WEBVTT - “I MARRIED A STRANGER”

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, while Hi.

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<v Speaker 2>What is your name?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, my name's Ray. How's your Saturday?

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<v Speaker 3>So far?

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<v Speaker 2>My Saturday is going fine. I'm in the I'm always

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<v Speaker 2>having an existential crisis. You know, do you ever have those.

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<v Speaker 1>All the time? What's your crisis about?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's just like I don't know what the point

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<v Speaker 2>is of like doing anything. I know this sounds really depressing,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's like I don't know. I'm gonna tell a

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<v Speaker 2>story real quick. I'm started. I'm gonna start. I'm having

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<v Speaker 2>more fun actually now talking over callers and giving my thoughts.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm gonna do that to you right now. There's

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<v Speaker 2>this guy so I used to be I still am.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really into competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee. You familiar

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<v Speaker 2>with Super Smash Brothers. Yeah, And there's this guy I

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<v Speaker 2>think about all the time. He's a player. He's a

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<v Speaker 2>professional Super Smash Brothers player. His name is Hungry Box,

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<v Speaker 2>and he's been playing professional Super Smash Brothers Melee for

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<v Speaker 2>like fifteen years something crazy like that. I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>if it's exactly fifteen years, but whatever. And he's been

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<v Speaker 2>like he hasn't been like number one the whole time,

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<v Speaker 2>but for at least like seven, six, five years he

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<v Speaker 2>was number one. He was the best player of all time, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>and he's like his whole he's a very competitive guy,

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<v Speaker 2>and he just he always wants to win the game.

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<v Speaker 2>And I saw I was watching a video of him

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<v Speaker 2>winning a tournament from like eleven years ago or something

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<v Speaker 2>like that, and when he wins the tournament, he pops off.

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<v Speaker 2>He jumps out of his chair in excitement because he

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<v Speaker 2>won the tournament. He's like so amped. He wants it

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<v Speaker 2>so bad to win this tournament. He wants it so badly.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I watched the video from like six months

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<v Speaker 2>ago of him winning a tournament, and when he wins

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<v Speaker 2>the tournament, just as he did eleven years ago, he

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<v Speaker 2>pops off. He is filled with emotion. He's so happy

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<v Speaker 2>that he won the tournament. He wanted it so bad.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think about this guy often just because, like

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<v Speaker 2>I guess, I don't understand this thing of like, after

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<v Speaker 2>being number one for eleven years, how do you still

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<v Speaker 2>give a shit? You know? How do you still care

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<v Speaker 2>so much about winning after you've won? I mean, this

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<v Speaker 2>guy's won, you know, a hundred of these tournaments and

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<v Speaker 2>he still wants to win so badly every time. I guess,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't understand, you know, how does that

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<v Speaker 2>deep how does that desire stay so palpaable for years?

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm thinking about this because I'm trying to figure

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<v Speaker 2>out in my own life, like what I give a

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<v Speaker 2>shit about, like what I care about, and I have

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<v Speaker 2>certain things that I've cared about for many years, and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just like, I don't. I don't know how I

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<v Speaker 2>can see myself caring about this, you know, into my thirties, forties, fifties, sixties,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. And I'm like, is that is How is

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<v Speaker 2>that how life is supposed to be? Or are you

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<v Speaker 2>supposed to kind of pick your things that you give

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<v Speaker 2>a shit about? Like you do you understand what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>saying right now?

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<v Speaker 1>Definitely? Like how do you keep the fire burning?

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<v Speaker 2>Right?

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<v Speaker 1>I had this conversation with someone the other day actually,

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<v Speaker 1>and the way that he described it is like growth

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<v Speaker 1>can kind of come through in different ways. As long

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<v Speaker 1>as you keep growing, it doesn't really matter how so,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, sometimes it's good to take a break in

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<v Speaker 1>the thing that's no longer you know, on fire for

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<v Speaker 1>you and just kind of grow in a different direction.

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry, I just I just hopped up to Sorry, I

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<v Speaker 2>just hopped up to turn off a space heater.

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<v Speaker 4>You.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, you've been experiencing this in your life. Well

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<v Speaker 2>how you? How have you reinvented yourself? How have you

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<v Speaker 2>done this?

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<v Speaker 1>Well? I, I guess in terms of my career, I

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<v Speaker 1>have been really questioning if I still also if I

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<v Speaker 1>still care about it. But I've been forced to kind

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<v Speaker 1>of take a different direction in my career because of

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<v Speaker 1>my personal life. And I think with a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>things that have been going on in my personal life,

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<v Speaker 1>it's it's become impossible to care about my professional life

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<v Speaker 1>in the same way. You know, I think different areas

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<v Speaker 1>of our life can kind of drain a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>energy out of us make it harder to perform in

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<v Speaker 1>other areas.

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<v Speaker 2>So tell me what is going on in your personal

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<v Speaker 2>life is that has made you care less about the

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<v Speaker 2>professional life?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, two years ago, I got married to a stranger

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<v Speaker 1>on a girl's trip. I went to a small country

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<v Speaker 1>in Central America with some of my girls and had

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<v Speaker 1>a love at first sight experience. I've never experienced it

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<v Speaker 1>before in my life, and I think in some way

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<v Speaker 1>I thought it was kind of like it didn't really

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<v Speaker 1>matter if I got married to this person, but I

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<v Speaker 1>never felt those feelings before, so I just went for it.

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<v Speaker 1>And there were a lot of people in my life,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, telling me, probably shouldn't do this, what if

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<v Speaker 1>he's like a serial killer or something, And I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>listen to them because I was thinking, like, the chances

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<v Speaker 1>of him being like a serial killer or some crazy

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<v Speaker 1>person are are there.

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<v Speaker 3>But not that high, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>I yes, I made I meet a lot of strangers

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<v Speaker 1>all the time, and I was less afraid of it

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<v Speaker 1>than I should have been. But he turned out to

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<v Speaker 1>be a total psychopath. Actually, uh.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>At a certain point, I went to live with him

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<v Speaker 1>in that country and it was okay, but I got

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<v Speaker 1>really bad feeling about it. So I came back to

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<v Speaker 1>the US where I live, and he snuck into the

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<v Speaker 1>country illegally. I came here, and the situation just got

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<v Speaker 1>really abusive, really bad. In September of last year, he

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<v Speaker 1>was arrested for strangling me. So I led to a

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<v Speaker 1>bunch of you know, court cases or police investigations. The

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<v Speaker 1>FEDS got involved, I got the FEDS reached out to me.

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<v Speaker 1>So it was just so all consuming of my life

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<v Speaker 1>and trying to figure out how to keep myself safe. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so I've reached this point. He was finally caught because

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<v Speaker 1>he was released on bail for the strangulation and just

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<v Speaker 1>went on the run. So he was finally caught, and

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<v Speaker 1>he's in a detention facility very far away from me

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<v Speaker 1>now pending deportation. But yeah, I'm definitely in this place,

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<v Speaker 1>like I don't even know what I want to do

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<v Speaker 1>with my life.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I came in so crazy and hot, and now this

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<v Speaker 1>kind of left to pick up the pieces and try

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<v Speaker 1>to figure out what I actually want.

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<v Speaker 2>So where did where did you go in Central America?

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<v Speaker 2>Where you met this guy? Believe belieze? And how long

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<v Speaker 2>were you there for?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, for the Girls Tripper. I guess like maybe two weeks,

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<v Speaker 1>but then I came How did you?

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<v Speaker 2>How did you meet this guy?

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<v Speaker 1>He was our tour guide for like a boat tour.

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<v Speaker 1>They have a great barrier reef out there.

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<v Speaker 3>I actually met him before the tour.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so weird. We didn't really say that much to

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<v Speaker 1>each other. It was just I had an overwhelming It's

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<v Speaker 1>felt like everything exploded in my body when I saw him.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so weird to talk about. I've never had an

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<v Speaker 1>experience like that before or since, And he described the

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<v Speaker 1>same thing. But yeah, and that we just kind of

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<v Speaker 1>once we did start talking, we became inseparable.

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<v Speaker 2>M And so you went back to Belize how soon

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<v Speaker 2>after the trip?

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<v Speaker 1>Just a couple of weeks after?

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<v Speaker 2>And do you not have a job or anything that

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<v Speaker 2>you like? Did you? Did you quit your job? Did

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<v Speaker 2>you not have any place that needed your attention to

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<v Speaker 2>be there?

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<v Speaker 1>I did have a job. I eventually I quit that job,

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<v Speaker 1>which I also very much regret doing. It was a

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<v Speaker 1>very crazy, impulsive decision. I think I was also kind

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<v Speaker 1>of growing tired of the life that I had in

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<v Speaker 1>the US, so it was appealing to escape to another place.

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<v Speaker 4>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>So you got married to this guy? How soon after

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<v Speaker 2>you met him?

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<v Speaker 1>A couple weeks after I met him?

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<v Speaker 2>And why did you decide to get married? Why not

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<v Speaker 2>just hang out?

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<v Speaker 1>Well? I actually thought about it. I was like, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>either going to have to go home and just never

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<v Speaker 1>talk to this guy again, just let it stay there,

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<v Speaker 1>or I have to really commit to this happening.

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<v Speaker 3>I think he.

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<v Speaker 1>Also really drove that idea into my head, like I

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<v Speaker 1>had to if I wanted to make something happen with him.

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<v Speaker 1>I had to commit one hundred percent or I had

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<v Speaker 1>to just leave it behind me. He was heavily pushing

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<v Speaker 1>or marriage, which should have been a huge red flag.

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<v Speaker 2>How old are you and how old is he?

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<v Speaker 1>I am twenty seven, he's twenty six, okay, and at

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<v Speaker 1>the time I was twenty twenty five.

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<v Speaker 2>What'd your girls think about this? Did they tell you

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<v Speaker 2>not to do it? After kind of being the only

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<v Speaker 2>other people who knew anything about this guy?

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<v Speaker 1>They actually really liked him. At first. I didn't get

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<v Speaker 1>any you know, strong, don't do it messages from them,

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<v Speaker 1>but other friends of mine at home and in my family,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, we're we're not happy about it, and told

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<v Speaker 1>me that I shouldn't do it. But the girls on

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<v Speaker 1>the trip were weirdly pretty supportive.

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<v Speaker 2>And so the plan was just to, you know, abandon

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<v Speaker 2>all your life in America and move to Belize. What

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<v Speaker 2>was it in America going on that was making you

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<v Speaker 2>so sick of being there that you wanted to just

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<v Speaker 2>hail Mary over to Belize.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't I don't know if I really hated America.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a pretty comfortable life here. I think I

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<v Speaker 1>was just it was starting to feel monotonous and I

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<v Speaker 1>had such what I felt like was such an exciting,

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<v Speaker 1>appealing opportunity to leave the country and live a different

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<v Speaker 1>kind of life. I think I just thought that the

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<v Speaker 1>idea of something completely different really made me want to

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<v Speaker 1>try it out.

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<v Speaker 2>And how long did you stay in Belize? Married to

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<v Speaker 2>this guy?

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<v Speaker 1>For a couple months? Maybe two months?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay? And were you living at his house? Were you

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<v Speaker 2>living with his family?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we had a place together.

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<v Speaker 2>Did you have a job there? Did you like what?

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<v Speaker 2>I guess? What were your plans for being there outside

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<v Speaker 2>of just being with this guy.

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<v Speaker 4>I was.

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<v Speaker 1>I was considering getting a job I never did. I

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<v Speaker 1>looked into a couple opportunities, but the pay was it

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<v Speaker 1>was pretty much nothing, and I actually had some bills

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<v Speaker 1>in the US I had to take care of. So

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<v Speaker 1>I realized pretty quickly I couldn't like, there was no

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<v Speaker 1>way I could really take care of myself with any

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<v Speaker 1>kind of job, in believe, and he wasn't making enough

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<v Speaker 1>money to even take care of you know, our our

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<v Speaker 1>bills and believes. So I considered some remote work, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>like working jobs that are in the US, but just

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<v Speaker 1>doing it from believe. I kind of I left with

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<v Speaker 1>the decision like to just go back and forth, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>find a job that I could work in the United

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<v Speaker 1>States and then maybe either hybrid remote or full time

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<v Speaker 1>remote work, so I could go back and forth. But

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<v Speaker 1>there were a lot of red flags and his behavior

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<v Speaker 1>was really erratic and scary, so I never actually went

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<v Speaker 1>back to live there.

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<v Speaker 2>And how did his behaviors start to change?

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<v Speaker 1>Where he shouted a lot of jealousy, obsessive jealousy. He

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<v Speaker 1>was always very quick to apologize for behavior. If he

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<v Speaker 1>did something that was that really upset me or made

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<v Speaker 1>me feel uncomfortable, he was at first really quick to apologize.

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<v Speaker 3>And.

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<v Speaker 1>He just continued repeating the same behavior. So nothing changed,

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<v Speaker 1>but a lot of jealousy, Like I wasn't I wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>really safe or comfortable to hang out with friends or

0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, go out and do anything without him calling,

0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.040
<v Speaker 1>texting me over and over and over and over and

0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:43.400
<v Speaker 1>then getting very angry at me. He had my location.

0:15:44.960 --> 0:15:45.800
<v Speaker 3>Tracked on.

0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.400
<v Speaker 1>We used different like apps, but he was very insistent

0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:56.160
<v Speaker 1>on knowing exactly where I was all the time, and

0:15:56.200 --> 0:16:01.440
<v Speaker 1>he lied about pretty much everything I started finding out

0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:05.800
<v Speaker 1>as the relationship progressed that everything he told me about

0:16:05.880 --> 0:16:09.600
<v Speaker 1>who he was, about his family about his life was

0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.120
<v Speaker 1>a lie?

0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:12.320
<v Speaker 2>What kind of lies?

0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 1>His age? Even his age? He lied to me about

0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:23.760
<v Speaker 1>his age. He claimed to have a really good relationship

0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:28.080
<v Speaker 1>with his family, and I met his family, but that

0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:36.120
<v Speaker 1>wasn't it wasn't true. He really he really kind of

0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.400
<v Speaker 1>painted this like fantasy life that he had and none

0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:45.320
<v Speaker 1>of it was true. He told me he was my age,

0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.480
<v Speaker 1>but he was a year younger than me, which is

0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:52.120
<v Speaker 1>such a small thing to lie about, and it didn't

0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:52.760
<v Speaker 1>make sense.

0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:56.720
<v Speaker 2>Okay.

0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:58.760
<v Speaker 1>He told me that he had been because I had

0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:02.240
<v Speaker 1>been single for about three maybe four years before I

0:17:02.320 --> 0:17:05.959
<v Speaker 1>met him, and he told me he was also single

0:17:06.080 --> 0:17:08.280
<v Speaker 1>for about three years before.

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:09.600
<v Speaker 3>I met him.

0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:15.800
<v Speaker 1>And then I found this girl had made like a

0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:20.960
<v Speaker 1>me to post on Facebook about him, claiming that he

0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:23.760
<v Speaker 1>had like hit her and that he was really abusive

0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:27.800
<v Speaker 1>towards her and that he was cheating on her with me.

0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:33.240
<v Speaker 1>Wow and yeah, And he told me, was this.

0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:38.960
<v Speaker 2>Another was this another? Was this another foreign foreign woman?

0:17:39.040 --> 0:17:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Or was this was this a girl of Belize?

0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Yeah, she was a girl in Belize. So he

0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:48.840
<v Speaker 1>told me she was just an ex girlfriend from a

0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:52.280
<v Speaker 1>long time ago, and that she was really jealous and crazy,

0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:55.760
<v Speaker 1>and even his family members told me the same thing

0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.280
<v Speaker 1>as she was crazy. They they hadn't been together for

0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:04.400
<v Speaker 1>so long. And then over time, slowly it just kept

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:06.640
<v Speaker 1>eating at me because a lot of the things that

0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.600
<v Speaker 1>she wrote about in her post started happening to me.

0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:14.679
<v Speaker 1>She talked a lot about how jealous he was and

0:18:14.720 --> 0:18:19.520
<v Speaker 1>about how he started trying to control what she did

0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:22.560
<v Speaker 1>and who she talked to, and the same way as

0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:26.399
<v Speaker 1>she described it, it started happening to me. So I

0:18:26.480 --> 0:18:29.280
<v Speaker 1>kind of kept pressing him about this girl. I was like,

0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:33.800
<v Speaker 1>you know, and his answer changed every time. So it

0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.040
<v Speaker 1>went from oh, no, I haven't talked to her in

0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:40.719
<v Speaker 1>three years, to oh, well it was like a couple months,

0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:44.679
<v Speaker 1>to oh, well, you know, she wanted us to stay together,

0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:48.040
<v Speaker 1>but a couple of days before you and I met,

0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:51.680
<v Speaker 1>I broke things off with her. You know, the stories

0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:54.720
<v Speaker 1>just kept changing over the weeks and months.

0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:59.800
<v Speaker 2>And so when was it that you decided to leave Belize,

0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 2>leave a past or leave Belize?

0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:07.359
<v Speaker 1>I guess September. I left in.

0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:13.239
<v Speaker 2>September, and and then and that was after about two

0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:14.000
<v Speaker 2>months of being there.

0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:16.959
<v Speaker 1>He said, yeah, just about two months.

0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:19.520
<v Speaker 2>And I'm curious, what was it that kind of was like,

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.520
<v Speaker 2>all right, I gotta leave, and then also was it

0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:26.560
<v Speaker 2>difficult to get out?

0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:29.840
<v Speaker 1>I was. I actually had a trip to Italy planned

0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:35.919
<v Speaker 1>to visit my best friend who lived there, So it

0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:39.439
<v Speaker 1>was kind of a decision of whether after that trip

0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:41.600
<v Speaker 1>if I would go back to Belize or if I

0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:44.640
<v Speaker 1>would go to the United States. So I ended up

0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:49.080
<v Speaker 1>going back to the United States after that trip. But

0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.520
<v Speaker 1>he made it very difficult to leave. He didn't want

0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:57.240
<v Speaker 1>me to go on this trip. I'd planned it years

0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:01.280
<v Speaker 1>in advance, but he was trying to stop me from going.

0:20:02.280 --> 0:20:05.000
<v Speaker 1>He told me he was going to hide my passport

0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:11.680
<v Speaker 1>so that I couldn't leave. So I actually I slept

0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:16.200
<v Speaker 1>with my passport on my person for days before I left.

0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.560
<v Speaker 1>And then once I went on that trip, he did

0:20:19.600 --> 0:20:22.760
<v Speaker 1>everything he could to try to make my trip miserable.

0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:27.440
<v Speaker 1>He asked me, he harassed my friend. He just would

0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:30.960
<v Speaker 1>call over and over and over and over, and I

0:20:31.040 --> 0:20:35.639
<v Speaker 1>made it really clear, you know, I tried to tell them,

0:20:35.720 --> 0:20:38.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, we can talk for like an hour maybe

0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:41.480
<v Speaker 1>two hours in the mornings, but I need the rest

0:20:41.480 --> 0:20:43.239
<v Speaker 1>of the time for like me and my friend, and

0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:45.720
<v Speaker 1>if anything urgent comes up, just text me and I'll

0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:48.040
<v Speaker 1>get back in touch with you. I shared my location

0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:51.760
<v Speaker 1>with him the whole time, but it was it wasn't

0:20:51.880 --> 0:20:55.040
<v Speaker 1>enough for him. He seemed to think I was cheating

0:20:55.680 --> 0:20:59.199
<v Speaker 1>on him the entire trip, so I didn't get a

0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:02.840
<v Speaker 1>break from that. And when I finally was like, you

0:21:02.880 --> 0:21:05.800
<v Speaker 1>know what, I can't do this and I turn off

0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:11.320
<v Speaker 1>my phone or block him or you know, just silence

0:21:11.440 --> 0:21:17.800
<v Speaker 1>his messages or notifications, he would start. He would make

0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:21.040
<v Speaker 1>violent threats about me or my friend.

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:27.720
<v Speaker 2>And did you go from Italy back to Belize or

0:21:27.720 --> 0:21:29.600
<v Speaker 2>do you go straight from Italy back to the US?

0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:33.439
<v Speaker 1>I went straight back to the US. I was like,

0:21:34.000 --> 0:21:36.200
<v Speaker 1>I can't deal with this guy anymore.

0:21:37.560 --> 0:21:40.040
<v Speaker 2>Would did you have any belongings that you had to

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:41.360
<v Speaker 2>leave behind? And believe.

0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:47.120
<v Speaker 1>One that I really cared about. I think I had

0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:53.359
<v Speaker 1>some clothes and some like toilet trees. But I knew

0:21:53.400 --> 0:21:57.000
<v Speaker 1>before I left on that trip that I was probably

0:21:57.040 --> 0:21:57.880
<v Speaker 1>not going to come back.

0:21:58.280 --> 0:22:01.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't think it's worth going back to a

0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:04.280
<v Speaker 2>crazy Belizian man for some shower gel.

0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:15.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's definitely not. It got worse and worse to

0:22:15.760 --> 0:22:17.879
<v Speaker 1>the point I'm like, you know what, I need to

0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:22.000
<v Speaker 1>divorce this guy. And around the time I started talking

0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:24.800
<v Speaker 1>to him about you know we need to get a divorce.

0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:32.000
<v Speaker 1>Is when he I guess he had a contact in

0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:35.480
<v Speaker 1>the cartel who was able to get him across into

0:22:35.480 --> 0:22:36.720
<v Speaker 1>the US illegally.

0:22:38.000 --> 0:22:41.240
<v Speaker 2>How did he find out where you lived?

0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:44.959
<v Speaker 1>It was we had to put our addresses on our

0:22:44.960 --> 0:22:49.200
<v Speaker 1>marriage certificate. He knew where I lived. He was also

0:22:49.240 --> 0:22:54.920
<v Speaker 1>constantly like he had access to my location. He made

0:22:54.960 --> 0:22:59.240
<v Speaker 1>me download certain acts that would share my location with him,

0:22:59.640 --> 0:23:01.560
<v Speaker 1>so he knew where I was and where I would go.

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:11.160
<v Speaker 2>And so he had a contact in the cartel. Did

0:23:11.160 --> 0:23:12.920
<v Speaker 2>you have any idea that did he ever talk about

0:23:12.960 --> 0:23:15.080
<v Speaker 2>like the cartel or anything like that with you before?

0:23:18.240 --> 0:23:23.480
<v Speaker 1>Towards towards the end, when I was when I was

0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:29.639
<v Speaker 1>pretty sure I wanted to end things, he mentioned that

0:23:29.720 --> 0:23:35.199
<v Speaker 1>he had like killed people. He claimed to be like

0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:39.600
<v Speaker 1>a gang leader and believe I didn't believe it because

0:23:39.640 --> 0:23:44.359
<v Speaker 1>he didn't have any money, you know, But like he

0:23:44.440 --> 0:23:48.040
<v Speaker 1>told a lot of kind of stories like that, either

0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:50.600
<v Speaker 1>to scare me or he was kind of opening up

0:23:50.600 --> 0:23:57.440
<v Speaker 1>about being involved in some bad things. So it wasn't

0:23:57.480 --> 0:24:01.920
<v Speaker 1>really surprising to me. I I can't really talk too

0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:06.159
<v Speaker 1>much about certain things because of some investigations that are

0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.840
<v Speaker 1>going on. But his family is really bad news.

0:24:14.600 --> 0:24:18.240
<v Speaker 2>So I was curious about your guys marriage. I mean, like, what,

0:24:19.000 --> 0:24:22.280
<v Speaker 2>how how legally binding was this thing? Well, now that

0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:24.200
<v Speaker 2>you're back in the US, like do they really give

0:24:24.200 --> 0:24:29.879
<v Speaker 2>a fuck about you know, Belizean that's probably not how

0:24:29.920 --> 0:24:34.920
<v Speaker 2>you say it, Belizian, belie it's Belizian. It sounds made up.

0:24:35.280 --> 0:24:39.520
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I made that. No, Belieze is a country, right,

0:24:39.560 --> 0:24:43.120
<v Speaker 2>it's not a city. I'm so dumb. It's a country, right, Yeah.

0:24:42.960 --> 0:24:45.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's a country. Their main city is Belize City,

0:24:45.760 --> 0:24:47.440
<v Speaker 1>So oh okay.

0:24:47.280 --> 0:24:49.280
<v Speaker 2>So it's believe Belize.

0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:51.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:24:52.520 --> 0:24:54.399
<v Speaker 2>I was gonna say the city is so nice they

0:24:54.480 --> 0:24:56.080
<v Speaker 2>named it twice, but it sounds kind of like it

0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:58.400
<v Speaker 2>was bad for you.

0:24:58.400 --> 0:25:02.720
<v Speaker 1>Now you're fine, beautiful people in Belize, and I really

0:25:02.760 --> 0:25:06.199
<v Speaker 1>love the culture and the music is great. It's a

0:25:06.240 --> 0:25:09.600
<v Speaker 1>great travel destination. I just maybe wouldn't get married to

0:25:09.640 --> 0:25:11.480
<v Speaker 1>a stranger if you if you decide to go.

0:25:13.040 --> 0:25:19.520
<v Speaker 2>So now you are back in the States. Yeah uh r.

0:25:20.440 --> 0:25:22.919
<v Speaker 2>And so what's what happened with this marriage certificate? Like

0:25:23.160 --> 0:25:27.600
<v Speaker 2>is I assume I guess how legally binding is it?

0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:29.760
<v Speaker 2>As there is there? Like, what's going on with it?

0:25:29.840 --> 0:25:32.959
<v Speaker 2>I suppose like the legality of the marriage.

0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:37.159
<v Speaker 1>It's a really good question. I've been trying to find

0:25:37.200 --> 0:25:43.320
<v Speaker 1>out the answer. I can't really get a clear answer really.

0:25:43.400 --> 0:25:46.359
<v Speaker 1>I mean, technically, you can get married anywhere in the world,

0:25:46.400 --> 0:25:48.879
<v Speaker 1>and it's as long as it's legal in the place

0:25:49.000 --> 0:25:52.239
<v Speaker 1>where you got married, the United States will recognize it.

0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:59.040
<v Speaker 1>But it's I mean, in the United States, am I married?

0:25:59.119 --> 0:26:02.320
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. There were some documents that I had

0:26:02.320 --> 0:26:05.639
<v Speaker 1>to fill out for him to start with, like the

0:26:05.680 --> 0:26:11.119
<v Speaker 1>green card process. There's a document in particular that kind

0:26:11.160 --> 0:26:14.040
<v Speaker 1>of claimed him as a family member of mine. I

0:26:14.080 --> 0:26:18.959
<v Speaker 1>never filled out any of those. I just had a

0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:24.719
<v Speaker 1>really bad feeling about making sure on paper, you know,

0:26:25.160 --> 0:26:28.200
<v Speaker 1>the US government recognized him as a family member of mine.

0:26:28.480 --> 0:26:31.600
<v Speaker 1>So I never filled any of that out. But I

0:26:31.760 --> 0:26:35.439
<v Speaker 1>don't really know if it's I don't really know if

0:26:35.440 --> 0:26:40.680
<v Speaker 1>it's legally binding. I would it is.

0:26:41.760 --> 0:26:48.400
<v Speaker 2>So you left Belize in September September of what year two? Okay,

0:26:48.400 --> 0:26:53.280
<v Speaker 2>So it's been been a little bit yep, And still.

0:26:53.240 --> 0:26:57.120
<v Speaker 1>He came into the US and February of last year,

0:26:57.240 --> 0:26:58.240
<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty three.

0:26:58.560 --> 0:27:00.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, let's talk about that. So he comes into the

0:27:00.680 --> 0:27:03.480
<v Speaker 2>US and what happens.

0:27:06.119 --> 0:27:10.760
<v Speaker 1>So he got hot at the border, or I guess

0:27:10.840 --> 0:27:19.359
<v Speaker 1>right after he crossed the border, and border patrol or

0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:24.920
<v Speaker 1>USCIS or whoever technically asked to like call me two

0:27:26.200 --> 0:27:30.119
<v Speaker 1>or have me fill out documents for me to be

0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:36.560
<v Speaker 1>his sponsor. But they didn't do that. He was just

0:27:36.680 --> 0:27:41.280
<v Speaker 1>kind of you know, he put me down as a sponsor.

0:27:41.400 --> 0:27:46.200
<v Speaker 1>He had our marriage certificate with him, and they shipped

0:27:46.240 --> 0:27:49.720
<v Speaker 1>him over to where I live. I live in North Carolina,

0:27:51.440 --> 0:27:54.840
<v Speaker 1>So they shipped him here and I took him in.

0:27:55.000 --> 0:27:59.040
<v Speaker 1>He claimed that he was scared for his life and

0:27:59.119 --> 0:28:01.760
<v Speaker 1>believe he claim that people were trying to kill him,

0:28:02.600 --> 0:28:05.280
<v Speaker 1>but the story also kept changing over and over and

0:28:05.320 --> 0:28:05.879
<v Speaker 1>over again.

0:28:06.040 --> 0:28:07.960
<v Speaker 2>So he just kind of shows up at your door.

0:28:09.400 --> 0:28:12.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, well I picked him up from the airport. But yeah,

0:28:12.920 --> 0:28:14.919
<v Speaker 1>he called me like I'm here and I have nowhere.

0:28:14.640 --> 0:28:15.200
<v Speaker 3>Else to go.

0:28:17.200 --> 0:28:19.720
<v Speaker 2>And were you were? You know, and this was after

0:28:19.760 --> 0:28:24.240
<v Speaker 2>he had made these violent threats against you and your friend? Yeah,

0:28:24.680 --> 0:28:27.879
<v Speaker 2>were you were you skeptical? Were you afraid of of

0:28:27.880 --> 0:28:31.440
<v Speaker 2>of of the sky at that point?

0:28:33.040 --> 0:28:39.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, definitely. I thought if he was here, you know,

0:28:39.880 --> 0:28:43.640
<v Speaker 1>I kind of I had a little bit more in

0:28:43.680 --> 0:28:45.320
<v Speaker 1>my head. I had a little bit more of an

0:28:45.400 --> 0:28:49.240
<v Speaker 1>upper hand than when we were in Believe because I

0:28:49.280 --> 0:28:52.440
<v Speaker 1>didn't know anybody else in Believe and I was kind

0:28:52.480 --> 0:28:57.560
<v Speaker 1>of totally at his mercy there. But the way I

0:28:57.600 --> 0:28:59.400
<v Speaker 1>was thinking about it was like, well, here, I have

0:28:59.400 --> 0:29:03.160
<v Speaker 1>a friend, you know, this is my home, Like I

0:29:03.200 --> 0:29:06.520
<v Speaker 1>know how things are done here, and he's showing up

0:29:06.560 --> 0:29:09.920
<v Speaker 1>with kind of you know, no idea what's going on

0:29:10.080 --> 0:29:15.320
<v Speaker 1>and how to live here, and he made it very

0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:19.800
<v Speaker 1>much like, you know, I was all he had. So

0:29:19.840 --> 0:29:22.920
<v Speaker 1>I thought things were probably going to calm down and

0:29:23.000 --> 0:29:30.800
<v Speaker 1>that he wasn't going to be as aggressive or abusive

0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:33.760
<v Speaker 1>as he had been, which is very naive to think.

0:29:33.880 --> 0:29:37.960
<v Speaker 3>But I thought maybe it wouldn't.

0:29:37.560 --> 0:29:38.280
<v Speaker 1>Be so bad.

0:29:39.640 --> 0:29:41.120
<v Speaker 2>So how does that play out?

0:29:42.440 --> 0:29:47.920
<v Speaker 1>The opposite? Yeah, the opposite. It was really bad. He

0:29:48.040 --> 0:29:52.200
<v Speaker 1>started being physically violent about three weeks after he got here,

0:29:54.560 --> 0:29:59.280
<v Speaker 1>and that was pretty much a weekly thing until he left.

0:30:04.680 --> 0:30:07.440
<v Speaker 1>It's a it's a miracle I kept my job because

0:30:07.440 --> 0:30:13.320
<v Speaker 1>I had a new job at the time. But yeah,

0:30:13.360 --> 0:30:22.080
<v Speaker 1>there were times I started getting really bad migraines. I

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:27.080
<v Speaker 1>wasn't I pretty much had no relationship with my friends.

0:30:29.400 --> 0:30:31.640
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't really like leave the house or go out

0:30:31.640 --> 0:30:38.640
<v Speaker 1>and do anything unless he was with me, So.

0:30:40.480 --> 0:30:44.360
<v Speaker 2>How does this eventually end? Like, how does how does

0:30:44.400 --> 0:30:46.280
<v Speaker 2>he get out of the picture.

0:30:48.680 --> 0:30:54.320
<v Speaker 1>He he strangled me, and I thought I was going

0:30:54.360 --> 0:30:58.080
<v Speaker 1>to die. It was pretty bad, like I urinated all

0:30:58.120 --> 0:31:02.680
<v Speaker 1>over myself and it was really bad. So I went

0:31:02.760 --> 0:31:07.000
<v Speaker 1>to actually just went to an urgent care, like I

0:31:07.120 --> 0:31:10.360
<v Speaker 1>ran and went to an urgent care, and they filed

0:31:10.360 --> 0:31:15.080
<v Speaker 1>a police report and the police finally followed up with me,

0:31:15.360 --> 0:31:20.719
<v Speaker 1>and as I was taking the report, he was calling

0:31:20.720 --> 0:31:23.440
<v Speaker 1>me over and over and over and over again. So

0:31:23.520 --> 0:31:27.160
<v Speaker 1>one of the police officers told me to answer his call,

0:31:27.240 --> 0:31:30.000
<v Speaker 1>put it on speaker and not tell him that they

0:31:30.000 --> 0:31:36.800
<v Speaker 1>were there, and my husband just confessed everything. So they

0:31:38.520 --> 0:31:44.600
<v Speaker 1>got him and arrested him, but they almost immediately, like

0:31:44.680 --> 0:31:52.680
<v Speaker 1>after two weeks maybe released him on bail, and then

0:31:52.720 --> 0:31:56.600
<v Speaker 1>he went on the run. And from that point he

0:31:56.640 --> 0:32:04.000
<v Speaker 1>was sending me multiple death threats. He like video called me,

0:32:04.720 --> 0:32:07.040
<v Speaker 1>pointed a gun at the camera, told me I was dead,

0:32:09.440 --> 0:32:12.840
<v Speaker 1>a lot of things to try to scare me. But

0:32:13.600 --> 0:32:17.280
<v Speaker 1>his violence as we were living together kept escalating, So

0:32:17.360 --> 0:32:21.400
<v Speaker 1>at that point I really believed that he might hurt me.

0:32:25.720 --> 0:32:28.640
<v Speaker 1>I was really lucky to have some friends that were

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:32.680
<v Speaker 1>still kind of waiting waiting for me to come back

0:32:32.720 --> 0:32:34.240
<v Speaker 1>and ready to help.

0:32:37.160 --> 0:32:39.960
<v Speaker 2>What happened to him? Where's he now? Do we know?

0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:46.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? They caught him. He's in a detention facility in

0:32:46.720 --> 0:32:54.959
<v Speaker 1>another state. Yeah, I guess he was arrested on a

0:32:54.960 --> 0:33:03.240
<v Speaker 1>domestic violence call in Tennessee and then they they kind

0:33:03.240 --> 0:33:09.600
<v Speaker 1>of got him and sent him to a different facility

0:33:10.080 --> 0:33:11.080
<v Speaker 1>to wait deportation.

0:33:12.360 --> 0:33:14.320
<v Speaker 2>So he's in jail and he's going to get deported

0:33:14.440 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 2>back into Belize. Yeah, and he has he contacted you

0:33:19.680 --> 0:33:21.920
<v Speaker 2>since or do you have him blocked?

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:27.760
<v Speaker 1>Well, he doesn't. He doesn't have a cell phone, which

0:33:27.800 --> 0:33:31.800
<v Speaker 1>is nice. He doesn't really have a way to contact me.

0:33:32.200 --> 0:33:36.320
<v Speaker 1>His family members have been kind of sending me threats sporadically.

0:33:36.760 --> 0:33:41.000
<v Speaker 1>I randomly get, you know, a call from a believe

0:33:41.120 --> 0:33:45.640
<v Speaker 1>in number I just have to block. But it's been

0:33:45.720 --> 0:33:47.680
<v Speaker 1>quiet for a while, for a couple of months now,

0:33:47.720 --> 0:33:49.400
<v Speaker 1>it's been really quiet m.

0:33:49.560 --> 0:33:55.080
<v Speaker 2>Hm hm, which is nice.

0:33:55.240 --> 0:33:57.240
<v Speaker 1>But now it's you know, it's weird to go from

0:33:57.320 --> 0:34:02.200
<v Speaker 1>something so intense to just regular life again. I don't

0:34:02.200 --> 0:34:05.080
<v Speaker 1>know what normal regular life really looks like.

0:34:05.960 --> 0:34:09.160
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, this is uh, this is pretty crazy.

0:34:09.400 --> 0:34:12.359
<v Speaker 2>This is very very crazy story that you're telling us

0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:12.880
<v Speaker 2>right now.

0:34:15.239 --> 0:34:21.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's it's it's hard and very weird too, kind

0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:26.160
<v Speaker 1>of go back to a normal or try to, you know,

0:34:26.160 --> 0:34:27.480
<v Speaker 1>figure out what normal is.

0:34:28.760 --> 0:34:33.080
<v Speaker 2>And you're in North Carolina right now, I am. And

0:34:33.520 --> 0:34:34.719
<v Speaker 2>do you do you still have that job?

0:34:36.640 --> 0:34:36.799
<v Speaker 5>Uh?

0:34:37.560 --> 0:34:41.279
<v Speaker 1>I've gone through a couple jobs. I just started a

0:34:41.280 --> 0:34:44.640
<v Speaker 1>brand new one. It's just kind of for safety reasons.

0:34:46.480 --> 0:34:49.960
<v Speaker 1>He knew where I was working before, so I started

0:34:49.960 --> 0:34:50.439
<v Speaker 1>a new one.

0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:53.280
<v Speaker 2>And do you like that job?

0:34:54.920 --> 0:34:55.320
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:34:55.400 --> 0:35:00.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love the people I work with. I I

0:35:02.280 --> 0:35:04.920
<v Speaker 1>kind of wish I was able to contribute more, I guess,

0:35:04.960 --> 0:35:09.560
<v Speaker 1>be more focused. It's been hard to I hear some

0:35:09.640 --> 0:35:13.719
<v Speaker 1>people say that they're able to just drown themselves in

0:35:13.800 --> 0:35:17.640
<v Speaker 1>work to avoid thinking about anything else. Oh, yes, I

0:35:17.719 --> 0:35:21.360
<v Speaker 1>really envy people who can do that. I can't. I

0:35:21.719 --> 0:35:22.480
<v Speaker 1>wish I had.

0:35:22.320 --> 0:35:26.439
<v Speaker 2>More of that, you know. It's it's I don't know, man,

0:35:26.480 --> 0:35:29.960
<v Speaker 2>I think I don't know. I don't know how like

0:35:30.080 --> 0:35:33.319
<v Speaker 2>normal human beings like live their life and stuff. But

0:35:33.400 --> 0:35:36.799
<v Speaker 2>I always kind of think that. And I don't even

0:35:36.800 --> 0:35:39.200
<v Speaker 2>know what a normal human being looks like, or I guess,

0:35:39.200 --> 0:35:40.360
<v Speaker 2>I guess I do. I have in my head what

0:35:40.400 --> 0:35:45.600
<v Speaker 2>a normal human being is like, but I think there's

0:35:45.600 --> 0:35:51.160
<v Speaker 2>a lot of like drowning yourself in stuff. You know,

0:35:51.360 --> 0:35:54.279
<v Speaker 2>whether it's whether you're unlucky enough for it to be

0:35:54.440 --> 0:35:57.759
<v Speaker 2>you know, drugs and alcohol, or if it's work, or

0:35:58.200 --> 0:36:01.200
<v Speaker 2>or even or even if it's spent time with family

0:36:01.280 --> 0:36:06.440
<v Speaker 2>and friends, you know, or or winning super Smash Brothers tournaments.

0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:12.520
<v Speaker 2>Everyone's kind of drowning themselves in something because that's I

0:36:12.520 --> 0:36:14.319
<v Speaker 2>guess that's what life is. Is you pick something to

0:36:14.400 --> 0:36:18.920
<v Speaker 2>drown yourself in to prevent yourself from going insane, and

0:36:18.960 --> 0:36:23.040
<v Speaker 2>then you die. And if you're lucky, you've chosen to

0:36:23.120 --> 0:36:26.960
<v Speaker 2>drown yourself and the warmth of your friends and family.

0:36:27.040 --> 0:36:30.719
<v Speaker 2>And if if not, you know, you pick something else.

0:36:32.320 --> 0:36:35.560
<v Speaker 2>But again I don't I don't know how how normal

0:36:35.640 --> 0:36:39.239
<v Speaker 2>human beings operate. But that's that's how I imagine it

0:36:39.320 --> 0:36:39.520
<v Speaker 2>to be.

0:36:41.840 --> 0:36:45.319
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that would be nice to drown your life in that.

0:36:48.680 --> 0:36:50.400
<v Speaker 2>What do you what do you? What do you desire

0:36:50.480 --> 0:36:53.279
<v Speaker 2>to do next? What's on what's on the uh on

0:36:53.360 --> 0:36:54.160
<v Speaker 2>the docket for you?

0:36:56.560 --> 0:36:57.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:36:57.320 --> 0:37:02.560
<v Speaker 1>It's gotten it's gotten really difficult to look forward and

0:37:02.640 --> 0:37:08.600
<v Speaker 1>imagine the future. M I think I'd like to relocate.

0:37:11.200 --> 0:37:14.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm kind of pay here for now, but it would

0:37:14.800 --> 0:37:18.560
<v Speaker 1>be nice to go somewhere else in a different state

0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:22.879
<v Speaker 1>where you know nobody can find me and just kind

0:37:22.880 --> 0:37:26.319
<v Speaker 1>of start fresh there, start new.

0:37:26.760 --> 0:37:28.880
<v Speaker 2>Would you consider leaving the country again.

0:37:31.080 --> 0:37:38.080
<v Speaker 1>Yes, not Believes, but somewhere else. Yeah, probably nowhere in

0:37:38.120 --> 0:37:40.680
<v Speaker 1>Central America. I think I'm good on Central America for

0:37:40.719 --> 0:37:41.040
<v Speaker 1>a while.

0:37:41.080 --> 0:37:43.600
<v Speaker 2>I think you're good on Central America for a while too.

0:37:43.640 --> 0:37:46.120
<v Speaker 2>I think you've seen it. You had the food. It

0:37:46.239 --> 0:37:49.120
<v Speaker 2>was good. You can check it off on your little

0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:52.520
<v Speaker 2>map list. Probably good for Believes for the rest of

0:37:52.560 --> 0:37:56.799
<v Speaker 2>your life, I would say, depending on depending on how

0:37:59.120 --> 0:38:01.799
<v Speaker 2>how high quality that shower gel you left there was.

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:03.640
<v Speaker 2>If it was the really good stuff, then maybe you

0:38:03.680 --> 0:38:05.360
<v Speaker 2>make a trip back to Belize. But if if it

0:38:05.400 --> 0:38:07.440
<v Speaker 2>was kind of just like something you picked up at Walgreens,

0:38:07.480 --> 0:38:09.080
<v Speaker 2>then you know you can leave it.

0:38:10.960 --> 0:38:14.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't. I don't think the shower gel quality

0:38:14.320 --> 0:38:17.560
<v Speaker 1>in Belize is much better than in the United States.

0:38:17.680 --> 0:38:19.240
<v Speaker 1>I think we've got some good stuff here.

0:38:19.440 --> 0:38:24.200
<v Speaker 2>I'll be Okay, Well, that's a tough thing. I think

0:38:24.200 --> 0:38:26.560
<v Speaker 2>about that all the time. I think about like life restarts,

0:38:26.600 --> 0:38:29.640
<v Speaker 2>and I've talked to a lot of people, Uh, you know,

0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:33.120
<v Speaker 2>when I've been abroad who've restarted their lives, and you know,

0:38:33.160 --> 0:38:36.080
<v Speaker 2>I've thought about doing it myself, and it's it's a

0:38:36.160 --> 0:38:41.959
<v Speaker 2>fascinating idea. I mean, you kind of and it's hard

0:38:42.000 --> 0:38:45.080
<v Speaker 2>because you kind of tried to do it and it

0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:50.120
<v Speaker 2>just went really poorly. And I don't know if that

0:38:50.120 --> 0:38:52.640
<v Speaker 2>should necessarily I think I don't know if that should

0:38:52.640 --> 0:38:56.279
<v Speaker 2>discourage you from trying to do it again. Maybe you know,

0:38:56.400 --> 0:38:59.840
<v Speaker 2>you've you've learned some safety tips, you know, is to

0:38:59.840 --> 0:39:01.920
<v Speaker 2>have you could do it again, but not you know,

0:39:02.000 --> 0:39:08.120
<v Speaker 2>have it be such a crazy, crazy thing. But uh,

0:39:08.160 --> 0:39:10.080
<v Speaker 2>you know I would keep that courage that you have.

0:39:10.200 --> 0:39:13.120
<v Speaker 2>Whatever the courage was that you know, caught want it

0:39:13.160 --> 0:39:15.400
<v Speaker 2>made you, you know, be like, Okay, I'm going to

0:39:15.480 --> 0:39:21.400
<v Speaker 2>take a nice leap with my life, right But you know,

0:39:21.440 --> 0:39:23.839
<v Speaker 2>we we we hone it and we we adjust it.

0:39:24.320 --> 0:39:26.279
<v Speaker 2>So it's like, Okay, you know, we're gonna have the

0:39:26.320 --> 0:39:30.319
<v Speaker 2>courage to go out into a new place and make

0:39:30.400 --> 0:39:34.920
<v Speaker 2>new connections and whatnot. But you know, we've learned. Maybe

0:39:34.920 --> 0:39:38.719
<v Speaker 2>we don't you know, sign any any marriage certificates or

0:39:38.840 --> 0:39:43.600
<v Speaker 2>or do anything super crazy, but something doing something just

0:39:43.760 --> 0:39:49.319
<v Speaker 2>crazy enough that it you know, propels you into this

0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:53.840
<v Speaker 2>this new place that you want to be, you know, yeah.

0:39:53.800 --> 0:39:57.400
<v Speaker 1>Like get really into some crazy hobby.

0:39:57.040 --> 0:40:03.440
<v Speaker 2>Like yeah that sky die sky you're gonna that's skydiving.

0:40:03.480 --> 0:40:05.360
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I don't know. Skydiving is probably safer than

0:40:05.440 --> 0:40:08.120
<v Speaker 2>driving a car. I personally, I mean, I watch videos

0:40:08.160 --> 0:40:13.000
<v Speaker 2>all day of horrible skydiving accidents on Twitter, and so

0:40:13.360 --> 0:40:18.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm biased against it. But you know, it's I think.

0:40:18.600 --> 0:40:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Any extreme sports.

0:40:20.520 --> 0:40:22.719
<v Speaker 2>I don't like extreme sports. I don't think it's worth

0:40:22.760 --> 0:40:24.239
<v Speaker 2>you know, don't get I don't like things where you

0:40:24.280 --> 0:40:29.000
<v Speaker 2>can get all fucked up. Yeah, yeah, Like why don't

0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.279
<v Speaker 2>you Why don't you move to China and start a

0:40:31.360 --> 0:40:34.800
<v Speaker 2>knitting club and it's just you and you know the

0:40:34.840 --> 0:40:37.759
<v Speaker 2>people of China and you're and you're knitting. That could

0:40:37.760 --> 0:40:40.120
<v Speaker 2>be fun. So that sounds lovely.

0:40:41.200 --> 0:40:43.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I have to learn how to knit, but that's

0:40:43.800 --> 0:40:49.400
<v Speaker 1>a good idea. Go off to some like French countryside

0:40:49.440 --> 0:40:53.240
<v Speaker 1>and learn how to make you know, French dishes.

0:40:53.719 --> 0:40:57.200
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, don't that's I guess what I'm trying I

0:40:57.200 --> 0:40:59.399
<v Speaker 6>guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope

0:40:59.440 --> 0:41:04.720
<v Speaker 6>you don't lose is your sense of adventure and sense of.

0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:09.400
<v Speaker 2>You know, desire to keep evolving and changing. But that

0:41:09.680 --> 0:41:12.640
<v Speaker 2>but so don't lose that, you know, don't let this

0:41:12.800 --> 0:41:17.480
<v Speaker 2>horrible experience, you know, totally freeze you up to the

0:41:17.480 --> 0:41:18.839
<v Speaker 2>point where you don't want to go out and live

0:41:18.880 --> 0:41:21.520
<v Speaker 2>your life anymore. Right, we don't want that to happen,

0:41:22.000 --> 0:41:26.440
<v Speaker 2>but you know, but but take that sense and you know,

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:28.759
<v Speaker 2>don't let it aroad. But also don't let it, you know,

0:41:29.200 --> 0:41:33.920
<v Speaker 2>steer you into you know, the bad places. You know,

0:41:34.040 --> 0:41:35.040
<v Speaker 2>you know what I'm talking about.

0:41:36.200 --> 0:41:39.279
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah, I think it takes some time too

0:41:39.440 --> 0:41:43.680
<v Speaker 1>for healing. I haven't really spent a whole lot of

0:41:44.640 --> 0:41:49.960
<v Speaker 1>time in between adventures, I guess, focusing on healing myself

0:41:50.040 --> 0:41:53.759
<v Speaker 1>and making myself, you know, stronger before jumping into the

0:41:53.800 --> 0:41:58.480
<v Speaker 1>next thing. Sure, sure, sure, I think that healing can

0:41:58.560 --> 0:41:59.960
<v Speaker 1>be an adventure in itself.

0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:02.560
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I like that. I like that. You know what

0:42:02.640 --> 0:42:05.319
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna I'm gonna take that. I'm going to take

0:42:05.320 --> 0:42:07.279
<v Speaker 2>that from you. Healing can be an adventure in and

0:42:07.360 --> 0:42:10.480
<v Speaker 2>of itself. Sometimes I'm going to take that. I like that.

0:42:10.640 --> 0:42:14.359
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's the hardest one, sometimes it's the scariest one,

0:42:14.480 --> 0:42:17.520
<v Speaker 1>but it's one of the most important ones.

0:42:18.640 --> 0:42:19.479
<v Speaker 2>What's your name again?

0:42:22.040 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 1>Out right?

0:42:23.400 --> 0:42:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Right? Well, right right, thanks for sharing your tale with us.

0:42:26.560 --> 0:42:29.400
<v Speaker 2>I hope it was helpful to talk about. You know.

0:42:29.960 --> 0:42:31.799
<v Speaker 2>You know what. I bet somebody will listen to this

0:42:31.840 --> 0:42:36.640
<v Speaker 2>podcast and you you'll you maybe you'll you'll get them

0:42:36.640 --> 0:42:41.560
<v Speaker 2>to think twice about their you know, crazy foreign marriage

0:42:41.600 --> 0:42:43.160
<v Speaker 2>adventure that they might be embarking on.

0:42:44.960 --> 0:42:47.319
<v Speaker 1>That was my hope. That's the plan. Thank you so

0:42:47.400 --> 0:42:48.080
<v Speaker 1>much for having.

0:42:47.920 --> 0:42:48.279
<v Speaker 3>Me a while.

0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:50.239
<v Speaker 2>Of course, any final words for the people of the

0:42:50.280 --> 0:42:51.080
<v Speaker 2>computer before we.

0:42:51.040 --> 0:42:57.800
<v Speaker 1>Go, just think twice before doing anything crazy.

0:42:59.040 --> 0:43:04.920
<v Speaker 2>Take care, right, Thanks so much. I you know, at

0:43:04.920 --> 0:43:06.680
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of Race Call, I was telling her that

0:43:06.719 --> 0:43:09.680
<v Speaker 2>I was in an existential crisis mode, and I am.

0:43:10.360 --> 0:43:13.640
<v Speaker 2>And whenever I get into an existential crisis mode, my

0:43:13.760 --> 0:43:17.320
<v Speaker 2>first instinct is like, okay, well, I'm not getting any younger,

0:43:17.920 --> 0:43:23.040
<v Speaker 2>and I have this job that only only every so

0:43:23.239 --> 0:43:26.600
<v Speaker 2>often requires me to actually you know, be in a

0:43:26.600 --> 0:43:29.480
<v Speaker 2>physical location, and so why don't I go to Thailand

0:43:29.520 --> 0:43:32.000
<v Speaker 2>for a little bit, you know, and see what the

0:43:32.000 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 2>fuck happens. And I do think I'm gonna do that.

0:43:36.280 --> 0:43:37.960
<v Speaker 2>I do think it's important to do those things. But

0:43:38.000 --> 0:43:42.520
<v Speaker 2>I am inspired by Ray's words of maybe, you know,

0:43:42.640 --> 0:43:50.200
<v Speaker 2>healing and overcoming and reinventing and and tacking on. You know,

0:43:50.320 --> 0:43:52.760
<v Speaker 2>the issues you actually have in your home are already

0:43:52.800 --> 0:43:54.880
<v Speaker 2>adventure in and of themselves, and so I'm going to

0:43:54.920 --> 0:43:58.200
<v Speaker 2>think about that and what what would you know? As

0:43:58.280 --> 0:44:02.520
<v Speaker 2>it's it's my favorite thing in the podcast is when

0:44:02.600 --> 0:44:05.920
<v Speaker 2>when the therapy gecko gets therapy echoed. So thank you

0:44:06.000 --> 0:44:06.359
<v Speaker 2>very much.

0:44:06.440 --> 0:44:09.720
<v Speaker 4>Ray.

0:44:12.200 --> 0:44:14.799
<v Speaker 2>Hello, Hi there. What's your name?

0:44:15.040 --> 0:44:17.720
<v Speaker 3>Oh? My name is Mea.

0:44:18.160 --> 0:44:21.520
<v Speaker 4>I was at your Syracuse show a few days ago.

0:44:22.080 --> 0:44:24.040
<v Speaker 2>Why are you? Why are you talking like that? You're

0:44:24.080 --> 0:44:24.680
<v Speaker 2>like doing a bit.

0:44:26.360 --> 0:44:27.280
<v Speaker 4>I have no idea.

0:44:27.560 --> 0:44:31.360
<v Speaker 3>I think I'm kind of like a little I don't want.

0:44:31.239 --> 0:44:33.880
<v Speaker 4>To say a little autistic because people don't like when.

0:44:33.680 --> 0:44:36.160
<v Speaker 2>It's okay, yeah, that's okay, that's okay.

0:44:36.360 --> 0:44:38.799
<v Speaker 4>You know, I think that might be a little bit.

0:44:39.400 --> 0:44:41.560
<v Speaker 2>That's okay, that's totally okay. I just I just the

0:44:41.640 --> 0:44:43.600
<v Speaker 2>only I didn't say that, I promisedly. I wasn't saying

0:44:43.600 --> 0:44:44.799
<v Speaker 2>that to be a dick. I just I was saying

0:44:44.800 --> 0:44:46.960
<v Speaker 2>that because I was like, no, you were You don't

0:44:46.960 --> 0:44:48.520
<v Speaker 2>have to do that. You can do we can just talk.

0:44:48.600 --> 0:44:49.200
<v Speaker 2>It's okay.

0:44:49.719 --> 0:44:52.880
<v Speaker 4>Oh it takes a lot to bother me, honestly, So

0:44:52.960 --> 0:44:54.359
<v Speaker 4>you're fine.

0:44:54.120 --> 0:44:56.440
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I really, I didn't mean to offend you. I

0:44:56.480 --> 0:44:58.520
<v Speaker 2>just wanted to tell you, like, you don't have to

0:44:58.840 --> 0:45:00.640
<v Speaker 2>because I think some people I think they have to

0:45:00.760 --> 0:45:04.200
<v Speaker 2>like do a put on, and you don't. You could

0:45:04.239 --> 0:45:06.120
<v Speaker 2>just be be whoever you are. It's okay.

0:45:07.640 --> 0:45:11.719
<v Speaker 4>No, I'm just naturally strange. I'm sorry about that.

0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:14.799
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, no, no, no no, don't don't be. Just

0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:16.840
<v Speaker 2>as long as you're being naturally whatever you are, you

0:45:16.880 --> 0:45:22.240
<v Speaker 2>have nothing to apologize for. Oh yeah, anyway, uh Mia

0:45:23.400 --> 0:45:25.960
<v Speaker 2>you yes, you you? You mentioned to me over over

0:45:26.000 --> 0:45:28.600
<v Speaker 2>this text that you were at my Syracuse show a

0:45:28.600 --> 0:45:30.360
<v Speaker 2>few nights to go shout out to Syracuse had a

0:45:30.400 --> 0:45:36.799
<v Speaker 2>really fun time this week Syracuse, Albany, Hartford, Connecticut doing shows.

0:45:36.960 --> 0:45:40.960
<v Speaker 2>Uh therapic gecotour dot com, go check it out. But anyway,

0:45:41.000 --> 0:45:45.280
<v Speaker 2>you said you broke up with your boyfriend after the show?

0:45:45.480 --> 0:45:48.520
<v Speaker 2>Was he at? I'm wonder was the show like a

0:45:48.600 --> 0:45:49.880
<v Speaker 2>catalyst for this breakup?

0:45:50.120 --> 0:45:57.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh so not necessarily. I mean it was like a

0:45:57.120 --> 0:45:58.440
<v Speaker 4>couple days.

0:45:58.080 --> 0:46:01.440
<v Speaker 3>After, but not long after.

0:46:04.120 --> 0:46:08.319
<v Speaker 4>You know, I feel I feel like a bitch, and

0:46:08.440 --> 0:46:11.640
<v Speaker 4>I'm kind of like, you know, am I the asshole?

0:46:12.680 --> 0:46:13.239
<v Speaker 3>I might be?

0:46:13.480 --> 0:46:16.200
<v Speaker 2>I might tell us what happens if you if you

0:46:16.239 --> 0:46:16.560
<v Speaker 2>want to.

0:46:16.840 --> 0:46:24.280
<v Speaker 4>So, me and my boyfriend, uh we met on TikTok's

0:46:24.440 --> 0:46:29.799
<v Speaker 4>very very strange way to meet and he lives in

0:46:29.880 --> 0:46:38.640
<v Speaker 4>Michigan and oh god, I he flew out here. He

0:46:38.880 --> 0:46:48.080
<v Speaker 4>was supposed to stay till freaking boom till Tuesday, and uh,

0:46:48.160 --> 0:46:53.719
<v Speaker 4>I should not be laughing. It's not funny, very sad.

0:46:54.440 --> 0:46:56.799
<v Speaker 4>I laugh at sadness.

0:46:57.040 --> 0:46:57.200
<v Speaker 5>Uh.

0:46:57.880 --> 0:47:00.840
<v Speaker 4>You know, we were we were playing these cards that

0:47:00.960 --> 0:47:04.480
<v Speaker 4>were that are like, oh, let's get closer.

0:47:05.040 --> 0:47:05.920
<v Speaker 3>Couples of a day.

0:47:06.040 --> 0:47:08.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I know, it's the whole like here's some

0:47:09.040 --> 0:47:12.319
<v Speaker 2>questions to build intimacy kind of cards.

0:47:12.600 --> 0:47:13.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:47:13.440 --> 0:47:17.759
<v Speaker 4>I kind of went like the opposite direction. I just

0:47:17.840 --> 0:47:21.839
<v Speaker 4>kind of like, you know, I do thing where it's

0:47:21.880 --> 0:47:25.600
<v Speaker 4>like in every relationship, I kind of lie to myself

0:47:25.760 --> 0:47:31.000
<v Speaker 4>after a while, which is totally not intentional. I'm like, oh, yeah,

0:47:31.160 --> 0:47:35.000
<v Speaker 4>I'm in love, this is great. This is going to

0:47:35.080 --> 0:47:37.239
<v Speaker 4>be the rest of my life.

0:47:37.320 --> 0:47:38.320
<v Speaker 3>And then there's just kind.

0:47:38.200 --> 0:47:41.160
<v Speaker 4>Of like this impending cloud of doom, like oh no,

0:47:41.920 --> 0:47:44.840
<v Speaker 4>this is going to be the rest of my life. Yeah,

0:47:44.880 --> 0:47:49.080
<v Speaker 4>and then I kind of start freaking out. It's not

0:47:49.280 --> 0:47:52.440
<v Speaker 4>that I don't know, I don't know what is So

0:47:52.560 --> 0:47:55.960
<v Speaker 4>you know, it's kind of like, oh, what's going on?

0:47:56.160 --> 0:47:59.960
<v Speaker 4>You see him a little upset, and I'm like, yeah,

0:48:01.120 --> 0:48:03.759
<v Speaker 4>not feeling it, you know. And it was just it

0:48:03.800 --> 0:48:08.560
<v Speaker 4>was just like this downward spiral. And I paid for

0:48:08.719 --> 0:48:13.960
<v Speaker 4>him to fly home that day.

0:48:14.040 --> 0:48:19.040
<v Speaker 2>That that is hold on, hold on, that is funny, Like.

0:48:19.920 --> 0:48:24.600
<v Speaker 4>Oh, it's so bad because like he didn't do anything wrong.

0:48:24.680 --> 0:48:27.160
<v Speaker 2>That's okay, that's okay. You don't have to. They don't

0:48:27.200 --> 0:48:28.920
<v Speaker 2>have to. It's not it doesn't have to be. It

0:48:28.960 --> 0:48:32.200
<v Speaker 2>doesn't you know, it doesn't have to be sad. Hold on, Okay,

0:48:32.239 --> 0:48:33.759
<v Speaker 2>all right, Well can I can I just real quick

0:48:33.800 --> 0:48:35.440
<v Speaker 2>me out, let me, let's rain all of this in

0:48:35.480 --> 0:48:38.520
<v Speaker 2>real quick. Okay. So here's how I understand this. All right, So,

0:48:38.520 --> 0:48:41.200
<v Speaker 2>so you went to the show with with this guy

0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:42.960
<v Speaker 2>that you met on tape. Was see your boyfriend? Or

0:48:43.000 --> 0:48:44.360
<v Speaker 2>was he just like a guy that you kind of

0:48:44.360 --> 0:48:46.000
<v Speaker 2>met for the first time on to off of TikTok?

0:48:47.640 --> 0:48:50.879
<v Speaker 4>So we met on TikTok, but we had meeting up

0:48:50.960 --> 0:48:55.560
<v Speaker 4>in person like twice before, Okay, so this was like

0:48:55.640 --> 0:48:56.880
<v Speaker 4>third times charm.

0:48:57.160 --> 0:48:59.719
<v Speaker 2>All right? So if you do so, he flies from

0:48:59.719 --> 0:49:03.359
<v Speaker 2>Misschigan to Syracuse, you guys, was he were you both

0:49:03.400 --> 0:49:07.040
<v Speaker 2>at the show. Yeah, did I meet guys?

0:49:08.080 --> 0:49:10.279
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, we have a picture with you. We were like,

0:49:10.800 --> 0:49:12.440
<v Speaker 4>I want to last in line.

0:49:13.480 --> 0:49:15.239
<v Speaker 2>Wait a minute, hold like, I'm so sorry. Can you

0:49:15.280 --> 0:49:16.759
<v Speaker 2>send me this picture? I want to see if I

0:49:16.840 --> 0:49:17.960
<v Speaker 2>remember your faces?

0:49:18.520 --> 0:49:20.879
<v Speaker 4>Oh Jesus, Oh so I just text it to you.

0:49:20.960 --> 0:49:23.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I just texted to this phone number. But I'll

0:49:23.920 --> 0:49:27.960
<v Speaker 2>talk to I'll talk to you while you're doing it.

0:49:27.960 --> 0:49:32.600
<v Speaker 2>It's recent enough that I remember your faces. Maybe, but anyway, Okay,

0:49:32.640 --> 0:49:36.880
<v Speaker 2>so you So he flies out from Michigan to Syracuse, Uh,

0:49:37.040 --> 0:49:39.360
<v Speaker 2>to hang out with you, go to the show? Uh?

0:49:39.400 --> 0:49:44.400
<v Speaker 2>And how long is he in Syracuse for? So with that?

0:49:44.640 --> 0:49:50.640
<v Speaker 4>Oh god, that was the first day.

0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:53.360
<v Speaker 2>So he flies in, goes to the show. Okay, he

0:49:53.400 --> 0:49:54.719
<v Speaker 2>sent the picture. He hold let me let me let

0:49:54.760 --> 0:49:59.800
<v Speaker 2>me see if I remember you guys. Okay, wait a minute,

0:50:01.160 --> 0:50:04.239
<v Speaker 2>Oh wait, I told absolutely, Wait hold on, hold on?

0:50:04.440 --> 0:50:06.520
<v Speaker 2>Is his name? I don't want to dox him, Brandon.

0:50:06.600 --> 0:50:08.440
<v Speaker 2>Let's cut all right, Brandon. Let's me if we can

0:50:08.560 --> 0:50:12.440
<v Speaker 2>mute this name from the podcast, because I don't want

0:50:12.480 --> 0:50:15.200
<v Speaker 2>to dox him, But tell me if I was right?

0:50:15.680 --> 0:50:20.920
<v Speaker 2>Is was his name? Yeah? Ah? Fuck? Yeah? The fuck

0:50:21.400 --> 0:50:24.200
<v Speaker 2>all of you guys, who think I don't remember anyone's

0:50:24.280 --> 0:50:26.040
<v Speaker 2>name because I fucking remember this guy's name.

0:50:26.120 --> 0:50:28.840
<v Speaker 4>Hell yeah, Oh he got it, you got it, I got.

0:50:28.680 --> 0:50:31.239
<v Speaker 2>It, I fucking got I'm actually, I actually am so

0:50:31.440 --> 0:50:35.200
<v Speaker 2>stoked about that because you listen, if you listen to

0:50:35.239 --> 0:50:37.280
<v Speaker 2>this show, you'll listen to me ask people's name about

0:50:37.800 --> 0:50:39.960
<v Speaker 2>one hundred times. But yes, I remember this guy. No,

0:50:39.960 --> 0:50:41.759
<v Speaker 2>I remember this guy. He had a he had a

0:50:41.840 --> 0:50:44.279
<v Speaker 2>vibe going to him. Both both both you guys had

0:50:44.280 --> 0:50:49.960
<v Speaker 2>a head a little vibe going. I do remember you guys.

0:50:50.000 --> 0:50:55.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's just like, man, he didn't do anything wrong,

0:50:56.360 --> 0:50:58.920
<v Speaker 4>you know, I don't know, maybe you don't know, but

0:50:59.719 --> 0:51:03.560
<v Speaker 4>just like, not to sound corny, but the vibe is

0:51:03.600 --> 0:51:08.000
<v Speaker 4>there or it's not there. And we very much, you know,

0:51:08.200 --> 0:51:12.320
<v Speaker 4>connected as friends, but they're the romance it was dead.

0:51:13.480 --> 0:51:16.359
<v Speaker 2>I remember his name because he just looks like his name.

0:51:16.400 --> 0:51:19.160
<v Speaker 2>He looks like his name. Anyway, listen to me. I

0:51:19.239 --> 0:51:23.040
<v Speaker 2>don't think. Okay, you plant you paying for him to

0:51:23.080 --> 0:51:26.480
<v Speaker 2>fly home that day. It is funny. Okay, you don't

0:51:26.480 --> 0:51:28.560
<v Speaker 2>have to feel bad about I mean, you don't feel

0:51:28.560 --> 0:51:31.200
<v Speaker 2>bad about it because it is. It is funny. But

0:51:31.200 --> 0:51:33.960
<v Speaker 2>but here's the thing. I don't think there's anything, there's

0:51:34.000 --> 0:51:38.960
<v Speaker 2>nothing wrong with uh, just be making this decision of like,

0:51:39.200 --> 0:51:42.759
<v Speaker 2>you know what, it's not there. We don't have to

0:51:42.760 --> 0:51:46.319
<v Speaker 2>waste time. We don't have to, you know, hang out

0:51:46.320 --> 0:51:49.040
<v Speaker 2>in Syracuse for another week while we're not feeling it.

0:51:49.200 --> 0:51:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Just just go home. They lick the wounds and we'll

0:51:55.000 --> 0:51:56.840
<v Speaker 2>move on. We'll figure it out. It's fine, it's fine.

0:51:59.760 --> 0:52:03.680
<v Speaker 4>Like I totally would have waited till after the trick,

0:52:04.280 --> 0:52:07.040
<v Speaker 4>Like I did not plan to do this. That's why

0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:10.160
<v Speaker 4>I feel like an asshole, because it's like, damn, I

0:52:10.160 --> 0:52:12.480
<v Speaker 4>couldn't have waited till Why.

0:52:12.400 --> 0:52:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Wait, why wait? What was gonna happen? You decided you

0:52:15.520 --> 0:52:18.040
<v Speaker 2>didn't like him? What was that week gonna look like?

0:52:18.080 --> 0:52:19.759
<v Speaker 2>That wasn't gonna be a fun week for either of you.

0:52:20.400 --> 0:52:22.560
<v Speaker 2>That was only gonna it was only gonna get worse, right,

0:52:22.640 --> 0:52:25.960
<v Speaker 2>because you were gonna be feeling slowly, slowly, more and

0:52:26.000 --> 0:52:27.680
<v Speaker 2>more as though you were getting trapped into a thing

0:52:27.680 --> 0:52:29.640
<v Speaker 2>that you didn't even want to be in. And he

0:52:29.960 --> 0:52:31.719
<v Speaker 2>was gonna start, he was gonna get more and more

0:52:31.760 --> 0:52:35.080
<v Speaker 2>excited and happy and more invested, and it was it

0:52:35.160 --> 0:52:37.719
<v Speaker 2>was just not gonna be a good thing. So, you know,

0:52:37.760 --> 0:52:40.799
<v Speaker 2>I don't think there was anything wrong with being you know,

0:52:40.960 --> 0:52:43.640
<v Speaker 2>being honest and sending him home and being like, you

0:52:43.680 --> 0:52:45.319
<v Speaker 2>know what, this wasn't gonna work. It was only gonna

0:52:45.320 --> 0:52:47.319
<v Speaker 2>get worse. You know you actually did the right thing,

0:52:47.360 --> 0:52:50.600
<v Speaker 2>I think because you ended it, uh before before it

0:52:50.600 --> 0:52:51.080
<v Speaker 2>got worse.

0:52:52.719 --> 0:52:54.719
<v Speaker 4>And he's like, let me pay you back for the

0:52:54.800 --> 0:52:55.600
<v Speaker 4>point ticket.

0:52:55.800 --> 0:52:56.239
<v Speaker 3>I'm like.

0:52:57.880 --> 0:53:03.560
<v Speaker 2>This, it was honestly, honestly kind kind it's still very funny,

0:53:03.560 --> 0:53:05.839
<v Speaker 2>but kind of you to pay for the plane ticket back.

0:53:07.560 --> 0:53:09.839
<v Speaker 4>Well, it's like, you know, don't we sit there like

0:53:10.080 --> 0:53:15.120
<v Speaker 4>four days in awkwardness and then right right right, you know,

0:53:15.280 --> 0:53:16.280
<v Speaker 4>let's make it work.

0:53:16.400 --> 0:53:20.759
<v Speaker 2>It's like, no, instead, did you pack him a lunch

0:53:20.840 --> 0:53:22.360
<v Speaker 2>and give him an apple juice for the flight?

0:53:23.560 --> 0:53:23.640
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:53:24.800 --> 0:53:27.200
<v Speaker 4>You know I didn't do that, And I do feel bad.

0:53:27.280 --> 0:53:29.720
<v Speaker 3>I could have I can cook.

0:53:30.680 --> 0:53:31.520
<v Speaker 2>What was I gonna say?

0:53:31.560 --> 0:53:31.719
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:53:31.800 --> 0:53:37.520
<v Speaker 2>What was the card that made you decide that it

0:53:37.560 --> 0:53:38.239
<v Speaker 2>wasn't gonna work?

0:53:39.480 --> 0:53:41.680
<v Speaker 4>Oh? God? Well, you know it was kind of like

0:53:41.840 --> 0:53:47.480
<v Speaker 4>one after the other, like questions like like I should

0:53:47.600 --> 0:53:51.440
<v Speaker 4>not be laughing. See this is how I feel like

0:53:51.480 --> 0:53:51.960
<v Speaker 4>an asshle.

0:53:52.000 --> 0:53:53.880
<v Speaker 3>I just I laughed to deal with things.

0:53:53.960 --> 0:53:57.959
<v Speaker 4>I do genuinely feel so bad because he's a great guy,

0:53:58.080 --> 0:53:58.760
<v Speaker 4>great friend.

0:53:59.360 --> 0:54:04.640
<v Speaker 5>He was a nice Yeah, I liked I Like, it's

0:54:04.680 --> 0:54:09.760
<v Speaker 5>like questions like, what what made me fall in love

0:54:09.840 --> 0:54:10.319
<v Speaker 5>with you?

0:54:10.360 --> 0:54:13.319
<v Speaker 4>Do you remember the moment I fell in love with you?

0:54:13.400 --> 0:54:16.520
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, oh God, not really.

0:54:17.320 --> 0:54:19.040
<v Speaker 3>It's like, am I supposed to?

0:54:19.440 --> 0:54:19.680
<v Speaker 5>You know?

0:54:21.200 --> 0:54:23.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you just met the guy for the second time?

0:54:24.800 --> 0:54:28.080
<v Speaker 3>Well third, but still how how how.

0:54:28.040 --> 0:54:30.239
<v Speaker 2>How long were you guys chatting on the TikTok for?

0:54:31.360 --> 0:54:36.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh, but I think I'm bad at timelines.

0:54:36.120 --> 0:54:38.640
<v Speaker 3>We've known each other for like a bit over a year.

0:54:39.400 --> 0:54:42.959
<v Speaker 4>Okay, we talked on TikTok for a little bit, went

0:54:43.000 --> 0:54:46.680
<v Speaker 4>over to Snapchat kind of weird, but like just talked

0:54:46.719 --> 0:54:51.640
<v Speaker 4>on Snapchat and just continuously talked every day. And then,

0:54:51.800 --> 0:54:54.319
<v Speaker 4>like I want to say, after being friends for like

0:54:56.120 --> 0:54:59.480
<v Speaker 4>six months or more, we were like, let's try to date.

0:54:59.600 --> 0:55:02.600
<v Speaker 4>But I said I wasn't gonna like date him till

0:55:02.640 --> 0:55:04.000
<v Speaker 4>I met him in person.

0:55:04.560 --> 0:55:07.480
<v Speaker 2>That's a reasonable request. That's a reasonable request.

0:55:07.680 --> 0:55:10.759
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, It's like, I'm not gonna call you my boyfriend

0:55:10.800 --> 0:55:14.839
<v Speaker 4>before I meet you in person, even though I think.

0:55:14.600 --> 0:55:15.479
<v Speaker 5>I like you.

0:55:15.960 --> 0:55:17.840
<v Speaker 2>Does he is? He? So you guys both came to

0:55:17.880 --> 0:55:19.920
<v Speaker 2>my show? Does he also listen to this podcast. I

0:55:19.960 --> 0:55:20.840
<v Speaker 2>assume he's gonna hear this.

0:55:22.200 --> 0:55:24.279
<v Speaker 4>You know, I don't know if he really does. I

0:55:24.280 --> 0:55:28.440
<v Speaker 4>think he sees like the clips on like Instagram and stuff.

0:55:28.560 --> 0:55:32.359
<v Speaker 4>He's probably too depressed right now to be doing this.

0:55:32.840 --> 0:55:35.560
<v Speaker 2>Look if he's here, Look, because I've met this guy,

0:55:35.600 --> 0:55:37.879
<v Speaker 2>all right, so here's let me and I only knew

0:55:37.920 --> 0:55:40.719
<v Speaker 2>him for two seconds, but uh, let me just if

0:55:40.719 --> 0:55:43.319
<v Speaker 2>he's listening to this, I'm not gonna say his name

0:55:43.320 --> 0:55:45.120
<v Speaker 2>again because we already said we're gonna bleep it once.

0:55:45.160 --> 0:55:50.239
<v Speaker 2>But if you're listening to this, okay, listen, I remember you.

0:55:50.239 --> 0:55:51.759
<v Speaker 2>You had a lot of swag. I'm looking at a

0:55:51.760 --> 0:55:54.560
<v Speaker 2>picture of you right now. You're a swaggy guy. You're

0:55:54.680 --> 0:55:57.000
<v Speaker 2>you got you know, cool hair, you got a good vibe.

0:55:57.000 --> 0:55:59.960
<v Speaker 2>You're gonna be fine. I'm gonna I'm gonna give him

0:55:59.960 --> 0:56:02.040
<v Speaker 2>a fake name so I can address himself. I'm gonna

0:56:02.040 --> 0:56:06.359
<v Speaker 2>call him John. John. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna

0:56:06.360 --> 0:56:12.600
<v Speaker 2>be fine, John. You know you'll go You'll find someone else.

0:56:14.320 --> 0:56:19.960
<v Speaker 5>Please forget probably, Yeah, bounce back.

0:56:20.080 --> 0:56:23.840
<v Speaker 4>And I kind of feel like it's me problem in

0:56:23.880 --> 0:56:26.839
<v Speaker 4>a way, not to be like the whole cliche. Oh,

0:56:26.880 --> 0:56:31.440
<v Speaker 4>it's not you, it's me. But this feels like it

0:56:31.640 --> 0:56:35.240
<v Speaker 4>happens in all of my relationships, and I do try

0:56:35.280 --> 0:56:39.960
<v Speaker 4>to like take it slow, you know. I do try

0:56:40.000 --> 0:56:43.799
<v Speaker 4>to pace myself, make sure I like him. And then

0:56:43.800 --> 0:56:46.760
<v Speaker 4>it's like, all of a sudden, in the middle of stuff,

0:56:46.800 --> 0:56:49.719
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, uh, oh, who.

0:56:49.560 --> 0:56:50.400
<v Speaker 3>Is this guy?

0:56:51.000 --> 0:56:52.520
<v Speaker 4>Not really who is this guy?

0:56:52.640 --> 0:56:55.319
<v Speaker 2>But it's like no, you're right, you're you're sitting in there,

0:56:55.400 --> 0:56:57.840
<v Speaker 2>laying in bed, You're looking at him, and you're like,

0:56:57.840 --> 0:56:59.919
<v Speaker 2>who's this random guy in my bed?

0:57:01.239 --> 0:57:04.279
<v Speaker 4>Yeah? Like yeah, is this is this the rest of

0:57:04.320 --> 0:57:04.840
<v Speaker 4>my life?

0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:08.480
<v Speaker 2>That's every that's every that's that's everyone's worst nightmare. That's

0:57:08.560 --> 0:57:12.279
<v Speaker 2>really everyone's absolute worst night are both both a guy

0:57:12.320 --> 0:57:14.800
<v Speaker 2>and a girl. If you're a guy, there's nothing worse

0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:17.800
<v Speaker 2>than when if you're like in bed with someone you've

0:57:17.800 --> 0:57:20.640
<v Speaker 2>been dating and you can tell that they just looked

0:57:20.640 --> 0:57:23.160
<v Speaker 2>at you and they were like, who is this stranger

0:57:23.240 --> 0:57:25.880
<v Speaker 2>in my bed right now? And then for you as well,

0:57:26.160 --> 0:57:28.040
<v Speaker 2>you look at them, you're like, why this is insane,

0:57:28.040 --> 0:57:30.280
<v Speaker 2>We're just we don't even you could be you could

0:57:30.440 --> 0:57:33.800
<v Speaker 2>be dating someone for like five years and look at

0:57:33.800 --> 0:57:37.600
<v Speaker 2>them and be like, who's this fucking guy? In my house.

0:57:38.120 --> 0:57:40.160
<v Speaker 2>You know, terrifying I've had.

0:57:40.840 --> 0:57:43.880
<v Speaker 4>You know, I'm I'm twenty seven. I'm not I'm not

0:57:44.120 --> 0:57:47.640
<v Speaker 4>super old. I'm not super young anymore. But it's like,

0:57:48.880 --> 0:57:52.680
<v Speaker 4>you know, I don't. I'm kind of like, should I

0:57:52.760 --> 0:57:55.200
<v Speaker 4>just not fucking date people anymore?

0:57:55.880 --> 0:57:56.120
<v Speaker 1>You know?

0:57:56.320 --> 0:57:59.120
<v Speaker 4>I feel like this is a family curse. I had

0:57:59.160 --> 0:58:05.160
<v Speaker 4>an uncle who passed away and like his early sixties,

0:58:05.640 --> 0:58:09.040
<v Speaker 4>and he was kind of like a player, and I

0:58:09.200 --> 0:58:13.480
<v Speaker 4>feel like him, Like he always tried to have a girlfriend.

0:58:13.520 --> 0:58:17.080
<v Speaker 4>And like even this one girl, her name was Tammy,

0:58:17.640 --> 0:58:20.360
<v Speaker 4>and and my uncle Mike going Tammy. They had a

0:58:20.400 --> 0:58:24.680
<v Speaker 4>freaking vibe going. She was sweet, she was cool, and

0:58:25.000 --> 0:58:28.280
<v Speaker 4>the like main reason why they broke up was because

0:58:28.320 --> 0:58:33.160
<v Speaker 4>she had a fucking dog, Like because my uncle is

0:58:33.200 --> 0:58:36.800
<v Speaker 4>like anal about everything and he's like, oh, the dog's

0:58:36.840 --> 0:58:41.560
<v Speaker 4>gonna get hair everywhere. And it's like I feel I

0:58:41.640 --> 0:58:45.120
<v Speaker 4>feel like him. I feel like we have this this curse.

0:58:46.080 --> 0:58:49.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Jesus, I have you know what fuck it. I'm

0:58:49.720 --> 0:58:52.480
<v Speaker 2>just gonna say this because I'm trying to be I'm

0:58:52.520 --> 0:58:55.960
<v Speaker 2>trying to be more authentic on here. I kind of

0:58:55.960 --> 0:58:59.480
<v Speaker 2>have that curse too, and I'm not I'm gonna be

0:58:59.480 --> 0:59:02.760
<v Speaker 2>honest with you, I think it's bad. I would I

0:59:02.760 --> 0:59:05.240
<v Speaker 2>would refer to it as a curse. I would definitely

0:59:05.280 --> 0:59:06.520
<v Speaker 2>refer to it as a curse.

0:59:10.840 --> 0:59:12.360
<v Speaker 4>Sorry, I'm not trying to cut you off.

0:59:12.320 --> 0:59:14.480
<v Speaker 2>Here, cut me off, go ahead.

0:59:15.440 --> 0:59:19.240
<v Speaker 4>No, it just like I get really into my thoughts

0:59:19.280 --> 0:59:23.000
<v Speaker 4>about it, and I'm like, am I the weird one?

0:59:23.320 --> 0:59:26.960
<v Speaker 4>Or are a bunch of other people lying to themselves?

0:59:28.440 --> 0:59:32.720
<v Speaker 4>Like does that make sense? Like like maybe maybe all

0:59:32.760 --> 0:59:36.360
<v Speaker 4>these other people are just like pretending and feeling weird,

0:59:37.080 --> 0:59:42.240
<v Speaker 4>but just they're miserable in their relationship and not talking

0:59:42.320 --> 0:59:42.880
<v Speaker 4>about it.

0:59:43.440 --> 0:59:48.400
<v Speaker 2>That's why, buddy. Fuck if I know, Fuck if I know,

0:59:48.760 --> 0:59:50.439
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't know who's happy and who's

0:59:50.480 --> 0:59:55.000
<v Speaker 2>not happy. I mean, I mean, look, there's four kinds

0:59:55.000 --> 0:59:58.800
<v Speaker 2>of people, right, There's people who are happy in their relationships,

0:59:59.160 --> 1:00:01.880
<v Speaker 2>people who are unhappy be in their relationships, people are

1:00:01.880 --> 1:00:04.440
<v Speaker 2>happy being single, and people who are unhappy being single.

1:00:04.840 --> 1:00:13.360
<v Speaker 2>And all of those people exist in the universe, and

1:00:13.720 --> 1:00:16.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what necessarily differentiates them. I don't know

1:00:16.360 --> 1:00:20.479
<v Speaker 2>what the X factors are. But you know, choose your character, mate.

1:00:22.400 --> 1:00:24.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, It's just.

1:00:25.840 --> 1:00:30.520
<v Speaker 4>I think I gotta stop trying, and I just I

1:00:30.560 --> 1:00:34.160
<v Speaker 4>don't know if it can be achieved. I think, you know,

1:00:34.280 --> 1:00:36.920
<v Speaker 4>I think it's all in my head that something's going

1:00:37.000 --> 1:00:40.280
<v Speaker 4>to be good, and then it is not.

1:00:40.800 --> 1:00:41.560
<v Speaker 3>It's not good.

1:00:42.920 --> 1:00:44.320
<v Speaker 2>Well, don't beat yourself up.

1:00:44.400 --> 1:00:44.480
<v Speaker 4>Me.

1:00:44.560 --> 1:00:46.120
<v Speaker 2>It was nice of you to pay for that guy's flight.

1:00:46.160 --> 1:00:47.800
<v Speaker 2>Did you send him home first class? That would have

1:00:47.800 --> 1:00:48.480
<v Speaker 2>been really funny.

1:00:49.680 --> 1:00:50.400
<v Speaker 4>See about that.

1:00:50.880 --> 1:00:52.520
<v Speaker 3>We didn't go that far.

1:00:52.680 --> 1:00:55.440
<v Speaker 2>Did you at least send him Southwest a boarding group.

1:00:57.280 --> 1:00:59.400
<v Speaker 4>I know he was on Southwest.

1:01:00.120 --> 1:01:01.400
<v Speaker 3>Don't know about the group.

1:01:01.840 --> 1:01:04.360
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, you send them home in the sea. Boy

1:01:04.440 --> 1:01:06.520
<v Speaker 2>he got he had to sit in the middle seat

1:01:06.600 --> 1:01:08.880
<v Speaker 2>between a baby and a fat guy.

1:01:09.960 --> 1:01:13.800
<v Speaker 4>I know his flight got delayed. He did get home

1:01:13.800 --> 1:01:18.400
<v Speaker 4>at like one in the morning. It was pretty quick,

1:01:18.520 --> 1:01:20.560
<v Speaker 4>like we broke up and then you got on the

1:01:20.600 --> 1:01:25.560
<v Speaker 4>flight like three hours later. My damn, this this happened

1:01:25.560 --> 1:01:29.240
<v Speaker 4>real fast. This was not in the itinerary.

1:01:30.680 --> 1:01:32.320
<v Speaker 2>Well me, I mean, don't feel it. Don't you know

1:01:32.360 --> 1:01:34.360
<v Speaker 2>what I'll say. I'll say one more time before we go.

1:01:34.800 --> 1:01:40.160
<v Speaker 2>I think I think you know, I honestly I respect

1:01:40.760 --> 1:01:44.000
<v Speaker 2>the genuineness by which you went around, by which you

1:01:44.040 --> 1:01:46.760
<v Speaker 2>went through the situation, because you know you didn't want

1:01:46.760 --> 1:01:48.160
<v Speaker 2>to drag it out a lot of people will drag

1:01:48.160 --> 1:01:50.440
<v Speaker 2>it out out of fear, you know, because a lot

1:01:50.480 --> 1:01:52.240
<v Speaker 2>of people, by the way, a lot of people have

1:01:52.400 --> 1:01:55.640
<v Speaker 2>this curse that you're referring to, and a lot of

1:01:55.680 --> 1:02:00.000
<v Speaker 2>those people do not have the courage to admit it,

1:02:00.360 --> 1:02:04.960
<v Speaker 2>and so they'll drag it out, right. So don't don't

1:02:05.280 --> 1:02:07.520
<v Speaker 2>don't feel too bad. Don't feel too bad. It was

1:02:07.600 --> 1:02:12.080
<v Speaker 2>nice you to pay for this cause flight. Thanks Thanks

1:02:12.080 --> 1:02:14.080
<v Speaker 2>again for coming to the Syracuse show. That was fun.

1:02:14.120 --> 1:02:15.840
<v Speaker 2>I remember the guy who called his dad to telling

1:02:15.880 --> 1:02:17.440
<v Speaker 2>me drank his piss. That was an ald timer.

1:02:18.320 --> 1:02:21.080
<v Speaker 4>That was my favorite part. Listen if the cannibal girl

1:02:21.240 --> 1:02:24.480
<v Speaker 4>was listening, I'm sorry that was that was kind of cringey,

1:02:24.600 --> 1:02:27.520
<v Speaker 4>kind of kind of out there. I don't know how

1:02:27.600 --> 1:02:33.000
<v Speaker 4>serious she was. I'm scared, but the pee part was

1:02:33.040 --> 1:02:36.720
<v Speaker 4>my favorite. It was a great time. You did a great.

1:02:36.520 --> 1:02:41.360
<v Speaker 2>Job, folks listening. Go to therapy geckotour dot com to

1:02:41.560 --> 1:02:43.360
<v Speaker 2>r s VP for when I come to your city

1:02:43.440 --> 1:02:46.720
<v Speaker 2>or to go to you know something, to go to

1:02:46.760 --> 1:02:51.920
<v Speaker 2>one of the shows. Anyway, Mia, thanks for calling. Uh,

1:02:52.000 --> 1:02:53.479
<v Speaker 2>there's anything else I want to say to the people

1:02:53.480 --> 1:02:54.600
<v Speaker 2>of the computer before we go.

1:02:55.880 --> 1:02:59.360
<v Speaker 4>You know, guys, I don't think I'm an asshole. You know,

1:03:00.240 --> 1:03:03.920
<v Speaker 4>I can't pretend. I can't hide. If I could, I

1:03:04.000 --> 1:03:06.400
<v Speaker 4>would have, but that.

1:03:06.480 --> 1:03:07.280
<v Speaker 3>Might have been worse.

1:03:07.800 --> 1:03:12.880
<v Speaker 4>So hopefully I've got some supporters out there, and definitely

1:03:12.880 --> 1:03:15.360
<v Speaker 4>goes a therapy Gecko show. It was worth it. It

1:03:15.400 --> 1:03:18.280
<v Speaker 4>should not end your relationship.

1:03:19.240 --> 1:03:21.320
<v Speaker 2>All right, take care, Thanks MAA.

1:03:21.560 --> 1:03:23.120
<v Speaker 4>Well, thank you, Bobe bye.

1:03:24.840 --> 1:03:26.880
<v Speaker 2>Actually it's kind of funny. So I did a show.

1:03:28.240 --> 1:03:30.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, was it last No, it's two nights ago.

1:03:30.120 --> 1:03:34.600
<v Speaker 2>I did a show in Hartford, Connecticut, shout out Hartford, Connecticut,

1:03:34.720 --> 1:03:39.840
<v Speaker 2>and this couple came on stage because this woman submitted

1:03:39.880 --> 1:03:43.520
<v Speaker 2>an entry to come on stage saying that her she

1:03:43.640 --> 1:03:47.480
<v Speaker 2>almost s broke up with her boyfriend when they went

1:03:47.520 --> 1:03:51.400
<v Speaker 2>to my show in New York because her boyfriend like

1:03:52.320 --> 1:03:55.280
<v Speaker 2>didn't want her because she tried. She tried to wear

1:03:55.320 --> 1:04:02.920
<v Speaker 2>a gecko costume to the show and her boyfriend wouldn't

1:04:03.000 --> 1:04:10.120
<v Speaker 2>let her. And because the reason why is because he

1:04:10.200 --> 1:04:14.480
<v Speaker 2>said there could only be one gecko and he was

1:04:14.560 --> 1:04:17.560
<v Speaker 2>like trying to he was trying to like defend my honor.

1:04:20.360 --> 1:04:26.000
<v Speaker 2>But they are still together anyway. Thanks, thanks for thanks

1:04:26.000 --> 1:04:31.080
<v Speaker 2>for calling. Yeah, goes on the line, taking your phone

1:04:31.080 --> 1:04:34.320
<v Speaker 2>calls every night, Deacon goes to his side.

1:04:34.400 --> 1:04:37.400
<v Speaker 6>He's teaching you a loud of your life, but he's

1:04:37.440 --> 1:04:39.120
<v Speaker 6>not really an expert.