Speaker 1: Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of
Speaker 1: the old republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats
Speaker 1: crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the rich
Speaker 1: pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearing house of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller starts right now, nine nine. Strike up the band.
Speaker 1: We are back at it yet again, Saturdays, Saturday. Say
Speaker 1: this is not some popsicle stand No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: This is not tedious, This is not unpleasant, this is
Speaker 1: not dull. And if it is, we're doing it wrong.
Speaker 1: If it is, we're doing it wrong. It is the
Speaker 1: Fifth Hour with Ben Mallo. No sinister plan here, just
Speaker 1: marginal podcast talk even on the weekends. No days off,
Speaker 1: no days off. And we are joined yet again by
Speaker 1: my new podcast partner. He doesn't know it yet, but
Speaker 1: the other guy, Quit Ryan is in the house, the
Speaker 1: Great Ryan Smith. What's going on? And Mr McBain as
Speaker 1: he's known on Twitter, the wrestling legend. Why are you
Speaker 1: quoting Bill Belichick? No days off? It's a great that's
Speaker 1: a great quote. What are you talking about's great. That
Speaker 1: sums up my radio career. No days off, So you're
Speaker 1: a cheater like Bill Belichick, or Bill Belichick believes in
Speaker 1: gamesmanships he believes. Yeah, I'm just pointing that out. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: I love all those cheesy catchphrases. Do your job, no
Speaker 1: days off, steal those signs. Yeah, stop. But it's like
Speaker 1: a Greek tragedy. Bill Belichick. His favorite team is the
Speaker 1: Astros by the way, No, no, it's that's not true. No, No,
Speaker 1: he does not have any hobbies at all. The only
Speaker 1: thing he likes is watching like civil not Civil War,
Speaker 1: but like World War two documentaries. He loves war documentaries.
Speaker 1: That's true. He has no life. That's that's what I've heard.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Do you know him. I don't know him.
Speaker 1: I've no, I've never met him. He does not cheat. Stop.
Speaker 1: He's gotten popped like three times. No, that they're all
Speaker 1: bull crap. The air pressure one was the most ridiculous
Speaker 1: of them all, The air pressure one, like you know,
Speaker 1: the remember the NFL said after that, they're like, well,
Speaker 1: we're going to investigate and we're gonna give back the
Speaker 1: results of all the air pressure readings. Thinking that the
Speaker 1: Patriots who summing illegal and they didn't release that data
Speaker 1: because it was bull crap. The Colts were so paranoid,
Speaker 1: they had patriot itis and those idiots in Indianapolis. And
Speaker 1: when the NFL went deep into the weeds and investigated,
Speaker 1: they determined there was nothing. It was the whatever the
Speaker 1: gas law was. I forget the name of it, but listen,
Speaker 1: you're a patriot hater, dude. There's video evidence of people
Speaker 1: stealing the footballs. There's like even text messages. And then
Speaker 1: when the NFL was like, yo, Tom, text message, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, there's text message. His name was the deflating
Speaker 1: Stop the deflator. Oh my goodness. That enough later, Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: because you have some superpower with the deflated My god,
Speaker 1: come on, you're better than that. You're betting that Ryan God?
Speaker 1: How bad is it? Like? How shady are you if
Speaker 1: you're playing in the a f C least a f
Speaker 1: C East whatever for twenty years in there, it's told
Speaker 1: trash and you still have to cheat. Pathetic you call
Speaker 1: it cheating. I believe it's game. I'm going with the games.
Speaker 1: Got caught recording the Bengals too. That was for a documentary. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: they were coaches documentary they were doing. Yeah, yeah, well
Speaker 1: you are. You are fired up today, right, man? I
Speaker 1: hate the Patriots. I hate Boston. Wow, Listen, that is
Speaker 1: used that I worked. I've done local radio. But what's
Speaker 1: wrong with you? I go from a Laker suck up
Speaker 1: to an anti Boston guy? Is that right? No? No, listen,
Speaker 1: you the Boston the way they treat sports in Boston,
Speaker 1: it's the right way to treat sports. It is is
Speaker 1: like a religion. It is like a religion the way
Speaker 1: they they they follow sports, but it's a religion where
Speaker 1: they'll like spit a loogi in your face if they
Speaker 1: don't like it, especially to stop stop all right, listen?
Speaker 1: Uh that was that was true at one point. But
Speaker 1: that's a that's a that's an that's an antiquated take, boss,
Speaker 1: is not. Boston is one of the most woke towns
Speaker 1: out What what what are you talking about? You know, they
Speaker 1: have more colleges and there are more college students in
Speaker 1: Boston than anywhere else, all the IVY League and morons
Speaker 1: over at Harvard and all that. Have you you been?
Speaker 1: When's the last time you've in Boston? I don't know, Uh,
Speaker 1: A couple of years ago. Okay, when you were Listen,
Speaker 1: I've been to Boston many times. I'm not I go
Speaker 1: around everyone's like all educated, all uh, all that nonsense.
Speaker 1: It's all that crowding. But when you're walking around Boston,
Speaker 1: that's what I see. When I'm walking around Boston. It's
Speaker 1: a bunch of intellectuals. About two or three years ago,
Speaker 1: even the Red Sox sent out a tweet apologizing for
Speaker 1: their fan base for being racist the Reds. Of course,
Speaker 1: the Red Sox did that because the Red Sox are
Speaker 1: run by Bmuch of an income poost and they're trying
Speaker 1: to get you know, get the sympathy on the sympathy
Speaker 1: training all. Anyway, listen, I'm gonna get into this with
Speaker 1: you because I have all the things to get to
Speaker 1: I've got on this podcast. We have your anti Boston rhetoric,
Speaker 1: which we already had. We got the hooting Nanny. We
Speaker 1: will have let's get scientifical and if we have time,
Speaker 1: and who knows, you know, dollars and cents matter. Time
Speaker 1: is of the essence here. We will have pop quiz.
Speaker 1: But I wanted to start with the hooting Nanny. So
Speaker 1: the other night we had our one Ben Mallard show,
Speaker 1: a talent show. The Ben Mallard Talent Show. It was
Speaker 1: this week. It was the night of the home run
Speaker 1: derby into the morning of the All Star Game. And
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you this thing, I'm very proud. This
Speaker 1: has become a monster. It has become almost in a
Speaker 1: very good way, in a very good way. When we
Speaker 1: started this bit years ago, there were a very few
Speaker 1: people that took part, very few people that took part.
Speaker 1: But now it has become a toe tap in good time.
Speaker 1: It has no I'm not kidding right right. I was
Speaker 1: blown away by the I I did not have eye expectations.
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I lived my life. I think
Speaker 1: it's better to have low expectations and then be surprised,
Speaker 1: rather than have high expectations and then, you know, be disappointed.
Speaker 1: So I didn't expect all that much. I thought we'd
Speaker 1: get a couple of good songs. But I was like,
Speaker 1: as the show went on, he got off to a
Speaker 1: little slow start with blind Scott, but he got better
Speaker 1: and better and better and better. And the Talent Show
Speaker 1: has become more and more popular. And it has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with me. It has absolutely nothing to do
Speaker 1: I mean, this is the listeners. I did nothing other
Speaker 1: than just judge the people that were singing and doing
Speaker 1: comedy and all that stuff. But when I started at
Speaker 1: Fox Worts Radio and the network began, we were like
Speaker 1: the new kids on the block. And now the reason
Speaker 1: I've determined, I did a analysis, a thorough analysis of
Speaker 1: why the Talent Show has become so damn good, And
Speaker 1: it's not because of me, it's not. It's because that
Speaker 1: the network is so popular now Fox Sports Radios the
Speaker 1: number one sports network out there, and as a result,
Speaker 1: we're on in more places and more tropical locations and
Speaker 1: all that. So we've gone from a big fish in
Speaker 1: a small pond to a blue whale and the mighty Pacific,
Speaker 1: and it's great. And because of that reach, we have
Speaker 1: more and more people that are part of it all
Speaker 1: over the place, and it's it's awesome how how big
Speaker 1: this has become because we're we're on like four hundred
Speaker 1: stations now and all over the US and Canada and Hawaii, Alaska,
Speaker 1: you name it, uh and the American Forces Network. So
Speaker 1: it's a bit pretty large stage. And as a result,
Speaker 1: we have a very diverse set of players or actors
Speaker 1: every wanna call them that I believe it to be
Speaker 1: reckoned with I believe. I mean, if you're looking back
Speaker 1: at the whole down again, every everyone sands blind Scott.
Speaker 1: I thought that a did a really good job. Blind
Speaker 1: Scott sends me a million emails a day, though I think, God,
Speaker 1: he does not have my number. If blind Scott no serious,
Speaker 1: If he had my number, he would be like Doc Mike,
Speaker 1: who calls me NonStop. Mike. Yeah, he would love to
Speaker 1: talk to you. I'll give you his number if you want.
Speaker 1: Before you have spoken to Doc Mike. You a long
Speaker 1: time ago, A long time ago, had that go uh
Speaker 1: weird strange? Yeah, yeah, he's he's interesting, He's interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so tell you. I thought everyone took it seriously as
Speaker 1: much as you can take an overnight talent show seriously
Speaker 1: on a radio show. But a lot of people leaving
Speaker 1: their comfort zone. Some of my personal favorites, I get asked,
Speaker 1: this is what he really likes. I liked all of them,
Speaker 1: but I always get a kick out of the unique acts.
Speaker 1: We had a guy Ryan the other night calling David
Speaker 1: in Kansas, and his special talent is to squeal like
Speaker 1: a pig, and he he regaled us with f Altuve
Speaker 1: in pigs Wheel. So he imagine if you will a
Speaker 1: big fat pig and squealing f alve And that was
Speaker 1: That was David in Kansas, and that was that was.
Speaker 1: I love the creativity. I like the you're not gonna
Speaker 1: like this guy because of where he's from. The Boston burper.
Speaker 1: This guy from Boston, who can he can burp on command?
Speaker 1: He can burp on That's a skill, that is a
Speaker 1: that is going. Everyone can. Everyone's burped, right, We've all burped.
Speaker 1: It's part of being human and everyone can appreciate it.
Speaker 1: So and I've burned more since I had my gall
Speaker 1: bladder taken out. I've realized my inner burping superpower. I
Speaker 1: feel it's like the p E D s of burping
Speaker 1: would be to have your gall bladder taken out, because
Speaker 1: you're a lot more gassy and you have more just all,
Speaker 1: there's a lot more gases that build up inside you know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well that's a cheap way to get there. But I
Speaker 1: think that go under the knife and have your gallbladder
Speaker 1: taken out, well, yeah, that's amazing. Listen that if you
Speaker 1: look up the most painful operations, the gold bladder is
Speaker 1: at the very top. It is the most painful operation
Speaker 1: you can have. Is so painful. Well, it's because it's
Speaker 1: right in the middle and it's Uh. If you've ever
Speaker 1: had your your gall bladders working and you don't have
Speaker 1: a problem with your gallbladder last yeah, yeah, trust me.
Speaker 1: I hope hopefully you will not. But when you get
Speaker 1: gall stones, it feels like you're gonna die. I've never died,
Speaker 1: but I'm sure I will at some point here and
Speaker 1: I'm guessing whatever that is, it'll feel the same as
Speaker 1: when I had my gall stones, because it just is
Speaker 1: right in the middle of your chest. You think you're
Speaker 1: having a heart attack, and you you cannot get comfortable.
Speaker 1: It's horrible. I don't know, man. I had a prostant
Speaker 1: exam that hurt. Oh yeah, the cough over here. Moon River,
Speaker 1: my friend Moon River. Now I go twice a week
Speaker 1: just for fun. I had a buddy of mine that
Speaker 1: loves I have a buddy that loves stethoscopes. So he
Speaker 1: talk about a weird thing. So he loves going to
Speaker 1: get physical exams because he had they put the stethoscope
Speaker 1: on your on you. That's a weird That's a weird fetish,
Speaker 1: isn't it. I would say, yeah, probably, yeah, probably be
Speaker 1: sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller Show
Speaker 1: week days at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Speaker 1: Fox Sports Radio and the I Heart Radio app. What
Speaker 1: else did I like from the talent I like christ
Speaker 1: Christie I think was her name from. I think she's
Speaker 1: in Kansas. Also, she had the Yankee Doodle Dandy, but
Speaker 1: she changed the words around a Mallard theme version of
Speaker 1: Yankee Doodle Dandy. I thought that was very patriotic and nice. Uh.
Speaker 1: This guy Harry, he makes violens. We think he's in Maine,
Speaker 1: Somerset and Maine. He was good, he was magnificent. Ohio
Speaker 1: al another one. A lot of these songs were recorded
Speaker 1: Ohio Allison in a spectacular tune. And of course you
Speaker 1: got the legends, the legends of the Talent Show, which
Speaker 1: are like just Josh Jay Scoop who teamed up again
Speaker 1: and Doma needed Ozzie guy had a monumental song parody
Speaker 1: ripped off a TV song. And so that's a big
Speaker 1: mountain to climb. And Uh, there's some of the other
Speaker 1: ones that we will not mention here but next year,
Speaker 1: and I think we did. We did actually bring this
Speaker 1: up on the radio show this week in passing that
Speaker 1: next year when we do the Talent Show, we're gonna
Speaker 1: change it up a little bit. We're gonna have a
Speaker 1: few different categories because they're like right now, it's just
Speaker 1: a jumbled mess. Everyone's in the Talent Show and it's
Speaker 1: like music versus comedy versus weird unique acts. So we're
Speaker 1: not sure exactly what we're gonna do. Plans have not
Speaker 1: been confirmed, but we were spitballing some different ideas to
Speaker 1: give your heads up on this, and we're we're thinking
Speaker 1: of a few different categories. Most unique act is an
Speaker 1: obvious one. We could do musical recorded and live, so
Speaker 1: we'll have two different versions recorded and live. A lot
Speaker 1: of people like to record their songs. Some people like
Speaker 1: to do it live, so we can do that. We
Speaker 1: can do some other there's some other avenues we can
Speaker 1: do that, so we'll we'll keep an eye on that
Speaker 1: and and you know, it's possible, it's possible. We won't
Speaker 1: do that. We'll forget about it. But at this moment,
Speaker 1: we have a long way to go before we get
Speaker 1: to the next year's All Star break in baseball. But
Speaker 1: the plan is too to do it the way we
Speaker 1: want to do it a little different, not not the same,
Speaker 1: change it up, something to look forward to. All right,
Speaker 1: we have let's get scientifical. Let's get scientifical. And uh,
Speaker 1: this is an interesting study that came out. So we
Speaker 1: all use emojis. I would use emojis, right right, all right,
Speaker 1: And the most popular emoji in the world is blank.
Speaker 1: That's easy, all right? What is the egg plant? Absolutely
Speaker 1: the egg plane? Maybe for you about that, but no,
Speaker 1: but no, Yes, the most popular emoji is the laugh cry. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people love that. The old It's more popular than the
Speaker 1: just simply smiling yellow emoji. And this is the universal
Speaker 1: language of the world. It's the emoji. The plant must
Speaker 1: be in the top five at least, right. I do
Speaker 1: not have the top five list in front of me,
Speaker 1: but I know in your household it is a number
Speaker 1: number one. What's number two? Let me guess the what
Speaker 1: is the one that looks like the toush? Is that
Speaker 1: number two? Is that the I would guess probably the
Speaker 1: middle finger? The middle finger. Yeah that's a solid one. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a solid one. Uh. Anyway, so this I thought
Speaker 1: this was interesting. They analyzed the millions and millions of
Speaker 1: social media posts in thirty countries thirty countries around the world,
Speaker 1: which seems like a lot. But you know how many
Speaker 1: countries there are in the world, there are tons. I
Speaker 1: think there's a hundred and ninety five something like that,
Speaker 1: close to two hundred. I think so thirty. So that's
Speaker 1: that's a small, small snampy. Anyway, they looked looked at
Speaker 1: all this stuff, and they looked at all the different
Speaker 1: emojis there are over I didn't realize that there are
Speaker 1: over seventeen hundred different emojis. Is that real? You can't
Speaker 1: be that much. I don't think there's that many, right, No,
Speaker 1: there can't be that. Man, when I go on Twitter
Speaker 1: to send an emoji, or I go on my phone,
Speaker 1: there's a few, there's like a few pages, but they
Speaker 1: ain't seventeen hundred emojis. I must be missing some emojis anyway,
Speaker 1: So they said there's there's only about a hundred common
Speaker 1: emojis that people use. But but I believe the reason
Speaker 1: there's only a hundred emojis people uses because on most
Speaker 1: devices that's all you have access to. How about that
Speaker 1: for a hot take? Is that a hot take? No,
Speaker 1: it's not a hot take's take. If you had access
Speaker 1: to more, you'd use more. But it is true that people, uh,
Speaker 1: people like variety, but they really like only a few things.
Speaker 1: It's like with cable television back in the day when
Speaker 1: everyone had cable television and they had like two channels,
Speaker 1: but most people only watched about twelve or thirteen that
Speaker 1: was it, and then most of the other channel nobody watched.
Speaker 1: And it's it's kind of it's the same concept of
Speaker 1: the Internet. There's a million different websites, but you you
Speaker 1: likely when you go to the Internet, you have a
Speaker 1: few that you check out. I know, I do, I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't look at everything. There's a few that I
Speaker 1: go to and then that's it. So the dark web
Speaker 1: that's probably where you hang out. Yeah, well that's where
Speaker 1: my people are. That's where the listeners are. The dark web.
Speaker 1: Clearly you can get anything you want there and the
Speaker 1: dark web. I saw some screenshots of the dark Web.
Speaker 1: It's like Amazon now they have it's so so wonderful,
Speaker 1: but you gotta pay them. Like bitcoin, I think, I
Speaker 1: think to buy all the contraband you have to buy
Speaker 1: the bitcoin and use the bitcoin. I think. Anyway, said
Speaker 1: outside the United States, of the countries, they looked at
Speaker 1: the most frequent countries to use emojis are the Philippines, Brazil,
Speaker 1: and India. So those are the the big three and
Speaker 1: that ends the emoji portion of the show. Ah, I
Speaker 1: go with you go with the egg, all right. I
Speaker 1: like the walking emoji. I like that one. Let me
Speaker 1: see what am I going, tom, I go to my
Speaker 1: emoji page right now, Hold on a sec here, let's
Speaker 1: see puts this up but doing this live on You're
Speaker 1: seeing live coverage of the emoji. Let me go to
Speaker 1: my recently used emojis to see what I'm using here.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I have the the chicken head emoji, the
Speaker 1: fry emoji, because of my enjoyment of eating poutine with
Speaker 1: chicken on top. That's been my new thing. I see
Speaker 1: the microphone emoji, the old school microphone. That's a big one.
Speaker 1: What else? I have the the water gun. Remember they
Speaker 1: had a more menacing gun, but they turned it into
Speaker 1: a water gun because it was too offensive. Yea, as
Speaker 1: stupid as that. People are triggered by an emoji. My god,
Speaker 1: I've got the parrot emoji for some reason. I think
Speaker 1: that might be a reference to Roscoe the parrot, the
Speaker 1: fake stuffed animal parrot that David and Florida brought to
Speaker 1: an appearance I did in Boston, and so I think
Speaker 1: I might have been sending that out to somebody. Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's it. That ends my hot emoji. I do
Speaker 1: have the laughing crying emoji prominently mentioned, so there is
Speaker 1: that as well. Anyway, I don't use as many emojis
Speaker 1: as other people. My wife is a big emoji fan.
Speaker 1: She enjoys the emoji. Anyway, how about this arm pits?
Speaker 1: Armed pits? You're ready for an arm pit story? You
Speaker 1: like arm pits, you like to smell it? Yet no, no, no, okay, right,
Speaker 1: all right, come so, so because of the last year
Speaker 1: and the COVID and all that stuff and the world
Speaker 1: shut down, but now the world back open. The a
Speaker 1: new servant, it's not. A study to survey of women
Speaker 1: found that the pandemic and the real you know, what's
Speaker 1: been going on in the world is causing them to
Speaker 1: rethink how to take care of their armpits. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is not good. This is not good news. Right, it's not.
Speaker 1: Uh they say, one in three women are shaving their
Speaker 1: under arms less than over the last year. At home.
Speaker 1: And here's the kicker. The reason I brought this up.
Speaker 1: Many of the women planned to continue to not shave
Speaker 1: their armpits post pandemic. But that okay, chewbaca freaking over
Speaker 1: the women who have cut back on shaving during the pandemic.
Speaker 1: Of those pcents almost say they plan on keeping it
Speaker 1: going once the crisis over. There, you go, okay. I
Speaker 1: don't spend a lot of time thinking about armpits. I don't.
Speaker 1: I do do the smell test though, when I don't
Speaker 1: leave the house much. But when I leave the house,
Speaker 1: if I'm going to, like a social engagement, I'll do
Speaker 1: the old sniff tests to make sure it doesn't smell.
Speaker 1: The survey found the biggest armpit issues are worries over hair, sweat,
Speaker 1: and sninky odor. Yes, what else would you be worried
Speaker 1: about regarding your armpit? I guess they said here they
Speaker 1: want what does it say here? They want perfection in
Speaker 1: the armpit. No hair, no marks, even skin tone. Everything
Speaker 1: has to be perfect for the armpits. Just save them
Speaker 1: and make sure they smell fine. Yeah, it's not that hard, right,
Speaker 1: It's pretty simple, pretty growing, a little growing, you know,
Speaker 1: I gotta do it every once in a while. Can't
Speaker 1: be a disheveled mess. The next one in the swamp.
Speaker 1: In the swamp we go as we get scientifical on
Speaker 1: the fifth hour. So it turns out this is actually true.
Speaker 1: The science science researchers have determined that alligators can actually
Speaker 1: regrow that young there's only young alligators. When they get old,
Speaker 1: they can't do it. But young alligators can't actually regrow
Speaker 1: their tails. Might have heard that a wise tale about alligators,
Speaker 1: But it's true. If the if the alligator tail gets
Speaker 1: cut off, this new study reveals that they are able
Speaker 1: to regrow. Now, why does that matter? Why am I
Speaker 1: bring this up? Well, the scientists are studying this hoping
Speaker 1: to find ways that humans who have suffered traumatic injuries
Speaker 1: will at some point be able to like regrow a
Speaker 1: finger or toe or something along. How crazy with that?
Speaker 1: I wonder if we have that in our in our bodies.
Speaker 1: You know, we're all well, there's a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: in the brain that we don't really know about. Like
Speaker 1: what if there's some some hidden part of the brain
Speaker 1: would allow you to, uh, you know, recreate part of
Speaker 1: your body if you lose it. That'd be pretty cool.
Speaker 1: All right, Yeah, I think they tried that with the
Speaker 1: Spider Man villain and then all help brokely not a
Speaker 1: good idea. Yeah, well, I don't know if you know this.
Speaker 1: In the countries like China, they're doing that stuff right now.
Speaker 1: They're they're trying all that weird crap there. They don't
Speaker 1: have as many laws as we have here in the
Speaker 1: in the old United States. But if you could regenerate,
Speaker 1: it's nothing like obviously we don't have tales, although we
Speaker 1: used to have tales, right, isn't there Humans used to
Speaker 1: have tales and we had a third eye. Isn't that
Speaker 1: the line? Yeah? Okay, yeah we did. I think it's
Speaker 1: called the brown eye. Uh they're been oh is that right? Yeah? Okay, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: they're the third eye. You've never you've never heard the
Speaker 1: third eye theory? Yeah, like the mind's eye. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean no, no, humans third eye right, it's in the
Speaker 1: middle of the forehead. It's a spiritual third eye. You've
Speaker 1: never heard that before. Come on, Yeah, the mind's eye.
Speaker 1: That's what they call it, the third eyelid right there.
Speaker 1: But at some point, it's like when you go back
Speaker 1: and look at those old drawings of like in the
Speaker 1: Middle East, you know, and in the early days of
Speaker 1: human what became us? If they have the eye on
Speaker 1: the forehead right there. Boom say, anyway, how about this
Speaker 1: for is this a horror film or just like a
Speaker 1: cartoon comedy. Goldfish that are the size of footballs are
Speaker 1: taking over us lakes? How about that one? That's yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: I've seen photos. I'm gonna send you a photo right now. Holds,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna text you. It must be next
Speaker 1: to a power plan or something. Hold on, say here,
Speaker 1: that is a goldfish right there. I just I just
Speaker 1: sent a text to Ryan so you can see the
Speaker 1: photo I'm looking at here. Check that out? Is that not?
Speaker 1: Come on right there? Photo shops, No, it's not. It
Speaker 1: says football size goldfish are taking over a Minnesota lake.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Minnesota. And what happened? These These the
Speaker 1: goldfish were dumped by their owners. And this is a
Speaker 1: city about fifteen miles It's in Burnsville, Minnesota, about fifteen
Speaker 1: miles south of Minneapolis, and they they've issued a warning.
Speaker 1: City officials have issued a warning urging residents to stop
Speaker 1: releasing their pet fish after they recovered multiple foot long
Speaker 1: aquatic invaders. According to the story here. This is from
Speaker 1: Live Science. I got this story and yeah, they released
Speaker 1: goldfish can grow to several times their domesticated size. Okay,
Speaker 1: so when I was growing up, I had goldfish. They
Speaker 1: never got this big. This is yes, I don't think
Speaker 1: it's bs. I had goldfish too, they didn't live that long.
Speaker 1: Well there you go. I mean like that's this is photoshop.
Speaker 1: Either that sids h h or something in the water.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That is wild. That's the size of
Speaker 1: what you the kind of fish you would want to
Speaker 1: catch if you were in Alaska. Right, that's that's a
Speaker 1: big hearty fish. So are there is this like the
Speaker 1: dog thing where dogs have been genetically modified to get smaller.
Speaker 1: You know, some certain breeds of dogs have gotten to
Speaker 1: the point where they're really small, but they could be
Speaker 1: big if you know they started out big. Have have
Speaker 1: the Is the goldfish a human creation? Like? And it's
Speaker 1: really they should be in their natural habitat that big
Speaker 1: mind blowing? I see what you do there? How dare you? Alright?
Speaker 1: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Speaker 1: Show week days at two am Eastern eleven p m Pacific. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm John Middlecoff and I host the Three and Out podcast.
Speaker 1: Do you like football? Do you like the NFL. Do
Speaker 1: you like the NFL draft quarterbacks? Coaches? Well, I talk
Speaker 1: about it all on the show. I used to work
Speaker 1: for Andy Reid as a scout. Now I give you
Speaker 1: my unfiltered and raw opinions on everything that goes on
Speaker 1: in the NFL. And you know we're talking college football
Speaker 1: because of how important the draft is year round. Listen
Speaker 1: to the Three and Out podcast with me John middlecomm
Speaker 1: on the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast or wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcasts. Have more pet stories. I love
Speaker 1: pet stories. You get a dog? You have a dog
Speaker 1: over there? Reigns used to have two dogs, two Cocker
Speaker 1: spaniels way back in the day. Should get a dog,
Speaker 1: You should get another dog? Are too busy on I
Speaker 1: can barely uh watch for myself. Okay I can't either.
Speaker 1: But do you get a dog? I get a doggie
Speaker 1: door if you can there having any own place to
Speaker 1: go out and poop and all that, You're you're good
Speaker 1: to go, all right anyway. Puppies. According a new study,
Speaker 1: puppies are born with a knack of being able to
Speaker 1: read human gestures and so this is in their their
Speaker 1: DNA when they're born. How crazy is that? Uh? So
Speaker 1: they say that a lot of a lot of human
Speaker 1: beings believed that dogs just kind of get you, uh,
Speaker 1: puppies have an aptitude for understanding human gestures that is
Speaker 1: not seen in their closest relatives, the wolf. And for
Speaker 1: the legend of the wolf that every dog started out
Speaker 1: as a wolf, you know, wolf pups and all that.
Speaker 1: But when they said, even when wolves are raised by
Speaker 1: human beings as domesticated pets, they still are unaware of
Speaker 1: the human gestures. They're they don't have it. But dog
Speaker 1: puppies they can read directions like when you point towards food,
Speaker 1: even if they have not had any actual dog training.
Speaker 1: But wolf puppies do not follow human gestures. So there
Speaker 1: you go about that. There's a fun fact. So the
Speaker 1: dog now, now, my dog Bella has determined that the
Speaker 1: carpet in the living room here at the temporary Mallard mansion,
Speaker 1: the halfway house that I'm living in until I move
Speaker 1: into the other house. She is determined that that is
Speaker 1: actually grass, it is not carpet, and that is where
Speaker 1: she is chosen to defecate rather than go outside. And
Speaker 1: it's very annoyed and she she has no shame in
Speaker 1: her game right like the other night, she woke me up,
Speaker 1: and you know, during the day, obviously I say night,
Speaker 1: but I sleep during the day. She woke me up
Speaker 1: during the day because she had to go to do
Speaker 1: a tinkle. As the honest at Denta Coombo said, So
Speaker 1: I okay, and so I get up and I let her.
Speaker 1: I opened the door to let her go outside, and
Speaker 1: she right in front of me, walks over to the
Speaker 1: carpet and starts getting busy doing her business there. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you doing? I start screaming. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you It doesn't care. Yeah, we're gonna we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to get new carpet in this place when
Speaker 1: we move, because it's unbelievable. It's insane. Man, it sounds
Speaker 1: like I think she's a wolf. That's that sounds like
Speaker 1: the dog is actually training you Ben, that's what bull
Speaker 1: It's bullshit. Let me tell you that dog Well that's true. No,
Speaker 1: that's true. But but the dog touchet. But the dog
Speaker 1: is trained. The dog is training. The dog is I
Speaker 1: We've never had this issue before, only occasionally when it rained.
Speaker 1: When it rained, Bella would not go outside because she's
Speaker 1: a diva and she didn't want to get it. But
Speaker 1: other than that, good to go hot, to trot with
Speaker 1: the dog poop in the right place, but not right now,
Speaker 1: not right now anyway? All right, what else do we
Speaker 1: have here? Let's see here? Oh this is this is great? Another.
Speaker 1: I guess it's kind of an animal story. Uh hunting
Speaker 1: uh or not hunting. Scientists have determined that nineties six
Speaker 1: percent of movies show sharks in a negative light, hurting
Speaker 1: conservation efforts. So people that love sharks are offended by this.
Speaker 1: They're annoyed by this, and they say that Hollywood is
Speaker 1: making people scared of sharks. Right, we should not be
Speaker 1: scared of sharks. I think the fact that sharks like
Speaker 1: eat people is actually hurting sharks. Well, statistically, they don't
Speaker 1: eat that many people that medio people. Of a hundred
Speaker 1: and nine shark films listed on i m dB portray
Speaker 1: interactions between humans and the apex predators as overtly threatening,
Speaker 1: and much of the impact still sent stems from the
Speaker 1: nineteen seventy five blockbuster Jaws. They also mentioned shark Nato.
Speaker 1: Is that still the thing? Are they still making shark
Speaker 1: Nado movies? I wanted to be in when I thought
Speaker 1: that was so cheesy. I could be in a Shark
Speaker 1: Nado movie. But they never asked me to be in
Speaker 1: a Shark Nado movie. I never watched those movies. Jaws
Speaker 1: is great. Scared the hell out of me and when
Speaker 1: I was a kid. Yeah, have you been to the
Speaker 1: Jaws ride at Universal? When they do do the tort
Speaker 1: Universal Studios, they take you by the Jaws recreated set
Speaker 1: and all that I have not Actually you're not okay.
Speaker 1: They actually filmed most of Jaws though, on the coast
Speaker 1: of New England. Great, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, uh say around. Well, No,
Speaker 1: here's the point. About two percent of the known five
Speaker 1: species of sharks have attacked humans. It's just two percent.
Speaker 1: They're called apex predators for a reason. No I know,
Speaker 1: but the do the odds. The odds of being killed
Speaker 1: by a shark in the US are more than three
Speaker 1: point seven million to one. But that Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 1: But um, sharks are evil and they like people's arms off. No,
Speaker 1: f sharks. F the sharks. F sharks like instead of
Speaker 1: fl F the sharks. That too. Yeah, there is a
Speaker 1: way to have a hundred percent chance of not being
Speaker 1: eaten by a shark is to not go to the ocean.
Speaker 1: That's why I don't do it. Yeah, I like pools
Speaker 1: better than the ocean. But so I say that because
Speaker 1: I don't like the ocean here in California. I love
Speaker 1: going to like Hawaii or somewhere like that. It's awesome
Speaker 1: where the water is like light blue or green. Man,
Speaker 1: is that great? And the water in California were not.
Speaker 1: Most of southern California is not that color. I don't
Speaker 1: enjoy it. I don't. I do not like Yeah, because
Speaker 1: it's dirty. That's why exactly, especially like Venice Beach, that area,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, gil it is disgusting. I wouldn't put
Speaker 1: my enemy in that water. That is horrific, absolutely horrific.
Speaker 1: Man oh man, oh man. All right, I think that's
Speaker 1: that's good. Right, we've we've reached our quota of scientific
Speaker 1: or we don't need to do pop quiz. You don't
Speaker 1: need pop quiz, right, you're good with that. Do you
Speaker 1: want to do a couple of pop quiz is just
Speaker 1: to appease the masses, of course? Okay. A recent study
Speaker 1: found that blank are the most borrowed items. What do
Speaker 1: people borrow more than anything? Uh? I will say a
Speaker 1: cigarette because You can't really give a cigarette back. Once
Speaker 1: you've borrowed a cigarette, you can't really give it back
Speaker 1: the same cigarette. Uh. A book? Book? Yeah you don't,
Speaker 1: you're not a reader? Well why no, one like, like,
Speaker 1: you know, borrows books. They just can. You can just
Speaker 1: fight it online, you know, read it off off a
Speaker 1: tablet or something. Yeah, they say that the book the
Speaker 1: most borrowed item. There's something about holding a book in
Speaker 1: your hands and cuddling up on a chair on a
Speaker 1: cool night in the wintertime. And no, what are you
Speaker 1: eighty years old or something? No, I'm not. I'm just
Speaker 1: giving you the Hollywood trope. I don't I I read
Speaker 1: so much on the internet. I don't have I really
Speaker 1: don't have much time to read books these days. I don't.
Speaker 1: I kind of wish I did, though, I don't hate it.
Speaker 1: Seven out of ten people always use blank at the
Speaker 1: dinner table. What is it a napkin? No? Paper plates?
Speaker 1: Paper plates? Yeah, you're a paper you're a single guy, right,
Speaker 1: paper plates? Yes? Because I hate clinic so yes, paper plates? Yes? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's see you. Women do this before going to the gym.
Speaker 1: What is it they put makeup on? Uh? Yeah, lipstick? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that counts. Yes, I was blown away by this one.
Speaker 1: I don't go to the gym anymore because I have
Speaker 1: I work at it where I live. But well, I
Speaker 1: don't right now because my treadmills in thirteen thousand pieces
Speaker 1: because he got moved. But anyway, uh so, I remember
Speaker 1: going to the gym and it would be like early
Speaker 1: in the morning and people you want to makeup, and
Speaker 1: then I go to the gym occasionally the afternoon. People
Speaker 1: would have the makeup on. Then I go late at
Speaker 1: night sometimes on the weekends when it didn't work, and
Speaker 1: they'd be women like it's like they're I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's like a dating thing or something like that. But
Speaker 1: I would think if you're a woman, you wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to have makeup on because you know, not that I
Speaker 1: wear makeup other than I did TV. But Ryan doesn't
Speaker 1: make up run like when you get sweaty, doesn't it
Speaker 1: start running down your face. Women do this just to
Speaker 1: get noticed at the gym. They put makeup on and
Speaker 1: they don't even do anything. They're standing around there and
Speaker 1: then you look at them and they're like, don't look
Speaker 1: at me. I'm like, you see how your dress? You know,
Speaker 1: you know, but like these tight asks clothes you know,
Speaker 1: don't know about you. But when I go to the the gym,
Speaker 1: I gotta loose shirt on some nasty old sweats. I'm
Speaker 1: there to work out looking like they're about to go
Speaker 1: like a film, a porno or something. No, I don't
Speaker 1: disagree that, Like there are ways, I mean, if you
Speaker 1: don't want people to look at you, there are ways
Speaker 1: to get people not to look at you. But I
Speaker 1: think the lesson of that is it depends. It's like
Speaker 1: a sliding scale of how attractive they find you generally, right,
Speaker 1: because I'm thinking, like, if you're attractive, they don't really
Speaker 1: care if you're looking at them, right, But if you're unattractive,
Speaker 1: it becomes problematic. Or if they find you unattractives want
Speaker 1: to try, you know what. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: But like it's the it's that weird, weird dichotomy where
Speaker 1: it's like, well, if you're attractive, you can this is okay,
Speaker 1: it's just flirting. But if you're not attractive to the person,
Speaker 1: then you're a creepster. Yes, exactly, welcome to life. Yeah,
Speaker 1: life one on one. Ben Maller, thank you. Yes. Unfortunately
Speaker 1: I was always the seen as the creepy guy, not
Speaker 1: the attractive guy. So I got a lot of what
Speaker 1: are you doing? What's going on? While are you doing that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But I agree with you. It's very hard as a
Speaker 1: you know, a heterosexual male, uh, to see certain things
Speaker 1: and not look right when you're It's just it's hard
Speaker 1: to do that. It's human nature. Yeah, exactly, I agree
Speaker 1: with you. All right, that is it. We'll put the
Speaker 1: baby to bed. How can people fight follow you, Ryan,
Speaker 1: since you are the new host of the Fifth Hour
Speaker 1: with Ben Maller, I am, well, yeah, the you're the
Speaker 1: interim post. You're the interim host on Twitter at Ryan
Speaker 1: McBain m C b A I N R y A N.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you can't spell Ryan and rymy
Speaker 1: bain on Twitch, if you want to yell at me
Speaker 1: for hating Boston on Twitch, yeah, all my Boston guys,
Speaker 1: you can attack Ryan for hating on Boston having an
Speaker 1: anequated take on Boston. Yeah, okay, that was the real
Speaker 1: like thirty years ago. Anyway, all right, that's it. We'll
Speaker 1: put the baby to bed. Have a wonderful rest, you're said,
Speaker 1: and they don't forget the mail bag On Sunday, one
Speaker 1: of my favorite shows of the week, the Sunday mail Bag,
Speaker 1: and we'll get to that next time and see you
Speaker 1: then