1 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, or wherever you are 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: in the world, it is great to have you here. 4 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: Before we get into it, I just want to say 5 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: a huge, big thank you to everyone who has already 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:23,119 Speaker 1: subscribed to my patreon. In the last week. If you 7 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:28,120 Speaker 1: don't know, we officially launched The Psychology of your Twenties Patreon. 8 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,559 Speaker 1: This podcast is really just me. I write all the scripts, 9 00:00:32,600 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 1: I do all the editing. I put out two episodes 10 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,919 Speaker 1: every week, and a lot of work goes into that, 11 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 1: a lot of behind the scenes action. So I thought 12 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: I would give you guys an opportunity to kind of 13 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: peek behind the microphone, peak behind the curtain, and see 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: some of that process. You get access to bonus episodes, 15 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: to a newsletter, to the episode transcripts, you get a 16 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: vote on what episodes come out next, and exclusive access 17 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: to merchandise to updates. All of those wonderful things. So 18 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,680 Speaker 1: if you haven't already checked it out, please feel free 19 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: to look in the episode description and you will find 20 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 1: a link to our Patreon. This episode has been on 21 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: my list for a while as something to discuss on 22 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: the podcast. But it's kind of always been pushed down 23 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: by other more relevant topics despite being I think something 24 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:32,039 Speaker 1: really valuable to discuss on a podcast that relates to 25 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:36,960 Speaker 1: our twenties and obviously the psychology behind our experiences. It 26 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: was something in the media recently that has really motivated 27 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: me to finally sit down and do some deep thinking 28 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 1: and research on the topic of gaslighting and also kind 29 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: of revisit my own knowledge and kind of understanding of 30 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: the concept. Last week, this incredible pro surfer called Sarah 31 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: Brady shared this series of dms from an ex boyfriend 32 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: of hers who was quite famous and I would say 33 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 1: well known, and they were genuinely gut churning an awful, 34 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,959 Speaker 1: a very intimate, I would say, brave look at how 35 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: gas lighting kind of occurs in an intimate relationship. And 36 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: it really sparked a lot of online debate and discussion 37 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: around this idea and its validity and how the term 38 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: and how the concept of gaslighting is used by people 39 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: to leverage psychological control over others. It feels like a 40 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: good time to talk about it and really cover the psychology, 41 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: the evidence, the research behind what this behavior really means. 42 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 1: I think that when terms like these terms that are 43 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 1: very much part of the psychobabble have a bit of 44 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 1: a surge in their use in the media. It's also 45 00:02:55,160 --> 00:03:00,679 Speaker 1: important to clarify what they actually mean. Often the interpretation 46 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: can be misused and extrapolated to kind of undermine survivors. 47 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 1: But I've also found that when they're used frequently in 48 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 1: the media, sometimes they lose a bit of sensitivity and 49 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 1: they become quite generalized to describe a whole range of 50 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:21,799 Speaker 1: behaviors that may not actually fall into this concept and 51 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: could perhaps be better explained by a different term. I 52 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: think the example that I gave earlier of this amazing woman, 53 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:33,280 Speaker 1: her situation is gaslighting, And yet there has been all 54 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: this rhetoric around Oh is that term too used? Have 55 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: we lost an understanding of what it means? I think 56 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: having the proper language to explain our experiences is so empowering, 57 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: but also having a strong knowledge base to relate those 58 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: experience to is also really important. So today we're going 59 00:03:55,720 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 1: to talk about the psychology of gaslighting. We're going to 60 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: examine where the concept and the term actually originated and 61 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: how its meaning has really shifted quite a bit in 62 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: the last fifty years from its initial use to kind 63 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 1: of describe a fairly common practice of convincing women they 64 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: were going insane to institutionalize them to Nowadays, a much 65 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:25,159 Speaker 1: more nuanced understanding of what emotional abuse and psychological abuse 66 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: really is. So we're going to dive into what it 67 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:35,600 Speaker 1: looks like, how to identify gaslighting, what tactics gas lighters use, 68 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: and the links to narcissism and links to manipulation machiavelianism. 69 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: Beyond that, how do people learn to gaslight others? Do 70 00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:49,840 Speaker 1: they actually consciously know what they're doing, and how does 71 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 1: it kind of link to things like groupthink and stereotypes 72 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 1: in really unexpected ways. There is so much more to 73 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: this than what we have been told. It's a super 74 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: serious matter and behavior, and I think, especially in our twenties, 75 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: when reality and our self concept already feel quite shaky, 76 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,359 Speaker 1: being exposed to this kind of manipulation can be really 77 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: impactful and life altering, not just in romantic situations, but 78 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:24,720 Speaker 1: within our families, between friends, even in our workplaces. When 79 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 1: we really sit down and examine what gaslighting is, we 80 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 1: suddenly become conscious of it in so many types of 81 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: interactions and relationships. It's so much more than just lying 82 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: or dishonesty. It's a very systematic pattern of behavior used 83 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: to convince someone that their reality, their perspective, their sanity 84 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: is all something that needs to be questioned. And I 85 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,359 Speaker 1: think that it's important we all know about it and 86 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 1: understand it from a psychological perspective, and also that we 87 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 1: know what to do in the face of gas slighting. 88 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: It's something that we may be exposed to. So how 89 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,520 Speaker 1: do we detach from these people? I think this episode 90 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 1: is so fascinating, such important general knowledge, and we have 91 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: so many studies and theories to cover. I'm really keen 92 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,320 Speaker 1: to get into it and really sink our teeth into 93 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:23,160 Speaker 1: what it truly means. So, without further ado, let's jump 94 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: into the episode. Terms like gas lighting have become a 95 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: massive part of our shared language and dialogue in recent years, 96 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: and we've really seen a spike in usage and popularity, 97 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: not just in self help communities or amongst therapists, but 98 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: also in the media and in everyday conversations. Some people 99 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,160 Speaker 1: find that problematic and they link it to the adoption 100 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: of so called therapy speak, whereby we use psychological language 101 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:59,920 Speaker 1: in terms to describe everyday behaviors. But I think person 102 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 1: and therapy speak aside. I do believe that having an 103 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 1: accurate knowledge and understanding of terms like gaslighting is really 104 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,840 Speaker 1: important because it's not like the behavior is new. It's 105 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: existed for centuries. But unlike previous generations, our generation now 106 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:25,000 Speaker 1: has the language to identify the specifics and to know 107 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: what this means and to put a word to it. 108 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: I think that that really improves the conversations we have 109 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: around mental health, but also around things like coercive control 110 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: and abusive relationships and power imbalances. Let's quickly talk through 111 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: the history of this term before we get into some 112 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: of the specifics. Contrary to popular belief for maybe general understanding, 113 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: gaslighting was not a term created by psychologists or anyone 114 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:59,000 Speaker 1: in the medical profession. It actually originated as a pop 115 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,640 Speaker 1: culture reference from a movie released in the nineteen forties. 116 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: And in this movie, it kind of like the pivotal 117 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: plot point is this husband who secretly like dims and 118 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,760 Speaker 1: brightens the light in their home to convince his wife 119 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: that she's going quote unquote crazy for the purpose of 120 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: being able to put her in a medical institution and 121 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: basically steal from her from there. It slowly become part 122 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: of our lexicon before being adopted by amateur psychology kind 123 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:34,959 Speaker 1: of in like the nineteen seventies and eighties, and it 124 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: was used almost like as a colloquial reference or a 125 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 1: synonym for things like brainwashing in intimate relationships. Similar to 126 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 1: its initial depiction in that movie, it was exclusively kind 127 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: of used to describe instances in which a partner, usually 128 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 1: the husband, manipulates their spouse and their spouse's reality or 129 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,800 Speaker 1: their physical environment to convince them and those around them 130 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: that they are experiencing some form of psychosis or a 131 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: mental health condition, the goal of which was to get 132 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 1: rid of them, essentially for some personal gain. It was 133 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: describing the manipulation of kind of a broader misunderstanding of 134 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: mental health and a manipulation of a person's reality to 135 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: exploit this individual. It, obviously, I think means a lot 136 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: more than that now, but I do also want to 137 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 1: stipulate that when it comes to its use in psychology 138 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: and psychiatry. Although the behavior and the behavioral pattern is 139 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: very much real and explored in the field, the term 140 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: gas sighting is still somewhat seen as a bit of 141 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:50,319 Speaker 1: a colloquialism, and there's been this debate around its overuse 142 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,839 Speaker 1: and how that has potentially minimized the actual effects of 143 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,839 Speaker 1: the abuse that it's used to describe. I think some 144 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:03,240 Speaker 1: people find it quite frustrating, specifically online, to see very 145 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:07,240 Speaker 1: serious terms like gas slighting used to describe behavior that 146 00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:11,079 Speaker 1: maybe doesn't actually fit the clinical profile, like an argument 147 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:14,560 Speaker 1: with a friend or a disagreement. But that doesn't mean 148 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 1: that the term isn't still really important. It still has 149 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: immense value and it's regularly discussed in psychological fields. Additionally, 150 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:32,960 Speaker 1: we've seen genuine like legal change around recognition of gaslighting 151 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: as a form of emotional abuse or even domestic violence. 152 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,199 Speaker 1: I actually didn't know this until I was researching this episode, 153 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: but in countries like the UK, you can be charged 154 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:51,079 Speaker 1: with gas slighting as part of criminal domestic violence laws, 155 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 1: and they've charged some six hundred people with this offense. 156 00:10:55,240 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: So although there is some disciplinary disagreement, I think there's 157 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: no denying that gas slighting and its impact and its 158 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: contextual relevance is very much real. And I wanted to 159 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,560 Speaker 1: just quickly say that because I know that debate does 160 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,680 Speaker 1: kind of come up around it, but quick history lesson aside, 161 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,840 Speaker 1: I think it's valuable to explore what gaslighting is and 162 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:22,080 Speaker 1: what gas slighting isn't psychologists, they use the term gas 163 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 1: slighting to refer to a specific behavioral profile or type 164 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else, 165 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: normally an intimate partner or someone close to them, to 166 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: question their own reality, to question them memory or perceptions, 167 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 1: in order to exert control over them for their own benefit. 168 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: It's a lot more complex than just lying or a disagreement. 169 00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: It is a systematic form of what we would call 170 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: coercive control that has performed over an extended period of 171 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: time in a way, the way that really attempts to 172 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,719 Speaker 1: undermine our sense of sanity and out the validity of 173 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 1: our experiences. Another way that it's described is kind of 174 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: as an attempt by the gaslider to replace our reality 175 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: with their own version, a version that they control in 176 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: which we cannot trust our own judgment, so we begin 177 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: to rely on them for validation of our circumstances, to 178 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: validate our emotions, to validate our interpretation of reality. Most 179 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: of the time it occurs in quite personal or intimate relationships, 180 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: often romantic, but sometimes with family, friends, even co workers. 181 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 1: And the reason why this form of manipulation occurs on 182 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,079 Speaker 1: such a personal relational level is because of the nature 183 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: of the abuse. The main purpose and goal of gas 184 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: lighting is to manipulate your sense of what is true. 185 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,480 Speaker 1: Inherent to that is kind of a necessary level of 186 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 1: trust in the other person. For example, if a stranger 187 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:09,920 Speaker 1: was to say, you know, that's not what I did. 188 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: You're crazy, you're remembering things wrong. We have no reason 189 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 1: to trust them. We don't have past experiences with them, 190 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 1: we don't have memories with them, so we don't always 191 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: believe that what they're saying is truthful. That's why it's 192 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:30,280 Speaker 1: so insidious, because it takes what is so pure about 193 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 1: our close relationship with someone, that bond, that willingness to 194 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 1: trust them, that sense of security, and it distorts it, 195 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: it weaponizes it against us. Additionally, I think it's worth 196 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: saying it, doesn't you know, start on day one. Often 197 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 1: this person, particularly if they're a romantic partner, will build 198 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: up our bond over time, and they make you feel 199 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: as if you've never known someone as well as you 200 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 1: know them, that you guys are soulmates, this relationship is 201 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: deeply spiritual and supernatural, and that they are the only 202 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,199 Speaker 1: one that you can trust, So what does it actually 203 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: look like. I want to return to Sarah's case here, 204 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,079 Speaker 1: that woman who shared those messages between herself and her 205 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:22,000 Speaker 1: ex that really kind of inspired this episode. In those messages, 206 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if you've read them. I would really 207 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 1: advise go and read up on this. It's super fascinating. 208 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: But he would repeatedly say things like that she was 209 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 1: overreacting in response to his demands. He would ask that 210 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 1: she not wears certain clothing, despite that being an insanely 211 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 1: excessive demand. He would shift the blame for his reactions 212 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 1: onto her, saying that her response were the reason he 213 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: was acting that way, saying that she was too sensitive, 214 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: and when she would call out his behaviors, he would 215 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,080 Speaker 1: repeatedly kind of say that she'd remembered it wrong, that 216 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: her interpretation wasn't true. And a lot of that fits 217 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: the profile of how we see gas lighting manifest in relationships. 218 00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:10,480 Speaker 1: It may start out with seemingly small offenses, statements like yeah, 219 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: I don't remember it that way, or you know you're 220 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 1: confusing me, or oh, you know you always overreact. You're 221 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: so sensitive, things that I think feel quite easy to overlook. However, 222 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: once the gas lighter can identify that you are questioning 223 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 1: your own judgment, that you are questioning reality. Thanks to 224 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 1: their actions, these statements and even their behavior becomes a 225 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,240 Speaker 1: lot more deliberate and far reaching. The whole purpose is 226 00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:42,000 Speaker 1: to detach you from your instincts, from your sense of self, 227 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 1: from your ability to trust yourself, by creating kind of 228 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: a barrier between your rational mind, your logical mind, and 229 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 1: your motive mind and making sure that they control both. 230 00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 1: Conflict in any kind of relationship is normal. But when 231 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 1: something causes conflict or causes you to be unhappy or 232 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: upset in this situation, the other person uses this range 233 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: of tactics to kind of win. They may claim that 234 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:15,240 Speaker 1: it simply never happened, you know, an outright denial of 235 00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: reality as we know it. That can be really scary, 236 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,320 Speaker 1: really terrifying to feel like you are not in control 237 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 1: of your mind, or you're creating these scenarios that feel 238 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: real because they are real, but they're telling you that 239 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: they're not. And that is so horrific, That belief that 240 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,760 Speaker 1: you cannot tell what is real and what is false 241 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: because someone you love is convincing you otherwise. I think 242 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: another typical response is kind of convincing you that you're 243 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 1: crazy I don't like that word, but for lack of 244 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 1: a better word, or that you're experiencing some kind of 245 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:55,080 Speaker 1: mental health crisis, or you're quote unquote hysterical or overreacting. 246 00:16:55,720 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: This is particularly common in male female romantic relateationships where 247 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: the male party is gaslighting the woman. There is this 248 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: really fascinating paper titled The Sociology of Gaslighting. It was 249 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 1: published in twenty nineteen. I'm going to leave it in 250 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: the episode description because it's super fascinating and it highlights 251 00:17:17,359 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 1: how gaslighting is particularly powerful in dynamics where gender has 252 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,879 Speaker 1: already kind of created an initial power and balance. That's 253 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 1: because historically women have always been depicted as irrational and 254 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,160 Speaker 1: less in control of their emotions, so male partners who 255 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 1: happen to be gaslighters are able to leverage these stereotypes 256 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 1: for their own gain. You know, we cannot discuss gaslighting 257 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:51,360 Speaker 1: without also discussing gender, because, as we all know, we 258 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: live in a society in which gender creates social inequality. 259 00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: An abuse is more commonly initiated by a male partner, 260 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: not always, but most of the time, and that same 261 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: kind of trend goes for gas lighting because it is 262 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:11,360 Speaker 1: a form of coercion, it's a form of psychological abuse. 263 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: But also we can even see how gender played a 264 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: role in the initial conceptualization of this phrase. You know, 265 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,919 Speaker 1: husbands using tactics to essentially manipulate their wives and have 266 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: them locked up. The very emergence of the term is 267 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 1: rooted in gender inequality. When perpetrators mobilize gender based stereotypes, 268 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: structural inequalities, institutional vulnerabilities as well against someone else in 269 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,920 Speaker 1: an intimate relationship. That's when gas slighting is particularly devastating, 270 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 1: especially when they combine that with these kind of made 271 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 1: up concerns about someone's psychological trustworthiness or emotional state. I 272 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:59,160 Speaker 1: think beyond this weaponization of mental health concerns, a gas 273 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: lighter can also take steps to physically alter our reality 274 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 1: and our surroundings to further invalidate our reality and our memory. 275 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 1: I was reading through some case studies of this and 276 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: I thought these were examples were really interesting to share. 277 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,920 Speaker 1: One of them was someone a partner who would hide 278 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 1: their spouse's keys, or their wallet, or their possessions in 279 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 1: a different place to where they'd left them, and then 280 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,160 Speaker 1: berate them that you know you can't find them because 281 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,960 Speaker 1: you're so disorganized, because your memory is so terrible. The 282 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 1: other one that I saw was sending text messages from 283 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 1: your phone and then deleting them, but using them as 284 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:39,240 Speaker 1: so called evidence later on to confirm that your interpretation 285 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: of reality is wrong and that you must be insane 286 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: for not remembering previous comments. I also read this one 287 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: case study which I like. I read this it made 288 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 1: it literally made me sick to my stomach. It was 289 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,679 Speaker 1: from a psychologist and she was recounting her client and 290 00:19:55,720 --> 00:20:00,640 Speaker 1: how her client's husband would steal her birth control pills 291 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,800 Speaker 1: and convince her that she'd already taken them for the day, 292 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 1: effectively undermining her control over her fertility by using gas 293 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: lighting to convince her that she couldn't trust her own 294 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: memory and therefore she had to rely on him to 295 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: confirm things. These individual specific examples are quite well documented, 296 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 1: and there are so many that we could speak on, 297 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: but generally, the typical pattern of gas lighting follows six 298 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 1: behavioral profiles or patterns, and these behaviors. Knowing what these 299 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:41,200 Speaker 1: behaviors are can help us identify if we're being gaslet, 300 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,360 Speaker 1: if there is some sign of this in a relationship 301 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:53,480 Speaker 1: that we have. These six profiles or six behaviors are withholding, countering, trivializing, denial, diverting, 302 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: and stereotyping. So let's step through each of these one 303 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: by one. Firstly, withholding cover both insidious and blatant lying, 304 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: but also pretending that they don't understand you when you 305 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,879 Speaker 1: try and bring up your concerns, they refuse to listen, 306 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:14,160 Speaker 1: they make you doubt yourself. For example, they might say, oh, 307 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: you know, you're so confused, or I don't know what 308 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: you're talking about, or withholding important information that would allow 309 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: you to validate your emotions or your experiences. Secondly, we 310 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: have countering. This is when someone questions your memory. They 311 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: say things like, are you sure about that? You have 312 00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 1: such a bad memory, you always forget things, you always 313 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 1: forget what happened, or they add additional incorrect details as 314 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:46,440 Speaker 1: a way to almost plant false memories. False memories are 315 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:51,200 Speaker 1: one of my favorite topics theories in psychology. They're actually 316 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,480 Speaker 1: really valuable to understand when we discuss gas lighting. So 317 00:21:55,840 --> 00:22:00,080 Speaker 1: this idea of false memories, it's essentially that our recollection 318 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: or our memory of an event is distorted or fabricated 319 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 1: due to someone else's influence. So this was first examined 320 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,919 Speaker 1: by Elizabeth Loftus in regard to witness testimonies about a 321 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: crime scene, and what she found is that depending on 322 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 1: the questions asked by the investigator, even what words they 323 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 1: were used, you know, kind of leading questions, guiding them 324 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: to a specific answer, people could remember an event entirely differently. 325 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 1: In a sense, new details are planted without our conscious knowledge, 326 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,360 Speaker 1: and we don't even realize that feels real to us 327 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: if someone, particularly someone in a position of authority, such 328 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 1: as a partner, who we trust and who we admire, 329 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 1: is the one telling us that. So if a gas 330 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: lighter repeatedly reinforces a specific fake detail of an event 331 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,040 Speaker 1: that maybe we don't remember because it didn't happen, if 332 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: that is repeated, we can kind of begin to believe it, 333 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: and our initial recollection is contaminated by their manipulation. We 334 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,960 Speaker 1: begin to think that they know better, that they're helping 335 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,800 Speaker 1: us by reminding us that is absolutely not our fault. 336 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 1: It's entirely through their manipulation that it occurs. And it's 337 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:27,720 Speaker 1: why even those really benign statements or questions of you know, 338 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,000 Speaker 1: is that what really happened? That's not how I remember, 339 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 1: it can be so insidious in these situations. Trivializing is 340 00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: the third sign to look out for. This occurs when 341 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:46,119 Speaker 1: someone kind of belittles or disregards how we feel and 342 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:51,160 Speaker 1: attempts to undermine the sincerity of our emotions. They don't 343 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:55,520 Speaker 1: respect our reaction. They may even accuse us of, you know, 344 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 1: being too sensitive or overreacting in response to a very 345 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: value and reasonable concern, because this means that they don't 346 00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:07,119 Speaker 1: have to take you seriously, and your emotions are a 347 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,080 Speaker 1: personal fault rather than something that they should be concerned about. 348 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,840 Speaker 1: This can also have the run on effect of making 349 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:19,120 Speaker 1: you feel like you can't express your feelings to them, 350 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:24,440 Speaker 1: and you're essentially being silenced because you're worried that you'll 351 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:29,119 Speaker 1: only reinforce their perception of you as overly sensitive or hyperreactive. 352 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,160 Speaker 1: They make you feel like you're going to be judged 353 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:36,160 Speaker 1: for simply expressing how you feel. Here's the thing, though, 354 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,960 Speaker 1: someone who loves you, someone who cares about you, will 355 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: care about your emotions regardless of how they're expressed. They 356 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: will understand that your emotions are subjective. They will understand 357 00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:50,680 Speaker 1: that you are reacting in the best way you can. 358 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: They don't care if you're sensitive. They will respect them 359 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: even if it's inconvenient. There is no question that if 360 00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,679 Speaker 1: you have a problem, if this is something that is 361 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,080 Speaker 1: worried you, it's something that should be important to them. 362 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 1: I think also when someone trivializes your emotions, they make 363 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:12,760 Speaker 1: you feel really silly and embarrassed. And what that also 364 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,480 Speaker 1: means is that you're unlikely to share your experiences with 365 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 1: other people because you don't want them to think you're overreacting. 366 00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 1: That's actually a really solid and I think one of 367 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 1: the main pillars of any kind of emotional or psychological abuse, 368 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 1: it's isolating you from other people. And in this instance, 369 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 1: they don't need to physically isolate you. They can psychologically 370 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,520 Speaker 1: isolate you by making you feel like others are going 371 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,160 Speaker 1: to react unfavorably, that others aren't going to believe you either. 372 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: The fourth kind of behavioral profile pattern symptom sign is 373 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:54,639 Speaker 1: denial and a refusal to take responsibility, blaming it on 374 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,639 Speaker 1: someone else or how stressful their job is, or that 375 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: it was just a moment of weakness, and of course 376 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: blaming it on you, saying that you're not respecting their boundaries, 377 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 1: that this is your fault that they have to act 378 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:11,199 Speaker 1: that way. None of those are valid reasons to behave 379 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: in a way that gas lights will hurt someone, None 380 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:19,040 Speaker 1: of them that you know is part of the explanation. Maybe, 381 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: but it does not constitute an apology or an outright excuse, 382 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: not in the slightest denial. When they use it this 383 00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 1: way absolves them of a sense of responsibility, and without 384 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: them taking responsibility, without them even acknowledging it, we once 385 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,040 Speaker 1: again feel like it's our fault. We are the problem here. 386 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: It's our reality that needs to be questioned. It's our 387 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 1: thoughts and our experiences that are wrong. The fifth is diverting, 388 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,439 Speaker 1: and using this technique they will attempt to avoid and 389 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,480 Speaker 1: re route the conversation. For example, say you approach someone, 390 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,879 Speaker 1: you say, I can see that you've been undermining my emotions. 391 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 1: You're making me question my reality. That's gaslighting. I'm leaving you. 392 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 1: Probably something a bit more nuanced than that, but you 393 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 1: kind of get the picture. They might say, oh, you 394 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: want to talk about gaslighting, Well, what about the other 395 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:14,400 Speaker 1: day when you did X or Y, or you hurt 396 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: my feelings when you did this. That is diverting. It's 397 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:22,040 Speaker 1: smoke and mirrors, trying to put the guilt and the 398 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: blame back on you, but also finding ways to not 399 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,960 Speaker 1: allow you to say your peace, not allow you to 400 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:35,200 Speaker 1: confront them, not give you the opportunity to clarify your reality. 401 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: Once again, they are in control. They want you to 402 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,480 Speaker 1: feel guilt rather than having to take responsibility for it themselves. 403 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:49,440 Speaker 1: And finally, we have stereotyping. Now this is not one 404 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,240 Speaker 1: that I think we typically think of, but we spoke 405 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 1: about it before in regards to the manipulation of gender 406 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:59,439 Speaker 1: stereotyping to make women feel hysterical. But it goes a 407 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:04,360 Speaker 1: lot deeper than that. Studies have repeatedly shown how abuses 408 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: can use stereotypes about people based on gender, based on race, 409 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:14,479 Speaker 1: based on sexuality, or nationality to gaslight them and those 410 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: around them. For example, if our legal system or our 411 00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 1: justice system, or our society in general already stereotypes someone 412 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,879 Speaker 1: and sees them as untrustworthy or overreactive, or as a 413 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 1: liar based on some group characteristic, that is untrue. The 414 00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:35,600 Speaker 1: abuser knows that, and they will leverage that. And that's 415 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 1: especially the case when someone tries to speak out. We 416 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 1: see this time and time again, a woman or a 417 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 1: person of color or a member of the queer community 418 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:48,640 Speaker 1: comes forward, and suddenly there are all these articles victim 419 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: shaming them or painting them in a certain light because 420 00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: of their identity, not because of what this other person 421 00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:01,960 Speaker 1: has done. And I think sometimes we fail to recognize that, 422 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,720 Speaker 1: not fail to recognize. I don't think it's our fault, 423 00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:10,120 Speaker 1: but I think abuses and people who gaslight take advantage 424 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:17,480 Speaker 1: of the fact that they know our society, They understand stereotypes, 425 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 1: and they understand how social and cultural pressure can keep 426 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 1: us quiet. I think it also demonstrates how gas slighting 427 00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 1: doesn't just occur in a relational context, but it's also 428 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: aided by groupthink and in group settings, whereby our society 429 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: or powerful narratives around certain groups begin to convince us 430 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,240 Speaker 1: that maybe this person is right, maybe we are wrong, 431 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,000 Speaker 1: maybe we are this kind of person, Maybe we cannot 432 00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:50,560 Speaker 1: trust ourselves. All of these practices, all of these techniques 433 00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: the broader context, they work in tandem. The abuser takes 434 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 1: advantage of all of them. The gas slider takes advantage 435 00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: of all of them to create an environment where you 436 00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:06,000 Speaker 1: feel like you'll never be believed, that you can't even 437 00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,800 Speaker 1: believe yourself or figure out your reality that you are 438 00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:12,760 Speaker 1: in the wrong because someone has kind of consistently convinced 439 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 1: you that you can't even believe yourself, And the psychological 440 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: impacts of that are incredibly profound and incredibly detrimental. That 441 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 1: constant self doubt and confusion, that sense of blame can 442 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 1: really lead to a lot of anxiety and even isolation 443 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: because you no longer really trust your own version of 444 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: reality and you feel embarrassed to maybe behave a certain 445 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: way in front of people. You're convinced that maybe you're 446 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: going crazy, or that you can't appropriately respond to things 447 00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 1: that have happened, you can't remember how things actually occur. 448 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 1: It can also, in some instances lead to PTSD. So 449 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 1: there was this study conducted a while ago looking at 450 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: institutional gas sightings, so gaslighting that occurs in kind of 451 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: like a workplace, and they specifically looked at the medical community. 452 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: They looked at hospitals, and they found that nurses and 453 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,520 Speaker 1: medical staff who had been gas lit by employers often 454 00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:19,760 Speaker 1: experienced symptoms of PTSD for months, even years after they'd 455 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: actually left that workplace, after they'd left that position, and 456 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:28,760 Speaker 1: in severe cases, we can see things like codependency or 457 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: even a version of Stockholm syndrome kind of arise. And 458 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:36,520 Speaker 1: in this instance, Stockholm syndrome is where we develop a 459 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: psychological bond and a dependency on the person who is 460 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:45,560 Speaker 1: actually manipulating us. This person, this gas lighter, has created 461 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: a psychological environment whereby you rely on them to affirm 462 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: your reality and to tell you what emotions are appropriate 463 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,200 Speaker 1: and real, and therefore they know that you'll come to 464 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: rely on them because they've broken down your trust in yourself. Obviously, 465 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: this is in very severe cases, I will say that, 466 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,160 Speaker 1: but I think exposure to this pattern of behavior can 467 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: leave us with a lot of trauma that can't be discredited. 468 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: So what I want to explore next is why why 469 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:20,120 Speaker 1: would someone that we love, someone that we trust, whether 470 00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,040 Speaker 1: that's a partner, a family member, whoever, why do they 471 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 1: engage in this kind of habitual pattern of behavior. I 472 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,800 Speaker 1: really want to explore that, but also further to that, 473 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 1: how to detach from these kinds of people and identify 474 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,760 Speaker 1: science early on all of that and more after this shortbreak, 475 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: there is obviously no excuse for gas sighting, even if 476 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,520 Speaker 1: someone doesn't know they're doing it, whatever the origins of 477 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 1: their behavior, even if they aren't trying to be actively malicious, 478 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: They still have a responsible ability to hold themselves accountable, 479 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:05,280 Speaker 1: to do the work to figure out the why, the cause, 480 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 1: the internal tendencies that unconsciously or consciously create this pattern 481 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 1: or way of treating others. I really want to say 482 00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 1: that before we look into the psychological origins, because I 483 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: don't want any of these reasons to sound like excuses. 484 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,400 Speaker 1: I want to examine this from a very scientific perspective 485 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:28,040 Speaker 1: and look at the why why are some people like 486 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,520 Speaker 1: this and not others? How can we use this understanding 487 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: to identify a potential gaslighter before they actually begin to 488 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,440 Speaker 1: employ these gas lighting techniques? You know, like I said, 489 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:45,200 Speaker 1: especially in a romantic context, most of the time, this 490 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 1: person isn't going to start gaslighting you from the first state. 491 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: They're not going to outwardly tell you that this is 492 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,840 Speaker 1: what they plan to do. They're pretty smart. Sometimes they 493 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,480 Speaker 1: don't even know, and they also know that they need 494 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 1: to build that foundation of trust and slowly kind of 495 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:03,800 Speaker 1: introduce this confusion into our minds. So what comes before 496 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 1: the gas lighting begins? What kind of person does this? 497 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 1: Who should we be looking out for. One of the 498 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:17,360 Speaker 1: biggest determinants is personality. Personality I think can really be 499 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: drawn on for a lot of explanations in psychology. Whatever 500 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,920 Speaker 1: we're looking at, it's kind of a black box with 501 00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,239 Speaker 1: all of the information for how we turn out the 502 00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 1: way that we do. But narcissism and gas lighting are 503 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 1: very closely linked and sometimes I've seen it like used interchangeably. 504 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:39,799 Speaker 1: So narcissism it's actually a personality disorder. It's characterized by 505 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,560 Speaker 1: a lack of empathy, by an excessive need for admiration 506 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: and a sense of superiority or entitlement over others. This 507 00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 1: behavioral profile allows someone to initiate gas lighting with a 508 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:58,680 Speaker 1: lot less guilt and also ease if we also examine 509 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:03,840 Speaker 1: the intentions of gas slighting behavior, that is to maintain control. 510 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:09,280 Speaker 1: That's something that narcissists inherently crave, and therefore they're often 511 00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: drawn to gas slighting as a way to manipulate, as 512 00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: a way to control, as a way to ensure their 513 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:20,360 Speaker 1: needs are the first ones being met before yours, that 514 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 1: their version of reality is always right. And I think 515 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:27,439 Speaker 1: additionally to that, because they can't feel empathy the way 516 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,439 Speaker 1: that most people can, they're not going to have any 517 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 1: guilt in doing this. They're not going to feel bad 518 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,000 Speaker 1: for making you feel crazy. They're not going to feel 519 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 1: bad for lying in the same vein. I think pathological 520 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 1: liars are also more prone to have gas sighting tendencies. 521 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:50,480 Speaker 1: One of the main reasons people lie is to avoid accountability. 522 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,919 Speaker 1: There's this really fascinating study on this, and it found 523 00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,799 Speaker 1: that a lot of people who we would diagnose as 524 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:00,400 Speaker 1: compulsive or pathological liars, they report that one of the 525 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:04,160 Speaker 1: main reasons they lie. When they're asked why why do 526 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,719 Speaker 1: you lie? Is there a reason you do this? What 527 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,840 Speaker 1: they say is because at some stage they learn that 528 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:14,120 Speaker 1: lying can get them what they want with little consequences. 529 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:20,560 Speaker 1: It has some personal utility or value, and when lies 530 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,759 Speaker 1: can be used to control others, they get what they 531 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,920 Speaker 1: want from the people around them. In that way, I 532 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:30,480 Speaker 1: think pathological lying and gas lighting they very naturally kind 533 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,280 Speaker 1: of operate in tandem. There have been some other explanations 534 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,040 Speaker 1: as to why this emerges. Some actually believe that all 535 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:42,960 Speaker 1: gaslighting or manipulative behavior is actually learned, so for children 536 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 1: who grow up with parents who gaslight, their behavior becomes normalized. 537 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:53,399 Speaker 1: We also know from Bandura's experiments on social learning that 538 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: children primarily learn through observations, and they may not even 539 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:01,920 Speaker 1: realize what they're doing. Their parents have set up this 540 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,520 Speaker 1: kind of blueprint. As children. The only way we can 541 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 1: learn to survive, The only way we learn what is 542 00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:11,839 Speaker 1: normal is by what our caregivers are doing or what 543 00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,399 Speaker 1: people around us are doing. On the other hand, they 544 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 1: may also learn through trial and error. I guess that 545 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: in order to get what they want, they have to manipulate, 546 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,120 Speaker 1: they have to gaslight other people. Maybe that was due 547 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:31,960 Speaker 1: to a strict upbringing or emulating older siblings. That's just 548 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:36,080 Speaker 1: one of the explanations that it is unlearned behavior. I 549 00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,960 Speaker 1: think manipulation can also be used for status. A lot 550 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,960 Speaker 1: of people call people like Putin or Donald Trump gas slighters. 551 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:47,320 Speaker 1: They use lies and create a false reality for political power. 552 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 1: And at the very end of the spectrum of explanations 553 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:56,680 Speaker 1: is that gas lighting is utilized for sadistic pleasure. So 554 00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: there are some people out there who just like other 555 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:04,400 Speaker 1: people to hurt. They get pleasure from seeing others suffering. 556 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:10,319 Speaker 1: And although I think that is extremely rare, very very rare, 557 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,640 Speaker 1: it does just kind of go to show how nuanced 558 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,399 Speaker 1: this behavior and the origins of this behavior are, how 559 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 1: much they have to do with personality and something internally 560 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: that's gone wrong, some part of our temperament, some part 561 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:29,000 Speaker 1: of other people's temperament that just never fully developed. But 562 00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:33,000 Speaker 1: looking at these explanations and these origins, I hope that 563 00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:36,919 Speaker 1: the one thing that is most clear is that none 564 00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,520 Speaker 1: of them have to do with us. It is not 565 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:43,799 Speaker 1: our fault. We have not done anything to deserve to 566 00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,640 Speaker 1: be gas lit. We're not asking for it, we don't 567 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 1: have some personal vulnerability. Nothing about this has to do 568 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:58,439 Speaker 1: with personal blame. Gaslighting is entirely the gaslighters problem. From 569 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:03,759 Speaker 1: personality disorders to maybe even genetics, observation or learning, none 570 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,680 Speaker 1: of that is something that we are responsible for. However, 571 00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,560 Speaker 1: the question still remains, what do we do if we've 572 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:14,560 Speaker 1: identified that we are in a situation where someone is 573 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,800 Speaker 1: trying to alter our reality or manipulate us for their gain. 574 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,240 Speaker 1: How do we detach from this person? I think firstly, 575 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:27,120 Speaker 1: talk to other people you trust about your experience. This 576 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: person is betting on your unconditional trust in them and 577 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:34,839 Speaker 1: their reality and their coercive tactics. So when we begin 578 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,880 Speaker 1: to outsource and get advice from others who have a 579 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 1: more objective perspective, it begins to undermine the ways that 580 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:47,080 Speaker 1: they're manipulating us. This incredible article put it this way. 581 00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 1: One of the primary goals of the gas slider is 582 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:57,040 Speaker 1: psychological isolation and emotional dependence, especially if they have narcissistic 583 00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:00,799 Speaker 1: personality disorder or something of the sort. So when we 584 00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: reach out to our support system to share with them 585 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,759 Speaker 1: our reality, to tell them what is happening, what we know, 586 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:11,960 Speaker 1: what we've seen and experienced, we are further integrating our 587 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:16,080 Speaker 1: truth in our minds. We are sharing our narrative. Further 588 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,560 Speaker 1: to that, I would say, keep track of your experiences, 589 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,640 Speaker 1: either in a journal or a notesapp reaffirm your truth. 590 00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,319 Speaker 1: Reaffirm the truth as it is happening to you, so 591 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,319 Speaker 1: you can kind of push back against their lies and 592 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:33,120 Speaker 1: manipulation with what really happened, not just externally but also internally. 593 00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:35,480 Speaker 1: How did you respond to this, How did you feel 594 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,959 Speaker 1: when they made you feel that way. That doesn't mean 595 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:41,840 Speaker 1: that you need to sit down and confront them with 596 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:45,000 Speaker 1: all your evidence and get them to admit everything, because 597 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,400 Speaker 1: I think it's highly unlikely that they will. We know 598 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,200 Speaker 1: that one of the biggest tactics used by people who 599 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:58,560 Speaker 1: gaslight is denial, and that determination to deny runsteep. Additionally, 600 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,799 Speaker 1: when we try to confront people like this and get 601 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,720 Speaker 1: them to accept our reality, our perspective, in some ways 602 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:12,960 Speaker 1: we're still asking for their approval over our experiences. We 603 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,279 Speaker 1: don't need their approval. They don't deserve access to that. 604 00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:20,080 Speaker 1: You know your reality, You know what happened. Whether they 605 00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:23,680 Speaker 1: confirm or deny, whether they just dig their heels in deeper, 606 00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,440 Speaker 1: that should not change anything about what you went through 607 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,000 Speaker 1: or are going through, and what that means for you. 608 00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,960 Speaker 1: It also provides them with an opportunity to learn and 609 00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 1: change tactics, to know us better and therefore get better 610 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,799 Speaker 1: at manipulating us. I think a person who is gaslighting 611 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,800 Speaker 1: will blatantly lie, They will shift the narrative, they will 612 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,680 Speaker 1: minimize how you feel. So look out for those common phrases. 613 00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:52,600 Speaker 1: You know, they're just being so dramatic. You're making things 614 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,560 Speaker 1: up that never happened, You're blowing things out of proportion. 615 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:58,680 Speaker 1: If you want to have a conversation with them, keep 616 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,839 Speaker 1: it super simple. Not there to argue or convince them 617 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,279 Speaker 1: that your feelings matter. You know that they matter, and 618 00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:08,759 Speaker 1: if they begin to deny or minimize, you have every 619 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,400 Speaker 1: right to leave that conversation. You know, I don't usually 620 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,240 Speaker 1: believe in ghosting or icing someone out, but in some 621 00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:19,200 Speaker 1: situations it is called for. And if you need to 622 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:23,719 Speaker 1: distance yourself, they don't need an explanation from you. You 623 00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:27,040 Speaker 1: have every right to set your boundaries and do what's 624 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,360 Speaker 1: best for yourself. They've been doing what's best for them 625 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:33,080 Speaker 1: all along, so you are very much in your right 626 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:36,320 Speaker 1: to do that as well, by distancing yourself, by putting 627 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:39,560 Speaker 1: the issue to bed, by really being like, I'm going 628 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,399 Speaker 1: to focus on how I can move forward, and if 629 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,759 Speaker 1: that doesn't include you, that you, that's your loss. That's 630 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:50,279 Speaker 1: your loss. I also think be gentle with yourself in 631 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:54,960 Speaker 1: the aftermath, and notice when you start to engage in 632 00:42:55,080 --> 00:43:00,120 Speaker 1: negative self talk or self blame. It's fairly common, I 633 00:43:00,160 --> 00:43:02,640 Speaker 1: would say, to still feel some of the remnants of 634 00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:06,080 Speaker 1: their actions and its impact on you to sometimes question 635 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,200 Speaker 1: your reality because we have been conditioned or indoctrinated by 636 00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:13,919 Speaker 1: this person's actions. We may also experience what we would 637 00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:18,040 Speaker 1: call an emotional hangover, which is kind of that energetic 638 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:23,239 Speaker 1: residue left over from a particularly traumatic or intense interaction 639 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,600 Speaker 1: or event. I promise you you did the best you could. 640 00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,880 Speaker 1: You're a good person, a trusting person. You are kind, 641 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:34,799 Speaker 1: you are forgiving. These are beautiful qualities that you do 642 00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:38,960 Speaker 1: not have to erase just because of someone else. Finally, 643 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,320 Speaker 1: professional help is so so important here. There is nothing 644 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,879 Speaker 1: I could ever say on this podcast that is going 645 00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,000 Speaker 1: to help as much as a therapist or a psychologist could. 646 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:54,920 Speaker 1: Someone who knows you personally, who you can go to 647 00:43:55,160 --> 00:43:59,600 Speaker 1: in confidence, who has to kind of give you an 648 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,240 Speaker 1: objective opinion and specific skills. You know they've seen it before. 649 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:08,279 Speaker 1: They can speak to you and speak you through exactly 650 00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,560 Speaker 1: what needs to be done based on your situation. I 651 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:17,200 Speaker 1: think it's a complicated thing. It's a very nuanced, nuanced experience, 652 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:21,840 Speaker 1: for sure, But having the proper understanding and the proper 653 00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:25,719 Speaker 1: skills and the proper language around what it is can 654 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:30,919 Speaker 1: really help us overcome it and really help us identify 655 00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:35,840 Speaker 1: that it's not our fault. It's really not our fault. 656 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:41,040 Speaker 1: It's someone else's intentions, someone else's problematic behavior that they 657 00:44:41,160 --> 00:44:43,360 Speaker 1: need to figure out, They need to work through that. 658 00:44:43,880 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 1: They need to go back to their childhood, or go 659 00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,960 Speaker 1: back to their roots, or really go back to their 660 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 1: personality and examine what kind of issue is this really 661 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:58,160 Speaker 1: stemming from what kind of vulnerability or insecurity or problematic behavior? 662 00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:02,319 Speaker 1: Am I masking doing this to someone else? So I 663 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,640 Speaker 1: really hope that this episode helped you out. Hope it 664 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,680 Speaker 1: gave you some further information and some kind of better 665 00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:13,319 Speaker 1: evidence based understanding of what this term means. I see 666 00:45:13,360 --> 00:45:16,719 Speaker 1: it used so often on social media platforms, and I 667 00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:20,560 Speaker 1: think if that's the only place that you receive psycho education, 668 00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:26,560 Speaker 1: sometimes our interpretation can become quite ambiguous and not specific enough. 669 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,920 Speaker 1: So if there's someone in your life who needs to 670 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,200 Speaker 1: hear this episode, please feel free to share it along. 671 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:35,080 Speaker 1: I really think it is an important topic. It's something 672 00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:38,759 Speaker 1: we all need to be cognizant of and aware of 673 00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:42,000 Speaker 1: and be able to use as part of our language 674 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:46,120 Speaker 1: and our kind of psychological toolkit. As always, if you 675 00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:49,200 Speaker 1: enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave a five 676 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:53,240 Speaker 1: star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify wherever you are listening 677 00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:56,040 Speaker 1: right now, and if you want to support the show, 678 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,440 Speaker 1: if you want to support me, please do check out 679 00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:03,320 Speaker 1: our patreot on It is attached in the episode description. 680 00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,400 Speaker 1: It's really quite ridiculously cheap. It's like a dollar a month. 681 00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:11,000 Speaker 1: It's like the cheapest version, and every kind of small 682 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,360 Speaker 1: bit of support really does go a long way. I 683 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:17,319 Speaker 1: really appreciate all of you who have already decided to 684 00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,080 Speaker 1: join along in that community, so thank you so much, 685 00:46:20,719 --> 00:46:23,960 Speaker 1: and as always, we will be back next week with 686 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:30,560 Speaker 1: another episode.