Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in
Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here.
Speaker 2: Back for another episode as we, of course break down
Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. This decade is filled with
Speaker 2: a lot of big, vulnerable, sometimes unanswerable questions that leave
Speaker 2: us feeling, if I'm honest, a bit stranded, a bit
Speaker 2: panicked as well. Questions of course, to do with the
Speaker 2: love and friendship and our careers and everything in between.
Speaker 2: But perhaps one of the biggest ones that we grapple
Speaker 2: with during our twenties is what in the world is
Speaker 2: my calling? What was I put on this earth to do?
Speaker 2: And is it even something that I'll enjoy? How can
Speaker 2: I find direction in my life? How can I find
Speaker 2: my compass when it comes to what jobs I'll do,
Speaker 2: my five year plan, where I'll live, who I'm becoming,
Speaker 2: what I actually want from my life? And that is
Speaker 2: exactly what we are going to discuss today, when we
Speaker 2: have so many options, but also equally so much confusion
Speaker 2: about who we want to be, what we want to do,
Speaker 2: what we're even good at. When it feels like this
Speaker 2: kind of constant battle between passion and practicality, how do
Speaker 2: we find our calling amongst that? I think this concept
Speaker 2: of a calling is a beautiful one. Obviously has very
Speaker 2: spiritual undertones, this kind of sense that each of us
Speaker 2: is born gifted and each of us has this purpose
Speaker 2: instilled in us by some higher power, But I think
Speaker 2: it also reflects our very human need for meaning in
Speaker 2: our lives. There have been so many articles and studies
Speaker 2: written on this very idea that without a purpose, we
Speaker 2: suffer and we don't thrive at the level that we could.
Speaker 2: And there are some known psychological benefits of having this
Speaker 2: purpose in life. And let's be clear that doesn't need
Speaker 2: to be work. It could be a hobby, it could
Speaker 2: be a broader goal, it could be family. But having
Speaker 2: something that you love doing, that you care about doing,
Speaker 2: makes us less vulnerable to boredom, makes us feel less
Speaker 2: stuck or stagnant. There is often this very fundamental sense
Speaker 2: of our knees that we experience when our attention isn't
Speaker 2: occupied by external things, and having a so called calling
Speaker 2: can mean that we are always striving towards something below
Speaker 2: the surface, and that stops us from being anxious and
Speaker 2: depressed and feeling a bit creeped up. Another important factor
Speaker 2: here is that aligning ourselves to a purpose often makes
Speaker 2: us less self centered. We feel a part of something bigger.
Speaker 2: We feel that we are contributing to something outside of ourselves,
Speaker 2: and that has been shown to actually perhaps make us
Speaker 2: less focused on our own worries and our own anxieties,
Speaker 2: perhaps making us better happier people. Purpose has also been
Speaker 2: shown to improve our self esteem. It just makes life
Speaker 2: a bit more exciting. We all want to feel fulfilled
Speaker 2: and motivated and like we are contributing something important to
Speaker 2: the world and those around us. And we are also
Speaker 2: super lucky these days that we don't just have to
Speaker 2: see work as a paycheck and a paycheck only. There
Speaker 2: are just so many opportunities for getting paid to do
Speaker 2: something that you love, or to turn your passion into
Speaker 2: an income to make it our main focus. But all
Speaker 2: of that does actually raise the stakes quite a bit,
Speaker 2: which is why I wanted to mention it first, because
Speaker 2: I think it's something that we are all pretty much
Speaker 2: already aware of, especially in our twenties. Something I really
Speaker 2: hear quite a bit from people is, I know, I
Speaker 2: want to do something meaningful. You know, I don't want
Speaker 2: to waste my time in a job that I'm really
Speaker 2: unhappy with. I want to do something that is aligned
Speaker 2: to a bigger meaning that doesn't help me in discovering
Speaker 2: what that is. Sometimes the mentality behind needing a calling,
Speaker 2: wanting it purpose is what causes us to get even
Speaker 2: more stuck. It's the choice overload, the sense that every
Speaker 2: decision needs to be the right one. This early on,
Speaker 2: it's like suddenly it's not just about having a roof
Speaker 2: over our head or a well paying job, but also
Speaker 2: having a well paying job that feeds our soul, because
Speaker 2: who wouldn't want that. It doesn't necessarily help, though, It
Speaker 2: just creates a lot more pressure on us and a
Speaker 2: lot more areas in which we feel the need to
Speaker 2: be as satisfied as possible. I've also found that sometimes
Speaker 2: the idea of a singular calling, that there is one
Speaker 2: thing out there that you will do best and the
Speaker 2: world will applaud you for and nothing else, is rather restricted.
Speaker 2: If we change, and so does what gives us meeting.
Speaker 2: But also, your calling can be a number of things.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be something that, yeah, you're necessarily
Speaker 2: getting paid for or that you can make a career
Speaker 2: out of. But it also doesn't have to be one thing.
Speaker 2: It can be a combination of many things. It doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be massive and loud. It can still be
Speaker 2: small and purposeful. Basically, there is not a single thing
Speaker 2: in the world each of us is born to do.
Speaker 2: There are many things. There are many things that guide us.
Speaker 2: And when we get clear on what they are, and
Speaker 2: when we really drill down into okay, what are the
Speaker 2: particulars about the life that I want, we learn so
Speaker 2: much more about our next steps and about our calling.
Speaker 2: So strap in, get ready, get excited. We're going to
Speaker 2: be discussing the Japanese concept of ikey guy, concepts like
Speaker 2: aptitude and flow, balancing, the passion versus the practicality issue,
Speaker 2: the myth of the dream job, and while you might
Speaker 2: be able to learn your calling from listening to your body,
Speaker 2: of all things, so much more. On top of that,
Speaker 2: it's going to be a big episode today, guys. Without
Speaker 2: further ado, let's get into it one of my favorite
Speaker 2: concepts to discuss when we're talking about finding our calling
Speaker 2: is that Japanese term that I just mentioned, iky guy.
Speaker 2: You may have already heard of this. There is a
Speaker 2: pretty well known book going around right now of the
Speaker 2: same name. It has a blue cover some nice cherry
Speaker 2: bossoms on the front. But this concept essentially refers to
Speaker 2: our reason for being, or a motivating force, something or
Speaker 2: someone that gives us a purpose, a feeling of fulfillment,
Speaker 2: and hopefully from that pleasure and enjoyment. It is essentially
Speaker 2: referring to that really deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment
Speaker 2: that we get from doing something we truly can care
Speaker 2: about and which we feel successful in doing. To find
Speaker 2: our calling, we kind of need to be guided by
Speaker 2: that feeling. Actually fun fact for you all. This concept
Speaker 2: of ikigai has been suggested as one of the reasons
Speaker 2: that life expectancy in Japan is so high, especially in
Speaker 2: one area in particular called Okinawa, which is not by coincidence,
Speaker 2: also known as one of the five Blue Zones, one
Speaker 2: of the five areas in the world where life expectancy
Speaker 2: and life satisfaction is significantly higher than anywhere else. And
Speaker 2: why might that be well. We know that living a
Speaker 2: long healthy life isn't just about physical wellness, but also
Speaker 2: about mental health and having a reason to want to
Speaker 2: stay healthy, to want to take care of yourself, having
Speaker 2: community around you, of course, but also feeling firm in
Speaker 2: your reason for being, in your drive, in your purpose.
Speaker 2: And this is Ikegai. Ikegai actually seems to be made
Speaker 2: up of four distinct components or questions, and answering those
Speaker 2: questions is what's going to get us a lot closer
Speaker 2: to knowing our calling. So if you want to know
Speaker 2: what's going to make you happiest, what you need to
Speaker 2: do in your life, what you want to do in
Speaker 2: your life, I guess is a better question. You first
Speaker 2: need to know what are you truly good at. What
Speaker 2: is the secret or not so secret talent or skill
Speaker 2: that you're always excelling on, you're always getting complimented on
Speaker 2: that is unique to you. What do you love doing,
Speaker 2: what do you love experiencing, what do you love participating in?
Speaker 2: In general? What does the world need? And what can
Speaker 2: you get paid for? That is basically the crux of
Speaker 2: what you're calling is when something fulfills those four things,
Speaker 2: you've pretty much got a bull's eye. It's a bit
Speaker 2: more complicated than that, and I really wish that I
Speaker 2: could show you a picture of this. But essentially, there
Speaker 2: are different levels of fulfillment on your way to finding
Speaker 2: ike gay. Like, for example, you know the dream is
Speaker 2: to fulfill all four categories. If you love talking to people,
Speaker 2: if people always say you have such a talent for
Speaker 2: connecting with others, and there is a demand for more therapists,
Speaker 2: you could get paid to discuss people's problems and you know,
Speaker 2: have empathy towards them, you have basically fulfilled all the
Speaker 2: criteria for ikea guy. That would be your purpose. You
Speaker 2: should become a psychologist or a counselor, and that would
Speaker 2: fill all those buckets quite equally. But you can do
Speaker 2: something that you love that the world needs and not
Speaker 2: be good and not be paid for that and still
Speaker 2: feel happy doing that thing on the side whilst working
Speaker 2: a full time job. That is what we might call
Speaker 2: your mission. So volunteering is an example of that. Or
Speaker 2: you can do something you love that you're good at
Speaker 2: but can never make a career from because the world
Speaker 2: just might not need it right now. That's your passion,
Speaker 2: like hiking or making you know, interesting art projects you
Speaker 2: still feel for feel, but maybe you're calling isn't finding
Speaker 2: a way to do that all the time. Maybe finding
Speaker 2: a way to get paid for that would mean losing
Speaker 2: the love for it, and so you continue to do
Speaker 2: it as a hobby and you know, use your job
Speaker 2: as a way to just you know, fund that exercise.
Speaker 2: So I kind of want to spend the rest of
Speaker 2: this episode talking about each of these components in more
Speaker 2: detail and how we can kind of fine tune each
Speaker 2: and truly know what it is that we're great at,
Speaker 2: what we actually love doing, what the world needs, and
Speaker 2: how to get paid for your dreams. So let's start
Speaker 2: with kind of working out what you're good at. There
Speaker 2: are some things that you're just never going to be
Speaker 2: the best at. Let's be completely upfront and honestly, that
Speaker 2: is so liberating when you finally understand that, when you
Speaker 2: finally are honest with yourself about what you are actually
Speaker 2: naturally better at, it stops you from having to be
Speaker 2: the person that needs to be the best at everything
Speaker 2: and crumbles when we're not. It stops you from being
Speaker 2: stretched too thin or from poor hours into a skill
Speaker 2: that you know, we actually just struggle with, plain and simple.
Speaker 2: I remember being in high school, and I'm sure this
Speaker 2: is such a common experience, but I was just so
Speaker 2: terrible at anything mathematical, and I would spend hours on
Speaker 2: my homework trying to get these theories, you know, route
Speaker 2: learning them. When that didn't work, and as my final
Speaker 2: exams were approaching and all of these hours were going
Speaker 2: towards something that I just wasn't improving at, I just
Speaker 2: honestly gave up and I spent more time and on
Speaker 2: what I had an aptitude for, which was English and
Speaker 2: psychology and whatever else I was doing. There's only so
Speaker 2: much that you can keep pulling the same cart before
Speaker 2: you ditch it for a lighter one. That's kind of
Speaker 2: what the gist is here. And this concept of aptitude
Speaker 2: is important here because it basically says, yes, everybody can
Speaker 2: learn most things. Everybody could be baseline good at most
Speaker 2: things if they gave it their everything. But for some people,
Speaker 2: getting really good at that thing is going to be
Speaker 2: a lot easier and come to them a lot quicker.
Speaker 2: There is a reason that Lebron James is a basketball
Speaker 2: player and James Corden is not, or that Steve Jobs
Speaker 2: was an inventor and not in HR or not a
Speaker 2: social worker. Right, It comes down to aptitude, And I
Speaker 2: know it's simple, but we all have our own talents.
Speaker 2: Stop trying to live the life and skills of somebody
Speaker 2: that you're not. The place I see this a lot
Speaker 2: is people at university or college who are really struggling
Speaker 2: and everything seems to just be like ten times harder
Speaker 2: for them. They're doing degrees that they really don't like
Speaker 2: because someone has told them to do so, or they've
Speaker 2: told themselves that this is what they should be doing.
Speaker 2: But it's about having a very i would say, practical
Speaker 2: and utilitarian mindset. Where do my natural talents lie such
Speaker 2: that I'm going to get the most out of an
Speaker 2: investment in them. So if you aren't quite sure, here's
Speaker 2: a few questions to seriously cons are for just a second.
Speaker 2: What are people always giving you compliments on? What do
Speaker 2: your closest friends and family say that you were good at?
Speaker 2: Is it getting others to open up? Is it being organized?
Speaker 2: Is it planning the night out? Is it decorating your space,
Speaker 2: putting on an amazing meal? Are children like super receptive
Speaker 2: to you? I don't know. Maybe you don't know either,
Speaker 2: because you're so caught up in just getting through the
Speaker 2: day and maybe downplaying your own strengths and being self
Speaker 2: deprecating that you've just never actually noticed what you're truly
Speaker 2: talented at. But your friends and your family they do notice,
Speaker 2: and they hold the secret. Here next, take it all
Speaker 2: the way back. What was your best subject at school?
Speaker 2: And here's the thing. It's not just what subject did
Speaker 2: you get the best grades in, but what subject did
Speaker 2: you get the best grades in relevant to your effort.
Speaker 2: It's a little bit more tricky. What achievements are you
Speaker 2: most proud of and what skills were involved in those achievements?
Speaker 2: What was what were you required to just be naturally
Speaker 2: quite good at in order to get to that goal. Essentially,
Speaker 2: what we are looking for here is your aptitude and
Speaker 2: your skill set and something that you are naturally just
Speaker 2: quite good at. Now that isn't always going to be
Speaker 2: the thing that you enjoy most. So here is the
Speaker 2: tricky part. We have to balance what we are naturally
Speaker 2: good at with what we actually enjoy, and that is
Speaker 2: the second component of ikey Gay. One of my friends
Speaker 2: had to do mandatory aptitude testing a few years back
Speaker 2: for something or other, and after this like three hour
Speaker 2: long process. She got her results back and it said
Speaker 2: actuarial scientist. And for those of us like me who
Speaker 2: had no idea what that means, it's essentially like applied
Speaker 2: statistics to determine how likely bad things are going to happen,
Speaker 2: or to perform like a risk assessment. And you know what,
Speaker 2: she took one long, hard look at that and went
Speaker 2: in the complete opposite direction. And she is a professional
Speaker 2: athlete now. She plays football for a living, very different
Speaker 2: to actuarial science. And I think she's a great example
Speaker 2: of why aptitude only does take you so far. We
Speaker 2: are not bound by what we would be best at
Speaker 2: if we tried. That is not our only potential. Passion
Speaker 2: is still a big part of this equation. If you
Speaker 2: are like me, you might be pretty content doing a
Speaker 2: lot of things. That's kind of part of the problem.
Speaker 2: How do we determine what we really love and what
Speaker 2: drives us? And the secret is our body is will
Speaker 2: tell us when we feel fulfilled, sustained, passionate, excited, motivated, inspired,
Speaker 2: all those good feelings. It begins in our brain, but
Speaker 2: it really manifests in our body and in quite a
Speaker 2: few physical reactions. A big one is focus. When you
Speaker 2: really love doing something, it can be almost hard to
Speaker 2: pull yourself away from it because we are naturally really engaged.
Speaker 2: We are invested in the task or activity because we
Speaker 2: are getting enjoyment out of it. Sounds super basic, right,
Speaker 2: but a high level of focus and flow is what
Speaker 2: we really need to pay attention to. So a flow state,
Speaker 2: and we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but
Speaker 2: it is this mental state, this magical mental state, in
Speaker 2: which we are completely engrossed on a singular task. All
Speaker 2: of our attention is focused, we can't be distracted. It's
Speaker 2: like being in the zone. But more than that, it's
Speaker 2: feeling equally fulfilled and challenged by what you're doing, energized
Speaker 2: and buzzing, but also really calm, and the best way
Speaker 2: to describe it is feeling, I don't know, almost fluid,
Speaker 2: totally absorbed. There is like an amazing Ted talk on
Speaker 2: this from almost two decades ago, and in it they
Speaker 2: kind of explain the way that these psychologists responsible for
Speaker 2: the concept came to discover it, and it was by
Speaker 2: watching and observing some of the most talented but also
Speaker 2: committed and accomplished people in the world chess players, surgeons, ballerinas,
Speaker 2: mountain bike riders, business leaders, all people who had seemingly
Speaker 2: found their calling, and they wanted to know what they
Speaker 2: had in common. And what they had in common was
Speaker 2: the way that they all described entering a flow state
Speaker 2: when they did the thing they loved most. It wasn't
Speaker 2: just discipline or passion or hours and hours of hard work.
Speaker 2: I'm sure that was part of it, but the sense
Speaker 2: of trance like commitment and immersion. When was the last
Speaker 2: time you felt that way? And what were you doing? See?
Speaker 2: I remember incredibly vividly doing a podcast assignment back at
Speaker 2: UNI for like an international relations class or something or other,
Speaker 2: and it was like I had entered this altered state.
Speaker 2: I was so focused, and I remember looking up at
Speaker 2: the clock after editing this you know, assignment basically for
Speaker 2: three hours, and I hadn't even checked the time. Once.
Speaker 2: Those moments are the ones to really look out for.
Speaker 2: It took two more years to really start my show,
Speaker 2: but I remember that so clearly, and I still can
Speaker 2: put myself back in that moment of how engaged but
Speaker 2: also relaxed I was, and I get to feel that
Speaker 2: all the time now by doing this. When was the
Speaker 2: last time that you felt like that? The other way
Speaker 2: that our body leads us to our calling is how
Speaker 2: we feel at the end of the day. You know
Speaker 2: those days when you go to bed and you just
Speaker 2: feel truly fulfilled and satisfied and you are genuinely proud
Speaker 2: of yourself. You feel accomplished, you sleep easy. It's like
Speaker 2: this warmth. What was it that you did that day
Speaker 2: that may have contributed to that state? This is what
Speaker 2: I would call an involuntary state of mindfulness. You have
Speaker 2: in some way created the conditions necessary to be totally
Speaker 2: present and just happy. And there are so many studies
Speaker 2: that show us when we practice something we love, our
Speaker 2: happy hormones, our happy neurotrans is, they go wild. And
Speaker 2: those days when your head hits the pillow with a smile,
Speaker 2: you're experiencing that very biological and psychological reaction, probably closest
Speaker 2: to inner piece in real time. Listen to your body.
Speaker 2: It will seriously guide you to your calling. Okay, we're
Speaker 2: going to take a short break, but when we return,
Speaker 2: I want to discuss those final two components of Ikey
Speaker 2: Guy and the pursuit of purpose in our twenties and beyond,
Speaker 2: what does the world need and what can we get
Speaker 2: paid to do so stay with us. Finding something that
Speaker 2: we're good at that we actually enjoy is genuinely like
Speaker 2: hitting the jackpot. It's sad to say, but a lot
Speaker 2: of people do go through their life not having that
Speaker 2: opportunity and never knowing. So, if there is even a liver,
Speaker 2: a small part of you that has found something that
Speaker 2: drives you, whether it's I don't know, music, activism, sport, writing, anything,
Speaker 2: why not bet on it. Why not give it everything
Speaker 2: and see what happens? Well? That is when the need
Speaker 2: to balance passion versus practicality comes into things. And the
Speaker 2: third component that makes up our calling and our ikea
Speaker 2: guy is what we can get paid to do. It
Speaker 2: can be really scary to realize that the thing you
Speaker 2: feel destined to do is super different to the path
Speaker 2: that you're on, especially when the thing you love may
Speaker 2: not pay the bills. When I started doing this, I
Speaker 2: made approximately zero dollars for the first two years. But
Speaker 2: does that mean you give up the dream for something
Speaker 2: that can pay the bills if it means abandoning your purpose,
Speaker 2: or do you find a way to compromise. I think
Speaker 2: they need to compromise is quite obviously the right choice
Speaker 2: here and that's not to discourage people from chasing their dreams,
Speaker 2: because yes, if you can do it, run with it,
Speaker 2: give it all you've got. If you can get paid
Speaker 2: for it, go But just because you can't make your
Speaker 2: calling your full time job doesn't mean that you are
Speaker 2: neglecting it. I think when it comes to identifying your
Speaker 2: calling and following it, we need to abandon our all
Speaker 2: or nothing thinking either I'm doing what I love and
Speaker 2: I'm following my dreams, or I'm miserable. Maybe that will
Speaker 2: surprise you to hear me say, but that's reality, isn't it.
Speaker 2: I think there is this myth around if you do
Speaker 2: what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
Speaker 2: And this endless search for the dream job is sometimes
Speaker 2: incorrect because firstly, when something becomes your job and your
Speaker 2: way of making income, I'm telling you now, you will
Speaker 2: lose some of your love for it because it becomes commodified.
Speaker 2: That is in every single person I've spoken to is
Speaker 2: like I made my passion my dream job. They have said,
Speaker 2: you know you have to love it two hundred three
Speaker 2: hundred percent because that love will reduce when it starts
Speaker 2: to be your income. Secondly, sometimes there just isn't a
Speaker 2: way to make money from what you love, but that
Speaker 2: doesn't make it not important. And thirdly, sometimes your job
Speaker 2: can just be your job, and it's, as we said before,
Speaker 2: just the thing that funds your calling. A calling. You know,
Speaker 2: it does not need to make money to be sufficiently purposeful.
Speaker 2: And sometimes in the balance between passion and practicality, practicality
Speaker 2: has to win, like working all those extra shifts to
Speaker 2: spend three months traveling and volunteering or working as someone's
Speaker 2: assistant to get your dream role in five ten years
Speaker 2: paying your dues. Our calling is bigger than the dream job.
Speaker 2: It can be expressed in so many ways in your
Speaker 2: afternoons on your weekends, but also it can be somewhat
Speaker 2: aligned and not exactly perfect, but ninety percent there and
Speaker 2: the remaining ten percent is filled up elsewhere. Again, when
Speaker 2: we abandon out all or nothing thinking about our calling
Speaker 2: and needing to find our calling through work and through
Speaker 2: a job, we feel a lot less pressure to get
Speaker 2: it all right out the gate. Sometimes those dreams also
Speaker 2: take time and we can return to out calling later on.
Speaker 2: If you want a great example of this, I really
Speaker 2: recommend this article by Psychology Today called it is Never
Speaker 2: too late to find your calling. In this article, they
Speaker 2: talk about this concept of a latent calling, something that
Speaker 2: might remain hidden or under wraps for a few years
Speaker 2: or a few decades, but never vanishes. It's not expressed openly,
Speaker 2: but it can continue to inform your sense of identity.
Speaker 2: And it's not like once you put your calling on
Speaker 2: the back burner for a little while for practicality purposes,
Speaker 2: you've given up forever. And they conducted a study last
Speaker 2: year on this exact idea, and these two researchers they
Speaker 2: examined and observed I think it was about thirty maybe
Speaker 2: forty retired individuals. All of them had played musical instruments
Speaker 2: earlier in life, and they wanted to be musicians, but
Speaker 2: they'd spent their careers working in other jobs they were.
Speaker 2: One of them was a probation officer, an accountant, physician, lawyer,
Speaker 2: TV producer, And they all spoke about how there had
Speaker 2: just been practical barriers to pursuing their calling as a career,
Speaker 2: but a huge number of them went on to revive
Speaker 2: they're calling in retirement, and even more of them kept
Speaker 2: doing it in their spare time at a consistent, if
Speaker 2: not a little bit lower level. And this is the
Speaker 2: crazy finding from this. Compared to the control group, the
Speaker 2: test group, the group that did not do this, who
Speaker 2: did not pursue their calling even in their free time,
Speaker 2: they showed so much greater overall life satisfaction and happiness
Speaker 2: for finding a way to keep showing up for their calling,
Speaker 2: even if it wasn't the way that they made money.
Speaker 2: If you do want to get paid for your calling, though,
Speaker 2: because obviously that would be a fun route to take,
Speaker 2: think of your dream job at the center of a web,
Speaker 2: and then list a series of jobs that connect to
Speaker 2: your dream job in some way. So let me use
Speaker 2: the example of an author, because that's a fun one.
Speaker 2: You might not be able to write novels full time,
Speaker 2: but you can go into publishing, which means you'll still
Speaker 2: get to be in touch with writing, or copywriting or ghostwriting.
Speaker 2: You know, you could be an accountant who clocks off
Speaker 2: at five and spends three hours each night working on
Speaker 2: pottery or your debut novel. There are a web of
Speaker 2: opportunities that exist around one calling, So don't think about
Speaker 2: it as this singular thing that you'll be happy doing.
Speaker 2: Think about it as like a big almost, like a
Speaker 2: big textbook, a big dictionary of different jobs and different professions,
Speaker 2: some that we might not even know yet, that it
Speaker 2: will connect back to the thing that drives you. Finally,
Speaker 2: let's turn to the most selfless part of what our
Speaker 2: calling should contain, and that is what is it that
Speaker 2: the world needs? Maybe, instead of focusing on how your
Speaker 2: calling could make you money, which is a valid concern
Speaker 2: of course, you think about the value of your calling
Speaker 2: as being what it provides to others. This brings me
Speaker 2: to another huge myth around finding our calling is that
Speaker 2: our calling needs to be impressive and have a large impact.
Speaker 2: It needs to elevate us so that the whole world
Speaker 2: can see it. That is a really nice vision, but
Speaker 2: actually I think our calling can be a lot more simpler.
Speaker 2: It's what we can do for our friends, our family,
Speaker 2: our community, those who need us. And it comes back
Speaker 2: to what we spoke about at the very beginning, our aptitude.
Speaker 2: What can we give the world that others maybe can't.
Speaker 2: What are the talents that we possess that are rare
Speaker 2: and unique, and focus on the small impact that you
Speaker 2: can make with that. I want to talk about an
Speaker 2: idea here you've probably heard about before, called the butterfly effect.
Speaker 2: So the butterfly effect is not a psychological theory but
Speaker 2: actually a mathematical one, and the premise is small things
Speaker 2: in one space can have a big impact. A butterfly,
Speaker 2: you know, flapping its wings in Sydney, can push the
Speaker 2: air just enough that it gets swept up, made bigger
Speaker 2: and bigger, and creates a cyclone in Turkey. Your calling,
Speaker 2: as small as you may practice it, can have a
Speaker 2: butterfly effect and can be what the world needs or
Speaker 2: what just one person needs in a moment. You making
Speaker 2: art and poetry and cool stuff and posting it on
Speaker 2: social media could inspire someone else to be creative. You
Speaker 2: talking to your friends about social justice could help educate
Speaker 2: them enough to speak out themselves, creating a butterfly effect
Speaker 2: in their own circles or their workplace. You volunteering for
Speaker 2: just two hours a week could be the thing that
Speaker 2: makes someone feel seen or feel supported. I think part
Speaker 2: of why we find purpose is something is when we
Speaker 2: see it expanding beyond us. Yes, it makes us happy
Speaker 2: and fulfilled, and we may even enter a flow state
Speaker 2: and be good at it, but it's when it's shared
Speaker 2: and when we see it making some small difference or
Speaker 2: an impact that we truly feel like we have a mission,
Speaker 2: as localized or small as that may be. Now, I
Speaker 2: want to give you three final exercises to finish off
Speaker 2: our episode. These exercises are basically designed to reveal what
Speaker 2: you may already know to be true about your purpose,
Speaker 2: but you've probably forgotten. There are some exercises that you
Speaker 2: might typically encounter in like organizational psychology or when you
Speaker 2: go see like a career therapist. So firstly, think about
Speaker 2: what life, what kind of life may be possible for
Speaker 2: you by looking at those that you admire the most,
Speaker 2: those people who you see as heroes or who you idolize.
Speaker 2: What about their life and their work is so alluring
Speaker 2: to you? What does it say about your own values?
Speaker 2: Sometimes the people we admire the most in life give
Speaker 2: us a clue as to how we might want to
Speaker 2: contribute to a better word ourselves, or what our kind
Speaker 2: of greater goals or desires are. And it's a form
Speaker 2: of positive upward comparison that is really powerful, whereby their
Speaker 2: existence doesn't make us feel inferior, It actually makes us
Speaker 2: feel quite inspired because it proves to us that what
Speaker 2: we dream of the life that we want for ourselves
Speaker 2: the calling that we envision is possible. This works best
Speaker 2: when you think about people around you who you admire.
Speaker 2: Sometimes those larger than life examples can feel very far
Speaker 2: off and untouchable, but seeing people in our own lives
Speaker 2: who really inspire us makes us think about our own
Speaker 2: mission and we look at them and we think, Okay, really, really,
Speaker 2: I'm not jealous, I'm not envious, but I really admire
Speaker 2: that part of their life. What does that say about
Speaker 2: what I might be lacking in mind? And can I
Speaker 2: not like how can I be more like them? How
Speaker 2: can I copy them? But how can I really emulate
Speaker 2: what they're bringing to their life to give them this reality? Secondly,
Speaker 2: let's talk about this exercise that's called the Good Purpose Challenge,
Speaker 2: and this originated from the University of California in Berkeley.
Speaker 2: In this exercise, you are asked to imagine yourself at
Speaker 2: forty years old, as if everything has gone exactly as
Speaker 2: you would have want it. With that image in mind,
Speaker 2: every like, really think, every single thing you try, you
Speaker 2: immediately succeed at. You never fail at any of your risks,
Speaker 2: Everything works out for you. And I want you to
Speaker 2: answer these three questions. What are you doing what is
Speaker 2: actually important to you at this time in your life
Speaker 2: in forty years, what do you really care about and
Speaker 2: what do you spend your time on? And why this
Speaker 2: exercise is really valuable because it zooms you out. It
Speaker 2: stops you worrying about what you're doing right now and
Speaker 2: needing everything to be perfect in the moment, and it
Speaker 2: stops us worrying about all the sacrifices and how and
Speaker 2: how confused we are, and it puts us some forty
Speaker 2: years in the future and lets us work backwards. It
Speaker 2: removes some of the practicality anxieties that we have about
Speaker 2: the future that we encounter so much in our twenties.
Speaker 2: Because what this hypothetical, what this exercise is asking you
Speaker 2: to do, is to really imagine, like it's all worked out,
Speaker 2: we are secure, we are stable in this situation. And
Speaker 2: when that is taken care of, where does your mind
Speaker 2: turn to. It's kind of like that question of what
Speaker 2: would you do as money is no object, but a
Speaker 2: little bit different and I think a little bit more detailed. Finally,
Speaker 2: I want to give you five final questions for getting
Speaker 2: through this maze. If you are someone who really benefits
Speaker 2: from like writing things down, These are amazing journal prompts
Speaker 2: as well for doing like the intense, deep work to
Speaker 2: find your calling. And here's the thing I'm going to
Speaker 2: make this final argument. Very rarely do we actually do this,
Speaker 2: Very rarely in our lives do we step out of
Speaker 2: that passive role and actually have a look around and
Speaker 2: be intentional and not just make a plan for a future,
Speaker 2: but make a vision for the future, and do some
Speaker 2: of that self reflection and some of that self focus
Speaker 2: that you know might feel like a bit boring right now,
Speaker 2: might feel a bit tedious, but which I would say
Speaker 2: the majority of people never get the opportunity to do.
Speaker 2: And so it's not that there is this competition, but
Speaker 2: you really are putting yourself ahead in terms of your
Speaker 2: self awareness, your self knowledge, and when it comes to
Speaker 2: making decisions, when it comes to facing crossroads, you are
Speaker 2: better equipped to do what you think is right and
Speaker 2: to do the best thing for your future. These are
Speaker 2: the five questions that I think are important for getting
Speaker 2: us to that point of clarity. If you could not fail,
Speaker 2: what would you do? A very basic one, an important
Speaker 2: one though, Really think about it. If you had to
Speaker 2: teach someone something about a topic or a skill, what
Speaker 2: would you choose, and what would you feel most passionately about?
Speaker 2: In Which situations do you feel most empowered and excited in?
Speaker 2: If you could sum up your ideal work in five
Speaker 2: descriptive words, what would you choose? Are you living your
Speaker 2: life in all way that if your calling was to
Speaker 2: come to you tomorrow, would you be able to follow it?
Speaker 2: Would you have the belief in yourself to be able
Speaker 2: to do it? I think that last question really lets
Speaker 2: us reflect on whether we actually are open to the
Speaker 2: things that might present themselves to us and that we
Speaker 2: might not know of yet that may be a surprise
Speaker 2: but actually end up being our destiny in a way.
Speaker 2: You know, are you actually letting yourself being inspired? Or
Speaker 2: are you flexible enough to fit into your dream life?
Speaker 2: Or are you continuing to again pull a heavy cart
Speaker 2: that might not be for you. I want to say,
Speaker 2: if you haven't found your calling yet, it's actually totally okay.
Speaker 2: And you know, I've made this whole episode being like
Speaker 2: this is your instruction manual to doing it. But you
Speaker 2: actually do have time. You do have time to experiment,
Speaker 2: You do have time to just exist without feeling like
Speaker 2: you need to be doing something that is bigger and
Speaker 2: greater and higher than you. I will say, I talk
Speaker 2: to so many people in their twenties. I am someone
Speaker 2: in their twenties by friends of people in their twenties.
Speaker 2: I feel like only the small minority of us have
Speaker 2: any clue about what we're doing. And it's likely that
Speaker 2: in the next twenty years that will change again. So
Speaker 2: if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling a bit confused, chaotic, panicked,
Speaker 2: panicked about not knowing what you want to do with
Speaker 2: your life, that's actually a really normal experience. And maybe
Speaker 2: everything you're experiencing is actually preparing you to be ready
Speaker 2: for what is coming. Maybe your calling doesn't exist yet,
Speaker 2: and maybe you need to explore first. Maybe your calling
Speaker 2: is bigger, maybe smaller than you've been thinking. That is
Speaker 2: where I think a whole part of this is actually
Speaker 2: just being open to possibility and opening yourself up to
Speaker 2: things that you may not have expected. Not feeling like
Speaker 2: there was there's one thing that you needed to do.
Speaker 2: You had a blueprint, you had a plan, and that's
Speaker 2: what you need to follow. Let yourself be changed, let
Speaker 2: yourself change, let yourself adapt to these new things that
Speaker 2: you're discovering about yourself, and it will work out, I'd
Speaker 2: promise you, And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't
Speaker 2: mean that you're going to be unhappy. You know, A
Speaker 2: calling does seem to have this very like golden feel
Speaker 2: about it. It does seem to be quite mythical and spiritual.
Speaker 2: But there are so many people who would say I
Speaker 2: didn't find a calling, but I found a good life
Speaker 2: and that meant a lot to me as well. So
Speaker 2: regardless of that, I just hope that you did learn something.
Speaker 2: I hope that this has been a time for you
Speaker 2: to just think about yourself and spend some time in
Speaker 2: your thoughts, you know, working through the maze. I hope
Speaker 2: that you enjoyed this episode and if you did, share
Speaker 2: it with somebody who you think might also gain something
Speaker 2: from it. Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts wherever you're
Speaker 2: listening right now. Make sure that you leave a five
Speaker 2: star review wherever you are listening right now. It helps
Speaker 2: the show to grow and meet new people. And if
Speaker 2: you want to follow up to this episode, if there
Speaker 2: is something that I spoke about and hear that, you're like,
Speaker 2: maybe I want to hear more about that, or just
Speaker 2: some other twenty something you experience that you want to
Speaker 2: know the psychology behind. I would love to hear from you,
Speaker 2: and until next time, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle
Speaker 2: to yourself, and we will talk soon