline says leaving a narcissistic alcoholic Hey Granger.
Speaker 1: After thirteen years and one child later, I've decided to
Speaker 1: leave my narcissistic alcoholic husband. In the beginning, the drinking
Speaker 1: was recreational, and slowly turned into a bad habit.
Speaker 2: Over the years.
Speaker 1: Also, I've always wanted to be more involved in the
Speaker 1: Word of God, and he has no interest. He is
Speaker 1: now verbally abusive and occasionally physical. I've tried to get
Speaker 1: him in therapy, but he refuses and leaves me no
Speaker 1: choice but to leave. How do I get rid of
Speaker 1: the guilt of getting divorced? I know this is the
Speaker 1: right thing from me and my child, but I feel
Speaker 1: guilty for divorcing. What are your thoughts on accepting that
Speaker 1: this is okay and that God will not be disappointed
Speaker 1: in this decision. I'd like to remain anonymous. Thanks Granger.
Speaker 1: All right, great question. I'm so glad you asked it,
Speaker 1: and I hope I hope you hear my heart in
Speaker 1: my answer because I'm confident in my answer, and I
Speaker 1: hope I hope you could hear me. First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you're in this. No one deserves
Speaker 1: to be in a physically or verbally abusive relationship with
Speaker 1: a narcissistic alcoholic. You didn't say I do and say
Speaker 1: your wedding vows to that that's not what you wanted
Speaker 1: or expected. Hear me on this separation? Is inevitable and
Speaker 1: should happen right now. Should happen. If authorities need to
Speaker 1: get involved because of the physical abuse, then so be it.
Speaker 1: Call them, do not hide from that. There are agencies
Speaker 1: set up locally to help protect you and other women
Speaker 1: that are physically abused.
Speaker 2: Should not happen. Man, we should say.
Speaker 1: Verbally as well emotionally, should not happen, and we need
Speaker 1: to use the system that is in place to protect
Speaker 1: you and your child from harm. Okay, make sure that
Speaker 1: it's very clear. But what I want to say is
Speaker 1: this separation is inevitable. You should separate. You should get
Speaker 1: out of the house and or make him leave either one,
Speaker 1: and make it clear that you're separating, not divorcing. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm helping protect you down the road because of your question.
Speaker 1: You're worried about this guilt of divorce in your future.
Speaker 1: So this is how we could help this. I promise separate,
Speaker 1: but don't divorce. And then I want you to I
Speaker 1: want you to seek out a local church, a good,
Speaker 1: healthy local church.
Speaker 2: That is.
Speaker 1: Has a congregation relatively sized to the amount of elders
Speaker 1: that are leading the church. Right, so if there are
Speaker 1: not enough elders and way too many people in the
Speaker 1: congregation so that you don't have access to speaking with them.
Speaker 2: Then that's not a good.
Speaker 1: Enough church for you. You need to be able to
Speaker 1: join a church where you could have one on one
Speaker 1: conversations regularly with an elder. Then this is so interesting
Speaker 1: because this is why I'm getting to this. I remember
Speaker 1: when I was at HBC Capitol Hill Baptist Church with
Speaker 1: Parker when he was interning there. My little brother and
Speaker 1: I sat in on an elder meeting, and through their
Speaker 1: elder meetings, they discuss things happening with their members, like divorce,
Speaker 1: that's that's a thing, and your story would be a
Speaker 1: story that they would bring up and the elders discuss it.
Speaker 1: This is so good, this is so healthy. And I
Speaker 1: heard I heard one of the elders say, when you're
Speaker 1: a Christian, divorce is not a private matter. Oh that
Speaker 1: hit That hit me, And I thought about this podcast,
Speaker 1: and I thought about so many people in my life.
Speaker 1: When you're a Christian, when you belong to the Body
Speaker 1: of Christ, in the community of Christ, with other believers
Speaker 1: in your community, divorce is not a private matter. Thank God,
Speaker 1: thank God, you don't have to make these kind of decisions.
Speaker 1: By yourself. You don't have to live with the guilt
Speaker 1: of knowing that you step out of a relationship that
Speaker 1: could have been fixed or mended or done another way.
Speaker 1: So you bring this to your elders and you go,
Speaker 1: here's the deal, and you lay it out all on
Speaker 1: the table, and they help walk through this biblically with
Speaker 1: you. You said yourself, I want to be more involved in
Speaker 1: the Word of God. You said that, okay, So if
Speaker 1: you do, if you truly do, then know that this
Speaker 1: is set up. Your church is set up in a
Speaker 1: way to help you as a community so that they
Speaker 1: can go they can be with you and say, let's
Speaker 1: walk through this together. So you don't have to do
Speaker 1: this alone. You don't have to make these decisions alone.
Speaker 1: You don't have to call the police on your husband alone.
Speaker 1: You don't have to find a place to live alone.
Speaker 1: You don't have to know what the next steps and
Speaker 1: finding an attorney are alone. Will help you walk through
Speaker 1: this with you and will help reconcile if there is
Speaker 1: anything left to be reconciled in this relationship, if this
Speaker 1: marriage could be saved in any way. They will help
Speaker 1: you find if there's any chance of reconciling it biblically
Speaker 1: so that if you do leave, if you do get divorced,
Speaker 1: then you have confidence because you've been with this community
Speaker 1: around you and women that have been speaking into your lives,
Speaker 1: and men that have been speaking with the women around
Speaker 1: you into your lives. With wise counsel, you'll have confidence
Speaker 1: knowing I did get a divorce and I had wise
Speaker 1: counsel help me with it, and so because of that,
Speaker 1: I don't have any guilt. I don't have any shame
Speaker 1: looking back. I know it was the right thing because
Speaker 1: it wasn't just me that decided it. I had people
Speaker 1: around me that helped me.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: That is huge for you, and I hope you hear this.
Speaker 1: I really do. I don't know if you will, because
Speaker 1: we have a tendency as humans to become reclusive and think.
Speaker 2: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: I don't want people to judge me. I don't want
Speaker 1: my problems to be there adam embarrassed. I don't want
Speaker 1: them to see that I actually had a part in
Speaker 1: the bad marriage too. I actually am not perfect. I
Speaker 1: messed up some too, and I don't want that to
Speaker 1: come out. Isn't that such a sad thing that that's
Speaker 1: the first thing we think of as humans instead of saying,
Speaker 1: I'm going to do the right thing and share it
Speaker 1: with other biblical families, biblically sound families that will love
Speaker 1: me and care for me, and pour into me and
Speaker 1: walk through this difficult season.
Speaker 2: And suffering with me. I am not alone.
Speaker 1: That is the Church of Christ, and that is how
Speaker 1: not the denomination. That is the Church of Christ himself.
Speaker 1: As he pours in and Christ lives in the church,
Speaker 1: He's using his people as vessels. He's using them as
Speaker 1: people live out his command to love one another, to
Speaker 1: love your neighbor as yourself. As they live out that
Speaker 1: command of Christ, You're feeling his love through his people
Speaker 1: and their wise counsel. Thank you for emailing all of all.
Speaker 1: Thanks for emailing, And if you continue this, you continue
Speaker 1: asking questions, I'll continue sitting here answering them. And I
Speaker 1: love you guys, and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks
Speaker 1: for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
Speaker 1: to this channel, hit that little like button and notification
Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Yig