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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Carly, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My in laws are furious I booked a separate hotel

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Speaker 3: than them. Now we're going no contact.

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Speaker 4: That's the first rule of in laws. Your hotel is

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Speaker 4: my hotel.

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Speaker 5: That's crazy, Dakota, Well, Sophia, it's actually Vacate the Vacation

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Speaker 5: Week on Okay Storytime Podcast.

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Speaker 4: So we're unpacking the chaotic, petty, and absolutely unforgettable world

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Speaker 4: the vacation's gone wrong.

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Speaker 5: Where the real baggage isn't in your suitcase, it's the

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Speaker 5: people around you.

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Speaker 3: If you're new year and looking for the story. My

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Speaker 3: husband is currently on vacation with his mistress and I'm

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Speaker 3: confronting them. Just click the link in the show notes

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Speaker 3: a description or search Vacate the Vacation Week on the

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Speaker 3: Okay Storytime Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes

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Speaker 3: drop all week starting July first, and trust us, you'll

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Speaker 3: be booking your solo trips by Friday. Let's dive into

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Speaker 3: this one. My wife told me last week that her

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Speaker 3: side of the family wanted to have a family reunion

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Speaker 3: in a southeastern beach. The plan was to rent an

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Speaker 3: eight room beach house and split the cost evenly among

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Speaker 3: all those going, with food and drink costs also being

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Speaker 3: divided evenly. For some backstory, I usually get along fine

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Speaker 3: with my father in law and mother in law. However,

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Speaker 3: my wife and I had recent issues with her siblings,

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Speaker 3: especially her sister, as they tend to be interfering and

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Speaker 3: just very over the top dramatic. We've gotten to a

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Speaker 3: point where we are civil to each other, but the

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Speaker 3: thought of spending a week stuck with each other is

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Speaker 3: not something I was looking forward to, especially because our

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Speaker 3: vacation time is pretty limited. I suggested to my wife

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Speaker 3: that we rent a hotel room near the beach house

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Speaker 3: and cover our own travel and food costs, then just

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Speaker 3: meet up with them during the day and head to

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Speaker 3: our own hotel at night. My wife knew this would

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Speaker 3: upset her parents and siblings, but agreed to it for

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Speaker 3: our peace of mind. And this comes from perpetually polite

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Speaker 3: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 3: to the r slash Okay storytime suppared it.

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Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're.

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Speaker 3: Here to give good of ice, scoofy. But we don't

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Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 3: and Opie says she also wanted to do separate excursions

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Speaker 3: with just our nuclear family. Well, we told her family

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Speaker 3: this weekend about our own plans, and I've since been

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Speaker 3: receiving texts and calls from her siblings claiming that we

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Speaker 3: think we're too good to stay with them. All the

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Speaker 3: way to saying our selfishness is causing them to have

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Speaker 3: to pay more individually for a beach house they had

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Speaker 3: already agreed on.

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Speaker 4: And there it is. Yep, they're just man. They gotta

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Speaker 4: pay more money, which is fair, kind.

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Speaker 3: Of fair if you guys also agreed. My wife has

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Speaker 3: been replying to her side because we have a standing

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Speaker 3: policy of your family, your circus. However, her siblings have

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Speaker 3: now been talking to the extended family and are trying

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Speaker 3: to make us out to be snobs who do not

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Speaker 3: want to hang out with them. They don't want to,

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Speaker 3: they don't wanna play cards with us and tell us

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Speaker 3: scary stories at night.

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Speaker 6: They're literally reaching out to the extended family. That's crazy.

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Speaker 3: Please please be on our side. My wife has been

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Speaker 3: at her wits end trying to set the story straight.

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Speaker 3: We're at the point now just canceling and going somewhere

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Speaker 3: else for vacation. But are other more reasonable relatives told

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Speaker 3: us to just ignore all the dramas still.

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Speaker 6: Go turn the other cheek, Yes.

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Speaker 3: Turn the other cheek, and then get a little sun

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Speaker 3: tan on the other cheek. They just want to be

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Speaker 3: able to see us too. Should we still go or cancel?

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Speaker 3: And we've got an update? What do you think?

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Speaker 5: I think if you make plans to split the cost

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Speaker 5: of a place you have committed to doing.

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Speaker 3: That, I do agree that. I do agree with that.

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Speaker 3: And if you guys agreed to go and then are

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Speaker 3: kind of retroactively like, oh, we don't want to stay

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Speaker 3: there anymore and they now have to pay more, that

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Speaker 3: is kind of a little whack.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, However, y'all I'm reading this as y'all being the

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Speaker 4: whack ones.

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Speaker 3: However, if they just bought the place before you guys

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Speaker 3: agreed on anything, that's on them.

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Speaker 4: If there is there's no prior agreement. Yeah, but it

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Speaker 4: sounded like there was.

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Speaker 3: Sounded like there was.

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Speaker 5: And then you guys were like, Eh, we'd like to

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Speaker 5: do our own thing. We're miles morales, no miles per hour.

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Speaker 5: You agreed to do the beach house, yeah, and split

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Speaker 5: the cost.

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Speaker 3: I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree. But we've

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Speaker 3: got an update. As some suggested, my wife sent out

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Speaker 3: a group text informing all her relatives who were going

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Speaker 3: that we would be renting our own hotel room near

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Speaker 3: the beach house. We were honest and told them that

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Speaker 3: first we wanted our privacy since our son was easily

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Speaker 3: overstimulated and would need a quiet place to nap or decompress.

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Speaker 3: And second, we wanted to have time to ourselves as

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Speaker 3: a nuclear family, since we rarely have time to ourselves

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Speaker 3: away from work. We were happy to hang out during

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Speaker 3: family activities and meals, but wanted to go to our

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Speaker 3: own space during the evening.

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Speaker 6: So why did we agree?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Why did we agree in the first place?

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Speaker 5: Also, I assume a beach house big enough to split

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Speaker 5: with eight people has their own space for you, presumably.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, but you never know. Sometimes family members could be

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Speaker 6: very intrusive.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, but you agreed that. Really, it's just did

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Speaker 3: you agree before and are you backing out?

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Speaker 6: I don't know. It's the easy notion of did you

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Speaker 6: send the contract, you know, before or after?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, when did you do this?

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Speaker 3: Predictably, her siblings replied on the group chat that we

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Speaker 3: were being selfish and we might as well just not

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Speaker 3: go if we needed our own space. We were planning

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Speaker 3: on taking the higher road and not replying, but to

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Speaker 3: our pleasant surprise, several of the aunts and uncles shut

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Speaker 3: them down, saying they understood and we're just happy that

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Speaker 3: we were going. One of her grandparents even called out

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Speaker 3: sister in law for not understanding what it was like

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Speaker 3: to have a baby and said that until she had

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Speaker 3: her own family, she should keep her opinions to herself.

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Speaker 3: She texted that she could not wait to see her

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Speaker 3: grand baby. So unless anything drastic happens during the planned vacation,

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Speaker 3: this will hopefully be the last of it. Thank you again,

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Speaker 3: and we've got an update too. Meeting something drastic happens.

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Speaker 6: Wasn't a last of it, Oh boy.

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Speaker 3: After a long conversation about how their behavior has impacted

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Speaker 3: their family dynamics and extended family, we decided to do

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Speaker 3: what a lot of you suggested. We're just going to

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Speaker 3: drop the rope with their siblings and will no longer

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Speaker 3: make an effort to engage in any of their attempts

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Speaker 3: to gaslight us.

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Speaker 5: Okay, we need to go back to the beginning. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: did they agree to this beach house?

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Speaker 1: Is?

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Speaker 3: No one is gaslighting you.

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Speaker 4: If you agreed to be of the eight person payment plan.

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Speaker 3: Okay. My wife told me last week that her side

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Speaker 3: of the family wanted to have a family reunion in

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Speaker 3: a southeastern beach city. The plan was to rent an

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Speaker 3: eight room beach house and split the cost evenly for bah.

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Speaker 5: But okay, okay, However, sometimes I don't like the family

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Speaker 5: and it it's dramatic.

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Speaker 4: So so it was always the plan.

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Speaker 3: It seems like, in my again understanding.

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Speaker 6: Did they assume you were going to join in or

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Speaker 6: did you say you were going to join in? There's

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Speaker 6: this is the this is the thing.

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Speaker 3: It seems a little unclear, honestly, because what it sounds

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Speaker 3: like there is Oh he finds out a week ago, Hey,

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Speaker 3: family wants to do a vacation. They suggested this, and

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Speaker 3: then it seems like right after he was like, what

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Speaker 3: if we had our own place. So it feels like

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Speaker 3: they haven't got the place yet or hadn't.

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Speaker 5: I feel like they agreed to the plan without realizing

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Speaker 5: what they agreed to. I think then we're like, oh, wait,

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Speaker 5: you might not want to do that, which is less bad.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think it's okay as long as they

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Speaker 3: hadn't rented the place yet, as long as no money

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Speaker 3: had been put.

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Speaker 5: Down, I think you can probably just be like, what

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Speaker 5: is it going to take for us to get back

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Speaker 5: to normal? Huh oh, let's just call it even.

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Speaker 4: Give me a dollar amount? How much money do you

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Speaker 4: want to take from our newborn baby. I'll settle this score.

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Speaker 3: But if I show you my baby, are we even?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 6: See, that's priceless.

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Speaker 3: My wife made the decision to not participate in any

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Speaker 3: more social gatherings where they will be present, and will

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Speaker 3: start planning separate events with her cousins, aunts, uncles, and

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Speaker 3: grandparents so that she can still maintain those relationships. My

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Speaker 3: wife called her parents last night and basically told them

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Speaker 3: that this last incident was beyond ridiculous and that she

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Speaker 3: is tired of accommodating her sister's behavior to keep her

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Speaker 3: from having a mental breakdown. She told her parents that

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Speaker 3: her sister needed to grow up and it wasn't her

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Speaker 3: job to protect her mental health. Her mom and dad

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Speaker 3: listened to everything she said without interrupting, and my wife

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Speaker 3: said that her relationship with them would never change and

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Speaker 3: they would always be welcome in our home and lives.

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Speaker 3: Her mom started crying with relief because she thought her

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Speaker 3: other daughter's antics had convinced us to move away. As

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Speaker 3: we had mentioned during the last family meeting, my wife

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Speaker 3: told them that she would not allow her brother and sisters'

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Speaker 3: attitude to influence our lives anymore, and if we moved,

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Speaker 3: it would be for reasons other than them, like better

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Speaker 3: pay or quality of life for our son. However, she

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Speaker 3: told her parents that she would no longer coddle her

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Speaker 3: sister and would call her out on her behavior in

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Speaker 3: public and other family members if pushed to it. Her

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Speaker 3: parents said they understood, and added that the rest of

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Speaker 3: their family members now knew her sister was not stable

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Speaker 3: based on her recent photo demands.

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Speaker 4: Uh, what show me that baby?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Is always is?

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Speaker 1: She like?

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Speaker 4: Give me give me the back to the baby, Show

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Speaker 4: me the front side and back of that baby.

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Speaker 5: I want to see all I want to see If

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Speaker 5: all the angles line up, that's a fake baby.

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Speaker 4: Your fake babying the family.

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Speaker 3: You're just trying to use your baby to get out

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Speaker 3: of this beach house. I know, yo type. They told

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Speaker 3: her that her sister has been attending counseling sessions for

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Speaker 3: pent up abandonment issues and regret over her life choices.

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Speaker 3: What was she abandoned by her parents? No, her parents

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Speaker 3: are blaming themselves for what has happened to her sister.

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Speaker 3: But my wife, I told them that they were raised

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Speaker 3: the same way and treated equally in terms of affection

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Speaker 3: and fairness.

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Speaker 4: She's like, you abandoned both of us, and I'm great.

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Speaker 3: I'm so good. Don't even worry about it.

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Speaker 1: Parents.

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Speaker 3: She reassured them that whatever problems her sister had were

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Speaker 3: of her own making and that she just assumed everyone

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Speaker 3: would fall in line with her way of thinking, which

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Speaker 3: they all agreed was unreasonable. She ended the call and

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Speaker 3: said she felt like a load had been lifted from

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Speaker 3: her shoulders. That was a lot of new information about

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Speaker 3: the sister's well being mentally, and we've now progressed from

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Speaker 3: the beach house. I don't even know if we're going

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Speaker 3: to the beach house anymore.

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Speaker 6: We're no longer going to the beach house. We're going

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Speaker 6: into the sister's brain.

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Speaker 3: I think the sister is going into a different type

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Speaker 3: of house that might require longer stay and some grippy socks.

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Speaker 5: So she was the only one making a big deal

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Speaker 5: out of the beach house and the brother uh, the brothers,

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Speaker 5: the sib brothers.

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Speaker 3: But we got a third update for a quick background,

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Speaker 3: my wife's family of origin rented a beach house for

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Speaker 3: a family reunion, but only told us after the fact.

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Speaker 3: And we have confirmation we did it. You are in

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Speaker 3: the clear, They're safe.

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Speaker 6: You are approved.

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Speaker 4: Officially exonerated.

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Speaker 3: Due to some family drama, we opted to book our

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Speaker 3: own hotel while still participating in the extended family meals

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Speaker 3: and events. Wife's siblings were not happy about our separate accommodations,

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Speaker 3: mostly because they had to pay slightly more each for

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Speaker 3: the beach house. We returned for the family reunion a

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Speaker 3: day ago and honestly had a great time. Many of

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Speaker 3: my wife's extended family got to meet her son for

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Speaker 3: the first time and shut down any passive aggressive comments

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Speaker 3: from my sister in law and brother in law about

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Speaker 3: us wanting to stay in our own hotel. They're still

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Speaker 3: bitter that they ended up paying slightly more for their

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Speaker 3: share of the beach house because they never spoke with

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Speaker 3: us about it before making the reservation. My father in

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Speaker 3: law and mother in law were just happy we were

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Speaker 3: there and got to show off their newest grandchild to

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Speaker 3: their siblings.

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Speaker 4: On to the.

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Speaker 3: Newest issue uh oh. Because this was our son's first

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Speaker 3: time away from his home state, my wife booked a

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Speaker 3: professional photographer to take photos of us at the beach.

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Speaker 3: She mentioned this to her family and their group text

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Speaker 3: to see if anyone else wanted to join in, and

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Speaker 3: a couple of relatives with young kids also wanted to

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Speaker 3: participate in the session. The photo session went really well

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Speaker 3: and everyone was happy with the raw photos of the kids.

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Speaker 3: The photographer promised us a link to the digital photo

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Speaker 3: album after a week so she could retouch anything we

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Speaker 3: did not like with a temporary password given to each

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Speaker 3: of the families that had photos. We got the link

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Speaker 3: to the photos three days ago and one of the

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Speaker 3: other kid's parents showed the album to my sister in

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Speaker 3: law and brother in law. Why we already know that

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Speaker 3: cause issues. The whole family knows they cause issues. Here's

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Speaker 3: the twofold problem. First, sister in law is complaining to

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Speaker 3: everyone that she was not invited to the session, even

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Speaker 3: though my wife sent the invite to everyone on their

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Speaker 3: family thread immediately. I'm just responding to that text with

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Speaker 3: a reply from the original text.

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Speaker 6: I'm just sitting more. I'm setting more baby photos.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, seconds the album password now so she can order

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Speaker 3: photos from the photographer, specifically photos of the nieces and nephews,

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Speaker 3: so she can frame them and give them to the

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Speaker 3: families as eventual Christmas gifts. I want the photos so

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Speaker 3: that I can get the photos you paid for and

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Speaker 3: then print them to give to you.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that thing that you're already planning on doing, I'm

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Speaker 5: gonna do that as a gift to you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I would do it again. The cousin who originally

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Speaker 3: showed her the photos laughed when she heard this and

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Speaker 3: thought she was joking. She told her that the only

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Speaker 3: people who had passwords were the ones who paid for photos,

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Speaker 3: and she was sure each family would pick and choose

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Speaker 3: which photos they wanted to buy and have printed. Common

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Speaker 3: sense right. My sister in law did not take this

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Speaker 3: too well and started a text thread to my wife's parents,

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Speaker 3: but how she always feels excluded and that just because

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Speaker 3: she doesn't have kids, doesn't mean she cannot have photos

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Speaker 3: of them too. You can't have photos of any kids

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Speaker 3: that I want.

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Speaker 4: That's funny because that's not why you said you wanted them.

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Speaker 4: You said you wanted them specifically to give as a gift.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like you could have taken presumably you could have

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Speaker 3: taken photos of them. And also, I'm I'm sure that

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Speaker 3: these people are all setting baby photos in the chat.

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Speaker 3: Say one of those cut out.

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Speaker 4: Make a collage.

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Speaker 5: I really just expect they want access to the album

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Speaker 5: so they can delete all the pictures.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. But we've got a

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Speaker 3: little bit left to this story.

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Speaker 5: Any final thoughts you had us in the first half,

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Speaker 5: you did, but then you were in the clear.

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Speaker 7: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 4: And now sister wants to do weird stuff with your photos. Strange, strange.

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Speaker 3: I don't like it, but I do like maybe the

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Speaker 3: rest of the story. My wife saw the text and

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Speaker 3: decided not to engage so her parents could handle her sister. However,

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Speaker 3: we have since learned that she contacted the photographer directly

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Speaker 3: for access to the photos and was denied.

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Speaker 5: Yes, you're looking for a different photo album, it's not

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Speaker 5: this one.

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Speaker 3: This cetter off again, and now she's angrily texting all

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Speaker 3: the family members from the reunion that we, specifically my

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Speaker 3: wife and I are being unfair for not sharing photos

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Speaker 3: and claiming that we specifically excluded our Of course, brother

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Speaker 3: in law is now on her side as well, even

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Speaker 3: though he was also on the invite but has not

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Speaker 3: spoken to us directly. So I we both wanted photos

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Speaker 3: and no one even mentioned them to us. And I

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Speaker 3: also wasn't reading the chat earlier, so if you did

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Speaker 3: mention them, I missed it.

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Speaker 4: So whose fault is it? Really?

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Speaker 6: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Peace?

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Speaker 6: Yes, clearly, clearly, clearly.

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Speaker 3: Obviously at the end of the day, it's so peace.

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Speaker 6: They should have the kid. They had a kid.

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Speaker 3: We would appreciate any perspective on this recent craziness. We

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Speaker 3: are strongly in favor of no contact, but my father

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Speaker 3: in law mother in law urged us to have further

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Speaker 3: patients with sister in law because of her own maternal issues.

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Speaker 3: They know we are not to blame for any of

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Speaker 3: this and are afraid that if we go no contact

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Speaker 3: it will split their family unit unnecessarily, since according to them,

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Speaker 3: sister in law knows she has issues, but feels abandoned

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Speaker 3: and does not know how to fix herself, even with

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Speaker 3: professional help. They're begging us not to cut her off completely,

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Speaker 3: and that is the end of the story. I don't

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Speaker 3: think it's gonna work out for sister in law.

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Speaker 4: I would, I would listen to your in laws.

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Speaker 6: It's it's I don't know. They should be begging her

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Speaker 6: to like let this go one, but also to fine help.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, yeah, clearly sister in law has a

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Speaker 3: lot of issues. You can't force anyone to do anything,

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Speaker 3: but you can't distance yourself as needed and enjoy your vacation.

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Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, going, Yeah, you know, I don't think anything

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Speaker 5: happened that was so extreme that you no need to

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Speaker 5: cut off your sister now forever. I think.

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Speaker 4: Just know that she's unstable.

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Speaker 3: Yep, yes, indeed.

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Speaker 7: And that's the end of the story. We're going to

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Speaker 7: go on to the next one.

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Speaker 8: My wife left me without a thought, and now she

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Speaker 8: wants me back.

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Speaker 3: Nah ah too late.

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Speaker 8: Seven years ago, I twenty eight male, got married to

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Speaker 8: the girl of my dreams, Denise, twenty seven female. We

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Speaker 8: had been dating for two years before that, and it

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Speaker 8: was like a dream come true.

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Speaker 3: That changed after our marriage.

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Speaker 8: After a marriage, she constantly started feeling down and out

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Speaker 8: of it, and eventually I got her to go to

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Speaker 8: a doctor who sent her to a therapist, and from

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Speaker 8: there we found out she had depression to do with

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Speaker 8: things from her past that she was trying to forget.

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Speaker 8: By the way, this comes from Throwaway help me, and

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00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,080
Speaker 8: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 8: the our slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Savannah, I'm Syvia,

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00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,240
Speaker 8: I'm Dakota, and we are here to give some good

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Speaker 8: advice in a little goofy manner.

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Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answer, folks.

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Speaker 8: I wish we did, but we don't, which is why

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00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,399
Speaker 8: we read these stories and give you our opinions. And

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Speaker 8: then what you're gonna do is give us your opinions

391
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Speaker 8: in the comments. Deal deal as op he says, I

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Speaker 8: decided to be as supportive as I could. I took

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Speaker 8: care of most of the housework, working forty hours a week,

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Speaker 8: and told her to just get herself in order and

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Speaker 8: if she needed to talk to me, I would be

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Speaker 8: there for her. That was six and a half years ago.

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Speaker 8: Before she left, she was still depressed. She basically only

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Speaker 8: lace in bed and complained she does nothing. We had

399
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Speaker 8: no intimacy no spicy sleep, no cuddles, no going out.

400
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Speaker 8: My entire day was filled with work in housework, day

401
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Speaker 8: in and day out. I worked my butt off, came

402
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Speaker 8: home to a mess of a house and started cleaning up,

403
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Speaker 8: starting dinner and so forth. At the end of the day,

404
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,479
Speaker 8: I was exhausted, and all I could expect was for

405
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Speaker 8: Denise to unload more of her troubles on me and

406
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 8: complain about herself, me and everything around her. I could

407
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Speaker 8: not even hang out with my buddies to try to

408
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Speaker 8: get away from it at all, as she would relentlessly

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Speaker 8: call me saying she was scared and everything. So I

410
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,840
Speaker 8: also had no social life, not that I had time

411
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Speaker 8: for it anyway. But despite it all, I pushed through,

412
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:53,960
Speaker 8: hoping that sooner or later she would break out of

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Speaker 8: it and we could have a proper life together as

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Speaker 8: I loved her, and as they say, for better and worse,

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Speaker 8: and this was probably clearly worse, possibly the worst it

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Speaker 8: could ever be. Four months ago she got a new therapist,

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Speaker 8: and three months ago that therapist suggested she needed time

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Speaker 8: away from me as her depression started when we married,

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Speaker 8: so I may be the cause of it. I thought

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Speaker 8: it was okay, I thought that, but whatever was uh

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Speaker 8: uh sorry, I thought the problem started.

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Speaker 3: What are you trying to say? It said that she

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Speaker 3: was depressed before.

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Speaker 8: Marriage, or it was because of her a note, she

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Speaker 8: was depressed after they got married, but it was from

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Speaker 8: stuff from her path.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean, either she was lying then, or she's

428
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Speaker 3: somewhat lying now, or she doesn't really know the answer,

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Speaker 3: and it's just kind of blaming and I don't ope,

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Speaker 3: we don't know.

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Speaker 8: The moment she told me, I was crushed, I started

432
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Speaker 8: doubting myself, blaming myself, worrying. But beneath all this creeping

433
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Speaker 8: sense of having done everything for her, having sacrificed years

434
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Speaker 8: of my life as a cash cow and a servant

435
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Speaker 8: for her to lay in bed, and this is my thanks,

436
00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 8: It is my fault now. But I rejected that feeling,

437
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 8: trying to talk through it. But she decided to leave

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Speaker 8: and stay with her mother, saying she needed time away

439
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 8: from me, and that I may be the cause of

440
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 8: her depression and so forth. Honestly, the entire argument is

441
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,320
Speaker 8: a blur in my head. I spent the next month

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Speaker 8: when she moved out, calling her her family, begging and

443
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 8: humiliating myself just to get her back apologizing for everything

444
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 8: I may have done wrong. I was so hopeless at

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Speaker 8: that point. But that month passed, and as it passed,

446
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,479
Speaker 8: I couldn't help but feel relieved. I came home and

447
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 8: it was quiet. I could indulge in my hobbies, which

448
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 8: I had not done in years. The place was not

449
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,840
Speaker 8: a mess. Every time I came home, I could relax.

450
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,080
Speaker 8: In two months in I even realized I could hang

451
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,440
Speaker 8: out with my buddies again, grabbing an adult soda, enjoying life,

452
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 8: and slowly I started to realize that I had been

453
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,959
Speaker 8: miserable this entire time. Slowly that turned into more and

454
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 8: more realizations, before I realized I honestly did not love

455
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 8: her anymore. I felt like my youth was wasting away.

456
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:58,640
Speaker 8: I could do much much better than this. I felt

457
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 8: like I was a caretaker of a handy, capped old lady. Heck,

458
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 8: I still looked good, and as I went out, I

459
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 8: started once again gaining back my self confidence. Women would

460
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,400
Speaker 8: flirt with me. I felt wanted, even though I never

461
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 8: did flirt back. After all these realizations, I suddenly got

462
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 8: a call from my wife saying she made a huge mistake.

463
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,720
Speaker 8: She was sobbing her eyes out, and how she was

464
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 8: an idiot, taking taking the therapist's words as fact, and

465
00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 8: how much she loved me. For a moment, I wanted

466
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 8: to say yes, yes, please come back, but I just couldn't.

467
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,640
Speaker 8: I just blurted it out and said to her she

468
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,920
Speaker 8: had left me and I was done with this relationship.

469
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,239
Speaker 8: I told her I would get divorce papers and I

470
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 8: told her I had wasted enough time as it was,

471
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 8: and this final action of hers was the nail in

472
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 8: the coffin. After that, I just dropped the phone started

473
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 8: crying for a bit before turning turning in and feeling liberated.

474
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 8: The issue now is is that everyone in my family

475
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,560
Speaker 8: is telling me I am making a mistake. I should

476
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 8: take her back. I owe it to her to try

477
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 8: and make it work. Marriage is not always fun, et cetera.

478
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 8: The thing is, I never had fun in this marriage.

479
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 8: I can't remember the last time I had fun and

480
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,280
Speaker 8: wasn't miserable. We are both young and fit, and we

481
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,959
Speaker 8: never even go out. But on the other end, I

482
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,000
Speaker 8: doubt myself. Am I really dumping someone that is depressed?

483
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,920
Speaker 8: I feel horrible about it. I feel like a failure.

484
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,200
Speaker 8: I just need advice and there is an edit here.

485
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:19,800
Speaker 8: I don't know.

486
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:24,080
Speaker 3: I I think you're not dumping someone who is depressed.

487
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 3: You're dumping someone who like low key already dumped you.

488
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 8: Yeah, if you like take the mental health out of it,

489
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 8: which I know we'll bring it back in, but for

490
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 8: a second, we'll take it out. She ultimately dumped you

491
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 8: because she was unhappy and she was blame and she

492
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 8: was listening to her therapist. They're a pisted of blaming

493
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 8: you for the actions that she was doing, Like she

494
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 8: wasn't helping herself. She was kind of just rotting away

495
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 8: and you had to sit and watch that, and you

496
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 8: tried to help her, you know all this stuff. But

497
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,400
Speaker 8: also you have your life and it's hard to take

498
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 8: care of both people. I understand that, And like, but

499
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 8: you did it for what you guys were they married

500
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 8: for two years or something?

501
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 3: Uh something like that.

502
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,679
Speaker 8: Yeah, like you guys have were married for years and

503
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 8: so like, and they were all miserable.

504
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 3: So it's like, just doesn't seem like you guys were

505
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:16,120
Speaker 3: happy together And that's okay, and dope, you're not doing

506
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 3: anything wrong by not wanting to get back together.

507
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, you're happier without her, which yeah, you know, yes

508
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 8: you can listen to your friends and family, but ultimately

509
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 8: it is up to you to make the decision of

510
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 8: what you want. Like, that's how I always think, because

511
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 8: I always ask for friends and family advice over literally

512
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 8: anything and everything, and so my.

513
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 3: Friends and family give good advice.

514
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 8: Yeah, but I also know I have good friends and

515
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 8: family to count on, Like I have a very good

516
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 8: support system, so I know, like I take into what

517
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 8: I take what they say into account.

518
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sam gives the best advice, gives really great relationship

519
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 3: advice specifically, hm hmmm.

520
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 5: Uh, what I'm going to talk about the fact that

521
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 5: this therapist might actually be a genius a genius because

522
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,239
Speaker 5: therapists probably no. Sorry, this person's not going to get

523
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 5: better within this relationship. So I need to get this

524
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 5: person to ruin their own relationship because they're never going

525
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 5: to leave it on their own.

526
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: But if they get broken up with they'll get worse.

527
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 5: So they need to make the mistake themselves so they

528
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 5: can tear themselves down to zero and then build up.

529
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,400
Speaker 3: Therapist is playing forty chest's and they're doing it very well.

530
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 3: I see what you're saying. I don't know if that's

531
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 3: what's happening, but I see what you're saying.

532
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 8: I kind of agree with Kim Foyn. She wasn't happy

533
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 8: with him, she's not happy without him. Why would she

534
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 8: be happy with him a second time? At least now

535
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 8: one of them is happy.

536
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's the thing. Like she thought, oh,

537
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 3: I'm depressed, it must be my husband. And then she

538
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 3: laughed and she went, well, I'm still depressed, So I

539
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 3: guess it wasn't him. Let me go back. But you know,

540
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 3: she hasn't found the source of her satisfaction in life.

541
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,959
Speaker 3: I mean sometimes I don't know.

542
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 8: I feel like sometimes that happens and you think like, oh,

543
00:24:56,080 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 8: this is going to be a good thing for me,

544
00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:00,640
Speaker 8: and then you find out, oh, actually this made ten

545
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 8: times worse. And then you know, it depends if that

546
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 8: person is willing to take you back or not. I

547
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 8: think ope, it's you know, your decision. Like if you

548
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,199
Speaker 8: feel a lot less stressed and a lot better and

549
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 8: happier without her, then maybe this is the right choice.

550
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 8: And she did you a favor. You don't have to

551
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 8: take her back. You know, just because she's getting better

552
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 8: doesn't mean it's like, oh now we can start our lives.

553
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 8: You know, like you were in that for so long,

554
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 8: just kind of like wasting away and being like I

555
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 8: don't like I want to stick it out for you.

556
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 8: I just am like really tired, I'm trying to figure

557
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 8: this out, you know. And then ultimately she just leaves anyway,

558
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 8: so it's like okay, you know, and then she blames you,

559
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 8: and it's like, I don't I don't.

560
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 3: Know what I was supposed to do. Yeah, Sevah.

561
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 8: While I had a hard time defending my wife right now,

562
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 8: let me clarify something that is popping up in some comments.

563
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 8: I know for a fact that she did not sleep

564
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 8: around with anyone while we were separated, and there's an update.

565
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 8: I ended up having a really good could think about

566
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,160
Speaker 8: my entire situation, trying to weigh out whether I would

567
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 8: be able to give her another chance to begin with,

568
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 8: as despite my post would give away was actually something

569
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 8: I struggle with. I was a bit of an emotional

570
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 8: mess after all, and honestly I sort of lack slash

571
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 8: lacked control over my emotions, as you might have noticed

572
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,400
Speaker 8: in some of my responses. Sometimes I seem nostalgic forgiving

573
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 8: and nice. Other times I seemed vengeful, resentful, and hateful.

574
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 8: I will admit of the bat that is that this

575
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 8: is all me, and like I told some people in messages,

576
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 8: I was and still am, not in the best of

577
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,960
Speaker 8: places emotionally. But I have been working on getting my

578
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,719
Speaker 8: own emotions under control of the past few days, and

579
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,360
Speaker 8: I can say I am in a better place than

580
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 8: I was a week ago, but it will certainly take

581
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 8: some more time for me to recuperate from all of this.

582
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 8: Now onto what people were likely looking to see what

583
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,919
Speaker 8: ended up happening this week, that maybe decide to make

584
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 8: an update post. Well, after all that thinking, I decided,

585
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 8: regardless of what course I would be taking, as some

586
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 8: people suggested, it would be my decisions, and my decision alone,

587
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 8: not the decision of my parents, her parents' friends, or

588
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 8: people on the internet, Mine alone, a decision I would

589
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 8: be the one living with at the end of the day.

590
00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 8: So I decided I would inevitably end up regretting it

591
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 8: all if I did not at the very least talk

592
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 8: to my wife and get some closure that so that

593
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 8: is exactly what I did two days ago. I decided

594
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 8: to invite her to our home to talk about what us,

595
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 8: our relationship, what I would be doing going forward, her

596
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 8: depression and so forth. Basically just to get it all

597
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 8: on the table. We ended up discussing our entire relationship.

598
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 8: I must admit it was very awkward and confronting, as

599
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 8: it was about a lot of stuff myself in particular,

600
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,760
Speaker 8: had bottled up for so long. It was very hard

601
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 8: for me not to start yelling nikes. I told her

602
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,640
Speaker 8: I was exhausted. I told her everything we had been

603
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,439
Speaker 8: trying obviously had not been working. I told her I

604
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 8: felt like a doormat. I told her she was not

605
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 8: the person I married. I told her these three months

606
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 8: had been liberating for me. I told her I was

607
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 8: tired of it all. I told her that I felt

608
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 8: like she wasn't doing anything to help herself. I told

609
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:17,159
Speaker 8: her she was not doing anything around the house. I

610
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,280
Speaker 8: told her a marriage is supposed to be a partnership,

611
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,400
Speaker 8: but I felt like I was basically married to myself

612
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 8: and that was the only partner in this relationship. Essentially,

613
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 8: I unloaded the stuff I had been feeling for years

614
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 8: by now. I told her I had a hard time

615
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 8: not regretting the day I married her at this point,

616
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 8: and while it obviously really really hurt her to hear,

617
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 8: she told me she knew she knew I wasn't happy,

618
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 8: She knew she had been anything but a partner, She

619
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 8: knew she was horrible about it all, but she felt

620
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 8: like whatever she tried, she always ended up fearing getting better,

621
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 8: getting demotivated to do anything. And that was when she left.

622
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 8: She almost felt like she had burdened me enough that

623
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:59,479
Speaker 8: it wasn't for her but for me, but that she

624
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 8: went about it the wrong way and ended up blaming

625
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 8: the therapist as an.

626
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 7: Easy way out.

627
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:06,959
Speaker 8: While it was true the therapist had guided her in

628
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 8: some way towards the decision. The decision was she made

629
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:13,120
Speaker 8: was for the right reasons, but the explanation she provided

630
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 8: was tailored to her, not to me, which was disregarding

631
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,440
Speaker 8: the therapist's advice entirely.

632
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 3: I mean, boy, uh, it sounds like it a lot

633
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: of feelings. I am.

634
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,200
Speaker 8: I feel badly got them out because you guys were

635
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 8: just miserable together. Yeah, And I don't know if like, like,

636
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 8: is she even doing better now?

637
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 3: I don't know, nobody even.

638
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 8: Like like talked about how she like, like is she

639
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 8: okay now?

640
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 3: Or what?

641
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 8: Like what was the reason for like, if the reason

642
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 8: for coming back is that, oh wait, it's not you,

643
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 8: it's me, so I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna

644
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 8: work on myself. No, no, no, you got to get

645
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,479
Speaker 8: that crap figured out now, Like this is all on

646
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 8: you now. She said she felt guilty about it all,

647
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 8: and that that guilt was just making her psychological state

648
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 8: even worse. She said she she hated seeing me going

649
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 8: to work, coming home exhausted and having to clean everything

650
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 8: up until I just passed out essentially, which I might

651
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 8: add is a massive step for her, as she never

652
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 8: admitted this, but she started admitting a lot of stuff

653
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:15,160
Speaker 8: and apologizing for a lot of things in our relationship.

654
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 8: She said her time away made her realize how much

655
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 8: I mean to her and how much she took she

656
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 8: took me for granted, and that she should have done

657
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 8: better a long time ago, to which I told her

658
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 8: I felt like I had been enabling her essentially, while

659
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 8: I had tried to keep her to her medication and

660
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 8: all of that, at the end of the day, it

661
00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 8: was always me picking up after her, which probably made

662
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 8: it easier for her to slip back into it all well.

663
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 8: After hours upon hours of talking, we ended up hugging

664
00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 8: for what seemed like over an hour before going back

665
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 8: to talking. And she basically said she understood if I

666
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 8: would not take her back. She understood if I did

667
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 8: not trust her to get better. She understood that I

668
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,120
Speaker 8: was tired, but she asked me to give her one

669
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 8: more chance, and she would do anything for it. I

670
00:30:57,760 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 8: have to admit my mind immediately wanted to go to

671
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 8: the obvious option, which was not taking her back, not

672
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 8: giving her a chance. But honestly, in this discussion, she

673
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 8: was the person I was once in love with. She

674
00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 8: seemed to take ownership of things. She seemed different somehow,

675
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 8: But I also knew the risk coming with taking her back,

676
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 8: and honestly, I was not about to pull another Hail Mary.

677
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,520
Speaker 8: So I told her I would be willing to give

678
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 8: it a shot, but it wouldn't be like before, not

679
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 8: at all. I told her she would have to prove

680
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 8: she was going to put in the effort first before

681
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 8: we could even begin. Agreed. I think that that is

682
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 8: a great thing. Yeah, because I don't.

683
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 3: Know what she's done.

684
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 8: I think she's just had the like she's apologizing, and

685
00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 8: I guess like she's you know, saying like, oh, you know, uh,

686
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 8: Like I thought about it, I've you know, reconciled with

687
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:54,239
Speaker 8: myself and have recognized that you you know, are uh

688
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 8: are like trying to you know, make this work and whatnot.

689
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,720
Speaker 3: But like the thing is, I don't.

690
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 8: No, Like it's it's hard when you're doing everything and

691
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 8: then now they don't have that and then they're like,

692
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 8: oh I miss that and it's like yeah, but the

693
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 8: thing is, I'm it's not gonna if you come back,

694
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 8: that's not gonna happen again.

695
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I learned that stuff about myself.

696
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 8: Yeahout you Yeah, So don't try and act like I'm

697
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 8: gonna take you back and we're just gonna do the

698
00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,400
Speaker 8: same thing. Like there has to be a change here,

699
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 8: like one hundred percent, Like you gotta do the steps

700
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 8: to take care of yourself and also take care of

701
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 8: the house maybe or like take care of me once

702
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 8: in a while. Like it's it it as Obi said,

703
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 8: it's a partnership. Like he was never allowed to be

704
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,640
Speaker 8: off because she was always off and so he always

705
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 8: had to be on and that's exhausting, it really is.

706
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 5: What was that what was that one line she said

707
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 5: about uh where it was like, oh, after we were apart,

708
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 5: I realized so many things and it's like I think

709
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 5: we were apart and you realized all the things I did,

710
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 5: not like all the things that I am, but like

711
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,680
Speaker 5: all of the things I do.

712
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I would feel like you.

713
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 5: Want me back more for that yeah, than any of

714
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 5: the other stuff.

715
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,479
Speaker 8: It does seem like a Firstly, I told her she

716
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 8: had to get a part time job. I don't care

717
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 8: what sort of job, whether it is waiting tables at

718
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 8: a clothing store or at some company, it is irrelevant,

719
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 8: as long as she made sure to go every single

720
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 8: time she was supposed to go, look presentable when going,

721
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:30,600
Speaker 8: and made sure she did her best at said job. Secondly,

722
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,680
Speaker 8: she knows I like going to the gym. As such,

723
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 8: she would be going with me at least three times

724
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 8: a week. Get in shape again, get some exercise in,

725
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 8: but most of all, be busy in a healthy way. Thirdly,

726
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 8: she is going to help her parents around the house

727
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 8: while she stays there. No more sitting in her room

728
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 8: alone with her thoughts, groceries, dishes, vacuuming whatever. She was

729
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 8: going to make an effort doing it every single day. Fourthly,

730
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 8: as some people suggested, we were gonna go on a

731
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 8: date once a week. No more escaping, not wanting to

732
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 8: go outside, feeling self conscious, no more excuses. Fifthly, we

733
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 8: were going to do couples counseling. I know we tried before,

734
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,200
Speaker 8: but we will try again. Sixth she is going to

735
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 8: go to a new therapist, not lie about anything anymore,

736
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 8: and do what the therapist tells her. Seventh, there's a

737
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,280
Speaker 8: lot of numbers here. Seventh, if the therapist suggests medication,

738
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 8: she is going to take them every day she is

739
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 8: supposed to take them, and I will keep them with me,

740
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 8: and she will take them in front of me. No

741
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 8: more forgetting, no more not taking them, no more, no

742
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 8: more complaining. And if there are issues with them, we

743
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 8: will try different ones. But regardless, she is going to

744
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 8: stick to it.

745
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:41,600
Speaker 3: See that's the most important thing I see here that

746
00:34:42,160 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 3: has changed and could lead to a more healthy marriage.

747
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 3: Because before, you know, when she was dealing with her depression,

748
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 3: which is you know, so so hard to manage, it

749
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 3: doesn't seem like she was taking this medication that she needed,

750
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 3: which you know, she has to work out through herself.

751
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 3: You can't force her or do that. But now it

752
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 3: feels like she realizes the importance and stuff, And so

753
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 3: I think that's a big enough change that it could

754
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,280
Speaker 3: lead to you know, or you could try again, Svana,

755
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 3: just push it off, don't throw it for her.

756
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:19,279
Speaker 8: I told her, once we are doing all that, we

757
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 8: can go to the next stage of repairing a relationship.

758
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 8: But until she does that and keeps them up for

759
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 8: a good few months, there is not a single chance

760
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 8: I will continue our relationship. And yes, I know ultimatums

761
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 8: are a taboo on relationship advice, but I don't think

762
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 8: I have much of a choice. To my surprise, she

763
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 8: actually agreed, and to my even bigger surprise, despite it

764
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 8: only having been today, she was actually helping her mother

765
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 8: and father around the house yesterday. Anne has been looking

766
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 8: for jobs. Her dad also said she seems a lot

767
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 8: more cheerful. Yay, big news, Big news.

768
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:51,279
Speaker 4: Now.

769
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 8: I know there is a long road left, and I

770
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 8: know there is a good chance this won't work out,

771
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 8: and that I should not cheer too early. But honestly,

772
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 8: I am hoping i'd get my wife back, and I

773
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 8: felt I owe it to myself to at least allow

774
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 8: her this one last chance. Call me an idiot for

775
00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:08,280
Speaker 8: giving her this chance, but well, perhaps I am an idiot,

776
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 8: an idiot and love a love idiot, a love back

777
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 8: loves back, Oh boy.

778
00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 3: But yeah, well, oh, Pete.

779
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 8: I hope that she does continue to work hard on

780
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 8: her stuff because it seems like she does need a

781
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,439
Speaker 8: little push in that direction. And I think you could

782
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 8: be that for her.

783
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 7: And that's the end of the story. We're gonna go

784
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:29,280
Speaker 7: on to the next one.

785
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and

786
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 2: we're going to get back to the stories.

787
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 7: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

788
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 3: My aunt and cousin demanded my dad's contact info. He

789
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 3: sent back a legal condition.

790
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 8: Yeah, sorry, but I'm gonna ask for my lawyer on

791
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 8: this one.

792
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 3: My family situation is pretty crazy. I twenty one female,

793
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 3: am technically a revenge of fair baby. My dad, forty

794
00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 3: seven male, was married to my aunt forty five female,

795
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 3: who was cheating on and with my mom's forty two

796
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 3: female then husband, James, forty two male. By the way,

797
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 3: this comes from Working Weight eighty fourteen. And if you

798
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 3: want to smit your own story, go to the r

799
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 3: slash Okay, storytime subpared it.

800
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 5: I'm Sofia, I'm Savannah, I'm Dakota.

801
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofy, But we

802
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 3: don't have all the answers feeling know what we do,

803
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 3: so let us know what you would do in the

804
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,760
Speaker 3: comments and Opie says not sure about all the details.

805
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 3: I honestly, you don't really care to ask because yuck.

806
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 3: But during their mutual divorces, my dad and my mom

807
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: had a fling which produced me. There his DNA test,

808
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,160
Speaker 3: and after I was proven to be my dad's he

809
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,520
Speaker 3: happily claimed me and signed the birth certificate. He didn't

810
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 3: sign my cousins Amanda twenty one female birth certificate and

811
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 3: went back to his other country. My dad is dual

812
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 3: citizenship to avoid child support for since she was born

813
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 3: while my aunt was still his legal wife, he was

814
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 3: presumed to be the father, and James took off. Because

815
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: of all the drama, my mom and I were estranged

816
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 3: from my aunt and amandas son and Amanda thought for

817
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,720
Speaker 3: years that my dad had abandoned me too, when in reality,

818
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 3: I took regular trips to see my dad in his

819
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,879
Speaker 3: mother's country, met most of his relatives, and could even

820
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,919
Speaker 3: speak the language at a high intermediate level. My mom

821
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 3: made it clear that I was free to seek out

822
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 3: a relationship with Amanda once I was old enough to drive,

823
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,760
Speaker 3: but warned me that there could be drama. I tried

824
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:24,680
Speaker 3: reaching out at seventeen, but she acted like she was

825
00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: so much better because she grew up in a two

826
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 3: parent household. Well, it was just me and my mom,

827
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 3: and I washed my hands of it. We never followed

828
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 3: each other on social media, and I never told my

829
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 3: mom's side of the family about my other social media platforms,

830
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 3: so I was able to keep my relationship with my

831
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 3: father private until I guess Amanda or someone Amanda knew

832
00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:47,560
Speaker 3: saw a picture of me with one of my paternal

833
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 3: cousins online and it set everything in motion. I didn't

834
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 3: want to put in or maintain the effort to lie,

835
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 3: so I made a long text message and sent it

836
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,000
Speaker 3: to a group chat with several members my mom's family.

837
00:39:01,719 --> 00:39:05,720
Speaker 3: Since my mom and aunt's respective marriages were a taboo topic,

838
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:08,560
Speaker 3: there was a firm don't talk about it mindset, so

839
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,000
Speaker 3: a lot of people just assumed my mom was doing

840
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 3: it all on her own, when really my dad was

841
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 3: sending child support and having a relationship with me. Amanda

842
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 3: and my aunt are now demanding that I give them

843
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 3: my dad's contact info, his address in the country that

844
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 3: he's in, and do a DNA test to prove that

845
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 3: we're siblings and then take it to my dad. But

846
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 3: here's the thing. Amanda was formally adopted by her stepdad

847
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 3: when she was seventeen. I don't like the idea of

848
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:38,240
Speaker 3: giving my genetic information to a private company unless absolutely needed.

849
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 3: There's nothing stopping her from doing something like twenty three

850
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 3: ande meters to match with my paternal side. My dad's

851
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 3: side of the family knows about Amanda, and they don't

852
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 3: seem interested in knowing her. Amanda's still being pretty awful

853
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:52,759
Speaker 3: to me, so I don't feel like doing anything to

854
00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 3: help her. So, knowing all of this, am I the

855
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 3: angle and what do you think?

856
00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 4: No?

857
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 8: I feel like he did since himself, Like he disants

858
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:03,320
Speaker 8: himself for a reason.

859
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so I don't know. I feel like it

860
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 3: doesn't I don't think you need to give the contact info.

861
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 8: You can tell your dad about it and if he

862
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 8: wants to be if he's okay with it, then yeah, sure.

863
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,280
Speaker 8: But like, I don't think you owe him anything.

864
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 3: I agree. I don't think this is Op's thing at all.

865
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 3: I think you pass it on to your dad. However,

866
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 3: I do think that your your dad should do the

867
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:30,959
Speaker 3: DNA test because if this is his child? Well it is, No,

868
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 3: he doesn't know. He thinks that it's Jane. Oh yeah,

869
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 3: he doesn't think. The dad doesn't think that this Amanda

870
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 3: is his kid. Oh, because they switched. Ah, so there's

871
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 3: not necessarily proof that Amanda is his kid.

872
00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, you should see.

873
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,919
Speaker 3: I'm trying to do the DNA test because I want

874
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 3: to know. I want to know.

875
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 8: I'm killious and I would like to know Zanza who

876
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 8: is Zadade?

877
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,719
Speaker 3: But I don't think that's on EUOPI that's not like

878
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 3: really you know your decision or your responsibility, but I

879
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 3: think pass it on to dad. Update two weeks later, Yes,

880
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 3: he's got rings.

881
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 5: Here's my ring, and that's what I think about that.

882
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 3: Hello.

883
00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 4: Sorry, oh my lord, Oh my goodness.

884
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 3: I just got daggers sent towards me. Anyone else see that.

885
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 4: It was like, you have to register that with the state. Yeah,

886
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,239
Speaker 4: those weapons are deep ed lee.

887
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 3: Update two weeks later, Hello, just wanted to give a

888
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 3: quick update. I told my cousin Amanda that she should

889
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 3: do the ancestry thing to see who she matches with,

890
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,359
Speaker 3: and that I'd pass along her info to my dad,

891
00:41:43,920 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 3: and that I was wiping my hands clean of the

892
00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:49,280
Speaker 3: situation after that, before blocking her, I did pass along

893
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 3: her contact info to my dad and told him what

894
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 3: Amanda and his ex wife's my aunt intentions were, as

895
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,879
Speaker 3: well as the news that Amanda was formally adopted after

896
00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 3: the courts declared that my dad abandoned her. As of

897
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,040
Speaker 3: right now, my dad has no intention on ever going

898
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 3: back to the US for any reason, and as he

899
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 3: is a citizen through my grandma. However, he did check

900
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,239
Speaker 3: with his lawyers and he basically told me that he'd

901
00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 3: agreed to do a DNA test on the condition that

902
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 3: my aunt and Amanda sign a legal document absolving him

903
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 3: of any child support he owed before Amanda was legally adopted,

904
00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:28,200
Speaker 3: and that Amanda will have no claims on any of

905
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,359
Speaker 3: his property or assets when he passes. Wow, he's kind

906
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 3: of the ale.

907
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 8: Yeah, he's like, uh, just so you know, I think

908
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:36,920
Speaker 8: the whole reason he left was because he didn't want

909
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,200
Speaker 8: to deal with the child support. That's literally what he said.

910
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,280
Speaker 8: He was like, and now I'm going to go back

911
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 8: and so I don't have to pay for child support.

912
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well I thought it was because he was like,

913
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 3: this isn't my kid, but if this is your kid,

914
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,720
Speaker 3: you're lucky to say yeah, and you're like, hmmm yeah.

915
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 3: I mean like, if it isn't your kid, then you

916
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,080
Speaker 3: have nothing to worry about. But if you is your kid,

917
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 3: wouldn't you want some relationship with her?

918
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 5: So I worked my whole live so I wouldn't have

919
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 5: to take care of you. Oh now my have to

920
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 5: take care of you.

921
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 4: I don't think so oh no, no, not for me.

922
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 4: Legal document. I cast legal document.

923
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 3: I cast a legal document. It's super effective. My dad

924
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 3: literally go away, what literally there's a bug?

925
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 7: Is it a thing?

926
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,960
Speaker 3: It's just a bug. It's just this little tiny mot.

927
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 4: That just like gets it.

928
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 7: It's this male.

929
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 4: I can't go go.

930
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,399
Speaker 5: Kirby it, and then you'll gain its powers and you'll

931
00:43:33,400 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 5: turn into a tiny little bug mop.

932
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,240
Speaker 7: Man, You'll gain it pillies.

933
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 3: My dad has made it clear that he is not

934
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,759
Speaker 3: overly concerned if Amanda and my aunt don't agree, but

935
00:43:42,880 --> 00:43:45,480
Speaker 3: would prefer to settle this just in case of potential

936
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:49,400
Speaker 3: issues in the future. I mean, oh, I just got chills. Sorry,

937
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 3: I think that I don't know.

938
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 8: I want to know. I want to know if she's

939
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 8: your daughter or not, because that'd be kind of freaky dicky.

940
00:43:58,560 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 3: But also I don't know.

941
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 6: I do.

942
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 8: I think you would be the whole not to pay

943
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 8: just so little bit.

944
00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 4: We think.

945
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 3: The thing to me is sometimes we'll read stories where

946
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 3: a parent, you know, completely says I don't want any

947
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 3: you know, any legal attachment to this child. I am

948
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 3: completely signing off my parental rights. But in this case,

949
00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 3: he just kind of fled the country. UH is still

950
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 3: giving child support for Opee and is supporting OPE and

951
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 3: has a connection with op but didn't even want to

952
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 3: know about Amanda, Like that might be your kid.

953
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 7: I don't know.

954
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 3: I would want to know.

955
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,839
Speaker 8: Yeah, I would want to know too, But I see

956
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 8: the thing as I am well, and they would never

957
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 8: bug him again if it weren't his kid.

958
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:40,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.

959
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 8: I think he just like doesn't want to know.

960
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

961
00:44:44,080 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 3: I also spoke to my paternal grandmother paternal grandfather passed

962
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 3: away years ago, and she said that she's never liked

963
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 3: my aunt is glad that my dad left her with

964
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 3: as little money as possible, and that she can't be

965
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 3: expected to love and care for a potential grandchild she's

966
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 3: never met, given that my grandmother didn't even like me

967
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 3: until I was about three. This is in character for

968
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 3: the rest of my father's maternal side seems to be

969
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 3: of the same mindset and will only consider talking to

970
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 3: Amanda once she can prove she's related. Then let her

971
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 3: prove it. Yeah, then let her prove it, like you're

972
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 3: putting off all these roadblocks so she can't prove it.

973
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,480
Speaker 7: And that's the end of the story. We're gonna go

974
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 7: on to the next one.

975
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 2: My boyfriend told his parents they could move in permanently

976
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 2: without telling me.

977
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 4: That's kind of a big deal.

978
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,000
Speaker 2: So I've been with my boyfriend for four years, living

979
00:45:36,040 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 2: together for almost two. We bought a house together last year.

980
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 2: We had a lot of talks beforehand about boundaries, financial planning,

981
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,960
Speaker 2: and how important it was for both.

982
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 7: Of us to feel like this was our space.

983
00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway two nine four

984
00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 2: seven four nine one. And if you want to submit

985
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay, storytime

986
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 2: is up.

987
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 3: Add it.

988
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 7: I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and.

989
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice. Goofily.

990
00:45:58,600 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 7: But we don't have all the answers.

991
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 2: We just know what we would do in these situations,

992
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 2: So let us know what you do in the comments.

993
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 2: But oh, he says, last week, boyfriend casually mentioned that

994
00:46:08,640 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 2: his parents might stay with us for a while. I

995
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 2: assumed he meant a week or two, maybe up to

996
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,960
Speaker 2: a month fine. They live out of state, and I

997
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 2: know that they've been struggling financially, so I didn't think

998
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 2: too much of it. Well, I found out yesterday from

999
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 2: mother in law, not even from boyfriend, that the plan

1000
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 2: isn't just a visit. Boyfriend apparently told them they could

1001
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: move in with us indefinitely, indefinitely.

1002
00:46:34,719 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 5: But is there a legal way for you to be like, no,

1003
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,839
Speaker 5: this is half of my house, Like you can't, we can't.

1004
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,560
Speaker 4: I don't want that. Yeah, I try. I'm asking because

1005
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1006
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 7: I don't know.

1007
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 4: Maybe isn't.

1008
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 7: I don't know.

1009
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 3: I bet.

1010
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:48,840
Speaker 5: I would assume you guys are looked at as equal

1011
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 5: parties probably in that so, and that there's nothing you

1012
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 5: can really do because if one of you wants a

1013
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: thing and the other does, and it's like, well you

1014
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 5: guys are yeah, you can green light whatever you want,

1015
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 5: that there's no red lighting.

1016
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. This sucks. I

1017
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 4: would leave him for this.

1018
00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:10,160
Speaker 2: So indefinitely, as in they've already sold their place and

1019
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 2: are arriving next weekend with the moving truck.

1020
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 7: I was stunned.

1021
00:47:16,760 --> 00:47:19,919
Speaker 2: I confronted boyfriend immediately, and he acted like it wasn't

1022
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 2: a big deal. He said, they're my parents, of course

1023
00:47:22,600 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 2: they have a place here. When I told him that

1024
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:28,399
Speaker 2: a permanent agreement was never discussed and that I didn't

1025
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 2: consent to it, he got defensive. He said I was

1026
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 2: being cold and ungrateful and accused me of hating his family.

1027
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:38,240
Speaker 4: I'm no break it's immediate breakup city. We're in breakup

1028
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,880
Speaker 4: city so fast.

1029
00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 2: Because he's not even going to acknowledge the trickery that

1030
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:44,120
Speaker 2: he just pulled on you.

1031
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 4: Right, he just tricked you. He said, they're my parents,

1032
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 4: of course they're welcome here. Where is here? Yeah? Your house?

1033
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:51,280
Speaker 7: Yeah?

1034
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 4: No, right, our house.

1035
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 2: And he's so like he's using that phrase of like

1036
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 2: they're like my family, they always have.

1037
00:47:58,440 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 3: A place to stay.

1038
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 2: That's that's used for temporary visits. That's not like, oh,

1039
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,919
Speaker 2: you can permanently move in with us, sell your house, right,

1040
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 2: That is not how people use that phrase, sir.

1041
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, what are you doing?

1042
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 5: Like just just straight up that he's trying to make

1043
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:17,800
Speaker 5: this like a you you problem instead of being like, yeah, Okay,

1044
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 5: I see exactly what you're saying, and it.

1045
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 3: Is really messed up that I didn't.

1046
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, but I do need to help my parents.

1047
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 5: Yeah that is it's like, maybe maybe we come back

1048
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 5: from that exactly. He's doing the exact opposite of it.

1049
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 5: Dump him, Let him live with his parents. I agree

1050
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 5: they God, you didn't marry him.

1051
00:48:32,719 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 4: Ye, he just bought a house with him.

1052
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:37,640
Speaker 2: There you go for context. I don't hate his parents.

1053
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 2: Mother and father in law are fine in small doses,

1054
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:43,400
Speaker 2: but they're very traditional and openly critical of me for

1055
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 2: not being wife material. We're not married, and I have

1056
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,319
Speaker 2: no plans to quit my career. Mother in law has

1057
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 2: made comments about how she'd love to help quote.

1058
00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:52,760
Speaker 7: Raise the kids.

1059
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 2: We don't want children right now. Father in law is

1060
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 2: the kind of guy who thinks that women belong in

1061
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 2: the kitchen, so the idea of them living with us full.

1062
00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 3: Time is challenging.

1063
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:08,760
Speaker 2: I feel completely betrayed. Boyfriend made a massive life altering

1064
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 2: decision without my input, one that directly impacts our home.

1065
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,919
Speaker 2: He keeps brushing it off, like I'm overreacting. I don't

1066
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,280
Speaker 2: even know how to come back from this. How should

1067
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 2: we deal with this? And we do have an update?

1068
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 2: Are we ready for it?

1069
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 4: Yes? Oh, I saw how it started. I like that.

1070
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,280
Speaker 4: It's yeah, that's what we need to break.

1071
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 7: Up, all right? Update? My ex ended up buying me

1072
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,479
Speaker 7: out of the house. Best decision I've ever made.

1073
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 2: I walked away how to fresh start, had and no

1074
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 2: dead weight attached to me. I got my own place,

1075
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,240
Speaker 2: got lucky with the very small apartment, left all furniture

1076
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:50,040
Speaker 2: behind as most was his anyway, focused on work, and honestly,

1077
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 2: my life has been calm, stable, and better than it's

1078
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 2: ever been. Meanwhile, he got exactly what he thought he wanted,

1079
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 2: the house with his parents in it, and it's been

1080
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 2: an absolute train wreck.

1081
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 7: They moved in permanently and within.

1082
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,719
Speaker 2: Days it was obvious they see him less as a

1083
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 2: sun and more as there live in caretaker.

1084
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 7: Oh gosh.

1085
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 2: They expect him to cover all the bills, cook clean,

1086
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,759
Speaker 2: and drop everything for them. They nitpick every little thing,

1087
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 2: criticize how he runs the house, and remind him daily

1088
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 2: that he quote owes them for everything they ever did

1089
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 2: for him.

1090
00:50:24,560 --> 00:50:24,840
Speaker 3: Wow.

1091
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 2: So this was like quite the jump from the story

1092
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 2: that we got of. Like, Okay, problem happens immediately, story pauses. Yeah,

1093
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:36,320
Speaker 2: jumps too problem is completely over with for me anyway.

1094
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, problem completely solved, and now this guy's got a

1095
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:41,480
Speaker 5: whole new set of stuff to deal with.

1096
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, which we totally saw going.

1097
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 4: Just like, are you sure they still have a place, right?

1098
00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:51,560
Speaker 5: Are you sure that you still are just indefinitely gonna

1099
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 5: let your parents look right?

1100
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,840
Speaker 3: Is that still the vibe?

1101
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,799
Speaker 2: He's working longer hours just to keep up financially, and

1102
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 2: the house that was supposed to be his pride and

1103
00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 2: joy has basically become their space, not his. He has

1104
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 2: no privacy, no downtime, and no control. From what mutual

1105
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,120
Speaker 2: friends have told me, he's burned out, bitter, and constantly

1106
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 2: snapping at everyone around him. When I confronted him about

1107
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 2: why he didn't even tell me about their move in,

1108
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,480
Speaker 2: he said, quote, if I told you, you would have

1109
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: said no.

1110
00:51:21,239 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 7: And I couldn't let them down. So there's different ways

1111
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 7: to go about that issue, my guy. There are different

1112
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:27,960
Speaker 7: ways to deal with this.

1113
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 4: Just a few different tweaks you can made.

1114
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1115
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:36,200
Speaker 2: Maybe, like you know, if this person, I'm assuming, if

1116
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 2: you guys got a house, you're on the way to marriage,

1117
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 2: I would hope that you would trust your partner enough to,

1118
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,240
Speaker 2: you know, try to come up with a solution together

1119
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 2: on things like this, why you're such a silly goose?

1120
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:52,359
Speaker 5: And it just sounds like something you would just say

1121
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 5: in the aftermath, you know.

1122
00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:58,839
Speaker 7: Yeah, I don't want you to say no. I want

1123
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:00,040
Speaker 7: you to say no.

1124
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 3: So I just said it.

1125
00:52:02,640 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 7: And now I have to deal with the consequences all

1126
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 7: on my own.

1127
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 4: It's like no, It's like I knew you would never

1128
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:12,480
Speaker 4: say yes. Yeah what he was thinking?

1129
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, that line still blows my mind. He admitted point

1130
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 2: blank that my opinion never mattered. He saw me as

1131
00:52:20,520 --> 00:52:24,720
Speaker 2: a roadblock, not a partner. So yeah, I dodged a bullet.

1132
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 2: He changed himself to the exact life that I refused

1133
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 2: to accept, and now he's drowning in it. I got

1134
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 2: out clean, and I do not regret a thing. So

1135
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,919
Speaker 2: I guess life's going pretty well. Yeah, I'd say life

1136
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 2: is going pretty well for op.

1137
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:41,400
Speaker 5: Life Sure is sweet sometimes, isn't it?

1138
00:52:41,440 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 7: Isn't it how lovely?

1139
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 5: And you know what, I guess it is better to

1140
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:48,880
Speaker 5: buy a house than to get married. I guess so

1141
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 5: seemed a lot easier to set that straight.

1142
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 4: Didn't have to get any attorneys involved.

1143
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 2: No, just just buy them out and you're good to

1144
00:52:58,280 --> 00:52:59,279
Speaker 2: be honest with you all.

1145
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:02,200
Speaker 7: I wrote that first post for validation.

1146
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,359
Speaker 2: As I thought I was going crazy, either hoping for

1147
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:06,760
Speaker 2: people to push me to do it or people telling

1148
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 2: me to take the chill pill. I had a lawyer

1149
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 2: and paperwork prepared so I could just pull it out

1150
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 2: immediately if necessary, or put it away pretending this stuff

1151
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:15,520
Speaker 2: never happened.

1152
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,400
Speaker 7: As I was not willing to live in this situation.

1153
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,879
Speaker 2: I gave my ex the papers and he pretty much

1154
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,120
Speaker 2: agreed with no fuss, paid with his own money, dipped

1155
00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:26,720
Speaker 2: a bit into his savings, and things moved fast.

1156
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:28,359
Speaker 7: And that's the end of that story. Wow.

1157
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite axe Loottel host.

1158
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:33,479
Speaker 3: Here.

1159
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:35,760
Speaker 1: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

1160
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,680
Speaker 1: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1161
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 5: My boyfriend kissed someone at his Christmas party, then emailed

1162
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 5: me about his will power.

1163
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 2: Just just text it to me, you don't need to

1164
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:49,840
Speaker 2: go through email too formal.

1165
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:53,720
Speaker 5: My boyfriend twenty seven mail and I twenty seven female,

1166
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 5: have been dating for almost two years. Long distance relationship

1167
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 5: based in Europe. No possibility of closing the distance in

1168
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 5: the near future, but we saw each other almost every

1169
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 5: weekend By the way, this comes from user throw a

1170
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 5: Jingle Bells. If you want to meet your own stories,

1171
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,280
Speaker 5: go to the ur slash Showa storytime Stubborn.

1172
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota Magie.

1173
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:13,920
Speaker 5: We're gonna read this story. We do not have all

1174
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 5: the answers to everything. We might not even have any advice.

1175
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 5: We might just make a bunch of jokes. But tell

1176
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 5: us what you would do in the comments.

1177
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 4: You are our north star.

1178
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,560
Speaker 5: For some context, I'm currently in my home country in

1179
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:30,000
Speaker 5: Asia for the first time in three years. My estranged

1180
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 5: father passed away a few weeks ago, and I'm here

1181
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:36,320
Speaker 5: to handle his estate. So we are currently in different

1182
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:39,440
Speaker 5: time zones, and I wasn't around for the party in question,

1183
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,239
Speaker 5: which I did go to last year. Two days ago,

1184
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 5: my boyfriend, who we will call wiener Man, went to

1185
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:50,239
Speaker 5: his Christmas party. He texted me around ten pm to

1186
00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 5: say he loved me and wished I was there. Around

1187
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 5: four am, I had a call from him, which I

1188
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 5: didn't take because I was asleep. When I called him

1189
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 5: back the next day, he told me he got eck

1190
00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 5: extremely wasted and a kiss to another girl whose face

1191
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:07,640
Speaker 5: he doesn't remember and whom he didn't find attractive. He

1192
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 5: remembers flashes of the kiss. His coworker saw him and

1193
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:15,400
Speaker 5: told him what happened. As long as I've known Wienerman,

1194
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 5: he's had a very hard line stance on loyalty. We

1195
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 5: always said cheating was a deal breaker. When I had

1196
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 5: doubts about our relationship, I fell back on the blind

1197
00:55:24,680 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 5: trust that we had in each other, which makes this worse.

1198
00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,320
Speaker 5: Wiener Man is very contrite and saying all the right things.

1199
00:55:32,480 --> 00:55:34,680
Speaker 5: He says he wants to work on our relationship and

1200
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:37,600
Speaker 5: that he's willing to do anything to make it better again.

1201
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 4: I love him a lot, but I don't know what

1202
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:40,440
Speaker 4: to do here.

1203
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 5: I feel quite heartbroken, but at the same time, part

1204
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:44,839
Speaker 5: of me wonders if it's ridiculous to feel this way

1205
00:55:44,880 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 5: over a drunken kiss. So I'm looking for advice from

1206
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:51,840
Speaker 5: people who have been in similar situations. How do you

1207
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 5: go about deciding what to do? Is it possible to

1208
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,279
Speaker 5: rebuild trust in a relationship like this? And there are

1209
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:03,439
Speaker 5: some relevant comments and we got okay, okay, we got

1210
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 5: we got some stuff going on in here.

1211
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 4: You break up with this guy because what.

1212
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:12,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, because here's the thing, Yeah, maybe you can learn

1213
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,640
Speaker 2: to trust each other again. Maybe I don't know, that

1214
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 2: seems like a whole lot of work. But if someone

1215
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 2: has like a really really strong opinion on loyalty about

1216
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,080
Speaker 2: how terrible it is, all that kind of stuff, and

1217
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 2: then they do it, then that clearly means that, like

1218
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:34,880
Speaker 2: they it feels like they've been very clear then about

1219
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:39,480
Speaker 2: what mindset someone is in when they are disloyal, you

1220
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 2: know what I mean, for like for them to hate

1221
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,040
Speaker 2: it so much, right, so like then then he's doing it,

1222
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 2: so he's clearly in that mindset, Like there's no other

1223
00:56:46,160 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 2: way to go about it.

1224
00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,799
Speaker 5: It's just I mean, yeah, if if he if he's

1225
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,400
Speaker 5: made like his whole thing, like a loyalty all the

1226
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:57,120
Speaker 5: time number one thing, and then he I look, unless

1227
00:56:57,600 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 5: you are, like I don't really know what the line

1228
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:04,320
Speaker 5: is to excuse a drunken incident, but it's like I

1229
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 5: would assume if he was really in that lane, it

1230
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:09,080
Speaker 5: just makes it feel like he's a liar where he's

1231
00:57:09,120 --> 00:57:12,319
Speaker 5: saying loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, but it's like loyalty for thee,

1232
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 5: not loyalty for me. Because if that really was his

1233
00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:18,080
Speaker 5: whole mo, no matter how wessed up he was, if

1234
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 5: some girls trying to kiss him, he'd be.

1235
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:26,000
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, no, exactly away from THEE exactly which.

1236
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 3: Help right right?

1237
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:29,280
Speaker 4: Right?

1238
00:57:29,560 --> 00:57:29,640
Speaker 1: No?

1239
00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:32,360
Speaker 2: Truly like if that was truly ingrained in your brain,

1240
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 2: that is exactly how you would responding them a witch

1241
00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 2: and in burning them at.

1242
00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:40,200
Speaker 5: The stake we as in comments, No Temptress of the

1243
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:43,480
Speaker 5: night says, what do you like about him? If I

1244
00:57:43,520 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 5: don't feel emotionally supported by someone, I'm honestly just not

1245
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 5: even interested.

1246
00:57:47,560 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 4: I hope, he says.

1247
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 5: I mean, when you put it along that it seems

1248
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:54,040
Speaker 5: so simple. Things have been not good between us for

1249
00:57:54,040 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 5: a while, but the last two months have been extremely

1250
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:59,880
Speaker 5: hard since my dad passed away. It seems like Wienerman

1251
00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 5: has taken every opportunity to make things more difficult. So

1252
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,960
Speaker 5: at some point I just stopped relying on him for support.

1253
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:10,560
Speaker 5: That's fed up and OPI on the girl that the

1254
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:15,240
Speaker 5: boyfriend kissed, thanks for commenting he didn't talk her down.

1255
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 4: I asked if he was attracted to her.

1256
00:58:17,840 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 5: In my mind, it would feel a bit less pointless

1257
00:58:20,640 --> 00:58:23,600
Speaker 5: if he was genuinely into her. She's not his colleague,

1258
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:26,600
Speaker 5: but rather a friend of his colleague, so he won't

1259
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 5: see her again. But that's small comfort. To me right

1260
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 5: now three months later update my post, although I somewhat

1261
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:37,479
Speaker 5: pointlessly deleted it a few days later. I dumped him

1262
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 5: over the phone around the same time I deleted my

1263
00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 5: previous post, although we met after that and ended it

1264
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:46,760
Speaker 5: in person at the start of the year. Oh and

1265
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 5: I'm also twenty eight now. It's three months later, and

1266
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 5: I'm doing pretty good. I've been spending a lot of

1267
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 5: time on my hobbies and with my friends. It's lovely

1268
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:58,360
Speaker 5: to be thinking only for myself.

1269
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 4: I'm dating again, although nothing serious.

1270
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 5: My anxiety is under control, and this is the least

1271
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 5: depressed I've been in at least a year. Hilariously enough,

1272
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 5: my ex later emailed me to say that he had

1273
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 5: forgiven himself for kissing someone else, and that his coworker

1274
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 5: had actually been impressed at his quote unquote amazing will

1275
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 5: power for having not kissed this girl sooner in the evening.

1276
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, sooner in the evening.

1277
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,560
Speaker 2: I'm so impressed by your willpower that you made it

1278
00:59:28,600 --> 00:59:30,720
Speaker 2: to eleven, that you made it to four am instead

1279
00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:31,040
Speaker 2: of two.

1280
00:59:31,480 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 4: And then he was like, and also everyone in the

1281
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 4: womb although end up and clapped when we were done.

1282
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 5: And she's also five hundred thousand times more beautiful than

1283
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:41,120
Speaker 5: you were.

1284
00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:43,400
Speaker 4: And when I got.

1285
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,640
Speaker 7: A raise, when my boss saw me do that, I

1286
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:46,680
Speaker 7: gotta raise.

1287
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 5: And I gotta raise because I'm such a good kisser

1288
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:51,200
Speaker 5: and you sting that's crazy.

1289
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 7: Oh, I've been wanting to do it.

1290
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 2: I really wanted to do it at at like five pm,

1291
00:59:56,040 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 2: but I waited it until four am.

1292
00:59:57,800 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 4: I waited.

1293
00:59:58,520 --> 01:00:01,040
Speaker 5: I waited just like I'm I mean, you can't even

1294
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 5: thank you for sending.

1295
01:00:02,400 --> 01:00:04,760
Speaker 4: That yeah, because it's just like, wow, what a what

1296
01:00:04,840 --> 01:00:06,800
Speaker 4: an idiot? I'm so glad, Like.

1297
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:09,000
Speaker 7: The wienner Man is the perfect name for this guy.

1298
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, Wienerman, dude, you're out Hen Wienerman.

1299
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 4: That's great. Thank you for reminding me I made the

1300
01:00:15,240 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 4: right call.

1301
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:22,560
Speaker 5: Wienerman, Wiederman, Wienerman's own. Okay, so Wienerman sends an email

1302
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 5: like actually, everyone thought that was really cool. I cannot

1303
01:00:27,480 --> 01:00:30,160
Speaker 5: describe the wave of relief that I felt when I

1304
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 5: read that, and I knew I was no longer dating

1305
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 5: someone who would feel the need to tell me that.

1306
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 5: With a little distance and clarity, I can see that

1307
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 5: I was in a borderline awful and imbalanced situation. He

1308
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 5: had been singularly unsupportive. In the days following my father's passing,

1309
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,120
Speaker 5: it didn't mesh with my image of him, and so

1310
01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 5: I tried to make excuses. I didn't mention any of

1311
01:00:51,920 --> 01:00:53,960
Speaker 5: it in the original post so as not to bias

1312
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,360
Speaker 5: people against him. But when I put it all on

1313
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 5: paper for myself and came clean to my friends, I

1314
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 5: realized I didn't have to burn off the remaining vestiges

1315
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:06,400
Speaker 5: of my self esteem and be miserable with this man

1316
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 5: for any longer. I guess what I'm trying to say

1317
01:01:10,320 --> 01:01:13,520
Speaker 5: is it's important to be critically honest. It's important to

1318
01:01:13,560 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 5: remember the sunk cost fallacy, and it's important to tell

1319
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 5: your friends the truth so they can tell you if

1320
01:01:19,520 --> 01:01:22,480
Speaker 5: someone is treating you badly. I mean, yeah, Wiannerman, Bye

1321
01:01:22,520 --> 01:01:24,200
Speaker 5: bye bye bye Weedman Bye Weienerman.

1322
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:25,920
Speaker 7: Uh.

1323
01:01:25,960 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 2: Thank goodness Opie didn't get to the point of marriage,

1324
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 2: because then her last time would have to be Wienerman.

1325
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:34,600
Speaker 7: That would suck. That would suck weiener Man. That would

1326
01:01:34,640 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 7: suck weiener Man.

1327
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 5: Okay, well, we've got a little bit left of this story.

1328
01:01:40,640 --> 01:01:43,000
Speaker 4: Let's let's finish the tale of suck Wienerman.

1329
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:46,760
Speaker 5: It is easy to forgive someone when you love them

1330
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:48,800
Speaker 5: and don't believe they could ever hurt you.

1331
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:52,600
Speaker 4: It's hard to see outside the little world of the relationship.

1332
01:01:53,040 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 4: I needed to hear this, so maybe someone else reading

1333
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 4: this does too. It's okay to end it and move

1334
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 4: on and be fine after afterwards. It's good. My update

1335
01:02:02,880 --> 01:02:04,720
Speaker 4: is longer than my original.

1336
01:02:04,320 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 5: Post, but people gave me really good advice and I

1337
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 5: wanted to let you guys know what happened. I really

1338
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 5: want to thank the user no Temptress of the Nied

1339
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 5: for words that I read over and over again, and

1340
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 5: everyone else who took the time to tell me what

1341
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 5: they thought. It helped me to make the right decision.

1342
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:29,400
Speaker 2: How lovely the internet does good for one This excellent excellent, excellent, excellent.

1343
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:31,960
Speaker 7: Yes, and that's the end of the story.