Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Five Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 1: I'm Nila, and it's Wednesday, Bitchy, Happy mother fucking hump Day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and pump Day and pump and pump Day. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I like how you say that.
Speaker 2: I guess, like technically, if we're going to be technical.
Speaker 4: It depends where you're at in your journey.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: That No, I don't think it matters. I think always
Speaker 3: pumping comes before the bumping.
Speaker 4: I mean, let's be pumped. Lets you're pumping because you've pumped.
Speaker 2: Way, pump Day is a different day. No, We're like,
Speaker 2: we're confusing and confusing.
Speaker 1: Well, we have a very special guest today. If you
Speaker 1: hear a foreign voice, that's not Erica or I. It
Speaker 1: is the all time most high off at the pregnancy
Speaker 1: Bible that everyone has seen, read and heard of the
Speaker 1: series of What to Expect When Expecting, Heidi Murka.
Speaker 2: That's me, Like, I mean, why Hi, everybody? Hi? I
Speaker 2: love there.
Speaker 3: Heidi is a very very special guest today.
Speaker 1: She is probably like one of the most recognized women
Speaker 1: in pregnancy world.
Speaker 3: She was recognized by Times.
Speaker 1: For most one hundred most influential people in twenty eleven.
Speaker 1: I feel so special to be honored to be able
Speaker 1: to like interview you.
Speaker 2: I feel, Oh, but that's so twenty eleven.
Speaker 3: So what it never goes away.
Speaker 4: You're a Smithsonian. I mean you've sold millions and millions
Speaker 4: and millions and millions and millions. I mean I can
Speaker 4: keep saying millions because it's going to keep going, like
Speaker 4: twenty millions of millions of books. I mean, I know
Speaker 4: when I you know, I got pregnant, that's like the
Speaker 4: book everyone recommends that you must have, you know, So,
Speaker 4: I mean you are a legend for sure.
Speaker 2: WHOA I feel, I don't know what to say besides
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 3: Oh, I love you too.
Speaker 2: You had me at Hello.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for like allowing us in your space.
Speaker 1: You know Eric, and if you guys have been listening,
Speaker 1: you know that Eric and I are very pushy. And
Speaker 1: when Heidi's agent told us she didn't have a lot
Speaker 1: of time to come to us, we said, we'll come
Speaker 1: to her house.
Speaker 3: Don't worry, We said, ask her if I could come over.
Speaker 2: But it's not my house, just so you know, we're remodeling,
Speaker 2: so this is not my space.
Speaker 4: But enough, when you go back home, we'll come over
Speaker 4: there too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, date, it's a date.
Speaker 3: We'll bring red wine.
Speaker 2: Excellent your open invitation.
Speaker 3: It's not a joke once you come on the show,
Speaker 3: or your friend for life.
Speaker 2: Oh I like the way that sounds. I need me
Speaker 2: some friends.
Speaker 3: Well here you are too, mom friends. You never knew
Speaker 3: you needed.
Speaker 2: I kind of did.
Speaker 3: Oh perfect, I'm happy. So let's roll right into it.
Speaker 3: Should we do our Tarot card.
Speaker 4: Of the day. Sure, we always open the show with
Speaker 4: little Taro. So what do the Tarot gods have for
Speaker 4: us to day?
Speaker 3: Mela today? The Tarot guards Taro guards.
Speaker 1: The Tarot gods today have given us the card of judgment.
Speaker 3: No upside down.
Speaker 4: Oh no.
Speaker 1: So it says, in a financial context, don't be overly
Speaker 1: cautious with money.
Speaker 4: That's not to.
Speaker 1: Suggest you should go wild. You may find yourself deliberating
Speaker 1: endlessly about every purchase. If it's something you need and
Speaker 1: you can afford it, just buy it. It's good to
Speaker 1: be financially responsible, but you don't have to fret about
Speaker 1: every penny you spend.
Speaker 4: I don't think I think this card is fucking with me.
Speaker 3: No, I think it's no.
Speaker 1: I think it's telling us something. It's telling us we're
Speaker 1: going to be rich very soon. Nice, Heidi's richness is
Speaker 1: bleeding off onto, and just not to worry, like it's fine.
Speaker 3: Her success is just gonna bleed.
Speaker 4: So those Gucci shoes that I was looking at on
Speaker 4: the internet last night, I should just get them.
Speaker 2: Right, okay, but don't put them on my credit Fine,
Speaker 2: Like we just met, I know we're going to be
Speaker 2: best friends and everything.
Speaker 1: I don't think I have access to those yet, Heidi,
Speaker 1: we're your new daughters now, like, just one Paragucci shoes, eat,
Speaker 1: we're gonna get wait?
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait have you run this by Emma?
Speaker 1: Though we're all going to be matching, it won't be
Speaker 1: official if we're all that matching to the event.
Speaker 2: Oh no, okay, Well, just so you know, Emma buys
Speaker 2: her own shoes. Now mama wants a new pair of shoes,
Speaker 2: she has to buy it. I'm just saying that's true.
Speaker 3: We're mom's now with my own ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Fuck, the one thing I miss about childhood?
Speaker 2: Well? Wait, what size shoe do you wear? We can share?
Speaker 1: You know what, I'm really sad to say that I'm
Speaker 1: like very small, but I have an average size woman's foot.
Speaker 1: I'm like below average and size, but my foot is
Speaker 1: average size.
Speaker 2: So you know what they say about that? Yeah, actually don't.
Speaker 4: I just was going with a huge vagina.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well they do say that about petite women, Heidi.
Speaker 3: I know you've heard it.
Speaker 1: I've never heard an inappropriate joke about you know what
Speaker 1: they saw about small women.
Speaker 2: No, that's why I was telling the joke. But I
Speaker 2: didn't know. I didn't know what the Well.
Speaker 1: It's not necessarily pertaining to your shoe sides, but they
Speaker 1: there's there is a running joke. I don't believe that
Speaker 1: you've never heard it about petite women.
Speaker 2: What you could drive a truck through it or what.
Speaker 3: Like, Yeah, you could take big penises.
Speaker 2: Well, so now relative to us, they are all big.
Speaker 1: True, that's actually that's not a fact.
Speaker 3: I do not agree with that. I in fact, I know.
Speaker 1: Okay, well you probably someone probably told you that joke, Hidi,
Speaker 1: right over your head.
Speaker 3: I'm happy. I'm tired. You don't think.
Speaker 2: Anything goes over my head. But no, nobody has actually
Speaker 2: said that before. But good to know.
Speaker 4: Well, now you can use it your next dinner.
Speaker 2: I can.
Speaker 1: I'm pissed that everybody feels comfortable enough with me to
Speaker 1: just throw that joke around.
Speaker 3: I must say fuck with me. It's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm I'm down with that.
Speaker 3: I always talking as a compliment, but you know, take
Speaker 3: it out where you want.
Speaker 2: I'm taking it.
Speaker 3: That's pun intended.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, we're so inappropriate.
Speaker 4: Well yeah, welcome to good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 2: Hey, listen. I gotta say, for the record, I was
Speaker 2: the first person to say penis on national television, right
Speaker 2: a legend.
Speaker 1: I told you, I told you guys, well, it was beautifulson.
Speaker 2: It wasn't out of context or anything. I was invited
Speaker 2: to talk about sexert and pregnancy on Good Morning America
Speaker 2: with Joan London. We're going back a few years, and
Speaker 2: so it came up in the conversation, like what was
Speaker 2: I supposed to call it? And then get off the
Speaker 2: secon Yeah, yeah, exactly, mister Johnson. I don't know, but
Speaker 2: I said penis, you know, and as I said, in context,
Speaker 2: it wasn't out of context. And I get off the
Speaker 2: set and they were all like, you said penis, and
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, I did. We were talking about
Speaker 2: sex during pregnancy. You saw like everybody shifting uncomfortably. And
Speaker 2: but anyway, so then it was Seinfeld and everything was penis.
Speaker 2: Penis penis after that.
Speaker 1: So basically you broke the like nothing, I broke the cherry.
Speaker 1: You broke the cherry of penis on TV. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: thank you, I really do, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: your work.
Speaker 2: You're welcome. Yeah, I've used it liberally ever since.
Speaker 4: You know, I think that that's really important. I think,
Speaker 4: I mean even now, like with our space and talking
Speaker 4: about I mean, our spaces were very transparent.
Speaker 2: If you can't note I had not thank you for
Speaker 2: pointing that out.
Speaker 4: But even talking about like to our children and kids
Speaker 4: about their body parts and like things that I'm just like,
Speaker 4: why are we making all these code names for things?
Speaker 2: I mean, call it, call it what it is exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we've said vagina and peenis so far. So can we
Speaker 2: move on or is that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I think I think we want to move on to
Speaker 4: the affirmation of the day. How do we normally ask
Speaker 4: our guests to, you know, help our listeners kind of
Speaker 4: you know, set their week up and something that's going
Speaker 4: to motivate them for the week. I'd love to know
Speaker 4: kind of like how you stay motivated or what maybe
Speaker 4: mantra you live by.
Speaker 2: My mommy mantra? Sure, go ahead, Yeah, No, My mommy
Speaker 2: mantra is stop and smell the babies, because I learned
Speaker 2: this a hard way. They don't smell so sweet after
Speaker 2: a while, and I think it's like a you know,
Speaker 2: it's a metaphor for everything. You got to slow down
Speaker 2: and enjoy those moments that are going to be over
Speaker 2: in a flash.
Speaker 3: So stop and smell the babies.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's funny you say that because I was smelling
Speaker 4: my daughter yesterday because she still has like round cheeks,
Speaker 4: but they're like starting to get thinner, and I'm getting
Speaker 4: really sad. In fact, like I was looking at her
Speaker 4: the other day and I like started crying and she
Speaker 4: was like, why are you crying so dramatic? And I
Speaker 4: was like, because, like you're growing up and I just
Speaker 4: need you to stop. And I was smelling her and
Speaker 4: I was like, she still has a smell to her. Yeah,
Speaker 4: although like there have been a few times where I've
Speaker 4: smelled her armpits and they've kind of smelled and I
Speaker 4: was like, what is happening?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for six you know that. Yeah, I remember the
Speaker 2: first time. And you know, it's funny. With boys, it's
Speaker 2: more of a sudden thing. Because I have a girl
Speaker 2: and a boy, a woman, and a man. They didn't
Speaker 2: start out that way. And with my son, it was
Speaker 2: literally overnight. I tucked him into bed one night and
Speaker 2: he was a little boy, you know, a little blonde
Speaker 2: chair up with these rown teeth. And next morning I
Speaker 2: woke up and I took him to school, picked him up,
Speaker 2: and I was like, what is that smell? There was
Speaker 2: a smell in the car and I never ever had
Speaker 2: been a smell in the car before. And so, but
Speaker 2: I think with girls it's a more gradual process, like
Speaker 2: they have pppppms, you know, for like years and then
Speaker 2: they become women. But it's much more abrupt. Boys.
Speaker 4: Well, thank god we have girls.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I don't know. The jury's out, Yeah,
Speaker 3: the sury's out. The attitudes are high.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yesterday I cuddled with our friend's new new
Speaker 1: new babies, like one month old at the beach.
Speaker 2: Did you stuff and smell the baby dud in a moment.
Speaker 1: It was at a party, and I was still just like,
Speaker 1: don't someone trying to take the baby from.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, don't take the baby.
Speaker 3: Hold on, step away from the baby a minute. Yeah,
Speaker 3: what the fuck?
Speaker 4: Uh huh?
Speaker 1: I've only had seventy minutes, yeah, but going on the
Speaker 1: twentieth minute and like take it, I'm getting baby fever.
Speaker 2: And when the cheek is again, yeah, you put your face.
Speaker 2: You can't, and it's like you hope they'll just stick there.
Speaker 3: You know, and then they don't. They keep growing and
Speaker 3: talking back.
Speaker 4: I don't want to talk about them. Okay again, I
Speaker 4: literally cried, it's ridiculous. My daughter the other side, I
Speaker 4: I didn't cause tra She's like, I always look at
Speaker 4: little cry my mom. Okay, mentally unstable. Definitely thinks I'm unstable.
Speaker 3: She's like, why are you crying. I'm like, I'm just
Speaker 3: sad but happy. But you're beautiful.
Speaker 4: You have grandchildren, so you're able to kind of like relive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're both boys.
Speaker 3: Both her son and daughter both have kids.
Speaker 2: No, just the daughter.
Speaker 4: Are they smelling yet?
Speaker 2: No? Not yet? No, okay, they're eight and three, but
Speaker 2: they don't know they well, I mean the three year
Speaker 2: old smells because he hasn't pooped in the potty yet,
Speaker 2: so he smells for other reasons, but just he's sweet,
Speaker 2: sticky sweet. But yeah, it's a smell. We don't want
Speaker 2: to talk about necessarily.
Speaker 3: And the outside doors. Yeah, so I have a question.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows your epic amazing book, but like has stopping
Speaker 1: and smelling the babies of like pregnancy and motherhood has
Speaker 1: always been your jam?
Speaker 2: So true? Sorry, No, I was barely an adult. Got married,
Speaker 2: like just really. We met in September, got married in Ale.
Speaker 2: This young man, this young man right here. We met
Speaker 2: in a bar in New York. And so I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know what guy. We just like decided, okay,
Speaker 2: let's get married. Got married, and three months later, Oops,
Speaker 2: it's pregnant. Now I didn't for some reason, I didn't
Speaker 2: see that coming. So we were completely unprepared. And I
Speaker 2: went out to the books. Remember when there were bookstores
Speaker 2: that sold books very very long time ago. So anyway,
Speaker 2: iget no not target, okay, and it was. I bought
Speaker 2: all three books that were available, and none of them
Speaker 2: answered my question. So two hours before I went into
Speaker 2: labor with Emma, I delivered a proposal for a book
Speaker 2: that all I wanted was for a couple of parents
Speaker 2: to sleep better at night than we just you know,
Speaker 2: hold their hand, give them a hug. And I had
Speaker 2: no idea what was about to happen?
Speaker 4: How did you know though, like being your first child,
Speaker 4: like during your pregnancy, were you doing a lot of
Speaker 4: research or how did you come to.
Speaker 2: Like, No, I knew nothing. I literally if you if
Speaker 2: you had googled clueless, but of course there was no Google.
Speaker 2: So that was a little Yeah, that was me. We
Speaker 2: knew absolutely nothing and there was nobody to turn to
Speaker 2: for advice, and so that I had to start from
Speaker 2: scratch with the research and learn it all.
Speaker 4: Is there anything now looking back on that book because
Speaker 4: you did write it before you actually had a child?
Speaker 2: Well, no, I for the proposal, yeah, propose. I just
Speaker 2: knew that I wanted to do this. I didn't know
Speaker 2: how to do it. I didn't know what would be
Speaker 2: in it, Bunny, I knew it was necessary. Right, that
Speaker 2: makes sense?
Speaker 4: No, for sure, I'm just curious of like now as well.
Speaker 2: It's it's because things have changed so much, so dramatically
Speaker 2: since the first edition.
Speaker 3: It's changed, right, Oh my god. Yeah, it's like double
Speaker 3: the about of pages.
Speaker 2: Right, I updated like a couple times a year. Wow,
Speaker 2: because it's that important to say current. But I mean
Speaker 2: the other thing is if you just look at well
Speaker 2: don't look at the cover, the original cover, but it
Speaker 2: was this woman in rocking chair with like the basket
Speaker 2: of flowers and popery, and she looked miserable and anyway.
Speaker 2: So but the point is that it has changed so much,
Speaker 2: because pregnancy has changed so much, and how we are pregnant,
Speaker 2: how we are empowered in a way that we weren't
Speaker 2: in my pregnant days. And by the way, I didn't
Speaker 2: get to show off my bump, which was spectacular, but
Speaker 2: nobody ever got to see it because she had to
Speaker 2: hide it under a polyester pop tent. Yeah, you could
Speaker 2: sleep a family of four under there with your Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was really.
Speaker 3: That was the norm, like everyone but know you're pregnant,
Speaker 3: but don't.
Speaker 2: Pregnant exactly, huh exactly. Remember back in the day they
Speaker 2: called not my day, but before my day, they called
Speaker 2: it the period of confinement. I did not know that
Speaker 2: women had to be confined because they were pregnant, Like
Speaker 2: you weren't supposed to be out doing anything or on
Speaker 2: your feet or living.
Speaker 4: You know, just like that's a showcase.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, no, no, no no no. So it was
Speaker 2: maybe the most fun time to be pregnant. But I've
Speaker 2: gotten you know, I've had the opportunity now to experience
Speaker 2: it through my daughter's eyes too, and through her beautiful
Speaker 2: pumping close.
Speaker 4: Only got the close and not the clothes of coming
Speaker 4: a long way. I mean, even since I was pregnant,
Speaker 4: the clothes and come a long way. I mean, the
Speaker 4: only option really when I was shopping was the pea
Speaker 4: in the pod and that was it, the p in
Speaker 4: the pod. Now there's so many cute pregnancy brands. I'm like,
Speaker 4: do I want to have a baby again? Just so
Speaker 4: I can't?
Speaker 2: I do? I do? I do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, I do?
Speaker 2: I do? I do. I loved being pregnant. I did.
Speaker 2: I mean it would be hard giving up the red wine,
Speaker 2: but just the whole idea of.
Speaker 4: This, I mean, even that though, I mean there's so
Speaker 4: many I mean for us, I mean we are cannabis users,
Speaker 4: and I think even still back there's so many things
Speaker 4: that have changed as far as like what you can
Speaker 4: do when you're pregnant, probably a glass of red wine
Speaker 4: and every now and then is you know, not a big.
Speaker 3: Deal as it was like you know, well actually you ask.
Speaker 3: I feel like then they were like drink a martini.
Speaker 3: It's fine.
Speaker 2: Oh, when Eric's parents, my mother in law, was pregnant,
Speaker 2: you know, the only reason she didn't drink and smoke
Speaker 2: the whole time was because she was thrown up for
Speaker 2: nine months because she didn't know she was having twins.
Speaker 2: But had she been feeling fine, she would have been
Speaker 2: having the martinis everybody did.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's really normal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, babies, we're smaller.
Speaker 3: But yeah, but they made it.
Speaker 2: They made it. No, that's true. I mean it really
Speaker 2: it depends who you ask when it comes to things
Speaker 2: like wine, even you know, sushi, all those things are
Speaker 2: you know, there's so many opinions on caffeine.
Speaker 4: I definitely drank the coffee every single day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I had sushi.
Speaker 4: My doctor said it was fine. I was, like, I
Speaker 4: really did, like besides the coffee, like I was super strict.
Speaker 4: I was fucking terrified like everything that my doctor told
Speaker 4: me to stay away from. I listened to a tea,
Speaker 4: the coffee. Yeah, but you're you're coffee was fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your doctor.
Speaker 2: Did't say there's coffee was fine, and maybe not the
Speaker 2: five shot.
Speaker 4: I'm a latte drinker or regular, but.
Speaker 2: Then you're getting calcium bonus.
Speaker 4: It's all good.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I don't know, No wonder sunk, but I was so
Speaker 4: terrified in pregnancy, and I think a lot of people
Speaker 4: think that once you get pregnant, it's like, really, isn't
Speaker 4: about the mother at all. It's really about protecting the baby.
Speaker 4: Must protect the wall.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it should be about the mother a
Speaker 2: lot more than it is. And that's a whole other story.
Speaker 2: I'm sure we'll get into that, but yeah, it is
Speaker 2: very much about protecting the baby.
Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't eat any cheeses.
Speaker 2: I well, first of all, okay, ps who could have
Speaker 2: eaten all cheeses unless they weren't past pastorized?
Speaker 4: I mean that's what I meant.
Speaker 2: I mean, but well, there's pasteurized breed.
Speaker 4: What are people in France doing eating photoperiod?
Speaker 2: Can I explain something? But can I explain? The ish
Speaker 2: there is that you don't buy drugs like drug store
Speaker 2: or gas station sushi in Japan like your sushi is fresh.
Speaker 2: The only reason they tell you to avoid it is
Speaker 2: because you don't want to get sick like bacteria. Now,
Speaker 2: the serious a different story. That's in the cheeseese super rare.
Speaker 2: But I mean as far as like cold cuts in Germany,
Speaker 2: whole different story than cold cuts here. They're more like
Speaker 2: to be contaminated so same thing with sushi. So it's
Speaker 2: like an abundance of caution. But in terms of like sushi,
Speaker 2: the only downside would be if you got food poisoning,
Speaker 2: and it sucks to have food posing when you're pregnant, yeah,
Speaker 2: and get dehydrate, had to you know, get ivy foods.
Speaker 2: And maybe it's America and you're pinking anyway.
Speaker 4: America has all these rules, yet we have like the highest.
Speaker 2: Yes exactly, Well, we have the rules, but we don't
Speaker 2: have the care right And so a lot of women
Speaker 2: don't even find out what the rules are because they
Speaker 2: don't get the information because they're not empowered to have
Speaker 2: that information in your hands. So that's the problem. Well,
Speaker 2: there's a lot of problems in our country. That is
Speaker 2: a big problem when.
Speaker 1: You're writing this book, Like there are a lot of
Speaker 1: problems with like childbirth and pregnancy in the States, like
Speaker 1: and I think we would assume that there's not because
Speaker 1: it's oh, it's the United States.
Speaker 2: We're smart, right, but American exceptionalism right.
Speaker 3: Right, or the backs do everything great except birth.
Speaker 2: People and take care of them, take care of them
Speaker 2: than that, we're.
Speaker 1: We have no ethics in our food and everything from
Speaker 1: the time he wrote the book just out of pure
Speaker 1: there's not being enough information available to you, and then
Speaker 1: the MUF Now, right, how much has it like since
Speaker 1: the book dropped and you've had this wild success. I'm
Speaker 1: sure because you've learned a bunch of stuff in the process.
Speaker 1: And I keep learning that I'm sure you weren't even
Speaker 1: aware of because.
Speaker 2: No, I keep learning every single day. I've learned from moms.
Speaker 2: I'll probably learn something from you. Guys, I told you
Speaker 2: that joke. Well that's true, that's true. That's true.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well quickly we forget how that's true.
Speaker 2: I filed it away. I'll pull it out one day.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like it's a lot of information, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm better off not knowing some of it. No,
Speaker 1: I totally get that when I was pregnant, like I'm
Speaker 1: a very hippie crunchy.
Speaker 3: Like I'm gonna give a home birth. I'm gonna do
Speaker 3: orgasmic birth and breathe through it. It's gonna be great too.
Speaker 2: No, I went to I mean, I'm a stuge fan
Speaker 2: of orgasm. I'm not gonna lie, but maybe not. At
Speaker 2: the same time, I just that's me.
Speaker 3: I was hopeful it just didn't happen, because that shit hurts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I did all this research into all these
Speaker 1: like crunchy hippie podcasts, I read a lot of like
Speaker 1: all of Nime Gaskins books.
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna go to Commune and give
Speaker 3: births on the fire.
Speaker 1: But like I didn't realize, and thank god I didn't
Speaker 1: realize because I didn't really want to give birth in
Speaker 1: the hospital that me as a black woman. I was
Speaker 1: almost three times as high as like not leaving the
Speaker 1: hospital with my baby. I had no idea of that,
Speaker 1: And thank god, because I was already scared at the
Speaker 1: hospital and I end up going to the hospital. If
Speaker 1: I would have known that, there's no way I would
Speaker 1: have went. I'm like, fuck that, I'm going to be home,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's like I didn't even know that
Speaker 1: that was fucking seven years ago.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, so the reality is that's real reality for
Speaker 2: black women. It's also reality for indigenous moms American Indian
Speaker 2: and Alaska Natives so as well as moms living in
Speaker 2: maternity care deserts, which are all over the United States.
Speaker 2: So what's that It means you can't get care, there's
Speaker 2: no hospital, there's no birthing center. There's no hospital that
Speaker 2: does O B like even in Chicago, in the South
Speaker 2: Side Chicago, Mattornity Terra is shut down. In a lot
Speaker 2: of places in rural areas. That's crazy. So many hospitals
Speaker 2: have stopped doing birth livery so you have to travel
Speaker 2: so far to get care and in an emergency, that
Speaker 2: puts you at great risk. And now, let's face it.
Speaker 2: We've been to South Sudan and Somalian border, We've been everywhere,
Speaker 2: and okay, you sort of it's not okay that happens there,
Speaker 2: but you understand it to a certain extent. I don't
Speaker 2: understand why in the United States, the wealthiest nation in
Speaker 2: the world, we can't do a better job on maternal mortality,
Speaker 2: morbidity of moms of not making it through childbirth or
Speaker 2: dying postpartum because they their care lapses, their Medicaid lapses
Speaker 2: at two months.
Speaker 3: What what you see.
Speaker 2: The doctor for the last time, it's six weeks. A
Speaker 2: third of death happen after that because moms aren't getting
Speaker 2: continued care. So that's not okay. We have to change that.
Speaker 2: You know, you had information, whether you wanted to access
Speaker 2: or not, you had it, but a lot of moms
Speaker 2: don't get any and they're not listened to. The CDC
Speaker 2: just did this great campaign called hashtag Hear Her, and
Speaker 2: it's all based on the fact that many women are
Speaker 2: not heard black moms, especially women of color, when you
Speaker 2: speak up and you say this hurts, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: having this symptom, and they say, oh, it's normal, stopping dramatic.
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean I think of Serena Williams. Yeah, except
Speaker 4: she was hemorrhaging and she told them something's not right,
Speaker 4: and they pushed her aside until she was like, no,
Speaker 4: someone needs to listen to me and think about how
Speaker 4: many women of color, not just black, that that happens too.
Speaker 4: It's just it's alarming. And we know our bodies. We
Speaker 4: know when something does not feel right, even me, Like
Speaker 4: I think about my experience and you know, I did
Speaker 4: want to have a home birth. And then because I
Speaker 4: was the first of all my friends to have children,
Speaker 4: I told my friends that I told my family that
Speaker 4: they all looked at me like I was fucking nuts.
Speaker 4: My mom. I come from a family that's very like
Speaker 4: you're sick, you go to the doctor, that's it. Even now,
Speaker 4: they're still like you, what are you doing go to
Speaker 4: the doctor.
Speaker 2: Well, it's probably a good idea right now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But you know when I did decide to because
Speaker 4: I had of fear. I was telling my daughter's father
Speaker 4: or we I invited a midwife to our house. And
Speaker 4: this is my last attempt at like proving to myself
Speaker 4: that I was going to do this and then like
Speaker 4: proving to him that, like we're doing this. But I
Speaker 4: also had a lot of guilt because like, Okay, it's
Speaker 4: not just my baby, it's his baby, and like I
Speaker 4: want him to feel comfortable even though I'm the one
Speaker 4: carrying it. And I remember this moment he was asked
Speaker 4: the midwife like, so, what happens in an emergency? And
Speaker 4: I was like fuck, And he was like, well, we
Speaker 4: would go to the hospital. And he was like, well,
Speaker 4: why don't we just go to the hospital. And so
Speaker 4: we went to the hospital. And that was my first
Speaker 4: experience ever, Like I'd never laid in a hospital bed
Speaker 4: ever in my life. I never had surgery ever in
Speaker 4: my life, so kind of going to the hospital was
Speaker 4: already traumatic. I remember, like I had planned, I was
Speaker 4: like a week late, so of course my doctor was
Speaker 4: pushing me to nine days. Yeah, I was seven days.
Speaker 4: But my doctor was like, you must go. The baby's
Speaker 4: getting too big, like we have to induce you. And
Speaker 4: so even now wishing like I didn't listen to her,
Speaker 4: like I wish I would have just waited a little
Speaker 4: bit longer. I went. I got the potocin. Throughout my pregnancy,
Speaker 4: she had been like talking about sea sections a lot,
Speaker 4: and I kept saying, like, I don't want to see section.
Speaker 4: She's she's like, you know, all my babies were delivered
Speaker 4: sea section. It was very sazy. You're obviously capable of
Speaker 4: your healthy weight and you have a birth. I'm just saying.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm just saying, what. So anyway, I get
Speaker 4: the potocin. You know, I'm in labor for thirty six hours.
Speaker 4: I end up. You know, once your water's broken for
Speaker 4: that long, you're susceptible to infection. I get an infection.
Speaker 4: Now I'm going in for an emergency. See section. Not
Speaker 4: part of my birth plan at all. Never had a
Speaker 4: major surgery in my life, never sat in the hospital
Speaker 4: ever except for death, like going to visit people who
Speaker 4: are dying and just feeling like none of my like,
Speaker 4: no one was listening to me, like I told her,
Speaker 4: like I think we should wait, and she said, no,
Speaker 4: we shouldn't because her baby's getting too big. I delivered
Speaker 4: my daughter, she was seven pounds. I'm like, people are
Speaker 4: delivering eleven pounds.
Speaker 2: Say yeah, those estimates are way off in lean Away,
Speaker 2: so that's not something you can take to the bank. Yeah,
Speaker 2: thank Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's just like I just feel like there's a lot
Speaker 1: of pressure to just you know, especially as a first
Speaker 1: time mother like you. For me, like I felt like
Speaker 1: I must do everything by the book because I am
Speaker 1: putting my child at risk.
Speaker 4: Like there's all this fear around birth, and like that
Speaker 4: you don't actually matter. All that matters is this thing
Speaker 4: that you're growing inside.
Speaker 1: Right in your opinion, doesn't matter. You're not in a
Speaker 1: medical school, did you go. I didn't think so, So
Speaker 1: it's you are. You're gonna die if you don't do this.
Speaker 4: I don't know what her experience is with other, you know,
Speaker 4: women or white women that she caters to. She's not
Speaker 4: a black doctor, and that maybe she would have been
Speaker 4: a little bit more like, Okay, let's wait, I could
Speaker 4: we could argue that or whatever. But I did feel
Speaker 4: like my needs were not listened to, and I was like,
Speaker 4: then suddenly I'm in surgery.
Speaker 2: Well, here's the thing. I mean, there's a good reason
Speaker 2: why we have sea sections and why we have induction,
Speaker 2: why we have all these interventions. It's to save lives
Speaker 2: when necessary, but it's for use as necessary, and so
Speaker 2: there's a fine line. And I don't know the circumstances,
Speaker 2: but I have to tell you that black doctors are
Speaker 2: less likely to perform sea sections on black women than
Speaker 2: white doctors. I mean that's just a statistic and for
Speaker 2: whatever reason. And black moms are more likely yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: and to have all kinds of complications. Now, what it's
Speaker 2: correlated to, whether there's you know, a higher risk you know,
Speaker 2: because of certain pre existing conditions whatever not for you. No, absolutely,
Speaker 2: So it's a balance because you want a healthy mom
Speaker 2: and a healthy baby. And I you know, then on
Speaker 2: the other extreme, when I go to Africa and we
Speaker 2: were in a clinic in South Sudan where a mom
Speaker 2: walked in barefoot. She'd walked fourteen miles in labor.
Speaker 3: Oh my God.
Speaker 2: To get to this clinic so she could safely deliver
Speaker 2: her baby. Now, this clinic had no infrastructure at all,
Speaker 2: but the midwives were trained and they had clean hands,
Speaker 2: and that's already a leap above what you could get
Speaker 2: in your village. So there's extremes, but I feel there's
Speaker 2: a need for balance with you know, any birth that
Speaker 2: ends in a healthy mom and a healthy baby is success.
Speaker 2: I didn't successfully say.
Speaker 4: That, but you see, yeah.
Speaker 2: And yours was. However, you know, could you have waited? Maybe?
Speaker 2: I don't. Who knows what the indications were, whether you
Speaker 2: had any reason to deliver sooner.
Speaker 4: I think thinking about what Jamila said about saying that, like,
Speaker 4: I didn't know that. You know, black women are four
Speaker 4: times three to four times were likely to die in
Speaker 4: birth than white women. I had no idea of that either.
Speaker 4: And in my work, you know, in this space with
Speaker 4: good moms and you know, meeting women like you and
Speaker 4: talking to birth workers and doulas and doctors, I do
Speaker 4: feel like, reflecting back on my experience, I'm just like, huh,
Speaker 4: I do feel like I wish I would have been
Speaker 4: more knowledgeable yeah about that.
Speaker 1: And then just being more empowered to say, you know what,
Speaker 1: I want to wait longer, Like why is there a
Speaker 1: rush and you're trying to get to are you trying
Speaker 1: to get to vacation?
Speaker 3: A lot of times doctors do do that.
Speaker 1: Like there's studies that correlate c sections happening around lunchtime
Speaker 1: and the time it's time.
Speaker 2: O'clock out because people are ready to go home, and
Speaker 2: there's definitely something to be said for that. I feel
Speaker 2: like when possible, midwife, definitely have a duela. Those both
Speaker 2: lower your risk for needing a sea section, because sometimes
Speaker 2: you need a sea section and there's nothing to advocate
Speaker 2: for you exactly. Yeah, and I believe every mom should
Speaker 2: have a duel. We just passed the duel a resolution
Speaker 2: that just recognizes the importance of them and hopefully we'll
Speaker 2: get them covered by Medicaid.
Speaker 3: We also work on much which is so amazing because.
Speaker 2: You know, for a mom who can't afford to hire
Speaker 2: a doula but will benefit so incredibly from having that advocate.
Speaker 2: From having that physical and emotional support can make first
Speaker 2: of all, lowers your risk of sea section, lowers your
Speaker 2: risk of complicit ex floors your risk of postpartum depression.
Speaker 2: So it's a small investment for.
Speaker 1: Huge for a huge And like, if anyone's had a baby,
Speaker 1: that hospital bill.
Speaker 3: Is like twenty racks, twenty five thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: I'm like Okay, America, you could throw like twenty five
Speaker 1: hundred in for a doula.
Speaker 2: Not even not even not right, But it's.
Speaker 1: Just crazy, like the amount. First of all, it's so
Speaker 1: over medicalized. Then it's so very expensive, like if you
Speaker 1: don't have insurance, you're fucked. And just even to hear
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize that they only cover you, you know,
Speaker 1: two months after.
Speaker 2: Giving states that have not had Medicaid expansion, which is
Speaker 2: a lot of states, that's when it lapses. Two months
Speaker 2: and until the states say, okay, moms matter in this state,
Speaker 2: it won't change. California, of course, is great, like comparatively
Speaker 2: amazing in terms of maternal health places like New Jersey
Speaker 2: and New York, But you go to other states like Texas,
Speaker 2: and the rates are so high and moms are not
Speaker 2: getting care. And you're also talking about undocumented moms who
Speaker 2: are afraid to get care or they don't can't afford it,
Speaker 2: so they wait until they have a complication at eight
Speaker 2: months and guess what that ends up costing more than
Speaker 2: it would have just to give her prenatal care in
Speaker 2: the first place. So you know, as far as I'm concerned,
Speaker 2: if you know, legislators don't you know, see it from
Speaker 2: a compassionate point of view where I want all moms,
Speaker 2: these are my sisters, I want them all to be healthy.
Speaker 2: Then you know realize it's economically it makes sense.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, whether you're consolidating high interest debt or
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Speaker 1: That's amazing because sometimes it gives me anxiety to see
Speaker 1: so many credit card bills, so just having one would
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Speaker 4: Can you tell our listeners too, I mean, you do
Speaker 4: such amazing work, I mean all over the world with
Speaker 4: your foundation, and can you tell them more about your
Speaker 4: what to Expect foundation? And also bump Day. I'm really
Speaker 4: excited today.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yes, yeah, not surprisingly it's a Wednesday and bump.
Speaker 4: Yeah, today is bump Day, and I just want to
Speaker 4: talk about your work and your foundation and how you
Speaker 4: came to bump Day and what it means for us
Speaker 4: and you and all the moms out here.
Speaker 2: So this is our seventh annual Bump Day and which
Speaker 2: is very exciting, keeps getting bigger and bigger. And the
Speaker 2: idea is to flood social media, especially Instagram, with beautiful bumps,
Speaker 2: because we're all about celebrating beautiful bumps past and present.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be personally dusting off my polarizers. Of
Speaker 2: the three pictures that I actually have pregnant, one there's
Speaker 2: a little bit of pubic hair that I have to
Speaker 2: because I was pulling my shirt up, so I have
Speaker 2: to like tuck it down. But the idea is to
Speaker 2: have fun but raise awareness about the urgent need for
Speaker 2: better maternal healthcare in the US, because motherhood is yeltimate's sisterhood,
Speaker 2: and our sisters are at risk and we can't let
Speaker 2: that stand. We have to advocate share messages about the
Speaker 2: crisis of maternal mortality that here in the US at
Speaker 2: this moment, because we have the highest rate of maternal
Speaker 2: mortality in the developed world, not okay, not okay, not
Speaker 2: even remotely okay, and we can change that, but we
Speaker 2: have to all speak up.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm really excited to be part of it. I
Speaker 4: can't wait to show off my bump. And if you
Speaker 4: guys are listening, make sure that today is the day
Speaker 4: show those bumps off. If you have any pregnant mamas
Speaker 4: listening right now, go take a picture or you know,
Speaker 4: I know you guys have probably photo shoots. I mean,
Speaker 4: we're in the age of social media exactly. Everyone people
Speaker 4: love to post a bump photo. I mean I wish
Speaker 4: I had more photos. I think even me, like, I
Speaker 4: wasn't like one to like walk around with like a
Speaker 4: crop top on and my like belly show.
Speaker 2: Oh I would do that, right, I.
Speaker 4: Mean I definitely showed my bump. It wasn't hiding it.
Speaker 4: But I wasn't like boom like sports bron belly here I.
Speaker 2: Am oh man to do Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: I was dedicated to not buying a single maternity outfit.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be pregnant very long, so I'm
Speaker 1: not buying that shit.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: And then I was just squeezing my already small shit
Speaker 1: over my big ass belly and you were gonna get
Speaker 1: it all no matter what.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: But you know, even as empowered and like I was
Speaker 1: in my pregnancy, I do wish. It's crazy how you
Speaker 1: can think at one point you're empowered and you were
Speaker 1: comfortable in it, and then you look back and there's
Speaker 1: things that, like even with breastfeeding afterwards, Like I was
Speaker 1: a breastfeeder and I breastfed for a long time, but
Speaker 1: like I just remember some people are like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: go in the bathroom and then not feeling like ballsy
Speaker 1: enough that day to be like no, And I was
Speaker 1: like okay, like for me, and I thought that I
Speaker 1: was like all empowered in it, but I was looking recently.
Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of pictures from me breastfeeding
Speaker 1: because I was probably like this is too much to
Speaker 1: take a picture, right, But now I'm like, I miss
Speaker 1: it so much.
Speaker 2: I miss it all these years later. I miss it
Speaker 2: like crazy. And I was a person who actually whipped
Speaker 2: them out back before it was cool to whip them.
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 2: I mean, I like tried to put a napkin on
Speaker 2: me in a restaurant. But you know, Emma was always
Speaker 2: like body exactly so I so to speak, how was.
Speaker 3: Your husband with that at that time?
Speaker 1: Like, is he advocating for you or was he like, oh, totally,
Speaker 1: well he.
Speaker 2: Was fond of them too. I mean, but it's like,
Speaker 2: if you can show breast everywhere else, damn it, you
Speaker 2: can share breast when you're feeding a baby, period, end
Speaker 2: of story. Not even negotiable.
Speaker 1: There's so much sexualization of women's bodies, of bodies in general,
Speaker 1: and it's it's crazy that, like we are so programmed
Speaker 1: to sexualize every fucking thing, because I guess this is
Speaker 1: America that even when it comes to something as natural
Speaker 1: and as beautiful and it is like god given as birthing,
Speaker 1: and like enjoying the body that you're in, and like
Speaker 1: even like I think I got flagged on the Internet
Speaker 1: because I posted a picture like a beautiful my belly, but.
Speaker 3: My nipples are showing. They were fucking huge. But the
Speaker 3: point is it wasn't sexual at all.
Speaker 1: Why the fuck Instagram? But you take my beautiful picture
Speaker 1: down at a beautiful couch.
Speaker 3: It's just it's just it's an interesting thing.
Speaker 1: And I feel like so many moms like if you're listening,
Speaker 1: if you're pregnant, if you're about to get pregnant, if
Speaker 1: you have, you know, having a second baby. There's so
Speaker 1: many things like to be empowered in and information to
Speaker 1: soak up and just like just to know where you
Speaker 1: stand in your pregnancy and to like make sure your
Speaker 1: partner is informed and you're informed when you go to
Speaker 1: the hospital. What you want, what you don't want, what
Speaker 1: you're standing for. If someone told you to put your
Speaker 1: tit away in the restaurant, tell the fuck off, you know, like,
Speaker 1: there's I just I want to give you the unless
Speaker 1: you're not breastfeeding, unless it's just like.
Speaker 2: You're randomly pulling it out nice to me too. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's no, and that's okay, and it's a wardrobe malfunction
Speaker 2: and I get that. But if you are breastfeeding and
Speaker 2: this is true, all, oh for the world, what is
Speaker 2: the matter with us?
Speaker 1: And also if you're that weird ass fucking friend that's like, oh, hei,
Speaker 1: do you put your boob away?
Speaker 2: Fuck you?
Speaker 3: Fuck you friend. You need to shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: And the next time you catch yourself about to tell
Speaker 1: someone to put their tit away or put a blanket
Speaker 1: over their baby's head or whatever fucking great advice you
Speaker 1: think you're about to give a mom or like maybe
Speaker 1: you should put those new hot milky boobs like away. No, no,
Speaker 1: I earn these milky boobs and I earned belly, and
Speaker 1: I can do whatever the fuck I want. And like,
Speaker 1: even if it's your mother in law, you know, maybe
Speaker 1: don't have to use those words because you might get divorced,
Speaker 1: but like you must stand up for yourself.
Speaker 2: Well, and it's true with mother in laws and with mothers,
Speaker 2: I mean, like they'll give you a lot of shit,
Speaker 2: all kinds of things, and you just this is your
Speaker 2: time to be the parent. It's not their turn anymore, right,
Speaker 2: you wear the parent pants.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's true, it's your time to Really, you make
Speaker 4: the rules.
Speaker 2: It's you made the baby. You made the baby. You
Speaker 2: made the baby, not them. And by the way, pregnancy
Speaker 2: and new moms are not community property. I can't know
Speaker 2: everybody thinks that meeting. No, No, they're not going to
Speaker 2: contribute to the raising of your child.
Speaker 3: So their opinions.
Speaker 2: Honestly, No, they don't get to tell you what to
Speaker 2: name your baby. They don't get to tell you how
Speaker 2: to feed your baby or how your baby. You know,
Speaker 2: should what schedule they should sleep on? Nothing? No, they
Speaker 2: don't earn that.
Speaker 1: I tell you I never got more motherfucking unsolicited advice
Speaker 1: until I was a mom. And I'm telling you you've
Speaker 1: got to start that shit in pregnancy. You got to
Speaker 1: start putting your motherfucking foot down as soon as you
Speaker 1: see two fucking lines on that stick your swollen foot.
Speaker 2: Yes, you put that swollen foot down.
Speaker 3: You have to like stand in it because people will try.
Speaker 1: You and it will make you question yourself and question
Speaker 1: how your parents.
Speaker 2: That's the thing. And I know you guys are not
Speaker 2: like this, but there's so much on social media of
Speaker 2: the mom judging, which is why when you pulled out
Speaker 2: the tarrot card about judging, I was like, no, no,
Speaker 2: not that, no, but we can't. We have to support
Speaker 2: each other. And you know, and there are like two
Speaker 2: absolutes about being parents. Keep your child healthy and safe,
Speaker 2: love your child unconditionally. Beyond that, keep it alive, keep
Speaker 2: it alive, keep it happy. That's it.
Speaker 4: And even on social media, there's a lot of judgment
Speaker 4: from the crunchy moms to the non credown and I
Speaker 4: think that I have to speak to that too, because
Speaker 4: there's women that was both ways. Yeah, I mean, it's
Speaker 4: really easy for us to be like give home birth
Speaker 4: and don't want don't want to that's if it would
Speaker 4: put you at high. Why are you giving them formula
Speaker 4: and mother's milk?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay it listen. Emma did not make milk.
Speaker 2: She closet pumps eight hours a day and she would
Speaker 2: make like this much milk and it was funny because
Speaker 2: Lennox was loved it, so she would give it to
Speaker 2: him first. I used to call it the appetitidizer. I
Speaker 2: was taking literally one ounce and he loved it. And
Speaker 2: that made her feel so guilty, so she would go
Speaker 2: back to the closet and pump and pump and pump
Speaker 2: until her nipples hanging on by a thread. And we
Speaker 2: finally had an intervention and said, Emma, you can't continue
Speaker 2: this like you know, And they did not bond until
Speaker 2: she gave up the breast pump. She was so gung
Speaker 2: ho and it was keeping her baby. Lennox hated the
Speaker 2: sight of her because she would always try to shove
Speaker 2: a breast in his mouth and there was nothing in it.
Speaker 2: And she tried every herb she tried every Electasian consultant,
Speaker 2: she tried cupping drugs from Canada, like she tried everything
Speaker 2: and she couldn't make milk. So it's like, yes, breast
Speaker 2: is bas but if you can't pressfeed or you choose
Speaker 2: not to, the most important ingredient in a feeding is love, right,
Speaker 2: that's it. You provide that love. You provide everything a
Speaker 2: baby needs. So that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I sucond this message good mom is not a place
Speaker 1: for judging or what to expect.
Speaker 4: I'm so excited to see all these bumps. I can't
Speaker 4: wait to see all the bumps on the internet, all
Speaker 4: the bumps that I've yet to see. I know we
Speaker 4: have a lot of moms that are pregnant right now.
Speaker 4: They're like, say, what is the assage? But it's hashtag.
Speaker 2: Hashtag bump day. And then we have a social media
Speaker 2: toolkit you can share messages about the need for better
Speaker 2: maternal health care. There's so many stats that are really
Speaker 2: like the fact that you know, two zero point two
Speaker 2: million moms live in a health care desert where they
Speaker 2: can't get care.
Speaker 4: I mean not okay, it's a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And most pregnancy complications that lead to death are preventable,
Speaker 2: Like you can actually do something about it by spreading
Speaker 2: awareness isn't that crazy.
Speaker 1: There's things we could do about it, but we just
Speaker 1: haven't done it because you know, well do that last
Speaker 1: well and a.
Speaker 2: Lot of people don't know. They just don't know what
Speaker 2: they don't know, and I'll give them the benefited I mean,
Speaker 2: but now you know. So, Yeah, we have to mom
Speaker 2: mobilize around issues that are really important to all of us,
Speaker 2: because if we don't do it, who's going to do
Speaker 2: what I'm going to do it? Mom?
Speaker 3: Does matter? Yeah, we make the people. Do you want
Speaker 3: more people will take care of us?
Speaker 4: Fun?
Speaker 3: Do you want a population?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Well yeah, try to have a health health the future.
Speaker 2: Without a healthy mom, it's not possible.
Speaker 3: You'll have nothing.
Speaker 2: You have nothing. You owe it to us, right, Okay, then.
Speaker 4: We have a few little questions we wanted to ask
Speaker 4: you before we head out of here with. So we
Speaker 4: were recently gifted this amazing game by may our podcast
Speaker 4: coordinator who's sitting over here. The game is called We're
Speaker 4: Not Really Strangers. You guys have maybe seen us post
Speaker 4: about it. Maybe you guys have heard about it because
Speaker 4: it's all the rage on social media. But it's a
Speaker 4: good way to have some really amazing questions in here.
Speaker 4: That I think some people haven't been asked. I know
Speaker 4: I have never been asked tobo these questions.
Speaker 1: This is a self reflection edition. Uh oh, so you've
Speaker 1: got a self reflect tidy.
Speaker 2: Okay, deep do I have to look.
Speaker 3: No questions?
Speaker 2: Not in this light? Okay? Yes?
Speaker 4: What have you always accepted as true that turned out
Speaker 4: to be false?
Speaker 2: Okay? I'm not good at self. What if I always
Speaker 2: I assume that everybody cared about moms and babies that
Speaker 2: turned out not to be I assume that, Yeah, I don't. Honestly,
Speaker 2: that's one I'm really bad at this. I'm good that.
Speaker 3: You've taken the initiative to make people care.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm trying starting the.
Speaker 3: Hey, you should care about moms and babies.
Speaker 1: I'm campaigned because trying done an amazing job. Okay, here's
Speaker 1: another one. What's a non negotiable in my life?
Speaker 2: Your life?
Speaker 3: Hugs hugs same same girl. You gotta hug me own friends.
Speaker 2: I have hugged my way through countries where nobody hucks,
Speaker 2: no body hugs. I hug men in countries where men
Speaker 2: are not supposed to hug. I've gotten people from man
Speaker 2: pats all the way through shaming them of course. But
Speaker 2: the other day I was a Senate office and this
Speaker 2: guy was giving me this like little Mandy candy, kind
Speaker 2: of like cat and I was like, no, no, that's
Speaker 2: not okay. I'm getting train news. So hugs, hugs, hugs. Well,
Speaker 2: I was like, that's not okay, Like you don't hug
Speaker 2: like this, It's not you know, it's like the Hollywood
Speaker 2: air kids.
Speaker 1: The people's face like like to touch them, uncomfortable to
Speaker 1: get I've always.
Speaker 2: I only had security called on me.
Speaker 4: One security was called called security on you.
Speaker 2: I think almost No, it was it was five one woman,
Speaker 2: it was. It was on this it was no. I haven't. Oh,
Speaker 2: I would not. That would be my one exception. That
Speaker 2: would be. Yeah. It was on the set of the
Speaker 2: What to Expect when You're Expecting movie. I don't know,
Speaker 2: I thought it and if you did, I apologize. It
Speaker 2: was embarrassing. You love it. So we were on the
Speaker 2: set and I was hugging everybody, and I got to
Speaker 2: what's his name, Dennis Quite and he was at the
Speaker 2: you know the.
Speaker 4: Is that Meg Ryan's ex husband? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, rude, he didn't he called security.
Speaker 2: Well, no, I was like, hi, I'm mighty, and everybody
Speaker 2: else had been so awesome about it, and he was like,
Speaker 2: he didn't actually call security, but I'm exaggerating little, but
Speaker 2: he won't exactly.
Speaker 4: Look Dennis get it together.
Speaker 3: Yeah rude.
Speaker 2: So I'm just I wouldn't give him one rain check.
Speaker 4: He seems like a hugger. I'm pissed.
Speaker 3: Well, you'd be surprised he was my shunger that you
Speaker 3: think is a hugger. He's an actor, Eric damn.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And some people are weird about it.
Speaker 1: So it's I mean, like minus COVID and all the
Speaker 1: other you know, whatever, the cold that's gone crazy.
Speaker 3: But people are so weird about human touch.
Speaker 2: Okay, but yes, And I actually the first time I
Speaker 2: went to the CDC and I met with the director
Speaker 2: of the CDC, and everybody who knew I was a hugger.
Speaker 2: They would take me into his office and saying, whatever
Speaker 2: you do, do not hug him. Don't don't do it,
Speaker 2: don't do it. I went right in, Like, I went
Speaker 2: right in. I gave him a big old hug, and
Speaker 2: I swear he would not let go, like he was
Speaker 2: hugging me for the next like.
Speaker 4: Waiting for this hug.
Speaker 2: And I said, you know, here's the thing. About hugs
Speaker 2: and public health, Like, I understand no handshaking, handshacking scross,
Speaker 2: but hugs, you're going like this, you're not. There's no
Speaker 2: swapping of any fluid. You don't keep fluids on your shoulder.
Speaker 2: So I feel it's so much more hygienic and it's
Speaker 2: good for you.
Speaker 1: I can only imagine the memos that like go before,
Speaker 1: like Heidi's agent.
Speaker 3: Sends up, she's a hugger. Just morning everyone. She will
Speaker 3: touch everyone. Be aware.
Speaker 2: No, it depends on it depends on literally.
Speaker 3: You know a lot of important people.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I you know, Star General, I know
Speaker 2: I do. Oh my god, slide it here. That photo.
Speaker 2: That photo. So that's when Eric or somebody told her.
Speaker 2: She wrote what to expect when you're expecting, and that's her.
Speaker 2: You did not.
Speaker 3: Our face was to look at this, look at this
Speaker 3: hug an amazing.
Speaker 2: But there's this well, first of all, I'm wearing heels,
Speaker 2: she's wearing flats, and I'm in her armpit. But but regardless,
Speaker 2: she is an amazing hugger. But that's her face saying literally,
Speaker 2: she was saying, you did not.
Speaker 4: I see it. That's your facing.
Speaker 3: Yes, I did.
Speaker 2: That's me, and that photo. She's she's saying, and I
Speaker 2: used to go through it every night, and she was
Speaker 2: using the hand description.
Speaker 3: And everybody's read the book. I meant read the book,
Speaker 3: including Michelle Obama.
Speaker 4: That's amazing you've made it.
Speaker 2: She's it's a really good hugger though.
Speaker 3: I have to say you're a good hugger too. You
Speaker 3: gave me a good hug. I was very pleased with that.
Speaker 3: I'll do Oh, I'm so excited and binding over our
Speaker 3: feet hugs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we crushing.
Speaker 3: I love I love it, I love it here.
Speaker 4: This is my family. Now, well, why do you thank
Speaker 4: you so much for coming on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming to me.
Speaker 4: Yes, yes, we came to you, and we'll come to
Speaker 4: your house.
Speaker 2: So special.
Speaker 3: You're aggressive and we don't take no for an answer.
Speaker 2: I don't either, so yeah, I don't.
Speaker 3: Maya was like good news, I'm like perfect. Nobody was
Speaker 3: going to email. I'm like, I'm going to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you joined us and shared your
Speaker 1: knowledge and shared energy with us in space, and thank
Speaker 1: you for all the work that you do. And we
Speaker 1: will be posting every fucking picture of our bump that
Speaker 1: we can find on it. Yeah today, Yeah, I hope
Speaker 1: you do too, tag what to expect when when expecting,
Speaker 1: and hashtag.
Speaker 3: Bump day, happy bump day. All my beautiful mama's out there.
Speaker 2: Happy bump day, Happy healthy bump day.
Speaker 3: Happy healthy bump day. And don't forget to hump because
Speaker 3: it's also hump day.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, you can get the bump or not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you don't have to get the bump every
Speaker 2: time you hump. I'm just clarifying.
Speaker 3: That you can pull out.
Speaker 2: Please don't rely on that, okay, or you.
Speaker 3: Can take better.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I'm not a doctor, and I don't certify this message.
Speaker 2: We're gonna have a snort, I did.
Speaker 3: Where can our listeners find you?
Speaker 2: At Heidi Markoff. All my social media is at Heidi Markoff.
Speaker 2: And of course there's at What to Expect and the
Speaker 2: What to Expect Project, which is the foundation, and there's
Speaker 2: a lot of things and what to expect. App wait,
Speaker 2: there's what to Expect podcasts, there's a lot of what
Speaker 2: to expect.
Speaker 4: Just google what to Expect It follow all of them
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And you know where to find us.
Speaker 1: We're Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram and Good
Speaker 1: Mom's Bad Choices everywhere else.
Speaker 3: Don't forget to read review this episode.
Speaker 4: Make sure to follow us on Twitter. You guys, we
Speaker 4: do have a Twitter. We tweet why you do? I do?
Speaker 2: I mean I've gone on a little Twitter Titus. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's a lot over there, but it is. But I
Speaker 2: for bumped ay, I'll do it.
Speaker 3: So I think we're good. We're bad girl, good mom.
Speaker 4: No, good mom, underscore bad girl. That's what it is.
Speaker 4: Oh well, we will tag all of the lik.
Speaker 2: Like you're good and you make good choices. You just yeah,
Speaker 2: I have a feeling you do.
Speaker 4: The bad choices are not necessarily bad, they're just you know,
Speaker 4: some people might think that talking about sex is bad,
Speaker 4: but or saying.
Speaker 1: Penis on the tele, well, clearly I'm not one of
Speaker 1: those people.
Speaker 4: You are a good mom bad You are a good
Speaker 4: mom that makes bad choices and good choices. But we
Speaker 4: will link everything in this episode description. Don't you fret
Speaker 4: and we'll see you guys next week.
Speaker 2: Bye, my mos.
Speaker 5: So don't so. Then I saw him and he saw
Speaker 5: him the best a
Speaker 2: Qu