Speaker 1: Boom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 1: of the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. The clearing House of
Speaker 1: Hot takes break free for something special. The fifth Hour
Speaker 1: with Ben Mallar starts right now, and we are eating
Speaker 1: the air everywhere the vast power of podcasting as we
Speaker 1: provide you marginal podcast quality even on the weekends. It's
Speaker 1: eight days a week now the radio show as you
Speaker 1: should be listening to five days a week. And then
Speaker 1: on Friday you get a double header action. It's like
Speaker 1: a Marlin schedule or Cardinal schedule. You get a twin
Speaker 1: bill because not only can you listen to the four
Speaker 1: hours of content packaged for you on the I Heart
Speaker 1: and other platforms the podcast, the Ben Mallory Radio Show,
Speaker 1: but you get this dopey podcast as well, because four
Speaker 1: hours during the night during the week clearly not enough.
Speaker 1: And we thank you for supporting the podcast. You guys
Speaker 1: have been great. The numbers have been up all year.
Speaker 1: Uh since we started doing three a week. We were
Speaker 1: doing one or two. We were doing like one, and
Speaker 1: then we did two and they were laugh, screw it,
Speaker 1: We'll just do three. And the numbers have been been
Speaker 1: up on that. So good job by you, and for
Speaker 1: better or worse, and likely for worse, I joined yet
Speaker 1: again by David Gascon, who's right over there making his
Speaker 1: way into the microphone as we speak. Right now, he's
Speaker 1: gonna literally go inside the microphone into the Matrix. Is
Speaker 1: that what it is? You've been watching some new trailers
Speaker 1: on on the Matrix four? Is that what you're thinking
Speaker 1: right now? Uh? Yeah, Well, yeah, I'm a big Matrix.
Speaker 1: Although I've only watched the first Matrix. How about that?
Speaker 1: I cannot watch the other ones. That's the first one.
Speaker 1: I was told that was the one to watch. And
Speaker 1: I quote the Matrix quite a bit. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of good stuff in there, the Red Pill, the Blue Pin.
Speaker 1: I also say that Twitter is like the Matrix because
Speaker 1: it's a different world. People think that's real, but it's not.
Speaker 1: So the question is, and since you've watched that one
Speaker 1: episode of the Matrix, and I know all the men
Speaker 1: out there can relate to this, who would you identify
Speaker 1: as the woman in the red dress. Is that Mrs Maller? Wow,
Speaker 1: look at you as wait, wait, hold on a second.
Speaker 1: We're less than three minutes into the podcast and already
Speaker 1: a reference to the wife. I mean, guess gun, you're
Speaker 1: adding to your shady reputation. Listen on this podcast. I
Speaker 1: do need to give her a big shout out because
Speaker 1: why she gave me She actually gave me a couple
Speaker 1: of birthday presents. No, no, she did. No no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. That was from the mouth or family. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but that's that was from the mouth. We know who
Speaker 1: that's from. Like, no, okay, I'm very thoughtful. What did
Speaker 1: she give me? Or what did you guys give me?
Speaker 1: Who got you a book? He did? What was the
Speaker 1: title of the book? I don't I don't need to
Speaker 1: promote the book. They gotta buy advertising for that. IM Well,
Speaker 1: it was two bucks actually, and it wasn't just I was.
Speaker 1: I sent one she sent Okay, that's what happened. So's
Speaker 1: that's how that works there. I think, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: very generous. I'm very giving. I know there's reputation being
Speaker 1: a tight wad like that. Man, Well, you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: like Santa Claus. Alright, I'm like, I'm Santa Claus. Okay,
Speaker 1: so like you're spat ho ho ho ho ho ho
Speaker 1: ho ho. And yet for some reason they think of
Speaker 1: me that I'm always on a shoestring budget and uh
Speaker 1: in frugal and all this. No, couldn't be further from
Speaker 1: the truth. I'm your seasonal frugal. Then we'll say that,
Speaker 1: how about that your seasonal when it comes to spending,
Speaker 1: and your seasonal it comes to being frugal. I don't
Speaker 1: know what you're talking about. You know. I I use
Speaker 1: all of the toothpaste, I spread the butter thin, I
Speaker 1: watered down the soup, I do all that stuff. You know,
Speaker 1: there's certain times we talked about dining, and there's nights
Speaker 1: that you want to go cheap and go to those tacos.
Speaker 1: Those other nights you want splurts a little bit, not
Speaker 1: like Hills. No, you're you're the guy that loves to
Speaker 1: just flush money away at the restaurants. I have said this,
Speaker 1: And I remember when I was driving to spring training
Speaker 1: from l A to Arizona, not the Florida one, but
Speaker 1: to Arizona for the cover spring training one year, and
Speaker 1: I stopped at this truck stop on the Arizona California
Speaker 1: board was on the Arizona side because I get gas
Speaker 1: and I get a bite to eat, and it was
Speaker 1: the fucking greatest meal I had had in uh, you know, years.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this is a truck stop in
Speaker 1: the middle of a desert town on the California Arizona border.
Speaker 1: I'm I and it was cheap and it was wonderful
Speaker 1: like and then these idiots have to go to the
Speaker 1: they need the ambiance, they need they need that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff, so they go to these nice restaurants and
Speaker 1: you get get bent over. I mean, yeah, come on,
Speaker 1: that's the grease, the grease food man. That's that's soul
Speaker 1: for the for the stomach. That's why the truck driver. Well, no,
Speaker 1: that you know, and I've talked about this many times.
Speaker 1: The three food groups that are the most important are salt, sugar,
Speaker 1: and fat. And no I've read books on this because
Speaker 1: I like this kind of stuff because I'm a loser.
Speaker 1: But the people that make mass produce foods in this country,
Speaker 1: they spend millions of dollars. They call it the bliss point,
Speaker 1: and it's that it's that proper ratio of sugar fat.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding, sugar, fat, and salt. And there are
Speaker 1: people that are dedicated this, like like the food scientists
Speaker 1: to try to find that Goldilocks zone for the proper
Speaker 1: amount of sugar, salt, and fat. But I've always believed
Speaker 1: gascon that what I have going right now in my
Speaker 1: life is the perfect way to do this when it
Speaker 1: comes to consuming food, because I don't use much. And
Speaker 1: you know that old saying that hunger is the best
Speaker 1: spice of the best sauce. It's true. It's true. If
Speaker 1: you haven't eaten in a couple of days or a day,
Speaker 1: and then you go eat a meal, that meal is
Speaker 1: gonna taste better than it normally would eat. If you're
Speaker 1: eating three meals a day, what happens if you eat
Speaker 1: the same meal three times a day. I would when
Speaker 1: I was making when I was a kid, I would
Speaker 1: eat mac and cheese or whatever, you know, my my
Speaker 1: or a grilled cheese sandwiches or some crap like that.
Speaker 1: What do you eating, jumb No, No, I bring that
Speaker 1: up because of this is when I when I went
Speaker 1: to when I was going to undergrad San Diego, stayed
Speaker 1: a good group of my friends, my buddy Nick, John
Speaker 1: and Brennan. They all went tom Noodles. Was it Ramino.
Speaker 1: I went to elementary in high school with these cats,
Speaker 1: and so I trust him with a lot of things.
Speaker 1: And my buddy Nick, who I was a roommate with,
Speaker 1: he didn't have anywhere to sleep at his place and
Speaker 1: I had just moved down there, so I was literally
Speaker 1: sleeping on his floor and my buddy Brennan was sleeping
Speaker 1: on his fruit frut on and the food time was
Speaker 1: was not big at all, so we had like limited space.
Speaker 1: But because we were moving into a new spot within
Speaker 1: a two week period, I don't want to buy groceries.
Speaker 1: I don't want to buy like any food, and so
Speaker 1: I felt guilty about like just coming in and living
Speaker 1: down there with with those guys. But they introduced me
Speaker 1: this spot just before you get into Mission Valley, like
Speaker 1: on the tip of Mission Valley in downtown San Diego
Speaker 1: in the five Freeway. It's this Mexican spot called Santana's.
Speaker 1: And it was the first time, I swear to guy,
Speaker 1: the first time I ever got introduced to California, Barritos
Speaker 1: and Ben because they did because because they did not
Speaker 1: want to have any groceries in my buddy's house. I
Speaker 1: ate to California Burritos a day, not one, but I
Speaker 1: had to fucking per day. So those that don't know
Speaker 1: that I've never experienced like Mexican, true Mexican cuisine in
Speaker 1: southern California, California barritos either carnea solder chicken and then
Speaker 1: you have salsa, and then you have fries and that's
Speaker 1: all put together in a in a giant brito. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean so again, just to go it over there.
Speaker 1: You have the chicken to the carne asada, you got
Speaker 1: the fries, and you have the salt and the cheese,
Speaker 1: and it's perfect. This is a perfect burrito. And it
Speaker 1: was five. That's what I did. Five five for a
Speaker 1: California Burritos, a giant burrito. And uh, those guys always
Speaker 1: got those guys always got poo. I got carnea sada.
Speaker 1: I had him two times a day for two weeks.
Speaker 1: It was fucking awesome for two only two weeks, though,
Speaker 1: I thought you'd go longer than that. Only two weeks.
Speaker 1: That after that I was able to buy groceries. Okay,
Speaker 1: but I'll never forget it. I mean in San Diego,
Speaker 1: that's like some of my favorite spots, like the little
Speaker 1: you know, places that you're talking about, like the truck
Speaker 1: stopped onto Arizona, Like, yeah, well, isn't that you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's the way to break if you have a
Speaker 1: kid that like loves chocolate chip cookies, right, isn't that
Speaker 1: the way you're supposed to do it? Is you sit
Speaker 1: them in a room with a plate of chocolate chip
Speaker 1: cookies to the ceiling and you have them eat all
Speaker 1: of them and then they will never want to eat
Speaker 1: in the chocolate chip cookie again, right because they're like,
Speaker 1: holy fuck, this is terrible. This is you know, they get,
Speaker 1: they get, But I think that's the way to break
Speaker 1: any any addiction to something is well not probably drugs,
Speaker 1: so you did too much heroin, but yeah, or whiskey,
Speaker 1: like beer drinking Brian and half Pint. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you heard any of that because you're not a
Speaker 1: night time person, but but this, uh, this couple in
Speaker 1: Kansas City that has been calling the show for the
Speaker 1: last maybe year or so, maybe a little longer than that,
Speaker 1: but not that much longer and beer drinking. Bryan's from Minnesota,
Speaker 1: lives in Kansas City, so he called the show and
Speaker 1: he's always schnock he's always Shannock. You know. I try
Speaker 1: to be receptive. I try to be supportive. I can't.
Speaker 1: I'm an overnight radio guy. I'm not gonna get people to,
Speaker 1: you know, go to sobriety and all that stuff. I'm not. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: I've lost a lot of these people that are great characters,
Speaker 1: and they die young because of the Anyway, so beer
Speaker 1: Drinking brand calls up and I'm like whatever. He usually
Speaker 1: I have much to say, but he loves the show
Speaker 1: and he wants to be on the show and it's
Speaker 1: a big thing. So I put him so. Then like
Speaker 1: a couple of months ago, he starts putting this half
Speaker 1: pint on, which is his girl, right is is? I
Speaker 1: don't think they're married, but their girlfriend. So then she
Speaker 1: sounded all right, and then like the last couple of days,
Speaker 1: she's had this weird transition into cartoon. She sounds like
Speaker 1: a a mix of the teacher in the Peanuts and
Speaker 1: like a character from South Park. It's uh, it's crazy,
Speaker 1: It's just nuts. I don't know what happened. I was
Speaker 1: he's doing a voice or what, but just just nothing.
Speaker 1: But by the point, is I give you gave a
Speaker 1: beer drinking Brian you sat him in the room and
Speaker 1: let's say he was actually rarely he was not schnockered
Speaker 1: at that time, and you give him a table filled
Speaker 1: with one side of the tables got scotch, the middle
Speaker 1: parts got whiskey, and then the other side's got bourbon,
Speaker 1: and you told him he had to drink all that,
Speaker 1: like he would still want more. But but you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. But that's the exception of the rule.
Speaker 1: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Speaker 1: Show week days at two am Eastern Pacific on Fox
Speaker 1: Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. Anyway, all right,
Speaker 1: so coming up on this podcast, it's is in an
Speaker 1: interview podcast. No, it's not an interview podcast. It's a
Speaker 1: storytime podcast. That's right, It's a story time podcast, which
Speaker 1: is different. Uh, we're gonna call this one a walk
Speaker 1: in the park, is what We're gonna call this one
Speaker 1: a walk in the park. And then we also have
Speaker 1: if we have time, all about Bob, but not what
Speaker 1: you think all about Bob. So those are the two things,
Speaker 1: only two things, only two things. But I think that'll
Speaker 1: be enough, uh, and I think we'll be be good
Speaker 1: on that. Before we get into the meat of it
Speaker 1: shameless promotion. Cameo Cameo Cameo, Cameo cameo dot com. So far,
Speaker 1: the oddest request I've gotten is from Jesse, a Laker apologist,
Speaker 1: And we mentioned this in a previous episode that I
Speaker 1: had to do the my favorite Laker players of all
Speaker 1: time in a cameo request, and I did it, and
Speaker 1: people have been threaing, although no one's actually done it.
Speaker 1: You know, they've said, I want a video with Bella,
Speaker 1: but that hasn't happened yet. Maybe it'll happen, uh any
Speaker 1: whatever you want, but if you want to. But usually
Speaker 1: for birthdays, waitings bar Mitzpaz, there just a shout out
Speaker 1: to go, hey, have a good day, uh cameo dot com.
Speaker 1: Ben Mallar. It's not free search my name on there,
Speaker 1: but I am on a lower price point than the
Speaker 1: other normal gas bags that are on uh here on
Speaker 1: the radio. And now there's a bunch of people on there.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big much bigger names than me. Mike
Speaker 1: Tyson charged it was he tries like five founder bucks
Speaker 1: or something like that. Yeah, I hit a couple of
Speaker 1: actors that were like it wasn't Jeremy Piven, like ten
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. Yeah, I can go fuck him. I mean,
Speaker 1: who's gonna hit ten thousand dollars for him? Uh? And
Speaker 1: then on Twitter, Twitter at Ben mallor Instagram Ben Maller
Speaker 1: on Fox and Facebook. We use that a lot for
Speaker 1: the podcast Ben Mallard Show and guestcon. People can somehow
Speaker 1: track you down to talk about California breath? Yeah? Can we?
Speaker 1: Can you make sure to add a disclaimer that I'm
Speaker 1: not fucking fifty years old old? Like I got people
Speaker 1: like setting me d m s Asking like, hey, are
Speaker 1: you really that that old? You don't like you are?
Speaker 1: And I know, I like how you try to downplay that.
Speaker 1: I understand you're at that age. You would you want
Speaker 1: to just be more relatable. You don't want to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm actually that age you wanta you wanna say? No, no,
Speaker 1: I'm younger. No, I mean you're hanging onto your youth. No,
Speaker 1: like I started last week when we hung out with
Speaker 1: the fake dentist, I'm much younger than both of you guys.
Speaker 1: So it's good to be back in the settle. But
Speaker 1: yes on Twitter at David J. Gascon Samethy with cameo,
Speaker 1: and then Instagram is at Dave Gascon when I got
Speaker 1: some some toys coming in the mail. Ben, so, I
Speaker 1: am really excited about what we're gonna do in the
Speaker 1: month of September. You and I so yeah, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: some toys and yes, yes, how to upgrade the MacBook
Speaker 1: and then adding some some things that are similar to
Speaker 1: your your private studio there at the Mallard Manchins. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you something, this studio is working very well.
Speaker 1: And did I see the other day with a Age
Speaker 1: League Baseball hat? Yes, I'm upgrading. People are sending me hats.
Speaker 1: It's it's an amazing thing here. They want to you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm all four like I I you know what
Speaker 1: I'd like to do, and this is probably third rail man.
Speaker 1: I support the police. I would we got a lot
Speaker 1: of police that listen to the show you you know,
Speaker 1: local police department hats. I'd wear those loud and proud
Speaker 1: on those things. I would love to, um but I
Speaker 1: don't really have any of those I can wear. But
Speaker 1: but that, and then people keep complaining about the Iowa
Speaker 1: Hawkeyes hat to send my location and hey, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: equal oppertunity. I went to Saddleback College. I have a
Speaker 1: hat from saddle back that I wear, but i'd i'd
Speaker 1: wear you know, if you wanna, you know, send an
Speaker 1: SEC hat or whatever. I'm pretty much wear anything. At
Speaker 1: this point, there was some guy because I was kissing
Speaker 1: the ass of Ramone Loriano of the Athletics. I love
Speaker 1: that Guy's my favorite as player since Carney Lansford. Um
Speaker 1: but no he uh yeah. I love the guy because
Speaker 1: it was great because he attacked the Astros. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna send you an as yeah where I don't care
Speaker 1: where it is, why not there? I will wear an
Speaker 1: because other than the Astros, I will not do the Astros.
Speaker 1: I will not do the Lakers. I will not do
Speaker 1: the Astros. That's that's the line in the sand right there?
Speaker 1: Have you? Have you gotten a an updated old school
Speaker 1: San Diego Padres at I'm not that's a good I
Speaker 1: love the Padres uniforms. I want to hate them, but
Speaker 1: they're solid. That is a good look. Finally, a team
Speaker 1: that changed their uniforms, that did it right, unlike those
Speaker 1: amateurs with the Rams who ruined the iconic l A
Speaker 1: ram horns on the helmet. Terrible, absolutely terrible. And you
Speaker 1: know the Falcons uniforms blaw I don't know who designed
Speaker 1: the Padres uniforms. That's a classical look. That is a
Speaker 1: timeless look for the Podrecs. Now they'll change it in
Speaker 1: three years because they change it every few years. But
Speaker 1: that's a great uniform. They should keep that one forever. Yeah, them,
Speaker 1: and when they go military, when they're honoring the military
Speaker 1: and their Military Appreciation Day, when them the Pittsburgh Pirates
Speaker 1: go with their camouflage uniforms, those are those are a plus.
Speaker 1: But it's weird. San Diego's got to the best iconic
Speaker 1: uniforms in all sports, the Chargers and the Padres. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you know about this. The Charges moved
Speaker 1: to l A, I know, but the San Diego Chargers
Speaker 1: they have the iconic uniform. But I'm saying like they
Speaker 1: were home for the two most iconic uniforms and you know,
Speaker 1: obviously they don't win it all, but well no, and
Speaker 1: they actually the three because you were discounting the great
Speaker 1: Clipper uniform which came from San Diego, the San Diego Clippers.
Speaker 1: Did you like those uniforms? I like the powder blue
Speaker 1: and the it was that was a world be free,
Speaker 1: That was world be free. Who I'm still trying to
Speaker 1: figure out. You know, he led the NBA. I think
Speaker 1: in score he have it like thirty points a game
Speaker 1: his a second year in San Diego with the Clippers,
Speaker 1: and he somehow then ended up on the Golden State Wars.
Speaker 1: If you have a guy that scores thirty points a game,
Speaker 1: what the funk are you doing getting I don't understand.
Speaker 1: I still can't figure that. I can't wrap my mind
Speaker 1: around it. The guy, and he was ahead of his time.
Speaker 1: World be Free? Right he changed his name and uh,
Speaker 1: all these other clowns or put their messages on their
Speaker 1: jerseys and all that, but World b Free Boy Ralph
Speaker 1: Lawler used to he knew him the old play by
Speaker 1: played guy. Ralph used to tell me stories that he
Speaker 1: was just a great guy from New York. He was
Speaker 1: like a legend from New York basketball, street basketball. Not
Speaker 1: that you care about World Be Free. I just know
Speaker 1: popped in my hand. We used him as as a
Speaker 1: instant trivia or who am I? One of those dump
Speaker 1: games that we play. I used him this week because
Speaker 1: I just love the name. Speaking of that. Um, August
Speaker 1: is when this episode is coming out? Um, when do
Speaker 1: you think we'll see the day that Cody Bellinger bats
Speaker 1: your weight. Well, I think it's pretty interesting that he
Speaker 1: was so easy last year for Bellinger, he has decided
Speaker 1: to go into the batter's box wearing a blindfold. And
Speaker 1: I give him credit because most people wouldn't do that.
Speaker 1: Most people would say, I don't want to go in
Speaker 1: the batter's box with a blindfold. But literally, when he's
Speaker 1: at home Plate, I believe he is blindfold. It's it's
Speaker 1: him and and that's not also dismissed Max Munsey. I
Speaker 1: like Max Max Munsey got paid and the Dodgers are
Speaker 1: getting played right now because that's the Max Munsey that
Speaker 1: was in the mayor leagues, that was with Oakland. That's
Speaker 1: that Max Munsey, right, that's not the Max Muncy that
Speaker 1: the Dodgers were. You know, gave all that money too,
Speaker 1: because he looked like he had figured out the doctrine
Speaker 1: of Ted Williams on how to hit um. But yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: that's a man whatever. But that, I mean, they have
Speaker 1: a good record, but it's still kind of feels that
Speaker 1: they're not. There's something not right there. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: something not right with that Dodger team. And it bothers me.
Speaker 1: But you know what doesn't bother me. And I think
Speaker 1: I was texting you this a couple of weeks ago actually,
Speaker 1: when they were in Houston. Is Edwin Rios. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: like that guy, and he's like a part time guy.
Speaker 1: I like the guy, but he's got he's got a
Speaker 1: smooth swing and it seems like every time he makes
Speaker 1: contact it's right on the ball. I mean it's just
Speaker 1: sweet spot. Ba's a ball and it looks like he's
Speaker 1: gonna hit it out every time. Yeah, they got some
Speaker 1: of those guys they mix in and and rio is
Speaker 1: going forward, is gonna get more and more playing time,
Speaker 1: and they'll get rid of some of the deadweight like
Speaker 1: kek Hernandez and guys like to add. After the year,
Speaker 1: he's free agent and hopefully they'll finally get rid of Bias.
Speaker 1: Because he takes seven hours on the mound between pitches.
Speaker 1: They could let him go somewhere else and signed with
Speaker 1: the Twins or whatever as a free agent. Anyway, let's
Speaker 1: get to the walk in the podcast and you're ready
Speaker 1: for this. This is big alright. So it's storytime on
Speaker 1: the fifth hour podcast. So I'm I saved this for
Speaker 1: this this podcast because I I could have told this
Speaker 1: story on the radio show. I could not have told
Speaker 1: it the way I'm about to tell it, and I
Speaker 1: will likely leave some things out. I will change some
Speaker 1: things around too, let's say, cover up for the guilty
Speaker 1: or protect the innocent. Uh So, Tuesday I was out
Speaker 1: walking around. It's my my thing. Right since King Newsum
Speaker 1: closed the gym's and then reopened them briefly with strict
Speaker 1: rules and regulations, I decided, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be a party of that. It just doesn't
Speaker 1: work for me. I work overnights. I need to go
Speaker 1: to the gym when they're not open twenty four hours anymore.
Speaker 1: I used to go to twenty four hour fitness. They're
Speaker 1: not open twenty four hours, so I'm done. Um. So
Speaker 1: each afternoon, when I get up from my hyberd nation,
Speaker 1: I throw some clothes on, I get a little canister
Speaker 1: water because it's a it's a million degrees where I live,
Speaker 1: and I wandered around my hood. I'm in the in
Speaker 1: the hood here about five to seven miles a day.
Speaker 1: That's what I put in five to seven miles a day,
Speaker 1: depending on the day. So the other day, on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: it was me andering around and it was it was
Speaker 1: a dress. I was about halfway into my sojourn. So
Speaker 1: it's like six miles. I'm three miles in, all right,
Speaker 1: So three miles in, my stomach starts barking. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm like this. I couldn't figure this out because I
Speaker 1: was it's very odd. I've kind of figured out when
Speaker 1: things go haywire and why they go hay wire since
Speaker 1: my medical procedure last year, so but this was odd
Speaker 1: to me. So I'm in the middle of a sixty
Speaker 1: five hour fast at this point, halfway through a six
Speaker 1: mile walk, and normally this obviously doesn't happen until I
Speaker 1: break the fast and then within an hour and usually
Speaker 1: within about forty minutes after I eat a meal. When
Speaker 1: I fast for a day or two, it is on
Speaker 1: like donkey, calm all right, I gotta go the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I'm in there and the whole thing. So anyway, so
Speaker 1: I'm walking, I got I got. My stomach's barking, and
Speaker 1: you know, it's the kind of barking like, hey, you
Speaker 1: might have to to take go to the bathroom. So
Speaker 1: but I attempted to ignore. I'm walking. You know, it's hot,
Speaker 1: I'm sweating. My stomach continues to growl, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, it's getting progressively worse. And then within the
Speaker 1: span of about ten minutes this became a Code three situation, lights, sirens,
Speaker 1: the whole thing. I had to get to a bathroom.
Speaker 1: The problem is, I am very far away from where
Speaker 1: I live and there are no restrooms in sight. All right,
Speaker 1: it's a residential area. There's no restrooms around or anything
Speaker 1: like that. And so then I had this cartoon bubble
Speaker 1: popped in over my head. Because you have a problem,
Speaker 1: you gotta find a solution, right, I'm a solutions guy,
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to figure out all right, so my
Speaker 1: stomach's it was going, I gotta go to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: and uh, I gotta find a solution. So and I'm
Speaker 1: realizing as I every step I take, step by step,
Speaker 1: I'm realizing it's like Shawshank Redemption, chipping at the at
Speaker 1: the wall there for nineteen years before you get out.
Speaker 1: But so this this was rapidly progressing to a Tennessee
Speaker 1: trot situation. You know what Tennessee Trots are, right, the
Speaker 1: dysentear alright, So I'm saying, how can I solve this? Well,
Speaker 1: I thought you know, maybe I should just call the wife.
Speaker 1: She was at home. She's on the same dopey schedule
Speaker 1: I'm on, and I can have her pick me up.
Speaker 1: But I was like, well, that'd be rude. She's sleeping.
Speaker 1: She sleeps a lot longer than I do, and I
Speaker 1: didn't want to wake her up. And you know, he's
Speaker 1: usually she needs to crank the engine up a little
Speaker 1: bit when she wakes up, and she doesn't. She doesn't
Speaker 1: come jumping out of bed, running for the hills and
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So that was like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do this. I can make that. I can survive this.
Speaker 1: I've had worse problems to this. I had the famous
Speaker 1: problem when I poop my pants in uh in Sherman
Speaker 1: Oaks at the studios there. Uh So then so then
Speaker 1: as I'm not gonna call her, all right, let her sleep.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, all right, I had a
Speaker 1: come to the toilet moment. I realized, I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of myself for this. That there was a park that
Speaker 1: I had walked through regularly that had a public bathroom.
Speaker 1: All right, but it was it was still about a
Speaker 1: mile away, still about a mile away from where I was,
Speaker 1: and I was convinced that this was a solution to
Speaker 1: my predication. This was a solution. So now keep in mind,
Speaker 1: I was not sure if that bathroom was open because
Speaker 1: of the coronavirus COVID nineteen. I don't know if they
Speaker 1: closed the bathrooms. I don't use public bathrooms as unless
Speaker 1: I am forced to um. So you know, I said, nah,
Speaker 1: screw it, that's worth a shot. You know, I gotta
Speaker 1: I gotta go. And you know, so I kept walking
Speaker 1: head down, step after step, man on a mission. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing, So the situation is is rapidly downgrading.
Speaker 1: Ill it's but dump but dump, but dumb but not.
Speaker 1: My stomach is like it's gonna unload. Yeah, it's gonna
Speaker 1: everything is ready to drop. It's gonna be like a
Speaker 1: bombing mission in a world war, and you're gonna drop
Speaker 1: a nuclear bomb here and so well, happily though, you'll
Speaker 1: be happy to know that I made it to the
Speaker 1: public restroom without having to poop my pants. No charting
Speaker 1: in the pants. But then as I get to the
Speaker 1: front of the bathroom, the bathroom, as I approach it, right,
Speaker 1: I still doesn't I don't know at this point whether
Speaker 1: or not it's gonna be open. I'm not sure, right,
Speaker 1: I don't know. A lot of these local communities have overreacted.
Speaker 1: They've closed playgrounds, basketball courts, and I assumed that bathrooms
Speaker 1: also in some of these places will be closed because
Speaker 1: the parks really aren't open. You walk through them, but
Speaker 1: you can't you can't do anything. Um. So, as I
Speaker 1: slowly approach very dramatically the bathroom, and then I get
Speaker 1: to the moment where I have to push the door,
Speaker 1: and this is gonna be determine whether or not I
Speaker 1: am able to successfully take care of my Tennessee trot situation.
Speaker 1: We're not. And I pushed the door and nervana, the
Speaker 1: door opens, and I am like, thank God, thank God,
Speaker 1: finally something is going in my direction. But then the
Speaker 1: plot thickens, and this is where the story goes to
Speaker 1: the dark side. So as you would imagine a public
Speaker 1: bathroom in a park, even in a relatively decent neighborhood
Speaker 1: out in the boondocks, it was not the cleanest thing
Speaker 1: you could have possibly had, right, it was the typical
Speaker 1: public bathroom was not I've been in worse. I've been
Speaker 1: in worse, but it was not particularly clean. And um
Speaker 1: and so, but I was like, Okay, you know, I
Speaker 1: gotta I gotta roll with the punches. It's one of
Speaker 1: my my mottos, you gotta roll with the punches. So
Speaker 1: I then had what I thought was a brilliant idea.
Speaker 1: All right, I said, you know, I am gonna figure
Speaker 1: out a way to do this to go to the
Speaker 1: bathroom without having to sit on the toilet. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: turn this into a squatty potty, all right, squatty potty.
Speaker 1: Now Gascon is taking notes right now because he will
Speaker 1: quiz me on this when I get done with this story.
Speaker 1: What do you think happens next? Guess I don't want
Speaker 1: to assume, but I have some really good ideas considering
Speaker 1: considering the other thing that I'm gonna put a couple
Speaker 1: of things into the universe that I know that are
Speaker 1: are apparent, but some might even think about it. You've
Speaker 1: walked a great deal of time, so that means you
Speaker 1: perspired a little bit. That is correct, So you're you're
Speaker 1: what we would say moist exaccurate. That's one thing. I
Speaker 1: have good genes for sweating. Yes, see, your engines running
Speaker 1: hot temperature here in Los Angeles over the last week,
Speaker 1: especially that Tuesday was good. That means the weather was warm,
Speaker 1: it was over where I live, Okay, So considering that
Speaker 1: and also the fact that your stomach aggravated you while
Speaker 1: you were unprovoked, um, this just adds to the moisture
Speaker 1: that's not only in the air, but that's in you.
Speaker 1: So please proceed, captain. All right. So again we're at
Speaker 1: the point now where I'm in the bathroom. I've made it.
Speaker 1: I feel like I've one that this is a great thing.
Speaker 1: This is a wonderful mitzvah. The bathrooms open. It's dirty,
Speaker 1: but not as dirty as I was worried it was
Speaker 1: gonna be. So then I'm like, all right with the
Speaker 1: squatty potty now. Fortunately there's no cameras in the bathroom.
Speaker 1: I'd probably be in jail right now if there were. So,
Speaker 1: so I attempted, like a mix of a gymnast and
Speaker 1: a ballerina to uh to squat over the toilet, and
Speaker 1: in my head I figured I used the Mallar math
Speaker 1: your batter geometry. I still can't believe it. So in
Speaker 1: my in my head I figured I looked at the
Speaker 1: sircrumpass and the width of the toilet pool, and then
Speaker 1: I did the math on me squatting over it, and
Speaker 1: I figured, you know how like the basketball hoop, and
Speaker 1: the basketball is a lot smaller than the basketball hoop. Actually,
Speaker 1: if you put if you stood over a basketball hoop
Speaker 1: and put the ball through, there's a lot of room
Speaker 1: on each side of the basketball. Right, it doesn't look
Speaker 1: like that, but when you actually stand over a basketball hoop,
Speaker 1: there is anyway, So in my head, I'm like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is perfect. You know, I'm the fucking smartest guy
Speaker 1: in the room. Okay, and uh and I was the
Speaker 1: only person in the room, so I was the smartest
Speaker 1: person room. So anyway, so I'm like, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm squatting, I'm getting like a gymnast ballerina type and
Speaker 1: I'm taking care of his now as and I'm going
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. And I did not look back. I
Speaker 1: never looked back. Uh. And it appeared to be it
Speaker 1: appeared to be working fine. I didn't I didn't feel
Speaker 1: anything going the wrong way or anything like that. And
Speaker 1: then when it was finally ready to flush flush away
Speaker 1: the evidence, I turned around to flush the toilet and
Speaker 1: this was, as they say, and wore a shock and
Speaker 1: awe moment Uh, the the bathroom, guess gun had been
Speaker 1: blown out. It looked like a crime scene. It appeared
Speaker 1: that someone had been murdered. Be sure to catch live
Speaker 1: editions of the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am
Speaker 1: Eastern eleven pm Pacific. In the bathroom, the entire and
Speaker 1: I'm not exaggerating this, I wish I was the entire
Speaker 1: left side. Somehow I guessed as I was squatting, I
Speaker 1: was leaning more to the left. The entire left side
Speaker 1: was covered in poop. And I'm not just talking a
Speaker 1: little bit. I'm talking, uh, every piece of it. And somehow,
Speaker 1: my my arithmetic, my math was so bad that about
Speaker 1: ninety percent of my defecation had missed the mark completely, right.
Speaker 1: I You know how they have military like Navy seals, snipers,
Speaker 1: I'm the opposite of that. Yeah, you're what they call
Speaker 1: spray and pray. Yeah. If this was in Mexico, they
Speaker 1: would have called it a feces fiesta is what they
Speaker 1: called it there. And oh my god. So the first
Speaker 1: thing that comes to my mind while people are listening
Speaker 1: to this, and I have a vivid imagination, the first
Speaker 1: that comes to my mind is the movie Desperado, And
Speaker 1: for all those that love the movie Desperado. If you
Speaker 1: remember the opening scene to that movie, there's a trap
Speaker 1: door that they go into with Quentin Tarantino to make
Speaker 1: a narcotics by um. They go through a bathroom that
Speaker 1: looks like someone shot all over the toilet. If you
Speaker 1: google Desperado bathroom stall and look at images, that's exactly
Speaker 1: what Ben Mallar's bathroom in the park looks like. I
Speaker 1: could promise you it was. I could not believe it.
Speaker 1: I was literally standing there. I said, there's no fucking way,
Speaker 1: how could this have happened? I said, I didn't even
Speaker 1: think I went to the bathroom that much, and I
Speaker 1: certainly thought it was in the bowl, and you know,
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit on the side, but not all
Speaker 1: of it on the side. So so then I made
Speaker 1: another decision that I would grow to regret. Guest gun.
Speaker 1: All Right, So I'm at the point I'm looking, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe it. I'm like, holy crap, I mean,
Speaker 1: this is this is like the worst. This is like horrible.
Speaker 1: This is like I've been a terrible bathrooms in New
Speaker 1: York and Boston. Plays like this is worse than any
Speaker 1: of that. So I felt bad. The next part of
Speaker 1: the story. I blame my mom for alright, because my
Speaker 1: mom raised me when you do something wrong, you make
Speaker 1: you clean that up, right, And I felt bad. I
Speaker 1: was like, somebody's gonna have to come in there, and
Speaker 1: some janitor is gonna have to come in there and
Speaker 1: clean this up, all this bodily waste. And so I
Speaker 1: made a decision that I would grow to regret to
Speaker 1: not dump and dash, right, And so I don't even
Speaker 1: know I shoul admit this, but I attempted. I attempted
Speaker 1: to clean up the damage. It became a recovery mission
Speaker 1: at that point. And it wasn't just a recovery mission,
Speaker 1: guest gun, this was mission impossible, Okay. So there was
Speaker 1: fortunately some toilet papers, about half a roll of toilet
Speaker 1: paper that was in this bathroom. So then I I
Speaker 1: had cleaned, I attempted what I guess would be the
Speaker 1: the bathroom version, or the toilet clean up version of
Speaker 1: they call it a horrors bath, right, uh, to clean
Speaker 1: up the bottle move like gobs and gobs of the
Speaker 1: bottle movement um and and I was able to get
Speaker 1: some of it up. Now, that was the most disgusting
Speaker 1: thing I've probably done, and maybe I don't recall ever
Speaker 1: doing anything more disgusting because public bathroom, you know, at
Speaker 1: least it was my own, you know, my own situation. Uh.
Speaker 1: And and so I cleaned it up. I cleaned it up,
Speaker 1: and then the toilet paper ran out, and I then
Speaker 1: decided to be like the big tend of the pack
Speaker 1: twelve presidents and give up. I just said, that's it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna be like a whimp like those people.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give up and not I'm not doing anymore,
Speaker 1: and at admitted defeat my tail between my legs. I
Speaker 1: walked away with my head down. Now, fortunately none of
Speaker 1: the crap got on my pants or my legs or
Speaker 1: any of that. Somehow, all I all was able to
Speaker 1: I was able to avoid that. Uh. And then I
Speaker 1: had to I had to walk the rest of the
Speaker 1: way a couple of miles home. And if you're keeping
Speaker 1: score at home, by the way, this is now the
Speaker 1: second time since the gall bladder was removed November three
Speaker 1: nine that I have had a diaper gravy situation, a
Speaker 1: stage stage one, you know, def Con one situation. So
Speaker 1: that is my that is my walk in the park.
Speaker 1: This week, David gascon any follow up question? Um, I
Speaker 1: got a bunch, all right, Um, first one is after
Speaker 1: you're done cleaning paper towels in the bathroom or was
Speaker 1: it an air blow dryer? Oh? Yeah, they they had
Speaker 1: an air blow dry but they did. The good news
Speaker 1: is they did have a little soap, so I did
Speaker 1: wash and then when I went home, it was like
Speaker 1: a hazmat situation. I went into the bath, into the
Speaker 1: shower and just stayed in there for for like an hour,
Speaker 1: just try to get rid of it. Even though I
Speaker 1: wasn't dirty. I just in my head divisions. You know,
Speaker 1: it's like a traumatic it's PTSD or you know, post
Speaker 1: traumatic ship disorder is what I had. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm grateful for a couple of reasons on this story,
Speaker 1: not only that you shared it with us, but too
Speaker 1: that you didn't try to um retaliate for all my
Speaker 1: Instagram photos that I send you with food porn that
Speaker 1: you've decided to snap a photo and fire one back
Speaker 1: at me. You're like, oh, that's a good idea. I
Speaker 1: didn't even think about that. I didn't even think about that.
Speaker 1: That would have been good, That would have been great.
Speaker 1: You know what if this happens again, I will file
Speaker 1: that away. Guess gun, you will get a photo of
Speaker 1: the situation. Now. I have to tell you that between
Speaker 1: shooting your pants and then having to a four hour
Speaker 1: network radio show and shooting on the side of a
Speaker 1: public toilet, I would prefer to do the public toilet.
Speaker 1: I would because I just the whole Yeah, because you
Speaker 1: had to marinate in the studio after you did your damage,
Speaker 1: which is way different. It was terrible. That's awful, horrible
Speaker 1: you to go commando and then sit there and it
Speaker 1: was man, Okay. So my question is, is, for argument's sake,
Speaker 1: can hypothetically speaking, you go to that bathroom and two things.
Speaker 1: One is you get access to the bathroom and you
Speaker 1: have no toilet paper and you have no paper towels.
Speaker 1: What do you do? I'll leave, Yeah, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna be sitting there with my hands. I'm not.
Speaker 1: I mean I figured there was a path that I
Speaker 1: could take with the toilet paper, and I thought there
Speaker 1: was actually more toilet paper than there was, And I
Speaker 1: am happy to report that I didn't. I went. By
Speaker 1: the time I left the public bathroom, it did not
Speaker 1: look nearly as bad as it looked at the moment
Speaker 1: of impact. Okay, so that that was good. I was
Speaker 1: able to if you look at the preponderance of the
Speaker 1: evidence there, I was able to hide a lot of
Speaker 1: the evidence. I flushed it away. But you know, and
Speaker 1: then i'm I'm I like, in my head, do they
Speaker 1: arrest you for shooting all over a public bathroom? Like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, am I in some kind of crimp? I mean,
Speaker 1: if you've been in downtown last Ange, it's required, it's
Speaker 1: required to do that. So yeah, now what would you
Speaker 1: have done if that if that bathroom was locked? Oh god, um,
Speaker 1: I thought about that, and I was I was thinking
Speaker 1: of trying to find that in that park there were
Speaker 1: some bushes kind of in the back. Yeah, that was
Speaker 1: my other option. I couldn't make it home, And in retrospect,
Speaker 1: that likely would have been the better way to go,
Speaker 1: because there wasn't anybody in the park. It was under degrees,
Speaker 1: and I could have done that, and then people would
Speaker 1: have maybe thought it was dog extrement or something like that.
Speaker 1: No way, no, not that much. No dog can produce
Speaker 1: that much ship. Yeah, I know. I still don't know
Speaker 1: what happened, though, because I usually that only happens when
Speaker 1: I fast and then I eat. But I had neat
Speaker 1: Jimny caffeine. Uh you know. I might have taken a
Speaker 1: caffeine for the overnight show the day before though, but
Speaker 1: not that day. So yeah, I mean, because you probably
Speaker 1: always go to the restroom before you leave it go
Speaker 1: on your walk, right, Yeah, yeah, but I usually don't,
Speaker 1: you know, I take care of the number one, not
Speaker 1: the number two usually because I don't have to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't eat if you don't eat. So if there's
Speaker 1: nothing coming out any other questions, no, I'm your expert.
Speaker 1: Was all right, the prosecution rest no further questions on.
Speaker 1: There's a time and place for cameo. That would have
Speaker 1: been great for someone to put in a request. So
Speaker 1: then the follow up to this is on Wednesday, I
Speaker 1: went back to the scene of the crime. I was
Speaker 1: curious because I wanted to see if it's because I
Speaker 1: was like, maybe if it's still bad, I'll clean it
Speaker 1: up myself. I'll bring some supplies from home. But fortunately
Speaker 1: somebody had cleaned it up, so thank god. But I
Speaker 1: feel very bad for that whoever that person is, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: my apologies. You need to do something at a good
Speaker 1: will for somebody or something like, you needn't rescue a dog,
Speaker 1: you need Oh, you know, we're gonna do. Actually, we're
Speaker 1: gonna begin. My wife's guys, she said, we gotta donate
Speaker 1: to the food bank. There's a local food bank. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's we're gonna do. We're gonna buy some food good,
Speaker 1: some mac and cheese, some canned soup beans the soup
Speaker 1: kitchen over here. So yes, that's that's goods Oh mad
Speaker 1: you are. You have teetered not once, but twice on
Speaker 1: the brink of of public defecation. It's never happened, you know,
Speaker 1: it never. People want to say the gall bladder thing
Speaker 1: and all that, you know, some minor deal. You don't
Speaker 1: need your gall bladder. I feel fine and all that.
Speaker 1: But and a lot of people have had this procedure,
Speaker 1: it's a pretty common procedure. But I did not when
Speaker 1: they were telling me, you know, you're gonna have this
Speaker 1: and this happen. You know, they give you a list
Speaker 1: of things that are likely to gonna happen with your
Speaker 1: gallbladders out, and I'm like, oh, that's bullshit. It's not
Speaker 1: gonna happen to me. Yeah, well surprise, Yeah, I'm looking
Speaker 1: forward to Christmas. Now, I think I think we know
Speaker 1: what to get you some diapers and size diapers. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm not quite there yet, pal, but but thank you.
Speaker 1: So that's the that's so. Now I have one other
Speaker 1: little addendum. Should I do that now? Or maybe we'll
Speaker 1: wait till the next podcast. It's your call, Gasco. Don't
Speaker 1: we do it now? Or yeah, let's do it now?
Speaker 1: All right? So all about Bob? All about Bob? And uh,
Speaker 1: you know that great quote from Andy Warhol that art
Speaker 1: is never finished. It's only a band. It's a great
Speaker 1: pretty good any war It's a really good quote. So
Speaker 1: I'm watching a documentary last weekend about PBS legend Bob Ross.
Speaker 1: Are you a Bob Ross fan? Do you know who
Speaker 1: Bob Ross is? Guest gun, No you don't, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: All right, So Bob Ross was a PBS star, like
Speaker 1: I guess in the eighties and the early nineties. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's got the he had the funny hair and all
Speaker 1: that stuff. Right, So I learned an amazing factor. I
Speaker 1: thought this was crazy about Bob Ross. Now, when I
Speaker 1: was a kid, we didn't have when I was literally
Speaker 1: we didn't have cable, and so I watched a lot
Speaker 1: of PBS, and I would watch like, you know, the
Speaker 1: the Sesame Street, The Electric Company, those kind of shows,
Speaker 1: because you know, we didn't have entertainment when I was
Speaker 1: a child. It was a stone age. And then sometimes
Speaker 1: the TV would just be on in the house. I'd
Speaker 1: be playing or whatever, and then Bob Ross's show would
Speaker 1: come on. And he was the guy that would mostly
Speaker 1: pay landscapes like most a X mountains, you know, mixed
Speaker 1: with trees, and that guy it was just like a
Speaker 1: thirty minute show. He would paint this amazing, uh you know,
Speaker 1: amazing thing in thirty minutes and he would teach you
Speaker 1: how to do it. But I learned this crazy factory
Speaker 1: about Bob Ros. I love the this random stuff. This
Speaker 1: is the stuff I love in life. So painter Bob Ross,
Speaker 1: who at the time that show went on the air,
Speaker 1: was a struggling artist. Literally, you know that cliche about
Speaker 1: the struggling artist. He was a struggling artist any money.
Speaker 1: He was, you know, struggling to make it through. And
Speaker 1: so because he didn't have a lot of money, he
Speaker 1: did what I call the Mallaw maneuver. Although it was
Speaker 1: not known as the Mallaw maneuver at this time, because
Speaker 1: it was before my time. But Bob Ross, struggling painter,
Speaker 1: went out and got a perm. The reason he got
Speaker 1: a perm was because he couldn't even afford to get
Speaker 1: his hair cut. And he did the arithmetic and he figured,
Speaker 1: if I get a PERM, I don't have to get
Speaker 1: my hair cut. I'm gonna save money on haircuts and
Speaker 1: I can spend that on other things, right, Like you know,
Speaker 1: he figured out that he could buy food and other
Speaker 1: items with that, I assume without getting a haircuts. So
Speaker 1: this was before his TV career. So then what do
Speaker 1: you think happens? Well, he gets the PBS show takes
Speaker 1: off right, takes off, and he wanted to change his
Speaker 1: hair because he he hated it. Couldn't change his hair.
Speaker 1: He was forced to keep the hair the rest of
Speaker 1: his life because that was the trademark of Bob Ross
Speaker 1: and it became PBSS logo and they the whole thing.
Speaker 1: And so he he didn't want the hair he hated
Speaker 1: and he thought it terrible, and he had to keep it.
Speaker 1: And now even he's been dead for years and there's
Speaker 1: internet memes with Bob Ross's hair still. I think that's
Speaker 1: an amazing little I love that kind of. I mean,
Speaker 1: he didn't want to. It's just crazy that that became
Speaker 1: his signature thing and he didn't even want to have it.
Speaker 1: You are in stunned disbelief there, David Gisca. Your speech,
Speaker 1: which is not good for a podcast, Well it's it's not.
Speaker 1: But what provoked you, first of all to watch that documentary?
Speaker 1: Well you're late at night Friday, Saturday, the games have ended,
Speaker 1: you know, I like to watch a documentary. And this
Speaker 1: was on the YouTube. All right, this was on the YouTube,
Speaker 1: and um, just a couple of years old. But I
Speaker 1: was like, I watched Bob Ross when I was a kid,
Speaker 1: so I was like, maybe I'll check this out, see
Speaker 1: what's going on there. You know what his fro reminds
Speaker 1: me of or who it reminds me of. I don't
Speaker 1: Lenny Wilkins. Oh yeah, Lenny. Lenny Wilkins had that fro.
Speaker 1: Not not as magical as Ross, but yeah, but pretty
Speaker 1: fucking good. But I agree, right, like, when you have
Speaker 1: something that's the staple of your brand, you can't just
Speaker 1: go off the beaten path. Yeah, when you get known
Speaker 1: for something, you know, it reminds me Kevin Kennedy, d
Speaker 1: and I forget the player's name, but Kevin Kennedy, who
Speaker 1: was the Fox Baseball insider guy and a good guy. Kevin.
Speaker 1: Kevin told me a story about when he was managing
Speaker 1: the Red Sox there was a guy playing for the
Speaker 1: Socks that was a pretty good player but hated Boston.
Speaker 1: But he had to play there because he couldn't force
Speaker 1: his way out because he wasn't a big enough name
Speaker 1: player to do it. He was making great money, but
Speaker 1: he couldn't stand it. I know it's not the same,
Speaker 1: but it's like you're in a situation where you don't
Speaker 1: really like something, you can't change it, you know, And
Speaker 1: he was in that, in that that situation, but I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like you look at the now he was
Speaker 1: not an athlete, Bob Ross, but you look at the
Speaker 1: great haircuts in in sports, and um, I always go
Speaker 1: when I first started watching, uh, Michael Cage, Uh, he
Speaker 1: had the Jerry curl that was. That was quite the
Speaker 1: look man. That was. That was quite the white to
Speaker 1: look for. The clips and the sonics and all that
Speaker 1: doesn't have any more. But the Tony Gwynn had that
Speaker 1: a little bit. He had a little bit of that
Speaker 1: going on early in his career. Career with the Padres. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he had that. I'm trying to think of like signature,
Speaker 1: I mean, because everyone has those signature not everyone, but
Speaker 1: there's certain people that have like those iconic or like
Speaker 1: signature styles, whether it's hair suits, I mean Craig Sager
Speaker 1: was was one with his Oh yeah Seger. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: was late Craig Seger because he and I saw him
Speaker 1: at Staples Center back in the Shack Kobe years and
Speaker 1: he would come out there t NT and he would
Speaker 1: wear normal clothes and then he had his clown suit
Speaker 1: that he would put on, and so it was really brilliant.
Speaker 1: Victor Brick followed that same playbook. There's a playbook that
Speaker 1: if you want to get attention on television, you have
Speaker 1: to wear really bright, outrageous office. You should do that, Gascon.
Speaker 1: You should take a page to get these you know,
Speaker 1: bright pastel color jackets and tie is and nix and
Speaker 1: match and you should. Maybe we'll do that in September
Speaker 1: and never now. Walt Clyde Fraser, he does that, right, Fraser,
Speaker 1: he takes he wears like a lion print suit and
Speaker 1: all that. The NBA has had so many remember Kenny Skywalker,
Speaker 1: he had the high top fade for the New York
Speaker 1: Knickerbocker's back in the day. Even Michael Cooper with his
Speaker 1: knee high socks. Yeah, yea artist Gilmore, that's before my time.
Speaker 1: But he had the big frow going he was playing,
Speaker 1: but everyone did Dr J Man And remember Dr J
Speaker 1: with the nets flying through the air with the fro.
Speaker 1: Remember how about here's another one? Uh, Debt love shrimp.
Speaker 1: I don't remember. Remember he had that It looked like
Speaker 1: a German military guard haircut. Yeah right, he looked like
Speaker 1: it was groomed and he looked like uh Ivan, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it looked like that from Rocky for Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: even not even with the hair. But you can go
Speaker 1: like you go Bob Barker, right, like what's Bob bar
Speaker 1: Chris synonymous with Oh he's got that stick that needle
Speaker 1: dick microphone, he's got the skinny microphone and there he
Speaker 1: does his his pet promotion at the end of the
Speaker 1: price is right. Oh, here's another one. Remember the guy
Speaker 1: let's see this is I'm gonna test gascons hair knowledge.
Speaker 1: NBA player with a mullet in the nineteen nineties. Oh um,
Speaker 1: uh did you play for the for the nuts? He
Speaker 1: was a journey. He played for a number of teams,
Speaker 1: but he is the gold standard for the mullet in
Speaker 1: professional Chris Mullen. No, no, not Mullin. Mullin had the
Speaker 1: Mullin had the flat top. Oh no, it wasn't Tom Chambers. No, no,
Speaker 1: this is after those guys. This is the nineties and
Speaker 1: this guy was a center. I think he's dead. Not Bradley,
Speaker 1: not Mirasan nah m hm. Obviously not the dream. He
Speaker 1: played college basketball at Floorida. He's better college player who
Speaker 1: had a mullet. Bryant Reeves had a mullet, big Country. No,
Speaker 1: you're like the flat top type thing. No, this is
Speaker 1: Dwayne Schintzius. Who the fuck is Dwayne shi You don't
Speaker 1: know that's bad basketball knowledge that Tony Bruno would say,
Speaker 1: that's a bad job by you. Man. Come on, Dwayne,
Speaker 1: I can't even Dwayne Shinsius. It's all right, Google it
Speaker 1: right now. It's s C H I N t z
Speaker 1: I us. He played into the early two thousands, played
Speaker 1: with my clippers. I covered him in the mid nineties.
Speaker 1: He played for the l A Clippers, the terrible Clippers
Speaker 1: at the l A Sports Rain. Oh my gosh, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh man, man, right, look at that. Come on, oh man,
Speaker 1: that's great. Yeah that what do they say, like it's
Speaker 1: a party in the back. That's uh business in the front,
Speaker 1: party in the back. That is yeah, that's good man.
Speaker 1: That's like he died so yeah, Lukemi. He died when
Speaker 1: he was like in his early forties. It sucks by
Speaker 1: he that guy was. I mean you think redneck mullet
Speaker 1: basketball player. That is Dwayne Schintzy. Wow. He played Sacramento,
Speaker 1: San Antonio. He played for the Nuts. Oh yeah, he
Speaker 1: played with everybody. He bounced around from team to team
Speaker 1: to team. That is a great mullet man. That's good.
Speaker 1: That's Barry Merrows on steroids. You didn't expect to hear it.
Speaker 1: Dwayne Schinzy is from this something like the perfect podcast
Speaker 1: Now the real question g seven ft two and two sixty.
Speaker 1: He was a big, big boy, big boy, good college player,
Speaker 1: much better college player than NBA player. But as I remember,
Speaker 1: But here's the thing, guess how is this podcast? What
Speaker 1: are you gonna call? You're gonna you're gonna headline at
Speaker 1: walk in the Park. Uh are you gonna do with
Speaker 1: the Tennessee Trots, the Mallard Trots? What are you gonna do.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call it Mr Rogers, Mr Rogers. Yeah, story
Speaker 1: time with storytime. That was decent. You know, well, this
Speaker 1: outrank some of our interview podcasts rank the Looney Tunes
Speaker 1: episode that we had last week with our fake dentist.
Speaker 1: Oh did that not do that well? People did not
Speaker 1: want to hear Tom Looney. No, I didn't do that well?
Speaker 1: Really wow? Yeah, I thought Looney would be a hit.
Speaker 1: People did not. They were not riveted to Tom Looney. Now,
Speaker 1: in fact, it did. It did half of what I
Speaker 1: did with with my m m A uh fighter? Is
Speaker 1: that right? Man? Wasn't that good? All right? So we
Speaker 1: didn't do any interview this week. No, I'll attempted. You know,
Speaker 1: I've been talking to the the chief about your your
Speaker 1: lack of cooking and barbecuing. I'm a great cook, and
Speaker 1: so he was a little curious about the fact that
Speaker 1: you got like a see, I got a list of
Speaker 1: things you gotta reference my wife. You've got to talk
Speaker 1: about some something west of the four oh five you
Speaker 1: did with the burrito story earlier. Now, that wasn't that
Speaker 1: wasn't San Diego. It's five freeway. It's a five freeway.
Speaker 1: You mentioned the four oh five. Now I haven't mentioned
Speaker 1: your first class uh flight to Seattle that was paid
Speaker 1: for by a listener. I haven't mentioned that yet. I
Speaker 1: was a friend of the show that that took care
Speaker 1: of that the show. Okay, I haven't mentioned because you
Speaker 1: weren't invited anywhere. I mean that's you know things a
Speaker 1: little bit and try to get some fans. Maybe they'll
Speaker 1: take care of you, how about that? Yeah? Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 1: all right, listen, have a great rest of your day.
Speaker 1: We got podcasts coming up all weekend long, three days
Speaker 1: a week on the podcast eight days a week overall.
Speaker 1: But thank you. Remember the review of the podcast five stars,
Speaker 1: Email us, follow us on social media, and have a
Speaker 1: great day.