Speaker 1: How I Suck Dating with de Jared Haven and I
Speaker 1: Heard Radio podcast. All right, everyone, welcome to an all
Speaker 1: new episode of Help I Suck at Dating? As always,
Speaker 1: Dean Anglert here with Jared have been all the way
Speaker 1: across the street in Los Angeles. But we have a
Speaker 1: very special co host with us this week. You know her,
Speaker 1: you love her, You've seen her on your TV. Alexis
Speaker 1: Waters will be co hosting with us this entire episode.
Speaker 1: As she's ripping shots across amigos over there too. Um So,
Speaker 1: Alexis just off air explained to us that she was
Speaker 1: drinking for her in Ravens podcast, which if you haven't
Speaker 1: listened to that one yet, it's called Girls Night, be
Speaker 1: sure to check that one out. Yeah, we're gonna plug
Speaker 1: that probably a few more times throughout the course this
Speaker 1: podcast obviously. Um So, for the listeners out there, if
Speaker 1: you hear Alexis getting a little saucy, it's because she's
Speaker 1: probably already like seven shots in. I really can I'm
Speaker 1: going to after this? So are you serious? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: can do it. All You drink and then work out
Speaker 1: you were a t I haveed well the gym. I
Speaker 1: think it's about to close. So I'm gonna I need
Speaker 1: to get my last one end. Like they're shutting, their shutting,
Speaker 1: the gym's down again. But you're not like in a
Speaker 1: rush you get out of here anything, are you? Oh no,
Speaker 1: you guys have a hundred percent Alexis right now, So
Speaker 1: come at me like, like I said, just feel pret
Speaker 1: to take as many shots as you want throughout the
Speaker 1: entire episode. But Alexis, we haven't heard from me in
Speaker 1: a while, you know, like you like we said, you
Speaker 1: have your own podcast with Raven over there, but billists
Speaker 1: in on what's going on over in hoop Nation. Okay,
Speaker 1: so hoop Nation has been still active, but obviously not
Speaker 1: as crazy right now because of everything that's going on.
Speaker 1: But I am blessed that I still have my company
Speaker 1: and like everything, but it's been slow. So the podcast
Speaker 1: is actually so helpful because it's getting it's basically me
Speaker 1: and we're even having a therapy session talking about Adam
Speaker 1: and Tyler. So it's good to like because when quarantine
Speaker 1: is really bad, we were able to go to the
Speaker 1: studio still, so it's like we can go like out
Speaker 1: of the house like and we were able to go
Speaker 1: twice a week, so like, thank God for that. But
Speaker 1: other than that, I've been just drinking tequila and kidding.
Speaker 1: Sounds good. When did you start? When did you start
Speaker 1: dating Tyler? I met him through one of the girls
Speaker 1: on next season. We actually had a while on our
Speaker 1: episode today. Shout out to neck favorite anonymous email. Yes,
Speaker 1: he's a big fan to help us second dating? Are
Speaker 1: you guys being sarcastic? Hey? Nick? Um? We called him
Speaker 1: today and we said that he's our favorite ex boyfriend.
Speaker 1: He really is my favorite ex boy friend now that
Speaker 1: I think about it. He's a good ex boyfriend to have.
Speaker 1: He'll always give you a great advice. Hey, Ashley, Sorry,
Speaker 1: actually just walking in the background. This is what happens
Speaker 1: when you record podcasts at home. Your significant others just
Speaker 1: walk in the background, which is totally fine. Um. Well,
Speaker 1: the reason I asked so, I want to know how
Speaker 1: long he guys have been dating because I'm curious did
Speaker 1: you start dating like right before Quarantine? And I'm just
Speaker 1: curious about like the effect that Quarantine has had a
Speaker 1: new relationship. No, they'd been dating for like never dating
Speaker 1: for like two and a half years. Oh Jesus, I
Speaker 1: longer than that, right, Well, we met prior to paradise
Speaker 1: and then I was going on paradise but like I
Speaker 1: was banging him, but like, I like, what am I
Speaker 1: supposed to do? Like not cool? Right, So everybody was
Speaker 1: like and I was also twenty three. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I like like like him, don't
Speaker 1: even remember like having sex with in the first four times,
Speaker 1: So sorry, Tyler, he doesn't. No, I tell him that
Speaker 1: every like every day, I'm like, I don't remember having
Speaker 1: sex with like the first four times, so it's just
Speaker 1: like blackout. But yeah, so then I went on paradise.
Speaker 1: I realized I like didn't like anybody, sorry Dean and no,
Speaker 1: but I just and then we just kept booming and
Speaker 1: then now we're in love. That's awesome. Do you think
Speaker 1: quarantine has strengthened your relationship, made your relationship a little
Speaker 1: bit more stressful, or has not affected it at all?
Speaker 1: I feel like if he answered this question, it didn't
Speaker 1: affect us at all because he is never starts fights.
Speaker 1: I'm a psychopath and very dramatic, so when I'll just
Speaker 1: be bored and like I'll just like like a fight
Speaker 1: for no reason. But he was an example. What's last
Speaker 1: thing you guys thought about? Oh, we just want today,
Speaker 1: like literally five minutes because he says that I'm leaving
Speaker 1: my sneakers by the door and like I should put
Speaker 1: them away, and I was like, I read an article
Speaker 1: that like if COVID can transfer from sneakers and then
Speaker 1: that just stuck in my head or like shoes, So
Speaker 1: I just leave him by the doors when I want
Speaker 1: to bring him like to the bedroom, and he's like,
Speaker 1: can you like put your shoes away? And I was
Speaker 1: just like I snapped though, like I have a ah.
Speaker 1: But he loves it, like if I didn't have if
Speaker 1: he didn't have me, I'm very entertaining. If if he
Speaker 1: didn't have me, he would be so bored with his life.
Speaker 1: Always does play like watch golf and play golf. I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like we'd become best friends already just opposite,
Speaker 1: but it works and I always do uh Dean's videos
Speaker 1: of Kalen I have single one because Tyler is very
Speaker 1: he's very business smart, like he's amazing, but common sense.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying Kilan has no common sense, but Tyler
Speaker 1: has no common sense. He's not that smart amazing business
Speaker 1: like literally is has some money. That's why I'm with him.
Speaker 1: But um, I'm kidding, O kidding, but I always do
Speaker 1: the questions that you ask Caitlin, and he falls from
Speaker 1: every single time. It's amazing. I know I need to
Speaker 1: we need to like stockpile a bunch of those so
Speaker 1: we can start knock them all out. I know I
Speaker 1: need to copy, I need some new ones, so come on,
Speaker 1: help me out. But I think for Quarantine, I mean,
Speaker 1: it has its good days and bad days. Some days
Speaker 1: I love him, some days I hate him. But I
Speaker 1: feel like he always loves May, which is all that matters.
Speaker 1: I've got a question for you about the golf thing.
Speaker 1: Have you ever wanted to play golf with him? Yeah?
Speaker 1: We did play golf together and cose Strika and I
Speaker 1: literally have the worst ad so I can't do the
Speaker 1: whole eighteen. I can only do nine and went and drink. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm I'm pretty good. I asked that because I
Speaker 1: golf a lot as well, and Kitlin's always well, not always,
Speaker 1: but uh. There have been talks of getting her on
Speaker 1: the golf course and like teaching her how to play
Speaker 1: golf and stuff. But I figured it's just one of
Speaker 1: those things where if you don't enjoy it by now,
Speaker 1: you're probably not gonna enjoy it. So I figured if
Speaker 1: Tyler is always playing golf, like it might encourage you
Speaker 1: to get out there and like, like you said, drive
Speaker 1: the card around, maybe doing the club a couple of times. No,
Speaker 1: I like when he goes, so then I have the
Speaker 1: house to myself, you know, like Tomorrow's birthday and I
Speaker 1: was gonna set up like this whole thing at the house.
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, I'm gonna go play golf, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, what are you gonna do for him?
Speaker 1: I don't know, probably throw out Monterrey and make some mistake.
Speaker 1: What is it? What do they call him? A strip called?
Speaker 1: It's like legs and eggs. That's what I'm doing. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make him nice seak because I learned to cook
Speaker 1: during quarantine and just when he walks in have lingreal.
Speaker 1: But then he would have to shower after golf. So
Speaker 1: what am I going to do in the meantime, just
Speaker 1: just going on the shower with him? It's his birthday, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'll be like old doll d up in my
Speaker 1: lingerie already true true, true, And you don't want to
Speaker 1: get your all messed up. I want to look good,
Speaker 1: So we'll say. But yeah, I know, he's just a
Speaker 1: very chill, simple man, like good, good kind man, doesn't
Speaker 1: talk a lot. So well, let's talk about this. So
Speaker 1: it's been two and a half years you guys have
Speaker 1: been dating, right, Where the heck is the engagement ring?
Speaker 1: All I care about our hoops right now? I can't
Speaker 1: even think about an engagement ring, sorry, the engagement hoops.
Speaker 1: Then I guess I should say, yeah, I'll take an
Speaker 1: engagement hoop, but not an engagement ring. But I mean,
Speaker 1: we'll see or even thinks it was going to happen
Speaker 1: if quarantine didn't happen. But I'm just like, he's also
Speaker 1: lucky because I'm only twenty six and I still have
Speaker 1: some time. I feel like, right right, your biological clock
Speaker 1: has given you a few extra years here, plenty of time.
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, I just I am so focused
Speaker 1: on hoot Nation and just like my personal finances, like
Speaker 1: I want to be so financially stable when I get engaged.
Speaker 1: I don't know what how that comes across, but I
Speaker 1: just want to be secure in myself before I get engaged.
Speaker 1: So what was I thinking going on, Nick Filesyson? Because
Speaker 1: I was like literally just got out of college. I
Speaker 1: mean you were thinking what we were all thinking, take
Speaker 1: take advantage of the opportunity. So I just was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I just was going with the wow, like I mean,
Speaker 1: if it happens, it happens, it doesn't doesn't. Do you think,
Speaker 1: like looking back on your season of Nick, do you
Speaker 1: think that you were like actually developing feelings for him
Speaker 1: one time? I did my vagina dance once. I actually
Speaker 1: told him on the podcast my vagina dance one time.
Speaker 1: But I think it was just because he was the
Speaker 1: only guy there that I could make out with. And
Speaker 1: then he made like some jokes. I told you, I
Speaker 1: think Jared, I told you this. He made some jokes
Speaker 1: and I was just like, yeah, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know about this. I got to hear the jokes.
Speaker 1: What are these jokes? Do you remember the joke at all? Oh?
Speaker 1: It literally there was two of them he made, and
Speaker 1: I was just like, Yeah, this isn't gonna work because
Speaker 1: humor is a big thing for me. Even humor is
Speaker 1: a big thing for me, even though Tyler literally is
Speaker 1: not funny at all. But um see, I feel like
Speaker 1: you need I feel like Tyler from the way you're
Speaker 1: describing him, is perfect for you because he seems like
Speaker 1: quiet and stable and you just like you throw the
Speaker 1: kitchen sink at him. But that's what you guys. You
Speaker 1: bound to each other off so well. Yeah, and he
Speaker 1: helps me with business very well, Like he helps me
Speaker 1: with my business. He like puts me in my place.
Speaker 1: He's a good person for me because you have each
Speaker 1: other out. Yeah, while you did that for him, you
Speaker 1: bring like the fun side out of him, which is
Speaker 1: something that he needs. Yeah. Probably, I don't know when
Speaker 1: he gets fun because it's very rare when he drinks
Speaker 1: the Costa and he goes with you. Yeah, No, he
Speaker 1: drinks the Costa a zul which is like so expensive.
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's so bluegie, I can't. I'm like super
Speaker 1: expensive too. I mean it's not cheap, it's not cheap,
Speaker 1: but the Costa Zula bottle is like, I think, like
Speaker 1: fifty dollars. I remember that. The first time I ever
Speaker 1: got like, um, like a booth at a club, we
Speaker 1: were in Vegas and it was our first Vegas trip.
Speaker 1: So we paid for a booth and we're like, we'll
Speaker 1: we'll pay a bottle, like we'll buy a bottle, will
Speaker 1: split it will be fine and then they give you
Speaker 1: the menu when you're at the club and like the
Speaker 1: cheapest bottle is like Tita's for seven fifty dollars, and
Speaker 1: you're like, wow, this was the biggest mistake of my life. Now,
Speaker 1: like you could have literally brought a bottle Tinos and
Speaker 1: brought it to the club. No, it's so crazy. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that's just reminded me of the story. Um, but we
Speaker 1: have a great podcast coming up. We obviously have Alexis
Speaker 1: and Alexis, you're gonna stick around for the entire thing.
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing that. We appreciate it. We also
Speaker 1: have Tracy McMillan coming up. She's been on the podcast
Speaker 1: before and she is on once again. She is the
Speaker 1: host of Family or Fiance, which airs on the Oprah
Speaker 1: Winfrey Network every Saturday night. We're gonna also answer some
Speaker 1: emails later, one of which is from anonymous a k A.
Speaker 1: Nick by All. Thank you Nick. Uh, So make sure
Speaker 1: you stay tuned. But before we get into Tracy, let's
Speaker 1: take a little break al right, everybody, do you welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating? Uh? We have
Speaker 1: a very special guest. You guys have heard from her before.
Speaker 1: Tracy McMillan. Ladies and gentlemen, Tracy, how are you? I
Speaker 1: am great, How are you guys? We're doing good. Thanks
Speaker 1: for coming back. Remind us the last time we saw you.
Speaker 1: I think we saw each other in February, But that
Speaker 1: was like that other year that It's like in that
Speaker 1: movie Being John Malkovich. There was like the seven and
Speaker 1: a half floor. That's what the first part of this
Speaker 1: year was. It was like this three month thing that
Speaker 1: would happened in the middle, you know. And and so
Speaker 1: since we saw you last and correct me if I'm wrong,
Speaker 1: But you have this new show Family or Fiance coming
Speaker 1: out right? Um, but I have the show then too,
Speaker 1: Oh you did have it then? Okay, I don't remember
Speaker 1: talking about it then. And now we're back with more
Speaker 1: new episodes every Saturday night on the network. And so
Speaker 1: are these like real episodes? Are these the quarantine version
Speaker 1: of the episode? Real episodes? But our show is basically
Speaker 1: Core Team. We take a couple who wants to get
Speaker 1: married and their families who are against it, and move
Speaker 1: them all into a house and keep them there until
Speaker 1: they work it out or not or or break the engagement,
Speaker 1: whichever comes first, right right or the entanglement, I guess
Speaker 1: is that which has the been the buzzword lady, the
Speaker 1: thing let's I mean, entanglement is the word of the day.
Speaker 1: You know, Well, let's talk about entanglement a little bit.
Speaker 1: What do you think it means? Well, I think an
Speaker 1: entanglement it's great. I mean in a way, it's like
Speaker 1: anything that two people can negotiate is fine, and no
Speaker 1: one can say what two people have been married for
Speaker 1: twenty years should negotiate. It's like a healthy relationship is
Speaker 1: all about stating needs and then negotiating how to meet
Speaker 1: those needs with the two partners. And the more creative
Speaker 1: you can get and the more the better it is.
Speaker 1: And when people leave relationships, it's because they have needs
Speaker 1: that are not getting met. So I feel like if
Speaker 1: they came up with a way to make it great.
Speaker 1: So are we using the word entanglement as a buzzword
Speaker 1: for an open relationship? Like let's say Caitlin and I
Speaker 1: start having an open relationship. My other endeavors have become entanglements.
Speaker 1: Is that what the entanglement? No, because I think the
Speaker 1: entanglement is more about the relationship with August than it
Speaker 1: is about the relationship with Will. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, it's like the third party. It
Speaker 1: may or may not be open, who knows, but the
Speaker 1: entanglements definitely happening. I want to hear your thoughts on this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't think that the entanglement. I don't think they
Speaker 1: have an well, I don't really know what happened with
Speaker 1: the whole August thing. I didn't understand the entanglement either,
Speaker 1: But I like how Bill called her out and was like,
Speaker 1: what does an entanglement mean? He's like, so, but they
Speaker 1: were separated, so it was basically a relationship. They were
Speaker 1: separated at the time. But I mean, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll let you know when I even get engaged. I'm
Speaker 1: not even at twenty five years marriage. So I think
Speaker 1: part of it is that she chose someone who is
Speaker 1: not necessarily going to be like a marriage partner. He's
Speaker 1: twenty years younger than her, And it feels like the
Speaker 1: part of the reason they call it an entanglement is
Speaker 1: because it's not really gonna go anywhere in the traditional
Speaker 1: sense of most relationships, Like it would be unusual for
Speaker 1: somebody to leave their husband for somebody twenty years younger,
Speaker 1: so that an affair. I mean it is, except for
Speaker 1: the fact that the complication, the reason we need a
Speaker 1: new word is that technically she's married. But I think
Speaker 1: what they're saying is everyone's in agreement with it. There's
Speaker 1: no secret. Well, I mean well and how we're got
Speaker 1: had well on her had issues, they had separated, and
Speaker 1: then that's when she went into the entanglement with him,
Speaker 1: and then he left her. August left her And Okay,
Speaker 1: so this is my first time doing a little bit
Speaker 1: of digging on this whole thing, and the very first
Speaker 1: headline that pops up is August says, he's still absolutely
Speaker 1: in love with you. Yeah, but I think August brooke
Speaker 1: up with with her, Which that makes sense because I
Speaker 1: see so much of of dating is driven by mating, right,
Speaker 1: So mating is the purpose of getting together for the
Speaker 1: purpose of kids or the purpose of building like a
Speaker 1: family system. Dating is the process that gets you to mating.
Speaker 1: So if you're twenty seven, your your objectives and dating,
Speaker 1: eventually he's going to get to mating in a way
Speaker 1: that that a forty something your old woman who already
Speaker 1: has two grown children, doesn't you know that's gonna They're
Speaker 1: They're not they don't have the same goals. Put it
Speaker 1: like that, and you saw that with um Demi Moore
Speaker 1: and Ashton Kutcher. It was like that was very easy
Speaker 1: to predict that it was gonna work for him until
Speaker 1: he wanted to mate, and then he's gonna pick somebody
Speaker 1: who is his own age and have children with that person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but don't you think that's a completely different situation just
Speaker 1: because Ashton Kitcher and Demi Moore got married, like their
Speaker 1: goals were aligned for a while, and if if Ashton
Speaker 1: wanted to have kids with Demi and Demi didn't want
Speaker 1: to have kids, that should have been a conversation well
Speaker 1: before getting married. I feel like the whole Jada Pickett,
Speaker 1: their goals were aligned, like we're going to Florida and
Speaker 1: you're but you're gonna get up in Chicago, do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like we're heading south, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that we are. Goals are aligned for a minute,
Speaker 1: and then they're going to dig rate, which is very predictable. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like if your goals aren't in line,
Speaker 1: don't get married. Like this Jada Pickett Smith thing, the
Speaker 1: whole entanglement, I don't know, it just feels like this long,
Speaker 1: convoluted way of just saying she was separated from Will
Speaker 1: and slept with a younger guy. Yeah, that's basically what
Speaker 1: it is. I don't understand, Like I guess there's because
Speaker 1: I've heard this like entanglement and all these discussions about
Speaker 1: what's right, who is on the right, who is wrong,
Speaker 1: so on and so forth, and it's like, I feel
Speaker 1: like we're just making a mountain out of a mole hill,
Speaker 1: where like they were just separated and she felt like
Speaker 1: she needed to explore something else and she kind of
Speaker 1: just got maybe caught up in the moment. And then
Speaker 1: now it's being called this entanglement. And and my I
Speaker 1: guess my question for you, Tracy, because you said earlier
Speaker 1: like we need a new term for this? Why do
Speaker 1: we Why do you think we need a new term
Speaker 1: for it? Because I think that there's probably more layers
Speaker 1: than um. I think there's more layers going on, and
Speaker 1: so when you are because I feel like my sense
Speaker 1: is she's not leaving her marriage. No, they're like the
Speaker 1: partners exactly. Yeah, but she jeopardized it. That's why I
Speaker 1: called an entanglement, because she's not I'm not leaving this guy.
Speaker 1: I never was going to leave this guy. But it's
Speaker 1: not exactly the sense like an affair in the sense
Speaker 1: where I fell in love with, you know, someone at
Speaker 1: work and now we're like trying to figure out how
Speaker 1: to be together, or I'm just gonna keep her as
Speaker 1: a side piece. See, it's not a side piece. I
Speaker 1: gotta I have to, I I gotta, I gotta fight
Speaker 1: back against that because like her saying I don't want
Speaker 1: to leave Will, that's not up to her anymore. Like
Speaker 1: she's the one who slept with somebody else. Now, I
Speaker 1: feel like it's up to Will whether he wants to
Speaker 1: continue being married. You want to make a bad believe her. No,
Speaker 1: no, no no, I'm not saying he will or won't. That's
Speaker 1: that's besides my point, whether he does leave her or
Speaker 1: doesn't leave her. My point being like there us trying
Speaker 1: to say that there's a difference between an entanglement and
Speaker 1: an affair is because Jada had no intention of leaving.
Speaker 1: Leaving Will is kind of out the window because like
Speaker 1: just say, like Ashley and I separate, uh, and then
Speaker 1: I sleep with someone else, and then I come back
Speaker 1: and I say, actually no, no, no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, This is not in an affair, It's an entanglement.
Speaker 1: I had no intentions of leaving you. You guys would
Speaker 1: say you, Jared, you slept with another girl. That's not
Speaker 1: up to you anymore. That's up to Ashley, and I
Speaker 1: feel like in this moment, it's up to Will. I
Speaker 1: feel like we have missing information here. My sense is
Speaker 1: that whatever they're calling a separation is I don't. I
Speaker 1: almost feel like the world put that on there. I
Speaker 1: feel like they have an agreement. These two people are
Speaker 1: very conscious about what they do in every way, Like
Speaker 1: if you watch Red Table Talk, there's nothing messy. She
Speaker 1: didn't like slip and fall into something. I think that
Speaker 1: they make decisions, And of course I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say there's a lot of intentionality and
Speaker 1: the way both of them moved through the world, and
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna guess that the reason she's calling it
Speaker 1: an entanglement is because there's an It's okay, there's an
Speaker 1: intention there, and the whole way we conceive of marriage
Speaker 1: is not the way they conceive of it. Well, And also,
Speaker 1: wasn't the show like prerecorded too? So didn't they film it?
Speaker 1: And then they Jada was like, yeah, let's here this
Speaker 1: sure right, Like they've made the conscious decision to let
Speaker 1: the world know what was going on. Yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like there's more to the story. Like sometimes I used
Speaker 1: to work in TV news for sixteen years and there
Speaker 1: are certain stories where like we're missing some backs. But
Speaker 1: we also said he was done with her asks before
Speaker 1: her in August had their entanglement, So I mean it's
Speaker 1: very I feel like it's they just have an open
Speaker 1: relationship and it wasn't I don't know what to believe
Speaker 1: with them. Well, and let's be honest with ourselves. We're
Speaker 1: gonna sit here and say that Will hasn't been entangled
Speaker 1: with anyone else. That's why she said to him, Like
Speaker 1: he's like, I'm gonna get you back, and she's like
Speaker 1: you already, Like you have already. Yeah, he's definitely done.
Speaker 1: I mean it's there. It's their relationship is there. It's
Speaker 1: how it works for them. So I think we're seeing
Speaker 1: them make choices where I think most people front. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like they're so kind of that's kind of not
Speaker 1: their agreement this to front. They just like we we
Speaker 1: live out them to Lee and so they're just doing
Speaker 1: this now and it worked to them and if that's
Speaker 1: if that's what makes them happy. But if Tyler ever
Speaker 1: went and had an entanglement with somebody else, Yeah, but
Speaker 1: uh no, I agree. See, like with Will and Jada,
Speaker 1: you know, like you guys said, it's their relationship. They
Speaker 1: can do whatever they want and they have power to
Speaker 1: do that. My question is more in terms of like
Speaker 1: the grand idea of like an entangle ement versus an affair,
Speaker 1: not specifically with just Will and Jada. It was just
Speaker 1: their situation brought to light of that, and I want
Speaker 1: to talk about this more. But I also want to
Speaker 1: talk Tracy to you about quarantine right now, because obviously
Speaker 1: it's just the world we're living in quote unquote the
Speaker 1: new normal. I'm already tired of that phrase. But what
Speaker 1: are your thoughts about quarantine dating right now? Do you
Speaker 1: think people should go out with other people? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think it's fine to date in quarantine. I think it
Speaker 1: has a different tone to it. I think people are
Speaker 1: more real in quarantine in this one way, I think
Speaker 1: people are the stakes are do they meet connection more so,
Speaker 1: they're doing in some ways, revealing more to get it,
Speaker 1: being more vulnerable, being more open with people. But I
Speaker 1: also think that you can, and it quicker because people
Speaker 1: are getting more honest, more more quickly, so you know,
Speaker 1: relationships can start and then they lead to a lot
Speaker 1: of phone conversations where you can sort of hear whether
Speaker 1: or not there's something that's gonna work there, and then
Speaker 1: if it's not there, then you move on. So I
Speaker 1: feel like there's almost an efficiency in quarantine dating because
Speaker 1: you're not meeting face to face and accidentally slipping and
Speaker 1: falling on someone's dick, you know what I'm saying, and
Speaker 1: then boom, you're all involved with this person and you
Speaker 1: wouldn't have even done that if you hadn't ever met
Speaker 1: them in person. You just would. So it's I think
Speaker 1: it's a lot harder to get to that place of
Speaker 1: physical contact, and in the meantime you kind of realize
Speaker 1: how many people are actually not right for you. And
Speaker 1: also you can say, like, if you don't like them,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not about ghosting, but you can just
Speaker 1: be like I have COVID. I can't see you like
Speaker 1: I'm making harder choice. You know, It's like I'm more
Speaker 1: clear about what I want in COVID. Now. What I
Speaker 1: think is interesting is that it doesn't look like it's
Speaker 1: going to be going away anytime too. Like you don't
Speaker 1: say that right because in the beginning, we're like, we're
Speaker 1: gonna do this for a little while and then everything's
Speaker 1: gonna go back to some kind of normal. But now
Speaker 1: I would not be looking for especially in l A,
Speaker 1: I would not be looking for any kind of normal
Speaker 1: until a year from now. But I think that that
Speaker 1: could work in people's benefit. I think it's going to
Speaker 1: change the way people. They're not just gonna be able
Speaker 1: to um trade in, you know, if it we're fishing,
Speaker 1: where you're just gonna throw that fish back in and
Speaker 1: try for another one. I think people are going to
Speaker 1: have more value on a good, solid connection, Like if
Speaker 1: you find something that's like good or great, you're gonna
Speaker 1: keep it. We have to be like you have to
Speaker 1: be a little more selective and intentional with it too,
Speaker 1: which I think is pretty helpful, rather than, like you said,
Speaker 1: just slipping and falling on someone's uh, you know, it's
Speaker 1: a it's a little bit more of a conversation that
Speaker 1: leads to more intentional dating, which I think probably in
Speaker 1: the long run, is a good thing. I think so too,
Speaker 1: because I think there's you know, the idea of the
Speaker 1: paradox of choice, that we have so many choices that
Speaker 1: you never choose one. Um, and I feel like now
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to make some choices, and that ultimately
Speaker 1: because like ultimately, human beings are primates and and we
Speaker 1: want secure attachment. We want to attach to people. So
Speaker 1: that isn't that is a goal of a human being
Speaker 1: is to find a person in pair bond. And so
Speaker 1: I think the way that we have the apps and
Speaker 1: there's just so many choices actually works against what is
Speaker 1: it what is good for us? You know. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying people get married forever or even be monogamous,
Speaker 1: but people want a primary attachment that is a feature
Speaker 1: of being part of our species. And we're not going
Speaker 1: to talk anybody out of that because somebody that hinge,
Speaker 1: you know, right, And I like that you brought it
Speaker 1: up kind of uh too, because I know that you
Speaker 1: in the past I mentioned that you have a complex
Speaker 1: dad situation, and so let's talk about that for a
Speaker 1: second and how father energy can affect I'm gonna see
Speaker 1: my dad after this. So because in Metnapolis, my hometown, Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: So I think what people do is a lot of
Speaker 1: times in New York chemistry. What that means is you've
Speaker 1: encountered in another person who's going to activate sort of
Speaker 1: land mines of unresolved things from childhood, unresolved things and
Speaker 1: your mother relationship, unresolved things in your father relationship. And
Speaker 1: so if you have a lot of unresolved bad things
Speaker 1: like I do, although I'm getting mine resolved, but it's funny,
Speaker 1: like it feels like there's always another one. I'm like,
Speaker 1: when are we done? You know you can past relationships
Speaker 1: well where you don't have any big things to work
Speaker 1: on that are unresolved from the past, like you, It
Speaker 1: feels like I should have resolved at all by now,
Speaker 1: But I still I want. I want to go into
Speaker 1: my own dating life. But I will say I was
Speaker 1: on a phone call last night and the guy goes,
Speaker 1: so what, He's so smart, he goes, so what um
Speaker 1: childhood wounds do you think I represent for you? Wow? Question,
Speaker 1: So next time you're on on a date or in
Speaker 1: one of these conversations, you should ask that to somebody.
Speaker 1: And of course I had a boom boom boom answer,
Speaker 1: and he was like, WHOA, I didn't think he have
Speaker 1: an answer? Is that a question you can only ask
Speaker 1: someone that you're just recently dating, or is it someone
Speaker 1: like you can like, can we ask our significant others?
Speaker 1: Even though any time you can ask that question because
Speaker 1: you can also say what are we working on right now?
Speaker 1: Can you say the question again? Because I want to
Speaker 1: ask my boyfriend what unresolved childhood things do you think
Speaker 1: I represent? For you? Okay, what it's gonna be? Like
Speaker 1: you guys, is it gonna be like a thing that
Speaker 1: you know matches your childhood? So in this case, there's
Speaker 1: a long distance situation, right and my dad was in prison,
Speaker 1: so I can see how part of the thing that
Speaker 1: I'm really fonding to is how this line's up with
Speaker 1: that person who's not quite available to me but is
Speaker 1: emotionally really available to me. And I'm like, that's like
Speaker 1: boom boom boom, perfect match ding ding ding with my childhood.
Speaker 1: So then you go, okay, that makes sense, that's crazy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And these if you start to look for these kinds
Speaker 1: of patterns, you will see them everywhere. Why is that important?
Speaker 1: Because once you realize that you're in a pattern, you
Speaker 1: don't just start believing everything your mind tells you, because
Speaker 1: your mind is going to be talking to you from
Speaker 1: like whatever your mind is telling you what to do,
Speaker 1: from the child itself is like, hey, alexis do this,
Speaker 1: and I was born I was born I think a
Speaker 1: year later, two years later, but great ninety four Salve
Speaker 1: is going, hey pick this guy or say this thing
Speaker 1: to him, or you know, it'll think it knows what's
Speaker 1: going on, but really it's coming out of the childhood experience.
Speaker 1: And until you're able to differentiate that, your relationships can
Speaker 1: get really messy. Yeah. No, my dad is very similar
Speaker 1: to Tyler, which is my boyfriend, and it's a really
Speaker 1: good thing. But I'm also like my mom who's a psychopath,
Speaker 1: and they divorce. So I don't know how far you know,
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm not I'm not old my mom. I'm
Speaker 1: like fifty eighty yeah, eight forty. But you can lower
Speaker 1: that percentage, that percentage by resolving that stuff. Yeah. And
Speaker 1: then also my stepdad arrested my dad. Yeah, so then
Speaker 1: my mom remarried to the cop that arrested my dad,
Speaker 1: Like soko, you know, not really happened though, Like my
Speaker 1: dad got arrested by my stepdad. I mean, everything is
Speaker 1: good now, this is like twenty years ago, but drama, drama, drama, drama,
Speaker 1: so you could find yourself being attracted to people who
Speaker 1: were representing your mom, representing your dad. Like I've been
Speaker 1: in hold relationships and I'm like, oh, that was a
Speaker 1: mom relationship or that was a dad relationship. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: want to be in a dad relationship. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be in a mom relationship. Sorry. Yeah, well you
Speaker 1: don't about chemistry. The chemistry is the signal that there's
Speaker 1: unconscious stuff going on. Yeah, Tracy, I know you that
Speaker 1: you have a you have to get going soon. But
Speaker 1: before you do, I obviously want to talk about your
Speaker 1: show Family Fiance Saturday nights, Alexis. It's on Own, which
Speaker 1: is Oprah Winfrey's network, at nine pm, eight Central. Uh
Speaker 1: so tell us about it. I think this Saturday is
Speaker 1: the third episode of season two, if I did my
Speaker 1: math correctly, yes, y um. It's such a good show
Speaker 1: because really it's like there's a couple that wants to
Speaker 1: get married and their families and friends, some combination of
Speaker 1: family and friends are against it. So everyone moves into
Speaker 1: a house in Malibu and they work it out and
Speaker 1: sometimes they don't. But what does happen is that so
Speaker 1: basically most people's relationship issues as we were just talking about,
Speaker 1: come from their families. So when you get the family
Speaker 1: and the couple in the same house, you basically have
Speaker 1: the cause and the effect in the same house. And
Speaker 1: then you know, on day one the couple's always come
Speaker 1: in and they're like super happy and in love. And
Speaker 1: on day two they come in and it's like they
Speaker 1: are shook. Okay, they are like what has happened? And um,
Speaker 1: but by day three we really do end up working
Speaker 1: through a lot of stuff, and all sorts of outcomes happen.
Speaker 1: We consider a happy outcome anything that's in the highest good.
Speaker 1: So if that means a couple breaks up but it's
Speaker 1: right and you know that's the right thing to happen,
Speaker 1: then yeah, and so and so they spend three days
Speaker 1: and at the end they ask for the blessings. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like the rose ceremony, except where they say, well,
Speaker 1: you give us your blessing, and you know, there's six
Speaker 1: blessings to get and sometimes they get zero, and sometimes
Speaker 1: to get six, and sometimes to get one and all
Speaker 1: sorts of things in between. But um, it gets very real.
Speaker 1: There's drama, there's tears, there's you know, humor, but mostly
Speaker 1: you there's not one couple that you're not going to
Speaker 1: identify with something going on in their relationship. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a really relatable concept, the idea. I mean, I've been
Speaker 1: in a situation whereas with somebody that I knew my
Speaker 1: parents would would approve of and then vice verse. Or
Speaker 1: I've been with someone that I knew my family would
Speaker 1: love and I questioned whether I should be with them
Speaker 1: because I knew they fitted with the family so well,
Speaker 1: or right, that's what Mary and Megan are. That's just
Speaker 1: a family or fiance situation, and he chose fiance, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's kind of I think about My situation is I
Speaker 1: don't care what my family thinks. I'm just gonna do
Speaker 1: whatever I want. That's more my thing too, No one,
Speaker 1: No one cares who I My mom likes Tyler way
Speaker 1: more than me, So that's what about your dad? Oh,
Speaker 1: they're like the same person. My dad's like obsessed with
Speaker 1: the Miami Dolphins and Tyler is a die hard Cowboys fance.
Speaker 1: So that's just a tiff they have. But if that's
Speaker 1: the only tiff, I think it's Yeah, that sounds so bad.
Speaker 1: It could have been worse. He could have been like
Speaker 1: a Jets fan or something or pat I mean, if
Speaker 1: he was a Patriots fan, he had have great taste. Um, Tracy,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us today. Really appreciated.
Speaker 1: I like hanging out with you guys. Yeah, this is fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good. Chatting next time, hopefully in studio. Yes, the
Speaker 1: question is, um, what childhood wound do you think that
Speaker 1: I represent for you? I gotta be honest, I was
Speaker 1: thinking about this throughout the podcast after you asked the
Speaker 1: question what void does actually do for me? Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be something that gets your heart beat going
Speaker 1: and you're you know, there will be a physical response
Speaker 1: when you're in it. So yeah, I think I have
Speaker 1: an idea. Tracy, once again, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: telling us. And then everybody, obviously go watch Family or Fiance,
Speaker 1: which is on Saturday nights on the Own Network, which
Speaker 1: is Oprah Winfrey's network, UH nine pm, eight Central. Go
Speaker 1: check it out. Tracy, thank you so much. Thanks Tray. Right,
Speaker 1: all right, everyone, welcome back to the email segment of
Speaker 1: Help I Suck It Dating. Alexis is still here and
Speaker 1: she is going to help us answer some of these
Speaker 1: questions that our listeners have emailed. Into us and for
Speaker 1: the record, if you have a question or you want
Speaker 1: to share a story, it's I Suck it Dating at
Speaker 1: I heart media dot com. Uh, Alexis. This one's from Jane.
Speaker 1: It's short and it's sweet, and I think you're gonna
Speaker 1: have some good insight on it. Jane wants to know
Speaker 1: is it a red flag that I hate all of
Speaker 1: my boyfriends friends. I've been dating my boyfriend for a
Speaker 1: couple of months and I only hang out with his
Speaker 1: friends a handful of times. I really enjoy hanging out
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend, but every time I hang out with
Speaker 1: his friends and just really annoy me. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this helps, but all of a sudden over twenties,
Speaker 1: is this normal? And what should I do? Any advice
Speaker 1: would be really appreciated. So I'm sure Tyler has got friends.
Speaker 1: He seems like a popular guy. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you like him or dislike him. But let's say you
Speaker 1: freaking hated all of them. What would you think that
Speaker 1: is a red flag right now? Um? I mean, I
Speaker 1: hate some of his friends, but I mean I love Tyler,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna just compromise and stick it out. But
Speaker 1: I mean, if you hate all of his friends. That's what, like,
Speaker 1: I only hate like a select few, and I like
Speaker 1: tells how our prior to going like don't well like
Speaker 1: we we go on vacation or anything like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: don't invite them, and he actually listen to me. So
Speaker 1: you maybe just like I have to dominate and just
Speaker 1: be like I'm not hanging out with these people as
Speaker 1: long as not all of them. Yeah, like yeah, not
Speaker 1: all of them. But I love most of Tyler's friends,
Speaker 1: so I don't have that problem. But if you do
Speaker 1: have the problem, you have to dominate and say your
Speaker 1: friends kind of suct like what do they do like
Speaker 1: for you? My interpretation of it is the people that
Speaker 1: you're friends with are the people that that's kind of
Speaker 1: like what it's like a reflection of you. You know,
Speaker 1: all of his friends. Yeah, I I only hang out
Speaker 1: with people that are like good people. I mean, you've
Speaker 1: got to cut the you gotta cut the cord at
Speaker 1: some point. So if he just has there he said,
Speaker 1: they're mid twenties. Yeah, yeah, so guys are my guy
Speaker 1: friends are like still very immature. I love them, but
Speaker 1: in five years, half of those friends aren't going to
Speaker 1: be there. So just maybe waited out just for five
Speaker 1: years and then be You'll be in the clear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't be with a guy who had sucking
Speaker 1: friends when I think about it, too, and it's like
Speaker 1: when I think about my friends. I like my friends
Speaker 1: who I like wouldn't be ashamed of introducing to anyone
Speaker 1: in the world. And my other friends who are like
Speaker 1: still just as good a friends, but they're complete idiots,
Speaker 1: and like the fact that Klin might dislike them is
Speaker 1: like I would expect her to dislike them because they stuck,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, I but I have friends from like
Speaker 1: high school who I love to death a little. My
Speaker 1: one friend who have been friends with since kindergarten. I
Speaker 1: hate her so much, but I will never get rid
Speaker 1: of her. I love her like Tyler knows, like he's
Speaker 1: just gonna have to deal with her. If you love me,
Speaker 1: you're gonna just have to deal with her. I love you, Sam,
Speaker 1: super but package deal. It's a package some some of
Speaker 1: them are just a package deal. Yeah, if you want
Speaker 1: to get with me, you gotta get with my friends.
Speaker 1: You know has immortalized words by the Wonderful, Wonderful Spice
Speaker 1: Spice Girls. Uh yeah, I mean Jane do you really
Speaker 1: hate all of his friends? All of them? There's not
Speaker 1: one friend, because like you said, Alexis, there's always like
Speaker 1: a couple of friends where're like, yeah, I don't mind
Speaker 1: hanging out with them. Yeah, hang out with so and
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna be in my room. Yeah, like I'm hiding. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you know, select a couple of good friends. Jane
Speaker 1: would be my advice and be like, hey, you know,
Speaker 1: like a couple. And then if you really if I mean,
Speaker 1: he's still in his mid twenties, so he'll probably learn
Speaker 1: if his friends to suck. Or maybe Jane sucks. I'm kidding.
Speaker 1: She doesn't suck because she listens to this podcast. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, Jane. I love you you.
Speaker 1: If he wants to get with you, you need to
Speaker 1: get with his friends. But yeah, no, you mail that.
Speaker 1: You mail that Jared. You want to read this anonymous emailer? Yes,
Speaker 1: so we have a Yeah, Hello Nick, thank you for
Speaker 1: emailing us again. This email is from anonymous. It says
Speaker 1: I matched the guy on bumble overall we seem to
Speaker 1: have a lot in common. For context, I'm twenty six
Speaker 1: and the guy is thirty one. But the day ended
Speaker 1: up being horrible. He talked about himself the entire time
Speaker 1: and didn't try to get to know me at all.
Speaker 1: I asked if he thought he was ready to day,
Speaker 1: and he said he wouldn't have asked me out if
Speaker 1: he wasn't. The day after the day, I received a
Speaker 1: long text for him saying he didn't feel like himself
Speaker 1: on the date, that he really doesn't really feel ready
Speaker 1: to date. That's weird, he contradicted himself in twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when I
Speaker 1: stumbled upon a picture of him and a girl. Naturally,
Speaker 1: I scrolled through the comments and landed on one of
Speaker 1: someone asking when did this happen? The girl in the
Speaker 1: photo responded saying they had been talking since January January,
Speaker 1: four months before we even matched and went out. So
Speaker 1: all of this backstory to get to my real question
Speaker 1: slash topic of discussion. Do you guys really think this
Speaker 1: kind of behavior is okay? If the guy wasn't into me,
Speaker 1: why did he make up excuse? Or if you like
Speaker 1: this other girl, why was he still playing the field
Speaker 1: after months of talking to her? Alex, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 1: He's an asshole? Yeah? He's an ass an asshole, Like,
Speaker 1: he's a full blown asshole. Like he was probably that
Speaker 1: girl that he took a picture with, probably wasn't giving
Speaker 1: him attention, so she used her the other girl, just
Speaker 1: for the short time frame that he had to you know,
Speaker 1: probably get it in or whatever, and just used her
Speaker 1: to get back at the other girl. So he's just
Speaker 1: a full blown asshole. I mean I could have said
Speaker 1: it better myself. Yeah, I think this guy is a
Speaker 1: full blown asshole playing the field while talking to a
Speaker 1: different girl. Do youan what are his thoughts? It sounds
Speaker 1: like he's an asshole. My question for anonymous is why
Speaker 1: does she care so much about what this guy thinks?
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, maybe she likes him, but it sounds
Speaker 1: like she didn't even really enjoy herself when she was
Speaker 1: with him. So it's like, what's it like, Why are
Speaker 1: you even getting hung up about a guy that sucks anymoy?
Speaker 1: You know, I'm find my stelf caring about things I
Speaker 1: shouldn't care about. I dwell on things. Yeah, but the
Speaker 1: fact that she had to go to the when you're
Speaker 1: in a situation and you have to go to a
Speaker 1: girl's in the guy's instagram find the girl and DM
Speaker 1: that girl. That's when you know it's already a mess.
Speaker 1: Like that's when you know when you have to start
Speaker 1: Instagrams talking, that's when you know it's it's it's never
Speaker 1: gonna work. But I think it's it's kind of I
Speaker 1: don't even look at how I's I don't even I
Speaker 1: don't even look at how his Instagram. I probably gonna
Speaker 1: I think. I think. I think the fact that she's
Speaker 1: doing that, there's probably a problem on both sides. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the guy sucks, but maybe you're a little not you.
Speaker 1: Maybe this anonymous email is a little insecure, right, So
Speaker 1: it's like, why would you even be going and doing
Speaker 1: it any ways? But in addition to that, it's like, yeah, you,
Speaker 1: it sucks that you had to find out that way.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's kind of a losers. It sounds
Speaker 1: like this person maybe needs to do some introspection. And
Speaker 1: like you said, it's why would you never go through
Speaker 1: Tyler's Instagram? Yeah, you have to be secure. So but
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I've been there, girl, I've done Instagram's talking.
Speaker 1: I used to d M girls like a psychopath. So
Speaker 1: I feel you. But there's light of fans of the tunnel.
Speaker 1: Just keep going, Yeah, I mean, to be fair, Anonymous
Speaker 1: was asking if if we think that this behavior is okay,
Speaker 1: and like, I think I think her question was like
Speaker 1: why do guys do this? Like why do guys make
Speaker 1: up excuses? Or why do guys still play the field
Speaker 1: when they're obviously like maybe not exclusive with someone but
Speaker 1: been hanging out with him for four months? And I
Speaker 1: would say, yeah, just guys can be an especially when
Speaker 1: they're young. No, no, no no, no goal like no, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just like, if guy wants to be with you,
Speaker 1: he's gonna be with you. There's no if, Like, there's
Speaker 1: no if andbuts like if the guy wants to be
Speaker 1: with you, he's gonna be with you. If he doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be with you, he's gonna be going around
Speaker 1: and like and other things. So you don't want that
Speaker 1: type of guy, So Anonymous, just keep it moving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say, an Anonymous, keep it moving. And then
Speaker 1: I mean the other girl obviously doesn't know what's going on,
Speaker 1: the girl in the Instagram photo, but like she should
Speaker 1: keep it moving to because this guy is playing the field. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he is a douche lord. And listen, if if a
Speaker 1: guy who's interested in playing the field. There's nothing that
Speaker 1: you can say or do really that's going to change
Speaker 1: his mind about it. It's kind of got to be
Speaker 1: something that he makes up hisself. Yeah, you know, like
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, of course I have what is a
Speaker 1: silly question, Alexis. I know, I'm just going with you. Alexis,
Speaker 1: Have you played the field? Yeah, Alex answer that, yes
Speaker 1: you have feld. Oh, yes, I played the field. We
Speaker 1: played the field when you started dating Tyler? Was Tyler?
Speaker 1: Was Tyler in the field or was he ready to
Speaker 1: date someone? No? He told me, well, I told my
Speaker 1: love him first, but he was telling his friends that
Speaker 1: he loved me like week two and I don't even
Speaker 1: remember having sacs with you, So, like we need to
Speaker 1: slow down. I know, amazing, but like, Blacks, how long
Speaker 1: did it take you for this to say I love you?
Speaker 1: Because you said you were the first person to say
Speaker 1: it to each other. I said I loved you first.
Speaker 1: But how long how long into the relationship before you
Speaker 1: set it? I think six months it's a fair enough
Speaker 1: time amount of time. Yeah, I mean I also when
Speaker 1: I'm when I'm paradise in between. Ito a power move though,
Speaker 1: It's like listen. I know you might like me, but
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go ahead and do this TV show.
Speaker 1: So like then, you know, it wasn't that I mean
Speaker 1: to him. I think it was more serious than I
Speaker 1: was taking it. I was also twenty three. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what I want, Like, I don't even
Speaker 1: know if I'm that into you. Like when I was
Speaker 1: having sex to I really don't remember. So like obviously
Speaker 1: I was going on paradise to have an open mind.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I was playing the field that there's an
Speaker 1: example right there that's amazing. Was like Tyler was my quarterback.
Speaker 1: He was my Tom Brady. You know, I am disgustingly cute.
Speaker 1: Ashley's my Tom Brady. Actually literally wants to kill me
Speaker 1: for how many times I mentioned Tom Brady in a day?
Speaker 1: Uh do you want to read another email? Yeah, well
Speaker 1: it's it's kind of appropriate to ask this too. So
Speaker 1: since we're all in relationships, Morgan wants to know. I
Speaker 1: was just cleaning up my closet and had a lot
Speaker 1: of my ex boyfriend's old sweatshirts and shirts that I
Speaker 1: took while we were dating. We're not in bad terms,
Speaker 1: so do I give them back? Do I? Don't eate
Speaker 1: them or do I just throw them away? Any advice
Speaker 1: you might have would be appreciated out. Let's say, Alexis,
Speaker 1: you were moving out or something like that, and you
Speaker 1: found a bunch of old sweatshirts from another old boyfriend.
Speaker 1: What would you do, Like I would find old sweatshirts
Speaker 1: of I mean I would find like ras and underwear
Speaker 1: from another girl. No, no, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1: Let's say you were moving out and you found a
Speaker 1: bunch of Nick's old sweatshirts that you stole from him
Speaker 1: when you guys were dating. Uh, what would you do
Speaker 1: with them? Would you give them back to Nick? Or
Speaker 1: would you donate them? Would you throw them away? Would
Speaker 1: you burn them? Would you give them Tyler? Well, if
Speaker 1: there were nice sweatshirts, I would tell them. If not,
Speaker 1: I would probably give them to goodwill. Don't on posh
Speaker 1: Mark or what Yeah, I'll throw them on posh Mark
Speaker 1: or um I love Poshmark, Poshmark queen, but um I
Speaker 1: would usually I would give them to Goodwill if they
Speaker 1: were like nothing, or I wouldn't give them to Tyler? No, no, no.
Speaker 1: Would you give him back to Nick? Would you like
Speaker 1: reach out and be like, hey, no, they're mine now.
Speaker 1: So your advice for Morgan is don't give the sweatshirts back,
Speaker 1: because that's like opening the doors, like when you like
Speaker 1: to leave a hoop behind, like your I Sometimes I
Speaker 1: would like in the old days, I would like leave
Speaker 1: hoop so I can text him and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I left something so I could just talk to him again,
Speaker 1: you know, Like so that makes sense, and now I
Speaker 1: have a hoop company, like so crazy, but I would
Speaker 1: leave a hoop behind and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love my hoop. They're like they're so important to me.
Speaker 1: But I would just do that just so I could
Speaker 1: text him and then like I would see him again.
Speaker 1: You know. Well, it sounds like this girl stole these
Speaker 1: though from her birth am I. From what I understand,
Speaker 1: it sounds like this guy probably on his p and
Speaker 1: L I already chalked all this stuff up up as losses.
Speaker 1: So it's like he doesn't even remember having these sweatshirts
Speaker 1: and shirts. They're gone in his eyes. So I don't
Speaker 1: need to give him back. Yeah, I want to give
Speaker 1: him back. But let's say she starts let's say she
Speaker 1: starts dating someone new, and then she's got these guys,
Speaker 1: this guy's like shirts around the house. You think it's
Speaker 1: a good thing or back? Get rid of them? Get
Speaker 1: rid of the shirts. Yeah, yeah, Goodwill needs them more
Speaker 1: than you do, especially if you start dating someone. I
Speaker 1: would never text him and be like, hey, do you
Speaker 1: want your sweatshirts back? Because that's just opening up like
Speaker 1: the past and you don't want to do that. Do
Speaker 1: you want your gray Gap sweatshirt back? I have six
Speaker 1: Hollister sweatshirts for you. Hollister. They probably smell great. If
Speaker 1: that's the case, Alexis, Jared is going to read one
Speaker 1: more email for us. Is that cool? And then we'll
Speaker 1: let you go. Yeah, let me do one more shot
Speaker 1: for being on the podcast. While you're taking that shot, Jared,
Speaker 1: you want to read it for Yes. This is from Tiffany.
Speaker 1: It says I'm thirty four and I started dating a
Speaker 1: guy who's twenty nine back in May. We had many
Speaker 1: great conversations and there was a true connection between us
Speaker 1: with how well things were progressing. I started to have
Speaker 1: genuine feelings for this man. On our last date, he
Speaker 1: blurted out that he loved me. I didn't say anything back,
Speaker 1: and he didn't even take it seriously. As it was
Speaker 1: only the third day. I did make it clear to
Speaker 1: him that I do like him and want to see
Speaker 1: where things go he told me. He told me we
Speaker 1: would talk the next day and get together over the weekend.
Speaker 1: He didn't reach out to me the following day and
Speaker 1: canceled our plans to get together on Sunday. Over the
Speaker 1: last month, he has been extremely distant. He said that
Speaker 1: he was still interested, but he felt overwhelmed and hasn't
Speaker 1: figured out how to balance the responsibilities in his life,
Speaker 1: such as being in school and focusing on his alcoholic recovery.
Speaker 1: He's two years sober. I've backed off and have given
Speaker 1: him space to return to me if he wishes. Why
Speaker 1: would he be so distant after expressing how he felt
Speaker 1: about me? Did he get scared off by his feelings?
Speaker 1: Is backing off and giving him space the correct approach
Speaker 1: to this. I think, hello cuckoo, Yeah, I think this
Speaker 1: guy needs to figure himself out. He's probably very nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think he has some issues that he has to
Speaker 1: deal with himself. But I don't think she should take
Speaker 1: a personally. I think he needs to figure out his
Speaker 1: own personal like I wouldn't. I wouldn't take anything personally.
Speaker 1: If I were her, he clearly he has some things
Speaker 1: to figure out. Like he's in he's it's going to
Speaker 1: be two years sober. That I mean, he just I
Speaker 1: feel like he has a lot of emotional baggage right now. True,
Speaker 1: maybe take a shot of his two years sobriety. No,
Speaker 1: you should do it. I think I think being two
Speaker 1: years sober is incredible. I think it's a great thing
Speaker 1: for this particular person. But I also think that, like
Speaker 1: Alexis said, he might have some emotional issues right now.
Speaker 1: Especially if you're telling someone on the third date that
Speaker 1: you love them and then they don't reciprocate the feelings,
Speaker 1: and when they don't, you just immediately cut off communication
Speaker 1: with this person. Maybe that's scared too. I mean you
Speaker 1: probably did. But like I mean, if you're telling someone
Speaker 1: you love them, you're you're obviously not in love with them,
Speaker 1: if you're giving up on them after they don't tell
Speaker 1: you that you they love you back after the third day. Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's maybe he didn't say it back. I'm sure he is.
Speaker 1: But I've told somebody I loved them they didn't say
Speaker 1: it back. That's it and stop me. Yeah, no, same
Speaker 1: same with me. I told somebody I loved them, they
Speaker 1: didn't say it back, and I still tried to communicate.
Speaker 1: But I also then like, then once I got him,
Speaker 1: I didn't like him anymore. Girl. What that's the classic
Speaker 1: f girl. Yeah, I didn't like him. I thought I did.
Speaker 1: I think because he didn't want me, And then I
Speaker 1: was like no, and then I went out on a
Speaker 1: date with him, and then I was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: don't I don't think I like you, Like, no, you're
Speaker 1: gonna want me? And then he wanted you, and you
Speaker 1: were like, Okay, my job here is done. That wasn't
Speaker 1: the plan, but like that just so happy. Hey, we've
Speaker 1: all been there for Tiffany. I think it's probably best
Speaker 1: if you guys go your separate ways. He might have
Speaker 1: gotten a little scared off by you not telling him
Speaker 1: that you love him back, but like Dean said, I
Speaker 1: feel like he's probably more embarrassed. He's probably not in
Speaker 1: love with you. He probably has to do some self reflecting, uh,
Speaker 1: and so it's probably best if if he works on himself.
Speaker 1: Personal agree. It seems to be a consensus agreement. Alexis,
Speaker 1: You are awesome. Thank you for co hosting and helping
Speaker 1: all of our emailers find some solace in their dating lives. Uh.
Speaker 1: We mentioned at the top of the podcast, but plug
Speaker 1: your podcast with Raven real quick for us. Okay, So
Speaker 1: Raven and I have a podcast called Girls Night. It
Speaker 1: is available every Monday. And then I also have a
Speaker 1: jeweler your line called hoop Nation the Best. I don't
Speaker 1: know a lot in life, but I do know a
Speaker 1: good pair of hoops. So hoop Nation by Alexis baby
Speaker 1: Hoop Nation. She's got a podcast. Who is this businesswoman?
Speaker 1: She's all over the place killing it killing And then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be on Real Housewives of Dallas. Are you serious? Yeah?
Speaker 1: When I'm like engaged, you have to be a housewife
Speaker 1: in order to be on Real Housewives. You can't just
Speaker 1: be like a girlfriend. Wait, that would be pretty good.
Speaker 1: You and rayvend Bull should be on it. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it's happening. I mean pointing out in the universe right now.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, that's what I keep doing. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: put it on the universe like I'm gonna be on
Speaker 1: Real Household Dallas. But I just need to get rich
Speaker 1: first and maybe get married. So honestly, I don't think
Speaker 1: you need to be on the show because I'm only
Speaker 1: I think the ladies are like forty so like I
Speaker 1: need to like maybe I'm so would be like the
Speaker 1: nice breath of young fresh air. Oh i'lster the pot.
Speaker 1: I mean I want I went to the pot. I
Speaker 1: would just bring the tequila and you can see like
Speaker 1: hitting someone in like in like a fun way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a punch on the shoulder, you know, well, I
Speaker 1: would have to like a knockout punch, No, I would.
Speaker 1: I'm not really a talker when it comes to fighting.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely more of just like, oh, hit you, but
Speaker 1: I don't swing first, ask questions later. I don't advocate fighting,
Speaker 1: but you know, if it, if it happens. If it happens,
Speaker 1: it happens, all right. Well, So for the listeners out there,
Speaker 1: be sure check out Alexis on Girls Night. Be sure
Speaker 1: check out who Nation. Be sure to d m Tyler
Speaker 1: Fernanda's on Instagram telling him to propose to Alexis. Be
Speaker 1: sure to check out Real aus Wives. She wasn't ready
Speaker 1: read it. Thanks to everyone who emailed in obviously, thank
Speaker 1: you to Tracy McMillan as well. Alexis let us know
Speaker 1: whenever you wanted to come co host one of your podcasts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's do it. Come on, come on, We'll have a
Speaker 1: girl's slack guys night, nothing else going on, So it'd
Speaker 1: be funny because you guys, Alexis you and Raven probably
Speaker 1: drinking the tequila, and Deana and I would be drinking
Speaker 1: our Avocasta's christ and Tease. I'm a big twisted tea guy.
Speaker 1: Oh really yeah, I'm not proud of it, but I
Speaker 1: do love them. Oh really yeah. I used to drink
Speaker 1: Christy teas and I was like in eighth grade. And
Speaker 1: I'm kidding Nerdys so much for having me. I'm having that.
Speaker 1: They're my presence. And I'm sorry. Jane, You're not an asshole.
Speaker 1: I feel bad for calling you that. Maybe you suck,
Speaker 1: but you don't suck. Jane and his friends do suck exactly.
Speaker 1: All right. We'll be sure to next week, where maybe
Speaker 1: we'll all suck just a little bit less. Follow help
Speaker 1: by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcast