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Speaker 1: Wake that answer up in the morning. The Breakfast Club Morning.

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Speaker 2: Everybody is DJ Envy, Angela Yee, Charlamagne the guy we

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Speaker 2: are the Breakfast Club.

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Speaker 3: You got a special guest in the building.

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Speaker 1: Never met her before.

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Speaker 3: She's an actress, she's an author, she's a mom. Ladies

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Speaker 3: and gentlemen, it's a wife and my wife.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Gia, Hello, welcome, Geah. What that's this one name?

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Speaker 1: She's like Madonna Beyonce. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. How

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Speaker 1: nervous are you, sir?

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Speaker 4: Seriously, he's been acting real weird. You guys have a

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Speaker 4: book out, Real Life, Real Love, Life, Lessons on Joy,

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Speaker 4: pain and the Magic that holds us together. And I've

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Speaker 4: been dying to ask you this question, Gia in person,

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Speaker 4: how do you feel about Charlamagne and be flirting with

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Speaker 4: each other every day?

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Speaker 5: Kind of turns me on.

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Speaker 6: I didn't expect that answer.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm nervous, people, Okay.

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Speaker 7: Explain No, I mean, I mean, I think it's a

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Speaker 7: little strange, but I'm amused.

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Speaker 5: By it, brotherly love, amused by it.

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Speaker 6: Does anything go too far?

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Speaker 8: Ever?

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Speaker 7: Or no?

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Speaker 5: It's all in good fun and all it is. I

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Speaker 5: don't mind it.

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Speaker 2: So you didn't mind that when he gave me the ass.

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Speaker 9: All context everybody ever watched the show every day context?

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Speaker 1: Please?

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Speaker 7: Okay, wait, can you guys sound by that.

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Speaker 9: When he gave me a mold of his ass's and

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Speaker 9: it wasn't my ass, It was a mold of a ass. Yes,

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Speaker 9: I thought it was the mold of your actual No, No,

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Speaker 9: should ain't it?

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Speaker 6: And then what about when they touch each other and stuff.

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Speaker 1: That's never happened. Don't touch, don't touch.

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Speaker 7: You've never seen them that hasn't happened. No, you want

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Speaker 7: to tell me something I need to know.

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Speaker 6: No, they like rub up brush against each other. If

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Speaker 6: they're walking out the door.

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Speaker 1: Going triting, rubbup against each other. We don't ever do it.

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Speaker 6: They going the revolving door together.

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Speaker 1: That happened one time.

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Speaker 7: Explain that now I need to answer.

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Speaker 1: It was stupid. I don't even know how to apply.

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Speaker 1: It was really stupid. It was really to be very intentional.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't I don't even know.

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Speaker 7: And then what makes his way walking.

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Speaker 3: Around was so stupid?

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Speaker 1: We was giggle because it was so stupid. At the giggle.

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Speaker 7: All the way through it, you guys just added insulted

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Speaker 7: sitting there in the one slot giggling together.

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Speaker 1: Oh man.

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Speaker 9: Anyway, back to the matter at hand, I don't like

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Speaker 9: real life, real love.

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Speaker 1: What is that magic that holds y'all together?

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Speaker 5: You think, you know?

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Speaker 7: Whenever I find that people come to our house or

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Speaker 7: are around us, I think they're kind of surprised at

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Speaker 7: how much fun we have together. I find him to

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Speaker 7: be very charming and charismatic, and one of the things

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Speaker 7: that I love most about him is his boyish nature.

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Speaker 7: So we really have a lot of fun together, and

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Speaker 7: we always since we first met.

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Speaker 5: The first week we spent together, I thought to myself, Wow,

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Speaker 5: it's a lot of fun.

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Speaker 7: Like he's he's like a friend, you know, and that's

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Speaker 7: part of the magic.

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Speaker 1: And you knew that this was the person who the

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Speaker 1: rest of your life.

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Speaker 5: After about two weeks of knowing him.

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Speaker 6: Yes, he knew before you even spent a day together.

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Speaker 7: Explain before before we even spent a day together.

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Speaker 2: That well, when I first when I first seen you,

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Speaker 2: I mean I wrote in a book that I thought

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Speaker 2: you were beautiful and amazing. And the first time I

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Speaker 2: saw you were actually running track And for people that

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Speaker 2: don't know, you know tracks, she's.

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Speaker 6: Playing track.

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Speaker 2: Like that The outfit, and you know he had you know,

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Speaker 2: big double d's and I would stop, basically stalker outside

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Speaker 2: and just watch her run track and watch a breast bottle.

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Speaker 1: Like that word don't say stalk.

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Speaker 7: But that's actually what he was doing. It was actually stalking.

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Speaker 7: And I would see him. I would see him sitting

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Speaker 7: with his friends in this bright blue con Edison van

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Speaker 7: because that's what his parents bought him to trans to

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Speaker 7: transfer his DJ equipment from Sweet sixteen to Sweet sixteen.

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Speaker 7: And I would see it parked behind the fence.

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Speaker 5: I'm thinking to myself, like, Yo, why.

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Speaker 7: Is this van there every day at track practice?

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Speaker 6: Yo?

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Speaker 1: It was crazy?

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Speaker 7: Yeo, it was bright blue. He wasn't low, he was

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Speaker 7: not low.

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Speaker 6: He was just sitting in the And then one day

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Speaker 6: he emerged.

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Speaker 7: Actually, babe, do you remember one day he emerged from

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Speaker 7: the van and approached me and kicked it And I

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Speaker 7: was like, oh, so you're that weirdo.

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Speaker 1: Both kids.

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Speaker 3: She was fifteen, I was sixteen. We went to the

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Speaker 3: same high school.

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Speaker 6: So and yeah, you got skipped the grade, right, yes,

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Speaker 6: skipped the grade. Okay, all right?

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Speaker 4: So then initially, so MB you say that you knew

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Speaker 4: that she was going to be your wife, like right away,

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Speaker 4: you think it was before y'all even spoke, when he

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Speaker 4: was just stalking her.

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Speaker 2: Actually know when we actually spoke, and you know, I

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Speaker 2: found not how you know, beautiful she was inside and

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Speaker 2: outside and how smart she was and caring and she

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Speaker 2: was just that she was the one. She was the

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Speaker 2: most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life and

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Speaker 2: the most precious thing. So I was like, this is

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Speaker 2: going to be my wife.

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Speaker 9: I want people to get the book, but I do want,

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Speaker 9: you know, to explain how do you keep reinventing the

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Speaker 9: relationship when you start that young? Now interview is fifty something,

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Speaker 9: you know what I mean, you're much much younger, But

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Speaker 9: how do you keep fifty? How do you keep reinventing?

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Speaker 5: And I think that that's part of the magic. We

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Speaker 5: don't have to try.

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Speaker 7: We don't intentionally. We do a lot of things intentionally

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Speaker 7: and deliberately, but we don't intentionally reimagine the relationship and

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Speaker 7: act on that. The only thing that I would say

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Speaker 7: that we're good about is keeping it sexy and making

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Speaker 7: sure that that part of our relationship doesn't get too

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Speaker 7: monotonous and doesn't get stale.

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Speaker 5: So we have a lot of fun in that space.

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Speaker 7: But we don't have to think, like, God, how am

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Speaker 7: I gonna stop being borned of you? Or how am

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Speaker 7: I going to get to a point where don't annoy

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Speaker 7: me anymore? He legitimately does not annoy me. I look

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Speaker 7: forward to his phone calls every day, and we probably

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Speaker 7: speak on the phone about maybe eight or nine ten

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Speaker 7: times a day because he's away a lot, you know.

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Speaker 7: So he calls me on his way to the breakfast club.

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Speaker 7: He calls me in his way home from the breakfast club.

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Speaker 5: He calls me.

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Speaker 7: If something happens, he calls me incessantly. It's and I'm

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Speaker 7: never like you again.

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Speaker 5: I'm like again, you know. It's just that feeling.

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Speaker 7: That I've always had that no matter what ups or

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Speaker 7: downs we were going through, that never left me.

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Speaker 4: Now, he told us this story about the cowboy outfit.

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Speaker 5: He told you about that. Wait wait wait, the.

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Speaker 6: Cowboy outfit in college with the asses chaps that they were, Yeah,

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Speaker 6: you tell us about it.

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Speaker 7: Oh wait, ra Sehan, did you actually tell him about

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Speaker 7: it like on error in private?

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Speaker 5: I forgot that he did because it was in private.

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Speaker 5: This is a whole double cross.

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Speaker 6: Jessip as a cowboy and.

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Speaker 2: His he had okay, and I remember that that he

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Speaker 2: told his story.

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Speaker 1: He goes, like what he did?

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Speaker 5: Well, we were in college.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, we went through a stage where we were doing

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Speaker 7: like a lot of uh role play.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And one night I dared him to be a cowboy.

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Speaker 7: So we went and got the cowboy. He had like

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Speaker 7: the big brown hat, and then he had like the

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Speaker 7: little holsters and everything and big.

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Speaker 5: Do you remember I took pictures?

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Speaker 6: Where are those? Are they in the book?

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Speaker 7: He about maybe three years after He made me physically

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Speaker 7: burn them on the grill.

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Speaker 5: Wow, he put them on the grill and told me

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Speaker 5: I how to light it. Yeah, they don't exist.

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Speaker 6: Don't you wish you still had that?

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Speaker 1: Would y'all talk about role play in the book?

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Speaker 9: You said he likes to put on the rock Nation

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Speaker 9: paper plane hat and he goes, what's my name?

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Speaker 1: And I want you to say jiggle.

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Speaker 7: I didn't contribute to that chapter.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that wasn't my work.

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Speaker 6: No, I didn't do they really so he wasn't lying

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Speaker 6: they were assless chaps.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, he had a whole It was a whole thing.

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Speaker 6: I just pulled the yu gie. He did not tell

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Speaker 6: us that.

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Speaker 7: Damn it to help get my book and you will

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Speaker 7: learn a slew of tactics.

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Speaker 5: What you want out of life.

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Speaker 3: Okay, it was a holster, by the way, there were holsters.

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Speaker 6: It was a whole, but it was some other dress

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Speaker 6: up things.

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Speaker 1: You go, right.

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Speaker 7: It was more so me dressing up and he was

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Speaker 7: just like the recipient of that. That that was the

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Speaker 7: one little and that's why it was a dare because

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Speaker 7: it was kind of supposed to be a joke. But

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Speaker 7: he never really dressed up one nurse and he was

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Speaker 7: a doctor.

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Speaker 5: That was once.

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Speaker 1: Did you really burn the pictures?

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Speaker 5: I really did in front of him.

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Speaker 3: Wow, you didn't have.

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Speaker 1: Negatives?

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Speaker 7: Was going to share that ever goes left in our relationships,

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Speaker 7: I have that I will ruin.

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Speaker 5: His entire reputation.

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Speaker 7: I will never be able to work again, and.

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Speaker 4: Might cross them over to a new audience for both

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Speaker 4: of you, because I know COVID hit. You guys have

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Speaker 4: planned to put this out earlier and then COVID hit.

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Speaker 4: So what was it like for y'all actually sitting down

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Speaker 4: and reliving some of these moments.

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Speaker 7: Well, COVID and the quarantine was great for us and

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Speaker 7: our family. It affected different people differently, but we really

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Speaker 7: realized that we could spend damn near one hundred percent

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Speaker 7: of our time together and love it. When the quarantine lifted,

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Speaker 7: everybody in my house was kind of sad, you know

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Speaker 7: about that. But we did take that opportunity to write

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Speaker 7: the book, and some of it was fun. Some of

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Speaker 7: it was fun. It was nice to be creative and

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Speaker 7: get your thoughts down on paper. It was work, but

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Speaker 7: a lot of it was difficult.

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Speaker 5: I'm a very open person. I'm a realist.

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Speaker 7: Rashean I think had a difficult time because he had

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Speaker 7: to relive a lot of the negative things that transpired

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Speaker 7: in our relationship. And he can tend to be surface

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Speaker 7: in some respects where you ask him a question, he

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Speaker 7: gives you an answer. I'm a lot more of an

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Speaker 7: in depth person, you know.

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Speaker 5: I think critically about things.

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Speaker 7: And when we would go over these chapters that he's

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Speaker 7: assigned to write, I would ask him questions like Okay,

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Speaker 7: you can't just answer it with a yes or a

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Speaker 7: no or a simple blanket like one question would mean

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Speaker 7: ten more questions to really get to the meet And

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Speaker 7: you know, I have to keep reiterating we're writing this

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Speaker 7: book so that people have something tangible, a reference point

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Speaker 7: for them to make changes. In their lives if necessary,

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Speaker 7: or to recognize that the person that you're with needs

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Speaker 7: to make changes in their lives. And it was a journey.

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Speaker 7: It was a journey, but I think it was difficult.

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Speaker 3: Nothing, it was difficult. I had to relive a lot

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Speaker 3: of the f boy ish I put you through.

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Speaker 1: And you don't.

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Speaker 2: You forget about a lot of it because you don't

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Speaker 2: have to relive it. But then when you start, no.

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Speaker 7: You forget about a lot of it. I forget nothing.

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Speaker 9: That's the point, though, right, because it's like, we don't

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Speaker 9: realize how much we do hurt our women do. Though, Yeah,

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Speaker 9: I think so. I don't think we realize how deep that.

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Speaker 5: That sounds like an okie doke to me.

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Speaker 9: No, I don't think we Until you actually sit down

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Speaker 9: and have those you know, comfortable conversations, you don't realize

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Speaker 9: how much you.

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Speaker 7: Your wife cheated on you and told you that she

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Speaker 7: would have no idea how much that instood to hurt you.

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Speaker 3: Would that makes sense to you?

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Speaker 1: Probably not? But I mean men don't make sense.

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Speaker 7: You believe that you believe that you're born inherently with

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Speaker 7: like a deficit.

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Speaker 1: Not a deficit.

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Speaker 9: But I just don't think I don't think we I

261
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Speaker 9: don't think we're thinking about it, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 9: Like we.

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Speaker 1: Like that's the sad part.

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Speaker 6: It's selfish and that's what keeps that's what.

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Speaker 9: Keeps you from doing it in the future, you know

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Speaker 9: what I mean, because you do not want to hurt

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Speaker 9: the woman that you love. And it's so crazy because

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Speaker 9: I saw that with my pops, Like I saw the

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Speaker 9: pain that that caused my mom with his infidelity, So

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Speaker 9: in my mind, I was like, damn, I'm about to

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Speaker 9: make the same mistake. So I think it is difficult

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Speaker 9: when you got to relive it because you don't want

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Speaker 9: to talk about it because we don't want to trigger you.

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Speaker 7: You know, some people I don't get triggered, though, Damn.

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Speaker 1: That scared me just now.

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Speaker 7: No, Once I got to a point, and it was

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Speaker 7: a process, it was a long process, it was years.

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Speaker 7: But once I got to a point where I accepted

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Speaker 7: that it was my job to move on because I

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Speaker 7: decided to forgive him, and because he had done all

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Speaker 7: of the work and then some to regain my trust

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Speaker 7: to earn grace from me.

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Speaker 5: I got to a point where I no longer wanted

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Speaker 5: to punish.

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Speaker 7: And I didn't have that inherent need to see him suffer.

286
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Speaker 7: Because when you hurt, and you say it all the time,

287
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Speaker 7: hurt people, hurt people. When you're hurt, you want not

288
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Speaker 7: just people, you want the person that hurt you to hurt.

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Speaker 7: And anytime that I felt any type of way, I

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Speaker 7: made sure that he felt some type of way. So

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Speaker 7: once I learned how to forgive, and that was a

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Speaker 7: process because I wasn't necessarily a forgiving person before. Everything

293
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Speaker 7: was very black and white to me, not very much.

294
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Speaker 7: But once I learned and I understood that that's what

295
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Speaker 7: was expected from me of God, I had to commit

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Speaker 7: to that and do my best to live up to

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Speaker 7: what forgiveness meant.

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Speaker 5: And that's what set me free.

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Speaker 7: Because when you forgive, you don't forgive to ease the

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Speaker 7: burden from the other person. You forgive to ease the

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Speaker 7: burden from you.

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Speaker 4: What was the work you guys did together, like you

303
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Speaker 4: had to work on forgiveness and when you said, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna, you know, have to move on from this.

305
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Speaker 4: But what was the work that he did that let

306
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Speaker 4: you know, Okay, he's serious and you know I can

307
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Speaker 4: finally just say I'm not getting triggered anymore.

308
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Speaker 6: I'm going to let this go.

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Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 7: One of the first things was I realized that he

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Speaker 7: understood the impact of what had happened. What he did,

312
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Speaker 7: he understood it. He didn't just accept it and it

313
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Speaker 7: was accountable for it, but he actually understood. He would

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Speaker 7: do things that a lot of men wouldn't do. He

315
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Speaker 7: would sit there through those eight hour conversations locked in

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Speaker 7: a room.

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Speaker 5: He answered every.

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Speaker 7: Question that I had, and I had a lot of questions,

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Speaker 7: and he answered them all truthfully. And you know when

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Speaker 7: you ask somebody a question and you can tell by

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Speaker 7: their answer, because I mean, the answers weren't pretty, they

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Speaker 7: weren't things that I would have wanted to hear. He

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Speaker 7: went through all of the sufferation, as I call it,

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Speaker 7: and he did it until because a lot of guys

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Speaker 7: when they mess up, and I mean a lot of

326
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Speaker 7: them have told me. I have friends and that have

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Speaker 7: gone through it. It's like, listen, I did it.

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Speaker 5: I apologize. I said I was never going to do

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Speaker 5: it again.

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Speaker 7: I mean that ish right, But it's like every day

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Speaker 7: I'm being punished, I'm being punished, I'm being reminded. It's like,

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Speaker 7: let it go, I apologize, Like what more do you

333
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Speaker 7: want from me blood. He never took that approach with me.

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Speaker 7: It was the until until you are good, until you

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Speaker 7: are healed. If I have to be a punching bag,

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Speaker 7: I will be that. If I have to be a doormat,

337
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Speaker 7: I will be that. I will do anything that it

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Speaker 7: makes to survive this because I cannot be without you.

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Speaker 7: And he proved it every single day. It was as

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Speaker 7: though and he was like this before.

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Speaker 5: But it was even more so during this time.

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Speaker 7: It was as though he communicated to me that the

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Speaker 7: only thing that he wanted was to.

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Speaker 5: Make me happy.

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Speaker 7: And that's pretty much how he lives his life. He

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Speaker 7: lives his life every day waking up thinking like, damn,

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Speaker 7: how can I make Gea his life easier today? How

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Speaker 7: can I make gee A happier today? And every day

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Speaker 7: almost he does something sweet, something special.

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Speaker 5: He works so hard.

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Speaker 7: You guys know, he might sleep three hours a night,

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Speaker 7: but he'll come home and if I have a tray

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Speaker 7: on the bed and I was eating, he'll come into

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Speaker 7: the room and take it down for me, or be like, Babe,

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Speaker 7: can I bring you up some food if.

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Speaker 5: I wasn't eating, Like he does special things.

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Speaker 7: But to answer your question, it was the until it

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00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,480
Speaker 7: was the indefinite, and it was the willingness to do

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Speaker 7: any and everything to earn what he lovet.

360
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Speaker 6: And was there ever a question in your mind?

361
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Speaker 4: I know there was a point when you thought, no

362
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Speaker 4: matter what I do, she's never gonna take me back.

363
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,520
Speaker 6: There ever a time when you were likery.

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Speaker 9: I'm gonna come over there, hug you and just letting

365
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,800
Speaker 9: you know, like you better hold them tears. I'm hung

366
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Speaker 9: the ship out of you from the back if you

367
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Speaker 9: cried in front of your wife.

368
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Speaker 7: But ye, I didn't catch that little feel.

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Speaker 3: At that point.

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Speaker 2: I just, you know, I didn't know what was gonna happen,

371
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,080
Speaker 2: but I was like, I have to be honest to

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Speaker 2: at least get my friend back, you know. And at

373
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Speaker 2: that point, I I, you know, I didn't know what

374
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,840
Speaker 2: kid was gonna do. I thought it was a rap.

375
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Speaker 2: But I was like, I still wanted my friend. I

376
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,720
Speaker 2: still wanted somebody I can talk to, you know, I

377
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,000
Speaker 2: still wanted a relationship whether her that we can bounce

378
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Speaker 2: like this. She's all I knew since I was sixteen,

379
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Speaker 2: So I still wanted my friend back.

380
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Speaker 1: ANSWER's jamaking. That could have been forever.

381
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Speaker 4: Beef, But you know it's interesting that you didn't kick

382
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 4: him out of the house, You were still polite to him,

383
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:55,560
Speaker 4: you still wanted to maintain a co parenting friendship. I

384
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,000
Speaker 4: feel like that hurts more when you're like, we're not

385
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 4: having sex and I might end up with somebody else

386
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Speaker 4: one day, but you know we're cool. That hurt's more,

387
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Speaker 4: I think sometimes and just completely like being nasty to

388
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Speaker 4: somebody and cutting them off.

389
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Speaker 7: Yes, Well, when I found out divorce was imminent, it

390
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,120
Speaker 7: was never a question. I was raised by a very

391
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,720
Speaker 7: strong mother who taught me that if a man ever

392
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:27,480
Speaker 7: disrespects you to that degree, then you walk. So it

393
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,800
Speaker 7: didn't matter how much I loved for Sean and how

394
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,360
Speaker 7: much I would have missed him, and it didn't matter.

395
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:33,320
Speaker 5: If I cried every night.

396
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,360
Speaker 7: It did not matter one iota how I felt. The

397
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,080
Speaker 7: only thing that was important to me was that I

398
00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:43,119
Speaker 7: operated with my head and not my heart, and that

399
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Speaker 7: I did what I always said that I was going

400
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,040
Speaker 7: to do. So when I found out, when it was

401
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,040
Speaker 7: confirmed for me, and you can read the book and

402
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 7: see the.

403
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,480
Speaker 1: Entire no we want you to go get there, the

404
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 1: entire story.

405
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:58,160
Speaker 7: But when he confirmed it, we were in a parking lot,

406
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 7: and when I drove away from that parking lot. It

407
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,040
Speaker 7: was a few days before Christmas, and his mother was

408
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,920
Speaker 7: at the house helping me decorate because we were hosting

409
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,399
Speaker 7: that year. But I walked into the house and I

410
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 7: told her, I said, Christmas is canceled. And she said, oh,

411
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,560
Speaker 7: Christmas is canceled. And I said, well, I just found

412
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,880
Speaker 7: out that Rashon cheated on me and we're getting a divorce,

413
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,760
Speaker 7: so there's not gonna be any Christmas this year, at

414
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:23,800
Speaker 7: least I'm not hosting.

415
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,800
Speaker 9: You know, it's wild that people actually canceled Christmas. I

416
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,440
Speaker 9: thought that was just a figure of speech. No, no,

417
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,679
Speaker 9: if this should happened, we canceling Christmas, canceled Christmas?

418
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, cancel Christmas.

419
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,240
Speaker 5: Well, in the sense of us hosting.

420
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 7: I wasn't going to cancel it for our children, but

421
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,840
Speaker 7: you know, we didn't have to decorate for thirty people

422
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,400
Speaker 7: to come over.

423
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Speaker 5: And my lovely mother in law, Hi.

424
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:49,080
Speaker 7: Mama, she defended her beautiful son with everything that she

425
00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:54,119
Speaker 7: could because pretty much, and when she said something to

426
00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,240
Speaker 7: that effect, I said, but for the fact that he

427
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,960
Speaker 7: just told me that it was true. And he came

428
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:05,119
Speaker 7: home maybe twenty or thirty minutes later, and it was

429
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:09,560
Speaker 7: a whole thing, right, But I was adamant that we

430
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 7: were getting a divorce. I contacted an attorney, paid an attorney.

431
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 5: It was decided.

432
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,240
Speaker 7: But thankfully, there were a whole host of things that

433
00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 7: happened that that convinced me that God had other plans.

434
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 1: What did God say to you?

435
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 5: God didn't say anything to me.

436
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 7: See, I was raised Catholic. I went to Catholic schools

437
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 7: my whole life, so did for Sean. But I was

438
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:40,919
Speaker 7: never spiritual.

439
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 5: You know.

440
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 7: I got to school and said to Hail Mary and

441
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,880
Speaker 7: the our Father. And you know, if I prayed at night,

442
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,800
Speaker 7: it was like, thank you God for all my blessings,

443
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 7: thank you for my life.

444
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 5: You know, Can I get that new Nintendo for Christmas?

445
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:59,879
Speaker 7: You know, I wasn't raised with this this deeply instilled

446
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 7: faith where I felt as though I knew God and

447
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,280
Speaker 7: I lived differently because I didn't know God in that way.

448
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 7: So when God revealed himself to me, and he may

449
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 7: have tried for years, you see, but I wouldn't have

450
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 7: I didn't speak his language. I would have never been

451
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,720
Speaker 7: able to interpret God trying to reach out to me.

452
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 7: So I really believe that this happened so that me, particularly,

453
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,199
Speaker 7: not even Rashon, so that I could be humbled, you know,

454
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,640
Speaker 7: because I thought so highly of our relationship. I thought

455
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 7: so highly of Rashon because he was despite what he did,

456
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 7: he was a wonderful husband, a wonderful father. I was

457
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 7: utterly blindsided when this happened, because it was no red

458
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,760
Speaker 7: flags within our house.

459
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 5: He was thoughtful, affectionate.

460
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 7: Kind, sweet, generous, romantic, everything that you would want him

461
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,360
Speaker 7: to be, with a little dose of crazy. And there

462
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,479
Speaker 7: is that in the book. I'm not saying that it

463
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 7: was amazing. I was really blindsided.

464
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,120
Speaker 5: But when God.

465
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,080
Speaker 7: Spoke, he spoke through other people, and when he found

466
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 7: when I found out what happened. It's funny we were

467
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 7: being approached for reality shows at the.

468
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 5: Time, and.

469
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 7: When he took someone's terrible advice to apologize to me

470
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 7: on the radio and make our personal woes private.

471
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, our personal woes public.

472
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 10: I didn't know though. I didn't know what he was

473
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 10: going through. He just laying on the I didn't know

474
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,919
Speaker 10: what he'd be like out of it. I'm like, yo,

475
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,879
Speaker 10: what the is your problem? I didn't know what it was.

476
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 10: So as I'm priding him, like what the hell is

477
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 10: going on? I didn't know that was coming.

478
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 1: Oh okay, yeah, I didn't know that.

479
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 7: When he apologized, you didn't know what He would literally

480
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 7: come in here and be like laid out on the

481
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 7: floor in the fetal position the whole show, Like he

482
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 7: would not be here with us, he wouldn't be present,

483
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,159
Speaker 7: And I just knew something.

484
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 9: So no, I was like, when he gets on the air,

485
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,119
Speaker 9: I'm going to ask him on the air, what is

486
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 9: his problem?

487
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: Because I was tired of asking him.

488
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,120
Speaker 9: Behind the scenes, and so I asked him on the air.

489
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,399
Speaker 9: I didn't know that was coming.

490
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: Though.

491
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 7: It was a terrible idea, but maybe it was the

492
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,840
Speaker 7: same dose of common sense that you guys are talking about.

493
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,880
Speaker 6: Men men think differently.

494
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,479
Speaker 7: Yes, But when it was made public, my one of

495
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 7: my best friends, his name is Rashid, he's the husband

496
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 7: of my other best friend, her name is Sasha. He

497
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 7: called to see if what he had heard was true

498
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 7: because he thought that maybe it was just something being

499
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 7: drummed up because we're supposed to be on a reality

500
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 7: show or something like that. And when he called, I said, no,

501
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 7: everything that you heard is absolutely true, and it's it's

502
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,240
Speaker 7: a terrible story. As you said, you know, Rashaan was

503
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 7: circling the drain at that time, and Rashid decided to

504
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 7: come to New York from California because he lives in

505
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 7: LA But we had a very a horrible event happened

506
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 7: at our home and you can read about it in

507
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 7: the book.

508
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 3: Didn't like me, Rushi. You know, he always thought our relationship.

509
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,120
Speaker 6: Was toxic with you, You're too controlling.

510
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: He thought I was too controlling, which I was at times,

511
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 2: but so he didn't like me. So the fact that

512
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 2: he flew in to try to save this relationship meant

513
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 2: a lot because he already didn't like me.

514
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 1: I thought, you said, saved the relationship.

515
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 6: That's well, that's coming, was telling too much.

516
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 7: Well, well, what happened was he flew in and I

517
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 7: didn't want him there because our marriage was ending and

518
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 7: I just wanted to be by myself. But he insisted.

519
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 5: He said, I'm.

520
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 7: Pulling into I'm flying into Newark International Airport at such

521
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 7: and such a time.

522
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 5: Come get me. I went, and I got him, and.

523
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 7: That was the start of the biggest change that we

524
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 7: that we needed to go through. He came to our

525
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 7: house and I said, why are you here? And he said,

526
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,040
Speaker 7: God said here, I said, of all people, you. You're

527
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 7: the only person in our lives that didn't champion our marriage.

528
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 7: You're the only one that ever told me that maybe

529
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 7: he's not the right person for me. Why you, he said, Gia,

530
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 7: I don't know. I've been praying since I got off

531
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 7: the phone with you. After that terrible thing happened, and

532
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 7: I walked into my boss's office, told him I had

533
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 7: to take a leave of absence, went home, packed a bag,

534
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 7: and got on a plane and headed here. And it's

535
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,240
Speaker 7: only through the assignment of God. God spoke to me.

536
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 7: I said, so, what does that mean? Like, are you

537
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 7: hearing voices? Like, what do you mean God spoke to you?

538
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,760
Speaker 7: And he said to me, when God speaks to you,

539
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 7: it says though he puts an overwhelming feeling on your heart,

540
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 7: and when he tells you to do something, you don't

541
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:44,320
Speaker 7: ask any questions.

542
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,360
Speaker 5: You just do it.

543
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,199
Speaker 7: I said, okay, well, basically I have to wrap my

544
00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:52,439
Speaker 7: mind around that because I didn't have the tools to

545
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:57,040
Speaker 7: really understand that. And he stayed with us for about

546
00:24:57,080 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 7: maybe ten twelve days, and he taught us a lot

547
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:06,159
Speaker 7: about God and faith and spirituality and what his assignment was.

548
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 5: And he brought in his past or, her name was

549
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 5: Sister Nancy.

550
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 7: She had the same feedback from God when she prayed,

551
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 7: and this was all new to me, and I was

552
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 7: actually very angry because now I have people in my

553
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,679
Speaker 7: life that I respect and love that are telling me

554
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 7: that I have to stay in a relationship that I'm

555
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 7: adamant on getting out of. And it was very, very heavy.

556
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 7: I can't describe to you how heavy it was and

557
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 7: how insistent he was in his assurance of what God

558
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 7: communicated to him.

559
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,199
Speaker 3: In the fast forward, Tyree's same thing. I didn't know.

560
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:38,880
Speaker 2: You know, we knew Tyree's coming up here doing an interview,

561
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 2: but I didn't know Tyres had to have his number,

562
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 2: you know, he didn't have a new song. But when

563
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: he heard me on the radio that day, he called

564
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:49,680
Speaker 2: and wanted to speak to Gea. And you can read

565
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 2: in the book because he got us together.

566
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 3: But he said the exact.

567
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 2: Same thing like Tyreesa Rashi was speaking to each other

568
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 2: and it was kind of like those two were the

569
00:25:58,240 --> 00:25:58,720
Speaker 2: ones to.

570
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 4: Really marriage and they didn't know, he said, and yeah,

571
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 4: you had asked for a sign.

572
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 7: Well that was the thing, because I was so angered

573
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 7: by what I was hearing, Like, oh, I was a

574
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 7: victim being cheated on, now being victimized again by God

575
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 7: telling me that I have to stay in a relationship

576
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 7: that I'm adamant about leaving. I don't understand this, and

577
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 7: I was and I'm not a big crier, but one

578
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 7: day I was taking a shower and I began to cry,

579
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 7: and I began to pray in the way that I

580
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,199
Speaker 7: was learning how to pray, and I asked God for

581
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 7: a sign that I can interpret for myself, so at

582
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 7: least it would feel as though I was making my

583
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 7: own decision, and a decision wasn't being made for me,

584
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 7: so I damn near begged for a sign. And then

585
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:42,919
Speaker 7: shortly after Tyrese called Rashaan and asked for him to

586
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 7: set something up and we went to Philippe Chow's. He

587
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 7: came in with a backup singer and a guitarist. He

588
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 7: performed Stay just for Rashaan and I. Then he sat

589
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 7: down for about four hours and we had a conversation

590
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 7: and he tried to explain to me how a man

591
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 7: can love you and still cheat at the same time,

592
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 7: because I didn't really understand that. But at the end

593
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,640
Speaker 7: of the conversation I asked him, I said, you know.

594
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 5: Why are you here? Didn't You don't even know if

595
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 5: I'm a good person.

596
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 7: You don't know if this relationship is even worth salvaging.

597
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 5: Why would you do that?

598
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 7: You didn't know, Rashan, you have no dog in this fight.

599
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 7: You have nothing to gain or lose. You're supposed to

600
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 7: be at a wedding somewhere else. You changed your flights

601
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 7: to be here.

602
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 5: Why?

603
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 7: He said, God sent me here to do this. I said,

604
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 7: what do you mean, God sent you here to do this?

605
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 7: He said, God sent me? I said, are you hearing voices?

606
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 5: He said no, and then.

607
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 7: He reiterated verbatim exactly what Rashid said to me in

608
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 7: my kitchen that day. And I had to ask Russian Tyreesa.

609
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 7: I said, is that like in the Bible? Is that

610
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 7: what you just said? Is that like a thing that

611
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 7: people know? And he said no, I'm just telling you

612
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 7: how I feel.

613
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 5: Like, what do you mean?

614
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 7: And at that moment, I just like threw my hands

615
00:27:55,560 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 7: up and I said, like, okay, looked at Rashaan and

616
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 7: I said, I forgive you. I don't know what that means.

617
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 7: I will work on this with you. I don't know

618
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 7: how long that will take. I will do what I'm

619
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 7: now believing is required of me. But we're going to

620
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 7: be in for a ride because I'm not really there.

621
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 7: But I can commit to you in this moment because

622
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 7: there is not that much coincidence in the world for

623
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 7: what just happened.

624
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to my wife too. I

625
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: just feel like conversation apologize.

626
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 4: I'm that your mom was so strong and you knew,

627
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 4: you know, initially what you had to do, and your

628
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 4: families were so intertwined. So during this time, was she

629
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 4: supportive and wanting y'all to get back together or was

630
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 4: she like, Kia, you gotta go.

631
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 5: It's funny.

632
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 7: Rashawan and I have a podcast called The Casey Crew,

633
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 7: and I did an all girls podcast as a book

634
00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 7: review last week, and I shared something during that podcast

635
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,959
Speaker 7: that I don't know if I've even ever told Rashaan.

636
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:09,160
Speaker 7: It's a very very private and personal thought, but I'll

637
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 7: share it now since you're asking.

638
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 5: My mother passed.

639
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 7: Away in May, and she suffered from dementia for about

640
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 7: maybe fourteen years, so when this all happened, she had dementia.

641
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 7: If my mother didn't have dementia, Rashawn and I wouldn't

642
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 7: be married. Today, because there would have been no way, God,

643
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 7: no God, that I could have gone to my mother

644
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 7: and told her what happened and told her that I

645
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 7: was staying. It couldn't have it could not have happened.

646
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 7: It would not have happened. God literally would have had

647
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 7: to have appeared in front of me and my mother

648
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 7: and convinced both of us.

649
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 5: Because I wasn't raised that way.

650
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 7: So what's personal about this is to me is that

651
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 7: I believe that whatever Rashana and I have to accomplish,

652
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 7: either through our marriage or through our children, is so

653
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 7: great that I think my mother was a casualty of that.

654
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 7: I think that God took my mother's sensibilities away from

655
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 7: her so that I wouldn't be in a position where

656
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 7: I had to make that decision. I just think that

657
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 7: what we have to accomplish is so great. And maybe

658
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 7: one of those things is this book, because I think

659
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 7: that our book will help a multitude of couples, and

660
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 7: I think that there are things in there that can

661
00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 7: be life changing for people.

662
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, go get the book, Real Life, Real Love.

663
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 9: But let's I want to talk about something positive, because

664
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 9: you know, you said something women have intuition. You said

665
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 9: you had no, Cluto right, No, But how do you

666
00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 9: know when he's right? Because I think that's something we

667
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 9: don't talk about enough. I think women know when their

668
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 9: man is no longer really out there in the streets,

669
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:06,920
Speaker 9: when he's actually changed. And how did you know he

670
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 9: had actually changed?

671
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:10,080
Speaker 5: That's a good question.

672
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 7: I didn't because there was no aside from his over

673
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:23,720
Speaker 7: commitment to me. After the fact, there was no change.

674
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 7: He was wonderful. Then I had faith in God and

675
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 7: a lot of people. I'll phrase the question a little

676
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 7: bit differently the way that people ask me, how do

677
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 7: you know that he'll never cheat again? And I tell

678
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 7: them because once Rashi Rashid started something, we carried that torch.

679
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 7: Now we're very spiritual together. We pray together every morning

680
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 7: before he leaves to come here.

681
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 5: And.

682
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 7: We have an individual relationship with God, each of us.

683
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 7: So if he cheats, he doesn't have to worry about me.

684
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 7: He has to worry about God. He has bigger fish

685
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,239
Speaker 7: to fry than me. So when people ask me, you know,

686
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 7: what's the best relationship advice that you can give me

687
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 7: for my marriage, and it honestly is to keep God

688
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 7: at the pinnacle of your marriage.

689
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:18,640
Speaker 5: Be honor Him, keep your faith in him.

690
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 7: Be a child of him, because when you do that,

691
00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 7: that is what's going to guide you to be a

692
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 7: good person, to be honest, to be committed and faithful.

693
00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 7: It's to him. Don't be loyal to another human. Be

694
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 7: led by goodness, because in that goodness you will do

695
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 7: right by your spouse. And that's how I feel, And

696
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 7: that's how I knew.

697
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 5: That's how I knew.

698
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: And be let me ask you, because you know, for women,

699
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,680
Speaker 4: we always are like and like you said, Tyrese was

700
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 4: having a conversation how a man can't cheat on you

701
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 4: but still love you. Yeah, but why, like you know,

702
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,480
Speaker 4: that's something that for women we always want to know.

703
00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,120
Speaker 4: And I'm sure you had so many conversations.

704
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:01,400
Speaker 5: I still don't like his answer.

705
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 3: I don't necessarily agree with what tyre said.

706
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: I really feel that until you know the definition of

707
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: what love really means. I think a lot of times

708
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 2: people just say I love you, and it's oh, I

709
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,800
Speaker 2: love you. But until you understand the definition of what

710
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 2: love means, then you realize I don't if I love

711
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: somebody like I say, you don't want to hurt them,

712
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:20,959
Speaker 2: You don't want to cheat on them, you don't want

713
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 2: to disrespect them. You don't want to have them looking

714
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 2: crazy because you love that person. And I don't think

715
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 2: I knew the definition of love. But when I figured

716
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 2: that definition of what love is and what gia meant

717
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 2: to me, you know, you realize I don't want to

718
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 2: hurt her. I don't want to see her cry, I

719
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 2: don't want to see her feel away. I don't want

720
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 2: to disrespect her. I don't want to be controlling. I

721
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: don't want to be any of those things. And when

722
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 2: you realize what that definition is, your outlook of life changes.

723
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 9: I agree with him, and I'll add on I've explored

724
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 9: this in therapy. When you say you can cheat and

725
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 9: still love a person, you might, but you don't really

726
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 9: love yourself. I think a lot of times, not a

727
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 9: lot of times. All the time, men cheat for ego.

728
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 9: Like that said, it's wounded ego. It's something that where

729
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 9: alas it has nothing to do with all wives, nothing

730
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 9: to do with our girlfriends. It's something that we feel

731
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 9: like we're lacking for whatever reason, and that's what we

732
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 9: go and do.

733
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: It's literally just to feed all ego.

734
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 4: Do you think women cheat for the same reason as

735
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 4: men or you thinks different? Like when women cheat, you

736
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,760
Speaker 4: think they cheat for different reasons.

737
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 7: I think women also cheat for ego. Who doesn't like

738
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 7: to have the attention of the opposite sex, you know,

739
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:29,239
Speaker 7: especially when you are at a deficit and you do

740
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 7: have holes and you need those holes filled and most

741
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 7: people have slight holes, you know, not that you're out

742
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 7: there thirsty for the attention of the opposite sex, but

743
00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 7: even if it's of the same sex, when someone pays

744
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 7: you a compliment, like it's nice to be wanted, is

745
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 7: essentially what I'm saying. So for women, yeah, I mean

746
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,720
Speaker 7: I think that if you're with someone and you cheat,

747
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 7: I think a big part of it is ego. But

748
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 7: then you know, you'll have people that say that they

749
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 7: cheat because the person at home isn't doing what they're

750
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 7: supposed to do, you know. And we have a son, Logan.

751
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:05,520
Speaker 7: He's eighteen, so he's starting to date seriously and whatnot now.

752
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:07,200
Speaker 7: And I had a conversation with him the other day

753
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 7: and I said, listen, I said, listen, if you commit

754
00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,919
Speaker 7: to a girl and you make her your girlfriend, one

755
00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 7: thing I do not want you to.

756
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,240
Speaker 5: Do is cheat.

757
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 7: Do not come to me and tell me that you

758
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 7: guys broke up because you cheated on her. Because I've

759
00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 7: raised you better than that. If you decide that you

760
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:30,440
Speaker 7: want something else or she's not satisfying whatever needs you have,

761
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,240
Speaker 7: break up with her and move on to the next.

762
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:35,279
Speaker 7: And if within a week you feel the same way

763
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 7: about that girl, break up with her and move on

764
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:40,399
Speaker 7: to the next. Do not cheat because you're sacrificing your

765
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 7: own integrity when you do that, And that's pretty much

766
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 7: a sign of really not loving yourself. When you love yourself,

767
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 7: you want to be self actualized. You want to be

768
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,880
Speaker 7: your best self. You want to reach your highest potential.

769
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 7: You want to be a kind, a good person, and

770
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 7: you owe that to yourself. You don't necessarily owe it

771
00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,400
Speaker 7: to the other person. You owe it to yourself to

772
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,760
Speaker 7: do those things. And that's what I'm trying to instill

773
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 7: in him as my oldest male child.

774
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 5: You know, Logan going to.

775
00:36:05,840 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 9: Be breaking up with a lot of girls unless you

776
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 9: find that one like y'all did early.

777
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 6: He will be bringing up with now during this time.

778
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,560
Speaker 6: Did anybody get in your d MS. I'm just curious.

779
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:20,800
Speaker 5: When the cheating happened.

780
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like you know, I wasn't. People were thinking maybe

781
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,280
Speaker 6: it's you know, it might be back on the market.

782
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 7: I wasn't on Instagram at the time. I didn't even

783
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 7: know how to operate Instagram. I've never been on Facebook.

784
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 7: I've never been on Twitter.

785
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 3: So he has no social media. She has no Twitter,

786
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:36,240
Speaker 3: no Facebook.

787
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 7: Well now I have Instagram, but at the time, which

788
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:42,440
Speaker 7: is probably why he was able to accomplish what he

789
00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 7: accomplished in all of his Deceit.

790
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 5: Funny.

791
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: The book is more about cheating guys.

792
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 3: Can we get.

793
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 9: Very triggering conversation? No, it really is, because I've heard

794
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:56,720
Speaker 9: all of this before.

795
00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 5: Oh have you really?

796
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:03,480
Speaker 7: Yeah? Yeah, it's like it's not this, it's talk about it,

797
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 7: but your it is about a lot more than that.

798
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 4: And we got to see, like early on things that

799
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 4: you guys had to work on within yourselves, you know,

800
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:14,920
Speaker 4: for you and b when did you get over being

801
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:19,799
Speaker 4: so possessive and because there's one thing about being protective,

802
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 4: but then it crosses the line when it's overly done

803
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 4: and it feels like you were very jealous and possessive

804
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:30,279
Speaker 4: and insecure. How did you manage to cope with and

805
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 4: overcome that?

806
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 3: Well, it happened.

807
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,400
Speaker 2: Because I mean I was I was DJ Shrimp at

808
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,640
Speaker 2: first when I was five foot four, had glasses, had braces,

809
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 2: and had acne.

810
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 3: I wasn't running around, you know.

811
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 2: Here's what I said is but like my mom would say,

812
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 2: I wasn't to catch me out like nobody was. I

813
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 2: wasn't hoiling at nobody. Nobody was hollering at me. That's

814
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:49,319
Speaker 2: what mom would say.

815
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: She was doing charity gear.

816
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:55,359
Speaker 6: Yeah.

817
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 7: I thought that he was very cute and like I

818
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,240
Speaker 7: said earlier, charismatic was like a fixed.

819
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 9: Oh my goodness, he was your first renovation.

820
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:12,480
Speaker 7: That's what.

821
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: We got to take.

822
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,360
Speaker 3: So, you know, I was I was very insecure.

823
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:20,359
Speaker 2: So when she would go out, I would always think, damn,

824
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 2: she gonna find somebody that smarter, that looks better, that

825
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 2: does this, that does that.

826
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:24,399
Speaker 3: So I was.

827
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 2: Always in skills. So I never wanted her to go out.

828
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 2: If she did go out, I never wanted her to

829
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 2: wear anything sexy. I kind of wanted to control it.

830
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,799
Speaker 2: So I was always fearful that she would find somebody else.

831
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 3: And I think what changed me.

832
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 2: I think she did, you know, basically say that you

833
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 2: know I was worthy that you know, she wasn't gonna

834
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:43,840
Speaker 2: leave me for somebody else.

835
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,280
Speaker 3: And it was just conversation.

836
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 2: Was it was my own insecurity that was affecting hurt

837
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 2: in our relationship.

838
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 9: As you got older, you think it was guilty conscience

839
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 9: because you knew what you was doing, and you might

840
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 9: have been projecting on her things.

841
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:57,919
Speaker 1: She might have been doing the same thing.

842
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,720
Speaker 7: No, he had been like that since the very very beginning.

843
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,759
Speaker 3: It was you know, it was it was insecurity, and

844
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 3: then you got to think she was beautiful. So she

845
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 3: had all these.

846
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 2: Different celebs and all these different people hollering at her.

847
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 2: So you know, she would come back and tell me, like,

848
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 2: you know, one time, I don't know if we put

849
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 2: this in the book, but somebody.

850
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:18,240
Speaker 3: Gave you a watch, right, I'm like, yes, gave a

851
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 3: bot a watch at the mall and gave it to him.

852
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I'm like, while I was shopping, he

853
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:22,840
Speaker 5: liked me.

854
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 2: I did what any guy would do. I put it

855
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,879
Speaker 2: under the truck, rand it over seven times.

856
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, he sure did. I couldn't even give it to

857
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,680
Speaker 7: his mother or my mother, Like I understood that he

858
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,839
Speaker 7: didn't want me to wear it, and the person didn't

859
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 7: give it to me directly. I was shopping and I

860
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:39,279
Speaker 7: was looking at Mavado watches at the time, and he

861
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 7: hallowed and I turned him down. Then when I left,

862
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 7: he went and asked a salesperson what was she looking at?

863
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 5: What was she interested in?

864
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 7: And he bought me an esperanza levado esperanza.

865
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 5: This year we were there's a little bit oldero.

866
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 7: He was clearly like in the twenty or or something

867
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 7: in college. Yeah, and he took the box and the

868
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,240
Speaker 7: bag and wrote a note and put it on my car.

869
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 7: So he had seen obviously he had seen me, you know,

870
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 7: come from the parking lot and then yeah, so so

871
00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:10,880
Speaker 7: I didn't. I wouldn't have accepted it from him if

872
00:40:10,920 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 7: he tried to give it to me.

873
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 5: It was on my car, so.

874
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 7: I brought it home. I was like, oh my god,

875
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 7: guess what happened? Like I told the story, Rashaan was

876
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 7: irate and literally put it behind his back wheel and

877
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 7: ran it over and then put the car and drive

878
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 7: ran it over again.

879
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 5: Back in her verse.

880
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 7: Donated that watch, was like, we could have given it

881
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:31,760
Speaker 7: to somebody, and every gifted.

882
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,800
Speaker 6: That watch.

883
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 4: Yes, Like there was also an instance where he caught

884
00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 4: you in the club grinding on somebody. My gosh, this

885
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,560
Speaker 4: is funny to me because Vy is like, you know,

886
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 4: he acts really different here than.

887
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 6: I would not.

888
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:54,919
Speaker 7: You don't get any doses of his crazy though.

889
00:40:55,239 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 6: What Well, but you know what it is. Emmy is petty.

890
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 6: Mvy is petty.

891
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 7: He's petty, but I don't cross him.

892
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 6: Like certain things that he does. I'm like Amvy was

893
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 6: out of his mind.

894
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 7: Well that night we were in college and he had

895
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:18,960
Speaker 7: a party at Virginia State. Now, Rashwan saw to it

896
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,880
Speaker 7: that every single and I mean every one hundred percent

897
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,200
Speaker 7: of the parties that he did while we were in college,

898
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 7: he made sure that I was at every single party

899
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 7: with him. I was in the DJ booth. I was

900
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,720
Speaker 7: not allowed to leave the DJ booth. If I wanted

901
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,920
Speaker 7: an Amaretto sour from the bar, he would send little Sean,

902
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 7: who is our friend, to the bar to get it

903
00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 7: for me.

904
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 1: Story that has nothing to do with this. We're talking

905
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 1: about your book.

906
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,080
Speaker 7: And if I tried to break out of the DJ

907
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 7: booth when he wasn't looking, then I would always have

908
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 7: two of his friends escorting me to make sure that

909
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 7: no one kicked it.

910
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 6: To me, let me out of his cage.

911
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 7: Yes, so it would be me every time we hung out,

912
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 7: wud be me and like.

913
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 5: Seven to eight dudes. I was always just like the homie.

914
00:42:02,880 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 5: I was always there.

915
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 7: And this one night he had a party at Virginia

916
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 7: State and I couldn't fit in the car because he

917
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 7: was bringing you know, his friends for security and whatnot.

918
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,080
Speaker 7: And that night there was a party at the armory.

919
00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 7: I was like, okay, I'm going to the party at

920
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:14,959
Speaker 7: the armory.

921
00:42:14,960 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 5: He was like, no, you're not.

922
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 7: I was like, oh, yes, I am. Turned into a

923
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 7: big argument. I was like, all right, well, I'll just

924
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 7: tell you that I'm not and go anyway. So that's

925
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,760
Speaker 7: what I did. He's on his way. I'm at the party.

926
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 7: I'm dancing with a dude. Little Sean is at the

927
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 7: armory too.

928
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:35,120
Speaker 5: He sees him. He calls Rashaan. Rashon buses a yui.

929
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 5: Now you know how important this syst to him, because

930
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 5: there's nothing.

931
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:41,719
Speaker 7: That he loves more besides than making some money. We

932
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 7: know that he forfeited that money. Made a U turn

933
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 7: came back. I'm dancing with the kid. I look up.

934
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,080
Speaker 7: I see Rashaan charging towards me. The fear of God

935
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 7: came over me, and it was as though I felt

936
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,720
Speaker 7: like my life flashed before me, like I felt whatever

937
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 7: that hormone is, I felt it rushed through my body.

938
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 5: And he came. He grabbed me.

939
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,399
Speaker 7: He threw me over his shoulder, caveman style, and then

940
00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 7: rushed me to like the other side of the of

941
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 7: the dance hall.

942
00:43:08,160 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 6: This is next level, like this.

943
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 1: Is the stereotypical lights skin Nigga s I don't know

944
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: what you're talking about. It you know.

945
00:43:15,960 --> 00:43:17,960
Speaker 5: What I mean? Yeah, I mean.

946
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 7: And then we had a conversation where, you know, he

947
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 7: made me very well aware how disappointed he was, how

948
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:25,360
Speaker 7: hurt he was to see me.

949
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 5: I guess just thank God, right, No, how he.

950
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 3: First moved to Jersey, he moved.

951
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 9: I don't think we should tell the story because it

952
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 9: just makes you sound even more horrible.

953
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't think you should tell this story.

954
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,080
Speaker 5: All right, that's gonna be on the chopping block.

955
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 1: We could if you want to get it.

956
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:51,400
Speaker 5: I want to know.

957
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,919
Speaker 9: Well, I moved into an apartment complex, and the woman

958
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 9: at the apartment complex they, I think, I think you should,

959
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 9: you know, watch envy. And I said, we you mean

960
00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 9: watch envy, like I think you should, you know, just

961
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,520
Speaker 9: be be careful around envy. And I'm like, all right,

962
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 9: I'm thinking she about to tell me, you know, he's

963
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 9: a grimy, dude, think whatever she was like, because you

964
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 9: know he's got a boyfriend in this building.

965
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 7: I know what building you moved into.

966
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 9: Okay, yes, yes, so you got a boyfriend in this building.

967
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 9: He looks like you. You're like the same height. Wow,

968
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:20,840
Speaker 9: and heads you have the same complexion.

969
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,360
Speaker 1: And I'm like what she was?

970
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 9: I mean, I just I just see him come over here,

971
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 9: and then you just hear moaning, moaning, moaning.

972
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: Oh there was.

973
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:29,319
Speaker 3: No moaning, but.

974
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,520
Speaker 2: Visits showing, and and for for a long time they

975
00:44:33,560 --> 00:44:35,440
Speaker 2: thought that me and Sewan, I guess were gay lovers.

976
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 7: Oh wow, look at how rumors get started.

977
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 5: Boy moaning, were moaning.

978
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:47,200
Speaker 7: A girl?

979
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

980
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 6: Okay, whatever in the.

981
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:58,439
Speaker 1: Book that you read in there, that's positive, man.

982
00:44:58,760 --> 00:44:59,000
Speaker 6: Listen.

983
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 4: The positive thing is a together and that sometimes, you know,

984
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 4: to get to the positivity, you got to go through

985
00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 4: a lot of ugliness.

986
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 9: But that's the thing, right, I already know that it's

987
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 9: gonna be a lot of judgment, you know what I'm saying,

988
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:10,479
Speaker 9: And people are like, oh, how.

989
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 1: Could you stay through that?

990
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 9: And then they're gonna try to pain an interview to

991
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 9: be some controlling, abusive person.

992
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 1: But y'all were young, like people don't factor that in.

993
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,719
Speaker 7: Well, let's just clarify. You know, when we use the

994
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 7: word abusive, that's a heavy word, right, and abuse comes

995
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 7: in ultimate forms. I understand what you're saying, But he

996
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 7: was never physically abusive, and I've never been scared of him.

997
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 7: I just knew that his controlling nature was rooted in

998
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 7: his insecurity, and I felt as though I could show

999
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 7: him enough love that he would eventually get to a

1000
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 7: point where he would feel secure and understand that he's

1001
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 7: worthy of all of the love that I give him.

1002
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,759
Speaker 7: You know what I mean, because it took convincing, and

1003
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 7: I literally had to convince like, I am, I'm not leaving,

1004
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 7: I'm not going anywhere. I am thrilled to be with you.

1005
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 7: I am happy that we're in college. I'm like, we

1006
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:10,400
Speaker 7: plan on getting married, starting a family, but he wouldn't

1007
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 7: let go of it.

1008
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,600
Speaker 9: One of the biggest things I think that came out

1009
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 9: of this was all the work that he did do

1010
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,320
Speaker 9: on himself. And he was suicideal at a point. That's

1011
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 9: we know that, right. Yes, I don't think that was

1012
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 9: all because of what was going on with you. I

1013
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,399
Speaker 9: think it was, like I said, it was other things

1014
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,720
Speaker 9: that he was dealing with inside of him that probably

1015
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:28,879
Speaker 9: got him to that point.

1016
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,359
Speaker 7: Yes, we would have to ask him, because we've never

1017
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 7: had a conversation of it being about anything besides the

1018
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 7: threat of losing our relationship.

1019
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 3: I would say this.

1020
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 2: I would say, you know, I used to look at

1021
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:46,600
Speaker 2: people who committed suicide as soft and sucker, like that's

1022
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 2: that's what society made you think, until I got into

1023
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 2: that predicament where I felt like my life, well everybody's

1024
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,520
Speaker 2: life around me would be better if I wasn't here,

1025
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 2: and I couldn't shake it. And the majority of it

1026
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 2: was losing my wife, losing my family, losing the thing

1027
00:47:02,920 --> 00:47:05,480
Speaker 2: that I knew and that I loved, and I really

1028
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 2: feel like I didn't want to be there, and and

1029
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:10,200
Speaker 2: I guess it was everything else that we said, like

1030
00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:13,359
Speaker 2: the insecurities that made me do it, the insecurities around.

1031
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 3: Me, and I just didn't know who I was as

1032
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 3: a person.

1033
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,879
Speaker 1: Oh that's powerful, that's the big I will say.

1034
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 2: During all of that, in all those conversations and all

1035
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 2: those late night talks and with praying, you feel like

1036
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 2: you realize who you are as a person. And once

1037
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 2: you figure that out, you figure out who you want

1038
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 2: to be who you want to who you want to

1039
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 2: live like, and you don't care about anything else. You know,

1040
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:36,720
Speaker 2: at one time I used to care what people thought.

1041
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 2: Now I don't care. As long as my wife and

1042
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 2: my family's happy. Everything else is just white noise behind it.

1043
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 4: Just think about how much younger you guys are as individuals,

1044
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,640
Speaker 4: and your marriage is so much stronger after everything you've

1045
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 4: been through.

1046
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,800
Speaker 9: Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, if you said something powerful

1047
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 9: to because this business, this business will have you living

1048
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 9: a lot because we're characters, right, So we create these

1049
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 9: characters that kind of protect the Rashan and protect the

1050
00:47:59,239 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 9: Lenad and we go home and we won way, but

1051
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 9: then we're out in the street being another way. But

1052
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 9: you can't do both. Eventually that negative is going to

1053
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 9: catch up. Yeah, So that's why I think he was

1054
00:48:09,719 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 9: going through, like not only just the threat of losing you,

1055
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 9: but just like who am I was.

1056
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:18,480
Speaker 5: That hard for you having this dual personality?

1057
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 2: Almost absolutely, because I mean, like, nothing's better now than

1058
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:25,359
Speaker 2: to not care what people think. You know, I would

1059
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 2: have to freedom freedom, I would have to think about

1060
00:48:27,520 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 2: what I was saying or radio and how would affect me,

1061
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 2: how people would look at me. I would have to

1062
00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:32,799
Speaker 2: think about this or I think about that instead of

1063
00:48:32,840 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 2: just being free and say, hey, it is what it is.

1064
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 2: Take it how you like it. If you like me,

1065
00:48:36,239 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 2: you like me. If you love me, you love me.

1066
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 2: If you hate me, you hate me.

1067
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 3: And once I got to that place, life became a

1068
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 3: whole lot better.

1069
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 7: So to his question, was there anything aside the law,

1070
00:48:50,719 --> 00:48:53,479
Speaker 7: the threat of the loss of the relationship that made

1071
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 7: you feel as though that was why.

1072
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 5: You were occupying that mental space, I think it was

1073
00:48:58,719 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 5: a little bit of everything.

1074
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:02,000
Speaker 2: I think it was the insecurities of not being free.

1075
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 2: I think it was the fact that I was losing

1076
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 2: my best friend. I think it was the fact that

1077
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 2: I feel like I disappointed my best friend, disappointed my family,

1078
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:10,280
Speaker 2: disappointed my kids.

1079
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:11,840
Speaker 3: So I think I had a lot to.

1080
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 1: Do with all of that.

1081
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 9: And I think wearing that mask too, because I think

1082
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:16,319
Speaker 9: a lot of times what we really want to kill

1083
00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 9: is is our ego. We don't necessarily necessarily know how

1084
00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 9: to do that. If we didn't weren't doing well, I

1085
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,279
Speaker 9: wasn't doing the work then, because when I started going

1086
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 9: to therapy and everything else, that I learned how to

1087
00:49:25,000 --> 00:49:26,959
Speaker 9: kill the ego. Before you learn how to kill the ego.

1088
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 9: Only thing you think is like he said, I don't

1089
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:30,040
Speaker 9: I don't need to be here.

1090
00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 5: But you said that you wanted to kill the ego.

1091
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,760
Speaker 7: Did you actually want to before you went to therapy

1092
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 7: and realized that you should kill the ego, you enjoyed

1093
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:37,560
Speaker 7: the ego.

1094
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't know what it was.

1095
00:49:38,880 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 9: Yeah, I didn't even know that's what I was projecting.

1096
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 9: I didn't even know that's what I was leading with

1097
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:44,879
Speaker 9: was ego. I didn't even know that till I sat

1098
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 9: down with like, oh, okay, I get it now.

1099
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1100
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 7: When everything happened and came to the surface, it was

1101
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 7: like a ton of bricks fell out of the sky

1102
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,800
Speaker 7: and hit me on the head. It was like, wow,

1103
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 7: he really is damn near two people, Like he's Rashawn,

1104
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 7: husband and father in this house and he gets tens

1105
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:11,720
Speaker 7: across the board for that. But when he leaves, there's

1106
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 7: an ego, there's a bravado. There's a whole persona separate

1107
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 7: and apart from what I experience in this house. And

1108
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,480
Speaker 7: I've been out with him and whatnot. But this was

1109
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 7: at a time when things were starting to shift. This

1110
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,600
Speaker 7: was you know, we just got married and we have

1111
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 7: two beautiful children, and now I'm not going to the

1112
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,200
Speaker 7: clubs with him because even though he would want me to,

1113
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 7: and he would want me to travel, I have two

1114
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 7: kids at home to raise and I wanted to give

1115
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 7: them all of my free time attention. And then his

1116
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 7: celebrity started to grow, you know, he became more successful

1117
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 7: and his dreams became realized, and he went off, I

1118
00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 7: realized later in that direction, enjoying that and then also

1119
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:56,919
Speaker 7: enjoying have the faithful, loving wife and children at home.

1120
00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:00,520
Speaker 7: So it was the pretty much the definition of having

1121
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 7: your cake and eating it too.

1122
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:03,720
Speaker 6: And it's probably also difficult.

1123
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:07,000
Speaker 4: You guys got together so young, you know, he didn't

1124
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 4: experience other relationships really.

1125
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:11,840
Speaker 5: So let me tell you.

1126
00:51:11,960 --> 00:51:19,359
Speaker 7: When I found out, Angela, I knew that I didn't

1127
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 7: want him to be my husband anymore. But I understood

1128
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:29,600
Speaker 7: how it happened because we're together, like you said, since

1129
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:34,280
Speaker 7: we're fifteen and sixteen. He was my first and only everything.

1130
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,880
Speaker 7: The furthest I've ever gotten before him was second base,

1131
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 7: you know, which is letting a boy go up your shirt.

1132
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 8: Right, We've been a second base king, that's what they

1133
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:52,640
Speaker 8: call it.

1134
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:59,240
Speaker 7: You let him feel on your knips, you haven't exposed

1135
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 7: him to your nips.

1136
00:52:03,719 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: We definitely.

1137
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:09,480
Speaker 5: We did that.

1138
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:18,440
Speaker 7: We did, but that was the farthest that I had

1139
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 7: ever been so and he was like virgin ish. He

1140
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 7: was in a relationship with his first like girlfriend. I

1141
00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 7: think they were together for maybe three months and if

1142
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 7: if I'm telling it right, they started but never finished.

1143
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:34,759
Speaker 5: So he was like.

1144
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 7: Virgin ish, right, and he couldn't handle No, that's not

1145
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:38,880
Speaker 7: what I said.

1146
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:45,280
Speaker 5: I was scared, Okay, Yeah.

1147
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,839
Speaker 1: Explained that came. I'm just over here.

1148
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 2: You know, was the turtle because I was so slow?

1149
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:55,720
Speaker 7: I wasn't And it was nice because you called you turtle.

1150
00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 3: I mean that was my nickname.

1151
00:52:57,960 --> 00:52:58,759
Speaker 6: Let me write this down.

1152
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 3: I don't want to get turtle, go ahead.

1153
00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 5: And it was good.

1154
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 7: I was a turtle too, you know. I lost my

1155
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 7: virginity to him on our one year anniversary anniversary and

1156
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,799
Speaker 7: he made it very sweet and special and it was

1157
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,720
Speaker 7: it was really nice.

1158
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:14,720
Speaker 5: But what were we saying?

1159
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 4: What did you are we talking about? You guys were

1160
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 4: so young, so you had that oh yeah, so yeah.

1161
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:19,399
Speaker 6: So.

1162
00:53:21,080 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 7: I understood because it was like he was so inexperienced.

1163
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,160
Speaker 7: We were in high school together every day, We're in

1164
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:29,760
Speaker 7: college together every day. Then as soon as we graduate,

1165
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 7: we get married, we have children, and then he's on

1166
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:37,920
Speaker 7: a path towards his career and he's out of the

1167
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 7: house and he's traveling, and now he's around celebrities and

1168
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:48,840
Speaker 7: being influenced by our hip hop culture, which glorifies having

1169
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 7: groupies and cheating and always having women around you and

1170
00:53:52,040 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 7: being in the club. At that time, you didn't see

1171
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:58,120
Speaker 7: your favorite celebrity showcasing their wife or their family or

1172
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 7: speaking on the important family the way that you guys

1173
00:54:01,719 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 7: do on this platform, and doing that changes lives. I'm

1174
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:07,839
Speaker 7: sure you were taught to hide him, and you were

1175
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 7: taught to hide them.

1176
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:10,880
Speaker 9: Don't tell you got a girlfriend. I don't tell people you've

1177
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:12,360
Speaker 9: been in long term relationship like they would.

1178
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 5: Say that absolutely.

1179
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 7: Even you know young people now on Instagram they have

1180
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,520
Speaker 7: the same thing. It's like, Oh, I'm gonna pretend or

1181
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,200
Speaker 7: I'm gonna I'm not gonna post I love you to death.

1182
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:21,880
Speaker 7: I'm not going to post you because you know, I'm

1183
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 7: trying to do this business and it seems like I

1184
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 7: have a girlfriend and it's not gonna be successful.

1185
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 5: It's that mentality.

1186
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:32,000
Speaker 7: So all of these things contributed to him being put

1187
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 7: in a position where cheating might have seemed like the

1188
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:38,359
Speaker 7: route that he wanted to go.

1189
00:54:38,600 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 5: And when we talked about.

1190
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 7: It, I understood because we've been together so long and

1191
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 7: I know him so well. I love him, not necessarily,

1192
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 7: just as like my husband. I love him like he's

1193
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:51,720
Speaker 7: my brother too.

1194
00:54:52,080 --> 00:54:52,799
Speaker 5: Do you know what I mean?

1195
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,560
Speaker 7: And if it were your brother that got cheated, got

1196
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 7: caught cheating, and he came home and told you, like Angela,

1197
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,040
Speaker 7: you know, I just got what she found out to do.

1198
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 7: What would be your need, your intuition to do? I

1199
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,759
Speaker 7: cover for him exactly. That's the point, Like you want

1200
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,640
Speaker 7: to help. You want to be like, well, now this

1201
00:55:10,680 --> 00:55:12,239
Speaker 7: is what you need to do. You need to go apologize,

1202
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 7: You need to do this, start helping him pull those

1203
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 7: tricks out of the hat. You know, you get protective.

1204
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:20,880
Speaker 7: So even when he told me, I got protective in

1205
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 7: a sense, and I wanted to understand why he did

1206
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:27,399
Speaker 7: it now, while at the same time not wanting to

1207
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 7: be with him. As his wife, I was devastated, but

1208
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 7: as his friend, I understood how he was in a

1209
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:33,120
Speaker 7: place where that happened.

1210
00:55:35,040 --> 00:55:37,080
Speaker 4: See a lot of gems in this book, you guys.

1211
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 4: I was thoroughly entertained, and like I said.

1212
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:40,280
Speaker 5: I look stressed.

1213
00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 6: He does. I think he's been nervous all morning before.

1214
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: You guys conversation.

1215
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:48,800
Speaker 9: Yes, if you've ever been a man in that situation

1216
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 9: and you've called that kind of harm near wife and

1217
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,879
Speaker 9: your family, it's but I feel like.

1218
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 7: For him it shouldn't be anymore because I'm not affected

1219
00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 7: by it.

1220
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,359
Speaker 2: But every time realized how much of a how much

1221
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 2: I hurt you and how much I hurt our family,

1222
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 2: Like writing that book was real difficult because I had

1223
00:56:05,280 --> 00:56:08,480
Speaker 2: we had to go through the early stages of insecurities

1224
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 2: and things that you know we laugh at now, but

1225
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 2: back then you'll be.

1226
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 9: Like, gosh, what was wrong with and do you also

1227
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 9: exactly and do you realize how much how disappointed you

1228
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:17,160
Speaker 9: are on yourself that question?

1229
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:17,439
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1230
00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:18,839
Speaker 1: What the fuck was wrong?

1231
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:21,800
Speaker 2: But then I also think, you know, we got daughters,

1232
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 2: Like if my daughter brought a guy home like me?

1233
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 2: What Like I wouldn't want my daughter to day a

1234
00:56:28,160 --> 00:56:31,959
Speaker 2: guy like me back then. Now I'm a totally changed person,

1235
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 2: different person, mind frames on a wholy different thing, But

1236
00:56:35,200 --> 00:56:37,160
Speaker 2: back then I wouldn't want that.

1237
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:40,880
Speaker 7: And you know what's nice for our older two children.

1238
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:44,880
Speaker 7: They were maybe eight and ten when this happened, so

1239
00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:48,080
Speaker 7: they're well aware of what happened. So it's nice for

1240
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 7: them to be able to see that something completely devastating

1241
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 7: can happen and you can survive it if.

1242
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:57,280
Speaker 5: You go about it the right way.

1243
00:56:57,520 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 7: If you understand the definition of love, you understand and

1244
00:57:00,239 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 7: the definition of forgiveness, you work at it.

1245
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 5: You have that until mind frame. You know, you don't.

1246
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:10,800
Speaker 7: Act like you're too good to do those things until

1247
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 7: and now they get to enjoy the beauty and the

1248
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 7: magic of our family and our house is really magical.

1249
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 7: And that's why, you know, when we were coming up

1250
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:25,000
Speaker 7: with the title of the book, I told our I

1251
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 7: told Abrams, like, that has to be in the title

1252
00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 7: because I honestly feel like our house is magical.

1253
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 5: Like you come into our house.

1254
00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 7: And it's just filled with so much love, fun and

1255
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:41,320
Speaker 7: happiness all the time, where it's always jokes, it's always roasting.

1256
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 7: Rashanta and I play fight a lot, you know, we

1257
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 7: joke with our kids. Like our kids come in and

1258
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 7: they talk to us for hours. They tell us everything. Madison,

1259
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 7: who's now out of the house and she goes to NYU,

1260
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 7: she's a sophomore.

1261
00:57:52,840 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 5: She calls facetimes me seven eight times a.

1262
00:57:55,360 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 7: Day, you know, like it's just this tight unit of

1263
00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 7: a thing family, and they get to see that butt

1264
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:10,640
Speaker 7: for forgiveness, but for perseverance, but most importantly, but for God.

1265
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 7: But for God, none of this would have been possible.

1266
00:58:15,720 --> 00:58:20,240
Speaker 7: So there's lessons in it for our children, specifically to

1267
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:21,600
Speaker 7: live out what you preach.

1268
00:58:21,640 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 4: Well, I'm glad you're in this space. Would have been weird,

1269
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,480
Speaker 4: you know. I mean, we came home with that underwear

1270
00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 4: one day, right.

1271
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 5: Did you pee yourself out and published that?

1272
00:58:31,520 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: I showed it myself appealing.

1273
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, do you notice that?

1274
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 5: I remember when that happened.

1275
00:58:37,800 --> 00:58:42,240
Speaker 4: Oh wait, wait, his underwear away, and I'm like, any

1276
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:43,720
Speaker 4: other time you might have been like, why doesn't my

1277
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 4: husband have on underwear?

1278
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 1: It comes home, Janitor.

1279
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 9: Said, I don't know what's going on in that studio,

1280
00:58:50,760 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 9: but there's some screening stuff going on in that studio.

1281
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 3: My goodness. The book is out today.

1282
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 1: Go get it, man, Make sure you pick it up.

1283
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:58,560
Speaker 3: Real life, real.

1284
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 9: Love, Get it today life lessons on enjoy, pain and

1285
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:02,720
Speaker 9: the magic that holds us together.

1286
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:05,760
Speaker 2: That's right, Amazon, Bonds and Nobles, wherever you buy books,

1287
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:06,760
Speaker 2: your local bookstores.

1288
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 1: Please pick it up.

1289
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:09,560
Speaker 7: Today April nineteenth.

1290
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:12,280
Speaker 3: Yes, and when you do read it, you read it please.

1291
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 2: What we want you to do is we want you

1292
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:15,880
Speaker 2: to tell us what you think about the book, whether

1293
00:59:15,920 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 2: it's a thirty second video taggy and now we want

1294
00:59:18,240 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 2: to repost.

1295
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 3: It, whether you love it, whether you hate it.

1296
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:22,240
Speaker 2: We're going to repost all of them because we love

1297
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 2: to get you guys's feedback.

1298
00:59:23,560 --> 00:59:25,160
Speaker 1: And I think that y'all gonna help a lot of couples.

1299
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:27,040
Speaker 9: And it's clear that y'all too are meant to be

1300
00:59:27,160 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 9: with each other, you know what I'm saying, But not

1301
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 9: only all out there. Some of y'all gonna have to

1302
00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:33,480
Speaker 9: leave the person that you're with when they get caught

1303
00:59:33,520 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 9: up in these situations with y'all are.

1304
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:37,800
Speaker 7: Different, yeah, because a lot of people aren't willing to

1305
00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 7: do the work. A lot of people don't have that

1306
00:59:39,920 --> 00:59:40,680
Speaker 7: until in.

1307
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 1: Mind, and that's very important.

1308
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 7: Until it's just until dot dot dot, you know. And

1309
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 7: there's also a list in the book that one of

1310
00:59:48,680 --> 00:59:51,439
Speaker 7: my favorite chapters is called the New Deal, and it's

1311
00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:55,880
Speaker 7: pretty much about reparations that the offender has to make

1312
00:59:56,520 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 7: after offending their partner. And it's those things that will

1313
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 7: help to let to signal to your partner that you

1314
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:09,720
Speaker 7: just may be worthy of forgiveness and being extended grace.

1315
01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:10,880
Speaker 1: So what are those reverations?

1316
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,400
Speaker 9: Is the first thing people will say, Oh, that's why

1317
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 9: he does the Twelve Days of Christmas.

1318
01:00:14,080 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 5: You know, that's right, a lot of people do so.

1319
01:00:18,960 --> 01:00:21,000
Speaker 7: But you know what's funny, and that's the funny thing.

1320
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 7: We've always done twelve Days of Christmas. We just never

1321
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,080
Speaker 7: made it public. And it's not the type of thing

1322
01:00:28,120 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 7: that at first I ever wanted to make.

1323
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 5: Public because it is grand. But I decided to start

1324
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:37,320
Speaker 5: posting it.

1325
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:41,760
Speaker 7: Because it's not about the material items that he gives

1326
01:00:41,800 --> 01:00:42,920
Speaker 7: me for Christmas.

1327
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 5: It's about the intention behind it. It's about the thought.

1328
01:00:47,560 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 7: You know, he starts shopping almost a year in advance

1329
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:54,560
Speaker 7: for that, and every gift comes with something special, a

1330
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,320
Speaker 7: little note, a little treasure hunt to find the gift,

1331
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 7: a prayer, a poem, something that is giving up his heart,

1332
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 7: not giving up his pocket.

1333
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 9: And that's why when you you know, you read the

1334
01:01:05,920 --> 01:01:08,120
Speaker 9: book and you hear y'all talk, that's why you understand

1335
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:10,600
Speaker 9: why he got so upset at these in Maryland. Correct,

1336
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:12,440
Speaker 9: you know what I'm saying, because you'll relationship is so

1337
01:01:12,520 --> 01:01:13,040
Speaker 9: much deeper.

1338
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:17,440
Speaker 7: Of course, you know, because with their comment, it almost

1339
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 7: to me suggests as though there's nothing else worthy about him.

1340
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:27,880
Speaker 7: Sure that would signal me to stay aside from what

1341
01:01:27,960 --> 01:01:32,520
Speaker 7: he has to offer financially. And it's a joke, right,

1342
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,040
Speaker 7: But we all know that all jokes are rooted in

1343
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:40,360
Speaker 7: some truth, and that's what I think their truth was.

1344
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 7: Looking at it from an outsider, I wasn't some Jackie

1345
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:46,880
Speaker 7: come lately and met somebody with money and was like, ooh,

1346
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 7: come up. We ground it out from day one, you know.

1347
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:57,240
Speaker 7: I was always there and supporting him and loving him.

1348
01:01:57,400 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 7: And if he failed and wound up being a secretary

1349
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 7: or anything followed another path, I would still be there.

1350
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 8: Yeah, a proctologist, did that take it?

1351
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:16,640
Speaker 7: It took a beat to get that.

1352
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 1: I just can't believe.

1353
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:20,000
Speaker 6: What are you talking.

1354
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:23,800
Speaker 1: I'm just suggesting other career options that I can't.

1355
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:25,000
Speaker 3: Believe he's with me, with my wife Hed.

1356
01:02:25,040 --> 01:02:27,480
Speaker 1: It's like, you're disrespectful, real life, real love. Go get

1357
01:02:27,480 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 1: it right.

1358
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 3: And I just also want to say, Charlemagne is not

1359
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:31,760
Speaker 3: in chapter sixty nine.

1360
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:33,560
Speaker 1: He I'm on page sixty nine.

1361
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,240
Speaker 3: He's not on page sixty nine. Either right, Charlemagne is not.

1362
01:02:36,680 --> 01:02:39,240
Speaker 2: There's no love situation with me and Charlemagne in the book, right,

1363
01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:40,040
Speaker 2: it doesn't exist.

1364
01:02:40,280 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 3: But we appreciate you for that.

1365
01:02:41,760 --> 01:02:43,480
Speaker 1: You got to say that. Let's everybody know that it's

1366
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: in there.

1367
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:46,920
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. We appreciate you for joining us this morning.

1368
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:49,080
Speaker 1: Real life, real Thank you for having me.

1369
01:02:49,280 --> 01:02:52,520
Speaker 2: Guys, that's right, pick it up today and it's the

1370
01:02:52,520 --> 01:02:53,160
Speaker 2: Breakfast Club.

1371
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:53,600
Speaker 3: Good morning.

1372
01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 9: No, you got to tell this guest I love you

1373
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 9: before you sign off.

1374
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 3: Yes, Casey, thank you for joining us. I love you,

1375
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:01,920
Speaker 3: I love you, I love you way more thing. Charloumae,

1376
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 3: it's the Breakfast Club.

1377
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 1: Good morning,