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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have.

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Speaker 2: Some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is, this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My wife is taking care of her sick aunt and

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Speaker 3: it's destroying our marriage.

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Speaker 4: Take care of our marriage.

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Speaker 3: My sixty six male wife, sixty one female aunt eighty

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Speaker 3: six female became a widow two years ago. She came

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Speaker 3: to live with us because she was afraid of staying alone.

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Speaker 3: Since we had extra rooms and she was perfectly healthy

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Speaker 3: and fine, we decided it was okay to let her

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Speaker 3: stay with us. By the way, this comes from old

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Speaker 3: Aunt Help And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm.

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Speaker 4: Sophia, I'm Dakota, and.

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Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice. Goofily, But we don't

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Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

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Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

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Speaker 3: And Opie says, for time she grew more and more

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Speaker 3: attached to my wife, she wouldn't want her to go

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Speaker 3: to work because she'd miss her. She didn't want her

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Speaker 3: to go shopping because it was always too long. She

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Speaker 3: would follow her to parties and events even if she

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Speaker 3: didn't want to go, because she didn't want to bet

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Speaker 3: without her. I told my wife that it was becoming

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Speaker 3: unhealthy and that her aunt should talk more to her

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Speaker 3: friends and try to meet with them. She has a

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Speaker 3: couple of friends around her age. My wife always told

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Speaker 3: me that I was exaggerating and that there was nothing wrong. Recently,

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Speaker 3: about six months ago, the aunt caught bronchitis and then

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Speaker 3: another viral infection and some type of spine pain. She

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Speaker 3: became very dependent on us to move her. That's when

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Speaker 3: things started going really bad. She required my wife's attention

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Speaker 3: almost twenty four to seven and would cry when my

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Speaker 3: wife wasn't around. She wanted my wife to sleep next

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Speaker 3: to her, feed her, talk to her constantly, not go out,

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Speaker 3: not go to work.

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Speaker 4: Well, is codependent and it's not actually helping her aunt.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. After a week, I complained to my wife about

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Speaker 3: not spending any time with her and that her aunt

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Speaker 3: was taking all of her My wife dismissed my worries

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Speaker 3: and told me that she would get better. Soon after

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Speaker 3: two months of her aunt acting like a baby and

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Speaker 3: constantly complaining about pain, I suggested we go consult a doctor.

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Speaker 3: The doctor said she was perfectly fine, nothing wrong. We

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Speaker 3: had trouble believing it, so we consulted different specialists and

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Speaker 3: they ultimately said that if she keeps up her good health,

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Speaker 3: she could live another ten to fifteen years. How old

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Speaker 3: is she eighty six? That's a good amount of years

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Speaker 3: hit in a hundred.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: We met with a psychologist and he said that the

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Speaker 3: aunt needs more tests to determine what she has, but

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Speaker 3: that my wife and I clearly need to focus on

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Speaker 3: us and not let her aunt affect our marriage. Since

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Speaker 3: I am retired, I told my wife that we should

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Speaker 3: finally take the vacation we always wanted. I booked tickets

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Speaker 3: to go on a cruise around Alaska. I even planned

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Speaker 3: everything and asked my daughter, thirty five, buy female to

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Speaker 3: take care of her aunt. A week before going. I

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Speaker 3: couldn't keep the secret anymore. Aunt told my wife what

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Speaker 3: I had done. My wife was clearly happy and amazed.

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Speaker 3: I finally thought we could have some good alone time.

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Speaker 3: When she let her aunt know later that night, it

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Speaker 3: was a major catastrophe. The aunt cried through tantrums, called

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Speaker 3: all her friends to tell them how awful we were

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Speaker 3: to leave her alone, and she even threw herself on

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Speaker 3: the ground.

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Speaker 4: Yeah this is so difficult. Yeah, it's just super codependent.

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Speaker 4: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: I told my wife it was time to put her

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Speaker 3: in a home for elders and that she couldn't stay

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Speaker 3: with us anymore. My wife refused. She said she wasn't

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Speaker 3: going to abandon her and that it's hard to be old.

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Speaker 3: She also canceled our vacation and said she was sure

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Speaker 3: I'd understand. It hurt me a lot. I did end

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Speaker 3: up going with my daughter instead and we had a

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Speaker 3: great time. But that's besides the point. Now we are

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Speaker 3: selling our house. It's too big for us. The aunt

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Speaker 3: has a say in all of this. She requires a

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Speaker 3: room with specific details such as dimensions, views, number of

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Speaker 3: stairs to come into the house, et cetera. My wife

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Speaker 3: is actually listening to her, and it is making me

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Speaker 3: more and more unhappy. The only one of those that's

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Speaker 3: valid is steps. Yeah, I retired to spend time with her,

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Speaker 3: our kids and our grandkids, but it feels like she's

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Speaker 3: only spending time with her aunt. We are in couples counseling,

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Speaker 3: and it is not helping us. I have been married

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Speaker 3: to her for almost forty five years. I don't want

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Speaker 3: to give her an ultimatum, as she is the love

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Speaker 3: of my life and I certainly don't want to ever

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Speaker 3: be without her. I just want to spend quality time

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Speaker 3: with her. Relevant comments hard Pete Tron. Is your wife

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Speaker 3: willing to ruin your retirement and marriage for her aunt.

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Speaker 3: You need to issue the ultimatum as this isn't fair

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Speaker 3: to you or her. Would getting professional care to look

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Speaker 3: after her in your home be an option instead of

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Speaker 3: sending her to a nursing home. Opie says, we found

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Speaker 3: this lovely lady who would come and take care of

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Speaker 3: her aunt a couple hours a day. She speaks the

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Speaker 3: same language Anne has over twenty five years of experience.

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Speaker 3: My wife refused, saying she's a stranger. And then if

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Speaker 3: we need to pay someone, then we should do it

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Speaker 3: ourselves and keep the money.

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Speaker 4: I mean, that's not the point. It's about getting a

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Speaker 4: professional and someone to like let less than the load,

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Speaker 4: right it is? I will say you know about her

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Speaker 4: point avent like it's hard to be old and stuff,

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Speaker 4: something that I kind of fear is I think when

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Speaker 4: you get older and like when you come grandparents and stuff,

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Speaker 4: it I feel like it can become very lonely. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: you know, because I think they're especially like you have

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Speaker 4: your grandkids and your kids and stuff.

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Speaker 3: And if she says she's got friends or age though.

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Speaker 4: Exactly, which is why it's like, yeah, Like on one hand,

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Speaker 4: I get that because a lot of like kids and

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Speaker 4: grandkids for sure, see it is like a chore. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 4: we gotta go see you know, It's like I gotta

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Speaker 4: talk to them. And so yeah, I understand there is

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Speaker 4: that like fear, but it seems like that's not the

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Speaker 4: case here. Just just like she expecting way too much.

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Speaker 3: Right from Op's wife Stuck Hans, I would just start

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Speaker 3: taking the trips without her, maybe she'll notice. Opie says,

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Speaker 3: I took that trip without her. It was her dream trip.

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Speaker 3: She did say that she wished she could have gone,

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Speaker 3: but that was it. I think she feels like her

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Speaker 3: aunt is her duty, kind of like when you have children,

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Speaker 3: Jay Palin says, is your wife of another ethnic or

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Speaker 3: cultural background, sometimes that plays into the situation, and if

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Speaker 3: her family speaking the non local language is used to

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Speaker 3: rely upon one another, going to an outsider might seem

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Speaker 3: even more difficult, no matter how qualified and caring. I'm

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Speaker 3: in my thirties and my husband and I are caring

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Speaker 3: for my aged widowed father in conjunction with all of

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Speaker 3: my four siblings and paid care takers by switching off

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Speaker 3: days and weekends. It's really hard stuff and very frustrating. Yes,

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Speaker 3: I was wondering about that, like the language barrier, maybe

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Speaker 3: even keeping her from like being fully a to communicate

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Speaker 3: with even friends. But that caretaker they found spoke the language.

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Speaker 4: I think also a part of that is seems like

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Speaker 4: they aunt solely wants Opie's wife. Yeah, that's not like

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Speaker 4: I need someone to speak late you. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. You don't mention where you're from, though, since you

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Speaker 3: mentioned cruising Alaska, I'm guessing you're in North America, but

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Speaker 3: in the States. If someone is still competent to make

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Speaker 3: their own decisions, i e. Doesn't have dementia, you can't

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Speaker 3: put them in care against their will. It complicates things.

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Speaker 3: You've been married to your wife for a very long time,

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Speaker 3: so I would reach out to her and tell her

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Speaker 3: that you want to make this situation as easy as

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Speaker 3: possible for her. For the ant and for you. Find

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Speaker 3: out the elder care laws, find out what the requirements

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Speaker 3: are to keep the ant in her own home or yours.

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Speaker 3: There are charitable groups that will do regular visits, or

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Speaker 3: agencies to offer respite care. There are adult day care centers.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what the compromise here. My husband and

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Speaker 3: I don't either. Opie says, you're right. My wife used

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Speaker 3: to take care of her mom, who took care of

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Speaker 3: her mom. It seems to be very cultural. The aunt

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Speaker 3: has been living in America for fifty years but never

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Speaker 3: made any effort to learn English. She only speaks her

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Speaker 3: native language, which really complicates things. We have an update

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Speaker 3: one month later.

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Speaker 4: I don't know what my advice other than like, you

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Speaker 4: just have to keep talking about it with why, keep

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Speaker 4: talking to your wife and hope that you have changes.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, Yeah, I'm not sure. It's tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky,

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Speaker 3: get in tricky. One month later, something completely magical happened.

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Speaker 4: Yay magic.

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Speaker 3: My wife and I were looking at a house we

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Speaker 3: both actually love. It has every single thing we wanted

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Speaker 3: in our retirement home, and it's close to everything that

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Speaker 3: we need. We were thrilled and when she told her

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Speaker 3: aunt and showed her the pictures of the house. Her

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Speaker 3: aunt laughed and said, you can't buy that it has stairs.

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Speaker 3: I can't go up and down the stairs.

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Speaker 4: Well, oh, well, I guess you'll just have to go

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Speaker 4: somewhere else or stay at the bottom of the stairs.

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Speaker 4: I don't know why she's so adamant that you can't

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Speaker 4: have a house with stairs. As long as there's a

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Speaker 4: room on the first floor and on the first floor,

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Speaker 4: then she's fine. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I was picturing more like the stairs to get to

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Speaker 3: the front door, Like if it's a raised like a

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Speaker 3: garage underneath, yeah, that's that's yeah. But you can also,

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Speaker 3: like I don't know, put one of those stair things. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you guys, my grandpa had one of those.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. Fun.

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Speaker 3: Something clicked in my wife's mind. She simply said to

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Speaker 3: her aunt, it's the house that my husband and I like,

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Speaker 3: and the fact that it has some stairs that you

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Speaker 3: are healthy enough to go up and down on won't

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Speaker 3: stop us.

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Speaker 4: Nice stand up, go white up.

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Speaker 3: Her aunt cried and cried. We called our new therapist,

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Speaker 3: who suggested that we treat her like a child, check

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Speaker 3: on her every fifteen minutes, but not give in.

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean, she's behaving like a child, so makes sense.

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Speaker 3: We did that and she got over it by the

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Speaker 3: next mo arding. My wife also got more tough love

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Speaker 3: with her aunt. And whatever she'll complain about stuff my

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Speaker 3: wife knows are unreal. My wife dismisses it politely. Things

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Speaker 3: aren't one hundred percent perfect. The new therapist helped my

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Speaker 3: wife a lot. She mainly focused on her and why

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Speaker 3: my wife was feeling the almost nurturing need to be

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Speaker 3: there for her aunt. Thank you for the advice. Changing

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Speaker 3: therapists was a great idea. I don't know if I

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Speaker 3: have had the courage to just follow through with you.

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Speaker 4: Uh wow.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I have had the courage to

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Speaker 3: just follow through without you, but I did the very

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Speaker 3: next day. Some comments commenter one, it's so much harder

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Speaker 3: to care for the elderly than children, especially when cultural

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Speaker 3: context plays a huge role. Someone replies, Yep, my toddler

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Speaker 3: is challenging but also cute. My grandma is challenging in

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Speaker 3: some of the same ways, like fussing about naps and

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Speaker 3: being grumpy about wanting constant snacks, But she's not cute.

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Speaker 3: She was a mean, unpleasant woman and is now super

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Speaker 3: mean and super unpa less an old lady. Someone replies,

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Speaker 3: it's also developmentally appropriate when kids try to manipulate you

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Speaker 3: because they're young and still trying to navigate getting their

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Speaker 3: needs met. Someone else replies, kids also tend to improve.

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Speaker 3: Adults either continue to decline or usually don't get better.

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Speaker 3: That's the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: My wife is lying about her friend, and I know

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Speaker 4: it's more than just a friendship.

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Speaker 5: Well, she ain't a truther.

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Speaker 4: I've thirty five female, been with my wife thirty five

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Speaker 4: female for seven years, and we've been married for four. Recently,

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Speaker 4: my wife has become friends with someone she met through

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Speaker 4: her job. The very first time she told me about

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Speaker 4: this girl she started with. So I think I have

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Speaker 4: a crush on a girl at work.

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Speaker 5: At least she's coming out honest.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from pieces mended and if

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Speaker 4: you want to spit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 4: r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Keon,

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Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice schoofully,

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Speaker 4: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 4: what we do, So let us know what you would do.

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Speaker 4: In the comments, and OPI says for some contact, it's

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Speaker 4: not abnormal for us to say things like that to

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Speaker 4: each other. We both have acknowledged that it's normal to

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Speaker 4: find other people attractive, so we're pretty open about that

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Speaker 4: sort of thing. We've also agreed that if one of

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Speaker 4: us develops feelings for someone, we would be open and

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Speaker 4: honest about it. So it started off with her texting

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Speaker 4: back and forth a lot with this girl. My wife

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Speaker 4: was adamant that I read their texts. However, I told

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Speaker 4: her that I wasn't comfortable doing that and that I

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Speaker 4: trusted her. They texted for a couple of weeks, and

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Speaker 4: then finally she was able to come hang out. Just

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Speaker 4: observing them together, I could tell by my wife's demeanor

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Speaker 4: that she was very attractive.

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Speaker 5: Whit she came over to hang out was like, hey,

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Speaker 5: so I've heard a lot about you. Oh yeah, what

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Speaker 5: my wife's India.

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Speaker 4: Yet this is the problem. It's like, no longer just like,

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Speaker 4: oh that person's so hot. This is I have a

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Speaker 4: crush on them. We hang out a lot, and now

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Speaker 4: she's coming over and we text a bunch of dayah.

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Speaker 4: Soon she started wanting to hang out with her every day.

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Speaker 4: The weekend rolled around and I was going to my

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Speaker 4: parents to help them with a few things. Normally, my

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Speaker 4: wife loves seeing my family, but she said she wanted

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Speaker 4: to stay home to clean, which is very unlike her.

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Speaker 4: About an hour and a half after I got to

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Speaker 4: my parents, she called me and asked if she could

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Speaker 4: go get food with her friend. I told her that

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Speaker 4: I figured that's why she wanted to stay home and

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Speaker 4: to go do whatever. So then she decided not to

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Speaker 4: go and was poudy the rest of the night. What

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Speaker 4: Opie literally said yes Sure. That night, I asked her

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Speaker 4: if we could have a break in between having friends

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Speaker 4: over because I was socially exhausted and I thought hanging

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Speaker 4: out all day for like five days in a row

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Speaker 4: was excessive. The next day, my wife came home early

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Speaker 4: from work because she had bad cramps. She ended up

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Speaker 4: inviting her friend over to hang out while I was

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Speaker 4: at work. I got home from work at about five

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Speaker 4: and she was still there. She tried leaving at around

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Speaker 4: seven so we could eat dinner, but my wife essentially

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Speaker 4: begged her to stay and even bought dinner for all

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Speaker 4: of us. The following day, my wife came home early

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Speaker 4: from work again, and her friend was at her house

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Speaker 4: less than an hour later.

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Speaker 5: Do they both call out sick? I'm sorry?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, you both work together? How are you

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Speaker 4: both not having work? She's constantly either texting this girl

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Speaker 4: or on the phone with her. There was one day

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Speaker 4: I came home from work and was telling my wife

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Speaker 4: about something that had happened. She had a headphone in

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Speaker 4: her ear, and a few minutes into my story, she said,

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Speaker 4: do you want me to text you? That's when I

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Speaker 4: realized she had her friend on the phone the whole time.

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Speaker 4: Oh I didn't. I was trying to understand what this happened.

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Speaker 4: So Ope was talking to her wife. Her wife has

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Speaker 4: a headphone in and her wife's listening, and then is like, oh, sorry,

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Speaker 4: do you want me to text you? And he's like, oh,

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Speaker 4: you haven't been listening to my conversation at all.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that's awful.

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Speaker 4: That's awful.

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Speaker 2: That would actually ruin the entire relationship. I'd be like, oh, okay, I'd.

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Speaker 5: Be like, we're done.

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Speaker 2: Whoa, We're done, right, We're done.

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Speaker 5: WOA while on the phone, which is hilarious. That's crazy.

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Speaker 4: Today, I went against my beliefs and looked at their

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Speaker 4: texts while my wife was out of the room. She

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Speaker 4: makes so many comments about how gorgeous her friend is

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Speaker 4: and how everything she does is so cute. She talks

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Speaker 4: about playing hooky with her, She's given her perfume and clothes,

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Speaker 4: and even joked about pulling the popcorn trick on her.

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Speaker 5: What is what is the popcorn trick? You're the popcorn

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Speaker 5: girl over there? What's a popcorn trip? I haven't even

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Speaker 5: done that with you, like get the movies? Is it

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Speaker 5: like a throw a popcorn and like grab it? I'm

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Speaker 5: very confused.

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Speaker 4: Here Today, they've made plans to hang out at her

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Speaker 4: friend's place. I asked if they could hang out at

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Speaker 4: our place so that I could join after my appointment.

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Speaker 4: Her friend texted her and asked if I really wanted

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Speaker 4: to hang out with them, and my wife replied she

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Speaker 4: wanted to hang out. I'd prefer to come hang out

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Speaker 4: with you, though your relationship is like, this is not

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Speaker 4: cheated you.

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Speaker 5: You are second? Fair, Yeah, you are second in this

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Speaker 5: relationship now in this her relationship with her friend, she.

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Speaker 4: Would prefer we all hang out here, but I'd rather

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Speaker 4: come over there. Yeah, I mean, this is emotional cheating.

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Speaker 4: My wife has been so persistent lately about how much

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Speaker 4: she loves me. You know, I'm the only one she'll

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Speaker 4: ever want. But then she has these conversations with this girl.

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Speaker 4: My wife is very insistent that she's only friends with her.

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Speaker 4: Am I overreacting with their friendship and there is an update.

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Speaker 4: But what do you think I mean?

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Speaker 5: I get it she found a new work buddy, but

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Speaker 5: the fact that she started off that strong, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: I met this person at work and she's really attractive.

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Speaker 4: It started off I have a new work buddy. I

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Speaker 4: have a crush on her. I think she's so attractive.

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Speaker 4: We hang out all the time. I want to hang

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Speaker 4: out with her over you.

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Speaker 5: I'd rather hear her than talk to you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I text her all the time.

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Speaker 5: This is we play hooky. We play work hookie together.

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Speaker 5: By the way, Yeah that's insane. One day's like okay, cool,

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Speaker 5: it's cute. Yeah, but like it seems like it happens

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Speaker 5: a lot.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, this is like if you and Carly call that a.

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Speaker 5: Work quinkadink, I think not.

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Speaker 4: I think not. I'd be like, I don't know about

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Speaker 4: this seems kind of suspect.

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Speaker 2: Although in that case, it's likely we would get each

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Speaker 2: other sick.

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Speaker 5: She says.

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00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 4: She says, I think this is emotional cheating at this

360
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,960
Speaker 4: very much so, especially so blatant about it too.

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Speaker 5: Which she's like, she's admitting it's the thing of like

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Speaker 5: op's like acting kind of shock, like, oh, the audacity

363
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Speaker 5: was like, it's straight into your face kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: She told you.

365
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Speaker 4: Yeah, she told you to your face. I have a

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Speaker 4: crush on her. Update. I ended up going to my

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00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,000
Speaker 4: friend's house after my appointment because the text I saw

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00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 4: were pretty upsetting. My wife asked me what was wrong,

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Speaker 4: and I told her to let me know when her

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Speaker 4: friend leaves. A couple of hours go by and I

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00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,399
Speaker 4: finally get a camera notification that her friend is leaving.

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Speaker 4: I waited fifteen minutes to see if my wife would

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Speaker 4: let me know that she was gone. She never ended

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Speaker 4: up texting me. When I got home, I immediately told

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Speaker 4: her that I didn't like what was going on between them.

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Speaker 4: Of course, she played clueless and was so mad that

377
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Speaker 4: I would think anything was going on between them, that

378
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,320
Speaker 4: they're just friends. I asked her if she wanted to

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Speaker 4: go through texts, and she, without hesitation, gave me her phone.

380
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Speaker 5: I guarantee she like tossed it like here take it yeah. Well.

381
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 4: Being able to go through their entire text thread revealed

382
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 4: more upsetting messages. My wife telling this girl that she

383
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Speaker 4: can barely control herself around her, how she wanted to

384
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Speaker 4: kiss her so badly the other day, whoa, how she

385
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,400
Speaker 4: can't get enough of her making spicy related jokes after

386
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 4: a spicy related joke, talking about how she wished that

387
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:54,560
Speaker 4: she had a wiener because that her wife wouldn't be

388
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,320
Speaker 4: interested in her, but she'd have a chance with her friend,

389
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,840
Speaker 4: who was confused about her spicy orientation, talking about playing

390
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 4: a hookie together. So obviously this is all very upsetting

391
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,200
Speaker 4: to me. I'm crying and asking my wife, why would

392
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,159
Speaker 4: you think this is okay? Why would you think that

393
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 4: I would be okay with you saying these things to

394
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Speaker 4: another woman? And she just replied, yeah, I want effort

395
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,920
Speaker 4: and shrug. WHOA, Like, no big deal?

396
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,919
Speaker 5: WHOA all right?

397
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,560
Speaker 4: She said that because apparently, back when they first started talking,

398
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Speaker 4: she asked me what the boundaries were, and I guess

399
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,680
Speaker 4: I just said, don't f So she took that as

400
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,840
Speaker 4: the opportunity to basically date this girl while still being

401
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 4: married to me. But it's cool because they haven't done

402
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Speaker 4: anything physical.

403
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,720
Speaker 5: But it's that's not cool, just like so that willfully

404
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 5: misunderstood what said zero cool? Yeah? What She's like, yeah,

405
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,200
Speaker 5: just at least don't f her. And she's like all right,

406
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,399
Speaker 5: so I'm gonna do everything I can to get to

407
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:46,879
Speaker 5: that point.

408
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,640
Speaker 4: Well, it feels like what she did was like, hey,

409
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 4: like what are you comfortable?

410
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Speaker 5: You know, like you know, yeah, it was probably a

411
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:54,080
Speaker 5: good joke too.

412
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 4: Because she's probably like, I don't know, I just don't ever.

413
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Speaker 5: Yeah, I could see him just like nonchal, I just

414
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,480
Speaker 5: don't do it right.

415
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 4: That's a joke, right, meeting like, oh, yeah, you could

416
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:05,000
Speaker 4: be friends with her, but don't have out a relationship

417
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 4: with her.

418
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's definitely gonna be like, that's your fault. You

419
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,760
Speaker 5: didn't say explicitly not to do these specific things with

420
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 5: my bff.

421
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,520
Speaker 6: She's acting like the genie when you get a wish granted,

422
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,400
Speaker 6: and the genie's like, ah.

423
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:19,359
Speaker 4: Ah, that's but not what you said, drick.

424
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Speaker 3: Yah.

425
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 4: I told her that I didn't want her talking to

426
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Speaker 4: this girl anymore. I was so hurt that I didn't

427
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:26,440
Speaker 4: even want to see her. I made her sleep on

428
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 4: the couch that night. The next morning, I get ready

429
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,200
Speaker 4: for work and leave without saying a word. I get

430
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,359
Speaker 4: to work and she immediately starts messaging me, asking what

431
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 4: this means for us and am I gotta leave her?

432
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,479
Speaker 4: I replied that I didn't want to talk to her

433
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Speaker 4: right now and that I didn't want to talk about

434
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,639
Speaker 4: this while I'm at work, so I get an APT

435
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 4: notification that she leaves work. She ends up showing up

436
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 4: at our house, but parks in the street instead of

437
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 4: the driveway. We have security cameras. She sits there for

438
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 4: about an hour and a half, then finally makes her

439
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 4: way inside. I pull up the camera inside and I

440
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 4: hear her asking about where they're going to meet up.

441
00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,679
Speaker 4: I end up leaving work and showing up to the

442
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,199
Speaker 4: meet up spot. At the time, it was just my

443
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,920
Speaker 4: wife's vehicle there, so I pulled up and sat next

444
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 4: to her until she looked up at me. I took

445
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,480
Speaker 4: her a second to register it was meat, and when

446
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 4: she did, she waved. I asked her what she was doing,

447
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,399
Speaker 4: and she said nothing. At that point, she held up

448
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 4: half a bottle of tequila. For some context, my wife

449
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,120
Speaker 4: was clean and sober for five years. I was always

450
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 4: incredibly supportive of her and even got her accustomed five

451
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 4: year coin to commemorate her achievement. I was so mad

452
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:30,920
Speaker 4: I ended up just leaving. I ended up going back

453
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,679
Speaker 4: up there after about two hours. She made sure to

454
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 4: tell me that her friend had come up there and

455
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,640
Speaker 4: smashed all of her booze. So the next morning, we're

456
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,800
Speaker 4: driving to pick her vehicle up. I asked her if

457
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,959
Speaker 4: we could talk tonight after work sober she agreed. She

458
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 4: ended up leaving work early again that day and came

459
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 4: home and got wasted, this time in the driveway. I

460
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 4: ended up taking her phone and calling her friend because

461
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 4: I didn't think either of us was getting the complete

462
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 4: story from her. So talking, we both discovered that my

463
00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 4: wife was implying that I was a lot more open

464
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 4: to the her friendship than what I actually was. I

465
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,679
Speaker 4: told this girl that I had asked my wife to

466
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 4: stop talking to her. She agreed that that would be

467
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,639
Speaker 4: best and that she didn't want to be the reason

468
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,359
Speaker 4: for someone's marriage ending. The next morning, she tells me

469
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 4: she's never drinking again. We go to work and she's

470
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 4: just messaging me about how she regrets what she did,

471
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 4: She's so sorry, how she's treated me so badly, how

472
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 4: she's going to fix everything. I tell her that I

473
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 4: want to do marriage therapy, and she agrees. A couple

474
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,719
Speaker 4: of days before our first session, we found out that

475
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 4: my dad has stage four pancreatic and is very sick.

476
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 4: I'm devastated. My wife vows to be there for me

477
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 4: and promises she'll do anything for me and my family.

478
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:39,640
Speaker 4: The morning before our first session, I had a gut

479
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 4: feeling that my wife had never stopped talking to this girl.

480
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 4: So I texted her friend and asked if my wife

481
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,359
Speaker 4: was still reaching out to her. She confirmed that yes,

482
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 4: she was. She again agreed with me that it would

483
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,919
Speaker 4: be best for them to not talk, and how my

484
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:56,480
Speaker 4: wife needs to focus on me and support me through

485
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 4: what's going on with my dad. I brought this up

486
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 4: during our first session, to which therapist responded that if

487
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 4: we want to work on rebuilding trust, then her friend

488
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 4: cannot be in the picture. I ended up seeing text

489
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,360
Speaker 4: from the friend asking for my wife to stop texting

490
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,919
Speaker 4: her for my sake at least the friends trying to.

491
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 5: Think yeah, I think, well, we can't point the finger

492
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,359
Speaker 5: at the friend because again the OPI's.

493
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 4: Wife made this you know, commitment.

494
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 5: No, but Opie's wife was just saying like, hey, yeah,

495
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,320
Speaker 5: we can do all this stuff, my husband said, so

496
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 5: you know, he wasn't blatant, and he's like, I guess

497
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 5: she was like her wife, Yeah yeah, but good on

498
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 5: the friend. That's like she's seeing how Opie's wife is

499
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 5: turning out and how she's it's a full crash out.

500
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 5: I think the way you went about it was kind

501
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 5: of petty, like he's like, oh, she's drinking in the car.

502
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 5: They're both woman. Oh so sorry, but how Opie's wife

503
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,680
Speaker 5: was five years sober? And then OPI was like, you

504
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 5: know what, I'm going to go home, enjoy your time there. Like,

505
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 5: I think that was not the best way to handle

506
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 5: it that situation.

507
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 4: I just feel like at this point, it's like, I mean,

508
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 4: tried the therapy, but I don't know if this relationship

509
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,640
Speaker 4: is going to work out right now.

510
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 5: It's just really hard way that is going because especially.

511
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,639
Speaker 4: Because she's dealing with them drinking problem too.

512
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 5: That and then OPI just finds out their father's it's

513
00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 5: just super hard. It's a lot going on, and I

514
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 5: feel like, oh man, yeah.

515
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 4: Her responses were so childish, and she even asked her

516
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,000
Speaker 4: friend if I was the one making her say these things.

517
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 4: A week or so goes by. She brought up missing

518
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 4: her friend a few times, instantly angering me. She's convinced

519
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 4: that we're all going to sit down and chat and

520
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 4: I'll be BFFs together. I tell her that's not happening.

521
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 4: I outrighte tell her that it's me or her friend.

522
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,119
Speaker 4: She finally stops bring her up for a bit. Friday morning,

523
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 4: before Father's Day, my wife says she really wants to

524
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 4: go do something after work. As we're talking back and

525
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,439
Speaker 4: forth about what we could do, she brings up missing

526
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,639
Speaker 4: her friend. I immediately finish getting ready for work in

527
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 4: silence and leave without saying bye. She asks me if

528
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 4: she's still allowed to come home from work. I tell

529
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 4: her that if she can stop talking about this girl

530
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,399
Speaker 4: and move on, then yes she can come home. So

531
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 4: after work, she calls me and tells me she's decided

532
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 4: to get a hotel room for the night.

533
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:07,080
Speaker 3: What.

534
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 4: I ask her? Why I told her to come home.

535
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 4: She says it's best for both of us. I spend

536
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 4: the night bawling by myself. She decides to come home

537
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: at seven am and act like everything's completely normal.

538
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,119
Speaker 6: Okay, But to be fair, like you were like, okay,

539
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 6: come home if you could stop talking about her, and

540
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,719
Speaker 6: she's like, why can't So I'm not gonna come home,

541
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go to the hotel room. It's like the

542
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 6: solution to this is not like never speak of her again.

543
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 6: That doesn't change the fact that all this has happened.

544
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, I just don't think

545
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 4: this relationship is working out.

546
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 2: No, it's it's over.

547
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,960
Speaker 5: It does sound like too that Op's wife is just

548
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 5: got like it's not a substance problem, but it's definitely addiction.

549
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 5: I think, I think, I mean both, I mean both

550
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 5: again at the Five Years Sorority. Yeah, it's very true.

551
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 5: And it's like the fact that she's like I need

552
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 5: to talk to my friend because I need to bring

553
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 5: up my friend. I need friend friend friend friend friend.

554
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 4: It's like whoa, it's take an addiction to the friends exactly.

555
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 5: It's like whoa, whoa, Oh, what's going on here kind

556
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 5: of thing. And yeah, it's very it's a very fine

557
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 5: line because you're like, you want to be upset, but

558
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 5: you also want to be like supportive of your partner,

559
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 5: and it's you're trying to find a good balance there.

560
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,199
Speaker 5: But it's very, very hard, especially with everything else going on.

561
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 4: Absolutely, we get through Father's Day and we end up

562
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,159
Speaker 4: talking about what happened that Friday in our session and

563
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 4: again come to the conclusion that what my wife did

564
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 4: wasn't okay. We're getting through the week trying to come

565
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 4: back to something that might resemble normalcy. She asked me

566
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 4: about going to a coworker's game this Saturday. I told her, yeah,

567
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:33,719
Speaker 4: I had to go out of town to take care

568
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 4: of my dad for the day because my sister was

569
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 4: working a twelve hour shift. I told her that she

570
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 4: shouldn't feel obligated to always come with me and she

571
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,840
Speaker 4: can have fun. Saturday comes around and I've been at

572
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:45,399
Speaker 4: my parents' house for a few hours. My wife calls

573
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,159
Speaker 4: me and lets me know she's home from work and

574
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 4: getting ready for her coworkers game. I had another gut feeling,

575
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 4: so I pulled up our living room camera. You have

576
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,879
Speaker 4: a living room camera, y'all have a lit.

577
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they already they already used it in the story.

578
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 5: They did that was from the driveway.

579
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't think it was in the house.

580
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 2: I thought I thought that one was in the house.

581
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 4: I might have misread it they found.

582
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 5: I thought it was like you know, like, yeah, camera

583
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,480
Speaker 5: like right in the front entrance. As about it.

584
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, a camera inside your house is kind of.

585
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 5: Wild security purposes. I don't know. I have no idea.

586
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 4: She got a phone call and went into our room

587
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 4: to answer it, which was kind of weird. She ends

588
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,320
Speaker 4: up walking around inside her house and I hear laughing

589
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 4: and joking with whoever on the phone. The whole time

590
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,640
Speaker 4: she keeps glancing up at our camera. I hear laugh

591
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 4: and respond with something like no way, I would immediately

592
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 4: make that spicy, So I'm suspicious. I pull up my

593
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 4: maps and realize the event is right around the corner

594
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 4: from her friend's house. What they didn't realize what was

595
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 4: that the event they were going to was being live streamed.

596
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 4: I pulled up the stream once I knew she'd got

597
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,719
Speaker 4: to the venue, and within thirty seconds there they are

598
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,119
Speaker 4: walking in together, sitting down next to each other. I

599
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 4: ended up leaving my parents' house and made it back

600
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 4: to town and record time. I picked up my best friend

601
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,920
Speaker 4: for backup, drove out to the event venue, pulled in,

602
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 4: drove all the way to the back of the parking lot,

603
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 4: and there they were, both vehicles backed into the very

604
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 4: last row of spots. So after I got out and

605
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 4: confirmed that it was her friend's car parked right next

606
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 4: to hers, I got back in my car and we waited.

607
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 4: About fifteen minutes later, here they come walking out together.

608
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 4: I'm just sitting there next to her friend's car with

609
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,560
Speaker 4: my window rolled down. They see us, and immediately my

610
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,720
Speaker 4: wife says hi, in the tone she used when she

611
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 4: was excited to see me, like she wasn't doing anything

612
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 4: she wasn't supposed to. I asked her, what's up, and

613
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 4: she told me nothing. My wife came up and leaned

614
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 4: in my window and I just asked her why. She

615
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 4: asked what playing clueless? I asked her why she was

616
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 4: doing this silence. I told her I can't trust her,

617
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 4: and how can she complain to me that our relationship

618
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 4: has become resentful when she's lying to my face.

619
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you guys already went to the therapist and they said,

620
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 5: if you want to make this work, you have to

621
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 5: cut off this friend.

622
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

623
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 5: At this point, I'm sorry, like you've tried everything anything,

624
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 5: I'm breaking up. I'm breaking up on the spot. Yeah, divorce.

625
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 4: She just smirks, heavy size. None of this is a

626
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 4: big deal to her. Her friend ended up taking off.

627
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 4: I took my wedding ring and gave it to her

628
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 4: and told her tonight would be a good night to

629
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 4: get a hotel room. I asked her if she had

630
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 4: anything to say. She said no, so I told her, good,

631
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 4: get out of my face so I can leave. She

632
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,359
Speaker 4: asked me if I'm taking my wedding ring back, and

633
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 4: I said no. She laughed and told me that's so silly.

634
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:26,320
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.

635
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 4: I again asked if she had anything to say. She didn't,

636
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 4: so I started rolling my window up on her. She's

637
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 4: asking mege, really, are you serious? Are you for real?

638
00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 4: And we drove away.

639
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 2: It's like she thinks that if she's just entirely transparent

640
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 2: and shameless, that there shouldn't be anything wrong with it,

641
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 2: which is crazy, extremely.

642
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,479
Speaker 5: Delusional, especially at that point where she's she said, oh

643
00:28:48,520 --> 00:28:51,760
Speaker 5: my god, really, or like you're serious after you've done

644
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 5: everything literally possible to be like, hey, we need to

645
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 5: make this work between us, and this is how you

646
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 5: you literally are just mocking me in my face now, yeah.

647
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,479
Speaker 6: Playing the dumbest of dumb when it's like here, like

648
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 6: I'm giving you my wedding ring, like take my ring,

649
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 6: go get a hotel room and again, and then they're like.

650
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 2: Oh, why aren't you going to take your ring back?

651
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 2: It's like, no, stupid, I'm giving it to you.

652
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 5: It's the friend too, crazy, the friend too. The friend

653
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 5: was compliant of like at the very beginning.

654
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, yeah, I won't talk to her,

655
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 4: blah blah blah, and then keeps doing it anyway.

656
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 5: That's yeah, that's slimy, app very slimy.

657
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 4: She's blowing up my phone trying to call and text

658
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 4: me and I'm just ignoring her. Her friend ended up

659
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 4: texting me some bs about how she was invited by

660
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 4: their mutual friend and they were invited months ago before

661
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 4: I decided that they couldn't be friends. And now she

662
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 4: just happened to recognize my wife's vehicles, so that's why

663
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 4: she parked by her. What a lie, and it was

664
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 4: just some crazy coincidence. I didn't reply, and we all

665
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 4: know that's not true because we have recordings of it.

666
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 4: I ended up hanging with my friend for some time

667
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 4: to be sure that my wife wasn't going back to

668
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 4: her house. At one point we pulled up the event

669
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 4: livestream again and well, look at that. Her friend came

670
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 4: back to the event and was sitting right next to

671
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 4: my wife again. I went home and watched one of

672
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 4: our movies and bawled my eyes out. The GPS tracking

673
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 4: at My wife insisted that we have showed her hanging

674
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 4: around two bars until two thirty am. She came home

675
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 4: at six am. I had purposely locked our storm door

676
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 4: so she wouldn't be able to get in. She blew

677
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 4: up my phone and I kept ignoring it. I was asleep.

678
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 4: Finally I heard her knocking, so I went and let

679
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 4: her in and she thanked me. I went back to

680
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 4: bed for a few hours. She came crawling into bed

681
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 4: and I woke up and told her to get away

682
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 4: from me. She wisely kept her distance, then casually asked

683
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 4: me if I wanted to get breakfast.

684
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 6: No, I told honestly, just really sounds like someone who's

685
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 6: intensely mentally ill.

686
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 4: Well, I feel like she's just going through this very tough,

687
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 4: you know, relapse. But not to say that that excuses anything,

688
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 4: but it feels like a lot of this behavior is

689
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 4: very manic.

690
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was gonna say that this is insane, but

691
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 5: also the fact that they can still be doing this.

692
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 5: Op's wife and the things that op's going through, and

693
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 5: she's like, oh my gosh, she want to get breakfast.

694
00:30:59,000 --> 00:30:59,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's crazy.

695
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 5: She's just not even an apology. First and foremost, I.

696
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 4: Told her that I want her to work on getting

697
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 4: her stuff out of my house, or at least work

698
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 4: on figuring out where she's going. She sighed and almost

699
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 4: rolled her eyes and tried to come at me with

700
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 4: the mutual friends coincidence alibi. I told her that I

701
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 4: know she thinks this is no big deal, but I'm

702
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 4: not kidding. I went out into the living room and

703
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,000
Speaker 4: started working on divorce paperwork. She ended up getting up

704
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,240
Speaker 4: and leaving with the bag of clothes, so my best

705
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 4: friend came over. My wife replied back to my friend

706
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 4: that she met up with her friend because she's not

707
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 4: going to be controlled or told how to move through life. Fine, fine,

708
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,440
Speaker 4: that's fine. You can make decisions, but there are consequences,

709
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 4: and that consequences that you no longer are going to

710
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 4: be married to your wife.

711
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,480
Speaker 5: I feel like she doesn't even see in them as consequences.

712
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,320
Speaker 5: She's like, I'm free now, Like you know what, this

713
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 5: is great for me? Yeah, which is insane.

714
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 4: She said that I'm blowing things way out of proportion.

715
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 4: I ended up sending my wife sixty five plus screenshots

716
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 4: of just her messages from the day after. She told

717
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,240
Speaker 4: me that she wanted to f her friend to maybe

718
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 4: a day or two prior. I told her thanks for

719
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 4: lying about her everything. I thanked her for breaking her

720
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 4: word to my dad, and why couldn't she just wait

721
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 4: a few months until he's gone so that he doesn't

722
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 4: have to be more stressed than he already is. I

723
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 4: told her that I didn't believe their fake story, and

724
00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 4: even if that was the case, common sense would have

725
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,440
Speaker 4: told my wife to leave without interacting with her out

726
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 4: of respect for my boundaries and our marriage. I reminded

727
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 4: her that I wasn't just freaking out about a genuinely

728
00:32:22,280 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 4: platonic friend. She looked me in the eyes and told

729
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 4: me that she wanted to have spicy sleep with her.

730
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,959
Speaker 4: My wife ended up coming home and hiding in her

731
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 4: bed for a few hours until my friend left. She

732
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 4: came out and I let her know that I'm filing

733
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 4: the divorce papers on Wednesday. She asked me if I

734
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 4: was serious, and I said absolutely. I told her she

735
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 4: picked the wrong time to play this game with me.

736
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 4: The most important person in my life is passing away

737
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 4: in a horrible way, and I don't care about anything

738
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 4: but that I have way bigger things to focus on.

739
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 4: I told her that while she's been sneaking around and

740
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 4: lying to my face, I've been watching my father deteriorate

741
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:59,080
Speaker 4: from stage four pancreatic cancer. That while she's been texting

742
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 4: her friend and making plans to meet up behind my back,

743
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 4: I've been trying to be strong for my family as

744
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 4: we prepare to lose him. That she promised to support

745
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 4: me through this, like I supported her when her brother

746
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 4: passed away, but instead she's made everything worse. There is

747
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 4: a little bit left to the story, but I think

748
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: Op's doing the only thing that she can do.

749
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

750
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 5: I mean, Op, You've tried and tried everything. Yeah, and

751
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 5: you looked at her for support and what did you get?

752
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 5: None of it? If anything more, just lies, lies, lies, hardship. Ah.

753
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 5: So I mean good on EUOPI that you put your

754
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,479
Speaker 5: foot down finally and you realize this is not what

755
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 5: I want. This is not fair to me, and you

756
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,880
Speaker 5: know your worth and you know your boundaries. It sucks.

757
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 5: It sucks that it's coming at this time in your life.

758
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 5: That's the worst part. But it seems like you have

759
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 5: friends there, your support system. Go to them, your family

760
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 5: that don't worry about this, don't stress about this anymore

761
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 5: that you should have to. It's it's ridiculous at this point.

762
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, but there is a little bit left

763
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 4: to this story. Let's I told her, I'm done. I'm

764
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 4: done with the lies, the manipulation, the gaslighting. I'm done

765
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 4: watching her smirk and shrug like betraying our marriage vows

766
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 4: is no big deal. I'm done being made to feel

767
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,160
Speaker 4: crazy for having normal boundaries. I'm done with her acting

768
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 4: like a victim when she's the one who chose to

769
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,319
Speaker 4: pursue another woman while claiming to love me. I told

770
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 4: her that right now, every ounce of energy I have

771
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 4: is going towards spending time with my dad while I

772
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 4: still can't. I don't have anything left to give to

773
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 4: her drama and her excuses. She made her choice when

774
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,720
Speaker 4: she kept lying, even after getting caught, even after therapy,

775
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 4: even after promising to change. She chose her friend over

776
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 4: our marriage, over me, over my family during the hardest

777
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 4: time of our lives. I told her the doors papers

778
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 4: will be filed Wednesday, and that's that, and that is

779
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,440
Speaker 4: that because that's the end of story.

780
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 2: Hey y'all, it's John og Host here.

781
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

782
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:53,800
Speaker 1: quick three minute break from as for more sponsors.

783
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 4: I think I ruined my relationship and now I want

784
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:57,839
Speaker 4: to fix it.

785
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 3: Too little, too late.

786
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:04,240
Speaker 4: Female twenty seven met this boy male twenty nine back

787
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 4: in twenty twenty online. I'm from a small country in

788
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,320
Speaker 4: the Caribbean and he's from.

789
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 5: Turkey, Saint Martin calling it.

790
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,200
Speaker 4: After matching and talking, we immediately clicked. He asked me

791
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 4: to be his girlfriend via message and I said yes.

792
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 4: In October twenty twenty, I met his family via FaceTime

793
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 4: and vice versa. By the way, this comes from Hummus

794
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 4: Girl for twenty and if you want to spit your

795
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,319
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime severed it.

796
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 4: I'm Sofia, I'm Carly, I'm Keon and we just want

797
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 4: to give good advice. So the little goofy look, goofy, loule, goofs.

798
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 4: Gaffs not the but we don't have all the answers,

799
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 4: folksops gas line. I'm just human, I'm not God, I'm

800
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 4: not Allah. So I can only give you what I think,

801
00:35:47,719 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 4: but I hope that you give me what you think

802
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 4: in the commons. Yeah anyway, oh, he says. In August

803
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 4: twenty twenty one, I flew to Turkey so we could

804
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 4: meet in person. Traveling with my dad. It was amazing

805
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 4: meeting his family face to face, and he even gave

806
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:04,319
Speaker 4: me a promise ring from the Turkish Bazaarre. All good

807
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 4: until I returned to my country two weeks later. I

808
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 4: had post trip depression and kept thinking, now, what long

809
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 4: distance again? But for how long? By November, I was

810
00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 4: deeply depressed because I couldn't see him in person anymore.

811
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,160
Speaker 4: I downloaded Tinder and told him I wanted to use

812
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 4: it to make friends since I had studied abroad and

813
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 4: didn't have any real friends in my country. He empathized

814
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 4: with me and made me promise to tell him everything,

815
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 4: which I did. I matched with a local guy, and

816
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 4: he and his friends were telling me that long distant relationships.

817
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 3: Don't work, so like you are in one, Yeah.

818
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,840
Speaker 4: You're in one. My Turkish boyfriend told me not to

819
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 4: listen to them, since only we know about our love life.

820
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,400
Speaker 4: Months past and by New Year, the local guy and

821
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 4: I kind of fell in love. Wow, no one was

822
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 4: expecting that.

823
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 3: See that coming coucket. You can't leave Cuquet.

824
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 4: But he knew everything about my Turkish boyfriend. I told

825
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 4: my boyfriend I started to feel love for this new

826
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,279
Speaker 4: guy and was scared. When are we meeting again? Even

827
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 4: if we meet, it will be temporary because he has

828
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 4: his life in Turkey a job.

829
00:37:03,640 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 3: So I think like there'd be a really simple solution,

830
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 3: yea of breaking up with your long distance boyfriend so

831
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:11,800
Speaker 3: you can continue with your small distance boyfriend.

832
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 4: Yeah. I told him we should break up. Yeah, you go.

833
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 4: He was so in love with me that he didn't

834
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,719
Speaker 4: accept it. He started begging for me to be with

835
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 4: him only. I told him again, crying and depressed, that

836
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 4: I couldn't stand over thinking about the future. How would

837
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 4: we form a family eventually marry each other living on

838
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 4: different continents. It's not easy, as me flipping my head.

839
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 4: You know, I got it, especially with lack of money

840
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 4: from both sides. I insisted on breaking up, but he

841
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,319
Speaker 4: still didn't accept it. At the end, he agreed on

842
00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 4: giving me more space. Well, I think that space is

843
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 4: something that's pretty easy to for you guys, since you

844
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 4: are long distance. So I cheated on my Turkish boyfriend

845
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 4: for almost all of twenty twenty two.

846
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 3: So you did break up with him though, so it's

847
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 3: not like really cheated honestly, unless you were continuing to

848
00:37:58,280 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 3: entertain it as though you were.

849
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 4: This is amusing because it feels like you were like,

850
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 4: I'm breaking out with you and he was like no,

851
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 4: and you're like I'm breaking out with you and he

852
00:38:04,320 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 4: was like way, and you're like I'm breaking out with you,

853
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 4: and then you had a separate relationship's like well, I'm

854
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 4: not broken up with you and you're like okay, fine.

855
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,200
Speaker 4: So unless you were like, fine, I won't break up

856
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 4: with you and then proceeded to do this on you.

857
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 4: But if you were like I'm breaking up with you

858
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,000
Speaker 4: and he's like no, you're not, and you're like, yes,

859
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:23,120
Speaker 4: i am, and then had the relationship that sounds very different.

860
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,320
Speaker 3: Yes, still not sure where we went to Tinder for friends.

861
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 4: Still don't know about that. In my head, it was

862
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 4: like he gave us time apart, but in his head

863
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 4: we were still together. I was honest and told him

864
00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 4: I had spicy sleet with the local guy. Things got

865
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 4: worse between us. We broke up. Stay broken up like stay.

866
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,560
Speaker 3: Like how is he convincing you to date again?

867
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 4: I don't understand this. I tried blocking him everywhere so

868
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 4: he'd realize how I felt, but he kept looking for me,

869
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 4: texting me on emails, Discord signal places where I didn't

870
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,760
Speaker 4: block him. This is your Turkish stocker.

871
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 3: Not a delight anymore. No.

872
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,879
Speaker 4: I know he was tough a lot, but simply didn't

873
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 4: accept that I broke up with him. He even talked

874
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 4: with my mom for help. What the freak, dude? I

875
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 4: remember one day I read a message from him on

876
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,560
Speaker 4: Discord saying, I'm just texting you to know if you're

877
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 4: alive or not. I don't know anything about you, but

878
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,760
Speaker 4: I love you still months past like that, of course,

879
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 4: I was still heartbroken, but the local guy was there

880
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 4: and he was starting to lose it with jealousy. Yeah,

881
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 4: because you're dating two men, stop it, the local guy said.

882
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,720
Speaker 4: The Turkish guy had to disappear, but I simply couldn't

883
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 4: cut him off completely. I loved him so much and

884
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 4: everyone knew I couldn't get over him.

885
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 3: Oh p, you're a mess, messy, messy mess.

886
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 4: You're act up, but you're currently a little bit messing.

887
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 4: Even if my Turkish boyfriend insulted me for breaking his

888
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 4: heart and cheating on him. Some calls lasted hours of

889
00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 4: him expressing his feelings of madness but love for me.

890
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,120
Speaker 4: At the same time, I used to put the phone

891
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 4: far away while he talked because he constantly repeated himself

892
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,040
Speaker 4: about how much damage I made to his heart. It

893
00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 4: was awful for both of us, and I knew I

894
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 4: messed up. I realized my mistakes and said sorry a

895
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 4: million times. Of course that wasn't enough. Months later, I

896
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:11,760
Speaker 4: found a way to go to Turkey basically for free

897
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,200
Speaker 4: with an Erasmus scholarship. That suddenly brought my hope back,

898
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 4: and I did everything I could to win it and

899
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 4: Drew Mannick says she obviously enjoys the attention and the yeah.

900
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:24,279
Speaker 3: Yeah.

901
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,479
Speaker 4: Indy by Night says, called the police. The thing is that, like.

902
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 3: To end, the thing is that she's not in the

903
00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 3: same country. She is actively planning to go visit as man.

904
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 4: She's actively planning, She's actively like entertaining this. So this

905
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 4: is not even something that she would want to go

906
00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 4: to the police about because she wants. I spent sleepless

907
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 4: nights with anxiety about the results. I broke up with

908
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 4: a local guy without even knowing the results yet, because

909
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 4: at that point I didn't care about him, you suck man,

910
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:54,439
Speaker 4: and I made my Turkish boyfriend a promise of being

911
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 4: only with him. I begged my Turkish boyfriend for forgiveness

912
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 4: again and again. This was around June twenty twenty three.

913
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,879
Speaker 4: It wasn't easy, but eventually he forgave me. Yikes, y'all

914
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 4: are messy, messy, messy. It took so much time and

915
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 4: effort for my part. I talked with his family and friends,

916
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 4: asked for forgiveness from everyone. I was serious about getting

917
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 4: him back, and I knew he wanted that too, even

918
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,320
Speaker 4: though he was still heartbroken. During this time, he didn't

919
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,919
Speaker 4: call me babe because he was hurt, but we still

920
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 4: talked every day. In July twenty twenty three, I graduated

921
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 4: from university and one month later he surprised me by

922
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 4: visiting me in my own country.

923
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,320
Speaker 5: This guy's full of surprise.

924
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 4: I don't know what you want. Ope, he met my family,

925
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 4: we traveled, had dates. We didn't even fight. I guess

926
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 4: it was during this time that we became boyfriend and

927
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 4: girlfriend again. He started calling me babe again slowly in

928
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 4: October twenty twenty three, the scholarship results came out and

929
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:58,040
Speaker 4: fortunately I won. No no. I moved to Turkey that

930
00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 4: same month. Life there is a little because of the

931
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 4: inflation rate, but nevertheless, he arranged an apartment and fees

932
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 4: before I arrived. We were together in person again and

933
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 4: our relationship was way better. He started calling me babe

934
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,479
Speaker 4: and we rarely fought. When we did, he sometimes brought

935
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 4: up my past mistakes. Will you have so many to

936
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 4: choose from? I tried handling his bad feelings with love

937
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 4: and support and fidelity. We started living partially together in

938
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 4: the same apartment because his hometown and job are like

939
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,720
Speaker 4: two hours away from my Turkish city. Everything was great

940
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 4: until around the end of twenty twenty four, when I

941
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:36,520
Speaker 4: started complaining about the rent money increase and having trust

942
00:42:36,520 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 4: issues about it. Questions popped into my head, like if

943
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 4: the rent price was actually legit because the money for

944
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,480
Speaker 4: it was increasing every time, like every three months, That

945
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:47,800
Speaker 4: is really suspicious. Plus the contract for the rent said

946
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 4: another thing than what was actually being paid because the

947
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 4: landlord does a hack about not paying taxes. And my

948
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 4: boyfriend explained that to me, Huh, this is all quite suspicious.

949
00:43:00,480 --> 00:43:04,359
Speaker 4: This is all very suspicious and I don't trust it.

950
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 4: What do you mean your rent is going up every

951
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,439
Speaker 4: three months? And why are you paying that? I'm sorry,

952
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 4: if my rent went up everything else, I'd be like,

953
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 4: what that wasn't in the least do you guys have

954
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:21,240
Speaker 4: lease agreements? I was overthinking so much that I started

955
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:24,520
Speaker 4: to believe that my boyfriend and the landlord were scamming me.

956
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 4: It's always a good sign for your relationship when you

957
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 4: think that you're being scammed by your own boyfriend. To

958
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 4: the point that I directly told my boyfriend he was

959
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 4: scamming me and was a scammer about my money because

960
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 4: he also asked for my scholarship money every month, saying

961
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 4: you can help me with my debt's BIB And of

962
00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 4: course I did. What do you mean? Of course you did?

963
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 4: It's your scholarship money? What girl?

964
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:51,399
Speaker 3: I have such low sympathy for you.

965
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,919
Speaker 4: What are doing none? Sancey speaks Turkish and I don't.

966
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 4: I let him handle all the rent situation. So I

967
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 4: kept thinking badly as time past, months past, and turns

968
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 4: out I was completely wrong. Was that a new feeling

969
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 4: for you?

970
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 3: It's crazy.

971
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 4: At the same time, he got heartbroken by me constantly

972
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:10,400
Speaker 4: calling him a scammer.

973
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 3: What about like when you cheated him?

974
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 4: Was he heartbroken?

975
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 3: Then? Dude?

976
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 4: Why does he stay with you?

977
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 3: You took you back after that. I feel like he's

978
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 3: gonna stay with you if you're giving him money, if

979
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 3: he's successfully scamming you.

980
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 4: And he told me I broke his pride and dignity,

981
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,799
Speaker 4: that no one can do that to him. It really

982
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 4: affected him so much. Of course, I said, saw we

983
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,919
Speaker 4: and promised to never do that again. But the got

984
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 4: deeper in his heart. Around January twenty twenty five, we

985
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,600
Speaker 4: had a big fight and I told him something like,

986
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 4: you know what, I'll just enjoy my time here in

987
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 4: Turkey until it finishes. And I feel like you don't

988
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 4: love me, or at least not enough. I feel like

989
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 4: you do the bare minimum. Obviously, these words I regret

990
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 4: because those things just accumulated into a heavy snowball that

991
00:44:57,320 --> 00:45:00,080
Speaker 4: would eventually wreck the relationship. I think that you you

992
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 4: don't know quite what the word eventually means. I think

993
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 4: the word that you are looking for is my relationship

994
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 4: is already over and has been for years.

995
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 3: Since the moment I got on Tinder.

996
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 4: I don't know if there's like a short German word

997
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 4: that encapsulates all of those feel like they've got a

998
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,880
Speaker 4: lot of those types of words, like one word that

999
00:45:17,920 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: means like a bunch of different you know. Okay, Well, anyway,

1000
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 4: in May twenty twenty five, we broke up for a day,

1001
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 4: but that day was insanely painful for me. Before that

1002
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 4: day I was kind of mad at him for not

1003
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 4: loving me enough and accusing him of doing the bare

1004
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 4: minimum in our relationship. That day of the fight, we

1005
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 4: went to the shopping mall and stopped at a Pandora

1006
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 4: kiosk like the jeweler restore. Uh oh. I liked a

1007
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,319
Speaker 4: ring and he bought it for me. He didn't say

1008
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:44,439
Speaker 4: anything about it though, just bought it, and of course

1009
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 4: I thanked him and hugged him, despite how I was feelings.

1010
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 4: Coming home after, I was still mad about the bare

1011
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 4: minimum thing and said something like you didn't even put

1012
00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 4: the ring on my finger, And that's when he exploded.

1013
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,480
Speaker 4: He desperately said that he reached his limit and wanted

1014
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,520
Speaker 4: to break up with you because enough is enough.

1015
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:04,040
Speaker 3: Good him truly truly sounds like a nightmare.

1016
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 4: I don't know why you freaking tried to convince her

1017
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,880
Speaker 4: to stay in this relationship with you, dude. Immediately I panicked.

1018
00:46:11,000 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 4: He said he couldn't do this anymore and got up

1019
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 4: from the bed, rocking himself back and forth while saying

1020
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 4: to me that I can't be happy because I never

1021
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,360
Speaker 4: get enough. I always want love, but at like two times,

1022
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 4: five times, ten times, and that he tried, but he

1023
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,920
Speaker 4: has had a nieff. He said he would just leave

1024
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:31,399
Speaker 4: the apartment to go to his home city, and since

1025
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,719
Speaker 4: vacations start for me in mid June, he wanted to

1026
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:37,440
Speaker 4: break up and leave me at the airport, then end everything.

1027
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 4: By this point, I was drowning in tears, begging him

1028
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,279
Speaker 4: for forgiveness and saying sorry over and over, and he

1029
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,120
Speaker 4: kept saying you. It got so bad that I had

1030
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:49,680
Speaker 4: a panic, an anxiety attack so severe that I couldn't

1031
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 4: talk because of gasping for air. My thoughts were rushing

1032
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 4: inside my head and tears fell from my eyes one

1033
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 4: after the other like a fountain. I really can't find

1034
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:00,640
Speaker 4: the means to care.

1035
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,480
Speaker 3: Almost like he was upset and rocking back and forth

1036
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 3: after you literally broke him after the ring incident.

1037
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 4: And then you have the audacity to be like, I'm

1038
00:47:10,080 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 4: the one who deserves your pity. He said he loved me,

1039
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 4: but the trust and his pride are broken and it's

1040
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 4: so hard to fix them. He kept saying he was

1041
00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 4: sure of not marrying me, and that I need to

1042
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 4: calm down and learned to live without him because we

1043
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 4: never know the future. He even told me he talked

1044
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 4: with his mom and sister and one of his best

1045
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 4: friends about me calling him a scammer. I got so

1046
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,360
Speaker 4: bad that he told me to take a cold shower,

1047
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 4: but I couldn't breathe. I was collapsed mentally and physically.

1048
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:39,359
Speaker 4: He manually had to drag me to take a cold

1049
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 4: shower together, and still I couldn't calm down. I kept

1050
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 4: hugging him and begging forgiveness. This is so manipulative, This

1051
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 4: is like so manipulative. These are crocodile tears.

1052
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like now I'm totally unlike. Maybe he wasn't

1053
00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:53,600
Speaker 3: even scamming her.

1054
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:57,040
Speaker 4: I don't know, Well, no, he wasn't. She knew he wasn't.

1055
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 3: She knew he wasn't. She found out was she giving

1056
00:47:59,400 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 3: the rent?

1057
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 4: She found out that he was not scamming her, and

1058
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:03,800
Speaker 4: she was just accusing him the girl.

1059
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:05,840
Speaker 3: You suck.

1060
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 4: After the shower, we talked again, and I kept repeating

1061
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,919
Speaker 4: about not breaking up desperately, but it was so hard

1062
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 4: to convince some otherwise, I said, I took him for

1063
00:48:14,320 --> 00:48:16,360
Speaker 4: granted and it was wrong for me to feel that,

1064
00:48:16,760 --> 00:48:19,800
Speaker 4: and I didn't think things through intelligently. In that moment,

1065
00:48:20,320 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 4: I felt like something changed in me. Suddenly nothing has

1066
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 4: changed in you, like a reality slap to the face.

1067
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 4: And I was no longer mad at him. No, I

1068
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 4: wanted to protect him, hug him, and do everything I

1069
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 4: didn't do while I was calling him a scammer and

1070
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:35,319
Speaker 4: cheating on him for a year. I was vulnerable and

1071
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:37,759
Speaker 4: it went like this for hours. We were in bed

1072
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,799
Speaker 4: and I asked him to cuddle with me, and it

1073
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:41,160
Speaker 4: occurred to me to be intimate.

1074
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 3: Ooh, manipulation, manipulation, you suck. I don't like you.

1075
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 4: Opie h. When we finished, the air felt calmer. Yeah.

1076
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,640
Speaker 4: I still begged him for forgiveness and not to leave

1077
00:48:57,680 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 4: the relationship. It was like three am at this time

1078
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 4: point and it took so long, but he said he

1079
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 4: loved me and never stop loving me. But it was

1080
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:09,959
Speaker 4: the pride, trust and respect that are broken. I asked

1081
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 4: if he was still in love with me, and he

1082
00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 4: said yes, that never changed, and his loyalty to me

1083
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 4: never changed. By the end of the fight, I promised

1084
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:21,200
Speaker 4: to never be disrespectful towards him or make him feel heartbroken.

1085
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,640
Speaker 4: I begged him, saying, let's not end us, and he

1086
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 4: finally agreed NA saying, Okay, I won't. This is the

1087
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:33,040
Speaker 4: worst relationship I've ever seen you sucko P I'm.

1088
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:34,320
Speaker 3: Sorry you are the worst.

1089
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 4: You really are the ahle if that was the question, the.

1090
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 3: Answerestion, Yes, I hope that's not the question. I hope

1091
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,280
Speaker 3: you realize.

1092
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 4: Like ay yai yaii. And I was unsure, so I

1093
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,720
Speaker 4: asked him again and he said, I won't end things

1094
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:50,239
Speaker 4: between us. At the end, he promised me wouldn't be

1095
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 4: over and he told me he would repeat it in

1096
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 4: the morning. The next morning, I asked him first thing,

1097
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 4: and he said it again. I mean you literally just

1098
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 4: like wore him down.

1099
00:49:58,719 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 3: I hope that he's still I need to take you

1100
00:50:00,719 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 3: to the airport and leave you here too.

1101
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,319
Speaker 4: Maybe that's the only way you can do it with

1102
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 4: her like being so like crazy about the future, He

1103
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 4: said he doesn't know what will happen because he doesn't

1104
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 4: control what will happen, and that he's not seeing clearly,

1105
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,120
Speaker 4: that's obvious. He said, there are voices in his head,

1106
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,279
Speaker 4: his brain telling him to leave me, but his heart

1107
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 4: telling him to stay with me. Follow your brain.

1108
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 3: I think this poor man's been so manipulated.

1109
00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 4: So manipulated. He also said, we need to see how

1110
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 4: we behave with each other. Still, the next days I

1111
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,240
Speaker 4: turned completely submissive towards him and add a total change

1112
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,520
Speaker 4: of attitude. I wasn't mad at him again. I started

1113
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 4: to send him more pictures and ask if he wants

1114
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:39,560
Speaker 4: me to send him food. Yesterday I ordered him some

1115
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 4: pringles that will arrive at his house. Now, fast forward

1116
00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 4: to August twenty twenty five. We've been doing long distance

1117
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 4: since I'm in my country for vacations. Yesterday I random

1118
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 4: Turkish guy texted me on Snapchat. Op, I'm putting you

1119
00:50:53,560 --> 00:50:54,239
Speaker 4: in time out.

1120
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 3: No, I'm doing so much more than that.

1121
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 4: And we started talking. But I said to this guy

1122
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 4: immediately that I have a Turkish boyfriend. Lest we forget OP,

1123
00:51:02,200 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 4: he has a boyfriend and he is Turkish. So I

1124
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:07,880
Speaker 4: texted my boyfriend and told him about this guy texting me,

1125
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,960
Speaker 4: and he took it so badly. He said, why did

1126
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 4: I respond to his text message that, for example, he

1127
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:19,320
Speaker 4: doesn't text any girl he doesn't know or approve follows

1128
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 4: of people he doesn't know on Instagram. Then he accused

1129
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 4: me of wanting attention and wanting more and more always Yeah.

1130
00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 3: See, because here's the thing. Opie definitely answered that so

1131
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:32,600
Speaker 3: that she could be like boyfriend, I did the right thing.

1132
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 4: Boyfriend.

1133
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 3: Luck also in hope that the other guy came back

1134
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 3: and was like, so.

1135
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 4: What if you yeah, boyfriend, Yeah, I don't care if

1136
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 4: you have a boyfriend, and then she would get fair

1137
00:51:40,680 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 4: with them.

1138
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 3: Later.

1139
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 4: I began to regret telling him this, but in my

1140
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:46,320
Speaker 4: head I thought I was doing the correct thing about

1141
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 4: being honest about that random guy texting me you texted him.

1142
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 4: At the end, I think I brought up the topic

1143
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 4: of whatever happened to him wanting to marry me, and

1144
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 4: he said he still doesn't know. Don't marry Opie? Do

1145
00:51:58,440 --> 00:52:01,120
Speaker 4: not marry Opie. So I started to push him about

1146
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 4: wanting an update about his way of thinking since three

1147
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 4: months passed since our big fight in May. Now he

1148
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 4: exploded again and told me he doesn't want to marry me.

1149
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:13,240
Speaker 4: Good because every time I make him sad and mad

1150
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 4: and now he's at work and said that I made

1151
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,279
Speaker 4: him feel burnt out. He started to act like that

1152
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:21,520
Speaker 4: day we broke up for one day during May please

1153
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,360
Speaker 4: break up. I got so scared. I had another panic attack,

1154
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,080
Speaker 4: but since we're long distance, I ended up calling him

1155
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,280
Speaker 4: via phone call and everything again like a loop.

1156
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:30,439
Speaker 3: I thought you lived with him.

1157
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 4: I don't have no idea, Okay. I realized faster this

1158
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 4: time that I had a panic attack and opened the Bible.

1159
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 4: I started praying to God for us. God doesn't want

1160
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 4: you to stay together. God doesn't want you to stay together.

1161
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:45,560
Speaker 4: This is against the Bible.

1162
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:47,959
Speaker 3: Hey, you should open it to that one that's like.

1163
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 4: Don't ye, don't have affairs. He's now saying that when

1164
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 4: I returned to Turkey in October, he'll stay far from

1165
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:58,600
Speaker 4: me because he's reached his limit, please please stay away,

1166
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 4: and doesn't want to make the same mistakes again. He

1167
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,320
Speaker 4: told me, well, if you say you're matured and have grown,

1168
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 4: that you could apply that to your next relationship. Yes, dude,

1169
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 4: yes you go dude.

1170
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 5: Yes, Turkish boyfriend, that's our Turkish delight.

1171
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 3: That's our Turkish delight right there.

1172
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:18,239
Speaker 4: And he repeated again how his heart tells him yes,

1173
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,520
Speaker 4: but his mind tells him, No, your heart is wrong.

1174
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 4: Follow your mind. Boy. However, he said that he still

1175
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,520
Speaker 4: loves me, that his love and loyalty he has always had.

1176
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 4: There is a little bit left to this frustrating story.

1177
00:53:32,239 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 3: Sadly there is.

1178
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,760
Speaker 4: Do you have any final thoughts for our woefully misguided OPI.

1179
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 3: I hope you grow and learn from this and can

1180
00:53:41,600 --> 00:53:44,400
Speaker 3: somehow be better in your next relationship.

1181
00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 4: I hope that he blocks you me too. I hope

1182
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 4: he realizes you know what you know. I'm constantly pulled

1183
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,480
Speaker 4: into this relationship and I just need a blocker and

1184
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:54,720
Speaker 4: all communications so that I don't get pulled back again.

1185
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:56,600
Speaker 3: I hope you never talked to this man again.

1186
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, leave him alone. I tried to make him understand that.

1187
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 4: Since that in May, I have realized so much false

1188
00:54:03,080 --> 00:54:06,239
Speaker 4: and grown so much. It's true that now I even

1189
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 4: read the Bible and pray to God about us.

1190
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:14,239
Speaker 3: See that just feels like another manipulation tactic. Look at that. Yeah,

1191
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,400
Speaker 3: you're finding new ones that we should never use again.

1192
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:22,839
Speaker 4: This start's even funnier. He's Muslim but not religious. You're

1193
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 4: reading the wrong thing. You gotta read the Koran.

1194
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:29,440
Speaker 3: She's like baby dumb Bible, and he's like, why why

1195
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 3: would you be reading the Bible?

1196
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 4: That's not my thing? He said, Babe, Like I said,

1197
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,439
Speaker 4: I have trust issues because of you, So I hope

1198
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 4: you can understand that. And also it will be extremely

1199
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 4: hard to fix. Please sleep, babe. We can discuss it later.

1200
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:50,200
Speaker 4: He still responds to my calls. He calls me, babe.

1201
00:54:50,440 --> 00:54:53,040
Speaker 4: The door is not closed. The last thing I said

1202
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 4: was that I'll try my best to be better for him,

1203
00:54:55,719 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 4: me and our relationship, which you're not in anymore. He's

1204
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:00,439
Speaker 4: broken up with you.

1205
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 3: You are single, maybe not depending on how many other

1206
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:04,400
Speaker 3: guys you're seeing.

1207
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 4: But first, about me fixing my demons, controlling my anxiety,

1208
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 4: even receiving therapy. He said, he hasn't noticed changed in

1209
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 4: my mentality, just very little. He actually loves me so much.

1210
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,280
Speaker 4: He came to my country to visit me and arrange

1211
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 4: the apartment in Turkey. Cares about me and my family's

1212
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 4: safety and health. Any advice.

1213
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:25,359
Speaker 3: Please leave this man alone, leave him alone, go so

1214
00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 3: far from this far, far far away. Let this man

1215
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 3: have peaceful life without you.

1216
00:55:31,640 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 4: You're just the worst.

1217
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:35,319
Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story. But we're going

1218
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 3: to go to the next one.

1219
00:55:37,440 --> 00:55:39,160
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories,

1220
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:40,960
Speaker 1: but here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1221
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 3: My boyfriend keeps controlling me, and I'm getting sick of it.

1222
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:46,279
Speaker 4: I'm sick of you.

1223
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 3: My boyfriend and I met online and we really started

1224
00:55:49,640 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 3: chatting and it was really nice. We started dating officially

1225
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 3: a month after we talked continuously. He is a really

1226
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:59,960
Speaker 3: nice person. By the way, this comes from Low Possession

1227
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 3: eighty eight. And if you want us to meet your

1228
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:04,560
Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime, Supreddit.

1229
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:08,440
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we're here to

1230
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,520
Speaker 3: give good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

1231
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 3: We really know what we would do, so let us

1232
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 3: know what you would do in the comments. And Opie says,

1233
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 3: the thing is, my boyfriend started to control me. Initially,

1234
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,880
Speaker 3: it was subtle, or maybe I was too in love

1235
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,359
Speaker 3: or delusional to notice it. See how I will say

1236
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 3: you wait the extra months, it's yeah.

1237
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,280
Speaker 4: It usually gives you a little bit better of a

1238
00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 4: birdseye view.

1239
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:34,120
Speaker 3: For example, I started a new job at this place,

1240
00:56:34,160 --> 00:56:36,480
Speaker 3: and my boyfriend got so upset when one of my

1241
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 3: colleagues gave me the company's merch as a welcome gift.

1242
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 3: This is actually a common practice in the company, and

1243
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 3: I tried explaining it to my boyfriend, but he was

1244
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 3: so po'd at me. Next, he would get so angry

1245
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:51,879
Speaker 3: if I changed something about myself, like once I went

1246
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 3: to the hair salon to get highlights. I wanted chestnut

1247
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 3: brown highlights, but somehow the hairdresser made it too yellow

1248
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 3: and light, so it was close to blonde, and you're

1249
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:04,359
Speaker 3: from chestnut to blonde. I was pretty upset with how

1250
00:57:04,360 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 3: my highlights turned out, but I just laughed it off

1251
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,120
Speaker 3: and thought, it's all right. I'll have fun with this

1252
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 3: color for a week or two before I diet a

1253
00:57:11,120 --> 00:57:11,760
Speaker 3: different color.

1254
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:12,319
Speaker 4: There you go.

1255
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 3: When I FaceTime my boyfriend that evening, he was so pioed,

1256
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,760
Speaker 3: not at the hairdresser but at me for purposely dyeing

1257
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:21,800
Speaker 3: my hair blonde.

1258
00:57:21,920 --> 00:57:25,560
Speaker 4: You're he's so ugly. You're so ugly. I hate it.

1259
00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 3: I swear it wasn't on purpose. I didn't choose blonde.

1260
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 3: I asked for chest not brown. And then he would

1261
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 3: get so upset with me going somewhere, For example, I

1262
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 3: love going to the gym. I would just walk on

1263
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,600
Speaker 3: the treadmill or weightlift some lightweight stuff because it makes

1264
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,800
Speaker 3: me happy. I used to be a big girl and

1265
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 3: going to the gym has helped me a lot to

1266
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:49,720
Speaker 3: shed those weights and battle with my depression. And my

1267
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 3: boyfriend wouldn't even let me go to the gym. He

1268
00:57:52,280 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 3: would call me when I'm at the gym so many

1269
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 3: times and ask me why I went there, and he

1270
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,479
Speaker 3: would get so upset. His reason was because he would

1271
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 3: get jelly if I go to the gym and people

1272
00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:04,160
Speaker 3: could see me, and he's afraid I would fall for

1273
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:08,120
Speaker 3: someone there. He is so suspicious of me. One time,

1274
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 3: half an hour before my exam started, my boyfriend actually

1275
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,920
Speaker 3: called to share screen my Instagram account because he suspected

1276
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 3: that I was having an affair with a fake follower.

1277
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:21,480
Speaker 4: When we're there, when we have like a partner accusing

1278
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,160
Speaker 4: you of being an affair or cheating or something and

1279
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:27,600
Speaker 4: you're not, it's like, Okay, we're done. We're done.

1280
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 3: And also could be projection, because yeah, absolutely projection.

1281
00:58:31,880 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 4: I just think that we're done. This is too much.

1282
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,600
Speaker 3: Get out of here, get out of my mind. It

1283
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 3: was a fake follower. I didn't even know who that

1284
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 3: person is. And then he said he trusts me, but

1285
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 3: his mom influenced him to think I was going to

1286
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 3: cheat on him. I didn't do anything to raise any

1287
00:58:49,200 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 3: kind of suspicion. I have always been loyal to him.

1288
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:55,840
Speaker 3: I love him. I would call him every time during

1289
00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,800
Speaker 3: my lunch hour and fly to him during my vacation days.

1290
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:02,200
Speaker 3: The thing is, the are a few little incidents that

1291
00:59:02,240 --> 00:59:05,919
Speaker 3: have happened. So many crazier things have happened, but it's

1292
00:59:06,040 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 3: too lengthy for me to explain it here. Recently he

1293
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:12,439
Speaker 3: started the gym. It's been about two months or so now,

1294
00:59:12,520 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 3: but I started to resent him because I've left doing

1295
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 3: so many things for him. I've sacrificed doing the things

1296
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:22,280
Speaker 3: that I love because of him. Never do that, because

1297
00:59:22,360 --> 00:59:24,800
Speaker 3: never do that, because then you resent your partner. Yeah,

1298
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:29,439
Speaker 3: just say, this boy's icky. And I've gained weight too

1299
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 3: because of it. I haven't moved around as much. I'm

1300
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:36,680
Speaker 3: just constantly doing everything for him, from not going to

1301
00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:40,040
Speaker 3: the gym to not getting lash extensions. This might seem

1302
00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:43,280
Speaker 3: very small and silly, but these things give me joy,

1303
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:46,360
Speaker 3: and I stopped doing them because he was always picking

1304
00:59:46,360 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 3: fights with me whenever I did so, so I stopped.

1305
00:59:49,680 --> 00:59:52,000
Speaker 3: But now he's going to the gym and loving it,

1306
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:55,040
Speaker 3: and I hate that he's doing the things he loves

1307
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 3: but stops me from doing them. The fact that he's

1308
00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:00,320
Speaker 3: going and he's still like that you ca but.

1309
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 4: Y'all could go together if you were. Actually, I don't know, Like,

1310
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 4: I don't like this man him, I am him? Is

1311
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:09,600
Speaker 4: this relationship is done? Jamara says, the true relationship must end.

1312
01:00:09,880 --> 01:00:13,320
Speaker 4: He's not being a good partner. He's being controlling. And

1313
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 4: when you get to that point where you're get sacrificing

1314
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:17,640
Speaker 4: the things that you love for your partner, then you're

1315
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 4: not in a partnership anymore. He's on the top and

1316
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 4: you're on the bottom. That's where that there's bad dynamic there. Yeah,

1317
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 4: there's a power structure.

1318
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 3: And when I cry and bring it up, he says,

1319
01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 3: then go to the gym or why do you always

1320
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 3: bring up about the past whenever you look at me.

1321
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:34,400
Speaker 3: I still love him and want the best for him,

1322
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 3: but I hate that he has no remorse or feel

1323
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 3: sorry for basically stopping me from doing the things I

1324
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 3: love for the past one year and pretends like it's

1325
01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 3: not his fault. Why do I feel this way. What's

1326
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 3: wrong with me? Is controlling someone normal in a relationship?

1327
01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 3: Is resentment normal? And we have an update?

1328
01:00:53,200 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 4: But what do you know?

1329
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 3: No, none of this is normal.

1330
01:00:56,440 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 4: There are times when you might be upset at a partner,

1331
01:00:59,200 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 4: or you might have like things that you're annoyed about,

1332
01:01:01,320 --> 01:01:04,120
Speaker 4: but like to resent your partner and for them to

1333
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:07,560
Speaker 4: control things, to say that you can't do things yeah,

1334
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 4: or to accuse you of cheating.

1335
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:10,160
Speaker 3: Get adding?

1336
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 4: Not normal? Accusing your partner of cheating is.

1337
01:01:12,360 --> 01:01:15,720
Speaker 3: Not normal, not at all. Update. Now onto the update.

1338
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 3: I just want to say thank you so much to

1339
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 3: every single person who commented and gave me the support

1340
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:22,760
Speaker 3: to leave the relationship.

1341
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 4: Yay, good job.

1342
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 3: Your kind words and assurance that it's not in my

1343
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 3: head gave me the confidence to end my one and

1344
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:35,560
Speaker 3: a half year long relationship. I have to admit it

1345
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 3: took a while for me to step out of the

1346
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,400
Speaker 3: relationship and it was not easy at all. A couple

1347
01:01:40,480 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 3: of weeks after that post, I twenty three female was

1348
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,320
Speaker 3: scrolling through my Instagram and saw him twenty two male

1349
01:01:47,000 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 3: liked a real of a girl showing her before and after.

1350
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:53,000
Speaker 3: As a result from working out and feeling good about

1351
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:56,200
Speaker 3: her body. If you read my original posts, I used

1352
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 3: to enjoy going.

1353
01:01:57,080 --> 01:01:57,640
Speaker 4: To the gym.

1354
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:00,280
Speaker 3: And what's funny is that my body before where I

1355
01:02:00,320 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 3: gained weight, was very similar to the after body of

1356
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 3: this woman. So I don't know what got to me,

1357
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 3: but it kind of triggered me because he forbids me

1358
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:11,160
Speaker 3: from going to the gym as he was too afraid

1359
01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:14,000
Speaker 3: someone would flirt with me. And he's uncomfortable that I

1360
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 3: wear body hugging sports attire leggings to the gym.

1361
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 4: Dude, if you have a partner who was telling you

1362
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 4: what you can or cannot wear it to the gym,

1363
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:26,400
Speaker 4: you can get you to the gym. It's like, I'm

1364
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 4: wearing exercise clothing. What do you want me to wear

1365
01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:31,600
Speaker 4: a suit? You want me to wear a potato sack,

1366
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 4: little paper bag over my head?

1367
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 5: Call me Dobby.

1368
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 3: I was gonna say Dobby, Like true, he cannot go

1369
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 3: to the gym.

1370
01:02:38,960 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 4: It's just ridiculous. You want a little doll that you

1371
01:02:41,160 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 4: can put in your room and keep there.

1372
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he was okay with liking a post of

1373
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,920
Speaker 3: a woman flaunting her body. That woman can flaunt her

1374
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:51,840
Speaker 3: body all she wants. She was respectfully hot, and I

1375
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 3: don't care. When I did a little stalking on her account,

1376
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 3: I noticed that he did not follow her, but had

1377
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,680
Speaker 3: liked a couple of her reels on Instagram. And so

1378
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 3: I confronted this man by sending him a screenshot of

1379
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 3: the reels and said nothing. He asked me not to

1380
01:03:06,320 --> 01:03:08,640
Speaker 3: freak out and said it's not what I think, and

1381
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:11,520
Speaker 3: that he only liked the reels because he found it relatable.

1382
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,520
Speaker 3: And he knows her because he has talked to her before,

1383
01:03:15,240 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 3: probably at the gym.

1384
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 4: Probably at THO GM. That's why he doesn't want you

1385
01:03:19,040 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 4: to come. Yeah, so you don't meet. He's a fair partner.

1386
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,360
Speaker 3: And initially I thought it must have been one of

1387
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 3: his old friends. But somehow my instincts were sensing that

1388
01:03:28,880 --> 01:03:31,760
Speaker 3: something was wrong. So I checked her account and it

1389
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 3: was made in August twenty twenty four and checked if

1390
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:36,920
Speaker 3: any of his friends followed this woman.

1391
01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:41,040
Speaker 4: Guess what, no heads or tails cheating heads.

1392
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 3: Well, we'll find out after so I asked him again

1393
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 3: when did he talk to her. He said it was

1394
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 3: a couple months ago, didn't specify when, and when I

1395
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,760
Speaker 3: asked him why he didn't tell me about his new friend. FYI,

1396
01:03:53,800 --> 01:03:57,240
Speaker 3: he is always suspicious about my friends, my colleagues, and

1397
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 3: my cousins and berates me over very platonic conversations. He

1398
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,440
Speaker 3: said it was because we were not in a good place.

1399
01:04:06,080 --> 01:04:09,520
Speaker 3: He said they met at a powerlifting competition. My ex

1400
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 3: boyfriend does heavy weightlifting and occasionally powerlifting as well, but

1401
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:15,439
Speaker 3: as far as I know, he was not in any

1402
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:19,000
Speaker 3: competitions this year, and he would not hide it from

1403
01:04:19,040 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 3: me because he loves gloating about his little winds at

1404
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:25,080
Speaker 3: the gym almost every single day. When I asked him

1405
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,160
Speaker 3: to show the chats, he didn't, and then I took

1406
01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 3: a step back and realized he has turned me into

1407
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:34,160
Speaker 3: a suspicious monster like him. Though my suspicions were right, oohoo,

1408
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:38,880
Speaker 3: I was never this person. I trust my partner enough

1409
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:41,600
Speaker 3: and never ever had the habit of asking my partner

1410
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:44,400
Speaker 3: to show their chats and et cetera. I have never

1411
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 3: been this insecure in my life where I keep looking

1412
01:04:47,640 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 3: at the girl's profile for hours and compared myself to her,

1413
01:04:51,720 --> 01:04:54,640
Speaker 3: wondering what went wrong When I did everything he asked

1414
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:55,920
Speaker 3: me to, honey, it's.

1415
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:58,400
Speaker 4: Not you, girl, it's not you.

1416
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 3: Not you, Yet he still spoke to another girl. God

1417
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,480
Speaker 3: knows what they talk about in secret, And as much

1418
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:07,640
Speaker 3: as I wanted to ask more and dig more, when

1419
01:05:07,680 --> 01:05:10,480
Speaker 3: did it happen? Why did you start talking? Why didn't

1420
01:05:10,480 --> 01:05:13,439
Speaker 3: you tell me? Do you love her? Do you like her?

1421
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 3: Did you guys just talk or did you send pictures too?

1422
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:19,680
Speaker 3: When we were watching memes on your Instagram together and

1423
01:05:19,720 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 3: you stopped showing your screen suddenly? Was it because you

1424
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:24,320
Speaker 3: wanted to hide her messages?

1425
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:24,800
Speaker 4: Probably?

1426
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 3: What did I do wrong? Was I not enough for you?

1427
01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:32,440
Speaker 3: Despite doing everything you asked me to and so many

1428
01:05:32,480 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 3: more questions, I realized it was not worth it at all. Yes,

1429
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 3: this man without his cheating, can I call it cheating?

1430
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:42,440
Speaker 3: Because I feel like it controlled me and forbade me

1431
01:05:42,480 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 3: from doing the things I enjoy, like working out and

1432
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 3: et cetera, and berated me for doing normal activities that

1433
01:05:49,200 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 3: everyone does. Is already bad enough. He was low key

1434
01:05:52,760 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 3: harmful when he held bad words at me during our arguments,

1435
01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:59,720
Speaker 3: so I immediately said thank you for everything, and Merry Christmas.

1436
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:05,920
Speaker 3: Before we're blocking him, thank you and marry christ I

1437
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:08,760
Speaker 3: don't want to be that person. I don't want to

1438
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:12,440
Speaker 3: be him. He was always suspicious that I was cheating

1439
01:06:12,440 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 3: on him, because he was the one doing it a

1440
01:06:15,040 --> 01:06:17,760
Speaker 3: few days after. It was a little hazy because I

1441
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 3: was sad and the curiosity of knowing what actually happened

1442
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,160
Speaker 3: really itched me even now. But I don't think it

1443
01:06:24,240 --> 01:06:26,720
Speaker 3: was worth it because the second he hit something from me,

1444
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:30,680
Speaker 3: regardless of what happened, it shows that he never respected

1445
01:06:30,720 --> 01:06:33,160
Speaker 3: me enough to let me know. What are the thoughts

1446
01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:34,919
Speaker 3: you got a free? Yeah?

1447
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,880
Speaker 4: Break up, stay broken up up. Find a guy that

1448
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:41,680
Speaker 4: appreciates the things that you like to do and doesn't

1449
01:06:41,840 --> 01:06:44,960
Speaker 4: control you. And also, you know, and don't even focus

1450
01:06:45,000 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 4: on finding a guy. Just focus on living your life.

1451
01:06:48,320 --> 01:06:51,840
Speaker 4: Your life, what you like to do. I tell you

1452
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 4: that you shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, breathe there, you know,

1453
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 4: live life there.

1454
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 3: Somehow You're gonna get there exactly and it'll be so wonderful.

1455
01:06:59,800 --> 01:07:02,280
Speaker 3: So I took a week off from work and went

1456
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:05,160
Speaker 3: back home during Christmas week, and my mom kept asking

1457
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 3: me what was wrong. She kept saying I look lost

1458
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 3: and exhausted, like when I was depressed in high school.

1459
01:07:11,480 --> 01:07:14,000
Speaker 3: I don't know why, but I didn't tell her what happened,

1460
01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:16,840
Speaker 3: and I just hugged her. Being at home really helped

1461
01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:20,520
Speaker 3: me shift my perspective. I deserve to be loved gently too.

1462
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:25,040
Speaker 3: Being out of a relationship really questions your self worth sometimes,

1463
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:28,600
Speaker 3: and the attachment of being with someone often feels less

1464
01:07:28,680 --> 01:07:31,960
Speaker 3: daunting than the idea of being single. So I vowed

1465
01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,600
Speaker 3: to myself not to date anyone at the moment and

1466
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:38,040
Speaker 3: focus on recovering myself from this. I don't want to

1467
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:41,360
Speaker 3: bleed my trauma onto anyone who sincerely loves me for

1468
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:46,640
Speaker 3: me if there's any in the future, wish me luck everyone. Also,

1469
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:49,320
Speaker 3: happy New Year everyone. I hope twenty twenty five is

1470
01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 3: kinder and more gentle towards us all this year. That's

1471
01:07:52,560 --> 01:07:53,120
Speaker 3: the end of the time.