1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,920 Speaker 1: Hey there. Let you know, USA listener, here's a show 2 00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:03,720 Speaker 1: from our vault. 3 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 2: Hello, So this is my life. Every week I have 4 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 2: a skype call into my mom's nursing home in the Bronx. Hi, Mommy, 5 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 2: it's Yvonne, Yvonne du eha. Each call starts more or 6 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 2: less the same. I reintroduced myself to my mother and 7 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: remind her that this is her daughter, Yvonne speaking. How 8 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 2: are you feeling? 9 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 3: Hello? 10 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 2: This is Margo Marghita Dunietta. My younger daughter Margot is 11 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 2: on this call and we are trying to get my 12 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 2: mom to recognize us. She's got Alzheimer's disease and it's 13 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 2: been hell, and COVID nineteen has made it worse. The 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 2: last time I saw her in person was in March. 15 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 2: She knew who I was. Then it was a week 16 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 2: before the coronavirus shutdown in New York City, where she lives. 17 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 3: We want to inform you that we have the senior 18 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 3: confirmation that an individual at Best Abraham's Center has been 19 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 3: diagnosed with COVID nineteen. 20 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 2: And now I get endless robo calls telling me that 21 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 2: the virus is in her nursing home. People are dying there. 22 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 2: I know I am losing her every second of every 23 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 2: day if COVID doesn't take her Alzheimer's will. 24 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,560 Speaker 4: While we understand the inconvenience this may cause, it is 25 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 4: crucial that we restrict visitations to reduce the spread of 26 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:38,520 Speaker 4: this virus. 27 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 2: And it sucks, and the sky calls are hard. She 28 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 2: is distant, unfocused. She can barely speak a few words 29 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 2: and they rarely make sense. I was told to use 30 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 2: music to reach her, mama. She loves Latin music. She 31 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 2: loved to dance, and so I try keep up. My 32 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:11,239 Speaker 2: mom's name is Ramona Laddie or Ramanita Mota Laddie or 33 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 2: Ramona Novelli Amota Hamo, send Laddie if I want to 34 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 2: tease her. 35 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:22,559 Speaker 5: No novela monta Nova Nova Nova. 36 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 2: Oi Oi Novelia Oi. A very ugly name. You used 37 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 2: to tell me when I was a kid, you hated 38 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 2: your middle name. She's eighty seven and it's been four 39 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 2: years now since she was diagnosed. Four years of the 40 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 2: lonely journey, which in the end, I walk alone because 41 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: my mom has no idea what day it is, what 42 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 2: year it is, how old she is or where she is. 43 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,639 Speaker 2: You don't know who I am. You promised me you 44 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,799 Speaker 2: were never gonna forget me, and look at you not 45 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:56,519 Speaker 2: forgetting me. 46 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:57,520 Speaker 6: Thanks a lot. 47 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 7: From Futuromedia and PRX. It's Latino USA. I'm Maria Noojosa today. 48 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 7: Our Gracie Award winning story. Alzheimer's in Color, an intimate 49 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 7: and intergenerational portrait of one woman's journey with Alzheimer's and 50 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 7: her family's commitment to remembering her life. For many aging Latinos, 51 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,959 Speaker 7: Latinas and African Americans, Alzheimer's disease has become one of 52 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 7: the leading health crises. Access to healthcare, pre existing conditions, 53 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 7: the quality of institutions that help aging people of color. 54 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 7: All of these disparities become amplified by a diagnosis of Alzheimer's. 55 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 7: As more people live longer, the challenges around Alzheimer's keep growing. 56 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 7: Experts predict that by twenty sixty there could be an 57 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,200 Speaker 7: over eight hundred percent growth of Latinos with this incurable 58 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 7: degenerative form of dementia. For journalist Ivon Latti, this story 59 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 7: is personal. Her mother, Ramona Latti, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 60 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 7: in twenty sixteen. Yvonne has been documenting her mother's illness 61 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,640 Speaker 7: and brings us this intimate portrait of her mom's life 62 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,480 Speaker 7: before and after Alzheimer's. 63 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 2: Hello, Ola, I love my mom, I really really do. 64 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,279 Speaker 2: I can't say I have understood her or the decisions 65 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 2: she's made. I can't say she understood me either. I 66 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 2: can't say we belong on a latinx American experienced Hallmark card, 67 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:46,839 Speaker 2: or that our mother daughter bond is unique. She pissed 68 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,239 Speaker 2: me off and could be a pain in the ass. 69 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 2: I know she would say that about me too. You know, 70 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 2: the teen that likes to wear black and locks herself 71 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,320 Speaker 2: in her messy room with her headphones on all the time. 72 00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 8: That was me. 73 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:03,200 Speaker 2: We had some epic battles, for sure. In some ways, 74 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 2: I think we were the same person, living different extremes, 75 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 2: each wanting so much more than what is expected of 76 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 2: women like us. My mom faced dirt, poor poverty in 77 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 2: the Dominican Republic where she was born. She joined a 78 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,080 Speaker 2: wave of immigration to the US at nineteen, and she 79 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:30,840 Speaker 2: surpassed every challenge thrown her way. I'm not ashamed to 80 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 2: say I am desperate to connect with her, to understand 81 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 2: her story and make it mine. Until the world Ramona laddie, 82 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 2: my mom matters. My name is, said Ramona Latti. That 83 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 2: was just four years ago. 84 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,839 Speaker 8: Whilst has happened. 85 00:05:57,880 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 9: I'm mad. 86 00:05:58,279 --> 00:05:59,200 Speaker 10: I watch you though. 87 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 9: My sort thing any see, don't worry, don't march. 88 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,280 Speaker 2: This was right after her diagnosis, when we could still 89 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 2: talk to each other, and we were going on endless 90 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 2: doctor's visits, looking for some hope, a treatment, a way 91 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:22,200 Speaker 2: to slow the disease down. Some before scared of bit, 92 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 2: but you're not scared now. 93 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 9: I'm not scared of that. I pay my do to society. 94 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: Since my mother said those words, her life went on 95 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,320 Speaker 2: a rapid decline. The thread that holds us together gets thinner, 96 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 2: the conversation's more difficult, and my profound sadness over losing 97 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 2: her harder to manage. 98 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 5: My first impressions were that she she was able to 99 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 5: propel her wheelchair with her feet, not her hands. 100 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 2: These days, my lifeline is staff at the Beth Abraham 101 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 2: Nursing Home in the Bronx, where my mom lives. This 102 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 2: is her nurse practitioner, Iris Megan. She has supported me 103 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 2: on countless occasions. Iris started working with my mom in 104 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 2: January of twenty nineteen. 105 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:17,560 Speaker 5: She seemed to communicate a little better in Spanish than 106 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:23,480 Speaker 5: in English. The impoverishment of speech and often the inability 107 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 5: to walk are connected to having had dementia for a while. 108 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: There. That's a song that I wrote that Alzheimer's is 109 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 2: a brain disease. It slowly destroys your memories, your ability 110 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 2: to think, speak, walk, talk, Even the simplest tasks become impossible. 111 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: It's a wicked form of dementia and it will slowly 112 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 2: kill you. The type of alzheimer my mom has is 113 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 2: not genetic, but my odds of getting the disease are 114 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 2: slightly higher because she has it. Visiting my mom is 115 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 2: always hard, and when I don't see her, I worry 116 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 2: and feel guilty, and I don't even know if my 117 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 2: skype calls help her at all. At this point, I 118 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,760 Speaker 2: guess really is one of the things that happens with 119 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 2: dementia is. 120 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: The world gets very very small. 121 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 2: And always tells me that these visits and calls are 122 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 2: hard on my mother as well. 123 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:37,439 Speaker 5: Hi, And I think when people come from the outside world, 124 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 5: they bring with them expectations, and I think the expectations 125 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 5: can be hard on someone who has advanced dementia. But 126 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 5: that has been the challenge of the disease, understanding it, 127 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 5: and holding on to Ramona Laddie. I find myself thinking 128 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 5: about where she came from, who she was, her story 129 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:06,959 Speaker 5: pre Alzheimer's, because Alzheimer's is not who she is. It's 130 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 5: not her story, It's just how her story ends. My 131 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 5: mom dropped out of school in the eighth grade to 132 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 5: take care of her little brother so her mom could work. 133 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:26,439 Speaker 5: Her father died when she was twelve. She barely knew him. 134 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 5: In the late nineteen forties, her mother and aunt came 135 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 5: to New York City. It was the first wave of 136 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 5: Dominican immigration, and although many were fleeing the brutal dictator 137 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,280 Speaker 5: Raphael Ruhedro. 138 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 11: Picturesque Trujlio City, capital of the Dominican Republic, turns out 139 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 11: for the inauguration of the president, for whom the city 140 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 11: is named. General Trugulio is the strong man of the Republic. 141 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 2: Many were just looking for work and an escape from poverty. 142 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,839 Speaker 2: My then teen mom was left to take care of 143 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 2: everything at home, which now included her aunt's children. 144 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 12: But then immigration has brought in many people from the 145 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,679 Speaker 12: Caribbean area. Most of the immigrants went into the factories 146 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 12: and found their homes in the tenements of America's growing cities. 147 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:21,640 Speaker 2: In nineteen fifty, she got a chance to come to 148 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,559 Speaker 2: New York City. She was nineteen, and she got a 149 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:27,200 Speaker 2: job in a pocketbook factory and went to beauty school. 150 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 2: It's such a New York City story. She met Albert, 151 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 2: my dad, in a beauty parlor in Spanish Harlem run 152 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 2: by a Cuban woman who was married to a Jamaican 153 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 2: man and as a result, had Jamaican customers, which included 154 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: my grandmother. My dad went to pick her up one day, 155 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,160 Speaker 2: saw my mom in the beauty parlor and it was 156 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 2: love at first sight, even though she spoke no English 157 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 2: and he spoke no Spanish. 158 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 3: Oh my Grace, tell you, okay, hold on a minute. 159 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 3: Social distancing needs creating more crystal faith between yourself and others. 160 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 2: So I wanted to start a few years until my 161 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 2: mom's journey in New York City, and to do that, 162 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 2: I reached out to Grace Lawrence, or Aunt Grace, who 163 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 2: has been very close to my mom for over sixty. 164 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 3: Years, and we became fast friends. 165 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 2: And Grace's ninety four lives in Queen's and her memory, 166 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: unlike my mom's, is sharp as attack. 167 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,679 Speaker 3: Okay, I might as well say, okay, when my age 168 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 3: things happened up and down, but I'm okay, so to 169 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 3: leave it at that. 170 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 2: And Grace told me that she met my mom in 171 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:43,400 Speaker 2: the late nineteen fifties through my dad. 172 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:49,959 Speaker 3: Well, I know that he became very close and he 173 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:55,839 Speaker 3: wanted to meet his girlfriend. His girlfriend at that time 174 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,560 Speaker 3: it was my mama. So he didn't say that much 175 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 3: about her, except that she was Spanish. 176 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 2: That's what they called Latinos back then, Spanish. 177 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 3: And of course that didn't bother me at all. 178 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,719 Speaker 8: When you first met my mother, what did you what 179 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 8: did you think of about her? 180 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 3: Like your mother loved to dance. 181 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 13: She was so pretty and vivacious, and that's how I 182 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:35,840 Speaker 13: remember her dancing with us in the kitchen to disco, salsa, meringe. 183 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 2: Everything was hips, hips, hips, didn't matter the music. 184 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 3: She really was a beautiful young lady. And of course 185 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,680 Speaker 3: you know your mother was very stylish. She was always stylish. 186 00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,960 Speaker 2: Greece's parents were from Barbados and immigrants, so Unt Grace 187 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 2: knew about the prejudice that existed between some Caribbean blacks 188 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 2: towards Latinos, which my mom walked right into by loving 189 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 2: my dad. 190 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:16,120 Speaker 3: Albert's mother was Jamaican and she was a very strict lady, 191 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:23,080 Speaker 3: very proper, and unfortunately she did not want to come 192 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,880 Speaker 3: to the wedding because her Mona was Spanish. 193 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:30,120 Speaker 2: So what was happening was this. My grandmother was raised 194 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 2: by a well off family in Jamaica, and although she 195 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 2: was a maid in New York, she felt her son 196 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 2: was too good for my mom. 197 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 3: She was very disappointed she didn't come to the wedding, 198 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 3: but that did not stop the wedding. 199 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 2: Aunt Grace was the matron of honor. 200 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 3: The wind went on and your father kissed his wife. 201 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,400 Speaker 3: She was so proud of her. 202 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:56,959 Speaker 2: But my grandmother, Nana, did not accept the marriage. Nana 203 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 2: was a dark skinned woman who would not accept the 204 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 2: lights in Latina in her family. My mom came from 205 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 2: the Dominican Republic, a country with extremely negative attitudes towards 206 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 2: black skin, but she didn't care that my father was black. 207 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 2: The story on my father's side of the family was different. 208 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 2: My mom was Spanish and that was enough to be rejected. 209 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 3: Ramona really establishing a relationship with her mother in. 210 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: Law, and this is something I really admire about my mother. 211 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 2: She did not give up picture this. My mom lived 212 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 2: on one hundred and h Street near Central Park West, 213 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 2: and my grandmother was just about six blocks away. My 214 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 2: father would visit Nana every week without my mom. So 215 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 2: she worked on being the best version of herself to 216 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 2: figure this out. She worked on her English, she worked 217 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 2: on being a good wife, and she had hope no 218 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 2: matter how much she was ignored and rejected. But it 219 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 2: took the birth of my older sister Margie in nineteen 220 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 2: sixty to finally warm my grandmother's heart. On my next 221 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 2: Skype call to my mother, I try to bring up 222 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 2: our old address. Fifteen was one hundred and h Street. 223 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 2: Remember one hundred and h Street. Maybe that address the 224 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 2: names of her family would trigger a memory Margie. Remember Margie. 225 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 2: Do eha Margie. But I came up empty. My talk 226 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 2: with Aunt Grace and April left me wanting more. The 227 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 2: mom I have had for years now is a shadow 228 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 2: of who she was, and I want that mother back 229 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 2: so badly. 230 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 1: Coming up on Latino, USA, she. 231 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 10: Was seeing this boy in her apartment, this like evil boy, 232 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 10: and at one point it got so bad that she 233 00:15:58,520 --> 00:15:59,239 Speaker 10: was hiding. 234 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 6: Knives to that she could stab the boy. 235 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 7: Stay with us, Yes, Hey, we're back. And before the break, 236 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 7: journalist Yvonne Latti had introduced us to her mother's world 237 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 7: and what it's like to have advanced Alzheimer's disease in 238 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 7: the middle of a COVID nineteen crisis. We returned now 239 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 7: to Yvonne's intimate portrait of her life with Ramona, and 240 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 7: just warning, there's some offensive language in this part of 241 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 7: the story. 242 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 2: In mid April, about a month after the COVID lockdown 243 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 2: started in New York, I recruited Nola, my oldest daughter, 244 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:24,919 Speaker 2: to help me dig through some old photos I keep 245 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 2: in a big plastic bin in our home in Philadelphia. 246 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 2: I took these photos out of my mom's photo albums 247 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 2: when I cleaned out her apartment after she was placed 248 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 2: in the nursing home. The day I packed them three 249 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 2: years ago, I was crying, confused, and disappointed in myself 250 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 2: for not being able to slow down the inevitable. I 251 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 2: have not looked at the photos since. Nola. This is 252 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 2: my mom's wedding picture. 253 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 6: I've seen this one. It's really pretty. 254 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 2: Nolah is twenty one and studies acting and directing at NYU. 255 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 2: We're sitting on an old yellow sofa in the basement, 256 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,400 Speaker 2: and the first photo we pull out is an eleven 257 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,720 Speaker 2: x fourteen black and white wedding picture. What do you 258 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 2: think of her dress? 259 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:12,639 Speaker 6: I love her dress. 260 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 2: I love all the lace in the photo. My mom 261 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 2: is wearing a beautiful white lace dress and in her 262 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,800 Speaker 2: arms a bouquet of white flowers. My dad is in 263 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,200 Speaker 2: a dark suit behind her, holding her. She has a 264 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 2: slight smile on her face. She's twenty six, and she 265 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 2: looks almost regal and ready for what's next. She looks 266 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 2: like you, yeah, do you see yourself in her? 267 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 6: M h, I think you've. 268 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 2: Always looked alike Nola, looking like my mom has always 269 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:46,960 Speaker 2: given me comfort. Nola and my mom were always close. 270 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 2: She was her Nolita, her oldest grandchild, and she loved 271 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 2: to cook Dominican food for her and buy her clothes. 272 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 2: But these photos reveal an aberlita Nola had never seen. 273 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 6: Waitit wait, what's this one? 274 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,280 Speaker 2: Nola pulls out a black and white photo booth image 275 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 2: of my mom taken in the early nineteen fifties, that's 276 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 2: when she first came to this country. She looks so 277 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 2: good in this picture. She's looking away from the camera 278 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 2: in a playful way. She's wearing hoop earrings and dark lipstick. 279 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 2: The photo seems timeless. 280 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 8: She's like working it. 281 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,320 Speaker 6: Can I have this? 282 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 12: Yeah? 283 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 8: I really like this picture. 284 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,640 Speaker 6: She looks like you and this really yeah. 285 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:29,040 Speaker 8: She looks like you. 286 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 2: When people tell me I look like my mom, I 287 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 2: don't believe it. Oh my god, what a compliment. She 288 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 2: looks so pretty. We are different colors. She's light skinned 289 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,360 Speaker 2: and I am dark skinned. I think she's way prettier 290 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 2: than me. She's petite while I'm five eight. And when 291 00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 2: I was growing up, there was this idea that the 292 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 2: lightest skins you are the prettier. I tried to explain 293 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,159 Speaker 2: this to Nola, and I was in light skinned and 294 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 2: I wasn't even my mother's complexion Archie's complexion. I was 295 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,440 Speaker 2: darker than my dad, and my darker skin led to bullying. 296 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,720 Speaker 2: I was called ugly and mocked. The first time I 297 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 2: was called a nigger, I was in third grade and 298 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 2: it was by light skinned Latino classmates. We were, you know, 299 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 2: the ugly ones, and there was nothing I could do 300 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,439 Speaker 2: to change the color of my skin. My mom indirectly 301 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 2: reinforced in negativity by constantly commenting on my hair and 302 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 2: forcing me into painful, smaller shoes because she didn't want 303 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,479 Speaker 2: me to have big feet. Although she was rejected by 304 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 2: my grandmother for being Spanish, she held some form of 305 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:42,760 Speaker 2: internalized racism which was directed at. 306 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:43,560 Speaker 1: Me and my hair. 307 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 2: Black hair is bad. Straight hair is good, you know, 308 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,560 Speaker 2: like the hair had to be relaxed, it had to 309 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 2: be pressed. I couldn't sweat. Everything had to be about 310 00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 2: my appearance, and I was a tomboy. I wanted to 311 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:01,119 Speaker 2: play sports and wanted to run around. My hair didn't 312 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 2: really go natural until you were born. And when you 313 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 2: were born and she saw you, one of the first 314 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 2: things she said to me was how old did she 315 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,320 Speaker 2: have to be before we can strain her hair? That 316 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 2: was the game changer. I never relaxed my hair again, 317 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,479 Speaker 2: and my mom had to live with both my daughter's curls. 318 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 2: Growing up with my mom could be frustrating. There were 319 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 2: a lot of extremes. I grew up on one hundred 320 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 2: and h Street between Manhattan Avenue and Central Park West. 321 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 2: It was rough back then, and my mom would not 322 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,280 Speaker 2: let us out of the house. My outside space was 323 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 2: the fire escape. I wanted to share what that was 324 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 2: like with my daughter Nola. There were murders and people 325 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,680 Speaker 2: got raped, and it's a lot of robberies. One of 326 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 2: my early memories is one afternoon when my mom went 327 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 2: shopping and came home with a red welt across her face. 328 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 2: She had been robbed. She had a man's handprint on 329 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 2: her face because he slapped her so hard when he 330 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,679 Speaker 2: robbed her, and she was crying, and she was really upset, 331 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 2: and she called my dad. This was not a one off. 332 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,560 Speaker 2: My mom was robbed a lot. But the next week 333 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 2: my mother got her shopping cart out again and she 334 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 2: went right back to the grocery store. I admired her 335 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:32,280 Speaker 2: for it, but it made me angry. The neighborhood was 336 00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 2: filled with abandoned buildings and so much neglect. Our building 337 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 2: was abandoned by the landlord when I was a kid, 338 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 2: and the city took it over. Fires were set aimed 339 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 2: at forcing us to move. Most winters, we went weeks 340 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 2: without heat or hot water. Sometimes it was so cold 341 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 2: we all had to sleep in the living room with 342 00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 2: a space heater and close off the rest of the apartment. 343 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 2: But my mom was happy. I think she would say 344 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:03,439 Speaker 2: those were the best years of her life. We were 345 00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:04,200 Speaker 2: all together. 346 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 8: I feel like there's a lot of her that I know, 347 00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,159 Speaker 8: you know, and then I've experienced, and a lot of 348 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 8: her that I don't like. 349 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 6: I can see a lot of vibrants in her. 350 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 2: My mother's world was the pocketbook factory, the beauty parlor, 351 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 2: and then finally the insurance company she worked for in 352 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,080 Speaker 2: their mailroom. She felt like a big success coming to 353 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,239 Speaker 2: this country, and she always raised me to believe how 354 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,399 Speaker 2: lucky I was to be here. But that wasn't how 355 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 2: I felt. So like my mom in the Dominican Republic, 356 00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 2: I dreamed of a way out, and that was something 357 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 2: that really drove me in my life, was figuring out 358 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:43,880 Speaker 2: how to get the heck out of there. 359 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 8: I mean, I think they're both driven, you know, like 360 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 8: you talk about wanting to leave one hundred and eighth Street, 361 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:55,920 Speaker 8: but like they were there because I believe the leftdr like, 362 00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:59,280 Speaker 8: so there's definitely like just a wanting to move up 363 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 8: and out. I mean, did you guys knock it along? 364 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 2: I really didn't understand her. By the time I was sixteen, 365 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 2: I felt I had grown past her in so many ways. 366 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 2: I struggled to understand the lucky sprays, the candle lighting 367 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 2: for saints, the hoarding the confusion. The next photo we 368 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 2: pull out of the bin is of my dad, my mom, 369 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,960 Speaker 2: and my sister. And this is a photo of their 370 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 2: first Christmas with my sister Margie. It's an eight x 371 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,480 Speaker 2: ten black and white photo there in front of the tree, 372 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 2: all dressed up. My sister is sitting on my dad's 373 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,479 Speaker 2: lap and my mom is crouched behind them smiling. Margie 374 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:51,720 Speaker 2: has a smirk on her face. 375 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 8: Oh, Margie's such a smash, Mommy. 376 00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 9: Do you remember it was Margie's birthday last week? Mommy, Mommy, 377 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 9: My big sister. 378 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,440 Speaker 2: Marjorie was killed in a car accident in nineteen eighty 379 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:20,000 Speaker 2: eight when she was twenty seven. She was engaged and 380 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,520 Speaker 2: on her way back from respeech in Brooklyn when a 381 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,479 Speaker 2: driver high on pill struck the car her fiance was driving. 382 00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,919 Speaker 2: Margie and my mom were real close. She spent endless 383 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 2: hours in the kitchen cooking with her, talking to her. 384 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 2: They looked so much alike and seemed to have so 385 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:41,879 Speaker 2: much in common. I fell close to Margie too. She 386 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 2: was my playmate, my friend, and always looked out for me. 387 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,959 Speaker 2: This is a really hard picture for me, Nola, because 388 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,600 Speaker 2: when Margie died, this was the photo that my mother 389 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,880 Speaker 2: was holding and running up and down the house screaming. 390 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,960 Speaker 2: If there was anything that changed my relationship with my mom, 391 00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 2: it was Margie's death. A few months after Margie died, 392 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 2: I booked my mom and I a flight to Paris 393 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 2: with a stop in Rome. I did it on a whim. 394 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,840 Speaker 2: It was a magical trip. We scratched Margie's name on 395 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,200 Speaker 2: every surface we could, saw every tourist site, walk too much, 396 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 2: ate too much, and drank too much. At one point, 397 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,919 Speaker 2: we were climbing to the top of the Arc de Triomphe, 398 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 2: and she just zoomed by me with this huge smile 399 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 2: in her face, And when we got to the top, 400 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:45,360 Speaker 2: there was a gorgeous view of Paris. I looked over 401 00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,400 Speaker 2: at her, and at that moment, there was so much 402 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:53,560 Speaker 2: joy in her eyes, so much hope. Despite her pain, 403 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 2: my mom was alive and living her life to the fullest. 404 00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:01,479 Speaker 2: And I learned so much about strength just watching her 405 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:06,920 Speaker 2: survive the unthinkable. And for the first time in my life, 406 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:19,200 Speaker 2: I saw what we had in common, Mommy. I was 407 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,680 Speaker 2: thinking about our trip. Remember the trip we took the 408 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 2: Dominican Republic. Remember that trip we took all the fun 409 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 2: we had, do you remember? Twenty four years later, I 410 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 2: took another life changing trip with my mom. It was 411 00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:42,200 Speaker 2: twenty twelve, her eightieth birthday, and I decided to take 412 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 2: her and my daughters Nola was fourteen and Margo eleven, 413 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 2: to the Dominican Republic. I wanted them to experience where 414 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:52,200 Speaker 2: my mother had come from. 415 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 6: Yeah, that was fun. That was a trip for me. 416 00:27:55,880 --> 00:28:00,920 Speaker 2: That trip was the first red flag that something was 417 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 2: seriously wrong. 418 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 6: I think that. 419 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,120 Speaker 10: Going to dr it was really clear because we saw 420 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 10: Obliet in the place that wasn't her house, and so 421 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 10: like seeing her in comparison with like other hotel guests 422 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 10: and like in an airport, like I think it's a 423 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 10: lot easier to be. 424 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,000 Speaker 6: Like, oh, she doesn't understand how to do things that 425 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:22,960 Speaker 6: she should know how to do. 426 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 2: The trip started out uneventful. When we exited the plane, 427 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:31,159 Speaker 2: I grabbed Margo's hand and Nola held my mom's and. 428 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,880 Speaker 10: She had some kind of like idea that we had 429 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 10: to go down some like secret corner that was like 430 00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 10: not where anybody else was going. 431 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,920 Speaker 2: I heard you say, ab'lita, no, aberlita no, and then 432 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 2: I was like, you know, momy. 433 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 10: Yeah, I realized that like me as the older sibling too, 434 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,000 Speaker 10: you know, would have to like kind of keep an 435 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 10: eye on her, you know, and take care of her, 436 00:28:58,360 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 10: make sure that she didn't run off. 437 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,080 Speaker 2: As we finally made it to the hotel, my mom 438 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 2: morphed into a different person. I mean, we all turned 439 00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,960 Speaker 2: to her like, okay, Mommy, go for her. 440 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 8: Check us in. We were just kind of expecting that, 441 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 8: I'll believe it would be like our resident Spanish speaker, 442 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 8: like we tell her what to say in englishman, you'd 443 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 8: say it in Spanish. 444 00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, she spoke Spanish all the time. 445 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 10: It was primarily, oh my Spanish, you know, and if 446 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 10: it was English, it was like English with like Spanish 447 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 10: words kind of mixed in there. 448 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,920 Speaker 6: And this was like this still makes me laugh. 449 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 10: I know, it's not funny, viscous fun She turned to 450 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:35,680 Speaker 10: us like stone. 451 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,960 Speaker 2: Faced, and she was like, I do not speak Spanish, 452 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,960 Speaker 2: and my husband's American husband is American. 453 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,120 Speaker 6: I do not speak Spanish. 454 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,560 Speaker 2: And we were like what I was in shock. I 455 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 2: had no idea what my mother was doing. My dad 456 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 2: had died in nineteen ninety seven, fifteen years before, and 457 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 2: my mom's first language had always been Spanish, and suddenly 458 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 2: she was a few to speak it. It didn't make 459 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 2: any sense. 460 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 10: She was so distant in a place that we really 461 00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:09,640 Speaker 10: thought she was gonna come alive and be really excited. 462 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 2: A few months after the trip to the Dominican Republic, 463 00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 2: we were joined by Aunt Grace and her husband Paul 464 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 2: for Thanksgiving, and Grace had noticed my mom had seemed 465 00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 2: off lately and confronted us both. My mother said everything 466 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 2: was fine, and I chose to believe my mom. 467 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 3: Your mother did not want to get old. That's another 468 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,920 Speaker 3: place she liked to stay the way she loved. She 469 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 3: wanted to be young. She did not want to get old. 470 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:42,960 Speaker 2: But my mother was not okay. 471 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 6: She stopped liking people. You know, she had friends, and 472 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 6: then she didn't like them anymore. 473 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 8: She got really reclusive. 474 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 6: She got like angrier. 475 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,800 Speaker 2: In December of twenty fifteen, I decided to go with 476 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 2: my mom to see her doctor. He suggested cognitive testing 477 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 2: and gave us a referral. Three months later, after a 478 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 2: series of tests, we ended up in a neurologious, packed 479 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,040 Speaker 2: bronx waiting room filled with black and brown people. When 480 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 2: it was finally our turn, we were told my mom 481 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,920 Speaker 2: had Alzheimer's disease. The doctor wrote down a few URLs 482 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 2: and told me to google it. A life altering, life 483 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:28,880 Speaker 2: ending diagnosis was given to her in the same manner 484 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,719 Speaker 2: I was told. I was nearsighted. I grabbed my mother's 485 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 2: hand as she stared blankly at the doctor. It was 486 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,320 Speaker 2: clear she was just a number to him, part of 487 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 2: the statistic that shows a growing number of Latinos and 488 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,760 Speaker 2: African Americans stricken by this disease. I soon learned that 489 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,959 Speaker 2: African Americans are two times more likely and Latinos one 490 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 2: and a half times more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease 491 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 2: than white Americans. And so here is where my mom 492 00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 2: and I clashed again. She struggle to believe the diagnosis 493 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: while I was researching the hell out of it and 494 00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:05,840 Speaker 2: trying to form a fight plan. 495 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,480 Speaker 3: But your mother said to me a lot You know 496 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 3: how Ivana is. She's always taken. I said, your daughter 497 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,720 Speaker 3: talks a lot of stuff, but a lot of stuff 498 00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 3: is true because she explores page. 499 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 2: I was lost in my research and disgusted by what 500 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 2: I found. All the issues that play communities of color 501 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:29,200 Speaker 2: converge in making Alzheimer's disease. The last chapter of too 502 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,920 Speaker 2: many of our lives low socioeconomic status, high rates of 503 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 2: cardiovascular disease and a higher incidence of diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, 504 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 2: and depression are aggravating factors, even education factors. In Latinos 505 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 2: also may develop symptoms at a younger age than non 506 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 2: Latino whites, and the community is under resourced. Income, retirement 507 00:32:56,360 --> 00:32:59,480 Speaker 2: and pension benefits are far too thin to get too 508 00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:04,560 Speaker 2: many members of my community the help the resources it needs. 509 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,600 Speaker 2: I thought about my future. Was this going to be 510 00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 2: my end too? And I searched for answers, anything to help. 511 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:19,200 Speaker 2: A few weeks after my mother received her diagnosis, hallucinations 512 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,760 Speaker 2: began to take over her world. 513 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 6: She was seeing this boy like in her apartment. This 514 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,360 Speaker 6: like evil boy to me felt like big demon energy. 515 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 2: By the summer of twenty sixteen, things spiraled out of control. 516 00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 2: My mother's behavior became more erratic, even dangerous. 517 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,680 Speaker 10: And at one point it like got so bad that 518 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:44,680 Speaker 10: she was hiding knives so that she could stab the boy. 519 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 10: She needed an aid all the time because it just 520 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:49,920 Speaker 10: wasn't safe for her to be alone. 521 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 2: Six months after getting her original diagnosis, I scrambled to 522 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 2: get her into a clinical trial. Latino's makeup just seven 523 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,040 Speaker 2: point five percent of research participants, and I read that 524 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 2: clinical trials are key to finding ways to help not 525 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 2: only my mom, but other Latinos caught in the web 526 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 2: of this disease. Since my mother was presenting with psychotic tendencies, 527 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,520 Speaker 2: her new doctor suggests that this could help. The time 528 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,359 Speaker 2: demands were horrific, the driving her back and forth from 529 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:25,239 Speaker 2: the Bronx where she lived, to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in 530 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,760 Speaker 2: Upper Manhattan, the waiting in the office, interviews with several doctors, 531 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 2: the administration of the drug which she could not do herself. 532 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:37,120 Speaker 2: It was about six weeks of stress, and in the 533 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,480 Speaker 2: end she got the placebo. 534 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,800 Speaker 8: I was wrecked and like things just got harder, Like 535 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,399 Speaker 8: we couldn't do Christmas the same way. 536 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,719 Speaker 2: I also discovered my mom had given away all her 537 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:52,080 Speaker 2: money to mail order psychics who promised her riches. She 538 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,640 Speaker 2: was always binge buying from catalogs. 539 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 10: And I feel like and it's because you like love 540 00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,759 Speaker 10: her and like see the best in her, and like 541 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 10: want her to be okay. But you always hope that 542 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,839 Speaker 10: it's going to get better, and instead it gets worse. 543 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:10,440 Speaker 10: And it did. 544 00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,919 Speaker 2: The hallucinations of the boy and her apartment were joined 545 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 2: by Ice agents, who she believed were coming to deport her, 546 00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 2: despite the fact that she was an American citizen. She 547 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,560 Speaker 2: would call me frantic that they were coming for her, 548 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 2: begging me to help her. Things kept spiraling out of 549 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,759 Speaker 2: control until she ended up in the nursing home, the 550 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,720 Speaker 2: last thing I wanted to happen. And now my mom, 551 00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:39,520 Speaker 2: who worked all her life, learned English, raised two daughters, 552 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,560 Speaker 2: and gave me the tools to succeed, her life has 553 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:44,759 Speaker 2: deteriorated to this. 554 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 9: Mommy, Ramona Ramonita Abita. 555 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 2: My mom's nursing home is big. It's residents are mostly black, 556 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,959 Speaker 2: and some strap boomboxes to their wheelchair, so you often 557 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:07,759 Speaker 2: hear music like salsa or hip hop. The elevators are 558 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,600 Speaker 2: very slow and it's a bit run down. Before COVID 559 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:15,800 Speaker 2: they had started renovations, but it's a sad place, not 560 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 2: a lot of smiles. Hello, Hi Hi. When COVID first 561 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:25,520 Speaker 2: struck her nursing home, I took advantage of the Skype 562 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:30,200 Speaker 2: calls they offered, Hi mommy, Hi, how are you. The 563 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 2: first two or three I made, she seemed to know 564 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:39,160 Speaker 2: who I was by the end of the call, but 565 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:43,279 Speaker 2: the last few I had she had absolutely no idea. 566 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:49,320 Speaker 5: Patients, they have no recreational activity. They're isolated a lot iris. 567 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 2: The nurse we heard from earlier told me about the 568 00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:55,320 Speaker 2: extreme lockdown measures in my mother's nursing home after the 569 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,520 Speaker 2: first case of COVID nineteen was discovered back in March. 570 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,360 Speaker 5: The little bit of stimulus they were able to absorb 571 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:03,600 Speaker 5: has disappeared. 572 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,560 Speaker 2: My mom did have a group of friends. She did 573 00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 2: art classes, played bingo, went to church and loved the 574 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:13,440 Speaker 2: music group where they would play Celia Cruz, Mark Anthony 575 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 2: and Beyonce to the residents who would dance in their wheelchair. 576 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,919 Speaker 2: Now she's wheeled into the hallway and play six feet 577 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,399 Speaker 2: away from her friends so they can look at each other. 578 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 2: I've seen a lot of patients experience a tremendous decline. 579 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 2: That's my mom. I last saw her five months ago 580 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 2: and have no idea if or when I will see 581 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:37,719 Speaker 2: her again. I know there has been a lot of 582 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 2: death in the nursing home, but I can't get a 583 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 2: straight answer to how many residents have died. Sometimes I 584 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:47,920 Speaker 2: obsess over what's next, what will happen to her? What 585 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,600 Speaker 2: is the timeline? But there is none. 586 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:56,320 Speaker 5: It's a hard answer. I mean usually loss of functional status, 587 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:02,240 Speaker 5: the loss of the ability to speak, weight loss, loss 588 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:07,600 Speaker 5: of ability to feed yourself, more apathy. All of that 589 00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 5: points to worsening dementia, and dementia is a fatal illness. 590 00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:19,440 Speaker 2: All I have at this point are memories to get 591 00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:22,440 Speaker 2: me through, like the last time she sang me Happy 592 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 2: Birthday last year before she truly lost the ability to speak. 593 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:34,800 Speaker 4: Of the vinous thing too. You stay, they are evil, 594 00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 4: have virastate. 595 00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 2: And a little bit of Nola's wisdom. 596 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,440 Speaker 10: I don't expect anything from her. I can always just 597 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,120 Speaker 10: see that face value and be happy that they get 598 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 10: to see her at all. 599 00:38:52,600 --> 00:38:54,680 Speaker 2: Nola is so my mom's grandchild. 600 00:38:55,239 --> 00:38:58,560 Speaker 6: I don't care. I don't care if she remembers me 601 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:05,400 Speaker 6: or not, if she knows my name like okay, and 602 00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 6: if she doesn't like that's okay too. 603 00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:10,040 Speaker 2: And so I asked her, if she could reach her 604 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,640 Speaker 2: just one more time, what she would want to talk 605 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:13,280 Speaker 2: to her about. 606 00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:17,320 Speaker 6: Her hair is getting so long, and it's really soft, 607 00:39:17,680 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 6: and it's really gorgeous, and. 608 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 10: I wish I could tell, like completely lucid aqualita that 609 00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 10: her hair looks really nice. 610 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 2: And my mom's hair for the first time in her 611 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,840 Speaker 2: life is natural. I wish I could tell her about 612 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:39,440 Speaker 2: my daughter Margot's high school parking lot graduation. And I 613 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:41,719 Speaker 2: wish I could tell her that Nolah's doing great in 614 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,839 Speaker 2: college and in love. And I wish I could fill 615 00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,680 Speaker 2: her in on all the gossip, tell her stories about 616 00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 2: my hectic job. And I wish that she would remember me, 617 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:59,360 Speaker 2: always remember me, her daughter, her only living daughter. Hi, mommy, 618 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:09,880 Speaker 2: it's Evo Ybonne who e her? But she doesn't remember 619 00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 2: me anymore. So in the end, COVID nineteen did take 620 00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:19,919 Speaker 2: my mom, not physically, but it took what was left 621 00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:24,480 Speaker 2: of her essence. I love her, and I choose to 622 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:29,120 Speaker 2: hold her memories until I too, am just a memory. 623 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,520 Speaker 7: Our thanks to Yvonne Lattie for bringing us that story. 624 00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,120 Speaker 7: Yvonne is a journalist who also teaches journalism at New 625 00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:57,480 Speaker 7: York University. Alzheimer's in Color is a collaboration with Black 626 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:00,000 Speaker 7: Public Media with funding provided by. 627 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:01,960 Speaker 1: The Corporation for Public Broadcasting. 628 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,680 Speaker 7: We want to thank Denise Green from BPM, Jason Rassendez, 629 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:11,200 Speaker 7: the organization Latinos Against Alzheimer's, and Janelle Pifer. If you 630 00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:15,040 Speaker 7: need help or support in navigating Alzheimer's disease contact the 631 00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:24,000 Speaker 7: Alzheimer's Association at alz dot org. Earlier this year, Ramona 632 00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:28,319 Speaker 7: passed away. We wish peace to her and to her 633 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:47,920 Speaker 7: entire family. This episode was edited by Luis Treis and 634 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:52,960 Speaker 7: mixed by Stephanie Lebau. The Latino USA team includes Andrea Lopez, Grussavo, 635 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:58,640 Speaker 7: Marta Martinez, Mike Sargent, Victoria Estrada, Patricia Sulbran, Julieta Martinelli, 636 00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,759 Speaker 7: Gini montalbo Lejandra Salasar Rinaldo, Leanos. 637 00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:03,720 Speaker 1: Junior and Julia Rocha. 638 00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:08,520 Speaker 7: Our editorial director is Julio Ricardo Barela. Our assistant senior 639 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:12,960 Speaker 7: engineer is Julia Caruso. Our associate engineers are Gabrielle Byez 640 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:17,400 Speaker 7: and jj Grubin. Our digital editor is Lisuna. Our fellows 641 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,759 Speaker 7: are Elisa Reina, Monica Morales and Andrew Vignellis. 642 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,600 Speaker 1: Our theme music was composed by Senor RINOs. 643 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,560 Speaker 7: If you like the music you heard on this episode 644 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:30,320 Speaker 7: stopped by Latinousa dot org, and check out our weekly 645 00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:34,240 Speaker 7: Spotify playlist. I'm your host and executive producer, Mariano Jsa. 646 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,440 Speaker 7: We'll see you on our next episode. In the meantime, 647 00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:38,200 Speaker 7: I'll see you on social media. 648 00:42:38,600 --> 00:42:43,440 Speaker 8: III Funding for Latino USA is Coverage of a culture 649 00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,040 Speaker 8: of health is made possible in part by a grant 650 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:50,399 Speaker 8: from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. Latino USA is made 651 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:55,120 Speaker 8: possible in part by New York Women's Foundation. The New 652 00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,920 Speaker 8: York Women's Foundation funding women leaders that build solutions in 653 00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:04,200 Speaker 8: their communities and celebrating thirty years of radical generosity, and 654 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,960 Speaker 8: the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative