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Speaker 1: Hey guys, I'm Kayleie Short, and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say. Questions it out you. Okay, I'm officially back

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Speaker 1: from Los Angeles, back in Nashville, and I missed my

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Speaker 1: cats so much. I it was very nice to sleep

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Speaker 1: in my own bed. I had a lot of fun

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Speaker 1: in California, and I mean, honestly, I'm obsessed with Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: but being back with Sam and my little fur babies

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Speaker 1: feels really good. So I was on Instagram over the weekend,

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Speaker 1: and you know, when your explore page, you'll get all

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Speaker 1: these different suggestions, and like, you click on one and

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Speaker 1: it sends you down a rabbit hole of a particular topic.

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Speaker 1: Mine is frequently like make up the anagram And then

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Speaker 1: the Instagram has triggered some sort of self help explore

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Speaker 1: page situation, and a lot of it has to do

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Speaker 1: with friendships. And I think there's something a little odd

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Speaker 1: going on, and there's a little bit of overusage of

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Speaker 1: therapy speak in my personal opinion, happening on TikTok and Twitter,

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Speaker 1: and everybody thinks they're professional. And the term gas lighting

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Speaker 1: isn't somebody disagreeing with you, It's somebody intentionally trying to

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Speaker 1: make you question reality. Um, the term toxic, calling someone

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Speaker 1: a toxic person isn't when your friend lies to you

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Speaker 1: one time. It's when somebody has like a method methodolic, methodological,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, They have like a very

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Speaker 1: intentional plan to make you upset. And narcissists are You

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Speaker 1: can have like about of narcissism or like be a

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Speaker 1: little bit like full of yourself, but that doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: like you're a narcissist who literally can't feel anything. And

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Speaker 1: it's sort of trivializes these big words that are important

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Speaker 1: to be able to articulate what abusers do, but they're

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Speaker 1: not to be used for your fucking friend who's going

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Speaker 1: through a hard time and like messed up and like you,

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Speaker 1: you can't just say things are abusive. It's not fair.

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Speaker 1: And so I and I use those terms. I just

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Speaker 1: try to be really careful because I know what it's

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Speaker 1: like to see extreme examples of these things and true

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Speaker 1: examples of them, and so it's like when you see

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Speaker 1: people trivializing these terms, it's really frustrating. So I kind

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Speaker 1: of wanted to talk about that, especially in the context

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Speaker 1: of friendships and quotes that I've seen on the internet

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Speaker 1: and if you want. There's this thing called confirmation bias,

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Speaker 1: and it's basically like, if you believe a certain thing,

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Speaker 1: you will go find information that backs up your opinion.

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Speaker 1: And that's the problem with Facebook and algorithms is because

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Speaker 1: if you like a bunch of Trump pages on Facebook,

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Speaker 1: you're going to get fed a bunch of Trump information

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Speaker 1: and then I mean, it's like in the movie The

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Speaker 1: Social Dilemma, which I watched into wanting to twenty fascinating,

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Speaker 1: but it's like it keeps showing you this stuff and

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Speaker 1: so then you're never seeing like an opposite viewpoint. And

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Speaker 1: the same thing happens to me when I'm given like

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Speaker 1: you know, liberal journalism and stuff like that, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: I'll find myself and I'm like reading it and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this doesn't read like news. This reads like an opinion piece.

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Speaker 1: And that's different. If I want to read an op ed,

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Speaker 1: then I'll read an OpEd But if I want to

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Speaker 1: know factually what's going on in Congress, I kind of

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Speaker 1: want to know factually, and um, you know, I just

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Speaker 1: I want it broken down for me with the facts,

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Speaker 1: not some douche bags opinion. I can form my own,

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Speaker 1: and so like in moments like that. I'll go to

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Speaker 1: this website called media bias fact check dot com and

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Speaker 1: you can see how far uh publication leans in either direction.

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Speaker 1: And also they're like reputability as far as percentage of

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Speaker 1: their stuff that's that's lies on. Some stuff's really really hot. Um.

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Speaker 1: But so when you take something like that and apply

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Speaker 1: it to these Instagram mental health circles, you quickly get

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Speaker 1: confirmation bias that you're not the problem and you can

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Speaker 1: never be the problem ever, ever, ever, And you'll have

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Speaker 1: yourself thinking that every single person around you is toxic

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Speaker 1: and they're an abuser and they're narcissistic, and everybody in

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Speaker 1: your life has ever wronged you that you've dated has

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Speaker 1: an arcissistic personality disorder, and it's like, that's very real.

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Speaker 1: People have that. Um, everybody who cheats on you isn't

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Speaker 1: a narcissist. They suck. I think we're forgetting that sometimes

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Speaker 1: people can suck without clinically sucking, Like you can just

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Speaker 1: fucking suck. And we all have sucked at some point

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Speaker 1: in our lives, and we've all been toxic. Have we

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Speaker 1: been a toxic person indefinitely? That can never change. No,

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Speaker 1: But have we all done something toxic to somebody at

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Speaker 1: some point in time. Apps a fucking lully. And my

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Speaker 1: personal philosophy is that you really don't owe anybody anything

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Speaker 1: other than respect. And I will stand by that. I

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Speaker 1: think that you really don't owe people your time, You

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Speaker 1: don't owe them your energy, you don't owe them your presence.

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Speaker 1: You just owe them respect and how you deliver that

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Speaker 1: news if you're not going to do something, And I

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Speaker 1: think that obviously that kind of changes like in um,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, like obviously, like you, you would want

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Speaker 1: to help your family a little bit more, you'd want

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Speaker 1: to help your significant other, your best friend. Um. But

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Speaker 1: if you really feel like you don't owe anybody anything,

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Speaker 1: you don't. But if you want to keep them in

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Speaker 1: your life, then you have to, you know, do things

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Speaker 1: for them. But you don't technically owe them anything. Um,

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Speaker 1: just respect. That's it. Like people don't even necessarily deserve

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Speaker 1: your kindness, but they deserve your respect. And those are

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Speaker 1: two completely different things. And that's how I treat my songwriting.

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Speaker 1: If I'm going off on an angry rant in a song,

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Speaker 1: you know it's I have the respect for these people

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Speaker 1: who have been shitty to me. I have the respect

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Speaker 1: to not lie about them. I have the respect to

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Speaker 1: tell the truth and at least not stooped to their

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Speaker 1: level and you know, tell things that aren't true, and um, yeah,

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Speaker 1: so that's that's kind of my philosophy. So we're going

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Speaker 1: to go into on the next segment some things that

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Speaker 1: I've read on these self help things that I've really

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Speaker 1: just kind of disagree with, and yeah, we'll be right back. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I saw this TikTok today and it was a

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Speaker 1: girl who was posting and saying, all my friends who

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Speaker 1: have stuck by me even though I'm in a toxic

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Speaker 1: relationship and like disappear for long periods of time, like

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Speaker 1: you're amazing and like that that's a fair statement. I'm

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Speaker 1: really glad she appreciates her friends for doing that. But

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Speaker 1: then in the comments, people are like, yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: I've lost my best friend of ten years because I'm

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Speaker 1: in a toxic relationship. And the girl was commenting back

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Speaker 1: being like, well, they weren't your real friends anyways. It's like,

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Speaker 1: um m hmm, Okay, that's that gets murky for me. Uh,

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Speaker 1: the whole concept of a fair weather friend, Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's that's a real thing. If you have a friend

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Speaker 1: who's always there for the party and never there for

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Speaker 1: the breakdown. Then you know, maybe reevaluate that friendship or

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Speaker 1: put fewer expectations on it and realize that might not

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Speaker 1: be one of your long term, deep friendships. It might

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Speaker 1: just be a surface level one. But the concept of

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Speaker 1: if they don't stick with you through the bad times,

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Speaker 1: their fair weather friend and it's not a real friendship,

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Speaker 1: well okay. But also when it comes to a toxic relationship,

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Speaker 1: it is nobody's choice to be abused or mistreated. It

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Speaker 1: is like, aside from violence and and threatening and all that,

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Speaker 1: which is a very different situation. Um. But aside from

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Speaker 1: extreme examples like that you you can leave, you can

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Speaker 1: fucking leave, and I've left before you can leave, I

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Speaker 1: really think it's it's really draining on your friends if

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Speaker 1: you need to complain about something but you're used to

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Speaker 1: do anything about it. And I think that that comes

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Speaker 1: up the most often when it comes to dating. And

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Speaker 1: I've had a lot of friends who just want to

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Speaker 1: sit around and talk about how awful their boyfriend is

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Speaker 1: and it's like, okay, we'll break up with them, and

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Speaker 1: then they look at you like you're speaking a different

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Speaker 1: language and it's like, okay, well, I mean, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what you want me to say, like do you

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Speaker 1: want me to just like I can just listen for sure,

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Speaker 1: but at some point, you know, you're really really draining me,

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Speaker 1: and it's okay for me to distance myself from that

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Speaker 1: if it's becoming really draining. And I had this one

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Speaker 1: friend who, um, okay, this was when my sister died,

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Speaker 1: so January nine, and she was dating this guy who

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Speaker 1: was honestly just kind of immature, but she was always

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Speaker 1: psychoanalyzing it and like, really, he just it just wasn't

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Speaker 1: right and he was immature and did things that weren't nice,

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Speaker 1: but he wasn't a narcissist and he wasn't toxic. And

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Speaker 1: even she would say that, but she complained all the time,

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Speaker 1: and she wasn't happy. She wasn't fulfilled sexually, she wasn't

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Speaker 1: fulfilled romantically. I was just like, I don't know why

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Speaker 1: you're with him if you don't like him. You literally

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Speaker 1: don't like this guy. He doesn't meet any of your needs,

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Speaker 1: Like just leave. And she would come over and have

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Speaker 1: a breakdown like probably once a week about this, and

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Speaker 1: I just was starting to get really really sick of it.

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Speaker 1: And then um, one day she was coming over and

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Speaker 1: my my sister had just died like a couple, like

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Speaker 1: I found out a couple of hours before, and she

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Speaker 1: was coming over, but I was like, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to tell her in a text. I'll tell her when

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Speaker 1: she gets here. And when she got to my apartment,

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Speaker 1: I was like, hey, like, I want to tell you something,

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Speaker 1: and she's like, oh my god, I want to tell

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Speaker 1: you something too, and just goes off fucking running about

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Speaker 1: how he like it was some ship, like UM didn't

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Speaker 1: want to spend the night at her house and only

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Speaker 1: wanted to spend the night at his house. And She's

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Speaker 1: just going on and on and on, and I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to like not interrupt and like I would have had

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Speaker 1: to yell together to stop. And she finally slowed down,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, I want to get back

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Speaker 1: to this. I know this is important to you, but

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Speaker 1: like I just wanted to let you know that, like

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Speaker 1: my sister just died. And she was like, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we talked about that for a second

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Speaker 1: and then immediately shot back into the boyfriend stuff and

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Speaker 1: I was just like, oh, okay, so I think a

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Speaker 1: fair weather friend is someone who's not there for you

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Speaker 1: when your sister dies, but a fair weather friend who

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Speaker 1: gets tired of you bitching about your shitty boyfriend that

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Speaker 1: you literally don't like. Um, I don't think that's a

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Speaker 1: fair weather friend. I think that's very very fair, And

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Speaker 1: you need to consider what weight your situation might be

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Speaker 1: putting on those around you. Not to mention, if you

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Speaker 1: are talking about how you're in a toxic, abusive relationship

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Speaker 1: with a friend who was in a toxic abusive relationship,

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Speaker 1: that could be really triggering for them and really upsetting,

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Speaker 1: especially because they're going to feel helpless again because they

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Speaker 1: can't help you because you're not leaving, so they're going

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Speaker 1: to feel the same way they felt in that relationship,

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Speaker 1: which is trapped and in danger on behalf of you.

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Speaker 1: And obviously like that's you should be able to be

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Speaker 1: there for your friends and stuff. And if your friend

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Speaker 1: is in a similar situation to one you've been in

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Speaker 1: your that's a you're a good person to be there

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Speaker 1: for them. I'm only talking about when a friend really

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Speaker 1: really abuses the privilege of a shoulder to cry on.

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Speaker 1: I also see a lot of quotes that are like

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Speaker 1: I'm done bending over backwards for people that won't do

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Speaker 1: that for me, And that is absolutely fair, and I've

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Speaker 1: done that before for sure, But also some of the

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Speaker 1: times that I've done that, I've had to look at

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Speaker 1: myself and be like, Okay, um, they wouldn't do that

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Speaker 1: for me, But have they ever asked me to do

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Speaker 1: that for them? Have they ever expected it of me?

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Speaker 1: Or am I just assuming their needs and going out

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Speaker 1: of my way to do these things for them that

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Speaker 1: they don't actually care about me doing? And at this

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Speaker 1: point too, am I bending over backwards for them? Or

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Speaker 1: am I meddling? Am I trying to get them to

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Speaker 1: do something because I think it's a good idea for

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Speaker 1: them without actually asking how they feel about it? Is

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Speaker 1: it fair for me to resent them for not doing

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Speaker 1: anything for me when I do a lot of things

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Speaker 1: for them if they never asked? And that's a really

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Speaker 1: important question to ask yourself as well. And I think

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Speaker 1: in a lot of situations that I've found myself in

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Speaker 1: and listen to other people talk about that phrase, the

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm done they wouldn't do that for me,

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Speaker 1: So like I'm done treating them like well and stuff.

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Speaker 1: It's been that case where it's like, okay, but they

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Speaker 1: didn't ask you to. Now, if somebody's asking you all

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Speaker 1: the time to like pick up their dry cleaning and

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Speaker 1: listen to them cry for two hours and give them

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Speaker 1: a ride and um, you know, help them hang the

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Speaker 1: curtains at their house for two hours while they sit

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Speaker 1: there and stare at you while you do it. That's

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Speaker 1: not a real life example. What are you talking about. Um,

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Speaker 1: if somebody's doing that, yeah, you you really like you

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Speaker 1: should stop because they wouldn't do the same thing for

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Speaker 1: you at all. And that's unfair. And I've had friendships

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Speaker 1: like that and they're fucking draining. They're so fucking draining,

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Speaker 1: and um, but you need to know the difference and

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Speaker 1: understand if you're like assuming people's needs and and kind

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Speaker 1: of oversetepping boundaries in order to do things for them.

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Speaker 1: Like a lot of people have trouble asking. So it's

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Speaker 1: one thing to be like, hey, do you want to

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Speaker 1: ride to the airport and you give them a ride

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Speaker 1: to the airport and they're like, oh, that's so nice

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Speaker 1: of you, Like I wouldn't have thought to ask. But

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Speaker 1: then it's like the next day, are you like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know the airport and like they didn't even like

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Speaker 1: they didn't want to bring me to the airport, and

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Speaker 1: like blah blah blah blah. It's like, okay, but they

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Speaker 1: didn't ask you to. But if they asked you to,

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Speaker 1: then that's a different story. You also can't expect people

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Speaker 1: to read your mind. That's like, that's not cool at all.

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Speaker 1: There's also a theme that I've seen another thing that

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Speaker 1: was like, well, if this has happened, like if this

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Speaker 1: is a trend with this person and they frequently lose

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Speaker 1: people and don't have any friendships that stick around, then

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Speaker 1: they must be the problem. And it's like, well, um,

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Speaker 1: that that's partially true. And that's where I find confirmation

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Speaker 1: bias coming in for me because I have former friends

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Speaker 1: who have really really piste off a lot of people

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Speaker 1: and pushed people away, and I'm like, well, that's proof

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Speaker 1: they're the problem. But I've also pissed off a lot

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Speaker 1: of people and push a lot of people away. However,

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Speaker 1: I will say, when it comes to like blaming myself,

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Speaker 1: I took a step back and I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: I have never once in my entire life been cut

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Speaker 1: off by somebody and had them be like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: need to put some distance between the two of us,

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Speaker 1: because you're sort of a toxic presence in my life,

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Speaker 1: and I think that it's healthiest for me if we

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Speaker 1: don't hang out as much. I've never had someone, but

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Speaker 1: I have done that a lot. Like I've done that

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Speaker 1: a lot. And I also just like, if if someone

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Speaker 1: betrays me or or lies to me or hurts me

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Speaker 1: in a way that I can't emotionally handle at that

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Speaker 1: point and I don't have the energy to take on

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Speaker 1: that problem, I'm just gonna not hang out with them.

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Speaker 1: And that's okay, And that's completely okay. So it's it's

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Speaker 1: kind of a tricky thing. So it's like, if this

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Speaker 1: happened to them before, then they must be the problem. Well,

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Speaker 1: you need to consider that people attract similar personality types

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Speaker 1: throughout their life because they're comfortable with that personality type.

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Speaker 1: And like, it's why girls date people that are like

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Speaker 1: their fathers. Why, whether it's good or bad, it's why,

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Speaker 1: you know, I've had so many similar friends throughout my

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Speaker 1: life who have been like this particular archetype of the

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Speaker 1: spoiled rich girl who wants to fucking siphon from my

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Speaker 1: trauma and then gets resentful about it and jealous and

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Speaker 1: like sabotages my career. Like that's that's a that's an

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Speaker 1: archetype that I've encountered more than two times, probably three

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Speaker 1: times in my life since high school. And that's just

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Speaker 1: been a thing that's happened to me. And so is

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Speaker 1: that my fault and I the problem? Well, I definitely

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Speaker 1: think that I had the control over stopping that cycle.

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Speaker 1: And so now I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna evaluate my

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Speaker 1: relationships and maybe not get close to people so fast.

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Speaker 1: And that's okay. Um, you don't owe people like a

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Speaker 1: glimpse into the depths of your soul. You absolutely don't.

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Speaker 1: You are allowed to have service level friendships until you

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Speaker 1: feel safe to do otherwise. I just think that we

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00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 1: feel as a society way too entitled to other people.

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Speaker 1: And also sometimes when you're feeling entitled to somebody and

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Speaker 1: they're not able to deliver, it might not be that

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Speaker 1: they're shitty. It might be that they're struggling with something mentally.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about that on the next

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Speaker 1: like we'll be right back. So a lot of things

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Speaker 1: kind of point to mental illness, a lot of like

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Speaker 1: shitty traits, and they might not even be shitty, and

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Speaker 1: you also should like think about it. So a couple

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Speaker 1: of weeks ago, I had a friend who met a

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Speaker 1: bunch of my other friends and they were like, uh,

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Speaker 1: their takeaway from that, they were like, oh wow, like

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Speaker 1: that person was a lot like they were a lot

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Speaker 1: really high energy and like kind of like sort of irritating.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, well, that person's autistic, and they

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Speaker 1: were like, oh okay, and yeah, uh, like they're not shitty,

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Speaker 1: that's just how they handle themselves in social situations. And

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Speaker 1: they were genuinely excited. And I think that maybe the

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Speaker 1: problem was these people had interpreted that behavior as being

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Speaker 1: fake and like ass kissing, but genuinely it's said they

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Speaker 1: were like this um person with autism was really really

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Speaker 1: happy to be around them, and that's really sweet, and

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Speaker 1: like it's just it's important to know that um. And

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Speaker 1: also it's not somebody's responsibility to disclose to you what

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Speaker 1: diseases um or disorders they have, so like if someone

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Speaker 1: has I don't think bipolar would be bipolar is a disorder.

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Speaker 1: I don't think any of these are considered diseases. I'm

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Speaker 1: messing up the verbiage, but I know, like it's autism

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Speaker 1: spectrum disorder and a d h D and bipolar and

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Speaker 1: anything like that. It's like they do get to act

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Speaker 1: differently because that's their brain and if you understand their

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Speaker 1: intentions behind it, like they might be. They're One of

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Speaker 1: the things I really appreciate about my friends with autism

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Speaker 1: is that they're really fucking straightforward. There's no and everybody

336
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Speaker 1: on the spectrum is different, but these particular people that

337
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 1: I'm close to in my life, you never have to

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00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,960
Speaker 1: question anything. There's no lines to read between. They say

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00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 1: exactly what they're thinking. And that's actually a really really

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00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 1: that makes me feel very safe with them because they're

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Speaker 1: not going to lie to me. They might actually be

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Speaker 1: physically incapable of lying to me, and I love that.

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Speaker 1: And it's also like if they're feel closed off or

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00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 1: react to something interesting like in a different way, they're not.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to try to dissect it. It's literally

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Speaker 1: that they're like over stimulated. You don't have to be like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, are they being passive aggressive to me,

348
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,600
Speaker 1: because they're they're not. They're They're just going to tell

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Speaker 1: you the truth. And I wish we could all be

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Speaker 1: more like that. Um, but so it's like a lot

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Speaker 1: of these these traits that we read about on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: Like it's like if they're interrupting you, or they're bad

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Speaker 1: at responding, they cancel plans and leave early, like they're

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Speaker 1: a toxic friend. It's like, no, they probably just have

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00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 1: a neurological disorder. And um, those are all symptoms of

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Speaker 1: a d h D. And so I have a hard

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Speaker 1: time with interrupting. I do it a lot um. I

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00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,560
Speaker 1: think part of what might reinforce that with me is

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Speaker 1: that I write songs, and when you're in a writing room,

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Speaker 1: you kind of have to interrupt because if you get

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Speaker 1: an idea, you need to get it out really quickly,

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Speaker 1: and people are talking over each other and it's a lot.

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Speaker 1: But it's also the dynamic of what I do for

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Speaker 1: a living. So I spend so much time doing that

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00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,440
Speaker 1: and being in a space where it's completely okay to interrupt.

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Speaker 1: When I'm outside of that space, sometimes I forget that

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Speaker 1: it's rude, and so I have to focus really, really

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Speaker 1: really hard to not do that. Um. On the same

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Speaker 1: side of things that I don't, I don't care when

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Speaker 1: people interrupt me, and I try to when I interrupt

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00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,639
Speaker 1: always remember what that person was saying so that we

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Speaker 1: can circle back to it. And I'm sure that's annoying people,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure that's pissed them off, and I just

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Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell them because I'm gonna

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00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get back to what you're saying and I'm

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00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,399
Speaker 1: gonna listen. It's just like I literally will say something

377
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 1: and then my brain five seconds later we'll be like,

378
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 1: don't say that too late. Being bad at responding this

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00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 1: is like this one drives me fucking insane when people

380
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:24,200
Speaker 1: feel entitled to my time, um, and when they don't

381
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,160
Speaker 1: get a text back and they get angry. I don't

382
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,639
Speaker 1: mind when people double text me. I actually really appreciate

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00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,840
Speaker 1: when somebody follows up with me because I'm I know

384
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: I'm bad at responding, and it's helpful for me to

385
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 1: have a reminder so that doesn't bother me. It's the

386
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 1: acting like I'm being rude on purpose, and sometimes I'm

387
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 1: just busy, Like I've had people get upset with me

388
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 1: for not responding to a text in an hour and

389
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 1: I was driving for that entire hour, Like I'm sorry,

390
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,919
Speaker 1: I'm not looking at my fucking phone. I'm listening to

391
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Speaker 1: a podcast. I'm trying to get from point A to

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Speaker 1: point B without dying. There's a million signs on the

393
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,680
Speaker 1: road that say don't text and drive, So okay, I'm

394
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: not going to text and drive. So next time you

395
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,920
Speaker 1: want to get angry at somebody for not texting back,

396
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,199
Speaker 1: if they could reasonably be in the car for that

397
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 1: period of time, like, definitely definitely calmed down. Also, I

398
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,679
Speaker 1: just feel like my text I don't get my notifications.

399
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 1: I don't know what's setting I have it on, but

400
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 1: I will just completely miss things and just have no

401
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,720
Speaker 1: idea that they existed until three days later when I

402
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 1: scrolled down and I'm like, what it's Um, it's a

403
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: it's hard, And I feel like people get angry at

404
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: me about that a lot, and I'm just not really

405
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,159
Speaker 1: sure what to do. And so I think part of

406
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:42,679
Speaker 1: it is definitely having a d h D and I

407
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:47,000
Speaker 1: get really overstimulated by my phone. Um, I don't like

408
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 1: just scrolling on my phone like sam My boyfriend, his

409
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: vice is going on TikTok and Instagram and just scrolling indefinitely.

410
00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 1: And my phone vice has always been like games, which

411
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 1: I recently deleted every single game off my phone because

412
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: I was like, this is not a healthy use at

413
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Speaker 1: my time. And now I've started sketching again and doing

414
00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 1: drawings and I'm really really proud of them, and that

415
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,920
Speaker 1: feels so much better because at least it's like a

416
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: creative skill. And so, like, the only app I have

417
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:20,119
Speaker 1: on my phone that's recreational is a sketch pad app,

418
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: so I can draw when I have my phone and

419
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 1: not all my art supplies and um, but so I

420
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,720
Speaker 1: feel really overstimulated about my phone and that's why those

421
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: are my only vices on there. So I'm not I'm

422
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: not on social media, I'm not looking at stuff. And

423
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Speaker 1: a lot of times I try to. I try to

424
00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,160
Speaker 1: lose my phone for hours at a time. I really

425
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: prefer to do that. It feels so good and so

426
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:44,679
Speaker 1: freeing to just put my phone down and realize like

427
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 1: three hours later that it's been in another room the

428
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 1: whole time. Like I love that, and I think that

429
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,719
Speaker 1: that's really healthy. And so when people get upset with

430
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 1: me for doing that, I'm like, I don't know what

431
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 1: to tell you. I'm probably I think I could get

432
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,280
Speaker 1: better at responding to people. I also think I need

433
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: a new number because I think too many people have it,

434
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,639
Speaker 1: and too many people need things for me. Like right now,

435
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 1: I have three text messages and that's the majority of

436
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: that are people who need something for me, and I

437
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 1: just I don't have three things to give people, So

438
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,679
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do. But does that

439
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,919
Speaker 1: make me a bad friend. No, it makes me really

440
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: really busy and um, over overwhelmed and also have means

441
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: I have attention deficit disorder, So I don't know, Like

442
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: I get so frustrated with people in that situation. Um.

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00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,400
Speaker 1: And then another thing that I know that I do

444
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: that's frequently painted as a toxic friend trade is I'm

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00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: late a lot. Um. I try so hard to be

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00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,679
Speaker 1: on time, and it just doesn't it doesn't happen. I

447
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 1: don't know where the time goes. There's this thing called

448
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:53,399
Speaker 1: time blindness that I absolutely have, and I try to

449
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:57,639
Speaker 1: have good time management skills, I just simply don't and

450
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 1: no matter how hard I try or how much iffort

451
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: I put in. Like at this point in my life,

452
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 1: I think it's pretty clear to myself and the people

453
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 1: around me that I have no problem hustling and trying

454
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 1: and working hard, and I can work for sixteen hours

455
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,480
Speaker 1: in the studio and playing the show and just like

456
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: not stop. But it's it's just like the time management

457
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 1: thing and also like traffic, and I never planned for it,

458
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:21,920
Speaker 1: and I always think it's going to take me less

459
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: time to get somewhere. And I'm also normally packing things

460
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 1: back to back to back. So if I'm late to

461
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,600
Speaker 1: my second right, it's because I booked it right after

462
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: my first rite of the day, and that's just not

463
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,880
Speaker 1: it's done. It doesn't work. And I always think there's

464
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: gonna be more hours in the day than there are.

465
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean I'm a shitty friend. It means

466
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,919
Speaker 1: I'm I'm trying my fucking best. I really am, And

467
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 1: so I don't really know what to say when people

468
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: complain about that. Either I know it sucks and like

469
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,359
Speaker 1: having the friend that you can count on to be

470
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: late is annoying. But also if somebody makes it really

471
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: clear to me that it's important to be on time,

472
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,400
Speaker 1: like I will be. But if I know there's any

473
00:24:56,440 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 1: flexibility whatsoever, I'm going to be late. I I just

474
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 1: am um. And also it's like when someone's late to

475
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:09,400
Speaker 1: meet up with you somewhere, it's and it's because they're

476
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 1: busy like they still took time out of their day

477
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 1: to see you because they wanted to and tried to

478
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: fit you in. And a lot of times, like my

479
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 1: days are just completely booked up, and yeah, there's an

480
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 1: hour and a half that I could fit in somewhere

481
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: to do something, but I shouldn't. I should probably take

482
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 1: that time to like sit by myself and drink tea,

483
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: any answer emails, and I don't know, maybe eat lunch

484
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 1: or something. But I I'll choose to like hang out

485
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 1: with the right person if it's somebody that I really

486
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 1: want to see. And so when I'm late to that,

487
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 1: it's like I didn't actually have that hour and a

488
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: half in the middle of my day, Like I really didn't,

489
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 1: but I tried and I like carved out a time

490
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: to do that. So it's it's hard when I see

491
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: people like really angry about friends who are laid everywhere. Um.

492
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: Also on like another thing about mental illnesses. Um, it's

493
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,960
Speaker 1: it's not toxic if your friend just because your friend

494
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 1: cancels plans, like if they're doing it to be shitty, yes,

495
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: But canceling plans and leaving early, like leaving places early,

496
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: is typically a sign of other things like if your

497
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,880
Speaker 1: best friend leaves your birthday party so that they can

498
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: go on a date with a tender guy that they've

499
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: never met before, that's rude for leaving early. But if

500
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 1: your best friend leaves your birthday party early because they're

501
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 1: really fucking sad and they're barely holding it together and

502
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:30,880
Speaker 1: they need to go cry, then that's fine. That's literally

503
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:35,320
Speaker 1: fucking fine, And it's just it's so it's so hurtful

504
00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: when you have a friend who expects that much of

505
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 1: you during a hard time. And um, also, we all

506
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: have birthdays. Were not special. Every single one of us

507
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: has a birthday and we have it every single year.

508
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,679
Speaker 1: So I will never get mad if people can't make

509
00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: it to my birthday. I just it's like I'd love

510
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 1: for them too, But if they can't, there's always another year,

511
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: and there's going to be other people there with me.

512
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: So there's just I feel we expect too much of people.

513
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,879
Speaker 1: And back to my you know, thesis statement from this

514
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: episode is we don't owe anybody anything other than respect.

515
00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: And I don't call people toxic. If they're not toxic,

516
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 1: you will absolutely know the difference. And um, it's just

517
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: reading all this stuff today on social media. I was

518
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: just like rolling my eyes so far back into my head.

519
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 1: And there's things on this podcast people are going to

520
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: disagree with me on and I respect that, but um,

521
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: that is my philosophy, that's how I really feel. And

522
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: I'm Kaylie Jordan and this is too much to say.

523
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: I'll see you next week. Don't ask me questions, tell

524
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: it out you