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Speaker 1: I opened my marriage and my wife fell in love

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Speaker 1: with their side piece. So should I stay or should

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Speaker 1: I go? This is okayop where we tell the funniest

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Speaker 1: stories on Earth. I'm Sam, I'm John, and today, uh,

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Speaker 1: we're actually with some guests Sarah and Josh from this

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Speaker 1: podcast will save this relationship?

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Speaker 2: Hello?

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Speaker 1: Hello, a podcast will save our relationship? Right, podcast, We'll

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Speaker 1: say it's podcast will save our relationship.

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Speaker 2: I'll get it.

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Speaker 1: I'm here with a podcast will save our relationship.

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Speaker 3: You're getting warmer there, so close.

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Speaker 1: We'll save this relationship. We did it, We did it.

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Speaker 1: We got to keep it hilarious. All right, we're here,

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Speaker 1: we're here, and all of you should ope stay or

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Speaker 1: should they go?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: They're going.

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Speaker 1: Let's Beaker's a reminder they opened up their marriage. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be contrarian and say stay. All right, Well, let's

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Speaker 1: find out. So I've been married to D Nuts. Is

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Speaker 1: that a joke in there?

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Speaker 2: She married the D's nuts for five years?

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Speaker 3: Five years too many, mind you.

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Speaker 1: I've been married to D for five years and we

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Speaker 1: are both in our mid thirties. Last year, D told

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Speaker 1: me she thinks she is bisexual and would like to

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Speaker 1: explore having a relationship with a woman. I asked if

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Speaker 1: she wanted to explore as in a hookup or a

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Speaker 1: real relationship, to which she replied an actual relationship. She

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Speaker 1: felt she had so much love to share, but my

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Speaker 1: concern was if she had enough time to share, and

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Speaker 1: I said I wasn't on board, and I thought the

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Speaker 1: subject was closed. So basically, he's worried if he's going

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Speaker 1: to have enough attention from his wife.

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Speaker 3: M H, that's fair. I think it's a fair Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, fair. Are we seeing any red flags yet?

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Speaker 2: I think? I mean, I mean, I'm a pant sexual

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Speaker 2: woman in a straight relationship for five years and I

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Speaker 2: don't know. It depends on the boundaries in the relationship.

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm ready to drop the bomb on Sarah soon.

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Speaker 4: That actually I've been thinking about. Oh god, oh no,

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Speaker 4: pot dealer. I didn't mean to infernd of me, so gosh,

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Speaker 4: dang public. But I mean it's it's called topic of conversation, right,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 2: That's so you to drop it on me On a podcast.

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Speaker 1: Josh secretly submitted this story.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I wrote that story. Any story that I read

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Speaker 4: I have, I just assume I wrote it.

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Speaker 2: I assume that as well.

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Speaker 1: About four months ago, de brought it up again and

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Speaker 1: said she would be happy with just a friends with

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Speaker 1: benefit arrangement and not an actual relationship, So she's downgrading

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Speaker 1: a little bit. I was still hesitant, but it was

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Speaker 1: a constant topic that kept coming up. I relented under

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Speaker 1: the conditions we do our research, books, podcasts, and see

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Speaker 1: a couple's counselor before opening up. So I guess sandatory reading.

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Speaker 3: Is that.

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Speaker 1: They need a podcast to save the relationship. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the podcast will save the relationship.

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Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that that podcasting is important.

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Speaker 4: Podcasts are super important except for all the big ones.

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Speaker 4: But ours is except.

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Speaker 2: For everyone else other than ours.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think if you're going to Joe Rogan

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Speaker 4: for your relationship advice and it's a polyamorous relationship, it's

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Speaker 4: not gonna end well, I feel like.

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Speaker 1: Eat elk meat.

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Speaker 3: That's the yeah.

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Speaker 4: And if you take the if you take the brain

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Speaker 4: force pills, you'll be able to think more logically about

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Speaker 4: how to how to have sex with multiple.

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Speaker 2: Up your testosterone.

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Speaker 1: Bro, it's like the limitless pill. You know, you'll finally

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Speaker 1: be able to make all the calculations in your head.

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Speaker 1: We solved it.

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Speaker 2: Thanks, you.

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Speaker 1: D was ecstatic, and we dove into several books and

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Speaker 1: found a great therapist trying to do things right. One

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Speaker 1: are the topics our therapists brought up was why we

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Speaker 1: are opening up and if there was someone either of

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Speaker 1: us had in mind. D admitted that she had some

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Speaker 1: one she had been talking to who had encouraged her

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Speaker 1: to open our relationship.

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Speaker 4: That's a little suspect already. If there's already an outside

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Speaker 4: player that's not a professional, I feel like you're tainted

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Speaker 4: at that point.

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Speaker 3: It's gone, it's it's over.

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Speaker 2: It's brutal.

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Speaker 1: Feels like insider trading or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, trading.

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Speaker 1: This was a shock to hear for the first time,

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Speaker 1: and our therapist said this was troublesome. After that first session,

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Speaker 1: I confronted D and asked if she had done more

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Speaker 1: than talk to this friend, and she swore that was

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Speaker 1: all she had done. Do we believe her lies?

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Speaker 3: Don't believe? No, no believe.

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Speaker 2: I am not liking the foreshadowing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no, red flag, red flags, red flag. So I

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Speaker 1: asked to see her phone and she unlocked it and

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Speaker 1: handed it to me. She had been talking with Kim

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Speaker 1: for about a year, but there wasn't anything incriminating and

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Speaker 1: no apparent gap in the messages, just a two way

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Speaker 1: crush between them. Okay, there was a message from Kim

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Speaker 1: right before this last poly bombing episode where Kim said

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Speaker 1: for d to initiate sex with me more often, to

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Speaker 1: soften me up.

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Speaker 3: Soften me up?

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Speaker 1: Is very Is that a good tactic?

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 4: I guess, I mean, I guess any tactic that gets

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Speaker 4: you in bed is a good time.

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Speaker 1: No, that's not true.

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Speaker 3: Don't actually calle me on that, Josh, Sorry, hold on,

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Speaker 3: that's in my own sentence.

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Speaker 1: Don't clip it. Don't that gets someone in said it

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Speaker 1: is a good tactic, Josh twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 3: God, damn it.

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Speaker 4: Fuck whoa, I'm just saying stuff, guys. It's a podcast.

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Speaker 1: Whatever, Josh. I couldn't see if, like Bill Cosby took

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Speaker 1: over your mic for a second, because I can't I.

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Speaker 3: Can out it was it was a deep fake, is

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Speaker 3: what that was?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: That was Bill.

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Speaker 1: Cosby is deep faking, as Josh.

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Speaker 3: Something something sweaters. I don't know what I.

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Speaker 1: Did put it in bops. Is Bill Cosby dead?

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Speaker 3: God?

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Speaker 1: I wish in jail still, I'm still kicking Riley. Is

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Speaker 1: Bill Cosby? What what's up with him? I think he

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Speaker 1: actually got out of prison, out of jail, did he?

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Speaker 2: Oh god? Overturned in twenty twenty one, at least from prison.

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Speaker 1: He's out, is free, He's in twenty twenty one. He's

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Speaker 1: rolling the streets. She was only locked up for a

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Speaker 1: few years.

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Speaker 2: He's eighty six, though he'll be gone soon.

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Speaker 1: He's going on tour again.

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Speaker 4: No, no, Bill Cosby plans to tour again in twenty

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Speaker 4: twenty three despite new sexual.

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Speaker 3: Wait, new new, there's new.

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Speaker 2: He's eighty six. He's still doing it.

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Speaker 3: He can't get get away with this, can't teach old

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Speaker 3: new tricks.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. All right, well, Josh, your boy's still

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Speaker 1: out there doing God's work.

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Speaker 3: So I am not affiliated with Bill Cosby. Do not

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Speaker 3: route me in here?

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Speaker 1: Used coat Bill anyway? Office man anyways. So to be clear,

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Speaker 1: this podcast does not believe that anything, nor does Josh.

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Speaker 1: We are to be clear.

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Speaker 2: And also I don't agree. I will say my opinions.

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Speaker 2: Josh's opinions do not reflect that of APWSDR from now

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Speaker 2: it comes out.

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Speaker 3: This podcasts of articles all from this one clip.

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Speaker 1: A podcast will ruin this relationship. What I did find

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Speaker 1: on D's phone was three dating apps with D's profile

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Speaker 1: on her phone. This caused a brief argument about jumping

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Speaker 1: the gun, with the agreeing to delete the apps until

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Speaker 1: after we open, so she had these apps before they

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Speaker 1: officially opened for the grand opening ceremony. Is it cheating

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Speaker 1: to have a dating app?

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Speaker 2: You think it depends I think in the relationship.

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Speaker 1: But I would say so well to haven't use it, right,

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Speaker 1: haven't use it? Have an open profile. It talked about

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Speaker 1: dating other people, but they didn't officially agree on it,

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Speaker 1: and she's kind of like doing like she's like laying

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Speaker 1: the ground floor so she can take off running.

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Speaker 4: I think it's a little only because like it's not official.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's not like you're going to write it

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Speaker 4: in paper, like have a contract like now where it's open.

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Speaker 4: But I feel like until it's confirmed, like one hundred percent,

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Speaker 4: I think there's a little bit of wiggle room of

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Speaker 4: like maybe, yeah, maybe you shouldn't be already looking around,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think it's like a first base cheating

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Speaker 1: first base, right, the first base cheating, yeah, first base

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Speaker 1: of cheating.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good way to put it.

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Speaker 1: Second base is meeting up, third base kissing fourth base,

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Speaker 1: anything above and fourth base. J Yes, yeah, the base

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Speaker 1: is reset.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: What's a home run?

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Speaker 1: Home run? Home run? Fisting home runs?

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Speaker 4: I assume you get away with yeah, that's that's the

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Speaker 4: only way that it can be a home run is

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Speaker 4: if everyone's cheering you run at that point.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, I love those Orgies, Sam's favorite. All Right.

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Speaker 1: Three months go by and we were getting closer to

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Speaker 1: the opening, and d is acting like it's Christmas time

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Speaker 1: instead of instead Well, I was about to say, like,

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Speaker 1: instead of like your regular Christmas gifts, it's you're opening

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Speaker 1: Dixon boxes. But I guess oh is asking for for women.

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Speaker 4: You walk down the stairs Christmas morning, it's just a

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Speaker 4: bunch of naked bodies underneath the tree. Is that?

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Speaker 3: What's like?

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Speaker 1: Is that the Chris?

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Speaker 2: I think that sounds like a horror movie.

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Speaker 3: They're alive? Why do I? I can't believe that. I

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Speaker 3: have to say live.

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Speaker 1: They're just tied up, they're just in boxes. They're alive.

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Speaker 1: I love they're alive. I know everyone else would think

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Speaker 1: they were dead.

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Speaker 4: I didn't realize I had to put the asterisk not dead.

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Speaker 3: How am I the freak here? I don't understand.

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Speaker 2: I'm not the one that set a bunch of naked

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Speaker 2: bodies under my Christmas tree. We will talk about this later.

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Speaker 2: Josh Bill Cosby, whatever.

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Speaker 4: Your real name is, guys on neurodivergent and literally a minor.

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Speaker 4: I don't deserve this level of harassment.

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Speaker 1: Our last counseling session, we went over our agreements and

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Speaker 1: boundaries and we got down to our messy list coworkers, relatives,

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Speaker 1: close friends, exes especially, and I wanted to add Kim

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Speaker 1: to the list. So Kim was the person that she

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Speaker 1: brought up. Yeah, so Kim is on the list. D

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Speaker 1: blew up, especially when our therapist said it was a

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Speaker 1: reasonable request. So the therapist is like, oh, yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know you you shouldn't have Kim and your manage. D

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Speaker 1: wouldn't speak to me on the way home, but when

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Speaker 1: we got there she let me have it, and not

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Speaker 1: in the softening up kind. I don't think I even

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Speaker 1: showed her in two of the books we had her read,

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Speaker 1: where it said opening up for a specific person was

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Speaker 1: a bad idea. I basically said it was a line

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Speaker 1: in the sand for me. I would just be happy

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Speaker 1: remaining monogamous. She got mad and slept in the spare

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Speaker 1: bedroom and would hardly talk to me for two days.

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Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say and slept with everyone else.

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Speaker 1: I would him she went downstairs to all those cages

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Speaker 1: under the Christmas tree. Okay, I'm just speechless.

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Speaker 4: I'm thinking of every moment in my life that led

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Speaker 4: to this moment, and I'm just like, yeah, that happened.

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Speaker 2: I guess sad Bill Cosby with naked bodies under my

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Speaker 2: Christmas tree.

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Speaker 1: And finally she gave in. He agreed they being on

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Speaker 1: the messy list and we are officially open. So she agreed.

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Speaker 1: A couple of days later, Dee told me she had

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Speaker 1: a date and it seemed to be quick to me.

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Speaker 1: While she was in the shower, I decided to check

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Speaker 1: her phone, but the unlock code had changed. Oh shit,

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Speaker 1: another red flag.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, now, because originally you were okay with looking at

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Speaker 4: the phone, but now obviously why I would be looking.

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Speaker 3: More into this At this point, I would be.

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Speaker 2: Why have they not broken up yet? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: This should have this should have ended by that. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: she just wants to date someone else at this point.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. That night I looked at her phone. The

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Speaker 1: dating apps were still gone, and there were messages between

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Speaker 1: her and Kim trash talking me and planning their dates.

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Speaker 1: There were also references to having sex again.

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Speaker 2: Oh, there you go.

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Speaker 4: I've read too many of these. There's like if you're

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Speaker 4: just yeah, just bounce at that point, Like if you

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Speaker 4: want to go and cheat, just break up with the

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Speaker 4: person and not cheat.

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Speaker 1: But what if the secret makes the sex hotter.

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Speaker 3: And you're a freak I don't know what to like.

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Speaker 4: I mean, then you're even freakier than Josh.

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Speaker 2: But isn't opening up the relationship make it not cheating?

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Speaker 2: So wouldn't that also negate from the cheating aspect?

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Speaker 1: But they had sex before it was open. That's what

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Speaker 1: we just found out. Yeah, that's what it was.

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Speaker 4: That's why you open up the relationships so you can

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Speaker 4: negate the cheating that happened earlier, and then you just

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Speaker 4: say it happened. Oh I thought that one second once

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Speaker 4: it started.

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Speaker 3: Actually, but once.

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Speaker 2: It's official, to negate the magic of sneaking around?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's there's I don't think there's no there's

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Speaker 1: no like, uh, eliminating the back taxes. You know, you're

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Speaker 1: you get sniped. Yeah, you're gonna get Wesley's sniped. Dude,

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Speaker 1: how much did he have to pay? Like twenty three million.

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Speaker 1: Thirty three million. Dang, I'm did you google it blade? Right? Huh?

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Speaker 1: Wesley Snipes was Blade from Blade. I don't know how

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Speaker 1: much did have to pay? Thirty three million, or maybe

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Speaker 1: it's thirty three million untaxed. I remember thirty three million.

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Speaker 1: I really want to see he made a lot of

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Speaker 1: money from Blade. He was Blade? He was Blade? Yeah? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What else was he end? Who? Twenty three point five million? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: So you got to you gotta, you gotta pay the

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Speaker 1: piper if you're you're cheating before you open exactly. So

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Speaker 1: I felt like a chump, and so I emailed the

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Speaker 1: screenshops to my phone. The two of them played me

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Speaker 1: like a fiddle, and not in the fun way. I

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Speaker 1: stood on it all night and part of the next day.

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Speaker 1: Then I called a lawyer and had him start drawing

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Speaker 1: up divorce papers. The lawyer was a peach. Not only

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Speaker 1: did he put rush on it, but they served d

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Speaker 1: at our house just two hours before her date with Kim.

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Speaker 1: Attached to the divorce papers was a print out at

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Speaker 1: the last text I read. She found me sitting on

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Speaker 1: the patio. She was crying. But I didn't know if

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Speaker 1: they were faked tears or not. When she asked, I

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Speaker 1: lied and said I knew about it all along. I said,

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Speaker 1: it just means we won't be married anymore, and you

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Speaker 1: can have the freedom to hook up whenever or with

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Speaker 1: whoever you want. Just think of us as friends with benefits.

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Speaker 1: Oh damn. So they're still gonna go wow whoa.

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Speaker 2: Oh So he's like, I still want to hit that though. Listen,

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Speaker 2: I know you broke my heart. I still gotta get

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Speaker 2: in that though.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I got up to go have dinner with some

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Speaker 1: friends and told her she needed to hurry and fix

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Speaker 1: her face. She was going to be at Kim's house

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Speaker 1: on time. She got home earlier than I thought she

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Speaker 1: would and wanted to talk, but I went to bed

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Speaker 1: and said we could talk tomorrow. Her eyes were all

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Speaker 1: red and her makeup was smeared. I still felt gutted,

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Speaker 1: but I wasn't going to let her see that. And

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Speaker 1: there is a big, fat, juicy update and another update,

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Speaker 1: and another update. There's three updates. So we're gonna see

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Speaker 1: this saga unfold. But what do you think should Op

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Speaker 1: have left d earlier? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Super early? Yeah? Wait yeah? Yes?

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Speaker 2: She was like, hey, I want to open relationship and

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Speaker 2: he's like, no, not feeling it's done.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, being pressured into that isn't really consent at that point,

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Speaker 4: if you're being pressured into this like situation. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 4: just I'm baffled at a lot of the decisions made

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Speaker 4: on D's end. I guess because like fucking, there's a

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Speaker 4: special kind of evil of like opening the relationship and

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Speaker 4: then still mocking your partner to the person you're trying

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Speaker 4: to fuck over at that point, like that, that's.

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Speaker 2: That's that's some fucked up shit. I'm not surprised that

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Speaker 2: she was crying. I see videos all the time of

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Speaker 2: dudes that are like being caught cheating and they're throwing

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Speaker 2: like the biggest tamper tantrum you've ever seen a human

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Speaker 2: being throw. I think that happens all the time. She

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Speaker 2: could very well be actually sad, but I don't think

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Speaker 2: it matters. She cheated a lot of times, and she

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Speaker 2: deceived him many many times, so I think it's done.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like the deception that like the consistent

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Speaker 1: deception that's really fed up. But all right. The second

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Speaker 1: question I have before we get into this update is

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Speaker 1: friends with benefits that.

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Speaker 2: Have some self respect.

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Speaker 1: He's so good.

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Speaker 4: Damn, I want like, why find someone else? I mean,

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Speaker 4: if you like at that point, I put in a

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Speaker 4: little bit more effort.

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Speaker 1: But maybe he's thinking he could be like the meat

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Speaker 1: in the middle.

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Speaker 3: This is a compromise, is what I'm hearing.

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Speaker 2: Is this the is this like, listen, you can you

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Speaker 2: can lie to me, you can cheat on me, you

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Speaker 2: can mock me behind my back. But it's okay. We'll

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Speaker 2: be sposed to be friends. That's fine, It's okay friends.

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Speaker 4: Is there a casualty? So like later I was like, hey,

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Speaker 4: remember when you cheated on me.

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Speaker 2: Oh, let's go to waffle house and.

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Speaker 1: Let's bone Yeah okay, So friends with benefits? Bad idea?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, very bad idea?

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Speaker 1: Yes, okay much So let us know in the comments

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Speaker 1: if you think differently. Please let's get into this update.

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Speaker 1: So I said, the woman Kim who was pushing her

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Speaker 1: to open our marriage was on our messy list, and

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Speaker 1: she finally agreed within a week, she already had a date.

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Speaker 1: So this is like the context that we got from

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Speaker 1: last one. I felt betrayed and serve the divorce papers

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Speaker 1: the day of her day with Kim. So the next morning,

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Speaker 1: this was the morning after you d had all of

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Speaker 1: her makeup smeared from the crying, those crocodile tears that

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Speaker 1: we don't believe for a second. So the next morning

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Speaker 1: started off on a negative foot. I asked her if

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Speaker 1: Kim was worth throwing the last five years into the gutter.

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Speaker 1: Then I started reading some of the texts where Kim

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Speaker 1: and she were planning to open our marriage and hook

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Speaker 1: up again, and some of the disparaging remarks about me

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Speaker 1: between them, And so when I found all this out,

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Speaker 1: I started planning a divorce since she lied then broke

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Speaker 1: our agreements, especially about the messy list, which I considered cheating.

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Speaker 1: D said she was still very much in love with

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Speaker 1: me and didn't want a divorce. She wanted to go

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Speaker 1: back to our marriage counselor and work things out. I

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Speaker 1: told her I couldn't be married to a liar and

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Speaker 1: a cheater, and she was the one who burnt down

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Speaker 1: the pledge and now we just need to move on.

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Speaker 1: We need to move on. That's it. If we could

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Speaker 1: be civil about it, I was open to a friends

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Speaker 1: with benefits slash roommate with benefits arrangement, and we could

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Speaker 1: cohabitate and split the Billes fifty to fifty.

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Speaker 4: Hey, listen, I know I can't trust you to be

387
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Speaker 4: your partner anymore. We still got to split rent halfway

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Speaker 4: down the middle. Rents do on the front this side

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Speaker 4: of the apartment's mind, that one's yours. You can't not

390
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,119
Speaker 4: only sunk cost fallacy your way out of it, you

391
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,679
Speaker 4: also can't like what is it the odd couple putting

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Speaker 4: it like the tape down the middle. Yeah, you can't

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Speaker 4: do that. That's not how that works anymore.

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Speaker 1: I also love it's like, hey, we couldn't be married,

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Speaker 1: but maybe we could be friends with benefits. But we

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Speaker 1: can't be friends. Let's just be roommates with benefits.

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Speaker 3: I'll be one better. I'll be your landlord. Like, why

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Speaker 3: would you like? That's not great?

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Speaker 4: Ah?

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Speaker 2: Your water heaters broken?

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Speaker 1: Oh? I know one way you could pay for rent

402
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: this month? All right, so here is another update. And

403
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Speaker 1: I just got to do a little gut check. Roommate

404
00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: with benefits good idea or bad wor idea I've ever heard?

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Speaker 2: That's insane. Listen. You buy a house together, you're together

406
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Speaker 2: ten years, your wife cheats on you. It's not just

407
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Speaker 2: like okay, well I lost that house. You know that's

408
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Speaker 2: fucked up. But it sounds like they're so shitty at communicating.

409
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Speaker 2: How could they communicate well? Being roommates as well doesn't

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Speaker 2: make any damn sense.

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Speaker 1: They need to like double up on that couple's therapy, probably,

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Speaker 1: but let's get into the next update.

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Speaker 3: So I'm just speechless. I'm sorry, I just I can't imagine.

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Speaker 4: What Josha, what couples? The couple serpy didn't help you

415
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Speaker 4: out the first fucking time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, even the therapist was like, oh oof, this is

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Speaker 2: a bad idea.

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Speaker 1: All right, so let's get into this update. I hear

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Speaker 1: what all the comments are saying, but at this point

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Speaker 1: I can't legally just kick her out. But I have

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Speaker 1: got our finances separated, all the credit cards canceled, and

422
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Speaker 1: half the money has been moved to a separate account.

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Speaker 1: I told d she could stay on my insurance till

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Speaker 1: the first of the year. Are regular counseling session is

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Speaker 1: on Tuesday, and I've already emailed our therapists with the

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Speaker 1: heads up on our relationship change.

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Speaker 2: I want that email so bad.

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Speaker 3: What's the what's the Facebook status update of?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, complicated landlord?

431
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, also cheating on a on a man that has

432
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:23,399
Speaker 2: your on his insurance is so crazy risky.

433
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Speaker 1: I moved all of these things into the spare bedroom.

434
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Speaker 1: The last couple of days, I've been love bombed d

435
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Speaker 1: He wants to pump the brakes now on the open

436
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,400
Speaker 1: relationship and put the divorce on hold. I let her

437
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: know that both of those ships have long since sailed

438
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,439
Speaker 1: and we would just have to ride them out and

439
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 1: see where they would take us. That seems oddly romantic,

440
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,399
Speaker 1: Like the ships are sailing away, but we're on the

441
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 1: ship together and it's kind of romantic. The sunset.

442
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, what's this weird?

443
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 4: There's a there is a weird longing here, you know,

444
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 4: And I mean I assume it's difficult to like move

445
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 4: on from a person you've been with for five years,

446
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,920
Speaker 4: but I just I, yeah, the amount of damage that's

447
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 4: been done here seems like again it's I don't want

448
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 4: to blame this guy for still doing this, but like

449
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,159
Speaker 4: it's I feel I'm blaming Josh. No, I'm not victimlam

450
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 4: shut the no shut.

451
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I well, I feel like he's

452
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 1: making some poor decisions here, right, I mean, like I

453
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 1: want to hear from you guys in the comments. You

454
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: believe that too, but it can't be a good idea

455
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:28,159
Speaker 1: to stay friends with benefits after someone has repeatedly like

456
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 1: to you.

457
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: Distance needs to be a thing here.

458
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 4: I feel like that's the healthiest thing to do, is

459
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 4: to maintain distance, you know, move on a little distance.

460
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 2: Yes, people people think that anger is like not a

461
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,360
Speaker 2: helpful emotion, And this is a case where this man

462
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 2: needs to get angry.

463
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 1: He needs to be angry, he needs the hulk mode.

464
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 1: Anger gives you space, please get mad, op. Yeah. I

465
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: also don't think he understands what the metaphor of like

466
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,560
Speaker 1: the ship has staled like means, because usually when the

467
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 1: ship sails, it's like the person is left behind on

468
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: shore and you're sailing off, not like you're both sailing

469
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: and you'll see where you go together.

470
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, isn't that one that specific metaphor is? Uh?

471
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like two ships sailing in the night. That's

472
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,159
Speaker 4: what it's supposed to be, right, not just ships sailing.

473
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think you need to get on your boat, op,

474
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,159
Speaker 1: and and leave far away.

475
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 2: But it's like saying this ship is sailed, but you

476
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 2: can be a stowaway if you want, or.

477
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:31,680
Speaker 1: You can be a stow as Oh god, but you

478
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: can walk the plank anytime. Okay, so, but it is

479
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: unlikely that we would get back together where we are.

480
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: Last night, she got all made up and put on

481
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:45,159
Speaker 1: my favorite outfit, probably some of the hottest benefits we

482
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:49,679
Speaker 1: ever had, including her initiating a couple of things that

483
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,360
Speaker 1: were on her taboo list. So she's doing some things

484
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 1: that he's wanted for ages, I guess, and she's putting

485
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 1: it all on the line.

486
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 4: I no, No, that's that's such a I mean, that's

487
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,479
Speaker 4: all because another thing too. In that point, now you're you,

488
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,800
Speaker 4: you're being like, what is it? Whatever kinks that you

489
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 4: wanted to do are now being used against you in

490
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 4: an attempt to try and keep you there.

491
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,640
Speaker 3: I feel like that. That's such a that's so I'm

492
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 3: not into that.

493
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,679
Speaker 2: I think they should stay together. Now I've flipped Sara's like,

494
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 2: you know what, fully on board. They should be together

495
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 2: because they both have zero self respect, straight.

496
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:25,919
Speaker 1: Up damn so much in common.

497
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 4: There there are points in life where you're gonna have

498
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 4: to say, you're gonna have to say no to sex,

499
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 4: and this is one of those moments.

500
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: But he did. He got everything on his taboo list.

501
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,359
Speaker 1: I don't know Christmas came early, Christmas came early?

502
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 4: And how long is that list? Like two items in

503
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 4: one night? Come on, that's not a long fucking list.

504
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 4: If it's done in one night, it's not a good list.

505
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:52,400
Speaker 2: It done in one night.

506
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 1: What would be what would be in a opriate amount?

507
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 3: What's an appropriate amount? More? One page in Google docs?

508
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 3: Twelve points?

509
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 1: Well is your Yeah? Okay, so your Google doc is

510
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: fully full to the max one page, double space, twelve

511
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: point times in New Roman.

512
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly. It has to be an essay.

513
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 4: Actually, you have to explain every single thing you want

514
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 4: to do, so that way, when you break it to

515
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 4: someone else, there's you know, there's already, there's consent and

516
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 4: there's an understanding of what's going to happen.

517
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, cool, Site sources.

518
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 2: You're more incensed about this than any any media that

519
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:33,040
Speaker 2: we've ever created.

520
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 4: This is opening my eyes. I don't know what it

521
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 4: is about being in front of my computer. It just

522
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 4: it brings something out of me.

523
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 3: I don't know what.

524
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 2: It brings the Joe Rogan out of you for sure?

525
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 1: All right? So, and then more this morning when we

526
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,920
Speaker 1: woke up. So not only did he get it last night,

527
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:54,280
Speaker 1: he got it this morning too, So maybe those two

528
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: sessions were enough to knock out half the one page.

529
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,680
Speaker 1: Ye okay, yeah, you were.

530
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,199
Speaker 2: Like, they're not gonna have sex again. That's not how

531
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,120
Speaker 2: sex works. It's one and done.

532
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,160
Speaker 1: I gotta say that my friends have really been there

533
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,919
Speaker 1: for me these last six months. Most of them have

534
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: been encouraged me to stay steady on the divorce. Good friends.

535
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: My sister in law has told me recently that her

536
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: sister has had a crush on me for the longest

537
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: time and wants to set me up with her. Wait,

538
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: my sister in law told me that her sister so his.

539
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:34,160
Speaker 2: Oh my god, wait wife, hold on math, math is mathing.

540
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: But possibly more sisters.

541
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,640
Speaker 2: So his wife's sister is setting it up with her.

542
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,359
Speaker 1: Sister another sister.

543
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 3: This is fucking gross.

544
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 1: Now all right, this is his wife's is his wife's sister.

545
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,560
Speaker 2: That'd be great.

546
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: Fuck my sister law. What kind of sister would do

547
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: that to her sister?

548
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is this is some weird fucking Alabama ship.

549
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,119
Speaker 4: At this point, I can.

550
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 1: I'm reading that right right, Like, my sister in law

551
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: has told me recently that her sister has had a

552
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,199
Speaker 1: crush on me for the longest time. And wants to

553
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: set me up with her. Right, we're reading that right, right,

554
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 1: that's what it sounds like.

555
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 2: You gotta get out of this family for sure.

556
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 1: So it's also D's sister.

557
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a yeah, this is wife's sister, sister.

558
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: Not trying to make these nuts. Why sister sister? Which

559
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,119
Speaker 1: is okay? So there's basically like right, So basically Op's

560
00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:31,239
Speaker 1: wife has two sisters. Yep. One of the sisters is

561
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: setting up Opie with the other sister. That is it.

562
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 1: So basically all three sisters have their hands in the

563
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: cookie jar. That is Op's relationship. Wow.

564
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's got to get out of that.

565
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: Too many hands, too many sister hands.

566
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is a new state, new everything at this point,

567
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 4: new social security.

568
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 2: Witness protection, put your house on fire, pack all your clothes.

569
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:01,880
Speaker 1: So we have a final update, but big question before

570
00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 1: we get into it. Should Op try his chances with

571
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: the other sister? Hah, then we'll be proud. I'm just

572
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 1: not vibing with that update. I'm throwing in the towel,

573
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: thank you and getting with my wife sister.

574
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:20,640
Speaker 3: No, no, don't.

575
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 1: Okay. So, after the last two catsling sessions, Dee finally

576
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: admitted she cheated and lied about her affair with Kim,

577
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 1: but still doesn't show any remorse or that she feels

578
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: like what she did was wrong. She still tries to

579
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: blame me for being controlling and dragging my feet on

580
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 1: opening up, like I wouldn't have cheated on you if

581
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: you were more decisive. Just be more decisive.

582
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 4: I wouldn't have cheated on you if you weren't so

583
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 4: easy to be cheated on. I'm sorry, I just really

584
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 4: I just couldn't.

585
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, those cheaters one on one.

586
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: Opie, I feel so bad for you. This sucks our

587
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: last session. I gave her an ultimatum.

588
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 4: For what on adding strikes? Yeah, it's fine. It's not

589
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: three strikes in your house. Not one strike. It's your out.

590
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 4: It's best two out of three. Oh no, now it's

591
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 4: three out of five. Now it's four out of seven. Sorry, guys, it's.

592
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 1: As long as the sexless. Yeah, he's gotta get all

593
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: those tries you have. So here's the ultimatum. One back

594
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: to monogamy, no contact with Kim, no divorce, two M

595
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 1: slash poly no contact with Kim, proceed with divorce and cohabitate.

596
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:37,720
Speaker 1: What's E N M?

597
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 2: I imagine that's like, oh, ethical non monogamy. I know

598
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 2: what that is. I don't know what it is, but

599
00:29:43,440 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 2: I know that that's what it means.

600
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 3: How do you know that, Sarah? Wait, hold on, we

601
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:47,200
Speaker 3: got we're talking about that later.

602
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: Hold on, and then three we split. She can keep Kim,

603
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 1: separation and divorce.

604
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 3: I mean it's the third one, right, I choose three?

605
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: Choose three. It's three. I mean there should be number four,

606
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: which is just like shut everything down. Yeah, Sarah's options

607
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night. Yeah, burn the house,

608
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: burn the house.

609
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 2: I'm not condoning murder, like, don't murder her, but like leave.

610
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: Do you think we could work out option too and

611
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: still keep Kim? So basically say, do a poly relationship,

612
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,120
Speaker 1: keep Kim and have a divorce but still live together.

613
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 4: I thought there was gonna be a through line with

614
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 4: all these where Kim was taken out of the equation,

615
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:30,360
Speaker 4: like every single time, that's a weird left field, Like,

616
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 4: you know what, I'll allow it this one option.

617
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 3: I'll let it happen.

618
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: Don't worry.

619
00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 2: We got to invest more in education in this country

620
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: because she's got to learn what the word is.

621
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 1: Ultimatum means ultimatum means yeah, I don't know.

622
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 2: I'm would keep my girlfriend dot yeah, yeah, yeah.

623
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: Let me just choose when I was but I told

624
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: her I felt like Kim instigated all this and her

625
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: presence was a deal breaker for me. I'm still being

626
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: love bombed at home and pressured to give in to

627
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,120
Speaker 1: her died outcome. I had been quietly looking at condos

628
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: near downtown with the thought of moving out and letting

629
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: her have the house for the next six months until

630
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: the lease is up. I told her I wasn't going

631
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: to Thanksgiving at her famili's this Friday and was going

632
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 1: to my parents Thursday without her. I said, tell them

633
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: whatever you want, but I was telling my family the truth,

634
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 1: which upset her. Her sister did text me about if

635
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,719
Speaker 1: anything was wrong, and I told her d had an

636
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 1: affair with another woman and we were getting a divorce.

637
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: My hope is to be out before Christmas. If she

638
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: spends the night or the weekend with Kim, I can

639
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 1: be out before she realizes it. And that is a

640
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: wrap on that story. So one more question for all

641
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: of you. Did OP do the right thing by one

642
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 1: giving an ultimatum and by two it seems like deciding

643
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 1: to leave d he's.

644
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,440
Speaker 2: Not fully left yet though.

645
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, like once I feel like this guy to get

646
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:58,680
Speaker 3: out of here.

647
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 4: Yeah for sure, Ondred percent, Yeah, this is not a

648
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 4: good relationship to keep going for any longer. It's i mean,

649
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 4: first of all, thank god it didn't go to Thanksgiving.

650
00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 4: That would have been weird having your wife's sister try

651
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:15,880
Speaker 4: to hook you up with your sister also during Thanksgiving.

652
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 4: I'm still not over that. That's a detail that like.

653
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 2: That's crazy. Why would you still why would you even

654
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: think I have like a harsh word with Josh's mother,

655
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I don't know if I'm going to Thanksgiving.

656
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: This man's like, you can cheat on me. I might

657
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 2: date your sister and maybe I'll you know what, maybe

658
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 2: I'm not going to Thanksgiving. You should can stand up

659
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 2: for yourself, my guy. Oh my god.

660
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: The ultimatum was so terrible because it's like, first off,

661
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: we say this a lot on this podcast. It's like,

662
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: if you're at the point of having to make an ultimatum,

663
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: you're already in a bad place, right, And it's like,

664
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's questionable of the effectiveness of it, right,

665
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: But we're we're at like ultimatum number, you know, five

666
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: and nine with and the numbers just keep growing. So

667
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: it's like, truly, what are we doing here? Leave cut

668
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 1: your losses and start anew because you're just gonna you're

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00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: delaying starting and growing from square one again. Well, I

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00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: actually have a question for all of you guys, like

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00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: do you think ultimatums are effective? Are ultimatums ever effective

672
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,480
Speaker 1: or do you think it's true like you've already lost

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00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: as soon as they are an ultimatum.

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00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 2: I think for small things it can. I mean, I

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00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 2: think ultimatums I think if you use them more as

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00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: like a boundary of like, hey, if you do that again,

677
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 2: I'm not going to do I'm going to do this,

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00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 2: you know. I think that's fine. But that's a boundary.

679
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 2: It's not really an ultimatum. An ultimatum is like this

680
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: relationship is over for sure, and people say that that's like,

681
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 2: don't do that. I think sometimes very rare situations, I

682
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 2: think it's fine. It just depends.

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00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I think probably the majority, Probably

684
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 1: the majority once you have to introduce it, it's probably

685
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 1: too far gone, I would guess, yeah, because.

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00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 4: The amount of boundaries that must have been broken by

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00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 4: that point, like if it's every single one to the

688
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 4: point where like, yeah, I feel like I definitely agree

689
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,440
Speaker 4: with the idea that, like, again, it's hard to get

690
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,360
Speaker 4: out of a relationship, especially if you're so used to

691
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 4: it for like so long, and it's you know, And

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00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 4: that's why I brought up some cause fallacies like yeah,

693
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,439
Speaker 4: you can't just like, uh, you can't just expect things

694
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 4: to change around. Uh, once one thing's brought up and

695
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:24,879
Speaker 4: then everything's magically back to normal.

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00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 3: That's never gonna happen, sadly, you know.

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00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: But like and a person like that that's going to

698
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 2: cross your boundary or push your boundary consistently because a

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00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 2: lot of people, you know, a lot of times with boundaries,

700
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 2: people don't just explicitly be like, oh, that's your boundary,

701
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 2: I'm gonna cross it. They're like, but what if I

702
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 2: tweak it a little bit? What if I push it

703
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 2: a little bit? What if I push it? And then

704
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 2: all of a sudden you're in a situation.

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00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 1: Which is exactly what D's doing. Like like like OP

706
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,959
Speaker 1: is saying, here's my boundaries, here's my ultimatum, and d'

707
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,359
Speaker 1: is like, oh, but like let's keep kim in let's

708
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: keep Kim in, Let's keep living together, let's be in

709
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,040
Speaker 1: a poly relationship. Let's let's throw a little more salt

710
00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:00,919
Speaker 1: on that. Yeah, it's a little draw, it's a little

711
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 1: it needs a little more flavor, you know, and Kim

712
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 1: can be that flavor like the geez Well, I would

713
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,480
Speaker 1: love to know what everyone in the commons thinks are

714
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: ultimatums effective. Put your answers immediately right now. But John,

715
00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: I have an ultimatum that, uh, if you don't read

716
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 1: this next story, I will leave. Well two bad because

717
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,440
Speaker 1: I'm reading it. So I'm not gonna leave. Stay. There

718
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 1: you go. See it's effective at keeping us together.

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00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 3: There you go.