Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 2: and speaker.
Speaker 3: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,
Speaker 3: and course creator. We are two working parents who love
Speaker 3: our careers and our families.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 2: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
Speaker 2: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long.
Speaker 1: Term career goals.
Speaker 2: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2: This episode is airing in mid February of twenty twenty five,
Speaker 2: shortly before Valentine's Day for anyone who is into that
Speaker 2: as a holiday celebrating romance and things like that. So
Speaker 2: we are calling this episode keep it Hot. I guess
Speaker 2: this is a first for us, Sarah.
Speaker 3: This is definitely a verse, not because we don't think
Speaker 3: this is an important topic, but because this is not
Speaker 3: a topic I think where either of us feel we
Speaker 3: want to share lots of personal things on the podcast,
Speaker 3: because of course these things don't just involve us, so
Speaker 3: we thought about how we could cover.
Speaker 4: This without being personal.
Speaker 3: So rest assured, relatives, if you're listening, You're not going
Speaker 3: to hear my own specific tips on this topic. However,
Speaker 3: what we did was we were able to reach out
Speaker 3: to listeners and we received a treasure trove of tips
Speaker 3: and questions and interesting things. And so the way we're
Speaker 3: going to format this is by anonymously sharing others' perspectives
Speaker 3: and tips because I think we're all human, many of
Speaker 3: us share the same challenges or victories or whatever, and
Speaker 3: so this is a nice way to be able to
Speaker 3: share some of these ideas around a topic without violating
Speaker 3: anyone's privacy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, because I mean the topics of
Speaker 2: romance and intimacy, like as I'm sure many people listening
Speaker 2: to this have friends who have wound up in new
Speaker 2: relationships as a result of and after a divorce or
Speaker 2: anything like that, and you're like, WHOA, the time they're
Speaker 2: spending together, they're feeling like all over each other, they're
Speaker 2: like public displays of affection. You're like, you kind of
Speaker 2: don't necessarily have that same mindset with your spouse of decades,
Speaker 2: And it's like, well, could you recapture any of that
Speaker 2: without the bad other things happening in between? That would
Speaker 2: the necessitate starting something new So, yeah, we want everyone
Speaker 2: who is in a long term relationship to be able
Speaker 2: to keep it hot, and yeah, it probably won't be
Speaker 2: like when you were first dating, but it can still
Speaker 2: be pretty cool.
Speaker 3: And I guess this would be our trigger warning that
Speaker 3: if there are young ears listening and you don't want
Speaker 3: them about things related to love life, then maybe this
Speaker 3: is one where you want to throw in some headphones.
Speaker 2: All right, So first though, we want to talk about
Speaker 2: the fact that the struggle is real. We are not
Speaker 2: saying for either of us. However, there are many people
Speaker 2: who we know are listening to this who like, if
Speaker 2: you've got little kids, you might be completely touched out
Speaker 2: by the end of the day.
Speaker 1: That's something we heard from a lot of listeners, right, Sarah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so one common thing, and I think one person
Speaker 3: remarked that this was like maybe more likely in someone
Speaker 3: that really likes a lot of quiet time or is
Speaker 3: introverted that they just felt sort of like overly needed
Speaker 3: in life, and therefore sometimes it was very challenging to
Speaker 3: get in any sort of mood because they just felt
Speaker 3: like they didn't have enough of that personal time and
Speaker 3: that can be tough.
Speaker 2: There's also changes in hormone levels, which maybe Sarah, you
Speaker 2: can tell us. I mean, especially our listeners who are
Speaker 2: hitting their late thirties their forties, these are things that change, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, there's an interesting tip coming later on in
Speaker 3: the episode about perhaps managing some of those fluctuations throughout
Speaker 3: the cycle. Those fluctuations are very evolutionary driven.
Speaker 4: And very real.
Speaker 3: But then there's also fluctuations kind of over the decades,
Speaker 3: as you might be approaching perimenopause or headed into menopause,
Speaker 3: and the timing for that isn't standard.
Speaker 4: As we've talked about before, some people have.
Speaker 3: Those things at earlier ages than others, so that can
Speaker 3: be another layer of challenge that goes on top of.
Speaker 2: This, there's also the matter of kids being afoot, so
Speaker 2: spending time together as.
Speaker 1: A couple while the children are occupied or as sleep.
Speaker 2: It's obviously challenging when kids are little if they're waking up,
Speaker 2: keeping you up at night or anything like that, or
Speaker 2: you need constant supervision for them, so it's hard to
Speaker 2: get time together as a couple. But then even if
Speaker 2: the children are older, it turns out that teenagers don't
Speaker 2: go to bed, so if you are relying on the
Speaker 2: kids be asleep to give you some quiet couple time
Speaker 2: together that may not happen now. Of course, they may
Speaker 2: not wake up until noon on Saturday, so the two
Speaker 2: of you could have had eight hours together by the
Speaker 2: time that they're.
Speaker 1: Getting out of bed on the weekend. But they are around.
Speaker 2: And if some of our listeners have small houses or apartments,
Speaker 2: that is definitely a consideration.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is interesting because I feel like the people
Speaker 3: that rode in with teens definitely seem to note that
Speaker 3: this problem actually gets worse, not better as kids get older,
Speaker 3: partly because the teens are going to be more aware,
Speaker 3: partly because it could just be awkward, but also especially
Speaker 3: because of those timing sorts of issues, because if you
Speaker 3: were relying on late evenings, the kids are just naturally
Speaker 3: up later than many adults in those years, and that's
Speaker 3: sort of a rhythm of biology as well. Many people
Speaker 3: say that then when the teens leave the house, you
Speaker 3: can have like a renaissance of source just every minute
Speaker 3: you want, But not everyone wants to wait that long,
Speaker 3: which I one hundred percent understand.
Speaker 1: There.
Speaker 2: You know, obviously, scheduling is an option for making sure
Speaker 2: that things are on the calendar, but there's a certain
Speaker 2: stigma around that I know that people have. There's also
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes in long term partnerships of resentments can
Speaker 2: build up too, so it's hard to feel loving if
Speaker 2: one party feels like they're getting the short end of
Speaker 2: the stick on things like chores or childcare or anything
Speaker 2: like that. So if people are feeling like they are
Speaker 2: doing too much or more than their share, that can
Speaker 2: be an inhibitor as well.
Speaker 3: So those are all the problems, well not all the problems,
Speaker 3: but those are just several of the challenges that our
Speaker 3: listeners sent in. And so we are going to segue
Speaker 3: into the positive side of this by sharing some really
Speaker 3: awesome and some interesting listener hips, some of them spicier
Speaker 3: than others.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the first isn't spicy at all, which is to
Speaker 2: share the load.
Speaker 1: So one of the.
Speaker 2: Best things I think that women in the busy years
Speaker 2: can do is take one night for your own pursuits
Speaker 2: each week. So if that's that, you want to go
Speaker 2: out with friends one night a week, if you want
Speaker 2: to join a choir, if you want to go to
Speaker 2: a regular class at your gym, if you want to
Speaker 2: join the pickleball league, if you want to volunteer somewhere,
Speaker 2: but just that you make sure you have time for
Speaker 2: your own interests and something that is not work and
Speaker 2: is not caring for family members. It could be early
Speaker 2: morning Sarah runs with a group. She doesn't like to
Speaker 2: stay out late. But making sure that you have time
Speaker 2: for yourself is actually going to make you more excited
Speaker 2: about life in general, and that can have spillover effects
Speaker 2: for being excited about other things.
Speaker 3: That's so true that feeling of like independence or even
Speaker 3: just connecting with your sort of younger self, I think
Speaker 3: can kind of lead to healthier feelings along those lines.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then of course scheduling.
Speaker 2: Yes, so people wrote in with this, so we have
Speaker 2: a lot of people who say they schedule time with
Speaker 2: their partners.
Speaker 3: Correct Sarah, Yeah, somebody actually wrote that which gets scheduled
Speaker 3: gets done parentheses including sex.
Speaker 2: So if it needs to be on the calendar, it
Speaker 2: needs to be on the calendar. And I'll note here
Speaker 2: that many women have sort of a longer runway, as
Speaker 2: it were, for getting into the mood, and so knowing
Speaker 2: that it will happen ahead of time can actually be
Speaker 2: a real positive because it gives you time to get excited,
Speaker 2: whereas if it's just like all of a sudden, hey,
Speaker 2: this is what's happening next. That might be a little
Speaker 2: bit more challenging for some people to make happen.
Speaker 3: Totally makes sense, and I think on the of same
Speaker 3: lines of scheduling, it could be just a rotating regular routine,
Speaker 3: like everybody just expects that X night and X night
Speaker 3: or whatever those are a couple nights, and maybe that
Speaker 3: kind of is strategically figured out around your kids activity
Speaker 3: schedule or other things. But by having things kind of
Speaker 3: be expected, I think that would serve a similar purpose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So one couple, one listener who wrote in said
Speaker 2: that they do a day date on Saturday or Sunday
Speaker 2: twice a month and they have a sitter come from
Speaker 2: eight am to two pm. They go have a workout together,
Speaker 2: have a leisurely breakfast, and prioritize being intimate during this
Speaker 2: time because she says she actually has the energy and
Speaker 2: is in the mood unlike Thursday at nine pm, which
Speaker 2: I think is really smart. And so then we asked
Speaker 2: a follow up question, which is that are the sitter
Speaker 2: and your kids hanging out right outside your apartment door,
Speaker 2: And the answer is no. They hire the sitter to
Speaker 2: go take the kids out to a local playplace in
Speaker 2: the morning, so they take it. You know, they get
Speaker 2: out in the morning after they guess they go to
Speaker 2: the gym first or whatever sitter can feed the kid's breakfast.
Speaker 2: They go to the play place when it's open, they're
Speaker 2: there for a couple hours, come back at two o'clock,
Speaker 2: and everything has happened as it is supposed to happen.
Speaker 3: I can think of a few variations on this theme
Speaker 3: that could work really well, because I will say, like,
Speaker 3: this particular scenario sounds like it would work with young
Speaker 3: kids who are up early. Like if you told my
Speaker 3: almost thirteen year old, oh, hey, we're gonna like have
Speaker 3: a sitter drag you out the door.
Speaker 4: At eight am, I mean not happening, it would not
Speaker 4: go over well.
Speaker 3: And it's funny because you know, when your kids are little,
Speaker 3: you don't realize that you kind of expect to be
Speaker 3: in that mode, but they do get to a point
Speaker 3: where like, that's just not happening. But sort of the
Speaker 3: older kid version of this could be that you arrange
Speaker 3: for kids to have simultaneous sleepovers, or if there's a
Speaker 3: family member or caregiver like a nanny that would take
Speaker 3: the kids overnight that that would be a great time. Okay,
Speaker 3: they're hanging out, they're staying over there on Friday night,
Speaker 3: They're gonna do something fun in the morning, and then
Speaker 3: you know, you have the house to yourself.
Speaker 4: So I would say there are.
Speaker 3: Kind of like this would be the young version, and
Speaker 3: then the older kid versions might involve instead of starting
Speaker 3: that morning, kind of heading from the night before into
Speaker 3: the next morning.
Speaker 4: If that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know somebody who would hire a sitter to
Speaker 2: come take the kids, like out to a movie, so
Speaker 2: you could leave for the movie at like five o'clock.
Speaker 2: And the idea is that they were going to go
Speaker 2: out to dinner, but they would actually prioritize having some
Speaker 2: couple time before they went out to dinner because then
Speaker 2: it would happen, Whereas if you wait till later in
Speaker 2: the evening sometimes people get tired. But since they knew
Speaker 2: they had the house to themselves, it was all good.
Speaker 3: Well let's take a quick break and then we're going
Speaker 3: to actually share a very related tip from our listener.
Speaker 1: Well, we are back.
Speaker 2: We are talking all things romance, intimacy, How to keep
Speaker 2: it hot if you have been with your partner for
Speaker 2: a very long time raising kids together. Sometimes this can
Speaker 2: make having a exciting love life a bit more challenging.
Speaker 2: But our listeners had all sorts of great ideas on
Speaker 2: how they could make it happen. So yes, this couple
Speaker 2: did not even bother hiring a center. They have a
Speaker 2: one sort of preteenaged child who can watch him or
Speaker 2: herself in the evening when they go out and do something.
Speaker 2: But this listener writes that my favorite time for intimacy
Speaker 2: is right before date night.
Speaker 1: The door to our.
Speaker 2: Bedroom is locked because we are showering and getting ready.
Speaker 2: Our kid already has extra technology, so he's hanging out
Speaker 2: with that and the dog and on the device. So
Speaker 2: the sound of the shower, which I guess they just
Speaker 2: keep running for a very long time, masks anything in
Speaker 2: their home. She says she is usually sipping a glass
Speaker 2: of wine and is relaxed at this point, so that
Speaker 2: is one approach.
Speaker 4: I love that, although all this shower talk, I'm like,
Speaker 4: maybe they could just involve the shower somehow, I don't know.
Speaker 4: Bring the wine in the bathroom, carring the.
Speaker 2: Wine in.
Speaker 1: Your bathroom door. You're like in your wine.
Speaker 2: You're like, wait, this is somehow I would spill it
Speaker 2: all over the bathomot just.
Speaker 3: Be no, I'm picturing candles. I'm picturing I don't know,
Speaker 3: but yeah, then you'd have two layers. If your bathroom
Speaker 3: is within your room, you could lock your bedroom door
Speaker 3: and your bath.
Speaker 4: In the bathroom four knocks in there.
Speaker 2: So it sounds like the preteen child probably doesn't have
Speaker 2: a whole lot of interest in like banging on his
Speaker 2: parents locked door. My guess I'm gonna be honest with
Speaker 2: you here. The kid knows what you're doing.
Speaker 3: Like.
Speaker 4: Maybe I don't.
Speaker 3: Maybe know, it depends on how involved they are in
Speaker 3: their video games, because I don't know. My kids can
Speaker 3: be so oblivious with technology that it I don't think
Speaker 3: anything like that would cross their mind. But you might
Speaker 3: be right, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: That's okay because yes, you are adults who are married.
Speaker 3: And I like how that person emphasizes that they really
Speaker 3: just love kind of that experience prior and then kind
Speaker 3: of going out.
Speaker 4: Afterwards, and then not having pressure afterwards.
Speaker 2: Because afterwards, because everyone's tired, you know, especially if you
Speaker 2: have had the glass of wine at dinner, you may
Speaker 2: be falling asleep. Another listener talks about embracing opportunistic snippets
Speaker 2: of time. So they have a rule in their house
Speaker 2: that if both kids are out of the house that
Speaker 2: is couple times. So if they happen to both be
Speaker 2: home at five pm on Tuesday and someone needs a
Speaker 2: ride at five forty five, forget folding laundry or picking
Speaker 2: up because those things can happen when the kids are home.
Speaker 3: I like the specificity of the time window here, and
Speaker 3: I wonder, like what the minimum that.
Speaker 2: Must have just like happened yesterday before this person rode in,
Speaker 2: They're like, well, we swim practice was over at five
Speaker 2: forty five.
Speaker 3: Or like if it was twenty three minutes, would they do?
Speaker 3: I mean, like, where's the where's the.
Speaker 2: Where's the dividing line? Yes, like how long of a
Speaker 2: window or how short? I think it's short of a window? Like, yes,
Speaker 2: that's true, it's uh.
Speaker 4: But no, that's I mean, that's great.
Speaker 3: And I love that they just make it a rule,
Speaker 3: so it's a given and everyone kind of knows what
Speaker 3: to expect, and it is so true, like there are
Speaker 3: times that you'll spend precious kid out of the house
Speaker 3: time doing things that you could absolutely do when the
Speaker 3: kids in the house. And I remember when the kids
Speaker 3: were really little I thought about that, not specific to
Speaker 3: this activity, but even just like things like when would
Speaker 3: you do your work out? When did you do your housework?
Speaker 3: Like you want to do the the things you don't
Speaker 3: want the kid to interrupt, do that when they're gone, Like,
Speaker 3: don't ever spend that time when the kids are gone
Speaker 3: doing things that it doesn't matter if they're there.
Speaker 4: If that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then into the sound of like and plus
Speaker 2: kids should see that housework is happening, that it's not
Speaker 2: you know, being done by like the tooth fairy or something.
Speaker 4: True, and they don't need to see other things. So yeah,
Speaker 4: makes sense. There we go.
Speaker 2: So another listener wrote in about an argument she had
Speaker 2: had with her partner about timing, especially in terms of
Speaker 2: her hormonal cycle. So, Sarah, maybe you can talk through
Speaker 2: that one.
Speaker 3: Yes, this one was fascinating to me, So I'm going
Speaker 3: to share it in a little bit more detail. So,
Speaker 3: she writes, in order to kind of solve some conflicts
Speaker 3: they were happening, she gave her husband a cheat sheet
Speaker 3: as to the phases of her cycle in a text
Speaker 3: message after this argument that was precipitated by a request
Speaker 3: for some amorous time that was poorly timed with her cycle.
Speaker 3: It was like right before her period, and she was
Speaker 3: in no mood. So she didn't want to talk about
Speaker 3: it in really clinical terms because she felt like that
Speaker 3: might be a little bit of a turn off.
Speaker 4: I mean for some it wouldn't, but maybe for them
Speaker 4: it would.
Speaker 3: So she said, we're gonna call phase one cycle days
Speaker 3: one through seven, so your period, and right after phase
Speaker 3: two cycle days eight through eighteen, so kind of like
Speaker 3: post period to ovulation. Phase three cycle days nineteen to
Speaker 3: your next period, So that's like your luteal phase.
Speaker 4: That's a cheat sheet here.
Speaker 3: So phase one, she's like, I need advanced warning, so
Speaker 3: it might work out, but you got to kind of
Speaker 3: like see the end of phase one into phase two aka,
Speaker 3: in my opinion, the good part.
Speaker 4: Of the month.
Speaker 3: Feel free to surprise me, flirt, or try something new.
Speaker 3: Phase three I need warning. I will probably say, yeah,
Speaker 3: but please don't try to be spontaneous and manage your
Speaker 3: expectations as to how thrilling it might be. And she
Speaker 3: writes it has cleared up so much confusion about why
Speaker 3: things might change from week to week and that it
Speaker 3: had absolutely nothing to do with our relationship. How attracted
Speaker 3: I am to him as my partner, or how important
Speaker 3: intimacy is to me and as somebody who has natural cycles.
Speaker 3: And I didn't always because when you're on the pill,
Speaker 3: these things are not going to apply. Or even like
Speaker 3: if you have certain types of IUDs or like anouva
Speaker 3: ring or your menopausal like there's these wouldn't always apply.
Speaker 3: But I one hundred percent see where this person came
Speaker 3: up with these phases. They make a lot of sense,
Speaker 3: and I think it's brilliant and very open without being
Speaker 3: like overly graphics.
Speaker 4: So yeah, good job, listener.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, well, I mean it's good to know, and
Speaker 2: if one has a male partner, you shouldn't assume that
Speaker 2: this person would understand that on their own, so it's
Speaker 2: a good to bring them in to the experience with you.
Speaker 1: We had a.
Speaker 2: Lot of people mention that working from home opens up
Speaker 2: new vistas in terms of time that is available, because
Speaker 2: presumably your kids are either at school or at daycare.
Speaker 2: If the two of you have days that you both
Speaker 2: work from home, this can be an option. So one
Speaker 2: listener writes in we have a seven year old and
Speaker 2: a four year old who go to bed at the
Speaker 2: same time as we do, and sometimes they're in the
Speaker 2: room with them, which I totally get. Our five year
Speaker 2: old seems to keep coming in for mommy and daddy's
Speaker 2: room as well. We've had the best luck fitting in
Speaker 2: intimacy during the daytime on Fridays, when we both tend
Speaker 2: to work from home. So if that is a thing
Speaker 2: in your household, if both partners work from home on Fridays,
Speaker 2: you might even try.
Speaker 1: To block out a longer lunch.
Speaker 2: You could eat lunch together, have some time together, make
Speaker 2: sure that nobody has a zoom immediately afterwards, you know, at.
Speaker 3: Taste if it's a screen screen off zoom, screen off,
Speaker 3: a screen off zoom.
Speaker 1: But that can be a great option.
Speaker 2: Or if you both end earlier on Fridays, like your
Speaker 2: daycare is open till five thirty on Fridays and you
Speaker 2: tend not to have many meetings after like three o'clock
Speaker 2: on Fridays, that's a great option, and you can start
Speaker 2: the weekend off together before you go and pick up
Speaker 2: your kids, and you'll probably enjoy the working from home
Speaker 2: experience even more.
Speaker 4: Love it.
Speaker 3: We're going to take a quick break and then get
Speaker 3: into some I don't know, biologic ideas.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 2: We are back we are talking ways to keep it hot.
Speaker 2: If you have been with your partner for many years
Speaker 2: raising kids together, times it can be more challenging to
Speaker 2: find time, energy and be in the mood for intimacy.
Speaker 2: But we want everyone to have an exciting and wonderful
Speaker 2: love life. So one listener actually wrote in that her
Speaker 2: husband getting a vasectomy had been a huge boost in
Speaker 2: the quality of their love life because she was no
Speaker 2: longer worried about getting pregnant, so she was like much
Speaker 2: more excited for things to happen.
Speaker 4: Totally get it.
Speaker 2: We will throw that one out there as an option,
Speaker 2: And if any men are on the fence about this,
Speaker 2: that might be something that could push you over into
Speaker 2: making that decision that it might drastically improve things in
Speaker 2: your household.
Speaker 3: All right, then, we have some listeners who wrote in
Speaker 3: about sort of adjacent ways of making sure this part
Speaker 3: of your relationship can thrive. And one person I will
Speaker 3: quote this. This person writes, couples therapy ain't no shame here.
Speaker 3: If you feel you're in a rut or slump, reconnecting
Speaker 3: emotionally comes before physical connection. Actually for women, she writes,
Speaker 3: this is the best investment we have made in our marriage.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that could be so smart. And you know, it's
Speaker 2: not just for people who are on the verge of divorce.
Speaker 2: People have that idea sometimes, but it can be about
Speaker 2: making a great marriage awesome. So consider that as a
Speaker 2: way to you know, just as you might have a
Speaker 2: coach to take your running game up a bit, or
Speaker 2: you know, like your mentor at work helping you achieve
Speaker 2: the next level, sometimes couple's therapy can be that for
Speaker 2: people's marriages. Yes, another idea this person suggested is that
Speaker 2: it's hard, but try to separate logistics.
Speaker 1: Talk from your date time and your time to connect.
Speaker 2: So the problem is, of course, if you guys haven't
Speaker 2: had any time together, and all of a sudden, you
Speaker 2: have time together and it's like, okay, we're getting ready
Speaker 2: for mommy daddy time, and we need to discuss who's
Speaker 2: picking up who from swim practice, it's a maybe a
Speaker 2: bit of a mood killer for some, not everyone, but
Speaker 2: for some. And so as much as possible, trying to
Speaker 2: have a regular time where you talk about logistics means
Speaker 2: that your intimate couple time is not taken up with
Speaker 2: talk of who's on carpool duty on Tuesday and do
Speaker 2: we need a sitter for Thursday evening and so forth.
Speaker 4: Yes, totally.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's not the best mood booster to
Speaker 3: be figuring out pick up, especially if those things sometimes
Speaker 3: spawn some little mini conflicts.
Speaker 4: That's like the last thing you want. It's no scenarios.
Speaker 1: I said it last week.
Speaker 3: Yes, Another tip was to pay attention to what excites you,
Speaker 3: and that might not be the most obvious thing. Maybe
Speaker 3: it is a sexy TV show, movie, or book or
Speaker 3: something specifically designed.
Speaker 4: For this purpose.
Speaker 3: Now, if sort of traditional sources are not appealing to you,
Speaker 3: there are some products designed particularly towards women, such as
Speaker 3: any Dipsy Stories is a company that makes kind of
Speaker 3: spicy audiobooks geared to women. But maybe it's just like
Speaker 3: a regular like HBO TV show that gets you both
Speaker 3: in the mood together. I mean, you might as well
Speaker 3: take advantage of these opportunities as they arise, and you
Speaker 3: never know what could end up being really kind of
Speaker 3: a fun start to your night.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, there's definitely a lot more things in
Speaker 2: that market that have been designed by women at this point,
Speaker 2: and that is totally new. Was not something that there
Speaker 2: was much of a market for before. So definitely favail
Speaker 2: yourself of anything of that if you think it will
Speaker 2: make your life a little bit more exciting. We would
Speaker 2: also suggest, and people wrote in about taking care of yourself,
Speaker 2: so partly wanting to be intimated, it is about having
Speaker 2: a positive self image and that doesn't mean looking like
Speaker 2: a model or anything like that, but it means being
Speaker 2: comfortable in your own skin, comfortable with your.
Speaker 1: Life, happy with your life.
Speaker 2: So, as we talked about earlier, having a night for
Speaker 2: your own interests is huge, but it could be other
Speaker 2: things too.
Speaker 1: I mean, Sarah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Cute pajamas, I mean for real though, cute pajamas, cute bedtime, outfit, lingerie,
Speaker 3: like something that just makes you feel more confident might
Speaker 3: then translate to kind of wanting to explore things more
Speaker 3: or just like have more excitement with a couple time.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I guess the flip side is more what resonates with me,
Speaker 3: which is like, if you're feeling really like not well
Speaker 3: taken care of and you feel like you're wearing gross
Speaker 3: clothes or you need to shower or something.
Speaker 4: It generally is not the best.
Speaker 3: So putting that, turning that on its edge, investing in
Speaker 3: yourself a little bit can actually be a very compared
Speaker 3: to therapy, a very budget friendly way of helping the relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, although your male partner may not have cared if
Speaker 2: you have showered or brushed your hair or put on
Speaker 2: makeup anything else like that.
Speaker 1: But if it helps you, sure go for it.
Speaker 2: We also say that taking care of yourself physically in
Speaker 2: terms of getting physical activity is maybe an undersung aspect
Speaker 2: of this, because that's part of feeling comfortable in your
Speaker 2: own skin too. And again not in any way like
Speaker 2: people need to be skinny or look like models or
Speaker 2: anything like that.
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with it whatsoever.
Speaker 2: It's more that having like how do I describe it,
Speaker 2: Just feeling like you are.
Speaker 3: Embodied, enjoying the way your body works, or the way
Speaker 3: your body works, that movement feels good, or like the
Speaker 3: feeling of getting stronger.
Speaker 4: No, I get what you're saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that could also give people a positive self image,
Speaker 2: like and you see your body less as something to
Speaker 2: look at and more as a functional object, like my
Speaker 2: body does cool things.
Speaker 1: And if your body does cool things in the gym,
Speaker 1: your body probably does.
Speaker 2: Cool things elsewhere too, So just something to think about there,
Speaker 2: and of course, if your partner is going off to
Speaker 2: the gym and taking care of himself in that way,
Speaker 2: it probably will make life better for both of you
Speaker 2: as well. So that would be our rule for increasing
Speaker 2: intimacy here is that if either partner wants to go
Speaker 2: to the gym, probably that is a good thing.
Speaker 1: You should cover for each other equally but enthusiastically.
Speaker 3: And benefit will be longer, healthier lives in every.
Speaker 2: Way, in every single way. All right, moving on to
Speaker 2: the question. So this is kind of an interesting one.
Speaker 2: The listener said, are you aware of any podcasts that
Speaker 2: are similar to yours and are hosted by the male
Speaker 2: equivalents of you?
Speaker 1: Guys?
Speaker 3: So this is an interesting question, and it's also a
Speaker 3: funny question juxtaposed with this episode, because I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: what would the male equivalent of this episode be?
Speaker 4: Like, I kind of want to hear it.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I don't have great answers because I think I
Speaker 3: mostly listen to podcasts with women co hosts because we
Speaker 3: gravitate towards hosts that are like a little bit like
Speaker 3: us or in the next phase of life than us,
Speaker 3: And that's just I think natural.
Speaker 4: However, lately, I have.
Speaker 3: Been into Mark Manson's podcast. He's the author of I'm
Speaker 3: not going to use the curse word because this is
Speaker 3: a clean podcast, but the subtle art of not Leap.
Speaker 4: And he wrote that blockbuster book with a.
Speaker 3: Not my favorite title a long time ago, and so
Speaker 3: I didn't like pick his podcast because I love that
Speaker 3: concept or that book, but someone else recommended it to me,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, no, I actually really like his tone.
Speaker 3: His vibe is much softer than you might expect with
Speaker 3: that book title. He has a conversational co host, so
Speaker 3: to me, of all the like guy podcasts on my feed,
Speaker 3: I think that would be the one closest.
Speaker 4: But it's still not the same.
Speaker 1: It's not quite the same.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was going to throw out Joel and Matt
Speaker 2: of How to Money, which again it's not the same topics.
Speaker 2: They do three episodes a week on personal finance, so
Speaker 2: if you're not into money, that might get old a
Speaker 2: little soon. But they are dads who are maybe a
Speaker 2: couple years younger than us, but not by much. One
Speaker 2: of them has three kids, one of them has four.
Speaker 2: It just winds up being a lot of their life, right,
Speaker 2: It's like dealing with bringing kid to this and doing
Speaker 2: this with three kids on the weekend while one off
Speaker 2: other is off doing this.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: So it has a very similar vibe in that sense
Speaker 2: of two sort of young working fathers and all that
Speaker 2: they wind up juggling. So if people are interested in that,
Speaker 2: I'd suggest listening to them.
Speaker 3: They also have similar to us, like an interesting They
Speaker 3: have a good mix of like types of episodes and
Speaker 3: different segments, and sometimes they do interviews and sometimes they don't,
Speaker 3: and they have a very natural banter. So I think
Speaker 3: you're right, they're a good equivalency.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to know.
Speaker 3: I want to know if you listen to a lot
Speaker 3: of podcasts or maybe like if you have a male
Speaker 3: partner that listens to a bunch of podcasts, can you
Speaker 3: ask because I kind of want to I want more
Speaker 3: answers to this question.
Speaker 2: Who are the male Laura and Sarah there we want
Speaker 2: to know? All right, Sarah, I have a different question
Speaker 2: for you. Now, do you guys do Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1: In your family?
Speaker 3: We never really like have a special date night, so
Speaker 3: I mean, sadly for the keep it hot side of things,
Speaker 3: it's not like a red letter day in that way
Speaker 3: for us because usually we're both working.
Speaker 4: But I think we've talked about it.
Speaker 3: Like we do sling for the family, we always do
Speaker 3: a Valentine's Day treasure hunt, which is like a big
Speaker 3: deal for the kids. We give them clues, they run
Speaker 3: around the house they have to find candy. There's always
Speaker 3: multiple boxes of candy sent to me and also purchased
Speaker 3: by my husband. Sometimes there have been flowers on occasion,
Speaker 3: not always. So, Yeah, I would say we celebrate Valentine's Day,
Speaker 3: but it's not. It's more of a family love fest
Speaker 3: than a couple's love fest for us, the couples.
Speaker 4: One would be more like our anniversary.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so our anniversary of meeting is actually February fifteen.
Speaker 4: Ah, it's both, it's both, but the day.
Speaker 2: After Valentine's Day, interestingly enough, so we do try to
Speaker 2: do something for that to celebrate it. But then it's
Speaker 2: often not on the fourteenth that we're going out. It
Speaker 2: would be the fifteenth, which is actually kind of good
Speaker 2: because then you're not quite as competing with everyone for
Speaker 2: dinner reservations at nice restaurants, which you know, my husband
Speaker 2: had a funny story about this once and he was
Speaker 2: in I don't know, he wasn't even thinking about it.
Speaker 2: Because like February fourteen was like a Tuesday one year.
Speaker 2: This was before we met, and he was just working,
Speaker 2: like he was in some city working, and so he
Speaker 2: had to eat dinner. So he just goes out to
Speaker 2: a restaurant like the next to his hotel, and he's like, wait, why.
Speaker 1: Is everyone here?
Speaker 2: And like these flowers on the table and like couples everywhere.
Speaker 2: He's sitting there by himself on Valentine's Day at this
Speaker 2: nice restaurant.
Speaker 1: So this is year, this is before me.
Speaker 3: Okay, I was like, was he like, oh no, I
Speaker 3: got to text Laura.
Speaker 4: That's too funny. Are going on?
Speaker 3: Anniversary is Labor Day, which is actually not good because
Speaker 3: there's like not a lot of restaurants even open on
Speaker 3: the boom.
Speaker 4: Yeah that's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well so yeah.
Speaker 2: We go ahead that I tend to buy little things
Speaker 2: for the kids, like little presents, but I think I'm
Speaker 2: going to try and be a little bit more proactive
Speaker 2: about it this year. I often there's sort of just
Speaker 2: going to the drug store and getting like a small
Speaker 2: stuffed animal or a thing of candy, but I might
Speaker 2: actually try to choose something they would find more exciting
Speaker 2: and useful.
Speaker 4: Maybe this year. I don't know. Cool.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm still a little We're just coming after Christmas.
Speaker 3: It's a nice I mean, I know people say it's
Speaker 3: a Hallmark holiday or whatever, but like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: it's a love celebration.
Speaker 4: I kind of I liked it. We're the Halloween.
Speaker 2: Well, February has a lot of because that's also President's
Speaker 2: Day weekend. This year is Valentine's Day weekend, so you
Speaker 2: can celebrate President's Day and Valentine's Day. Maybe if you
Speaker 2: celebrate to Groundhog Day earlier in the month, all sorts
Speaker 2: of festival festivals. Exactly, exactly, all right, Love of the week, Sarah,
Speaker 2: what do you have this week?
Speaker 3: Well, I decided to go with the theme. I'm going
Speaker 3: with sex Lives of College Girls. Love that show in
Speaker 3: the middle of watching season three. Yeah, it's a lot
Speaker 3: of fun.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to go with live sports.
Speaker 2: So longtime listeners know that one of my goals for
Speaker 2: the year for twenty twenty five was to go to
Speaker 2: three live professional sports events, go to the Sixers, the Eagles,
Speaker 2: and the Phillies. Thanks to the Eagles being in the playoffs,
Speaker 2: we have actually done two out of three already with
Speaker 2: the Sixers are in their season right now, and the
Speaker 2: Eagles season got extended for a ways that will all
Speaker 2: be over by now when this airs. But this is
Speaker 2: kind of fun to do as a date night to
Speaker 2: go to a professional sport event. If you are in
Speaker 2: a big city, because it's a new experience, you probably
Speaker 2: don't go to that many of them. It's different from
Speaker 2: going out to dinner, you know, So looking to change
Speaker 2: things up a little bit, I would recommend that as
Speaker 2: a date night. And if you're into sports, if you
Speaker 2: have a male partner who happens to like sports, that
Speaker 2: might be something that they might be even more excited
Speaker 2: about doing than a lot of other.
Speaker 1: Date night possibilities. So yeah, throw that out there as
Speaker 1: an idea.
Speaker 4: Love it, love it all?
Speaker 2: Right? Well, this has been best of both worlds. We've
Speaker 2: been talking about how to keep it hot as we
Speaker 2: come into Valentine's Day this week. We will be back
Speaker 2: next week with more on making work and life fit together.
Speaker 4: Thanks for listening.
Speaker 3: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com
Speaker 3: or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can.
Speaker 1: Find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has
Speaker 1: been the best of both worlds podcasts.
Speaker 2: Please join us next time for more on making work
Speaker 2: and life work together.