WEBVTT - Opening Your Mind and Being True to Yourself with Emily Estefan 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.879 It was good t you already know as usual, this 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:13.920 is exactly a matter of production of my Heart Radio 0:00:14.560 --> 0:00:19.560 as you as you already know again, I'm exactly myself, unfiltered, uncensored. 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.319 But I said whatever I want, it is what it is, 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.440 take it or lately. And that's why today I want 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.120 to talk about I want to talk about something real media. 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:31.840 I've never I've never said this publicly, and that's why 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:33.920 I love my podcast because it gives me an opportunity 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.120 to really put out now my secrets, because who the 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:39.120 hell said that this has to be a secret. It's 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.040 just getting Nobody asked me, so I don't feel the 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:46.080 need to say it better. How how important is it 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:49.839 to really understand who you are as a person, To 0:00:49.920 --> 0:00:52.760 really accept who you are as a person, to really 0:00:52.800 --> 0:00:56.440 be vulnerable, to really expose yourself to the world, regardless 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.480 of what people have to say about you too, To 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:04.880 be open enough to tell your family who you are 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.680 and how do you feel the most comfortable with um? 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:09.960 And that's why I want to talk to a friend 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.440 of mine. Before I get there, I'm gonna tell you 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:16.200 what back in I ain't gonna say how long ago, 0:01:16.280 --> 0:01:20.160 but back in along time ago, I, Um, I was 0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:23.880 experimenting with my sexuality. I was exploring. I was trying 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:26.960 to understand who I was, what I liked. I think 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.720 it's normal. I don't know. I think it's normal, UM 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:33.600 to sometimes be curious, to sometimes want to know, to 0:01:33.760 --> 0:01:37.600 sometimes want to understand. Do I like my friend because 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:39.319 I just like her and I think that she's pretty? 0:01:39.640 --> 0:01:42.720 Do I like my friend because I'm into her? Do 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:47.240 is there something wrong with me? What would my mom say? Um? 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:49.920 What would my friends say? Do I need to go 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.920 to therapy? Do? I? You start to question so many things. 0:01:54.120 --> 0:01:57.680 And for three years solid I used to only date women. 0:01:58.160 --> 0:02:00.200 I used to only date women. I never in the 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:03.880 public because I felt embarrassed. I felt like, oh my god, 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:06.680 what are the people gonna say? You know? And and 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:10.480 I also heard, especially in the Latino community, how they 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.040 spoke about other women they liked women. It was like 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:19.960 la this like that all the like. It was just 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:24.080 looked like in such a bad like in a bad light. 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:27.160 And I just felt like, damn, is there's something wrong 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.080 with me? Is there? I just felt like it was 0:02:29.160 --> 0:02:33.480 my fault, like I'm doing something wrong without understanding that 0:02:33.680 --> 0:02:35.520 is part of life for you to be able to 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.800 feel free and make your own choices. And who the 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.120 hell says that there's a guide book, that there's a 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.639 rule book on how to live your life or who 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.560 to love. There isn't one. And I also remember when 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.280 I told my mom. Actually, my mom found out because 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:52.880 I was dating this girl, which by the way, I 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.800 only like studs. So I was dating this girl or whatever, 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:57.760 and she came over to my house. My mom was 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:02.440 at work, and when I heard my mom coming in, 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:05.200 I was like, oh, ship, my mom's coming. No, no, no, 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.359 you can't be here. My Mom's gonna kill me. And then, 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.560 you know, for those that don't know, you know studs 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:15.520 um she wore sports brawl boxers. You know, she had 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:20.040 a more male like energy. And my mom, of course 0:03:20.200 --> 0:03:22.600 was gonna know that you're not just a friend, Like 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:24.640 what are you doing here? And I was like, go 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:26.359 to my closet, go to my close. She ran into 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:28.960 the closet, she hid in side my shoes. But I 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:33.160 see that for like four hours solid, waiting for my 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.520 mom to go to the room or something so that 0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:38.240 she can leave, and all of a sudden, my mom goes, 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:41.760 I mean, how you know they haven't seen it how 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:44.640 my day went, and she just wanted to have a 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:49.040 long as conversation in my room and heard my shoes 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:53.320 jiggling when she opened the closet. I'm not gonna say 0:03:53.360 --> 0:03:55.400 her name, so she's not embarrassed or whatever. Not that 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:57.080 she should care, okay, because first of all, you should 0:03:57.080 --> 0:04:01.040 be proud that you used to me. But um, she 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.240 was there. She was there and um, and we had 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:07.480 to have that conversation and my mom my mom cried. 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:13.640 She made me feel real guilty. She prayed. You know, 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:17.640 she told all her friends the disappointment I was as 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:23.760 her only child to now you know, like women and um, 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:26.080 and it was a lot. It was a lot. Right. 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:29.840 I personally decided to get say, oh, I don't know, 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.560 I wanted to explore with something else, and I don't know. 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:36.440 I never went back to dating women, but it was 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:39.560 so traumatizing for that moment, I felt like I was 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:43.400 like the cursed child, like I did something so bad 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:46.120 and someone that I'm really proud of the way that 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:52.040 she has handled her life experience, um, her sexuality. She 0:04:52.200 --> 0:04:55.520 encourages other women that are that are you know, going 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:57.400 through it, that don't know how to express it to 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.880 their families that feel like they're are trapped, that they 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.680 just can't be theirselves, that people are going to judge them, 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:07.599 that people are gonna look down upon them. Someone who 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.400 has been there, done that, She's had her own experience. 0:05:11.440 --> 0:05:14.400 But I just love how comfortable she is in her body, 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.000 how comfortable she is in her space, how she doesn't 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.560 hide who she is, who she doesn't feel the need 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.880 to pretend to be somebody that she's not. Um, she's 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:27.560 an activist, she's a singer, she's a podcaster, she's a 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:30.559 a musician. Oh yeah, she's everything. Oh by the way, 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:33.760 and she's more don't care you, Um, that's my girl. 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:38.960 Emily Stefan was good. Okay. First of all, I am 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:46.640 a fan of this incredible podcast. Okay two and oh 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:48.839 my god, I love it. You know what I mean. 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.560 We need places to listen that we feel like we 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:54.159 have a home and a community. And the way that 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.640 you speak, the way that you advocate for so many 0:05:56.640 --> 0:06:00.560 different people, it makes us feel less alone, and that's 0:06:00.600 --> 0:06:02.720 what we need nowadays, you know what I mean? And 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:09.600 number one, number two for me, I am a different 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:16.440 kind of um LGBTQ advocate because I think, why do 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:20.159 we need to come out as gay, right, Like if 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:22.480 you want to come out, and if you want to 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.880 do that for yourself, that's great, but you don't come 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:29.919 out as straight. Like I want a world right where 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.200 my children can say, you know what, maybe I'm gonna 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:35.040 go on a date with a girl tonight. Maybe a 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:37.120 might not like it. Maybe I'm going to go on 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:39.960 a date with a guy tonight because I'm interested. Better 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.600 at the end of the day, you know, we don't 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:45.440 have to feel like you said, like there's something wrong, 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:49.279 like like there's something wrong with us for experimenting. I 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:53.559 think as human beings, even as mammals. Right, we see 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.960 there are animals who don't even practice who practice monogamy, 0:06:57.080 --> 0:07:00.279 like lobsters, you know, like, and there are animals who 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:05.080 practice different kinds of you know, sexual practices. But from 0:07:05.120 --> 0:07:10.440 the dawn of time, there has been homosexuality within every animal, 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.400 every human being, you know. So my journey, my personal journey, 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:20.000 is explore without feeling like you're being suffocated, without feeling 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.560 like there's something wrong with you. Because for example, for me, 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:26.480 I prefer women, but I have been with as many 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:31.440 men as women. Honestly, and looking back, I can tell 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:35.120 you my experience is different with men than with women. 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.640 You know, I can I can tell that I prefer 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.320 some kind of experience. I have some you know whatever. 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.880 But at the same time, I'm not repulsed by men. 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:49.040 I'm the kind of individual that explores everything that humanity 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:51.440 has to offer. So my whole thing is, I don't 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:56.520 like boxes. Lakajas, Sierrancosas. You know what I'm saying. We 0:07:56.640 --> 0:07:59.600 need to, in my opinion, live in a society and 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:04.240 openness where we're not criticizing people, Like how come a 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:09.200 man can't explore, you know, a fantasy and say, you 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:12.040 know what, I didn't really like that, and I prefer women, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.120 and we don't have to shame him, you know what 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.160 I mean? Like, listen, girl. Also, I've been with a 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:20.160 lot of man you know, they like that booty they 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:22.160 like that booty stuff. You know what I'm saying, Like, 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.240 you know how to be be a shame for that? You know, 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.160 I know a lot of guys that be like, oh, 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:30.200 I'm a man, this and that butter on the low 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:32.320 when you'll be in your room, you'll be telling her 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.520 to eat that booty hole and those say now that 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:35.920 you'll be telling you to eat that booty hole, you'll 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:38.560 be like, oh, just a little men. I've done it 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:41.560 and I've been open about it. I I I have, 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:45.800 you know, experimented. I pecked. I pecked before, and I 0:08:45.880 --> 0:08:47.880 was open about it on the show. I mean not 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:50.400 a lot of times. I did at one time, and 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:53.360 it was very empowering. It was very empowering to feel like, 0:08:53.360 --> 0:08:58.000 now you're my bit and I got that ask. But 0:08:58.000 --> 0:09:00.960 but oh for you. For people don't know what pegging is, 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:03.920 Pegging is when you put on a strap on. It 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:07.240 was it was a moment I explored. I tried it. 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:10.000 I'm Dora the Explore. I had to explore things. I 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:12.440 had to try things. And I feel like it's so 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.839 it's even harder for men to try to experiment things 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:19.920 without getting judged for it. Even women ourselves judge men 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:22.360 when they want to explore what their sexual I don't know, 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:23.840 when they want to explore with their body and they're like, 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:28.000 it's not like they're going out there and trying it 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:29.199 with the man, and if they choose to do it 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:31.000 with the man, thumb being it is what it is 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:35.920 their bodies. But I just feel like in society we 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:39.320 can be so judgmental when it comes to people's sexuality. 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:45.520 No doyo no I doyo no I. If they want 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:48.680 to go over there and explore and try something, let 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.880 them be them. You worry about you. Now, I'll ask 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:54.520 you this, When did you start feeling like an attraction? 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:58.599 I know that me personally, I started seeing like and 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:00.680 like a person. I don't know why, but I never 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.720 like fems. I was never into girls that were like 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:06.600 like me or whatever. I like more the masculine energy 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.320 in certain girls. And I started when I was like 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:14.080 in middle school. When did you first seeing like even 0:10:14.080 --> 0:10:16.560 though you dated men um that you were like, well, 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.280 she's kind of cute, Like I don't I wouldn't mind. 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:24.040 I lost my virginity to a female and it was great. 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:28.240 And then shortly after I was like, something must be 0:10:28.320 --> 0:10:30.920 wrong with me, like you said, like, oh what's wrong 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:34.079 with me? Like I have to find the nearest male 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:38.200 that I can try this with to see if I'm broken, 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:42.559 you know, or something like that. And my mom used 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.840 to say something to me all the time, there are 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:49.199 as many sexualities as there are human beings, and at 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:52.800 first I didn't really understand that, but now I get it. 0:10:52.920 --> 0:10:58.680 Because everybody has their own thing, their own spectrum of 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:01.680 what turns them on, what they like, what they don't like, 0:11:01.840 --> 0:11:04.280 And I think that gender lies within that when it 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:07.640 comes to sexuality, because like I said, I've had great 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:11.320 experiences with males, but when I'm with females, it's a 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:15.840 different experience, right for me, For me, I prefer it 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:19.600 more because also, you know, like we also have to 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.920 realize that a lot of people are watching porn, you know, 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.200 for so many years, and porn is also kind of 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:30.000 an unrealistic you know, depiction of sex, you know what 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:34.240 I mean, and kind of like what sex me, I 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:37.280 talk about it? Yeah, no, So you know, like for me, 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.400 you know, porn is great, it's healthy whatever, you know, 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:43.640 Like that's what kind of for me, gets in the 0:11:43.640 --> 0:11:47.760 balance of what's the normal human development of sexuality And 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.680 then what are we being fed that we think is 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:54.000 sex which is coming with all this aggression, with all 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:57.560 this kind of like, oh, why aren't straight women coming, 0:11:59.080 --> 0:12:01.679 you know what I mean? Why why do we need 0:12:01.720 --> 0:12:06.600 to educate different groups on how to pleasure both kinds 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:11.839 of people? That's why I think personally, like for me, um, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:14.640 you know, like we need gay pride because we've been 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:18.040 suppressed for many years. But my point is that that's 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.040 why we that's why we bubble up, because we feel 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.040 like we need a voice. But also, for me, if 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.839 you go too far and you create too many boxes, 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:31.320 then where's the equality? You know, like if we have 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:35.200 lgb X, that that that that then the only people 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:38.720 left are straight people. And I've had people say to me, 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:42.320 you know, like piss on CIS, which means if you're 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.640 CIS gendered, that you're identified with your generals, Like, you know, 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:48.040 that's not okay. I think that we need to love 0:12:48.559 --> 0:12:52.920 humanity and create spaces for everybody. That's why to your point, 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:57.440 if a straight male is trying to experiment, he shouldn't 0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:00.840 be shamed because in the male gay is, if he's 0:13:00.880 --> 0:13:04.760 going anywhere other than the straight male you know kind 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.400 of box, he's gonna get shamed for that. Why what 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.040 the l women can make out with women and oh 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:13.480 it's hot, it's hot, right, it's hot if you're a girl, 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:15.240 but it's not hot if you're a guy. It's gay. 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:19.480 You know, like, what the hell you know? So I'll 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:23.120 ask you this, like, for example, well, one, if you 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.600 could have told the younger you because I don't know 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:30.400 personally it was. I. I I was a little bit traumatized, 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:33.599 a little bit. Um. I wouldn't even say when it 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:35.160 came out the closet, because I don't feel like I 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:38.520 came out the closet. I didn't she did, you know. 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.680 My mom was the one who caught her. But I 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:42.480 don't feel like I came out the closet. It's just 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:48.240 something that happened naturally, something that just you know, happened. Um. 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:50.560 It was traumatizing, like I said before, because I never 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:54.640 want to fail my mother. I never want to disappoint her, 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:58.200 and I felt like I had done that by by 0:13:58.320 --> 0:14:01.920 not being with a man, by saying, you know, I 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:04.280 find her hot, Like I like her, I like to 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.160 cut it with her. I like to be with her. 0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:11.600 I like to she's funny, she's you know, sexually, because 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:13.240 that's another thing. And my mom was like, oh, you're 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.360 always gonna do this's like, you know, smash each other. 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:17.040 I'm like, no, there's there's a lot of other things 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.440 you can do. You know. I sold her. I was 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:23.720 so open with her. I sold her my strap on um, 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:25.720 which was really mind But I just want to have 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:27.920 a bonus one there just in case she came. But 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:31.720 like I sold her all my things. I just wanted it. 0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:35.040 I wanted to sew her like, this is what it is, 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:40.080 this is what I do, and there's nothing. I don't 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.480 think there's anything wrong with it. But you see how 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:45.720 you see how organic I am with it that it 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:48.480 doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. That's how I was with 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.440 my mom. I wanted to not make it awkward, like 0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.120 you have the rights to choose what you want. I 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.760 have the rights to choose what I want. Eventually, she 0:14:56.880 --> 0:14:58.800 wasn't upset because in her mind she was like, at 0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:00.880 least you're not gonna get preg it now. That was 0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.280 her mentality. She felt like, oh, you're going through a phase. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.640 Later on, you'll get over it. But it was traumatizing 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:11.240 for me. Was it traumatizing for you when you made 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.160 it not public? But like when your mom or your 0:15:14.200 --> 0:15:16.840 family or like close people to you found out. Were 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.680 you embarrassed? When you traumatize it, you feel scared? Were 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:24.080 you're nervous? Um we're uncomfortable? Like how was that experience 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:28.760 for you? So there was a red table talk which 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:33.720 you were on red table WHOA whoa? The first season, Uh, 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:37.200 we had an episode about my coming out journey, and 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:39.680 a lot of people don't know this, but when we 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:42.640 have those red Table Talk episodes, we talked for hours 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:46.280 and then it gets edited down, and a big part 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:50.160 of my journey that was taken out was that my 0:15:50.360 --> 0:15:54.120 coming out was taken away from me. Uh in a 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:59.280 very strange way. It's a very long story, it's very convoluted. 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:03.400 But by the time that I was ready, because, like 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.320 you said, when you feel like society has imposed this 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.680 is wrong, You're doing something wrong. I feel ashamed. You 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:13.720 have to kind of build up the courage to tell 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:16.800 your loved ones, hey I love this person. Hey I'm 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:20.600 bringing this person around. It's not like quote unquote normal like, oh, 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.960 you're dating a guy. They would almost be excited that 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:29.560 you're bringing someone around. So by the time that I, um, 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:34.200 I went to my mom and I told her, Hey, 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.760 you know, I gotta tell you something. This is going on. 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:40.120 I'm in love with this girl, which, trust me, my 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:43.400 fucking was in my throat, you know what I mean, 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:46.160 like that cold feeling where you just want to freaking 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:50.120 pass out. And she said, you don't think I already 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:54.200 know that because somebody had double crossed me and sent 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:59.240 a video to my mom months before on Snapchat of 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:04.520 me slow dancing with Jem still my partner. Now, we 0:17:04.520 --> 0:17:08.160 weren't doing anything sexual, but we had specifically told somebody, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:11.159 don't tell anybody or the first person to know. And 0:17:11.200 --> 0:17:14.479 the first person she sent the video too was my 0:17:14.560 --> 0:17:18.119 mom's camp. So by the time I was ready to 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:20.399 tell her, she had had that video for a month. 0:17:21.560 --> 0:17:24.600 And the first reaction was, oh, you don't think I 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:28.960 already knew that. I was like, was it bad or 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:33.680 she was cool? No, she wasn't cool. She wasn't cool. 0:17:33.720 --> 0:17:35.919 And that's what we talked about on the show because 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:41.120 she had been manifesting these emotions for a month plus 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:43.800 and I had been building up the courage to quote 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.199 unquote come out, which I don't even believe in, you 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:49.120 know what I mean, I don't really believe in coming out. 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.640 And then my grandmother was still alive at the time. 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:56.919 So then here comes this old Latin influx of the 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.679 old people in the family. Can't handle it, you know 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:02.919 it your responsibility to keep it a secret. Well, when 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.840 you tell somebody you love to keep a secret, what 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:09.120 does that entail? You can't be yourself? You can't hold 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:12.800 your partner's hand in public. You have to think twice 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:15.120 when you're showing acts of affection. And I don't mean 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:20.280 anything inappropriate, you know, I just mean normal affection. You 0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:23.760 know what I mean. And even now things are coming 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:26.960 up that I didn't know. We're a problem because I'm 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:30.240 not doing anything wrong. I'm just loving, and I was 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.960 receiving this problem. Now I understand which this is the 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:38.000 Latino influx, the paradigm that we face here. I'm just 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:42.320 trying to protect you, Okay, I get it. You're just 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:45.000 trying to protect me. But I'm a human being living 0:18:45.040 --> 0:18:49.040 in a different time, and my idea of protection is 0:18:49.080 --> 0:18:52.800 being myself. If I can be myself, I feel safe. 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:57.480 If you are limiting who I can be, I don't 0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:01.479 feel safe. And sometime times people don't realize that that 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.879 can come directly from inside of your family, you know. 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:16.600 But it was not easy enough. Do you think that 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:19.359 you would have told your mom earlier? Like, after all 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.320 the experiences and everything you've been through, if you could 0:19:21.320 --> 0:19:24.080 have gone back in time, would you have told her earlier? 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:26.200 Or would you have waited as long as you did? 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:35.760 Mm hmmm, I think uh. In retrospect, nothing that I 0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:41.240 would have done would have changed the outcome. Uh. I 0:19:41.400 --> 0:19:49.640 think that the older generation, especially of Latinos, are grandparents 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:57.240 who grew up in other countries, oftentimes under religious regimes, uh, 0:19:57.400 --> 0:20:01.840 communist regimes, whatever it may be. They came from a 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:09.399 different life, and to try to integrate those lives, it's 0:20:09.440 --> 0:20:13.879 not possible. I will say, I think that boundaries in 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:20.040 the Latino community are virtually non existent. You know, I 0:20:20.040 --> 0:20:24.320 think that even with our mothers and our fathers, we 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:29.920 have difficulty drawing boundaries. And boundaries are really important, yes, 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.400 you know, yes, because then well I have I everybody 0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:35.520 knows that I love my mom, My mom's my best friend, 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:39.000 what or whatever, But it is so hard for me 0:20:39.119 --> 0:20:42.080 to put her boundaries in a way that she understands. 0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:44.720 I am an adult. I mean, yes, I came out 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:46.399 of you. I get that part A mean thing very 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:48.800 much because anytime, every time we argue, you make sure 0:20:48.840 --> 0:20:52.879 that that I know I get it. Great. Thank you 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:56.199 for bringing me. However, now I am an adult. I 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:58.480 have my own voice, I have my own opinion, I 0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:00.520 have my own vision, I have my own feelings, I 0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:03.520 have my own likings, and we're not always going to 0:21:03.560 --> 0:21:06.119 agree doesn't mean that I love you less. Doesn't mean 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.760 that I did certain things to hurt you, because that's 0:21:08.800 --> 0:21:11.399 the first thing that at least my mom will do, 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:13.680 or a lot of Latino parents will do. What did 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:16.720 I do to deserve this? I was the best parent 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.480 I can be. It's not about you. Everything is not 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.520 about you. You know. It's like I have my own 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:25.280 experience as my own things that I'm going through. So 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:29.359 here's something else I'll say because and I know what 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.480 I would say, because I, like I said, I went 0:21:31.520 --> 0:21:34.320 through it in a different way. You know, my experience 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:36.920 only lasted three years, which three years is a pretty 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:40.119 long time to me. Um three years with you know, 0:21:40.200 --> 0:21:45.240 different relationships. I don't regret it. I love the girls 0:21:45.240 --> 0:21:47.480 that I was with. I loved that I was able 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:51.199 to explore an experiment with my sexuality. I love that. 0:21:51.720 --> 0:21:53.760 I love that I lived because a lot of times 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:56.919 people are curious and keep this in their minds and 0:21:57.000 --> 0:21:59.679 won't do it. I lived, I tried it, I did it. 0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.480 I'm not there at this place at this moment in life. 0:22:02.480 --> 0:22:06.680 But now, if you could tell there's two things. One, 0:22:07.119 --> 0:22:10.680 if you could tell uh the Latino community or parents, 0:22:11.240 --> 0:22:14.159 parents that have kids that are going through the same 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:16.800 the same experience that we went through at a certain moment, 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:19.280 whether it is that we feel uncomfortable and we wanted to, 0:22:20.119 --> 0:22:23.480 you know, let our parents know this is our sexual preference, 0:22:23.600 --> 0:22:26.520 and I hope you don't get upset by it. What 0:22:26.640 --> 0:22:28.840 would you tell to these parents that don't know how 0:22:28.880 --> 0:22:31.360 to take this information, that don't know how to react, 0:22:31.680 --> 0:22:33.639 or brothers and sisters or whatever. If you have a 0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:36.439 family member that right now you don't know how to 0:22:36.480 --> 0:22:40.080 process this information, or you have a suspicious that you know, 0:22:40.119 --> 0:22:43.080 you're little, they might be gay, they might have a 0:22:43.080 --> 0:22:47.159 different sexual preference, what would you say to them? You 0:22:47.280 --> 0:22:51.240 just said it, amazing, You just said sexual preference. Right. 0:22:52.560 --> 0:22:55.680 There are a lot of people who are born and 0:22:55.720 --> 0:22:58.000 they say, I don't even want to have sex with 0:22:58.080 --> 0:23:02.480 the other sex. Balls repulsed me, footballs, I hate balls, right, 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:07.720 And then there are people who are like, why can't 0:23:07.840 --> 0:23:13.840