WEBVTT - No. 69: How Comparison & Competition Is Keeping Us From Joy + Detachment As A Way To Release Insecurity. 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:03.279 Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:07.280 So I'm on Lisa Bonet's Internet and shout out to 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:12.800 Lisa Bonet for letting us know that it's okay black 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:16.279 girl to be a little bit different. Anyway, I'm on 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:20.239 Lisa Bonet's Internet and I read this and it's from 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.200 Young Pueblow, which is where I get a lot of 0:00:23.239 --> 0:00:29.200 these little introductions. It says there's an attractive vibe that 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:34.239 people who are willing to grow emit. Even if you 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:37.720 are just starting on your journey, being comfortable with the 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.360 fact that you are imperfect and are ready to move 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:47.120 beyond old limits gives off a special energy that calls 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:53.440 in emotionally mature people. Think that's the truth. And let 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.120 me tell you something. I'm gonna add to that, Young Pueblow. 0:00:56.760 --> 0:01:00.320 Keep growing and watch what Happenstill are. 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:01.680 To leave your life. 0:01:01.840 --> 0:01:04.880 And you know, as I say that, I think about 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:10.760 some of the people who have left my life for 0:01:10.840 --> 0:01:16.240 whatever reason, or people that I'm not as close to anymore. 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:19.880 And it's okay. First and foremost, it's okay. You know, 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:24.640 it's not It's not that I don't it's not even 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:27.240 that I don't miss them because some. 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:29.280 Of them I really missed some of them. I had 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:30.280 to grieve. 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:35.160 The loss of them as if they left this planet. 0:01:35.240 --> 0:01:38.360 But the truth of the matter is that as you grow, 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:41.520 as you heal, and you continue on your healing journey, 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:45.959 people are going to fall off and fall away, and 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:50.280 that is okay, and it's normal. It's perfectly normal. It's 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:54.080 a part of the rebirth process. As with all animals. 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:58.240 It's like shedding an exoskeleton. People are going to fall away. 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:21.639 Habits are going to fall away, and it is perfectly okay. 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:25.640 I can't see the thing. It okay. What's up, y'all? 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:28.720 Welcome to hand me my pursa podcast. I am Mimi Walker, 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:31.720 and I will be your forever host each and every 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:35.640 single time you tune into this podcast. So go ahead 0:02:35.639 --> 0:02:39.519 and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:44.640 whether that's orange, Gatorade, prosecco with your favorite prosecco, whatever 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:48.040 that is, with some guava nectar in it. 0:02:48.320 --> 0:02:49.360 That sounds good to me. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:52.080 It's like a spin on a or a different take 0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:56.720 on a mimosa, some prosecco or even champagne with some 0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:00.880 guava nectar or some hot chocolate with some white rum 0:03:01.480 --> 0:03:06.639 ooh ooh, keep the marshmallows, top it with some whipped 0:03:06.680 --> 0:03:11.200 cream and go like yourself a candle, some incense or 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.720 burn some sage and just get yourself ready to chill 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:26.799 out and have a good time. What's up, friends and 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:29.639 can It's me and me, Resident Auntie Supreme here at 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:33.240 hand me my purse and I am sipping on some 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:42.200 mint majesty tea with peach juice from you guessed It Starby. 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:50.680 I decided to go back to my summertime regimen of 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:53.680 going to do any work related to hand me my 0:03:53.760 --> 0:03:57.119 purse as Starbucks, and I got myself a delicious hot 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:00.240 tea with some peach juice. It's cold in a mug outside, 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:04.120 and you know, after work, I immediately went home because 0:04:04.160 --> 0:04:07.720 I got some stuff for pre Prime Day. And I 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:10.720 got home only to realize that somebody stole my fucking 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:14.080 Amazon package. And when I tell you, she is fuming, 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:15.320 she is fuming. 0:04:15.360 --> 0:04:16.920 Who is she? I am? She? 0:04:16.920 --> 0:04:18.839 She is me? And let me tell you something. I 0:04:19.040 --> 0:04:24.080 hate a fucking thief. I hate people who steal because 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:27.000 it's low to think that it's okay for you to 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:30.600 take something else that somebody worked hard for because you're 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:32.520 sorry ass, can't get it for yourself. 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:37.200 Figure it out. It's so low. It's so low. Anyway, 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:38.960 I said, let me get. 0:04:38.760 --> 0:04:41.920 Out of here and go do some work, and boom. 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:44.240 I ended up at Starbucks, which is my bomb and 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:47.440 gilliad and I just want to say thank you to 0:04:47.520 --> 0:04:51.400 Starbucks for bringing some joy to my otherwise wampay wampus 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:55.279 ass day. I also got a local Starbucks treat, which 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:58.760 is it was so good. It was a sweet potato 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:03.240 cupcake and it was effing delish. Again, I want to 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:07.240 say thank you to stars, Starbucks, my friend. You continue 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:10.159 to bring me joy and then not so joyous time. 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.920 And you know, I can smell y'all judging me over here. 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:19.200 I can smell y'all over there judging me, and I 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:23.080 don't care because I like Starbucks. And no, they're not 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.240 paying me for this. Should they be paying me for this? 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:30.640 Apps a fucking lutely, but you know what, they aren't, 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:34.760 and I think it's but you know, hopefully one day 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:36.919 they'll say, you know, this chick says our name so 0:05:36.960 --> 0:05:39.520 many times, you would think we go together because we 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:44.160 do Starbucks. We go together, real bad, we go together real, real, 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:47.200 fucking bad Starbucks. We is together and we is in 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:51.120 a relationship whether you know it or not, and it's 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:53.279 you know, I give you too much money. You know, 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:55.800 now that I'm thinking about this, maybe it's not a 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:58.680 healthy relationship. Either way, We're not going to do this 0:05:58.760 --> 0:05:59.200 right now. 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:00.560 The stuff. 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:12.560 So first again, today's jam is a song that I 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:13.200 have loved. 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.080 When did this come out? Let me just do a 0:06:15.160 --> 0:06:16.719 little looking real fast. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:22.320 The cham is by se Lo Green and once upon 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.320 a time I loved me some se Low Green. Okay, 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:30.880 loved him and I loved his music and I was 0:06:30.880 --> 0:06:31.520 a big fan. 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:32.520 Okay. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:36.120 The song is actually called love Gun and it is 0:06:36.160 --> 0:06:42.839 from his album The Lady Killer. Well, how interesting that is. 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:46.719 But anyway, the album came out in twenty ten, and 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:47.960 it was so good. 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:51.560 It was so good. The album was amazing. 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:56.960 And actually I loved Selo's first three albums, and I 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.360 mean I love them a lot. It's a lot of gems. 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:03.680 That second album was a It is a classic. Shout 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:08.000 out to my friend Kiya. Me and Kiy used to 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:10.000 run that album in the ground back when I was 0:07:10.040 --> 0:07:11.800 a hot girl and we used to go out four 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.480 to five times a night. That's probably why my knees 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:17.200 are bad now. But anyway, the song is called love 0:07:17.280 --> 0:07:21.200 Gun and it is by see Low featuring someone named 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.640 Lauren Bennett. Don't really know who Lauren Bennett is. I 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.880 don't really care who she is, but sis came. I mean, 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.720 I don't know who she is, but either way, she 0:07:30.880 --> 0:07:34.240 came to set the song on fire. And the song 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:38.760 opens with the sound of a gunshot, and she just 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.720 goes right into it. And when I tell you it's hot, 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:43.280 y'all gonna listen to it, y'all gonna hear it in 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.560 a second. I don't really feel with se Low like 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:48.520 I used to, because he has made some bad choices 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.320 and said some wild shit out his mouth and done 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:57.120 some willd shit, particularly to his partner or his wife. 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.440 I don't know if they're still marry, because when I disconnect, 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:02.440 I disconnect. I'm a Libra shout out to Libra's because 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:08.800 it's Libra season and my birthday is in less than 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:14.600 seven days. Happy birthday to me. This is my birthday episode. Actually, 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.720 what the song should have been Happy motherfucking Birthday, but 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.360 it's not. It's Love Gun by sel shut out to 0:08:20.440 --> 0:08:26.600 my birthday. But the song just comes out the gate, 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.120 just on fire, So I'm not gonna do a whole 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:33.800 lot of talking. Also, you know, se Lo, I'm sad 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:37.000 that I had to break up with you because I 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.680 love Goodie Mob. I love ce Lo. I just don't 0:08:40.760 --> 0:08:44.400 understand why, you know whatever, it doesn't matter. Get into 0:08:44.400 --> 0:09:08.240 this song. Check it out. It's hot, right, it's not. 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:11.400 Go ahead and listen to the rest of it. You 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:12.959 know the song is gonna be in the show notes, 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.000 It's no question about it. But I know you was 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.600 bobbing your head and if you weren't, go listen to 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:20.160 the rest of it so you can get into it. 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:23.160 I just love I love the way the song comes on, 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:26.559 like it comes on like get into this. You are 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:29.040 gonna love it. There's no way that you can't, and 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:32.080 maybe you can. But if you can't and you don't 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:36.200 like it, you know, I just question who you are 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:38.959 as a person. If you know about anything that is good, righteous, 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:39.600 and wonderful. 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:40.280 How about that? 0:09:40.679 --> 0:10:03.040 Anyway, let's go ahead and get this what Poorty stored it? Yeah, 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:08.679 so friends in can today I want to talk about 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.720 something that I am personally working on. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.160 Did that sound right? Didn't feel right? 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:18.559 Coming out of my mouth personally working on and some 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.960 would say that this isn't really the smartest idea or 0:10:22.000 --> 0:10:25.240 the smartest concept. But when you have lived most of 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:28.600 your life as I have, holding on to people, holding 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:35.880 on to memories, ideologies, energy, vibes, concepts, thoughts, and so 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:38.920 many unnecessary things that you don't need to, I think 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:41.480 that this is quite the genius philosophy and a genius 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:45.520 move for me to move into trying to practice this philosophy. 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:53.800 And this concept is the concept of detachment. Okay, I 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:55.760 am but a babe in this. I'm working on it, 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:58.160 which is why I'm sharing it with you because as 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:00.520 I am doing things, I want to share with you 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:03.199 because I don't know who it could benefit or who 0:11:03.200 --> 0:11:06.760 it could help, and you know it makes sense. I'm 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:11.200 gonna tell y'all because I'm learning about it. So detachment 0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:14.200 is a noun, and it says that it is a 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:18.040 feeling of emotional freedom resulting from a lack of involvement 0:11:18.520 --> 0:11:23.000 in a problem or situation or with a person. The 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:27.280 next definition says objectivity, that is the ability to consider 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:33.000 a problem on its merits alone, also called intellectual detachment. 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.880 I've also found that it says it is freedom from 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:41.680 self interest or bias or disinterest, the act of disengaging 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:46.040 or separating something, and the condition of being disengaged or 0:11:46.080 --> 0:11:51.439 separated disconnection. So there are a lot of different paths 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:55.600 when it comes to discussing detachment. A Buddhism, which is 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:59.960 where the concept was originally born, basically teaches that nothing 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:06.120 in this life is permanent. So basically the philosophy is 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:13.280 leading us to understand or no understand that there's no 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:18.480 reason to become heavily attached to people, places, things, or 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:21.920 even memories because all of them are fleeting and nothing 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:25.240 is permanent. And if you think about it, it's not 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:29.640 okay not to be dark, not to get dark, but 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:33.280 nothing is permanent, including us. And people can say, well, 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:36.760 your memories are permanent, yeah, kind of, but we're not. 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:42.439 So when we go, our memories go. They may remain 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.000 on the earth, but all the people here that would 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.160 have experienced the memory are not here permanently, so they're 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:51.440 going to go. And when everybody who experienced the memory goes, 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.840 it's not here anymore unless you have a photo, which 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:59.439 can also not be permanent because someone could lose it. 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.480 It could burn in a fire, someone could tear it up, 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:06.160 or someone could be addicted to drugs and take it 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:10.840 to their new house, and then someone ransacked the house 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.520 where they living they are living in. All of your 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:18.800 family's photos can be destroyed, and you don't have any 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:26.880 visual recollection of your family on this side. And I 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:33.840 am speaking from experience that happened to me, so you 0:13:33.880 --> 0:13:38.800 know nothing is permanent, and that is that's some real 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:39.200 life shit. 0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:39.920 Anyway. 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:44.280 This does not, under any circumstance, mean that you don't care, 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:49.840 or that you are apathetic, or that you aren't connected 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.960 to the people, places, and things and memories that you've 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.360 experienced or in your life. Nor does it mean to 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:59.080 develop some inhumane form of apathy, because some people can 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:07.640 be ridiculously apathetic. It just means that we don't need 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:11.839 to have an attachment to the outcomes or results that 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:16.400 these things may be connected to in our brains. Right, 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:20.040 there's a freedom in not being connected to outcomes. And 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.720 this does not mean that we don't have goals or 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:25.520 that we don't have ambitions or even desires in our heart. 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:29.560 It just means that we don't have to be attached 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:35.000 to the outcomes or the results. I read somewhere on 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:39.520 Keisha Knight Pulliam's Internet that detachment does not mean that 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.640 you don't have intentions. It just means we don't have 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:46.840 obsessive interests in the results. And this is not an 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:51.080 easy concept to really grasp, especially when as a society 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:54.440 we are all taught to be intentional about the result. 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.080 This is at the root of competition. And you know, 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.920 I've been thinking about competition a lot lately, and just 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:04.360 like why people are inclined to feel that they need 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:08.840 to compete with other people? Like, what is that about? 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:14.320 And I realized that we are all raised, bred, and 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:19.560 fed the belief that the only way to be successful 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.400 is to beat other people. Right, But if we sit 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.160 in this and look at it closely, it's going to 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.720 start to unravel. And so this idea around detachment calls 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:33.040 for us to unlearn what they say is innate in 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:36.440 humans and even in some animals as well, Right, and 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:39.640 maybe it is. Maybe it is innate in us, And 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:45.840 maybe it's innate in us because we have continued the 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:52.000 behaviors of you know, our ancestors. Ancestors, you know, the 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:57.680 cavemen and hunter gatherers or you know whatever, or dinosaurs 0:15:57.920 --> 0:16:07.359 or whatever, like whatever mice, amiba's skeletal things that crawled. 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:09.320 Around the earth. Maybe so, and maybe we're just carrying 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:09.640 that on. 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:15.000 But we have to unlearn this, right and we what 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:17.440 that is is that we have to unlearn the desire 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:21.320 to compete and to win while someone else is gonna 0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:24.600 lose or while someone else loses. And truthfully, if we 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:26.640 really think about it, we can win and guess what 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:30.920 other people can win to And I personally believe that 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:36.520 strong attachment to competing with others it's connected to some 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:39.280 form of insecurity. It has to think about it. Why 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.000 are you concerned about what someone else is doing if 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:43.360 you aren't focused on you? 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:44.920 Right? 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:47.680 You know, they say things like somebody's gotta win and 0:16:47.720 --> 0:16:51.680 somebody gotta lose, somebody's gotta lose. Why why can't somebody 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:53.160 win and then somebody else win too? 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:55.040 Why? 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.960 Because life isn't set up that way? And why isn't 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.160 life set up that way? Because it's not. Because that 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:04.879 is human conditioning. That's how they keep us in a 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:09.399 space where we are insecure and where we are feeling 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.879 like we need to compete with other people to be 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.240 our best self. And I just think that that's bullshit. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:17.760 As I get older, and this is coming from somebody 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:23.199 who is who was, I'm not really anymore extremely competitive. 0:17:23.760 --> 0:17:28.120 And I come from an extremely competitive family because we're 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.480 taught that we have to be competitive and we have 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:34.920 to be the best. But why, though, that's the question. Anyway, 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.399 I don't know, because I'm not you know, I haven't 0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:41.639 unlocked that level of evolution yet. But anyway, like I said, 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:45.080 why are you concerned about someone else winning or losing 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.240 when you should really just be focused on your win? 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.120 And the complete truth is that there's room for other 0:17:50.119 --> 0:17:52.159 people to win in addition to you winning. 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:56.280 It's enough room. This is a big, wide earth with 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:56.840 a whole. 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:58.159 Lot of money and a whole lot of jobs, and 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:01.200 a whole lot of everything, especial in twenty twenty three, 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:05.159 It's enough room. In the words of Anti Simpak, baby, 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:05.960 there's room. 0:18:05.760 --> 0:18:06.840 In here, okay. 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.320 And as I started to think more about this, it 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:13.239 just baffled me how there are so many structures in 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:16.600 place and set up to continually just push that agenda 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:20.200 onto us and into our brains. And it's really how 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.560 the world functions in a space where our mindset is 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:27.240 constantly focused on beating someone else or being better than 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:30.679 someone else. Right, what about just being better than you, 0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:33.399 being better than you were yesterday or last week, or 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:36.560 last month or even last year. Just focus on you 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:40.800 and your shit. This is actually a way to practice detachment, 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:43.879 and we'll get into that later. But you are detaching 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:47.040 from other people's outcomes because some of us are so 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:52.199 focused and laser focused on competition and competing with people 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:56.880 and being better than other people, that we are focused 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:01.480 on other people's outcomes, not just ours, so focused on 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.800 what other people do instead of what we do. And 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.440 it kind of makes no sense when you really sit 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.920 and think long and hard about it, actually, or doesn't 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.760 make sense to me, you know. And they're, like I said, 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.760 there's so many structures in place, because think about it, 0:19:15.840 --> 0:19:27.119 like sports, singing competitions, dancing competitions, spelling bees, like what 0:19:27.760 --> 0:19:37.840 the hell? Like everything is a competition? Everything anyway. Like 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:40.159 the question that I have is like, how do we 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:42.439 get out of this? Not how do we get into it, 0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:44.320 but how do we. 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:44.919 Get out of it? 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:47.240 And truth be told, I don't know if we can 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:48.760 get out of it, because it's just the way of 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:51.440 the world, you know what I mean, It's the way 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:57.080 of the world. We have a whole big event, the 0:19:57.160 --> 0:20:01.960 Olympics every four years that is all focus on competitions 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:06.000 and focus on how all these countries compete against one 0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.879 another to see what country is the best. 0:20:10.480 --> 0:20:12.520 When you really think about it, it's kind of silly. 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:18.080 What was that I was gonna say? Did y'all hear 0:20:18.080 --> 0:20:19.480 that sound? Y'all ain't here with me? 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:25.080 Weird? It's weird, you know, because just because we win 0:20:25.160 --> 0:20:27.640 in the Olympics, that doesn't mean that, you know, we're 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:32.840 the best. Just because Yugoslavia wins in the Olympics doesn't 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:35.359 mean that they're the best nation. It just means that 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:39.240 maybe they're the best. In Bob's letting shut out to 0:20:39.359 --> 0:20:46.040 cool runnings. Anyway, It's just a heavy thing to think about, 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:48.800 you know what I mean. Like, the more I sat 0:20:48.880 --> 0:20:51.280 in it, the more I just thought like, this is crazy. 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:54.199 And the truth of the matter is that it's going to 0:20:54.320 --> 0:21:00.520 be a serious transformation to shift our mindsets to attachment. 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:02.680 But it seems like it. 0:21:02.600 --> 0:21:04.560 Would lead to bliss, It would lead us right to 0:21:04.680 --> 0:21:08.919 unfiltered joy because it requires The reason there would be 0:21:08.960 --> 0:21:13.480 such a serious transformation is because it requires unlearning everything 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.399 that we have been taught and everything that the world 0:21:17.440 --> 0:21:21.240 wants us to continue to believe is necessary for living 0:21:21.240 --> 0:21:24.760 a fulfilled life, and that ain't nothing but a whole 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:31.119 bunch of how bullshit. Detaching also can help us to 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:35.399 focus on what we truly desire instead of worrying about 0:21:36.000 --> 0:21:38.400 what other people got going on and trying to beat 0:21:38.400 --> 0:21:41.919 them at their damn race, because we may realize. 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:42.680 I don't even want that shit. 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:45.800 Like when you really sit in some stuff and you 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:49.800 really like, if you remove yourself, like step back and think, 0:21:50.000 --> 0:21:53.440 you might look and say, I don't even want this. 0:21:55.520 --> 0:21:58.040 A really really good friend of mine shut out to 0:21:58.119 --> 0:22:03.240 My friend, Lisa told me over a decade ago, well 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:05.280 over a decade ago, when I was doing makeup full 0:22:05.320 --> 0:22:07.639 time and I was trying to hustle and bustle in 0:22:07.720 --> 0:22:10.520 New York, grind at hard, trying to live out my dream. 0:22:10.880 --> 0:22:14.200 At that time, she told me, write this shit down, 0:22:15.720 --> 0:22:18.399 run the race that you want to win. When she 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:21.520 said that to me, something happened in my spirit. And 0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:24.880 it happened and I didn't even I wasn't even aware 0:22:24.880 --> 0:22:29.159 of it. It did something to me, and I started 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:32.680 to really sit in trying to figure out what exactly. 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:34.840 I really wanted what is my race? Right? 0:22:35.560 --> 0:22:39.359 And I didn't really figure it out immediately. It definitely 0:22:39.400 --> 0:22:42.440 took me a while. And that's normal. It's all about 0:22:42.440 --> 0:22:46.200 evolution and being okay with where that evolution takes us 0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:48.920 and how and when we get there. 0:22:49.160 --> 0:22:49.520 You did. 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:51.960 So Ever, since she said that to me a long 0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:53.880 long time ago, I've kept it with me and I've 0:22:53.960 --> 0:22:57.360 kept it close to my heart. And I mean when 0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:00.000 I get derailed and when I get to a place 0:23:00.240 --> 0:23:03.800 where I start to compare myself to others or feeling 0:23:03.880 --> 0:23:06.960 like I should be competing with somebody, because remember, these 0:23:06.960 --> 0:23:10.159 are normal, these are normal behaviors for human beings on 0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:13.800 this planet. It's normal to feel like you should compare 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:16.800 yourself and compete with other people because that is what 0:23:16.840 --> 0:23:19.240 the world tells us that we need to do to 0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:25.480 be great. Right, Whenever I get to that space, I 0:23:25.520 --> 0:23:28.560 have to remind myself nobody could ever be me, and 0:23:28.640 --> 0:23:31.720 I mean ever, nobody could do this. And when I 0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:34.439 say do this, I don't mean have a podcast, because 0:23:34.520 --> 0:23:38.840 clearly they're millions and bazillions of podcasts. I mean nobody 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:44.240 could ever be me me Walker, nobody and I could 0:23:44.280 --> 0:23:47.840 never be anybody else, nor do I have the desire 0:23:47.920 --> 0:23:51.560 to God did a thing when he made me, and 0:23:51.840 --> 0:23:55.600 God did a thing when he made you. And like 0:23:55.640 --> 0:23:58.119 I said, these feelings are normal because of the world 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:00.760 that we live in. The world we live in perpetuates 0:24:00.840 --> 0:24:05.960 competition as a means of self worth and value. But again, 0:24:06.280 --> 0:24:11.760 that is all pure, unadulterated bullshit. The truth is that 0:24:11.800 --> 0:24:14.280 the world is real fucked up, and it seems like 0:24:14.560 --> 0:24:16.359 things are kind of set up for us to not 0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:20.280 have true self worth and really believe in ourselves, to 0:24:20.359 --> 0:24:22.960 not believe that we are enough and that we are 0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:26.920 completely whole and fucking wonderfully made just as we are. 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:30.840 So you got to find a way to reprogram our 0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:35.800 mindset and fight against everything surrounding us every single day, 0:24:36.200 --> 0:24:40.159 and just thinking about that alone is extremely difficult. Like 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:43.040 life is hard enough just living, but I got to 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:47.359 reprogram my mind to not fall into societal concepts of 0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:49.560 not being good enough that the world pumps into my 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:54.480 brain every day. Come on, man, that's aggressive, and I 0:24:54.480 --> 0:24:57.040 don't think I need to give any examples. But for 0:24:57.080 --> 0:24:58.960 those who ain't picking up what I'm putting down, let's 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:03.040 just look at the media, especially for women now for everybody, 0:25:03.040 --> 0:25:06.720 but especially for women and especially super especially for Black women. 0:25:06.920 --> 0:25:08.919 Our hair is too short, Our hair is too nappy. 0:25:09.840 --> 0:25:12.760 Our hair isn't polished enough. Our look isn't polished enough. 0:25:12.960 --> 0:25:15.200 We don't look professional because of our hair. We don't 0:25:15.200 --> 0:25:18.080