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Speaker 1: Preparing for childbirth. He's like preparing for a football game.

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Speaker 1: How sway I gotta catch, gotta catch. Well, let's just

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Speaker 1: say I ain't a water sign, but I'm gonna being

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Speaker 1: some water, not me. Yes you are this time, val

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Speaker 1: I said, Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You

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Speaker 1: may know us from posting funny videos without boys and

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Speaker 1: reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Do the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, well actual lea saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about

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Speaker 1: to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass starts right now. All right, So you got story time,

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Speaker 1: story science. Dean is gonna bless you all with the

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Speaker 1: story today. Story. I mean, I guess it's fitting because

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Speaker 1: you know here I am about to have a whole

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Speaker 1: another bit. I can't believe I'm doing this a fourth time, y'all,

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Speaker 1: Like this is still blowing my mind. Um. So, when

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Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant the fourth time around,

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Speaker 1: We're in a new state, new location, and I'm naturally

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Speaker 1: kind of anxious at this point because I'm like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god. I always said if I were to have

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Speaker 1: another baby, it would have to be the same exact

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Speaker 1: way I had cats, Like, of all three experiences, which

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Speaker 1: you guys have heard about, that was my most favorite

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Speaker 1: experience when it came to labor and delivery. And I'm

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Speaker 1: missing my midwife, so I'm like, what am I gonna do?

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Speaker 1: So I thought about finding someone here in the Atlanta

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Speaker 1: area that I can see. Um but I have such

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Speaker 1: a connection to my former midwife, te Kia Ballard, that

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Speaker 1: I was like, I have to find a way to

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Speaker 1: make this happen with Takia. Like I'm going to call

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Speaker 1: her and be like, girl, I gotta pull you out

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Speaker 1: of retirement. I respect the fact that you retired, However

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Speaker 1: what will it take to pull you out of retirement

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Speaker 1: for this last and final less baby. So in the meantime,

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Speaker 1: while I was trying to decide what to do, I say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm just gonna go to a local

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Speaker 1: or B G I N. Office. That way I can

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Speaker 1: just at least start the process, make sure the baby

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Speaker 1: is doing well, do all my labs, blood work, all

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Speaker 1: that good stuff right, And worst case scenario of push

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Speaker 1: came to shove and I had to have a baby,

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Speaker 1: you know, with this O B G N or in

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Speaker 1: a hospital, at least I know i'd be under grade care.

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Speaker 1: So as time progressed, of course, I reached out to

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Speaker 1: t Kia like I said I would, and she's so

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Speaker 1: humbly obliged my request to be taking out of retirement

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Speaker 1: just for me. Don't go hitting up y'all, don't go

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Speaker 1: flooding her email and d ms like ye'a'll been doing. Okay,

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Speaker 1: she's just doing. Do respect the fact that she said

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Speaker 1: she will do this for me. You know, umies every day,

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Speaker 1: so um in speaking to her. And it also kind

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Speaker 1: of the stars aligned first because she's now living super

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Speaker 1: close to us, so one of the chances that we're

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Speaker 1: both living like almost in the same area now, it

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Speaker 1: just kind of like the stars aligned. It was meant

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Speaker 1: to be for me. So I still was see my

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Speaker 1: doctor simultaneously at the office visits and stuff because you know,

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Speaker 1: also too, I'm aware of the fact that I'm of

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Speaker 1: age where I need to be, you know, getting a

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Speaker 1: certain a couple more tests done, a couple more sonograms,

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Speaker 1: just to make sure that things were good with the baby.

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Speaker 1: Um had a issue that happened with my blood and

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Speaker 1: clotting and stuff. So there were a couple of different

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Speaker 1: things that I wanted to monitor closely during this time.

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Speaker 1: So now here I am roughly thirty weeks. You know,

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Speaker 1: now is a good time to make the transition over

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Speaker 1: to another doctor or made wife, if I so choose to.

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Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, I'm gonna have a

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Speaker 1: discussion with my obi out here and let her know

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Speaker 1: that I am about to switch gears. Now she knows

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Speaker 1: my history. I told her. I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I had my last baby at home and she was like,

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Speaker 1: oh wow. She's like in our initial visit, she said, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, we don't do that here. I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't come to my house this and deliver this baby.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, absolutely not, but I'll see you in

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Speaker 1: the hospital. I knew what it was with her in

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Speaker 1: the beginning, but I want to at least let her

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Speaker 1: know you know, out of respect. Like Caesis, It's been

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Speaker 1: a great road so far, but I'm actually gonna switch

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Speaker 1: gears now and head over to this midwife and have

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Speaker 1: my baby at home. She looked at me like I

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Speaker 1: have five hands, y'all. She literally looked at me and

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Speaker 1: was just like, you're gonna do what? And I said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna switch over to midwife care. I

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Speaker 1: actually don't mind seeing you too concurrently until I have

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Speaker 1: the baby, and then I'll be back after I have

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Speaker 1: the baby at home. And she said, well, I strictly

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Speaker 1: and strongly advised against that. And I said, okay. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: is there anything in this pregnancy that makes you feel

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Speaker 1: like I shouldn't do this? Is there something that is

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Speaker 1: pretty existing? Is something that came up that made you

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Speaker 1: feel like, you know what you need to be in

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Speaker 1: a medical situation where you feel like if anything were

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Speaker 1: to go wrong in that moment that you needed to

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Speaker 1: be there had to be interventions. And she's like, well,

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Speaker 1: your age, you're older. And I was like, anything, I'm

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Speaker 1: looking around here, decrepit, you know. Um. She's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: no matter how Christine and pregnancy has been or is,

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Speaker 1: you have to always make plans for what could happen,

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Speaker 1: which I respect and I completely understand. And also too,

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Speaker 1: she can't be liable if I decided to have this

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Speaker 1: baby at home and God forbid, have to come to

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Speaker 1: the hospital and then I'm calling her name and she's

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Speaker 1: gonna be like, well, Sis, you told me you were

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Speaker 1: partner ways, you know. So I completely understood and respected

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Speaker 1: where she came from, and I couldn't expect the same

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Speaker 1: opinion or the same advice from her as I did

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Speaker 1: my O B G. I am back in New York

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Speaker 1: because I don't have as long of a relationship with her.

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Speaker 1: You know, she doesn't alas much about my history. She

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Speaker 1: don't know that I'm a g in this savy happy game. UM,

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Speaker 1: so you know, I kind of mom you know. And

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Speaker 1: at that poem and that moment in time, I felt like, um,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't gonna allow fear to overcome me or

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Speaker 1: the situation or just this whole experience so far, because

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Speaker 1: I had been so positive the entire time, and not

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Speaker 1: to say she was trying to be negative, but you know,

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Speaker 1: it just kind of put a little damper on our

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Speaker 1: relationship in that moment. But I went and saw her

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Speaker 1: again two weeks later, and she's like, how's it going.

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Speaker 1: You're good. I'm like I'm good. I'm like still seeing

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Speaker 1: you and I'm still gonna have this baby at home.

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Speaker 1: Love you, sist. But that's the deal. It's gonna end

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Speaker 1: story time there. We're gonna go back on storytime because

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Speaker 1: that was a great story. I do want to unpack

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Speaker 1: a lot of that stuff, but you know, we gotta

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Speaker 1: take a break first. Yes, let's do that. So let's

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Speaker 1: take a break. We'll be back and we'll be able

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Speaker 1: to unpack story time, all right. Boom boom m. Don't

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Speaker 1: go chase and water fulls. Please stick to the rivers

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Speaker 1: and the lake statues to listen. I'm gonna be all

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Speaker 1: in the water, all in the water. I will be

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Speaker 1: in the water once more, guys, for our fourth and

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Speaker 1: final baby king. Um. It was such an amazing experience

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Speaker 1: having a water birf last time that it was amazing

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Speaker 1: in there, right, it was great. It was good by

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Speaker 1: yourself because you're gonna be in there by yourself again.

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Speaker 1: That was the debate last time, y'all. If y'all don't know,

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Speaker 1: the big debate was that was like, I'm not getting

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Speaker 1: in the placinta water dubbed placinta water because water to

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Speaker 1: be cloudy stuff. But last time my mom blessed her

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Speaker 1: heart made it such a beautiful, like functual ambionce experience

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Speaker 1: where she had rose petals and stuff. So that kind

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Speaker 1: of camouflage if there was anything chunky floating around the

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Speaker 1: water stomach, I'm not getting in the placent of water, bro,

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I don't care what you say. What dr

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Speaker 1: shaming all you want. We got the border, we got

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Speaker 1: the pool on order. Should be here any day now,

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Speaker 1: so we could do a little test run, you know,

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Speaker 1: and um, I would really really appreciate its devout if

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Speaker 1: you got in the pool with me this time and

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Speaker 1: delivered our son body mind no swimming pleasant water. All right,

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Speaker 1: let's let's unpack this story. First of all, I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes in life, we as people tend to take things

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Speaker 1: personally right, and we have to learn to stop taking

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Speaker 1: everything personally. I'm going to use this story as an example. Right,

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Speaker 1: your doctor, I understand her her reservations. You went to

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Speaker 1: medical school, you know, um, mid refree. In the medical profession,

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Speaker 1: they don't go there. Like oil and water, they don't mix.

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Speaker 1: So if she went to school being taught one way

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Speaker 1: and knows that that's the safest way for things to

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Speaker 1: be done for her. I understand her believing in her science,

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Speaker 1: and you're her patient saying to you and her being liable. Yes,

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Speaker 1: her saying to you the things she said to you,

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Speaker 1: But that doesn't take away your right to choose what

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Speaker 1: you want to do with your body in your life.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why I say that is because we

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Speaker 1: you do have women who listen to their l B

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Speaker 1: G y N the entire way and still don't make

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Speaker 1: it out of the hospital. So that doesn't mean that

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Speaker 1: one way is scientifically better than the other. It always

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Speaker 1: depends on what's better for your lifestyle and what your

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Speaker 1: religious beliefs or the things that you feel are in

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Speaker 1: the best interests of you and your family. So rather

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Speaker 1: than people taking it as oh, that doctor is wrong

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Speaker 1: and this and this and that, No, that doctor is

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Speaker 1: doing everything in in order with what she feels is

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Speaker 1: right in her practice and for you as her patient.

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Speaker 1: So I applaud her for that. I don't have to

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Speaker 1: agree with what she's saying. And I don't you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I know you don't, because we rock

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Speaker 1: with Takia. You know what I'm saying. So, um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to put that out there and unpack

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Speaker 1: that a little bit because sometimes people tend to take

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Speaker 1: take things personal. She she hating my my midwife, she

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Speaker 1: hated and I don't think it was that case with her.

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Speaker 1: She was sweet about it, but she was just like her.

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Speaker 1: I think she also wanted me to understand like the

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Speaker 1: seriousness in it and just saying, you know, as your

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Speaker 1: primary doctor that I've been seeing this entire bregnency, I

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Speaker 1: just don't think that this would be the best route

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Speaker 1: for you to go. Like what she imagining that all

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Speaker 1: that elsis like am you know? Um? But it's just

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Speaker 1: one of those things like you just know, once you're

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Speaker 1: past a certain age, there's certain things that you're going

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Speaker 1: to be kind of predisposed to naturally. Um. So, and

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Speaker 1: what I respect, what I will equate it to being

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Speaker 1: an athlete, right. Um, when I was playing football, I

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Speaker 1: had five knee surgeries. Right. Um. Typically, if you're if

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Speaker 1: you're a normal person on an athlete, right, and you

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Speaker 1: tear a meniscus, right, They'll take you to the hospital,

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Speaker 1: you go see a doctor. The doctor may say you

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Speaker 1: you should have a minisect to me where they cut

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Speaker 1: the meniscus out, or you can do a meniscus repair

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Speaker 1: where they pursue you just in and you're out for

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Speaker 1: six months. Either way, they give you medication till you

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Speaker 1: stay uf your need till the swelling goes down, you know,

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah. When you're an athlete, you go to

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Speaker 1: see a sports doctor, right, he's just like, we can

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Speaker 1: do a minutes sector me. You'll be playing in three days, right,

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Speaker 1: So you see the difference. One doctor will protect himself,

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're safe and everything, but they're not

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Speaker 1: preparing you for a performance. You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: That's how I view sometimes mid versus going to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: The hospital is gonna make things as safe as possible

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Speaker 1: for you, to make sure everybody's good. You have everything

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Speaker 1: here just case something goes wrong. But I feel like

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Speaker 1: a midwife prepares you for a performance. This is this

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Speaker 1: is what we're going to do to make sure everything

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Speaker 1: is good, go smoothly. We're gonna help you through this

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Speaker 1: process so that you can be good through the birthing process,

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Speaker 1: not just prepared for the worst. You know. And that's

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Speaker 1: just my analogy for going to them saying yes, because

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Speaker 1: you think about the things that could have gone wrong,

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Speaker 1: for example with cats. His position right, that's something that

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Speaker 1: Ta Kia knew early on, well not early, but towards

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Speaker 1: the end of the pregnancy. She knew, Okay, his spine

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Speaker 1: is against your spine, I forget, never remember the anterior

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Speaker 1: or posterior. But he needs to have his spine outside,

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Speaker 1: so we need him to flip because that's yes exactly.

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Speaker 1: So that's when she started to give us the inversion

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Speaker 1: tips and val would have me upside down and all that.

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Speaker 1: People thought they were just we were just doing the

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Speaker 1: most and the was shenanigans. No, that was there. There's

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Speaker 1: a reason why um and kaz So said so done

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Speaker 1: flipped right into the perfect perfect position to make it

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Speaker 1: easy for him to make his exit. So preparing for

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Speaker 1: performance as opposed to preparing for the worst, I think well,

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Speaker 1: also with the preparation process, we should talk about a

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Speaker 1: birth plan, like what is the birth plan? You hear

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Speaker 1: a lot about birth plans, and um, it is just

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Speaker 1: like what it sounds like. It's pretty much a written

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Speaker 1: plan that communicates your wishes and your goals before, during,

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Speaker 1: and after labor and delivery um and it parents to

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Speaker 1: be can offer up there best case scenario birthing um

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Speaker 1: are the best case birthing scenarios rather how they ideally

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Speaker 1: like the labor and delivery to play out if all

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Speaker 1: goes according to plan, right. So that's like you said

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Speaker 1: on the latter half, preparing for what can be the

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Speaker 1: performance versus the worst case scenario, so the different stages

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Speaker 1: of labor. Of course, before before you do that, you

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Speaker 1: I have a birthing plan. I've always had a birthing plan.

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Speaker 1: So the first part of our birthing plan is to

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Speaker 1: make sure we know where the nearest hospital is. That

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Speaker 1: that was since we knew we were birthing at home,

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Speaker 1: and even when we were birthing with with Cairo at

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Speaker 1: the hospital, it was how fast can I get from

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Speaker 1: point A to point B? And I'm not just talking

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Speaker 1: about going in ways and saying here's ways, says I'll

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Speaker 1: get there in seven minutes. Um, click your water breaks?

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Speaker 1: How long does it takes us to get from upstairs

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Speaker 1: in the apartment to downstairs to get in the car,

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Speaker 1: then from the car still hit the ways and then

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Speaker 1: once we get there and I've driven that path with

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Speaker 1: you so many times, And what I did for our

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Speaker 1: birthday plan is from the time we're upstairs, I would

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Speaker 1: start my watch where I would start my phone and

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Speaker 1: get us downstairs to parking and I would record how

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Speaker 1: long it took us to drive to Methodists where we

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Speaker 1: had Cairo. It was almost like a dress rehearsal time,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Just there was a show,

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Speaker 1: the cons Show that they had an episode where one

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Speaker 1: of the characters was playing for you. I think it

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Speaker 1: was Jack Ripper. What's not Jack Ripper? That was his

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Speaker 1: name on another show. But anyway, they were doing pretty

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Speaker 1: much like a rundown talking about the guy from his company.

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Speaker 1: Yes he was that it was his dad and it

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Speaker 1: was just like it was kind of like that. But no,

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Speaker 1: But it is important because every minute counts when you're

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Speaker 1: having a baby. And if you say way says, is

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Speaker 1: only gonna take us seven minutes, but it took you

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Speaker 1: nine minutes to get in the car. Now you're looking

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Speaker 1: at sixteen minutes, see what I'm saying. So part of

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Speaker 1: the birthday plan is knowing where the closest hospital is

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Speaker 1: and how long it will take you from the moment

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Speaker 1: you realize the water breaks and getting everything together and

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Speaker 1: if you have kids. We did a video about this,

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Speaker 1: remember about getting all the kids ready and getting them

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Speaker 1: out the door in time. So and then not just

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Speaker 1: making sure that you have at that moment people at

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Speaker 1: the house, man, the kids that are there, if you

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Speaker 1: have to call an ambulance, if that you think that

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Speaker 1: situation will be faster. There's so many things that you

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Speaker 1: have to take into account for that. UM and then

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Speaker 1: keeping in mind just like the different stages of labor. So,

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Speaker 1: like I was saying before, early in active labor, which

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Speaker 1: is pretty much when the cervix starts to dilate in

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Speaker 1: your face, so it thins out, it opens up UM,

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Speaker 1: and you may feel mild irregular contractions that slowly start

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Speaker 1: to escalate. UM. And this it's hard to tell when

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Speaker 1: early labor how long it's gonna last. It's one of

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Speaker 1: those things where you hear women I've been in labor

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Speaker 1: with you for thirty six hours. You have some people

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Speaker 1: that are just like I just felt like I had

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Speaker 1: to take a ship and baby came out. That was it,

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Speaker 1: you know. So there's so many different Sometimes it's hard,

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Speaker 1: especially with your first baby, to kind of know what

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Speaker 1: to expect. I'm hoping with our fourth time around, that

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Speaker 1: it'll be shorter and that I can kind of feel

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Speaker 1: it coming on because you're already starting to can guarantee

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Speaker 1: you it's going to be shorter. Every pregnancy has gotten

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Speaker 1: short and shorter and shorter, and I'm already starting to

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Speaker 1: feel like even just this morning, I was telling the crew,

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Speaker 1: I was like, guys, I'm starting to feel like, first

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Speaker 1: of all, like he wants to bust out of there,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm starting to feel like I'm not sure

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Speaker 1: what body party is, but I almost feel like he

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Speaker 1: wants to at some point stick his hand out and

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Speaker 1: be like, hey, y'all, just letting you know that. What

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Speaker 1: was it was the term the Braxton Hicks, not the

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Speaker 1: bon called him to Tony Braxton's remember the contractions. There

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Speaker 1: wasn't contraction, but that that feeling. They said, it felt

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Speaker 1: like you were having thunder crotch. Oh yes, Um. I

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Speaker 1: actually text my midwife and she said it's called lightning crotch.

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Speaker 1: Lightning crosh So that's what I was experiencing last night, y'all.

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Speaker 1: And she said it's very normal for this phase of pregnancy.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty three weeks now, so she said, yeah, lightning crotch.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty much like a sharp shooting pain, almost like

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Speaker 1: a electric feel that you have coming from like through

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Speaker 1: your regina. Like that's exactly what I was experienced. So

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Speaker 1: between that and the Braxton Hicks and him moving as

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Speaker 1: if he's about to bust out, I was telling the

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Speaker 1: crew like, y'all and it's it's important to know. But

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Speaker 1: because you know you have a hear those stories where

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Speaker 1: every time there's a pain they run to the hospital

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Speaker 1: and like it's a force alarm, no baby coming. When

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Speaker 1: you understand what's happening, you know with your body, you

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Speaker 1: don't make all these false alarm runs. And then what

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Speaker 1: happens is it almost becomes the boy who cries wolf.

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Speaker 1: So you do three or four false alarms. Then when

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Speaker 1: night you're sleeping and your wife like maybe, then they

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Speaker 1: do the hospital and you're just like yeah whatever, yeah whatever.

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Speaker 1: Then you wake up and then there's water all over

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Speaker 1: the place because the water legitimately broke, and now you're

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Speaker 1: not prepared. So it's important to to understand what the

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Speaker 1: body is going through. And like like I said, once again, listening,

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Speaker 1: listen to your partner, but also have someone who knows

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Speaker 1: the process to ask questions. She'll texts t Kia all

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Speaker 1: times in the night to ask her what is this

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Speaker 1: that I'm going I'm still asking the fourth time around,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm still asking. I'm like, is this something I

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Speaker 1: should know? Every pregnancy is different, every labor is different,

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Speaker 1: deliveries different, so there may be something new every time around.

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Speaker 1: So me, you know, considering myself pretty seasoned in this

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Speaker 1: whole like childbirthing, thing, um and pregnancy, I still have

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Speaker 1: questions to this day. And when you lightning crotch, the

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Speaker 1: best things to do is take a warm bath, do

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Speaker 1: a lot of sideline, or do some inversions because that

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Speaker 1: will help get the baby out of position where the

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Speaker 1: babies down there in your crotch. So all of those

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Speaker 1: things you can do to help the mom relax and

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Speaker 1: feel a little bit more comfortable. So, yeah, that was good.

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Speaker 1: It's funny too because before I hit before I even

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Speaker 1: hit the key up, I was like, baby, I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: this stuff, and he's like, let's do inversion. I told you.

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Speaker 1: Devout posted a video on Instagram, y'all. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you'll seen together, but with him doing inversions with me,

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Speaker 1: and I just said, just don't do this. If you

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Speaker 1: have a weak as husband, Okay, make sure he's been

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Speaker 1: doing his lifting and whatnot. I don't skip leg day.

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Speaker 1: Babies don't skip leg days. Hundred and something something pounds

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Speaker 1: to me. You only about you're too kind. Look at you.

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Speaker 1: I haven't seen that since I met you. So in

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Speaker 1: that early active labor, it's just about kind of moving

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Speaker 1: because you kind of want the labor to come on,

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Speaker 1: you want it to per grass. So sitting still is

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Speaker 1: not the best thing to do in that circumstance. You

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Speaker 1: kind of want to start moving, go for a walk,

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Speaker 1: um squats in that squatting position, just allowing gravity to

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Speaker 1: do what it's supposed to do. So this is what

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Speaker 1: not only have I read and watching documentaries, but I've

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Speaker 1: noticed even with my wife when she had to get

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Speaker 1: induced and they gave it up a door and she

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Speaker 1: sat there on the bed, it seemed like labor slowed

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Speaker 1: down and time slowed down, so she just got anty,

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Speaker 1: she got fidgety. It was it was just like the

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Speaker 1: worst experience because they sit you in one spot and

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Speaker 1: you really can't do anything, as opposed to Cairos. Once

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Speaker 1: her water broke and she was moving around to get Jackson,

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Speaker 1: gravity was starting to work in her favor because she

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Speaker 1: was sitting up. But Cairo started to move down. Then

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Speaker 1: she started to walk around, which allows your hips uh

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Speaker 1: to spread a little bit. And this is what people

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Speaker 1: don't know I noticed from exercise physiology. When you start

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Speaker 1: throughout the day, when you first wake up, your body

403
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 1: maybe in alignment from when you're sleeping. But as you

404
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 1: start to stand and gravity starts to work, your hips

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00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 1: start to get adjusted, and your your spine and everything

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00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 1: falls into your your pelvis. And if you're pregnant, your

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00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 1: pelvis and all of your joints are more lubricated because

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00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: they're gonna start spreading as the baby comes. So when

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Speaker 1: you get into active labor, the more you move and

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00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 1: the more you use gravity, the better it is for

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Speaker 1: the baby to get into that birthing path to go

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Speaker 1: and do what the baby wants to do, which is

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Speaker 1: get out, as opposed to laying down and gravity not

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Speaker 1: working because you're laying down and you're sitting there, and

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Speaker 1: then the baby is kind of sitting where it can

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Speaker 1: be sitting on your spine, you can sit on your pelvis,

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00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,680
Speaker 1: you can sit a bunch of different places. When you're

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Speaker 1: constantly moving your body and walking and letting gravity work,

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Speaker 1: things happen a lot faster. That's why we went shopping.

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Speaker 1: And also it keeps the mom's mind off of the pain.

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Speaker 1: She's not thinking about the pain and she's thinking about

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Speaker 1: how much I can get these peaches for And that's

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Speaker 1: I remember being in the bread out and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we got bagels. And then I remember feeling like a

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Speaker 1: little bit more water because I watered it and break

426
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 1: all at once with yro. It kind of broke a

427
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 1: little bit that it kept broke a little more, and

428
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 1: I remember thinking like, oh, man, I'm in the paper

429
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 1: towel on an owl like playing up an ow three

430
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: where the breads thatte where my water is actively breaking?

431
00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:09,719
Speaker 1: How about that? Keeping her engage in her mind engaged,

432
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 1: kept her mind off of the pain. You know when

433
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: things start to become more enhanced when you're just sitting

434
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: there waiting. So if there's a lot more distractions, whether

435
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,119
Speaker 1: it's family, friends, are you just constantly moving, it's the

436
00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 1: best way to get through that labor. Who start to

437
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 1: get a little nervous thinking about it, that's the next

438
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,119
Speaker 1: one active labor. So that's when you're six to ten

439
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 1: centimeters that's like the very end of the and it's

440
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: almost a thing where at the end, like Takia, this

441
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,479
Speaker 1: is where a midwife comes in handy, Right. She taught

442
00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 1: me how to channel and think about pain, right and

443
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 1: from a mental standpoint, So she said, think of pain

444
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 1: as something that you embrace. Right, You want to embrace

445
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,439
Speaker 1: the pain because as you embrace this pain, all it

446
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,959
Speaker 1: means is that you're that much closer to seeing your

447
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 1: baby's face. So that's exciting. He so that that excitement

448
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 1: that you have to see this baby finally and hold

449
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 1: this baby. The more the pain comes, it's like I'm

450
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,399
Speaker 1: that much closer on that it's almost done. So that

451
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 1: pain that the finished line is what I literally was

452
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,479
Speaker 1: thinking about when it came to Katz, and I remember

453
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: like tuning everything else out, listening to her voice and

454
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: just thinking, he's almost here. He's almost here, because you're in.

455
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: The minute he comes out, it's over. It's over with that.

456
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: But that shows your mental fortitude, your toughness. Right. You

457
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,880
Speaker 1: keep saying you're a g and people don't understand why

458
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: she keep saying I'm a genus. It's because it takes

459
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 1: a very different type of person. Even with working out

460
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:37,719
Speaker 1: right when someone's doing pull ups. They'll do pull ups

461
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: until it's about to start hurting, and then they stopped.

462
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: They don't want to deal with pain. But the only

463
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:43,520
Speaker 1: time you actually see true growth in the muscle is

464
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,520
Speaker 1: when you you work through the pain. And finally, once

465
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: you work through the pain, that's when it's like breakthrough

466
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh, the pain is here. And

467
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 1: once that pain gets there, the endorphins come and you

468
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: start to feel better and then boom, you have a breakthrough.

469
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: It's the same thing with child birth. Damn. I wish

470
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: I can employ that to working out, because the bait

471
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 1: don't like to work out, but when it comes to

472
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: pull ups, caves like, na I ain't trying to feel

473
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: none of this pain. But but I mean, it is

474
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,400
Speaker 1: a great way to think about it. Even with your birth.

475
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 1: You know, when you feel like dull, ringing pain, that

476
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: means you're gonna constantly feel it. Don't pain is nowhere near.

477
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 1: Once that pain comes, he's like always coming outs, about

478
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 1: to be over and then yep. So when that time

479
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: hit to the stact that six to ten window where

480
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: you know it's the contractions are gonna come sooner and faster.

481
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: They're gonna be more intense. It's like, Okay, that's when

482
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 1: things are going to happen for you, um, and that's

483
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 1: when she needs a partner the most. That's when uh

484
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 1: Sakari was helpful because you were on the medicine ball

485
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 1: and you was bent over the medicine ball, and she

486
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: was pushing your hips forward, which helped. And then your

487
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: mom was in front of you talking to you, and

488
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,479
Speaker 1: then she came right we we we came and we

489
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 1: were dancing with each other. And what that does is, yeah,

490
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 1: rocking the hips and all that movement just helps the

491
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: baby get into position. So she's really gonna need her

492
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 1: your village, You're gonna need your partner. Because I kept

493
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 1: constantly hugging Kadein and kissing Kadein, and people are making

494
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,720
Speaker 1: jokes in the video, which is like Devo would have

495
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:11,719
Speaker 1: been annoying and shipped me with all of the kisses

496
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:13,719
Speaker 1: around the neck. But what I was trying to do

497
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: was to get her mind off of where the pain was.

498
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: So it's um, it's something else we studied. In football.

499
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 1: They do this thing called stem which sends like electrodes

500
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 1: electrodes like other places in your body and it takes

501
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: the pain away because if your body is feeling tingling

502
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: other places, it's not focusing on the place where the

503
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: majority of the pain is. So I kind of employed

504
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,359
Speaker 1: the same type of mentality when it came to labor,

505
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 1: thinking deep into this stuff. I told you I was

506
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 1: like football. That was my sound bite preparing for labor.

507
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: It's like preparing for football. I love it. I love it. UM.

508
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 1: So yeah, the last part of active labor is going

509
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 1: to be pushing. Typically that's when everything transitions. And this

510
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,360
Speaker 1: is the very intense um, the more painful part of it.

511
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: And stage two it's time you're pushing. You're pushing, pushing

512
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 1: in the baby finally comes out. You'll deliver your baby

513
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 1: during the second stage of labor um. It could take

514
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,000
Speaker 1: a few minutes or it could take a couple of hours,

515
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,199
Speaker 1: depending on your baby's position, how you're pushing, UM, if

516
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 1: you're tired or not. I know that weighs a lot

517
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 1: into it. UM. You know, some first time moms or

518
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: women who have had an epidural, or you know, I

519
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: just don't know how to push up. There's a particular

520
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,199
Speaker 1: way to push, and the best way to describe it

521
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 1: is like you're taking like the biggest ship of your life,

522
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: Like you're pushing through your butt. If that almost makes sense,

523
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 1: Does it make sense sense as a guy, because you

524
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: can you can just kind of push on the surface,

525
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: or you can push like deep. But I mean that's

526
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: the kind of pushing. The preparation before that though, like

527
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: the entire pregnancy, we do this thing called tv A,

528
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 1: which is transverse abdominals right where she squeezes her stomach right.

529
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: And the more strength you have in your stomach and

530
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: those stomach muscles in your lower back allows you to

531
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 1: push and get all of that that impetus that you

532
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 1: need to get the baby out, you know what I'm saying.

533
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,560
Speaker 1: So the birthing process doesn't just start the day you

534
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,720
Speaker 1: have the baby. Like health is very very important. Fitness

535
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 1: is very very important, perfectness with anything. The more you stretch,

536
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: the stronger your core is, the easier the label will

537
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: be because you'll be able to get the baby where

538
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: you need to get, push it out. It's about effective

539
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,200
Speaker 1: pushing if you will. Yeah, so little baby's head is out,

540
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,400
Speaker 1: bodies out, you deliver the baby. There's still more. There's

541
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 1: still more, the placenza, which is stage three and delivering

542
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 1: the placensa is not as intense. I don't think you'll

543
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: feel tramping again. Um, and that comes out after the baby,

544
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: sometimes as short as like ten fifteen minutes. I think

545
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 1: for me it was like thirty minutes after Cats. He

546
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: stayed in the water for a little bit. The kids

547
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,200
Speaker 1: came in, they got to meet their brother. He latched

548
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: on and was breastfeeding immediately. Um. And then the the

549
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: placensa comes out, and then then you can feel like, Okay,

550
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: my body has completely been rid of all things baby

551
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 1: for the most part until your milk comes in, and

552
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,360
Speaker 1: then that's a whole other story. The best part about

553
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: doing the home birth was we were able to do

554
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 1: delayed cord clamping, which I know some hospitals gonna do.

555
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: Some hospitals is the minute to have the baby, they

556
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: cut the cord immediately. I'm not sure what the practices

557
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 1: and birthday centers, but we were able to do with

558
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: delayed cored clamping, which means all of the neutrients from

559
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,640
Speaker 1: the placenta are allowed to get to the baby, which

560
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: we feel helped a lot with Cats being able to

561
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:24,199
Speaker 1: be so alert. He first came out and then you

562
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 1: watched the placenta go from like this bloody pouch and

563
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,560
Speaker 1: like the cord will be it looks like a huge

564
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 1: vein and then it's just empty, it's all white and dry.

565
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: Literally transferred. It was myself, cas and the placenta, everything

566
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:40,679
Speaker 1: is still attached to him to the bed. And that

567
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: was in a night's parts about being at home. I

568
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: went literally from the pool to my bed and we

569
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: slept for like three hours, I want to say, And

570
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: and that really allowed the cord time to just completely

571
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: deplete into his body. And remember his skin was like

572
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 1: super rosy and um, he was alert, he was looking around.

573
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: It was just it to me, I think it made

574
00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: a big difference in just the way he was reacting.

575
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 1: One bright lights. It wasn't a cold sterle room. Yeah, Cairo. Um.

576
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: They end up having to take him a couple of times.

577
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 1: I put him under. The temperature was dropping. Was getting pissed, like,

578
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: how about you turned on the It was like degrees

579
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: in the room. Keep taking my baby to put him

580
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: on the lady and let me put him on me.

581
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 1: So then we just did skin to skin. After a while,

582
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, if anything my body temperature will help his

583
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 1: temperature rise. It was like one of those being at home,

584
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: you know, from the island. So the apartment was on Africa.

585
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: I was sweating, but hey, Kate was comfortable, the baby

586
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 1: was comfortable. So it is what it is. You know,

587
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 1: our thermostat does stay anywhere between Kingston, Jamaica and Richmond Park.

588
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: Sleeve beens in. How about that? Um? So, yeah, that's

589
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 1: pretty much the succession of it with the birth plan

590
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 1: and how you should really think about the different stages

591
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: of labor that you want to plan for and again

592
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: making those you know, if something goes wrong or you know, gentlemen,

593
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: lady will not be in the right mind to think

594
00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: of anything, so you have to think of everything. You

595
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: have to have everything like at your fingertips. You should

596
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 1: know where everything is. You should know where everything is

597
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 1: supposed to go, because that's really all you can do

598
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 1: in this moment other than like keep her distracted by

599
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 1: helping her physically through the movements and stuff like that.

600
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: You just gotta know where everything is and know that

601
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 1: if something happens, exactly what you need to do. For example,

602
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 1: my biggest thing was knowing where the closest hospital was

603
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: and how long it will get there, especially during that

604
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: time of day. So if you have ways, what you

605
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: do now is know where the hospital is. You put

606
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: ways in your phone and say is their high traffic

607
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,040
Speaker 1: is they're not high traffic during this time, See what

608
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: the traffic will be over the next three to four hours,

609
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: because you never know when the baby is coming, and

610
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 1: just be prepared for whatever happens. Um. If you have

611
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: multiple kids, make sure you have things for the kids

612
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 1: to do, because the kids are always gonna want to

613
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:01,560
Speaker 1: get to caneem. I think with kads Um Cairo will asleep,

614
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,920
Speaker 1: but Jackson was up and Jackson kept coming in the

615
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 1: room and at times he wanted to hug and stuff

616
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:09,280
Speaker 1: like that, which is cool because it allowed Kay to relax.

617
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: But the best part is is having a plan for

618
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: everybody and knowing that before anybody says anything to the mom,

619
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: they gotta go through you. You gotta be the biggest

620
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 1: advocate and let them know, like, Hey, any issues y'all got,

621
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: just bring it to me. And that's part of the

622
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 1: birth and plan. I love that. That's so true, so true.

623
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: The support is like everything, um so real quick. A

624
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: couple of advantages for water birds. Just wanted to run

625
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: down the list of things that I think has helped

626
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: me the reasons why I'm such an advocate for it

627
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: and want to do it this time around UM warm

628
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: the warm water. It really helps to relax, to soothe

629
00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: and comfort UM. The support of the water means that

630
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: you can try different positions freely, so it kind of

631
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 1: takes that weight off of your body when you're in

632
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 1: the water. Of course, buoyancy yea, that definitely helps. UM.

633
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 1: Gravity also helps to move down the baby into the

634
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: birth canal. UM. It can lower your blood pressure and

635
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: reduce feelings of anxiety, making your body more able to

636
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 1: accept and release those endorphins and relax which contend to

637
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: ease the pain. It can improve back pain that you

638
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 1: feel the pressure from dilation. UM. I remember holding onto

639
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 1: the sides of the pool and kind of rocking my

640
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: hips from side to side like white water rafting. Yeah,

641
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 1: but it helped. It really did help. So even discussing

642
00:31:22,640 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: this birthing plan with Takia, she kind of took a

643
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: tour of the house. She looked at our bath tub

644
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: in our room now and said, hey, you can probably

645
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: have the baby in here. We'll just satinsize it and

646
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,560
Speaker 1: you can happen here. UM. But then I was like, girl,

647
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 1: the way I was rocking my hips, I was like,

648
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonnaed a little more space. So we have the

649
00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: pool coming so that we can make use of that too.

650
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: The water can help your perenium stretch, which is that

651
00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:47,600
Speaker 1: part right underneath the vagina, between the vagina and the anus. Yeah,

652
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to cut it. Yeah. Well, it's like

653
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: a sponge. And I try to tell this all the time,

654
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,160
Speaker 1: a muscle. Why any piece of skin is like a sponge.

655
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: If it's dry and you twist it, it's gonna whip.

656
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 1: But if you take a sponge and you put it

657
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: in water and it gets more flexible, it's filled with

658
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 1: water when you so remember that about the body, a

659
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: woman's body, and water was way more malleable. So there

660
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: you go some disadvantages, because of course there are artist

661
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 1: advantages to it. You won't be able to have any

662
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: pain relief options. So once you're home and it starts,

663
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: you can't you can't ask you my wife to pull

664
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: out the epidural because there is none um So it's

665
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 1: kind of like that point of no return that you feel,

666
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: which is why I was kind of nervous every time

667
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: my water broke. I was like, oh, this is going

668
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,240
Speaker 1: to be it. Um, you're unable to use a tense machine,

669
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 1: your contractions may slow down or get weaker, um if

670
00:32:37,680 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 1: you get into the pool too soon. So I remember

671
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: the kid kind of watching me, and she knew exactly

672
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: when I had to go into pool. She's like she

673
00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 1: went from owning to grunting. So that grunt normally means

674
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: that it's close. All the way we walked, we were

675
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: all there was ane. Um, if the water is too cool,

676
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 1: the babies at risk for him hypothermias. Of the water

677
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 1: has to be the right temperature, um, and then you

678
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: might need to leave the pool if there is a complication.

679
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: Some women will start in the pool and they'll end

680
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: up squatting on you know, the toilet or standing you know. Really,

681
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: at that point, it's just like whatever's comfortable has to

682
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: take precedence. So yeah, the y'all go. That's that's the

683
00:33:18,320 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 1: reason why, UM, I feel like I want to talk

684
00:33:20,760 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: about preparing for a homebirth. But we may be able

685
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: to do that in another episode too, just because there's

686
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,720
Speaker 1: so much more that goes into talking about preparing for

687
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 1: the actual homeboards. Maybe we'll we'll bring it back on

688
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: another episode in the future you all, where we talk

689
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 1: about like breaking down the whole home birthing process or

690
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: maybe even like getting too Keya in it to Keya

691
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 1: in it so she can help us prepare for this

692
00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 1: next time around, which is going to be very very

693
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 1: very soon, very soon. So we're gonna take a quick break,

694
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 1: pay some of these bills when we come back, and

695
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: be ready for listening letters. All right, stay tuned, y'all.

696
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,640
Speaker 1: All right, now we're back for listening letters, which Devot

697
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: has finally admitted is actually his favorite con portion of

698
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 1: the show. So let's just dive right into the first one.

699
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: I've been married to my husband for five years and

700
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 1: we have four beautiful kids. We have been through everything,

701
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,720
Speaker 1: and I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly.

702
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: Despite it all, we've decided to hold on and keep

703
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: our marriage going. My question is, as a married couple

704
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 1: that's been through a lot like yourselves, how do you

705
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: deal with the backlash? I find myself sharing our story

706
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 1: to try to motivate young couples or new couples, and

707
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: it sometimes backfires to where I'm judged. They assume I'm stupid,

708
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,440
Speaker 1: They say things like couldn't be me? I've heard that before,

709
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 1: and you know, just very aggressive and very negative. I

710
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: think people I don't think that people can see that

711
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: there's a beauty in the struggle and the power and forgiveness.

712
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: I also feel like people are so quick to give up,

713
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:58,320
Speaker 1: and especially in this new day and age, it promotes

714
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,480
Speaker 1: all this self love and self care. And I don't

715
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: think couples understand that it's not just about self, it's

716
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 1: about both of you, guys, it's you and your spouse. Well,

717
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 1: the first thing is that you know you're always going

718
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 1: to get backlash. You know, I always use this girl,

719
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: I always use this analogy. But Jesus got backlash, like

720
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: Jesus only preach love. Jesus got backlash. Like if Jesus

721
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 1: gets gets backlash, and who are you to not expect

722
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: backlash from people? Um. Secondly, like my wife said, like,

723
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 1: we don't care if the message ain't for you, for

724
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: you and especially those people say couldn't be me, and

725
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 1: that's the point. That's why you're single because you couldn't

726
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:40,760
Speaker 1: see yourself in a relationship. And that's fine, that's fine, cool,

727
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,000
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to judge the situation, just say,

728
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 1: you know what it's not for me, and that's perfectly fine.

729
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 1: I think the strength of divine and I found in

730
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,919
Speaker 1: it too, because it's kind of like, I didn't believe

731
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 1: that this would be my ministry quote unquote in the

732
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: very beginning, Like neither one of us thought out to

733
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: be like this pillar of like, hey, guys, this is

734
00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: what our relationship looks like, and you know, this is

735
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,399
Speaker 1: how we make it work. Um, of course, our hearts

736
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:02,799
Speaker 1: in the right place because we want to be able

737
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: to share through our experiences and just be able to

738
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,839
Speaker 1: be open and be candid. Because why generations before us

739
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 1: never were and we find ourselves stuck in the same

740
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 1: cycles over and over again. Why were your grandparents unhappy?

741
00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:17,560
Speaker 1: Why are your parents unhappy in the relationships? Why would

742
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,680
Speaker 1: we want to subject ourselves to that? So why not

743
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: speak about these situations so we can say, you know what,

744
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: this is not an anomaly. What's happening between the two

745
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: of us. This is something that happens quite frequently in relationships,

746
00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: and this is something that we should have a discussion

747
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: about because maybe there's a way that we can now

748
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: maneuver or pivot, as we say, now to make this

749
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 1: a little bit better. Of a situation, you know what

750
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:43,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying, So I just kind of take on that mentality.

751
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: Like devots actually kind of helped me with that over

752
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 1: the years because I used to be the one that

753
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,719
Speaker 1: would take things on and be like, oh my god,

754
00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,839
Speaker 1: people are going to think this and that, and now

755
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 1: we're at the phase where we're just like take it

756
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,760
Speaker 1: or leave it, Like if it's not for you, it's

757
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 1: not for you. And also it's I think people need

758
00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: to understand it. It really is a sickness for you

759
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,240
Speaker 1: to wake up in morning and be concerned about about

760
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 1: what other people think about you, especially people who don't

761
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,359
Speaker 1: really know you. Like you have to think about how

762
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: sick that is. You wake up in the morning and

763
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: you have things that you need to do in order

764
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: to become a better person, but your first thought process

765
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 1: is what people? What are people going to think? That's

766
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 1: that's real bad. It's so restricting, it's so restricting, and

767
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 1: it's just stifling, and it really makes you wonder you're

768
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 1: doing all of that for what. Like my thing is

769
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 1: when people say couldn't be me? My thing as well?

770
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: Do you pay my bills? Like are you contributing in

771
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: any way to my life? You know, social media is

772
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 1: in a favor in a phase now where everybody has

773
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 1: an opinion. Everybody but fingers can type like whatever, you know,

774
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: voice noted, whatever, And the thing is couldn't be me.

775
00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: It's not always a bad thing. No, it couldn't be you.

776
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,359
Speaker 1: That's why it's me. There's only one of me. You're right,

777
00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,120
Speaker 1: you could never be me. Someone someone says it couldn't

778
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 1: be me, Okay, I get that. Like that like people

779
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: like sometimes we tend to put out content or put

780
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 1: out information as people, and then we get upset when

781
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,879
Speaker 1: people don't receive the information we put out the way

782
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,040
Speaker 1: we want them to receive it. It is also not

783
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: your job as a content creator to tell people how

784
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,600
Speaker 1: to take in the content you put out. You know,

785
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: they are entitled to disagree, they are entitled to not

786
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: like it. They are entitled to create their own idea

787
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 1: of what it is you're trying to say once you

788
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: put it out there. That's part of creating content. You

789
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 1: just have to put out there with hopes that someone

790
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 1: receives a message the way you want them to receive it.

791
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: But if they don't, that's a them problem, that's not

792
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 1: a you problem. And the more you continue to make

793
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: it a you problem, you're gonna start to feel inadequate,

794
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,279
Speaker 1: or you're gonna start to filter. You're gonna start to

795
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 1: filter what you put out, and then at that point

796
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 1: it's not organic to you, it's not authentic, and then

797
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,720
Speaker 1: you're just conjuring up something just to suit or another person.

798
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 1: When there's like millions of people who are going to

799
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: have opinions. So listen, people are going to be upset

800
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: regardless of what you say. That is just this is

801
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: my ultimate, my ultimate, uh microcosm of life. Jesus had haters.

802
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: Jesus preached love and healing, and they killed him, you

803
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. So it doesn't matter what you say,

804
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,720
Speaker 1: someone's going to have a problem with it. So say

805
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: speak your truth and just know that someone will learn

806
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: from it. Someone will definitely alright. Number two, Hey guys,

807
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 1: my name is Wren. I'm a twenty five year old

808
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 1: mother of three young babies. My ex and I were

809
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: together for almost five years and had our kids back

810
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:33,439
Speaker 1: to back. We broke up in November of just days

811
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 1: before I found out about baby number three. Since we've

812
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 1: broken up, he's not been a father to our kids

813
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: at all and only and only ever sends a text

814
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 1: message on birthdays and holidays. He hasn't even met our

815
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 1: two month old son. He was never this way when

816
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: we were together. He was such a great dad that

817
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 1: I never expected him to do the kids this way,

818
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 1: even as our relationship was headed downhill. I've gone through

819
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: an entire pregnancy caring for our kids alone while working

820
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: from home, and you've and y'all have truly kept me

821
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,239
Speaker 1: saying and you're giving me so many reasons to laugh

822
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,959
Speaker 1: and reflect. You've helped me to take accountability for things

823
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: that I could I couldn't. I couldn't have handled better.

824
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:12,319
Speaker 1: Oh I could have handled better throughout my relationship, not

825
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 1: to say that he's absolved from being a joke to

826
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: his kids, and have given me some amazing advice to

827
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 1: take into my future in all aspects of life, not

828
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 1: just romantically. So thank you. You're welcome, Mama. During this

829
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: time or during my time alone, I spent time visualizing

830
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,839
Speaker 1: and praying for the man that I want and that

831
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,400
Speaker 1: is that is for me, while continuing to work on

832
00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 1: myself and for my children. Out of nowhere, this guy

833
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 1: drops into my Facebook messages and we hit it off. Immediately.

834
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: We talked every day, were authentically and comfortably ourselves when

835
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: we're together, Our goals and dreams in and out of

836
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 1: a romantic light seemed to align very well. And he

837
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 1: can damn there reading my mind. Sometimes neither of us

838
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:50,399
Speaker 1: want to rush, and we've agreed to keep sex off

839
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: the table from now until we're shure of what we

840
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: want with each other. I didn't expect God to work

841
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,040
Speaker 1: so quickly. If I put him in a box and

842
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: tell him to just hold off for a year or

843
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: two a devouce at once, I totally would, But I

844
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: also don't want to lose I on a partner that

845
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: I have a chance to grow with. We've admitted to

846
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:09,440
Speaker 1: each other that we feel there could be something special

847
00:41:09,480 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 1: with us. But should I wait? It hasn't been a

848
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: full year since my breakup. What should I do? I

849
00:41:15,719 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 1: don't know, but telling anybody to wait a year, well

850
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:19,919
Speaker 1: not a year. But you had said if you could

851
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: put me in the box and have me like, yeah,

852
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 1: you want to put me in the glass case, So

853
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: I think that might be what she's referring to. It's like,

854
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 1: just put you over there in reserve until I'm ready

855
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:33,200
Speaker 1: for you, and then well, this is the thing, since

856
00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:34,800
Speaker 1: she kind of referenced me, I don't think there is

857
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: a timeline for you to work out or there is

858
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 1: no cookie cutter of time that says if I do

859
00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: this in this amount of time, it's workout, or I

860
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:44,160
Speaker 1: need this amount of time after my breakup to then

861
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 1: be able to date again. I think you should take

862
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:48,359
Speaker 1: it on a case by case basis, and I mean,

863
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 1: if the spirit is moving your chail, hey, but I

864
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,399
Speaker 1: do think it's important for you to really know someone

865
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: before you bring them around your kids because we've seen

866
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 1: a lot more recently, especially because there's social media and

867
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 1: twenty for our news cycle of people coming into relationships

868
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,239
Speaker 1: and hurting children that aren't theirs. Oh yeah, she said

869
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 1: sex was off the table. I would hope that her

870
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 1: children are off the table too in terms of like

871
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 1: what they're introducing. And they probably both agree to kind

872
00:42:11,440 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 1: of take this slowly. So I mean, if you're you're

873
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 1: a year out from your relationship or your previous relationship,

874
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: I think you can take baby steps towards you know,

875
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: absolutely starting And that's one thing I would definitely do,

876
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 1: like you said, um, take time with the kids, because

877
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: I think it's important for them to get to know

878
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:31,440
Speaker 1: each other first before she even introduces them to the children.

879
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 1: And I know sometimes people like, well, you got kids,

880
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,719
Speaker 1: you gotta lehm know you got kids right away. I'm like, nah, no,

881
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:38,760
Speaker 1: I need to know who this person is. This person

882
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 1: needs to know me before I even involved them with

883
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 1: my child. Absolutely, I mean I haven't been in the

884
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 1: dating scene for a minute. Um you haven't just never

885
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: really been in the dating scene like that. But I

886
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:51,479
Speaker 1: would imagine that it does not happen necessarily be something

887
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 1: that you put on overdrive and just you know, fall

888
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:56,479
Speaker 1: into he's living with you now and then you guys

889
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 1: are like back into that kind of relationship. I'd say,

890
00:42:58,480 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 1: take some time to you know, will each other and

891
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:05,439
Speaker 1: here's the truth to each other, because you guys haven't

892
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,080
Speaker 1: heard codein and ees full love story, which we actually

893
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,440
Speaker 1: the process of getting together right now for something very

894
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 1: special for you guys. But um, love stories exist when

895
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 1: two people want to be together. So there's nothing you

896
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 1: can do to make sure everything goes right. If he

897
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: wants to be there, he will find a way to

898
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 1: be there, whether it's weight or not weight. Like when

899
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,520
Speaker 1: Canine and I first got together, there were certain things

900
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 1: for me that I was just like, man, I'm not

901
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 1: doing this because I don't want to be a boyfriend

902
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,319
Speaker 1: to anybody, but I wanted to be with Codeine and

903
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: she said she required these things, so I made it happen,

904
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and vice versa, Like, that's

905
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:48,520
Speaker 1: just what relationships are. You You say what you require. UM.

906
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: You give grace to allow a person to make a

907
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,880
Speaker 1: decision of whether they want to do it. But ultimately,

908
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: if you want to be together, you guys will find

909
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 1: each other. And it's the effortlessness for me, like something's

910
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 1: just kind of naturally flow. And you said, he kind

911
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:03,200
Speaker 1: of just fell into your Facebook, you know messages just

912
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: like that. I have a person, a friend who was

913
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,839
Speaker 1: just like, man, I've been praying for this particular kind

914
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 1: of guy, and here he is, and he's that in

915
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: abundance and I didn't even know if I was ready

916
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 1: for to receive that, but thank you God, at least

917
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,120
Speaker 1: he's here. You know, the answer is what should you do?

918
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: You should be deliberate about what you want and what

919
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: you need, um, but don't put yourself on the timeline

920
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 1: and say, if things don't happen by this time, that's

921
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: just not gonna work. So deliberate communicate. There you go.

922
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,360
Speaker 1: Good luck to you, baby, And if y'all want to

923
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure

924
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 1: to email us at dead assid Advice at gmail dot com.

925
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,560
Speaker 1: That's right, that's d E A D A S S

926
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

927
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 1: My moment of truth for the birthday process as um,

928
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 1: the vow, the daddy doo la that brings the vibes.

929
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: That's a whole as you can tell. But I'm growing

930
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 1: a d still amazing to me. Guys, I've grown four penises,

931
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 1: I'd say all the time. You always say that all

932
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: the time. Actually you've grown five penises because you make

933
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: mine grow. But God, got um. The birthing process doesn't

934
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: start the day the child is starting to come into

935
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 1: the world. The birthing process for me started when we

936
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: first started to prepare to even become pregnant. That's a

937
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: good one. I wanted to make sure that I was

938
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: involved in every single aspect of the pregnancy. Pre pregnancy

939
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 1: with this fourth baby, I was involved in everything. You know,

940
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 1: we every visit that you had that I could go

941
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 1: to before you know, they put the clamps back on

942
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 1: everything because of the pandemic I was present. That is

943
00:45:48,520 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: very true because you think the fourth time around, it's like, oh,

944
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 1: you're seeing this sonogram already, you've seen that. But no,

945
00:45:52,920 --> 00:45:57,359
Speaker 1: we really, um, we really just get excited every single time.

946
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: Like I just recently did an Instagram story that I

947
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 1: was just so excited every time I go into see

948
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 1: this baby, even though it's my fourth son, it's like

949
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 1: still exciting. But I want to take this time to

950
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: appreciate you, sir, for making this experience probably one of

951
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 1: the best experiences when it came to just planning pregnancy,

952
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: putting me in a comfortable situation where I literally did

953
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 1: not have to do much but take care of myself

954
00:46:24,560 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 1: and this baby, um to the best of your ability,

955
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: and then some um and just always being so invested

956
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 1: like the that will come to me sometimes y'all and

957
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,200
Speaker 1: be like, yo, I watched this documentary about like childbirth,

958
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: or or I was watching reading this article about like

959
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,399
Speaker 1: women's bodies after labor and just how to get through something,

960
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, what made you go and research this?

961
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 1: You and me and your mom and my mom was

962
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: in that room when they had to will you out

963
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 1: of there and take you into emergency surgery. That's not

964
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,839
Speaker 1: a feeling you want to have again. If you can

965
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,479
Speaker 1: do everything within your power to make sure everything is good.

966
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:05,760
Speaker 1: And after having our first three children, being in an apartment,

967
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: having to deal with parking, having to deal with the elevator,

968
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 1: having to deal with so many other obstacles that make

969
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 1: it difficult, you know, having to go to the gym,

970
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 1: and still working so many hours, being able to do

971
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 1: it this way. I'm I'm proud of me, but I'm

972
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 1: part of us. We did this together, you know what

973
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I had a plan, like a birthing plan

974
00:47:26,360 --> 00:47:28,480
Speaker 1: years ago when I said when I when you are

975
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 1: ready to have this fourth child, I wanted to be

976
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:35,240
Speaker 1: like this, and we put this birthing plan in place.

977
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 1: And it's not even just us as our full our

978
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: full village. Like your mom is here. Your mom has

979
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 1: been here since we moved to l a Um and

980
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:46,279
Speaker 1: then here in Georgia. She's helped me unpacked this house,

981
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,279
Speaker 1: think about it, get the kids ready for school. On

982
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:50,120
Speaker 1: mornings where I feel like, oh god, girl, I can't

983
00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 1: get up because I've been up all night about that though,

984
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: like you're full pregnant. Last night, you didn't want to

985
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 1: have to really get up this morning do much. But

986
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,319
Speaker 1: your mom is there to make sure that the kids

987
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,240
Speaker 1: get out off in time. You know what I'm saying.

988
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,360
Speaker 1: The dad is living here now, your sister is gonna

989
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:11,200
Speaker 1: come for the birth. Like we created a plan and

990
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 1: we execute it. That's what you call manifestation. And I'm

991
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 1: here to say this to anybody who's listening. Don't ever

992
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: let people tell you can't do something when you know

993
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,160
Speaker 1: that you can. Like it sounds like the most cliche

994
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,919
Speaker 1: thing ever in the world to say, but you can

995
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:31,560
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to do if you have the

996
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 1: mental for the two to see it through and to

997
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: like God, we heard now listening to letters, don't listen

998
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,879
Speaker 1: to the backlash and listen to what other people are saying.

999
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: They can't see your vision, so they can't You have

1000
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 1: to expect people to not understand you. But if you've

1001
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 1: got the vision in the mental ford to just keep

1002
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: going and you can get to where you want to

1003
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: get to in life. This is a perfect example, so

1004
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:56,280
Speaker 1: perfect example. So thank you, thank you for this um

1005
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 1: and it's going to be an amazing, amazing experience. And

1006
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,360
Speaker 1: I am actually looking very forward to it until my

1007
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: water broke breaks and then I want to be like baby,

1008
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:09,879
Speaker 1: I think it's time. Maybe I think it's time. Oh

1009
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,319
Speaker 1: my goodness. All right, y'all, So thank you all so

1010
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,799
Speaker 1: much for tuning in. As always, we appreciate you all

1011
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 1: just as much too. Be sure to find us on

1012
00:49:17,239 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 1: social media at dead as the podcast on Instagram, and

1013
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: of course you can find me Cadine I am and

1014
00:49:22,040 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: I Am devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1015
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. That ass as

1016
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:33,600
Speaker 1: about to be in that water, y'all by yourself. Dead

1017
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network

1018
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:39,520
Speaker 1: and is produced by the Nora Pinia and Triple Follow

1019
00:49:39,560 --> 00:49:42,320
Speaker 1: the podcast on social media at dead as to podcasts

1020
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 1: and never miss a Thing,