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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me

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Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation

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Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast

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Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs

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Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you

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Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you

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Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more.

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. I ain't worried

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Speaker 2: about this. You know, it's not a big deal for you.

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Speaker 2: People are not going to be as enthusiastic and ready

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Speaker 2: to show up for you. No, they're not.

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Speaker 3: Because if you don't want to show up for yourself,

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Speaker 3: then you can't expect other people to show up for you.

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Speaker 2: That's not how that the people in the bag.

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Speaker 3: Okay, if you aren't showing up for yourself, you cannot

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Speaker 3: expect Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and a motivational speaker in

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Speaker 2: a world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood.

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Speaker 2: Please join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything

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Speaker 2: from fibroids to fake friends and create a safe space

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Speaker 2: where black women can just.

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Speaker 3: Be all right, y'all. So we're gonna switch it up

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Speaker 3: a little bit for y'all today. I have a story

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Speaker 3: to share to start us all. So think back to

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Speaker 3: if you went to college. Think back to what college

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Speaker 3: was like for you. Right you got to school, you

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Speaker 3: have to figure out how to register for your classes,

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Speaker 3: how to fill out those financial aid forms past foo

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Speaker 3: is a b stock that can be a whole episode

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Speaker 3: in itself. You had to figure out where their.

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Speaker 2: Dining hall was.

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Speaker 3: I mean, there was just so many little things that

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Speaker 3: you had to figure out, right, And for most of us,

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Speaker 3: we figured that stuff out totally on our own, right,

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Speaker 3: or maybe we had an older friend or a big

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Speaker 3: brother or a big sister who was there to kind

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Speaker 3: of guide us and tell us what to do. Nowadays,

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Speaker 3: I've had students come in and say, I have a team,

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Speaker 3: A team, A team. What the hell is a team?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean?

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Speaker 3: You're eighteen years old and you have a team, What

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Speaker 3: does your team look like? What does your team consist of?

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Speaker 3: You have your people? What kind of privileged shit is that?

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Speaker 3: That was my initry reaction right really on some like

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Speaker 3: you steeped in privilege. This is ridiculous. No, man up

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Speaker 3: and figure it out. That is so problematic for me

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Speaker 3: to even say something like man up. Right. So, when

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Speaker 3: I stepped back and I really looked at it, these

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Speaker 3: students were saying that they wanted to register for having

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Speaker 3: an academic advisor. They wanted to make sure they knew

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Speaker 3: who their financial aid, where the financial aid office was,

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Speaker 3: and they met regularly with the financial aid counselor, they

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Speaker 3: met with a therapist, and they identified maybe if they're

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Speaker 3: an athlete, they had a trainer that they worked with.

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Speaker 3: So they identified all these people on campus that would

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Speaker 3: be helpful and instrumental in their overall success as a student.

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Speaker 3: When I stepped back and I really looked at that,

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Speaker 3: it was like, that's actually kind of smart. Maybe how

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Speaker 3: they may have approached it might not have been the

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Speaker 3: most savvy, but the overall concept of having a team,

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Speaker 3: when I really stepped back and looked at it, I

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Speaker 3: was like, well, technically I have a team too. And

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Speaker 3: I didn't even call it that. I didn't even realize, like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I can't be my best self without.

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Speaker 2: A team, and that takes us in two. Our a

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Speaker 2: quote of the day. Our quote of the Day comes

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Speaker 2: from the amazing motivational speaker and businesswoman Lisa Nichols, and

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Speaker 2: this quote says, look for people who will pull you forward,

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Speaker 2: put you on your tippy toes, and will inspire you

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Speaker 2: to reach higher. And once you find them, keep them close.

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Speaker 2: They are your voice of reason, your direction, and your

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Speaker 2: sounding board.

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Speaker 3: Your team, your team.

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Speaker 2: Team. That's right. I think about my team, and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I've kind of always had some sort of

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Speaker 2: team around me. So whether whether or not they knew

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Speaker 2: they was on my team, right, because I have some

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Speaker 2: team members in my head or mentors like Oprah or

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Speaker 2: something that I I'm like, Okay, Oprah, you don't know it,

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Speaker 2: but you're a team member of my head because I

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Speaker 2: consume your content. I read your books, you know, watch

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Speaker 2: your interviews, and I'm getting insight from you. It's like

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Speaker 2: you're impacting my life, right. But I think about my pastors,

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Speaker 2: my you know, my advisors in college, my guidance counselor,

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Speaker 2: my therapist, at this point, I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: different coaches for different areas of my life. And when

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Speaker 2: you think about successful people, they have a team, whether

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Speaker 2: it's a nanny, a chef, a personal trainer. I mean,

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Speaker 2: those are people that are on your team that are

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Speaker 2: empowering you to become your best self. And ideally I

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Speaker 2: want a team member or like a team lead for

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Speaker 2: every area of my life from finances, relationship. Like that

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Speaker 2: would be ideal for me because that's the only way

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Speaker 2: that you can can really grow it, focus in and

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Speaker 2: hone in on those areas that you really want to

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Speaker 2: develop in.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think that that's cool. Like I

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Speaker 3: think that that's important if we want to be our

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Speaker 3: best selves. Right that really, in an ideal setting, ideal world,

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Speaker 3: our team consists of people who are selling in particular

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Speaker 3: in those particular areas, right or maybe they're not like

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Speaker 3: the top of the game, but they're doing better than

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Speaker 3: we are, right so that they can motivate us and

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Speaker 3: help guide us and show us show us the way. Right. So,

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Speaker 3: you mentioned having like a financial advisor, a financial planner.

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Speaker 3: You mentioned having maybe an accountant, which might be different

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Speaker 3: than your financial advisor. You maybe need a personal trainer

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Speaker 3: to help with the fitness. You need a physician to

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Speaker 3: kind of help with your overall health, and then your

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Speaker 3: physician may refer you to different specialists to depending on

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Speaker 3: what your healthcare needs are, you might have a nutritionist

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Speaker 3: or a dietician to help make sure that your diet

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Speaker 3: is on point. I could go on and on about

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Speaker 3: the different people that are on your team, but I

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Speaker 3: think one of the things that I want to think

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Speaker 3: about is how do you create a team when finances

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Speaker 3: might be an issue?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: Because let's say, like I think about for myself, I

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Speaker 3: know that growing up, I thought that you had to

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Speaker 3: be rich. It meant you were rich if you had

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Speaker 3: a housekeeper.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 3: I ain't even gonna front y'all, I have a housekeeper.

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Speaker 3: I have someone that comes and cleans up every couple

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Speaker 3: of weeks. Because that's not something that I like to do.

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Speaker 3: It's way more affordable than I thought, and it's something

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Speaker 3: that I know that like I budget for, right, So

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Speaker 3: that's somebody that's on my team. But what if you

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Speaker 3: don't have the budget, right, what if you're on tight income?

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Speaker 3: How do you create a team when funds might be limited.

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Speaker 2: I think that's a great opportunity to go into the

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Speaker 2: online space and see what resoarchers are out there. I

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Speaker 2: think we live in a world where there's no excuse

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Speaker 2: not to achieve our dreams and goals because we have Google,

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Speaker 2: like you can literally, like you said, there's an app

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Speaker 2: for that, There's an app for everything. There is a

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Speaker 2: Google article, a Google search on almost anything out there.

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Speaker 2: So it's like, and I know, I know this is

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Speaker 2: well done because I was broke as a joke for

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Speaker 2: like the majority of my life, and there were times

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Speaker 2: where I had to I'll give an example, and I

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Speaker 2: think I shared this story before, so it might be

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Speaker 2: a little refreshraed you've been following us that if not,

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Speaker 2: sit back and enjoy the ride. So when I was

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Speaker 2: in grad school, this is a really good example. I

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Speaker 2: was in grad school and this was a point in

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Speaker 2: life when I had what I call the quarter life crisis.

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Speaker 2: And I think we talked about this. I can't remember

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Speaker 2: what episode, but had this quarter life crisis, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, what am I doing with my life? Like

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Speaker 2: I don't really know, I don't know why I'm here,

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Speaker 2: Like what am I doing? And so I went online.

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Speaker 2: I was googling, and that's when I found the coach,

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Speaker 2: the life coach, doctor I'll call her doctor Atlanta, right,

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Speaker 2: And she was a woman that I reached out to

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Speaker 2: and I just told her like, hey, I'm a broke

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Speaker 2: grad student. I love to chat with you to learn

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Speaker 2: more about like what you offer blah blah blah, and

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Speaker 2: so we chatted on the phone. I just let her

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Speaker 2: know like I'm just kind of lost, Like I followed

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Speaker 2: the advice that everyone gave me. I went to school,

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Speaker 2: got a good job, got good grades, all that, but

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Speaker 2: I feel empty. I'm trying to figure out what I

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Speaker 2: want to do in my life. And based on our

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Speaker 2: phone call, she was like, well, I really like your energy.

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Speaker 2: I would love to help you for free. I'm just

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Speaker 2: like what and she literally she was so influential and

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Speaker 2: she helped me get through so many breakthroughs in grad

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Speaker 2: school by way of like, you know, increasing my confidence

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Speaker 2: and just being a whole person and woman. And she

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Speaker 2: helped out tremendously. And that was just off the strengths.

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Speaker 2: She just felt like she wanted to be able to

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Speaker 2: give back and so not saying that's going to happen

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Speaker 2: every single time, but you never know if you don't

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Speaker 2: ask right and you miss one hundred percent of the

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Speaker 2: shots that you don't shoot. That's how that's how it goes.

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Speaker 2: Because I will butcher a quote real quick. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's that's something that's important. You can ask the right questions,

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Speaker 2: search you online. I also I love to volunteer. I

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Speaker 2: think volunteering is a great way for you to get

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Speaker 2: you some good karma out there because I do believe

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Speaker 2: that when you volunteer your time and talents, it doesn't

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Speaker 2: have to be money or resources. It'll come back to

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Speaker 2: you in ways you don't even know. You never know

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Speaker 2: who you might meet when you go out to volunteer,

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Speaker 2: who might be able to help you and get on

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Speaker 2: your team at some point in the future. You know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that that's a good point that like

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Speaker 3: we in general, we are resourceful people, right, we are

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Speaker 3: creative people, and so we find to get the shit

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Speaker 3: done no matter what it is. If we know that

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Speaker 3: it's something that we need to get done, we will

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Speaker 3: find a way. And so I think I like that

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Speaker 3: idea of saying, Okay, well I know what I need

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Speaker 3: on my team is a therapist. So then I can

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Speaker 3: go online and I can check out the directories and

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Speaker 3: find a therapist and depending on where you live, your therapist.

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Speaker 3: If you don't have insurance, they're a therapists that offer

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Speaker 3: loa feed or sliding scale situations, so they can do

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Speaker 3: it based on your income what you can afford. Personal trainer.

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Speaker 3: You can find a personal trainer on an app. Like

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Speaker 3: I've said before, there is an app for everything, and

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Speaker 3: so you can figure out how to do. You can

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Speaker 3: go online, go on YouTube and watch workouts on YouTube.

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Speaker 3: And if you live in a climate where if you

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Speaker 3: live in a space where the climate is conducive to

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Speaker 3: outside things, go outside and work out. There are ways

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Speaker 3: and so YouTube can be your team member. Right, YouTube

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Speaker 3: can be your personal trainer. If you're looking for a

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Speaker 3: financial advisor, depending on your income level, I mean, I

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Speaker 3: know that it's like tax season, and so there are

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Speaker 3: tons of resources in different cities that offer free tax

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Speaker 3: preparation depending on your income level. And there are lots

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Speaker 3: of apps and websites that offer budgeting tools. Let's say

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Speaker 3: that you're looking for you're looking to add a nutritionist

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Speaker 3: to your team. Online again, quick Google search and you

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Speaker 3: can find different websites that provide you with lots of

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Speaker 3: helpful information based on whatever it is that you're looking

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Speaker 3: for in terms of your dietary restrictions or your dietary needs.

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Speaker 2: And one thing I also want to add is that

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Speaker 2: I think when you think about team, right, one thing

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Speaker 2: that's important for me is the vibe. And there's this

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Speaker 2: quote that says your vibe attracts your tribe, and I

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Speaker 2: really do believe that the energy you give out is

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Speaker 2: the energy that you attract. And so I know it

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Speaker 2: made me very nervous when I was in a place

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Speaker 2: in my with my blog where I was ready to

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Speaker 2: hire a team and like bring people on, and so

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Speaker 2: I put out an application maybe a couple of years

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Speaker 2: ago when I was looking for a community manager and

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Speaker 2: a content writer, and I was just like, this is

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Speaker 2: my baby. My blog is my baby. I created this

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Speaker 2: from scratch. I've never worked with anyone in this capacity

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Speaker 2: where they're like creating condent to or they're like, you know,

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Speaker 2: facing my community and things like that. So it was

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Speaker 2: a very difficult decision. But I think when you think,

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Speaker 2: I think when you think about your team, it's important

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Speaker 2: to think about the vibe that you want to attract,

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Speaker 2: Like what kind of people do you want to be around? Type,

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Speaker 2: what do you want right so that you can get

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Speaker 2: go out there and actually get that. So for me,

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Speaker 2: I'm very sensitive when it comes to like negativity. I

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Speaker 2: don't do well with like drama or negativity. So if

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Speaker 2: I see that someone has the type of energy, I know, okay, great,

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Speaker 2: that might be a person that's good to not be

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Speaker 2: on my team or like someone that's good to stay

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Speaker 2: right over there, and someone that may not be a

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Speaker 2: good fit for what I'm trying to do. And then

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Speaker 2: at the same time, I like people that are visionaries

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Speaker 2: and that love to dream big. So I have these

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Speaker 2: crazy ideas that if they don't fit and you can't

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Speaker 2: fathom them, then maybe you won't be a good person

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Speaker 2: on the team because of that. So I think getting

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Speaker 2: clear on what you want those team members to look

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Speaker 2: like is really important before going out there. And actually, no,

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Speaker 2: that's important.

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Speaker 3: You raise some really good points there about knowing yourself

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Speaker 3: so that you know who to bring around you, you know,

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Speaker 3: like I think about for myself, like I know that

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Speaker 3: when it comes to working out, I need an accountability partner,

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Speaker 3: like I need to if I'm not working with a

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Speaker 3: personal trainer, then I need to have like a class

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Speaker 3: that I'm going to and that serves as my accountability partner,

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Speaker 3: because if I sign up for the class, then I

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Speaker 3: feel I'm one of those people that I feel obligated,

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Speaker 3: like I have to go, Like I feel so guilty

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Speaker 3: if I sign up and then I don't go, And

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Speaker 3: so that serves as my accountability partner. If I'm working

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Speaker 3: with a trainer, I need that trainer to push me

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Speaker 3: and to not let me quit because I'll do the

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Speaker 3: minimum if I can get away with it. And when

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Speaker 3: I'm in the gym, and so I need that trainer

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Speaker 3: to like be on me and say, no, Dominie, keep going,

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Speaker 3: keep going, you can do another ten reps. When I'm like, no,

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Speaker 3: I can't. I'm about to die, I need them to say, girl,

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Speaker 3: know you, ain't you you gonna live? And so if

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Speaker 3: you have to like know yourself and know your personality,

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Speaker 3: what is most helpful for your personality in terms of

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Speaker 3: making you.

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Speaker 2: Successful and doub I haven't shared this with you. So

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Speaker 2: this is like new, just like randomly fresh, but you know,

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Speaker 2: as a creative person who has been like putting out content,

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Speaker 2: like creating this brand, I was when we agreed to

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Speaker 2: do the podcast and we met, like obviously the energy

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Speaker 2: was good. But I was like, I was so nervous.

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Speaker 2: I was like, how am I gonna like as a

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Speaker 2: creative person that just goes like I create and I

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Speaker 2: just put shit out and it's just like I do

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Speaker 2: my own thing. I don't have to ask anyone for

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Speaker 2: permission or you know, check in with anyone, which is

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Speaker 2: a really cool thing for me because that was a

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Speaker 2: way for me to like gain more independence and confidence

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Speaker 2: on my own. When we came together for the podcast,

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Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I know doam it's cool people

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Speaker 2: and like we buy together, but like, am I going

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Speaker 2: to be as a team member because this is new

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Speaker 2: for me? Like I was a little I guess stress

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Speaker 2: maybe would be the word, but just like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: what is this gonna look like? Right? And it's been

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Speaker 2: awesome so far, but it's just like I didn't know

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Speaker 2: what to expect, and it was very very nerve wucking

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Speaker 2: to think, oh my gosh, I'm gonna not only do

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Speaker 2: I have a baby, I'm shared like I had, I'm

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Speaker 2: co creating a baby with someone else.

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Speaker 3: We're co parents. No, that's a good point that you

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Speaker 3: bring up, that like the idea of when you're adding

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Speaker 3: someone to your team, What does it What does that

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Speaker 3: really mean? Like, what is that really gonna look like?

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Speaker 3: What are your expectations? And one of the things that like,

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Speaker 3: I appreciate about what we did in terms of creating

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Speaker 3: a good team and being good co parents. We had

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Speaker 3: conversations about what our individual expectations are, and we had

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Speaker 3: discussion about our different personality style and ways of engaging,

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Speaker 3: like what just having a just having that dialogue about

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Speaker 3: how we present or how we think we present when

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Speaker 3: we're on a team, so that we could figure out

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Speaker 3: how best to have this co parenting relationship.

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Speaker 2: M that's spot on. I think that's so true, and

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Speaker 2: that makes me think about when you're when you have

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Speaker 2: a team, it's also important to think about how are

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Speaker 2: you as a team member, Like how are you functioning

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Speaker 2: on that team? Are you super like are you being

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Speaker 2: passive where everyone on your team is working harder than

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Speaker 2: you for you? Or are you showing up fully so

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Speaker 2: that your team can support you fully? And that reminds

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Speaker 2: me of something that happened recently for me where one

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Speaker 2: of my coaches, I was going through something personally and

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh, this is really stressful.

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Speaker 2: I really need my coach, like I would love to

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Speaker 2: get her perspective on this and to get some you know,

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Speaker 2: some support and end. And I just felt so blessed

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Speaker 2: and lucky to be able to have someone that gives

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Speaker 2: sound advice. It's not just like a random that's gonna

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Speaker 2: just you know, tell me what I want to hear

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Speaker 2: or just agree with me. But I really wanted someone

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Speaker 2: to like check in on this topic, and so I

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Speaker 2: emailed her. It was like after hours, and it was

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Speaker 2: after our scheduled session, and I just said, hey, this

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Speaker 2: came up for me. I know we didn't discuss this,

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Speaker 2: but like, would be possible for us to hop on

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Speaker 2: a call today and she was like, let's do it,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, thank you so much. So I

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Speaker 2: saw her today and she said that the reason that

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Speaker 2: she showed up is because she's like, you're always open

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Speaker 2: to doing the work, like you're always ready to do

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Speaker 2: your shit, you know, focus on your shit, do your work,

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Speaker 2: and you're serious about this, so of course I'm going

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Speaker 2: to make myself available. And I was like, damn, that's

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Speaker 2: really powerful because if you're slacking and you're like I

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Speaker 2: ain't worried about this, you know, it's not a big

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Speaker 2: deal for you. People are not going to be as

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Speaker 2: enthusiastic and ready to show up for you. No they're not.

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Speaker 3: Because if you don't want to show up for yourself,

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Speaker 3: then you can't expect other people to show up for you.

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Speaker 2: How that works, People in the bag one more time.

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Speaker 3: If you aren't showing up for yourself, you cannot expect

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Speaker 3: other people to show up for you and do the

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Speaker 3: work for you. That's just not how life works, you know.

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Speaker 3: I think about like what in terms of my team,

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Speaker 3: Like I have so many people on my team, and

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Speaker 3: some of them I don't even know if they realize

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Speaker 3: like how interval they are. I have a mentor who

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Speaker 3: is also a friend, but initially started She started out

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Speaker 3: as one of my supervisors, and I go to her

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Speaker 3: for a lot of work related issues and she's able

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Speaker 3: to Like one of the things that I appreciate about

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Speaker 3: her is that she's very direct, and she will tell

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Speaker 3: me what it is that I need to be doing,

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Speaker 3: and she'll give me the steps, and then we'll have

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Speaker 3: a conversation about, well is this really feasible? And she's

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Speaker 3: open to me saying I don't know, and then we

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Speaker 3: have a conversation about well, why are you hesitant? And

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Speaker 3: but I mean, I also recognize that she's a therapist,

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Speaker 3: and so a lot of that processing that we do

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Speaker 3: is because of the nature of the work that we do.

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Speaker 3: But having that mentor having someone who is ahead of

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Speaker 3: me in the field who is not willing, I mean,

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Speaker 3: let me back up, she is willing to not allow

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Speaker 3: me to fail.

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Speaker 2: And make you stand on your two beetes, like it's

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Speaker 2: all about the people on your team shouldn't be They

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Speaker 2: shouldn't want you to be complacent. They shouldn't want you

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Speaker 2: to be stagnant. They should really be pushing you. And

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Speaker 2: so I don't want anyone on my team that's going

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Speaker 2: to be a guest person. I want you to be

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Speaker 2: real with me. Keep it a honech, keep it a buck, Like,

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Speaker 2: let's tell me what it is so I can fix

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Speaker 2: what I need to do. And even if I don't

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Speaker 2: want to hear it, at least let me know. And

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Speaker 2: so it should be people that are trying to push

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Speaker 2: us to move forward. I think that's I mean, that's crucial.

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Speaker 2: You want to have people that are that have your

399
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Speaker 2: best interests, that want you to evolve and grow and

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Speaker 2: develop as an individual.

401
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Speaker 3: And we can't forget we are black women, so you

402
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Speaker 3: already know that most of us have our girls.

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Speaker 2: Yes, shout out to the girls.

404
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Speaker 3: Shout out to the girls. That isn't built in team girl,

405
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Speaker 3: if you allow it.

406
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Speaker 2: To be, if you allowed to be. I tell my

407
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Speaker 2: best friend all the time we've been friends for at

408
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Speaker 2: this point, I think it's like fifteen years since we

409
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Speaker 2: were in middle school. And I always tell her, Girl one,

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Speaker 2: I appreciate you. You stuck with me for life because

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Speaker 2: you know all my secrets. So you stuck with me.

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Speaker 2: You ain't gonna where right, not like a like a

413
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Speaker 2: weird stalkers way, because I was like, hmm, that could

414
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Speaker 2: be problematic, but now that. But then also, I don't

415
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,160
Speaker 2: think I went to therapy for a long time because

416
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 2: she was like my therapist. And it makes me think

417
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 2: about a quote that I saw on social media that

418
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Speaker 2: I want to share. But she's been that person for

419
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Speaker 2: me for so long, and I just I'm like, I

420
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 2: was going through so much as a young person and

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Speaker 2: being able to go to her and at least even

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Speaker 2: if she didn't know what to say or do, having

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Speaker 2: her there to just listen was so helpful. And it's

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Speaker 2: been so helpful over the course of my journey. And

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Speaker 2: I saw a quote recently on social media that was

426
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Speaker 2: so good and it said it was something along the

427
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Speaker 2: lines of this friend had reached out to another friend

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Speaker 2: and said, Hey, are you in a space where you

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Speaker 2: can receive this type of energy, because I want to

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Speaker 2: share something with you about you know that I'm going through,

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Speaker 2: but I want to know, like you have the capacity

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Speaker 2: to handle this right now. And I thought, how considerate

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Speaker 2: is that? Because you ever just had somebody call you

434
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 2: up and they just verbally vomit and you're like, God, damn,

435
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 2: Now I feel like I'm stressed out, and you're like,

436
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: what the hell just hit me? You just called and

437
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,160
Speaker 2: just put all your shit right, but now I can't move,

438
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 2: And I'm like, so being able to do that for

439
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 2: the people around you and like requiring folks to do

440
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 2: that for you. Yo, Do you have the capacity to

441
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 2: handle this because some people don't? Or can you just listen? Like,

442
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 2: I don't want you to give me any advice, tell

443
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:20,160
Speaker 2: them it's gonna be okay. Just listen, just shut up, listen. Yeah, yeah, no.

444
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,440
Speaker 3: I think there was a recent survey among college students

445
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 3: and in terms of their mental health, And one of

446
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 3: the things that they pointed out is that one of

447
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 3: the biggest factors in helping them to be in a

448
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 3: space where they feel better in terms of seeking mental

449
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 3: health is knowing that they have someone to listen to them.

450
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 3: And so I think, you know, when we think about

451
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,159
Speaker 3: like who we're putting on our team and whether or

452
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 3: not we have the financial resources to pay for different

453
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 3: people to be on our team, it doesn't require money

454
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 3: unless you're are making you buy them like brunch or whatever,

455
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 3: you know, or buying some new pair of shoes or whatever,

456
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 3: whatever you know, unless you got friends like that. It

457
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 3: doesn't require money to reach out to your friends. Your

458
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 3: friends are that natural, built in team that hopefully we

459
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 3: have good friends on our team that we can trust

460
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: and that we can count on.

461
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 2: And another thing that this makes me think about is

462
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 2: how sometimes when we're evolving and we're on this journey

463
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 2: and we're you know, up leveling, we are we have

464
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 2: this team and we're part of this group, and we

465
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 2: often hear comments like, oh, you should only be around

466
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 2: people that are going to push you and d da DA,

467
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 2: and it's like, yes, that's great, right, but I feel

468
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 2: like you should have multiple circles in life. So there

469
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,719
Speaker 2: should be some groups and teams that you're part of

470
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 2: where you're the one that's getting the insight and you're

471
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 2: the one that that's depending on the people on the team.

472
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 2: But you should also be part of circles where you're

473
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 2: pulling people up and you're part of that team helping

474
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 2: them elevate. So I know I have some people that

475
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 2: our relationship is more so me giving more than them,

476
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 2: just maybe based on and that's not like financially, but

477
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 2: just like listening wise emotionally, you.

478
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 3: Know the skill set that you have that you are

479
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 3: bringing to the table that they can benefit from.

480
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,720
Speaker 2: And I might not get anything from them right now,

481
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 2: and that's okay because I have another circle on another

482
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 2: team where I'm getting my cup field so that I

483
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 2: can then be overflowing for that other person that I

484
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,440
Speaker 2: might be sewing into or providing a listening ear or

485
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 2: shoulder to lean on. So I feel like it's all

486
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,119
Speaker 2: we all have these various circles that we're in, and

487
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 2: I don't think we should ever get to a point

488
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,920
Speaker 2: where we're like, oh, I'm too good to be in

489
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 2: a place where people are not doing X, Y Z

490
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 2: or they're not like uplifting me. It's like, no, we

491
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:57,280
Speaker 2: should be uplifting other people and also elevating ourselves simultaneously.

492
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:01,400
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly, and not forget it that you know if

493
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 3: you are moving in different spaces, in different circles, that

494
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 3: the people who were there for you from the beginning

495
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 3: can still be there for you. And as long as

496
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,919
Speaker 3: the relationship is healthy, because I you know, I do

497
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,959
Speaker 3: want to acknowledge that sometimes we naturally will outgrow people

498
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 3: if they are in an unhealthy space. Oh, as long

499
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 3: as they are in a healthy space, as long as

500
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 3: the relationship is in a healthy space, don't forget your

501
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:33,200
Speaker 3: day ones.

502
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 2: Don't forget your day ones. That are some real shit

503
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 2: right there, domb I would agree. And like you said,

504
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 2: sometimes you do outgrow people in situations. And that's why

505
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: I mean this might be this is something I don't

506
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 2: think I've shared, but one thing I've realized. And I

507
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 2: want to say this in a way that I want

508
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: to say this in a way that you know, modesty

509
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 2: and humility is very important to me. So I want

510
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: to say this as objectively as possible. But let me

511
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 2: know if you feel my vibe, domb So, I have

512
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 2: come from literally the bottom, I mean, like being homeless,

513
00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 2: living in shelters, living in hotels, like this experience, and

514
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: over the course of my journey because of so many

515
00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 2: great people in my story coll because let me tell you,

516
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,199
Speaker 2: I did not get to where I am today. I'm

517
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: not the pinnacle by any means, but I am a

518
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 2: lot farther away from where I came from. But I

519
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:21,960
Speaker 2: got there by like great mentors and people that believed

520
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 2: in me and me working really hard, and I saw

521
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 2: a team right there. We go, my team, And I

522
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,959
Speaker 2: talked to my friends sometimes about because they see, you know,

523
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: how my brand or you know, career wise, I'm growing

524
00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 2: and elevating, and I talk to them about that, like, hey, girl,

525
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 2: like how can we continue to evolve together? Because I

526
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: know that some things are changing on my end, but

527
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 2: that shit don't define me, like I'm still me and

528
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 2: who I am. But I also I check in with

529
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 2: my friends because I want to make sure they're happy

530
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: and I don't ever want anyone to feel like they're

531
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 2: being like living in my shadows. So whether it's my

532
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: siblings as well, because people will compare and you know,

533
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,440
Speaker 2: whether it's adults in the family or adults around like, oh,

534
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 2: you should do this like your sister, and I try

535
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 2: to discourage those kind of conversations because that comparison game.

536
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 2: I mean, that's just exactly it's unhealthy. It's apples and oranges.

537
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 2: But I think also checking in and having conversations with

538
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 2: the people around you as you evolve or make changes,

539
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,840
Speaker 2: it's also helpful so y' all can hopefully grow together

540
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 2: and not grow apart.

541
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 3: Right. I think that that's important and being able to

542
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 3: like I think about, you know, shout out to my

543
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 3: girlfriends that go way back, like my bestie from when

544
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 3: I was nine.

545
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 2: You know, I have.

546
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 3: Friends from various times in my life and when we

547
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 3: link up, and I know that I am not the

548
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 3: best at always keeping in touch with everyone, but when

549
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:50,600
Speaker 3: we link up, there's still a connection there, there's still

550
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:56,080
Speaker 3: good vibes there, and we are all still really supportive

551
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:56,800
Speaker 3: of one another.

552
00:29:57,880 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: That's so good, And I.

553
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: Think that that's important in terms of maintaining a team

554
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 3: and recognizing that your team is not just the people

555
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 3: in your immediate circle in terms of like your physical, mental, spiritual,

556
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 3: or financial health, but they're also the people who, unbeknownst

557
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 3: to them at times are providing levels of support, just

558
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 3: being that person that you can call after like five

559
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 3: years and y'all can talk on the phone for like

560
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 3: two hours, or happen to be in the same town

561
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 3: and catch up for a couple of hours, and it

562
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 3: feels like no time has passed. And sometimes that's just

563
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:48,719
Speaker 3: good for your spirit.

564
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 2: I would agree wholeheartedly. I think those genuine connections with

565
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,400
Speaker 2: people who know you, especially the real you, not the

566
00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 2: you that you have to present to the world at

567
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 2: times in different spaces, but the person the people that

568
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: really know you and your true essence. I think that's

569
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:06,280
Speaker 2: just it's so fulfilling to be around them, to get

570
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 2: that those good vibes exactly.

571
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 3: And so I think as we, you know, as we

572
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 3: try to identify who we need to have on our team,

573
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 3: I think we want to think about what our goals

574
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 3: are in terms of our mental health, our physical health,

575
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 3: our spiritual health, our financial health, and then our social health,

576
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 3: meaning what friends you want to have around you. And

577
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,720
Speaker 3: once you identify what those goals are in each of

578
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 3: those five different areas, then you can start to identify

579
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 3: who are the people that can help you in those

580
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 3: different areas and can be on your team. Some of

581
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 3: those people. Again, does it cost a lot of money?

582
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 3: Might not cost anything at all financially, just your.

583
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 2: Time, all right, letting it go out there and get

584
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 2: your team together. Go get your.

585
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:09,960
Speaker 3: Teams my team.

586
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 4: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note

587
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 4: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

588
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 4: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no

589
00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 4: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal

590
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 4: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or

591
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 4: someone you know is in need of mental health care,

592
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 4: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today

593
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 4: or contact your insurance provider.

594
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

595
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and

596
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:53,600
Speaker 2: Twitter at her Space podcast, or check out our website

597
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat

598
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 2: after me. I am not defined by where I come

599
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 2: from or what happened to me. I get to create

600
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 2: my own destiny.

601
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:15,719
Speaker 4: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady