1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Deeply Well. This show is a soft place 2 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 1: to land on your journey, a space where we explore 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: what it truly means to live well from the inside out, 4 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:22,080 Speaker 1: not perfectly, but honestly, with all the complexity, the paradox, 5 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: the beauty, and the wonder of being human. Because in 6 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: a world that is constantly pulling at us, this is 7 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:33,519 Speaker 1: the space to come back to yourself, to your body, 8 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 1: your truth, to the practices that genuinely sustain you, the 9 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:43,680 Speaker 1: ones that work when life is actually happening. This show 10 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: is for the seekers, the creatives, the sensitive ones, for 11 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: everyone doing the quiet, courageous work of becoming whole. This 12 00:00:55,560 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: is Deeply Well. Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place 13 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 1: to land on your journey, a space where we explore 14 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 1: what it truly means to live well from the inside out, 15 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 1: not perfectly, but honestly, with all the complexity, the paradox, 16 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: the beauty, and the wonder of being human. Because in 17 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 1: a world that is constantly pulling out us, this is 18 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: the space to come back to yourself, to your body, 19 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 1: your truth, the practices that genuinely sustain you, the ones 20 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 1: that work when life is actually happening. This show is 21 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: for the seekers, the creatives, the sensitive ones, for everyone 22 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:43,959 Speaker 1: doing the quiet, courageous work of becoming whole. I'm Debbie Brown, 23 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: your host, and today we are talking about living in 24 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: a paradox. Okay, welcome back. Everyone's spring has sprung, the 25 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: equinox has passed, mercury retrograde is over. We are out 26 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: of eclipse season. I can be so affected by the energies, 27 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 1: and it is feeling good. That energy of spring do 28 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: so much for my soul. So I've been lately just 29 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: finding a lot of beauty everywhere. I've been having all 30 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: of these like little moments of good luck places, which 31 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: I really appreciate because those are usually the things that 32 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 1: I find really sustained me, not like the big gestures 33 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 1: or the big moments, but just all of those little things, 34 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: those tiny joys that give you that secret, private smile inside. 35 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: So I've been enjoying some of that lately. My sub 36 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,359 Speaker 1: stack is live. If you did not know, you can 37 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: subscribe to it. The link is at the bottom of 38 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: the show notes. It's also, like you know, on my 39 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: ig and on my website. But I'm having a lot 40 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,239 Speaker 1: of fun over there. I felt like the last few 41 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: years it's just, you know, so much work for all 42 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,680 Speaker 1: of us, so much work, so much stress being a parent, 43 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:02,880 Speaker 1: you know, run a business, and it was so much 44 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 1: work that I felt like I loved so much of it, 45 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: but I was losing some of my creative spark because 46 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: there just was not enough space to imagine. There wasn't 47 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,800 Speaker 1: enough space to dream, there wasn't the space to create. 48 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: And so that's what substack is for me right now. 49 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:22,919 Speaker 1: So we've already dropped a couple articles on Substack. One 50 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: of them is definitely going deep in what we're going 51 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: to explore today on the show, which is Paradox, and 52 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,240 Speaker 1: the other article is really a deep dive into me 53 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: and my beliefs and how I came up with the 54 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: practices that I use and examples for you know what 55 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: area of my life was healing in that season and 56 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: just had to really really kind of lock into the 57 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: core of your own process through some of my storytelling. 58 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 1: So you can check all that stuff out there. Join 59 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: our community that's growing and time is passing fast. I 60 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: want to definitely make sure you all know July fifth 61 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 1: through the tenth, put it on hold in your calendar. 62 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: The Living Wisdom Retreat at the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies. 63 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:09,119 Speaker 1: We are going to be doing so much rooted in 64 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 1: your personal practice. My intention is for you to head 65 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,160 Speaker 1: back home from this really special experience that we're going 66 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: to share together and feel so completely devoted in discipline 67 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:27,279 Speaker 1: to yourself and really let yourself kind of flourish in 68 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: the practices and the moments of creativity that you're going 69 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: to create on this beautiful retreat, on this beautiful campus. 70 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,480 Speaker 1: So I hope you check that out link at the 71 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: bottom of this episode. Now let's dive in. I mean, 72 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 1: this is listen, this is definitely and I don't know 73 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:54,360 Speaker 1: if it's because I'm a double Gemini, but contrast duality 74 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: have always been the fibers of my life. It is 75 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 1: how I have always seen and noticed the world, even 76 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,320 Speaker 1: from a very very young age growing up in LA 77 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: and as I've shared, seeing that kind of polarity, seeing 78 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: the difference in the lived experience of LA especially during 79 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:16,279 Speaker 1: the nineties, and so I've always explored, as you know, 80 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:20,679 Speaker 1: grief and joy, some of these opposites, right that seem 81 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 1: to be happening all at once, living in the paradox, 82 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: living in the both. And you know, I think that 83 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:34,479 Speaker 1: this season of human evolution. It's just incredibly important to 84 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: not see that as like philosophy or concept or you know, 85 00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: I don't know, even like an aspirational understanding, but to 86 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:49,479 Speaker 1: really look at paradox as a practice, as a way 87 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: to expand your capacity what it means to be awake 88 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 1: in a world that is both beautiful and devastating at 89 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: the same time. You know, for many of us, we 90 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: are living some extreme conditions, to say the least. Like 91 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: I'm based in the US, so for those listening also 92 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: in the US, we're in active war. We're seeing so 93 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: many leaders, supposed leaders throughout history, so much patriarchal leadership 94 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 1: that was honestly complete bs. You know, recently news came 95 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:41,120 Speaker 1: out about Cesar Chavez, who was a renowned figure in 96 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: the country. But definitely I feel like in LA I 97 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: just grew up learning so much about him in school, 98 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 1: and we have many, you know, places and streets named 99 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: after him, and the New York Times at LA Times 100 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: they've been publishing articles on who he really was, which 101 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,279 Speaker 1: seems to be a monster and a predator and a 102 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:07,320 Speaker 1: sexual abuser and a pedophile, and it's just it seems 103 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: that this is the moment in time where something we 104 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 1: have been exploring for years on this show, integrity, spiritual hygiene, 105 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 1: spiritual integrity, where that is becoming rightfully, so gratefully, so 106 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 1: really on the forefront, you know, really on the forefront. 107 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: And my God, have we needed this moment because I 108 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: think over the last you know, really ten years, this 109 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: last decade, we've been exploring collectively societally, we've been exploring 110 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: so many different tropes, and we've been dismantling or attempting 111 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: to dismantle so many different systems of oppression. We have 112 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: been calling out things that hadn't yet been called out 113 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 1: to a mass scale in that way ever that we 114 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: can remember in our you know, collective human history, and 115 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: even just watching the layers of that unfold and the 116 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: way that that's grown and the way that you know, 117 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: I observed it. It started first with you know, the 118 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 1: me Too movement. Then we began to kind of touch 119 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: on some of the healing that needed to happen, especially 120 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:30,160 Speaker 1: with men, with Kobe's death, with my dear Nipsey's death. 121 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,720 Speaker 1: What that brought out, especially in men, this opportunity, this 122 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 1: permission for real emotion and grief to emerge and you know, 123 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 1: that kind of started and has been running in the background, 124 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:48,400 Speaker 1: and now that's getting even louder because we are entering 125 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: a true era of men's healing and men's movement forward 126 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:58,680 Speaker 1: and growth. And at the same time, you know, now 127 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: we're also confronted it with abusive power and the systemic 128 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: oppression of patriarchy and almost everything. So there's a lot 129 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:15,320 Speaker 1: right now that is hard to look at. There's a 130 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: lot right now that's hard to hold. I already explored, 131 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: you know, what was going on with Deepak Chopra in 132 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: a recent episode, and you know, we're holding all of that. 133 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 1: We're watching our civil servants, our supposed you know, stewards, 134 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: We're watching our supposed spiritual leaders not really move in 135 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 1: the world with the integrity that that kind of position 136 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: and placement demands requires has to have. And it's it's 137 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:57,480 Speaker 1: incredibly strange right now and amazing and amazing. Let it 138 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:01,079 Speaker 1: all burn, let it all, burn, let it all. I'll burn, 139 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: burn it all down. But for those of us that 140 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: are deep thinkers, that are deep feelers, there is a 141 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: lot to be explored right now. I think, you know, 142 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 1: many of our minds, in between processing all of the things, 143 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 1: were Also, I think for some of us that have 144 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: you know, are blessed with the gift of like extreme 145 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: pattern recognition. Shout out to all my other life path 146 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:33,839 Speaker 1: elevens and Gemini placements. But you know, a lot of 147 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: us are also, to be quite honest, kind of like 148 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: feasting on understanding all of the dimension of right now 149 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: and the things that are happening and what that can 150 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: mean for our futures and what the work now needs 151 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: to be. In my office, I have a couple of 152 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: things up on the board I've been sharing that you know, 153 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: I kind of took a break after my book launch 154 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:03,559 Speaker 1: and was trying to court my creativity, flirt with my creativity, 155 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:09,679 Speaker 1: come into an understanding of you're ready for some new work. 156 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,079 Speaker 1: You're ready to let the new things that you've been 157 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: thinking about and moving through over the last few years, 158 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,800 Speaker 1: like you're ready to share them in a more expanded way. 159 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: And so I always start my creative process with just 160 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 1: kind of placing a few questions everywhere. And the questions 161 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 1: I've been asking of this moment in time have been deeply, 162 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:35,319 Speaker 1: deeply connected to what do we need now? How can 163 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: I serve right now? Yeah, we are in it human 164 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 1: beings we are in it. So today's episode is rooted 165 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 1: in how to live with paradox because we don't have 166 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,720 Speaker 1: a choice. We have no choice. All we can do 167 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: is adapt and look to see how we're meant to 168 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: be used in a moment like this. But it's all happening, 169 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 1: and it's all happening at once, and so having emotional maturity, 170 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: I think is it's really kind of the rallying cry 171 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: right now, which is why I also think so many 172 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: of us have been doing so much deep work on 173 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: ourselves for so so many years. Whether you felt kind 174 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:33,199 Speaker 1: of activated in the lineage and generational healing that has 175 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: been a part of that ten year cycle I talked 176 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: about that all the big paradigm shifts coming into being, 177 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: if you've been part of that kind of mental health 178 00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: and mental illness breakthrough and understanding, the parenting, the reparenting, 179 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,680 Speaker 1: the inner child healing, the gentle parenting for the future generations, like, 180 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:54,000 Speaker 1: there is a lot that has been processed that is 181 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: in service to our collective advancement as a species. These 182 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: are evolutionary times, and so thinking of it in that way, 183 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 1: if you've been doing the work, we're at the next 184 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,959 Speaker 1: step now. If you have been spending the last several 185 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 1: years healing certain things, there is a completion that should 186 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: have taken place and begun integrating, or you were invited 187 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:28,040 Speaker 1: to that now because it's time to do more, it's 188 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: time to serve, and it's time to dive into these 189 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 1: deeper crevices of what being alive right now is and 190 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:41,160 Speaker 1: what it requires. And so a big part of that 191 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: and we started exploring this last season. I remember we 192 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 1: spoke to some of this in an episode with Doctor 193 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: Key thinking of it in that capacity. This is mastery, 194 00:13:55,040 --> 00:14:00,120 Speaker 1: this is refinement. This is a time where you have 195 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 1: have to find a completion in the work you've been 196 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:08,600 Speaker 1: exploring so that you can take it to the next level, 197 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,040 Speaker 1: integrate it, be done with it, let's move on to 198 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: other things. And so this moment requires an incredible amount 199 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: of personal integrity from everyone. It requires that you don't 200 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: take any days off from who you say you are. 201 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: As tired as you are, as much as you're craving 202 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: rest planetarily, globally, nationally, there's no rest to be had 203 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:43,040 Speaker 1: right now that season is complete. There is no rest 204 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: to be had. You can nourish, you can rest at 205 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: the end of each day. But this is a season 206 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: of now strategy, mastery and soon action and so what 207 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: is that require? Well, that requires continuous emotional maturity. Emotional 208 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: maturity is where we are able to stretch our capacity 209 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,080 Speaker 1: for all of the discomfort that's present, for the fact 210 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: that there are a lot of people that are seemingly 211 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 1: against equality and invantment and growth and we have to 212 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 1: live with them, right, we have to be on Earth, 213 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 1: occupying the same planet. So how do we do that 214 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: with the endurance, the grace, the protection that's necessary, And 215 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: emotional maturity is a big part of that. You know, 216 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 1: when it comes to understanding what paradox is, it's really 217 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,320 Speaker 1: that you are not meant to solve it. You're just 218 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 1: meant to hold it. You're bearing witness to all of 219 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: it happening at once, and then you begin to alchemize 220 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: that and understand what your place in the paradox is. 221 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: And I think that's a unique question for each of 222 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: us to be exploring and then answering. So with this 223 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: season really being rooted in living wisely in real time, 224 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: I'm hoping that this episode serves as kind of a 225 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: foundational lens for that. So before we go any further, 226 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 1: let's just really really really lock into what the definition 227 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: or the working definition of paradoxes. So I'm going to 228 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: read right now. I put this post up that people 229 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: are really resonating with about paradox on my Instagram, and 230 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: I'm going to read from here. A paradox occurs when 231 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: two truths exist at the same time, even if they 232 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,520 Speaker 1: appear to be contradictory. I would also add that most 233 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: of the time it's not just two truths. It's like 234 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 1: when twenty to one hundred truths are existing at once, 235 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 1: because for each person, or each side, or each experience, 236 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 1: everyone believes their own truth. It's also the truth of 237 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: the complexity of holding many feelings at the same time. 238 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,080 Speaker 1: An example would be to be going through grief and 239 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,439 Speaker 1: have joy present in your life all at once. I 240 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,199 Speaker 1: love my life and I'm unsettled by the world that 241 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: might be what it feels like, or I am hopeful 242 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:38,159 Speaker 1: and I'm grieving. Both of those things can be true 243 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,439 Speaker 1: in the same day, in the same hour, in the 244 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: same minute, in the same second. And over the last decade, 245 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: our collective consciousness has really really shifted forward. So because 246 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 1: of all the things that I listed with those paradigm shifts. 247 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: We are more informed, we're more psychologically literate, we are 248 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 1: more social aware, And the result with all of that 249 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:10,120 Speaker 1: happening is actually not more clarity. It kind of grows 250 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 1: into just being overlap, one kind of laying on the 251 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: edges of the other, stacked and stacked and stacked. And 252 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: personal growth in our lives no longer exists separate from 253 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 1: all the global instability happening around us. So when our 254 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,479 Speaker 1: awareness begins to expand collectively the way that it is, 255 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 1: compartmentalization starts to collapse. Where we used to be able 256 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 1: to hold certain things in certain buckets or categories like career, spirituality, politics, 257 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:50,200 Speaker 1: personal identity, our grief, our joy, they all become visible 258 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:55,119 Speaker 1: at once, dancing together at the same time, which is 259 00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 1: also a reason I lean into what we were talking 260 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: about in regards to integrity, right, not taking any days off. 261 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: You can't go off the clock because we are not 262 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: compartmentalized in that way anymore. It just doesn't cut it. 263 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: It doesn't cut it to say that someone was this 264 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: and they were that, you know, it doesn't cut it 265 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:24,640 Speaker 1: to create space and grace for leaders, for quote unquote 266 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:30,800 Speaker 1: visionaries and whatever these people are to be so shiny 267 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,679 Speaker 1: and charismatic and glowy in front of us, but to 268 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,760 Speaker 1: be horrendous when they're not seen. There is no space 269 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 1: for that, and that is part of the reason that 270 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: is occurring. Living in paradox means resisting the urge to 271 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: resolve tension too quickly. So here is where I get 272 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 1: to call out my people pleasers. I get to call 273 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: out my fauners, you know, I get to call out 274 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:03,920 Speaker 1: the people that that may start a conversation with conviction 275 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:08,679 Speaker 1: and then are easily moved into submission. It's really important 276 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 1: that you're aware of your behavior in times like this 277 00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: because where do each of us individually play a part 278 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: in that right where there might be some fear because 279 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: there is unprocessed wounds and work inside of you that 280 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: we are projecting onto authority figures or projecting onto institutions, 281 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: things that just aren't there. And usually what happens when 282 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: that happens is all of us inside are running and 283 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 1: wrestling and trying to find some type of relief from 284 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:47,199 Speaker 1: the hardship that growing this kind of capacity brings about. 285 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,639 Speaker 1: It is hard work, it's a practice. You know, you 286 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 1: can have the breakthrough thought maybe in this episode about 287 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 1: what is present for you, what are you holding, how 288 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: many things are you holding at once? But then it's 289 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 1: an actual, daily, constant connected practice to begin to stretch 290 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,439 Speaker 1: your capacity to hold all of that and not be 291 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 1: dysregulated all day, every day, or to stretch your capacity 292 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,440 Speaker 1: so that when dysregulation does show up, you are then 293 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: able to meet that need. Because your capacity to hold 294 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 1: something challenging and hold the unknown and hold something good, 295 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: that's what grows. So we must resist the urge to 296 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:39,200 Speaker 1: resolve tension that arises too quickly, and sit and wait 297 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:44,800 Speaker 1: and prod and poke and see and discover and excavate. 298 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:50,400 Speaker 1: When we're resolving tension too quickly, we are simplifying complexity 299 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: simply to avoid discomfort. And that is the fiber in 300 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,119 Speaker 1: the nature of what people pleasing is right saying something 301 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:58,960 Speaker 1: that you kind of didn't want to agree in to 302 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,880 Speaker 1: something you kind of didn't want to because you didn't 303 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,640 Speaker 1: know how to be with that feeling of anxiety that 304 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:13,360 Speaker 1: arises in your chest, with fears of rejection or overall 305 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:18,000 Speaker 1: discomfort about being yourself and having your own needs and boundaries. 306 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,720 Speaker 1: That flows into this too. And I hope everyone's kind 307 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 1: of seeing the connections of why we have to live 308 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 1: the healing work we do on ourselves in real time 309 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: because it literally affects everything. It goes into every single thing. 310 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: And emotional maturity is not choosing one truth, it's developing 311 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:41,439 Speaker 1: that capacity to hold both. Allowing two truths to coexist 312 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: does not mean either that one of them is justified 313 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 1: or right. Some things just are present. So the tension 314 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,600 Speaker 1: that you feel, I hope everyone knows, and this is 315 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:58,640 Speaker 1: in my Instagram post, It's not a personal defect. It's 316 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,159 Speaker 1: not that you're so broken or you know, you just can't, 317 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 1: you know, figure out how to be yourself and heal. 318 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,439 Speaker 1: It's that you just need to integrate, which is what 319 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: the work of season five is. The tension that you're 320 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: feeling is evidence of your expanded perception and very often 321 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 1: all the growth that you have accomplished. So holding complexity 322 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: is a developmental skill. It's learned, it's stabilizing, and it 323 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:42,919 Speaker 1: is quiet work. I think that really working with idea 324 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:47,760 Speaker 1: and the concepts of paradox of duality right, which is 325 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,120 Speaker 1: the nature of the human condition. It can be found 326 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,760 Speaker 1: in so many different kind of examples, both in the 327 00:23:53,800 --> 00:24:00,040 Speaker 1: micro the macro. But I really think about often not 328 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 1: just the way we stretch the capacity, but the mechanism 329 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: that allows that to be possible. So, something I really 330 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: want to anchor here for everyone listening to the show 331 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: is we're not just stretching the capacity in terms of 332 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 1: like our intellectual understanding that yes, all of these things 333 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: are happening and leaving it there. If we were to 334 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,720 Speaker 1: do that, we could cause real harm to our bodies 335 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: because there would be nothing that felt like resolve, nothing 336 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:37,440 Speaker 1: that felt like integration, personal practice process. So that piece 337 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 1: is so important. When we're stretching our capacity to hold 338 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,679 Speaker 1: all the things that are present right now, we also 339 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,400 Speaker 1: have to add in the support that will make that 340 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 1: possible to do right. We're not talking about little stuff 341 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 1: right now in life. We're talking about some big things. First. 342 00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 1: A lot of people listening, I know that means unemployment. 343 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:06,040 Speaker 1: I know that means you know, potentially experiencing housing issues, 344 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 1: legal issues right now, depending on what state you're listening from. 345 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: Educational issues. I know for a lot of people, especially 346 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: black women that release books like Me in the last year, 347 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: you know a lot of issues with that books being banned, 348 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: Like there's so many leaders falling, there are so many 349 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: things that are big kind of life arcs. They are 350 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:37,239 Speaker 1: huge plots all happening at once, and that requires so 351 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: much more than thought, that requires somadic process. And so 352 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 1: I want to share kind of what are my revolutionary moments, 353 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 1: or I should say revelatory moments that came up for 354 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: me in kind of a hard season. And I share 355 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,880 Speaker 1: this story in my book, and I've very lightly talked 356 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,880 Speaker 1: about the details of this in the past two seasons 357 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: of Deeply Well. But I had this experience where I 358 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:15,560 Speaker 1: was going to Mexico to lead meditation and this incredible 359 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 1: retreat that I love to do every single year. And 360 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:25,640 Speaker 1: as I got on the plane, I got an alert 361 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: on my phone because I'm signed up for like those 362 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 1: Apple News alerts on your phone. So it was like 363 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,760 Speaker 1: an LA Time story or something like that that came up. 364 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 1: And I remember, I'm sitting down. I had dropped my 365 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: son off at school. I had done drop off, and 366 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 1: then I like raced, I got a car and I 367 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 1: raced to the airport from there. So I get on 368 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 1: the plane, I'm seated. They go through the announcements, we're 369 00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 1: getting ready to take off. We start to take off, 370 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 1: and the last thing I do was open this article, 371 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 1: which I tend to do right when we take off 372 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 1: because I know I'll need another ten to fifteen minutes 373 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,719 Speaker 1: for Wi Fi. So I loading to read and I 374 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 1: opened it up and I saw, actually know, my first 375 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 1: alert came from a school email, which then alerted me 376 00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:15,879 Speaker 1: to the article. AnyWho, I opened the article, and I 377 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: find out as I'm sitting there, the news that a 378 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 1: woman I had recently become friends with, her name is 379 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:28,040 Speaker 1: May Haskell, that she was quote unquote allegedly murdered by 380 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 1: her husband. And I had seen both of them, you know, 381 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: at drop off at pickup. Our sons had become good friends, 382 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,159 Speaker 1: and I was really looking forward to this growing friendship 383 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:48,399 Speaker 1: that I had started to make with her. And the 384 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,479 Speaker 1: first thing that I was actually on schedule to do 385 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 1: when I returned from the retreat was she and I 386 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,639 Speaker 1: were going to take our sons to this Pokemon store 387 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 1: and get Pokemon hearts. And she knew all about it, 388 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,359 Speaker 1: like she was like living and breathing Pokemon. And she 389 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 1: was a great mom and a really really nice woman. 390 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,160 Speaker 1: So you find out something like that right as you're 391 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,600 Speaker 1: taking off to another country and I can't get off 392 00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: the plane. I can't rush to pick up my son. 393 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 1: I don't even know how to process that for the 394 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 1: next two and a half hours, And I remember I 395 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: just sat there and I was like, oh shit, Like, 396 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 1: I'm about to land at this retreat with like over 397 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: one hundred women and we're gonna be together for the 398 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:52,080 Speaker 1: next few days and everyone is there to learn the 399 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 1: practice of presence and peace for me, and what am 400 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 1: I gonna do so in that experience And I have 401 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 1: a lot of experience with grief and tragedy. I just 402 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: kept thinking, So what do I need to get through this? 403 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: I can't change any of this. There is literally nothing 404 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 1: I can do, and the pain of this is not 405 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 1: going to leave anytime soon, still here, But shit, how 406 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 1: do I make room for it? Right? Like, how how 407 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 1: do I make room for it? How do I decide 408 00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 1: how to talk to my son about it? And how 409 00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 1: do I do my job, which for the next few 410 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:42,200 Speaker 1: days would be leading meditation with a group of very 411 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: lovely women who are there for their own process, right, 412 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: which also means as a teacher, I am very boundaried 413 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,480 Speaker 1: about not letting my life, my energy, or my own 414 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,800 Speaker 1: trauma and stories leak on to any of the people 415 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:04,000 Speaker 1: that I am charged with guiding and working with. Right. 416 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: I save that for my deep friendships and my family, 417 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:12,120 Speaker 1: and I saved that for my therapist. So although I 418 00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: was moving through my head right, and I know a 419 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 1: lot of us can connect to this idea, not quite 420 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:22,680 Speaker 1: this extreme example. God rest your soulmate, Thank you, thank 421 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,720 Speaker 1: you for letting me use you and your life as 422 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:30,160 Speaker 1: an example for this moment. So the first thing I 423 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 1: did was I let people close to me know. As 424 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 1: soon as the wife I came in, I sent that 425 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 1: article to a few people. I said, you know, this 426 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: is going on in my life right now, and I 427 00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: need some support. I need to get through the next 428 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:47,080 Speaker 1: few days. And so those people spring into action. We're 429 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,920 Speaker 1: just kind of generally checking on me, sending me positivity. 430 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,280 Speaker 1: I got to where I was going and I had 431 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: about an hour to change clothes, get beautiful, take pictures, 432 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 1: and you know, lead a god meditation on the beach. 433 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 1: And as I was doing that, some of those stress 434 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,400 Speaker 1: signs start showing up, like I know they do for 435 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 1: a lot of us. So my eyes started twitching really heavily, 436 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,080 Speaker 1: which I know for me is a sign that I 437 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,680 Speaker 1: am about to burn out, that I am like very 438 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: close to collapse. And so before getting dressed, I took 439 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 1: thirty of those minutes divided that hour, and I got 440 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:29,480 Speaker 1: on my knees and I screamed in my room into 441 00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 1: a pillow. I got some of that rage and confusion out. 442 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: I hit things, I sobbed, I wept, I cried. I 443 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:43,480 Speaker 1: prayed for her soul, and then I asked God, like 444 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: you know, give me the strength to move through this 445 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:49,080 Speaker 1: and be able to be supportive. I am committed to 446 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 1: being here now, and I'll work with all of this 447 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:55,240 Speaker 1: stuff when I get home. And so my process was 448 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: to do that, to work, to be present, to be 449 00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 1: in the process for others, and then not to kind 450 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 1: of lollygag to get back to my room, make sure 451 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: I got grounding foods inside of me, made a lot 452 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:13,240 Speaker 1: of time and space to stretch my body. I was 453 00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: using my fragun I was getting in epsom salt baths. 454 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,960 Speaker 1: I took like three a day while I was there, 455 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,840 Speaker 1: and I was letting myself scream and cry every time 456 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:30,240 Speaker 1: I got away. And I made it through. And no 457 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 1: one at that retreat had any idea that any of 458 00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:37,959 Speaker 1: this was happening to me, or it happened had no 459 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,120 Speaker 1: idea that. You know, the reason I was kind of 460 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 1: racing in between breaks back to my room was to 461 00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: work my own grief process and practice and play playlists 462 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 1: and you know, go sit on the beach and dig 463 00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: my feet in hand into the ground to be connected 464 00:32:55,320 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 1: and to try to find space to understand how something 465 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 1: so horrifying and horrible could happen in kindergarten. And so 466 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: I didn't have a soul for any of that. Right 467 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 1: like that process, him being in jail went on for 468 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:25,080 Speaker 1: another two years. He unalived himself in jail earlier or 469 00:33:25,120 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 1: at the end of last year. He unlived himself the 470 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 1: day before he was set to begin his trial and 471 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:39,720 Speaker 1: plead guilty. He took that off the table. And you know, 472 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,040 Speaker 1: in situations like that, there is no resolve, there is 473 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,000 Speaker 1: no way to tie a bow on it. But there 474 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,960 Speaker 1: is a way to keep going and not just keep going, 475 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 1: to survive, to keep going with nourishment, to keep going 476 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:55,719 Speaker 1: with practice and process, to understand that you are walking 477 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: through something hard right now too, So how do you 478 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,400 Speaker 1: make space to honor that by meeting its need? And 479 00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 1: so I know my story, that story is a little 480 00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 1: bit of perhaps an extreme example for some for others. 481 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 1: You may deeply resonate because awful things happen on earth sometimes, 482 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,920 Speaker 1: But our capacity is really built in stopping yourself in 483 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,600 Speaker 1: your tracks in the moment and asking yourself, what do 484 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 1: I need? And I know I can't fix this, I 485 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,719 Speaker 1: know I can't solve this. But how can I help 486 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:35,920 Speaker 1: myself right now? How can I fortify my soul and 487 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,239 Speaker 1: my spirit right now? And I find and we all 488 00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: may get, you know, various answers of how to meet 489 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,920 Speaker 1: those needs. But I find that by asking that question 490 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,680 Speaker 1: out loud and for myself, bringing God into the equation 491 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,640 Speaker 1: and just speaking to God directly and saying, God, how 492 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,560 Speaker 1: do I do this? God? Please show me, Please show me, 493 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,839 Speaker 1: Please show me, God, Please show me how. And then 494 00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,200 Speaker 1: I noticed that my body might move into a certain 495 00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 1: movement that offers relief, and I'm being guided to spend 496 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:03,120 Speaker 1: time with that part, or to hold my heart or 497 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 1: you know, any of the things that I've shared, to 498 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 1: do some foshil work on myself or self massage, any 499 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 1: of the things that I've shared, ring a chime, light 500 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,960 Speaker 1: some incense, Go be with a fire, be with the ocean, 501 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: be with the water. Whatever you have meeting your capacity 502 00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:27,759 Speaker 1: for paradox is that it's that sacred work. It's that 503 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: level of dedication, devotion in real time, paying attention to 504 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: yourself and what you need. And we don't all always 505 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 1: get the chance when depression climbs into our lives to disappear. 506 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:46,360 Speaker 1: We just don't, right. We have to keep going. But 507 00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:51,480 Speaker 1: it's important to not be falling into high functioning depression, 508 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:58,200 Speaker 1: to actually do things that support what you're walking through 509 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:00,879 Speaker 1: so that you can get through it and you can 510 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: then integrate it, and then as we walk down this 511 00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:09,880 Speaker 1: road of understanding, stretch your capacity for all the things 512 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:15,279 Speaker 1: and all the paradox that life holds. That was a 513 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,960 Speaker 1: hard story to share. I really struggle sharing some private 514 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:21,759 Speaker 1: stories out loud and publicly because most of the time 515 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,880 Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessary and I don't want to 516 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: take away from the bigger process of what I'm trying 517 00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:34,880 Speaker 1: to share by centering my own grief. But I am 518 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,040 Speaker 1: now coming to understand how useful so much of it is, 519 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,120 Speaker 1: because I think a lot of us need to know 520 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:44,479 Speaker 1: and hear about that kind of small percentage of us 521 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:48,320 Speaker 1: that seemed to be going through harder things than most people. 522 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 1: And I want to be a lot more honest about 523 00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:53,160 Speaker 1: that in this space now, because I think there's room 524 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,239 Speaker 1: for that, and I think a lot of us need it. 525 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,839 Speaker 1: So let's move into some soul work. Let's get into 526 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:03,400 Speaker 1: the integration of how to be with this episode now 527 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,279 Speaker 1: that we are at the end of it, and how 528 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 1: to work with it in the coming days until I 529 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 1: see you next week. So just in real time, and 530 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,640 Speaker 1: everyone can expand on this. And I do recommend that 531 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,440 Speaker 1: you have a pen and a paper or your notes 532 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:23,720 Speaker 1: at present, so you can kind of activate your own 533 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,560 Speaker 1: creative process in your practice, but in real time if 534 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,040 Speaker 1: it's safe for you, especially if you're not driving or 535 00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:34,439 Speaker 1: operating your machinery. I want to invite you to kind 536 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:40,719 Speaker 1: of settle into felt experience. So bring one hand to 537 00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 1: the center of your heart, bring the other hand to 538 00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,480 Speaker 1: the center of your belly. It's a great place to 539 00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:51,520 Speaker 1: hold yourself. And first, just notice how much weight you 540 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,400 Speaker 1: want to give there, how much pressure you want to 541 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,359 Speaker 1: give to your body with those hands. Do you want 542 00:37:57,360 --> 00:37:59,840 Speaker 1: it to feel a little more light and maybe floaty 543 00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 1: and gently held, or maybe you're like me and you 544 00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:05,720 Speaker 1: kind of like push really deeply into your body because 545 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:09,400 Speaker 1: it feels grounding and supportive. And I want you to 546 00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 1: just take a few deep breaths here in this position, 547 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,080 Speaker 1: and this position is one that you can repeat when 548 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:25,040 Speaker 1: you're by yourself, morning or night, at any time. Take 549 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,960 Speaker 1: those breaths, it's comfortable, close your eyes, and I just 550 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,200 Speaker 1: want you to sit with your own story right now 551 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:37,920 Speaker 1: and say, in this exact moment, what are two truths 552 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:42,600 Speaker 1: that you're holding. Let whatever arises naturally come up, and 553 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,720 Speaker 1: don't fight it to be clear or different thought. Whatever 554 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:51,080 Speaker 1: came up is absolutely necessary and perfect. But what are 555 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:56,480 Speaker 1: those multiple truths that you're currently holding that feel weighty 556 00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:08,640 Speaker 1: for your life or feel confusing, overwhelming, over stimulating. What's 557 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,799 Speaker 1: currently happening with you? And we're not looking for solutions 558 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 1: in this soul work, we're not looking for a way 559 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:19,520 Speaker 1: to fix any of it. And I think for those 560 00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 1: of you and maybe if there is a little bit 561 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,200 Speaker 1: of a guard up to this process, which is natural 562 00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:28,799 Speaker 1: and okay, and as you kind of sit in that 563 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,880 Speaker 1: uniqueness of your story and your path right now, as 564 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,480 Speaker 1: you're holding those one is in one hand, the others 565 00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:40,440 Speaker 1: in the other hand, as you're holding each in your life, 566 00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,759 Speaker 1: let's try to meet that with some grace and compassion, 567 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: and so a kind of affirmation for that or a 568 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 1: manthra for that would be could be I am grateful 569 00:39:57,280 --> 00:40:04,680 Speaker 1: and I am frustrated. So what are your words there? 570 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,320 Speaker 1: It might be grateful, it might be frustrated, but maybe 571 00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 1: you feel that kind of sentence structure with something a 572 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:14,919 Speaker 1: little more tailored to you and your life and your 573 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 1: needs right now. So take a second, what would that 574 00:40:18,280 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 1: be for you? What are those words? Another example could 575 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:30,400 Speaker 1: be I care deeply and I am tired. I'm tired. 576 00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:36,040 Speaker 1: That's how I've been really feeling lately as a highly 577 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:41,239 Speaker 1: sensitive person, empathic, intuitive, all those things, right, I am like, oh, 578 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:48,080 Speaker 1: I care so much and she exhausted. So just hold 579 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: that for yourself and settle into the feeling of what 580 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:56,560 Speaker 1: that both and felt like. Right if there's no solution 581 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:02,600 Speaker 1: to that understanding that you came into, or no way 582 00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:06,560 Speaker 1: to maybe move it or shift it right now, and 583 00:41:06,600 --> 00:41:09,440 Speaker 1: then you just bring it into a space where you 584 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:15,319 Speaker 1: honor the fact that something hard is happening, and yes, 585 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:18,919 Speaker 1: you're grateful and you're alive and quote unquote things could 586 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:23,200 Speaker 1: be worse, and you know there's this special thing or 587 00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:29,920 Speaker 1: this joyful thing, and hold that and play with that 588 00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:35,840 Speaker 1: today tonight. Let that be your process and your exercise, 589 00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: perhaps every night before bed, to really let the fullness 590 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,160 Speaker 1: and the totality of the day roll off your shoulders. 591 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:49,560 Speaker 1: I think that this is one first grounded step to take. 592 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:54,359 Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels small, but again we're stretching your capacity, 593 00:41:55,040 --> 00:42:01,399 Speaker 1: which takes time. But it also takes regulation. And that's 594 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:06,000 Speaker 1: what the practice is, the regulation that will aid you 595 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:12,960 Speaker 1: emotionally and spiritually and mentally in this moment. So grief 596 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:17,680 Speaker 1: and joy are not opposites. They're just neighbors. They're neighbors 597 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:24,839 Speaker 1: and they are our constant companions. So I hope you'll 598 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:27,480 Speaker 1: take that practice into your life. You might want to 599 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:30,040 Speaker 1: even supercharge it by journaling to that a little bit. 600 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:34,319 Speaker 1: When you come up with what your polarities are, those 601 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,000 Speaker 1: two things that you're holding, maybe get some words out 602 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,880 Speaker 1: about each so you can continue to kind of chisel 603 00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,799 Speaker 1: away at what that means for you and what your 604 00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:46,640 Speaker 1: personal process will be. Thank you so much for listening. 605 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:51,279 Speaker 1: We are back baby, season five. Deeply Well, Love You, 606 00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:55,520 Speaker 1: Love you, Love you. No I mistay the content presented 607 00:42:55,560 --> 00:43:00,080 Speaker 1: on Deeply Well serves solely for educational and informational purposes. 608 00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:03,760 Speaker 1: It should not be considered a replacement for personalized medical 609 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:07,920 Speaker 1: or mental health guidance and does not constitute a provider 610 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:12,080 Speaker 1: patient relationship. As always, it is advisable to consult with 611 00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:16,440 Speaker 1: your healthcare provider or health team for any specific concerns 612 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,359 Speaker 1: or questions that you may have. Connect with me on 613 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,320 Speaker 1: social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter and Instagram, or you 614 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,120 Speaker 1: can go to my website Debbie Brown dot com. And 615 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:30,480 Speaker 1: if you're listening to the show on Apple Podcasts, don't forget, 616 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,640 Speaker 1: Please rate, review, and subscribe and send this episode to 617 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 1: a friend. Deeply Well is a production of iHeartRadio and 618 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:42,680 Speaker 1: The Black Effect Network. It's produced by Jacquess Thomas, Samantha Timmins, 619 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:47,400 Speaker 1: and me Debbie Brown. The Beautiful Soundbath You Heard That's 620 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:52,880 Speaker 1: by Jarrelyn Glass from Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, 621 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:56,600 Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your 622 00:43:56,680 --> 00:44:02,920 Speaker 1: favorite shows.