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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How are you.

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: I'm just off the road.

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Speaker 3: My life is insane, and I think I slept fourteen

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Speaker 3: hours last night. Oh my gosh, fourteen hours to wake

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Speaker 3: up and go get a butt exam at I guess

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Speaker 3: a proctologist or a scatological expert.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what he was, but was a degrading experience.

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Speaker 3: My cousin recently went to this doctor, and he brought

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Speaker 3: my cousin up right before my anal rectum exam. I

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Speaker 3: already had to call anoscope this month, so I'm getting

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Speaker 3: so much ass play. This is separate and he basically

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Speaker 3: told me to. He was very nice, and he must

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Speaker 3: he had to have been.

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Speaker 1: He's got bedside manner.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, he had a nice bedside asshole manner. And what

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Speaker 3: was the most humiliating part was that he told me

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Speaker 3: to bend over the table and pull my pants in

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Speaker 3: underwear down, so not even off, just down like you

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Speaker 3: were getting. It is worse. So it's totally worse. I

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Speaker 3: was like, can I just take them off right?

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Speaker 1: And no gown?

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Speaker 3: There was just a like a shade, like a dressing,

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Speaker 3: you know, something to shade me. He was in the

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Speaker 3: room also when I took my pants down looking away,

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Speaker 3: which is horrifying also, and the nurse was there because

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Speaker 3: you know, they have to have a witness now.

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Speaker 1: And then I bent over the table with.

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Speaker 3: My pants around my ankles and my underwear around my ankles. Absolutely,

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Speaker 3: and then they lifted the table up, so the part

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Speaker 3: that I was leaning on, oh no, they're putting down

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Speaker 3: and put it down so that my asshole was more

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Speaker 3: was protruding more. I suppose it was all a blur.

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Speaker 3: I mean, actually it wasn't a blur. I wish it

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Speaker 3: were a blur. So that was how my morning started.

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Speaker 3: By the way, I'm coming to Charleston, South Carolina this

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Speaker 3: Friday night, and I'll be in Charlotte, North Carolina on

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Speaker 3: Saturday night, so I hope to see you there.

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Speaker 1: Tickets are still.

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Speaker 3: Available, and I am closing out this year with my

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Speaker 3: last batch of shows for the Little Big Bitch Tour, so.

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Speaker 1: Come see me. Awesome. Actually, Chelsea, I have a really

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Speaker 1: exciting update. Oh good, what is it?

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Speaker 4: This is about Lynette who we did a GoFundMe for

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Speaker 4: last week?

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Speaker 1: What was that for her sister?

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Speaker 4: For her sister to get the car fixed and her

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Speaker 4: GoFundMe is over five thousand dollars, So thanks to all

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Speaker 4: the Dear Chelsea listeners who donated.

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Speaker 1: She knows, so fantastic she does. I would be great

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Speaker 1: she didn't, she knows, she's aware.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, all that money goes to Lynette and her sister.

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Speaker 4: And if you still want to donate, I will put

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Speaker 4: a link in the description again this week, so check

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Speaker 4: that out.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: Our guest today is an author and now I guess

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Speaker 3: she's a producer. Well I don't guess she is a

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Speaker 3: producer because she has her own TV show coming out

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Speaker 3: based on her book called Three Women, which premieres tomorrow

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Speaker 3: on Stars. Please welcome author and creator Lisa Todeo. Hi, Lisa, Welcome,

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Dear Chelsea. This is my producer, Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Hi, Katherine, lovely to meet you.

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Speaker 3: Well, Lisa, this is nice because I vaguely recall no

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Speaker 3: offense to you, but I vaguely recall interviewing you when

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Speaker 3: the book came out, because I was a big fan

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Speaker 3: of the book. When it came out, I was so

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Speaker 3: delighted to find out it was going to turn into

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Speaker 3: a series, and I watched the entire series in my

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Speaker 3: bed on Sunday, prepping for my colonoscopy, so cheers to that. Gosh, wow,

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Speaker 3: so we've been through it together so far and you

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Speaker 3: didn't even know it.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 3: First of all, I want to say great casting. Everybody

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Speaker 3: in this is so good. Betty Gilpin is in.

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Speaker 1: It, and Jyleen Woodley, Jaylene.

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Speaker 3: Woodley is always adorable and a great actress.

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Speaker 1: And then what's Sloane's name? What's her name?

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Speaker 2: She's a fucking Wanda Wise. She is insane. She's insanely

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Speaker 2: talented and insanely stunning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she's very, very easy to look at, and she

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Speaker 3: has a lot. First of all, there's so much sex

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Speaker 3: in the show, and it's female positive sex.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to talk about all of this.

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Speaker 3: But the first thing I wanted to say to you,

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Speaker 3: Lisa is it was so nice to see a book

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Speaker 3: be turned into a series with all of the fingerprints

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Speaker 3: of the actual author on the show rather than someone

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Speaker 3: else taking it over. This is a huge female centric production,

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Speaker 3: from the directors to the writing to all of this.

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Speaker 3: The storytelling is for females.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: Obviously men can watch it and learn a lot, but

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Speaker 3: it feels very representative of the female experience. So that

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Speaker 3: was very refreshing, and congrats to you on keeping your

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Speaker 3: hand in the pot of all of this, because so

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Speaker 3: many times we hear you know the opposite thing happening.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, was that your relationship at Stars, Like, is

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Speaker 3: that how you decided where to land?

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Speaker 1: Because they were going to give you the what's the

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Speaker 1: word I'm thinking of?

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Speaker 3: I want to say authoritarian, like that like you to

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Speaker 3: be an authoritarian?

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I mean I believe that the show is

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Speaker 2: exactly where it should be right now. But we did

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Speaker 2: start at Paramount showtime. That was the initial sort of

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Speaker 2: landing zone. Now Stars has picked it up, and I'm

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Speaker 2: very happy to be at Stars. I do think that

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Speaker 2: it is literally the ideal place for the show.

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Speaker 3: And so so tell us, okay, don't I want you

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Speaker 3: to talk about the show a little bit more than

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Speaker 3: me describing it, because I feel like you might do

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Speaker 3: a better job. But I want to just talk about

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Speaker 3: So this is this original book. If you guys haven't

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Speaker 3: read this book, I've talked about this book on the

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Speaker 3: podcast before when I read it.

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Speaker 1: So this is to just lay the groundwork.

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Speaker 3: This is Lisa followed three different women throughout their kind

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Speaker 3: of journeys. In this story, and kind of just tracked

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Speaker 3: each woman and they each have different experiences and they

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Speaker 3: all kind of tie in together. And then in the show,

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Speaker 3: you're actually represented. There's a character that's you who is

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Speaker 3: played by Shyleen Woodley. So how do you compare the

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Speaker 3: book versus the show, Like, do you think it mirrors it?

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Speaker 3: Did you think did you take some extra license?

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Speaker 2: So I think it mirrors it. I think fans of

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Speaker 2: the book will feel specifically with the acting. You mentioned

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Speaker 2: all the actors that we have, they're brilliant. I think

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Speaker 2: that the actors have brought Betty Gilben, bringing Lena to life,

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Speaker 2: the housewife and Indiana who just wanted to be kissed

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Speaker 2: is one of the most beautiful portrayals of female passion

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Speaker 2: and having I think that people who loved the book

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Speaker 2: and love Lilena character in specific, will just be blown

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Speaker 2: away that Betty Gilpin has essentially just become her so

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Speaker 2: much so that I felt like she had met her

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Speaker 2: and she obviously hadn't. But the main difference in the

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Speaker 2: show is that the Shalen Shale Woodley is playing, like

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Speaker 2: you said, a sort of version of me. And the

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Speaker 2: reason for a version of me being in there is

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Speaker 2: we were trying to satisfactorily link all of the women

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Speaker 2: and not have it just be an anthology and have

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Speaker 2: it be like a real, you know, a television show,

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Speaker 2: and we were going through the different ways that we

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Speaker 2: could link them. There were some wildly pitched ideas, like

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Speaker 2: Sloan's husband could be the lawyer in Maggie's story and

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Speaker 2: stuff like that. All of it was very inorganic feeling

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Speaker 2: when we were doing so much justice to honor the

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Speaker 2: real three women's lives. The reason that they are all

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Speaker 2: linked was me, and the reason that they all talk

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Speaker 2: to me and that people talk to me in general,

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Speaker 2: was that I I think, you know, I was going

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Speaker 2: through a rough period of my life too, some of

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Speaker 2: them where and I was. I was It's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's easier to confess to a priest that has been

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Speaker 2: you know, kicked out than it is to one that hasn't.

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Speaker 2: And that's kind of what I was. I feel I

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Speaker 2: felt like I was kicked out of the world, and

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Speaker 2: people sort of you know, I just it was a

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Speaker 2: it was we became close, and we became friends, and

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Speaker 2: I have remained close with all three of them, most

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Speaker 2: especially Maggie, who I talk to almost every day.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow.

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Speaker 2: So the sort of idea of me being the linking mechanism,

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Speaker 2: the truth of it felt true to the to the book,

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Speaker 2: and so that is the biggest difference in the show.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's talk about these characters.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so Lena specifically, we'll start with her because her

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Speaker 3: story is probably very typical. Right, I'm sure of a

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Speaker 3: woman that's married, that hasn't been touched by her husband

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Speaker 3: for a really long time, that is aching for some

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Speaker 3: sexual interaction or appreciation or any vibe at all. Like

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Speaker 3: her marriage is dead and the relationship is dead, and

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Speaker 3: he completely takes her for granted and just thinks she's

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Speaker 3: going to stick around, and he doesn't know what the

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Speaker 3: problem is, which I think is illustrative of many relationships

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Speaker 3: far and wide. And how do you get that spark going?

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Speaker 3: And in fact, she didn't get that spark relt with him.

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Speaker 3: She had to go find it elsewhere, and then that

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Speaker 3: becomes its own story. I mean, this Lena's character arc

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Speaker 3: in this whole thing is just it's like a rollercoaster.

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Speaker 3: So she falls kind of head over heels for her

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Speaker 3: high school love interest. But he's married too, and I

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Speaker 3: don't want to give away anything, but she really gets

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Speaker 3: into him and then she gets the courage to make

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Speaker 3: a change in her life. But it doesn't end the

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Speaker 3: way you think it will end, and she's going through

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Speaker 3: all of these emotions, losing herself, finding herself, losing herself

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Speaker 3: and finding herself. And I loved seeing where she began

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Speaker 3: and where she ended because I remember when I thought

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Speaker 3: I was going to be some sort of actress.

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Speaker 1: When you go to acting class. They talked about that, and.

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Speaker 3: I was like, God, it's so interesting because so many

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Speaker 3: times you see movies and you see shows and there

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Speaker 3: is no arc that's definable or that you can put

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Speaker 3: your finger on. You're like, well, this person's just stayed

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Speaker 3: the same throughout the whole series. But in this show,

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Speaker 3: every character is different than when they from where they started.

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Speaker 3: So I thought that was so beautifully done in terms

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Speaker 3: of acting, direction, all of the writing for it. So

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Speaker 3: which story do you feel out of the three women?

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Speaker 1: Maggie Sloane.

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Speaker 3: Sloan's story is going to be very inspiring for a

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Speaker 3: lot of people who want to throttle up because threeaples

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Speaker 3: are very in vogue now. Threesomes are making a comeback

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Speaker 3: in a major way, probably from the seventies, and I

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Speaker 3: know a lot of women want to open their marriages

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Speaker 3: because I have a lot of friends that I've spoken

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Speaker 3: about this, and this is this is a great depiction

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Speaker 3: of the trials and tribulations of doing that. Yeah, So,

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Speaker 3: which one of the stories are you closest to as

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Speaker 3: a writer?

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Speaker 2: Gosh, that's a that's a hard question. As a woman,

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Speaker 2: I would say that Lena's story was probably the one

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Speaker 2: that I felt the most personally connected to, that roller

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Speaker 2: coaster of how you feel in the sort of you know,

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Speaker 2: in the gleam of the person who you love's eyes.

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Speaker 2: So that felt to me like like Lena and I

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Speaker 2: had grown up loving the same fairy tales, like the

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Speaker 2: Princess Bride, et cetera. We got our our idea of

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Speaker 2: what love came from the exact word, the same age,

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Speaker 2: so it kind of came from the same place. So me,

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Speaker 2: Lena and I have a very similar DNA in that way.

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Speaker 2: So I think Lena's story is probably going to be

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Speaker 2: one of the most relatable, just because, as you said,

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Speaker 2: it's such a widespread issue. I think almost anyone can

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Speaker 2: relate to that. Maggie being a young woman in high

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Speaker 2: school who has attention from an older man is I

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Speaker 2: think something that many of us can relate to as well.

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Speaker 2: I certainly related that to that too. And there's something

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Speaker 2: about and now as I have a daughter, I have

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Speaker 2: a nine year old, and I'm seeing like you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm kind of seeing men because she's smart and interesting,

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Speaker 2: older men will sort of talk to her in a

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Speaker 2: different I'm starting to see that and the way that

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Speaker 2: she likes it because it's attention and just being able

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Speaker 2: to see that what had happened to Maggie happening, you know,

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Speaker 2: just seeing a version of that, the path of that

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Speaker 2: in my own home is so striking, and I think

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Speaker 2: people seeing it on screen. Gabby Creepy plays Maggie. She's

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Speaker 2: a phenomenal actress, and she embodies the desire. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it's like imagine desiring someone because it's your teacher. It's

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Speaker 2: an older men like and yet the feelings of wrongness

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Speaker 2: that come with that. I think we're so in tune

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Speaker 2: to that and Sloane story. As you said, thrupples are

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Speaker 2: getting big again. But what's so big to me about

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Speaker 2: Sloan is that she just is unapologetically herself and certainly

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Speaker 2: the Sloan in the book, and the other Sloan that

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Speaker 2: I had spoken to who was an African American woman

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Speaker 2: but did not want to be in the book in

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Speaker 2: the end, was were the two Sloans that we kind

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Speaker 2: of looked to while also retelling her story with Tory

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Speaker 2: Samson and Chieza Hutchinson, who were the architects of the

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Speaker 2: New Sloan. But what I think about the New Sloan

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Speaker 2: is that she wants what she wants. She wants things

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Speaker 2: that might seem to some women like whoah, you have this,

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Speaker 2: this and this, you don't need that too. And that's

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Speaker 2: the part that I like so much. It's like, well,

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Speaker 2: you don't know what she needs. She has this, this

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Speaker 2: and this, you don't have that, okay, but maybe you

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Speaker 2: have the thing she does want. And who are you

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Speaker 2: to decide what she should have left after having, you know,

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Speaker 2: after having a wealthy lifestyle, a nice home, a gorgeous husband,

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Speaker 2: and Blair Underwood.

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Speaker 3: The idea that the notion that you should be satisfied

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Speaker 3: with a certain number of things and not ask or exactly, yeah,

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Speaker 3: have no cupidity for more like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, okay, exactly, my cup is full and that's it.

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Speaker 1: It's like no, no, no, no, wait, who decides that our

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Speaker 1: cup is full? We're the ones who decide.

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Speaker 2: That exactly, exactly.

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Speaker 3: And that's such a female thing to do. Like when

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Speaker 3: we're talking about like these kind of gender roles that

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Speaker 3: we've grown up with, the idea of this male gaze,

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Speaker 3: this idea of male appreciation, the idea that you can

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Speaker 3: be seduced from such a young age, starting years younger

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Speaker 3: than ten, by male attention, because of power dynamics, because

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Speaker 3: of men you look up to, whether it's a mentor.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I was in an inappropriate relationship at a

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Speaker 3: very young age also, and I thought I was completely

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Speaker 3: in control of the situation. And it's like, well, you're

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Speaker 3: not taking into account all of the dynamics that exist

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Speaker 3: within an age difference, like that that an older person

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Speaker 3: has power over you.

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Speaker 4: And the realizations that you have when you do get

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Speaker 4: a little bit older, because when you're like fifteen, sixteen,

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Speaker 4: seventeen and an older guys paying attention to you, you're like,

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Speaker 4: I got this.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's confirmation that everything is what.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And now that we're also we're all questioning these

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Speaker 3: things and understanding that that is not good and that

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Speaker 3: we don't want men looking at, you know, younger girls

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Speaker 3: in that way, and it's like, you can't stop that

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Speaker 3: from happening. So now we have to reconstruct how we

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Speaker 3: act as women and how we.

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Speaker 2: Raise our women, which is so messed up.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we're always doing all the clean up work, always exactly.

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Speaker 3: I also like in Maggie's story, you know, she has

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Speaker 3: an inappropriate relationship with her teacher, but she doesn't come

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Speaker 3: to grips with the inappropriateness of it until much later,

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Speaker 3: And so while it's happening, of course, she's in the

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Speaker 3: throes of this, like she thinks this is a romantic

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Speaker 3: love story, and she and I like how many times

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Speaker 3: she says on camera I love you, I love you,

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Speaker 3: I love you, I love you, because she needs it

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Speaker 3: to hear it back so so much.

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Speaker 1: Right, That's like another thing.

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Speaker 3: When we're missing something we want, we wanted, we say

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Speaker 3: I love you so prematurely without thinking it because we

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Speaker 3: love the idea of being in love. We don't think

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Speaker 3: about what comes, what kind of baggage comes with saying

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Speaker 3: I love you, and what kind of responsibility you're taking

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Speaker 3: on by saying I love you. So what about as

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Speaker 3: a mother, how are you changing the way that you're

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Speaker 3: talking to your daughter about these kinds of things even

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Speaker 3: though she's nine, Like how are you preparing her knowing

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Speaker 3: what you know now about women and writing these like

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Speaker 3: you know, this book and this show, Like how do

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Speaker 3: we change the narrative?

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Speaker 2: I've been sending her to a ninja school, like after school,

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Speaker 2: you know. I mean, I don't know how we change

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Speaker 2: the narrative. I think it's got to be a collective effort. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: and I say unfortunately because I feel like there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of people who are still stuck in previous ways

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Speaker 2: of being and for this next generation and every forthcoming generation,

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Speaker 2: I think the idea that you know, we need to

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Speaker 2: evolve with this piece. We need to evolve in a

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Speaker 2: lot of ways, but with this specifically, it's a very

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Speaker 2: tricky zone. And like you were saying about Maggie, like

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Speaker 2: she didn't know. She didn't while she was in the

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Speaker 2: throes of it, she wasn't feeling, you know, and then

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Speaker 2: later she felt something. But actually there was a moment,

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Speaker 2: a couple of moments when she's like, you know, doing

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Speaker 2: her high school thing, and like her friends were like, Yo,

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Speaker 2: are you going to this party this weekend? Et cetera.

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Speaker 2: And she's like, wait, I don't know if I'm going

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Speaker 2: to be allowed to do that because I'm kind of

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Speaker 2: dating this guy, you know, Like those kinds of things

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Speaker 2: started seeping in. But she was like, well, but he's

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Speaker 2: married and he's my teacher, so he shouldn't have a

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Speaker 2: problem with me going to the prompt. And she was

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Speaker 2: already kind of feeling yucked out and then he did

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Speaker 2: something to pull her back in. So it's not even

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Speaker 2: The part that is frightening to me is that, like,

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Speaker 2: there is an inner mechanism I think at some point

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Speaker 2: where someone's like, wait, you know what, I don't want

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Speaker 2: to do this. But people who do have that knowledge

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Speaker 2: of how how to groom victims essentially understand exactly when

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Speaker 2: to get in there and flip the switch again. And

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Speaker 2: that's absolutely terrifying to me, and I don't know how

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Speaker 2: to fix it. I think the way that I personally

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Speaker 2: am doing it is being hyper vigilant in situations of

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Speaker 2: that sort. Wench. My daughter's at an early age so

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Speaker 2: that I can sort of, you know, walk her through

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Speaker 2: what's going on, so that there isn't a period of

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Speaker 2: time where she's just not talking to me about it,

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Speaker 2: because that's what happened with Maggie too. You start to

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Speaker 2: feel shame and then you just clam up, and that's

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Speaker 2: when the people who are making you feel the most

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Speaker 2: shame are able to, you know, move in and essentially

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Speaker 2: establish residence in your soul.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because even every woman isn't on the same page yet, right,

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Speaker 3: Like we're having the conversation, so like, if you're a

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Speaker 3: thinker and you're actually worried about this, you want to

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Speaker 3: change the pattern of behavior of women moving forward. But

365
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Speaker 3: all women don't feel the same way. Some women like

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Speaker 3: that they think men should be in charge of society

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Speaker 3: and women should be demure, and you know, a housewife

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Speaker 3: is a great thing to aspire to be and that's

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Speaker 3: all you should ask for.

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Speaker 1: And this whole women's lib movement is too much.

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Speaker 3: So it's like, for me as a woman, I feel

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Speaker 3: so passionately about impacting any young kid girl specifically that

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Speaker 3: I can with the knowledge and the power of what

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Speaker 3: it means to be a fully actualized woman and not

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Speaker 3: being so deferential and attention seeking from men. You know

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Speaker 3: that that's not where it's at, and that is a disease.

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Speaker 3: Like we're not going to be able to turn that

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Speaker 3: around in our lifetime because you know, that's how we

379
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Speaker 3: were raised, thinking that that's such a good thing. I

380
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Speaker 3: think I was going to ask you about putting your

381
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Speaker 3: own story in this series. How did you feel about

382
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Speaker 3: doing that?

383
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Speaker 2: I mean, I felt apprehensive about it, but I also

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Speaker 2: what I also felt was, you know, I have put

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Speaker 2: these three women's stories into a book and now adapted

386
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Speaker 2: it for show. The idea that I would be too

387
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Speaker 2: sort of precious with mine was not something that felt right.

388
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Speaker 2: But more so I kind of I'm more of like a, oh,

389
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Speaker 2: I don't want anything about me to sort of take

390
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Speaker 2: away from anything about them or other people, because I didn't.

391
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Speaker 2: I just didn't want to take up space in that way.

392
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Speaker 2: But when I realized that it was good, it was

393
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Speaker 2: the sort of the true ecosystem of the story of

394
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Speaker 2: the book and then the story of the women and

395
00:19:33,320 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 2: all of us, it just sort of made sense. But yes,

396
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Speaker 2: I was apprehensive, and there was a moment where all

397
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,720
Speaker 2: of my worst fears were sort of realized when my

398
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Speaker 2: husband and I were watching a scene that on playback

399
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:50,520
Speaker 2: on one of the monitors that Shyleen Woodley had just

400
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,840
Speaker 2: done an intimate scene with an actor that was sort

401
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 2: of recreating a scene that my husband and I had

402
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Speaker 2: actually had where a condom was lost inside of me

403
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 2: on our first date and you know, he's trying to

404
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 2: fish it out, et cetera. So we're watching the scene

405
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 2: on playback and she comes up behind me and she

406
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,560
Speaker 2: goes you little creeps, and I was just like, oh

407
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,920
Speaker 2: my god, it's so humilian. I'm like, but I'm working.

408
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 2: But ye know, I was apprehensive or I was nervous

409
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 2: about stuff like that. But Shylene is so is such

410
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 2: a consummate professional. She also it's not while it is me,

411
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 2: and most of the things that are in the show

412
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Speaker 2: that happened to the Gia character did happen to me.

413
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Speaker 2: Shey Lene also, we discussed and she created her own

414
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Speaker 2: version person, her own character, because it's not like I'm

415
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 2: some you know, historical figure. You know, it's like the

416
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 2: Queen where you know exactly how she does this, Like

417
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Speaker 2: nobody gives a shit about how I drink tea.

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Speaker 1: So there is a lot of condom use.

419
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Speaker 3: I've never seen a show talk about condoms more or

420
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Speaker 3: people use condoms more, because I honestly haven't used a

421
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Speaker 3: condom in a really long time.

422
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Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest, and I was like, oh.

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Speaker 3: Great reminder, great reminder that we're supposed to be using

424
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Speaker 3: for I'm having a lot of random sex.

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Speaker 4: But there's so much like realistic sex in this Like

426
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Speaker 4: the condom Use, there's period sex, there's like funny laughter

427
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 4: during sex, which you it happens in real life but

428
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Speaker 4: never on tech.

429
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I also love that there's so much eye

430
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 3: contact from the women moving into the sex scenes, you

431
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,159
Speaker 3: know how sometimes because it really made me reflect on

432
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Speaker 3: my own like sexual kind of arc of my life.

433
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Speaker 3: I remember being so much more inhibited and insecure and

434
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Speaker 3: self conscious as a twenty and thirty year old, where

435
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Speaker 3: I wouldn't make eye contact when I was getting and

436
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,719
Speaker 3: becoming intimate with someone.

437
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: There's this kind of like.

438
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 3: Avoidance where you're like kind of giggly and looking away

439
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,240
Speaker 3: and you can't take the straight action without the talking

440
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 3: when you know you're an intimate moment. And there's so

441
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,920
Speaker 3: much female validation also in this series, which was so beautiful,

442
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,399
Speaker 3: kind of circling back to what I was saying earlier

443
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 3: about imprinting on anyone you can that's a younger girl

444
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 3: or even a woman our own age because we don't

445
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,640
Speaker 3: all have the same amount of confidence, we don't all

446
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 3: have the same amount of.

447
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: Agency and self esteem.

448
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 3: And I loved that scene specifically where shy Lean Woodley

449
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,639
Speaker 3: is telling Betty Gilpin how beautiful she is in love, Like,

450
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 3: you're a beautiful woman. Look how beautiful being in love

451
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 3: and being happy makes you. And it was so gorgeous

452
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 3: because we all need to be saying that to each

453
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 3: other more frequently, regardless of whether you're in love or not.

454
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 3: You know, when someone is beaming, you got to say,

455
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 3: look at you. You're feeling yourself, but this is a

456
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 3: beautiful look on you. Look how proud you should be

457
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 3: of yourself. Like we don't do that enough at all

458
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 3: as women with each other.

459
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 2: We don't. And that's exactly right. And that's one of

460
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 2: the main takeaways I hope come from the show is

461
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 2: exactly what you just said, because like we were talking

462
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 2: about Sloan before, when we were like, oh, well that's

463
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 2: too much. You filled up your cup. You're done, your

464
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 2: cup is full. I think that when we see someone

465
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 2: else getting either more than what we have or something

466
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 2: we wanted, it's really hard for us, I think, as

467
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 2: a gender, to be happy for another woman because of

468
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 2: the way we've been pitted against each other in our

469
00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 2: patriarchal society. So I think it's like imprinted in us

470
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 2: to not do that. And so I think exactly what

471
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 2: you said is right. We need to be like I'm

472
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 2: happy you're happy. I'm happy you're smiling, and or I'm

473
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 2: not happy right now you're smiling, I want to smile.

474
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 2: How can I smile too? I think that's like the

475
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 2: honesty and the sort of like coming at things or

476
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 2: even like I'm a little upset that you got the

477
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 2: man of your dreams or the woman of your dreams

478
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,359
Speaker 2: and I am still looking, but I hope to find

479
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 2: that too, and I'm so happy for you. Like I

480
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 2: think that being able to hold the hands in our

481
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: support of one another is really one of the most

482
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 2: important things we do.

483
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 3: That and eliminating the negative talk that women say about

484
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 3: each other. There's all so a very pertinent scene where

485
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,320
Speaker 3: she one woman is calling another character a slut, and

486
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 3: she's like, don't do that.

487
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,600
Speaker 1: That's gonna come right back around at you.

488
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 5: You know what I mean.

489
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 3: We shouldn't be using that language about each other. Men

490
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,479
Speaker 3: use that language. We shouldn't be calling each other sluts

491
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 3: or any of the other derogatory terms that we do.

492
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: I mean, I do like the word cunt. I'm gonna

493
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: say that, but I like that more as a descriptor.

494
00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 3: For a man than a woman. But I like saying

495
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 3: the word cut. One of my very closest friends hates

496
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 3: the word cunt.

497
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,680
Speaker 1: She hates it. She's like, it's such a vile word.

498
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 3: I'm like, I understand you, but I think we should

499
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:36,199
Speaker 3: bring it back around and like it is in vogue,

500
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 3: and I like calling a man a cunt, like he's

501
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 3: a real cunt, you know. So anyway, Okay, on that note, Lisa, Sorry,

502
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 3: this conversations all over the place, but I I'm all

503
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 3: over the place and I love it. Okay, great, So

504
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 3: we're going to take a break and we'll be right

505
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 3: back with Lisa TODAYO from Three Women.

506
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: And we're back with Lisa. What's happening, Catherine? We have

507
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: so many things to talk about today. Are you ready

508
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:02,479
Speaker 1: to give some advice?

509
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:03,480
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

510
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: This is a juicy one. Oh okay, juicy one. That's

511
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: I always like to start with juicy.

512
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 4: This email comes from Miley. She says Syra Chelsea.

513
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,680
Speaker 1: Spelled differently, but obviously she's trying to shrow.

514
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea help. I am a single mama to a

515
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 4: five year old daughter and became a surrogate three years ago.

516
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,440
Speaker 4: I gave birth to my friend's son last June, and

517
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 4: we've always planned to do a sibling journey. We waited

518
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 4: a year, and this summer began the process for the

519
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,159
Speaker 4: next journey. I've gone through medical and legal clearance, and

520
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 4: I'm now playing a waiting game on sibling journey.

521
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 1: Yes.

522
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:43,199
Speaker 4: So, so basically, she had the child for her friend

523
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 4: and they planned to have a sibling for that child

524
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:46,480
Speaker 4: with her as a.

525
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,439
Speaker 3: Surg Okay, yeah, I really wish everyone stopped using the

526
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:50,200
Speaker 3: word journey.

527
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 1: It's very confusing.

528
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,920
Speaker 3: The fuck I thought she was doing ayahuasca. I'm like, wait,

529
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 3: what what's happening? Okay, sibling journey? Okay, got it.

530
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: Yes, so I was just waiting to find out the

531
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 1: transfer schedule. So it's happening, so.

532
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 3: That she's gonna have another baby for these people, right, Okay,

533
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:06,880
Speaker 3: here's the thing.

534
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 4: Last month, my college sweetheart reached out to me to

535
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 4: see if I'd be interested in catching up. We spent

536
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 4: the first night laughing and reminiscing for hours on a

537
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 4: rooftop lounge, followed by legit fireworks. He reached out almost

538
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 4: immediately after I left, and we planned our next meetup.

539
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,320
Speaker 4: We're now three wonderful dates, in one of which was

540
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 4: me joining him on a sailboat for his best friend's birthday.

541
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,640
Speaker 4: To say this was all unexpected is a massive understatement.

542
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 4: I will always lead with honesty and know I need

543
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,719
Speaker 4: to tell him I could very well be getting pregnant

544
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:41,199
Speaker 4: within the next few weeks, but how the timing feels

545
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,320
Speaker 4: like a mean trick from the universe. Any advice, Miley,

546
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,640
Speaker 4: huh wow, Yeah, yeah, I.

547
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 2: Have like a question.

548
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 3: I know, it's so annoying when you have questions because

549
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 3: they're not fucking here.

550
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 2: I know. I'm just like, it's an open question. Was

551
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 2: she getting paid for the surrogacy, because it sounds like

552
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 2: the new guy and the sailboat maybe it was his friends.

553
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 2: But if he's maybe she doesn't need I'm just kidding.

554
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,959
Speaker 3: I'm like, really, this is where you're going after what

555
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 3: we just talked about a man.

556
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:11,440
Speaker 1: To provide for hers.

557
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 6: We're talking you.

558
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 3: Don't need the money from the surroga so you have

559
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,160
Speaker 3: a new boyfriend, he's got to throw sailboat drop.

560
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: No, I was kidding, but my but I guess it's

561
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 2: like she's doing this for her friend. I mean, gosh,

562
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 2: I feel like I personally would say that, wait, she

563
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: already has the date for the transfer. The date. Ya,

564
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 2: This is like blowing my mind.

565
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 5: I know, I know.

566
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,399
Speaker 4: So they don't have the date yet for the transfer,

567
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 4: but they are cleared for transfer.

568
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 1: Oh okay.

569
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 2: If they don't have the date, I would say, give

570
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,479
Speaker 2: it another two dates with the dude, right, I mean,

571
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,960
Speaker 2: like we can wait and see, we can wait a month.

572
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 2: I just no, you don't like, oh no.

573
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 3: This is what I'm thinking out loud, is if you

574
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,879
Speaker 3: made a can comitment to do something, Because there's a

575
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 3: threat of professionalism in this.

576
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: Right, she's not a friend, she's not just doing it

577
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: for free.

578
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 3: I'm presuming if she's getting paid to do this, and

579
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 3: this is a commitment that she has made. I feel

580
00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,680
Speaker 3: like it's like any other work commitment. You don't stop

581
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 3: your commitment because you started dating somebody. So if you

582
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,440
Speaker 3: take out all the ingredients of the situation and just

583
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 3: look at it, yes, right, like, Okay, you were scheduled

584
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 3: to go work for these nine months, but you just

585
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 3: met a guy that you really, like, are you gonna

586
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 3: quit your job for the next nine months?

587
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,879
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's. If she's not getting paid

588
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: and it is just a service she's providing, then that's

589
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: a little bit different.

590
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 3: But she still made a commitment to help these people,

591
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,720
Speaker 3: so it shouldn't even be impacted by the boyfriend. The

592
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,000
Speaker 3: new boyfriend, and he's not their boyfriend yet because it's

593
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 3: only been three dates with a friend's sale.

594
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: Book college flame.

595
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 4: I kind of feel like, since she has a child

596
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 4: of her own, which is sort of like very in

597
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 4: the very beginning of the email, a pregnancy might not

598
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 4: be that far out of the realm of his expectations.

599
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: Who knows, Yes, I did both for it. Let him

600
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 1: figure his shit out.

601
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 4: And if he's like, who knows, maybe he's got a

602
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 4: pregnancy fetish, maybe he's into it, or.

603
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: Maybe he's I don't want him to have a pregnancy fetish.

604
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 2: What is that?

605
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: Even that doesn't sound good.

606
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 3: I mean, then what happens after the baby's born? Yeah,

607
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 3: pregnancy fetish? Like, let's not get carried away. I think

608
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: this is a good subject matter for your next book.

609
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 2: I totally I totally agree. Too bad, it's about grief.

610
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 2: But yeah, I hear both of those. I think the

611
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: work commitment and the or you know, whether she's getting

612
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 2: paid or not, the professionalism of having made a commitment.

613
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 2: But the only thing I'll say, which is why I

614
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 2: do like the idea of waiting a couple more dates,

615
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 2: is what if this is the guy of her dreams

616
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 2: and you know, it's sort of what if it is

617
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 2: the person for her? That being said, if it's the

618
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 2: person for her and she says, I'm planning to be

619
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 2: a surrogate, how do you feel about that? I think

620
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: that should happen regard wardless because then you find out

621
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 2: you know what kind of a person he is, and

622
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:05,600
Speaker 2: he might be like, oh, I don't care. And if

623
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 2: he does care at such an early stage, then I

624
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 2: would be like, oh, maybe he wasn't right. So it

625
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:15,800
Speaker 2: might end up being an easier answer if we ask

626
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 2: more questions.

627
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 3: I know, I'm just trying to think some I never

628
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 3: try to think like a man because I don't really care.

629
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 1: But I'm just trying to think.

630
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 3: I don't really care what they're thinking, but I like

631
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,240
Speaker 3: to I'm just trying to imagine what it would be

632
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 3: like to be dating someone and then then to be like, fully,

633
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,320
Speaker 3: nine months pregnant, you're in love with them and they're

634
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 3: having someone else's baby.

635
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 1: What does that feel like? And I just realized I

636
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: don't care again.

637
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

638
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't care enough because it's like it's really nothing,

639
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 3: has nothing to do with you.

640
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 1: It's just a body changing exactly.

641
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 3: So I would say, yeah, you could wait a couple

642
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: more dates, just so everything's out in the open and

643
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 3: you can clear the air and make sure he's provided

644
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 3: with all the information. And again like, if this guy

645
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,360
Speaker 3: is it and you guys have this great connection, yes,

646
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 3: I understand it. Nine month pregnancy is a big deal,

647
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,200
Speaker 3: but it's nine months. It's not the rest of your life.

648
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 3: And it is again a commitment that you made.

649
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: I really like that, And I.

650
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 4: Think maybe now you tell him I did the circusy

651
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 4: thing a few years ago for my friend and that

652
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 4: was a really cool thing for me. And then maybe

653
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 4: in a couple of dates, when we wait a couple

654
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 4: dates to tell them, hey, remember what are you telling

655
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,280
Speaker 4: about that circucy thing.

656
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,800
Speaker 1: We're doing it again. We're doing a sibling journey. So

657
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 1: maybe it's like peppering it in, but definitely don't use

658
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: the term sibling journey. Just say we're fucking having a sibling. Okay,

659
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 1: I mean, that's it. And on a personal note, I

660
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 1: would do anything to avoid a pregnancy. I would do anything.

661
00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 1: I would be like, this is the perfect out.

662
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 3: Like if I weren't looking at this situation trying to

663
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 3: be objective, which is what I am, I would be like,

664
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 3: get the fuck out of that fucking surrogacy thing commitment

665
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 3: you made and go be with your boyfriend.

666
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 1: Okay, but we're not talking about me.

667
00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: We're talking about someone who's nice, generous, has already done

668
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 3: this for another person, which is pretty much the biggest

669
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 3: gift you can give somebody, and really, so there's lots

670
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 3: of different feelings about this, but I think she should

671
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 3: focus on the fact that she has stood up and

672
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:05,880
Speaker 3: said she's going to do something, so you should follow

673
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 3: through with that. And we'll leave it at that before

674
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 3: Lisa says anything.

675
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: Else, all right, Miley, keep us posted.

676
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 4: Our next caller is Sarah, and her question dovetails with

677
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 4: so many of the themes in the show and in

678
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 4: the book. So she says, Dear Chelsea, I've been in

679
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 4: a relationship with my boyfriend Chris, for the past ten years.

680
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five and he's twenty six.

681
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 4: We've faced significant struggles, particularly in the last four years,

682
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 4: and it feels like we're stuck in a painful limbo.

683
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 4: Four years ago, Chris told me he hasn't been attracted

684
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,240
Speaker 4: to me since our sophomore year of college.

685
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 1: This aggravated a.

686
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 4: Deep wound that I've had all my life, manifesting through

687
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 4: eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and low self.

688
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: Esteem due to PCOS.

689
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 4: Despite my efforts, and for people who don't know, PCOS

690
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 4: can cause you to have some body changes, some weight gain, that.

691
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 1: Sort of thing. What does PCOS stand for? Polycystic ovarian syndrome?

692
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 2: Right?

693
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,800
Speaker 1: I get yeah, last one to the party as usual? Okay.

694
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 4: Despite my efforts to improve my self image and our

695
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 4: relationship through therapy and self care, our intimacy has been

696
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,080
Speaker 4: non existent for three years. A peck good night, and

697
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 4: that's it. I've tried to address this gently and consistently,

698
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 4: but I'm beginning to fear that staying in the situation

699
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 4: means disrespecting myself. Chris is incredibly caring and kind, making

700
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 4: this even harder to stomach. I'm finding it difficult to

701
00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,320
Speaker 4: balance my journey of self acceptance and healing with the

702
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 4: need for a reciprocal and supportive relationship. Our attempt at

703
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 4: couple's therapy didn't result in much, and I often feel

704
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 4: like I'm the only one actively working on our issues.

705
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 4: I've tried my best to be patient and let him

706
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 4: work through this at his pace, and I know he

707
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 4: feels terrible, but nothing ever changes. This situation, combined with

708
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 4: the grief of losing my mom to early onset dementia

709
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,800
Speaker 4: this past May after caretaking for her for two years,

710
00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 4: has left me feeling deeply stuck and isolated. Am I

711
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 4: holding on to false hope? Or is there a way

712
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 4: to address these issues constructively? Chris has been my best

713
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 4: friend for most of my life and I can't imagine

714
00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 4: life without him. I'm not conventionally attractive and I come

715
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 4: with a lot of baggage for a twenty five year old.

716
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 4: So if this man who has known me for so

717
00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 4: long doesn't show me the love I need, how will

718
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 4: I ever get anyone to love me the way I

719
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:13,879
Speaker 4: need to be loved?

720
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 3: Sarah, Hi, Sarah, that's hi, wo Hi cutie. This is

721
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,440
Speaker 3: Lisa TODAYO, our special guest Today.

722
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 6: Hi Lisa some order to meet you, lovely to meet.

723
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: You, honey, honey.

724
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 3: First of all, please don't ever say you're not conventionally attractive.

725
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, georgeous, I.

726
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,400
Speaker 2: Going to say. I was just going to say the

727
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 2: exact same.

728
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 3: You're beautiful, insider, your eyes are beautiful. I can see

729
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,879
Speaker 3: that you have a beautiful soul. Please don't even talk

730
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 3: about yourself in that way.

731
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to this. This is not going to be

732
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: an easy phone call for you.

733
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 3: Okay, Right, you're in a stale relationship that has expired,

734
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 3: and I understand that there's an attachment issue, that you're

735
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 3: attached to him a different in a different way, But

736
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 3: you are not going to build your self esteem and

737
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 3: your self worth by being with someone who said he

738
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,120
Speaker 3: wasn't attracted to you. First of all, this is all

739
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,320
Speaker 3: an inside job that you have to work on yourself.

740
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: You have to figure out away from any man that

741
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:09,560
Speaker 3: you're valuable, that you're special, that you have something to offer,

742
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 3: and that you're beautiful as a person. Beautiful I just

743
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 3: don't mean the exterior, but you're beautiful on the exterior too.

744
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 3: But that's the last point, Like, who gives a shit

745
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 3: about that?

746
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 1: Right now? This is a deeper issue.

747
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:23,240
Speaker 3: You can't be with someone who said they're not attracted

748
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 3: to You can't have that seeping into your system. It's

749
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 3: like a negative thought pattern that you are experiencing. Do

750
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 3: you have a therapist that you go to on your

751
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 3: own I do, yes, Okay, and how is that going.

752
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 5: I've been going to therapy since I was sixteen for

753
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 5: my own mental health issues, so it's a regular thing

754
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 5: in my life. But she's not the type of therapist

755
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,320
Speaker 5: who will say her outright opinion about something. She'll just

756
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 5: kind of guide me along, so I don't really know

757
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 5: what she thinks about this relationship.

758
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 3: Okay, well, let's get down to business. Should you need

759
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 3: to get into your self worth and your self esteem?

760
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 3: Those are your major points of interest for the next

761
00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 3: six months to a year. Is building yourself up, and

762
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 3: the way that that's going to happen is by initiating

763
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 3: some independence for yourself first and foremost. I don't think

764
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 3: you should stay in this relationship any longer than you

765
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 3: have to. I really think that you are going to

766
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 3: give yourself a huge gift by getting away from the relationship.

767
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 3: That doesn't mean you don't love him, that doesn't mean

768
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 3: he doesn't love you. It just means that's not that's

769
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 3: not your future, and it's holding you back because these

770
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 3: thoughts that you have about yourself. You have to retrain

771
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,280
Speaker 3: your entire brain in the way that you think about yourself,

772
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 3: and that might mean getting a new therapist who's going

773
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:32,800
Speaker 3: to help you achieve that.

774
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

775
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,000
Speaker 3: Sometimes when we're a therapists for too long, it can

776
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 3: get a little bit stale. And I'm a big advocate

777
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 3: of jumping around and moving around to different therapists at

778
00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:41,919
Speaker 3: different times in your life.

779
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,879
Speaker 1: You have different needs throughout your life.

780
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:45,959
Speaker 6: Right, Okay, that makes sense.

781
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,200
Speaker 5: I guess I get hung up on I have empathy

782
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 5: for where he's coming from and that he didn't necessarily

783
00:36:52,760 --> 00:36:55,080
Speaker 5: mean physical attraction.

784
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 6: I read him between the lines.

785
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 2: Is he less interested in being intimate? And that's what

786
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,719
Speaker 2: caused you to ask? Or is it? Yeah?

787
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, so there are some intimacy issues that had just

788
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 5: gone unspoken and I brought them up and that's kind

789
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:11,879
Speaker 5: of where the conversation led.

790
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 6: And that was about three four years ago.

791
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 2: But you said you read between the lines. What did

792
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 2: he really say?

793
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,320
Speaker 5: Well, my therapist was wonderful to remind me that this

794
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 5: probably doesn't have much to do with my physical appearance.

795
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 6: That has nothing to do with that about there's a

796
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 6: lot about his.

797
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 5: Own self confidence and self image and.

798
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 6: How he feels in this relationship. So I've been trying

799
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 6: to focus on that.

800
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 1: Okay.

801
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 3: Also, I want you to think about this when I'm

802
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,960
Speaker 3: going to say something. This moment in time is not

803
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 3: the rest of your life. This is a moment in time,

804
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 3: and you have the choice and opportunity as such a

805
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,120
Speaker 3: young person to look at like the big picture of

806
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 3: what your life can be. And it's up to you

807
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,320
Speaker 3: to make like to create the engine to move forward.

808
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 3: It's up to you to go, Okay, my life can

809
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 3: be bigger than this. I can love myself in a

810
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 3: big different way. I could find someone where with the chemistry,

811
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 3: it's just about chemistry, you know what I mean. You

812
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 3: have to have the right chemistry with people. And sometimes

813
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 3: chemistry dies and sometimes it fades, and sometimes it's a

814
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 3: lie forever.

815
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 1: But regardless, you have to have the spark between two people.

816
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 3: That can create that when you're attracted to someone, you

817
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 3: can almost work through anything together if you both have

818
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 3: the same desire for each other. Yeah, you know, and

819
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 3: if a relationship has fizzled out, that's okay. The only

820
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 3: mistake is staying in it for longer than you need to.

821
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: Once it has fizzled out, that doesn't mean it's a failure.

822
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 3: That means that period of time is over. It's completed.

823
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 3: Now you can move on to the next phase of

824
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:39,240
Speaker 3: your life.

825
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,239
Speaker 4: And I know one of the biggest fears for you

826
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 4: too is losing him. But it's okay. If this transitions

827
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 4: into a friendship, and in many ways it seems like it,

828
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 4: maybe he already has.

829
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was gonna say that, Yeah, it does feel

830
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:52,320
Speaker 6: like a friendship.

831
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 5: And I asked him specifically in preparation for this, why

832
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 5: he still wants to be in a relationship with me,

833
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 5: and he says there's something deeper there than friendship. To him,

834
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 5: just the joy I bring to his life is what

835
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,280
Speaker 5: he said, is deeper than friendship.

836
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: But that's friendship.

837
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 5: That is friendship, right, So it is it's hard to

838
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 5: imagine redefining that after being in a relationship like this

839
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 5: for ten years now, but I think you're right, there's

840
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 5: definitely some at least redefining that needs to happen.

841
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 2: I can tell you for what it's worth from my

842
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 2: own personal experience that I my boyfriend throughout high school

843
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 2: and into college and beyond. I was with him for

844
00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 2: many years. Very similar situation happened. We broke up, it

845
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 2: went on for longer than it should have, many years longer,

846
00:39:42,600 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 2: and now we are still friends to this day, and

847
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 2: it's great, Like it's a really great friendship. But I

848
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 2: do rue I do miss the days, the years that

849
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 2: I that I stayed if I'm just telling you that

850
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 2: and what it's worth, because I was. I was terrified

851
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 2: of losing the connection with the person who I had

852
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 2: been with for so long, and that's the most normal

853
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 2: feeling in the world. It is. It's going to be

854
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 2: very hard, but you are ultimately going to get what

855
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 2: you need and probably still have this person in your life.

856
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 3: There's a difference between attachment and attraction. You have an

857
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 3: attachment to him, and that's fine, and that's a friendship.

858
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,120
Speaker 3: That's not a love interest. You need to develop your

859
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 3: like love affair with yourself. You have your whole life

860
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 3: ahead of you. You're incredible, Like I can see the

861
00:40:34,160 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 3: kindness in your eyes. I know this is upsetting to hear,

862
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 3: but I want to hear from you how you feel

863
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 3: about actually ending the relationship, Like, do you think you

864
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 3: have the ability?

865
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 1: I know you have the ability. Do you think that

866
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 1: that you're capable of doing that in the near future?

867
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 5: I do If that's what's best for both of us,

868
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 5: I have the strength to do it. It's hard to

869
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 5: imagine losing his family.

870
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,760
Speaker 1: They've been You're not going to lose his family.

871
00:40:57,719 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 2: You're not.

872
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 3: No one's going to say We're never going to talk

873
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 3: to you again. That's just not You've been together for

874
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 3: ten years.

875
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 5: Right, And I guess with all the change that comes

876
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 5: with losing your mom, it is hard to imagine the

877
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 5: change of.

878
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 2: How long ago did you lose your mom?

879
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 6: In May?

880
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry? Yeah, thank you so Mark. Yeah, he

881
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,279
Speaker 5: and his family have been really great about helping me

882
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:20,759
Speaker 5: through that. So that's another thing that I just have

883
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 5: been benefiting a lot from their support. But I think

884
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,720
Speaker 5: you're right, something needs to happen. It can't keep saying

885
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 5: like this.

886
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: But also, your mom passing away, you have to think

887
00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 3: about what your mom would want for you. Yeah, would

888
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 3: your mom want you to be in like a stale

889
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 3: relationship just because you're getting support from them because of

890
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,400
Speaker 3: her passing? What your mom really wants for you is

891
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 3: for you to have agency and for you to go

892
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 3: after your dreams and to find yourself in a real

893
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 3: concrete way.

894
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: That's what any mother would want for their daughter.

895
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,640
Speaker 3: So even in moving forward through these difficult moments, because

896
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 3: there will be many difficult moments, you have to bring

897
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,279
Speaker 3: your mother's energy into your body and do it for

898
00:41:59,360 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 3: the both of you.

899
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 5: That makes sense. Do you have any thoughts on what

900
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 5: to do? Like I just I feel like he's coming

901
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,960
Speaker 5: from such a kind place that he really wants to

902
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 5: improve this. That's what's so heartbreaking, because I feel like

903
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 5: I need to give him space to try.

904
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 2: To Are you attracted to him?

905
00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 6: I would be if I felt safe. I don't know

906
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,759
Speaker 6: that I feel safe to let my guard down that

907
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 6: much yet anymore.

908
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 1: After getting rejected so many times. Yeah, yeah, that's understandable. Yeah.

909
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,040
Speaker 3: And it's not like he's the bad guy, you know

910
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:31,400
Speaker 3: what I mean? No one's the bad guy here. This

911
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 3: is just like a relationship that has run its course.

912
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 3: And I think you're doing you and him a favor

913
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 3: by actually taking the step instead of just sitting there

914
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 3: and waiting for another five years to pass. I think

915
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:47,360
Speaker 3: the conversation starts with like, Obviously I want you in

916
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:50,840
Speaker 3: my life forever. Obviously our friendship is so deep. I

917
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 3: want to continue this forever. Your family has been.

918
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: A rock for me.

919
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 3: I don't want to lose that. I don't want to

920
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 3: lose our friendship. But I think we have to really

921
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 3: be honest about what this is. This isn't a love

922
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 3: relationship anymore. And I have needs that I would love

923
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 3: to go explore. I have to go find myself in

924
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 3: a real way without having like a codependency with each other.

925
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: And you also want that for him. You want him

926
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,760
Speaker 1: to be able to find his happiness and his truth.

927
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: It's not just about you, it's about both of you.

928
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 3: You're actually stepping up to the plate where there's two

929
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 3: people who are like being passive you know what I mean,

930
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 3: And you're saying, no, we need to face this situation.

931
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 1: It's going to be difficult.

932
00:43:30,280 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 3: But if we do this with love and out of

933
00:43:32,680 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 3: respect for the ten years that we've spent together, we

934
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,239
Speaker 3: can separate in a way that we won't ever have

935
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,480
Speaker 3: to really say goodbye to each other. We can have

936
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,360
Speaker 3: all the good things remain. Yeah, but we're not in

937
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 3: a relationship anymore. Like under the subterfuge of a romantic relationship.

938
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 5: I think that makes a lot of sense to me.

939
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 5: I just I worry that the pain of we couldn't

940
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 5: be enough for each other might be a little too

941
00:43:56,719 --> 00:44:00,760
Speaker 5: much to keep that relationship going, that friendship.

942
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 1: You think that will impair the frinch, You think that won't.

943
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:07,080
Speaker 6: Just that I wasn't enough for him and he wasn't

944
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 6: enough for me.

945
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,840
Speaker 1: That But honey, that's not what it is.

946
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:10,720
Speaker 6: Okay.

947
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 3: It's not that you're not enough. It's not that he's

948
00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 3: not enough. It's that you're no longer a match. You're enough,

949
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 3: he's enough. You're not for each other, You're not a match.

950
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 3: It's like things that go together and blend well, there's alchemy,

951
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,600
Speaker 3: and then there's the opposite of that, and then there's

952
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 3: no strings attaching you anymore.

953
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,879
Speaker 1: You know what I mean in that way. And it's

954
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: not about you being deficient. And I understand that these

955
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:33,720
Speaker 1: are words.

956
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,520
Speaker 3: It's not like, oh, you're going to leave this phone

957
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,879
Speaker 3: call and be a completely different person. But I want

958
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,279
Speaker 3: you to re listen and re listen to this conversation

959
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 3: because there are people that you don't have chemistry with,

960
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 3: and then there are people that you do. And there

961
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 3: are different kinds of chemistry. There's friendship chemistry and then

962
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,319
Speaker 3: there's sexual chemistry. And hopefully in your next relationship you're

963
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 3: going to find both of those things and they're going

964
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 3: to last.

965
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 1: And it's just the alchemy's not there for the sex.

966
00:44:58,680 --> 00:44:58,879
Speaker 6: Yeah.

967
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 4: Sure, And I know you're scared about not giving him

968
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,040
Speaker 4: enough time or robbing him of the joy that he

969
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:06,239
Speaker 4: gets from the relationship.

970
00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:09,080
Speaker 1: But it's been ten years, so there's enough time, right, And.

971
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 4: It's been three years of this sort of like no

972
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 4: sexual tension. But I think one thing that you need

973
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 4: to realize is by staying, you're not only denying yourself

974
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 4: the time to go and find the next right thing

975
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 4: or being by yourself, you're also robbing him of that

976
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 4: opportunity as well. As much as he probably wants to

977
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 4: stay in the relationship because it's safe and it's comfortable

978
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 4: and you're obviously wonderful, and why wouldn't he want to

979
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 4: be close to you, you're denying.

980
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 1: Both of you that opportunity to go find what's right

981
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,479
Speaker 1: for you. That makes sense, So what's the plan?

982
00:45:41,920 --> 00:45:45,400
Speaker 2: What if what if you started by writing a letter,

983
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 2: because I think a lot of this is your fear

984
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,319
Speaker 2: about how he's going to react. So I think if

985
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 2: you write a letter to him that you can just

986
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,520
Speaker 2: sort of feel and say everything you want in it,

987
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 2: and then and then just have it and sit with

988
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 2: it for a couple of days and then maybe imagine

989
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 2: how he will react to some of the things in there,

990
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:08,320
Speaker 2: and just sort of because I think right now the

991
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 2: idea is just so big and giant that you just

992
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 2: need to take it step by step. And I think

993
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 2: writing a letter that no one has to ever see

994
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:20,399
Speaker 2: if you don't want them to, is a good first

995
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 2: step to just getting everything down and getting yourself comfortable

996
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: with even the potential of doing this.

997
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 6: That's a great idea.

998
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:30,560
Speaker 1: I love that idea. Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

999
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,879
Speaker 4: You're obviously a beautiful writer, like your letter you wrote

1000
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 4: to us was very beautiful. So, Lisa, I wonder as

1001
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 4: another creator, Sarah is also a creator Chelsea too. Is

1002
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 4: there some advice that you could give her on turning

1003
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 4: her story and these elements, these painful elements that she's

1004
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 4: going through. What can that become in the future.

1005
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:56,359
Speaker 2: Gosh, it can become anything. I mean, there's a line

1006
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 2: you know, someday this pain will be useful to you

1007
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:01,680
Speaker 2: that I've like, if I didn't just have that in

1008
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 2: the frontal lobe of my brain every day, that I

1009
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 2: would not be able to make it because life is

1010
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: so hard sometimes. I think that the idea for me,

1011
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 2: as someone who who writes and creates other things, the

1012
00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:18,840
Speaker 2: idea of being able to take the pain and metabolize

1013
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 2: it and change it into something that can help other people,

1014
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 2: especially you know, in your line of work. I think

1015
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 2: that the ability to be able to tell a story,

1016
00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 2: if it's your own or someone else's, or an adjacency

1017
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:36,480
Speaker 2: like that, the idea of everything you're feeling now, kind

1018
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 2: of taking it down as a note and observing it

1019
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 2: the way. You know, we're meant to look at moments

1020
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:43,240
Speaker 2: and live in the present, which I have not figured

1021
00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 2: out how to do, but maybe one day. But in

1022
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:50,280
Speaker 2: the meantime, just looking at the moment and just noting

1023
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: it down, noting the pain and knowing that one day

1024
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:56,160
Speaker 2: you're going to be able to turn that pain into

1025
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 2: something that somebody else can make somebody else feel. See

1026
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 2: that gives us all the purpose. I think you have

1027
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 2: all the purpose in the world.

1028
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 1: I really do.

1029
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1030
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 1: I do too. I do too. I believe in you.

1031
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 1: You're going to be great.

1032
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,960
Speaker 3: This is important. I'm so glad you called in. And

1033
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 3: I want you to reframe this idea of loss. You're

1034
00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 3: also going to gain so much by taking this step

1035
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,239
Speaker 3: and moving in the right direction of your life, like

1036
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 3: you were going to gain. So like you're thinking about

1037
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,279
Speaker 3: all the things you're going to lose, you don't have

1038
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 3: to lose all those things.

1039
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:33,520
Speaker 1: So I don't want you to look at it like that.

1040
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:37,279
Speaker 3: Just you're redefining the relationship for what it actually is

1041
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,320
Speaker 3: instead of pretending it's something it's not.

1042
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 5: That is really helpful to see outside of my own head,

1043
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 5: to get that perspective.

1044
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 6: Thank you.

1045
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, So write that down, okay, Okay, I will, and

1046
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,520
Speaker 3: then write down everything else because you're going to use

1047
00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 3: it and create and move it into art at some

1048
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 3: point in your life, and and you're going to help

1049
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:56,399
Speaker 3: a lot of people.

1050
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 6: So thank you.

1051
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 1: I have faith in you.

1052
00:48:58,719 --> 00:49:02,239
Speaker 3: Please keep us posted, Okay, Well, let us know what's

1053
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 3: going on, and if you need to talk again, we'll

1054
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 3: be here.

1055
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 6: Okay, thank you both so much.

1056
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, cutie, thank you.

1057
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 2: Bye.

1058
00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:12,960
Speaker 1: Oh God. I know that one's a heartbreaker.

1059
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,439
Speaker 3: You need to give her my phone number she needs

1060
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 3: to text me on a daily basis. I'll send her

1061
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:18,840
Speaker 3: positive affirmations about herself.

1062
00:49:19,040 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 2: That's the thing. If we just had more people doing

1063
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:25,120
Speaker 2: what you just, if that were just going on everywhere,

1064
00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 2: we'd be good. Yeah.

1065
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, Well, let's take a quick break and we'll.

1066
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 3: Wrap up with Okay, Well, we're going to take a

1067
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 3: break and Lisa and I are going to take a

1068
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 3: virtual bath, and we're back.

1069
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 4: Well, Tamara says, Hi, Chelsea, My daughter's turning sixteen this

1070
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,440
Speaker 4: summer and finishing her sophomore year in high school. I've

1071
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 4: been talking to her about her plans for college and

1072
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 4: trying to nudge her to get prepared for applying.

1073
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: And choosing a major, but she's been brushing it off.

1074
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,360
Speaker 4: I've sent her many resources on the college selection and

1075
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:59,080
Speaker 4: application timelines, but I doubt she's looked at any of them.

1076
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 4: Her signed up for info packets from various New England

1077
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,799
Speaker 4: colleges and sent them to her, but again I doubt

1078
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 4: she even looked at them. When I asked her what

1079
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,480
Speaker 4: kind of job she wants, she gives me vague answers,

1080
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 4: like something in biology. I told her the best way

1081
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 4: to narrow down a career path is to look at

1082
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 4: current job listings, examine the skills and requirements for the

1083
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:20,800
Speaker 4: available positions, but mainly look at the salary offered. I

1084
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 4: even sent her tiktoks of young adults talking about selecting

1085
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 4: a profession, where they expose the fact that if you

1086
00:50:27,120 --> 00:50:29,279
Speaker 4: ask any kid what profession they want, they list the

1087
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 4: same ten professions teacher, doctor, and nurse, policeman, firefighter, etc.

1088
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 4: When they're in fact over ten thousand professions out there

1089
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 4: that kids just don't know about. How do I motivate

1090
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 4: my teenager to start seriously thinking about selecting a career

1091
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 4: path and applying to colleges before it's too late.

1092
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 3: To Mara, I mean, first of all, she needs to

1093
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:50,640
Speaker 3: understand you have to stop paying for things for her,

1094
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 3: so that she has to understand that eventually she has

1095
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 3: to get an income. That's the first step to let

1096
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 3: them know that they actually have to have some accountability.

1097
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, Lisa, what do you think.

1098
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 3: I don't know how you motivate a sixteen year old

1099
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:05,279
Speaker 3: because it's like if you're nagging, nagging, nagging about the

1100
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 3: same thing, it has the opposite effect.

1101
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, if they might go out and get a

1102
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,160
Speaker 2: job really fast. If you're nagging a lot, you know,

1103
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 2: just to get out of the house.

1104
00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:15,919
Speaker 1: That would be a good It doesn't sound like that's

1105
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,000
Speaker 1: the situation now.

1106
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:19,920
Speaker 2: No, No, I think she's the mom. Sounds like she's

1107
00:51:20,000 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 2: doing a lot of the right things. But I think

1108
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 2: that the first thing you said is essentially, if the

1109
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:30,399
Speaker 2: daughter needed something, she would try to find a path

1110
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 2: to get what she needed. It doesn't sound like she

1111
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 2: needs or wants anything, So I think the goal is

1112
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 2: to create the need or the want, and if creating

1113
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: that is you know, taking away some of the assistants

1114
00:51:46,160 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 2: and support for the non food and water type things

1115
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 2: the children need. I think if taking away some of

1116
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 2: that extra support for extracurricular things might make her daughter go, oh,

1117
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 2: WHOA hold on a second, the buck is gonna stop

1118
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,759
Speaker 2: at some point. But I think, you know, in terms

1119
00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 2: of path, I believe that she will find her path

1120
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 2: because it sounds like her mother is going to stick

1121
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 2: with her and stick on it. But I also think that,

1122
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,800
Speaker 2: you know, it might just it it it. Maybe she

1123
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 2: doesn't go to college right away, you know, maybe that

1124
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,640
Speaker 2: is her path, and maybe she sees all of her

1125
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:31,320
Speaker 2: friends in college being happy and excited about X, Y

1126
00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 2: or Z, and then she's like, I want to go,

1127
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 2: or maybe she finds a completely different path for herself

1128
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 2: and doesn't. But I do think that what you said

1129
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:44,320
Speaker 2: is number one sort of you know, increasing the motivation

1130
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 2: to be said.

1131
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:47,800
Speaker 3: She needs to show some initiative, Like she has to

1132
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:49,360
Speaker 3: know that when she's done with high school, if she

1133
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,840
Speaker 3: doesn't go to college, what's the game plan. She's gonna

1134
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 3: stay at the house. You have to define what's going

1135
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 3: to happen. She's gonna stay at the house and she's

1136
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 3: gonna have to go get a job. Did you want

1137
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:58,920
Speaker 3: to go get a job or would she rather go

1138
00:52:58,960 --> 00:53:01,080
Speaker 3: to college. I'm sure she'd rather go to college than

1139
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 3: get a job. In the interim, She's gonna have to

1140
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 3: fucking get a part time job anyway. Since you have

1141
00:53:04,840 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 3: to start understanding what responsibility looks like, I mean, you know,

1142
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 3: you can do plenty of shit at sixteen. You can babysit,

1143
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:12,359
Speaker 3: you can you know, find different ways, and in many

1144
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 3: states you can work at sixteen with your parents' permission.

1145
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 1: So I would say try a different tactic.

1146
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 3: Also, like what you're doing by sending her stuff is

1147
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,520
Speaker 3: probably just nagging nagging, nagging. You need to get real

1148
00:53:22,600 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 3: with what her reality is going to look like after

1149
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 3: school when all her friends are going off to college

1150
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:27,400
Speaker 3: and she has no plan.

1151
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 1: As far as the majors go. I kind of feel like,

1152
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: let her go with whatever major. Don't worry about that

1153
00:53:33,400 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 1: changes their major.

1154
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 4: I mean, every teenager I know who just went to college, like,

1155
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 4: none of them are going to be what their major exactly.

1156
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: One step out of time. Yeah, yeah, totally, so totally okay,

1157
00:53:43,719 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 1: Well any the pressure off a little bit tomorrow, but

1158
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: also set some boundaries. Yeah, exactly. So sick of parenting advice. Honestly, Lisa,

1159
00:53:53,840 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 1: I love you. You're so fun and normal. It's so

1160
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 1: nice to meet writers that are normal.

1161
00:53:58,440 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 2: There aren't many.

1162
00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 1: I know, I know, I keep saying that.

1163
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,080
Speaker 3: Every time we have a writer on, I'm always like,

1164
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 3: thank you for being normal, And it's like what happened

1165
00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:07,800
Speaker 3: to me was some writer. I must have had some

1166
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,759
Speaker 3: experience that I with a writer where I was like,

1167
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:14,120
Speaker 3: holy fucking shit, is this your personality? Because I'm so

1168
00:54:14,400 --> 00:54:17,760
Speaker 3: pleased when writers can talk and like be normal.

1169
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 1: Ellie, thank you.

1170
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 2: I appreciate it because I have felt the same way

1171
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 2: after meeting many of my.

1172
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:27,320
Speaker 1: Heroes, contemporaries or heroes.

1173
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 2: Right.

1174
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 1: What are you reading right now, Lisa?

1175
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 2: I am reading Bookshop Women, Big Swiss, and burnham Wood.

1176
00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 1: Do you read three books at a time.

1177
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:38,840
Speaker 2: I read more than three books at a time. I

1178
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 2: don't finish them very quickly.

1179
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:41,000
Speaker 1: I read.

1180
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:41,480
Speaker 2: I love that.

1181
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: I do the same thing.

1182
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:44,840
Speaker 3: I wrotate between books and then I'm like, oh, this

1183
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 3: one I didn't finish three months ago, and then i

1184
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:50,160
Speaker 3: just jogged my memory with the last chapter. I'm like, okay,

1185
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 3: I'll finish this now exactly.

1186
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:54,800
Speaker 2: And I also do that for inspiration and stuff like that,

1187
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:56,439
Speaker 2: but that's exactly how I read.

1188
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:58,840
Speaker 1: I once read a book and halfway through I was like,

1189
00:54:58,960 --> 00:54:59,920
Speaker 1: have I read this before?

1190
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 3: And then I was like, oh, because that happens with

1191
00:55:02,640 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 3: TV all the time, right, But when it happens with

1192
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,279
Speaker 3: a book, I'm like, wait a second, I know what

1193
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:11,879
Speaker 3: the fuck is about to happen to you? Anyway, Okay,

1194
00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:14,640
Speaker 3: everyone is going to watch Three Women. I'm very excited

1195
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 3: for you, and thank you so much for spending time

1196
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:17,440
Speaker 3: with us today.

1197
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to see you

1198
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:21,880
Speaker 2: again and a pleasure to meet you Catherine.

1199
00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 5: Oh.

1200
00:55:22,120 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 3: Thanks Lisa, Likewise, I can't wait to see you the

1201
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:28,279
Speaker 3: next time I have to interview you, the next time

1202
00:55:28,320 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 3: I have to the next time I have to interview you.

1203
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:35,759
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, bye, Lisa, thank you so much, thank you

1204
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:37,839
Speaker 1: hearing you. Okay.

1205
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 3: So upcoming shows that I have you, guys, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston,

1206
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 3: South Carolina.

1207
00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:46,800
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to Saint Louis and

1208
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: Kansas City.

1209
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 3: And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at

1210
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:54,160
Speaker 3: the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three

1211
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,400
Speaker 3: dates in Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and

1212
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 3: then November second and November thirty. I'm coming to Brooklyn,

1213
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:05,640
Speaker 3: New York, at the King's Theater on November eighth, and

1214
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,800
Speaker 3: I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the

1215
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 3: year in December, So if you're in a city like

1216
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:17,240
Speaker 3: Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha,

1217
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 3: check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1218
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 6: Okay.

1219
00:56:20,480 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1220
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1221
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,800
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1222
00:56:28,840 --> 00:56:32,440
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law, and

1223
00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1224
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 4: com