Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 3: Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how
Speaker 3: much baggage you claim, and give us time and a
Speaker 3: termino and Gaby aid.
Speaker 4: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 5: You want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 4: Tell us all about.
Speaker 1: Every scared he was?
Speaker 6: It fine?
Speaker 7: Now porn?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 8: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 8: I'm Chris Fairbanks, I'm Karen col Gara, and we are
Speaker 8: driving John Dore from Canada, Canada. We've driven from Canada.
Speaker 8: It's a long drive and I just started recording.
Speaker 1: We could have could have taken advantage, gotten.
Speaker 6: A lot of good stuff up to Wow.
Speaker 4: You guys came and got me in Canada, and then
Speaker 4: you forgot the batteries for the recorders. So we drove
Speaker 4: to California again.
Speaker 1: Now we're just driving around to get fresh California batteries.
Speaker 8: It's funny that this recording device will not accept Canadian batteries.
Speaker 6: I did not know that they were different.
Speaker 4: They're in kilometers. It's very different Celsius. No, we're batteries.
Speaker 6: I don't know, and I don't know the conversion.
Speaker 1: Their loonies and the blooney's up there like.
Speaker 4: Volts in Canada. I don't know what you guys use here,
Speaker 4: but they go in backwards. They're all upside down.
Speaker 1: We don't use that.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I don't. I haven't understood this device so far,
Speaker 8: but I think so. If someone wants to complain about
Speaker 8: how we sound, go ahead and do that, but first
Speaker 8: give us a nice review on iTunes.
Speaker 9: Yeah, give us a nice review on iTunes, but then
Speaker 9: complain the hell out of it on Twitter. Because there's
Speaker 9: no such thing as bad press about your sound.
Speaker 6: That's right. Bad news is good news. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 6: they say.
Speaker 1: That's what they always say.
Speaker 4: And if they're hearing it, then at least you know
Speaker 4: it's working.
Speaker 1: Right, So something's working.
Speaker 4: That's a bonus, exactly, they got something.
Speaker 1: I feel like there needs to be more gratitude in
Speaker 1: the world.
Speaker 9: It's not Oh my podcast isn't recorded at a good level.
Speaker 1: How about just like God, bless the fact that I
Speaker 1: have podcasts.
Speaker 4: Karen, thank you for saying it, because I didn't want
Speaker 4: to bring it up the world is too negative. Yeah,
Speaker 4: we need more positivity, we really do. It's watching some
Speaker 4: very positive YouTube videos last night, which one I found
Speaker 4: this guy in I don't even know how it came
Speaker 4: across it. He does this podcast out of New York
Speaker 4: City and he preaches positivity and he's just like this,
Speaker 4: you know, like first year college kid running around doing
Speaker 4: like a vlog with his friends, and it's the most
Speaker 4: entertaining thing. He like paints his little niece's face and
Speaker 4: makes her look like Drake and then just it's like
Speaker 4: the most innocent.
Speaker 10: Hilarious because I don't that's a goatee on her. Positive Well,
Speaker 10: it depends how you look at it. It depends if
Speaker 10: you're racist, then you don't think it's bad.
Speaker 1: Then you think it's great and you're grateful for more
Speaker 1: racism in the world.
Speaker 4: Or like minded people, you got to be positive, that's true.
Speaker 4: I always thought that if hate groups, like every oppressed
Speaker 4: group has always risen to power, right, sure, so they've
Speaker 4: always overcome. History tells us that if you oppress a
Speaker 4: group of people, they will rise up. So if you
Speaker 4: don't want to listen to their comedy or their music,
Speaker 4: then love them, and then that way they won't feel
Speaker 4: the need to achieve anything.
Speaker 8: You know, I agree with that, and I see that
Speaker 8: on individual levels too, Like when someone has a bad
Speaker 8: upbringing or not enough support from their parents, that lights
Speaker 8: a fire under their ass to prove their parents wrong,
Speaker 8: and they.
Speaker 6: Will literally yeah, yeah, a.
Speaker 4: Literal far.
Speaker 8: It lights wild hair under their ass, a literal wild
Speaker 8: rabbit crawls up their ass and makes them become more successful.
Speaker 4: Where did you grow up?
Speaker 6: Well in a field, in a field with not a
Speaker 6: lot of guidance.
Speaker 4: I was.
Speaker 8: I wasn't raised by wolves, but I was adopted by
Speaker 8: some your My parents did the initial work and signed
Speaker 8: the papers, but they didn't know wolves were coming. You
Speaker 8: just got a cross check when you're giving a baby.
Speaker 1: Away, who is this legal garden?
Speaker 6: Are they going to be a human? Is it or
Speaker 6: is it not? A wolf? A lot of agencies don't
Speaker 6: check hard enough.
Speaker 1: They don't they're so lazy.
Speaker 6: But if you you know, have someone like me.
Speaker 8: My parents believed in me the whole time, and now
Speaker 8: I'm really lazy.
Speaker 4: No, full full disclosure. I've never seen dances with wolves,
Speaker 4: really never seen it.
Speaker 9: No, what would you say the Canadian equivalent would be
Speaker 9: without film?
Speaker 6: It's just a photo of there's no or naked.
Speaker 4: The equivalent would be, yeah, all of boot pelts, all
Speaker 4: of boot, all of boot dancing with these wolves. Eh.
Speaker 4: I I don't dance, so if if for me, it
Speaker 4: would be sitting on a chair in the corner with
Speaker 4: music playing, watching the wolves while they dance. And I
Speaker 4: have nothing to do with it.
Speaker 8: And you're kind of mad like a wom Matt a
Speaker 8: wolf version of footloose.
Speaker 1: In his town, they never dance because he's the mayor.
Speaker 4: In the mayor of john Town, there's no dancing in
Speaker 4: the actual town I'm from. They allowed dancing, they loved
Speaker 4: they were great.
Speaker 9: It's Capezio, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, right, is where you're from?
Speaker 4: WHOA, what was that?
Speaker 6: Did you?
Speaker 4: Kupezia? Is that a real place in Saskatchewan.
Speaker 1: No, it's a type of dance wear that so Gallerina reference.
Speaker 1: It's okay, you only get it if year old.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna go ahead and admit something. When I was
Speaker 8: in Montreal for two thousand and three.
Speaker 4: You watch your watch your mouth, buddy.
Speaker 8: Hey, I'm carefully choosing my words. I remember saying, which
Speaker 8: providence are we in?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 8: Providences? Of course, the capital of Rhode Island. Sure, not
Speaker 8: a state Canada?
Speaker 4: Was it the kind of thing you were saying over
Speaker 4: and over again? Though my whole life?
Speaker 6: Did you my whole life?
Speaker 8: Until I was twenty five, I said, oh, the Providence
Speaker 8: of Alberta.
Speaker 6: Of course I.
Speaker 8: Could see that though the Border Patrol. Oh, yeah, they
Speaker 8: caught me. Then they they gave me. I don't know
Speaker 8: how you get punished.
Speaker 4: So wait a minute. You asked the boys Providence, are
Speaker 4: we in?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 8: So that's not yeah, like that is disgusting. Pour out
Speaker 8: that deer. Pour out that beer and brush the deer,
Speaker 8: brush the horse. Can't remember the punishment, but it was created.
Speaker 1: It sounds like it was about the head and neck.
Speaker 4: Pour out the beer and brushed the horse.
Speaker 8: But buddy's that's my that's wrapping up getting arrested in
Speaker 8: Canada in a nutshell, Pour out the beer.
Speaker 4: Did you really get arrested in Canada though?
Speaker 6: Before? But not for saying Providence?
Speaker 4: What did you get arrested for?
Speaker 8: Well, it was a dance contest at the Thirsty baron
Speaker 8: Waterton and some of my moves were not legal in
Speaker 8: that area.
Speaker 6: You're lying, I did nothing wrong.
Speaker 4: Bring bring the truth. You're in Philadelphia man, have you.
Speaker 1: Arrested in Canada?
Speaker 4: John, I've never been arrested. No, I mean easily could
Speaker 4: have been, just never caught. But yeah, have you ever
Speaker 4: been arrested?
Speaker 1: No? No, My ultimate fear that is joining the army.
Speaker 4: Yeah, or or And this is not as likely to
Speaker 4: happen as accidentally joining the army or getting arrested. But uh,
Speaker 4: someone declaring me insane and can't not being able to
Speaker 4: get out of an asylum.
Speaker 1: The more you argue, the crazier you see.
Speaker 4: Yes, the more you argue, the crazier you seem you
Speaker 4: have to spend. Yeah, it would just be terrifying.
Speaker 8: I don't know that I've ever been arrested, but I
Speaker 8: was handcuffed and held on the side of the road
Speaker 8: for a long time until we finally one of my friends, Yes,
Speaker 8: one of my friends.
Speaker 6: We've been hanging out since fifth grade.
Speaker 8: But you guys, I'm a cop and i'm this guy's superior,
Speaker 8: and he took the cuffs off.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was easy.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 8: We we were skateboarding in the street and a cop
Speaker 8: pulled over, but he was in his own car like
Speaker 8: a Ford Explorer, and he threw open the door and
Speaker 8: a news truck ripped the door off his car. Yes,
Speaker 8: and he was very angry at us for that having
Speaker 8: had happened. That having had happened. He looked at us
Speaker 8: for blame and was very angry. I remember he threw
Speaker 8: his glasses and they broke, and I said, well, now
Speaker 8: you have a broken pair of glasses and he handcuffed me. Yeah,
Speaker 8: and it was because we are skateboarding, so I've been around.
Speaker 1: Well, but he handcuffed you for SaaS.
Speaker 6: It sounds like, yeah, it was getting lippy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got I don't think those scales balanced though,
Speaker 4: do they?
Speaker 6: No, No, you.
Speaker 4: Should have been in jail perhaps, Yeah, SaaS doesn't equal
Speaker 4: let's cuff this kid.
Speaker 8: Luckily, my friend Josh Harris, who's African American, and in Montana,
Speaker 8: where I'm from, that doesn't happen.
Speaker 6: A lot.
Speaker 8: African American babies is growing up there. But there was
Speaker 8: one black cop name, Oh, I don't know, Constable Harris. Anyway,
Speaker 8: it was assumed that he was related to the other
Speaker 8: black mister Harris.
Speaker 6: So that's why we got off.
Speaker 1: Oh well, that's cool.
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's like racism working for you.
Speaker 6: And I don't like racism in any way.
Speaker 4: John, Well, what's cool? Is that you got off my friend.
Speaker 4: And if you didn't, who knows where your life would
Speaker 4: have gone. You may not have been here today.
Speaker 8: Just in the direction of face tattoos put on by
Speaker 8: some apparatus with a doorbell motor.
Speaker 4: You would have been in the doorbell motor. You would
Speaker 4: have been in the gray bar motel selling smokes in
Speaker 4: the cafeteria. But no, you are here with us today. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's right, gentlemen. Let's hear it for Chris Fairbanks here
Speaker 4: and the shoe phone.
Speaker 6: I just kicked it up.
Speaker 4: Shoe phone my favorite thing in the world. It's up
Speaker 4: there like if I had the list, like ten of
Speaker 4: my favorite things. It's on the list.
Speaker 6: You guys. Thanks a lot.
Speaker 9: The first time I saw him do it, we were
Speaker 9: on a show together and I couldn't believe it. I
Speaker 9: kept turning the person next to me and being like, wait,
Speaker 9: did you see that?
Speaker 1: See? I think you actually.
Speaker 6: Caught it that time, I do I can.
Speaker 8: I can kick my shoe off into my hand without
Speaker 8: people seeing me loosen the shoe.
Speaker 4: Oh, that's the slide of hand. The night I saw it,
Speaker 4: it was seamless, like this thing just flew up. It's
Speaker 4: almost like it came out of the audience right into
Speaker 4: your hand, so nonchalant.
Speaker 6: That was fine. That's phase one.
Speaker 8: He bo oh, I don't know, some guy doing his
Speaker 8: best Jim Hamilton impression. Yeah, it looks like Hamilton. Jim Hamilton.
Speaker 8: You guys don't know who he is.
Speaker 4: But Jim Hamilton is a shortstop for a Triple A
Speaker 4: baseball team, right.
Speaker 8: God, he's got an arm. He should be a Double
Speaker 8: A with that arm. Yeah, I mean he's a round.
Speaker 8: He should be an AA. That's what I'm saying. And
Speaker 8: then phase two came along a couple of years in
Speaker 8: where I would take the shoe after using it as
Speaker 8: a pretend shoe phone and throwing it back on my foot.
Speaker 6: I realized I was able to.
Speaker 1: Do that, so you could throw it back on.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I can throw my shoe from my face level
Speaker 8: back onto.
Speaker 4: My toes up so to speak.
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, well we shouldn't talk right now. It's what
Speaker 6: I say. And then I throw it back and uh,
Speaker 6: you know it does.
Speaker 4: Well, it's one of the greatest things because it's silly.
Speaker 4: Let me tell you why it's great. It's silly and
Speaker 4: no one sees it coming. Yeah, that's its great writing.
Speaker 4: It's just fun.
Speaker 1: It's kind of lazy.
Speaker 6: But that's what I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't give a ship.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to this dumb thing, very rocking.
Speaker 8: I wouldn't use the word lazy, but again, I'm not
Speaker 8: a writer who's hungry.
Speaker 6: By the way, Oh I could eat.
Speaker 8: We we're gonna eat time is the question? Well we
Speaker 8: do before the show tonight? Karen is headlining?
Speaker 1: Headlining?
Speaker 9: Well, it's eight thirty now, yeah, maybe we can go back.
Speaker 9: I'll go do my guitar tuning whatnot. You guys can
Speaker 9: go eat and then meet me there. Okay, because I'm
Speaker 9: going to start having to brush my hair pretty soon.
Speaker 9: I have to brush it to hundred fifty times before
Speaker 9: the stroke starts.
Speaker 8: Right right, She has OCD, but if he works out
Speaker 8: in her beauty favor, I have to line napkins at
Speaker 8: the edge of the table.
Speaker 6: Oh it doesn't look me, look me any more handsome.
Speaker 8: Come on, lady, we don't have all day white pants
Speaker 8: close labor day.
Speaker 9: My equivalent of Chris Fairbanks shoe phone for John Dor
Speaker 9: and climb.
Speaker 4: On the roof.
Speaker 6: I know what's happening a little too close for comfort.
Speaker 9: My equivalent is John Dor's classic bit where I can't
Speaker 9: remember what you say. It's something along lines of isn't
Speaker 9: it crazy that you can't smoke inside anymore?
Speaker 1: And then you just smoke a cigarette on stage saying anything.
Speaker 9: Yeah, remember the night you did that all the time.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I will do that whenever I really feel
Speaker 4: like backfired on you money, I thank you. I it well,
Speaker 4: when did it? It only went weird once. I was
Speaker 4: doing a one night or in a pub in Huntington
Speaker 4: Beach at a bar and oh, sorry bar, Yeah, and
Speaker 4: it's a it's that's a pub is a bar in
Speaker 4: kilometers And I did a Yeah, I did a show
Speaker 4: and I lit up and the bouncer immediately came over
Speaker 4: and said, you have to put that out. And the
Speaker 4: audience was completely silent. And unless you let it kind
Speaker 4: of draw out, you know, it doesn't. So now it
Speaker 4: just looks like I'm getting the ship for being an asshole.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and so there I am on station. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but it's kind of part of the thing. He's like,
Speaker 4: put it out. It's funny, but there's the audience is
Speaker 4: rather put it out.
Speaker 8: Okay, I'm not John, I'm not saying eyes on his side,
Speaker 8: you know, I'm on your side. But sometimes you hear
Speaker 8: someone's story and you're taking their side, but you also
Speaker 8: see the side of the other person. And I'm afraid
Speaker 8: that in this situation, I understand the bouncer telling you
Speaker 8: to stop smoking.
Speaker 4: It is oh yeah, yeah, I'm not against the law,
Speaker 4: and I'm not telling him, you know, he did anything wrong.
Speaker 4: I'm just answering the question posed to me, which was
Speaker 4: has it ever backfired? And yeah, I don't know why
Speaker 4: I'm being grilled here. No judged, No, And I'm not
Speaker 4: being judged.
Speaker 8: I mean backf like in a cartoon where their cigarette
Speaker 8: blows up and peels back.
Speaker 4: Oh, a literal backf not who I was talking to, but.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, a cartoon exploding cigar, as that ever happened.
Speaker 4: But that that's the only time it really back for
Speaker 4: if you're in a club, most people you can hear
Speaker 4: the people in the audience sometimes say I can't believe
Speaker 4: this is happening.
Speaker 8: Other than that, they say it like Valley.
Speaker 4: I remember once in Minneapolis. In Minneapolis, I did it
Speaker 4: and there was a pregnant woman in the audience, and
Speaker 4: I was like, oh shit, why have I committed to this?
Speaker 4: I shouldn't have even tried this because it's not necessarily
Speaker 4: about it is about her, but also other people noticing
Speaker 4: her in the audience, and just the idea of smoking
Speaker 4: with a you know, a woman who has a life
Speaker 4: form growing in her body in the front row. Probably
Speaker 4: not the best.
Speaker 1: Idea, but she was like, don't worry about it. I
Speaker 1: do it all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wish. And that was also the same weekend
Speaker 4: where I ended a show by farting into the microphone.
Speaker 8: Well, a lot of people don't know that farting into
Speaker 8: the microphone will also give your baby a low birthway.
Speaker 4: They were more mad, Yeah, you've deafened my baby before
Speaker 4: it's born. It was that sonic boom from the ACME
Speaker 4: Comedy Club.
Speaker 1: Can I ask a question? Was that improvised? Did you
Speaker 1: know you were going to do it? Did you feel it?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: No, no, I'll tell you it was rightly planned. It
Speaker 4: was a shining moment in my mind, Karen. I swear
Speaker 4: I had done this thing where I like in the
Speaker 4: audience that I, you know, you're supposed to end really strong,
Speaker 4: and I take a lot of time working out to it,
Speaker 4: and then I just start to walk off the stage
Speaker 4: without ending strong. But then I accidentally knocked over a
Speaker 4: beer and things got clumsy on the stage and then
Speaker 4: there was kind of like a half laugh. But it
Speaker 4: needs to be silent for it to be anyway. So
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was going to end with now,
Speaker 4: and then I felt this rumble and I thought, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I don't know what happened. It was just instantaneous,
Speaker 4: and I grabbed it and it just happened and it
Speaker 4: could not have been better, and the audience laughed. And
Speaker 4: then I went backstage and collapsed on the ground laughing
Speaker 4: as Eric because I am a fool. Yeah, but I
Speaker 4: enjoyed it.
Speaker 6: You're a fool, but you know when you have a
Speaker 6: good closer.
Speaker 4: Yeah. And then the MC has to go pick up
Speaker 4: the fart mic and talk into it. He put his
Speaker 4: mouth near the fart mic.
Speaker 8: If you could, if you could control it and do
Speaker 8: it on purpose closing every.
Speaker 4: Show, So would I control my diet?
Speaker 9: Yes, you should try to do it tonight because we're
Speaker 9: all about to do the same show together.
Speaker 4: We are.
Speaker 1: It's very exciting.
Speaker 8: We are where it's you as the headliner. Karen Kilgarriff
Speaker 8: headlining at the at the Meltdown Theater in Hollywood, California
Speaker 8: and John dor me guy.
Speaker 6: We'll see.
Speaker 8: I never have said I could spell it. I could
Speaker 8: spell it, and I could finger him in a lineup.
Speaker 8: But I know, excuse me, I could point him out
Speaker 8: if he had done something wrong. Sorry, Jesus God, you
Speaker 8: guys language Nazis.
Speaker 6: I said language strict dictators.
Speaker 4: Thank you, You're.
Speaker 8: Welcome, based soldiers boot excuse me, cars.
Speaker 1: Oh, I meant totaled crowds.
Speaker 4: So even if I can't summon one, I will try
Speaker 4: my hardest. Nothing if nothing comes out, and they'll just
Speaker 4: walk off.
Speaker 8: I've seen I've seen you smarts before.
Speaker 4: That that's ridiculous. You've never seen that.
Speaker 8: You light candles, you kill a chicken. It's very spiritual,
Speaker 8: and the fart comes comes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the only way I can uh summon gas
Speaker 4: in my well.
Speaker 8: What you can maybe tell by the audio mic, the
Speaker 8: the car room mic, is that we've stopped and we
Speaker 8: are at meltdown.
Speaker 6: So let's go inside do the comedy concert.
Speaker 4: There.
Speaker 6: We'll play some clips of everyone.
Speaker 8: Maybe I'll make I'll make a little announcement before everyone's clips,
Speaker 8: so it's not confusing.
Speaker 6: Cool, like I'll go Karen kill Garreth.
Speaker 1: What you'll know by our voices.
Speaker 6: Do anything, No, and then I'll go nutched up.
Speaker 4: We have John.
Speaker 1: Door, two old guys, and then and then I'll go next.
Speaker 4: Up this guy brought Nay, you just recorded the intros.
Speaker 4: You don't have to do those again. Isolate those.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'll chop them up and use the exact same if.
Speaker 4: You can figure that out.
Speaker 6: Okay, let's go do Oh yeah, it's a joke.
Speaker 4: Remember positivity, positivity, and then we'll jump back in the
Speaker 4: car and finish this out.
Speaker 6: Thanks for the ride, Okay, well we're still gonna give you,
Speaker 6: but thanks for this portion of the ride.
Speaker 4: You're welcome. Like if I took an airplane to Canada,
Speaker 4: I would thank the pilot and then on the way
Speaker 4: back I would thank them.
Speaker 1: They don't want it.
Speaker 6: Okay, we'll be back.
Speaker 4: Beer, pet the horse and get the beer outrush the horn,
Speaker 4: rush the horse, beer out of your face. Hello, nerd melts,
Speaker 4: how are you guys doing?
Speaker 11: You guys, are you ready for one of the best
Speaker 11: comedy shows you're going to watch during your precious little lives?
Speaker 11: Because you, guys, tonight, you guys are going to get
Speaker 11: to watch the very delightful Miss Karen Kilgareff teara apart
Speaker 11: your minds and your hearts with her guitar. Also going
Speaker 11: to enjoy the very lovely mister John dor and the
Speaker 11: very lovely mister Chris Fairbanks, and of course myself, the
Speaker 11: even lovelier guy Brandon. How are you guys doing. What's
Speaker 11: your name? Young lady who said classic? Okay, that's a
Speaker 11: valid answer. Classic. I would be questioning why you were
Speaker 11: placing today, not even a week after July fourth is
Speaker 11: one of the best nights of your life. I would
Speaker 11: wonder if you were part of those one of those
Speaker 11: teen movies where a girl goes on an adventure and
Speaker 11: learns about herself and finds a boyfriend all in one night.
Speaker 11: Like see, Okay, you never know, you never know where
Speaker 11: the evening may take you. What's your name, Yasi, It's
Speaker 11: a pretty name for a pretty face. I'm unfamiliar with it.
Speaker 11: I think I've heard it applied to both boys and girls,
Speaker 11: So I'm going to respect that and defer to that
Speaker 11: as a real name and not one of those made
Speaker 11: up things that parents do sometimes. Yeah, so did you
Speaker 11: happen during the course of my introduction to catch my name?
Speaker 11: My name is Galie good job guy is barely a name.
Speaker 11: The only way that my parents could have exerted less
Speaker 11: effort in naming me would be if they'd called me hey, dude,
Speaker 11: or that one baby who lives here. Do you understand
Speaker 11: my point? My point is that all of my life
Speaker 11: I wanted a nickname. I never had one until college.
Speaker 11: In college, they called me the Futon because I was
Speaker 11: so good at making sex awkward and uncomfortable. You guys
Speaker 11: may have noticed that I'm unusually large for homosexual. I'm
Speaker 11: not certain why this is the case. My current working
Speaker 11: theory is that once my parents realized I was going
Speaker 11: to be gay, they figured they might as well raise
Speaker 11: the large one in the counter. If they're not getting
Speaker 11: grandchildren out of the deal, at least they could get
Speaker 11: a blue ribbon. All right, ladies and gentlemen, are you
Speaker 11: ready for an awesome show? All right? Your next comedian
Speaker 11: is astoundingly talented and he's the Ryan Seacrest of Canada.
Speaker 4: Please welcome to the great towns of mister John Tor.
Speaker 4: I don't know how to get into this either, but
Speaker 4: I wanted to talk about my grandfather. I did stay
Speaker 4: with him towards the end of his life. He didn't
Speaker 4: like living alone. And one night my friend Robin came
Speaker 4: over and we're playing checkers in one of the rooms,
Speaker 4: and unbeknownst to Robin and Robin, I loved do you
Speaker 4: know what I mean? Like Robin was one of those
Speaker 4: girls where it's like, I fucking love this girl. And
Speaker 4: she came over to just innocently play the game of checkers.
Speaker 4: And then my grandfather walked in to the room, opened
Speaker 4: the door and said, John, your friend has to go.
Speaker 4: And I thought, personally, he didn't need to do it
Speaker 4: with his robe open and nothing underneath, do you know
Speaker 4: what I mean? That's just my opinion. I think he
Speaker 4: could have made a better choice, you know, but he didn't,
Speaker 4: and so he will literally and figuratively cock blocked me. Okay,
Speaker 4: that's what my grandfather did. But I always thought there's
Speaker 4: no such thing as fate, and there cannot be because
Speaker 4: why would Robin since the day she was born, why
Speaker 4: would her life be on a collision course with my
Speaker 4: grandfather's genitals at one point? Right, it shouldn't happen. My grandfather,
Speaker 4: I used to I remember, you know what, let's just
Speaker 4: move on to something else, because this next part is
Speaker 4: not gonna be good. I'll give you the punchline. Essentially,
Speaker 4: the punchline is it was my grandfather's leg. Well, i'll
Speaker 4: give you the setup then, because now you're confused. But
Speaker 4: the setup is. The setup was one time I got
Speaker 4: to my grandfather's home and I was so drunk that
Speaker 4: I decided to be a good idea to take a
Speaker 4: giant bite out of a brick of blue cheese. But
Speaker 4: it was my grandfather's Yeah, you got it, okay? Good? Right? White,
Speaker 4: chalky white with veins of blue mold. You got it? Okay? Yeah,
Speaker 4: they look pretty much to say it. Well, I'm like,
Speaker 4: why is he in the fucking fridge? Not my fault entirely,
Speaker 4: let's think about it. Because his memory was starting to go.
Speaker 4: That's why I remember the day I called. I knew
Speaker 4: the day's memory started going as the day I caught
Speaker 4: him urinating with the door open. Not a huge deal,
Speaker 4: but it's annoying when I'm trying to drive.
Speaker 12: Fuck.
Speaker 4: I have memories about this area of town too. You
Speaker 4: know the you call him head shops here. I don't know, uh,
Speaker 4: you know that store just like two blocks sub you
Speaker 4: call them head shops here? What? Okay? Good? I'm from
Speaker 4: Canada originally, so I don't know what you fuckers say. Okay,
Speaker 4: and you know what we did not it's not about abandoned.
Speaker 4: We did not abandon the queen, is what we did.
Speaker 4: We were loyal subjects. We didn't dart off in our
Speaker 4: own willy nilly direction like you idiots did, like, oh,
Speaker 4: we can figure it all out. Great job, guys, great job.
Speaker 4: You know, Canada ended slavery almost one hundred years before
Speaker 4: you did. But that that's probably ten that's probably all
Speaker 4: temperature you know what I mean, that's all temperature related.
Speaker 4: Because in the cold, in the cold, you just make decisions,
Speaker 4: and you know, it's like, fine, fuck, just get me.
Speaker 4: I got a shovel, Okay, so just get me. Everyone
Speaker 4: drinks from the same water fountain, where all equals I
Speaker 4: got a shovel, or my wife won't fuck me. That's
Speaker 4: what the that's what the reality is in the cold.
Speaker 4: But in the South, you're just like, well, let's talk
Speaker 4: about it. I don't think we're quite ready. Okay. Anyway,
Speaker 4: that might be something. I have a note here. You know,
Speaker 4: the show murder she wrote very heinous television program like
Speaker 4: or heinous title. Anyway, murder is in the title. That's
Speaker 4: a heinous crime, probably the most heinous crime, yet we
Speaker 4: put it in the murder, she wrote. You'd never see rape,
Speaker 4: she wrote, is what I'm getting now, Okay, even though
Speaker 4: there's alliteration already built in and it's not even the
Speaker 4: most heinous of all crimes. But I guess it's because
Speaker 4: the scenes would be a little different, wouldn't they for instance,
Speaker 4: imagine that'd be weird. But do not have the courage
Speaker 4: to do that tonight? We I mean, don't go I
Speaker 4: can't go there? Really, why he's good, He's gonna explain it.
Speaker 4: Did you say unappropriate? Okay? Sure? Yeah? Or inappropriate? But
Speaker 4: you know what, you guys left the queen a long
Speaker 4: time ago, so don't worry about it. Does anyone else
Speaker 4: hear say unappropriate? By the way, I would say inappropriate
Speaker 4: personally only because it's right. That's the only reason why
Speaker 4: I was. You didn't know where I was gonna go
Speaker 4: with it. It could have been the most lovely tale
Speaker 4: you've ever heard. And you're now you're not gonna hear it.
Speaker 4: You're not gonna hear the rape? She wrote, payoff all right.
Speaker 4: It was on an airplane with a lady and she
Speaker 4: pulled out a bag and started pulling what looked like
Speaker 4: tupperware from home out and I thought, oh, this can
Speaker 4: only go well. I love when people bring their own
Speaker 4: food into a vessel that's airtight, hard boil eggs, three
Speaker 4: of them. Yeah. First of all, people who eat eggs,
Speaker 4: they fucking impatient. Right, if you're an egg eater, you're like,
Speaker 4: you can't even wait for it to be an animal
Speaker 4: before you start shoving it in your fucking mouth. All right,
Speaker 4: let it grow into something before you're like, get it
Speaker 4: in me. It's disgusting. There's more there, but fuck it,
Speaker 4: let's just move on. We gotta move this a long.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say the headshop over here this year,
Speaker 4: well the I'm not proud to say this, but remember
Speaker 4: sitting in my apartment watching the heat and spurs, and
Speaker 4: I thought, you know what, let's spice it up. And
Speaker 4: as a grown man, I went to the head shop
Speaker 4: and I picked up twenty four nitrous oxide cartridges and
Speaker 4: balloons in a you know, And I sat there watching
Speaker 4: a basketball game and just sucking in nitrous balloon after
Speaker 4: nitrous balloon, and I thought, for a second, you know what,
Speaker 4: I'm gonna be present in another country one day, and
Speaker 4: then I remember it, I'm Canadian and that's not even allowed.
Speaker 4: Because we did not abandon the queen. We stuck with her.
Speaker 4: We said, let's see this out before we start thinking
Speaker 4: we're better now. Well, okay, let me tell you a
Speaker 4: story to end off here. I hope you like stories.
Speaker 4: I used to live in Toronto, Canada with my roommates Steve,
Speaker 4: and we're comedians. He still is to this day. And
Speaker 4: I went to uh and uh, soph deprecating. You know what,
Speaker 4: I just realized, I have never had an epiphany that's
Speaker 4: gonna be great because I hear they're alarming. They're gonna
Speaker 4: be great that ever happens.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 11: You've seen him on Coning. We have the same manager.
Speaker 11: Please welcome the very talented mister Fairbircks.
Speaker 4: I had to take my cat to my dad's.
Speaker 8: I didn't have room in my little place, so I
Speaker 8: asked my dad, can my cat come retire. I don't
Speaker 8: know what he did for a living, but he's done,
Speaker 8: and so I.
Speaker 4: Had to put him.
Speaker 8: When you bring an animal and a cat too, I
Speaker 8: thought they just put it in the bottom of the plane,
Speaker 8: like with luggage. And live chickens. I was assumed there's
Speaker 8: live chickens down there, but they make you carry it
Speaker 8: and put it under the seat. So that's pretty traumatic
Speaker 8: for a cat. So you have to make sure that
Speaker 8: your cat is eligible or not or whatever able to
Speaker 8: be sedated or eligible for a sedation.
Speaker 4: There's a list that TSA gets.
Speaker 8: So I went to a vet lady and I was like, Hey,
Speaker 8: I'm gonna fly with my cat. And she's like, well,
Speaker 8: let's test his blood. It's only three hundred bucks, why not.
Speaker 4: And so.
Speaker 8: And I had to fly the next day and she
Speaker 8: was like, uh, she goes, great, cat's very healthy. Can
Speaker 8: totally because if you don't test the blood, they're fucking
Speaker 8: six tits up.
Speaker 4: They're done. They die. Some cats die. Fuck.
Speaker 8: I'm still I'm going back to how scared I was.
Speaker 8: But she said, you're your cat's fine, it's very healthy.
Speaker 8: You can totally sedate your cat tomorrow. And then I
Speaker 8: was like okay, thanks, and then she goes, oh, he
Speaker 8: does have AIDS, And I was like aids. Wow, that's
Speaker 8: the fucking first thing I would have mentioned.
Speaker 6: Aids.
Speaker 8: Well, feline aids. It's different, is it so different?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 8: Can okay? Can a person like I am around the
Speaker 8: catalot can a person? And she stopped me and she's like, no,
Speaker 8: you can't get AIDS from a cat. And I was like,
Speaker 8: I know, I knew that. I just wanted to see
Speaker 8: if you knew that. But it was on my mind.
Speaker 8: Fleas have gone off. That cat burrowed into my ankles,
Speaker 8: you know. So I fucking tense, and so I went
Speaker 8: to the airport. Maybe I drank a bit.
Speaker 4: Some lady.
Speaker 8: She was a cat lady with a glittery shirt. I
Speaker 8: just remembered I was supposed to paint her house and catalina. Anyway,
Speaker 8: she that wasn't a pun. She lives on the island.
Speaker 8: I so i'm I'm nervous and I and she gave
Speaker 8: me a bloody marry and we kind of got drunk.
Speaker 8: And so as I was getting on the plane with
Speaker 8: this old lady who was so supportive, I go to
Speaker 8: her as a joke, I'm like, Aid's cat coming to board,
Speaker 8: aids cat coming through. This cat has AIDS, I just said.
Speaker 8: But then on the plane it kind of traveled into
Speaker 8: everyone's ears. So I just basically yelled Aid's cat. And
Speaker 8: on the plane the cat started once we were airborne.
Speaker 8: The cat started making a noise that sounded kind of
Speaker 8: like kind of like this all ooh, I'm a fucking human.
Speaker 8: Not the last part, but the fucking human noise. Eyes
Speaker 8: owl had three sixties and eyes crossing like an an
Speaker 8: eighties movie when someone gets kicked in the balls and
Speaker 8: the pain is like. My cat was doing that, crossing
Speaker 8: its cat eyes and panting like a dog does, a
Speaker 8: tongue undulating and dripping, and I'm looking in the little
Speaker 8: mesh window. I'm like, fuck this noise, and I unzipped
Speaker 8: it and let the cat out. I ou't give a
Speaker 8: fuck about any of these people. You know, when a
Speaker 8: baby's crying, the mom's like ignore them. That's how I'm like, cat, enjoy,
Speaker 8: don't die. I thought he's dying. He looked like he
Speaker 8: was dying. And the cat just kind of walked up
Speaker 8: and down the aisle. I'm like, yeah, what are you
Speaker 8: gonna land the plane? Sky waitress, fucking my cat's going
Speaker 8: for a walk, Say hi, say hi to people. The
Speaker 8: cat went back further and I heard some old lady faintly,
Speaker 8: and it was pretty terrific. She goes, uh, oh, don't
Speaker 8: pet that cat. He has age i'd Lexie. Thank you
Speaker 8: you guys, Thanks.
Speaker 11: Chris Fairbanks. Everybody, Okay, are you guys ready for your headliner?
Speaker 11: This lady is so funny, she's so smart, she's so good.
Speaker 4: She's the former head writer of Ellen.
Speaker 11: She has six goddamn Emmy Awards, she was the head
Speaker 11: writer of The Pete Holmes Show, and she's one of
Speaker 11: the best fucking comedians working today. Please welcome to the
Speaker 11: very talented Miss Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 5: I forgot my password again. I have no idea what
Speaker 5: it could have been. Try my old dog's name my birthday.
Speaker 5: I tried one, two, three, four, five six, but I
Speaker 5: guess it slipped my mind because those little blue words
Speaker 5: came up every time.
Speaker 1: Did you forget? Did you forget? I gave up and
Speaker 1: I clicked yes.
Speaker 5: Why do I pretend whatever I come up with, I
Speaker 5: will just forget again. Why don't I break down and
Speaker 5: use your name? It's the only thing that's in my
Speaker 5: brain that never seems to go away. I think I
Speaker 5: lost my phone again. Oh holy shit, it's in my hand.
Speaker 5: Something's really wrong with me.
Speaker 1: I'm not the man I used to be.
Speaker 3: I can barely text my friends, and then when I do.
Speaker 1: I don't hit send.
Speaker 7: Something's really wrong with me.
Speaker 5: And I said that already.
Speaker 1: When does this pap?
Speaker 5: When do you like back to being smart again? Will
Speaker 5: it just get her some worse each day?
Speaker 1: Is that the only.
Speaker 5: Way my brain will let you go away?
Speaker 9: Yeah, it's important to applaud quickly after the sad ones
Speaker 9: because I'm up here by myself, Like it's like I
Speaker 9: took my shirt off and you're just staring at me.
Speaker 1: Essentially, you're like, well, I don't know, we care about
Speaker 1: your feelings that much.
Speaker 5: It's like comedy room.
Speaker 9: There was one moment the song ended and then it
Speaker 9: was that Cricket's like cricket, more like cricket time. I've
Speaker 9: had this pedicure going for probably nine months. I think
Speaker 9: it's not toenail.
Speaker 1: It's all polish.
Speaker 9: Front row gets extra stuff because they came early.
Speaker 7: Oh all right, I.
Speaker 9: Haven't played this one in a while.
Speaker 1: Thank you. My mom's here.
Speaker 7: Everybody's been in a business situation. Everybody has suffered under
Speaker 7: fluorescent lights. We've all said, oh my god, how much
Speaker 7: longer will I be here? And oh my god, what
Speaker 7: is happening in my life? And everybody stood in a
Speaker 7: corporate kitchen net, just staring at a cupboard full of cream,
Speaker 7: or scared to dead that they'll never find real love,
Speaker 7: scared to dead they'll only get mean.
Speaker 5: We only get this one life.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Buddhist.
Speaker 4: Better make sure you're doing it.
Speaker 5: Ride Ride, Ride, ride.
Speaker 7: Now, because you could feel a lump in the back
Speaker 7: of your throat and find out you have stage five cancer.
Speaker 7: You could get shot by a little kid or plowing.
Speaker 1: To the back of a Mitsubi she lancer.
Speaker 13: You could ach the moonlight gives side stroll and then fall.
Speaker 1: Into the sea erosion.
Speaker 7: You could hit your head on a murphy bed and
Speaker 7: forget me, forget me.
Speaker 5: You only get this one pass. I hope you don't
Speaker 5: spend the whole time, the whole time acting like a.
Speaker 1: Fucking assss.
Speaker 14: Oh, because see how everybody's been in a business situation.
Speaker 7: Everybody has suffered under floras and lights. You've also oh
Speaker 7: my god, how much longer will I be here? And
Speaker 7: oh my god, what is happening in my life?
Speaker 13: We can't afford to the innocent stand up in face
Speaker 13: the enemy.
Speaker 1: It's you.
Speaker 5: It's a do or die situation. This is a straight
Speaker 5: up business situation.
Speaker 9: One more time for Guy Braham Chris Fairbanks, John Dorr.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys.
Speaker 8: That was the end of the concert. Yeah, yeah, you
Speaker 8: get it. Guys, we're in the green room.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're not going to the car now. We don't
Speaker 4: need to go to the car right here.
Speaker 2: We should do some rails and we should tell some stories.
Speaker 8: I'd like some sweets, but that's what I really want
Speaker 8: to do.
Speaker 4: That's the difference between what you're saying and what I'm feeling.
Speaker 4: I would really like to do that.
Speaker 9: You have a difference between you thinking I don't don't
Speaker 9: mean it in reality is that I absolutely would do.
Speaker 8: The main thing is is we don't We don't ever
Speaker 8: address John's coke problem.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't have a problem to address that right
Speaker 4: away too, that I don't have a problem.
Speaker 8: You do have a problem if if the only solution
Speaker 8: is more coke.
Speaker 4: I didn't say that was the only solution. I just
Speaker 4: said the idea.
Speaker 1: Is there another solution?
Speaker 4: You know what? Well, like a direct alternative to coke?
Speaker 2: Yeah, pour over dark roasted coffee.
Speaker 4: Just a really good hug from a friend is always.
Speaker 1: Nice, but the right friend got to be the right friend.
Speaker 8: Yeah, co cover coffee is a true white Russian? Do
Speaker 8: you guys, welcome back to do you need a ride?
Speaker 8: We just shared a comedy concert caught up in snippets.
Speaker 8: I haven't done it yet.
Speaker 1: No, it will be good.
Speaker 8: It's gonna be great.
Speaker 1: And John Roy's with us in sitting sitting jar wait,
Speaker 1: shout out.
Speaker 2: This is like a real green room.
Speaker 4: Hang.
Speaker 8: There's got to be John Rude around and see if
Speaker 8: you can find another microphone.
Speaker 4: And let's be honest. Let's be honest. Chris has had
Speaker 4: a few drinks. So that's another reason why we're not
Speaker 4: in the car. We're going to be driving in.
Speaker 8: Yeah, but sometimes I get so drunk that I can't
Speaker 8: even be a passenger. Is that a bad?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I get so drunk I can't podcast. Can you imagine? Terrible?
Speaker 4: But you once got arrested for drinking and driving when
Speaker 4: you were a passenger. That's how drunk you got.
Speaker 8: It's funny this guy can't be within the vicinity or.
Speaker 4: He causes cars to just fall off the cliff.
Speaker 1: He's so drunk.
Speaker 2: He makes cars, He creates cliffs.
Speaker 4: He creates clip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he create cliff.
Speaker 4: He Craig Cliff drinks ci Cliff cargo off.
Speaker 9: There I have to say for this discussion, I'm just
Speaker 9: so excited this show is over because it's stressed me out.
Speaker 4: How did you feel?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it felt fine.
Speaker 9: I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 4: You were lovely and hilarious and great and like it's
Speaker 4: such a what's interesting if no?
Speaker 2: Or yeah, well go ahead, okay.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say a little bit because it's kind
Speaker 4: of what you're doing now too, like the portion pull
Speaker 4: of being sincere and revealing, but also the responsibility of
Speaker 4: being a comedian, and that seems to be like a
Speaker 4: bit of a war even though the audience is fully
Speaker 4: fucking enthralled with what you're doing.
Speaker 1: I know, I don't care what they think.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I think, but you do a little bit right.
Speaker 2: Yes, because yeah, yeah, absolutely, because you see it.
Speaker 9: I just almost feel like I need to tell them,
Speaker 9: just in case there's one person that might think anything.
Speaker 9: I need to be saying, like what the absolute truth
Speaker 9: is exact thing which is not professional or like it's
Speaker 9: not what most people do.
Speaker 2: You kind of skim over that and pretend it's fine.
Speaker 8: I do it all the time. I think you and
Speaker 8: I have that.
Speaker 2: In common in our performances.
Speaker 8: Well, I call to the I call attention to truth.
Speaker 8: Too often when I should just be like, I'm an
Speaker 8: entertainer and you're fully engaged. Yeah, but can I just
Speaker 8: after every CHOKEA guess what, John, You're about to get plugged.
Speaker 4: Ready, I'm going to say something related.
Speaker 1: And then build up to full talking.
Speaker 8: Look at this, Chris, We're now doing full the cans
Speaker 8: as they say, right now I can. Hey, John, welcome
Speaker 8: to the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, thanks.
Speaker 8: For having this is the first.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having.
Speaker 1: Four people for four on the floor.
Speaker 6: Oh my okay, that's it's not allowing.
Speaker 4: That a troop now it is. There's a Canadian. There
Speaker 4: was a Canadian is it?
Speaker 1: I thought it was carving on the.
Speaker 12: Floor is what they described, like Charlie Watts playing like
Speaker 12: you know, just record before.
Speaker 4: There was also a Canadian sketch troop called four on
Speaker 4: the Floor. At one point they had like no idea,
Speaker 4: I honestly have no idea, but they did. I'll pull
Speaker 4: it up here. But they had like I think they did,
Speaker 4: like comedic songs and stuff. I think they had a
Speaker 4: TV show for a bit too. Mister seventies, no eighties
Speaker 4: for sure.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, the floor Like if I.
Speaker 4: Put in are you familiar with something called mister canoe head.
Speaker 4: Oh look it came right, of course, I am Canadian
Speaker 4: Google right now, four on the floor. It's a Canadian. Yeah,
Speaker 4: it's Google.
Speaker 1: I get some good reviews.
Speaker 9: I was dressed like a nun and that guy's dressed
Speaker 9: like a mister cawhead.
Speaker 1: It's amazing.
Speaker 12: Mister Canehead is not only the name of the character,
Speaker 12: but there's a drawing of a man with a canoe
Speaker 12: for heaving, so it's not it's not like metaphorical.
Speaker 4: I think it was a guy who got struck by
Speaker 4: lightning while walking through the woods wearing an aluminum canoe.
Speaker 4: I can't remember, I can hearry. He was recurring for sure,
Speaker 4: and it weld into his head, so he was mister canoehead. Yeah,
Speaker 4: but going back second, because like I have to stop
Speaker 4: and tell these guys to be quiet there.
Speaker 8: Well wait, okay, god, that must have been a funny joke.
Speaker 8: There's another podcast going.
Speaker 6: On in the night.
Speaker 2: Trying to make it's.
Speaker 4: Called it's called they're doing a podcast called podcast Ruiners,
Speaker 4: and they trying to do a podcast where they travel
Speaker 4: around trying to ruin other.
Speaker 9: People's pocket and it's super easy because there's always podcasts everywhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so everyone outside man and the car back.
Speaker 4: Your laughing and a bunch of ship man they've done that.
Speaker 4: It's pretty. But no, I was gonna say, because when
Speaker 4: you were doing okay, uh, there is like that push
Speaker 4: and pull, like the struggle to be sincere and also
Speaker 4: combined with the comedy. But you know when you do
Speaker 4: comment on things and you are you aware like that's
Speaker 4: just you reacting in the moment, But are you trying
Speaker 4: to be funding in those moments or is that you
Speaker 4: trying to recover from something that makes you maybe feel
Speaker 4: a bit.
Speaker 1: Awkward or no, yes, it's all those.
Speaker 4: All those things because it's funny. So that's kind of
Speaker 4: what makes the show doom, you think. And it's first
Speaker 4: talking about maybe because tonight and you could even play
Speaker 4: a clip from it if you wanted to, not trying
Speaker 4: to produce. But as a micro.
Speaker 6: Manager, I don't have that kind of editing capability.
Speaker 4: But it was hilarious. Time to open up garage man,
Speaker 4: but tonight would get better because of him. But tonight,
Speaker 4: tonight when you said tonight, when you said you said,
Speaker 4: not closing on that, and it wasn't even like a
Speaker 4: second and a half after, not even half a second
Speaker 4: after you'd finished the joke.
Speaker 8: Hilarious.
Speaker 12: Also, let it do a sing song.
Speaker 8: Like something isn't working, you gotta mug it up vocally.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're you're you're contributing to Yeah, you know
Speaker 4: what the audience is, You're feeling the audience and yeah,
Speaker 4: we know where I went wrong, where.
Speaker 8: I went out and I actually started feeling the audience started.
Speaker 9: But we did a podcast and we did this weird
Speaker 9: show at this art place downtown.
Speaker 1: Tony Bartaloni, right, he was a lovely man. We love him.
Speaker 9: He's great, huge comedy fan himself. But it was I
Speaker 9: felt like I ate it, like literally silence and I
Speaker 9: just had that rage and that feeling after a set.
Speaker 9: And we talk about it in a podcast, me, Henry
Speaker 9: Phillips and Chris. Then Chris plays a clip in the
Speaker 9: podcast and there's totally laughter. And after that podcast, I
Speaker 9: realized I'm way crazier than I even realize I am.
Speaker 1: Like I think I'm pretty aware.
Speaker 9: Of how crazy I am, but I'm super fucking crazy.
Speaker 9: And I just can't even trust my own experience when
Speaker 9: I'm on stage because it's always worst case scenario.
Speaker 2: In a way that I can't hear it, like I can't.
Speaker 2: It always feels like I need to recover, even.
Speaker 4: Though I don't need to feel tonight, like like let's
Speaker 4: say like a perfect show, ten out of ten, how
Speaker 4: would you feel tonight was? Oh, it was great. It
Speaker 4: was great.
Speaker 9: It was like above the line, you know what I mean,
Speaker 9: Like I doesn't win.
Speaker 1: I felt happy.
Speaker 12: Then song you actually you've made a prediction of that
Speaker 12: it would go wrong in a certain way and they
Speaker 12: would give you plight chuckles, and you had like a
Speaker 12: whole nightmare scenario. Yeah, and then you said we'll see
Speaker 12: how it measured up.
Speaker 4: How did you feel.
Speaker 1: That it measured up?
Speaker 9: Yeah, better than I thought it was going to. Because
Speaker 9: actually that song rhythmically is really hard to play. Why
Speaker 9: because it's this it's a way of playing the guitar
Speaker 9: that's like it seems super simple, and it's actually like
Speaker 9: it goes like one two three one two.
Speaker 2: It's this weird thing that's not standing and.
Speaker 4: You're dancing, yes, an E minor and g was it?
Speaker 4: I couldn't tell, but like you were dancing between chords
Speaker 4: and it fell, Yes, they're coming.
Speaker 1: On weird, it's very weird.
Speaker 9: And then like it's easy to lose your place and
Speaker 9: I knew if I tripped up once then I would
Speaker 9: be like, why are you even doing this?
Speaker 8: In the first it's like the national anthem. If I'm
Speaker 8: not mistaken, guys, go ahead, go ahead, and the star
Speaker 8: spangled banner saying yeah.
Speaker 4: No, no, But I know when you say national anthem,
Speaker 4: I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're assuming because you're in this country.
Speaker 4: It's far Yes, I adapt, by the way, and I,
Speaker 4: by the way, green card holder here, so oh yeah,
Speaker 4: permanent residence. Actually hold good, actually hold.
Speaker 2: Above his head like John Cusack and say, any show
Speaker 2: my green.
Speaker 4: Card just for fun? But is there anything more embarrassing pressure?
Speaker 4: I like, and I do feel like you know, when
Speaker 4: you're walking watching a hockey game and it's you know,
Speaker 4: Canada versus you know, like an American team versus lead,
Speaker 4: or Canada versus the United States Olympics or something, and
Speaker 4: you hear the national anthem, Okay, you feel a little
Speaker 4: bit of pride, But then when you hear the star
Speaker 4: spangled banner kick and you're like, oh, our national anthem
Speaker 4: doesn't even hold a candle.
Speaker 1: Don't you guys have going to say the opposite?
Speaker 4: No, not at all. I think you don't like I
Speaker 4: like okay, I like, oh no, I'm saying that I
Speaker 4: like Canada. But I'm saying when starts from the banner
Speaker 4: kicks in, it's got like rockets, Red Blair, jumping octaves,
Speaker 4: more opportunity for like experience. I don't know, I'm just
Speaker 4: it seems like a madness song for the Olympics song.
Speaker 4: I don't even know what the Olympics song is.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's right, it's.
Speaker 4: The same thing. It's close. Yeah, yeah, it seems like
Speaker 4: what your whole star wars as well.
Speaker 8: You've handled your green card to Karen, and as I
Speaker 8: saw it past, I noticed it was not at all green.
Speaker 4: It's great it is.
Speaker 2: It's green, like how many is green? Hardly it's not
Speaker 2: bright green.
Speaker 8: You're always Jacky Khaki at best.
Speaker 1: You thought there'd be little lepermon my Khaki car.
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, tossed it by the way, well.
Speaker 4: Akaki card holding permanent residence.
Speaker 6: You know, it's funny now that I'm looking at it,
Speaker 6: it is quite green.
Speaker 1: Did you win that in the lottery?
Speaker 4: They have to shove it.
Speaker 6: Down everyone's throat with Lady Liberty on there.
Speaker 4: Everything, we went there and circled back around. Everyone held
Speaker 4: it did you say, late lady Liberty? Did you just
Speaker 4: say lady Liberty?
Speaker 1: No, Chris did it?
Speaker 4: Oh you said lady, I did say it.
Speaker 2: I said, did you win it in the lottery?
Speaker 4: No? I did not, because Lynn.
Speaker 1: You know, I know so much about Canada, because Lynn
Speaker 1: and I were roommates.
Speaker 9: Yes, Lyn Chalkcraft, and she is a Canadian who I
Speaker 9: met very early on when I moved here. And then
Speaker 9: she would tell me things like how the money is
Speaker 9: called the looney and the blooney, or she told me
Speaker 9: about chicken fries. We used to lay around and she
Speaker 9: would tell me Canadian stories and be like I got
Speaker 9: hit by a truck once and then I just went
Speaker 9: right into.
Speaker 1: The emergency room. It was free. I was like, what
Speaker 1: tell it again? Had all kinds of Canadian stories.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but and I know that story so well too,
Speaker 4: Like Lynn did get hit by a car once and
Speaker 4: had to go to the hospital, like she broke her legs,
Speaker 4: and like ages ago, I.
Speaker 6: Think the car broke her legs. Me, the car broke
Speaker 6: her legs.
Speaker 1: But go on, you mean like she didn't do it
Speaker 1: her show, he.
Speaker 6: Didn't break her own legs.
Speaker 1: Well, you don't know, were going.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna step going down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he is very accurate.
Speaker 8: Take holes in story.
Speaker 4: Aboriginal fun for comments right now.
Speaker 8: You know what I know a little bit about history
Speaker 8: and the Aboriginals where the first Australians with stomach muscles.
Speaker 6: A lot of the shows.
Speaker 8: That's funny how a lot of it's was a thinker.
Speaker 4: It's not just a Karen said, what is her? She
Speaker 4: switched it.
Speaker 2: Ew that's really made to hear.
Speaker 8: It's a sinker. It's a thinker and.
Speaker 6: Good thing and then it makes you say.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but yeah, no, Lynn has got some great Canadian
Speaker 4: stories for sure. But yeah, that's one of them. Is
Speaker 4: like up there, we do have this thing called uh uh.
Speaker 1: It's pretty good.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 12: I mean for I'm uninsurable because I had a heart
Speaker 12: thing when I but yeah, I got the Obamacare.
Speaker 4: A month thing. Okay, so fifty bucks a month. You
Speaker 4: do have some healthcare whears before you were completely Here's
Speaker 4: what happened. I had.
Speaker 12: I had there's a state that I lived in that
Speaker 12: had a Tennesse that I could be in Illinois.
Speaker 4: So when I lived in Illinois, I had healthcare Illinois Tennessee. Yeah,
Speaker 4: because they.
Speaker 12: Had a pool for people like me, and so when
Speaker 12: I moved here, I didn't Kitty Pool.
Speaker 4: He moved here having the stars and in Illinois just
Speaker 4: get health insurance dog battle only here.
Speaker 12: And so now I didn't have insurance for like two years,
Speaker 12: and I went to the hospital in day because I
Speaker 12: had twenty four thousand dollars bill.
Speaker 4: Ye, no one's paying that, that's right, it's not gonna happen.
Speaker 4: But now if that were to happen, then thinking when
Speaker 4: learning had set so John can't even tell what I'm talking.
Speaker 1: Thank god, Yeah, I'm talking.
Speaker 2: It's so crazy whispering. You won't even know until socialized whispering.
Speaker 1: It's all free.
Speaker 4: Canada has a socialized whisper.
Speaker 6: I don't think I happened.
Speaker 4: Secrets all your life free secrets here.
Speaker 8: I don't think I know. I'm gonna go ahead and admit,
Speaker 8: admit or admit that I don't know. I don't know Canada.
Speaker 8: I don't know Canada.
Speaker 4: I don't think I do.
Speaker 8: If you don't want, oh home man Native Land.
Speaker 4: Which.
Speaker 2: Free emergency rooms and buy a car.
Speaker 4: Or not, will take you Blue Common and we'll take
Speaker 4: a look.
Speaker 6: You have bing fries, maples upon them.
Speaker 9: It's quired, it's night Hotey night, everybody turn on hot Night.
Speaker 8: Isn't it funny that we went into an accent that
Speaker 8: doesn't exist?
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's close. What did you say a song?
Speaker 4: Commercials country commercials have Yeah, Tim Horton's commercials would have
Speaker 4: a theme You're always at home? Or is that it?
Speaker 4: It's you're always at home? Is that it? You're always
Speaker 4: at home? Is that they're always at home? I like,
Speaker 4: so that's how No, I think it's like you're always
Speaker 4: at home? Is that it? Hold on You're always at home?
Speaker 4: Is that it? Hold on You're always at home? That yeah,
Speaker 4: that's no, no, no, no, but genuinely, it's like you're
Speaker 4: always at home? Is that it? You're always at home?
Speaker 6: I like their old hold hold.
Speaker 4: On You're always at home and Tim Horton's something like that.
Speaker 6: Is that that is?
Speaker 15: That?
Speaker 4: Is it? Is that? It is that?
Speaker 8: I like their old jingle that says Tim Hortons, you
Speaker 8: want cold sandwiches and kind of hot coffee, bland and ship.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah, well yeah, Tim Horans used to be
Speaker 4: a hockey player. You know that Mortons was a hockey player.
Speaker 8: Hockey player, hockey player played, Oh possibly.
Speaker 4: That was my Steve Coogan and right there. Oh God,
Speaker 4: have you guys watched Alpha Papa the Steve Coogan movie?
Speaker 4: Did you see it? Did you enjoy it?
Speaker 2: I love everything?
Speaker 4: Does me too? Yeah, it's a great move. Alpha Papa
Speaker 4: the Alan Partridge movie.
Speaker 8: Oh really?
Speaker 4: Do you know? They're making another one?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 6: What's that?
Speaker 4: They're making another one? Oh?
Speaker 1: Like a sequel to that?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Well, I don't know if it's gonna be. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I guess it would be a sequel. They're gonna make
Speaker 4: a second one. And they're also making more of the
Speaker 4: mid Morning Matter show that he did. They're making more
Speaker 4: of them. First, the radio show. No, oh, you may
Speaker 4: not have seen me in Morning Matters. It's the YouTube
Speaker 4: show sponsored by Foster's.
Speaker 1: No I didn't see. I have to see it.
Speaker 4: He's now on Norfolk Digital okay, or as Partridge would say,
Speaker 4: he always says North, you're listening to North. You're listening
Speaker 4: to Norfolk Digital North Norfolk Digital Radio anyway himself. But yeah,
Speaker 4: he did twelve or ten episode was total.
Speaker 1: To see that.
Speaker 4: What would I start with?
Speaker 12: If all I know is to Michael came bid from
Speaker 12: the trip?
Speaker 4: What would I need I could start with? To be honestly,
Speaker 4: I'd start later than earlier, I'd go to I'm Alan
Speaker 4: Partridge season one and season two, and then you can
Speaker 4: yeah if you like that, keep going.
Speaker 12: Okay, Well, I like British.
Speaker 4: I just got done with the thicke It. I watched
Speaker 4: all night like I love Brittish stuff.
Speaker 9: He's the greatest. That character is so so good, brilliant.
Speaker 2: The writing is so happy.
Speaker 4: Yea makes me happier than the best.
Speaker 9: Is when he walks in and he's singing, and is
Speaker 9: it this is Alan Partridge, which I can't remember which one.
Speaker 1: Is, when he lives in the the motel.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I'm Alan Partridges.
Speaker 1: That's I'm an. When he walks in singing Kate Bush's
Speaker 1: Wuthering Heights.
Speaker 9: He's like, I want to do I needed to do whatever,
Speaker 9: And then the woman behind that counter goes.
Speaker 4: Go Jason that he goes, yeah, my god. And then
Speaker 4: his assistant just tries so hard and he treats her
Speaker 4: like ship.
Speaker 1: It's the best.
Speaker 2: If you haven't seen I am it, that's im Alan Partridge.
Speaker 4: I'm Alan Partrick. Yeah, season like Larry Sanders.
Speaker 12: I mean it's.
Speaker 4: To a point like he does a radio show. That's
Speaker 4: as close as it comes to.
Speaker 1: But it's character is so huge.
Speaker 4: It's like solely character driven. It's completely driven by like
Speaker 4: Steve Coogan's character Alan Partrick, which has been developed over
Speaker 4: years and years over different formats, and then this is
Speaker 4: his He did another show, Knowing Me.
Speaker 2: Knowing You, Yes, which is also hilarious.
Speaker 4: It's great. Yeah, but I like him operating in a
Speaker 4: real world as opposed to like that's you're watching a show,
Speaker 4: You're watching a TV show, and it's him on a
Speaker 4: stage being a talk show host the whole show, whereas
Speaker 4: this is like him walking through life in you know, Norfolk,
Speaker 4: where Norfolk whee from its Norfolk? Norfolk? It is Norfolk.
Speaker 4: They're not pronouncing it right.
Speaker 8: It's funny that it might be three L's one of
Speaker 8: the reasons I never watched it and why I've kind
Speaker 8: of tapped out on this conversation.
Speaker 1: Because you don't like it.
Speaker 4: Okay, I don't.
Speaker 8: Know anything about what you're talking about, don't kind I
Speaker 8: kind of don't know who Steve Coogan is.
Speaker 1: That movie.
Speaker 8: I think it's about it's New Order kind of well yeah,
Speaker 8: New Order.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I thought you said Order.
Speaker 8: It's about their version of Hoarders, Yeah Order, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 8: the New Division, Joy Division transferring into being a New Order.
Speaker 12: I got into that movie until they tried to tell
Speaker 12: me that the Happy Mondays were a great band.
Speaker 9: Yeah, you can't really swallow that one this movie right now,
Speaker 9: that's not true.
Speaker 4: It's the band that's what about stole all their equipment
Speaker 4: New Order. That's sarcastic laughter, Chris.
Speaker 2: I don't know that they can be done pretty soon.
Speaker 1: I want to go eat.
Speaker 4: Yeah, let's be done now. I mean I have to
Speaker 4: dry a.
Speaker 1: Should we have wrap up feelings?
Speaker 4: Yeah? What should we do for the rapout? Should be
Speaker 4: some sort of like closure to this. You guys run
Speaker 4: your show? What the fuck happens? Oh man?
Speaker 8: You took your front deal though. I made it my
Speaker 8: back dill. Though, yeah, I didn't pull up my shirt
Speaker 8: enough for people to see it. And honestly, I don't
Speaker 8: think that during your set people even knew that that
Speaker 8: came out, at least during the recording of this, because
Speaker 8: visually no one sees your fake front deck. Well, and
Speaker 8: then I made it my back back dick, and then
Speaker 8: I don't think that anyone would recognize that that it
Speaker 8: was actually a real back dick.
Speaker 1: Are you saying.
Speaker 8: If given the option of having two dicks now.
Speaker 6: And I want to make this.
Speaker 4: Point if you will in a second. But if people
Speaker 4: were just listening to that point, and that's that sentence
Speaker 4: you just explained, is enough to drive some crazy. If
Speaker 4: they were on the verge, I want to know what
Speaker 4: we were talking about, they would go crazy.
Speaker 8: I'm just simply trying to make the argument that if
Speaker 8: I were given the gift of having two dicks, I
Speaker 8: would not, like a lot of people I know, have
Speaker 8: a dick on each hip and ignore mine, my god
Speaker 8: given I would have one up front, one in the
Speaker 8: center of my middle back because think of the scenarios
Speaker 8: A lot of people would have them, like six shooters,
Speaker 8: like oh.
Speaker 15: Here's yeah, two girls back to back, ones uh aimed
Speaker 15: at your front, ones aimed at your back, and then
Speaker 15: you kind of go between them and then you have sex.
Speaker 1: With I feel like that's the logical place.
Speaker 8: Thank you, Karen Well. I understand people hip to hip,
Speaker 8: but those are dance Those are people that want to dance. Well,
Speaker 8: so you go, you hip rate and you got so
Speaker 8: imagine you have penises on both your hips and you're
Speaker 8: like two little.
Speaker 1: Girls girls to.
Speaker 4: A little but ladies.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I know that when I say little girls.
Speaker 8: A lot of people get up in arms, but I'm
Speaker 8: talking about two adult consenting except thirty year old tea ladies.
Speaker 8: And then so I want.
Speaker 2: Because it's a decent age.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's right. I'm at the age worth thirty.
Speaker 1: It's not gross.
Speaker 8: Okay, So anyway, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4: By the way, I enjoyed myself thoroughly the entire evening,
Speaker 4: and the show is great. It was fun.
Speaker 8: Are you trying to change the subject.
Speaker 4: I'm just telling you, thank you? Well, why can't it
Speaker 4: but not? Whold on is sa? Why can't a grown
Speaker 4: man stop things and say thank you? Why can't I
Speaker 4: be sincere for a moment? Why can't I be?
Speaker 8: Just listen? John, I know you've most a number of
Speaker 8: Canadian shows. However, on this show, I am the home
Speaker 8: and I am the one who wraps it up. So
Speaker 8: when you go willy nilly to use your dumb Canadian language,
Speaker 8: I am the one that ends the shows.
Speaker 1: I like suggest that we start doing Anyway podcast in
Speaker 1: this green room.
Speaker 8: John, during other shows, I'm really glad that you were
Speaker 8: on the show too, and I'm about to wrap it
Speaker 8: up myself.
Speaker 1: I'm also the host of the show What do I
Speaker 1: get to do?
Speaker 8: Yeah, look, Karen do something and instead of you the host,
Speaker 8: Karen and I are going to wrap it up simultaneously.
Speaker 4: Chris is wrapping it up right now.
Speaker 2: I'm talking because we have to lock in.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 8: Just as an aside to you, right now, you know what,
Speaker 8: Karen and I are going to do it together.
Speaker 1: Who as a side, Oh, I have a really good
Speaker 1: low voice.
Speaker 8: You're peaking.
Speaker 4: You're peaking.
Speaker 1: I thought I was whispering.
Speaker 4: Level she was.
Speaker 6: She was banging it against her moving lips.
Speaker 4: Did you peak? Did you take a look at the level.
Speaker 1: I peaked it?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, this is the perfect time.
Speaker 4: Okay, Grey, Well, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1: That's so loud peking you guys.
Speaker 8: You've been listening to.
Speaker 6: Do you need a ride? Alright? D y n A
Speaker 6: R Hong Kong? Look out?
Speaker 1: Oh got the hospital is free?
Speaker 4: Okay, good good.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go get some chicken fans.
Speaker 4: Okay, morphine.
Speaker 8: Maybe you should go to the hospital and take care
Speaker 8: of those chicken fans.
Speaker 4: You always have to have a chick You always have time?
Speaker 4: Is that it? You always have time? Is that it?
Speaker 5: That?
Speaker 4: Was it?
Speaker 6: I leaving?
Speaker 2: You want to way back home.
Speaker 3: Either way you want to be there, doesn't matter how much.
Speaker 1: Baggage you clay.
Speaker 3: Give us time and they turning on and gage. We
Speaker 3: want to send you off inside.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 5: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 7: Porn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 13: Do you need ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 12: Do you need
Speaker 6: With Karen and Chriss