WEBVTT - Emotionally Affair-able

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Michael Coughlan and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>her radio podcast. All right, welcome to another episode of

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<v Speaker 1>wind Down with Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson. We have

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<v Speaker 1>my beautiful wife Jannet back with us. Yay yay.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like a rap party right.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, it is. How are you feeling?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? We wrapped?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh? What day?

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<v Speaker 2>We wrapped on Saturday? Saturday? We wrapped on Saturday. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>and like, I am the biggest baby when it's the

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<v Speaker 2>last day, because I just cry. I don't know, I

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<v Speaker 2>just think it's so sad because.

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<v Speaker 1>You spend so many hours, like with these people for

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<v Speaker 1>so long.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it feels like summer camp, do you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, where it's just you are so close with them,

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<v Speaker 2>and then it's then it's like I'm probably not going

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<v Speaker 2>to see these people again.

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<v Speaker 1>Like they're your best friends for a few weeks.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they're just your besties and you have like just

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<v Speaker 2>the best you know time, and then you're just like okay.

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<v Speaker 1>Bye a month. For a month, it's like twelve to

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<v Speaker 1>fourteen hours a day you're spending with them more.

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<v Speaker 2>Than that, yeah, sixteen hour days. Well no, but I

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<v Speaker 2>mean I'm I'm happy. I just it's just crazy that this.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't think we were going to be able to

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<v Speaker 2>finish the movie, and a lot of people were asking

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<v Speaker 2>if this was the movie that got shut down in March.

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<v Speaker 2>But this is a different movie. I don't think that

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<v Speaker 2>movie's gonna happen again. But the uh, we got shut

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<v Speaker 2>down obviously the first week for the pneumonia, the second

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<v Speaker 2>week of COVID, third week. So I'm just we for

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<v Speaker 2>sure thought we were going to get shut down because

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<v Speaker 2>I just I don't know how a production can handle that, right.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was just, oh, man, I was praying for

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<v Speaker 1>you guys that you would just because I know y'all

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't last one more shutdown. No, like the movie would

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<v Speaker 1>have gotten axed, and that would have just been such

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<v Speaker 1>a blow for you, I know, like you know, with

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<v Speaker 1>your energy and just morally and you know everything like that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just it would have been a big blow. And

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<v Speaker 1>I would have felt terrible if that wuld happened to

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<v Speaker 1>you again twice.

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<v Speaker 2>But we finished it. We're so excited it's airing. We're

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<v Speaker 2>hoping by Veterans Day because we have a really big

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<v Speaker 2>element with veterans in it, so we hope by then,

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<v Speaker 2>but if not, it'll be on Lifetime. It's called the

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome Home Christmas. Yeah, So I'm just I'm really excited.

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<v Speaker 1>I can't I'm excited. This was the least amount that

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<v Speaker 1>I've been like two set. Yeah, you just went once,

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<v Speaker 1>and even though it was the closest one.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean, yeah, that is true, but I mean

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<v Speaker 2>with all my friend Catherine came, but she got kicked off. Right,

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<v Speaker 2>we couldn't we couldn't have visitors unless it was exterior shots.

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<v Speaker 1>Between that and then the other day I was going

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<v Speaker 1>to come and spend like all day was a day

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<v Speaker 1>that I got shut down, and you know, so it was.

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<v Speaker 1>It was just more difficult, even though it was so close.

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<v Speaker 2>How were you during that time?

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<v Speaker 1>I was fine. I'm more deductive when you're around.

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<v Speaker 2>Obviously, No, I didn't mean to say like that. That

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<v Speaker 2>sounded bad. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say like that.

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<v Speaker 2>But we got into an argument because of that, which

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<v Speaker 2>is where that obviously came from. Is because the one

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<v Speaker 2>day that I had off, well, I wouldn't even say off.

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<v Speaker 2>We've been promoting our book stuff. So that was like

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<v Speaker 2>a big press tour day for our book. And you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I just start to notice, like every room I walked

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<v Speaker 2>into it was just messy, and I was just yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>and I just was like, oh my gosh, Like and

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<v Speaker 2>I even said, like I said, I set expectations before

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<v Speaker 2>the movie even started. I said, my fear is that

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<v Speaker 2>when I come home from work, there's gonna be stuff

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<v Speaker 2>I have to do and and you know, laundry and

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<v Speaker 2>and I have to focus on my job and then

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<v Speaker 2>my time with the kids when I get those few

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<v Speaker 2>precious hours. And you know, you said absolutely, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>we'll take care of things. And and so when three

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<v Speaker 2>weeks later, and like I think you went to go

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<v Speaker 2>drop Jolie off and there was just, I mean stuff everywhere.

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<v Speaker 1>Two of the rooms full of stuff happened like that

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<v Speaker 1>morning because I was rushing to get the kids out

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<v Speaker 1>breakfast stuff I hadn't cleaned up, so the kitchen looked

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<v Speaker 1>like a mess, even though it was all from that morning.

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<v Speaker 2>So I just start like cleaning, because that's me. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>waiting for my hair and makeup girl Tearen to come

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<v Speaker 2>over before I press Eddy, and I'm just like cleaning,

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<v Speaker 2>cleaning and cleaning, and then so I'm just like getting

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit more annoyed and frustrated. I'm like, man, like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I got even like lines still on. And

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<v Speaker 2>so Mike comes home. What did I say? I know

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<v Speaker 2>it was super passive, but what did I I said

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<v Speaker 2>something about cleaning something up.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and it was just super passive. Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, man, just you know much I clean

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<v Speaker 2>the house or something like there's a lot a lot of.

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<v Speaker 1>Stuff, a lot of stuff laying around. I was like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>there is, and I you.

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<v Speaker 2>Know, I could have said it a lot better. And

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<v Speaker 2>I know now that I could have been like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really frustrated that there's a lot of you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I just feel like it's all on me to have

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<v Speaker 2>to when I'm done filming to clean the mess. And

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<v Speaker 2>so I just feel like I'm being suffocated right now.

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<v Speaker 2>And so we get into this huge thing right before.

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<v Speaker 1>Our press perfect time.

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<v Speaker 2>Perfect time. And what's even funnier is that my girlfriend Catherine,

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<v Speaker 2>who's also like our day to day manager, she comes

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<v Speaker 2>in and she goes, oh my god, I'm so glad

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't say anything. She's like, because I told her.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, we're fighting right now. She's like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because

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<v Speaker 2>when I first walked in, I was like, Wow, your

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<v Speaker 2>house is messy. She's like, that's what I thought to myself.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh my god, Mike would have lost it.

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<v Speaker 2>We probably would have laughed at that point.

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<v Speaker 1>I would have thought for sure that you guys colluded

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<v Speaker 1>and you text would have you texted her to say

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<v Speaker 1>that when she came in.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's probably that's so something you do. Would think.

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<v Speaker 1>That's because that's something y'all would do.

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<v Speaker 2>Sure. Yeah, So but you know, today we we cleaned

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<v Speaker 2>a bunch and I tackled that laundry room. That was.

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<v Speaker 1>When all it was it was, It wasn't dirty. It's

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<v Speaker 1>just stuff that need to be put.

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<v Speaker 2>Away anyway, which is so funny because I think it's

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<v Speaker 2>a dude thing because you don't put it away and

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<v Speaker 2>that's you move it from one station to the next.

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<v Speaker 2>And I just think that's so funny because even when

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<v Speaker 2>you like claim to clean up, I'm like, Hannie, I

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<v Speaker 2>really appreciate you clean. That's I said that. I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I said it from a good I was like, hey, babe,

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<v Speaker 2>I really appreciate you help helping clean right now. But

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<v Speaker 2>when you do do you mind just putting it actually

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<v Speaker 2>away because you just put the ring light in the

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<v Speaker 2>in the room. I would just appreciate it if you

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<v Speaker 2>can move it into the closet where it belongs and

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<v Speaker 2>you I appreciate you not taking it personal. I said, okay, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>there was so something already thought.

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<v Speaker 1>No.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, okay, but like, what is the okay

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<v Speaker 2>underneath that? I'm just curious, Like even when he said okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, there's something under that.

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<v Speaker 1>No. Yeah, for me, it was there wasn't anything underneath

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<v Speaker 1>of it. It was just me internally like not taking

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<v Speaker 1>it personal. It is me doing my work to not

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<v Speaker 1>take it personally. Because I was like, Okay, she's coming

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<v Speaker 1>from a good place. She's asking very nicely, very softly.

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<v Speaker 1>You're talking to me softly. You're not, you know, being

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<v Speaker 1>passive or aggressive or anything like that. So I was

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<v Speaker 1>just like okay, and too, I didn't this wasn't underneath

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<v Speaker 1>of my okay, there literally was nothing but it. But

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<v Speaker 1>it came to my head just now where I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>not just the being bossy, but you know, when I

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<v Speaker 1>moved the ring light, it was something that Jana I

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<v Speaker 1>was cleaning up something of Jana's So it was like, here,

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<v Speaker 1>I am trying to clean up something of yours and

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<v Speaker 1>you have the audacity to correct me.

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<v Speaker 2>And where I put it, we want to compare apples

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<v Speaker 2>to apples.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not coming I'm not comparing anything. I'm just saying

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<v Speaker 1>to March's point, we're saying just the general annoyance of

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<v Speaker 1>being bossed around. That's what came up for me. What

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<v Speaker 1>could be part of it for some people but not me?

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<v Speaker 1>Not me?

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<v Speaker 2>That's funny. I would I would love to go head

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<v Speaker 2>to head on that though.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyway, there's something I want to bring up from the movie.

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<v Speaker 1>So let's take a break and get to that. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>So you got you were doing like questions or something

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<v Speaker 1>one day on your Instagram and you got a great

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<v Speaker 1>question in regards to me and when we're talking about

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<v Speaker 1>love interest and the romantic scenes or the kissing scenes,

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<v Speaker 1>and we had a discussion about it, and you you

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<v Speaker 1>responded to the question well, because I was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I respect what you do, I respect you, I trust you.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we typically talk about it beforehand. Again, it's

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<v Speaker 1>been lifetime in Hallmark Kisses, so it's been nothing to

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<v Speaker 1>worry about. Yet, you know, I always try to assert

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<v Speaker 1>myself within that environment and meet your co star and

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<v Speaker 1>get to know them and everything so I can humanize it.

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<v Speaker 1>But you were asking me, You're almost like worried that

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't get more like I didn't get jealous. It's

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<v Speaker 1>not You're like, why aren't you jealous?

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<v Speaker 2>No, well, no, because a situation arose. Let's just you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not gonna but where you know, maybe the other

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<v Speaker 2>person's was jealous or something or could have been jealous.

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<v Speaker 2>And I to you, I'm like, well, why aren't like

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<v Speaker 2>why aren't you Like I'm just like I'm just I

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<v Speaker 2>was more like a question, like I was just like

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<v Speaker 2>I was interested by it. You know, I'm like, here,

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<v Speaker 2>I am working with an attractive other counterpart, and you

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<v Speaker 2>know some of the things that you know happened, Like

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<v Speaker 2>you know, he was at our house and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like you went to a guys night and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>you're leaving, like he goes. I was like where are

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<v Speaker 2>you going? And he's like, I'm going into a friend's house.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like, but Brandon's here, and You're like yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like okay. I was like that's a

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<v Speaker 2>uh huh. And he's like I trust you, and I go, huh,

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<v Speaker 2>you literally didn't. I was like okay. But and then

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<v Speaker 2>at like then I was like, that's just weird. And

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<v Speaker 2>so I started talking to some of my girlfriends and

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, that's just weird. I was like, would

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<v Speaker 2>you and here's the thing, and I said, would you

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<v Speaker 2>be okay with that? And of course if you flop

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<v Speaker 2>it like no for for girls. But I did ask

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<v Speaker 2>some guys and they were like, I wouldn't be comfortable

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<v Speaker 2>with that. So then I started to think, well yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>And so so sometimes I think I'm like okay, Sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>I think that you trust me because you want that

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<v Speaker 2>same trust, you know, so you you do things to

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<v Speaker 2>then want the same thing back because you're all about

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<v Speaker 2>equality and autonomy and all of those things. So because

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<v Speaker 2>that's how you base a lot of our things. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>if you can do this, then I can do this.

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<v Speaker 2>And if I can't do that, you know, and it's

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<v Speaker 2>kind of like that, well, I'm gonna let you do that,

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<v Speaker 2>so then I should be okay to do that. So

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<v Speaker 2>that's like how you know, how you're kind of like structured.

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<v Speaker 2>And so I feel like when I was talking to

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<v Speaker 2>a girlfriend about this, They're like, well, you know, he

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<v Speaker 2>probably wants that same thing in return, and I'm like, granted, yes,

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<v Speaker 2>get that. I was like, but I'm like, let's swap it.

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<v Speaker 2>So like we asked a few dudes kind of the

0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:40.400
<v Speaker 2>same question. They're like, now, like I wouldn't let like

0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:43.800
<v Speaker 2>I wouldn't leave. And then I'm like, why isn't he jealous?

0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.240
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't get it. Like I was like, this,

0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:50.760
<v Speaker 2>that's just interesting to me, And I like I get

0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:52.400
<v Speaker 2>and I oh, by the way, I love it, Like

0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:55.280
<v Speaker 2>I love that you trust me, I love that you

0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:59.800
<v Speaker 2>are so supportive in my work and all of those things,

0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.760
<v Speaker 2>like so supportive. But I just am like, it just

0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.040
<v Speaker 2>was an interesting thing.

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:08.200
<v Speaker 1>First, I I I reassured channel. I was like, it

0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.560
<v Speaker 1>doesn't have to do My motivation behind this situation had

0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.880
<v Speaker 1>nothing to do with me wanting that same kind of

0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:18.840
<v Speaker 1>trust and return. It was literally it was a few things.

0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:22.760
<v Speaker 1>It was again, there's there's circumstances that need to be had.

0:12:22.840 --> 0:12:24.880
<v Speaker 1>Number one, this was like the second night he was

0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:28.960
<v Speaker 1>staying with us, so we had had it okay, So

0:12:29.000 --> 0:12:31.120
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't like the first night. This was the second night.

0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:34.520
<v Speaker 1>The night before we hung out all night talk told stories,

0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:36.800
<v Speaker 1>got to know each other, hung out all day that day.

0:12:37.960 --> 0:12:41.200
<v Speaker 1>He has a wife and three kids. So I'm like, okay,

0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:42.520
<v Speaker 1>if it was a single guy.

0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:45.160
<v Speaker 2>No, So okay, So you would trust me with the

0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:47.200
<v Speaker 2>married man, but you wouldn't trust me with a single man.

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:52.120
<v Speaker 2>So what So that's an interesting.

0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:52.240
<v Speaker 1>It's see, that's the thing you're making it about trusting you.

0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:54.320
<v Speaker 1>It's not about trusting you. It's about it's more so

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:58.760
<v Speaker 1>trusting the guy. It's feeling him out. And just like

0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.000
<v Speaker 1>girls can kind of sense that girls, guys can kind

0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.840
<v Speaker 1>of do that with guys and so. But even so

0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:08.480
<v Speaker 1>if Kevin my buddy, you know, oh yeah he you know,

0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:10.320
<v Speaker 1>even if he was single, I'll be like, all right,

0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:11.079
<v Speaker 1>see keV.

0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:13.400
<v Speaker 2>Well that's different. I mean, so Kevin was a love

0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.800
<v Speaker 2>interest in my last few films, and I mean we've

0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 2>like the rapport. He's stayed at our house and you

0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:21.319
<v Speaker 2>probably left like like he's like right, brother, right.

0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:24.040
<v Speaker 1>But I'm saying like, so it's definitely the whole single

0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:27.600
<v Speaker 1>marry thing isn't the end all be all, But like

0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:30.120
<v Speaker 1>in this particular situation, if he had been single, I

0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:33.200
<v Speaker 1>probably wouldn't have So again, it's about feeling them out.

0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:37.200
<v Speaker 1>It's about asserting my presence. And again I even told Jane,

0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.599
<v Speaker 1>I was like, not to toot my own horn a

0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:42.320
<v Speaker 1>little bit, but being six six, two hundred and forty

0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.959
<v Speaker 1>pounds kind of helps a little bit, you know, deter

0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:51.920
<v Speaker 1>someone from trying something. So that and then and then

0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 1>the other root of it, too was was deeper than

0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.679
<v Speaker 1>just wanting that same trust was in return. It was

0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:02.680
<v Speaker 1>I had a guy's night planned I think like the

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:08.200
<v Speaker 1>week prior, I canceled it because is when you got pneumonia. Yeah,

0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.240
<v Speaker 1>so Janet got in sick, so I canceled it. Obviously

0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:11.600
<v Speaker 1>not a good time to hang out with a bunch

0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:15.319
<v Speaker 1>of people, and Jane is that sick. So I postponed

0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:19.600
<v Speaker 1>it to this following week. And just because their production

0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.600
<v Speaker 1>shut down and they had some days off and got

0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:24.840
<v Speaker 1>to be at the house, I was like, does that

0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:26.800
<v Speaker 1>mean I have to change my schedule again because of

0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.280
<v Speaker 1>someone else's. So it's like this other deep rooted thing

0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.480
<v Speaker 1>where I'm like, oh, your schedule changes, so all of

0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:33.760
<v Speaker 1>a sudden, I have to change mine again.

0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:36.560
<v Speaker 2>And so it's a deep core through our relationship in general.

0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Right, Yeah, that's a deep thing too, just with our

0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:43.680
<v Speaker 1>relationship so much of Jana's schedule kind of naturally dictating

0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:46.000
<v Speaker 1>what's going on in our life and where we have

0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.800
<v Speaker 1>to be and all of that. So it was just

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:51.920
<v Speaker 1>like that was part of it too where I was

0:14:53.000 --> 0:14:56.720
<v Speaker 1>I didn't want to have to postpone again when it

0:14:56.800 --> 0:15:01.000
<v Speaker 1>wasn't I felt comfortable with it. And just because their

0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:04.560
<v Speaker 1>schedule change doesn't mean mine has to, Like, that's not fair.

0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:07.920
<v Speaker 1>Like if you'd have been, like, if you'd have given

0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.120
<v Speaker 1>me for leaving, well, I wouldn't triggered me.

0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:13.480
<v Speaker 2>No, And I know that because I know, like one

0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:19.640
<v Speaker 2>of our deepest discussions and arguments are if things have

0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:23.560
<v Speaker 2>to change because of my schedule, So I would have

0:15:23.640 --> 0:15:25.480
<v Speaker 2>never given you crap. I just was more like a

0:15:25.640 --> 0:15:31.520
<v Speaker 2>huh oh, I'm so confused. Oh, Mark, Well, I have.

0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:36.520
<v Speaker 3>A question difficult questions. Please, I'll try to try to

0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:38.920
<v Speaker 3>phrase appropriately produce.

0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:39.720
<v Speaker 1>The hell out of this right now.

0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:44.760
<v Speaker 2>Well, look at just pops back on Zoom.

0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:46.080
<v Speaker 1>Dig Baby Dig.

0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:49.800
<v Speaker 3>Because of the issues the two of you have had

0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.120
<v Speaker 3>in the past, Mike, do you ever worry about Janet

0:15:53.120 --> 0:15:57.000
<v Speaker 3>doing something to even the score that she would be

0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:02.040
<v Speaker 3>justified in her mind doing something inappropriate that you would

0:16:02.160 --> 0:16:05.560
<v Speaker 3>wanted to say and then she could say, well.

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:09.240
<v Speaker 1>I love that you asked us question, and here's why,

0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:12.120
<v Speaker 1>because I was sure if I wanted to bring up

0:16:12.120 --> 0:16:15.880
<v Speaker 1>this other point of mine on why I trust. I

0:16:15.920 --> 0:16:19.360
<v Speaker 1>trust Jenna for all the right reasons I do like

0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.280
<v Speaker 1>when it comes I trust her because I do. I

0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:24.440
<v Speaker 1>love her. I believe that she loves and respects me

0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:26.960
<v Speaker 1>and our family and everything. She wouldn't want to invoke

0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 1>the same kind of pain that I did too. Wrongs

0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:32.520
<v Speaker 1>don't make it right. But my answer to that is no,

0:16:32.760 --> 0:16:34.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't think she would do that to quote unquote

0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.760
<v Speaker 1>even the score. I actually think it's the opposite, where

0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:42.000
<v Speaker 1>she's even more motivated not to do it, so she

0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.920
<v Speaker 1>can say not that she has the upper hand in

0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:49.520
<v Speaker 1>our relationship and rules with an iron fist. But still

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:54.760
<v Speaker 1>it's it's still a a energy of leverage in a

0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:58.720
<v Speaker 1>relationship when one person's broken trust in one hasn't. So

0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:03.920
<v Speaker 1>for Jana, I know she this pride and even side.

0:17:04.080 --> 0:17:07.360
<v Speaker 1>She's not going to give that up. She is not

0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:11.240
<v Speaker 1>going to give up that that energy of leverage. Again,

0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.199
<v Speaker 1>not that she uses it, but it's just I wouldn't

0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:16.359
<v Speaker 1>either if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want

0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:18.280
<v Speaker 1>to give her the benefit of doubt, to like even

0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:19.040
<v Speaker 1>the playing field.

0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.080
<v Speaker 3>I love the phrase energy of leverage.

0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:25.320
<v Speaker 2>It's a good question, and honestly, like I would be

0:17:25.400 --> 0:17:27.479
<v Speaker 2>lying to say, like if I didn't ever have that

0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:29.320
<v Speaker 2>thought like my.

0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:31.840
<v Speaker 3>Lowest darkest points, Yeah, sure that comes up.

0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:35.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean I would. I mean, even like you

0:17:35.400 --> 0:17:37.840
<v Speaker 2>know now, I'm even when we're good, No, but I

0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:39.520
<v Speaker 2>mean like there's times when I'm just like man, like

0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, just to if I'm really angry at you,

0:17:41.920 --> 0:17:44.600
<v Speaker 2>just a like middle finger, you know, Like, but I

0:17:44.760 --> 0:17:47.720
<v Speaker 2>just it's to your point too, I know, I just

0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:51.520
<v Speaker 2>am like I don't want to be the reason that,

0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:53.600
<v Speaker 2>you know, and then it evens it I don't like it,

0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:55.159
<v Speaker 2>I know.

0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:58.800
<v Speaker 1>On the other side of it, if she did, I'd

0:17:58.840 --> 0:17:59.840
<v Speaker 1>be like, yes.

0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:03.680
<v Speaker 2>Let's go, oh but wait, But then I would always

0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:05.400
<v Speaker 2>have like, well it was just one time.

0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:08.320
<v Speaker 1>It wouldn't matter at that point.

0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:13.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh no. But you know, I think for me, and

0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.520
<v Speaker 2>this is something like that he knows too. For me,

0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:18.720
<v Speaker 2>it would never be a physical affair. It would be

0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:25.919
<v Speaker 2>an emotional sure, I'm I think I'm more emotionally a

0:18:26.040 --> 0:18:31.000
<v Speaker 2>ferritable new word, because I think that's something where it's

0:18:31.119 --> 0:18:34.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, and we even talked about it, like when

0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:36.560
<v Speaker 2>we had like a we were in a little rough

0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:40.239
<v Speaker 2>patch the last month, you know, and I told him

0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:43.160
<v Speaker 2>I was like, sometimes, like you start to realize when

0:18:43.200 --> 0:18:45.560
<v Speaker 2>you are away from your partner and maybe you're receiving

0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:50.040
<v Speaker 2>affirmations from other people what you might are what you

0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:53.119
<v Speaker 2>are lacking that is making you feel good? And why

0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:57.680
<v Speaker 2>why that's like oh wait, that shouldn't make me feel good?

0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Why what is what is like missing in our relationship

0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.120
<v Speaker 2>that I'm not getting that. I'm like, oh, this feels good,

0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:07.080
<v Speaker 2>you know. And I think just like having that conversation

0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:11.600
<v Speaker 2>too was good just to like point that out and

0:19:11.640 --> 0:19:14.080
<v Speaker 2>to be like, hey, I need more of this, because

0:19:14.119 --> 0:19:18.720
<v Speaker 2>I found myself being like, oh, you know, is that a.

0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:21.800
<v Speaker 3>Concern might be not that she would physically stray, but

0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:23.879
<v Speaker 3>when she's this close with all of these people on

0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:26.119
<v Speaker 3>these sets and working so closely with them, do you

0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.399
<v Speaker 3>fear that emotional connection she might develop.

0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:34.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, probably more so than the uh than the physical

0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:40.760
<v Speaker 1>because she know. I hate being compared right so early

0:19:40.840 --> 0:19:43.240
<v Speaker 1>in our relationship when it's like oh, Nick would never

0:19:43.280 --> 0:19:45.480
<v Speaker 1>do that, or you know so and Say's husband would

0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:49.000
<v Speaker 1>never do that. I hate. I hate hate, hate, hate,

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:53.879
<v Speaker 1>hate that loathe it. So for her to yeah the

0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:58.600
<v Speaker 1>emotional aspect, that would probably cause her to come home

0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:01.879
<v Speaker 1>and say things like I need more of this or

0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:05.520
<v Speaker 1>I can get this elsewhere, and that would and that

0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:09.439
<v Speaker 1>could completely be in her right to realize that she

0:20:09.520 --> 0:20:13.320
<v Speaker 1>needs more. But then I have to do the work

0:20:13.359 --> 0:20:15.879
<v Speaker 1>on myself to not take it so personally that I

0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:18.560
<v Speaker 1>feel like I'm being compared. I feel like I'm less than,

0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.119
<v Speaker 1>I feel like I'm not good enough, and all of

0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:25.320
<v Speaker 1>my deep core issues come up. So I mean, I

0:20:25.359 --> 0:20:27.280
<v Speaker 1>know that about Jena. We know that about each other.

0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:29.960
<v Speaker 1>Where it's like, you know, we've said it on here before,

0:20:30.000 --> 0:20:34.040
<v Speaker 1>where I know if Jana were to step outside the

0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.800
<v Speaker 1>marriage or be with somebody we know or someone that

0:20:36.840 --> 0:20:39.280
<v Speaker 1>she's emotionally close to. Ye, for me, it has to

0:20:39.320 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 1>be someone I have no attachment to in any way,

0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:47.640
<v Speaker 1>shape or form. I cannot know the person, so it's uh, yeah,

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:48.240
<v Speaker 1>but it's.

0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 2>Not gonna happen. Stop talking about it. No, I don't

0:20:50.800 --> 0:20:54.080
<v Speaker 2>like it. It's making me feel weird. But I think

0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:57.600
<v Speaker 2>it is good to like have those conversations if you

0:20:57.800 --> 0:21:03.480
<v Speaker 2>are being tempted one way or or having feelings or

0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:05.880
<v Speaker 2>you just like having the conversation for sure.

0:21:06.040 --> 0:21:08.160
<v Speaker 1>Let me ask you, though, to wrap this up about

0:21:08.200 --> 0:21:11.800
<v Speaker 1>the jealousy piece, because you know, I again, I have

0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:13.720
<v Speaker 1>no issue. I wasn't jealous at all, And for me,

0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:17.119
<v Speaker 1>jealousy feels like an immature feeling.

0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:21.720
<v Speaker 2>Oh say, I disagree. I don't ever want to, like

0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.199
<v Speaker 2>because I know me too, Like I don't want to

0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:27.000
<v Speaker 2>push the limit to make you jealous, like I just

0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:31.600
<v Speaker 2>want but maybe sometimes like I want that attention where

0:21:31.640 --> 0:21:35.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm almost maybe purposely doing something to men make you jealous.

0:21:36.080 --> 0:21:37.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm not saying I'm doing that, but like I could

0:21:37.520 --> 0:21:39.440
<v Speaker 2>maybe see myself being like, look at me.

0:21:39.920 --> 0:21:45.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, I'm just not a jealous person.

0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:49.600
<v Speaker 2>M challenge acceptance.

0:21:49.720 --> 0:21:52.920
<v Speaker 1>No, I'm kidding right now, Right now I'm just picturing

0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:55.240
<v Speaker 1>Mark like poking his head out the front door. Hey, Jerry,

0:21:55.280 --> 0:22:01.880
<v Speaker 1>get the here, wrap it up.

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:05.679
<v Speaker 3>But when I have been jealous over the years, my

0:22:05.680 --> 0:22:07.600
<v Speaker 3>wife's kind of liked it, you see.

0:22:07.840 --> 0:22:08.399
<v Speaker 1>We like it.

0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:11.520
<v Speaker 2>We like to know that like we're like that you

0:22:11.680 --> 0:22:15.920
<v Speaker 2>think that we're just this beautiful thing that someone could

0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:18.119
<v Speaker 2>swoop us in. That it's like I know you are,

0:22:18.320 --> 0:22:21.200
<v Speaker 2>but like it's almost like people that are aren't jealous.

0:22:21.280 --> 0:22:23.800
<v Speaker 2>Maybe they're just like they're so they're like too comfortable.

0:22:24.080 --> 0:22:27.480
<v Speaker 2>Maybe you're too comfortable, I think, and not knowing what

0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:29.200
<v Speaker 2>my capabilities are.

0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:35.320
<v Speaker 1>Now I'm getting threatened. I think I understand your point

0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:37.439
<v Speaker 1>because I think there's a difference between jealousy and like

0:22:37.560 --> 0:22:45.600
<v Speaker 1>arrogance yeah and ncy. Yeah, but it's not it's it's

0:22:45.760 --> 0:22:48.280
<v Speaker 1>neither of those for me. It's it's in the middle

0:22:48.320 --> 0:22:53.600
<v Speaker 1>where I'm just confident and comfortable in a good way.

0:22:53.920 --> 0:22:57.440
<v Speaker 1>There's a difference between comfortability and complacency. So I'm comfortable

0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:02.760
<v Speaker 1>with our relationship. I'm I'm confident in our marriage and

0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:06.040
<v Speaker 1>that we're going to do the right things. And so yeah,

0:23:06.080 --> 0:23:07.639
<v Speaker 1>I don't I don't know. I trust you.

0:23:08.960 --> 0:23:14.120
<v Speaker 2>I just like I just would like a one percent jealousy.

0:23:14.160 --> 0:23:17.639
<v Speaker 2>Work on your jealousy to be more jealous.

0:23:30.440 --> 0:23:33.920
<v Speaker 1>You all right, before before we actually we were just

0:23:33.920 --> 0:23:35.800
<v Speaker 1>talking about fair for a second and we got to

0:23:35.840 --> 0:23:37.600
<v Speaker 1>talk about one more thing around this topic before we

0:23:37.680 --> 0:23:40.240
<v Speaker 1>jump into emails and dms. And so you just had

0:23:40.280 --> 0:23:43.800
<v Speaker 1>a picture that you posted from wrapping up the movie,

0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:45.800
<v Speaker 1>and you had and you took it down because some

0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:49.840
<v Speaker 1>people were uncomfortable, right, Is that what happened around it,

0:23:50.400 --> 0:23:52.360
<v Speaker 1>and you just showed me the picture. I saw nothing

0:23:52.400 --> 0:23:54.880
<v Speaker 1>wrong with it, and you even had to point out

0:23:54.960 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 1>what the issue was, and I was like, okay, so tomorrow,

0:24:00.160 --> 0:24:02.159
<v Speaker 1>point Mark was like, does that draw more attention that

0:24:02.240 --> 0:24:03.320
<v Speaker 1>you delete the picture?

0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:06.199
<v Speaker 2>Well, one thousand percent, but I wanted to be respectful

0:24:06.760 --> 0:24:09.760
<v Speaker 2>for sure. If I'm like, well, maybe like you wouldn't

0:24:09.760 --> 0:24:12.040
<v Speaker 2>be like, maybe you wouldn't have like the fact that

0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:13.080
<v Speaker 2>like I was touching his leg.

0:24:14.440 --> 0:24:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Now, if the roles were reversed one thousand i'd

0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:22.440
<v Speaker 1>be upset double standard, but maybe.

0:24:22.160 --> 0:24:24.920
<v Speaker 2>Not though, if you're touching like like like Julie's like

0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:27.639
<v Speaker 2>a random I'd be upset. But like if it was

0:24:27.680 --> 0:24:32.280
<v Speaker 2>like a okay, take that back, if it was Julie Molly,

0:24:32.600 --> 0:24:35.080
<v Speaker 2>like any of like the girls that like you know,

0:24:35.359 --> 0:24:35.960
<v Speaker 2>but I would.

0:24:35.800 --> 0:24:37.600
<v Speaker 1>Have no reason to touch to put my hand on.

0:24:37.520 --> 0:24:39.720
<v Speaker 2>Their leg when you're smushed up on a couch.

0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:42.040
<v Speaker 1>I still wouldn't put my hand on their leg. So

0:24:42.080 --> 0:24:45.000
<v Speaker 1>then I put my arm around them. Yeah, I wouldn't

0:24:45.000 --> 0:24:48.000
<v Speaker 1>put my hand on someone else's leg. That's way more intimate.

0:24:48.800 --> 0:24:53.400
<v Speaker 2>Actually, so are no, because I know how you are,

0:24:53.760 --> 0:24:56.760
<v Speaker 2>because I'm very touchy but is that bad?

0:24:58.320 --> 0:25:05.359
<v Speaker 1>You are who you are. I accept you. Huh. I

0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:08.840
<v Speaker 1>love this. She's touchy?

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:12.040
<v Speaker 3>Is it okay for others to be touchy?

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:14.920
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'm not like, it's not like some random

0:25:15.040 --> 0:25:16.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm you know what I mean? It was like the

0:25:16.560 --> 0:25:17.600
<v Speaker 2>cast and crew.

0:25:17.480 --> 0:25:21.160
<v Speaker 1>And you know, now if it was just like a picture,

0:25:21.280 --> 0:25:21.640
<v Speaker 1>what did.

0:25:21.560 --> 0:25:23.359
<v Speaker 2>You say too, Like you're like you were just working,

0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:23.879
<v Speaker 2>you know.

0:25:24.560 --> 0:25:27.959
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can understand the connectedness between you and all

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:30.760
<v Speaker 1>the people there because of you know, I've seen you

0:25:30.800 --> 0:25:35.480
<v Speaker 1>do enough movies now, I I from from watching it.

0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:38.600
<v Speaker 1>I can see I see how much work and energy

0:25:38.640 --> 0:25:41.840
<v Speaker 1>and sweat and tears goes into these movies. It's insane,

0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:45.119
<v Speaker 1>Like people don't know how hard y'all really really work.

0:25:45.720 --> 0:25:49.840
<v Speaker 1>It's exhausting. And so I can understand that you guys

0:25:49.920 --> 0:25:52.920
<v Speaker 1>have this connection. Like you said earlier, it's like summer

0:25:52.960 --> 0:25:54.800
<v Speaker 1>camp friends where you just feel like the closest people

0:25:54.800 --> 0:25:57.320
<v Speaker 1>in the world and then it's all over. So I

0:25:57.359 --> 0:26:00.000
<v Speaker 1>get that if it was just I was just gonna say,

0:26:00.119 --> 0:26:01.800
<v Speaker 1>even if it was just you and him sitting there,

0:26:01.880 --> 0:26:02.679
<v Speaker 1>But at the same time.

0:26:02.560 --> 0:26:05.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, if it was because I kind of go

0:26:05.720 --> 0:26:07.960
<v Speaker 2>back to like the justin Timberlake thing how I was like,

0:26:08.000 --> 0:26:10.639
<v Speaker 2>that is so wrong. His hand's on her leg. But

0:26:10.720 --> 0:26:15.040
<v Speaker 2>to me, I'm like, they're out partying. But then I'm like,

0:26:15.119 --> 0:26:17.760
<v Speaker 2>well maybe was I don't know where's the like the

0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:19.920
<v Speaker 2>line for that. Then, I mean he was like really

0:26:20.000 --> 0:26:23.080
<v Speaker 2>rubbing her leg. But it's not like they were just

0:26:23.080 --> 0:26:26.679
<v Speaker 2>taking a photo super you know, close together.

0:26:28.400 --> 0:26:29.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It

0:26:30.080 --> 0:26:32.199
<v Speaker 1>is just it is interesting. I think it just depends

0:26:32.240 --> 0:26:37.000
<v Speaker 1>on boundaries that you set in place with just like

0:26:37.000 --> 0:26:41.640
<v Speaker 1>we talk about, like in your relationship, because again, I wouldn't.

0:26:41.840 --> 0:26:45.879
<v Speaker 1>That's just not my nature. I'm not as Touchyphelia as

0:26:45.880 --> 0:26:50.920
<v Speaker 1>a person. Yeah you know, so I wouldn't. I don't

0:26:50.920 --> 0:26:53.680
<v Speaker 1>know why I to have put my hand on Yeah,

0:26:53.680 --> 0:26:59.359
<v Speaker 1>that would make me uncomfortable. Yeah even right, but you

0:26:59.400 --> 0:27:00.960
<v Speaker 1>know I could put my arm around them.

0:27:01.040 --> 0:27:03.920
<v Speaker 2>Sure. Yeah. It's just interesting.

0:27:04.480 --> 0:27:09.600
<v Speaker 1>Is it's interesting because you would be so mad.

0:27:09.920 --> 0:27:12.960
<v Speaker 2>It's just it depends. It just really depends on the situation.

0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:16.640
<v Speaker 2>I would say, I really think it depends on the situation.

0:27:17.160 --> 0:27:19.080
<v Speaker 2>And plus that's not like you said, it's not your nature,

0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:24.600
<v Speaker 2>so that would be because it's not you. It'd be

0:27:24.640 --> 0:27:28.080
<v Speaker 2>like huh, you know that's not you, and then that

0:27:28.119 --> 0:27:37.439
<v Speaker 2>would cause concern. But yeah, interesting, all right, Mark, do

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:38.440
<v Speaker 2>you have any digress?

0:27:39.680 --> 0:27:43.479
<v Speaker 3>Got some interesting emails today? Beca says this one. I'm

0:27:43.520 --> 0:27:44.280
<v Speaker 3>twenty three.

0:27:46.960 --> 0:27:49.320
<v Speaker 2>Scrubbing in. What does she need our advice on?

0:27:50.600 --> 0:27:52.639
<v Speaker 3>I'm twenty three. I'm the new mother of a beautifulight

0:27:52.640 --> 0:27:55.399
<v Speaker 3>month old baby girl. Her father my boyfriend, and I

0:27:55.400 --> 0:27:57.199
<v Speaker 3>have been together for a little over two years. When

0:27:57.200 --> 0:27:58.919
<v Speaker 3>I'm mad him, he told me he was married, but

0:27:58.920 --> 0:28:01.919
<v Speaker 3>they were separated and getting divorced, so I trusted him

0:28:01.920 --> 0:28:04.040
<v Speaker 3>and took his word for it. That wasn't the case,

0:28:04.040 --> 0:28:05.960
<v Speaker 3>and I got emails from his wife if I was

0:28:05.960 --> 0:28:08.640
<v Speaker 3>still living together throun a lease. A few months later,

0:28:08.680 --> 0:28:11.160
<v Speaker 3>I find out I'm six weeks pregnant. Then I find

0:28:11.200 --> 0:28:14.040
<v Speaker 3>out he cheated on me by sleeping with her, though

0:28:14.080 --> 0:28:16.720
<v Speaker 3>I felt like the other woman. We separated for a

0:28:16.760 --> 0:28:18.879
<v Speaker 3>bit but kept in touch because I was pregnant. Then

0:28:18.880 --> 0:28:21.359
<v Speaker 3>he moved in with me. Things were good after that.

0:28:21.440 --> 0:28:23.600
<v Speaker 3>I went through a Snapchat though unfound messages with a

0:28:23.640 --> 0:28:26.520
<v Speaker 3>girl where she was sexting him. I confronted him. He

0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:29.080
<v Speaker 3>cried because he was scared of losing his family, so

0:28:29.160 --> 0:28:30.960
<v Speaker 3>he wants to fix this and for our daughter.

0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:31.600
<v Speaker 1>I do too.

0:28:32.200 --> 0:28:34.399
<v Speaker 3>I've heard you tell other women to help get past

0:28:34.440 --> 0:28:38.680
<v Speaker 3>it by staying in today. I've just recently started using

0:28:38.720 --> 0:28:40.800
<v Speaker 3>that because before I would say things like oh, want

0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:42.800
<v Speaker 3>you go message your other girlfriend, or you don't like

0:28:42.840 --> 0:28:45.520
<v Speaker 3>it and go run to your other girlfriend. We've been good,

0:28:45.560 --> 0:28:47.560
<v Speaker 3>but a lot of things still trigger me. I'm lost

0:28:47.560 --> 0:28:49.240
<v Speaker 3>and not sure how else to handle this because I

0:28:49.280 --> 0:28:50.640
<v Speaker 3>want this to work and I want us to be

0:28:50.640 --> 0:28:52.720
<v Speaker 3>able to move forward and grow our little family, but

0:28:52.760 --> 0:28:53.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm not sure how.

0:28:55.920 --> 0:29:01.680
<v Speaker 2>I mean, thanks for emailing, and I do think yeah,

0:29:01.720 --> 0:29:07.400
<v Speaker 2>trying to remain present in today, but also to to

0:29:07.560 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 2>earn some of that trust back, get some good boundaries

0:29:13.280 --> 0:29:16.760
<v Speaker 2>that would make you feel comfortable around the relationship and

0:29:16.800 --> 0:29:21.360
<v Speaker 2>around things. Boundaries just for safety, not I wouldn't say

0:29:21.360 --> 0:29:28.120
<v Speaker 2>like necessarily restrictions, but just like boundaries. And you know,

0:29:28.160 --> 0:29:32.320
<v Speaker 2>whether it's not having snubsat or I don't know what

0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:32.720
<v Speaker 2>you think.

0:29:35.080 --> 0:29:39.960
<v Speaker 1>This is tough because like the first suggestion I have,

0:29:40.240 --> 0:29:42.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, we talk about a lot. But it's also

0:29:43.600 --> 0:29:48.040
<v Speaker 1>it can be used as a like unhealthy in an

0:29:48.160 --> 0:29:52.040
<v Speaker 1>unhealthy manner, like being too codependent, where you know, watch

0:29:52.080 --> 0:29:55.920
<v Speaker 1>his actions to see to invoke change to see if

0:29:56.040 --> 0:29:58.320
<v Speaker 1>you know, there's a lot of times you would feel

0:29:58.320 --> 0:30:01.320
<v Speaker 1>more comfortable based on how I was being. You know,

0:30:01.400 --> 0:30:04.680
<v Speaker 1>over time that can be codependent, where you're basing your

0:30:04.720 --> 0:30:07.040
<v Speaker 1>feelings off of somebody else, which you don't want to do.

0:30:08.040 --> 0:30:10.320
<v Speaker 1>But in these early stages you kind of have to.

0:30:11.080 --> 0:30:12.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, he's got to be on his best behavior.

0:30:12.920 --> 0:30:15.040
<v Speaker 1>He's really got to show up and show you change

0:30:15.120 --> 0:30:19.200
<v Speaker 1>and and things. So you know, you kind of got

0:30:19.200 --> 0:30:22.080
<v Speaker 1>to put your heart in his hands to see if

0:30:22.080 --> 0:30:24.080
<v Speaker 1>you'll if you'll hold on to it for right now,

0:30:24.640 --> 0:30:27.360
<v Speaker 1>you know, until you get on your feet again and

0:30:27.480 --> 0:30:30.920
<v Speaker 1>can start trusting him and feel comfortable in yourself. So

0:30:31.040 --> 0:30:34.600
<v Speaker 1>that's his job is to help you as much as

0:30:34.680 --> 0:30:39.000
<v Speaker 1>he can repair this and and repair parts of you.

0:30:39.200 --> 0:30:41.160
<v Speaker 2>And to stay empathetic during it too.

0:30:41.440 --> 0:30:44.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I would just say that to him, say

0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:46.400
<v Speaker 1>that you're you're trying to lean into him a lot,

0:30:46.440 --> 0:30:49.160
<v Speaker 1>and if he wants this as bad as he's saying

0:30:49.240 --> 0:30:52.320
<v Speaker 1>he does, then he needs to show up and help

0:30:52.360 --> 0:30:53.760
<v Speaker 1>you and hold you up.

0:30:55.440 --> 0:30:58.720
<v Speaker 2>So I like that and just a stay present, staying

0:30:58.760 --> 0:31:04.000
<v Speaker 2>today and just notice the change that he's hopefully we're

0:31:04.040 --> 0:31:05.200
<v Speaker 2>not changed with the growth.

0:31:06.040 --> 0:31:07.760
<v Speaker 1>What is he doing today anymore?

0:31:08.560 --> 0:31:11.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this one's anonymous. My husband and I have been

0:31:11.120 --> 0:31:14.280
<v Speaker 3>barely married a year, and I'm feeling almost completely alone

0:31:14.320 --> 0:31:16.840
<v Speaker 3>in this relationship. It doesn't feel like any kind of

0:31:16.880 --> 0:31:20.840
<v Speaker 3>marriage I've ever imagined myself being in daily my husband

0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:22.960
<v Speaker 3>barely I find out he barely knows much about me.

0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:25.080
<v Speaker 3>He doesn't need to be concerned or bothered about that.

0:31:25.240 --> 0:31:26.720
<v Speaker 3>I can tell him things I need to help me

0:31:26.760 --> 0:31:29.120
<v Speaker 3>cope with anxiety and depression, but I get no help

0:31:29.120 --> 0:31:31.680
<v Speaker 3>from him. I go into the conversation hoping to be

0:31:31.720 --> 0:31:33.640
<v Speaker 3>held and told that he's there for me and the

0:31:33.680 --> 0:31:36.800
<v Speaker 3>things are going to be okay, But instead he's annoyed

0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:38.920
<v Speaker 3>regarding my feelings and what's going on in my head,

0:31:38.960 --> 0:31:41.280
<v Speaker 3>in my heart. So many people on the outside looking

0:31:41.320 --> 0:31:43.400
<v Speaker 3>in and can see the hurt that I'm feeling and

0:31:43.400 --> 0:31:46.320
<v Speaker 3>that I'm not the smiling, spunky, happy person I've always been.

0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:49.040
<v Speaker 3>But I haven't been that person in so long that

0:31:49.080 --> 0:31:51.040
<v Speaker 3>I've forgotten how it felt to not have this huge

0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:53.239
<v Speaker 3>weight on my heart. I may not know much, but

0:31:53.280 --> 0:31:55.200
<v Speaker 3>I do know this is not how a relationship or

0:31:55.200 --> 0:31:57.600
<v Speaker 3>love is supposed to feel. I'm searching for a new

0:31:57.640 --> 0:31:59.959
<v Speaker 3>therapist I'm comfortable with. I don't know what to do

0:32:00.040 --> 0:32:02.240
<v Speaker 3>if he isn't willing to try therapy to make things work.

0:32:02.360 --> 0:32:03.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to fight for this, but I don't know

0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:05.000
<v Speaker 3>how I could keep fighting alone.

0:32:06.080 --> 0:32:12.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh it's so hard. Parts of it. I'm like, you know,

0:32:13.760 --> 0:32:15.360
<v Speaker 2>I want her to ask for what she needs, but

0:32:15.360 --> 0:32:16.880
<v Speaker 2>it sounds like she has hasn't she.

0:32:17.720 --> 0:32:20.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, she wouldn't really say that. She's just saying it

0:32:20.720 --> 0:32:22.800
<v Speaker 1>doesn't feel like any kind of marriage she ever imagine,

0:32:22.800 --> 0:32:24.760
<v Speaker 1>and she's find out daily that he does. He barely

0:32:24.800 --> 0:32:27.440
<v Speaker 1>knows much about her, and he's not concerned by that.

0:32:28.360 --> 0:32:31.400
<v Speaker 2>And I would just tell him what you need. Like

0:32:32.200 --> 0:32:33.760
<v Speaker 2>the other day, I was like, I need more love.

0:32:33.840 --> 0:32:36.760
<v Speaker 2>I need more you know, like to feel like you

0:32:36.880 --> 0:32:39.040
<v Speaker 2>care and just like to do like and then maybe

0:32:39.120 --> 0:32:43.760
<v Speaker 2>do something connective together. That way they can get to

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:47.840
<v Speaker 2>know each other more, you know, like read a book together,

0:32:48.000 --> 0:32:51.160
<v Speaker 2>have discussions around it, or do something that can bring

0:32:51.240 --> 0:32:51.760
<v Speaker 2>them together.

0:32:52.640 --> 0:32:56.400
<v Speaker 1>M My thing is, I feel like a lot of

0:32:56.440 --> 0:33:00.680
<v Speaker 1>this is just managing expectations and over community and communication

0:33:00.800 --> 0:33:05.640
<v Speaker 1>needs to be had because even when she says I

0:33:05.640 --> 0:33:09.080
<v Speaker 1>can tell him things, or she's like she's hoping she's

0:33:09.120 --> 0:33:10.880
<v Speaker 1>hoping she comes out of the conversation where he's like

0:33:10.920 --> 0:33:13.960
<v Speaker 1>willing to to hold her and tell her that it's

0:33:13.960 --> 0:33:19.200
<v Speaker 1>gonna be okay. But you know, generally where men were

0:33:19.880 --> 0:33:22.800
<v Speaker 1>simple minded creatures, where sometimes you need to throw the

0:33:22.800 --> 0:33:24.720
<v Speaker 1>instruction manual in front of us and be like, hey,

0:33:25.280 --> 0:33:27.680
<v Speaker 1>when I talk to you about this, this, these are

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:30.160
<v Speaker 1>the things that help me. These are the things that

0:33:30.200 --> 0:33:33.440
<v Speaker 1>I need to hear. These like, we can't read your mind.

0:33:33.480 --> 0:33:36.000
<v Speaker 1>So when you want to be told everything's gonna be okay,

0:33:36.120 --> 0:33:37.760
<v Speaker 1>you want to be held like, we don't know that

0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:41.920
<v Speaker 1>until you tell us, and then on it's held against us.

0:33:41.960 --> 0:33:43.840
<v Speaker 1>We were like, wait, what the hell is going on?

0:33:44.400 --> 0:33:45.400
<v Speaker 1>Like why are you so upset?

0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:47.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, think the other day You're like I didn't know

0:33:47.840 --> 0:33:48.640
<v Speaker 2>you were this unhappy.

0:33:49.760 --> 0:33:54.280
<v Speaker 1>It's like damn. So it's you know, and here's the

0:33:54.320 --> 0:33:57.920
<v Speaker 1>deal too, because this is something that I'm guilty of, right,

0:33:57.960 --> 0:34:01.480
<v Speaker 1>and this is just just how I process things and

0:34:01.880 --> 0:34:05.160
<v Speaker 1>just what I believe. What I believe in this relationship is,

0:34:05.840 --> 0:34:07.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, Janna wants to feel chosen. A lot of

0:34:07.720 --> 0:34:09.440
<v Speaker 1>that is triggers from the stuff I've done in the past.

0:34:10.520 --> 0:34:14.080
<v Speaker 1>For me, I'm like, she said yes when I asked

0:34:14.080 --> 0:34:17.439
<v Speaker 1>her to marry her. She chooses me, Like, it goes

0:34:17.480 --> 0:34:20.320
<v Speaker 1>back to the beginning. So the fact that we're still married,

0:34:20.840 --> 0:34:25.680
<v Speaker 1>that's enough for me personally to feel chosen. For this guy,

0:34:26.200 --> 0:34:28.040
<v Speaker 1>he might be the same thing where it's just like

0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:31.919
<v Speaker 1>he doesn't see anything wrong because he's like, man, she said, yes,

0:34:32.200 --> 0:34:34.439
<v Speaker 1>she's she's my wife. I was like, this is great.

0:34:34.960 --> 0:34:37.520
<v Speaker 1>Life's awesome. Where's the rush, Like, we're gonna be together

0:34:37.520 --> 0:34:40.000
<v Speaker 1>the rest of our life. We're gonna get we're gonna

0:34:40.000 --> 0:34:42.200
<v Speaker 1>get to know each other and everything's gonna be awesome.

0:34:42.320 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 1>So okay, like he could it could be that simple

0:34:45.600 --> 0:34:49.359
<v Speaker 1>for him personally. So it's just she just needs to

0:34:49.440 --> 0:34:51.320
<v Speaker 1>not try to read between the lines and just address

0:34:51.360 --> 0:34:51.719
<v Speaker 1>it head on.

0:34:52.440 --> 0:34:55.239
<v Speaker 2>I love that advice. All right, love you guys. Let's

0:34:55.280 --> 0:34:59.719
<v Speaker 2>keep our hands to ourselves and give a little two

0:34:59.760 --> 0:35:02.239
<v Speaker 2>percent a jealousy. Love you guys.

0:35:02.560 --> 0:35:12.680
<v Speaker 3>No h