Speaker 1: Preparing for childbirth. He's like preparing for a football game.
Speaker 1: How sway I gotta catch, gotta catch. Well, let's just
Speaker 1: say I ain't a water sign, but I'm gonna being
Speaker 1: some water, not me. Yes you are this time, val
Speaker 1: I said, Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You
Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos without boys and
Speaker 1: reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Do the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 1: we say dead ass, well actual lea saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about
Speaker 1: to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: ass starts right now. All right, So you got story time,
Speaker 1: story science. Dean is gonna bless you all with the
Speaker 1: story today. Story. I mean, I guess it's fitting because
Speaker 1: you know here I am about to have a whole
Speaker 1: another bit. I can't believe I'm doing this a fourth time, y'all,
Speaker 1: Like this is still blowing my mind. Um. So, when
Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant the fourth time around,
Speaker 1: We're in a new state, new location, and I'm naturally
Speaker 1: kind of anxious at this point because I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. I always said if I were to have
Speaker 1: another baby, it would have to be the same exact
Speaker 1: way I had cats, Like, of all three experiences, which
Speaker 1: you guys have heard about, that was my most favorite
Speaker 1: experience when it came to labor and delivery. And I'm
Speaker 1: missing my midwife, so I'm like, what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: So I thought about finding someone here in the Atlanta
Speaker 1: area that I can see. Um but I have such
Speaker 1: a connection to my former midwife, te Kia Ballard, that
Speaker 1: I was like, I have to find a way to
Speaker 1: make this happen with Takia. Like I'm going to call
Speaker 1: her and be like, girl, I gotta pull you out
Speaker 1: of retirement. I respect the fact that you retired, However
Speaker 1: what will it take to pull you out of retirement
Speaker 1: for this last and final less baby. So in the meantime,
Speaker 1: while I was trying to decide what to do, I say,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just gonna go to a local
Speaker 1: or B G I N. Office. That way I can
Speaker 1: just at least start the process, make sure the baby
Speaker 1: is doing well, do all my labs, blood work, all
Speaker 1: that good stuff right, And worst case scenario of push
Speaker 1: came to shove and I had to have a baby,
Speaker 1: you know, with this O B G N or in
Speaker 1: a hospital, at least I know i'd be under grade care.
Speaker 1: So as time progressed, of course, I reached out to
Speaker 1: t Kia like I said I would, and she's so
Speaker 1: humbly obliged my request to be taking out of retirement
Speaker 1: just for me. Don't go hitting up y'all, don't go
Speaker 1: flooding her email and d ms like ye'a'll been doing. Okay,
Speaker 1: she's just doing. Do respect the fact that she said
Speaker 1: she will do this for me. You know, umies every day,
Speaker 1: so um in speaking to her. And it also kind
Speaker 1: of the stars aligned first because she's now living super
Speaker 1: close to us, so one of the chances that we're
Speaker 1: both living like almost in the same area now, it
Speaker 1: just kind of like the stars aligned. It was meant
Speaker 1: to be for me. So I still was see my
Speaker 1: doctor simultaneously at the office visits and stuff because you know,
Speaker 1: also too, I'm aware of the fact that I'm of
Speaker 1: age where I need to be, you know, getting a
Speaker 1: certain a couple more tests done, a couple more sonograms,
Speaker 1: just to make sure that things were good with the baby.
Speaker 1: Um had a issue that happened with my blood and
Speaker 1: clotting and stuff. So there were a couple of different
Speaker 1: things that I wanted to monitor closely during this time.
Speaker 1: So now here I am roughly thirty weeks. You know,
Speaker 1: now is a good time to make the transition over
Speaker 1: to another doctor or made wife, if I so choose to.
Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, I'm gonna have a
Speaker 1: discussion with my obi out here and let her know
Speaker 1: that I am about to switch gears. Now she knows
Speaker 1: my history. I told her. I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I had my last baby at home and she was like,
Speaker 1: oh wow. She's like in our initial visit, she said, well,
Speaker 1: you know, we don't do that here. I said, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't come to my house this and deliver this baby.
Speaker 1: And she's like, absolutely not, but I'll see you in
Speaker 1: the hospital. I knew what it was with her in
Speaker 1: the beginning, but I want to at least let her
Speaker 1: know you know, out of respect. Like Caesis, It's been
Speaker 1: a great road so far, but I'm actually gonna switch
Speaker 1: gears now and head over to this midwife and have
Speaker 1: my baby at home. She looked at me like I
Speaker 1: have five hands, y'all. She literally looked at me and
Speaker 1: was just like, you're gonna do what? And I said, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna switch over to midwife care. I
Speaker 1: actually don't mind seeing you too concurrently until I have
Speaker 1: the baby, and then I'll be back after I have
Speaker 1: the baby at home. And she said, well, I strictly
Speaker 1: and strongly advised against that. And I said, okay. I'm like,
Speaker 1: is there anything in this pregnancy that makes you feel
Speaker 1: like I shouldn't do this? Is there something that is
Speaker 1: pretty existing? Is something that came up that made you
Speaker 1: feel like, you know what you need to be in
Speaker 1: a medical situation where you feel like if anything were
Speaker 1: to go wrong in that moment that you needed to
Speaker 1: be there had to be interventions. And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: your age, you're older. And I was like, anything, I'm
Speaker 1: looking around here, decrepit, you know. Um. She's like, you know,
Speaker 1: no matter how Christine and pregnancy has been or is,
Speaker 1: you have to always make plans for what could happen,
Speaker 1: which I respect and I completely understand. And also too,
Speaker 1: she can't be liable if I decided to have this
Speaker 1: baby at home and God forbid, have to come to
Speaker 1: the hospital and then I'm calling her name and she's
Speaker 1: gonna be like, well, Sis, you told me you were
Speaker 1: partner ways, you know. So I completely understood and respected
Speaker 1: where she came from, and I couldn't expect the same
Speaker 1: opinion or the same advice from her as I did
Speaker 1: my O B G. I am back in New York
Speaker 1: because I don't have as long of a relationship with her.
Speaker 1: You know, she doesn't alas much about my history. She
Speaker 1: don't know that I'm a g in this savy happy game. UM,
Speaker 1: so you know, I kind of mom you know. And
Speaker 1: at that poem and that moment in time, I felt like, um,
Speaker 1: and I wasn't gonna allow fear to overcome me or
Speaker 1: the situation or just this whole experience so far, because
Speaker 1: I had been so positive the entire time, and not
Speaker 1: to say she was trying to be negative, but you know,
Speaker 1: it just kind of put a little damper on our
Speaker 1: relationship in that moment. But I went and saw her
Speaker 1: again two weeks later, and she's like, how's it going.
Speaker 1: You're good. I'm like I'm good. I'm like still seeing
Speaker 1: you and I'm still gonna have this baby at home.
Speaker 1: Love you, sist. But that's the deal. It's gonna end
Speaker 1: story time there. We're gonna go back on storytime because
Speaker 1: that was a great story. I do want to unpack
Speaker 1: a lot of that stuff, but you know, we gotta
Speaker 1: take a break first. Yes, let's do that. So let's
Speaker 1: take a break. We'll be back and we'll be able
Speaker 1: to unpack story time, all right. Boom boom m. Don't
Speaker 1: go chase and water fulls. Please stick to the rivers
Speaker 1: and the lake statues to listen. I'm gonna be all
Speaker 1: in the water, all in the water. I will be
Speaker 1: in the water once more, guys, for our fourth and
Speaker 1: final baby king. Um. It was such an amazing experience
Speaker 1: having a water birf last time that it was amazing
Speaker 1: in there, right, it was great. It was good by
Speaker 1: yourself because you're gonna be in there by yourself again.
Speaker 1: That was the debate last time, y'all. If y'all don't know,
Speaker 1: the big debate was that was like, I'm not getting
Speaker 1: in the placinta water dubbed placinta water because water to
Speaker 1: be cloudy stuff. But last time my mom blessed her
Speaker 1: heart made it such a beautiful, like functual ambionce experience
Speaker 1: where she had rose petals and stuff. So that kind
Speaker 1: of camouflage if there was anything chunky floating around the
Speaker 1: water stomach, I'm not getting in the placent of water, bro,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't care what you say. What dr
Speaker 1: shaming all you want. We got the border, we got
Speaker 1: the pool on order. Should be here any day now,
Speaker 1: so we could do a little test run, you know,
Speaker 1: and um, I would really really appreciate its devout if
Speaker 1: you got in the pool with me this time and
Speaker 1: delivered our son body mind no swimming pleasant water. All right,
Speaker 1: let's let's unpack this story. First of all, I think
Speaker 1: sometimes in life, we as people tend to take things
Speaker 1: personally right, and we have to learn to stop taking
Speaker 1: everything personally. I'm going to use this story as an example. Right,
Speaker 1: your doctor, I understand her her reservations. You went to
Speaker 1: medical school, you know, um, mid refree. In the medical profession,
Speaker 1: they don't go there. Like oil and water, they don't mix.
Speaker 1: So if she went to school being taught one way
Speaker 1: and knows that that's the safest way for things to
Speaker 1: be done for her. I understand her believing in her science,
Speaker 1: and you're her patient saying to you and her being liable. Yes,
Speaker 1: her saying to you the things she said to you,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't take away your right to choose what
Speaker 1: you want to do with your body in your life.
Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that is because we
Speaker 1: you do have women who listen to their l B
Speaker 1: G y N the entire way and still don't make
Speaker 1: it out of the hospital. So that doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: one way is scientifically better than the other. It always
Speaker 1: depends on what's better for your lifestyle and what your
Speaker 1: religious beliefs or the things that you feel are in
Speaker 1: the best interests of you and your family. So rather
Speaker 1: than people taking it as oh, that doctor is wrong
Speaker 1: and this and this and that, No, that doctor is
Speaker 1: doing everything in in order with what she feels is
Speaker 1: right in her practice and for you as her patient.
Speaker 1: So I applaud her for that. I don't have to
Speaker 1: agree with what she's saying. And I don't you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I know you don't, because we rock
Speaker 1: with Takia. You know what I'm saying. So, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to put that out there and unpack
Speaker 1: that a little bit because sometimes people tend to take
Speaker 1: take things personal. She she hating my my midwife, she
Speaker 1: hated and I don't think it was that case with her.
Speaker 1: She was sweet about it, but she was just like her.
Speaker 1: I think she also wanted me to understand like the
Speaker 1: seriousness in it and just saying, you know, as your
Speaker 1: primary doctor that I've been seeing this entire bregnency, I
Speaker 1: just don't think that this would be the best route
Speaker 1: for you to go. Like what she imagining that all
Speaker 1: that elsis like am you know? Um? But it's just
Speaker 1: one of those things like you just know, once you're
Speaker 1: past a certain age, there's certain things that you're going
Speaker 1: to be kind of predisposed to naturally. Um. So, and
Speaker 1: what I respect, what I will equate it to being
Speaker 1: an athlete, right. Um, when I was playing football, I
Speaker 1: had five knee surgeries. Right. Um. Typically, if you're if
Speaker 1: you're a normal person on an athlete, right, and you
Speaker 1: tear a meniscus, right, They'll take you to the hospital,
Speaker 1: you go see a doctor. The doctor may say you
Speaker 1: you should have a minisect to me where they cut
Speaker 1: the meniscus out, or you can do a meniscus repair
Speaker 1: where they pursue you just in and you're out for
Speaker 1: six months. Either way, they give you medication till you
Speaker 1: stay uf your need till the swelling goes down, you know,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. When you're an athlete, you go to
Speaker 1: see a sports doctor, right, he's just like, we can
Speaker 1: do a minutes sector me. You'll be playing in three days, right,
Speaker 1: So you see the difference. One doctor will protect himself,
Speaker 1: make sure that you're safe and everything, but they're not
Speaker 1: preparing you for a performance. You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That's how I view sometimes mid versus going to the hospital.
Speaker 1: The hospital is gonna make things as safe as possible
Speaker 1: for you, to make sure everybody's good. You have everything
Speaker 1: here just case something goes wrong. But I feel like
Speaker 1: a midwife prepares you for a performance. This is this
Speaker 1: is what we're going to do to make sure everything
Speaker 1: is good, go smoothly. We're gonna help you through this
Speaker 1: process so that you can be good through the birthing process,
Speaker 1: not just prepared for the worst. You know. And that's
Speaker 1: just my analogy for going to them saying yes, because
Speaker 1: you think about the things that could have gone wrong,
Speaker 1: for example with cats. His position right, that's something that
Speaker 1: Ta Kia knew early on, well not early, but towards
Speaker 1: the end of the pregnancy. She knew, Okay, his spine
Speaker 1: is against your spine, I forget, never remember the anterior
Speaker 1: or posterior. But he needs to have his spine outside,
Speaker 1: so we need him to flip because that's yes exactly.
Speaker 1: So that's when she started to give us the inversion
Speaker 1: tips and val would have me upside down and all that.
Speaker 1: People thought they were just we were just doing the
Speaker 1: most and the was shenanigans. No, that was there. There's
Speaker 1: a reason why um and kaz So said so done
Speaker 1: flipped right into the perfect perfect position to make it
Speaker 1: easy for him to make his exit. So preparing for
Speaker 1: performance as opposed to preparing for the worst, I think well,
Speaker 1: also with the preparation process, we should talk about a
Speaker 1: birth plan, like what is the birth plan? You hear
Speaker 1: a lot about birth plans, and um, it is just
Speaker 1: like what it sounds like. It's pretty much a written
Speaker 1: plan that communicates your wishes and your goals before, during,
Speaker 1: and after labor and delivery um and it parents to
Speaker 1: be can offer up there best case scenario birthing um
Speaker 1: are the best case birthing scenarios rather how they ideally
Speaker 1: like the labor and delivery to play out if all
Speaker 1: goes according to plan, right. So that's like you said
Speaker 1: on the latter half, preparing for what can be the
Speaker 1: performance versus the worst case scenario, so the different stages
Speaker 1: of labor. Of course, before before you do that, you
Speaker 1: I have a birthing plan. I've always had a birthing plan.
Speaker 1: So the first part of our birthing plan is to
Speaker 1: make sure we know where the nearest hospital is. That
Speaker 1: that was since we knew we were birthing at home,
Speaker 1: and even when we were birthing with with Cairo at
Speaker 1: the hospital, it was how fast can I get from
Speaker 1: point A to point B? And I'm not just talking
Speaker 1: about going in ways and saying here's ways, says I'll
Speaker 1: get there in seven minutes. Um, click your water breaks?
Speaker 1: How long does it takes us to get from upstairs
Speaker 1: in the apartment to downstairs to get in the car,
Speaker 1: then from the car still hit the ways and then
Speaker 1: once we get there and I've driven that path with
Speaker 1: you so many times, And what I did for our
Speaker 1: birthday plan is from the time we're upstairs, I would
Speaker 1: start my watch where I would start my phone and
Speaker 1: get us downstairs to parking and I would record how
Speaker 1: long it took us to drive to Methodists where we
Speaker 1: had Cairo. It was almost like a dress rehearsal time,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Just there was a show,
Speaker 1: the cons Show that they had an episode where one
Speaker 1: of the characters was playing for you. I think it
Speaker 1: was Jack Ripper. What's not Jack Ripper? That was his
Speaker 1: name on another show. But anyway, they were doing pretty
Speaker 1: much like a rundown talking about the guy from his company.
Speaker 1: Yes he was that it was his dad and it
Speaker 1: was just like it was kind of like that. But no,
Speaker 1: But it is important because every minute counts when you're
Speaker 1: having a baby. And if you say way says, is
Speaker 1: only gonna take us seven minutes, but it took you
Speaker 1: nine minutes to get in the car. Now you're looking
Speaker 1: at sixteen minutes, see what I'm saying. So part of
Speaker 1: the birthday plan is knowing where the closest hospital is
Speaker 1: and how long it will take you from the moment
Speaker 1: you realize the water breaks and getting everything together and
Speaker 1: if you have kids. We did a video about this,
Speaker 1: remember about getting all the kids ready and getting them
Speaker 1: out the door in time. So and then not just
Speaker 1: making sure that you have at that moment people at
Speaker 1: the house, man, the kids that are there, if you
Speaker 1: have to call an ambulance, if that you think that
Speaker 1: situation will be faster. There's so many things that you
Speaker 1: have to take into account for that. UM and then
Speaker 1: keeping in mind just like the different stages of labor. So,
Speaker 1: like I was saying before, early in active labor, which
Speaker 1: is pretty much when the cervix starts to dilate in
Speaker 1: your face, so it thins out, it opens up UM,
Speaker 1: and you may feel mild irregular contractions that slowly start
Speaker 1: to escalate. UM. And this it's hard to tell when
Speaker 1: early labor how long it's gonna last. It's one of
Speaker 1: those things where you hear women I've been in labor
Speaker 1: with you for thirty six hours. You have some people
Speaker 1: that are just like I just felt like I had
Speaker 1: to take a ship and baby came out. That was it,
Speaker 1: you know. So there's so many different Sometimes it's hard,
Speaker 1: especially with your first baby, to kind of know what
Speaker 1: to expect. I'm hoping with our fourth time around, that
Speaker 1: it'll be shorter and that I can kind of feel
Speaker 1: it coming on because you're already starting to can guarantee
Speaker 1: you it's going to be shorter. Every pregnancy has gotten
Speaker 1: short and shorter and shorter, and I'm already starting to
Speaker 1: feel like even just this morning, I was telling the crew,
Speaker 1: I was like, guys, I'm starting to feel like, first
Speaker 1: of all, like he wants to bust out of there,
Speaker 1: and then I'm starting to feel like I'm not sure
Speaker 1: what body party is, but I almost feel like he
Speaker 1: wants to at some point stick his hand out and
Speaker 1: be like, hey, y'all, just letting you know that. What
Speaker 1: was it was the term the Braxton Hicks, not the
Speaker 1: bon called him to Tony Braxton's remember the contractions. There
Speaker 1: wasn't contraction, but that that feeling. They said, it felt
Speaker 1: like you were having thunder crotch. Oh yes, Um. I
Speaker 1: actually text my midwife and she said it's called lightning crotch.
Speaker 1: Lightning crosh So that's what I was experiencing last night, y'all.
Speaker 1: And she said it's very normal for this phase of pregnancy.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty three weeks now, so she said, yeah, lightning crotch.
Speaker 1: It's pretty much like a sharp shooting pain, almost like
Speaker 1: a electric feel that you have coming from like through
Speaker 1: your regina. Like that's exactly what I was experienced. So
Speaker 1: between that and the Braxton Hicks and him moving as
Speaker 1: if he's about to bust out, I was telling the
Speaker 1: crew like, y'all and it's it's important to know. But
Speaker 1: because you know you have a hear those stories where
Speaker 1: every time there's a pain they run to the hospital
Speaker 1: and like it's a force alarm, no baby coming. When
Speaker 1: you understand what's happening, you know with your body, you
Speaker 1: don't make all these false alarm runs. And then what
Speaker 1: happens is it almost becomes the boy who cries wolf.
Speaker 1: So you do three or four false alarms. Then when
Speaker 1: night you're sleeping and your wife like maybe, then they
Speaker 1: do the hospital and you're just like yeah whatever, yeah whatever.
Speaker 1: Then you wake up and then there's water all over
Speaker 1: the place because the water legitimately broke, and now you're
Speaker 1: not prepared. So it's important to to understand what the
Speaker 1: body is going through. And like like I said, once again, listening,
Speaker 1: listen to your partner, but also have someone who knows
Speaker 1: the process to ask questions. She'll texts t Kia all
Speaker 1: times in the night to ask her what is this
Speaker 1: that I'm going I'm still asking the fourth time around,
Speaker 1: Like I'm still asking. I'm like, is this something I
Speaker 1: should know? Every pregnancy is different, every labor is different,
Speaker 1: deliveries different, so there may be something new every time around.
Speaker 1: So me, you know, considering myself pretty seasoned in this
Speaker 1: whole like childbirthing, thing, um and pregnancy, I still have
Speaker 1: questions to this day. And when you lightning crotch, the
Speaker 1: best things to do is take a warm bath, do
Speaker 1: a lot of sideline, or do some inversions because that
Speaker 1: will help get the baby out of position where the
Speaker 1: babies down there in your crotch. So all of those
Speaker 1: things you can do to help the mom relax and
Speaker 1: feel a little bit more comfortable. So, yeah, that was good.
Speaker 1: It's funny too because before I hit before I even
Speaker 1: hit the key up, I was like, baby, I'm feeling
Speaker 1: this stuff, and he's like, let's do inversion. I told you.
Speaker 1: Devout posted a video on Instagram, y'all. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you'll seen together, but with him doing inversions with me,
Speaker 1: and I just said, just don't do this. If you
Speaker 1: have a weak as husband, Okay, make sure he's been
Speaker 1: doing his lifting and whatnot. I don't skip leg day.
Speaker 1: Babies don't skip leg days. Hundred and something something pounds
Speaker 1: to me. You only about you're too kind. Look at you.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen that since I met you. So in
Speaker 1: that early active labor, it's just about kind of moving
Speaker 1: because you kind of want the labor to come on,
Speaker 1: you want it to per grass. So sitting still is
Speaker 1: not the best thing to do in that circumstance. You
Speaker 1: kind of want to start moving, go for a walk,
Speaker 1: um squats in that squatting position, just allowing gravity to
Speaker 1: do what it's supposed to do. So this is what
Speaker 1: not only have I read and watching documentaries, but I've
Speaker 1: noticed even with my wife when she had to get
Speaker 1: induced and they gave it up a door and she
Speaker 1: sat there on the bed, it seemed like labor slowed
Speaker 1: down and time slowed down, so she just got anty,
Speaker 1: she got fidgety. It was it was just like the
Speaker 1: worst experience because they sit you in one spot and
Speaker 1: you really can't do anything, as opposed to Cairos. Once
Speaker 1: her water broke and she was moving around to get Jackson,
Speaker 1: gravity was starting to work in her favor because she
Speaker 1: was sitting up. But Cairo started to move down. Then
Speaker 1: she started to walk around, which allows your hips uh
Speaker 1: to spread a little bit. And this is what people
Speaker 1: don't know I noticed from exercise physiology. When you start
Speaker 1: throughout the day, when you first wake up, your body
Speaker 1: maybe in alignment from when you're sleeping. But as you
Speaker 1: start to stand and gravity starts to work, your hips
Speaker 1: start to get adjusted, and your your spine and everything
Speaker 1: falls into your your pelvis. And if you're pregnant, your
Speaker 1: pelvis and all of your joints are more lubricated because
Speaker 1: they're gonna start spreading as the baby comes. So when
Speaker 1: you get into active labor, the more you move and
Speaker 1: the more you use gravity, the better it is for
Speaker 1: the baby to get into that birthing path to go
Speaker 1: and do what the baby wants to do, which is
Speaker 1: get out, as opposed to laying down and gravity not
Speaker 1: working because you're laying down and you're sitting there, and
Speaker 1: then the baby is kind of sitting where it can
Speaker 1: be sitting on your spine, you can sit on your pelvis,
Speaker 1: you can sit a bunch of different places. When you're
Speaker 1: constantly moving your body and walking and letting gravity work,
Speaker 1: things happen a lot faster. That's why we went shopping.
Speaker 1: And also it keeps the mom's mind off of the pain.
Speaker 1: She's not thinking about the pain and she's thinking about
Speaker 1: how much I can get these peaches for And that's
Speaker 1: I remember being in the bread out and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: we got bagels. And then I remember feeling like a
Speaker 1: little bit more water because I watered it and break
Speaker 1: all at once with yro. It kind of broke a
Speaker 1: little bit that it kept broke a little more, and
Speaker 1: I remember thinking like, oh, man, I'm in the paper
Speaker 1: towel on an owl like playing up an ow three
Speaker 1: where the breads thatte where my water is actively breaking?
Speaker 1: How about that? Keeping her engage in her mind engaged,
Speaker 1: kept her mind off of the pain. You know when
Speaker 1: things start to become more enhanced when you're just sitting
Speaker 1: there waiting. So if there's a lot more distractions, whether
Speaker 1: it's family, friends, are you just constantly moving, it's the
Speaker 1: best way to get through that labor. Who start to
Speaker 1: get a little nervous thinking about it, that's the next
Speaker 1: one active labor. So that's when you're six to ten
Speaker 1: centimeters that's like the very end of the and it's
Speaker 1: almost a thing where at the end, like Takia, this
Speaker 1: is where a midwife comes in handy, Right. She taught
Speaker 1: me how to channel and think about pain, right and
Speaker 1: from a mental standpoint, So she said, think of pain
Speaker 1: as something that you embrace. Right, You want to embrace
Speaker 1: the pain because as you embrace this pain, all it
Speaker 1: means is that you're that much closer to seeing your
Speaker 1: baby's face. So that's exciting. He so that that excitement
Speaker 1: that you have to see this baby finally and hold
Speaker 1: this baby. The more the pain comes, it's like I'm
Speaker 1: that much closer on that it's almost done. So that
Speaker 1: pain that the finished line is what I literally was
Speaker 1: thinking about when it came to Katz, and I remember
Speaker 1: like tuning everything else out, listening to her voice and
Speaker 1: just thinking, he's almost here. He's almost here, because you're in.
Speaker 1: The minute he comes out, it's over. It's over with that.
Speaker 1: But that shows your mental fortitude, your toughness. Right. You
Speaker 1: keep saying you're a g and people don't understand why
Speaker 1: she keep saying I'm a genus. It's because it takes
Speaker 1: a very different type of person. Even with working out
Speaker 1: right when someone's doing pull ups. They'll do pull ups
Speaker 1: until it's about to start hurting, and then they stopped.
Speaker 1: They don't want to deal with pain. But the only
Speaker 1: time you actually see true growth in the muscle is
Speaker 1: when you you work through the pain. And finally, once
Speaker 1: you work through the pain, that's when it's like breakthrough
Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh, the pain is here. And
Speaker 1: once that pain gets there, the endorphins come and you
Speaker 1: start to feel better and then boom, you have a breakthrough.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing with child birth. Damn. I wish
Speaker 1: I can employ that to working out, because the bait
Speaker 1: don't like to work out, but when it comes to
Speaker 1: pull ups, caves like, na I ain't trying to feel
Speaker 1: none of this pain. But but I mean, it is
Speaker 1: a great way to think about it. Even with your birth.
Speaker 1: You know, when you feel like dull, ringing pain, that
Speaker 1: means you're gonna constantly feel it. Don't pain is nowhere near.
Speaker 1: Once that pain comes, he's like always coming outs, about
Speaker 1: to be over and then yep. So when that time
Speaker 1: hit to the stact that six to ten window where
Speaker 1: you know it's the contractions are gonna come sooner and faster.
Speaker 1: They're gonna be more intense. It's like, Okay, that's when
Speaker 1: things are going to happen for you, um, and that's
Speaker 1: when she needs a partner the most. That's when uh
Speaker 1: Sakari was helpful because you were on the medicine ball
Speaker 1: and you was bent over the medicine ball, and she
Speaker 1: was pushing your hips forward, which helped. And then your
Speaker 1: mom was in front of you talking to you, and
Speaker 1: then she came right we we we came and we
Speaker 1: were dancing with each other. And what that does is, yeah,
Speaker 1: rocking the hips and all that movement just helps the
Speaker 1: baby get into position. So she's really gonna need her
Speaker 1: your village, You're gonna need your partner. Because I kept
Speaker 1: constantly hugging Kadein and kissing Kadein, and people are making
Speaker 1: jokes in the video, which is like Devo would have
Speaker 1: been annoying and shipped me with all of the kisses
Speaker 1: around the neck. But what I was trying to do
Speaker 1: was to get her mind off of where the pain was.
Speaker 1: So it's um, it's something else we studied. In football.
Speaker 1: They do this thing called stem which sends like electrodes
Speaker 1: electrodes like other places in your body and it takes
Speaker 1: the pain away because if your body is feeling tingling
Speaker 1: other places, it's not focusing on the place where the
Speaker 1: majority of the pain is. So I kind of employed
Speaker 1: the same type of mentality when it came to labor,
Speaker 1: thinking deep into this stuff. I told you I was
Speaker 1: like football. That was my sound bite preparing for labor.
Speaker 1: It's like preparing for football. I love it. I love it. UM.
Speaker 1: So yeah, the last part of active labor is going
Speaker 1: to be pushing. Typically that's when everything transitions. And this
Speaker 1: is the very intense um, the more painful part of it.
Speaker 1: And stage two it's time you're pushing. You're pushing, pushing
Speaker 1: in the baby finally comes out. You'll deliver your baby
Speaker 1: during the second stage of labor um. It could take
Speaker 1: a few minutes or it could take a couple of hours,
Speaker 1: depending on your baby's position, how you're pushing, UM, if
Speaker 1: you're tired or not. I know that weighs a lot
Speaker 1: into it. UM. You know, some first time moms or
Speaker 1: women who have had an epidural, or you know, I
Speaker 1: just don't know how to push up. There's a particular
Speaker 1: way to push, and the best way to describe it
Speaker 1: is like you're taking like the biggest ship of your life,
Speaker 1: Like you're pushing through your butt. If that almost makes sense,
Speaker 1: Does it make sense sense as a guy, because you
Speaker 1: can you can just kind of push on the surface,
Speaker 1: or you can push like deep. But I mean that's
Speaker 1: the kind of pushing. The preparation before that though, like
Speaker 1: the entire pregnancy, we do this thing called tv A,
Speaker 1: which is transverse abdominals right where she squeezes her stomach right.
Speaker 1: And the more strength you have in your stomach and
Speaker 1: those stomach muscles in your lower back allows you to
Speaker 1: push and get all of that that impetus that you
Speaker 1: need to get the baby out, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So the birthing process doesn't just start the day you
Speaker 1: have the baby. Like health is very very important. Fitness
Speaker 1: is very very important, perfectness with anything. The more you stretch,
Speaker 1: the stronger your core is, the easier the label will
Speaker 1: be because you'll be able to get the baby where
Speaker 1: you need to get, push it out. It's about effective
Speaker 1: pushing if you will. Yeah, so little baby's head is out,
Speaker 1: bodies out, you deliver the baby. There's still more. There's
Speaker 1: still more, the placenza, which is stage three and delivering
Speaker 1: the placensa is not as intense. I don't think you'll
Speaker 1: feel tramping again. Um, and that comes out after the baby,
Speaker 1: sometimes as short as like ten fifteen minutes. I think
Speaker 1: for me it was like thirty minutes after Cats. He
Speaker 1: stayed in the water for a little bit. The kids
Speaker 1: came in, they got to meet their brother. He latched
Speaker 1: on and was breastfeeding immediately. Um. And then the the
Speaker 1: placensa comes out, and then then you can feel like, Okay,
Speaker 1: my body has completely been rid of all things baby
Speaker 1: for the most part until your milk comes in, and
Speaker 1: then that's a whole other story. The best part about
Speaker 1: doing the home birth was we were able to do
Speaker 1: delayed cord clamping, which I know some hospitals gonna do.
Speaker 1: Some hospitals is the minute to have the baby, they
Speaker 1: cut the cord immediately. I'm not sure what the practices
Speaker 1: and birthday centers, but we were able to do with
Speaker 1: delayed cored clamping, which means all of the neutrients from
Speaker 1: the placenta are allowed to get to the baby, which
Speaker 1: we feel helped a lot with Cats being able to
Speaker 1: be so alert. He first came out and then you
Speaker 1: watched the placenta go from like this bloody pouch and
Speaker 1: like the cord will be it looks like a huge
Speaker 1: vein and then it's just empty, it's all white and dry.
Speaker 1: Literally transferred. It was myself, cas and the placenta, everything
Speaker 1: is still attached to him to the bed. And that
Speaker 1: was in a night's parts about being at home. I
Speaker 1: went literally from the pool to my bed and we
Speaker 1: slept for like three hours, I want to say, And
Speaker 1: and that really allowed the cord time to just completely
Speaker 1: deplete into his body. And remember his skin was like
Speaker 1: super rosy and um, he was alert, he was looking around.
Speaker 1: It was just it to me, I think it made
Speaker 1: a big difference in just the way he was reacting.
Speaker 1: One bright lights. It wasn't a cold sterle room. Yeah, Cairo. Um.
Speaker 1: They end up having to take him a couple of times.
Speaker 1: I put him under. The temperature was dropping. Was getting pissed, like,
Speaker 1: how about you turned on the It was like degrees
Speaker 1: in the room. Keep taking my baby to put him
Speaker 1: on the lady and let me put him on me.
Speaker 1: So then we just did skin to skin. After a while,
Speaker 1: I'm like, if anything my body temperature will help his
Speaker 1: temperature rise. It was like one of those being at home,
Speaker 1: you know, from the island. So the apartment was on Africa.
Speaker 1: I was sweating, but hey, Kate was comfortable, the baby
Speaker 1: was comfortable. So it is what it is. You know,
Speaker 1: our thermostat does stay anywhere between Kingston, Jamaica and Richmond Park.
Speaker 1: Sleeve beens in. How about that? Um? So, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: pretty much the succession of it with the birth plan
Speaker 1: and how you should really think about the different stages
Speaker 1: of labor that you want to plan for and again
Speaker 1: making those you know, if something goes wrong or you know, gentlemen,
Speaker 1: lady will not be in the right mind to think
Speaker 1: of anything, so you have to think of everything. You
Speaker 1: have to have everything like at your fingertips. You should
Speaker 1: know where everything is. You should know where everything is
Speaker 1: supposed to go, because that's really all you can do
Speaker 1: in this moment other than like keep her distracted by
Speaker 1: helping her physically through the movements and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: You just gotta know where everything is and know that
Speaker 1: if something happens, exactly what you need to do. For example,
Speaker 1: my biggest thing was knowing where the closest hospital was
Speaker 1: and how long it will get there, especially during that
Speaker 1: time of day. So if you have ways, what you
Speaker 1: do now is know where the hospital is. You put
Speaker 1: ways in your phone and say is their high traffic
Speaker 1: is they're not high traffic during this time, See what
Speaker 1: the traffic will be over the next three to four hours,
Speaker 1: because you never know when the baby is coming, and
Speaker 1: just be prepared for whatever happens. Um. If you have
Speaker 1: multiple kids, make sure you have things for the kids
Speaker 1: to do, because the kids are always gonna want to
Speaker 1: get to caneem. I think with kads Um Cairo will asleep,
Speaker 1: but Jackson was up and Jackson kept coming in the
Speaker 1: room and at times he wanted to hug and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, which is cool because it allowed Kay to relax.
Speaker 1: But the best part is is having a plan for
Speaker 1: everybody and knowing that before anybody says anything to the mom,
Speaker 1: they gotta go through you. You gotta be the biggest
Speaker 1: advocate and let them know, like, Hey, any issues y'all got,
Speaker 1: just bring it to me. And that's part of the
Speaker 1: birth and plan. I love that. That's so true, so true.
Speaker 1: The support is like everything, um so real quick. A
Speaker 1: couple of advantages for water birds. Just wanted to run
Speaker 1: down the list of things that I think has helped
Speaker 1: me the reasons why I'm such an advocate for it
Speaker 1: and want to do it this time around UM warm
Speaker 1: the warm water. It really helps to relax, to soothe
Speaker 1: and comfort UM. The support of the water means that
Speaker 1: you can try different positions freely, so it kind of
Speaker 1: takes that weight off of your body when you're in
Speaker 1: the water. Of course, buoyancy yea, that definitely helps. UM.
Speaker 1: Gravity also helps to move down the baby into the
Speaker 1: birth canal. UM. It can lower your blood pressure and
Speaker 1: reduce feelings of anxiety, making your body more able to
Speaker 1: accept and release those endorphins and relax which contend to
Speaker 1: ease the pain. It can improve back pain that you
Speaker 1: feel the pressure from dilation. UM. I remember holding onto
Speaker 1: the sides of the pool and kind of rocking my
Speaker 1: hips from side to side like white water rafting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it helped. It really did help. So even discussing
Speaker 1: this birthing plan with Takia, she kind of took a
Speaker 1: tour of the house. She looked at our bath tub
Speaker 1: in our room now and said, hey, you can probably
Speaker 1: have the baby in here. We'll just satinsize it and
Speaker 1: you can happen here. UM. But then I was like, girl,
Speaker 1: the way I was rocking my hips, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonnaed a little more space. So we have the
Speaker 1: pool coming so that we can make use of that too.
Speaker 1: The water can help your perenium stretch, which is that
Speaker 1: part right underneath the vagina, between the vagina and the anus. Yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to cut it. Yeah. Well, it's like
Speaker 1: a sponge. And I try to tell this all the time,
Speaker 1: a muscle. Why any piece of skin is like a sponge.
Speaker 1: If it's dry and you twist it, it's gonna whip.
Speaker 1: But if you take a sponge and you put it
Speaker 1: in water and it gets more flexible, it's filled with
Speaker 1: water when you so remember that about the body, a
Speaker 1: woman's body, and water was way more malleable. So there
Speaker 1: you go some disadvantages, because of course there are artist
Speaker 1: advantages to it. You won't be able to have any
Speaker 1: pain relief options. So once you're home and it starts,
Speaker 1: you can't you can't ask you my wife to pull
Speaker 1: out the epidural because there is none um So it's
Speaker 1: kind of like that point of no return that you feel,
Speaker 1: which is why I was kind of nervous every time
Speaker 1: my water broke. I was like, oh, this is going
Speaker 1: to be it. Um, you're unable to use a tense machine,
Speaker 1: your contractions may slow down or get weaker, um if
Speaker 1: you get into the pool too soon. So I remember
Speaker 1: the kid kind of watching me, and she knew exactly
Speaker 1: when I had to go into pool. She's like she
Speaker 1: went from owning to grunting. So that grunt normally means
Speaker 1: that it's close. All the way we walked, we were
Speaker 1: all there was ane. Um, if the water is too cool,
Speaker 1: the babies at risk for him hypothermias. Of the water
Speaker 1: has to be the right temperature, um, and then you
Speaker 1: might need to leave the pool if there is a complication.
Speaker 1: Some women will start in the pool and they'll end
Speaker 1: up squatting on you know, the toilet or standing you know. Really,
Speaker 1: at that point, it's just like whatever's comfortable has to
Speaker 1: take precedence. So yeah, the y'all go. That's that's the
Speaker 1: reason why, UM, I feel like I want to talk
Speaker 1: about preparing for a homebirth. But we may be able
Speaker 1: to do that in another episode too, just because there's
Speaker 1: so much more that goes into talking about preparing for
Speaker 1: the actual homeboards. Maybe we'll we'll bring it back on
Speaker 1: another episode in the future you all, where we talk
Speaker 1: about like breaking down the whole home birthing process or
Speaker 1: maybe even like getting too Keya in it to Keya
Speaker 1: in it so she can help us prepare for this
Speaker 1: next time around, which is going to be very very
Speaker 1: very soon, very soon. So we're gonna take a quick break,
Speaker 1: pay some of these bills when we come back, and
Speaker 1: be ready for listening letters. All right, stay tuned, y'all.
Speaker 1: All right, now we're back for listening letters, which Devot
Speaker 1: has finally admitted is actually his favorite con portion of
Speaker 1: the show. So let's just dive right into the first one.
Speaker 1: I've been married to my husband for five years and
Speaker 1: we have four beautiful kids. We have been through everything,
Speaker 1: and I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Speaker 1: Despite it all, we've decided to hold on and keep
Speaker 1: our marriage going. My question is, as a married couple
Speaker 1: that's been through a lot like yourselves, how do you
Speaker 1: deal with the backlash? I find myself sharing our story
Speaker 1: to try to motivate young couples or new couples, and
Speaker 1: it sometimes backfires to where I'm judged. They assume I'm stupid,
Speaker 1: They say things like couldn't be me? I've heard that before,
Speaker 1: and you know, just very aggressive and very negative. I
Speaker 1: think people I don't think that people can see that
Speaker 1: there's a beauty in the struggle and the power and forgiveness.
Speaker 1: I also feel like people are so quick to give up,
Speaker 1: and especially in this new day and age, it promotes
Speaker 1: all this self love and self care. And I don't
Speaker 1: think couples understand that it's not just about self, it's
Speaker 1: about both of you, guys, it's you and your spouse. Well,
Speaker 1: the first thing is that you know you're always going
Speaker 1: to get backlash. You know, I always use this girl,
Speaker 1: I always use this analogy. But Jesus got backlash, like
Speaker 1: Jesus only preach love. Jesus got backlash. Like if Jesus
Speaker 1: gets gets backlash, and who are you to not expect
Speaker 1: backlash from people? Um. Secondly, like my wife said, like,
Speaker 1: we don't care if the message ain't for you, for
Speaker 1: you and especially those people say couldn't be me, and
Speaker 1: that's the point. That's why you're single because you couldn't
Speaker 1: see yourself in a relationship. And that's fine, that's fine, cool,
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to judge the situation, just say,
Speaker 1: you know what it's not for me, and that's perfectly fine.
Speaker 1: I think the strength of divine and I found in
Speaker 1: it too, because it's kind of like, I didn't believe
Speaker 1: that this would be my ministry quote unquote in the
Speaker 1: very beginning, Like neither one of us thought out to
Speaker 1: be like this pillar of like, hey, guys, this is
Speaker 1: what our relationship looks like, and you know, this is
Speaker 1: how we make it work. Um, of course, our hearts
Speaker 1: in the right place because we want to be able
Speaker 1: to share through our experiences and just be able to
Speaker 1: be open and be candid. Because why generations before us
Speaker 1: never were and we find ourselves stuck in the same
Speaker 1: cycles over and over again. Why were your grandparents unhappy?
Speaker 1: Why are your parents unhappy in the relationships? Why would
Speaker 1: we want to subject ourselves to that? So why not
Speaker 1: speak about these situations so we can say, you know what,
Speaker 1: this is not an anomaly. What's happening between the two
Speaker 1: of us. This is something that happens quite frequently in relationships,
Speaker 1: and this is something that we should have a discussion
Speaker 1: about because maybe there's a way that we can now
Speaker 1: maneuver or pivot, as we say, now to make this
Speaker 1: a little bit better. Of a situation, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, So I just kind of take on that mentality.
Speaker 1: Like devots actually kind of helped me with that over
Speaker 1: the years because I used to be the one that
Speaker 1: would take things on and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: people are going to think this and that, and now
Speaker 1: we're at the phase where we're just like take it
Speaker 1: or leave it, Like if it's not for you, it's
Speaker 1: not for you. And also it's I think people need
Speaker 1: to understand it. It really is a sickness for you
Speaker 1: to wake up in morning and be concerned about about
Speaker 1: what other people think about you, especially people who don't
Speaker 1: really know you. Like you have to think about how
Speaker 1: sick that is. You wake up in the morning and
Speaker 1: you have things that you need to do in order
Speaker 1: to become a better person, but your first thought process
Speaker 1: is what people? What are people going to think? That's
Speaker 1: that's real bad. It's so restricting, it's so restricting, and
Speaker 1: it's just stifling, and it really makes you wonder you're
Speaker 1: doing all of that for what. Like my thing is
Speaker 1: when people say couldn't be me? My thing as well?
Speaker 1: Do you pay my bills? Like are you contributing in
Speaker 1: any way to my life? You know, social media is
Speaker 1: in a favor in a phase now where everybody has
Speaker 1: an opinion. Everybody but fingers can type like whatever, you know,
Speaker 1: voice noted, whatever, And the thing is couldn't be me.
Speaker 1: It's not always a bad thing. No, it couldn't be you.
Speaker 1: That's why it's me. There's only one of me. You're right,
Speaker 1: you could never be me. Someone someone says it couldn't
Speaker 1: be me, Okay, I get that. Like that like people
Speaker 1: like sometimes we tend to put out content or put
Speaker 1: out information as people, and then we get upset when
Speaker 1: people don't receive the information we put out the way
Speaker 1: we want them to receive it. It is also not
Speaker 1: your job as a content creator to tell people how
Speaker 1: to take in the content you put out. You know,
Speaker 1: they are entitled to disagree, they are entitled to not
Speaker 1: like it. They are entitled to create their own idea
Speaker 1: of what it is you're trying to say once you
Speaker 1: put it out there. That's part of creating content. You
Speaker 1: just have to put out there with hopes that someone
Speaker 1: receives a message the way you want them to receive it.
Speaker 1: But if they don't, that's a them problem, that's not
Speaker 1: a you problem. And the more you continue to make
Speaker 1: it a you problem, you're gonna start to feel inadequate,
Speaker 1: or you're gonna start to filter. You're gonna start to
Speaker 1: filter what you put out, and then at that point
Speaker 1: it's not organic to you, it's not authentic, and then
Speaker 1: you're just conjuring up something just to suit or another person.
Speaker 1: When there's like millions of people who are going to
Speaker 1: have opinions. So listen, people are going to be upset
Speaker 1: regardless of what you say. That is just this is
Speaker 1: my ultimate, my ultimate, uh microcosm of life. Jesus had haters.
Speaker 1: Jesus preached love and healing, and they killed him, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So it doesn't matter what you say,
Speaker 1: someone's going to have a problem with it. So say
Speaker 1: speak your truth and just know that someone will learn
Speaker 1: from it. Someone will definitely alright. Number two, Hey guys,
Speaker 1: my name is Wren. I'm a twenty five year old
Speaker 1: mother of three young babies. My ex and I were
Speaker 1: together for almost five years and had our kids back
Speaker 1: to back. We broke up in November of just days
Speaker 1: before I found out about baby number three. Since we've
Speaker 1: broken up, he's not been a father to our kids
Speaker 1: at all and only and only ever sends a text
Speaker 1: message on birthdays and holidays. He hasn't even met our
Speaker 1: two month old son. He was never this way when
Speaker 1: we were together. He was such a great dad that
Speaker 1: I never expected him to do the kids this way,
Speaker 1: even as our relationship was headed downhill. I've gone through
Speaker 1: an entire pregnancy caring for our kids alone while working
Speaker 1: from home, and you've and y'all have truly kept me
Speaker 1: saying and you're giving me so many reasons to laugh
Speaker 1: and reflect. You've helped me to take accountability for things
Speaker 1: that I could I couldn't. I couldn't have handled better.
Speaker 1: Oh I could have handled better throughout my relationship, not
Speaker 1: to say that he's absolved from being a joke to
Speaker 1: his kids, and have given me some amazing advice to
Speaker 1: take into my future in all aspects of life, not
Speaker 1: just romantically. So thank you. You're welcome, Mama. During this
Speaker 1: time or during my time alone, I spent time visualizing
Speaker 1: and praying for the man that I want and that
Speaker 1: is that is for me, while continuing to work on
Speaker 1: myself and for my children. Out of nowhere, this guy
Speaker 1: drops into my Facebook messages and we hit it off. Immediately.
Speaker 1: We talked every day, were authentically and comfortably ourselves when
Speaker 1: we're together, Our goals and dreams in and out of
Speaker 1: a romantic light seemed to align very well. And he
Speaker 1: can damn there reading my mind. Sometimes neither of us
Speaker 1: want to rush, and we've agreed to keep sex off
Speaker 1: the table from now until we're shure of what we
Speaker 1: want with each other. I didn't expect God to work
Speaker 1: so quickly. If I put him in a box and
Speaker 1: tell him to just hold off for a year or
Speaker 1: two a devouce at once, I totally would, But I
Speaker 1: also don't want to lose I on a partner that
Speaker 1: I have a chance to grow with. We've admitted to
Speaker 1: each other that we feel there could be something special
Speaker 1: with us. But should I wait? It hasn't been a
Speaker 1: full year since my breakup. What should I do? I
Speaker 1: don't know, but telling anybody to wait a year, well
Speaker 1: not a year. But you had said if you could
Speaker 1: put me in the box and have me like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you want to put me in the glass case, So
Speaker 1: I think that might be what she's referring to. It's like,
Speaker 1: just put you over there in reserve until I'm ready
Speaker 1: for you, and then well, this is the thing, since
Speaker 1: she kind of referenced me, I don't think there is
Speaker 1: a timeline for you to work out or there is
Speaker 1: no cookie cutter of time that says if I do
Speaker 1: this in this amount of time, it's workout, or I
Speaker 1: need this amount of time after my breakup to then
Speaker 1: be able to date again. I think you should take
Speaker 1: it on a case by case basis, and I mean,
Speaker 1: if the spirit is moving your chail, hey, but I
Speaker 1: do think it's important for you to really know someone
Speaker 1: before you bring them around your kids because we've seen
Speaker 1: a lot more recently, especially because there's social media and
Speaker 1: twenty for our news cycle of people coming into relationships
Speaker 1: and hurting children that aren't theirs. Oh yeah, she said
Speaker 1: sex was off the table. I would hope that her
Speaker 1: children are off the table too in terms of like
Speaker 1: what they're introducing. And they probably both agree to kind
Speaker 1: of take this slowly. So I mean, if you're you're
Speaker 1: a year out from your relationship or your previous relationship,
Speaker 1: I think you can take baby steps towards you know,
Speaker 1: absolutely starting And that's one thing I would definitely do,
Speaker 1: like you said, um, take time with the kids, because
Speaker 1: I think it's important for them to get to know
Speaker 1: each other first before she even introduces them to the children.
Speaker 1: And I know sometimes people like, well, you got kids,
Speaker 1: you gotta lehm know you got kids right away. I'm like, nah, no,
Speaker 1: I need to know who this person is. This person
Speaker 1: needs to know me before I even involved them with
Speaker 1: my child. Absolutely, I mean I haven't been in the
Speaker 1: dating scene for a minute. Um you haven't just never
Speaker 1: really been in the dating scene like that. But I
Speaker 1: would imagine that it does not happen necessarily be something
Speaker 1: that you put on overdrive and just you know, fall
Speaker 1: into he's living with you now and then you guys
Speaker 1: are like back into that kind of relationship. I'd say,
Speaker 1: take some time to you know, will each other and
Speaker 1: here's the truth to each other, because you guys haven't
Speaker 1: heard codein and ees full love story, which we actually
Speaker 1: the process of getting together right now for something very
Speaker 1: special for you guys. But um, love stories exist when
Speaker 1: two people want to be together. So there's nothing you
Speaker 1: can do to make sure everything goes right. If he
Speaker 1: wants to be there, he will find a way to
Speaker 1: be there, whether it's weight or not weight. Like when
Speaker 1: Canine and I first got together, there were certain things
Speaker 1: for me that I was just like, man, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this because I don't want to be a boyfriend
Speaker 1: to anybody, but I wanted to be with Codeine and
Speaker 1: she said she required these things, so I made it happen,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and vice versa, Like, that's
Speaker 1: just what relationships are. You You say what you require. UM.
Speaker 1: You give grace to allow a person to make a
Speaker 1: decision of whether they want to do it. But ultimately,
Speaker 1: if you want to be together, you guys will find
Speaker 1: each other. And it's the effortlessness for me, like something's
Speaker 1: just kind of naturally flow. And you said, he kind
Speaker 1: of just fell into your Facebook, you know messages just
Speaker 1: like that. I have a person, a friend who was
Speaker 1: just like, man, I've been praying for this particular kind
Speaker 1: of guy, and here he is, and he's that in
Speaker 1: abundance and I didn't even know if I was ready
Speaker 1: for to receive that, but thank you God, at least
Speaker 1: he's here. You know, the answer is what should you do?
Speaker 1: You should be deliberate about what you want and what
Speaker 1: you need, um, but don't put yourself on the timeline
Speaker 1: and say, if things don't happen by this time, that's
Speaker 1: just not gonna work. So deliberate communicate. There you go.
Speaker 1: Good luck to you, baby, And if y'all want to
Speaker 1: be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure
Speaker 1: to email us at dead assid Advice at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's d E A D A S S
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: My moment of truth for the birthday process as um,
Speaker 1: the vow, the daddy doo la that brings the vibes.
Speaker 1: That's a whole as you can tell. But I'm growing
Speaker 1: a d still amazing to me. Guys, I've grown four penises,
Speaker 1: I'd say all the time. You always say that all
Speaker 1: the time. Actually you've grown five penises because you make
Speaker 1: mine grow. But God, got um. The birthing process doesn't
Speaker 1: start the day the child is starting to come into
Speaker 1: the world. The birthing process for me started when we
Speaker 1: first started to prepare to even become pregnant. That's a
Speaker 1: good one. I wanted to make sure that I was
Speaker 1: involved in every single aspect of the pregnancy. Pre pregnancy
Speaker 1: with this fourth baby, I was involved in everything. You know,
Speaker 1: we every visit that you had that I could go
Speaker 1: to before you know, they put the clamps back on
Speaker 1: everything because of the pandemic I was present. That is
Speaker 1: very true because you think the fourth time around, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're seeing this sonogram already, you've seen that. But no,
Speaker 1: we really, um, we really just get excited every single time.
Speaker 1: Like I just recently did an Instagram story that I
Speaker 1: was just so excited every time I go into see
Speaker 1: this baby, even though it's my fourth son, it's like
Speaker 1: still exciting. But I want to take this time to
Speaker 1: appreciate you, sir, for making this experience probably one of
Speaker 1: the best experiences when it came to just planning pregnancy,
Speaker 1: putting me in a comfortable situation where I literally did
Speaker 1: not have to do much but take care of myself
Speaker 1: and this baby, um to the best of your ability,
Speaker 1: and then some um and just always being so invested
Speaker 1: like the that will come to me sometimes y'all and
Speaker 1: be like, yo, I watched this documentary about like childbirth,
Speaker 1: or or I was watching reading this article about like
Speaker 1: women's bodies after labor and just how to get through something,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, what made you go and research this?
Speaker 1: You and me and your mom and my mom was
Speaker 1: in that room when they had to will you out
Speaker 1: of there and take you into emergency surgery. That's not
Speaker 1: a feeling you want to have again. If you can
Speaker 1: do everything within your power to make sure everything is good.
Speaker 1: And after having our first three children, being in an apartment,
Speaker 1: having to deal with parking, having to deal with the elevator,
Speaker 1: having to deal with so many other obstacles that make
Speaker 1: it difficult, you know, having to go to the gym,
Speaker 1: and still working so many hours, being able to do
Speaker 1: it this way. I'm I'm proud of me, but I'm
Speaker 1: part of us. We did this together, you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I had a plan, like a birthing plan
Speaker 1: years ago when I said when I when you are
Speaker 1: ready to have this fourth child, I wanted to be
Speaker 1: like this, and we put this birthing plan in place.
Speaker 1: And it's not even just us as our full our
Speaker 1: full village. Like your mom is here. Your mom has
Speaker 1: been here since we moved to l a Um and
Speaker 1: then here in Georgia. She's helped me unpacked this house,
Speaker 1: think about it, get the kids ready for school. On
Speaker 1: mornings where I feel like, oh god, girl, I can't
Speaker 1: get up because I've been up all night about that though,
Speaker 1: like you're full pregnant. Last night, you didn't want to
Speaker 1: have to really get up this morning do much. But
Speaker 1: your mom is there to make sure that the kids
Speaker 1: get out off in time. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: The dad is living here now, your sister is gonna
Speaker 1: come for the birth. Like we created a plan and
Speaker 1: we execute it. That's what you call manifestation. And I'm
Speaker 1: here to say this to anybody who's listening. Don't ever
Speaker 1: let people tell you can't do something when you know
Speaker 1: that you can. Like it sounds like the most cliche
Speaker 1: thing ever in the world to say, but you can
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to do if you have the
Speaker 1: mental for the two to see it through and to
Speaker 1: like God, we heard now listening to letters, don't listen
Speaker 1: to the backlash and listen to what other people are saying.
Speaker 1: They can't see your vision, so they can't You have
Speaker 1: to expect people to not understand you. But if you've
Speaker 1: got the vision in the mental ford to just keep
Speaker 1: going and you can get to where you want to
Speaker 1: get to in life. This is a perfect example, so
Speaker 1: perfect example. So thank you, thank you for this um
Speaker 1: and it's going to be an amazing, amazing experience. And
Speaker 1: I am actually looking very forward to it until my
Speaker 1: water broke breaks and then I want to be like baby,
Speaker 1: I think it's time. Maybe I think it's time. Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness. All right, y'all, So thank you all so
Speaker 1: much for tuning in. As always, we appreciate you all
Speaker 1: just as much too. Be sure to find us on
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the podcast on Instagram, and
Speaker 1: of course you can find me Cadine I am and
Speaker 1: I Am devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. That ass as
Speaker 1: about to be in that water, y'all by yourself. Dead
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network
Speaker 1: and is produced by the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing,