Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio
Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. The doctor kept saying, like,
Speaker 1: the more sec you are, like the stronger, better signs.
Speaker 1: It is better signs signs, pointing to pregnancy. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: was throwing up so much. I thought I had h G.
Speaker 1: I couldn't and I did sit water and vomit. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this is gonna harm my baby.
Speaker 1: Because you're supposed to be like you have to be
Speaker 1: a something. My oh b had one baby, she had HD.
Speaker 1: She threw up so much. She's like, I survived on
Speaker 1: Seagram's ginger Ale and Saltine's. It's all She ate for
Speaker 1: ten months. I don't know. I couldn't even have a cracker.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was like licking celery. I was like,
Speaker 1: hello everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Today's guest
Speaker 1: has been a friend of mine for a while. You
Speaker 1: may know her as MICHAELA. Pratt on ABC's How to
Speaker 1: get Away with Murder. I can remember when Asian Naomi
Speaker 1: King booked How to get Away with Murder and I
Speaker 1: first met her at like an ABC upfront event, and
Speaker 1: it just reminded me so much of what I got Quinn,
Speaker 1: and it's been so awesome to just watch Asia and
Speaker 1: her career blossom and her family blossom. We get into
Speaker 1: it in this episode. We talk at length about her
Speaker 1: two miscarriages before her pregnancy. She gave birth to her
Speaker 1: first child, her Rainbow Baby, in June. We talked about
Speaker 1: her labor. We talked about how awesome it was that
Speaker 1: she posted a very candid, beautiful image of her body
Speaker 1: right after childbirth and what that really looks like. Barava Asia.
Speaker 1: For those of you who don't know How to get
Speaker 1: Away with Murder MICHAELA. Pratt, well you should, but if
Speaker 1: you don't, you may have caught Asia as Cassandra Copelson
Speaker 1: in the c W medical comedy drama Emily Owens. She's
Speaker 1: been in films such as Boxing Day, The Birth of
Speaker 1: a Nation, and The Upside. She's received dozens of television
Speaker 1: and film accolades, including n double A. C. P Age
Speaker 1: Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress for How to Get Away
Speaker 1: with Murder two thousand fifteen. She's won the Rising Star
Speaker 1: Award and the tenth annual Essence Black Women in Hollywood
Speaker 1: event in two thousand seventeen. She is the face of
Speaker 1: the skincare line O l A and followed two thousand
Speaker 1: fifteen and she became a spokesperson for Freaking Loaureal Paris.
Speaker 1: In two thousand seventeen, like I said, she welcomed her
Speaker 1: first child with her husband, Dan King. Asia. Welcome to
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib, Asia, Naomi King. Okay, take loads. I mean
Speaker 1: we first met at a Oh man, you guys were
Speaker 1: like the new kids on the block. What season was
Speaker 1: that of Scandal? I don't even know, but everyone was
Speaker 1: talking about How To Get Away with Murder and it
Speaker 1: hadn't come out yet, and we were at some sort
Speaker 1: of event. Someone walked you over to me. It might
Speaker 1: have even been Shonda. Let's say it makes for a
Speaker 1: better story. She was like, this girl is a star,
Speaker 1: and I was like, a, yeah, she is. And then
Speaker 1: I watched your performance in the first episode of How
Speaker 1: To Get Away with Murder and since then it has
Speaker 1: been a trajectory of shine and brilliance and authenticity and
Speaker 1: just awesomeness. And I'm just so happy that amidst all
Speaker 1: of your craze, dizziness and exciting career stuff, you managed
Speaker 1: to have a baby yes, I mean the pandemic helped,
Speaker 1: so totally agree, it really did. It was a great
Speaker 1: time to be like, oh, well we can't do anything,
Speaker 1: let's try this. Did you always want to be a mom?
Speaker 1: I did. This is funny to me though, it's like
Speaker 1: because my husband didn't, and he's way more of the
Speaker 1: like parent caretaker than I am. I always wanted to
Speaker 1: be a mom because like, that's what you do. You
Speaker 1: go to college, you fallen of, you get married, you
Speaker 1: have a baby. Yeah, societal norms tell us this is
Speaker 1: the order. Is exactly like you follow the fairy tale,
Speaker 1: you know, and like and that's just what you're supposed
Speaker 1: to do, having no idea of what that actually means,
Speaker 1: what that actually looks like. Like my idea of having
Speaker 1: a baby was like something to put cute clothes on
Speaker 1: and that, and that's so obscure. You can't understand it,
Speaker 1: really I And I remember even asking friends when I
Speaker 1: finally did get pregnant, I was like, why do you
Speaker 1: need so much help? I don't understand there's two of
Speaker 1: you and there's only one baby. And now I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: I was such a fool. Just what a fool I was? Yeah,
Speaker 1: babies for such a little thing. They really blow up
Speaker 1: your whole life. They really do. They really do. So
Speaker 1: you really wanted to be a mom because it was
Speaker 1: what you what I thought I was supposed to do.
Speaker 1: Did that ever change? I know? I have to say
Speaker 1: right at the top of this podcast that you anyone
Speaker 1: listening who doesn't follow Asian Nammy King's Instagram, it's a
Speaker 1: wonderful place because you're so I'm so appreciative of your
Speaker 1: posts about your experiences. Um. I think they're so honest
Speaker 1: and raw and helpful and inspiring. So you had been
Speaker 1: pregnant a couple of times before, right, Yes, I fell
Speaker 1: in love to me, the next logical step was have
Speaker 1: a baby. But the first time we got pregnant, we
Speaker 1: weren't trying. It was an accident, and it was the
Speaker 1: kind of thing where I was like, oh, ship, like
Speaker 1: this is a little I'm not sure. I was like
Speaker 1: totally ready for this, and actually we weren't even we
Speaker 1: weren't married yet by that time. In my mind, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is out of order. This isn't the way this
Speaker 1: supposed to go. But okay, go always we can. We
Speaker 1: can get married before the baby comes, and it all
Speaker 1: even out, you know. And when I think back to
Speaker 1: that first time of getting pregnant, there was like so
Speaker 1: much this is so insane, but still my brains like that,
Speaker 1: this is what you're supposed to do, so it's okay. Now.
Speaker 1: When I think back to that time, I just remember
Speaker 1: us sitting in the car after our doctor's appointment, after
Speaker 1: being told that there is no baby um and the
Speaker 1: two of us just sobbing. And it was supposed to
Speaker 1: be easy, it was supposed to be just the natural thing.
Speaker 1: It was like breaking of the fantasy for me. Basically,
Speaker 1: it's like, so wait, so it's not just gonna happen,
Speaker 1: it's supposed to just happen. And going through that first miscarriage,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a I'm an eternal optimist, which sometimes
Speaker 1: really backfires, especially and I'm right. So when I had
Speaker 1: to get a d n C and I'm coming out
Speaker 1: sedation and the nurses they're trying to like put my
Speaker 1: pants on, I'm like show me, like show like, show
Speaker 1: me what, show me what you took out? Because you
Speaker 1: maybe you made a mistake and there's a baby in there,
Speaker 1: so like there's this is not right, something is wrong,
Speaker 1: Like this can't be the story. This is not my story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is this is wrong. Everyone's making a mistake. This
Speaker 1: is not my story. There's a baby, You're just you're
Speaker 1: all missing it. The machines broken. You shouldn't have done
Speaker 1: this thing proved to me that that you didn't mess up.
Speaker 1: And then and I was still working at that time,
Speaker 1: we were still we were in the midst of shooting
Speaker 1: murder and like we had gone into the season, and
Speaker 1: I was so excited because it was like my little
Speaker 1: secret that I'm going to have a baby and I
Speaker 1: don't even know when to tell the writers. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: did the same thing, and then you realize I had
Speaker 1: a very similar thing, Like didn't you realize, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I can't control this, Like I cannot really plan how
Speaker 1: I've always been able to plan my whole life. Like
Speaker 1: I'm sort of I think you and I are similar
Speaker 1: in the type a like this is what's how things
Speaker 1: get organized? When's your birthday again? January eleven? I am
Speaker 1: a Capricorn. How far along were you? We were like
Speaker 1: about two and a half months in because because we
Speaker 1: had been traveling, so I didn't even have a doctor
Speaker 1: to go to until we got back to the US.
Speaker 1: Oh no, oh god, Yeah, this was so horrible. I
Speaker 1: totally forgot about this part. My first miscarriage was a
Speaker 1: blighted Ovum. I'm really bad at knowing my own anatomy
Speaker 1: and how that works, and that's really sad. But basically, like, um,
Speaker 1: I think, I'm like, we're gonna google. I don't want
Speaker 1: to say this wrong, let's think, let's look this up. Okay.
Speaker 1: Blighted album excuse me for rumpting is also called an
Speaker 1: an embryonic gestation. It's a condition that occurs when a
Speaker 1: gestational sack develops without an embryo. It occurs when an
Speaker 1: embryo never develops or stops developing, often no specific causes
Speaker 1: a parent. It's usually noticed in the first few weeks
Speaker 1: of pregnancy during an ultrasound, so it's basically like everything
Speaker 1: is there except a baby. And that's why I had
Speaker 1: to do the DNC, because they had to like take
Speaker 1: that sack out because it's not fertilized or it's not
Speaker 1: a real embryo. I mean, it's not going to end
Speaker 1: up in a baby. So this the second one, right,
Speaker 1: the second miscarriage. When I did the ultrasound, I hated
Speaker 1: this so much. The tech was like, you had a
Speaker 1: positive pregnancy test, and I'm like, what then do you
Speaker 1: think I'm here? Yes, I had a positive. No, this
Speaker 1: can't be happening again. Not, this cannot be happening again.
Speaker 1: And she's just like I'm not seeing anything in here,
Speaker 1: and then tags on at the end and do you
Speaker 1: know you have a fibroid? I'm like, lady picks, let's um.
Speaker 1: And then later like my doctor was worried, like what
Speaker 1: if it's when they think it's outside of the uterus,
Speaker 1: So they wanted me to go back to the doctor
Speaker 1: because that's so dangerous. They wanted me go back to
Speaker 1: the doctor, and like I went to the emergency room
Speaker 1: to double check. And I remember, I think for those
Speaker 1: listening in egg talk, pregnancy is when the embryo is
Speaker 1: attached to like the Filippian tube or something, but it's
Speaker 1: not correctly in the uterus. So if it were to grow,
Speaker 1: it could actually it could kill you, blow up your
Speaker 1: fallopian tube, and you would not be good. I rushed
Speaker 1: to the emergency room and I'm in the room with
Speaker 1: the nurse. She's like, Okay, I'm gonna bring in the
Speaker 1: doctor because clearly there's some confusion. So we're gonna like
Speaker 1: check this out or whatever, and are you alone or
Speaker 1: is your hunting? My husband's with me and this woman
Speaker 1: run is in. This doctor runs in, doesn't even say hi,
Speaker 1: and she just starts like pushing on my body like
Speaker 1: super quickly, and I'm just like, what's going on? And
Speaker 1: she was like, this is your second miscarriage? And she
Speaker 1: asked me and what happened the first time? And I'm
Speaker 1: like telling her, like the first time I had a
Speaker 1: blighted opum. She bursts out laughing. I just started crying
Speaker 1: because I'm like, why is this woman laughing at me
Speaker 1: when I just told her I'm in the middle of
Speaker 1: a second miscarriage. I just told her my first one
Speaker 1: was a blinded over him it And she's literally laughing
Speaker 1: in my face. And she was just like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: It's just been so long since I've heard that term.
Speaker 1: What the funk about? This is funny to you? She
Speaker 1: later apologized for that. Actually silent, we were so like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is this? It was literally it was
Speaker 1: the worst day of my life. I was like, this
Speaker 1: is the second miscarriage. I'm in a hospital. This doctor
Speaker 1: is laughing in my face, and you have just been
Speaker 1: touched and pushed and I'm just being pushed and b like,
Speaker 1: what is going on. It was after that day that
Speaker 1: I kind of had this moment of I didn't want
Speaker 1: to have to work for it to have the baby,
Speaker 1: because it was supposed to be the natural order. But
Speaker 1: then I was like, but if you actually do want this,
Speaker 1: you're going to have to work for it. And you
Speaker 1: know what, a baby is a really serious thing and
Speaker 1: you should have to work for it. You should have
Speaker 1: to work for it because the baby is work. So
Speaker 1: if you're going to make this happen, do the deep
Speaker 1: dive figure it out. My husband and I were like,
Speaker 1: we're going to find a naturropathic doctor. We're gonna like
Speaker 1: get into this and try to figure out do we
Speaker 1: need tests, what do we need? Let's investigate it because
Speaker 1: one time, okay, sure no one talks about it, but
Speaker 1: it's very common. But to me at the time, it
Speaker 1: wasn't very common because no one talks about it, so
Speaker 1: I felt totally alone in that. You would think one
Speaker 1: in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, so you never hear I.
Speaker 1: When I told my mother or I had a miscarriage,
Speaker 1: she was like, I've had a miscarriage. How are you
Speaker 1: just telling me this? Why didn't you ever tell me that?
Speaker 1: Because in that it would help to know, it would
Speaker 1: help him. But look at this, you you going through
Speaker 1: it and you posting about it as much as we
Speaker 1: can shoot on social media? Is that and the other thing?
Speaker 1: There are some real moments of connectivity? Yeah, and information. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when you posted that you are now your son is
Speaker 1: a rainbow baby and you've had two miscarriages, I just
Speaker 1: was like, Yeah, people should fucking know this. What did
Speaker 1: it end up being an epistop and episcopic pregnancy? Endyscopic?
Speaker 1: Let's look that up, guys. We're learning a lot today.
Speaker 1: I have forgotten so like when I was pregnant, I
Speaker 1: was like I know about this, I know about this,
Speaker 1: I'm reading about this and that, and now I'm like,
Speaker 1: what did brain is gone? What happened? Endyscopic ignancy detect
Speaker 1: and and and hock topic E C T O P
Speaker 1: I C. It was not okay. Pregnancy was usually diagnosed
Speaker 1: by carrying out a transmaginal ultrasound scam. This involved bah
Speaker 1: bah okay, great so EC topic It was not that,
Speaker 1: it was not that, but I still had a horrible
Speaker 1: day at the hospital, and that was the last time.
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm never rushing at the hospital ever again.
Speaker 1: I'm not to have a second d n C. No
Speaker 1: I at that time, I had to do the method
Speaker 1: trek sate shots since there was there there was no sack.
Speaker 1: There was there was literally no sign of anything. But
Speaker 1: I kept optimists. I kept peeing on sticks. I bought
Speaker 1: so many pregnancy tests. I just kept peeing on it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, but it says I'm pregnant. This is
Speaker 1: the proof right here. Um and yeah. And that's the
Speaker 1: other horrible thing that you don't like when you have
Speaker 1: a miscarriage. It's so it takes the body so long
Speaker 1: to accept that it's not pregnant and flush out those
Speaker 1: hormones and write reulate itself. The body is magical the
Speaker 1: way it can do that. But I was like, I
Speaker 1: didn't like the weight me either. I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to fix this. I'm such a fixer and I'm freaking.
Speaker 1: It's like I remember after my miscarriage, I had a
Speaker 1: DNC also, which for you guys listening, it's essentially like
Speaker 1: you get put under anesthesia and I think it's like
Speaker 1: a thirty minute procedure but they go up there and
Speaker 1: scrape everything out of there are all the cells out
Speaker 1: and all that. But it can take a while for
Speaker 1: you to get a period back and to get your
Speaker 1: cycle back, which is required in order for you to
Speaker 1: get pregnant again or to start trying or knowing when
Speaker 1: you're ovulating again. It took me like three months to
Speaker 1: even get a period back, so I felt out of
Speaker 1: my fucking mind because I had no cycle. So I
Speaker 1: just felt like how you feel before you get your period,
Speaker 1: and then you get your period and there's like a
Speaker 1: release hormonally. For three months, I felt a fucked up.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's a big waiting game. And then some
Speaker 1: depending on how far long you were, how your d
Speaker 1: NC was, some obs even recommend like you waiting a
Speaker 1: bunch of cycles to make sure your uterine wall is
Speaker 1: really strong again because it gets kind of beat up
Speaker 1: in a d NC. I was not about. I was like, no, like,
Speaker 1: I want to have a baby right now. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: My doctor was like, I don't know how to help
Speaker 1: you with that, Like I recommend therapy, So tell me
Speaker 1: about when you finally were able to carry your this
Speaker 1: pregnancy happened. Yes, so we were actually we were in
Speaker 1: Austria and I didn't have like a huge thyroid thing.
Speaker 1: The numbers weren't a range of normal, but my naturopathic
Speaker 1: doctor was like, they could be more optimal. So it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do like the whole like you're not drinking. I
Speaker 1: cut like coffee and stuff, doing the brazil nuts and
Speaker 1: put rubbing progester in on myself and I was like,
Speaker 1: where this is going to happen. I like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to will this into being and we're having sex like
Speaker 1: it was our job. And that was so funny to
Speaker 1: me because it was like I really don't want to
Speaker 1: lose the enjoyment and sex. And we were trying to
Speaker 1: be so creative, fun to keep it hot, how to
Speaker 1: keep it hot fun. It was just like, look, I
Speaker 1: just need you to do this right now. Oh I
Speaker 1: have girlfriends that remained nameless. I hope that. I don't
Speaker 1: know how long it took you guys, but it's pretty hard.
Speaker 1: I have to say. I've had friends who it took
Speaker 1: like years to get pregnant that we're literally like please
Speaker 1: just like masturbate until the end and then just stick
Speaker 1: it in like and I'm just like, oh fuck, is
Speaker 1: that hard. That's so hard. It's hard on a marriage,
Speaker 1: hard on a relationship, hard on the why you're doing this,
Speaker 1: It's it's hard, it's really hard. So you were keeping
Speaker 1: it fun. You were still in the fun zone. Two
Speaker 1: on our best to keep it in the fun zone.
Speaker 1: And the third time was the charm. I felt so
Speaker 1: lucky because like, yes, I did happen miscarriages which had
Speaker 1: some traumatic events attached to them, with the getting pushed
Speaker 1: around and laughed at things, Yeah, that was not great.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I was like,
Speaker 1: there's so much that I didn't have to go through
Speaker 1: that I know other women have had to go through,
Speaker 1: and it made me feel like this is such a blessing.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I was like, but it's
Speaker 1: not a competition, and I want to honor my experience
Speaker 1: because I was like, do I even share that it's
Speaker 1: a rainbow baby? What I went through wasn't as horrible
Speaker 1: as what other people have gone through, so maybe it
Speaker 1: doesn't count. That's when I was like, this is not
Speaker 1: like the Trauma Olympics, Like you don't totally absolutely all
Speaker 1: things are true. Things are true, and what happens to
Speaker 1: other girls suck, Like it's it's un all all suck it.
Speaker 1: It can all be honored. And yeah, so it's the
Speaker 1: start of your third pregnancy. How did you feel. Were
Speaker 1: you terrified? I was so terrified. I was just like,
Speaker 1: is it going to happen again? Takes away a lot
Speaker 1: of the fun you don't jump right to like the
Speaker 1: first time, where you're like first time, you're afraid. You're like,
Speaker 1: holy sh it, this is terrifying. And then you're like, okay, wait,
Speaker 1: should we talk names? What if it's a boy, what
Speaker 1: if it's a girl, what are we doing? Look at
Speaker 1: the month where it's due, like all this stuff. And
Speaker 1: then once you have a miscarriage, you just that enjoyment
Speaker 1: of planning. You're like, I don't know when I'm safe
Speaker 1: to start daydreaming like that. And we were doing blood
Speaker 1: tests to see like hCG levels and just asking ourselves
Speaker 1: like is this real? And then even oh my god,
Speaker 1: like I'm in Austria, uh, and I'm going to have
Speaker 1: an ultrasound because that's where we were, and it's the
Speaker 1: first one and I'm terrified and I really just hate
Speaker 1: doctor's offices at this point also, and we go in
Speaker 1: there and the woman you can only really speak German.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, so you're just like your husband
Speaker 1: speaks German though, right, he speaks German, but like you know,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff that he doesn't know about.
Speaker 1: So I didn't realize that she was asking him should
Speaker 1: I do a pap smear as well? And he didn't
Speaker 1: know what that was, and so he couldn't tell. He
Speaker 1: couldn't ask me like do you need this thing? And
Speaker 1: he couldn't translate because he just didn't know. I don't
Speaker 1: even know what the hell that is. And so she
Speaker 1: like comes in with the metal duck thing and I'm like,
Speaker 1: what the what is what do you do? What is this?
Speaker 1: And she proceeds to give me a pep smir and
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is not what we are here for.
Speaker 1: I don't I like, tell me if there's a baby
Speaker 1: in here? Wow? So did you have the baby in Austria? No,
Speaker 1: we had the baby here. And that was the thing
Speaker 1: that clinched it, because we debated doing it in Austria,
Speaker 1: but we were like, no, I need to be able
Speaker 1: to communicate to whoever i'm interwing with. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: definitely the right call. I was like, why am I
Speaker 1: getting a pap smere when I'm trying to get like
Speaker 1: a confirmation ultrasound, getting that confirmation seeing that image on
Speaker 1: the ultrasound screen, no, I'm like, this could be real.
Speaker 1: Was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. Terrifying
Speaker 1: because it could easily go away, but wonderful because it's like,
Speaker 1: there's our baby, and we've been waiting for you and
Speaker 1: we worked so hard for you. And yes, So how
Speaker 1: was the pregnancy. Oh, that was the other thing where
Speaker 1: I was like, this is so different. Did you enjoy
Speaker 1: being pregnant those first three months? Or like those first
Speaker 1: three or four months horrible. I couldn't move, I was
Speaker 1: sobbing at everything. My husband would be like, let's go
Speaker 1: for a walk, and I was like, you don't know
Speaker 1: my pain. Why do you hate me? I had a breakdown,
Speaker 1: like in the middle of feel different than the first Yeah,
Speaker 1: the doctor kept saying like, the more sick you are,
Speaker 1: like the stronger, better signs. It is better signs signs
Speaker 1: pointing to pregnancy. Yeah. I was throwing up so much
Speaker 1: I thought I had h G. I couldn't and I
Speaker 1: would sit water and vomit. Asia, No, are you kidding?
Speaker 1: I likes ten pounds at the top of yeah. And
Speaker 1: then I was terrified. I couldn't eat anything. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is gonna harm my baby, because
Speaker 1: you're supposed to eat, like you have to be able
Speaker 1: to eat something exactly. I was like, is are even
Speaker 1: the prenatal vitamins going in? Probably not, but that's okay.
Speaker 1: I was freaking out about that because I just couldn't
Speaker 1: keep anything. My oh b had one baby. She had HD.
Speaker 1: She threw up so much her entire bregnancy, and she's
Speaker 1: like my daughter, and her daughter's six and wonderfully healthy,
Speaker 1: thank god. But she's like I survived on Seagram's ginger
Speaker 1: ale and saltines. It's all she ate for ten months.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I couldn't even have a cracker. I
Speaker 1: was like, I think I was like licking celery. I
Speaker 1: was like, there's an All I wanted was cold. I
Speaker 1: just I wanted cold stuff so badly, and then I
Speaker 1: would just throw it up. And then when did you
Speaker 1: make it past that? So the beginning was a rough ride.
Speaker 1: Did it clear up? It didn't? Like the fourth I
Speaker 1: shot a movie too. I went to London and shot
Speaker 1: a movie. Oh my god, was your husband there with you. Yes,
Speaker 1: he's always with me, especially at this time. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean we're working during that time is not good.
Speaker 1: I was getting into in between three or four months
Speaker 1: and it was calming down the illness, and I'm like
Speaker 1: shooting this film and I'm not trying to share it
Speaker 1: with anyone because we just weren't sharing with anyone because
Speaker 1: we didn't know what was happening. Like I don't think
Speaker 1: we told anyone until we were almost five months, because
Speaker 1: then that's when it was like really coming out. I'm
Speaker 1: not exploded. My body is changing, like there's something growing
Speaker 1: inside of here. Um. That was wild to like be
Speaker 1: on a set in COVID in London, which sure, are
Speaker 1: you terrified? I just I so enjoyed the film and
Speaker 1: the people I was around for the film and they
Speaker 1: were like, yeah, it was Boxing day, Oh awesome fun comedy.
Speaker 1: You're not like being exactly. Yeah. They were treating us
Speaker 1: so wonderfully, and it didn't know I was pregnant, and
Speaker 1: every like everyone I was surrounded by was just like
Speaker 1: cracking jokes, like we were laughing all the time. They
Speaker 1: had great safety measures in place. I felt safe on
Speaker 1: set and I felt and I was happy. Like the
Speaker 1: people that I was around, they were like just lifting
Speaker 1: my heart up so much. But being in a city
Speaker 1: in a pandemic like London where it's just all shut down,
Speaker 1: like when I wasn't on set and I was just
Speaker 1: like in that apartment in London for my husband and
Speaker 1: I that was like, oh, this is a lot. And
Speaker 1: then I felt so bad for him because at least
Speaker 1: I would leave and go to set and have some engagement.
Speaker 1: He would guard himself up to go to the market
Speaker 1: to like get healthy things for me because he was
Speaker 1: making me my lunches and dinners and he was just
Speaker 1: like really trying to take care of what we were
Speaker 1: putting in my body for our baby. And then he
Speaker 1: was just like trapped in this space. I'm like up
Speaker 1: to me. My husband's just like man of the century.
Speaker 1: He like he takes such great care of me. He
Speaker 1: but like you're taking such great care of your baby,
Speaker 1: like it's a big joint effort. So tell me, how
Speaker 1: was your labor experience. It was wonderful. It was long.
Speaker 1: It was very long. This long. No. I had had
Speaker 1: a beautiful day. My my husband had gotten me this
Speaker 1: vaginal steaming box to use at home, I was at
Speaker 1: thirty nine and three when my water exploded. I like
Speaker 1: to say I would do this vaginal steaming. It's like
Speaker 1: you're sitting on this wood box and there's like just
Speaker 1: herbs in a pot, just lightly steaming. It smells so good.
Speaker 1: It's I was like relaxing me time, just like sitting
Speaker 1: comfortably meditatively. I'm steaming. I'm having a relaxing day. The
Speaker 1: whole week before, I had started wearing adult diapers because
Speaker 1: I was just in case, and I had been feeling
Speaker 1: really internal. I had stopped responding to any text messages.
Speaker 1: Or were you on like a proper maternity leave where
Speaker 1: you were like, hey, everyone on my team, we're shutting
Speaker 1: down at a certain I didn't no, I didn't even
Speaker 1: say anything. I just put my phone on silent and
Speaker 1: I just was just like, yeah, I just became super antisocial.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to be really internal. I gave no one any kind
Speaker 1: of warning. I was just like, it's officially me time.
Speaker 1: And I told myself that and proceeded forward. And that day,
Speaker 1: after my wonderful steaming, I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like putting this adult diaper on. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna lay down in bed and take a nap naked.
Speaker 1: Good for you, good for I just like and I
Speaker 1: got in bed and I'm about to drift off to
Speaker 1: sleep when all of a sudden, water starts exploding out
Speaker 1: of my body. It wasn't some like little trickle like.
Speaker 1: It was like the dramatic movie theater. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: the hell, what is what? I jump out of bed
Speaker 1: and I swear it was like Niagara falls, like someone
Speaker 1: like throwing buckets out of me. And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: stop standing here, ruining the floors. Go sit on the toilet,
Speaker 1: and I'm like shouting for my husband and he can't
Speaker 1: hear me, so I like text him like my water
Speaker 1: has burst, and he comes. He runs upstairs and he's
Speaker 1: looking at me, and he's looking at the mess and
Speaker 1: he's looking at the sheets, and he immediately starts taking
Speaker 1: the sheets off the bed and throws them in the
Speaker 1: wash and starts mopping the floor. I get into the shower,
Speaker 1: and originally my Duela was gonna come over that day
Speaker 1: to do a little yoga session, and so he messages
Speaker 1: her and she's like, do you guys still want me
Speaker 1: to come over and like yes, and yeah, come over.
Speaker 1: How about you come over and hang out? She's coming
Speaker 1: over water breaks, And even within that, there are kind
Speaker 1: of like time limits around how long you're allowed to
Speaker 1: like legally labor with broken water. It can't be more
Speaker 1: than twenty four exactly. And I was here for twenty
Speaker 1: four hours, and I was like super in labor land.
Speaker 1: We had gotten to like pushing stage. My midwife was like,
Speaker 1: this is your body. Put your finger inside of yourself
Speaker 1: and you will feel his head. And I could feel
Speaker 1: like he was on his way down, but something was happening.
Speaker 1: He should have been descending more and he wasn't. He
Speaker 1: was getting stuck and we didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 1: But I so desperately, like my eternal optimistics, I was like,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna make this happen in because I really
Speaker 1: wanted it in the water, and like we had the
Speaker 1: pool set up and I'm like in there and I'm
Speaker 1: like I want this to happen here. And my midwife
Speaker 1: was just like, so we should drive to the hospital
Speaker 1: now while we can before it has to become them
Speaker 1: having to come and get you. We can either all
Speaker 1: get in the car and go to the hospital in
Speaker 1: like a loving way, or we keep trying it here
Speaker 1: and it might end up that there we're going to
Speaker 1: have to do it in a more rushed exactly. We
Speaker 1: don't want that, And I love how you worded that.
Speaker 1: We can all get in the car and go in
Speaker 1: a loving way, and that's exactly what it was. And
Speaker 1: my Duela was like, your body is going to protect
Speaker 1: itself and it's going to shut down your labor a
Speaker 1: little bit while you're driving over, So prepare. I have
Speaker 1: a lot of stairs in my house, so like just
Speaker 1: getting down the stairs to the car, honey, fun. Oh god.
Speaker 1: But then getting in the car, it was like it
Speaker 1: was true. My body was like, oh so we're not
Speaker 1: gonna We're not gonna do this right now. Okay, all right,
Speaker 1: well to slow this down. Shop it a second. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we get to the hospital. I love my midwife so much. Normally,
Speaker 1: like the doula would stay with you and go into
Speaker 1: the but my midwife just we had such a connection.
Speaker 1: She was like, I'm going to stay with you, and
Speaker 1: I just also trusted her so much. When you do
Speaker 1: a home birth, you have all these backup plans for
Speaker 1: all this. So we were situated. I had my hospital
Speaker 1: midwife who was on the way to meet us there,
Speaker 1: and my home midwife who was going with us. I
Speaker 1: just felt protected with the people I had already chosen
Speaker 1: to surround myself with changing environments. Look at this continuous
Speaker 1: gift and scenario though, of like your baby and journey
Speaker 1: has just been a constant having to change your pass. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's such a valuable lesson in just learning how to surrender.
Speaker 1: What's parents like, yeah, surrender to me? Yeah, exactly. It's
Speaker 1: a constant practice in surrendering. And because I felt like
Speaker 1: I had this air protection around me, all my fears
Speaker 1: around the hospital didn't immediately creep up immediately getting that epidural,
Speaker 1: which was like, oh, this is really wonderful. I don't
Speaker 1: want I couldn't do it. Like at a certain point
Speaker 1: I tried, like I labored with both of mine by
Speaker 1: myself for a shipload of hours, and then at some
Speaker 1: point I was like, checkmate, I'm good. I don't want
Speaker 1: to feel this anywhere. This is really bad for me.
Speaker 1: I love that I felt like I had both of it.
Speaker 1: I did the laboring at home unmedicated. I know I
Speaker 1: could have handled it, but there was something else going on.
Speaker 1: I also had the epidural, and I was like, this
Speaker 1: is quite lovely and I'm tired, and I am so
Speaker 1: tired and I needed to rest. I had always been
Speaker 1: terrified out of the epidural because I have a fear
Speaker 1: of needles. So the idea of that in my the
Speaker 1: technician that did this epidural, I was like, God sent
Speaker 1: you because I did not feel this at all, or
Speaker 1: maybe I never thought. Maybe you're already feeling so much
Speaker 1: by the time you feel that needle you don't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was wonderful. I slept. I was so afraid of
Speaker 1: like potos, and I was so afraid of just like
Speaker 1: being forced into a C section. No one was trying
Speaker 1: to force me into anything. It was so like, no,
Speaker 1: we're gonna just see how this progresses and we're gonna
Speaker 1: go with it. It was so much different than all
Speaker 1: the fears you had, sort of it was And there
Speaker 1: was even a lovely nurse in the hospital that was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I've done like spinning babies training. I'm just gonna keep
Speaker 1: you moving while since you can't move here, I'm going
Speaker 1: to keep your legs moving. I was like, I felt
Speaker 1: so taken care of it. It was so wonderful, and
Speaker 1: because my midwife was there, she was like, this is okay,
Speaker 1: you can do this, and I think it will be
Speaker 1: better for you to do this because it will help
Speaker 1: you to still have the vaginal birth you want to have.
Speaker 1: And Katie, oh my god. I pushed for four and
Speaker 1: a half hours for this baby. My water broke on
Speaker 1: a Tuesday. This baby did not come out till Thursday
Speaker 1: at four twelve am. And at one point my husband
Speaker 1: was like, I have to go to the bathroom and
Speaker 1: I was like, don't leave. You're gonna miss it. I
Speaker 1: had no concept of time. I was like, don't leave,
Speaker 1: and he's like, it has been two I was for
Speaker 1: four hours, but really it felt like and I had
Speaker 1: no there was no concept of time. But I just
Speaker 1: remember thinking, like when I realized later, like when we
Speaker 1: started versus, when he emerged onto the scene with his
Speaker 1: arm up here, so when he came out, his arm
Speaker 1: was over his face, like his arm was like up here.
Speaker 1: His head came out and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: like the room shifted. They were like, oh, the body
Speaker 1: didn't just blue pop out. So the midwife had to
Speaker 1: reach her. The hospital midwife just you know, the one
Speaker 1: that was allowed to do it. Had to reach her
Speaker 1: hand in and grab his arm and then and pull
Speaker 1: that up and then the rest of the body came out.
Speaker 1: So that's why he didn't because he wasn't in the
Speaker 1: position wrapped in a sort of his arms were up
Speaker 1: above his head. Yeah, they call it compound presentation. Holy
Speaker 1: sh it, google that one. That's a fourth time now.
Speaker 1: I love that again, anyone listening. Follow Asia on Instagram
Speaker 1: because if your mom, I just the times you post
Speaker 1: some real realness on it, it's just amazing. And I
Speaker 1: was so fucking impressed because a few days after labor,
Speaker 1: you posted a picture of what your body looks like
Speaker 1: after you have a baby, which is the most wild
Speaker 1: fucking time. It's when your stomach has essentially become a
Speaker 1: deflated hollow. It's still really big, but it's empty in there,
Speaker 1: but your organs haven't gone back to where they go.
Speaker 1: It's very weird. Your stomach looks so weird, and it
Speaker 1: is something I don't I haven't really seen photos of.
Speaker 1: And you looked so fucking beautiful and it was so
Speaker 1: real and it was really a special thing to share.
Speaker 1: I thought. But you see that belly that big, like
Speaker 1: empty belly that's hanging around. I mean I can remember
Speaker 1: after both my pregnancies, like rolling over in the middle
Speaker 1: of night from one side to the other and still
Speaker 1: like throwing my big, big, empty watery doughey belly. It
Speaker 1: like messes with you. It's like my husband was would
Speaker 1: be trying to take pictures of me and the baby
Speaker 1: and be like, oh, I don't like I don't I
Speaker 1: don't like the way I look at it. And he
Speaker 1: was like, you will regret later if you don't have
Speaker 1: photos of you and are sorry in his small estate. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I was like, you are right, And that's that
Speaker 1: is what led to that. I was like, I shouldn't
Speaker 1: be like trying to hide this very racist and it
Speaker 1: made me realize, man, how often do you see an
Speaker 1: image of a woman ever after she's had the baby
Speaker 1: with the baby? There's always the photo of you with
Speaker 1: the baby baby, but like everything covered, hiding the artifact,
Speaker 1: this body that that has created all of this and
Speaker 1: just and what is left behind. No, that's what was
Speaker 1: so wonderful about your post. It was so like, yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: that's what your body looks like after you've had a baby.
Speaker 1: It's my husband was like, wow, okay, you point to
Speaker 1: the extreme one. It was like, are you sure you?
Speaker 1: How is your postpartum experience like the first six weeks
Speaker 1: they were you in a love bubble? Were you an
Speaker 1: emotional roller coaster? Did you fall into the love you've
Speaker 1: never felt like? How did you feel like he was
Speaker 1: a stranger? We've heard it all. A friend of mine
Speaker 1: actually said something really amazing to me. He said that
Speaker 1: someone had told him, don't be surprised if you don't
Speaker 1: love your baby at first. And at first I was
Speaker 1: like what not? Look? And then I had my baby
Speaker 1: and was like, what is this thing? Where did this
Speaker 1: come from? This? There's a stranger here? And this is
Speaker 1: so weird because he'd been inside and can't you don't
Speaker 1: see him, and now he's outside and wants things. Breastfeeding
Speaker 1: wasn't like super easy. He had a lip tie and
Speaker 1: we had to go to the dentist and they had
Speaker 1: to like snip And then it was better because I
Speaker 1: was like, this is really painful. I don't know what's
Speaker 1: going on. I look, I've accomplished so much. If I
Speaker 1: can't breastfeed, that's okay. Because I'd also listen to so
Speaker 1: many podcasts about not everyone can so I was like,
Speaker 1: so I accessed it. If it can't happen, it's fine.
Speaker 1: We were able to. But like, now he has four
Speaker 1: teeth and I'm like, okay, Hoby, if you bite me
Speaker 1: one more time. Sweet. Breastfeeding is such a triggering It's
Speaker 1: a triggering conversation and I'm always like and to the
Speaker 1: friends I've had, I'm like, fed is best. That is
Speaker 1: however you do it, feed your baby. They'll be fine,
Speaker 1: You'll be fine. I'm coming on the other side of it,
Speaker 1: which is my daughter is sixteen months and I'm still
Speaker 1: breastfeeding her. I in my life thought I would ever
Speaker 1: do this or be one of these mothers, and now
Speaker 1: I'm being judged for breastfeeding her too long. No oh, honey,
Speaker 1: welcome to motherhood. You're gonna be judged. You make. It's
Speaker 1: really wild and I'm just like, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: she's my last baby and she really enjoys it, and
Speaker 1: it's really easy. In my schedule right now, I do
Speaker 1: it twice today seven am seven pm. It's not bothering anybody,
Speaker 1: I like while harming her. Like, I'm like, breast milk
Speaker 1: the ship is magical. After this, I've just been so like,
Speaker 1: I will never judge anyone for anything ever again, Like
Speaker 1: if I see a mom, if I see a stay
Speaker 1: at home mom with a full time nanny, I'm like, yes, ma'am,
Speaker 1: get it. You deserve because I have been alone with
Speaker 1: my child all day and I wish I had someone
Speaker 1: with me. Speaking of how has your work life balance?
Speaker 1: How what does your system look like right now? I
Speaker 1: did a film where we shot only night and that
Speaker 1: and my husband primary caretaker of our son. And that
Speaker 1: was hard. That was hard on the just with pumping,
Speaker 1: that was hard, with sleep, that was hard, with trying
Speaker 1: to see my child. It was I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to see my baby. I also want to sleep.
Speaker 1: I just left to be at work in five hours.
Speaker 1: Like that was. It is a beautiful project and I
Speaker 1: love it and I don't regret a minute of it,
Speaker 1: but I was that I felt like a broken human.
Speaker 1: How old was your son? He was going to turn
Speaker 1: six months while I was shooting this, So yeah, so
Speaker 1: that was intense. It's definitely been a negotiation. I do
Speaker 1: feel like I have a support system and it's great
Speaker 1: to be like somewhat coming out of COVID now, So
Speaker 1: how cool that your husband is your sole caretaker. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like it's beautiful just the way he is, his approach,
Speaker 1: he's very like monostory is really like empowering him to
Speaker 1: be into pend and and it's just beautiful. It much
Speaker 1: And now your husband is white Austrian, you are black American?
Speaker 1: What does has there been race conversations yet? Like like
Speaker 1: what's that sound like in your household? Oh? Just us
Speaker 1: being in a relationship of so many conversations around race
Speaker 1: and then yeah, with our son, so many conversations around race.
Speaker 1: When you have a child and you live in a
Speaker 1: country where regardless of what that mix is, the perception
Speaker 1: is like what does exactly he'll be perceived this black
Speaker 1: most likely, like regardless, which is this very like antiquated
Speaker 1: thing like when you really think about it, because it
Speaker 1: was like it was that one drop, one drop of
Speaker 1: blood from a black person automatically makes you black. I
Speaker 1: had actually had a friend who had talked about she's biracial,
Speaker 1: she's black and Asian, and she like did this post
Speaker 1: about like I am a hundred percent black and a
Speaker 1: hundred percent Asian, like I'm not like a mix of percentages,
Speaker 1: And that really resonated with us. Yeah, because like from
Speaker 1: my husband when he growing up in Austria. For him,
Speaker 1: like you never had to mark a box like saying
Speaker 1: white right other exactly. And I hate the idea of
Speaker 1: like my child knowing others so weird. So it's like
Speaker 1: when he thinks of himself, he thinks like Austrian and
Speaker 1: he's looking at his child like, you are also Austrian
Speaker 1: and you're also American. You are all these two wants
Speaker 1: you to own all these things and you don't have
Speaker 1: to compartmentalize or separate or categorize. We can believe in
Speaker 1: that nuance and it can be okay, but there are
Speaker 1: some realities that we of course have to talk about
Speaker 1: in terms of like his safety. Absolutely, yeah, we're going
Speaker 1: to have to have conversations about what the perception of
Speaker 1: you in certain spaces means and how that can potentially
Speaker 1: affect your safety. It's like your mom, it's like, our
Speaker 1: job is to keep our children safe safe. It sucks,
Speaker 1: and this is what it is. What's it like in Austria.
Speaker 1: So in Austria, and I think over the course of
Speaker 1: the pandemic, there was a bit of a conversation around
Speaker 1: that because like my husband always assumed it would be
Speaker 1: safer for our child in Austria than here in the US,
Speaker 1: and to a degree that's true. But there are black Austrians,
Speaker 1: of course, and when you hear some of them talking
Speaker 1: about their experience of being asked where are you from?
Speaker 1: When you're Austrian living in Austria, it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1: There is the sense of a feeling of having a
Speaker 1: target on your back no matter where in the world
Speaker 1: you are, like you're not meant to belong there because
Speaker 1: people are used to that space being occupied solely by
Speaker 1: white people. And I think that was a bit of
Speaker 1: an education for us Bose. We don't want him to
Speaker 1: have that feeling of other hood, of just not being
Speaker 1: counted as a part of something, which can also just
Speaker 1: mess with your psyche because he is austra And that's
Speaker 1: why it's important for us to be in both places
Speaker 1: and time in send time in both places, for him
Speaker 1: to be able to speak German, like my husband only
Speaker 1: speaks to him in German. How lovely. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love that. I'm working on my German too. If
Speaker 1: anyone can do it, I can do it. My last
Speaker 1: and final question is parenthood is Oh, we've hit on
Speaker 1: some good ones, which is parenthood is surrender? Surrender? I
Speaker 1: love that. I think surrender is like the word. I've
Speaker 1: might get that tattooed on my body, so can I
Speaker 1: join you in that. Let's get sister tattoos. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: come fucking visit you in Austria, which I've never been to,
Speaker 1: and I would love beautiful, so beautiful bananas, how beautiful.
Speaker 1: I love Austria so much, and I would love to
Speaker 1: just have you on next year another season because I
Speaker 1: would love to hear about how parenting is going to
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I want to hear
Speaker 1: you're still in the baby stages where the thing is
Speaker 1: not I'm really curious what you think of two and
Speaker 1: three because you and I are very similar. Practicing of
Speaker 1: surrendering with a toddler is quite the journey in exploration. Yes,
Speaker 1: I love that exactly. Yes, thank you for coming on
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib, Asia. I adore you and I'm just so
Speaker 1: happy for you in every way shape and I'm so
Speaker 1: happy for you. Thank you for having me, so wonderful
Speaker 1: to see you, sending you in your beautiful family so
Speaker 1: much love always. Thank you guys so much for listening
Speaker 1: to today's episode. I want to hear from you. Let's
Speaker 1: chat questions, comments, concerns. Let me know. You can always
Speaker 1: find me at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com.
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is a production of Shonda Land Audio in
Speaker 1: partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shandoland Audio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.