1
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,320
Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

2
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,320
Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

3
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,920
Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

4
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:22,960
Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.

5
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

6
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:32,040
Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in

7
00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,400
Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here.

8
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,400
Speaker 2: Back for another episode as we, of course break down

9
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,839
Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. This decade is filled with

10
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:48,279
Speaker 2: a lot of big, vulnerable, sometimes unanswerable questions that leave

11
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,839
Speaker 2: us feeling, if I'm honest, a bit stranded, a bit

12
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,559
Speaker 2: panicked as well. Questions of course, to do with the

13
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,840
Speaker 2: love and friendship and our careers and everything in between.

14
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,920
Speaker 2: But perhaps one of the biggest ones that we grapple

15
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,240
Speaker 2: with during our twenties is what in the world is

16
00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:07,440
Speaker 2: my calling? What was I put on this earth to do?

17
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,880
Speaker 2: And is it even something that I'll enjoy? How can

18
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,039
Speaker 2: I find direction in my life? How can I find

19
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,600
Speaker 2: my compass when it comes to what jobs I'll do,

20
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,080
Speaker 2: my five year plan, where I'll live, who I'm becoming,

21
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,319
Speaker 2: what I actually want from my life? And that is

22
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,120
Speaker 2: exactly what we are going to discuss today, when we

23
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,839
Speaker 2: have so many options, but also equally so much confusion

24
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,120
Speaker 2: about who we want to be, what we want to do,

25
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,640
Speaker 2: what we're even good at. When it feels like this

26
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,600
Speaker 2: kind of constant battle between passion and practicality, how do

27
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,840
Speaker 2: we find our calling amongst that? I think this concept

28
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,280
Speaker 2: of a calling is a beautiful one. Obviously has very

29
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,080
Speaker 2: spiritual undertones, this kind of sense that each of us

30
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:52,640
Speaker 2: is born gifted and each of us has this purpose

31
00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:55,920
Speaker 2: instilled in us by some higher power, But I think

32
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,080
Speaker 2: it also reflects our very human need for meaning in

33
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,880
Speaker 2: our lives. There have been so many articles and studies

34
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:07,400
Speaker 2: written on this very idea that without a purpose, we

35
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,000
Speaker 2: suffer and we don't thrive at the level that we could.

36
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:14,040
Speaker 2: And there are some known psychological benefits of having this

37
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,920
Speaker 2: purpose in life. And let's be clear that doesn't need

38
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,000
Speaker 2: to be work. It could be a hobby, it could

39
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:22,640
Speaker 2: be a broader goal, it could be family. But having

40
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,000
Speaker 2: something that you love doing, that you care about doing,

41
00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,760
Speaker 2: makes us less vulnerable to boredom, makes us feel less

42
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 2: stuck or stagnant. There is often this very fundamental sense

43
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:36,080
Speaker 2: of our knees that we experience when our attention isn't

44
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:40,880
Speaker 2: occupied by external things, and having a so called calling

45
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:44,959
Speaker 2: can mean that we are always striving towards something below

46
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,080
Speaker 2: the surface, and that stops us from being anxious and

47
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:53,160
Speaker 2: depressed and feeling a bit creeped up. Another important factor

48
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:56,519
Speaker 2: here is that aligning ourselves to a purpose often makes

49
00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 2: us less self centered. We feel a part of something bigger.

50
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:04,240
Speaker 2: We feel that we are contributing to something outside of ourselves,

51
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,120
Speaker 2: and that has been shown to actually perhaps make us

52
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:11,600
Speaker 2: less focused on our own worries and our own anxieties,

53
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:17,000
Speaker 2: perhaps making us better happier people. Purpose has also been

54
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:20,280
Speaker 2: shown to improve our self esteem. It just makes life

55
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,600
Speaker 2: a bit more exciting. We all want to feel fulfilled

56
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,400
Speaker 2: and motivated and like we are contributing something important to

57
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 2: the world and those around us. And we are also

58
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,720
Speaker 2: super lucky these days that we don't just have to

59
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,000
Speaker 2: see work as a paycheck and a paycheck only. There

60
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,560
Speaker 2: are just so many opportunities for getting paid to do

61
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:42,200
Speaker 2: something that you love, or to turn your passion into

62
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,760
Speaker 2: an income to make it our main focus. But all

63
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,800
Speaker 2: of that does actually raise the stakes quite a bit,

64
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,640
Speaker 2: which is why I wanted to mention it first, because

65
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,800
Speaker 2: I think it's something that we are all pretty much

66
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,040
Speaker 2: already aware of, especially in our twenties. Something I really

67
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,600
Speaker 2: hear quite a bit from people is, I know, I

68
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,360
Speaker 2: want to do something meaningful. You know, I don't want

69
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:05,840
Speaker 2: to waste my time in a job that I'm really

70
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,760
Speaker 2: unhappy with. I want to do something that is aligned

71
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:14,160
Speaker 2: to a bigger meaning that doesn't help me in discovering

72
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:19,040
Speaker 2: what that is. Sometimes the mentality behind needing a calling,

73
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,400
Speaker 2: wanting it purpose is what causes us to get even

74
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,200
Speaker 2: more stuck. It's the choice overload, the sense that every

75
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 2: decision needs to be the right one. This early on,

76
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,680
Speaker 2: it's like suddenly it's not just about having a roof

77
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,400
Speaker 2: over our head or a well paying job, but also

78
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,280
Speaker 2: having a well paying job that feeds our soul, because

79
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,520
Speaker 2: who wouldn't want that. It doesn't necessarily help, though, It

80
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,080
Speaker 2: just creates a lot more pressure on us and a

81
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,280
Speaker 2: lot more areas in which we feel the need to

82
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,240
Speaker 2: be as satisfied as possible. I've also found that sometimes

83
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,080
Speaker 2: the idea of a singular calling, that there is one

84
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,560
Speaker 2: thing out there that you will do best and the

85
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:59,920
Speaker 2: world will applaud you for and nothing else, is rather restricted.

86
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,200
Speaker 2: If we change, and so does what gives us meeting.

87
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:06,039
Speaker 2: But also, your calling can be a number of things.

88
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:09,200
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be something that, yeah, you're necessarily

89
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,520
Speaker 2: getting paid for or that you can make a career

90
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,960
Speaker 2: out of. But it also doesn't have to be one thing.

91
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,279
Speaker 2: It can be a combination of many things. It doesn't

92
00:05:17,279 --> 00:05:20,560
Speaker 2: have to be massive and loud. It can still be

93
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:24,440
Speaker 2: small and purposeful. Basically, there is not a single thing

94
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,159
Speaker 2: in the world each of us is born to do.

95
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,880
Speaker 2: There are many things. There are many things that guide us.

96
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,320
Speaker 2: And when we get clear on what they are, and

97
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,800
Speaker 2: when we really drill down into okay, what are the

98
00:05:36,839 --> 00:05:40,719
Speaker 2: particulars about the life that I want, we learn so

99
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:45,640
Speaker 2: much more about our next steps and about our calling.

100
00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:49,040
Speaker 2: So strap in, get ready, get excited. We're going to

101
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,200
Speaker 2: be discussing the Japanese concept of ikey guy, concepts like

102
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:59,440
Speaker 2: aptitude and flow, balancing, the passion versus the practicality issue,

103
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,920
Speaker 2: the myth of the dream job, and while you might

104
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,280
Speaker 2: be able to learn your calling from listening to your body,

105
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,200
Speaker 2: of all things, so much more. On top of that,

106
00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,040
Speaker 2: it's going to be a big episode today, guys. Without

107
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:20,000
Speaker 2: further ado, let's get into it one of my favorite

108
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,520
Speaker 2: concepts to discuss when we're talking about finding our calling

109
00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,120
Speaker 2: is that Japanese term that I just mentioned, iky guy.

110
00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,400
Speaker 2: You may have already heard of this. There is a

111
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,320
Speaker 2: pretty well known book going around right now of the

112
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:35,479
Speaker 2: same name. It has a blue cover some nice cherry

113
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:39,400
Speaker 2: bossoms on the front. But this concept essentially refers to

114
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:44,280
Speaker 2: our reason for being, or a motivating force, something or

115
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 2: someone that gives us a purpose, a feeling of fulfillment,

116
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:53,599
Speaker 2: and hopefully from that pleasure and enjoyment. It is essentially

117
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:57,680
Speaker 2: referring to that really deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment

118
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,240
Speaker 2: that we get from doing something we truly can care

119
00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:04,599
Speaker 2: about and which we feel successful in doing. To find

120
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,160
Speaker 2: our calling, we kind of need to be guided by

121
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,640
Speaker 2: that feeling. Actually fun fact for you all. This concept

122
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,800
Speaker 2: of ikigai has been suggested as one of the reasons

123
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:18,160
Speaker 2: that life expectancy in Japan is so high, especially in

124
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:22,320
Speaker 2: one area in particular called Okinawa, which is not by coincidence,

125
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,960
Speaker 2: also known as one of the five Blue Zones, one

126
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:28,680
Speaker 2: of the five areas in the world where life expectancy

127
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,360
Speaker 2: and life satisfaction is significantly higher than anywhere else. And

128
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,440
Speaker 2: why might that be well. We know that living a

129
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:39,480
Speaker 2: long healthy life isn't just about physical wellness, but also

130
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,920
Speaker 2: about mental health and having a reason to want to

131
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,840
Speaker 2: stay healthy, to want to take care of yourself, having

132
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,800
Speaker 2: community around you, of course, but also feeling firm in

133
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,320
Speaker 2: your reason for being, in your drive, in your purpose.

134
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:57,640
Speaker 2: And this is Ikegai. Ikegai actually seems to be made

135
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:02,200
Speaker 2: up of four distinct components or questions, and answering those

136
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,880
Speaker 2: questions is what's going to get us a lot closer

137
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,960
Speaker 2: to knowing our calling. So if you want to know

138
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,440
Speaker 2: what's going to make you happiest, what you need to

139
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,800
Speaker 2: do in your life, what you want to do in

140
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:15,800
Speaker 2: your life, I guess is a better question. You first

141
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:18,600
Speaker 2: need to know what are you truly good at. What

142
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 2: is the secret or not so secret talent or skill

143
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:25,520
Speaker 2: that you're always excelling on, you're always getting complimented on

144
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,360
Speaker 2: that is unique to you. What do you love doing,

145
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:32,880
Speaker 2: what do you love experiencing, what do you love participating in?

146
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,600
Speaker 2: In general? What does the world need? And what can

147
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:40,760
Speaker 2: you get paid for? That is basically the crux of

148
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,559
Speaker 2: what you're calling is when something fulfills those four things,

149
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,199
Speaker 2: you've pretty much got a bull's eye. It's a bit

150
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,599
Speaker 2: more complicated than that, and I really wish that I

151
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,520
Speaker 2: could show you a picture of this. But essentially, there

152
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:57,640
Speaker 2: are different levels of fulfillment on your way to finding

153
00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:01,480
Speaker 2: ike gay. Like, for example, you know the dream is

154
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:05,840
Speaker 2: to fulfill all four categories. If you love talking to people,

155
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,880
Speaker 2: if people always say you have such a talent for

156
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:12,400
Speaker 2: connecting with others, and there is a demand for more therapists,

157
00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:16,319
Speaker 2: you could get paid to discuss people's problems and you know,

158
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,080
Speaker 2: have empathy towards them, you have basically fulfilled all the

159
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,520
Speaker 2: criteria for ikea guy. That would be your purpose. You

160
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,640
Speaker 2: should become a psychologist or a counselor, and that would

161
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,960
Speaker 2: fill all those buckets quite equally. But you can do

162
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,200
Speaker 2: something that you love that the world needs and not

163
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,319
Speaker 2: be good and not be paid for that and still

164
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,960
Speaker 2: feel happy doing that thing on the side whilst working

165
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,520
Speaker 2: a full time job. That is what we might call

166
00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 2: your mission. So volunteering is an example of that. Or

167
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 2: you can do something you love that you're good at

168
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,839
Speaker 2: but can never make a career from because the world

169
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,840
Speaker 2: just might not need it right now. That's your passion,

170
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,000
Speaker 2: like hiking or making you know, interesting art projects you

171
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 2: still feel for feel, but maybe you're calling isn't finding

172
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:04,839
Speaker 2: a way to do that all the time. Maybe finding

173
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:07,480
Speaker 2: a way to get paid for that would mean losing

174
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,040
Speaker 2: the love for it, and so you continue to do

175
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:13,160
Speaker 2: it as a hobby and you know, use your job

176
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:17,040
Speaker 2: as a way to just you know, fund that exercise.

177
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,440
Speaker 2: So I kind of want to spend the rest of

178
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 2: this episode talking about each of these components in more

179
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,480
Speaker 2: detail and how we can kind of fine tune each

180
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,559
Speaker 2: and truly know what it is that we're great at,

181
00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:30,160
Speaker 2: what we actually love doing, what the world needs, and

182
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,520
Speaker 2: how to get paid for your dreams. So let's start

183
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:36,480
Speaker 2: with kind of working out what you're good at. There

184
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:39,040
Speaker 2: are some things that you're just never going to be

185
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,520
Speaker 2: the best at. Let's be completely upfront and honestly, that

186
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:45,800
Speaker 2: is so liberating when you finally understand that, when you

187
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,640
Speaker 2: finally are honest with yourself about what you are actually

188
00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:52,280
Speaker 2: naturally better at, it stops you from having to be

189
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,480
Speaker 2: the person that needs to be the best at everything

190
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,440
Speaker 2: and crumbles when we're not. It stops you from being

191
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,440
Speaker 2: stretched too thin or from poor hours into a skill

192
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,600
Speaker 2: that you know, we actually just struggle with, plain and simple.

193
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,160
Speaker 2: I remember being in high school, and I'm sure this

194
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,400
Speaker 2: is such a common experience, but I was just so

195
00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:14,400
Speaker 2: terrible at anything mathematical, and I would spend hours on

196
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,360
Speaker 2: my homework trying to get these theories, you know, route

197
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:21,600
Speaker 2: learning them. When that didn't work, and as my final

198
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,080
Speaker 2: exams were approaching and all of these hours were going

199
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:27,320
Speaker 2: towards something that I just wasn't improving at, I just

200
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:31,079
Speaker 2: honestly gave up and I spent more time and on

201
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,320
Speaker 2: what I had an aptitude for, which was English and

202
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 2: psychology and whatever else I was doing. There's only so

203
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,720
Speaker 2: much that you can keep pulling the same cart before

204
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,760
Speaker 2: you ditch it for a lighter one. That's kind of

205
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:45,239
Speaker 2: what the gist is here. And this concept of aptitude

206
00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 2: is important here because it basically says, yes, everybody can

207
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,280
Speaker 2: learn most things. Everybody could be baseline good at most

208
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:57,000
Speaker 2: things if they gave it their everything. But for some people,

209
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,200
Speaker 2: getting really good at that thing is going to be

210
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,439
Speaker 2: a lot easier and come to them a lot quicker.

211
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,240
Speaker 2: There is a reason that Lebron James is a basketball

212
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,400
Speaker 2: player and James Corden is not, or that Steve Jobs

213
00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:14,560
Speaker 2: was an inventor and not in HR or not a

214
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:18,960
Speaker 2: social worker. Right, It comes down to aptitude, And I

215
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,240
Speaker 2: know it's simple, but we all have our own talents.

216
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,080
Speaker 2: Stop trying to live the life and skills of somebody

217
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,560
Speaker 2: that you're not. The place I see this a lot

218
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,240
Speaker 2: is people at university or college who are really struggling

219
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,000
Speaker 2: and everything seems to just be like ten times harder

220
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:39,280
Speaker 2: for them. They're doing degrees that they really don't like

221
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,240
Speaker 2: because someone has told them to do so, or they've

222
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,320
Speaker 2: told themselves that this is what they should be doing.

223
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,559
Speaker 2: But it's about having a very i would say, practical

224
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:52,320
Speaker 2: and utilitarian mindset. Where do my natural talents lie such

225
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,280
Speaker 2: that I'm going to get the most out of an

226
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,400
Speaker 2: investment in them. So if you aren't quite sure, here's

227
00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,120
Speaker 2: a few questions to seriously cons are for just a second.

228
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,440
Speaker 2: What are people always giving you compliments on? What do

229
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:10,480
Speaker 2: your closest friends and family say that you were good at?

230
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,640
Speaker 2: Is it getting others to open up? Is it being organized?

231
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,160
Speaker 2: Is it planning the night out? Is it decorating your space,

232
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:22,199
Speaker 2: putting on an amazing meal? Are children like super receptive

233
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,480
Speaker 2: to you? I don't know. Maybe you don't know either,

234
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,040
Speaker 2: because you're so caught up in just getting through the

235
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:30,760
Speaker 2: day and maybe downplaying your own strengths and being self

236
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,280
Speaker 2: deprecating that you've just never actually noticed what you're truly

237
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:39,040
Speaker 2: talented at. But your friends and your family they do notice,

238
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,280
Speaker 2: and they hold the secret. Here next, take it all

239
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,560
Speaker 2: the way back. What was your best subject at school?

240
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:47,760
Speaker 2: And here's the thing. It's not just what subject did

241
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:51,240
Speaker 2: you get the best grades in, but what subject did

242
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,079
Speaker 2: you get the best grades in relevant to your effort.

243
00:13:54,559 --> 00:13:57,800
Speaker 2: It's a little bit more tricky. What achievements are you

244
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,199
Speaker 2: most proud of and what skills were involved in those achievements?

245
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:06,920
Speaker 2: What was what were you required to just be naturally

246
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,760
Speaker 2: quite good at in order to get to that goal. Essentially,

247
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,439
Speaker 2: what we are looking for here is your aptitude and

248
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,360
Speaker 2: your skill set and something that you are naturally just

249
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,960
Speaker 2: quite good at. Now that isn't always going to be

250
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,280
Speaker 2: the thing that you enjoy most. So here is the

251
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,320
Speaker 2: tricky part. We have to balance what we are naturally

252
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,480
Speaker 2: good at with what we actually enjoy, and that is

253
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,680
Speaker 2: the second component of ikey Gay. One of my friends

254
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,880
Speaker 2: had to do mandatory aptitude testing a few years back

255
00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:39,040
Speaker 2: for something or other, and after this like three hour

256
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,280
Speaker 2: long process. She got her results back and it said

257
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,640
Speaker 2: actuarial scientist. And for those of us like me who

258
00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:49,160
Speaker 2: had no idea what that means, it's essentially like applied

259
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,360
Speaker 2: statistics to determine how likely bad things are going to happen,

260
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,680
Speaker 2: or to perform like a risk assessment. And you know what,

261
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,480
Speaker 2: she took one long, hard look at that and went

262
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:02,360
Speaker 2: in the complete opposite direction. And she is a professional

263
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,640
Speaker 2: athlete now. She plays football for a living, very different

264
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,440
Speaker 2: to actuarial science. And I think she's a great example

265
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,000
Speaker 2: of why aptitude only does take you so far. We

266
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 2: are not bound by what we would be best at

267
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 2: if we tried. That is not our only potential. Passion

268
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,240
Speaker 2: is still a big part of this equation. If you

269
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 2: are like me, you might be pretty content doing a

270
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,560
Speaker 2: lot of things. That's kind of part of the problem.

271
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,800
Speaker 2: How do we determine what we really love and what

272
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,240
Speaker 2: drives us? And the secret is our body is will

273
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 2: tell us when we feel fulfilled, sustained, passionate, excited, motivated, inspired,

274
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:45,640
Speaker 2: all those good feelings. It begins in our brain, but

275
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 2: it really manifests in our body and in quite a

276
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,120
Speaker 2: few physical reactions. A big one is focus. When you

277
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 2: really love doing something, it can be almost hard to

278
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 2: pull yourself away from it because we are naturally really engaged.

279
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,480
Speaker 2: We are invested in the task or activity because we

280
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 2: are getting enjoyment out of it. Sounds super basic, right,

281
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:10,800
Speaker 2: but a high level of focus and flow is what

282
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 2: we really need to pay attention to. So a flow state,

283
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,280
Speaker 2: and we've spoken about this on the podcast before, but

284
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,120
Speaker 2: it is this mental state, this magical mental state, in

285
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:25,360
Speaker 2: which we are completely engrossed on a singular task. All

286
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:29,080
Speaker 2: of our attention is focused, we can't be distracted. It's

287
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 2: like being in the zone. But more than that, it's

288
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:35,160
Speaker 2: feeling equally fulfilled and challenged by what you're doing, energized

289
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 2: and buzzing, but also really calm, and the best way

290
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,480
Speaker 2: to describe it is feeling, I don't know, almost fluid,

291
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 2: totally absorbed. There is like an amazing Ted talk on

292
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,880
Speaker 2: this from almost two decades ago, and in it they

293
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:52,560
Speaker 2: kind of explain the way that these psychologists responsible for

294
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,760
Speaker 2: the concept came to discover it, and it was by

295
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 2: watching and observing some of the most talented but also

296
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:05,639
Speaker 2: committed and accomplished people in the world chess players, surgeons, ballerinas,

297
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,679
Speaker 2: mountain bike riders, business leaders, all people who had seemingly

298
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,359
Speaker 2: found their calling, and they wanted to know what they

299
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,280
Speaker 2: had in common. And what they had in common was

300
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:18,520
Speaker 2: the way that they all described entering a flow state

301
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,480
Speaker 2: when they did the thing they loved most. It wasn't

302
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,560
Speaker 2: just discipline or passion or hours and hours of hard work.

303
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,760
Speaker 2: I'm sure that was part of it, but the sense

304
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:34,400
Speaker 2: of trance like commitment and immersion. When was the last

305
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 2: time you felt that way? And what were you doing? See?

306
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:41,479
Speaker 2: I remember incredibly vividly doing a podcast assignment back at

307
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 2: UNI for like an international relations class or something or other,

308
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,080
Speaker 2: and it was like I had entered this altered state.

309
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,800
Speaker 2: I was so focused, and I remember looking up at

310
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,640
Speaker 2: the clock after editing this you know, assignment basically for

311
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,440
Speaker 2: three hours, and I hadn't even checked the time. Once.

312
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,560
Speaker 2: Those moments are the ones to really look out for.

313
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,920
Speaker 2: It took two more years to really start my show,

314
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,880
Speaker 2: but I remember that so clearly, and I still can

315
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 2: put myself back in that moment of how engaged but

316
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,399
Speaker 2: also relaxed I was, and I get to feel that

317
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 2: all the time now by doing this. When was the

318
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,280
Speaker 2: last time that you felt like that? The other way

319
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,240
Speaker 2: that our body leads us to our calling is how

320
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 2: we feel at the end of the day. You know

321
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,760
Speaker 2: those days when you go to bed and you just

322
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 2: feel truly fulfilled and satisfied and you are genuinely proud

323
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 2: of yourself. You feel accomplished, you sleep easy. It's like

324
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,880
Speaker 2: this warmth. What was it that you did that day

325
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 2: that may have contributed to that state? This is what

326
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 2: I would call an involuntary state of mindfulness. You have

327
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:51,400
Speaker 2: in some way created the conditions necessary to be totally

328
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,640
Speaker 2: present and just happy. And there are so many studies

329
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,760
Speaker 2: that show us when we practice something we love, our

330
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 2: happy hormones, our happy neurotrans is, they go wild. And

331
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 2: those days when your head hits the pillow with a smile,

332
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:09,200
Speaker 2: you're experiencing that very biological and psychological reaction, probably closest

333
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:13,439
Speaker 2: to inner piece in real time. Listen to your body.

334
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: It will seriously guide you to your calling. Okay, we're

335
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 2: going to take a short break, but when we return,

336
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 2: I want to discuss those final two components of Ikey

337
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,159
Speaker 2: Guy and the pursuit of purpose in our twenties and beyond,

338
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 2: what does the world need and what can we get

339
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:36,639
Speaker 2: paid to do so stay with us. Finding something that

340
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 2: we're good at that we actually enjoy is genuinely like

341
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,439
Speaker 2: hitting the jackpot. It's sad to say, but a lot

342
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 2: of people do go through their life not having that

343
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 2: opportunity and never knowing. So, if there is even a liver,

344
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 2: a small part of you that has found something that

345
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 2: drives you, whether it's I don't know, music, activism, sport, writing, anything,

346
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,720
Speaker 2: why not bet on it. Why not give it everything

347
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 2: and see what happens? Well? That is when the need

348
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 2: to balance passion versus practicality comes into things. And the

349
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 2: third component that makes up our calling and our ikea

350
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 2: guy is what we can get paid to do. It

351
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,920
Speaker 2: can be really scary to realize that the thing you

352
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 2: feel destined to do is super different to the path

353
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 2: that you're on, especially when the thing you love may

354
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 2: not pay the bills. When I started doing this, I

355
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,959
Speaker 2: made approximately zero dollars for the first two years. But

356
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 2: does that mean you give up the dream for something

357
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 2: that can pay the bills if it means abandoning your purpose,

358
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 2: or do you find a way to compromise. I think

359
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 2: they need to compromise is quite obviously the right choice

360
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 2: here and that's not to discourage people from chasing their dreams,

361
00:20:47,359 --> 00:20:49,800
Speaker 2: because yes, if you can do it, run with it,

362
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,600
Speaker 2: give it all you've got. If you can get paid

363
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 2: for it, go But just because you can't make your

364
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,400
Speaker 2: calling your full time job doesn't mean that you are

365
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 2: neglecting it. I think when it comes to identifying your

366
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 2: calling and following it, we need to abandon our all

367
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,520
Speaker 2: or nothing thinking either I'm doing what I love and

368
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:10,000
Speaker 2: I'm following my dreams, or I'm miserable. Maybe that will

369
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 2: surprise you to hear me say, but that's reality, isn't it.

370
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 2: I think there is this myth around if you do

371
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 2: what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

372
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 2: And this endless search for the dream job is sometimes

373
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 2: incorrect because firstly, when something becomes your job and your

374
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,280
Speaker 2: way of making income, I'm telling you now, you will

375
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 2: lose some of your love for it because it becomes commodified.

376
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 2: That is in every single person I've spoken to is

377
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 2: like I made my passion my dream job. They have said,

378
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,239
Speaker 2: you know you have to love it two hundred three

379
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 2: hundred percent because that love will reduce when it starts

380
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,399
Speaker 2: to be your income. Secondly, sometimes there just isn't a

381
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 2: way to make money from what you love, but that

382
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 2: doesn't make it not important. And thirdly, sometimes your job

383
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,679
Speaker 2: can just be your job, and it's, as we said before,

384
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 2: just the thing that funds your calling. A calling. You know,

385
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 2: it does not need to make money to be sufficiently purposeful.

386
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,400
Speaker 2: And sometimes in the balance between passion and practicality, practicality

387
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 2: has to win, like working all those extra shifts to

388
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 2: spend three months traveling and volunteering or working as someone's

389
00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 2: assistant to get your dream role in five ten years

390
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:21,200
Speaker 2: paying your dues. Our calling is bigger than the dream job.

391
00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 2: It can be expressed in so many ways in your

392
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:28,399
Speaker 2: afternoons on your weekends, but also it can be somewhat

393
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 2: aligned and not exactly perfect, but ninety percent there and

394
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: the remaining ten percent is filled up elsewhere. Again, when

395
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 2: we abandon out all or nothing thinking about our calling

396
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 2: and needing to find our calling through work and through

397
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: a job, we feel a lot less pressure to get

398
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 2: it all right out the gate. Sometimes those dreams also

399
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:51,880
Speaker 2: take time and we can return to out calling later on.

400
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 2: If you want a great example of this, I really

401
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,880
Speaker 2: recommend this article by Psychology Today called it is Never

402
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 2: too late to find your calling. In this article, they

403
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: talk about this concept of a latent calling, something that

404
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 2: might remain hidden or under wraps for a few years

405
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 2: or a few decades, but never vanishes. It's not expressed openly,

406
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 2: but it can continue to inform your sense of identity.

407
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,639
Speaker 2: And it's not like once you put your calling on

408
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 2: the back burner for a little while for practicality purposes,

409
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,680
Speaker 2: you've given up forever. And they conducted a study last

410
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 2: year on this exact idea, and these two researchers they

411
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 2: examined and observed I think it was about thirty maybe

412
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: forty retired individuals. All of them had played musical instruments

413
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 2: earlier in life, and they wanted to be musicians, but

414
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 2: they'd spent their careers working in other jobs they were.

415
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 2: One of them was a probation officer, an accountant, physician, lawyer,

416
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 2: TV producer, And they all spoke about how there had

417
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 2: just been practical barriers to pursuing their calling as a career,

418
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,919
Speaker 2: but a huge number of them went on to revive

419
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 2: they're calling in retirement, and even more of them kept

420
00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 2: doing it in their spare time at a consistent, if

421
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 2: not a little bit lower level. And this is the

422
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 2: crazy finding from this. Compared to the control group, the

423
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,160
Speaker 2: test group, the group that did not do this, who

424
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: did not pursue their calling even in their free time,

425
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 2: they showed so much greater overall life satisfaction and happiness

426
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 2: for finding a way to keep showing up for their calling,

427
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 2: even if it wasn't the way that they made money.

428
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 2: If you do want to get paid for your calling, though,

429
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 2: because obviously that would be a fun route to take,

430
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 2: think of your dream job at the center of a web,

431
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 2: and then list a series of jobs that connect to

432
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 2: your dream job in some way. So let me use

433
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 2: the example of an author, because that's a fun one.

434
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 2: You might not be able to write novels full time,

435
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 2: but you can go into publishing, which means you'll still

436
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 2: get to be in touch with writing, or copywriting or ghostwriting.

437
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 2: You know, you could be an accountant who clocks off

438
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 2: at five and spends three hours each night working on

439
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 2: pottery or your debut novel. There are a web of

440
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 2: opportunities that exist around one calling, So don't think about

441
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,760
Speaker 2: it as this singular thing that you'll be happy doing.

442
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 2: Think about it as like a big almost, like a

443
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: big textbook, a big dictionary of different jobs and different professions,

444
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 2: some that we might not even know yet, that it

445
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: will connect back to the thing that drives you. Finally,

446
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 2: let's turn to the most selfless part of what our

447
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,239
Speaker 2: calling should contain, and that is what is it that

448
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 2: the world needs? Maybe, instead of focusing on how your

449
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 2: calling could make you money, which is a valid concern

450
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: of course, you think about the value of your calling

451
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 2: as being what it provides to others. This brings me

452
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 2: to another huge myth around finding our calling is that

453
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,399
Speaker 2: our calling needs to be impressive and have a large impact.

454
00:25:56,480 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 2: It needs to elevate us so that the whole world

455
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 2: can see it. That is a really nice vision, but

456
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 2: actually I think our calling can be a lot more simpler.

457
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 2: It's what we can do for our friends, our family,

458
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 2: our community, those who need us. And it comes back

459
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: to what we spoke about at the very beginning, our aptitude.

460
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,840
Speaker 2: What can we give the world that others maybe can't.

461
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 2: What are the talents that we possess that are rare

462
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 2: and unique, and focus on the small impact that you

463
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 2: can make with that. I want to talk about an

464
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 2: idea here you've probably heard about before, called the butterfly effect.

465
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 2: So the butterfly effect is not a psychological theory but

466
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 2: actually a mathematical one, and the premise is small things

467
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,520
Speaker 2: in one space can have a big impact. A butterfly,

468
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 2: you know, flapping its wings in Sydney, can push the

469
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 2: air just enough that it gets swept up, made bigger

470
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,920
Speaker 2: and bigger, and creates a cyclone in Turkey. Your calling,

471
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 2: as small as you may practice it, can have a

472
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 2: butterfly effect and can be what the world needs or

473
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:03,360
Speaker 2: what just one person needs in a moment. You making

474
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,439
Speaker 2: art and poetry and cool stuff and posting it on

475
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 2: social media could inspire someone else to be creative. You

476
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: talking to your friends about social justice could help educate

477
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 2: them enough to speak out themselves, creating a butterfly effect

478
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 2: in their own circles or their workplace. You volunteering for

479
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 2: just two hours a week could be the thing that

480
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 2: makes someone feel seen or feel supported. I think part

481
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 2: of why we find purpose is something is when we

482
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 2: see it expanding beyond us. Yes, it makes us happy

483
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 2: and fulfilled, and we may even enter a flow state

484
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: and be good at it, but it's when it's shared

485
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 2: and when we see it making some small difference or

486
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 2: an impact that we truly feel like we have a mission,

487
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: as localized or small as that may be. Now, I

488
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 2: want to give you three final exercises to finish off

489
00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 2: our episode. These exercises are basically designed to reveal what

490
00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:03,479
Speaker 2: you may already know to be true about your purpose,

491
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 2: but you've probably forgotten. There are some exercises that you

492
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 2: might typically encounter in like organizational psychology or when you

493
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 2: go see like a career therapist. So firstly, think about

494
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 2: what life, what kind of life may be possible for

495
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 2: you by looking at those that you admire the most,

496
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 2: those people who you see as heroes or who you idolize.

497
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 2: What about their life and their work is so alluring

498
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 2: to you? What does it say about your own values?

499
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 2: Sometimes the people we admire the most in life give

500
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 2: us a clue as to how we might want to

501
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 2: contribute to a better word ourselves, or what our kind

502
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 2: of greater goals or desires are. And it's a form

503
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 2: of positive upward comparison that is really powerful, whereby their

504
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 2: existence doesn't make us feel inferior, It actually makes us

505
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 2: feel quite inspired because it proves to us that what

506
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,520
Speaker 2: we dream of the life that we want for ourselves

507
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 2: the calling that we envision is possible. This works best

508
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,680
Speaker 2: when you think about people around you who you admire.

509
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 2: Sometimes those larger than life examples can feel very far

510
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,479
Speaker 2: off and untouchable, but seeing people in our own lives

511
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 2: who really inspire us makes us think about our own

512
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 2: mission and we look at them and we think, Okay, really, really,

513
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 2: I'm not jealous, I'm not envious, but I really admire

514
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 2: that part of their life. What does that say about

515
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: what I might be lacking in mind? And can I

516
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: not like how can I be more like them? How

517
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 2: can I copy them? But how can I really emulate

518
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 2: what they're bringing to their life to give them this reality? Secondly,

519
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 2: let's talk about this exercise that's called the Good Purpose Challenge,

520
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 2: and this originated from the University of California in Berkeley.

521
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,960
Speaker 2: In this exercise, you are asked to imagine yourself at

522
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 2: forty years old, as if everything has gone exactly as

523
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 2: you would have want it. With that image in mind,

524
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 2: every like, really think, every single thing you try, you

525
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: immediately succeed at. You never fail at any of your risks,

526
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 2: Everything works out for you. And I want you to

527
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: answer these three questions. What are you doing what is

528
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:19,959
Speaker 2: actually important to you at this time in your life

529
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,240
Speaker 2: in forty years, what do you really care about and

530
00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: what do you spend your time on? And why this

531
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 2: exercise is really valuable because it zooms you out. It

532
00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 2: stops you worrying about what you're doing right now and

533
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 2: needing everything to be perfect in the moment, and it

534
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 2: stops us worrying about all the sacrifices and how and

535
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 2: how confused we are, and it puts us some forty

536
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 2: years in the future and lets us work backwards. It

537
00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 2: removes some of the practicality anxieties that we have about

538
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:53,719
Speaker 2: the future that we encounter so much in our twenties.

539
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 2: Because what this hypothetical, what this exercise is asking you

540
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 2: to do, is to really imagine, like it's all worked out,

541
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: we are secure, we are stable in this situation. And

542
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 2: when that is taken care of, where does your mind

543
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: turn to. It's kind of like that question of what

544
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 2: would you do as money is no object, but a

545
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 2: little bit different and I think a little bit more detailed. Finally,

546
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 2: I want to give you five final questions for getting

547
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 2: through this maze. If you are someone who really benefits

548
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 2: from like writing things down, These are amazing journal prompts

549
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 2: as well for doing like the intense, deep work to

550
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: find your calling. And here's the thing I'm going to

551
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: make this final argument. Very rarely do we actually do this,

552
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 2: Very rarely in our lives do we step out of

553
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: that passive role and actually have a look around and

554
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 2: be intentional and not just make a plan for a future,

555
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 2: but make a vision for the future, and do some

556
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,120
Speaker 2: of that self reflection and some of that self focus

557
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 2: that you know might feel like a bit boring right now,

558
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 2: might feel a bit tedious, but which I would say

559
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: the majority of people never get the opportunity to do.

560
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 2: And so it's not that there is this competition, but

561
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 2: you really are putting yourself ahead in terms of your

562
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 2: self awareness, your self knowledge, and when it comes to

563
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 2: making decisions, when it comes to facing crossroads, you are

564
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 2: better equipped to do what you think is right and

565
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 2: to do the best thing for your future. These are

566
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 2: the five questions that I think are important for getting

567
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 2: us to that point of clarity. If you could not fail,

568
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 2: what would you do? A very basic one, an important

569
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:38,719
Speaker 2: one though, Really think about it. If you had to

570
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 2: teach someone something about a topic or a skill, what

571
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 2: would you choose, and what would you feel most passionately about?

572
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 2: In Which situations do you feel most empowered and excited in?

573
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,960
Speaker 2: If you could sum up your ideal work in five

574
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: descriptive words, what would you choose? Are you living your

575
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 2: life in all way that if your calling was to

576
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 2: come to you tomorrow, would you be able to follow it?

577
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: Would you have the belief in yourself to be able

578
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 2: to do it? I think that last question really lets

579
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 2: us reflect on whether we actually are open to the

580
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 2: things that might present themselves to us and that we

581
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: might not know of yet that may be a surprise

582
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 2: but actually end up being our destiny in a way.

583
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 2: You know, are you actually letting yourself being inspired? Or

584
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 2: are you flexible enough to fit into your dream life?

585
00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 2: Or are you continuing to again pull a heavy cart

586
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 2: that might not be for you. I want to say,

587
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 2: if you haven't found your calling yet, it's actually totally okay.

588
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 2: And you know, I've made this whole episode being like

589
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 2: this is your instruction manual to doing it. But you

590
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 2: actually do have time. You do have time to experiment,

591
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 2: You do have time to just exist without feeling like

592
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 2: you need to be doing something that is bigger and

593
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 2: greater and higher than you. I will say, I talk

594
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 2: to so many people in their twenties. I am someone

595
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: in their twenties by friends of people in their twenties.

596
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 2: I feel like only the small minority of us have

597
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: any clue about what we're doing. And it's likely that

598
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 2: in the next twenty years that will change again. So

599
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling a bit confused, chaotic, panicked,

600
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 2: panicked about not knowing what you want to do with

601
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:33,240
Speaker 2: your life, that's actually a really normal experience. And maybe

602
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:37,160
Speaker 2: everything you're experiencing is actually preparing you to be ready

603
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,919
Speaker 2: for what is coming. Maybe your calling doesn't exist yet,

604
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 2: and maybe you need to explore first. Maybe your calling

605
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 2: is bigger, maybe smaller than you've been thinking. That is

606
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 2: where I think a whole part of this is actually

607
00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 2: just being open to possibility and opening yourself up to

608
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: things that you may not have expected. Not feeling like

609
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 2: there was there's one thing that you needed to do.

610
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: You had a blueprint, you had a plan, and that's

611
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 2: what you need to follow. Let yourself be changed, let

612
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 2: yourself change, let yourself adapt to these new things that

613
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: you're discovering about yourself, and it will work out, I'd

614
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,439
Speaker 2: promise you, And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't

615
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: mean that you're going to be unhappy. You know, A

616
00:35:16,680 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 2: calling does seem to have this very like golden feel

617
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 2: about it. It does seem to be quite mythical and spiritual.

618
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 2: But there are so many people who would say I

619
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,240
Speaker 2: didn't find a calling, but I found a good life

620
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 2: and that meant a lot to me as well. So

621
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 2: regardless of that, I just hope that you did learn something.

622
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 2: I hope that this has been a time for you

623
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 2: to just think about yourself and spend some time in

624
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,879
Speaker 2: your thoughts, you know, working through the maze. I hope

625
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 2: that you enjoyed this episode and if you did, share

626
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: it with somebody who you think might also gain something

627
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: from it. Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts wherever you're

628
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 2: listening right now. Make sure that you leave a five

629
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,919
Speaker 2: star review wherever you are listening right now. It helps

630
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 2: the show to grow and meet new people. And if

631
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 2: you want to follow up to this episode, if there

632
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 2: is something that I spoke about and hear that, you're like,

633
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 2: maybe I want to hear more about that, or just

634
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,840
Speaker 2: some other twenty something you experience that you want to

635
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,839
Speaker 2: know the psychology behind. I would love to hear from you,

636
00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 2: and until next time, stay safe, stay kind, be gentle

637
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,759
Speaker 2: to yourself, and we will talk soon