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Speaker 1: This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 1: Chris Harrison and Lauren ze mc coming to you from

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Speaker 1: the home office in Austin, Texas. Opening up the playbook today, Elsie,

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Speaker 1: what are we talking about?

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Speaker 2: Do you have to spend the holidays with your family?

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Speaker 2: I've seen a couple other podcasts Instagram posts things about

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Speaker 2: this pop up, people saying, for example, I follow the

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Speaker 2: woman Mel Robbins and she is kind of a life

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Speaker 2: coach type of personality, and she was talking about how like, no,

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Speaker 2: you know, if you have this toxic family member, you

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Speaker 2: don't have to see them at the holidays. I saw

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Speaker 2: an article, I think in The Atlantic that where a

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Speaker 2: woman wrote an op ed about how or she wrote

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Speaker 2: in asking for advice because she didn't want to spend

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Speaker 2: Thanksgiving with her mother because she said, I know it's

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Speaker 2: just going to drain me, and she has her own kids,

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Speaker 2: and she said, I just want to have a peaceful

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Speaker 2: Thanksgiving at home with my own kids and not be

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Speaker 2: totally drained by my mother. And then her mother was

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Speaker 2: guilting her, and you know, I guess this woman's adopted.

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Speaker 2: Her mother even said, well, I guess adopted children love differently.

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Speaker 2: I mean, the guilt trips that your parents can lay

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Speaker 2: on you are pretty powerful. So that is the question,

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Speaker 2: because I think it is on people's minds. I know

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Speaker 2: I've talked to some of my own friends about it

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Speaker 2: with different family issues they have. Do you need to

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Speaker 2: spend the holidays with your family?

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Speaker 1: Look, he's a little bit of pain and suffering part

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Speaker 1: of it, Isn't it just a little bit?

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Speaker 2: You know, don't you need those family members so that

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Speaker 2: you have stories to share with the other ones?

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Speaker 1: And Look, it's so tough because on one hand, sure,

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Speaker 1: you know, the selfish side of me is like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: just surround yourself with, you know, only the easiest things

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Speaker 1: for you. But the holidays mean a little bit more

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Speaker 1: than that. And while it may not be perfect with

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Speaker 1: your mom my mom my brother, your sister, whatever, it

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Speaker 1: may not be perfect all the time, it's still your

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Speaker 1: family and it's still kind of those time honored traditions

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Speaker 1: of getting together over the holidays. And could it be easier,

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Speaker 1: like say, last Thursday night when you and your friends

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Speaker 1: went and just grabbed sushi and it was so fun. Sure,

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Speaker 1: but is that meaningful? Is that the tradition? You know?

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't. I don't know if there's

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Speaker 1: a cut and dry answer. I think in this day

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Speaker 1: and age, and again, this is not considering the hugely

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Speaker 1: toxic person that's that's actually damaging to you. I'm not

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Speaker 1: talking about that. I'm talking about the run of the

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Speaker 1: mill family drama where, yeah, I think kind of.

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Speaker 2: Drama where when the extent if you're hosting, once the

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Speaker 2: extended family leaves, then you and the immediate family talk

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Speaker 2: about all the crazy crap they.

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Speaker 1: Did exactly the uncle that maybe gets a little too

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Speaker 1: drunk or maybe says the inappropriate thing, or somebody that

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Speaker 1: you know makes the really odd political comment and everyone

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Speaker 1: gets into it, or they just make those demonstrative statements

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Speaker 1: that you're like, oh god, but that's part of it,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, something that's also part of the growth

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Speaker 1: and how I grew up and how we all grew

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Speaker 1: up of having to deal with that.

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Speaker 2: As you're saying that out loud, I'm thinking your family

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Speaker 2: is your first method of learning how to navigate the world.

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Speaker 2: Interacting with your family is your first lesson in how

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Speaker 2: am I going to interact with people in the workplace,

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Speaker 2: how am I going to make friends? The basis of

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Speaker 2: how you'd build relationships is your family. And I I

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Speaker 2: do think that the right thing to do is to

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Speaker 2: try to get together with family. Now I do know,

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Speaker 2: and I'm going to call my own mom out on this.

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Speaker 2: My mom is a big She grew up with my

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Speaker 2: grandparents thirty minutes down the road, and my dad's dad

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Speaker 2: had passed, and my dad's mom was all the way

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Speaker 2: in Pennsylvania, and to be honest, she was gonna be

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Speaker 2: She was that mean person like we were her grandkids

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Speaker 2: and we'd go to her house and she'd tell us,

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Speaker 2: don't touch any of my stuff. Like she wasn't like

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Speaker 2: fun loving grandmother. So my dad was very close with

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Speaker 2: my mom's parents, very very close. He was like a

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Speaker 2: son to them, and so we kind of had a

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Speaker 2: bit of an easy situation at the holidays. We didn't

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Speaker 2: have to worry about splitting time between two families. And

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Speaker 2: so my mom sometimes doesn't you know, and I know

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Speaker 2: it comes from a place of love. She wants us

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Speaker 2: with her, but she's not always like very aware of

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Speaker 2: you've gotta split your time. And so I do get

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Speaker 2: the guilt trips like that happens, But I still like

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Speaker 2: I will try with everything in my being to be

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Speaker 2: in as many places as I can and to make

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Speaker 2: the effort, and like I will take the overnight flight

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Speaker 2: to go see family because like I think, you take

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Speaker 2: the good and the bad. Like you said, I might

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Speaker 2: get annoyed and we might have a fight, but we

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Speaker 2: also laugh a lot, like you have such a deep relationship.

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Speaker 1: And I think we are all a little bit more

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Speaker 1: selfish than we used to be. I think we've been

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Speaker 1: taught that way because you know, I think sometimes we

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Speaker 1: take our emotional health and this mental health thing a

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Speaker 1: little too far where it's just about us. Well, I'll say,

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Speaker 1: it's not just about you. It's about that person too,

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Speaker 1: like your mom, your dad, your uncle, whatever. They may

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Speaker 1: not be the most perfect person in the world. Maybe

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Speaker 1: they don't love the way you prefer, but they deserve

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Speaker 1: that love. They're still your family, and they still want

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Speaker 1: to be included and they want to be loved. And

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Speaker 1: so just cutting them out of your life or out

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Speaker 1: of events because it makes life easier on you, it's

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Speaker 1: kind of selfish. And again I'm brushing with a broad

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Speaker 1: brush here because that's our typical family unit that you know,

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Speaker 1: think about the other person as well, and them being

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Speaker 1: loved and involved and all that, and so I'm a

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Speaker 1: believer that, yeah, a little pain comes with that.

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Speaker 2: I think it made me a better person that when

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Speaker 2: I was younger, my parents were like, no, we are

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Speaker 2: going this to your grandmother's house for this thing. You know.

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Speaker 2: And I loved my grandmother, but like, for example, she

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Speaker 2: had this house, her and my grandfather had like this

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Speaker 2: little I can't call it a vacation house. It was

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Speaker 2: a very small home on this like farm in southern Illinois.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes they'd want us to go there, and it

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Speaker 2: was hours away and like it didn't have air conditioning.

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Speaker 2: I mean, we as kids did not want to go

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Speaker 2: to that house. And my grandparents, my parents would say,

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Speaker 2: your grandmother wants us to come, it's the right thing

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Speaker 2: to do. We're going to go see her there. It

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Speaker 2: made me a better person that they had me do

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Speaker 2: those things.

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Speaker 1: There's certain things you don't necessarily want to do in life.

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Speaker 1: Suck it up better, cup, Sometimes we got to do it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And again it's dependent, I mean a.

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Speaker 1: Situation kind of like you in a very different way

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Speaker 1: that half my family's Jewish and half Christian, and so

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Speaker 1: we spent obviously Christmas with the Christian side made it

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Speaker 1: very easy because it was all about them and obviously

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Speaker 1: Hanikah with the Jewish side of the family. My Jewish

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Speaker 1: grandparents would show up on Christmas morning and celebrate Christmas

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Speaker 1: with us, you know their version, and they would come

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Speaker 1: and hang out with us. But that was about it.

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Speaker 1: Then it was just our cousins and grandparents on the

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Speaker 1: Christian side of the family, so it made it a

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Speaker 1: little easier. But I also think and you and I

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Speaker 1: had this conversation about just families in general. And I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's because we grew up in the Midwest,

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Speaker 1: but our families typically back in the day were closer

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Speaker 1: together geographically speaking. We all lived closer together. Now some

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Speaker 1: moved away or whatever, but for the most part, I

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Speaker 1: would say it's true for everybody in a certain generation

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Speaker 1: ago that we all kind of lived close together, and

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Speaker 1: so it made it easier for us to always be

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Speaker 1: at Grandma's or always go to Aunt Helen's, and we

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Speaker 1: were always together because we all lived within twenty minutes

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Speaker 1: of each other.

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Speaker 2: I read that this Sunday after Thanksgiving of this year

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Speaker 2: was the biggest travel day in American airport history, and

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Speaker 2: what that says to me is families are more spread.

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Speaker 1: Out and it's not you know. Part of that is, yeah,

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Speaker 1: COVID and we're all back, you know, traveling. But I

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Speaker 1: agree with you. Part of that is we all live

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Speaker 1: far apart now because we can the world, and especially

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Speaker 1: the United States is just a bigger community that we

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Speaker 1: can all. You know, like my kids when they were

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Speaker 1: looking at colleges, they went all over the place looking

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Speaker 1: at colleges. I didn't go anywhere that we couldn't drive

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Speaker 1: in a car. You know. We drove up to Oklahoma

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Speaker 1: and that's where I went to school because it was

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Speaker 1: within three hours. My kids would go out to Princeton

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Speaker 1: they were here.

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Speaker 2: It's just a lot more common to get on a

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Speaker 2: plane today. It used to be a bigger deal.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And when kids will go to school across the country,

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Speaker 1: it's not a big deal. And then they set up

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Speaker 1: their lives there and they they go where opportunity affords it.

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Speaker 2: And so now we are geographically spread apart.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're geographically spread apart, which makes the holidays a

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Speaker 1: little bit trickier and a little bit more difficult. So

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Speaker 1: I do think there's a big part of that where

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Speaker 1: I think our parents and that generation that kind of

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Speaker 1: yearns for that getting together. Still they think of the

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Speaker 1: old days of well, it's when I grew up. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we would always go to my grandmother's house and there

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Speaker 1: would be thirty people there and it wasn't a big

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Speaker 1: deal because we all lived within twenty minutes. And that's

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Speaker 1: just that's not as feasible as it.

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Speaker 2: Was, right, I think if we're all honest about what

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Speaker 2: touches our hearts the most, Like why do people love

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Speaker 2: holiday movies? Because holiday movies are about family, and they're

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Speaker 2: about the you know, the trauma and the insanity and

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Speaker 2: the love, and that's what we all yearn for. And

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Speaker 2: that's messy, that's not easy, and so I think you

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Speaker 2: have to take the good with the bad. Like I

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Speaker 2: find my heart getting a little softer in my thirties,

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Speaker 2: in my ancient age. Yeah, no, no, I find myself just

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Speaker 2: like as I grow older, being more like, you know,

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Speaker 2: people are people, and they make mistakes. And again I

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Speaker 2: don't mean to overstate this, but I am not applying

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Speaker 2: this to like, some people truly have damaging toxic family members,

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Speaker 2: and you don't have to love someone just because they're

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Speaker 2: your family. But I do think that family is worth effort.

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Speaker 2: And you know that's a cultural thing too, Like in

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Speaker 2: America we do tend to be kind of selfish and

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Speaker 2: self involved. In other countries, it's a lot more common

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Speaker 2: of like, no, your family lives with you, you know,

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Speaker 2: your parents, everybody lives under the same roof. And and

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Speaker 2: so I find myself wanting to get back to that

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Speaker 2: even more. I don't know. In my twenties, I was

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Speaker 2: really like career focused, and not that I'm not now,

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Speaker 2: but this Thanksgiving being at home made me want to

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Speaker 2: like spend more time with my cousins and try to

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Speaker 2: You know, we all know each other so well, even

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Speaker 2: though we don't spend a lot of time together now,

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Speaker 2: growing up together, like you, there's nothing that can compare

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Speaker 2: to that bond well.

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Speaker 1: And you talk about getting older, and I think you know,

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Speaker 1: in earlier days and twenties, thirties, forties, whatever, you may

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Speaker 1: skip a holiday or whatever because you're off doing things

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Speaker 1: and life is exciting and all that. But the older

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Speaker 1: you get, you realize the gift that you will never

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Speaker 1: get back is time, and the gift of spending time

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Speaker 1: with your family good, bad, ugly, it's time that you

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Speaker 1: will look back on and be grateful for of having

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Speaker 1: that moment with your mom, having that moment with your

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Speaker 1: dad or whatever. Like, you will want that back, and

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Speaker 1: you know, would you want to avoid that and have

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Speaker 1: just an easy dinner with your best friend. You can

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Speaker 1: do that next week, you know, go spend that time

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Speaker 1: with your family, because you're not getting that time back.

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Speaker 2: Go see your messed up family. It'll give you something

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Speaker 2: to laugh about, Peter. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then that way, when you go to dinner with

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Speaker 1: your best friend next Wednesday, gives you something to talk

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Speaker 1: about it.

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Speaker 2: You can vent about your mom, right.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, So I think we I think we're in agreement

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Speaker 1: here and that is it's the right thing. Yeah, it

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Speaker 1: might be a little painful, and by the way, it's

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Speaker 1: probably a little painful for them too, generations getting together.

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Speaker 1: When else do you do that really in your life?

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Speaker 1: And that's the thing. When you are with your best friends,

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Speaker 1: you're with a person of your age and your generation,

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Speaker 1: and usually your thinking, it's someone in your echo chambers. Totally.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I vent about my mom, but I need

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Speaker 2: to be aware of my mom vents about me too.

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Speaker 1: By the way, your family are unless you live with

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Speaker 1: them or with them constantly whatever. They are also strangers

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Speaker 1: to a certain degree you are. You know, they're living

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Speaker 1: their life, You're living your life, and then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden you come together for one combustible moment. So

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Speaker 1: have some patience, have some grace, have some gratitude for

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Speaker 1: who brought you into this world, who raised you, and

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Speaker 1: don't be such a know at all. Take take, take

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Speaker 1: it and give a little bit. It might be a

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Speaker 1: little painful, but love can be painful. So I think

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Speaker 1: we're in agreement, Elzie. We're going to spend time with

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Speaker 1: our family as much time as we possibly can. And

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Speaker 1: by the way, the reason I also say this as

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Speaker 1: I am of the age my kids will start choosing

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Speaker 1: when and where they'll see us, and I want them

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Speaker 1: to choose us, even if they're like, ah, ELS's a

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Speaker 1: little weird and Dad's a little funky and weird and

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Speaker 1: you think you're funky, What.

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Speaker 2: Does that even mean?

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Speaker 1: I'm just maybe that's what the kids will say, and

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Speaker 1: I want them to choose us. I want them I

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Speaker 1: want them to say, no, we're going to go see.

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Speaker 2: I think if you keep it weird, people are more

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Speaker 2: likely to flock to the weird. Like I find myself,

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Speaker 2: I mean I, like I said, Maybe I didn't used

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Speaker 2: to feel this way a couple of years ago, but

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Speaker 2: I feel it now. No, I want to go home

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Speaker 2: and see all the crazy I do. I want to

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Speaker 2: see the show.

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Speaker 1: Joshi Taylor, continue to choose us spend time with this.

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Speaker 1: We love you and all of you two. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for joining us. LZ always a pleasure. We

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Speaker 1: love sharing, love talking to you, and we will do

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Speaker 1: it again next time because we have a lot more

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Speaker 1: to talk about. Thanks for listening. Follow us on Instagram

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Speaker 1: at the most dramatic pod ever, and make sure to

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Speaker 1: write us a review and leave us five stars. I'll

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Speaker 1: talk to you next time.