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Speaker 1: Hello.

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Speaker 2: What is your name? My name is Alison Allison. How

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Speaker 2: you doing?

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Speaker 1: I'm good? How are you?

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Speaker 2: You know? I can't complain I'm caffeinated, I'm alert, I'm attentive.

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Speaker 2: I can't always say the same. I can't always say

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Speaker 2: that with confidence. To be honest, I've actually been getting

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Speaker 2: like a few comments on you can like comment on

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Speaker 2: podcasts on Spotify now, and I'll look at my Spotify

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Speaker 2: comments and I'll occasional I'll get a few that say, like,

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Speaker 2: is Lyle drunk? And I'm like, oh god, people can

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Speaker 2: tell I'm not drunk. But I guess I'm not always

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Speaker 2: as alert and attentive as I would like to be.

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Speaker 2: I guess we can thank stimulants. I'm on a Celsius

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Speaker 2: right now. Shout out to Celsius. I've found that drinking

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Speaker 2: a Celsius or a coffee before I do one of

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Speaker 2: these streams is kind of like the key to being

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Speaker 2: able to be attentive and Okay, But I guess that's bad, right,

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Speaker 2: I should be able to function without caffeine.

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Speaker 1: But I was gonna say, does it is it a

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Speaker 1: little draining? I was gonna say, is it a little

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Speaker 1: draining to like talk to people all the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely. It's definitely draining, but I on the day,

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Speaker 2: I like doing it on the days that I like

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Speaker 2: doing it, And like, in this very moment, as I'm

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Speaker 2: talking to you, I feel, like I said, very alert

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Speaker 2: and attentive and good. So I'm ready to chit chat

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Speaker 2: on the phone. Well enough about my my green little ass.

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Speaker 2: What's up with you?

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Speaker 3: Man?

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Speaker 2: Would you want to talk about today?

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Speaker 1: Not much. I didn't expect you to call me. Tonight's

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Speaker 1: like the one night that I was like, maybe I

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Speaker 1: won't send a text. I've been like trying a lot,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm just gonna like chill and

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Speaker 1: like here you are. So I'm like super stoked and unprepared.

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Speaker 2: Well, what is it you'd like to talk about?

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Speaker 1: Well, there's a few things I could talk about. The

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Speaker 1: thing that I thought would be like most therapy get

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Speaker 1: go esque is I have. So Actually, tonight's like the

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Speaker 1: perfect night. My dad was over tonight and he so,

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Speaker 1: to make it short, he spent ten years in jail

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Speaker 1: and got out about five years ago when I first

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Speaker 1: graduated high school, and he went to jail for I

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Speaker 1: guess you could like say attempted murder of my I

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Speaker 1: call her my half mom. She's basically my half brother's mom,

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Speaker 1: who is also oddly enough best friends with my mom.

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Speaker 1: Now it's a super weird, interesting relationship. But yeah, so

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Speaker 1: he tried to kill her, and he got out of

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Speaker 1: jail about five years ago, and I just now started

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Speaker 1: to like build a relationship with him. But there's like

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Speaker 1: a little bit of a hang up because he he

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Speaker 1: apparently was in a gang called the Aryan Brotherhood, and

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Speaker 1: he swears it was just for like survival in jail,

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Speaker 1: but he still has like swastika tattoos. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if you know anything about Aryan Brotherhood, but they're

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Speaker 1: kind of like a racist based gang from what I understand.

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Speaker 1: And we're trying to navigate if we want that I

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Speaker 1: just had a baby three months ago, and we're trying

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Speaker 1: to navigate if it's like a good idea to have

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Speaker 1: him around, if there's potential for him to still be

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Speaker 1: that way. But he doesn't really act that way. But

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Speaker 1: then sometimes he says things that are like like the

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Speaker 1: other day, he said something like about these people that

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Speaker 1: he knew and they were people's color, and he was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like they're black, but they're super nice though, and me

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Speaker 1: and my husband both kind of were like, oh, like

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that was That kind of indicates

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Speaker 1: a little bit of like why would you think that

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Speaker 1: they wouldn't be nice? So, yeah, I want to know

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Speaker 1: what you think about that.

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Speaker 2: Hmm, well what do I think about that? So your dad,

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Speaker 2: I guess from the beginning, So your dad fifteen years

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Speaker 2: ago tried to kill your who you call your half mom?

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Speaker 4: Yes? Uh?

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Speaker 2: Do you call her your half mom? Because like I

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Speaker 2: assume you have a biological mom?

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Speaker 5: That.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's a a dumb thing to assume, because

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Speaker 2: I guess everybody does. Do you have contact with your

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Speaker 2: biological mom? I do? Yes? Okay, So this woman is

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Speaker 2: like your dad's like ex girlfriend who like you're still

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Speaker 2: cool with?

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Speaker 4: Yes? Yes?

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Speaker 2: And why did your dad try to kill her?

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Speaker 1: So he was definitely on drugs and apparently there was

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Speaker 1: like a bad night where she may have had some

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Speaker 1: other men around and he like kind of lost it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. It's kind of like the way I

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Speaker 1: kind of look at it with them is like they

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Speaker 1: both of them are known to lie. So I'll never

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Speaker 1: actually know the full truth of what happened, but from

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Speaker 1: what I can kind of gather from both sides. There

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Speaker 1: was definitely some sort of disagreement or jealousy, and drugs

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Speaker 1: fueled a lot of it, and one thing led to

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Speaker 1: another And yeah.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And so throughout the ten years that your dad

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Speaker 2: was in jail, you were still cool with your half mom? Yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: and once he once your dad got out, was are

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Speaker 2: him and your half mom cool or is she kind

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Speaker 2: of like, hey, you kinds tried to kill me?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So this is like a whole other layer

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Speaker 1: to it. But she is African American and so him

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Speaker 1: joining the Arian brotherhood, he has a son with her

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Speaker 1: who's my half brother. And yeah, and so that's like

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Speaker 1: a big hang up too, because now he doesn't he

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Speaker 1: is so proud to be like my dad. But this

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Speaker 1: this brother is a minor, so there is that. So

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Speaker 1: there is a restraining order. So it's hard for him

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Speaker 1: to even have a relationship with him. But sometimes I

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Speaker 1: wonder if he actually wants him in his life or

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Speaker 1: if he's just saying that to get my approval, because

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Speaker 1: when I push, like.

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Speaker 2: Proving the brother whose brother is this?

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Speaker 1: He's my brother and he's my dad's son and the

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Speaker 1: half mom's son as.

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Speaker 2: Well, oh, okay, all right. So he's your half brother, yes, okay,

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Speaker 2: and I assume that being in the Aryan brotherhood has

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Speaker 2: given your half mom.

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Speaker 1: The ick, you know, I think that's safe to assume.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So your half brother has a restraining order against your.

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Speaker 1: Dad, my half mom, and because he's a minor, I

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Speaker 1: think it like kind of umbrellas over him as well.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so your half mom has a restraining order against

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Speaker 2: your dad, which also applies to your half brother because

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Speaker 2: he's a minor. Correct, all right, So that restraining order

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Speaker 2: answers the question of whether or not your dad and

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Speaker 2: your half mom are cool now, yes, yes, okay, but

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Speaker 2: you and her are still cool.

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Speaker 1: We were cool for a very long time, but around

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Speaker 1: the time that I moved out when I was eighteen,

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Speaker 1: we became uncool because it's like a whole nother story.

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Speaker 1: My mom is like kind of a narcissist, and so

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Speaker 1: they're like bfs my half mom with my mom. And

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Speaker 1: so when I was fighting with my mom and I

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Speaker 1: got kicked out, the half mom showed up to the

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Speaker 1: place I was staying with a gun, and like, it's

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Speaker 1: a whole thing. So we're not cool now. But my

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Speaker 1: brother and I are tight. I love him, he's great.

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Speaker 2: So you wait, so your mom, your biological mom is

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Speaker 2: now cool. She's not even cool. Your biological mom is

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Speaker 2: BFFs with your half mom, who her ex husband tried

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Speaker 2: to kill. Yes, so I assume that your biological mom

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Speaker 2: also hates your dad. Yes, that's pretty crazy. And when

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Speaker 2: you say your brother, your friend, and your half brother,

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Speaker 2: and so you and your sixteen year old brother are very.

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Speaker 1: Cool, yes, yes we are.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So five years ago your dad got out of jail,

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Speaker 2: and then when did he try to come back into

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Speaker 2: your life?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, like the same month I think that he got

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Speaker 1: out of jail, and I had a lot of pent

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Speaker 1: up emotions about it, so I didn't really interact with

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Speaker 1: him much. And then I basically told him one day,

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Speaker 1: like for me to trust even trying to trust him,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna have to wait, like I need to see

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Speaker 1: him be good for a couple of years and be

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Speaker 1: consistent before he can come into my life.

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Speaker 2: Okay, And have you has has the behavior that you've

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Speaker 2: seen over the past five years been up to like

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Speaker 2: what you desired?

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Speaker 1: Honestly for the most part. Yet it's like super surprising

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Speaker 1: because somehow my mom, who was in my life my

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Speaker 1: whole life, is having more trouble building a relationship with

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Speaker 1: me than my dad, who was pretty much absent my

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Speaker 1: whole life. But then there's that part where it's like

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Speaker 1: he has swaps the ka tattoos and he was a

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Speaker 1: part of this racist gang and doesn't fully acknowledge my

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Speaker 1: brother and says these comments that might seem a little racist,

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Speaker 1: and we're like.

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Speaker 2: What, being in the brotherhood is a whole thing. It

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Speaker 2: is a whole It is a thing. It is definitely

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Speaker 2: a thing, Like.

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Speaker 1: It is not to be taken lightly, Like I do

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Speaker 1: not want to be a racist person apologist or like

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Speaker 1: try to be like cool with that at all, Like

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Speaker 1: that is not okay with me, especially if he's not

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Speaker 1: going to acknowledge my half brother.

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Speaker 2: Has he tried to have a relationship with your half

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Speaker 2: brother in the same way that he's tried to have

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Speaker 2: a relationship with you.

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Speaker 1: Because of the restraining order, it makes it really hard,

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Speaker 1: but he has expressed it when I bring it up.

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Speaker 1: But I wonder how genuine he is about that, or

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Speaker 1: if he's kind of using the restraining order as like

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Speaker 1: his excuse not to be around.

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Speaker 2: Oh, like he can have his cake and eat it

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Speaker 2: too by pretending he wants a relationship, but he also

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Speaker 2: can't because of their restraining order.

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Speaker 1: Exactly.

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Speaker 2: Well, I have your brother. Is he your brother? Sixteen?

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Speaker 2: You said he's a minor. Yep, all right, so I

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Speaker 2: guess in a couple of years if he wants to,

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Speaker 2: he can reach out. Mm hmm. How old are you?

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Speaker 1: I am twenty five?

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Speaker 2: Okay, And so you just hung out with your dad today.

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Speaker 2: So how long have you and your dad been hanging out.

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Speaker 1: I just had my baby three months ago and I

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Speaker 1: want to stay around two and a half months. And

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Speaker 1: so well we're like close to court. He's come over

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Speaker 1: with maybe the last like months and a half.

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Speaker 2: Ish, so it's so it's been kind of fresh that

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Speaker 2: you've been so okay. So he when he first got

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Speaker 2: out of jail, you were like, give me a few

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Speaker 2: years so that I can see that you're, you know,

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Speaker 2: not crazy. And you gave him a few years. You

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Speaker 2: were like, all right, maybe you're not crazy. And he's

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Speaker 2: been coming over for the past two months and things

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Speaker 2: have been chilled.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh, exactly.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So look, I mean, do you do you want

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Speaker 2: to have a relationship with him.

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Speaker 1: I think it's nor for any kid to want to

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Speaker 1: have a relationship with their parents. But I also know that, like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to tolerate racist behavior.

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Speaker 2: Have you asked him why he doesn't get the tattoos removed.

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Speaker 1: It's something that's been kind of nervous to approach. But

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Speaker 1: we've been Me and my husband have been talking about

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Speaker 1: it more and we're thinking about jumping on the opportunity

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Speaker 1: to do that soon.

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Speaker 2: I think that's fair. I think I think if you

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Speaker 2: set the thing of hey, listen, you can be in

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Speaker 2: my life and uh, you can be a grandfather to

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Speaker 2: my kid, but you got to quit the Aryan brotherhood.

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Speaker 1: I think that, you know, when you put it like that,

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Speaker 1: it really is reasonable, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: I think that's a solid pitch.

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Speaker 1: I think you're right.

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Speaker 2: I think I don't know. I don't know what's so

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Speaker 2: great about the area and brother. I don't know if

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Speaker 2: they give him health insurance or kind of what's going

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Speaker 2: on over there. But yeah, you know, I think that's.

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Speaker 1: A fair pitch, you know, And I think if he

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Speaker 1: gives me any pushback, I might just genuinely ask, like,

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Speaker 1: what benefits are there to be in a racist group.

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Speaker 2: Hey, they have dental Well, how old is a baby?

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Speaker 1: She is three and a half months, She's fifteen weeks.

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Speaker 2: Oh cool, how's being a mom?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, it's something I always knew I wanted to do,

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Speaker 1: like even better than I thought. Hm, it comes with

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Speaker 1: the challenges.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, what's your husband think about all this stuff?

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Speaker 2: I'm curious.

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Speaker 1: I think that I am one of the luckiest people

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Speaker 1: in the world, and I have the best husband in

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Speaker 1: the world, and he just supports whatever I want and

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Speaker 1: he just cares about my dad being as good of

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Speaker 1: a person as he can be.

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Speaker 2: That's cool. Yeah, well, let me know what he says.

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Speaker 2: If i'm I'm I've started to I we did. I

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Speaker 2: did a follow up call for the first time a

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Speaker 2: few podcasts ago, and I'm gonna I'm gonna open up

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Speaker 2: the invitation for follow up calls. If if a person call,

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Speaker 2: if a person has a genuine update, if you, if

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Speaker 2: you if you talk to your dad, uh, let me

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Speaker 2: know if he if he uh chooses you or the

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Speaker 2: area and brotherhood, I will.

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Speaker 1: I would be happy to let you know.

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Speaker 2: Is there anything else you I say to the people

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Speaker 2: of the computer before we.

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Speaker 1: Go, I would like to say that, Josh, if you're listening,

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Speaker 1: I love you so much, and you're the best husband

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Speaker 1: in the world, and you're the best father in the world.

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Speaker 1: And as a young Shakespeare would say, buck bitches get money.

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Speaker 2: I guess he did he say that.

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Speaker 1: I think he did. I think it's somewhere in.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for calling, man, have a good rest of your life.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for calling.

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Speaker 2: Bye bye, Damn. I forgot her name at the end,

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Speaker 2: so I call her man. I just gotta be honest,

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Speaker 2: that's what happens, and that I got kind of awkward,

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Speaker 2: and I told her to have a good life. I

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Speaker 2: gotta get better at talking to people if I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: do it for a living in a podcast. Attention listeners

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Speaker 2: of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know that I

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Speaker 2: do a live version of this podcast on stage in person,

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Speaker 2: in front of real people, And that I'm doing this

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Speaker 2: live show in several cities across the United States this year,

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Speaker 2: And that tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour

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Speaker 2: dot com or at the link in the episode description.

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Speaker 2: It is all true. I'm currently on my third tour

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Speaker 2: doing Therapy Gecko live all around the country and it

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Speaker 2: is the most fun sick amazing thing ever, and you

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Speaker 2: should come out and be a part of it. The

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Speaker 2: shows involve a mix of material and presentations from myself

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Speaker 2: combined with a group Gecko therapy session where members of

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Speaker 2: the audience come on stage to share things from their

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Speaker 2: lives in front of a big group of people, just

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Speaker 2: like we do here on the podcast. Whether you're a

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Speaker 2: fan of the podcast or you have no idea what

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Speaker 2: this is and you clicked on it by accident, you're

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Speaker 2: gonna have a great time at the live show once again.

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Speaker 2: Tickets are available right now at therapy geckotour dot com

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Speaker 2: or at the link in the episode description. These are

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Speaker 2: really fun shows. They're always wild, they're always unpredictable, and

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Speaker 2: I hope to see you guys there. Hello, Hey man,

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Speaker 2: what's your name? Tyler? Tyler? You just you sent me

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Speaker 2: a text and you just wrote in all caps crazymethhead

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Speaker 2: dot dot dot but gave her a chance? What does

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Speaker 2: that mean?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, so basically my ex at this point. So I

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Speaker 5: met her back in October, and at first, you know,

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Speaker 5: I was just like, I don't know if this is

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Speaker 5: the girl I want to be with, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 5: But then you know, we had fun and it was

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Speaker 5: really nice and it was really cool. And but then

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Speaker 5: like we went to this hotel because she and me

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Speaker 5: up like we was like sleeping the We're laying down

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Speaker 5: in bed and stuff. And she was like, well, do

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Speaker 5: you know I have a three with my friend. And

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Speaker 5: I was like, I mean, I'm just a man geck go.

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Speaker 5: So I was like, fuck it, I'm down, you know

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Speaker 5: what I mean. And yeah, She's like, we can go

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Speaker 5: to this hotel. My friend's really cool. And at the

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Speaker 5: time I wasn't I'm gonna get set up. But thet

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Speaker 5: she showed her friend and I was like, okay, you

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Speaker 5: know what, we didn't take the risks. We don't roll

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Speaker 5: the dice, you know. So we ended up I ended

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Speaker 5: up going and yeah, so I was waiting, She's getting

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Speaker 5: a friend into it all that, like talking with her.

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Speaker 5: I was there living waiting, but it is like finding more.

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Speaker 5: By this time, I'm tired as fuck. So I end

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Speaker 5: up just waiting there and I said like, do you

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Speaker 5: have any like maybe red bull or some cocaine, you know,

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Speaker 5: and she said like yeah, I'll figure it out. I'll

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Speaker 5: help you. And I'm asleep. I'm on the couch like

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Speaker 5: a sleep. She wakes me up and she has this

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Speaker 5: like paper in front of me, and I'm like, what

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Speaker 5: is this? I did ask what is this because I

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Speaker 5: was barely looking up, so I was out of it,

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Speaker 5: and I was assuming coke, you know, because you know

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Speaker 5: someone's offering you something, I would assume that, right, But

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Speaker 5: now I you know, I hit it and I like

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Speaker 5: a do line, you know, and it hurt really bad.

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Speaker 5: And I've done coke a couple of times, so I

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Speaker 5: was like, this is some strong coat and she's like, no,

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Speaker 5: it's mess and yeah, I was like, what do you

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Speaker 5: read it's fucking man. And I was really upset, but

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Speaker 5: you know, I like it hit and I was like,

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Speaker 5: you know, I gotta see you through. Get the job DoD.

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Speaker 5: But afterwards I was really like distraught, you know. So

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Speaker 5: I was like, this is the girl I was thinking about,

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Speaker 5: like be with. But then I figured out she does

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Speaker 5: mess and I was like damn. And then she kind

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Speaker 5: of drugged.

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Speaker 2: Me and I was like wow, wait, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 2: hold on, hold on. Okay, Yeah, so it's five o'clock

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Speaker 2: in the morning and this woman puts some paper some

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Speaker 2: powder in front of you. You say paper or powder?

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Speaker 5: It was a paper with powder on it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, did you ask her what it was?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 5: Because I was barely kind of sleep and I was

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Speaker 5: assuming coke because I told her coke and red Bull,

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Speaker 5: and I wouldn't be was red bull.

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Speaker 2: So okay, I don't know if that's okay.

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Speaker 5: All right, Well at this time, I did know her

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Speaker 5: for three weeks.

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Speaker 2: So okay, all right, So you took the meth and

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Speaker 2: then did you? I guess what happened after that?

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Speaker 5: It kind of like changed her perspective on a relationship

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Speaker 5: with her, because I was like, Wow, this girl seemed

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Speaker 5: really cool, and she said she was bipolar. But I

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Speaker 5: was like, like after the fact, like, okay, she said

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Speaker 5: she's bipolar, and I was like just thinking bad. And

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Speaker 5: I've never really hung around like people that have done that,

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Speaker 5: so I didn't really know how to be. I just

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Speaker 5: thought she was about public a little crazy, you know,

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Speaker 5: a little crazy and that bad. And yeah, no, after that,

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Speaker 5: I kind of started talking to her for a couple

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Speaker 5: of weeks and then kind of fell back into it.

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Speaker 5: She said she got clean, but I don't know if

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Speaker 5: don't believe her, you know, because she's still be a

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Speaker 5: little crazy and I'm like she says, she got clean

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Speaker 5: for me, But it's like, you'd be doing this stuff

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Speaker 5: for six years and then all of a sudden, you

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Speaker 5: got clean for me. Kind of doesn't seem very possible,

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Speaker 5: you know, And I gave her a chance. We started talking,

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Speaker 5: started dating. I told her, you know, let me joy

380
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 5: testing you, check you on you here and there, like

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Speaker 5: I'm here to support you.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Well, so you're you're drug testing her.

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00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 5: Well anymore? I mean, because I'm kind of like she

384
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Speaker 5: still blows my phone up like thirty times a day.

385
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 5: But you know, I kind of like tried to distance

386
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Speaker 5: a little bit because I was drug testing her, but

387
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Speaker 5: then like she didn't want to do it anymore. That

388
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,359
Speaker 5: was kind of like why is that? Because are you

389
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Speaker 5: doing it? And she said nah?

390
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:24,120
Speaker 2: So I was like, okay, but dude, what hold on week? Okay?

391
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 2: All right? First of all, how old are you? Man?

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Speaker 5: Twenty three?

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Speaker 2: Okay? What what's your deal?

394
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:32,400
Speaker 3: Man?

395
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 2: What's what's going on with you? Are you still? Are

396
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 2: you doing drugs?

397
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Speaker 4: No?

398
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,879
Speaker 5: No, no, no, I actually just graduated last week for

399
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:44,639
Speaker 5: in psychology. I'm not really into drugs like that, you know,

400
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,640
Speaker 5: just party casual. That's how I knew that wasn't coke,

401
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,360
Speaker 5: you know, because.

402
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 2: Wait, are you still doing coke?

403
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 3: No?

404
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 5: I don't do coke. I mean it's just like here

405
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 5: and there at a party. You know it's going good

406
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,119
Speaker 5: like college parties.

407
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't do coke. Just sometimes do coke. I partake,

408
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: you know, partaking is doing well, there's sometimes do Look

409
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:18,000
Speaker 2: it's I also I'll do cocaine maybe once a year. Yeah,

410
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,360
Speaker 2: like it's fine, but you know, yeah, all right, okay,

411
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 2: all right.

412
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,920
Speaker 5: So I would say three to four times every twelve months,

413
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 5: So yeah a year, three or four times maybe, Okay,

414
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,400
Speaker 5: if I'm feeling maybe six.

415
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 2: What are do you still talk to this woman?

416
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 5: Yeah? I mean okay, so my mom she's very involved

417
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 5: on my relationships, and she told me I should cut

418
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,680
Speaker 5: her off. And I tried. I tried every way to

419
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 5: like push her away without me seeming like the bad guy.

420
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 5: But it wasn't really like I've tried like every way,

421
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 5: because she's tried every manipulation mess that there is under

422
00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 5: the sun, like you know, like, oh, I'm with that.

423
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,600
Speaker 5: I'm gonna get myself if you leave all this blah

424
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 5: blah blah, all these different things, and I'm just like

425
00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 5: I try things like back, like try to be a slob.

426
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 5: You know, you some fried chicken, you know, like look

427
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,639
Speaker 5: at and stuff like just try to like take her.

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00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm sorry you said you said you've tried

429
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:23,960
Speaker 2: to get fat so that this woman will leave you alone. Yeah.

430
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,119
Speaker 5: Like it's like the slob method in a way. It's like, okay,

431
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 5: so if you're.

432
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Speaker 2: Are you are you all right? All this is stuff?

433
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 2: Are you fucking with me right now? What what is this?

434
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 5: No? I'm being one hundred percent honest. I mean, okay,

435
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,719
Speaker 5: I know it sounds crazy, like Okay, it's because my

436
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 5: friend told me about like the slobs. He said, you know,

437
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 5: if you really want to.

438
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 2: Hold out, okay, I don't look, man, huh, forget about

439
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 2: your friend and forget about your mom. What do you

440
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 2: want to do?

441
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 5: Man, that's a hard question because I do like her

442
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 5: as a person, but I just want her to get better.

443
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,120
Speaker 5: And it's like I don't know how to make her

444
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:03,000
Speaker 5: get better, and.

445
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 2: You can't do there is there is that doesn't exist.

446
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 2: There is no how to make her get better.

447
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's what that's what's hard for me. Sact I

448
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,760
Speaker 5: guess because it's like I don't know if it's because

449
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 5: like the graduated psychology, Like I want to help her,

450
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 5: but it's like it's really difficult because I do want

451
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 5: to like cut her off, but it's like I just,

452
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,280
Speaker 5: you know, like part of them, and I don't.

453
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 2: Your friend is a fucking idiot. He told you to

454
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 2: get fat so that she'll leave you alone. That's actually funny. No,

455
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,639
Speaker 2: your friend's actually not. Your friend's a genius because he

456
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 2: was just fucking with you.

457
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, I took.

458
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 4: I took.

459
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,239
Speaker 5: That's a good line. So like you know what I

460
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 5: look like like, I'm just like sure liss, like you

461
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 5: can turn her like all like just unattractive in general,

462
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 5: maybe she'd be like, Okay, on to the next, you know,

463
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 5: instead of like being hung up on me, even though

464
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 5: if I don't believe that, I don't know, because.

465
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 2: Dude, I don't know how you don't. I don't. Okay,

466
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,199
Speaker 2: in case your mom or your friend hasn't told you this,

467
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: you don't have to talk to anyone you don't want

468
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 2: to talk to.

469
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess a part of me just feels a

470
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 5: little guilty. It's like I kind of like came into

471
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,520
Speaker 5: her life, you know, promised one thing, and then she's

472
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 5: like trying to get it back. And I mean she

473
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:21,879
Speaker 5: did do a lot of things.

474
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 2: What did you what did you? What did you? What

475
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 2: did you promise?

476
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 5: Uh, I'd be like this is a normal stuff, like

477
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 5: I'd be there for you forever all that, Like yeah,

478
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 5: like I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna help

479
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,280
Speaker 5: you through everything, like I got you, I'm gonna take

480
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 5: care of you, stuff like that.

481
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,800
Speaker 2: Okay, how old is this girl?

482
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:43,359
Speaker 5: Twenty five?

483
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 2: Okay, jeez man, I don't know. Well, you can't fix

484
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,719
Speaker 2: this person. You can't fit you can't make a person

485
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 2: stop doing drugs.

486
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 5: Yeah, that part of me what I told her, like

487
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 5: the last time we talked, because she was still blowing

488
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,800
Speaker 5: my phone in here. And now I'll text her like

489
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 5: I helpe you doing well? You know, I won't answer,

490
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 5: like I very like sparsely answer her. But I told

491
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 5: her like, you know, you go to rehab, you got

492
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 5: your stuff, you know, hit me up. But like, I

493
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,120
Speaker 5: don't know, it's just like kind of like a lot

494
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 5: of work.

495
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 2: I think it was. Look, I think it was a

496
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 2: mistake to promise this girl that you would fix her.

497
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 2: But even though you made that mistake, that doesn't require

498
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 2: you to like you're not You're not like obligated to

499
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 2: this girl to like help her through her drug addition.

500
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 2: That's her cross to bear.

501
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would. It's just like I don't know. It's

502
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 5: like I feel like a part of me, like she

503
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 5: knows that I have a lot of she kind of

504
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 5: plays on that sometimes and like it's happened in the past,

505
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,479
Speaker 5: and I mean like part of me is like I

506
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,719
Speaker 5: just wonder if she really like cares or she just

507
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 5: wants like the free like money free like rant all that.

508
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 3: You know, So are you are you bankrolling her? Well,

509
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 3: what we were together, I was, Okay, are you still

510
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,679
Speaker 3: giving her money?

511
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,640
Speaker 5: No? No, no, because now she wouldn't do a drug test,

512
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 5: so I didn't know what she was using money for.

513
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: So it's like, man, dude, I'm just you know what

514
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: I've been I've been neglecting going on advice rants. But

515
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go on an advice RNT. Can I do that?

516
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 2: Can I go on an advice rant?

517
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,080
Speaker 5: To you?

518
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:41,280
Speaker 2: Okay, what's your name again?

519
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 5: Tyler?

520
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 2: Tyler? You're twenty three years old? Actually, before I do this,

521
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 2: what do you okay? Now I remember? Now tell you're

522
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 2: twenty three years old? You just graduated from college. Fuck you, dude, Like,

523
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 2: I know that you feel for this woman whose life

524
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,960
Speaker 2: is going through a hard time, but at this stage

525
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,439
Speaker 2: in your life, like dude, you got to put your

526
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 2: energy into like building up your own life and yourself

527
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 2: as a person, and you can't abandon all of that

528
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 2: to go like help this person who I from what

529
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 2: I understand, you weren't in that much of that strong

530
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 2: of a relationship with for that long. I don't, I

531
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 2: don't think, But like, dude, yeah, this woman you've known

532
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: for a couple of months, like you know, God bless her.

533
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 2: I hope that she figures out what's going on with

534
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: her and that she turns things around. But that's her responsibility,

535
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 2: not yours. Your responsibility is to go make the best

536
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 2: of your own life at this very critical time in

537
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 2: your life, and you should be doing that instead of

538
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,959
Speaker 2: devising sitcom asque plots to get really fat so that

539
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 2: she won't talk to you anymore. Yeah.

540
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 5: I mean that, mas sense. I mean I've heard that

541
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,680
Speaker 5: here and there, and it's it means all the same,

542
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 5: you know.

543
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 4: That's why I.

544
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 5: Think too, It's just like, man, she's the guilt Ship's crazy.

545
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 5: I think I should probably a blocker, but it's like

546
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 5: see me up like two days ago, like her dog

547
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 5: died and like that was her favorite dog, and like

548
00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 5: pretty sure, darkus, you didn't take care of it.

549
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 2: Dude. You can't. Dude, you can't. Dude, you can't. Please, dude,

550
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: please you can't.

551
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just it's a hard bandy

552
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:37,000
Speaker 5: to pull off sometimes, you know, but makes sense, makes sense.

553
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 2: It's a good thing to learn how to set these

554
00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 2: boundaries early because I and I get it. I get

555
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 2: it's hard, dude, but you gotta you gotta learn not

556
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 2: to fall for the guilt tripping and like reserve your

557
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 2: own sanity.

558
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and part of me like you only have you only.

559
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 2: You have a finite amount of like time, energy and

560
00:29:56,480 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 2: fucking like sanity, you know, and you gotta it's okay

561
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 2: to be sparing with it.

562
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's why, Yeah, that's why I need to

563
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 5: do more of because like, yeah, I like trying to

564
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 5: figure her out was just driving me insane.

565
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 2: So it was like, funny, let this person drive you insane.

566
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: You can still have it, by the way, By the way,

567
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean you're not empathetic. You can still have empathy.

568
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: For this person, you can still hope that they get better.

569
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 2: But also importantnes is to understand that that's not your responsibility.

570
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

571
00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,120
Speaker 5: No, it makes a lot of sense. Thank you.

572
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 2: What have you been eating to try to get really fat?

573
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 2: Like you said, fried chicken?

574
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, honestly, like it's just been a bunch of like, yeah,

575
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,719
Speaker 5: like fried chicken, a little bit of mask in her

576
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 5: because I know she's like into like the skinnier cut

577
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 5: more guys, and like I needed to boat either way.

578
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,479
Speaker 5: So I was like fucking dirty boat, you know, And

579
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 5: I just fucking eat some food and shit, and I

580
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 5: was like, you know what, like let me get dirty

581
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 5: boat so I could cut back down because I I'd

582
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 5: be all much in this journey. So I know I'm good.

583
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 5: But it's like maybe, thank you.

584
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 2: Thank you for teaching me the phrase dirty bulk. I'm

585
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,680
Speaker 2: gonna use that next time I go on a seven

586
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 2: to eleven run and get a fucking one of those

587
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 2: cheeseburger hot dogs. You know what I'm talking about. They

588
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 2: take cheeseburger meat and put it on the hot dog

589
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,760
Speaker 2: roller and it's like a cheeseburger dog. I'm gonna get

590
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 2: one of those and call it a dirty bulk.

591
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 5: You know what you need to do with like a

592
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 5: bag of Dokeys or back of like hot cheetos, and

593
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 5: then you go to the nacho cheese like that little

594
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 5: nacho cheese put the cheese on the cheetos or on whatever.

595
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 4: Yeah.

596
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 2: Wow, this woman really did ruin your life if you're

597
00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 2: doing that.

598
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean she paused it, you know,

599
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 5: a little pause about it. But yep, that's the back.

600
00:31:44,360 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 5: That's the back.

601
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 2: What's your name again, Tyler? Tyler? Tyler? Good luck, man,

602
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 2: don't stay stay strong out there? All right? Is there

603
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 2: anything else you want to say to the people of

604
00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 2: the computer before we go?

605
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 5: No, that's it, Thank you very much.

606
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 2: Take care man, you too. Oh shit, that actually sounds

607
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 2: like a good idea taking No, I mean not a

608
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 2: not a not a good idea in that sense, but like, dude,

609
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 2: what if you took a bag of the ritos and

610
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 2: you went over to the seventh of the nacho cheese

611
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 2: dispenser and you put it on there and you shook

612
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 2: it up? All right? Sorry?

613
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 4: Hello, hey, Lile, what's going on? Man?

614
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 2: What's your name? Sir? Luke? Luke Luke? You texted me

615
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 2: and said, hey, Lyle, I haven't left my house or

616
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 2: spoken to anyone in person for a month, and so

617
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 2: it would be cool to chat. Is that true?

618
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 4: I'm exaggerating a little bit. I mean I go downstairs

619
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 4: to grab Amazon packages and grocery delivery, and I'll see

620
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 4: a neighbor and say hi. But you know, I haven't

621
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 4: really talked to anyone in a in a while. I guess.

622
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna ask how you like get food

623
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 2: and shit?

624
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know Insta cart I got. I got a

625
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 4: bunch of chicken today.

626
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 2: Do you work from home?

627
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, so thankfully I can. I can kind of

628
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 4: do that.

629
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 5: You know.

630
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 4: It's it's one of those things I just have a

631
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 4: lot of I wouldn't really I don't know if you

632
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 4: would call it like a glorophobia, but you know, like

633
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: growing up, I got bullied a lot, and then I

634
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 4: ended up joining the military, and that really like gave

635
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 4: me a sense of confidence and belonging. And after I

636
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 4: got out of the military, I went back home kind

637
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 4: of felt like I rest back into that like scared kid.

638
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 5: You know, M.

639
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 2: Can ask, old you are.

640
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 4: I'm twenty six, now.

641
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 2: Nice, how long have you been out of the military.

642
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 4: It's been four years now, so I joined right after

643
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 4: high school. In my four years, got out, started going

644
00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 4: to college, and yeah, and you know, like growing up,

645
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 4: I was I was a chunky kid. I was fat,

646
00:34:19,520 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 4: and then you know, joining the military, got in shape,

647
00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 4: started feeling good, knew what it was like to be

648
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 4: in shape and have a life, I guess. And then

649
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 4: I got out of the military, I got pretty depressed,

650
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 4: gained a lot of weight. It was during COVID too,

651
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 4: you know, so I'm sure a lot of other people

652
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,720
Speaker 4: had a similar experience where they probably kind of pulled

653
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,439
Speaker 4: up at home and gained a ton of weight.

654
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 2: And so your this this pattern of not leaving the

655
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: house or talking to anybody, has it been like a pattern,

656
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 2: like I guess, I guess you've hit a streak. You've

657
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 2: been on a streak for this one particular month, but

658
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 2: it's just been like an overarching pattern since you got

659
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 2: out of the military four years ago.

660
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I yeah, it's it's it's kind of

661
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 4: like I said before, you know, like I feel like

662
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 4: I kind of regressed into that, like into that kid

663
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 4: I was back in high school and well, you know,

664
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 4: I was in the Marine Corps specifically, and when you're

665
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 4: in the Marine Corps. If you're if you're fat, you

666
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:39,800
Speaker 4: get like absolutely ostracized, like like you're not a person

667
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 4: if you're fat and you're in the Marine Corps. And

668
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 4: I feel like I like a lot of the stuff

669
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 4: I learned in the Marine Corps, A lot of the

670
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 4: like when you when you join an organization in your

671
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:56,839
Speaker 4: formative years and they kind of indoctrinate you to their

672
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:01,600
Speaker 4: way of thinking. No matter how much time passes by,

673
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 4: some of that is going to stick with you a

674
00:36:03,920 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 4: little bit. So even though it's been like a few

675
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 4: years and I'm feeling a lot better, like I guess

676
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 4: about how do I put it, It's some of it

677
00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 4: just kind of sticks with you, you know. So like

678
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 4: right now, I've I've lost a ton of weight, but

679
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:31,480
Speaker 4: I don't feel like I'm back where I should be yet.

680
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 4: So I kind of feel like I don't want to

681
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 4: show myself in public because I'm ashamed of who.

682
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:39,879
Speaker 5: I am right now.

683
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 2: How long have you felt like you were ashamed of

684
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 2: who you are?

685
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 4: Kind of been like that, like ever since I got

686
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 4: out of the military, you know, just all the way

687
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 4: I gained during COVID, I guess I kind of like

688
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 4: spiraled and just gained a ton of weight, and you know,

689
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:05,279
Speaker 4: it's just it's been it for a few years. I

690
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 4: was just kind of in a hole and really been

691
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 4: digging myself out in the last year.

692
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,840
Speaker 5: But it's.

693
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know, can can you relate to that?

694
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 4: Have you ever kind of felt like you just don't

695
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 4: want anyone to see you your presence bothers people.

696
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: I've absolutely felt like disgusted with my body and like

697
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,880
Speaker 2: I was, I was, uh, you know, I definitely you

698
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 2: know what it feels like to be like, ah, I

699
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:40,240
Speaker 2: feel like I'm too fat to exist as a parson.

700
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 5: Yeah.

701
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 2: I'm interested in this because you uh had a period

702
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:54,760
Speaker 2: of time where you felt confident where you were around

703
00:37:54,840 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 2: other people, where you were fit, and then regressed, as

704
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 2: you said, And I'm kind of wondering. I'm like, well,

705
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 2: what can you do to get yourself back in into

706
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 2: that that that feeling? And I'm thinking, like practically, like

707
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, shit, is it is it lame

708
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:30,919
Speaker 2: to say pilates do a little fitness class. Is that lame?

709
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 4: Yeah? You know, Uh, I don't think so, But I

710
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 4: don't know, that's that's one of those things that's not

711
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 4: really for me, you know, before I a few months ago,

712
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 4: I was doing muay Thai classes and that was pretty great.

713
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:49,800
Speaker 4: But I recently moved and I had a roommate, but

714
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 4: he had to he had to go back home for

715
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 4: a while, so that's why I've been alone. So I

716
00:38:58,239 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 4: felt like coming out here would kind of be like

717
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:03,760
Speaker 4: that new fresh start for me. But now that he's

718
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,720
Speaker 4: gone and I'm just alone, I kind of just feel

719
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 4: like I'm back at square one. And you know, this

720
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 4: past month, I actually just found your stream and your

721
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 4: YouTube channel and I've just been binging everything and it's

722
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 4: it's really cool to see the effect that you have

723
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 4: on people. And I really didn't expect that you had

724
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:27,840
Speaker 4: reach out to me.

725
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 2: But well, cool, well, I mean fuck man, Like, okay, well,

726
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 2: let's let me ask you this. This this life that

727
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 2: you've been living, that's let's call it a gooraphobia light.

728
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 2: Are you enjoying it or are you like, fuck this shit?

729
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:47,839
Speaker 2: I want to get out of there.

730
00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. I mean I have like an introverted personality, you know,

731
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 4: So I mean I kind of like it. But at

732
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 4: the same time, being twenty six, I think you said

733
00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:02,600
Speaker 4: you're twenty seven, right, twenty six, twenty six Okay, so yeah,

734
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 4: we're the same age, So maybe you can relate to

735
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 4: kind of that feeling of, you know, when you kind

736
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 4: of feel like your life is just flighting by, and

737
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 4: like you said, like you're the only you is the

738
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 4: present you, and you can kind of feel yourself just

739
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 4: slipping by and wasting away. So there's kind of like

740
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 4: that conflict where like if you're an introvert, you like

741
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 4: being inside, but at the same time, you know that

742
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 4: kind of gotta do what's good for you. Like I

743
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 4: saw a meme on Twitter today it was like it's

744
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:46,760
Speaker 4: like that soy jacket. He's like, Jesus, why are you?

745
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 4: Jesus is with one of your hardest battles and it's

746
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:53,120
Speaker 4: Jesus on the other side and he's like, literally just

747
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 4: go outside that.

748
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 2: Okay, So that's what I was. That's what I was

749
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 2: gonna say, is well, all right, So I mean I

750
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,879
Speaker 2: guess to relate in this sense, like I have this

751
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,080
Speaker 2: thing I'm a little bit the opposite where like I

752
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,920
Speaker 2: fucking can't sit still and I have to do something

753
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 2: I have to do. I have to leave my house

754
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 2: every single day or else I'll go insane. And actually

755
00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,479
Speaker 2: sometimes that manifests negatively. Like today, my version of leaving

756
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,840
Speaker 2: my house or else I go insane is like I

757
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 2: took a walk to McDonald's, you know, like that that's

758
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 2: a lot of my Like it's not cool, Like I'm

759
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:33,399
Speaker 2: not going to fucking parties all the time. I'm usually

760
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 2: just like I need to leave my house. I'm going

761
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 2: to the drive through of Jack in the Box to

762
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 2: like just eat in my car like shit like that.

763
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 2: And so, dude, I don't know, I wish I had

764
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 2: like a better secret than just go outside. I mean,

765
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 2: you were talking about doing muay Thai classes just now,

766
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 2: and I'm like that that sounds cool, man, Like, why

767
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 2: why not more of that? You know what what made

768
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: you quit doing that?

769
00:41:59,040 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 5: Oh?

770
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 4: It was just because I you know, I moved from

771
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 4: the East Coast to more like Midwest so to live

772
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 4: with my friend and he's currently not here. So so dude, like,

773
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:16,240
Speaker 4: I guess I could pick up more thaigh classes here.

774
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 2: But well, so that's the thing, right, And I know

775
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:22,760
Speaker 2: it's never as easy as just doing it, But okay,

776
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 2: you saw that meme it said literally just go outside,

777
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 2: and I'm sitting here thinking, well, literally just go outside.

778
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,280
Speaker 2: So what's between you and literally just going outside.

779
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, it's it's true. It's true. It's it's

780
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:43,759
Speaker 4: just one of those things, you know, where it's just

781
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 4: that mental block, like it can ask you like why

782
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 4: don't why don't you lose weight?

783
00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:48,400
Speaker 2: Right?

784
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 4: Why do you keep why do you keep regressing yourself?

785
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 4: And it's kind of one of those things where it's

786
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 4: just that that mental block, you know, it's kind of

787
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 4: like kind of like an awful like the opposite of

788
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:05,399
Speaker 4: a superpower. It's just kind of holding you back.

789
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Well, it's interesting because you know you have

790
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,760
Speaker 2: it in you, because you just did the Multi class

791
00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:15,839
Speaker 2: and you were in the military doing your thing, and

792
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 2: you know you've known that a version of yourself in

793
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 2: the past was able to go outside, but you have

794
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 2: a mental block from doing it right now. And I

795
00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 2: don't know. I wish I was an expert in getting

796
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 2: over the mental block. I really do. It's I've actually

797
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,640
Speaker 2: been speaking of memes. I have been seeing a lot

798
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 2: of like shit on like TikTok where it's people going

799
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 2: like I've been seeing a lot of memes where it's

800
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 2: like somebody's talking to somebody and it's like, you know,

801
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 2: I feel depressed and I have this so and so

802
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 2: mental health issue, and the other person is like, just

803
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,120
Speaker 2: go outside, man, And then the person's like, oh, great things.

804
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 2: I didn't think about it like that. And I see that,

805
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I get it. But also at the

806
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 2: same time, I am a fucking little part of me

807
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: is like, well, just go outside. You know. I don't know,

808
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know. I wish I knew. I

809
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 2: wish I wish I had better insight than uh, just

810
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:16,880
Speaker 2: go outside, you know.

811
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're right. I mean, I know my like situation

812
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 4: is like it's pretty simple and minor compared to other people,

813
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,760
Speaker 4: I guess, But well, well.

814
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,759
Speaker 2: Dude, it's not about it's not about comparing yourself to

815
00:44:30,760 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 2: other people. I think that's actively detrimental. It's more about like,

816
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 2: what do you want out of life?

817
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 5: You know?

818
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 2: I mean, if you were telling me that you're I mean,

819
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 2: you're telling me that you you sound like you want

820
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:42,880
Speaker 2: to go outside.

821
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things. I'm like,

822
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 4: I just realize I keep saying that over and over again.

823
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:54,960
Speaker 2: Go ahead and keep going uh.

824
00:44:55,239 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's you know, I'm not like I just say

825
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:08,920
Speaker 4: I'm a little awkward. But it's it's just that feeling

826
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 4: of like if I go outside, I feel like there's

827
00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 4: gonna be some sergeant major military figure in a bush

828
00:45:15,719 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 4: that's gonna jump out and be like, hey, you fat

829
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:20,680
Speaker 4: piece of shit.

830
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 2: You know.

831
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 4: It's yeah, yeah, it's kind of it's kind of like

832
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 4: that feeling. It's I don't know if you would call

833
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:34,280
Speaker 4: it trauma, but some of the some of the ways

834
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:37,840
Speaker 4: I saw people get treated in the military, it was

835
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:38,640
Speaker 4: pretty messed up.

836
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:43,319
Speaker 2: And I can't decide if the military was was a

837
00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 2: happy time for you or a bad time for you,

838
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,720
Speaker 2: because you've described it in both ways.

839
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's I think everyone that was in the military

840
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:55,359
Speaker 4: can kind of agree it's a little bit of both.

841
00:45:55,640 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 4: I mean, a you know, growing up as a kid

842
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 4: that got bullied and I was a fat kid at

843
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 4: least having that like four years where I kind of

844
00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 4: felt pride in duty and I was in shape and

845
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 4: I got to feel what it was like to be

846
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 4: at your peak. Just having that experience, even though I regressed,

847
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 4: I feel like it gives me like a light at

848
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 4: the end of the tunnel, so like, I know, hey,

849
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,400
Speaker 4: that's what I'm trying to get back to, you know.

850
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,439
Speaker 4: I mean it's been I saw someone in the chat

851
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:40,280
Speaker 4: earlier say, like, take ozem pic like I've been taking

852
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 4: it myself.

853
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 2: For You've been taking as it most.

854
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 4: Of a year now. I've lost about so I started

855
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 4: my weight loss journey. I guess I really hammered down

856
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 4: and said, hey, I'm going to lose weight in November.

857
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 4: And I started at around two hundred and eighty pounds.

858
00:46:56,320 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 4: I'm six foot one and I just wait in today

859
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 4: about two twenty so I've lost about sixty pounds in November.

860
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:10,759
Speaker 4: And I can attribute a lot of it to I

861
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:12,560
Speaker 4: mean a lot of it is like your own hard

862
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 4: work too, with you still have to diet and exercise,

863
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 4: but ozempic just makes the mental part a lot easier,

864
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 4: you know. So if you struggle with that mental part,

865
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 4: like maybe you'll get like craving sometimes or sort of

866
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 4: like binge eating because you like weed, right, Like I

867
00:47:31,600 --> 00:47:33,839
Speaker 4: take some edibles sometimes, so I know that feeling of

868
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:37,400
Speaker 4: like hitting the monkeys, and ozempic really helps kind of

869
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 4: like block that out.

870
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 5: You know.

871
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 2: That's fascinating, that's fascinating. Yeah, I do like weed. I'm

872
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 2: starting to try to cut I'm starting to not like

873
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 2: it as much, because of the anxiety on the come

874
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 2: up and the depression on the cometdown and the monkeys.

875
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 2: I'm noticing those things. I used to just ignore those things,

876
00:47:59,719 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 2: and now I'm like, you know what, those are compelling

877
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:07,880
Speaker 2: reasons to at minimum do this less. But i mean, congrats, man,

878
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 2: that's awesome. Are you going to the gym? Are you

879
00:48:09,200 --> 00:48:09,719
Speaker 2: lifting shit?

880
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 4: I have been, but I mean for the past month,

881
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 4: I've kind of been on a hiatus, and you know,

882
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:23,800
Speaker 4: I've been really in like a slump like the last months,

883
00:48:23,840 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 4: just really feeling down. But you know, just talking to

884
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 4: you on the phone right now, I just I do

885
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,399
Speaker 4: feel like you feel a lot better.

886
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 2: Okay, good, good, that's good. I'm happy to hear that

887
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,480
Speaker 2: talking about it is better because I I really it's

888
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 2: I'll have these moments, I'll have them with myself where

889
00:48:44,120 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, there really is I don't know if

890
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:50,680
Speaker 2: there's anything other than just do it, you know, and

891
00:48:50,760 --> 00:48:53,239
Speaker 2: so I don't know if Yeah. So I mean I'm

892
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 2: glad that talking about it is is is helpful. I

893
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,479
Speaker 2: think for me, Yeah, it's been tough for me because

894
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:04,480
Speaker 2: I well, I have this fucking here's where I'm at

895
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,239
Speaker 2: is I I was pretty good at the beginning of

896
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 2: this year with like counting calories and going to the gym,

897
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 2: and then like I've been using touring as an excuse, uh,

898
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,640
Speaker 2: And actually for a little while I was able to,

899
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:31,440
Speaker 2: like I was able to do my calorie counting and

900
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 2: working out while I was touring, and very recently and

901
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,239
Speaker 2: then maybe like for the past month, I've been not

902
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:41,839
Speaker 2: doing any of that shit. I think it helped because

903
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 2: at the time I was doing it, I really liked

904
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,279
Speaker 2: doing it and I was really into it, but I

905
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,600
Speaker 2: was also depressed, and I there was other shit that

906
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 2: I didn't care about, Like the time the time period

907
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 2: where I was really into going to the gym and

908
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 2: really into counting calories, I only cared about going to

909
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:00,040
Speaker 2: the gym and counting calories. I didn't care about like

910
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 2: doing any gecko shit. I didn't care about, like, you know,

911
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 2: a lot of other things. And it was good to

912
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 2: be going to the gym and eating healthy and everything,

913
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:13,200
Speaker 2: but life felt like kind of unbalanced, And now it

914
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 2: feels a little bit more balanced, and I'm kind of

915
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 2: using this excuse of like, Okay, once things slow down,

916
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,839
Speaker 2: I'm gonna get back to doing that. But I don't

917
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:24,719
Speaker 2: know if things ever do slow down that might be

918
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 2: a myth. So uh oh no, but I like the gym, man,

919
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 2: I really do. I really like enjoy like lifting weight,

920
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 2: I wrote. I remember I was lifting weights once and

921
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:37,640
Speaker 2: I wrote, I took up my phone, I wrote down,

922
00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 2: I was like, never not do this because I just

923
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:47,000
Speaker 2: fucking is is great. I went to the gym with

924
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:48,919
Speaker 2: a friend recently and I didn't even I didn't even

925
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 2: like make it into like, okay, let me track my shit.

926
00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:54,279
Speaker 2: We were just fucking around lifting stuff and it was

927
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:57,720
Speaker 2: really fun. So I don't know. It's a tough balance

928
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,279
Speaker 2: to walk where you kind of have to like, you know,

929
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 2: track your whatever and all that stuff to like make

930
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:06,120
Speaker 2: it work. But also when you don't, it's kind of fun,

931
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:08,719
Speaker 2: you know, Or when you make it too much of

932
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,960
Speaker 2: a chore, it becomes it's a chore, it's not fun anymore.

933
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm I'm Those watching the video version

934
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 2: of this podcast know that I am.

935
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 4: I am.

936
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:24,320
Speaker 2: I am no fitness expert, I am no doctor Huberman.

937
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, now that you're bring it up, I

938
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 4: can totally relate to what you're saying about how when

939
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 4: you're going into like fitness mode, you feel kind of

940
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:42,640
Speaker 4: depressed and down for a while, right It's I think

941
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,279
Speaker 4: that's kind of what happened to me this past months too,

942
00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 4: because I, like I said, I got instacarted some chicken

943
00:51:50,440 --> 00:51:52,720
Speaker 4: today and it was just chicken. I got like about

944
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:56,319
Speaker 4: twenty pounds of chicken. I'm just like eating nothing but

945
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 4: meat right now, just kind of like detoxing my body

946
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 4: of like yeah, kogar and yeah. And it's I think

947
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:06,760
Speaker 4: that's part of the reason why I've been like feeling

948
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 4: so downs, just because I've been like having that because

949
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 4: you know, when you when you need a lot of crap,

950
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:17,000
Speaker 4: that kind of becomes your your balance, and then when

951
00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:20,839
Speaker 4: you go healthy, it feels like it's unbalanced even though

952
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 4: it's healthy. So you got to give it like time

953
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 4: to work. But I totally go what you mean about it.

954
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 2: It is funny fitness mode, like going fitness mode is

955
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 2: always like predicated by being absolutely fucking depressed. Like my

956
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 2: fitness mode was I was going on a lot of

957
00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:43,920
Speaker 2: fucking I was going on a lot of fucking uh

958
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 2: uh hinge dates the beginning of this year, and I

959
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:56,839
Speaker 2: was like I was I just felt like very unattractive.

960
00:52:56,880 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 2: I was like, I just I think I look like shit,

961
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 2: I'm too fat, I suck. I got to lose weight,

962
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,920
Speaker 2: and I was kind of depressed and that kind of

963
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 2: predicated like it, it was definitely negative self esteem and

964
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:13,399
Speaker 2: body issues and ship that I think got me into

965
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,960
Speaker 2: fitness mode. And then what kept me going into and

966
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 2: that that kind of like is a catalyst. And then

967
00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 2: I think what keeps you in fitness mode is like, oh,

968
00:53:23,239 --> 00:53:24,719
Speaker 2: this feels good. I like doing this.

969
00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 4: I haven't been on dating apps ever since I got

970
00:53:28,280 --> 00:53:30,960
Speaker 4: out of the military and gain weight and how how

971
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:34,240
Speaker 4: are they nowadays? Uh?

972
00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 2: Uh, you know, I don't know, man, it's it's it's fine.

973
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,239
Speaker 2: I think I think well. I mean, look, dude, I

974
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:55,360
Speaker 2: think that you should probably get in shape, not because

975
00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 2: of you want to look good on your dating apps,

976
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 2: but do it because it feels good or I mean,

977
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 2: I just do it for both. But I don't know,

978
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm talking about.

979
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 4: Anyone that says that they're not doing it for both

980
00:54:10,360 --> 00:54:10,880
Speaker 4: is a liar.

981
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I think both. I think both both is

982
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:21,359
Speaker 2: the truth. Yeah, what's your name again? Luke?

983
00:54:21,640 --> 00:54:21,879
Speaker 1: Luke?

984
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:32,520
Speaker 2: Luke? Well, Luke, listen, man, Uh, this has been a

985
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 2: good Uh, this has been a good, fat piece of

986
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:41,959
Speaker 2: shit support group meeting. I've enjoyed, uh enjoyed talking about

987
00:54:41,960 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 2: these things. Is there anything else that you want to

988
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:45,879
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go,

989
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:50,359
Speaker 2: or say about life or death cheetos?

990
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:53,799
Speaker 4: I guess on behalf of everyone. I just wanted to say,

991
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 4: we really appreciate you, man. I mean, like, I know

992
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,359
Speaker 4: you don't know me, but it feels like I really

993
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 4: know you. It feels like you're my friend. And just

994
00:55:00,719 --> 00:55:04,440
Speaker 4: having this little talk with a friend, it is just

995
00:55:04,480 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 4: something I needed and Reilly really made my day.

996
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:13,360
Speaker 2: Thanks man, Thank good dude. If I really really, I

997
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 2: hope this is a catalyst for something. I hope it

998
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,160
Speaker 2: caught you tomorrow You're like, let's go to moy Ti,

999
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:20,840
Speaker 2: let's go to the just do something. I hope. I

1000
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 2: hope it catalyzes something. That's my hope for this phone call.

1001
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:26,839
Speaker 2: Whether or not it does, I guess to you, but.

1002
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 4: I was about to fall asleep when you called, and

1003
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 4: now I'm just like I feel like I could run

1004
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 4: a few miles. Feel great. Thank you, good man, Thank

1005
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:36,600
Speaker 4: you very much.

1006
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:41,320
Speaker 2: Smile good Thank you man. Take care and uh uh

1007
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 2: good good luck. And I guess I'm sorry, I'm awkward.

1008
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,080
Speaker 2: I was trying to think of something funny to say,

1009
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:50,040
Speaker 2: but I couldn't.

1010
00:55:50,080 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 4: But good luck, it's all good. Good luck with your touring,

1011
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:56,399
Speaker 4: Take care, thanks man.

1012
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:02,839
Speaker 2: Life is crazy, Food's awesome. That's the problem. I've talked

1013
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 2: about this so much on the show, and everyone knows

1014
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:09,120
Speaker 2: that I eat a lot. But uh, that's the problems.

1015
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 2: Food is just so good and life is so crazy.

1016
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 2: But the gym is really good too. Maybe it's a

1017
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:20,040
Speaker 2: balance of everything. I don't know. I'm a gecko. Hello, folks,

1018
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 2: it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But

1019
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:28,799
Speaker 2: get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right,

1020
00:56:28,960 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 2: an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can

1021
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:37,560
Speaker 2: listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko

1022
00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:42,400
Speaker 2: over at therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers

1023
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,880
Speaker 2: get access to bonus episodes, They get a completely ad

1024
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 2: free podcast feed of the regular show, they get recordings

1025
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 2: from my live shows, members only streams, and they help

1026
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:56,680
Speaker 2: support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's

1027
00:56:56,719 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 2: a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. You

1028
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,359
Speaker 2: hooked up with the FedEx guy?

1029
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I work at a high rise apartment building. I

1030
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:08,240
Speaker 1: make sure all the residents get their packages and a

1031
00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: too nice guy.

1032
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 3: I probably shouldn't have done that because I'm going to

1033
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:12,000
Speaker 3: keep seeing them.

1034
00:57:12,040 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 2: Do you think you're gonna have a recurring relationship with

1035
00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 2: him or was it was a kind of a one

1036
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 2: and done deal. No?

1037
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:18,680
Speaker 1: He seems kind of like a piece of shit, so

1038
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: I think it were done.

1039
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:21,760
Speaker 2: Well, you just said he was a nice guy.

1040
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, so howe you know, like, if.

1041
00:57:25,240 --> 00:57:27,439
Speaker 2: You want to hear this full conversation, you can sign

1042
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,760
Speaker 2: up to become a premium member at Therapy Gecko dot

1043
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 2: supercast dot com or find the link in the episode

1044
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 2: description that's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,

1045
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,040
Speaker 2: I have nothing else to say.

1046
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 4: May goes off the line thanking your phone calls every night.

1047
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:51,040
Speaker 2: Ever goes to he's teaching you loud in the