Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and Michael Coughlan and I'm
Speaker 1: her radio podcast. All right, welcome to another episode of
Speaker 1: wind Down with Janna Kramer and Michael Cosson. We have
Speaker 1: my beautiful wife Jannet back with us. Yay yay.
Speaker 2: It's like a rap party right.
Speaker 1: Now, it is. How are you feeling?
Speaker 2: Well? We wrapped?
Speaker 1: Uh? What day?
Speaker 2: We wrapped on Saturday? Saturday? We wrapped on Saturday. I'm
Speaker 2: and like, I am the biggest baby when it's the
Speaker 2: last day, because I just cry. I don't know, I
Speaker 2: just think it's so sad because.
Speaker 1: You spend so many hours, like with these people for
Speaker 1: so long.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like summer camp, do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, where it's just you are so close with them,
Speaker 2: and then it's then it's like I'm probably not going
Speaker 2: to see these people again.
Speaker 1: Like they're your best friends for a few weeks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're just your besties and you have like just
Speaker 2: the best you know time, and then you're just like okay.
Speaker 1: Bye a month. For a month, it's like twelve to
Speaker 1: fourteen hours a day you're spending with them more.
Speaker 2: Than that, yeah, sixteen hour days. Well no, but I
Speaker 2: mean I'm I'm happy. I just it's just crazy that this.
Speaker 2: I didn't think we were going to be able to
Speaker 2: finish the movie, and a lot of people were asking
Speaker 2: if this was the movie that got shut down in March.
Speaker 2: But this is a different movie. I don't think that
Speaker 2: movie's gonna happen again. But the uh, we got shut
Speaker 2: down obviously the first week for the pneumonia, the second
Speaker 2: week of COVID, third week. So I'm just we for
Speaker 2: sure thought we were going to get shut down because
Speaker 2: I just I don't know how a production can handle that, right.
Speaker 1: And I was just, oh, man, I was praying for
Speaker 1: you guys that you would just because I know y'all
Speaker 1: wouldn't last one more shutdown. No, like the movie would
Speaker 1: have gotten axed, and that would have just been such
Speaker 1: a blow for you, I know, like you know, with
Speaker 1: your energy and just morally and you know everything like that.
Speaker 1: It's just it would have been a big blow. And
Speaker 1: I would have felt terrible if that wuld happened to
Speaker 1: you again twice.
Speaker 2: But we finished it. We're so excited it's airing. We're
Speaker 2: hoping by Veterans Day because we have a really big
Speaker 2: element with veterans in it, so we hope by then,
Speaker 2: but if not, it'll be on Lifetime. It's called the
Speaker 2: Welcome Home Christmas. Yeah, So I'm just I'm really excited.
Speaker 1: I can't I'm excited. This was the least amount that
Speaker 1: I've been like two set. Yeah, you just went once,
Speaker 1: and even though it was the closest one.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, yeah, that is true, but I mean
Speaker 2: with all my friend Catherine came, but she got kicked off. Right,
Speaker 2: we couldn't we couldn't have visitors unless it was exterior shots.
Speaker 1: Between that and then the other day I was going
Speaker 1: to come and spend like all day was a day
Speaker 1: that I got shut down, and you know, so it was.
Speaker 1: It was just more difficult, even though it was so close.
Speaker 2: How were you during that time?
Speaker 1: I was fine. I'm more deductive when you're around.
Speaker 2: Obviously, No, I didn't mean to say like that. That
Speaker 2: sounded bad. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say like that.
Speaker 2: But we got into an argument because of that, which
Speaker 2: is where that obviously came from. Is because the one
Speaker 2: day that I had off, well, I wouldn't even say off.
Speaker 2: We've been promoting our book stuff. So that was like
Speaker 2: a big press tour day for our book. And you know,
Speaker 2: I just start to notice, like every room I walked
Speaker 2: into it was just messy, and I was just yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: and I just was like, oh my gosh, Like and
Speaker 2: I even said, like I said, I set expectations before
Speaker 2: the movie even started. I said, my fear is that
Speaker 2: when I come home from work, there's gonna be stuff
Speaker 2: I have to do and and you know, laundry and
Speaker 2: and I have to focus on my job and then
Speaker 2: my time with the kids when I get those few
Speaker 2: precious hours. And you know, you said absolutely, you know,
Speaker 2: we'll take care of things. And and so when three
Speaker 2: weeks later, and like I think you went to go
Speaker 2: drop Jolie off and there was just, I mean stuff everywhere.
Speaker 1: Two of the rooms full of stuff happened like that
Speaker 1: morning because I was rushing to get the kids out
Speaker 1: breakfast stuff I hadn't cleaned up, so the kitchen looked
Speaker 1: like a mess, even though it was all from that morning.
Speaker 2: So I just start like cleaning, because that's me. I'm
Speaker 2: waiting for my hair and makeup girl Tearen to come
Speaker 2: over before I press Eddy, and I'm just like cleaning,
Speaker 2: cleaning and cleaning, and then so I'm just like getting
Speaker 2: a little bit more annoyed and frustrated. I'm like, man, like,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I got even like lines still on. And
Speaker 2: so Mike comes home. What did I say? I know
Speaker 2: it was super passive, but what did I I said
Speaker 2: something about cleaning something up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was just super passive. Oh.
Speaker 2: I was like, man, just you know much I clean
Speaker 2: the house or something like there's a lot a lot of.
Speaker 1: Stuff, a lot of stuff laying around. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: there is, and I you.
Speaker 2: Know, I could have said it a lot better. And
Speaker 2: I know now that I could have been like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm really frustrated that there's a lot of you know,
Speaker 2: I just feel like it's all on me to have
Speaker 2: to when I'm done filming to clean the mess. And
Speaker 2: so I just feel like I'm being suffocated right now.
Speaker 2: And so we get into this huge thing right before.
Speaker 1: Our press perfect time.
Speaker 2: Perfect time. And what's even funnier is that my girlfriend Catherine,
Speaker 2: who's also like our day to day manager, she comes
Speaker 2: in and she goes, oh my god, I'm so glad
Speaker 2: I didn't say anything. She's like, because I told her.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, we're fighting right now. She's like,
Speaker 2: I'm so glad I didn't say anything. She's like, because
Speaker 2: when I first walked in, I was like, Wow, your
Speaker 2: house is messy. She's like, that's what I thought to myself.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, Mike would have lost it.
Speaker 2: We probably would have laughed at that point.
Speaker 1: I would have thought for sure that you guys colluded
Speaker 1: and you text would have you texted her to say
Speaker 1: that when she came in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's probably that's so something you do. Would think.
Speaker 1: That's because that's something y'all would do.
Speaker 2: Sure. Yeah, So but you know, today we we cleaned
Speaker 2: a bunch and I tackled that laundry room. That was.
Speaker 1: When all it was it was, It wasn't dirty. It's
Speaker 1: just stuff that need to be put.
Speaker 2: Away anyway, which is so funny because I think it's
Speaker 2: a dude thing because you don't put it away and
Speaker 2: that's you move it from one station to the next.
Speaker 2: And I just think that's so funny because even when
Speaker 2: you like claim to clean up, I'm like, Hannie, I
Speaker 2: really appreciate you clean. That's I said that. I feel
Speaker 2: like I said it from a good I was like, hey, babe,
Speaker 2: I really appreciate you help helping clean right now. But
Speaker 2: when you do do you mind just putting it actually
Speaker 2: away because you just put the ring light in the
Speaker 2: in the room. I would just appreciate it if you
Speaker 2: can move it into the closet where it belongs and
Speaker 2: you I appreciate you not taking it personal. I said, okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: there was so something already thought.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, but like, what is the okay
Speaker 2: underneath that? I'm just curious, Like even when he said okay,
Speaker 2: I'm like, there's something under that.
Speaker 1: No. Yeah, for me, it was there wasn't anything underneath
Speaker 1: of it. It was just me internally like not taking
Speaker 1: it personal. It is me doing my work to not
Speaker 1: take it personally. Because I was like, Okay, she's coming
Speaker 1: from a good place. She's asking very nicely, very softly.
Speaker 1: You're talking to me softly. You're not, you know, being
Speaker 1: passive or aggressive or anything like that. So I was
Speaker 1: just like okay, and too, I didn't this wasn't underneath
Speaker 1: of my okay, there literally was nothing but it. But
Speaker 1: it came to my head just now where I was like,
Speaker 1: not just the being bossy, but you know, when I
Speaker 1: moved the ring light, it was something that Jana I
Speaker 1: was cleaning up something of Jana's So it was like, here,
Speaker 1: I am trying to clean up something of yours and
Speaker 1: you have the audacity to correct me.
Speaker 2: And where I put it, we want to compare apples
Speaker 2: to apples.
Speaker 1: I'm not coming I'm not comparing anything. I'm just saying
Speaker 1: to March's point, we're saying just the general annoyance of
Speaker 1: being bossed around. That's what came up for me. What
Speaker 1: could be part of it for some people but not me?
Speaker 1: Not me?
Speaker 2: That's funny. I would I would love to go head
Speaker 2: to head on that though.
Speaker 1: Anyway, there's something I want to bring up from the movie.
Speaker 1: So let's take a break and get to that. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you got you were doing like questions or something
Speaker 1: one day on your Instagram and you got a great
Speaker 1: question in regards to me and when we're talking about
Speaker 1: love interest and the romantic scenes or the kissing scenes,
Speaker 1: and we had a discussion about it, and you you
Speaker 1: responded to the question well, because I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I respect what you do, I respect you, I trust you.
Speaker 1: You know, we typically talk about it beforehand. Again, it's
Speaker 1: been lifetime in Hallmark Kisses, so it's been nothing to
Speaker 1: worry about. Yet, you know, I always try to assert
Speaker 1: myself within that environment and meet your co star and
Speaker 1: get to know them and everything so I can humanize it.
Speaker 1: But you were asking me, You're almost like worried that
Speaker 1: I didn't get more like I didn't get jealous. It's
Speaker 1: not You're like, why aren't you jealous?
Speaker 2: No, well, no, because a situation arose. Let's just you know,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna but where you know, maybe the other
Speaker 2: person's was jealous or something or could have been jealous.
Speaker 2: And I to you, I'm like, well, why aren't like
Speaker 2: why aren't you Like I'm just like I'm just I
Speaker 2: was more like a question, like I was just like
Speaker 2: I was interested by it. You know, I'm like, here,
Speaker 2: I am working with an attractive other counterpart, and you
Speaker 2: know some of the things that you know happened, Like
Speaker 2: you know, he was at our house and you know,
Speaker 2: like you went to a guys night and I'm like,
Speaker 2: you're leaving, like he goes. I was like where are
Speaker 2: you going? And he's like, I'm going into a friend's house.
Speaker 2: And I was like, but Brandon's here, and You're like yeah,
Speaker 2: And I was like okay. I was like that's a
Speaker 2: uh huh. And he's like I trust you, and I go, huh,
Speaker 2: you literally didn't. I was like okay. But and then
Speaker 2: at like then I was like, that's just weird. And
Speaker 2: so I started talking to some of my girlfriends and
Speaker 2: I was like, that's just weird. I was like, would
Speaker 2: you and here's the thing, and I said, would you
Speaker 2: be okay with that? And of course if you flop
Speaker 2: it like no for for girls. But I did ask
Speaker 2: some guys and they were like, I wouldn't be comfortable
Speaker 2: with that. So then I started to think, well yeah,
Speaker 2: And so so sometimes I think I'm like okay, Sometimes
Speaker 2: I think that you trust me because you want that
Speaker 2: same trust, you know, so you you do things to
Speaker 2: then want the same thing back because you're all about
Speaker 2: equality and autonomy and all of those things. So because
Speaker 2: that's how you base a lot of our things. Well,
Speaker 2: if you can do this, then I can do this.
Speaker 2: And if I can't do that, you know, and it's
Speaker 2: kind of like that, well, I'm gonna let you do that,
Speaker 2: so then I should be okay to do that. So
Speaker 2: that's like how you know, how you're kind of like structured.
Speaker 2: And so I feel like when I was talking to
Speaker 2: a girlfriend about this, They're like, well, you know, he
Speaker 2: probably wants that same thing in return, and I'm like, granted, yes,
Speaker 2: get that. I was like, but I'm like, let's swap it.
Speaker 2: So like we asked a few dudes kind of the
Speaker 2: same question. They're like, now, like I wouldn't let like
Speaker 2: I wouldn't leave. And then I'm like, why isn't he jealous?
Speaker 2: Like I don't get it. Like I was like, this,
Speaker 2: that's just interesting to me, And I like I get
Speaker 2: and I oh, by the way, I love it, Like
Speaker 2: I love that you trust me, I love that you
Speaker 2: are so supportive in my work and all of those things,
Speaker 2: like so supportive. But I just am like, it just
Speaker 2: was an interesting thing.
Speaker 1: First, I I I reassured channel. I was like, it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to do My motivation behind this situation had
Speaker 1: nothing to do with me wanting that same kind of
Speaker 1: trust and return. It was literally it was a few things.
Speaker 1: It was again, there's there's circumstances that need to be had.
Speaker 1: Number one, this was like the second night he was
Speaker 1: staying with us, so we had had it okay, So
Speaker 1: it wasn't like the first night. This was the second night.
Speaker 1: The night before we hung out all night talk told stories,
Speaker 1: got to know each other, hung out all day that day.
Speaker 1: He has a wife and three kids. So I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: if it was a single guy.
Speaker 2: No, So okay, So you would trust me with the
Speaker 2: married man, but you wouldn't trust me with a single man.
Speaker 2: So what So that's an interesting.
Speaker 1: It's see, that's the thing you're making it about trusting you.
Speaker 1: It's not about trusting you. It's about it's more so
Speaker 1: trusting the guy. It's feeling him out. And just like
Speaker 1: girls can kind of sense that girls, guys can kind
Speaker 1: of do that with guys and so. But even so
Speaker 1: if Kevin my buddy, you know, oh yeah he you know,
Speaker 1: even if he was single, I'll be like, all right,
Speaker 1: see keV.
Speaker 2: Well that's different. I mean, so Kevin was a love
Speaker 2: interest in my last few films, and I mean we've
Speaker 2: like the rapport. He's stayed at our house and you
Speaker 2: probably left like like he's like right, brother, right.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying like, so it's definitely the whole single
Speaker 1: marry thing isn't the end all be all, But like
Speaker 1: in this particular situation, if he had been single, I
Speaker 1: probably wouldn't have So again, it's about feeling them out.
Speaker 1: It's about asserting my presence. And again I even told Jane,
Speaker 1: I was like, not to toot my own horn a
Speaker 1: little bit, but being six six, two hundred and forty
Speaker 1: pounds kind of helps a little bit, you know, deter
Speaker 1: someone from trying something. So that and then and then
Speaker 1: the other root of it, too was was deeper than
Speaker 1: just wanting that same trust was in return. It was
Speaker 1: I had a guy's night planned I think like the
Speaker 1: week prior, I canceled it because is when you got pneumonia. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so Janet got in sick, so I canceled it. Obviously
Speaker 1: not a good time to hang out with a bunch
Speaker 1: of people, and Jane is that sick. So I postponed
Speaker 1: it to this following week. And just because their production
Speaker 1: shut down and they had some days off and got
Speaker 1: to be at the house, I was like, does that
Speaker 1: mean I have to change my schedule again because of
Speaker 1: someone else's. So it's like this other deep rooted thing
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, your schedule changes, so all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I have to change mine again.
Speaker 2: And so it's a deep core through our relationship in general.
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, that's a deep thing too, just with our
Speaker 1: relationship so much of Jana's schedule kind of naturally dictating
Speaker 1: what's going on in our life and where we have
Speaker 1: to be and all of that. So it was just
Speaker 1: like that was part of it too where I was
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have to postpone again when it
Speaker 1: wasn't I felt comfortable with it. And just because their
Speaker 1: schedule change doesn't mean mine has to, Like, that's not fair.
Speaker 1: Like if you'd have been, like, if you'd have given
Speaker 1: me for leaving, well, I wouldn't triggered me.
Speaker 2: No, And I know that because I know, like one
Speaker 2: of our deepest discussions and arguments are if things have
Speaker 2: to change because of my schedule, So I would have
Speaker 2: never given you crap. I just was more like a
Speaker 2: huh oh, I'm so confused. Oh, Mark, Well, I have.
Speaker 3: A question difficult questions. Please, I'll try to try to
Speaker 3: phrase appropriately produce.
Speaker 1: The hell out of this right now.
Speaker 2: Well, look at just pops back on Zoom.
Speaker 1: Dig Baby Dig.
Speaker 3: Because of the issues the two of you have had
Speaker 3: in the past, Mike, do you ever worry about Janet
Speaker 3: doing something to even the score that she would be
Speaker 3: justified in her mind doing something inappropriate that you would
Speaker 3: wanted to say and then she could say, well.
Speaker 1: I love that you asked us question, and here's why,
Speaker 1: because I was sure if I wanted to bring up
Speaker 1: this other point of mine on why I trust. I
Speaker 1: trust Jenna for all the right reasons I do like
Speaker 1: when it comes I trust her because I do. I
Speaker 1: love her. I believe that she loves and respects me
Speaker 1: and our family and everything. She wouldn't want to invoke
Speaker 1: the same kind of pain that I did too. Wrongs
Speaker 1: don't make it right. But my answer to that is no,
Speaker 1: I don't think she would do that to quote unquote
Speaker 1: even the score. I actually think it's the opposite, where
Speaker 1: she's even more motivated not to do it, so she
Speaker 1: can say not that she has the upper hand in
Speaker 1: our relationship and rules with an iron fist. But still
Speaker 1: it's it's still a a energy of leverage in a
Speaker 1: relationship when one person's broken trust in one hasn't. So
Speaker 1: for Jana, I know she this pride and even side.
Speaker 1: She's not going to give that up. She is not
Speaker 1: going to give up that that energy of leverage. Again,
Speaker 1: not that she uses it, but it's just I wouldn't
Speaker 1: either if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to give her the benefit of doubt, to like even
Speaker 1: the playing field.
Speaker 3: I love the phrase energy of leverage.
Speaker 2: It's a good question, and honestly, like I would be
Speaker 2: lying to say, like if I didn't ever have that
Speaker 2: thought like my.
Speaker 3: Lowest darkest points, Yeah, sure that comes up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I would. I mean, even like you
Speaker 2: know now, I'm even when we're good, No, but I
Speaker 2: mean like there's times when I'm just like man, like
Speaker 2: you know, just to if I'm really angry at you,
Speaker 2: just a like middle finger, you know, Like, but I
Speaker 2: just it's to your point too, I know, I just
Speaker 2: am like I don't want to be the reason that,
Speaker 2: you know, and then it evens it I don't like it,
Speaker 2: I know.
Speaker 1: On the other side of it, if she did, I'd
Speaker 1: be like, yes.
Speaker 2: Let's go, oh but wait, But then I would always
Speaker 2: have like, well it was just one time.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't matter at that point.
Speaker 2: Oh no. But you know, I think for me, and
Speaker 2: this is something like that he knows too. For me,
Speaker 2: it would never be a physical affair. It would be
Speaker 2: an emotional sure, I'm I think I'm more emotionally a
Speaker 2: ferritable new word, because I think that's something where it's
Speaker 2: you know, and we even talked about it, like when
Speaker 2: we had like a we were in a little rough
Speaker 2: patch the last month, you know, and I told him
Speaker 2: I was like, sometimes, like you start to realize when
Speaker 2: you are away from your partner and maybe you're receiving
Speaker 2: affirmations from other people what you might are what you
Speaker 2: are lacking that is making you feel good? And why
Speaker 2: why that's like oh wait, that shouldn't make me feel good?
Speaker 2: Why what is what is like missing in our relationship
Speaker 2: that I'm not getting that. I'm like, oh, this feels good,
Speaker 2: you know. And I think just like having that conversation
Speaker 2: too was good just to like point that out and
Speaker 2: to be like, hey, I need more of this, because
Speaker 2: I found myself being like, oh, you know, is that a.
Speaker 3: Concern might be not that she would physically stray, but
Speaker 3: when she's this close with all of these people on
Speaker 3: these sets and working so closely with them, do you
Speaker 3: fear that emotional connection she might develop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably more so than the uh than the physical
Speaker 1: because she know. I hate being compared right so early
Speaker 1: in our relationship when it's like oh, Nick would never
Speaker 1: do that, or you know so and Say's husband would
Speaker 1: never do that. I hate. I hate hate, hate, hate,
Speaker 1: hate that loathe it. So for her to yeah the
Speaker 1: emotional aspect, that would probably cause her to come home
Speaker 1: and say things like I need more of this or
Speaker 1: I can get this elsewhere, and that would and that
Speaker 1: could completely be in her right to realize that she
Speaker 1: needs more. But then I have to do the work
Speaker 1: on myself to not take it so personally that I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm being compared. I feel like I'm less than,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not good enough, and all of
Speaker 1: my deep core issues come up. So I mean, I
Speaker 1: know that about Jena. We know that about each other.
Speaker 1: Where it's like, you know, we've said it on here before,
Speaker 1: where I know if Jana were to step outside the
Speaker 1: marriage or be with somebody we know or someone that
Speaker 1: she's emotionally close to. Ye, for me, it has to
Speaker 1: be someone I have no attachment to in any way,
Speaker 1: shape or form. I cannot know the person, so it's uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's.
Speaker 2: Not gonna happen. Stop talking about it. No, I don't
Speaker 2: like it. It's making me feel weird. But I think
Speaker 2: it is good to like have those conversations if you
Speaker 2: are being tempted one way or or having feelings or
Speaker 2: you just like having the conversation for sure.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you, though, to wrap this up about
Speaker 1: the jealousy piece, because you know, I again, I have
Speaker 1: no issue. I wasn't jealous at all, And for me,
Speaker 1: jealousy feels like an immature feeling.
Speaker 2: Oh say, I disagree. I don't ever want to, like
Speaker 2: because I know me too, Like I don't want to
Speaker 2: push the limit to make you jealous, like I just
Speaker 2: want but maybe sometimes like I want that attention where
Speaker 2: I'm almost maybe purposely doing something to men make you jealous.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm doing that, but like I could
Speaker 2: maybe see myself being like, look at me.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just not a jealous person.
Speaker 2: M challenge acceptance.
Speaker 1: No, I'm kidding right now, Right now I'm just picturing
Speaker 1: Mark like poking his head out the front door. Hey, Jerry,
Speaker 1: get the here, wrap it up.
Speaker 3: But when I have been jealous over the years, my
Speaker 3: wife's kind of liked it, you see.
Speaker 1: We like it.
Speaker 2: We like to know that like we're like that you
Speaker 2: think that we're just this beautiful thing that someone could
Speaker 2: swoop us in. That it's like I know you are,
Speaker 2: but like it's almost like people that are aren't jealous.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're just like they're so they're like too comfortable.
Speaker 2: Maybe you're too comfortable, I think, and not knowing what
Speaker 2: my capabilities are.
Speaker 1: Now I'm getting threatened. I think I understand your point
Speaker 1: because I think there's a difference between jealousy and like
Speaker 1: arrogance yeah and ncy. Yeah, but it's not it's it's
Speaker 1: neither of those for me. It's it's in the middle
Speaker 1: where I'm just confident and comfortable in a good way.
Speaker 1: There's a difference between comfortability and complacency. So I'm comfortable
Speaker 1: with our relationship. I'm I'm confident in our marriage and
Speaker 1: that we're going to do the right things. And so yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I trust you.
Speaker 2: I just like I just would like a one percent jealousy.
Speaker 2: Work on your jealousy to be more jealous.
Speaker 1: You all right, before before we actually we were just
Speaker 1: talking about fair for a second and we got to
Speaker 1: talk about one more thing around this topic before we
Speaker 1: jump into emails and dms. And so you just had
Speaker 1: a picture that you posted from wrapping up the movie,
Speaker 1: and you had and you took it down because some
Speaker 1: people were uncomfortable, right, Is that what happened around it,
Speaker 1: and you just showed me the picture. I saw nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with it, and you even had to point out
Speaker 1: what the issue was, and I was like, okay, so tomorrow,
Speaker 1: point Mark was like, does that draw more attention that
Speaker 1: you delete the picture?
Speaker 2: Well, one thousand percent, but I wanted to be respectful
Speaker 2: for sure. If I'm like, well, maybe like you wouldn't
Speaker 2: be like, maybe you wouldn't have like the fact that
Speaker 2: like I was touching his leg.
Speaker 1: Okay, Now, if the roles were reversed one thousand i'd
Speaker 1: be upset double standard, but maybe.
Speaker 2: Not though, if you're touching like like like Julie's like
Speaker 2: a random I'd be upset. But like if it was
Speaker 2: like a okay, take that back, if it was Julie Molly,
Speaker 2: like any of like the girls that like you know,
Speaker 2: but I would.
Speaker 1: Have no reason to touch to put my hand on.
Speaker 2: Their leg when you're smushed up on a couch.
Speaker 1: I still wouldn't put my hand on their leg. So
Speaker 1: then I put my arm around them. Yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: put my hand on someone else's leg. That's way more intimate.
Speaker 2: Actually, so are no, because I know how you are,
Speaker 2: because I'm very touchy but is that bad?
Speaker 1: You are who you are. I accept you. Huh. I
Speaker 1: love this. She's touchy?
Speaker 3: Is it okay for others to be touchy?
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not like, it's not like some random
Speaker 2: I'm you know what I mean? It was like the
Speaker 2: cast and crew.
Speaker 1: And you know, now if it was just like a picture,
Speaker 1: what did.
Speaker 2: You say too, Like you're like you were just working,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can understand the connectedness between you and all
Speaker 1: the people there because of you know, I've seen you
Speaker 1: do enough movies now, I I from from watching it.
Speaker 1: I can see I see how much work and energy
Speaker 1: and sweat and tears goes into these movies. It's insane,
Speaker 1: Like people don't know how hard y'all really really work.
Speaker 1: It's exhausting. And so I can understand that you guys
Speaker 1: have this connection. Like you said earlier, it's like summer
Speaker 1: camp friends where you just feel like the closest people
Speaker 1: in the world and then it's all over. So I
Speaker 1: get that if it was just I was just gonna say,
Speaker 1: even if it was just you and him sitting there,
Speaker 1: But at the same time.
Speaker 2: I'm like, if it was because I kind of go
Speaker 2: back to like the justin Timberlake thing how I was like,
Speaker 2: that is so wrong. His hand's on her leg. But
Speaker 2: to me, I'm like, they're out partying. But then I'm like,
Speaker 2: well maybe was I don't know where's the like the
Speaker 2: line for that. Then, I mean he was like really
Speaker 2: rubbing her leg. But it's not like they were just
Speaker 2: taking a photo super you know, close together.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. It
Speaker 1: is just it is interesting. I think it just depends
Speaker 1: on boundaries that you set in place with just like
Speaker 1: we talk about, like in your relationship, because again, I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: That's just not my nature. I'm not as Touchyphelia as
Speaker 1: a person. Yeah you know, so I wouldn't. I don't
Speaker 1: know why I to have put my hand on Yeah,
Speaker 1: that would make me uncomfortable. Yeah even right, but you
Speaker 1: know I could put my arm around them.
Speaker 2: Sure. Yeah. It's just interesting.
Speaker 1: Is it's interesting because you would be so mad.
Speaker 2: It's just it depends. It just really depends on the situation.
Speaker 2: I would say, I really think it depends on the situation.
Speaker 2: And plus that's not like you said, it's not your nature,
Speaker 2: so that would be because it's not you. It'd be
Speaker 2: like huh, you know that's not you, and then that
Speaker 2: would cause concern. But yeah, interesting, all right, Mark, do
Speaker 2: you have any digress?
Speaker 3: Got some interesting emails today? Beca says this one. I'm
Speaker 3: twenty three.
Speaker 2: Scrubbing in. What does she need our advice on?
Speaker 3: I'm twenty three. I'm the new mother of a beautifulight
Speaker 3: month old baby girl. Her father my boyfriend, and I
Speaker 3: have been together for a little over two years. When
Speaker 3: I'm mad him, he told me he was married, but
Speaker 3: they were separated and getting divorced, so I trusted him
Speaker 3: and took his word for it. That wasn't the case,
Speaker 3: and I got emails from his wife if I was
Speaker 3: still living together throun a lease. A few months later,
Speaker 3: I find out I'm six weeks pregnant. Then I find
Speaker 3: out he cheated on me by sleeping with her, though
Speaker 3: I felt like the other woman. We separated for a
Speaker 3: bit but kept in touch because I was pregnant. Then
Speaker 3: he moved in with me. Things were good after that.
Speaker 3: I went through a Snapchat though unfound messages with a
Speaker 3: girl where she was sexting him. I confronted him. He
Speaker 3: cried because he was scared of losing his family, so
Speaker 3: he wants to fix this and for our daughter.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 3: I've heard you tell other women to help get past
Speaker 3: it by staying in today. I've just recently started using
Speaker 3: that because before I would say things like oh, want
Speaker 3: you go message your other girlfriend, or you don't like
Speaker 3: it and go run to your other girlfriend. We've been good,
Speaker 3: but a lot of things still trigger me. I'm lost
Speaker 3: and not sure how else to handle this because I
Speaker 3: want this to work and I want us to be
Speaker 3: able to move forward and grow our little family, but
Speaker 3: I'm not sure how.
Speaker 2: I mean, thanks for emailing, and I do think yeah,
Speaker 2: trying to remain present in today, but also to to
Speaker 2: earn some of that trust back, get some good boundaries
Speaker 2: that would make you feel comfortable around the relationship and
Speaker 2: around things. Boundaries just for safety, not I wouldn't say
Speaker 2: like necessarily restrictions, but just like boundaries. And you know,
Speaker 2: whether it's not having snubsat or I don't know what
Speaker 2: you think.
Speaker 1: This is tough because like the first suggestion I have,
Speaker 1: you know, we talk about a lot. But it's also
Speaker 1: it can be used as a like unhealthy in an
Speaker 1: unhealthy manner, like being too codependent, where you know, watch
Speaker 1: his actions to see to invoke change to see if
Speaker 1: you know, there's a lot of times you would feel
Speaker 1: more comfortable based on how I was being. You know,
Speaker 1: over time that can be codependent, where you're basing your
Speaker 1: feelings off of somebody else, which you don't want to do.
Speaker 1: But in these early stages you kind of have to.
Speaker 1: You know, he's got to be on his best behavior.
Speaker 1: He's really got to show up and show you change
Speaker 1: and and things. So you know, you kind of got
Speaker 1: to put your heart in his hands to see if
Speaker 1: you'll if you'll hold on to it for right now,
Speaker 1: you know, until you get on your feet again and
Speaker 1: can start trusting him and feel comfortable in yourself. So
Speaker 1: that's his job is to help you as much as
Speaker 1: he can repair this and and repair parts of you.
Speaker 2: And to stay empathetic during it too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I would just say that to him, say
Speaker 1: that you're you're trying to lean into him a lot,
Speaker 1: and if he wants this as bad as he's saying
Speaker 1: he does, then he needs to show up and help
Speaker 1: you and hold you up.
Speaker 2: So I like that and just a stay present, staying
Speaker 2: today and just notice the change that he's hopefully we're
Speaker 2: not changed with the growth.
Speaker 1: What is he doing today anymore?
Speaker 3: Yeah, this one's anonymous. My husband and I have been
Speaker 3: barely married a year, and I'm feeling almost completely alone
Speaker 3: in this relationship. It doesn't feel like any kind of
Speaker 3: marriage I've ever imagined myself being in daily my husband
Speaker 3: barely I find out he barely knows much about me.
Speaker 3: He doesn't need to be concerned or bothered about that.
Speaker 3: I can tell him things I need to help me
Speaker 3: cope with anxiety and depression, but I get no help
Speaker 3: from him. I go into the conversation hoping to be
Speaker 3: held and told that he's there for me and the
Speaker 3: things are going to be okay, But instead he's annoyed
Speaker 3: regarding my feelings and what's going on in my head,
Speaker 3: in my heart. So many people on the outside looking
Speaker 3: in and can see the hurt that I'm feeling and
Speaker 3: that I'm not the smiling, spunky, happy person I've always been.
Speaker 3: But I haven't been that person in so long that
Speaker 3: I've forgotten how it felt to not have this huge
Speaker 3: weight on my heart. I may not know much, but
Speaker 3: I do know this is not how a relationship or
Speaker 3: love is supposed to feel. I'm searching for a new
Speaker 3: therapist I'm comfortable with. I don't know what to do
Speaker 3: if he isn't willing to try therapy to make things work.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to fight for this, but I don't know
Speaker 3: how I could keep fighting alone.
Speaker 2: Oh it's so hard. Parts of it. I'm like, you know,
Speaker 2: I want her to ask for what she needs, but
Speaker 2: it sounds like she has hasn't she.
Speaker 1: Well, she wouldn't really say that. She's just saying it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like any kind of marriage she ever imagine,
Speaker 1: and she's find out daily that he does. He barely
Speaker 1: knows much about her, and he's not concerned by that.
Speaker 2: And I would just tell him what you need. Like
Speaker 2: the other day, I was like, I need more love.
Speaker 2: I need more you know, like to feel like you
Speaker 2: care and just like to do like and then maybe
Speaker 2: do something connective together. That way they can get to
Speaker 2: know each other more, you know, like read a book together,
Speaker 2: have discussions around it, or do something that can bring
Speaker 2: them together.
Speaker 1: M My thing is, I feel like a lot of
Speaker 1: this is just managing expectations and over community and communication
Speaker 1: needs to be had because even when she says I
Speaker 1: can tell him things, or she's like she's hoping she's
Speaker 1: hoping she comes out of the conversation where he's like
Speaker 1: willing to to hold her and tell her that it's
Speaker 1: gonna be okay. But you know, generally where men were
Speaker 1: simple minded creatures, where sometimes you need to throw the
Speaker 1: instruction manual in front of us and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: when I talk to you about this, this, these are
Speaker 1: the things that help me. These are the things that
Speaker 1: I need to hear. These like, we can't read your mind.
Speaker 1: So when you want to be told everything's gonna be okay,
Speaker 1: you want to be held like, we don't know that
Speaker 1: until you tell us, and then on it's held against us.
Speaker 1: We were like, wait, what the hell is going on?
Speaker 1: Like why are you so upset?
Speaker 2: Yeah, think the other day You're like I didn't know
Speaker 2: you were this unhappy.
Speaker 1: It's like damn. So it's you know, and here's the
Speaker 1: deal too, because this is something that I'm guilty of, right,
Speaker 1: and this is just just how I process things and
Speaker 1: just what I believe. What I believe in this relationship is,
Speaker 1: you know, Janna wants to feel chosen. A lot of
Speaker 1: that is triggers from the stuff I've done in the past.
Speaker 1: For me, I'm like, she said yes when I asked
Speaker 1: her to marry her. She chooses me, Like, it goes
Speaker 1: back to the beginning. So the fact that we're still married,
Speaker 1: that's enough for me personally to feel chosen. For this guy,
Speaker 1: he might be the same thing where it's just like
Speaker 1: he doesn't see anything wrong because he's like, man, she said, yes,
Speaker 1: she's she's my wife. I was like, this is great.
Speaker 1: Life's awesome. Where's the rush, Like, we're gonna be together
Speaker 1: the rest of our life. We're gonna get we're gonna
Speaker 1: get to know each other and everything's gonna be awesome.
Speaker 1: So okay, like he could it could be that simple
Speaker 1: for him personally. So it's just she just needs to
Speaker 1: not try to read between the lines and just address
Speaker 1: it head on.
Speaker 2: I love that advice. All right, love you guys. Let's
Speaker 2: keep our hands to ourselves and give a little two
Speaker 2: percent a jealousy. Love you guys.
Speaker 3: No h