1 00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,799 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome the best of both worlds. 10 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode seventy six, which is 11 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: first airing on January fifteenth. We are excited to welcome 12 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:44,239 Speaker 1: our guest, Laurie Mihelich Levin to talk about returning to 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: work after maternity leave, always a popular topic for this podcast. 14 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: I'm really excited to talk with her, and so is Sarah. 15 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: Sarah had a fun last year of sort of life 16 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: after baby. So are we We're going to do another post? Yeah, 17 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: this pumping up dates after Life after Baby, Life after 18 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 1: Life after Baby. The pumping is done. Yeah, and I'm 19 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: excited to hear Lori's tips and tricks. But I'm pretty 20 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: much beyond that, and I got to say, guys, life 21 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: is really really much easier now, much much like I it. Now, 22 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 1: I realize how much stress I was experiencing every day 23 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 1: of my job when I go in, and like the 24 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: actual patient care part is like nothing compared to the 25 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: the anxiety that I was having surrounding like trying to 26 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 1: fit in those pump sessions, and then like my actual 27 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: feelings about those pump sessions. So like, it's just been 28 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: really fun. I enjoy work. I enjoy seeing my patients 29 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: so much more. I don't know if they can tell 30 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: I'm just much more engaged. I'm not. I don't have 31 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 1: my eye on the clock while I'm seeing them. And yeah, 32 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: it's just been great. So I think it's going to 33 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 1: be a wonderful year. And I'm as much as I'm 34 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: enjoying the sort of end of that nursing relationship, we're 35 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: still doing it in the morning and at night. I'm 36 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: looking forward to eventually leaning that as well, because I 37 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 1: want to get to the point where I can, you know, 38 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: schedule a date night without having to think about, Okay, 39 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,480 Speaker 1: well she's going to bed at this time, so we 40 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: can't go out till this time, and then by the 41 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: time we go out, I'm tired, and you get what 42 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 1: I'm saying. I think I'm pretty much ready to move 43 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: on to the next phase of motherhood and it's going 44 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: to be a fun one. I'm glad I did it, 45 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: but yeah, it's more pleasant. Note you're glad you did it. 46 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: I'm glad I did it. I am, even with all 47 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:29,040 Speaker 1: the anxiety. I mean, I don't know. I mean, that's 48 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: a curious point. The good question, you know, I because 49 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,239 Speaker 1: it's true, like the last three months of it, you 50 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 1: know what, if I had to do it again, maybe 51 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: I maybe the last probably I think I've said this before, 52 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,640 Speaker 1: like I did it for six months with Annabel, with 53 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 1: three months with Cameron, and for nine months with Genevie 54 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: the pumping, and I think maybe the six months was 55 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 1: more the limit and a good sweet spot because with 56 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: Annabel I could then nurse for a few months after 57 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: kind of get to that twelve month point, and then 58 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 1: it worked out better. Maybe maybe, I mean, who knows. 59 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 1: It's just it's very impossible to do your life over 60 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: and know how I would feel, And I guess I 61 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 1: just really wanted that experience of trying to do it 62 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: in a way but you're right, looking back, it was 63 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: it was pretty stressful. And it's almost like I see 64 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: that even more out of it than I did while 65 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 1: I was doing it. Yeah, no, I know. I mean 66 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,799 Speaker 1: it's frustrating to stop what you're doing three times a 67 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: day and then sit connected to a machine like I 68 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 1: mean a milking machine as it were, and the major 69 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: and have it. So I think with my job, like 70 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 1: I have a number of patients to see, I have 71 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: like a defined start time and end time. That was 72 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: partially due to the fact that I needed to be 73 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: feeding her on the way out the door, and then 74 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: when I got home, like I didn't really have the 75 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: ability to like stay an extra hour or two if 76 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: I got behind at night, and I have patients with 77 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: predetermined appointment times where they might come late or you know, 78 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: and I'd still have to see So it was like 79 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 1: all these moving parts that I was managing every day 80 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: and the kind of panic that I'd feel if I 81 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: haven't pumped yet and then I know that three people 82 00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 1: just came and one person came late. Like it was 83 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: just it was a big mental load and not a 84 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: fun one. So yeah, I mean, listening to myself, it 85 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 1: kind of seems like maybe I did do it for 86 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: a little longer than I maybe you should have or 87 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: could have, but it's over now and I'm just going 88 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 1: to enjoy the flow after glow. Yeah. Well, it's just that, 89 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: you know, breastfeeding and pumping are very different things. And 90 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: I think that you know, well, while breastfeeding itself can 91 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: be a pleasant, you know, bonding experience, that the pumping 92 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 1: is what for many women it becomes because they are 93 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: you know, back in the office while still breast fading, 94 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 1: and it's just, you know, not fun. And it is 95 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: very very different things. And so I don't know, it's 96 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 1: it's more about saying like that there's something to the 97 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: breast milk versus the actual feeding that you well, there's 98 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 1: actually more scientific studies now looking at those difference. They 99 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 1: used to all be lumped into one category, and now 100 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 1: they're finding that, like, you know, the marginal benefits the 101 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:03,240 Speaker 1: breastfeeding does have, some of them are present in pumped milk, 102 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: but not all of them. So that's actually kind of interesting. 103 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,719 Speaker 1: But you're right, it is a different thing. But the 104 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: thing is, if you don't pump, then you can't really 105 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: preustfeed when you're not at work. Or maybe you can, 106 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: but you don't know how long you're going to be 107 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,720 Speaker 1: able to do that, and it's complicated. But you know what, 108 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 1: there's some women I had someone write to me that's like, oh, 109 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: I'm sixteen months and I'm still pumping. Well, the nice 110 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: thing I can say is I got to a point 111 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 1: that one year mark actually like two weeks shy of it, 112 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 1: where like there's no question I have no desire to 113 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: ever pump again. In fact, I would like the pumps 114 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: out of my house. I don't even ever want to 115 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,680 Speaker 1: think about it. So it's nice to just have no 116 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: debate or internal ambiguity about where I feel like I 117 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:47,599 Speaker 1: am done the end. Yeah, yeah, and maybe our guest 118 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: can talk some about this. But like if the various 119 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: accommodations you might make, for instance, it might be if 120 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,599 Speaker 1: you're thinking about negotiats, you have a flexible workplace, and 121 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: it's a sort of job that some of it could 122 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 1: be done from home, possibly you know, coming back to work, 123 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: but working from home more days than not, for instance, 124 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: would would allow for less of the pumping and more 125 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: of the actual feeding. If you had somebody else caring 126 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: for your baby in your house while you were also 127 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: doing work like then then it's not so much the 128 00:06:16,279 --> 00:06:18,599 Speaker 1: length of the maternity leave, it's the access you have 129 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: to your baby that allows you. But then you could also, 130 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: you know, do that I with with Jaspers. I all 131 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: just we put him in daycare at four months, but 132 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 1: I would the daycare was you know, a quarter mile 133 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: from the house, so I just walk over and feed him. 134 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's even some I mean, big corporate campuses 135 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,600 Speaker 1: will have an on you know, in house daycare. So 136 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 1: think about how convenient that could be. You could like 137 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: literally like walk from your meeting, maybe go up a 138 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 1: couple floors and see your baby and go right back. 139 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: I mean that's a whole different story. Yeah, so there's 140 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: lots of different ways to think about that, in ways 141 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 1: that you can continue breastfeeding while while working as well. 142 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: But we'll we'll definitely talk about that. But you know, 143 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 1: so what are you what are you doing with the 144 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: freed up time? Work? Have more work? Okay, no, just 145 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: more like being able to do my work in less 146 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: of a rushed manner. I haven't felt like there's all 147 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 1: this free time. It's more like, oh, I'm finishing my 148 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: charts or I'm able to like spend a little bit 149 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: longer talking to this patient versus giving them nuts and 150 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: bolts that I need to and running out the door. 151 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,760 Speaker 1: I think that I'm going to be able to spend 152 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: more time. Actually, I know I've already started, like on 153 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: some sort of lingering projects that we're sitting there related 154 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: to the residency, and just generally feeling more cut up 155 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: and having lunch with my colleagues sometimes. Yeah, it's been great. Yeah, 156 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: but you have to find different times to read, right, 157 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,080 Speaker 1: because true, that was when you were reading. That's true. 158 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: But since she's sleeping somewhat more at night, I can 159 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: stay up a little later and maybe I'll just get 160 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: it in then. Yeah, well that's great. So we'll talk 161 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: to Laurie about the fun fun fact Laurie and I 162 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: were actually college classmates. Were She sent me an email 163 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:54,320 Speaker 1: about being on this podcast a couple months ago, and 164 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 1: I was like, yes, of course I remember you. But 165 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: the fun thing is she was like the superstar academic 166 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 1: person one like every prize and our major for her thesis. 167 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: So maybe we can kid her a bit about that. 168 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: What was your major? What was your major? Woodrow Wilson 169 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: School at Princeton's a public policy so you know, wow, 170 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: very interesting. Well you both kind of pivoted a little bit, 171 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: but I say, well, her day talk has slightly more 172 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: still to do, I guess with it. Maybe, Well we'll 173 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: talk with Laurie about that. So here we'll go to 174 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:32,160 Speaker 1: the main many interview part of this podcast. Well, we're 175 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 1: excited to welcome Laurie to the program, So Lauri, why 176 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to our listeners. Hi, 177 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,520 Speaker 1: Laurie and Sarah, thanks so much for having me on. 178 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: The conversations you have on this podcast are so important 179 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: and relevant to working parents. So thanks for everything that 180 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:50,559 Speaker 1: you do. Oh, I got you. I just kick off 181 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 1: by saying I wear three main hats in life. One 182 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: is I'm a partner in the healthcare practice at a 183 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,960 Speaker 1: large international law firm, and I practice medicare reimforsement law, 184 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: specifically for teaching hospitals that train residents to become doctors. 185 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,040 Speaker 1: It's a very niche specialty on a sixty percent schedule 186 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 1: in that role. In the other forty percent of my 187 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: professional week, I run a program called Mindful Return that 188 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: helps new parents transition back to work after parental leave. 189 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,040 Speaker 1: And the third hat is that I am mom to 190 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: two wonderful redheaded boys, one of whom is about to 191 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,960 Speaker 1: turn eight tomorrow and the other one is turning six 192 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: in February. Very exciting. So you were going along in 193 00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: your career as a lawyer, you know, building your career 194 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: in that, and then you have two children, and how 195 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: did that go? What was sort of did you find 196 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 1: it easy to sort of continue your work as a lawyer. 197 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,520 Speaker 1: Did you immediately go down to sixty percent? I mean, 198 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: how did that sort of evolve? Yeah, So, I mean 199 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 1: easy would not be the word I would use to 200 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: describe it. So I was in private practic right after 201 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:04,880 Speaker 1: law school, and I did you know, the law firm 202 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 1: associate thing for a couple of years, and then I 203 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 1: actually went in house to be doing Medicare policy work 204 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 1: and I was working full time at a trade association 205 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: when I had my first child, and I came back 206 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: to work and it was challenging. I think one big 207 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 1: challenge was that I had a child who refused to 208 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: take a bottle. And so, you know, this working mom 209 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: convinces herself that if she goes back to which her 210 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 1: son might actually starve to death. And so there was 211 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: this time when I had to sort of try and 212 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 1: figure out what the heck was wrong. It turned out 213 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: I had excess light base in my breast milk, and 214 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,600 Speaker 1: so I had to both pump the milk and then 215 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: scald it in a little science experiment under my desk 216 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: every time I pumped. So the return to work was 217 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 1: challenging after baby number one, but we got there and 218 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: I was, you know, rolling along. And then baby number 219 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: two came about two years later, and as my husband 220 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 1: and I like to joke, one plus one felt like 221 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,199 Speaker 1: eighty five at the time. Nobody was sleeping, one was 222 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,960 Speaker 1: potty training, the other one was up because you know, 223 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: he was a newborn, and I was a disaster and 224 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 1: the wheels came off, and you know, I was sort 225 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 1: of this isolated puddle of tears on my kitchen floor 226 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,079 Speaker 1: for longer than I'd like to admit. And I found that, 227 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: you know, in this trade association of five hundred and 228 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 1: some employees, where a lot of people had gone out 229 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: on leave and come back and it was a very 230 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: family friendly environment, tons of people were struggling with a 231 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: transition and no mom after mom would knock on my 232 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: door and shut the door and come in and be 233 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: like this is so hard, and then burst into tears 234 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: and we'd be like, this is really hard. We didn't 235 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: know what was going on. So I was at the 236 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: Trade Association for a little over six years, had both 237 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:48,200 Speaker 1: of my sons there, and then I founded Mindful Return 238 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: while I was working full time there. And after about 239 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: a year and a half of both working full time 240 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: and starting this program, I wanted to spend a little 241 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 1: bit more daylight hours working on Mindful Return and then 242 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: wound up leaving the Trade Association to go back to 243 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: private practice, something that I admit surprised me. But I 244 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 1: transitioned to a law firm directly onto the sixty percent schedule. 245 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 1: I really interviewed at places and said, hey, I'm presenting 246 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:18,440 Speaker 1: myself as a candidate on a sixty percent schedule. Take 247 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 1: me or leave me at that. But more, you know, 248 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,960 Speaker 1: there were a number of firms that were very receptive 249 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: to the idea. Well that's fantastic. Well, especially if you 250 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: have a very particular expertise, there cannot be many focusing 251 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,280 Speaker 1: on this area. So if a firm was looking to 252 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 1: be in this space, you know exactly you've got laur 253 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:44,079 Speaker 1: at sixty percent or you have no I guess there 254 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 1: are only a small handful of us who do that. 255 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,520 Speaker 1: And the other thing that I had going for me, 256 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 1: quite frankly, was going for me in the sense of 257 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: trying to get a reduced schedule, was I was coming 258 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 1: into the firm without a book of business, right, so 259 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 1: I had to grow clients from scratch. And you know, 260 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: when't a firm prefer to take a gamble on sixty 261 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: percent of one salary then you know, paying someone full 262 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 1: salary and they hope that they would be able to 263 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: come up with the client lists to fill up a 264 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: whole book of business. Right, So when sometimes the firm 265 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: was taking less of a risk on me by coming 266 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,719 Speaker 1: in at sixty percent as well, good good way to 267 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 1: look at it, I guess. So with with mindful return, 268 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 1: I mean, I love that you're feeling overwhelmed and so 269 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:32,200 Speaker 1: you start another organization. But what gap in the market 270 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: were you were you looking to solve with with this 271 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,680 Speaker 1: side hustle? Yeah, so the full time job, the one 272 00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 1: year old and three year old, it's not enough, right, 273 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:43,680 Speaker 1: So yeah, Well I was really feeling isolated, you know, 274 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: after that second baby, and I was looking around and saying, 275 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: why are there courses on everything baby related. I can 276 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: take a class on how to repair a birthplan or 277 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: pure baby food, or massage my baby, or all the 278 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 1: lactation supports are out there, But where's the class that 279 00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: I can go take that tells me how to transition 280 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: back to work in a way that doesn't make me 281 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: feel like I've lost my mind or have given up 282 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,679 Speaker 1: on my career aspirations. And I'm sitting here on the 283 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 1: kitchen and floor. So I'm bemoaning the state, saying there 284 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 1: should be something out there. And my husband, who's a 285 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: career coach and an entrepreneur, looks at me and is like, 286 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,440 Speaker 1: what are you going to do about it? And so 287 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,280 Speaker 1: I sort of took that as a challenge, and this 288 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: risk adverse lawyer decided to try and fill that gap 289 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: because I didn't. I really created what I wish had 290 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: been out there to support me when I went back. 291 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,640 Speaker 1: And so, what exactly does Mindful Return do? Yeah, that's 292 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: what I would toe the support their are their live counselors. 293 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: Is it more like you know, will you tell us? Yeah? 294 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: So it's an online, four week cohort based program, meaning 295 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: you're in the group with other people who are going 296 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,000 Speaker 1: through the return at the same time you are. And 297 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: really it's both a coarse curriculum with content about four 298 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: different themes, a mindful mindset for returning to work, the 299 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: logistics of return, how to be a leader in the 300 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: space of return, and building community. So those are the 301 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 1: four themes, and you work through lessons on these themes 302 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: and you're in this community with all these other moms. 303 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,119 Speaker 1: So you read a lesson and then there's a discussion 304 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: board and everybody gets to interact with each other on 305 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,560 Speaker 1: the discussion board. You don't have to be anywhere at 306 00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: any given time of day or night, because I couldn't 307 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: be anywhere at any given time of day or night. Well, 308 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,920 Speaker 1: I was a young, new mom, and so really it's 309 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: an opportunity for people to both learn and connect with 310 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 1: each other. There's a version for moms, there's a version 311 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: for dads, and starting January twenty nineteen, there's a new 312 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 1: version for moms of special needs babies as well. Oh 313 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 1: that's so cool, thank you. Yeah, we really found that 314 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 1: there was a special need out there for a course 315 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: that wasn't tailored just to mom, like, well that want 316 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: addressed like nick you parents, and absolutely nick you and 317 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: extra exactly babies who are medically fragile, folks with autism 318 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: down syndrome, so that one's really geared toward babies and toddlers, 319 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: or rather the moms of babies and toddlers. Got it wonderful. Well, 320 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 1: I wanted to talk some practicalities because you've got these 321 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 1: people going through a four week program and they're learning 322 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 1: tips and strategies and things to think about. So what 323 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: are let's really talk some practicality here there, and what 324 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: are some big mistakes people make as they approach their 325 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,920 Speaker 1: return to work. I mean, what advice would you give 326 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 1: new mom, Laurie of practical things to try. I made 327 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: a ton of mistakes, as I'm sure we all do, 328 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: and learn from them. I'd say one of the number 329 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: one mistakes I made was when I went back to 330 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:46,600 Speaker 1: work the first time, trying to catch up on absolutely 331 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 1: every single email and thing that I had missed while 332 00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: I was out. And I think I tried to read 333 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: all the Federal Register notices that came out and tried 334 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: to read the thousands of emails, and I found that, 335 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,120 Speaker 1: you know, maybe two months back, I was still feeling 336 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 1: lost and behind, and so with a second return, I 337 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:11,840 Speaker 1: corrected that mistake by setting up meetings with my key 338 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,920 Speaker 1: stakeholders for the first couple of weeks back and asking 339 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: them two questions, One would I miss too, how can 340 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: I help? And wow? Was that a lot less stressful? 341 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: So within two weeks, you know, I was done. I 342 00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 1: was caught up. I didn't read everything. And if there 343 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: was something that came up that related to the period 344 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: when I was gone and I didn't have the answers, 345 00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: I have a whole team, I was like, Okay, well, 346 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: whoever covered that while I was out, they can answer 347 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,879 Speaker 1: your question. So I think it was just a lot 348 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:41,920 Speaker 1: more forward looking of a strategy. Another mistake that I 349 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,800 Speaker 1: definitely made was feeling like I had to be the 350 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 1: one to do everything. I'm sure this is really common, 351 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 1: but you know, I felt like I had to be 352 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,479 Speaker 1: the one to cook the cast role that was going 353 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 1: to last the three days, and to come up with 354 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:54,800 Speaker 1: a meal plan and to clean the house and bah 355 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And you know, I think I would 356 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: have gotten more help sooner had I thought through this 357 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:08,680 Speaker 1: better the first time. Yes, Yeah, I think sometimes people 358 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 1: actually need a course to sort of give them permission 359 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: to get that help, whether that's from their partner or 360 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 1: outside help. So that's great. Yeah, And I'd say like 361 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: one of the biggest supports in those first couple of 362 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: years was parents' helpers. Right, So the thirteen, maybe twelve eleven, 363 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,920 Speaker 1: ten eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen year old neighbors who would 364 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,160 Speaker 1: come over and come to the house for a couple 365 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,720 Speaker 1: of hours on the weekends while we were there, so 366 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: that we could get stuff done, still be around, play 367 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 1: with the kids, not feel like we were leaving, but 368 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 1: still managed to squeeze more out of our weekend that way. 369 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: There's a mistake that I've seen in the Billable our world, 370 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: or I don't know if it's a mistake so much 371 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 1: as something you can do to prepare yourself to return. 372 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 1: In the Billblour world, you have to have work, to 373 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: be busy to create value, right, And so one way 374 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 1: that I've seen people sort of struggle when they come 375 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: back is to not line up projects that they can 376 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: dig into when they return. And of course it's personal 377 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: preference how quickly you want to ramp back up, but 378 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 1: to the extent you want to be busy when you 379 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: come back, it can really be helpful to reach out 380 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 1: to some of your colleagues a few weeks before the 381 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,520 Speaker 1: end of leave and remind them that you're coming back, 382 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: and ask what projects you can start to dig in 383 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: on whenever you do return, so that you can start 384 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: to be buildable from the time you come back. I've 385 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 1: also talked to some moms who didn't line up work 386 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 1: or for whatever reason, were sitting at their office with 387 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,840 Speaker 1: not a whole lot going on those first few weeks, 388 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,159 Speaker 1: and they found that more infuriating because they could have 389 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,199 Speaker 1: been with their baby. Right They're like, I'm sitting here 390 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 1: at my dad's not doing anything. I'd prefer to actually 391 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:51,840 Speaker 1: be productive. So I think, you know, having that communication 392 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,200 Speaker 1: plan is really is really helpful. I think another mistake 393 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: that I made, and I see a lot of the 394 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,800 Speaker 1: moms in my course make again if it's a mental 395 00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 1: If it's a mistake so much as sort of a 396 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: a mental bias. But we assume that our kids are 397 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: somehow going to forget us or think that we're somehow 398 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,680 Speaker 1: less of a parent because we're trying to go back 399 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: to work. And the one thing that I say to 400 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: the moms and the course is there's no one like mommy. 401 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 1: There's never going to be anyone like, Mommy, that kid 402 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,760 Speaker 1: is going to run screaming into your arms at the 403 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 1: end of the day, and that smile is going to 404 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: make you so happy. And I think a lot of 405 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,920 Speaker 1: the moms think that somehow, by being gone for however 406 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 1: many hours during the day, that their kid just is 407 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: going to forget them, And I think that's a serious 408 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: error and when we need to work on correcting just 409 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:44,160 Speaker 1: for our own sanity, that's awesome. Yeah. So, I personally 410 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: found by far the most challenging part of my return 411 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,600 Speaker 1: to work related to the pumping. Like if that wasn't 412 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,800 Speaker 1: any I don't even think I'd have any issue. But 413 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: that was like a huge painful experience for me for 414 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,200 Speaker 1: nine months, and somehow I did it anyway. So I 415 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,680 Speaker 1: would love to hear your thoughts on that, the choice 416 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: to do it versus not any tips any I don't know. 417 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 1: You now have a lot of experience talking to many 418 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 1: women about this, I'm sure, so i'd love to hear 419 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 1: your insights. Yeah, so the pumping thing, I did it 420 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,439 Speaker 1: until each sun was about thirteen months old, so there 421 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: were I don't know, one time I sat down and 422 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 1: calculated like a thousand pump sessions or something so there 423 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: was a lot of pumping going on, and planes strains 424 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: automobile is my desk. I think one thing that was 425 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: the most helpful to me was to block my pump 426 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 1: times on the calendar for a full year in advance. 427 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,880 Speaker 1: And I know that's not always possible, depending on where, 428 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: what type of work here in, et cetera. But it 429 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,360 Speaker 1: was helpful to me during my leave to block those 430 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 1: times so that no one else would steal them from me, 431 00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: because it's much easier to block it out than to 432 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 1: try to steal it back from someone later. It helped 433 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,240 Speaker 1: me to realize that each child was really different as well. 434 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: Like with my first child, I had to pump three 435 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: times a day. I pumped like nine thirty to ten, 436 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,200 Speaker 1: twelve thirty to one, three thirty four or something like 437 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: that to keep my supply up, and I was sort 438 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 1: of eking out every ounce. And I know stress reduces 439 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:13,159 Speaker 1: your supply and that probably contributed to it. But with 440 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 1: maybe number two WHOA, I did not really need a 441 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 1: third session. I was producing milk like nobody's business and 442 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 1: I had two plump sessions during the day, one in 443 00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,000 Speaker 1: the morning, one the afternoon. But I didn't take that 444 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,640 Speaker 1: third session off my calendar and I sort of kept 445 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 1: that time for me, so that was nice. I had 446 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 1: the whole pump and scald thing going on, so I 447 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: really did need the whole half an hour. That sounds terrible, 448 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: and yeah, it was the candy thermometer that works. And 449 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: I definitely had a pump at home and one at 450 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: my office so I didn't have to carry parts around. 451 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: I think one thing that I wished I had known 452 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: was the concept and I know that there's debate about this, 453 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,440 Speaker 1: but the concept that you can take your pump parts 454 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,240 Speaker 1: and just stick them the frosty and not so nothing 455 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 1: bad ever happened, Yes, exactly so I've heard. So I 456 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,520 Speaker 1: wish I had known and to be able to delegate 457 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,920 Speaker 1: and outsource all the parts of pumping, but aren't the 458 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: actual pumping right, So engage a partner if possible, and 459 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: washing pump parts and storing milk and preparing bottles and 460 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 1: all that sort of stuff. I know that this is 461 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: a benefit that's available at a lot of places now 462 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,320 Speaker 1: that I didn't have access to. But milk Stork is 463 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:35,879 Speaker 1: quite popular for shipping milk when you're on work travel 464 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 1: and a lot of employers will pick up the cost 465 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 1: of that. They apparently deliver a refrigerated box to your 466 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:43,520 Speaker 1: hotel room and you can pump and then just have 467 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: the milk shipped home for the next day. That's something 468 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: that you know, I know exists now that I wish 469 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: I had known about back then. So cool for people 470 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,600 Speaker 1: who travel. But what about the weather pump question, like 471 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:59,520 Speaker 1: we in the intro to the weather Yeah, to this podcast. 472 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm kind of going back and forth like 473 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,360 Speaker 1: was I insane? I mean, it's like, are we torturing 474 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 1: ourselves too much? I don't know. Yes, yes, I think 475 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:14,399 Speaker 1: I definitely went sort of certifiably insane over pumping. And 476 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,720 Speaker 1: I'm sure you know it's a lot of pressures coming 477 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: from society, medical establishment. I didn't supplement either time, and 478 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: I think the first time around that had a huge 479 00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 1: impact on my mood, and had I to do it 480 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:33,640 Speaker 1: over again, I think I probably would have said, great, 481 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 1: so let's make some formula in here and take a 482 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 1: little bit of stress off of me. But I didn't 483 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 1: do that. For whatever reason. It sort of was a 484 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:46,960 Speaker 1: given that if I could, if I could nurse my 485 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 1: baby and lactatee, then I was going to pump, and 486 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,840 Speaker 1: I sort of set that up pretty rigidly for myself 487 00:24:51,880 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 1: and stuck to it for better or worse. Yeah, I 488 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,640 Speaker 1: was gonna say, the two of you, maybe you could 489 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: talk about that. I don't know, I think people get 490 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,639 Speaker 1: different messages we have with that. Like I sort of 491 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,879 Speaker 1: didn't feel that way. I mean, maybe it's also that 492 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:17,720 Speaker 1: I was in my house anyway, so I wasn't mostly 493 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 1: dealing with the pump. I did pump some, but it 494 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,840 Speaker 1: was mostly just to keep up supply and like have 495 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,879 Speaker 1: extra bottles so I could, you know, have it for so, 496 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 1: you know, because I'm still there, I'm still seeing the 497 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,160 Speaker 1: baby all the time. So I guess I didn't feel 498 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: that same thing like the milk was doing it, so 499 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: I just dumped it. Like if I traveled, i'd pump 500 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,000 Speaker 1: and dump, like the idea of shipping it back. I 501 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 1: guess I just don't see that the milk itself is 502 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 1: somehow the like pumping when I was traveling was about 503 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: just keeping this with you, as opposed to I've done 504 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: that the baby. The baby desperately means that milk. You know. 505 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 1: It's like, well, there's stuff in the freezer, there's formula 506 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:57,000 Speaker 1: which I could and for whatever reason, gott it in 507 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,560 Speaker 1: my head that I just had to do those and 508 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,560 Speaker 1: that was anyway. And I hope, I hope that part 509 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 1: of your mindful Return training is maybe helping women, because 510 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:08,239 Speaker 1: I don't know. Sometimes I just it's true. I think 511 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: there needs to be more support on making us realize 512 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,520 Speaker 1: that there are choices and there doesn't have to be guilt. Absolutely. Yeah. 513 00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: One day of the Mindful Return courses labeled something like 514 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,359 Speaker 1: nurturing your baby, and then there's part of the lesson 515 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: about pumping if you're doing that, And then there's part 516 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,440 Speaker 1: of the lesson about, yes, you're nurturing your baby even 517 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 1: if you're not pumping. Come on, people, and you know 518 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: the mantra about fed is best and like, let's let's 519 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 1: take the stress off of ourselves here. I also, I 520 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: think I learned a lot about sort of how the 521 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: whole milk production thing works as I went along over 522 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,280 Speaker 1: time too, Like for some reason, I was trying to 523 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,520 Speaker 1: get in extra sessions and like try to pump for 524 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 1: that freezer supply at night, like at the end of 525 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:48,680 Speaker 1: the day after the babies went to bed. With my 526 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,680 Speaker 1: first child and then the second baby, I'm like, oh, right, 527 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 1: bigger supply in morning, should pump extra in mourning? And 528 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: then I didn't even pump. I just fed baby on 529 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,000 Speaker 1: one side, see the other one into a bottle on 530 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 1: the other while he was eating. And you know, there 531 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 1: I was, I had my extra model of milk or whatever. 532 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 1: So that's amazing. But it's so funny because like also, 533 00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:08,640 Speaker 1: I think it's such an like there's so many individual 534 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: differences physiologically about how it works for different people, like 535 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,800 Speaker 1: what you just said, like that would have never worked 536 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,960 Speaker 1: for me, like I, I can't even imagine like it, 537 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: nothing would have come out like I. But but then 538 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 1: it's just so easy to be like, well obviously, you know, 539 00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 1: so I just the individuality needs to be emphasized. And yes, 540 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: and what you talked about that permissiveness of like you 541 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,920 Speaker 1: can nurture your baby in many different ways exactly there's 542 00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 1: no one, yeah, and that there can be gradations in 543 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: this too, like I I believe, I mean, you're still 544 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:41,239 Speaker 1: breastfeeding your baby. If you're breastfeeding in the morning at night, 545 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: maybe you know you're pumping once a day during the 546 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 1: work you're not pumping all that you would need to 547 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,919 Speaker 1: supply the baby, but you're pumping some like I mean 548 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,399 Speaker 1: that's that can be fine too, Like, I mean, you know, 549 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:54,520 Speaker 1: a baby who is getting one formula bottle and for 550 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 1: nursing sessions a day is still breastfed baby, you know, 551 00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 1: like it's and and there's no you don't get a medal. 552 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,639 Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean maybe somebody else is in 553 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,760 Speaker 1: some sort of online cragging forum where you can talk 554 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: about you know, but I would personally stay away from 555 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: that forum if I were you. I'm just like in general, 556 00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:21,679 Speaker 1: so there's lots of gradations in this, and you can 557 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:25,720 Speaker 1: you can nurse even if you're not nursing exclusively. You can, 558 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,639 Speaker 1: you know, introduce bottles at some point if it helps. 559 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,159 Speaker 1: You know that there's lots of ways to think about this, 560 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,920 Speaker 1: and that can make life a lot less stressful as well. 561 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,560 Speaker 1: And for the record, sixty six percent of my baby's 562 00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 1: got multiple yes. Yeah, great, and everyone's okay, everyone is 563 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:51,480 Speaker 1: exactly the same. I might, yeah, so anyway away from pumping. 564 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: You had another question, Laura, I think about, like what 565 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:57,200 Speaker 1: about longer maternity leaves? How Yeah, I wondered if anything 566 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,959 Speaker 1: changed based in your advice based on sort of how 567 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,280 Speaker 1: how long the person has been out for I mean, 568 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:04,560 Speaker 1: I would assume the majority are right around that kind 569 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,640 Speaker 1: of like twelve week returning that that seems to be 570 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,720 Speaker 1: pretty US standard. But then there's within i know, the 571 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 1: legal world, we're certainly seeing a number of firms sort 572 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: of expanding that to more like in the six month range, 573 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: you know, and some tech companies as well. So I 574 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: wondered if there are differences for different links of time 575 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,040 Speaker 1: that you've been out, or if somebody maybe took a 576 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,120 Speaker 1: year off, if there's other things that you have her 577 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 1: thinking about. Yeah, that's a great question. And people take 578 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:31,640 Speaker 1: the Mind for Return program from all over the world too, 579 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 1: So I've had, you know, plenty of people from Australia, 580 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,400 Speaker 1: in UK, where it's much in Canada where it's really 581 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 1: standard to take a much longer period of time off. 582 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:43,040 Speaker 1: And I think what surprised me most, or what has 583 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,640 Speaker 1: surprised me most over the couple of years of teaching 584 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,680 Speaker 1: those courses universality of the worries, Like you know, it 585 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: may very well be that your kid can walk and 586 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,960 Speaker 1: might not need a bottle anymore, but you're still worried 587 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,480 Speaker 1: about leaving your child with someone you don't necessarily know, 588 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: even though you've edted them and you're worried about reintegrating 589 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,800 Speaker 1: into some of your projects. And there was a really 590 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 1: interesting Harvard Business Review article about that longer leave a 591 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:13,000 Speaker 1: couple I think it's in September, and how you know, 592 00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: a longer leave can be more challenging from a career 593 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,600 Speaker 1: perspective to come back from, right because you've been gone 594 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,920 Speaker 1: longer and the world, the work world might have changed 595 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 1: a little bit more my course itself. It really doesn't 596 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: vary depending on your length of leave, and I think, 597 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 1: as I said, the concerns seemed to be universal. But 598 00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: one thing that the HBr article mentioned as being a 599 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,560 Speaker 1: really helpful tool for employers to use for the longer 600 00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: leaves is some sort of a keep in touch program 601 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: where you know, if you're going to be out for 602 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,200 Speaker 1: a year or eighteen months, even it makes sense to 603 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: keep your employees engaged on some level and make sure 604 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: that they're in the loop generally speaking as to what's 605 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 1: going on, even if they're not monitoring things day to day. 606 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 1: Eighteen months. Wow, Partly I couldn't imagine. And I think 607 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: that that's also something that it could be. It's not 608 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,720 Speaker 1: a bad thing to want to get back to work, 609 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: absolutely there's well, if I took eighteen months between my 610 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 1: two first kids, I think I would have been at 611 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 1: work for like three more months before, Like, well, that 612 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 1: totally happens. I mean somebody, you know, the places with 613 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: longer leaves, like you could be pregnant with your next 614 00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 1: kid when you're coming back from your first maternity event. 615 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: But there's no way, I mean, your career cannot There 616 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,840 Speaker 1: are challenges, there are limits to what you can do, 617 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 1: and you will lose your contacts, you will lose your clients, 618 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,719 Speaker 1: you will lose some of your skills, and you may 619 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: decide that's worth it. Which you know, people in places 620 00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:47,240 Speaker 1: of shorter leaves, if they take time out of the workforce, 621 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,360 Speaker 1: like a couple years, they're going to they acknowledge that, yeah, 622 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,880 Speaker 1: you're going to go away without some of those things 623 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,280 Speaker 1: that may be totally worth it to you. But you can't, 624 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 1: you know, assume everything will be the same coming back 625 00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 1: from from that long of a timeout. And that's fine. Yeah, 626 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:01,880 Speaker 1: And it's also fine. It doesn't make you a bad 627 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,320 Speaker 1: mother to want to get back. I was just going 628 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: to say, I hear a lot of guilt around the 629 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,880 Speaker 1: like I must be awful because I really want to 630 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,320 Speaker 1: be back in my office. No, you're not awful. You're 631 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 1: a normal human being who has aspirations to do things 632 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: other than hang out with your baby. And that's wonderful too. 633 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 1: I think I took twenty weeks with my first child, 634 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 1: and then I took sixteen with my second, because I 635 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 1: remembered that around the sixteen week mark, I was like, Okay, 636 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 1: that's good, I have done. I'm ready to be back 637 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:33,160 Speaker 1: at this. Yeah. No, And certainly, if you enjoy your work, 638 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,120 Speaker 1: you're not going to not enjoy your work after Like, 639 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:38,720 Speaker 1: we don't have to pit work and motherhood against each other. 640 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:42,200 Speaker 1: Like your a mother who also enjoys her work. That's great, Yes, 641 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 1: you can do both. So, and we also have plenty 642 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 1: of our listeners in HR and management and so I'm curious, 643 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: as you've been studying various different companies, what you've seen 644 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: is some of the corporate best practices. I mean, what 645 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,640 Speaker 1: would you like to see companies do to ease the 646 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:00,959 Speaker 1: transition back into work for people and why they might 647 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:04,600 Speaker 1: wish to do those things well, I think believing in 648 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,640 Speaker 1: working parents for the long haul makes those working parents 649 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:13,320 Speaker 1: the most devoted, efficient, and amazing problem solving employees you 650 00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,960 Speaker 1: could possibly have. And so I'm a big advocate for 651 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: reminding everyone that first of all, you didn't lose any 652 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,960 Speaker 1: skills by becoming a parent o contrere, You've gained a 653 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,360 Speaker 1: ton of skills that are in fact useful in your workplace. 654 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 1: And so to the extent employers can really acknowledge the 655 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,640 Speaker 1: new parent employees and say you know, look, I'm investing 656 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: in you for your career. That's going to make the 657 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,800 Speaker 1: new parent employees all the more devoted and wanting to 658 00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:42,400 Speaker 1: come back. So really investing in the new parent employees 659 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:45,320 Speaker 1: is a retention tool. A couple of things that I 660 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 1: would love to see, and I guess one shout out 661 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,920 Speaker 1: I want to do is for the Diversity of Flexibility Alliance, 662 00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,480 Speaker 1: which is a great I think tank and benchmarking organization 663 00:33:54,680 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 1: that has really helped me know about and about breadth 664 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 1: and best practices and then encourage my firm to adopt them. 665 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 1: For example, so one thing is really too degender and 666 00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 1: deparent your flexibility policies and practices so that it's not 667 00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,520 Speaker 1: stigmatizing for parents to have that sort of flexibility or 668 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:20,359 Speaker 1: whatever the flexibility is that you offer, so to really 669 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: make it acceptable for people to have alternative schedules and 670 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,640 Speaker 1: reduced hours and remote work options and things like that. 671 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:30,840 Speaker 1: And it's twofold benefit because not only does it reduce stigma, 672 00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:33,360 Speaker 1: but other people, you know, it's it's they're entitled of 673 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 1: flexibility too, maybe as other relative that needs help or 674 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,440 Speaker 1: something else. So I think that's great exactly. Yeah, And 675 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:45,680 Speaker 1: along those lines in terms of degendering, degendering parentally, and 676 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:51,239 Speaker 1: that includes eliminating the primary caregiver distinction that you know, 677 00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:53,880 Speaker 1: I can go on a ranch about, but you know, 678 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 1: basically the pitch to my firm when I was really 679 00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:00,840 Speaker 1: trying to work to get rid of the the idea 680 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 1: that the primary caregiver quote unquote should have a longer 681 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:05,759 Speaker 1: leave them than non primary is. And how exactly are 682 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,320 Speaker 1: you going to enforce that, right? Are you counting the 683 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,480 Speaker 1: number of diapers one person changes versus the other? I 684 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 1: think just setting up a policy that way implies that 685 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,359 Speaker 1: there should be or there has to be one person 686 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,680 Speaker 1: who's primary. I mean, in my household, there's at a 687 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,800 Speaker 1: primary like we're all on whenever we're on, and so 688 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,239 Speaker 1: you know, I think there is a trend now to 689 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:30,640 Speaker 1: try to get rid of that distinction where possible. I'm 690 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 1: also a huge advocate of encouraging employers to support working 691 00:35:37,200 --> 00:35:41,400 Speaker 1: parent affinity groups. I'm sort of a serial launcher and 692 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,120 Speaker 1: instigator of these, both at the you know, two last 693 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,279 Speaker 1: places that I worked, and also the alums of my 694 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 1: course often go on to say, Hey, we need one 695 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:52,279 Speaker 1: of these at our office as well. And I think 696 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,200 Speaker 1: it helps parents to you know, connect with one another, 697 00:35:55,440 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: to even network and build business relationships among the parents. 698 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,320 Speaker 1: I think gives tell me tell me more about like that. 699 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:04,640 Speaker 1: I don't think we have that where I work, so 700 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: I'm curious, Like, give me an example. Yeah, it's a 701 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: trend association where I used to work. I started. We 702 00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:11,520 Speaker 1: called it the Returning to Work Community, and it was 703 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,960 Speaker 1: really like a group of new parents. It turned out 704 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,120 Speaker 1: in that instance to really just be moms, and we 705 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,600 Speaker 1: got together once a month for a brown bag lunch 706 00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: in the office. And when I came over to the 707 00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: law firm, I really I wanted one here, but I 708 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 1: didn't want it to just be moms. I wanted it 709 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,239 Speaker 1: to be all parents, and so I ended up co 710 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:33,840 Speaker 1: launching the Parent Professional Network at our firm with a 711 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 1: dad who's a partner in the new York office of 712 00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:39,160 Speaker 1: our firm, and we launched about a year and a 713 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:43,400 Speaker 1: half ago, and we have monthly local brown bag offices 714 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,120 Speaker 1: in our lunches, and then we have quarterly national calls 715 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,680 Speaker 1: where we pick a topic that interests everybody. We might 716 00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 1: bring in a speaker, we might you know, just have 717 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,040 Speaker 1: a roundtable ourselves. And it's just a way for the 718 00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 1: parents to connect with one another. The law firms often 719 00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:01,160 Speaker 1: have these professional network structures already, So we already had 720 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:05,759 Speaker 1: the Black Professional Network, the LGBT Professional Network, and so 721 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 1: I wanted to slot the parent one in to the 722 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:14,759 Speaker 1: same format that already existed. And so we found a 723 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,440 Speaker 1: way to have the naming convention be the same as 724 00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,440 Speaker 1: the other groups for example. And it's been I think 725 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:22,439 Speaker 1: we have over one hundred members in our firms group 726 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: at this point. It's just been a really great way 727 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,880 Speaker 1: to bounce ideas off of each other and have an 728 00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,760 Speaker 1: open door, open line of communication with HR as well. Cool. 729 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,040 Speaker 1: Maybe I'll have to try to copy you at my organization. 730 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:39,120 Speaker 1: There you go, absolutely, And then I mean supporting new parents. 731 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,480 Speaker 1: I would be remiss if I didn't put a pitch 732 00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,400 Speaker 1: in for mindful Return. There are forty three employers that 733 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,120 Speaker 1: now offer it as a parental leaf benefit to help 734 00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,919 Speaker 1: their employees deal with that transition back. Some places offer 735 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:55,439 Speaker 1: one on one coaching as well. Companies offer Milk Store. 736 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:00,319 Speaker 1: I can't say enough about backup care benefits. Know if 737 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:03,239 Speaker 1: either of you has had experience, Laura, I imagine not 738 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:10,319 Speaker 1: you perhaps working for yourself, but benefits are limited. But yeah, 739 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,120 Speaker 1: you know, I have twenty days of backup care benefits 740 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,919 Speaker 1: am I firm without any co pay, which is sort 741 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: of extraordinary. I know a lot of other places have 742 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:24,399 Speaker 1: a fair number of days, maybe with a twenty dollars 743 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: or thirty dollars copay. And we have an option of 744 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: two things. One either taking our child to one of 745 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 1: the centers. Ours happens to be Bright Horizon backup Care, 746 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,799 Speaker 1: so we can take our child to a Bright Horizon center, 747 00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: or we can have somebody come to our house. And 748 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:41,320 Speaker 1: Bright Horizons just organizes it through the local nanny agencies 749 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: to have someone come to your house whenever you need 750 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,840 Speaker 1: the backup assistance. And so I was recently talking to 751 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,480 Speaker 1: a West Coast law firm that decided to offer backup 752 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 1: care benefits, and they did the calculation and said, we're 753 00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:58,239 Speaker 1: comparing the cost of paying a recruiter, if you know, 754 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,760 Speaker 1: to recruit a new hire with the backup care benefit. 755 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:03,760 Speaker 1: And so we're going to choose the backup care benefit 756 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,360 Speaker 1: because it means that we're going to be able to 757 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: retain that person and you know, have them actually be 758 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,840 Speaker 1: productive on days when they might otherwise need to be 759 00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:15,239 Speaker 1: out because school is closed or daycare is closed, or 760 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: their child gets sick. So I think there's definitely a 761 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,840 Speaker 1: business case for that sort of benefit as well of 762 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 1: paid backup care benefits. Literally blows my mind. But wow, 763 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: that's so fascinating to know that such a thing would exist. 764 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: And it took I mean, it's also like a marketing thing, 765 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:36,560 Speaker 1: like you have to tell your employees that it's there. 766 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,359 Speaker 1: I think it took about eighteen months of my working 767 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,280 Speaker 1: at this part until I knew that we had that benefit. 768 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,600 Speaker 1: But once I knew, I started using it right away 769 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:45,719 Speaker 1: and now I try to spread the word all all 770 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:50,080 Speaker 1: my fellow colleagues. That's so cool. Thank you. Well. We 771 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,080 Speaker 1: always like to hear a day in the life of 772 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,560 Speaker 1: our guests, So you know, what, what does a day 773 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 1: in the life of LORI look like? Now, I don't know, 774 00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:02,600 Speaker 1: like every day is completely different. So generally speaking, Monday 775 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: through Thursday ish, I work at the firm. Fridays I 776 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,800 Speaker 1: try to do mine for return, but my life is 777 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:14,120 Speaker 1: sort of an interwoven tapestry of all of the aspects 778 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,200 Speaker 1: of my life. Really, but let's see typical day. I'll 779 00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:21,759 Speaker 1: maybe do Yesterday, so I got up at six. I 780 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:27,400 Speaker 1: do about fifteen or twenty minutes of writing in this 781 00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:31,520 Speaker 1: great book called the Five Minute Journal, which literally is 782 00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 1: what it says that it is, because I have five 783 00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:37,279 Speaker 1: minutes for that. And then I do yoga and a 784 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 1: little bit of meditation, and then I hear mommy coming 785 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,200 Speaker 1: from one of my son's rooms, and we get rolling 786 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: and my husband puts breakfast together while I shower, and 787 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,760 Speaker 1: then we manage to get out the door somewhere around 788 00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,200 Speaker 1: eight o'clock. My husband and I both take our kids 789 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,640 Speaker 1: to school, and then I head to the Metro. Yesterday 790 00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,720 Speaker 1: we had the holiday party and my youngest son's kindergarten 791 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,319 Speaker 1: class room, so we spent a little bit of time 792 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,760 Speaker 1: doing that. Then I take the Metro down to my office, 793 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 1: and I really treasure that commute time one because like 794 00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,360 Speaker 1: I get a little bit of outdoor walking and I 795 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,800 Speaker 1: usually listen to a podcast or read a book on 796 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,919 Speaker 1: the metro and then I get to my office around 797 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:21,759 Speaker 1: nine fifteen nine thirty, and then you know, health hospitals 798 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,440 Speaker 1: and health systems get their proper Medicare reimbursements for the day, 799 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,440 Speaker 1: you know, corresponding with clients, maybe taking a mind for 800 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,640 Speaker 1: return call if I need to, and then packing it 801 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:37,640 Speaker 1: in around four fifth or forty five, and meeting up 802 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:41,200 Speaker 1: with my husband at a metro stop close to our kids' school, 803 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,800 Speaker 1: picking up our kids from aftercare by around five fifteen 804 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:48,759 Speaker 1: to five thirty, making it home around five forty five 805 00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:53,480 Speaker 1: six o'clock. Then we do dinner, bath in bed. We 806 00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,799 Speaker 1: used to use blue apron, now use plated for at 807 00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:59,360 Speaker 1: least a couple of the meals of our week, and 808 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:01,839 Speaker 1: we do all the chopping on the weekends and then 809 00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:06,600 Speaker 1: actually cook the meals during the week. Fathtime is seven o'clock, 810 00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:10,839 Speaker 1: bedtime is eight o'clock, and we sort of switch off 811 00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:14,799 Speaker 1: who puts Foo to bed and then everyone's asleep god 812 00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:19,720 Speaker 1: willing by eight thirty eight forty five. Presuming that nothing 813 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,080 Speaker 1: else went awry or someone took a nap during the 814 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,920 Speaker 1: day that they shouldn't have whatever, and then usually, you know, 815 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:27,880 Speaker 1: my husband and I connect for a little bit and 816 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:33,000 Speaker 1: then nine thirty to ten thirty, I'll be nine to 817 00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 1: ten thirty. Nine thirty to ten thirty, I'll be back online, 818 00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:41,160 Speaker 1: often splitting my split shift between Mind four Return and Dentan's, 819 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:46,200 Speaker 1: my law firm. And uh, then eleven o'clock is lights 820 00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:48,200 Speaker 1: out for me, and then we do it all over again. 821 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,759 Speaker 1: That's awesome. You sound like an ad for d like 822 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:58,640 Speaker 1: walking to the Metro with your husband's situation. Yeah, it's uh, 823 00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,279 Speaker 1: we sort of travel as pack. We've managed to have 824 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,759 Speaker 1: a one car family this long, which I suspect will 825 00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:07,800 Speaker 1: and at some point because our kids are starting to 826 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,880 Speaker 1: go off in separate directions. But I do like how 827 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:11,600 Speaker 1: much the four of us are able to do together. 828 00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:15,800 Speaker 1: That's so cool. That's really cool. Well, Laurie, we always 829 00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,440 Speaker 1: do the our Love of the Week when we have 830 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:22,279 Speaker 1: our guests. So something that's really making you excited this week? 831 00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 1: Sarah and I can go first so that we you know, 832 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,800 Speaker 1: you don't have to be right on the spot. So, Sarah, 833 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,920 Speaker 1: what do you have this week? I have a concept 834 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:35,319 Speaker 1: which I believe was in your book, Laura. It's vacation anticipation. 835 00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,839 Speaker 1: So I'm in the middle of planning our vacation that's 836 00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,120 Speaker 1: coming next week. And also we just I just paid 837 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,800 Speaker 1: for our Disney cruise, which means we get to like 838 00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:47,080 Speaker 1: book all of our stuff. And so I mean I 839 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,560 Speaker 1: recognize I'm probably like, like half of the joy of 840 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 1: the vacations is in the anticipation, but you know what, 841 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:54,040 Speaker 1: why not, I might as well just roll in it. 842 00:43:54,239 --> 00:44:01,200 Speaker 1: It's great. Yeah, I like anticipation. It's always good. So 843 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:06,320 Speaker 1: my love of the week is Forever stamps, which you know, 844 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 1: young enough people who listen to this are like, well, 845 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:10,800 Speaker 1: what do you mean, Like, aren't all the stamps for 846 00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,799 Speaker 1: so back in the day you used to whenever they 847 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,600 Speaker 1: had a rate change in the postal Service, you had 848 00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:18,400 Speaker 1: to buy like all these two cent stamps to then 849 00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,520 Speaker 1: supplement your you know, twenty five cent that had just 850 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,920 Speaker 1: been raised to twenty seven cents, so then you to 851 00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,319 Speaker 1: keep track of that. You're making me feel so old 852 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,640 Speaker 1: that you have to explain that, but go I had 853 00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,440 Speaker 1: to explain that to our to our younger listeners. But 854 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,040 Speaker 1: but you know, whatever, it was that at some point 855 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,560 Speaker 1: in there, the Postal Service decided to switch it to that, 856 00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,080 Speaker 1: you know, Once you sell a stamp, it's good forever, 857 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,960 Speaker 1: whatever the rate changes. So we actually I think the 858 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,040 Speaker 1: rate is going up. In January, we bought a bunch 859 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:48,000 Speaker 1: of stamps just now and partly for sending out. We 860 00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,920 Speaker 1: did it before the holidays to send out holiday cards, 861 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,280 Speaker 1: but we wound up with a bunch of extras because 862 00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,279 Speaker 1: there was miscommunication about who was buying the stamps. But 863 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:00,719 Speaker 1: it's great because it's like a hedge. Again. It was 864 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:05,080 Speaker 1: a write increase, so I'm hedging with stamps now. It's 865 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,000 Speaker 1: funny though now I don't know what they actually cost 866 00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:09,120 Speaker 1: anymore versus back in the day you remembered because it 867 00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:10,879 Speaker 1: was like on the stamp, it was on the stand. 868 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,040 Speaker 1: That's true. Well, that that probably does. It was a 869 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,319 Speaker 1: win for everybody. It's like win for people who didn't 870 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:17,319 Speaker 1: have to keep sent you know, the two cent stamps going, 871 00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,320 Speaker 1: but then also for the post office because there's so 872 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:26,040 Speaker 1: much apparently. Yeah, so funny. I love that, your love. 873 00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,279 Speaker 1: I couldn't tell you what a stamp costs today. Okay, 874 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:30,799 Speaker 1: So I have two quick ones, if that's all right. 875 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:36,120 Speaker 1: One is, my boys have really been in that sibling 876 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:40,560 Speaker 1: rivalry thing lately, and we recently discovered because one I 877 00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:43,919 Speaker 1: got for his birthday the concept of cooperative games where 878 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:46,280 Speaker 1: there isn't a winner and loser, but rather everyone plays 879 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:49,200 Speaker 1: together to try to accomplish a common goal. And you know, 880 00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:52,000 Speaker 1: my son got this great game called five Minute Dragon, 881 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:55,000 Speaker 1: which I am totally into because we're all trying to 882 00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:58,680 Speaker 1: defeat the monsters together and it really reduces the whole 883 00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:03,480 Speaker 1: in fighting thing. And my second one is that situation 884 00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:05,920 Speaker 1: of you know, it's winter time, the kids are always, always, 885 00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,080 Speaker 1: always losing their gloves everywhere and leaving them all over 886 00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:10,719 Speaker 1: the place and we can't find them. So I bought 887 00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,960 Speaker 1: one of those twelve pair so twenty four identical Nick 888 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,880 Speaker 1: Gloves packs of gloves, and now we just have them 889 00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:19,600 Speaker 1: all over the house. Wherever you need a glove, you're 890 00:46:19,600 --> 00:46:21,439 Speaker 1: gonna find a glove and it's gonna match because they're 891 00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,040 Speaker 1: all the same. So those are my two make life 892 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:26,640 Speaker 1: for you easier. I love plugs. I love the idea 893 00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:29,960 Speaker 1: of over buying stuff you use all the time. It's 894 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:32,279 Speaker 1: just like, I mean, you couldn't do that with like 895 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:34,880 Speaker 1: the fancy like north faced gloves that you'd be I mean, 896 00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,360 Speaker 1: unless you're like in dough and which is God bush you, 897 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:42,040 Speaker 1: but like for the little the little cheapo gloves. Yes, 898 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,480 Speaker 1: I got twenty four black knit gloves from nineteen ninety 899 00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:47,640 Speaker 1: nine on Amazon, and now we've got some upstairs and 900 00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 1: some downstairs. And it's like we never have to stop 901 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:51,440 Speaker 1: to run out the door and be like, oh I 902 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,440 Speaker 1: can't leave and they don't have my gloves. No here 903 00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,360 Speaker 1: here are Y's beautiful. I love that, although that probably 904 00:46:58,360 --> 00:46:59,839 Speaker 1: made stare I just go crazy, just like I don't 905 00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:05,320 Speaker 1: want gloves all over my house. I do want pacifiers, pasifier, 906 00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:11,400 Speaker 1: but gloves, especially down here, that'd be silly. Yes, all right, Well, Laurie, 907 00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,640 Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on. Best in both worlds. 908 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,120 Speaker 1: We really appreciate you making the time to be here. Well, 909 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:17,760 Speaker 1: thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure 910 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,279 Speaker 1: to talk with you both. And thanks for continuing this 911 00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:24,440 Speaker 1: conversation for all working parents. Oh, thank you. Well, that 912 00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,719 Speaker 1: was a great interview. We have a great question for us, 913 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,239 Speaker 1: submitted I believe via an email and it was on 914 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,719 Speaker 1: Laura's birthday, so it begins Happy birthday, Laura. We love 915 00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:36,080 Speaker 1: the podcast. I have a question I'd like you to answer. 916 00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,920 Speaker 1: I'm a mom of three girls. They're all five and under. 917 00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,239 Speaker 1: And I'm an attorney. I'd love to hear about tricks 918 00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:44,080 Speaker 1: you've discovered making life work with many kids. I can't 919 00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:46,160 Speaker 1: decide if it works better, for example, to take all 920 00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:48,560 Speaker 1: the kids to the doctor on the same day, reducing 921 00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:51,279 Speaker 1: drive time but guaranteeing chaos, or if it makes more 922 00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,600 Speaker 1: sense to schedule their appointments separately. The doctor and I 923 00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,680 Speaker 1: can focus on each one, but have to make three 924 00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,200 Speaker 1: separate trips. I know better than to take them all 925 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:01,080 Speaker 1: to the grocery store. But outside of family events, what 926 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,080 Speaker 1: other areas of life does it make sense to do 927 00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:06,120 Speaker 1: things with them in numbers versus one on one. Thank 928 00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:10,719 Speaker 1: you so much. Ah, Yes, the batching it's a good one. 929 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:14,600 Speaker 1: I mean, because when you do have multiple kids, I mean, 930 00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:18,080 Speaker 1: there are certain economies of scale. And you know, I 931 00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,560 Speaker 1: was thinking about this every night so that I'm, for instance, 932 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,680 Speaker 1: plating dinner for the kids. Like if I'm doing this 933 00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,279 Speaker 1: on the weekend or in the morning with breakfast, I 934 00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:28,680 Speaker 1: will like put out four plates and then cut up 935 00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:30,960 Speaker 1: bananas on all four plates and then cut up you know, 936 00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:34,239 Speaker 1: Karen sticks on all four plates and then put a 937 00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 1: little bit of this thing on. It's You're just batching 938 00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,600 Speaker 1: all kinds of things. It's a bit like being a 939 00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,000 Speaker 1: short order cook. You know, the shoes are all in 940 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,640 Speaker 1: one place and everyone it's like you're checking off shoes, coat, backpack. Okay, 941 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,520 Speaker 1: all three have that out the door to the batching 942 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:52,680 Speaker 1: has a lot going for it. We do some of 943 00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:55,799 Speaker 1: this with doctor appointments, not all four together by any means, 944 00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,719 Speaker 1: but they're spread out enough that you just wouldn't do it. 945 00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,680 Speaker 1: But I take you know, last year, I took the 946 00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,120 Speaker 1: two big boys together, right like that made a lot 947 00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,719 Speaker 1: of sense to do, and they in fact sat out 948 00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,279 Speaker 1: in the hallway during each other's exams. So that was 949 00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:10,839 Speaker 1: a way that our doctor dealt with this. We've often 950 00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:15,920 Speaker 1: taken the two littler kids together, so the seven year 951 00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:19,399 Speaker 1: old and three year old. My husband took them last year, 952 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,600 Speaker 1: and our nanny went as well, because I think if 953 00:49:21,640 --> 00:49:23,680 Speaker 1: you're taking smaller kids at the same time, you would 954 00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:27,800 Speaker 1: definitely want to have another adult presence. So, for instance, 955 00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,839 Speaker 1: this woman who's got five girl or three girls, say 956 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:32,320 Speaker 1: five girls under the age of three, that would be 957 00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:34,440 Speaker 1: a little bit more chaotic than three girls under the 958 00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:38,480 Speaker 1: age of five, but she could do all the appointments 959 00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,200 Speaker 1: at the same time of her office would let her 960 00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,640 Speaker 1: do that, but have another adult with her, so either 961 00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:45,960 Speaker 1: her partner or nanny or another relative, and so that 962 00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:50,120 Speaker 1: way she or the other or her partner, the person 963 00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:53,440 Speaker 1: was choosing to do it could be with the one 964 00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:56,160 Speaker 1: child who the doctor was focusing on, and then the 965 00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,239 Speaker 1: other parent or adult could take the other two kids 966 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,840 Speaker 1: and you switch off that way, So that way you 967 00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,680 Speaker 1: reduce the driving time but also not have as much 968 00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,839 Speaker 1: of the chaos. So that's kind of how we've done. 969 00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,359 Speaker 1: I think that's going to change as the daughter gets 970 00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,960 Speaker 1: a little bit older, because obviously she's not going to 971 00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:14,480 Speaker 1: be one there with her her little brother for things 972 00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:17,160 Speaker 1: like this. My husband will take all of them to 973 00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,200 Speaker 1: the dentist at the same time. If he just takes 974 00:50:20,239 --> 00:50:21,920 Speaker 1: the three big kids, it would be just him and 975 00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,799 Speaker 1: the three kids. And you know, they have a couple 976 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,759 Speaker 1: dental high genis working at the place, so they can 977 00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:28,799 Speaker 1: either do two at a time or sometimes all four 978 00:50:28,840 --> 00:50:31,560 Speaker 1: at a time. When he starts bringing our little guy, 979 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:34,200 Speaker 1: I think our nanny will go with him, probably for that. Wait, 980 00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,799 Speaker 1: so your husband goes to the same dentists that your kids, 981 00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:40,320 Speaker 1: it's like a family dentist. It's a family dunist. Wow, oh, definitely, 982 00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:46,040 Speaker 1: that's very dentists. And then there's adult dentists combine. I 983 00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:51,080 Speaker 1: feel like that is needlessly one dentist. We all have teeth. 984 00:50:51,400 --> 00:50:53,640 Speaker 1: Probably the dentist has seen both baby teeth and adult 985 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,560 Speaker 1: teeth and could deal with both. So I don't know. 986 00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,840 Speaker 1: Our pediatric dentist is so good with kids that my 987 00:50:59,160 --> 00:51:01,759 Speaker 1: Cameron will ask every day, like leading up to it 988 00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,719 Speaker 1: is today, the appointment is today? That's awesome. I know. Well, 989 00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,640 Speaker 1: our dentist is a mom who also has kids at 990 00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:11,160 Speaker 1: the same middle school, for instance, so she's she's said 991 00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,239 Speaker 1: with kids just by nature of like who she is, 992 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,640 Speaker 1: but then she's fine with adults too. I mean she's 993 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,720 Speaker 1: the one who when I've had had my broken tooth, 994 00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:20,120 Speaker 1: when went in there and be like, hey, I can 995 00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:22,160 Speaker 1: take out that other filling and replace it too, that's 996 00:51:22,200 --> 00:51:24,680 Speaker 1: right next to it. And so now I have, you know, 997 00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:29,200 Speaker 1: all white fillings, which is exciting any that was getting 998 00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,680 Speaker 1: away from it. But yeah, no, we have digressed. We 999 00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 1: have digressed. But sure, yeah, no, why why not like 1000 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,920 Speaker 1: go to the dentists is the same time as like 1001 00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,879 Speaker 1: older children who don't need to be like really closely supervised. 1002 00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:44,719 Speaker 1: I think that's a time saver there. I can give 1003 00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:47,040 Speaker 1: you guys the go ahead. Do you have more Yes, 1004 00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:49,360 Speaker 1: you were talking about activities a little bit right, Just 1005 00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:51,200 Speaker 1: that you know, when the kids are little, if they 1006 00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:55,919 Speaker 1: are not expressing too much interest in their own unique things. 1007 00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:57,200 Speaker 1: I mean, some of this is going to be whatever 1008 00:51:57,280 --> 00:52:00,200 Speaker 1: the older girl winds up doing, her sisters are to 1009 00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,120 Speaker 1: wind up doing too. I mean, this is just the 1010 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:05,160 Speaker 1: reality of having lots of kids in close succession, is 1011 00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,800 Speaker 1: that those will be the activities you are familiar with, 1012 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,480 Speaker 1: and because your other daughters will see them, that will 1013 00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,040 Speaker 1: sort of be what they'll want to do, which is great. 1014 00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,000 Speaker 1: Like you can try and get everyone in, you know, 1015 00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:17,480 Speaker 1: lessons at the same time or at the same place. 1016 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,040 Speaker 1: You can also, I mean, they will express their own 1017 00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,920 Speaker 1: interests eventually, because they are different people, and that just 1018 00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:27,319 Speaker 1: because their siblings doesn't mean they're the same people. Same 1019 00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,279 Speaker 1: thing with twins. If you had twins, you wouldn't you know, 1020 00:52:29,520 --> 00:52:31,239 Speaker 1: they're going to be their own people too. It doesn't 1021 00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:33,840 Speaker 1: mean then y'll do the same thing, but you know, 1022 00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:35,800 Speaker 1: I think you should feel free to set systems for 1023 00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:38,799 Speaker 1: the whole family and then kids can have their own things. 1024 00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:40,640 Speaker 1: But they also need to work within the structures of 1025 00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,520 Speaker 1: a bigger family. So like this is homework time, this 1026 00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,080 Speaker 1: is everyone is in the room reading time. You know, 1027 00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:50,000 Speaker 1: this is what we have for breakfast. It You can 1028 00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:53,160 Speaker 1: make a lot of these decisions with an eye toward 1029 00:52:53,920 --> 00:52:56,040 Speaker 1: making it work for you, given that. I think there's 1030 00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:58,080 Speaker 1: so many upsides of having lots of sibling I mean, 1031 00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,520 Speaker 1: I say this obviously from the perspective of having children. 1032 00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:03,200 Speaker 1: I'd like bigger families, But if you have them, you know, 1033 00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,959 Speaker 1: the systems wind up being the thing, and individual people 1034 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:10,120 Speaker 1: can have their own thing within that, but the systems 1035 00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:12,320 Speaker 1: are very important. All right now, Sarah, you have some 1036 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,160 Speaker 1: no I think we tend to think really alike with 1037 00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,839 Speaker 1: a lot of this. And you know, even with activities, 1038 00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,800 Speaker 1: you can offer them either to do the same activity 1039 00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:24,200 Speaker 1: or if they don't want that, then you may offer 1040 00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:26,480 Speaker 1: them a list. Hey, these are all the activities at 1041 00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:29,000 Speaker 1: the hy at this hour. You have to pick one 1042 00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:30,759 Speaker 1: that's available at that time because that's when we're going 1043 00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,080 Speaker 1: to the y. So you may logistically be able to 1044 00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:35,160 Speaker 1: batch them even if they're not doing exactly the same thing. 1045 00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,279 Speaker 1: I just wanted to tell the story that I tried 1046 00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:40,400 Speaker 1: to put my two older. So Annabella is six and 1047 00:53:40,400 --> 00:53:43,120 Speaker 1: a half and Cameron is almost five. Pre K and 1048 00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:45,640 Speaker 1: first grade kind of different developmental stages, but I figured 1049 00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:47,640 Speaker 1: close enough, and the gymnastics class said it was for 1050 00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:50,640 Speaker 1: ages four to seven, so I'm like, great, not great. 1051 00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,360 Speaker 1: They were like totally every week. The teacher said, you know, 1052 00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:56,280 Speaker 1: they'd be really good if they weren't in class together, 1053 00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,840 Speaker 1: because they just disrupt each other, and then they disrupt 1054 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:02,320 Speaker 1: everybody else because their brother and really they both have 1055 00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:04,960 Speaker 1: potential on their own. But this is not working. And 1056 00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:06,560 Speaker 1: I was kind of like, well, we'll just have to 1057 00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:08,440 Speaker 1: deal with that next time because the activity schedule is 1058 00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,239 Speaker 1: set and it's not going to change. So but for 1059 00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,759 Speaker 1: the future, I've learned my lesson and maybe they could 1060 00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:15,680 Speaker 1: take classes at the same time, but not in the 1061 00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:19,200 Speaker 1: actual same class. I was gonna mention, that's fine. I 1062 00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:21,480 Speaker 1: love that you use the word that they were sabotaging 1063 00:54:21,600 --> 00:54:24,720 Speaker 1: each other. I'm trying to think about what it means 1064 00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:28,560 Speaker 1: to sabotage each other in a gymnastic setting, like it's 1065 00:54:28,600 --> 00:54:30,520 Speaker 1: their turn to do it, and so you might trip 1066 00:54:30,560 --> 00:54:31,759 Speaker 1: them on the way up to the bar. I don't 1067 00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:36,799 Speaker 1: even know, just terrible so bedtime is a question. We've 1068 00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:38,120 Speaker 1: gotten a lot. I get it a lot on my 1069 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:40,880 Speaker 1: blog and Laura's gotten it, and I would say my 1070 00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:44,879 Speaker 1: bedtime routine is all about batching, specifically the older two. 1071 00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:48,040 Speaker 1: I feel like it would be the same amount of 1072 00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,160 Speaker 1: work to put like Genevieve and Cameron to bed as 1073 00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:52,719 Speaker 1: it is to put Genevieve and Cameron Annabel to bed, 1074 00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:55,520 Speaker 1: because she goes to bed first, and then they share 1075 00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,360 Speaker 1: a room, so they just we just like, okay, now 1076 00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,439 Speaker 1: you're both brushing your teeth. Okay, now we're both reading 1077 00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,600 Speaker 1: a story. And they can listen to the same books. 1078 00:55:01,640 --> 00:55:03,440 Speaker 1: So I think there's there's a lot you can. You know, 1079 00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:06,000 Speaker 1: economy of scale really really is a thing. So I say, 1080 00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:07,839 Speaker 1: go for it. But I was gonna leave you all 1081 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:10,680 Speaker 1: also with the doctor's perspective, because I've got plenty of 1082 00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,440 Speaker 1: batched siblings which will come in to see me. I 1083 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,759 Speaker 1: do have one family of four kids. I let them 1084 00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,279 Speaker 1: book like half my morning, like it'll just be this 1085 00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:21,759 Speaker 1: one family because I know they're going to come. But 1086 00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:24,520 Speaker 1: if you do book, especially like more than two kids, 1087 00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:26,960 Speaker 1: do not know a show because then you have kind 1088 00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:30,960 Speaker 1: of like taken up a lot of spots, yes, the 1089 00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:36,280 Speaker 1: entire The other one is try your best to focus 1090 00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,160 Speaker 1: on one kid at a time. So whichever one you 1091 00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,279 Speaker 1: want to start with, go for it, but don't be like, oh, 1092 00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:44,640 Speaker 1: and it's not like the doctor probably is like has 1093 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:46,680 Speaker 1: one note open and really is trying to think about 1094 00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,239 Speaker 1: that patient story. So they're not ready to hear things 1095 00:55:49,239 --> 00:55:51,400 Speaker 1: about the other one while you're focused on one. So 1096 00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:53,239 Speaker 1: maybe try if you can kick the other one out 1097 00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:54,680 Speaker 1: of the room and let them hang out in the 1098 00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,120 Speaker 1: waiting room or at very you know, they can be 1099 00:55:58,200 --> 00:55:59,880 Speaker 1: on their iPad or reading a book or something, but 1100 00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:02,279 Speaker 1: just really have the mindset that, Okay, we're going to 1101 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:05,000 Speaker 1: talk about this one and then we'll talk about that one. 1102 00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,480 Speaker 1: Because my parents tend to, like, I don't know, they 1103 00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,680 Speaker 1: get excited and then they say, oh, I'm more worried 1104 00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,600 Speaker 1: about this one, but like what, we already started with 1105 00:56:11,680 --> 00:56:18,239 Speaker 1: that one on this one. So yeah, well that makes 1106 00:56:18,360 --> 00:56:20,479 Speaker 1: that makes a lot of sense, makes a lot of sense. 1107 00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,400 Speaker 1: All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. 1108 00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:27,880 Speaker 1: We've been talking with Laura Mihilic Levin about making a 1109 00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,400 Speaker 1: mindful return to work. Lots of great maternity leave and 1110 00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:35,160 Speaker 1: post maternity leave tips. There so we'll be back next 1111 00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,280 Speaker 1: week with more on making work and life fit together. 1112 00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,480 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 1113 00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:47,720 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, 1114 00:56:48,360 --> 00:56:52,080 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 1115 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,960 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 1116 00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,600 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 1117 00:56:58,719 --> 00:56:59,800 Speaker 1: life work together.