1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: What are you doing on my phone? Why are you 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: looking like a psychopath through my phone? 3 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 2: Well? What's up? Everybody? Welcome to the podcast. 4 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 1: Thank you for being here and joining wherever you're watching 5 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: or coming from or listening from. 6 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 2: I appreciate you. 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:32,400 Speaker 1: I love this platform talking, taking my time, going long form, 8 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: answering your questions. 9 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,040 Speaker 2: That's what I do here. 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 1: Email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll 11 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: pull it up in cute just like I have here, 12 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:47,279 Speaker 1: and we'll randomly go through your questions. Now, there are 13 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: a lot, I'll be honest with you, there's a lot 14 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 1: that come in and I'm just not going to get 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: to them all, but I'm going to try. And I 16 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 1: believe this is episode two and two, is that right? 17 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 1: That is amazing. How the time has flown by with 18 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 1: these I can remember just yesterday. Yeah, this is too too. 19 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: I can remember just yesterday doing episode one hundred, it 20 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:17,319 Speaker 1: seemed like. So that's a testament to you guys listening 21 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: and wanting more content and asking more questions and watching 22 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,559 Speaker 1: the little clips at Paul makes it on social media, 23 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: which is why some of y'all even came here in 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,680 Speaker 1: the first place. Email me your questions Granger Smith Podcast 25 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,399 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com and it could be about anything. 26 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: We will dive into them here. 27 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:36,680 Speaker 2: First. 28 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: One subject client says, love the content. I love your podcast. 29 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 2: Thanks so much for. 30 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: All you do, man, and all the advice you give. 31 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: I just bought an old GMC truck and it's a looker, 32 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 1: I'll admit it. What do you think I. 33 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 2: Should do to deal with pride? 34 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: I've worked many summers for it and I have a 35 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: little pride about it. Please, if you don't mind, keep 36 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: me anonymous. It says from a seventeen year old country boy, 37 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,440 Speaker 1: and then it has his name. I'll keep him anonymous. 38 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: That's funny. And first let me just say. First, let 39 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: me say, man, good on you for working. What did 40 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: you say many summers? You worked many summers for it, 41 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: and you have earned it, okay, And so that's a 42 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: great thing and no one should take that away from you. 43 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,560 Speaker 1: You wanted a truck, and you worked many summers and 44 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: you bought it. You don't hear that story too often. 45 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: We live more in a world where you buy it 46 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: on credit right now and you hope to pay it 47 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 1: off down the road. So that's a great thing. Man 48 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: seventeen years old doing a great thing. And then you're 49 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: asking a good question. I'll be honest with you, that's 50 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 1: a good question. How do I deal with pride? Because 51 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: we understand that pride is a pretty devastating sin in 52 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: the Bible. In fact, I don't even I don't like you. 53 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,760 Speaker 1: Won't hear me say I'm proud of you. It might 54 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: be going a little too far, but I don't even 55 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: say I'm proud of you to my kids, and I 56 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 1: I don't mind when other people say I'm proud of you, Granger, 57 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,320 Speaker 1: but I think about it every time I hear it. 58 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:23,679 Speaker 1: And now I'm gonna get in some of y'all's head. 59 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,399 Speaker 1: But when you say I'm so proud of you, man, 60 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, isn't pride of sin? No, Granger, it's not 61 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 1: not in that way. But no one can really fully 62 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: explain what that means. I tell my kids instead, I 63 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: say I'm amber and I both do this. I'm well 64 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,240 Speaker 1: pleased with you. You know that that's what God says, 65 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: This is my son whom I'm well pleased. God the 66 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:49,560 Speaker 1: Father says that to the son, this is my son 67 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: with whom I'm well pleased. So I kind of take 68 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,000 Speaker 1: that and use that for Lincoln, Like, buddy, I'm so 69 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 1: pleased with you. I'm so encouraged by your behavior or 70 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: what you've done, what you've earned, how hard you're working, 71 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: what you have overcome. I'm so pleased with what you've done. 72 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: I try to avoid that word pride. I'm so proud 73 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 1: of you, man. I try to avoid that. And hey, 74 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 1: that's not like it's not like I'm telling you you're 75 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,359 Speaker 1: wrong if you say that, this is just me in 76 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: my life. I try to avoid that word. And it's 77 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: interesting that that comes up in this question. 78 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 2: To be. 79 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: To be proud in this sense of your hard work 80 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 1: is not a problem. It can become a problem, one 81 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: hundred percent. That's why it's dangerous. It can become a 82 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: problem when you become prideful. If, for instance, your neighbor 83 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,920 Speaker 1: pulls in the driveway with the same truck right and 84 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: his daddy bought it for him straight up, and it's 85 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: the same truck. In fact, it looks a little nicer 86 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: than yours, And he goes, man, don't you love my truck? 87 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: I love your truck. Don't you love my truck? And 88 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: you look at him pridefully, and you say, I earned 89 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: my truck. How did you get yours? Did Daddy buy 90 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: it for you? Because I earned this truck many years 91 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: and I deserve to have it in a way more 92 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 1: than you, is what you're thinking. And then pride starts 93 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: taking over, and it starts corrupting a friendship that was 94 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: fine before this conversation started. Right, That's why pride can 95 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,479 Speaker 1: become a huge issue. 96 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 2: It could be it. 97 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 1: Could be something that just divides people, divides friends and 98 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:41,279 Speaker 1: families and yourself. So as funny as it did, I 99 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: even laughed at it when I read it. It's a 100 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: legit question. If you give this to God, though, I 101 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: would be careful because when you ask God for something, 102 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,200 Speaker 1: when you ask God for patience, what does he give 103 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: you to teach you patience? What does he give you? 104 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: If God is going to teach you patience, He's going 105 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:03,080 Speaker 1: to give you more and more and more that you 106 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: that becomes harder and harder to withstand. Life keeps coming 107 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: at you herd and you're waiting and waiting and waiting, 108 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: and guess what you're doing in the process learning patience. 109 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: It's not like he just zaps patience. You say, God, 110 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 1: show me love. He doesn't pour in all these people 111 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: in your life, that love you, He might take something away, 112 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:32,159 Speaker 1: because by taking something away, you truly see what love, how. 113 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 2: Strong your love was or is. 114 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: So if you ask God to take away pride, God 115 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 1: teach me not to be prideful, be careful, because through 116 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 1: that he humbles us. And humbling that word is another 117 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:55,120 Speaker 1: word that's completely misused. In fact, my book Like a River, 118 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,359 Speaker 1: this is an example. My book Like a River selling 119 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 1: really well, and somebody said, man, I bet, I bet 120 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: you are so proud and humbled by how well your 121 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 1: book is doing. 122 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 2: It must be so humbling. 123 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 1: Like No, that's a misuse of that word humbling my book. 124 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: Being humbled by my book would be that no one 125 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: bought it. I would be humbled that no one bought it. 126 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,640 Speaker 1: I was prideful, I thought it was a good book. 127 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,760 Speaker 1: No one bought it. Thus I am now humbled by this. 128 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: So if you ask God to protect you from pride, 129 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 1: he humbles you by. 130 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: Something happens to it. 131 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 1: Maybe you literally out in your truck, is sitting at 132 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 1: your school parking lot and a tree branch falls right 133 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: and just destroys it. 134 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 2: Boom. 135 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: You walk out there, all those years of hard work destroyed. 136 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 2: You were humbled completely. 137 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: Everything you thought you worked for and had and was 138 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: so pretty and shiny is now gone, and so's your pride. 139 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:03,760 Speaker 2: You see what I mean. 140 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,480 Speaker 1: It's like, Hey, God, make sure that I don't have 141 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 1: any pride. 142 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 2: Be careful with that prayer. 143 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: I'm being facetious when I say be careful, because of 144 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 1: course it's a good prayer. But don't be surprised when 145 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: God answers in a way that you didn't expect. He 146 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: teaches us how to not be prideful by making us humble, 147 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: not in the way that we use that word in America. 148 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about. It's a good question. 149 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:34,559 Speaker 1: Thank you, country boy. Let's see next question, says dear Granger. 150 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: My name is Lisa. I'm not sure how to write this, 151 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: but I'll try. I'm exhausted, I'm lonely, I'm unhappy, I 152 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: have been for some years now. I want to change 153 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: my life, but I've always been scared of big changes. 154 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: A big change is what I need. I knew that, 155 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: but it's not the same and I don't do it. 156 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: Maybe you have some advice for me, maybe not to 157 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: be hon it. I would try nearly anything. I've always 158 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,319 Speaker 1: liked your way that you see life in your family 159 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: and just being yourself. Thank you for always being there somewhere. 160 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 2: Best regards to Lisa. 161 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:20,800 Speaker 1: Thank you Lisa the the bottom the bottom email part 162 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: portion of it is in German, so I'm wondering, Lisa, 163 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: if you were if you were German, or if you're 164 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 1: in Germany. Regardless, thank you for the question, and thanks 165 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: for thanks for listening to the podcast and trusting me 166 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: with something, for being vulnerable with this. This, this is 167 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: something that's like I wish that you were closer to me. 168 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 1: So I wish we were actually having a conversation because 169 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: I would dig in a little bit to what you 170 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 1: mean by exhausted and lonely and unhappy for some years now. 171 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,439 Speaker 2: I would want to know what's going on, you know. 172 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: Like, let's get to the next level of this, you say, so, 173 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: I say that in a way to let you know. 174 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to have to shoot in the dark completely 175 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: on this right, I'm just shooting arrows in the dark here. 176 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 2: But you say, I want I want to. 177 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,680 Speaker 1: Change my life, but have always been scared of big changes, 178 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 1: and a big change is what I need. Okay, shooting 179 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:24,199 Speaker 1: in the dark here, a big change, top of my mind, 180 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: is moving. That's a big change, moving houses, moving jobs, 181 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:33,079 Speaker 1: And it sounds like maybe that's what you're getting at. 182 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe this is there was a relationship that didn't 183 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:42,079 Speaker 1: work or lack of one, or a strange relationship that's 184 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:46,559 Speaker 1: still kind of hanging on. Maybe there's some problems with family. 185 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: Maybe you need a new setting with this big change 186 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:54,080 Speaker 1: that you're talking about. And so if just me, you're 187 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,560 Speaker 1: asking me on the podcast, I'd say, what do you 188 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,240 Speaker 1: do for work? Let's take that skill and let's take 189 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: a similar pay job, something that requires a similar skill, 190 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 1: and make a parallel jump in another town, maybe another state. 191 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,400 Speaker 2: Probably most people do this in Florida. 192 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: Go to another state, find a parallel job, get an apartment. 193 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: Now you're not doing this to be happier. I promise 194 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: you you will not find happiness there. But sometimes that 195 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: change could stir up something either a love for your 196 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:35,079 Speaker 1: hometown maybe maybe a better understanding of the estranged relationship 197 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 1: you were in by having distance from it. Or you 198 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 1: could legitimately get to a new town, find a little church, 199 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 1: plug in, start meeting people, start diving into your hobbies, 200 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: create this community around you. 201 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,679 Speaker 2: And it is the. 202 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:59,640 Speaker 1: Change that you needed to get you unstuck. Surely that's 203 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: definitely possibility. If you don't want to go that far, 204 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,199 Speaker 1: if you don't want to just move to another town 205 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: or job. I say this sometimes I would, I would 206 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,560 Speaker 1: go all in on a hobby of some sort. And 207 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: I say the same thing to kids as they're going 208 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 1: into school, high school, college, and they don't know anybody 209 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: and they're lonely and they're not connected in any way. 210 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 1: I say, I say, if we had a conversation, to 211 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,640 Speaker 1: be a lot easier, But I would say, search your mind, 212 00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 1: what do you enjoy doing? It could be anything like 213 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 1: It could be knitting, It could be chess, It could 214 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: be horses, It could be collecting toy trains. I was 215 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: in this town in Pennsylvania the other day and I 216 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 1: saw a hobby shop with those little toy trains, and 217 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,199 Speaker 1: there was all these people in there looking at these 218 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: little model trains, and they sold, they sold the little 219 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: miniature trees and the little miniature roads, and the grass, 220 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,320 Speaker 1: the turf, and the little people and the figurines and 221 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: all the little cars in the street lights, and then 222 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,679 Speaker 1: the trains and the mountains and the snow on the mountains, 223 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 1: and people are in there digging it like that's their hobby. 224 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: They love it. We as people need a community around 225 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 1: us that is like minded in those kind of things. 226 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: So what I mean, the point I'm making with the 227 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 1: miniature trains is that there is nothing that is that 228 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: is off limits that you could You could say, man, 229 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 1: I like something, but I don't know if anyone else does. 230 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:38,200 Speaker 1: I promise you they do. There's a community for everything 231 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:38,680 Speaker 1: that you like. 232 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 2: Maybe it's a band. I've seen a. 233 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: Lot of people with Ye Nation that have told me Granger, 234 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,199 Speaker 1: I didn't have anybody in my life. I didn't have 235 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: any friends, I didn't have a relationship. I didn't fit 236 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: in in my school or my college or after that. 237 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: But I came to one of your concerts because I 238 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 1: liked your music. And I was standing there on the 239 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 1: front row, and I looked around and I saw other 240 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: people dressed like me, looking like me, liking the things 241 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: I like. And I thought for myself, right then, here's 242 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 1: my home, here's my family. Right this could be you 243 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 1: with a train collection or something of the sort. 244 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 2: But you got to go all in. 245 00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: The thing not to do is stay home. Flip through Instagram, 246 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 1: see how much everyone else has an amazing life. See 247 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: how much your life sucks. Eat the same food, watch 248 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: the same thing, stay up late looking at Facebook, go 249 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: to sleep, wake up, go to work, see all the 250 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: people that you don't like at work. You're stuck that way. 251 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: You gotta get out, you gotta go. Okay, what do 252 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: I like? 253 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 2: Where? Where is? 254 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop using the train collection. Okay, say let's 255 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,680 Speaker 1: go to horses. I'm gonna go find me a horse 256 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 1: farm and ask if I could volunteer, or if there's 257 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: an equestrian group that I could join to get with 258 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 1: some other like minded people. You have to get out 259 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 1: and do it. Make the step, Make the step. I 260 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:10,120 Speaker 1: gave you a lot of really good examples there. I always 261 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: do another question. We've got a time for another question here. 262 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: And I realized I forgot that you are probably in Germany. 263 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,960 Speaker 1: And I don't know if model trains is the thing 264 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: in Germany, but I know nutcrackers are. I see, you 265 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: know that's where they That's where they come from. Half kidding, 266 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 1: next question, just going just flipping through an order here. 267 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:37,080 Speaker 1: Subsequent says podcast question, Hey Granger, I have something that's 268 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,600 Speaker 1: really been causing me distress recently, and was hoping you'd 269 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 1: be able to discuss it on an episode. I have 270 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: a sin that have been constantly dealing with and it's 271 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 1: seriously hurting me spiritually and with my assurance, it's been 272 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: making me worry that I'm not saved and it's causing 273 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 1: me a lot of heartache and worry. Is there any 274 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: guidance or help you could give me on this and 275 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: how I could know that I am saved when I'm 276 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: consistently struggling with the same sin. Thanks Josh, Josh, I 277 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: appreciate you, brother. Thank you so much for emailing and 278 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 1: it's not a very long email, but I could go 279 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: into some depth with this because I get it. 280 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 2: I get what you're saying, and there's a couple. This 281 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 2: is multi layered. 282 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: I have a feeling you're probably talking about pornography because 283 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:37,640 Speaker 1: that's very common, and I could be wrong, but I 284 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: would say, if I was going to bet, this would 285 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,840 Speaker 1: be the sin that you're talking about, because it's hurting 286 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 1: you spiritually and you keep going back to it, and 287 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: pornography is a massive addiction worldwide. I was going to 288 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: say in this country, but worldwide. So that's one layer 289 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: and we could deal with that. But the other layer 290 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: is your assurance. Hang on a second, let me look 291 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: up I want to look up lyrics. This might be helpful. 292 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,720 Speaker 1: Never Mind, I'm on my airplane mode, so I can't 293 00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 1: do that. But I was gonna look up that song, 294 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: Blessed Assurance. Look it up for yourself, the song Doubled 295 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 1: Him Blessed assurance. Assurance is an interesting thing because if 296 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,919 Speaker 1: you understand Christianity correctly, and if you are a believer, 297 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: then you have to understand that we are saved by 298 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 1: grace through faith. This is not your own doing. So 299 00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:45,960 Speaker 1: what that means is you're saved because you believe you're 300 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: saved because you're one of God's children, because He saved 301 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:57,960 Speaker 1: you by his grace, not by the amount or lack 302 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: of sin in your life. Sin and the destruction of 303 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 1: sin and you battling against sin comes after your blessed 304 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 1: assurance of salvation. So after you're saved, you begin to 305 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 1: hate your sin. After you're saved, you begin to want 306 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: to destroy it. It begins to really bother you. You begin 307 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,239 Speaker 1: to want to fight it off and do anything you 308 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:28,960 Speaker 1: can to eradicate it from your life, because it now 309 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 1: feels like a disease that is corrupting you. That's what's 310 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: happened to you right now. It's called sanctification. Is this 311 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,919 Speaker 1: flea that is on your body and is itching you 312 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,639 Speaker 1: and biting you, and you flick it off and it 313 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:48,200 Speaker 1: comes back and you flick it off again, and you're 314 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: wanting to get rid of the fleas. 315 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 2: That's what sin is to you. 316 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: After you have assurance, But your assurance doesn't come from 317 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: whether or not you're sinning or not. See, that's what 318 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 1: Romans five eight means. God demonstrates his love for us 319 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 1: that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 320 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,439 Speaker 1: That's his love for us. He died for us to 321 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: save you from yourself from your sin while you were 322 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: a sinner. That doesn't say Christ came to die for you. 323 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: So long as you stop sinning. And if you don't 324 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 1: stop this sin, then you don't have salvation anymore. Your 325 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:36,120 Speaker 1: assurance is gone. 326 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 2: Okay. 327 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 1: Now, the caveat with that is if you are sinning, 328 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 1: you're living in sin and you don't care about it, 329 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: and you continue to live with it knowing it's there, 330 00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: then you're probably not saved. 331 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 2: That's the problem. So it is. 332 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: Also that's why James says that faith without works is dead, 333 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: meaning if you go on without good works, without caring 334 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 1: about your sin, it still lives with you and you 335 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 1: still commit this bad stuff, then you probably don't have 336 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 1: a saving faith, not because what you're doing affects it, 337 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: but because the salvation is not there yet. Right, So, 338 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:24,679 Speaker 1: the works, the good works, the eradicating of sin is 339 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,679 Speaker 1: a result of a saving faith that you did not do. 340 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 1: You were saved by grace. That is an unmerited gift. 341 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 1: Now we could walk through assurance of faith, We could 342 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: walk through we can go through truths of the Bible 343 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: and go if this is happening in your life, you're saved. 344 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,160 Speaker 1: If this is happening in your life, you're saved. If 345 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 1: this is happening in your life, you are saved. You 346 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,119 Speaker 1: have assurance, You have that blessed assurance. Like the song says, 347 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,520 Speaker 1: it is not your own works, it is not your doing. 348 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 1: God is not grading you on a curve. God doesn't 349 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: have a checklist of a naughty list like Santa claus 350 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: good list and naughty list, and the more naughties you have, 351 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,120 Speaker 1: you might not be saved. That is not the God 352 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: of the Bible. Can you imagine how ridiculous. 353 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:12,280 Speaker 2: That would be. 354 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: In fact, every other religion says that they're all grading 355 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: on a curve. They're as they don't know other God exists. 356 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 1: But in theory, all other gods and all our other 357 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: religions are grading on a curve. That's including the Catholic God. 358 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: That's including Catholicism, which is grading you on your works, 359 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,359 Speaker 1: making sure you're doing all the right things, making sure 360 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: you're confessing to the priest enough times, making sure you're 361 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: going to Mass, you're doing you're paying your sacraments right, 362 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 1: and then you could do enough to go to purgatory. 363 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,720 Speaker 1: It's not the God of the Bible, not just offended 364 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 1: but of people. But it's just the truth. And Josh, 365 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,439 Speaker 1: when it comes to the sin itself, that is a 366 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:11,439 Speaker 1: completely different conversation. But I've i have talked about this 367 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,399 Speaker 1: a bunch on this podcast, and I'm assuming if it 368 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: is pornography, I would go to covenantiys dot com check 369 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:22,159 Speaker 1: that out. It's good that you're wanting to eradicate this. 370 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,479 Speaker 1: It would be bad if you were doing this and 371 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: covering it up and saying it's not that bad. It's 372 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,440 Speaker 1: not that bad. I don't think it's that bad. It's 373 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,200 Speaker 1: probably not a sin. I don't think it's bad. That 374 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 1: would be a sign to me that you don't have 375 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: that assurance. 376 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:37,680 Speaker 2: Does that make sense? 377 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,040 Speaker 1: I hope it does. 378 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,440 Speaker 2: All right, let's take a break. Be right back. 379 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 1: Podcast is brought to you, guys by DCX Conference. 380 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 2: Let me tell you about it. 381 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,680 Speaker 1: It's an intimate, in person, two day leadership conference held 382 00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 1: in Austin, Texas, on October eleventh and Twelfth's well, it's 383 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,640 Speaker 1: about developing yourself and your team as you learn from 384 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,120 Speaker 1: ten plus diverse speakers at the top of their fields, 385 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: craft and connect a clear path to the leader and 386 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 1: company you strive to be. 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Get ready to develop yourself, 396 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: connect and community and experience transformation. As always, if you 397 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 1: want to connect with me and get a personal video 398 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: message from it, you can do that at cameo dot 399 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith. You could also download the Cameo 400 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 1: app and search for me Granger Smith. That's super easy 401 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,840 Speaker 1: to find me on there. Request a video. I'll say 402 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: whatever you want me to say, Happy birthday, happy anniversary, 403 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: maybe a word of encouragement to anyone, including yourself. It's 404 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: a great gift last minute. If you don't know what 405 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,879 Speaker 1: to get someone, hit up cameo dot com slash Granger 406 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,480 Speaker 1: Smith and I will say whatever you need in the 407 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: phone and send it right to you. Podcast has also 408 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,960 Speaker 1: brought to you guys by Better Help. There are so 409 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: many times in this podcast I feel like I've read 410 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 1: things and heard your questions and thought to myself, maybe 411 00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,000 Speaker 1: you could use some wise counsel. In fact, have you 412 00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:47,200 Speaker 1: ever thought about professional wise counsels such as therapy? Well, 413 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: that's where Better Help can come in. Sometimes in life 414 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: we're facing tough choices and the path forward isn't always 415 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: so clear. So whether you're dealing with decisions about careers, 416 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 1: or relationships or anything else. You know, therapy can help 417 00:25:01,119 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 1: you stay connected to what you really want while you 418 00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: navigate your life so you can move forward with confidence 419 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,399 Speaker 1: and excitement. Trusting just yourself alone is really tough. 420 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:12,640 Speaker 2: So we all know. 421 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,919 Speaker 1: That therapy can work for people, but one of the 422 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 1: biggest problems with it is that you have to get 423 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: in the car and drive and go lay on the 424 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: green couch and talk about this to some stranger. Well, 425 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: that's where better Help comes in, because if you're thinking 426 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,479 Speaker 1: of giving therapy a try, think about better Help. It's 427 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited for 428 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: your schedule. You just fill out this brief questionnaire to 429 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,199 Speaker 1: get matched up with a licensed therapist and then you 430 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,439 Speaker 1: could switch therapists at any time at no additional charge. 431 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:48,399 Speaker 1: Super easy and convenient. Let therapy be your map with 432 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,959 Speaker 1: better Help. Visit betterhelp dot com slash Granger today and 433 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 1: get ten percent off your first month. That's better Help 434 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: HLP dot com slash granger. Back to the podcast, Back 435 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 1: to your questions. 436 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 2: Okay, welcome back. 437 00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,160 Speaker 1: If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast 438 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Love to walk through whatever you 439 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:13,480 Speaker 1: got going on, Just like we're sitting in a cab 440 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,000 Speaker 1: of a truck and you say, man, can I run 441 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: something by? You got a question for you, let's talk 442 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:26,640 Speaker 1: about it. This next question, subject CLIENTE says my relationship, 443 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: And before I read it, I want to remind everybody 444 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 1: it's helpful if you have a when you write your 445 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 1: question if it's about a phone link, because if it 446 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,320 Speaker 1: gets longer than that, it's hard to keep up with 447 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: the reading. Okay, this next question is perfect, Hey Granger. 448 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,400 Speaker 1: My name is Seth. I'm seventeen years old. Last winter, 449 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: I stayed in a friend's house on the weekends because 450 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:51,199 Speaker 1: they live two minutes away from the mountain that I 451 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:54,879 Speaker 1: ski race for. His daughter ski races for an academy 452 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,120 Speaker 1: at a different mountain, so I haven't met her until 453 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,760 Speaker 1: I started staying in their basement, only talking through text. 454 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,959 Speaker 1: An instant before that, I quickly fell in love and 455 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: told her I liked her a few weeks later. The 456 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,480 Speaker 1: problem is now I don't feel the same way as 457 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: I did before because instead of wait, I jumped the gun. 458 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,880 Speaker 1: Now I'm in a situation where I feel like I'm 459 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: being called to be single. But on the other half, 460 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: but the other half doesn't want to stop thinking about her, 461 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: the other half of your brain, I think, is what 462 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 1: you mean. We are Actually we aren't actually official yet, 463 00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 1: just very serious friends, serious friends. Do you think I 464 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 1: should take a year to decide what to do or 465 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,840 Speaker 1: start dating her and see where the Lord brings us? 466 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,880 Speaker 1: I've been praying about this a lot, but I find 467 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 1: myself confused. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Seth, Seth, 468 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: Thanks bro. I am so curious about your life that 469 00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: you you literally live on a mountain and race ski 470 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,760 Speaker 1: skiing and this other girl is a skier on a 471 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,160 Speaker 1: different mountain. What kind of life are you living? 472 00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:07,360 Speaker 2: Man? 473 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: This is like my dream when I was seventeen living 474 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:14,280 Speaker 1: in Texas, I could only dream of living on a 475 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,800 Speaker 1: mountain and skiing on a race team. 476 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 2: That's pretty amazing. 477 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:22,679 Speaker 1: Listen, dude, don't do not over spiritualize this stuff. I 478 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 1: see this time and time again on these emails. 479 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:25,679 Speaker 2: Guys. 480 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: Stop stop over spiritualizing unspiritual things like this whole God 481 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:39,400 Speaker 1: is calling me to be single? What you're seventeen? What 482 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,920 Speaker 1: does that even mean? And then should I start dating 483 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 1: her and see where the Lord brings us. This is 484 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:50,720 Speaker 1: just this is over spiritualizing a non spiritual situation, right, 485 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is we can't let 486 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,600 Speaker 1: common sense get in the way of some mysticism, like 487 00:28:59,680 --> 00:29:04,160 Speaker 1: some mysterious will for our lives that God has that's 488 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,040 Speaker 1: hidden and it's hard to find. But if we continue 489 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,400 Speaker 1: on the path maybe that follow the bread crumbs, then 490 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:15,479 Speaker 1: eventually this secret path will be revealed to us, and 491 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 1: then mystically will know what God's true intention was from 492 00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 1: the beginning. It's like, no, no, no, you're a boy 493 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: seventeen and you started liking this girl and you told 494 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: her you liked her, and now you're having second thoughts. 495 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 2: That's that's what this is. 496 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: God calling you to be single. Just cross if I 497 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: was grading this paper, I just crossed that out. Should 498 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 1: I start dating her to see where the Lord brings us? 499 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:55,240 Speaker 2: Absolutely not? Why would you do that. You don't like 500 00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 2: her anymore. It's like. 501 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: It's like you thought God brought you to this girl 502 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 1: and then you now are having second thoughts and that's 503 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: your problem, not God's. But God really wants you with her, 504 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,680 Speaker 1: So you need to fight through that, that idea that 505 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,160 Speaker 1: you have that you don't like her and follow what 506 00:30:18,200 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: God intended is wrong and weird. Listen, I'm not, by 507 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: no means blaming you for this email. I see this 508 00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 1: kind of stuff every day, not only on this podcast, 509 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: but just through regular conversation. People in twenty twenty three 510 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:38,360 Speaker 1: are wanting to over spiritualize everything when God's will for 511 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: you and his call on your life is to be sanctified, 512 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:48,120 Speaker 1: to love him, to love your neighbor, to take his 513 00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:54,000 Speaker 1: word to all nations, making disciples and teaching people to 514 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: obey the words of Jesus. That is his will for 515 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:02,080 Speaker 1: your life. If you're doing if you're seeking him and 516 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 1: you're in his word, and you have a wise counsel 517 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: around you, and you have a good prayer life, at 518 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 1: that point, you're just following with whatever you want to 519 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,719 Speaker 1: do because you are in the will of God at 520 00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: that point, and God thereby gives you the desires of 521 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 1: the heart, including. 522 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 2: A girl that you like or don't like. 523 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 1: So you could clearly you could say easily, this would 524 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 1: be weird, so don't say it. But you could say 525 00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,880 Speaker 1: it's the will of God that I don't like this 526 00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:37,440 Speaker 1: girl anymore. You could say that if you were walking 527 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: in the spirit enough, you could be like I liked 528 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: her and now I don't, and that's definitely a sign 529 00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: from God he reduced my passion for this girl. But 530 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: once again, why over spiritualize seventeen year old hormones? 531 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:55,400 Speaker 2: That's all this is? 532 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,760 Speaker 1: I have. My question is this is it's weird to 533 00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,160 Speaker 1: me as I read the quest And what's so weird 534 00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,920 Speaker 1: is that you have a friend first of all, that's 535 00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,440 Speaker 1: old enough to have a daughter your age. And second 536 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: of all, he invites you to live in his basement 537 00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,760 Speaker 1: when he's got a daughter your age living in the 538 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 1: house above the basement. That's weird, Like, why is that happening? 539 00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,320 Speaker 1: I don't understand that I have a daughter, she's about 540 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 1: to be twelve. There ain't no way some kid around 541 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 1: her age is going to live anywhere on our property. 542 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,240 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how much I love him. And it's 543 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,840 Speaker 1: nothing against you seth at all. In fact, I want 544 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:41,640 Speaker 1: to go skiing with you one day. You could show 545 00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:43,880 Speaker 1: me it's a thing or two. There's nothing against you 546 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,680 Speaker 1: that has everything to do with seventeen year old boy hormones. 547 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,920 Speaker 1: I was once a seventeen year old boy. I ain't 548 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,480 Speaker 1: putting me or you or anyone else around a girl. 549 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: That's our age when I'm that when I'm seventeen, right, 550 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 1: So that's a question for your friend. And why you 551 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 1: have a friend that has a seventeen year old daughter. 552 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 1: These these are all questions I have. Bottom line is, 553 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,520 Speaker 1: don't over spiritualize. Don't bring God into this kind of 554 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,640 Speaker 1: situation if you don't. If you this is totally normal 555 00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:18,880 Speaker 1: for you to like her and then be like, you 556 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: know what after I actually verbalized that and told her, 557 00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,800 Speaker 1: and she likes me too, I kind of think I 558 00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:25,920 Speaker 1: actually don't like her. 559 00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:30,000 Speaker 2: I remember doing that. It's okay. It just means you 560 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,000 Speaker 2: don't like her. This is the learning. 561 00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: This is the big experiment leading up to your eventual wife. 562 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 1: This is you learning the dynamics of boy and girl 563 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 1: and how you interact, and what's it like to tell 564 00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 1: one that you're attracted to them, and what's it like 565 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 1: to hear them be attracted back to you. That you're 566 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 1: calculating all this stuff. It's good you're learning, but don't 567 00:33:53,200 --> 00:34:01,320 Speaker 1: over spiritualize it. Next question, subject line interesting, says jealous, 568 00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 1: and I know it. Hey Grangeer, my name is Amelia 569 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 1: and I'm a college student from Southern Illinois. I'm currently 570 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,360 Speaker 1: in a relationship with a godly young man. We have 571 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,440 Speaker 1: been together for over a year and a half and 572 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 1: plan on marriage after we finish our education. My boyfriend 573 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,879 Speaker 1: does not post on social media anymore, but he still 574 00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:22,359 Speaker 1: has pictures from high school. Currently, he has pictures from 575 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:27,120 Speaker 1: prom posted with another girl while they were just friends. 576 00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:31,720 Speaker 1: He still also has photos of his exes. 577 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,359 Speaker 2: On his phone. 578 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,760 Speaker 1: I know that they do not mean anything to him, 579 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: he just doesn't take the time to delete them. And 580 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 1: it's just hard seeing him with other women. And I 581 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,279 Speaker 1: would like to know if I have a right to 582 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,480 Speaker 1: ask him to delete them because they bother me, or 583 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 1: if this is stepping too far being outside of marriage. 584 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 1: Sorry for the long message, thank you and God bless so. 585 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,560 Speaker 1: First of all, that's actually a perfectly linked message. It's 586 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 1: less than the length of a phone Amelia, thank you 587 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 1: so much for that. And for the email. I think 588 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,960 Speaker 1: it's a good email. I think it's a common thing. 589 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: I think it's called My friend Caleb kind of gave 590 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: it a word, and I don't know if he made 591 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,400 Speaker 1: this up or if it's a thing. But retrospective jealousy 592 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:23,760 Speaker 1: meaning you're jealous of things that happened in the past, 593 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,560 Speaker 1: even though they are not relative at all to what's 594 00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: happening in the present. And it's a real thing, and 595 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:34,680 Speaker 1: it's normal for you to think that in some sense. 596 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:40,040 Speaker 1: How you respond to it, that's when it could be abnormal. 597 00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:46,160 Speaker 1: So we'll walk through this. You have a relationship with 598 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 1: a godly young man and you're planning on marriage. 599 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,919 Speaker 2: Okay, so far. 600 00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,120 Speaker 1: I don't think that this is like a problem in 601 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: the relationship. I don't think that this is something that 602 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,279 Speaker 1: we can't fix. I don't think this is anything that 603 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:10,880 Speaker 1: you should be guilty about yourself. Because you feel what 604 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,920 Speaker 1: you feel, you know it's not You can't look at 605 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 1: yourself and go, I have a problem for feeling this way. 606 00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 1: You can't blame yourself for a feeling. You can blame 607 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 1: yourself for acting on the feeling, but you can't blame 608 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,280 Speaker 1: yourself for feeling. 609 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,359 Speaker 2: You can't. 610 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 1: And I think it would be totally normal to have 611 00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 1: a conversation about it to him, if you are cordial 612 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:42,680 Speaker 1: and cool about it. So this is the hard part, 613 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: and this is where you will either cross the line 614 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 1: or not, and it's up to you, And this is 615 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,319 Speaker 1: where you'll either hurt your relationship in the future or 616 00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:56,640 Speaker 1: not depending on how you deal with it right here, 617 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,719 Speaker 1: and I think you'd be as vulnerable and is as 618 00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:08,280 Speaker 1: open and as accepting and forgiving of him. Here's the kicker, 619 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:15,279 Speaker 1: regardless of what he says. Here's an example. You say, 620 00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:20,480 Speaker 1: talk to you about something, and I'm so embarrassed. I'm 621 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:21,320 Speaker 1: so embarrassed. 622 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,359 Speaker 2: But when I. 623 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 1: See on your social media pictures of you with your 624 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:37,120 Speaker 1: arm around another girl acting happy at prom, it just 625 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,719 Speaker 1: I get jealous. And I feel so stupid for even 626 00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 1: bringing that up. And I know that you just haven't 627 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,880 Speaker 1: had time to delete them, and I know that you 628 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:49,040 Speaker 1: were just friends at the time, and I know that 629 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,359 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean anything to you, but I just I 630 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 1: just wanted to tell you. It's hard for me to 631 00:37:55,520 --> 00:38:00,200 Speaker 1: see it. And I know that there's pictures of your 632 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 1: axes on your phone, and I know that you just 633 00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:07,560 Speaker 1: haven't had the time to delete it. But okay, okay, 634 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,719 Speaker 1: so I'll pause here, And now how he's how is 635 00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 1: he going to react to this? Because he can say this, 636 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:18,279 Speaker 1: He can say, what are you doing on my phone? 637 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,279 Speaker 1: Why are you looking like a psychopath through my phone? 638 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: Hopefully he doesn't say that, but he can. How will 639 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,479 Speaker 1: you react to that? Like will you. Will you get 640 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:33,319 Speaker 1: mad and say, well, do you do? You should? I 641 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,000 Speaker 1: not trust you if you're getting mad? Is you what 642 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:39,000 Speaker 1: is you getting mad? Mean about our relationship? And do 643 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,319 Speaker 1: you actually like that girl? Do you still talk to 644 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 1: that girl? Let me see your text messages? Have you 645 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:44,080 Speaker 1: texted her? 646 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 2: You're like, are you going to go there? You can? 647 00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:51,239 Speaker 1: And your relationship is pretty cooked if you do that? 648 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,400 Speaker 1: Or do you react when he says, why are you 649 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: looking at my phone? 650 00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:58,560 Speaker 2: If you say. 651 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:05,520 Speaker 1: You're right, I shouldn't like I said, I'm embarrassed and 652 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: I love you and that's why I'm fighting this jealousy? 653 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,360 Speaker 1: Can you help me fight it? And you're right, I 654 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:20,320 Speaker 1: shouldn't look at your phone. Do you have the restraint, 655 00:39:20,719 --> 00:39:25,239 Speaker 1: the mental restraint and discipline to look him in the 656 00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:29,280 Speaker 1: eye as he comes after you in a way because 657 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:32,280 Speaker 1: he's going to be defensive. Maybe maybe he'll be defensive. 658 00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,439 Speaker 1: Do you have a way of just putting it back 659 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 1: on yourself and not pouring any on him? Because if 660 00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,360 Speaker 1: you do that, I can imagine you say. 661 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 2: You're right, you're right, you're right, I'm sorry. 662 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,840 Speaker 1: I would imagine If not right, then then in a 663 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,040 Speaker 1: day or two he could very well come back and go. 664 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:52,000 Speaker 1: You know, I've been thinking about that conversation, and I'm 665 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:54,719 Speaker 1: sorry I reacted in a way of saying, why are 666 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,319 Speaker 1: you looking at my phone? In fact, I thought more 667 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,000 Speaker 1: about it and I went ahead and just deleted all 668 00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 1: that stuff because you're right, we're planning on getting married 669 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:04,719 Speaker 1: after college, and this wouldn't be right for me to 670 00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,759 Speaker 1: have it on the phone boom. I could easily see 671 00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,520 Speaker 1: it going that way, and I could easily see you 672 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,680 Speaker 1: reacting in a bad way and ruining the chance at 673 00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,000 Speaker 1: that kind of redemption. That could very well happen. So 674 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:21,880 Speaker 1: my question to you is which First of all, I 675 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,239 Speaker 1: think it is appropriate to bring it up in a 676 00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:30,600 Speaker 1: very very protective way. But my question to you is 677 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:34,960 Speaker 1: can you can you handle whatever his response to you 678 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 1: might be. 679 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:38,320 Speaker 2: It's interesting, right. 680 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:47,759 Speaker 1: Think about this and be very careful with it, and 681 00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: I think there is way, there is a way to 682 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,719 Speaker 1: heal from it, and there's a way for you to 683 00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 1: gain confidence, especially when you're married. When you're married, which 684 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,640 Speaker 1: sounds like you're heading on that path, you're not gonna 685 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,879 Speaker 1: worry about some old prom date that was his friend. 686 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,920 Speaker 1: You're not gonna worry about some old girlfriend that doesn't 687 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,200 Speaker 1: exist anymore, because why you have the ring on your finger, 688 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 1: so you have that confidence coming ahead, and so I 689 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:16,840 Speaker 1: think that'll grow. That confidence will grow, and that retrospective 690 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:22,320 Speaker 1: jealousy will slowly crumble. But be careful not to fuel 691 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:24,400 Speaker 1: it any further. Be careful not to go through his 692 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:28,120 Speaker 1: drawers or his shoe boxes in his closet and try 693 00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:30,719 Speaker 1: to seek it out, because it's easy to want to 694 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:35,000 Speaker 1: feed that hunger. Jealousy becomes a hunger, and you're gonna 695 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,080 Speaker 1: want to feed it. Like if I see it on 696 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 1: his phone, I wonder if there's more. I wonder if 697 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: there's something he's hiding from me. That's when it gets bad. 698 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:55,560 Speaker 1: Try to restrain yourself from that. Here's another question. A 699 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:59,000 Speaker 1: subject line says belonging to a not so healthy church, 700 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,319 Speaker 1: and then it says in parentheses, do not read on 701 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 1: the podcast, So I will respect your wishes and pass 702 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:17,719 Speaker 1: on this question. Next question says that I think I 703 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:23,080 Speaker 1: can read. Subdecline says leaving a narcissistic alcoholic Hey Granger. 704 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:27,360 Speaker 1: After thirteen years and one child later, I've decided to 705 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:31,840 Speaker 1: leave my narcissistic alcoholic husband. In the beginning, the drinking 706 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:35,680 Speaker 1: was recreational, and slowly turned into a bad habit. 707 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:36,200 Speaker 2: Over the years. 708 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:40,120 Speaker 1: Also, I've always wanted to be more involved in the 709 00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:44,440 Speaker 1: Word of God, and he has no interest. He is 710 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:49,359 Speaker 1: now verbally abusive and occasionally physical. I've tried to get 711 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,560 Speaker 1: him in therapy, but he refuses and leaves me no 712 00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 1: choice but to leave. How do I get rid of 713 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:59,440 Speaker 1: the guilt of getting divorced? I know this is the 714 00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,799 Speaker 1: right thing from me and my child, but I feel 715 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:05,879 Speaker 1: guilty for divorcing. What are your thoughts on accepting that 716 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:09,200 Speaker 1: this is okay and that God will not be disappointed 717 00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:12,520 Speaker 1: in this decision. I'd like to remain anonymous. Thanks Granger. 718 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,400 Speaker 1: All right, great question. I'm so glad you asked it, 719 00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:19,319 Speaker 1: and I hope I hope you hear my heart in 720 00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,520 Speaker 1: my answer because I'm confident in my answer, and I 721 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:29,359 Speaker 1: hope I hope you could hear me. First of all, 722 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:33,680 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you're in this. No one deserves 723 00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:39,239 Speaker 1: to be in a physically or verbally abusive relationship with 724 00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:43,480 Speaker 1: a narcissistic alcoholic. You didn't say I do and say 725 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 1: your wedding vows to that that's not what you wanted 726 00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:57,279 Speaker 1: or expected. Hear me on this separation? Is inevitable and 727 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:02,160 Speaker 1: should happen right now. Should happen. If authorities need to 728 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,279 Speaker 1: get involved because of the physical abuse, then so be it. 729 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:11,279 Speaker 1: Call them, do not hide from that. There are agencies 730 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 1: set up locally to help protect you and other women 731 00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:17,920 Speaker 1: that are physically abused. 732 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,360 Speaker 2: Should not happen. Man, we should say. 733 00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:25,680 Speaker 1: Verbally as well emotionally, should not happen, and we need 734 00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,800 Speaker 1: to use the system that is in place to protect 735 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:34,200 Speaker 1: you and your child from harm. Okay, make sure that 736 00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:37,239 Speaker 1: it's very clear. But what I want to say is 737 00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:41,440 Speaker 1: this separation is inevitable. You should separate. You should get 738 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:45,359 Speaker 1: out of the house and or make him leave either one, 739 00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:53,000 Speaker 1: and make it clear that you're separating, not divorcing. Okay, 740 00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,240 Speaker 1: I'm helping protect you down the road because of your question. 741 00:44:56,800 --> 00:45:00,000 Speaker 1: You're worried about this guilt of divorce in your future. 742 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:05,840 Speaker 1: So this is how we could help this. I promise separate, 743 00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:10,799 Speaker 1: but don't divorce. And then I want you to I 744 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:15,240 Speaker 1: want you to seek out a local church, a good, 745 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,880 Speaker 1: healthy local church. 746 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:18,839 Speaker 2: That is. 747 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:25,560 Speaker 1: Has a congregation relatively sized to the amount of elders 748 00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:29,239 Speaker 1: that are leading the church. Right, so if there are 749 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,640 Speaker 1: not enough elders and way too many people in the 750 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:35,880 Speaker 1: congregation so that you don't have access to speaking with them. 751 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,239 Speaker 2: Then that's not a good. 752 00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,640 Speaker 1: Enough church for you. You need to be able to 753 00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 1: join a church where you could have one on one 754 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:52,040 Speaker 1: conversations regularly with an elder. Then this is so interesting 755 00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,240 Speaker 1: because this is why I'm getting to this. I remember 756 00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,560 Speaker 1: when I was at HBC Capitol Hill Baptist Church with 757 00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:00,360 Speaker 1: Parker when he was interning there. My little brother and 758 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:05,239 Speaker 1: I sat in on an elder meeting, and through their 759 00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:11,600 Speaker 1: elder meetings, they discuss things happening with their members, like divorce, 760 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:16,640 Speaker 1: that's that's a thing, and your story would be a 761 00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:19,279 Speaker 1: story that they would bring up and the elders discuss it. 762 00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:23,359 Speaker 1: This is so good, this is so healthy. And I 763 00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,879 Speaker 1: heard I heard one of the elders say, when you're 764 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:33,960 Speaker 1: a Christian, divorce is not a private matter. Oh that 765 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,080 Speaker 1: hit That hit me, And I thought about this podcast, 766 00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,240 Speaker 1: and I thought about so many people in my life. 767 00:46:39,320 --> 00:46:42,400 Speaker 1: When you're a Christian, when you belong to the Body 768 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:47,120 Speaker 1: of Christ, in the community of Christ, with other believers 769 00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:53,920 Speaker 1: in your community, divorce is not a private matter. Thank God, 770 00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:57,320 Speaker 1: thank God, you don't have to make these kind of decisions. 771 00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,320 Speaker 1: By yourself. You don't have to live with the guilt 772 00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,840 Speaker 1: of knowing that you step out of a relationship that 773 00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:07,200 Speaker 1: could have been fixed or mended or done another way. 774 00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,080 Speaker 1: So you bring this to your elders and you go, 775 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:12,600 Speaker 1: here's the deal, and you lay it out all on 776 00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:16,799 Speaker 1: the table, and they help walk through this biblically with 777 00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:19,880 Speaker 1: you. You said yourself, I want to be more involved in 778 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,120 Speaker 1: the Word of God. You said that, okay, So if 779 00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,040 Speaker 1: you do, if you truly do, then know that this 780 00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,040 Speaker 1: is set up. Your church is set up in a 781 00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:31,520 Speaker 1: way to help you as a community so that they 782 00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:34,880 Speaker 1: can go they can be with you and say, let's 783 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,279 Speaker 1: walk through this together. So you don't have to do 784 00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,560 Speaker 1: this alone. You don't have to make these decisions alone. 785 00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,360 Speaker 1: You don't have to call the police on your husband alone. 786 00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:45,880 Speaker 1: You don't have to find a place to live alone. 787 00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,239 Speaker 1: You don't have to know what the next steps and 788 00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:52,040 Speaker 1: finding an attorney are alone. Will help you walk through 789 00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:55,359 Speaker 1: this with you and will help reconcile if there is 790 00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:59,400 Speaker 1: anything left to be reconciled in this relationship, if this 791 00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,919 Speaker 1: marriage could be saved in any way. They will help 792 00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,880 Speaker 1: you find if there's any chance of reconciling it biblically 793 00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:11,440 Speaker 1: so that if you do leave, if you do get divorced, 794 00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:16,239 Speaker 1: then you have confidence because you've been with this community 795 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,720 Speaker 1: around you and women that have been speaking into your lives, 796 00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,600 Speaker 1: and men that have been speaking with the women around 797 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:26,799 Speaker 1: you into your lives. With wise counsel, you'll have confidence 798 00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:30,440 Speaker 1: knowing I did get a divorce and I had wise 799 00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:33,400 Speaker 1: counsel help me with it, and so because of that, 800 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:35,880 Speaker 1: I don't have any guilt. I don't have any shame 801 00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:38,400 Speaker 1: looking back. I know it was the right thing because 802 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:43,040 Speaker 1: it wasn't just me that decided it. I had people 803 00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:44,120 Speaker 1: around me that helped me. 804 00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:45,160 Speaker 2: Wow. 805 00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:47,719 Speaker 1: That is huge for you, and I hope you hear this. 806 00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:52,440 Speaker 1: I really do. I don't know if you will, because 807 00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:55,359 Speaker 1: we have a tendency as humans to become reclusive and think. 808 00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:56,040 Speaker 2: I don't want to. 809 00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,759 Speaker 1: I don't want people to judge me. I don't want 810 00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:02,879 Speaker 1: my problems to be there adam embarrassed. I don't want 811 00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,719 Speaker 1: them to see that I actually had a part in 812 00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:08,040 Speaker 1: the bad marriage too. I actually am not perfect. I 813 00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:09,719 Speaker 1: messed up some too, and I don't want that to 814 00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:12,879 Speaker 1: come out. Isn't that such a sad thing that that's 815 00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:15,240 Speaker 1: the first thing we think of as humans instead of saying, 816 00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to do the right thing and share it 817 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:23,520 Speaker 1: with other biblical families, biblically sound families that will love 818 00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:27,040 Speaker 1: me and care for me, and pour into me and 819 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,520 Speaker 1: walk through this difficult season. 820 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,960 Speaker 2: And suffering with me. I am not alone. 821 00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,200 Speaker 1: That is the Church of Christ, and that is how 822 00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,920 Speaker 1: not the denomination. That is the Church of Christ himself. 823 00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:44,560 Speaker 1: As he pours in and Christ lives in the church, 824 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:49,359 Speaker 1: He's using his people as vessels. He's using them as 825 00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:53,480 Speaker 1: people live out his command to love one another, to 826 00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:55,759 Speaker 1: love your neighbor as yourself. As they live out that 827 00:49:55,800 --> 00:50:00,680 Speaker 1: command of Christ, You're feeling his love through his people 828 00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:05,319 Speaker 1: and their wise counsel. Thank you for emailing all of all. 829 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:10,200 Speaker 1: Thanks for emailing, And if you continue this, you continue 830 00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:14,120 Speaker 1: asking questions, I'll continue sitting here answering them. And I 831 00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,120 Speaker 1: love you guys, and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks 832 00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,879 Speaker 1: for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate 833 00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:22,120 Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by 834 00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:26,000 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 835 00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:29,440 Speaker 1: to this channel, hit that little like button and notification 836 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:33,360 Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. 837 00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:35,359 Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would 838 00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:41,200 Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. 839 00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:41,520 Speaker 1: Yig